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Human ingenuity walks a fine line between Win and Fail. Below are a few examples of that ingenuity straddling the line so effectively we’re not sure which side they’re on. Enjoy. (Courtesy of There I Fixed It)
-The FAIL Team
Some of the hack-jobs below may actually be too life-threatening to show on FAIL Blog: Don’t be suing us when you try these and he done dies…
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| sauerkraut on So, I just pee into the DVD… |
| sauerkraut on If Christina Aguilera is the s… |
| sauerkraut on If Christina Aguilera is the s… |
 | sillypumpkin on So, I just pee into the DVD… |
 | tehawesomesauce on If Christina Aguilera is the s… |
| sauerkraut on If Christina Aguilera is the s… |
 | RedHeadedStepChild on If Christina Aguilera is the s… |
| sauerkraut on If Christina Aguilera is the s… |
Cheezburger Network Blog
wasn’t that golf posted already?
I’m pretty sure it was.
Your post is a lie
The cake is a pie.
You are a pie
The lie is the pie in the sky. Because everyone knows that cows can’t fly.
They do via Airmail… or if you use a catapult… or thru milky way… is the same anyways…
Starts with a MOO and finish with a SPLASH
Fetchez la vache!
- Un cadeau.
- What?
- A present.
- Ahh, un cadeau…
Did you say “cadaver”?
That’s pretty macaber.
EPIC
Run away! Run away!
Come, Patsy.
*Snap snap snap snap*
FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP
cow can’t fly?
man… is the moon ever gonna be disappointed.
Fortunately pigs can in fact fly.
*is buzzed by a flying pig*
Hey, I think Pink Floyd has been looking for that pig.
It was diamonds in the sky.
lucy in the pie with diamonds… oh, wait… that’s not it.
may I have my cake now?
I swear that is not a song about LPD or any other drug!
did i lipth again?
*looks stoned*
*hands out space cake without warning*
The Cake Is A LIE
2009/04/06/spare-tire-fail
somewhere, a plane about to land is missing its tire…
It didn’t even need the tire. It used the Hudson River.
No, that plane was missing it’s engines.
Ah! So you ARE bald!
I am now, you jinxed me.
Sorry. I’m sure it was for the best.
3 times already =|
LIES!
the cake is a spy
*singsongy*
Still funny!
Ya there’s a bunch of re-posts. Seriously guys, can’t you come up with new stuff?
Ya there’s a bunch of re-posts. Seriously guys, can’t you come up with new stuff?
Ya there’s a bunch of re-posts. Seriously guys, can’t you come up with new stuff?
Ya there’s a bunch of re-posts. Seriously guys, can’t you come up with new stuff?
damn old these Pic
gulf*
Aren’t some people stupid!
agreed (:
Agreed with lies!~
and some el estupidos ain’t people!
Bonus FAIL: WIN!
I have no words here
*counts words*
That looked like five words to me. Now I’m puzzled.
yay!
Hi kitty!!! how ya doing~?!
I am doing well… less lies each day =D
No, Silly!
He’s talking about the third and fourth words in the message, And is proudly showing them off.
*smiles*
*nods*
Wait …. what?
“I have NO WORDS here”
♫ What are words for, if no one listens any more? ♫
I listen to you…
because you are some crazy kitty
If some crazy kitteh sings out in a forest
(oh wait, was it 
)
and no one is around to hear it
does it still look puzzled?
what are words for
when no one listens anymore (what are word for)
Then hum.
*hums for awhile*
*gets a tad bored*
What’s the buzz, coyote?
Probably a hive of bees.
I knew you’d have a field day with that one.
Are you bugging coyote, sweets?
*squeeze*
It was one honey of a set-up line.
I wasn’t sure whether I should have done the hive joke or not. It was a question of to bee or not to bee.
I was going to ask but I guess it is none of my beeswax, so I will buzz off.
Almost first!!!
almost yay!
Almost first responce to almost first post!!!
you lie like a cake!
no… wait… that’s not it.
This message is not a lie
Cake, are you related to Fruitcake, by any chance? There are more similarities than you probably realize.
That would solve a lot, if not all.
I was wondering if there was yet another infestation too Brewski.
Start talking about colossal squid and see if he responds.
WHEEEEEE!!!!
*splashes into carpool*
carpool! =O… another lie
*Splashes in as well*
Think of all the money we’ll save!
Think about all wet rides
How are we saving money exactly?
Don’t have to do excessive spending on those pesky stationary pools. Just hop in and cool off WHILE on the way to the Movies or something.
What about gas?
Did you think about the gas?
The wear and tear on the car?
ACK!!! *flees*
I didn’t actually…
Must there be a downside to EVERYTHING!?
Kids nowadays … *shakes head*
Don’t forget all the water sloshing around when you make a turn or stop.
Environmentally speaking, this is irresponsible.
*Thinks back to “Dump Truck Fail*
*shudders*
I’d like to see them do a 360.
If you need a reminder of such an occurrence, Yesterday’s video fail should do the trick.
:barf:
We really need that smiley!
Based on Qwaz and Ms B’s reaction, I think I may need to pass.
*ponders*
If you’re driving that car and you have no swimmers present, can you still legally use the carpool lane?
lol
Answer: Yes as long as you have the actual Pool part.
That counts fishies and piranhas?
Correct.
But be very careful not to brake too hard!
Maybe I could cover the back with saran wrap before I go anywhere…
Sticks to nothing but itself.
You have that problem, too? That stuff only works for me if I wrap it entirely around the object I’m covering (usually a plate of cookies) & stick it to itself to secure.
*inserts old eyeroll smiley*
I do indeed. Especially if the container you’re saraning in made of glass.
*grabs ‘n’ and molds into ’s’*
The Costco brand is actually pretty good.
Hmm. I’ll look into it.
I usually make little saran clumps and end up using foil.
Glad Press’n Seal
That’s good stuff, AA!
*is also a fan*
You tryin to start somethin!?
Ziploc totally r0×0rz n00bz!
Plastic bagz FTW!!!1!!!!one!!!elevenone!!!
Ya wanna be starting something?
Got to be starting something!
Do you wanna be starting something?
Too high to get over,
too low to get under,
.
.
Oh, sorry. I got away from myself again.
*scootches back to sofa*
*presses the Admiral Gladly and seals with a SMOOCH!*
*wraps tightly and hugs the curves*
*SMOOCH!*
Adult Swim!!
Adult Swim!!
Adult Swim!!
Robot Chicken!!
Robot Chicken!!
Robot Chicken!!
Family Guy!!
Family Guy!!
Family Guy!!
Squidbillies(sucks)!!
Squidbillies(sucks)!!
Squidbillies(sucks)!!
Homestar Runner!!
Homestar Runner!!
Homestar Runner!!
Oh.My.Goodness.
I thought I was the only person on the whole planet that likes that.
Aww, Dammit.
C-C-C-Combo Breaker.
N
*doesn’t understand*
*nods*
*Smiles*
Dammit. My keyboard got in a bozo-mode. I think I might have accidentally tabbed forward to the “Add Comment” button.
I was about to say “No problem this combo didn’t have much going for it anyway”
*understands*
*nods*
*Smiles more broadly*
Teen Girlsquad!!!!!
Teen Girlsquad!!!!!
Teen Girlsquad!!!!!
What??
What??
What??
*Now gets it.*
*Headdesk!!*
*Headdesk!!*
*Headdesk!!*
AquaTeen Hunger Force!!!
AquaTeen Hunger Force!!!
AquaTeen Hunger Force!!!
Thundercats!!!
Thundercats!!!
Thundercats!!!
HO!
O!
O!
I have the power!!!!!!
Seamen!!!
Seamen!!!
Seamen!!!
(“semen???”)
It’s from a Southpark episode where they make fun of Aquaman.
Clicky!!!
Clicky!!!
Clicky!!!
METALOCALYPSE!!!!
METALOCALYPSE!!!!
METALOCALYPSE!!!!
*looks totally satisfied he was able to vomit that one up*
I’m Dr. Rockso, the Rock and Roll Clown. And I do Cocaine!
*Said in the most annoying voice possible*
the landing would be better if they’d put some jello and another chica in there. …
I’m moving into that Zombie Scouting Post. That looks awesome!
ZOMBIES??? WHERE???
ZOMFGWTFBBQ
↑
I’m with you! I’ll bring my Shotgun.
Would never work, though. The zombies would eventually push it over, and then eat your brains. It’s a good idea… If it was more reinforced.
It would just be a cooler place to live than my house!
How many times has your house been pushed down by zombies, Ms B?
*starts asking around to find the culprits*
.
It wasn’t in the plans. As head of the zombie apocalypse and the zombie hoard, I apologize for any destruction that may or may not have occurred at Ms B’s residence.
Chan, a word please? What do you mean no humping, even on Wednesday??? Next thing you will tell us no cuddle puddle and no barbeque on monday.
Why?
Ummm… I’d swear you were the one who told me no humping on Wednesdays! You said it was a no humping zone!
failblog(dot)org/2009/06/24/weight-loss-fail/#comment-486998
*relieved the link doesn’t work*
Something must have happened that day for me to say that. I am a recovering leg humper. I did receive extensive therapy for humping legs excessively. Once I start I can’t stop.
Soooo… What you’re saying is… It’s okay to hump on Failblog?
What do you think?
*Vigorously humps Leila’s leg*
Well, it is now!
DON’T get her started…
What tha?
Anybody got some some shamwow?
I didn’t make a mess or anything! Dry humps only! I promise!
Oh, my bad.
*offers chan other leg*
We have medicine on this side of the pond for when you are dry, chani…
Which side of what pond is that?
(I am aware of such medicines and other wettening products, but I was being courteous.)
Yeah, Chan knows alllll about those!
*Blushes*
Weelllll, it is part of my job to know these things…
Well in that case have you heard of/ try the new KY lube that is suppose to give women a stronger orgasm? I was wondering if it really worked?
Isn’t that some sort of pill? I am curious too … someone test it and let me know.
Well the next time I see it in the store I may have to buy it. However my wife does not like the warming KY-jelly, because it kinda numbs her too, so it kinda defeats the point.
Sounds like a gimmick.
If that’s what you want, one word: Sybian.
Us men are so easily replaced!
Speaking of which, how much do they cost, Chan? A month’s pay I’m guessing?
Jules – yes if she likes battery acid on her crotch.
Well she is not really into that whole S&M thing.
DO NOT USE THE NEW KY HIS AND HERS
Whats’ Sybian?
Phew. Sorry. Panicked. Nasty stuff, that. Battery acid is almost accurate. The active ingredient in the “Hers” side appears to be sodium hydroxide, which also happens to be the active ingredient in many oven and drain cleaners. Nasty, nasty, nasty.
If you’re looking for something to improve her orgasm, O’My Topical Clitoral Gel, or Kama Sutra Intensifying Gel in cooling or warming are THE way to go. Amazing stuff, wonderful results.
Also, the bestest sex toy out there is not the Sybian. We don’t want to make men obsolete here. The We-Vibe is the coolest new thing out there. Worn internally by her during intercourse. We’re always sold out, and get rave reviews.
:gasp:
:shocked:
Sodium?
Hydroxide??
What are you living people into now? DAMN!!
We-Vibe? You put something that vibrates ‘inside’ your whoha?
Nuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!
:wide-eyed stare:
Wow. I is so ignorant.
Must go shopping! Do you do mail order??
Wait a minute… “worn internally”? What if the male is *ahem* particularly well-endowed? There’s only so many potatoes you can stuff into a 5-lb bag!
*roffle!*
Poor, sweet, innocent Brewski.
*takes notes*
Is there going to be a test on this?
That, Brewski, is an inaccurate statement. “Whohas” are by nature very, very stretchy. It’s a small device anyway. Clickie for the website. It’s like a flexible little C that sits inside against the Gspot and outside against the clitoris, and vibrates. Silicone, rechargeable, and carbon neutral! Whodathunk?
Chan, do you own a ‘fun’ store or something?
*copies notes from IUL*
I work in a relatively classy “adult sensuality shop”, yes. I would never own one. I hate the customers too much. The product is interesting though. You gain a veritable wealth of little-known info to share. And a certain jadedism that causes you to blurt out facts about sex toys to relative strangers online.
Well… I’m still a tad skeptical for reasons I’m not going into on a public blog!!
But, I’ll try (almost) anything once.
Agreed with what Brewski said.
PS: “strangers”??
*pouts*
Now, now. I said “relative” strangers. Not that I don’t know you, I just don’t feel I should be quite so glib, but can’t usually help it (a state not helped by my current employment).
*Squeeze!* Would I squeeze a stranger? I think not!
*I am cracking up at Leila’s ‘fun’ store question. At least you didn’t call it a head shop*
I think I will have a new name tomorrow.
“Leave your We-Vibe plugged in and charging”
Charge with what, I wonder.
Thanks Brewski. Much.
…
*is trying really hard in a parallel universe to keep from getting fired for laughing so hard at that 5-lb bag comment*
Chani, thanks ever so!
*Puts on trench coat, gets bag of peanuts, watches thread*
*thinks “other wettening products”*
*will have to remember that as well*
It will be on the test, Remember that!
no, but I have bleach… and a link to the dildo post from the other day.
Okay, I give up!!
*humps Leila*
*rolls newspaper & hits Brewski on the head*
Bad Brewski!!! You are supposed to resist. What happened to playing hard to get. Now you’re just geting hard.
*takes note of Leila’s hard-to-get response*
*scribbles furiously in small notebook*
OK, got it. lessee, rolled up newspaper, hit on head. Wait, which head? I can’t do that??
This is the second time I get written up today.
Pssst: your big head.
Is that the one with the brain or the one with the gray matter?
Yes ZA
♥
The comments on that one make some very good points.
What post is that!!!! dont lie pls!
*follows THIS thread easily*
The zombie scouting post.
Ms B mentions it way up there ^^^ and NS is responding to that post.
Long thread, but it’s right up my alley.
Very carefully, so as not to squirt out any fluids/worms or displace any body parts …. *SQUEEZE*
Jimmy Savile trying to make a comeback?
Aja!
Duct tape fixes everything!
*offers nekkid Ms B duct tape*
Ouch!
Just offering a solution to a very small problem since I caused it. We will use baconlube, don’t worry.
I’d only heard about them jack-uzi fancy limo cars. Looks pretty good.
Ah ain’t never had nuff monies to assemble me one of those thangs myself no how. That’s for fancy livin.
*so hopes that powers a fail someday*
Refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh…
F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5…
No new posts =(…
BREAKING NEWS! (clicky)
It looks like Brewski’s been caught! *snickers*
Teehee! I’d have loved to be that cop.
“Uhhh… Sir, where are your pants?”
“Losht ‘em!”
Of course he didn’t have pants on. The cops said he was doing 69.
Ooh! I am shocked (and refusing to use the new emoticons)
I am highly disturbed by them. They scare me.
Some of us on ICHC have asked if we can have the “proper” ones back – the new ones are strange, unclear and don’t convey the same ideas.
Agreed.
TEST: smile =
~ grin = 
~ sad = 
~ eek = 
~ shock = 
~ ??? = 
~ cool = 
~ mad = 
~ razz = 
~ lol= 
~ oops = 
~ cry = 
~ evil = 
~ twisted = 
~ roll = 
~ ! = 
~ ? = 
~ idea = 
~ arrow = 
~ mrgreen = 
I like the other ones better.
Us, too.
I only like the
guy better. He just looks so cheery and cute. The other ones are creepy.
I see a petition in our very near future.
I have officially added myself to the “Give Our Smilies Back” chorus. If they were to activate ALL the smilies on the Tango Update list (or whatever it’s called), I might rethink — there are some really cute animal ones (not just the :monkey: ), and other creatures. I really miss the actively-blushing oops & the eye-rolling one.
Me too!
I like the monkey.
I miss the animated : cry : *cries*
He’s not as disturbing as, say, the evil one.
The evil and twisted ones look the SAME now.
Eating cookies is never going to be the same.
ICHC would never tell me who it was that thought up the idea of changing the smileys to these abominations. They know what I would do to the troll.
I mush admit I hate the new emoticons. I don’t know if it’s just me but, they look washed out. I can hardly see any of the details on them and Evil looks like a bad Al Jolson impression.
It’s not just you. The older ones were much easier to see and better suited to the use we put them.
The smileys on Failblog are actually coming from wordpress.c0m. The change may not have been intentional…rather, Failblog may have just come along for the ride. I don’t have any documentation of the previous smiley includes to know if Failblog changed its references to wordpress.c0m.
That’s Brewski alright!
Aww, Brewski! Never leave home without a spare pair! *Tsk*
Good advice.
*grabs a pair*
Wrong pair, Brewski!
*looks away embarrassed*
He grabbed a pair of mantyhose. Bwahahahahaha!!!!
*snork!*
*takes a picture of Brewski with mantyhose*
*orders 10 prints from IUL*
IUL – can I get one with the apron – the rear view?
*GASP!*
Since when does Brewski have a Motorcycle?
I thought he was a Unicycle person?
IHe was most definitely in a car, not on a motorcycle!In a car, nobody knows you’re pantless!
Whoops. I just made an assumption.
(Curse my habitual skimming!)
Unless you are pulled over…..
Or a tour bus goes by beside you.
Or the jacked-up 1975 Oldsmobile I saw going down the highway this past Friday. It had “Lucky Charms” and the leprechaun painted on the side, and was high enough I’d need a ladder to get in.
…goes though the McDrive thru
Ordering McBirth Control, are we?
It’s very effective.
*snerk*
No pants …. AND he was stopped for going 69.
*giggle*
Is anyone going to bail Brewski out of jail?
He’s probably better off with the people he’ll find in there than out here with all of us lunatics.
Yeah. He would be much safer.
Words of advice for Brewski:
Wherever the soap falls, there shall it lay.
*RIGL*
Thought you caught him with a milky way. …
*get on knees*
Thank you FB for the extra fail I am about to enjoy.
Awoman.
*sees Leila on her knees*
Thank you FB for the Leila I am about to enjoy.
Awhoa!
The moderators regret to inform you that the following thread has been CENSORED.
Moderators??? where???… THEY ARE A MYTH
Somebody call a whoa?
*squeeze*
I try to call you every day! So, you’re vested next month, right?
Yipper. For what little good it’ll do. But it’s worth waiting one and a half months to have, since something is better than nothing. Probably won’t find a new job until GF and I can blow this little place in a year and a half, but I’ll be trying
I think that was the idea.
Leila? Did I scare you off? Hmmmpfff, others here have said worse. Sorry…
.
OK, to change the subject: So, I’m in my car about 1/2 hr ago, listening to the radio, and a John Lennon song comes on, and I think, “Oh, that reminds me of…ummmm…me.” Blurring the line between FB and RL once again, with a split personality thrown in.
Imagine no John Lennon… it’s easy if you try…
While I enjoy the original, I really love the cover Tool did of that song. Very… Dismal sounding.
Chan, my Tool collection is sadly a bit limited, I think I have 2 if I recall correctly. What do you recommend as their best work?
Crikey… Umm… I could never decide. I have the discography of everything the lead singer has ever done. I like Opiate, as an album. The song Opiate is marvellous and blasphemous all at once. The song Aenema is awesome, too. Umm… I don’t think I’ve ever heard a Tool song I didn’t love.
If you enjoy Tool at all, too, you might like Rishloo. I recently downloaded both their albums and loved them.
A Perfect Circle has many of their members in it.
Tool is a great band though, I really like 46 and 2.
You couldn’t scare me off with a comment like that MRN. *squeeze* I LOL’d.
I have been talking in mini pun runs to my hubby:
Me: Whattcha wanna do today?
Hubs:Eat lunch and take it easy.
Me: hmmm, nice and easy. ham and cheesy? pretty pleasey
Is that an indication that we are spending too much time here Jenny?
Nah…
You know you’ve been spending too much time on FB when…
…you yell out “It’s a BMW win!” in the middle of the 4th of July parade.
You didn’t!!!! *snork*
I totally did. No one laughed at my inside joke either.
…When you yell “DOT ORG!!” at the television the end of the Michigan tourist commercials when they say, “Visit Michigan.org for more information.”
…when you think LOL in your head at something funny you saw or head.
Whoa, Leila. Not only are you that dirty but you also make fun of the guy afterwards in your head?
You DO learn something new every day.
*WANTS to top that, but can’t*
*is glad there are others as totally insane as he is*
*agrees*
Or when you go home, and someone asks, “How was work?” and you proceed to, in all seriousness, detail the barbecue, who got naked and when, and rave about cuddle puddles to someone with a blank stare who has no clue what you’re talking about.
My hubby tends to roll his eyes every time Fail Blog is mentioned in our home. He’s jealous of how addicted I am to it.
*wonders if anyone else here has the “FailBlog” t-shirt*
*confirms that he owns one*
Suh-weet! A kindred spirit!
*high-fives Qwaz!*
That’s me!
*High-fives Judy*
I wonder if trolls take a trollete home, mount her & finish as fast as possible, yell “FIRST!!!!” and then run away before she can even comment.
“Did you die?”
Yes. QUIT ASKING.
CAN’T STOP LAUGHING!!!!!
*CRAMPS – MUST BREATHE – CHOKES*
*FALLS TO GROUND*
*
*
*recovers….smiles*
They go the full 8 seconds, do they?
dang… and me without my video camera!
I would let you borrow mine but foop dropped and ruined it.
oh really? Well then… let’s throw him into the carpool.
I am grateful any time Leila loses her cameras!
*hopes Leila knows she’s joking and that she loooves her*
*SNERK*
*looks @ calendar*
Sorry to inform you MRN but today is Wednesday and I don’t do … that.
Thursday then? Great! It’s a date!
Neither does Meatloaf.
Patrica?
Actually, the singer/song writer, but the double reference to actual beef works too. I was not around for the Patrica incident, BTW.
I know of the singer silly.
Something like … I will do anything for love but I won’t do that.
I prefer Paradise by the Dashboard lights.
I prefer reading maps using only the illumination of the oil pressure warning light.
You are intense Zombie!
This one time the car was completly dead, and I need a light so I turned on my….
*snork!!!*
True story: The only time I’ve ever been busted by the police was when I was 17 years old and “parking” with my boyfriend in a state park parking lot in the back of my mom’s Volvo station wagon…
…and that song was playing on the radio.
I think I would have cried.
That’s SO romantic!!!
Redundancy Fail! I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul…..
Good thing the points don’t matter.
Ms. B is channeling Drew Carey?
Yay!
He looks like a run down, middle aged man on “The Price is right”.
May just be the glasses.
Well, 51 would be middle aged – and, he does work a lot.
Yeah but about 5 years ago he was looking like a 34 year old with kickass glasses.
What?! Why didn’t anybody tell me there was a new fail! I was sitting around in the last fail… all alone… all alone…
MRN did. It was just lost somewhere in a thread.
By the way, you’re pantsless in this fail too.
*sigh* It’s habitual.
Can you give me directions to route 69?
Sure! You turn here, lie there, contort like that, straddle, flip upside down, roll to the side a little and… Voila! You’re there!
69? *lines up*
Count me in
We are growing in numbers.
Soon we’ll have a line OF 69 FailBloggers
You’re blowing hot and cold at the same time, here, Leila.
I need therapy for all that and for Ms B being mad at me for torching her clothes.
She was a bit inflamed, wasn’t she?
…and irritated.
I was smokin’ hot though.
You always are … specially when nekkid. *hides*
*snork* jinx!
I keep thinking that she will throw something at me. hehe
Just watch for flying potatoes.
Damn potatos!!!
How can potatoes fly if they’re…umm…well…stuck?
Potatoes are not always stuck. They start out life as free range potatoes, before they end up getting stuck somewhere.
Sometimes things that appear to be stuck become projectiles. Leila didn’t say how she expected you to throw something at her…
I think Bearly made this thread reach a whole ‘notha level of yucky.
You say that like you’re surprised.
:barf:!
*pulls out the fire hose*
You know the drill when you get to dirty you have to be hosed off. Now assume the position.
I am actually surprized this is the first time I am doing this to someone other than Brewski.
Please tell me you’ve all seen that Simpsons episode where Lisa sabotages Homer’s BBQ!
.
*thought of it because of Bearly’s projectile comment*
…
It’s just a little airborne … it’s still good! It’s still good!!
Always hot Ms B, always.
Awww! Thanks!
:kiss:
That kissy smiley is disturbing…looks like the sloppy old-lady kisses you couldn’t escape as a child.
Come here you!
:kiss:
You know how to whistle don’t you? Just put your lips together and blow!
AAAUUUGGGHH!!
*runs away from Ms B*
Or the creppy aunt with a hube mole on her face trying to kiss you to death.
I *rofled* at your kissy-smiley comment!
So true…
hube? I meant huge.
I originally saw it as lube.
*snicker*
Creppy? She kisses you while serving thin pancakes at breakfast?
*admires the Admiral’s hotcakes*
Oh Admiral! *shudders* that’s just wrong.
:kiss: :kiss: :kiss:
Disturbing sloppy old lady auntie with hube mole kisses to you all!
If you can’t join ‘em, lick ‘em.
*licks annipuss*
Ptew! Ptew! You are shedding too much.
You are suppose to shave the puss before licking, or at least wash it!
Really?
I did not know that. Grab her.
*would offer to help, but is to busy picking his jaw up off the floor*
or stick ‘em
But….what if you can’t lick them due to having… no tongue??
Or you can do both!
You weren’t alone! I was
grabbing your butt and taking pictures of you in the apronthere, too!I saw that!!!
*sneaky squeeze*
Sorry about the flowers on the apron, it was the only one made of asbestos, and I was starting to smell burnt hair.
Well, it is cheaper than wax treatments.
*squeeze*
*grabs Brewski*
*dips*
*SMOOCH!*
:kiss:
:blush:
emoticon sucks big time)
(because the
Brilliant.
ha-ha, the car with pool is brilliant!
The first one is a true ingenuity.
That one, now can drift also with front wheel drive
Have to do this on my Citroen AX
I personally like:
http(colon)//thereifixedit.com/2009/07/04/epic-kludge-photo-no-electricity-no-problem/
ahahah!!
Brewski will love this one.
Ah, winter in New England! Or Buffalo.
But canned beer??! Sacrilege!!
*hears canned laughter*
I canned stand that.
I canned believe you said that!
You’re looking incannedescent, Ms B!
And you’re looking muy picante.
I cannoli hope this gets overlooked.
I canny’ see where this is leading too.
*snork*
*decorates the table with terricotta pots*
*pours a nice Dolcetto for two*
*prepares for some dulce de lechery*
*hears dulcet tones arising from the belle above me*
a very cannedid comment there if i ever did see one.
If only we saw that much snow where I live.
soooo… what’s the middle one? a blow jo*?
No its actually an artists impression of the flux capacitor.
Well, it certainly isn’t a grilled cheese sandwich!
Or a toasted bagel.
*snork!*
*high-fives Avis*
No hi-5 fer’ me? . . . *snifle*
You’d have to understand the reference I was making.
I seeeeeeee.
(I really don’t).
Is it an innuendo or some crazy food filled analogy?
Oh, give me a minute, let me see if I can find it again.
Just look it up in the urban dictionary, that’s what I did.
Lol Okie dokie.
DON’T LOOK IT UP THERE!!!! That is NOT the meaning! Click on my name, it’s a link to the article the in-joke comes from. It is, surprisingly, completely and totally work safe.
Urban Dictionary’s meaning is just plain gross.
Oh, and be sure to read the comments people wrote, to give their voice to the advice! Truly hysterical.
*RIGLMAO*
…
If I may quote …
“I agree with Meredith in everything she said, but would add the following questions….oh, dear….#1 Is the kitchen spotless? #2 Do you fix sandwiches for her? #3 Have you asked her why she refuses to fix GCSs for you?”
…
oh, dear …
I would just like to say (as I did the first time I posted that link) I got the link from my mother!!!
I want to meet your mother! She’s got to be super-cool!
I plan on scarring her with the “I Touch Myself” video one of these days. She’ll turn bright red and start giggling uncontrollably. I wish we had a video camera!
Aaaahhh, now the grasshopper scars the Mama!
It’s only fair! She’s responsible for many of my “emotional” scars! And the ones on my ear drums as well, but that was an honest mistake.
Lycan, I was referring to a link Avis posted once about blowjobs and grilled cheese sandwiches. Perhaps she’ll share it again.
And here, *high-five* and welcome to FB!
Have a tissue.
Thank you Thank you, I’m not actually New persay, i’m new to posting and such, but i’ve been reading comments and looking at fails for at least a year now :p
But thank you *cherishes tissue and places it into a keepsake box*
Well, you’re new to posting, so, again, welcome.
*hopes Lycan didn’t put the used tissue in keepsake box*
*high-fives Judy*
But wait……what is it really???!?!
A pair of elephant holders.
OF COURSE! why didn’t i think’o that…
First
I’m new to this so i don’t know if i have the authority to attack firsters.
Here we let it go or if someone’s in a really bad mood they get whacked with various fish species.
Like a halibut?
No…mackarel.
Nice of you to start commenting Lycan.
Oh my. With that Emoticon do you want to welcome him or scare him away?
LOL.
It sends mixed messages dosen’t it
That’s it!! I can’t handle the emoticons any longer. I refuse to use them going forward.
:fish: :tuna: :mackaral:
:Face protection:
:emoticon protection:
^_^ thank you, I do try, this is my first time attempting such a feat.
It’s been used, so yes.
As a matter of fact I believe the halibut was used on ME.
I believe I used a mackerel. A rotting one that day. You’ve grown on us since then.
I am truly amazed at how well some people come full-circle.
I’m glad to know I’m approved of and that I’ve come to be accepted around these parts
Oh damn, I didn’t feast on your skull contents after Avis thwacked you with that rotting mackerel, did I?
*looks at floor, shuffles feet*
*in best Monty Python immitation*
He got better!
*dives into grave before anyone can ask “And what do we burn with zombies”?*
Well I didn’t notice any feasting so I think We’re good!
was that a reference to me?
Nopers.
I seeee *continues to encircle the cat on leila’s clickie*
Grab that cat and give it to me. For some reason I don’t know what’s happened to my eKitty and Taya. : sad sad face:
I found the link to the grilled cheese sandwich reference. Clickie.
clicks on clickie for clickeritious goodness
LMFAO!!!!
It’s amazing how many people went along with it, and even more amazing how many people didn’t get it!
lol :p
It went right over my head Avis. I never heard of the reference or maybe I overlooked. Funny stuff.
Please tell me you can see how this is not nearly as disgusting as Urban Dictionary’s version!?!
I just looked on that fail and it does turn out to be a slimy, half rotten mackerel. ‘Twas an uncomfortable day indeed.
You have improved since then remarkably!
*offers a fish-free squeeze*
*Accepts squeeze*
*Feels guilty about leaving so suddenly*
S’ok, I had to go run some errands in the interim myself!
*squeeze!*
*Squeeze back*
Did I miss much?
I don’t know, I pretty much just got back myself.
Then it seems we have some reading up to do.
It should be shellacked before use though. Thwacking trolls with semi-rotted, slimy fish (of any variety) is for seriously annoying trolls.
Yes, but the shellacked fish last longer and make less of a mess. Does anybody remember what happened to the shellacked mackerel?
Sadly no, but it did send me a postcard from samoa, would you like to see it?
The airplane is DEFINITELY not a win.
Nor’ is the popcorn saftey alarm, cause you’d end up eating it.
Btw, where is the other david?
CLICKIE in honor of our ICHC peepz. Let me know if you succeed.
I DID IT!!!!!!!!
You have to incircle it like 5 moves ahead
I lost her. :sad face:
† R.Î.P †
You need an avatar. : grin :
Indeed i do lol. XD
*encircled the kitty on the first attempt*
*resists urge to give secret away*
*pounces ZA and twists arm*
TELL ME THE SECRET!!!!
Ew…you and your rotting flesh. Bleh!
*gives a curious look*
.
That hurt you more than it hurt me.
.
Try bigger circles, use what’s already there. Then make them smaller …
Whoo! Take that you damn cat.
GRAAAH!
Beasted.
*Thinks back on what that game was about*
*sits down. ashamed*
I won, too – second try. ZA’s got the secret.
I have my victory print-screened, is there anyway i can send it or post it?
photobucket? then put the link here.
Okie dokie
.
clickie clickie
I am impressed.
*gives you the kitty cat*
^_^
“rum_boy”? You’ll fit in well here!
I did it three times. I started out in the very far side.
I haven’t tried it yet.
Good morning 5eagles!
Ooh that’s pretty cool. I feel a bit sad for the trapped cat though.
You have to trap it to give it a bath :]
You are actually saving the cat by making it an indoor kitty Aja.
I did it!!!
It seems that the odds of your success depend greatly on the random placement of dark green dots with which you start.
I keep on playing it. Actually I think that’s where the other FailBloggers REALLY are.
Here, this one will keep you busy for a while.
And it’s completely :angel: !
*ahem* Clickie!
Let’s just take a look see here…
Ha!
Makes you wonder if there really IS a little white button.
So how far did you get?
Straight through till the repeating part.
Same here, I think my favorite part was when it asks if I’ve ever been slapped. It sounded like something I would have asked.
Toss in “With a fish” and I would swear you made it.
*Snork* Hee!
*Snerk* Haw!
I couldn’t see anything but the type. But I bet it’s a great daywrecker!
Ohh it is.
It IS.
Dear FB gods.
Please bring back our old emoticons. The new ones are just creepy.
Thank you,
XOXO
Leila
Maybe keep the monkey though?
Monkey can stay. It’s cute.
And the angel, I was thinking of using it to denote perfectly safe clickies.
Oh! Oh! …and I can use it to denote my angelic disposition. : grin :
As with the :barf: smiley, they have yet to come up with a smiley that has both halo AND horns!!!
*rolls eyes*
Yeah, Leila’s an angel…
You can’t see my halo?
Lol XD
Avis, May i just say that’s a very good idea to keep the world safe from sites which are harmful to your health.
You are a saint for clickes.
ST.AVIS The saint of clickies and stuff.
I wouldn’t call her a saint. She’s inflicted some bleach inducing clickies on us!
O_o?!
Allow me to explain…. If you go to the previous fail, and find the post where I say “This is for Jenny”, the clickie there is… well… bleach inducing. You’ll see.
XD Okay.
We’ll have the brain bleach waiting for you!
O_O!!!!!!!!
…SO….MANY……RIPPLES….
…..MANBOOBS!!!!!!
GAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!
*Goes into a seizure*
GUHAHGMRUNMFDNSJKFDFF
*SO phuqin happy he hasn’t fell victim to that one … yet.*
You did read the warnings I put up there too, right??
Here have some bleach.
*hands over a few shots of brain-and-eye bleach*
Are you kissing ass Lycan?
LOL
*SNORK*
why it depends on the ass in question XD
But i don’t do rimjaw…
>_>
<_<
Clearly you didn’t see the one I posted last fail!
*quickly goes there*
*gets the various bleaches ready*
Y’know, remembering it, I could use a dose of bleach… Would you mind?
*hands over a shot of brain-bleach*
It’s the extra strength formula.
*Sigh of relief* Ahhh. That’s better. Thank you!
In your line of work, you needed brain bleach for that???
Different things get to different people more strongly than others, Judy.
I guess so!
*squeeze*
Ah! That got to me!
*Squeezifies*
I am back
With more weapons
does he have a shotgun?
What good would a shotgun do? You can only be killed by silver and my hoard is over 100,000 strong now.
Pfft!. common misconception, I can only be killed by… *whisper whisper*
Zombos die in left for dead 4 by shotgun.
How many can you shoot before the hoard overtakes you?
My record is about 279 before I fall down then the useless girl gives me some meds.
*”useless girl” gives Qwaz lethal dose of meds*
Try the dragon strength ones!
*just before death manages to sputter out*
Wasn’t… a sexist… comment… she really is.., useless…
*Death gurgle*
Graaaahhh…
Gah! Evil Mistress!
yes what about you halifax :} I am not asllowed to do LOL anymore
Gotta run, bye failers!
*squeezes*
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Bye! *Big squeezes!*
How do i get an avatar?
At gravatar(dot)com
Go there, make an account, use that account as the email you put in here, “clear cache” (whatever that means!)
I SEEEEEEE tyvm.
gravatar.com
tyvm
i’ve made an account, got a pic, now how do i get it on here?
does this work?
Yes, but what is it?
a cat?
No its a full moon lol
Grrrrr ….
.
*feasts on moderators brains once again out of anger and hatred*
.
*tries the post again, using the “proper” substitutions*
…
Actually, it’s a cat on a branch in front of a full moon so you’re both right. I just hope it doesn’t … you know … turn you.
.
*right click on avatar, or control-click for our Mac friends*
*select Copy !mage Location (note: using Firefox) or similar*
*create new window or tab*
*paste into address bar*
*note section that looks like alphabet soup followed by ?s=32&d=identicon&r=PG*
*add a zero behind the 32, making it ?s=320&d=identicon&r=PG*
*press enter*
TMI – didn’t care.
But thanks, anyway!
:kiss:
Ooh, it’s a full moon of a different type than we’re used to around here!
LOL XD
Not allowed LOL’s lol.
can i have a LOLCANO, or a ROFLMFAOLOLBBQ or a LOLTANK or a ROFLCOPTER; PMSL, LMFAO, ROFLMFAOSMIH, LOLOLOLOL, PMSLMFAOSMIHROFLICTIAMLOLMFAOSMIHPMSROFLBBQ
*doesn’t care, but is the only one allowed to RIGL (Rolling In Grave Laughing)*
*RI ZA’s GL @ LLL*
Personally I like the LOLCANO.
I laugh every time I read it
Must be from the dark side of the moon.
Lycans blood boil sometimes and that makes them mad/nuts. But he/she seems to be alright so far.
Or….am i….
DUN DUN DUUUUN
>_>
<_<
How are you lycan? I am five eagles keeper/guardian of the five elements of the wolfclan first nations. Everyone here is super nice and I am trying to learn from them. Sometimes the pun runs and go ons are so funny. So have fun welcome.
There is no dark side of the moon, really.
Matter of fact it’s all dark.
Not relatively speaking. FAIL!!!
pbbfbbfftt – where is your evidence to support this claim
I have…ahhh…
Pink Floyd!!
(Clickie) ^^
Michael Jackson is still dead, cool eh?
my god how many times is that first picture with the small wheel been posted on here? i swear to god theres like 3 or 4 pics of the exact same thing.
Why do you keep swearing? I didn’t post that picture there.
Can we talk?
Yeah, I am here, What do you want now.
Pssssst… What name did I use?
Sorry all I can recall is ‘hey god are you there it’s me margaret ‘ mixed w/ a Ray stevens song I can’t quite recall.
The book was my reference. I suppose since I am long past the waiting for boobs and other womanly things, now I’m just wondering… there’s a guy out there for me, right? RIGHT?
Avis, both obvious answers come to mind:
.
1) Of course there is, you’re witty and exciting to be with online, so I’m guessing you are in person too. Be patient and don’t compromise, ’cause settling too soon is much worse than waiting a long time.
.
2) Who the hell knows? It’s all a crap shoot. At least modern technology expands your horizons.
Ray Stevens song is “It’s Me Again Margaret”, which is why you can’t remember the title – you essentially had it already.
.
Hello, is this Margaret?
you don’t know me, Margaret, but i know you. (etc, etc,)
.
With references to nudity, jail, and live chickens, the song would be a good theme song for FB if more people knew it.
Oh dear GOD! I had forgotten that one! As if stalkers needed a theme song!
They already have a much more popular one:
.
♪ Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
Ill be watching you ♪
.
I actually know people who think that’s a love song.
God!? You ARE there!
Make another bush burn!
Wha?
Nesting Fail.
*lights DCGB’S bush*
I believe now!
Or, you know, not.
Sorry God. You seem like a really nice guy and all but I don’t think I want to devote all of what I believe into you.
You understand, right?
*is really hoping Qwaz is a guy*
Your hopes are confirmed.
Good – would have hated the smell of burnt
hair uh, bush.Then begs the question: Who would have liked it?
petitio principii
You seriously are the smartest FailBlogger I have ever seen.
However, that doesnt’t answer the question. Only restates it.
Good thing the people in the car didn’t go skinny dipping… *shudders*
I believe I’ve found my new favorite song/ video.
Clicky if, you know, you can access it from where you are.
ZombieApocalypse, i think one of your zombies went rogue.
And here’s another one for you. While it’s not exactly work safe, it’s not in any way bleach inducing. Enjoy! Clickie!
Aww. I remember that song. Once memorized it. Whenever I see the Zero Bunny I always for some reason wanna cry.
And here we thought one was the loneliest number.
Tell that to the 1700 bunny.
I’m betting she was pretty lonely too. After all, you can be lonely in a crowd.
Ore than likely she knows one bunny. And was paid to know him?
whoops. “Ore than likely.”
I’m not even gonna change it. I dig it.
Y’know, I worked for 3 years at a grocery store. Most of the time I was in the wine department. But when it got busy, I had to run a register. There were many, MANY days I felt like that song.
*Would say he feels Avis’ pain but doesn’t work yet*
Ummmmm….. how old are you?
And how much caffeine have you consumed?
Below the lethal dose.
Let’s just say I’m a post college graduate in a fourteen year old’s body.
Where did you get your degrees?
Wassamatta U.
A Rocky and Bullwinkle reference!
Yeah! Someone who recognized it!
Careful, you might end up being dubbed “Doogie”.
Don’t want that to happen. That was before my time.
Niel Patrick Harris sure has changed, though.
Not really.
Avis, you’re not looking yet another boy toy are you?
*coughs*
Where’s Loz(enge) when you need her?
20 years my junior is a bit much, even for me. ESPECIALLY for me.
Remember the “Half your age plus 7″ rule.
Funny. I think it works “half again your age….”
For me at least.
My great grand parents were separated by 22 years. Had five kids.
And which one was the elder?
He was. This was the Victorian era after all. They were the missionaries that I mentioned in an earlier fail.
Well I am sure you could pull it off with style.
I am now 18 years your senior. Is there still hope?
Older than me works. I once dated a guy 17 years older than me. This was about five years ago. I find I have more in common with older guys.
Hot Damn!
“I’ve never actually done it on a body before.”
*posting random comments heard on tv just now*
You asked for it:
♪ That’s the night that the lights went out in my ’gina. That’s the night that I birthed an innocent man. I don’t need no backporch camera to tell me that I’m pantless, and the dog left mud stains on my train. ♪
Genius. Absolute Genius.
Promise you’ll come back to FB when you’re super famous.
’cause they’ll be requesting the ‘gina song on the radio everynight? You’re fun-ny.
“This is QRRBRBLL Radio, or ‘Qwaz’, you’re on the air. What do you request?”
*giggling in background of phone*
“Yes, ah… Play that ‘Gina song again!”
The night they drove old Dixie down
And all the bells were ringin’
La la la la la la
Duct tape + anything = endless possibilities and endless ways to fix something. Red Green had it right.
I hope the windshield defroster is not the car exhaust :\
If it is they’ll be taking the highway to heaven.
Well I need to get off this computer. ‘Tis unhealthy for a young man to spen all day/night on the computer so I’ll give up the night part.
See ya tommorrow FailBloggers!
*parting squeezes*
But I just got here...That first picture has become somewhat of a classic fail here. Three times already. They should just keep posting it every couple months or so.Hey Ninja!
*stands back while offering a greeting*
You expecting a fish slap to come his way?
He broke my good eye once. Maybe I am so far away he didn’t hear me.
HELLOOOO NINJA!
Nope, oh well. Nighty Night Failfolks!
Sorry. Hello Jenny.I think it’s just you, me and Coyote for now, and I’m not even sure about Coyote since Avis signed out.
Did I miss the party?
It’s on heavy rotation, like a top ten song on the radio.
A rotating tire. Well done.
Thank you, and thank the Chenin Blanc (AKA Vouvray) , which is currently sloshing around in me. Funny that I referenced it a few Fails ago and then started craving it (my favorite wine, so not really a surprise.)
Well folks, I must be off. I need to get that two hours sleep before the next pill. I HATE antibiotics!! I may be back at midnight(ish) FB time.
G’night every one!
TTFN
Those wheels on the Golf are actually an attachment that is used to teach people how to control a drift when driving.
I prefer the Buddhist version of the Golf with no attachments.
that guy in the pool looks like al bundy
did he died?
WHALE!
As an engineering student, I vote win.
Meh heh heh, humans are so….. uh, well, there’s not really a word to describe that….. OBLIVIOUS creativity there.
that photo is from a group in facebook named “Solo en Mexico”, about random stuff that just happens in Mexico, most of them unbelieveable stuff :O
the pool in the car is a win
Now that’s how you pimp your ride.
lol
WTF is this? LOL!
That was on Spike, the Redneck hottub.
The bubbels come from the engine, or.. the other place… XD
#3 !!! ^_^
A lot of people use that Golf II image as a fail. It actually has a purpose, no matter how bizarre it looks. This type of vehicle is used in a Safe Driving School and it simulates driving on ice.