Breakfast Cereal Fail
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They look very real!
i read so…
I said so
I’m afred, no.
*POUNCE*
Just because… : grin :
Hey, Arthur!
*pulls waistband of skirt down a little*
Lookie, I’m wearing your thong!
Hmmm… That could be any thong. I think you have to show me more.
*gets camera ready*
You have a new camera IUL? I just ordered one for you.
*brings it out to take pics of Judy and AE*
*runs away from Leila and her camera*
I don’t trust her with those things…
What? How are we ever to have a conversation if you keep running away from me? *smells pits* Do I smell bad?
OH NOES. Camera’s only mean disaster. What if ze Feds find me
*screams*
*pulls Arthur into closet*
*securely closes door*
See? Happy now?
*takes a closer look*
*snaps pictures and gives them to IUL*
Hee…! Arthur and Judy are playing 60 Seconds in Heaven!!!!
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
That’s what he said!
Did Arthur come out of the closet?
hmmm. The rainbows ate Arthur. They are oozing up out of the ground.
OMG. Did They Die?
this is epically funny lol
No they don’t, I can see the pixels!
Go Go MJ get on that
He’s dead. How would he do that?
they say in heaven you get everything you want!
The opperative word there is heaven.
*snork*
*mooes*
*BBQs*
*pulls out the grill*
Where’s the beef?
*hides Patrica*
OVER THERE!!!!!! –>
You have hidden her over there -> ?
Thanks!
*places inch-thick ribeyes into special marinade*
Give these babies twenty minutes and we’ll be eating good! Hey, let me in that cuddle puddle while these set!
* cry *
*sobs uncontrollably*
What am I going to tell gaynorvader?
Clone a new Patricia. He won’t notice.
Tell him I saved him a sirloin.
*sniff*
Okay.
Do you need a toothpick?
*drools over steaks*
I’ve been bringing my cholesterol down…no steak for MONTHS!!
*tries to restrain self*
*FAILs*
OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!!
Uh, Dragon? I hope you gave them a “Foom” first – they were still marinating!
*offers everyone about to feast on Patrica shamwows to use*
This talk about eating Patricia crap is freaking me out. I didn’t even browse the steak section at my favorate grocery store today
This has been the most successful de-meating of Jenny ever. 
“operative”
Without zeal??
You’ve obviously haven’t seen the documentary/dance film entitled Thriller.
You not you’ve
how would u know
A pedophiles dream come true!
It would be even better in a family size package.
It’s better to have the fun size.
And the “trial” size would be just that, an invitation to court!
Anyone see the king size pack lying around? Must be only available in Neverland.
individual packages would make a lotta profit also
They should at least be sold by the pair.
You can only get them by the sack.
I knew there’d be a MJ joke on here! Leave MJ alone! His dead, it doesn’t matter anymore!
A person may die, but their legacy will live forever.
If he was a child molester, his legacy might live on in more than one sense.
No question MJ was weird and had childhood issues, but I have a feeling if he was really guilty of molesting children he might have been found guilty in at least one of his two court cases about it.
.
Assuming you have any faith left in the American justice system. I’m not really sure I do anymore, thankyouverymuch misterbushit.
I’m not 100% sure about that ZA. If you recall, the DA had to drop the first case because MJ paid the child 20 million dollars not to testify. Without his testimony, there was no case. Sexual assault cases (which are very hard to succesfully prosecute) that do not any physical evidence rely heavily on the testimony of the victim. We will never know how the jury would have ruled. What we do know, is that most innocent people do not pay 20 million dollars to silence their accusers.
Unless $20M is pocket change to the accused, and they don’t want scandal and a trial interfering with their hugely successful careers. Not that I’m saying he’s innocent… Just saying it’s possible.
The thing is, although I don’t know about the first trial, $20 mil wasn’t pocket change to him by the time the second one rolled around. Still, I hate that “innocent until proven guilty” is a very thin legal distinction – people have their lives ruined by just being accused of a crime, even if they’re innocent.
I agree with both of you. There are only a few people in this world who know the truth. Everyone is free to make their own “gut” decision based on their own observations and rationale. You either believe he is innocent or you don’t, nobody knows for sure. In the real world, we make similar gut decisions everyday. What does your gut tell you about OJ? Do you think he was indeed a murderer, or do you think his life was ruined by a false accusation? I have found that discussing MJ’s guilt or lack thereof is very similar to discussing religion or politics, people believe what they chose and no amount of argument will likely change their beliefs. I just know that my gut tells me that if MJ was still alive, I wouldn’t send my son over to his house for a sleepover.
I’m not going to claim to know if MJ was guilty or not. But he certainly was weird. I wouldn’t trust him with my child.
OJ, I heard enough evidence to make up my mind. Guilty as hell.
I agree with you Brewski. I wonder what evidence might have been presented in the first MJ trial had the case been dropped. We will never know. Sexual assault and molestation cases have much less evidence than a murder trial. Basically, it would have come down to which person you believe is telling the truth. My grandma used to say “if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, chances are its a duck.”
OJ.
Ouch.
Got me there, he bought his freedom. Guilty as feces and he knows it. Justice failed, plus it was before Bush 43. This crow ain’t so bad with a little salt, pepper and a lot of hot sauce.
.
You’re right though – this is all gut feelings and based on no facts whatsoever outside the MSM programming. But my gut tells me MJ missed having a childhood (he didn’t really get one) and decided to have it later in life. That makes his decision making process suspect (how far did it go?), but the age he was trying to get to didn’t understand “sex” yet. The $20 mil? He likely didn’t want it out in the tabloids that he acted like a 5 year old and surrounded himself with young children. He took great pains to keep his health issues secret too.
.
Of course, he might have nailed each and every one of them on every ride in Neverland. He knows (I won’t ask) and the kids involved know. The rest of us are guessing and playing mental games.
.
You have to admit, it’s a little fun.
I agree it’s fun. Some people have taken hero worship so far that it’s fun to knock their beloved ones down a peg. I loved his music, but if I was still a California taxpayer, I would be outraged that public money was used for his memorial. It’s Friday, I’ll get off the soapbox and on to drinking.
Waitaminnit – back to skyshade’s post – whaddaya mean, “his dead”?!? How do you KNOW it was HIS dead?!?
Hmmmmmmmmm?
Bcause of the card they found on him. It said, and I quote:
Any and all dead found on the person of -Micheal Jackson- Is, by law, to be claimed by Owner of said person. The owner is held responsible for any and all loss of dead; but, if none is lost, should feel free to do with what they please, for it is THEIR dead.
I went to Dallor General and they had a magizine that said ” Michael Jackson didn’t have to die,” It was a medical mestake!” (looks in magizine) Yep it sure says that!!!
Kiddo Balls, not just for breakfast any more.
*squeezes*
*squeeze!*
Breakfast of champions?
Please don’t *sqeeeeze* the balls.
Some guys like that.
That’s not all they like …
Hmmmmmmmm. I can think of a few things.
Let me count the ways:
1) squeezed – lightly
2) tickled with feather
…
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
My Andy likes it when I hum while I’m…uh….making grilled cheese sandwiches.
Who doesn’t! Try eating a handful of altoids first too.
And afterwards.
*SNORK*
OOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM
OOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM
OOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM
Very good, Leila! Now, let’s do a sun salutation…
…and downward facing dog…
*SNORK*
I can do sun salutation but I am not sure I can do downward facing dog.
*glances @ Jules and all creatures in FB with balls*
I thought downward facing dog was a part of the sun salutation.
No, they are two completely different poses. I personally like the shoulder stand. It feels so good for stretching out your back.
I used to do yoga regularly. There’s a HUGE variety of poses out there. I like inversions too, Jules.
Yoga is awesome for strengthening, balance, flexibility, and peace of mind.
The only bad thing about group yoga is the flatulence. *holds nose*
I’ve always wanted to drive a hummer while enjoying a GCS. : wink :
He likes it? Hey Mikey!
Ummm, yummy?
I wonder if they contain nuts?
They better contain nuts. It’s where the fun is.
*squeeze*
I take it you like the nuts?
Nuts & honey to be exact.
I’ll have to try that later whne I get home. I’ve never had my nuts covered with honey.
My advice, shave them first.
Done and done.
Jules, does your wife have any idea how many of your sex tips come from FailBlog? And if she does, does she ever wonder what you’re doing getting them from a place dedicated to fails?
No she has no idea. Although I haven’t had to explain to her yet how I found out about the we-vibe.
However she loves trying out new ideas and positions and the internet is really the best way to discovery these.
*sends an email to Mrs Jules*
Well, she does now…
*snickers*
So THIS is what I’ve been missing during the week. GCS, that I caught the link on. We-vibe? Nuts and honey….turkey basters and junior mints..missing calamari and a (formerly homicidal) Patrica…
I need a creamsicle..
*caught in the mental headlights*
*sigh* You did miss a lot of excitment. Including the demise of Patrica v1 thru v3.11. *bows head for a moment of silence*
Where have you been? *gives her a creamsicle*
Ooowwwwww!!!!
Do you have to streeeeeetch the skin before you do?
LEILA! Can’t you leave some things to the 1magination? Now get back in that cuddle puddle and behave yourself, young lady!
*head hanging low in shame*
*pouting*
Okay…sorry.
*dive bombs into cuddle puddle and sips Mimosa*
*gooses Bearly*
Hey hey hey! I thought we agreed to do that to Brewski! *Covers rear with hands and backs away from Leila*
*stands behind Bearly and looks innocent*
:angel:
Did somebody say “cuddle puddle?” Woo hoo! I dodn’t miss it!
*swan dives into cuddle puddle*
*does the back stroke*
*squeezes everybody*
Well, I don’t see him here. What have you done with him?
He’s getting changed for his Yoga class. Namaste.
Bearly, I signed up for your class too. What’s the appropriate attire? I’d hate to be improperly dressed!
*Gives gigantic ET-finger-enhanced GOOSE to Bearly and Leila*
BWA HA HA HAAA!
*Hands Chan an “Arthur, I have a proposition for you…” tank top and yoga pants*
This is the official uniform. You must provide your own regulation thong, however.
THAT’S IT, BREWSKI! The only position you should be doing is the SNAKE! :X
*enters wearing a pink tutu*
What? That’s not appropriate?
*takes a picture of AE in his pink tutu*
*adds it to her inventory*
*places order with IUL for pink tutu wearing AE*
*grabs Brewski and tickles him mercilessly*
It’s ok, Arthur. I happen to have a matching tiara for you!
*Places tiara on Arthur’s head*
*Admires its sparkle*
Ooh, pretty!
*takes a new pic with tiara*
*quietly slips into a dark, quiet corner of the cuddle puddle*
*pulls hat down low & makes sure sunglasses are secure*
*stares @ Avis’ angelic face with tarnished halo*
: GRIN :
*snuggles with a not-very-well disguised nightshayde*
Comfy!
*snuggles with gang*
*hides ET finger inside his Arthur bikini briefs*
Whoops! That would look better in the front, not the rear.
Who is that hot kitty in sunglasses and hat? *snaps photos*
Uh-oh. Methinks our kitteh friend is still suffering from sinus trouble.
*reheats damp cloth*
*sets up gentle steam jets throughout the cuddle-puddle*
*CUDDLES*
LOL – Dragon was right. I wasn’t in disguise. I was just hiding from light and excessive noise.
Turns out it was a migraine and not a sinus headache. It FINALLY responded to migraine meds late this morning. It’s only lingering in the background of my skull right now, which is far better than it was last night and early this morning.
Migraines sucketh.
Nightshayde – so sorry to hear you have a migraine. Please see a doc if they stick around or come back to often. I stupidly suffered from them for about a year without getting help. Then my doctor and journaling helped me figure out my triggers, and I very rarely even get a headache at all anymore.
Watch out for aunts!
Or uncles!
Use chocolate syrup. I’m betting it’ll work wonders. (untestied theory, use at your own risk)
That would be a terrible substitute for shaving cream!
You can always tweeze the hairs. One. By. One.
Leila shows us her sadistic side! *blinks*
*curls up and dies*
OMG! Why did you have to die???:(
It could be an enjoyable sensation. Someone try it and let me know, k?
*cringes*
Don’t worry AE. It’s nothing a good cup can’t help.
As long as there are not 2 girls.
Made with only the very best smart choco kids!
Guaranteed to raise your I.Q.!
I wonder: will they float or will they descend?
You have to be quick and catch them before they drop!
… more importantly perhaps, will they shrink in very cold milk?
Better to have them with tea. I’ll get the teabags!
I brought some cups.
I thought some strapping young jocks were bringing them, but this is much better!
Before this gets out of hand, I want to tell you that I love the way you support me.
More importantly, will they blend?
To increase your IQ?
My first refresh fail… *sigh*
Sadly, there will be more.
If michael jackson was alive he would love them!
Chocolate overdose?
That would definitely kill him.
Oops! *ducking from lightning*
Leila are you okay, so Leila are you okay, are you okay Leila?
I’ve been hit by
I’ve been hit by a smooth criminal.
*Curses lightning*
I guess we gotta file a police report.
Indeed.
Meh. Too salty.
♪ Suck on my chocolate salty balls ♫
I want to know if anyone has tried to make them, according to the song.
I want to know if anyone has ever tried to duck and cover during a volcano eruption.
Considering people were taught to do this during nuclear attacks, it wouldn’t surprise me.
Pompeii.
The ones we found seemed to have been running. That didn’t seem to do a lot of good so maybe the ones we didn’t dig out of the ash were the ones who ducked and covered?
The song doesn’t really tell you how to make them, but how to eat them. Unless there’s more of the song than they play in the episode.
I prefer manly balls.
I like Beer Nuts!
How about cotton balls?
Do those go well with beer?
Yes, they help sop up all the liquid in your mouth.
I think only Brewski can answer that question.
But he said he needed to practice his yoga more.
True. True.
Perhaps we should train him.
How does one apply for this job?
I’d like to sit in on that class, as well… Just to… Y’know… Watch.
Chan…you especially will need to participate. You can’t just watch. : wink :
Alright, I suppose I can do that.
I could use a little limbering up.
*gently bends Chan into pretzel shape*
There you go! See how easy that was?
Unfortunately, I forget how to untie you.
*Blushing after typing what was supposed to be an innocent response about salting and eating pretzels and such… Realized her mistake fast enough to avoid hitting the “Add Comment” button*
*has sudden inexplicable craving for pretzels*
can i go too?:?
Please read THIS and sign right there on the X and WELCOME!!!!
Leila, Yoga Hiring Manager
*Reading*
*Signing*
*Welcoming*
Oh, you were supposed to do the last part! Tee hee!
I will do it again!
WELCOME!!!! *shakes Bearly’s hand vigorously*
OK, you gals, let’s get this yoga session started!
*surreptitiously turns thermostat up to 96*
I know it’s hot, but the HVAC system is broken, so you’ll just have to dress down. We’ll start with sun salutations. I’ll be standing right behind you all to help out as needed. Ready? Up, reach for the sky, breathe in, that’s it! Now sweep downward to your toes, exhaling!
ooooh yes. Hold that a while.
*takes off clothes puts on scales from gv on 3 spots*
Does this make me look fat?
*reaches to the sky and bends down to touch toes*
Wait a minute!!! I thought WE are teaching YOU yoga Brewski. What just happened?
*sees empty mango martini container*
Oooooooooooh!!!!
D’oh! Foiled again!
Making you Marie Moo? (She don’t eat meat but she sure likes the bone)
Wasn’t her name Mary Moon? That’s the way I always heard it, anyway.
Does she ride a bike?
No, she drives a wind car.
That doesn’t get her far.
Perhaps, it’s not always easy to tell the lyrics from listening. (Genre of music is a significant factor in this)
Awe, to bad I have womenly balls.
What are womenly balls? I am trying to picture what they would look like.
Please doodle here —->
Ben wa ball, of course.
Well they’re like manly balls only smoother and softer.
*doodles on monitor*
*can’t understand why it won’t go away with the rest of the page text when scrolling down*
Morning harvest… picking unripe fruit for 150 years!
The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast.
That comment should be powering a fail one of these days.
Like the dump truck fail a while back?
Something like that.
if that was in amazon, it would become a meme, just ike the 3 wolfs shirt
*borrows hand from previous fail*
Please put a drink (any drink) right here…and thank you.
*Mimosa’ed*
SCORE!
YES!!
Thank you Jules. Keep ‘em coming.
I think I’ll mix them up today.
Next drink special
*mango martini*
Step up to the bar an grab one.
MANGO!!! ZOMG!!
*takes carafe to bar*
Fill’er up please.
E______
F
*smoooooooches* Thank you darlin’!!!
And please check under the hood.
Thanks!
Whose hood? * enter shock smiley here *
My
VulvVolvo, of course.Oil change ma’am?
*hands over can of 10/30 BaconLube*
You got that in 5W-30?
It’s not winter though. I’m afraid she might overheat when using that oil.
Brewski, some do like it hot, you know, and I suspect that Judy is one o’ them.
I better just check her oil to make sure…
Be careful where you’re putting that dipstick, WN! I’d hate for you to mess up Judy’s fluids.
*looks away as WN prepares the dipstick*
Also, check the viscocity of baconlube. It might ignite during friction.
*checks oil*
mmmm NICE!!
*stretches*
*waggles*
Thank you, gentlemen! That worked wonders!
Oooh, me! *Downs martini in one gulp* Another, please!
Sure thing.
*sugars the rim*
*Gives Jules a little sugar in return* :kiss:
I like the tips, the fail bloggers give.
*licks the sugar off from Bearly’s rim*
hee hee
Right now I wish I had the old : shock : emoticon.
I do miss those buggy-eyes.
I miss the blush-ey smiley and the one with tears streaming down its face. : sad :
*runs away from the bar as fast as she can*
I’ll just go get that keg I brought with me. I’ll stick to beer, if it’s all the same to you.
At least try ONE martini. Just one.
*is deathly allergic to mangoes*
Ummm… no.
Oh dang!!!! We can substitute another fruit if you want.
Ooh, how about papaya?
I know this will make no sense, but because I am sooooo very allergic to mangoes (I break out in hives if I touch one, or even spend any time near a mango tree) I am afraid to try papaya. I’ll just stick to beer, but thanks!
I don’t know what I would do if I was allergic to fruit. Actually, I am to citrus and pineapple but I eat them anyway. I don’t have the physical issue as you described.
That’s crazy. I thought I was wierd (ok I still might be wierd) for being alergic to fruit. I can’t eat bananas or any type of melon. When I tell people that, they look at me like like I’m an alien.
That’s weird!!! Bukkit please.
You are not alone Starfish. If you got tested and know you are allergic to a certain fruit and don’t exhibit any physical signs after eating it, my doc said to test your pulse before and after. He indicated that there would be a definite spike in your pulse. I love fruit and I don’t want to know. So I haven’t tested it.
Maybe they are looking at you strangely because they’ve never heard of a starfish eating fruit in the first place.
Generally that’s second or third place.
People look at me weird when I tell them that I can eat shellfish, but I’m horribly allergic to the regular swimmy-type fish. My own brother thought I was making it up for years and years until he actually met one other person who is allergic to fish.
That’s funny DW, my parents thought I was faking it about bananas until we were at Disneyland and I refused to finish my chocolate covered frozen banana. If a five year old refuses a chocalate frozen banana, there must be something wrong.
I don’t know that my five-year old would try one. She’s only started eating sweets within the past 6 months or so, and only started eating ice cream a couple of months ago. She’s an odd duck.
Of course, she’s never met a french fry she didn’t like.
Nightshayde, I am the same way. French fries are my weakness.
Mollusks and crustaceans are nothing like fish, and are in fact in different phylums from fish. I don’t understand why someone would think it weird that a person with a fish allergy isn’t also allergic to a vastly different animal.
I think it was just because a shellfish allergy is MUCH more common rather than it being an and/or type of thing.
But, lots of people don’t have shellfish allergies.
I’m with Admiral on this one. I think the people who look at you funny are just not well-versed in biology.
DD comes by the salt-tooth thing quite honestly. Given a choice, I usually pick salty snacks over sweet ones. I make exceptions for cheesecake and cinnamon rolls, though… and for cookies that I bake.
French fries with ranch dressing for dippin’ — Mmmmmm.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
*holds out empty frosted mug*
Beer me, Avis!
I think ZA has us covered! V
ME TOO ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!
*wanders off*
*screams of horror are heard from the local liquor store*
*wanders back, carrying cases of expensive beer*
*shares with everyone*
Thanks ZA, I was running low.
*eyes a Belgian Witbier*
Mmmmm…
Ap-ple-ti-nis! Ap-ple-ti-nis! Ap-ple-ti-nis!
*joins the chant*
Ap-ple-ti-nis! Ap-ple-ti-nis! Ap-ple-ti-nis!
Cinnamon sugar on the rim, please.
*mixes a round of Appletinis*
*pass around*
*pours a beer for self*
*downs it*
*pours another*
Aaaaah.
Aww, you’re so sweet, Brewski! I forgive you for the ET finger goose!
*Smooch*
“Forgive me”? I’m still awaiting payment! Those aren’t free, ya know!!
*smooch*
*Reluctantly pulls out wallet*
Ok, what do I owe you?
*Eyes Brewski warily*
Lessee… One extra-deep-penetration ET-finger-enhanced goosing…
*enters figures into adding machine*
*presses total key*
OK. The total comes up to one extended squeeze. Don’t make me sic a collection agency on you!
*Sigh* You know I’m gonna be broke after this, right?
*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZES Brewski until she hears a slight pop*
Yep. I’m broke.
*pops!*
Oh. My. You have change coming for that one.
*SMOOCH!*
*Curls up in Brewski’s arms*
I’m spent! Just drop me in the cuddle puddle, ‘kay? Thanks.
Tsk Tsk Bearly. How did you fold? I don’t see that you are punishing Brewski as planned.
It’s not my fault! He threatened me with a collection agency! Do you know what those companies do to people?!?!
Pomegranate martinis are marvellous… How about those?
Okay next special:
2:15 – 2:45 EST *pomegrante mojitos*
ZOMG!!!! *holds empty carafe and stands in line*
Sorry, Dealing with boss.
F’
‘E_____
Ooooh! Pomegranate martinis are my favorite!
*holds out bucket (NOT bukkit)*
*sneaks in to give DW a pom martini and a special SQUEEZE*
*SQUEEZE!!*
Fanks. This will go very well with my steak lunch.
Is the bar still open?
*slips into cuddle puddle as to not disturb those already passed out*
*looks around for a cuddle buddy*
How bout ME, Admiral?
…or were you looking for somebody with a more firey personality?
*squeeze!*
Considering how boastful you were to me about your prowess yesterday, the least I can do is share a drink and a squeeze until Dragon comes back.
Are there any pom martinis left?
*squeeze*
*hands AA a pom martini*
On that note, I’ll toast you and the rest of the gang a good evening and a great weekend!! My weekend is finally here!
*clinks and drinks*
Ciao!
Good night Brewski!
*Squeeze!*
Keep it clean while you’re gone, Brewski!
*cuddles buddy*
Woohoo!
*smooch and schnuggles*
I’ll take twelve, please!
*Patiently waits for order*
What time are we getting them again? I hate all these time zones. What would my time be … ACK!!!!!
Tell me about it. I think of central time the way they used to announce TV show airtimes: Don’t miss Failblog at 5, 4 central, right here on ICHC!
No need to wait just walk up and grab them. Hands Chanid a bakers dozen.
*Guzzles all but one*
*Slowly sips last one*
Delish! Thanks!
You have a higher tolerance for alcohol than Dragon.
*stares in amazement*
3:15-3:45 EST
OR
12:15-12:45 FBT
- Amaretto sour over frozen maraschino cherries.
Jules, you are the man! *Takes Amaretto sour*
*Leaves Jules astonishingly large tip*
Crap! Missed ‘em!
*wonders what the next special is*
Man running late, sorry.
Drink special from now to the end of the day:
Apocalypse:
-Peppermint schnapps
-Vodka
- Kahlua
-Bourbon
-White Creme de Menthe
-Southern Comfort
-Melted Godiva dark chocolate.
Oh, dear god. *Drools* Could you put that in a vat so I can live in it?
*Hands Chan a ShamWow for her drool*
*Keeps one for herself*
Yes, Chan – let’s move into the vat together!
Yes, lets! It will be a gooey, alcoholic, chocolatey delicious Cuddle Puddley mess! Fellow Failbloggers always welcome, of course.
Hm, I’m not normally big on sweet mixed drinks, but that sounds tempting!
*dips a straw in while chan and bearly are soaking*
*does a cannonball into the apocalypse*
Sorry if I splashed anyone!
Wow ! This is delightfully deliyummy!
Ok, guys! I might see you later, but have a good evening! Bye! *Squeezes all around*
Bye, Bearly. Damn, I just got here and the place is emptying out.
Bye Bearly! I’ll keep the vat cool for you!
*grabs Someone and starts dancing to tune*
I could really go for some Schweddy Balls.
hulu.com/watch/4156/saturday-night-live-nprs-delicious-dish-schweddy-balls
You didn’t factor in for us non Americans when you posted that Hulu link did you?
Grrr I hate Hulu
Grrr DAMN YOU HAPPY LOOKING EVIL FACE!!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!!!!
*hears rhythmic thumping*
*crawls from grave, wondering what’s going on*
*see’s Leila dancing*
*joins in*
What is that smell?
Oh, hey ZA. Shake it!!!
Won’t it fall off?
We will just pick it up and stitch it on.
Hey, were were you yesterday? I apologize for not realizing that you are a she and not a he. *blush*
Gives new meaning to
♪ Everybody wants to touch someone
if it takes all night
Everybody wants to take a little chance
and hope it comes out right! ♪
I miss hime
R.I.P.
And yay for South Park
suc’em, suc’em, suc’em.
Did anyone else notice the light colored audience?
I only see white people in Wutang concerts, Prince, R kelly, Soula Boy…etc.
Leading me to this conclusion….Us colored folk either don’t go to concerts or the man puts us waaaaay in the back.
I made it to half-way through the first chorus before dissolving into giggles.
I must have been doing the old : shock : face for real! I’d never heard that before!
Someone please post a vid of Cartman singing “Come Sail Away”!!! I’ll try to find it too. Judy, you just have got to hear it!
Ok, I found it. It’s not exactly work safe and you definitely need sound for this one. It’s a long song, but stick with it, if you can.
Let’s see if I can figure out how this embedding this works from the grave …
You dug it up?!?
Avis, what happend to the
sign you promised us you would use? *snork*
I think I’ll save that for the clickies that are bleach inducing. South Park is merely a wee bit too crass for work.
Ah, finally found the one I wanted … Come Sail Away, but faster …
That was great, Avis.
The voice really sells it.
I know!
Is it too early to make Michael Pedophile jokes?
We’ve already beat you to it.
If you’re a kid then I’ll beat you 1st.
I don’t do Trix, they are for kids.
Supposedly whore children come first.
Absolutely not. However, I have found out this week that many more people think he is innocent than I would have guessed before he died.
I heard he died of allergies or something. I think they said he ate twelve year old nuts.
No, it’s too late.
My nephew eats Mother Bumpers cereal. I cracked up every morning when I fixed him breakfast.
Mother’s Cocoa Bumpers?
A curious name indeed.
My mom buys those, and my son loves to eat them when he goes over. They also have peanut butter ones too!
as long as it’s not kiddo balls I guess.
*whispers* Hey…anyone seen abstract today? Perhaps we can offer her the balls instead of eating FB peeps.
Once human flesh has been tasted there’s no going back.
I don’t want to know how you know that.
*scootches away from technicolor*
ZA told him.
*POUNCE!!!!!*
*Gooses Brewski mid-Leila-pounce*
*Gooses Leila*
Ha!
Weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!
Clearly we have forgotten what we agreed on Bearly. *hides bum*
*quickly flips and pins bearly*
*tickles Leila with feet using special trick learned from Judy*
*joins in*
*giggles uncontrollably*
You better quit or I will tinkle in the cuddle puddle and it will be your fault.
Do you have a healthy spleen?
*hides nuts*
*licks lips*
I believe she’s a temporary zombie.
Hehe…
Pedobear wuvs dis cereal!
I’d like to give a special invitation, now, to all the lurkers on this site. Go ahead and click the blue “Reply” button, and enter a quick “hello” to us! You don’t have to use a real email address, or sign up for anything, no salesman will call your home, and it’s completely STD-free. Nobody will even attack you.
Click away! 
Come on now! Don’t be shy.
Brewski!
*smooch*
:kiss:
You weren’t the lurker I had in mind, but it’s a nice surprise just the same!
*smooch*
There you are Brewski! I was looking for you ^^ there. Barely and I have need you for something.
If a salesman ever did call my house it would be the death of him.
I agree with you 100% I can’t stand them. Its bad enough when I’m walking down the street.
Arthur Miller reference!
Maybe we’re overestimating the number of lurkers? Maybe we’re alone.
No. We are not alone.
They’re just shy. I know I was!
I still am. No, wait – no, I’m not. Just confused.
halo brewski!!
whoot, pedo balls
Yay!! I got 1 lurker to say something!!
*smiles proudly*
Let’s burn him!!! (just kidding!)
Not your usual warm welcome AE.
I was joking! Sorry, qing.
I know silly. I am just teasing. *squeeze*
What is qing?
It’s a small, and generally unreliable, purplish vegetable found in a small number of formerly communist countries.
Darnit! I think we scared them all off.
*pouts*
*feels so very alone*
Aww…there there!!!! *pats his a$$* Everything will be fine.
ka-CHING!!
*gooses WN with ET finger*
Hi there!!!
Well, howdy there pardner? Nice lighted up finner ya got there!
He turned me into a newt!
I got better.
*Really wants to go watch that again*
*Wants to join in*
*Promises to bring popcorn to movie night at Qwaz’s place*
*Offers to bring candy, in hopes of also recieving an invite*
You both certainly may come.
In fact, snacks optional!
Yay Snacks!
*looks at emoticon*
Scary snacks?
Like Halloween?
No, not scary snacks. That terrifying little emoticon has GOT to go. Although mini chocolate bars are excellent for snacks! I miss Hallowe’en. Mini candy and I can dress up like a lunatic? Most excellent.
*quite enjoys dressing up as characters from movies back in the sixties*
I just like dressing up.
I tend to wind up with wildly inappropriate costumes though, because the store I work at throws Hallowe’en fetish parties, with the only dress-code rules are that genitals must be covered and no street clothes are permitted, leather and pvc strongly encouraged. Staff are required to attend and work the door and such, so we have to dress to fit in. I have quite the stockpile from recent years!
*Strikes down “with” and replaces with “at which”*
Sounds Festive!
My birthday is on Halloween.
Really! It is!
Candy AND presents?
Sounds like my kind of occasion.
We like you, lurkers! We really like you! Come play with us!
*Wonders if she is talking to herself*
The best way to get the lurkers out into the open is for FB to post a non-fail fail. You know, one of those messages saying they are having a contest, or that they love us, or that if we go and vote they’ll ruin…erm, I mean change the intro.
Tons and tons of lurkers come out of the woodwork for those!
Tons came out with yesterday’s (*)(*) fail.
I think the best lurker lure to date was the carnivore WIN a week or two ago. People were commenting on that one for days, but I got the feeling that most of them weren’t people I wanted to know.
I wish we could take a census and find out what percentage of unique hits on a fail result in a comment, i.e. what the ratio of commenters to lurkers actually is.
And how many of the trollish commenters are the same person using multiple names just to be morons.
You gotta hand it to them,
Some of them some up with interesting names.
I’d like to know how the percentage of vegetarian Failbloggers compares with various regional averages. I suspect it’s higher than most regional averages, but perhaps about the same as a typical university campus.
*Really wants to create a Survey Monkey right now*
*Is aware that it would be trolled and therefore useless*
:monkey:
First!!
*feels disgusting after that, goes to take shower*
Would you like to…
:monkey:
:monkey: :monkey:
:monkey: :monkey:
:monkey: :monkey:
:monkey:
…Monkey around?
You talk too much.
Always has, really.
But YOU are more fun than a barrel of :monkey: s!
I’ve been thinking about shellacking the monkey all day.
Actually, one Failblogger actually did write a program to determine this, though it was used some time ago and used to root out one specific poster. The results were…interesting.
*decides to banish the word “actually” from vocabulary*
I believe I’m guilty of that, too.
Maybe the number of votes cast in the webbies should give you some idea? Though that includes all of you as well of course.
I didn’t vote in those. Was it possible to vote twice in any way? If not, that’s actually a really great idea!
Hi – I love FB but rarely comment, connection speed 31.2 kbps, by the time I refresh, you’ve moved way on!
Ouch. You can watch the electrons jogging up the phone line into your computer, eh?
Thanks for stopping by!
That’s two, Brewski! Hi, Uncleflynn!
He’ll be racking up a ton in no time.
*Waves*
Yay! Hi, uncleflynn! *Waves*
see – three replies in the time it took to refresh – but hi to all of you!
Thank you for commenting! Here’s a *Squeeze* for your cooperation.
Hello, uncleflynn!
*squeeze*
Thanks for decloaking.
I’ve been lurking for quite some time now. I barely comment, because by the time I am online, it’s quite an empty place here!
Hello, Rawr!
You made it in time today — there are still people around.
*squeeze*
Wheeeee!
*squeeze* back atcha!
Hopefully I will be able to do less lurking and more conversation-ing. =)
Yes! We always need good people around on the nightshift!
Absotootly. Welcome and *SQUEEZE!*
Awww!
I feel so welcomed! Thanks everyone!
Hi Rawr! I like your name. You should get an avatar to match (gravatar.com). I would love you forever (figuratively, since I Bearly know you!) if you had the dinosaur from the kids’ movie Meet the Robinsons!
His name reminded me about the ROR replacement for LOL.
*feels a little empty inside*
Meh, You’re tired is all.
*thinks it’s funny Nicer said he, as I am a she*
Why thank you Bearly! I’m still working on the avatar thing- I want to make a good first impression
Incredibly late, but all the same, Hi! Reason #1 why I lurk. I’m mostly reading these WAY after the fact. Y’all are still hoot to read though, FB’s best kept secret.
We post at all hours, GS. Welcome!
*waves and grins!*
In recognition of his tutoring of newbies, remedial troll efforts, and now lurker baiting, I think we need to come up with some kind of title for Brewski.
I was thinking we should start calling him the Provost, but now that I think about it, Vice Provost would be more fitting.
You know…’cuz Brewski does like his vices!
He sure does…he’s always getting into tight squeezes! (He’s always willing to offer good advice, too.)
Why thank you both! BTW, you two are adorable together on here!
I’m a bit late responding here — but welcome, Great Scott! I’m fairly new here, too — but I have found the natives to be quite friendly.
With that, it’s time to go home. Yay! Everyone have a lovely weekend.
Congrats on finishing, NS! Have a great weekend! *Squeeze*
Wow, our fourth lurker baited out of hiding! Awesome! GS, I hope you join the night shift more often!
Just refresh frequently and use the “recent comments” list and you’ll find us.
But not me! Muahahaha!!! You don't find me; I find you!
What are you now, Soviet Russian Blog Ninja?!
Yeah, but can he point out where he is on the map game?
I just got to work … and I still have my headache.
Where’s the cuddle puddle?
Up there. ^^ Good to see you, NS! *Squeeze*
*squeeze*
I think those things are contagious. Thanks for sharing…
*did not mean for anyone else to catch my headache*
*sniffle*
I’ll go sit alone in that dark corner over there.
Maybe try some extra strength Advil and a bottle of Gatoraide? (Gatoraide is good at making headaches go away)
Gatoraide?
I always wonder how that’s maide.
With real gators, of course! They had to be aided by people, though.
Mmm… Gator juice!
I had a headache, but it cayman went.
Very t(r)opical response, sweets!
I would have mentioned it earlier, but as you know, I was swamped at work.
Yeah
Ouch.
I see what I did there… Its Gatorade. I feel stupid.
*gently squeezes NS*
*gives her a cookie and a big bottle of Advil*
*comforts nights* I am sorry about your headache. I know it sucks.
There is an ad at the bottom of the page that is really irking me. It’s for a dating site for rich guys. The pitch line is “Helping affluent men pursue the type of women that they deserve.”
I am of the opinion that any guy who looks there deserves to be matched up with a gold-digging b!tch of a woman.
Agreed. There was an ad on TV for one of the bachelorette show but this is for fuller sized people. It was titled More To Love. Did anyone see that?
Yes. I’ll stick to watching the Biggest Loser.
I saw those ads, but I don’t watch any “reality” shows.
I am with you Judy. People at work talk about it like they know the reality folks intimately. It drives me nuts. That’s when I plug my ears and listen to my music.
I see those commercials all the time during So You Think You Can Dance (both shows being on FOX). I don’t watch The Bachelor/The Bachelorette, but I will probably watch “More To Love” at least once.
One of the things that has always bothered me about The Bachelor is that the girls are always skinny and plastic. I think it’s nice that more average-size people will get to
humiliate themselveshave the same type of opportunity the skinny pretty plastic girls get.ALL so called “reality shows” are skinny and plastic to me. It amazes me that anyone …
*stops himself short before getting into trouble*
It’s funny, the only shows I find myself watching regularly are mostly cartoons (Simpsons, Family Guy, South Park), with some racing and History Channel (Life After People rocks!) thrown in to keep me insane.
I have to admit that Wipeout is my guilty pleasure. I also like some sitcoms – the Big Bang Theory is my current favorite, but I am SO GLAD the reality craze has died down. What a stupid trend! Survivor parties. Hmph!
I killed my television in 2000.
Haven’t missed it
You’re a better person than I am, WN.
That’s debatable
But at least it prevented me shooting out my picture tube due to:
a) propaganda called ‘news’
b) inanely ridiculous sitcoms
c) other pathetically mindless drivel
I cut out the cable, but keep the tv itself for movies and certain shows worth downloading. (Prison Break, namely. It’s adventure and eye candy all at once!)
Same here. In a word: NetFlix
I luuuuuuurves my Discovery Channel!
National Geographic Channel has some good shows, too.
The History Channel is pretty good too. When they aren’t on a Hitler jag. I think that might be their most covered topic.
I love NetFlix!!!! We watch movies and play Wii 90% of the time on the TV. Although we have cable we don’t care to watch it. *makes mental note – should just cut it off and save the money*
A word of caution when dealing with cable companies: I cut off my cable service with Shaw, and they called me six to ten times a day, unfailingly, for two weeks, to ask me why and offer me the service back for, get this, THE SAME RATE! Wow, what a deal! I finally screamed at the poor lady on the other end the last time they called and they haven’t bothered me since.
Way back when, I changed phone service from AT&T to someone else and they tried that crap with me. This is before the days of no-call lists. Finally I got so angry that I threatened to sue AT&T for harassment, and I never heard from them again.
I am on our NDNC list, but apparently it “does not apply to businesses with whom you currently have an account, have inquired about an account, or have had an account within the last 18 months”. I was displeased.
You can still ask them to add you to their do-not-call list. Charities also get an exception, but if you tell them “don’t call me again”, they can’t. In the USA, that is, can’t speak for Canada.
ALL sitcoms are just regurgitated Three’s Company skits. I can’t watch any of them anymore and haven’t been able to for decades.
Forensic Files! And I love Life After People except
for the absence of Zombies.
Zombies are people too – just undead people. What bugs me is there are absolutely no bodies whatsoever, it’s like all humanity was abducted by aliens or something.
….maybe that’s what happened…will happen!
*looks up, ducks and covers*
I like Survivor. That’s about the only reality show I watch (not sure if competition shows like So You Think You Can Dance or The Next Food Network Star count as “reality” exactly).
I have problems with the dating shows. Some of the same people who give lip service to “protecting the sanctity of marriage” (i.e. not letting same-sex couples wed) are perfectly happy to have random attention-whore contestants compete with the “prize” being engagement/marriage. I would much rather see loving committed couples who have been together for YEARS be able to marry than watch attention-starved bubble-heads “win” the right to marry someone who is not much more than a complete stranger.
*gets off soap box*
*wanders off to get some work done*
*throws up a little at the mention of the expression “sanctity of marriage”*
.
Wasn’t Britney Spears married for something like 12 minutes in Vegas as a joke? Yeah, there’s some sanctity for you!
But…but…but… wasn’t she a virgin at the time?
*SNORK*
Wow. I’m glad I don’t have TV. I’ve never seen a “reality show”. And I have no regrets.
Although I have seen forerunners in years gone by, I suppose. Candid Camera, America’s Funniest Home Videos, etc.
It’s different when people don’t know they’re being filmed and aren’t just after their 15 minutes. Actually, AFV used to be kind of funny. Not so much anymore, IMO.
You don’t have a TV at all Brewski? Are you just playing?
I’ve mentioned before, you likely weren’t around. I have a TV, but I get zero channels. I only use the TV for DVD’s and Bluray discs.
I have to confess I recently got on a nostalgia kick and got some of the original “Mission Impossible” TV series episodes from Netflix.
I luvs my Netflix.
My TV is the same way. I have the bunny ears and the box, but the reception sux, so why bother? I have a friend tape Biggest Loser for me, though, and watch it with my girls. It helps me with my resolve to live healthier.
I LOVE the Next Food Network Star!
*makes a note to check it out*
I don’t know if you’d like it or not. It’s something of a guilty pleasure for me…Fluffy and I tend to watch it while talking on IM on Sunday nights. Sometimes it’s really hard to watch, since it is very competitive and people really do some of the most boneheaded things…
I’ll give it a look-see. If I don’t like it, I’ll do my usual and watch the Formula 1 race I recorded earlier.
What channel are you getting the formula 1 on? And when?
Speed Channel, though the last couple of races were carried on a broadcast channel. The race tomorrow is on the Nürburgring. TV coverage starts at 1 PM Pacific on Fox (I think).
*makes VROOM-VROOOOM!! noises while bouncing up and down on the couch*
Thanks. I’ll try to catch it. Like formula 1 and the like. Can’t stand stock cars.
Hee-hee! DW, I love your silly antics!
*clutches!*
I’m always up for semantics!
*tries not to exhaust the puns too soon*
*MUST NOT DO STICK SHIFT JOKE. FIGHT IT!!!*
I am with you on this one DW. I really like Next Food Network Star.
I was so excited when they ran the commercials for Chopped and it turned out to be pure crap.
Food Network is one of the few channels that I can turn my back on the TV and not wonder if my kids are watching something horrible.
I don’t know…some of it looks dicey.
There are some spicy shows.
My Admiral doesn’t mince words!
Funny, when I made that comment it reminded me of our favorite cut-up, and then he appeared!
I like puns, puree and simple.
You blend in well here, then!
We eagerly welcomed him into the fold.
You can’t beat him!
As long as no one gets carried away and gets too saucy.
Then we’ll whisk them away and batter them.
Butter be careful how you handle them.
If we scalded everyone who got carried away, we’d spread ourselves too thin.
We would need to scramble for comments.
Nah. Just poach comments from another site.
I am feeling whipped for the day. I’m not ribbing you. See y’all tomorrow.
Sorry you have to separate from us. Good night; see you soon.
Rest well, coyote.
I agree with you about Chopped. Why anyone would want to put themselves through that I don’t know. Once one of the ingredients was Gummi Bears!
Ten thousand bucks is a fairly good incentive. I’d go for it!
I would rather forgo the money then listen to three idiots criticize my cooking with crappy ingredients.
I loved the one where they were forced to use marshmallow fluff in the dessert, and all the judges complained that the desserts were too sweet!
How tempted would you be to fire back at the judges?
I’d never be invited back onto a cooking show again…EVAR. I’d totally *FOOOOOOOOM!!* ‘em.
The pomposity of that quartet is unbelievable. I’m including the host. For some reason I find his voice annoying.
I like Ted Allen as a judge for Iron Chef. Not so much on Chopped. At least he stands up to that unbelievably pompous ass Steingarten.
Which one is Steingarten? The white haired guy that is Iron Chef so much?
Ayup. The one who is contrary just to be contrary.
Of course, a man who titles his book, “The Man Who Ate Everything” obviously has problems to begin with.