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That quacks me up
What the duck?
It needed to see a quack doctor.
They just weren’t quack enough!
Don’t quack me off with that quack thread.
*celebrates, all the same*
*lets-off firequackers!*
QUACK march!
That ducks.
They could have just used some duck tape to patch him up.
But what about that bill the duck would be charged with?
Running amuck?
Police Humor WIN.
Wallet of a duck’s back?
Hey! Eyes up! Watchout for the quacksand!
You sir, WIN
LOL! did he die?
Ducktales..
…awoohoo!
That quacks me down
I’m hungry. Anyone got some cheese and quackers?
I got some quacker oats.
*quacks in her boots*
First wish for cheese? Are you sure?
Whoa. Was that the earth quacking?
yea and now my house has a “quack” in it
what is so fail about this? the duck would not let them give medical attention. It probably fought with them and then flew away.
I wouldn’t accept it eider.
It probably had Aflac!
hey, he just couldn’t pay the bill
he could have winged it
or duck the payment days
and drake in the profit.
Well… the economy has been down lately.
no excuse not to fix your malardy
The medical bill was too big.
*hides repeat comment*
Too late! :p
That’s what Soviet Russia said.
…more than half of the time. To Chuck Norris.
While driving a BMW.
Bawdy Man-Whore?
Belligerent Migrant Worker?
Babe! *Morning Wishes*
You wish for a pig in the morning?! *Plays the banjo*
(Banjo-playing Mid-Westerner)
Behold! Meiotic Wretchedness!
Good morning!
Big Mexican Woman
Break My Window
Webbed’er help him out then.
*hides the reply as well*
*squeezes sponge out of sight*
spongebetty invisapants?
Just my pants are invisible? Not the whole bottom half?
*covers up and flees*
no, not only spongebob’s pants are square
Man, I’m down with that!
*stands downwind*
*Gooses DrB*
*wonders what the feather duster is for*
awww I am just egging you on!
I wish you were as good at checking your messages as you are at shelling-out wit!
Myspace is blocked at work, and my computer at home is currently dead….however it has beautiful plumage!
some of my friends found a way around filters and got onto myspace via a phone company’s profile. the company is AU i think.
Umm…I’m not sure that you continued on the theme of the thread when you nested there.
Eider! Ha! Your rock, SpongeBetty!
i totally agree with you and do you like me?
First
failed?
Yes… damn it
*laughs uncontrollably with fake-martini (used by maniquins outside of Japanese resaraunts) in hand*
well, you would leave to if you were quacked!
Sure, but how did they know the dogs were loose? *shudders*
They wore very short skirts and tube tops, or so I heard.
*gives DocB a squeeze hello*
Maybe it was also the CFM boots?
*heh! squeeze!*
First!
Aww.. I really needed that pick-me-up. Ah well.
If your idea of a pick-me-up is posting first then you need psychiatric help, not a first post.
What a smart duck
I could never hang with a dumb duck. I’d duckoff pretty quickly.
*turduck(s)in*
*and out ag’in*
*an’ ’round about ag’in?*
There once was a man who could boast
that due to his low latency host
when blog posts went down,
he was always around
to sit down and type swiftly “FIRST POST”
The duck saved its virginity!
FIRST1111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!11!!! LULZ! Did it die?
Your name might be the answer to most of your questions.
and i’m still wondering about yours…
Told you, that you have to find the solution to understand it. It’s really hard.
but yeah, he didn’t really have to put idiotic in his name. it doesn’t really change the meaning.
“Idiotic Troll” “Military Intelligence” “ATM Machine” “PIN Number” All redundancies.
“CD disc”. Germans love that one, for whatever reason.
At work we moved to the BIG team. The G stood for group.
I thought Military Intelligence was an oxymoron.
4:0!!! Triple European champion! WOOHOO! Hmm? The fail? What fail?
(Sorry Moomin…)
Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt :p
We did get to the final by penalties though, which is a miracle in itself!
Anyway, it’s the taking part that counts!
Spoken like a true Englishman.
or a loser
Booby Traps! That’s what I said.
Ruby Snaps?
Scooby snacks!
*squeeze*
Spongy pants! *squeeze!*
My pants are invisible, apparently. *fishy squeeze*
*stares*
*shrugs*
You can see most of my holes anyway.
0.0
*squeezes to cover holes*
snap
damn *realises that reflects badly on her*
Well, you had a huge disadvantage; you had to play with an English goalie. And being Europes number two isn’t that bad, or is it?
*squeezes all English*
The goalies used to be best in the world once upon a time!
And when did USA become so good? Leading Brazil 2-0 at half time in the Confederations Cup?!?
*squeeze*
Not that any of it matters anyway.
LALALALALALALA.
that’s how USA beat Spain; good goaltending
Tim Howard won goalie of the tournament didn’t he?
i think.
*nods*
I was surprised when I read that! I couldn’t see the game, because I just can’t stand the goddamn vuvuzelas…
Say, that “once upon a time” you’re talking about… was that shortly after inventing the beautiful game, before anybody else started playing it too?
*stifles a LOL*
Am not laughing!
Hey! that’s my country’s national musical instrument and anthem
*Marches off playing plastic trumpet*
Hi granny! Say, is that relatively new, or were fans playing that %&$§*# thing for years? I think I remember that some years ago drums were dominant in African football supporting?
Granny?
Hi AE!
drums are a bit too high budget in these parts
money>noise
but since the vuvuzela
noise>money
i think its been around for a while, but football was a “previously disadvantaged sport” in the old RSA
As soon as we had opposition our clean sheet stats deteriorated.
That’s the bad thing about contests.
Can’t we play by the new rules where no-one is allowed to lose?
if it applies to all leagues, then what will the detriot lions do?
Try to get a rule that England always wins. Could be controversial, but hey! It’s your game, isn’t it?
I think you can do it! Kind of like the World Series in baseball – hey, we get away with it on this side of the pond!
hey, no one takes #2 as a milestone. victory all the way!
Hey! No fair!
Come back so I can feign indifference to the results!
It’s only a game!
It doesn’t matter!
*sits down and cries*
There was a game?
)
(hiya
No. . .Arthur !mag!ned the U21 European Championships.
(howdy)
If I imägine it, it would have been decided by penalties. I’m traditional…
Gah! What is it with you people? You never comment on the fail!
(And no, I do not mean the England fail :p)
Yes. U 21 Final Germany-England 4:0! Did I mention it before?
Hey Arthur, do you happen to know the final score of the England-Germany game?
Indeed, I do! It was a 4:0 for Germany. Goals by Castro, Özil and Wagner (twice). That makes Germany the European champion in the U17, U19 and U21 – simultaneously!
Anyone from England who needs more salt for the wound?
There’s more important things in life. Such as being good at sitting-down olympic events!
Horseback-riding?
*squeeze*
Cycling and rowing!
I believe it was the taunt that Australia used on GB in the last olympics.
*squeeze*
Not sure (’cause I don’t really care), but I think some disciplines in rowing are dominated by Germany?
*shrugs*
Nor me. I just remember thinking the taunts were funny.
The duck refused “medical treatment”. LOL x_X
he told the doctors to cluck off
….or flock off
…. .or duck off
…or bwuk up
…or to hang it off their beaks.
Maybe he had no health insurance.
he had Aflac.
Mr. Giggles strikes again.
I think it was ‘Daffy’ of him to just leave like that.
Pardon alderman? Wait, you’re elected, right?
Oh happy Daisy’s
♫ are here again ♫
Im alfred up with those duck jokes.
Oops, sorry Hairy, didn’t mean to get you Peking.
Were they Mighty Ducks?
Take these broken wings. . .
and fly my pretty fly! lest ye catch fleas
*flees*
*waddles along dragging broken wings*
I said take them!
*chases GCF*
eeek! a duck-shaped Moomin!
*faints, refuses medical treatment*
My marshallows got bent out of shape with all the squeezing!
I’m a monster!
no you’re not!
there, there
*stuffs broken wings down front of pants*
*pants*
Watch the feathers don’t tickle your fancy.
specially since they’re still on the moomin
That’s why it’s so soft down there!
but getting harder!
Well, fancy that!? :s
Well-fancy, that^
*tickle* *tickle*
*squeeze*
*ducks*
*ROGERGIGGLES!*
*grannyflaps*
That was just ducky.
ooooh loose dogs! where is this?
*ties a steak around neck, applies liberal amounts of baconlube and goes to the park*
*waddles around pretending to be a duck*
*waddles around like he’s recovering from last night*
Tranny-sore-ass sex?
police suspect fowl play
groan….. grannycatflap. But you did tickle me with a feather with that one.
…you definitely beaked my interest.
Good morning K@custard fairy.
Testing new avatar please work.
not yet.
Clear your cache.
Ey, clearing your cache won’t work if we can’t see it.
You’ve to do it also.
I’ve got this add-on, auto-clear or something, it clears the cache every hour (you can put it on any desired time)
Only in America would police offers think they could understand ducks…
thanks Charlie Briggs, the Americans should be at your house shortly, I hope you speak duck
Here some jokes for you my failers.
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
bullet
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
bullet
To stamp out burning ducks
———————————————-
Texan: “Where are you from?”
Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
Texan: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?”
—————————————————
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
LOL
2 ducks are sitting on the sidewalk one says:
“quack, quack… QUACK?!”
The other one says:
“Dude, leave me the fück alone!”
Hahahaha.
Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practitioner, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the general practitioner who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.
“I’m not quite sure it’s a duck,” he said, “I think that I will have to get a second opinion.” And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky soon thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. “I’ll have to do some more investigations,” he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.
Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey’s identity. “Now, I know it’s a duck, but does it know it’s a duck?” The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.
Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon’s weapon pointed skywards and he fired without hesitation. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him: “Go see if that was a duck, will you?”
LOL I like that one.
Jail release – jackson
.
Does that mean Micheal was in jail?
He musn’t have been really really BAD.
Guess not,
*takes another croissant from his bag of food*
i still can’t believe Billy Mays died. too many stars dying at once! oh well, g’nite all.
oficer can you get me out of the jail the dog want to pee
No, and I just saw the dog pee on your shoes.
Night kirby!
Shane Cross
Van Wastell
OK, I feel ignorant. I have no idea who Billy Mays is. I googled and see he does commercials. Why is he famous and admired?
Disclaimer: I have not watched any TV in over 10 years, don’t have cable and don’t have an antenna, and get a grand total of zero stations without them.
Ah. He did commercials for OxiClean, that magic putty stuff that’s supposed to be strong enough to pull a semi truck, and Kaboom!, among other things, and had a penchant for yelling every word of his commercials. He was simply a recognizable face due to the sheer frequency with which said commercials are shown, but I have yet to hear of anyone particularly admiring him.
Ah, then you haven’t been to LOLCelebs. They’ve put together quite a touching video tribute to him. Take a ShamWow; you’re going to need it. (The ShamWow guy, BTW, is supposed to have been Billy Mays’ archnemesis.)
I find full stregnth Billy a bit much. This is a silly remix, but you will get the idea.
I guess the ducks were Christian Scientists…
Bill the nice sience guy
Hehe Morning everyone! *zips into work* Be back in 40.
Jehova’ny proof?
I do, but it’ll make je’wish you didn’t ask…
Don’t Pres(byterian) your luck, Betty!
I must protest’ant ask for confirmation.
I need to think about what angl’i'can use…
Is there a Methodist to your madness, here?
We need a few Morman to comment on this punrun.
Awww, no need to be Tao’er, good things come to those who wait!
Some ducks mus’limit their public exposure.
Shut the Duck Up!
before he explains your Marked Johnson?
that is impossible
Who wants a soda?
*walks around with a big box full of cans*
grabs a cold one for the Marks
What do you think of my new avatar not as hostile LOL.
Indeed. I no longer feel as though you have me in your sights. This is an improvement.
horsie!
The black station from the movie.”The Black Stallion”
It’s cool. BTW hi 5 eagles * squeeze*
Thanks cherry +squeeze+ back at ya.
Morning, 5-eagles. I wanted to respond to your post from last night. I saw it this morning.
Due to your background, you have significant cultural and language differences from most the people here. That will make it hard for you to understand the discussions. And hard for others to understand you. That can lead to misinterpretation and misunderstanding. It will be difficult for you to get to know people here on the blog, and for others to know you. I can understand why you might feel some people are not genuine. I don’t agree with your word “lie”, though. What we do is a little role-playing. But, we stay true to our real selves. People who have spent a lot of time on this blog actually know me pretty well… they know my age, my occupation, where I live, my hobbies and interests, they know what I look like, they know I’m in a committed relationship, they know my sense of humor, and so on. In real life I do not strip naked and run around kissing people. That’s a sort of role playing, and I only do it around people I feel I know well. In other words, I might flirt with somebody, but only if I like them and know they won’t misinterpret it as sincerely making a pass. I believe all the people I’ve flirted with are also in committed relationships. Conversely, I might sarcastically play with trolls. It’s just for fun. Playing this game is tricky though, because the line between reality and blog world is dangerously thin. I’ve often wondered exactly where the line is myself.
If you want to be fully accepted here, the #1 rule is: do not say anything hostile or insulting to the regulars. I think you’ve been okay there lately, but it will be some time before everybody will forget your prior mistakes. Since you have the language and cultural differences, I’d suggest avoiding threads that don’t make sense to you. And if you think a comment is hostile, you may be misunderstanding it. It’s best to just ignore it and move on if that happens, regardless. Failblog is like the real world in some ways. Groups of friends can develop. People get close to certain individuals, but not to others. So maybe Joe, Tom, and Bill always tend to hang out together, and tend to not interact much with others (a clique). I think we’re mostly pretty inclusive here, and avoid cliques. But it’s true that it takes a while to find those that you most identify with.
A lot of the jokes here involve language tricks and sometimes-obscure references to older Fails,TV shows, movies, books, music, and other popular culture. Even fluent English-speakers often find the discussions hard to follow, and even intimidating. Personally, I wouldn’t recommend this as a place to learn, as you seem interested in doing. I expect there are better venues. But it’s your decision.
This took some time to write, I hope you find it helpful.
And I like your new avatar!
5 eagles is not from a different cultural background. 5 eagles is taking the mickey.
Did you know gullible has been removed from the dictionary………….
Exactly.
I will copy this post for future reference, thanks (Meegwetch) Mr Brewski sometimes my enthusiasm out ways my patience.
It’s sad how some ducks today just don’t care about their health.
smoking quack and playin’ with the bitches in the park
hahahaha LOL granny.
Runnin’ from the po-po, too!
This world is rotten…
simplx.mybrute.com great game
Post tripe like tat on FailBlog again, and I’ll set Mr Giggles onto you.
Fair warning.
Hey, GM!
Why did the movie Homeward Bound come to mind when reading this?
He was embarrassed to have his mallardy treated
http://www.failbetter.com/31/RossParable.php?sxnSrc=ltst
Oh gord… Okay, I admit that one was coot.
Quack is whack!
More like Submitter Sense of Humor FAIL. In my local paper, the police blotter stories are usually written with a humorous or ironic bent to them. Obviously the writer was trying to be funny.
Wow those people whos ducks got attacked… we also bout our dog from the person whos dos attacked the ducks.
I canard-ly believe it!
That’s preposterous! What if the duck gets rabies, or develops an infection? The police should know better and should have required the duck to sign a waiver if it refused medical treatment!
*sings* Be kind to your web-footed friends!
Every duck could be somebody’s mother…
i know where that is… let’s just say the cops in that area aren’t too bright, used to live 18 miles away and they couldn’t seem to keep drunk people from urinating in the fountain either…
Oh man, that duck is such a quack!
Duck win duck!!!
lets hear it for standardized police report forms: Victim received medical treatment y/n.
first.
Only in Ashland… I miss all the fun stories you get from Lithia Park.
Oh, and as a nearly one year lurker, hi guys! Please don’t throw things at me for intruding on your space… *cowers*
How cool! Lithia Park in Ashland is the town right next door to mine! Nice!
Talent?
I live in Talent! =D
I used to live in Ashland. It is quite upscale for Oregon, a university town. So it is not surprising that the ducks can articulate their medical desires.
More like the hippies think the ducks are communicating their needs. It’s in Lithia Park, come on. O_O
I used to live in medford!!! Only in oregon would they require a duck to sign a waiver….
The mighty ducks aren’t that mighty I guess.
I see it now. The duck shaking his head no and saying “Quack no AFLAC”
“offered medical treatment to a duck?”, you say? – yep, I hear those police were part of a quack unit.
Hey, cool! I live there!
lmao
Refused? That’s one tough sonofaduck ^^
police humor WIN!
of course this would happen in Ashland. All the crazy stuff does
LOL… just plain LOL
The duck didn’t want a $50 band-aid.
I don’t think this is a fail at all. I think they were trying to be silly. I imagine the reporter asked the cop if they had treated the ducks injuries and since the duck waddled off the cop said, jokingly, he refused treatment. The reporter thought it was funny so he used it. If we call everything fail we fail at realizing sometimes people make jokes.
lmao
Nice. Especially nice since Ashland is my hometown!
Well, you can’t blame the duck. The paramedics around there are terrible.
Oh how I love Ashland…such strange things happen in that damn park…including a naked man juggling bowling pins on fire during mid day.
Bet they still sent it the bill
Hang the dogs… and their owner. Hang the policmen…. and hang the guy that put it in the papers. And hang everybody that posted on this.
*Goes to hang himself*
Here’s the part where I hang my head in shame for living in Ashland and around said police. *shame*
i was quacking myself with laughter?
I quacked up.
The duck refused medical treatment because he didn’t have that insurance…you know… AFFFFFLAAAAAAACK!!!!
Gotta love my local news reports. lol
The duck didn’t have health insurance and decided just to wing it…
lol, that is hilarious, i can’t believe this. I got married to my wife in that park.The location is Ashland Oregon, this was probably reported in the Daily Tidings. Figures, this town never has never had more interesting news, what a small internet.
stupid duck dont know what is best for it!
Ashland, where weird things happen. Because hippies live there.
as an Ashland local this does not surprise me a bit lol. though it does explain why we never see the cops around when we need them. And being the hippie town we are I am mostly convinced the duck was actually asked if it wanted medical treatment
*facepalm*
Im an Ashland Resident, and this honestly doesnt suprise me. Our town is full of idiots- which is exactly why I go to a school where people can actually LEARN.
Not a resident, but know the town well. The crazy elitist hippies there crack me up, but I’m glad I decided SOU was maybe not the best choice for school.
…What a courageous duck.
Times are tough — the duck’s AFLAC policy may have lapsed, which is why he refused treatment! Sad.
noooo moreee punnnssss
The duck also refused for some reason to sue the dogs owner. go figure!
Nothing.