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Cheezburger Network Blog
nice!
Second !
No worries fellas, this is failblog’s bot that is set off once the staff wants to pull a joke.
So remember, you’re yelling at a computer.
Why would FailBlog have a bot? Why would they want to pull that kind of joke?
Inside staff joke, blame it on them or to me for my theory.
*blames both*
*feels betrayed anyway*
Did he die?
*claws from grave*
*10,000 zombies claw up after him*
*the zombie hoard overtakes the troll*
*screams, bones snapping and flesh being torn are all that’s heard*
*the zombie hoard disappears back into the ground, leaving nothing behind*
*THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HAS COME!*
Hmmm, you should bring the hoard more often, less mess afterwards.
Yep, you’re right. But what shall we do now with all these zombies and their so-called “apocalypse”?
They went back into the ground, and they clean up after themselves. They don’t seem so bad.
The apocalypse wasn’t so bad after all. Who’d have thought?
Who needs Horsemen, anyways?
You knew the apocalypse was coming, Brewski’s sobriety claim was the third sign … remember?
But now that he’s preggers I think it invalidates the whole thing.
Nope, besides … are you kidding?? Brewski getting pregnant is like the 5th sign or something, I’ve lost count.
That would be the 5th Avenue sign.
They are a hoot to have around when doing MJ’s Thriller on Karaoke too.
Damn, I knew we forgot something!
.
*bets the choreography didn’t work without the music*
*blows it off as a dress rehearsal glitch*
*steals boom box for next time*
Triller, it’s a thriller, baby!
…
I’ve bunkered in for you ZA.
I’m just listening to this awesome song. It’s an 8-bit remix of Michael Jackson songs by a Japanese called 8bit Prophet. The song is Michael Jackson Medly. The Thriller part is awesome. This belongs in an 8-bit MJ game. I’m going to type that up right now!
PSA:
Some of the living and dead alike are still using a period to create a vertical space. Since the new blog format was rolled out, hitting return twice now results in a proper paragraph break.
Thanks for the tip AA
How do you find these things out.
Aside from trial and error?
Observation.
Sorry, AA. I’m not much of a Word Press expert.
Aristotles way?
I’m sad that there is no more freaky nesting.
Well he dided of swine flu
did he die?
and he (the reporter) tried to fix it as if it was an alternative way.. that’s nice, if everyone is going to wear masks, i want to be different!
(at least in my country, brazil, only one person has died (yesterday) and it’s a foreigner)
…and who cares about them?
Who cares about elderly people?
You all seem to forget that everyone is going to die. It’s the only cure for life.
That and more cow bell!
Life is an incurable disease.
Dang, I’ve been censored.
.
Sometimes you can have too much cow bell Jules.
http://failblog(DOT)org/2008/12/04/bell-ringer-fail/
.
*Wonders what ever happened to Khaaaaaaan*
Ryannon and Mookie got a hold of him one night and he hasn’t been heard from since. At least, that’s what Princess Nancy told me.
Oh my! O.O
Now I’m awaiting moderation.
.
One more time.
.
Sometimes you can have too much cow bell Jules.
Check bell ringer fail for video.
.
*Wonders what ever happened to Khaaaaaaan*
I wonder what kind of angels he was giving wings to?
well, the difference is dying at 18yo or 85yo =)
Poor old guy, why did the 18yo get a cut to the front of the line? That 85yo has been patiently waiting his turn …
Maybe he was handicapped. Everyone let’s the handicapped cut in line.
I just hope he isn’t in the medical profession.
“I’m afraid we’ll have to deliver your baby by B Section.”
He thought C Section meant Conic Section.
Nope, there’s an A section, a B section and a C section. You don’t want a D section, that’s when they start warming up the chain saw.
I want the epidural!!!!!!
*looks at ticket*
*seating: section E*
*Looks around, confused*
in medical terms, the E stands for what?
Epidural. It means they didn’t bother with the chain saw, the doctors are just going to rip you open with their bare hands.
.
An F section should be well known around here, I think we’ve all seen one in the dinner scene in the Alien movie.
whew… what a relief. after the last fail, was afraid we had to line up for enema’s.
No, the ducks refused treatment.
I have one question for you ZA. What is your favourite George A. Romero flick?
Anything with Chuck Norris in it.
or in the parody version in Spaceballs before the thing starting sing “Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal!”
*crosses out the “ing” and puts “ed” in it’s place and adds “to” afterward*
Well guys maybe this guy on the first two attempts was telling you that you should not put it on this way, so maybe its you who is failing not the nice guy who was telling people not to do it like this was well, just a nice guy =)
Or he could be what i like to call Stiuopide
No, the other way.. the OTHER way!
Turn it to the right. No, your other right.
OUCH!!!
*looks at DrB’s ripped off, bleeding ear*
Are you going to eat that?
That’s what she said!
Good day all!
*squeeze*
*bear hugs Jules*
I’ll show you the other way!
D’oh!
And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids!
And your meddling dog.
It was the professor in the library with the bat.
I brought my bat. Wanna play ball?
(in Austin Powers-style voice)
.
Yeah, baby!
Machine-gun jubblies? How did I miss those, baby!?
Do I make you h0rny, baby?
Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later, baby?
“How do you like to do it? Do you like to wash up first? You know, top and tails…”
I think you’re shagadelic baby! You’re switched on! You’re smashing!
*drops penis enlarger*
That’s not mine baby! I don’t even know what that is!
*begins reading proof of ownership*
Can’t reply!
“Do you smoke after sex?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never looked”
Jimbo!
What’s up Jenny!
Just hanging around…
I can’t go on without my mojo, baby!
sex? yes please!
btw, i read today that even masks can’t hold swine flu..
It’s finally reached the small town west of me. Kind of freaky when it hits small towns.
You mean Real America?
Yeppers. Not that fake America that’s on the east and west coasts.
That’s photoshopped.
Pixels! FISRT! N00b! Looser!!!!1!!one!!
.
.
My gosh, I think I just fried a brain cell…
I can let you borrow one, but be careful, it’s my last one.
Swine flu is everywhere… I feed my own hysteria by going to my clickie every Friday. At this point, people without pre-existing health problems are kicking the bucket, and I bet some are my age. *breaks out his SARS mask*
Do they do a comparison on the percentage of flu to flu death cases and H1N1 to H1N1 death cases? Is is about the same death rate compared to the regular flu?
Lower, I think.
Then why is everyone so freaked out? I’m sorry, but I’m not that scared, and Utah has the highest cases of the virus in the nation. Practice good hygiene and you should be ok.
Wisconsin has the most :/
People are freaked out because of what comes later this year. Personally, I hate the flu no matter what animal it comes from. If I could wear a SARS mask from Nov – May without getting the “insane guy” look, then I would. People are dirty… public transit is dirtier and getting sick sucks. *is happy he doesn’t have any germ factories also known as children…*
I agree
“The United States has roughly half the world’s swine flu cases, with nearly 28,000 reported to the CDC so far. The U.S. count includes 3,065 hospitalizations and 127 deaths.
The percentage of cases hospitalized has been growing, but that may be due to closer scrutiny of very sick patients. It takes about three days from the time symptoms appear to hospitalization, Finelli said, and the average hospital stay has been three days.
Other health problems have been a factor in most cases: About one in three of the hospitalized cases had asthma, 16 percent diabetes, 12 percent have immune system problems and 11 percent chronic heart disease.
The numbers again highlight how the young seem to be particularly at risk of catching the new virus. But data also show that the flu has been more dangerous to adults who catch it.
The average age of swine flu patients is 12, the average age for hospitalized patients is 20, and for people who died, it was 37. It seems to be deadliest to people 65 and older, with deaths in more than 2 percent of elderly people infected, Finelli said.”
Full article: http(colon)//dsc.discovery(dot)com/news/2009/06/26/swine-flu-million.html
People are so freaked out because it’s one part human influenza, one part swine influenza and two parts bird influenza. People realize this means two things:
1. It was one hell of an orgy.
2. They weren’t invited.
Nice Zombie! *laughs loudly*
But, see, we’ve always known that one day a flu virus would mutate into something we can’t cure. The huge epidemic from several decades ago taught us that. I still think that the hype about this is a distraction.
In all honesty, we never could “cure” any flu – we could vaccinate against a couple of strains, but our real defense against it is being able to reduce fevers. I swear, every time I begin to be impressed by modern medicine, I take a look at our natural immune system and am blown away.
Solanum is the one you need to watch out for, but they don’t want you to know about it. They created “swine flu” to distract people from the real danger! Ask Zombie, we don’t need to worry about any disease that kills people for good! When the victims start getting back up is when we need to be scared!! (Don’t ask who “they” are, conspiracy theorists hate that.)
Don’t get me wrong here, I don’t think this swine flu was created to be a distraction. I think it’s being used to create a distraction. From what I have no idea. But really, all this hype over a flu? It seems unfounded to me.
Not to get off topic, but zombies are my biggest fear. Thought you should know that.
Mine too, hence the fully stocked compound in the Alaskan wilderness. I feel a little silly now though, since the Zombie Apocalypse happened earlier and didn’t even get me out of work.
A zombie apocalypse happened. What, you thought there would only be one? Silly living person!
As a fun fact, on April Fools a few years ago, the BBC released a story suggesting that a mosquito spread virus was killing people in Africa. One of the side effects? The person rose from the dead and grew violent. Scared. Me. To. Death.
On another side note, I always fall for something on April Fools.
This year I couldn’t believe that the story about the beauty pageant winner visiting Guantanamo and describing her trip as “a great time” was real news. It took about three days before I’d believe it wasn’t a hoax.
I guess I’ll be keeping the compound stocked then. Mal, would you like directions and a copy of the zombie apocalypse survival plan? I can trust you not to reveal the location to ZA right?
You know, if you think about it for a moment I’m not sure you’d want to survive the zombie apocalypse. So you’re alive … and surrounded by the living dead. What now?
I'll end the apocalypse by myself!*zips in*
Actually, there are very well documented reasons for being afraid of a flu epidemic. In 1918, a flu pandemic killed an estimated 50 million people worldwide. In the 50s there was another flu pandemic that killed over 2 million.
*zips back out*
Also, humans have no immunity to this novel strain. Now that there is a pandemic, humans are acting as laboratories where new human-transmissible strains will develop. What’s circulating now isn’t the major concern…a much more threatening strain might emerge.
Just don’t kiss pigs. If you do, you’re at risk of contracting Swine Flu and AIDS.
*Excuse me if the bold doesn’t work.*
I’m not sure there is just a normal flu. My impression is that the “regular flu” consists of a number of different strains and the normal death/infection numbers reflect their combined damage. So, to answer your question… no idea, but they have been saying that this is a mild flu.
The “regular flu” is simply Influenza B. It only attacks the lining of the upper respiratory tract. The danger of these other flu strains is their ability to cause lower respiratory problems much more effectively. It isn’t the flu that kills most people, it’s the bronchitis and pneumonia which results.
way to ruin my ignorance on the subject
Look everybody, Twisted is back!
You have a surgical precision. Post-and-vanish.
Both influenza A and influenza B strains circulate every year causing what we know as “flu”.
Zombies are coming Malicite Zombies!
*runs around panicky*
Sweet, I’m in a “widespread” state!
.
*performs new victory dance, which looks like MJ’s Thriller dance*
Ditto! *joins in the dance*
*Averts eyes until you two are in a better state*
*Frantically searches Thriller on Wikipedia.*
*Suddenly thinks is MJ expert.*
*Sets up playlist.
*Assumes death by ZA and rips own brain out.*
That reminds me of when the band ‘Widespread Panic’ came to our local venue for the 1st time. He he. People were starting all kinds of rumors for the reasons that people were panicing that night. “Oh my, dear you hear? Something bad happened at the concert tonight, I heard them on the radio saying there was panic. I hope no one got hurt. So scary”
did, did you hear?
*giggles*
*LOVES Widespread!*
He’ll die. Darwinism is brutal.
But fair.
Disguise going down.
Who was that masked man?
Immigration and Costumes agents are going to detain him at the border.
He obviously never played “doctor” as a kid.
I was supposed to wear a mask back then?
Well, yeah…if you didn’t want to catch cooties!
Gah! Circle, circle, dot, dot!
*Squeezes*
*gives Marius a cootie vaccination*
His life is just a veil of tears.
I wonder how long it takes this guy to get dressed in the morning.
I’m guessing rubber gloves would baffle him.
He would wear them as socks, avis.
I was thinking he’d try to use them as something else, and then be confused because he didn’t have five.
You folks are giving him far to much credit; I bet he pays someone to help him get dressed in the morning.
*wanders by, hours later*
*tosses an “o” up into the above post*
*wanders away*
Then question why no one will give him high 5.
*sigh* Sorry I went there.
I am just hoping he never has to put on a condom!
I never did figure those out. :/
lubricated side goes on the inside
of who?
Touche’ roadkill.
No touché roadkill without rubber gloves.
No touché roadkill without rubber.
First shoes, then socks. Now the pants…Why is my zipper on my left foot? Now my shirt. Wait, my arm-pits arent by my belt! Ok, now the lipstick and eyeshadow…
Oh dear. Soprano put lipstick on her ear.
First boots, then corset.
…then hoop skirt.
Now there’s a shape that rings a belle.
Frankly, Scarlet, I don’t give a clang.
Was GWTW made by the same studio that did all those adventure movies starring Rin-Tin-Tinnitus?
No, but I think they did do Ringing in the Rain.
I heard they also had something to do with (co)Chlear and Present Danger.
But those are on her socks!
I clap when my belle wears that outfit…I find her very appealing.
*clap(per)s*
*SMOOCH!*
*tintintingles all over*
Is this a private conversation, or can anyone chime in?
Anita Ward told me that the Admiral is trying to ring Dragon’s bell, so I was going to leave them alone. I don’t want to be a ding dong.
*wonders why Brewski is humming “My Ding-a-ling”*
Sometime I believe he lives life by his own off tune.
prolly puts his boxers on backwards
Maybe his ass is in front.
I think it’s above his shoulders.
Oh bingo! He wasn’t putting on a flu mask, he was putting on a diaper!
G2 bad I8 B4 reading this.
*Urps*
You’re doin’ it wrong.
*puts on mask*
*squeeze*
I don’t want any of my friends to catch this nasty cough I have.
*sprays Ms B all over with anti-cough spray*
.
*squeeze*
.
*sprays Ms B again*
Me, too, please?
*has pulled muscles because of this stupid lingering cough*
*has no idea whose muscles those were*
Ouch!!!
*grabs abdomen*
*gives suspicious glance at LCB*
Oh, dear! You’re not going into labor, are you? It’s too soon!
Labor? You are with child Brewski? I’m on vacation for one week and you get knocked up? How did this happen?
*squeezes to all*
Gosh, starfish. Brewski never can keep his pants on. It was bound to happen eventually. We’re lining up the paternity tests for Maury.
I hear tales of a turkey baster and LCB.
*Squeezes Velvet*
*monster-squeezes aiki*
.
I’ve missed so much these last few days.
*Squeezes Velvet*
We’ve missed you, too, as Brewski’s pleas for you to stay have indicated.
But it hasn’t worked.
*pouts*
*smooches lower lip*
Sorry, you’ll just have to make do with those of us that are here.
*shoots out “that” and replaces with “who”*
Sorry, everybody! Our offices are closed next week, the CFO is out of the office, and everyone is trying to do 2 weeks worth of work this week.
.
*bucket o’ squeezes for everyone*
Aw, ms B! You’re sweet! *smooch!*
LOL!! I just read the thread where he got basted. I’m surprised it was so clinical. I would have thought it would happen at the bottom of a naked, drunken, cuddle puddle. Oh, the situations Brewski finds himself in.
STARFISH!
Welcome back! *big welcome squeeze*
Both Bearly and I posted links to the backstory in the previous fail…
Thanks for the welcome Brewski. I’ll go check out the story. BTW, you have this glow about you.
Er, if it looks greenish, back away QUICKLY. He already hurled all over me in the last fail.
Freakin’ morning sickness…
Oh, but it was so worth it! I got a skinny-squeeze!!
*Tosses hair back*
I have nothing to be ashamed of!
True, true. I wish I could say the same.
From what I’ve seen of you, you don’t have anything to be ashamed of, either!
*Blows Brewski a kiss*
David Letterman sez: be careful about getting knocked up.
What is the proper gestation period of a Junior mint, anyway? I suppose it would depend if it is the 5-oz box or the 10-oz box.
If the turkey timer thingy hasn’t popped up out of your belly yet, it’s not time.
Maybe it was just gas?
*puts on mask as a precaution*
LCB, that mask goes the other way.
I knew that. Just testing to see if you were paying attention.
*removes mask, puts it back on, one leg at a time*
I didn’t know swine flu could be spread by queefing!
That’s the surprise!
Thanks for reminding me, I keep forgetting that.
Mr. Pickle has now been exorcised!
R.I.P.
Rest In Pickles?
Remin Interred, Please!
*offers Bearly a missing ‘a’*
*Graciously accepts ‘a’ and carefully slides it into previous comment*
Thanks, ZA. Today is not my day to get things right the first time, apparently.
Pobody’s Nerfect.
Braxton-Hicks contractions?
(I think that’s how it’s spelled)
Considering the confectionery contribution to the impregnation, it’s more likely Braxton-Twix contractions.
*headdesk*
Ow.
Oh, no! Are you having Braxton-Desk contractions?
Maybe … as I cough and cough and cough. I think you and I have the same pleh, LCB. This lends yet more credence to the “we’re long-lost twins” theory.
I now have laryngitis from coughing so darn much.
Poor you! It must be all the more exhausting having to express yourself through interpretive dance.
That explains the hairball gown.
Eeep! Computer virus!
*gets out the disinfectant*
PPPPPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
*sneezes*
*ignites the aerosol spray*
YEEEEP!!
Duck and cover, everyone!!
*Hides, grabbing fire blanket*
*Looks in mirror now half naked due to fur being singed*
Thanks Dragon. That’s why Norton popped up to tell you that your subscription was expired.
DW this is why you have to keep relacing computers. When you breathe fire, highly flammable liquids that irritate your sinus cavity are not a good idea…..
*throws a “p” into above comment*
Come off it! My hair was just beginning to grow back!
Dragon you should really issue a burn notice to everyone before sneezing.
*head droops*
Sowwy.
*offers complimentary wigs to anyone who needs one*
It will be a mo’ Mentos occasion.
If it’s a girl, he should name his baby Ruth.
I don’t care what sex my Jelly Baby is, I’m sure it will be sweet either way.
Kind of like their Sugar Daddy
If it a boy you should name him Al, Al Toids.
Being the Big Daddy, I think it’s my choice. I prefer Heath.
I can’t help but Snicker at all this.
I’ll give you 100 grand after payday if you name him after me. (Starburst)
I just hope he/she is a nerd.
If it’s a girl, I’m sure she’ll be a sweet tart.
They’ll stay good if you give them Kisses every day.
What about Oh Henry!
Whether it’s a Runt or King-sized, I know you will feel nothing but Almond Joy for it!
What a bunch of Goobers. While you guys worry about the name, I am still worried the baby will be a lemonhead.
at least its head most likely won’t be chocolate-cone shaped!
Safety third. What would you expect?
I was watching Dirty Jobs last night and he walked past a sign that said Safety Third! I nearly fell off the couch.
Did failblog blow up again?
Sometimes it fails to nest. Don’t know why.
When it gets colder in autumn, it flies away to Africa and nests there.
Hey, did you hear about the scary virus in Africa?
And sometimes it doesn’t open at all.
Wow, Jim Carey’s career has gone downhill lately.
This is a scene from L’Homme au Masque de Fail by Dumass.
…I didn’t need those socks anyway.
Wasn’t he going to be in a remake of “The Three Stooges?”
Thing is, the mask looked a lot more secure when it was almost gouging his eyes out.
Lol!!
I know! lol
Sooo funny. lol
Definitely funny. lol
C-C-C-Combo Breaker! rofl
That was rude. Thank you. rofl
LMAO. He finally got it!!
♪ If I’d only seen
through the silky veils of Ardor ♪
First.
I’ve known a person named Jessica….bit overweight and luscious yes, but that added up well on a wonderful character and company.
I already feel you’re far worse than her. :3
ha! what an ass
Well then, you can ride him into town.
I tried to, but I don’t speak the language so I ended up on a bus to Monte Carlo.
When traveling on the road through the rougher areas try not to get stoned off your ass.
One would assume this to be true.
And don’t assist anyone holding their palms out, you’ll end up cross.
In front of a very large assembly of people too!
But then you can found a religion.
I found a religion!
Oh never mind, it was just bread crumbs.
*Tries to assimilate Aiki and Jules into the thread*
Have you two been saved?
There was that one time when Dragon saved me from some scorching glares and a *foooom*
*assesses the situation*
I think they missed it.
*facepalm*
You have my assent. I will be more attentive.
Sorry, I thought this was a religion class.
This assuredly is.
Someone should be assigned to lead.
That’s assuming anyone wants to.
Well, someone should assert him/herself!
May I assist by making assorted asinine comments?
very astute of u
You can but then no one will want to associate with you.
You could always go for the double and assassinate them.
That’s not going to assuage their fears.
How about we just assubjugate them?
The “best comeback” award definitely goes to Avis for this one!
Thank you!
I was wondering who would get what I was alluding to!
Burn of the week?
The guy up there used the name “Jesus”. What did Jesus ride into Jerusalem?
Mary Madeline’s ass? Or was it the other way around?
Magdeline, I think. And no….
It’s got my vote!
Hee! Thanks!!
Finally all those years of forced bible study pay off!
Was that in a Meth bible camp?
Nope! Luth bible camp!
Lex Luth sponsors a bible camp?!?!
Another plot to take over the world, no doubt. I wish he would give it a rest, I’m trying to enjoy failblog.
He wouldn’t be much of a super villain if he just gave up, would he?
He isn’t much of a super villain anyways. What is his problem? Mad at the world because he went bald? I just don’t get it….
No, he is mad because no matter how hard he tries he just can’t get rid of all that money.
Truly inventive and multi-faceted. I throw in my vote and in the spirit of true democracy, I cast a vote for all the dead (and not reanimated) for it as well.
*Awards Avis the coveted Palme de Dimanche*
Awwww, you guys!
save your ass, ride a cowboy?
Fo sho. He speaks fear. This film is win.
he’s just nervous cause of the camera…and the light
eh eh
Third time’s a charm I guess.
Hahaha. Funny how at first he looks confused, then accomplished, then annoyed and at the end, embarrassed.
There once was a newsguy named FredWhom tryed to put mask on him's head
Him tried this way or that
ands even fashioned a hat
then turned all embarrassed and red!
Hey can anyone help me. I was on earlier and tried to type my email to someone on here but it did not work. Can anyone show me how?
Anyone please? I have cookies
Put your Email Address: YourName @ something’com
THEN; Put your Credit Card Number and Expiration Date with the 3 Digits code from the Back.
(That way FailBLOG will know you’re a seriously real person and not a bot… OK?)
Just post it on the blog for all to see. Then we can help.
Hmm wow…type my email…? That’s a weak attempt at trying to hack someone…
And how would I hack your anytihng with just your email address. Think before accussing people of illegal activities..
I think your screen-name is perfectly appropriate.
I think that comment was rude and uncalled for.
You must be one of them trolls I see everyone talking about.
(Hope this nest correctly)
Avis is not a troll. She is simply new the web and is innocent of its ways. I happen to know that she is about sixteen and somewhat unsure of herself. Please be gentle with her Newb(whatever).
*SNORK!!*
Are you casting Snorks on my veracity?
Well, as to that, I usually feel sixteen. Sixteen and expected to behave like an adult. To take on the responsibilities of an adult. God I wish I were old enough to drink!
Oh wait….. I am!
I feel sixteen too! A very old, tired sixteen who has had the crap beat out of him.
On the other hand I wouldn’t be a teenager again for anything. Well maybe if someone I knew back then was there too.
You do not know her. She has been here longer then you, and has earned her keep. You took the comment in the wrong way. Both comments actually. Sar-chasm set aside, be lighthearted while you are here. She was just saying that it was you were appropriately labeled since you did not understand the joking comment Malcite made. (Man brew does this so well).
Avis는 어리석은 똥이다
*sigh*
.
*crawls from the grave, dragging boom box with him*
*sets stereo down, pushes play button*
*MJ’s Thriller starts playing*
*10,000 zombies explode from the ground behind him*
*the zombie hoard starts dancing toward Newbster*
*the zombie hoard envelops Newbster and consumes him completely*
*the zombie hoard dances back into the ground from whence they came*
*ZA stops the music and brings the stereo with him back to the grave*
Now that’s what I call a Zombie Apocalypse!!!
*finds a spare foot the zombies overlooked*
*hurls it into the Sun*
At least you’re getting creative about disposing of trolls.
Wait.
“Spare Foot”?
Trolls Have three feet now?
They had always wanted a yard…
The real question is … is it a front or back yard?
*shrug*
I’m not the one who found the spare foot. Perhaps Jimbo would be so kind as to tell us where he found it.
Sideyard actually….
This looks more like ’swine flu win’ to me…
instant humiliation xD *lol*
Well, as the reporter said, it does cover your nose and mouth
:S
Also your dignity.
We assume that everyone has that…
You know what the say about assuming…
Assuming – easier than getting the facts?
i submitted a picture on here a few days ago via failuploader but its not on yet? have i done something wrong? sorry for putting this on here but i cant find anywhere else to ask the question
you failed
Masks can be so confusing at times
Agree
Can take a very long time, they have a big backlog. I submitted one over a month ago, still no sign.
Sorry, but maybe they just didn’t think it was funny.
*squeeze* to Brewski!
Nooooo!!!! Say it isn’t so!!! It was way better than about half the fails on this page.
Oh my, I passed up a return squeeze opportunity with Judy!
*big squeezie*
And not all the fails make it to the voting page.
Some get sucked into the endless void of internet space. Mine anyway.
I submitted 3 just this morning. Two of them were submitted multiple times because I kept getting a “something went wrong” message although it turned out that each went through and the confirmation e-mails had been delayed. Fail alert fail.
OMG! One of mine is on the first voting page this minute! The Women’s Conference one!
*feels faint*
*goes to vote*
*wishes mine would show up*
Oh, yours did show up quite prominently, Ms B!!
Oh wait, what did you mean?
I really need to work on keeping my clothes on!
*blinded by the highbeems*
Turn it down MsB
*flashes*
NO!
hey now… wait for me to get my flip vid player before you flash, flash.
Thanks, Admiral! You get an autographed copy if my fail makes it to the main page.
*proudly displays “I voted!” button*
Yay! Two votes! It’s a shoo-in for sure.
Three!
Ok, well, it actually has over 50. But I’m the third one to report to exit poll.
Gah! *Tosses a “the” into the previous comment*
All you exit pollers can report to the canteen for juice and cookies.
Cookies?! I VOTED! I VOTED!
*jumps up and down with hand in the air*
Oh!!! Me too me too!
Me too! Me too!
.
*wonders if the undead is supposed to be voting or not*
ZA, as long as you can pull the lever without losing too many body parts, you can vote.
*figures LCB is a democrat*
*disclaimer: thinks he’s one too*
Well, I do believe in equal rights for the living and the undead. Of course, with the latter it’s kind of an underground movement.
More like a grass roots movement.
Their party is in a pretty grave situation.
I had to choose between the two!
*offers Brewski a bier*
OMG, I never knew that meaning of “bier”!!! Ew. That’s the correct spelling of “beer” in at least a couple different languages. That’s disturbing. But I still plan to drink beer anyway, of corpse.
Well, LCB did admit to being a pyre-omaniac.
When I got home I returned to the pall and voted again.
Been there, voted for that.
While I’m still a-wake, I’ll go vote as well.
Four!
*heads for the juice and cookies*
*ducks*
You have a mean slice there, nightshayde.
She putts her whole heart and soul into it.
We love to tees.
Well, that’s mandatory to get into this club.
Let’s face it…we have a ball.
I love this club!
It’s a stroke of luck we’re all here together.
Dessert anyone? I have parfait!
Is this party missing a birdie?
I got us some complimentary t-shirts. Though I got a hole in one of them.
I’d like some dessert after those club sand wedges.
Dessert is positively marvellous, but too much will make you green.
Dessert you say… hmm I will have to mull(igan) it over in my head.
And even then it goes to the vote page before showing up on the front page. All fails are voted on.
Kinda like American Idol?
*flips hair*
I bet he puts a condom on by just tying it around his bird
http://www.failbetter.com/31/RossParable.php?sxnSrc=ltst
” you mean we dont have to listen to the decepticons?”
Did he die?
A little on the inside maybe.
*Looks at Cake’s name*
*Has major nerd moment*
PORTAL!
*sings while she works*
for the people who are still alive…
*adores Jon Coulton*
stupid muslim
Wow.
*adjusts beret*
Bonsoir, mes amis!
We were worried about you! Where have you been?!
*Squeeze*
I was on a five day school trip to Paris! It was “tres bien”, as they say.
So, how has the blog been? What’s been going on in FB while I’ve been munching croissants in the city of lights?
Er… Velvet’s been tied up at work, Lolcatburglar impregnated Brewski with a turkey baster, we discovered that The Hobbit was actually R-rated…
Pretty normal week, really.
*snork*
That does sound like a mind-numbingly boring week for FailBlog. Nothing’s changed, I guess
Well, it’s good to be back.
GBF! It’s about bloody time you got back here!
Not much going on. Lessee… Dragon’s computer blew up (literally), trolls have been rampaging, a few people have been naked, and I’m currently pregnant. So, not much out of the ordinary.
And apparently Brewski and Bearly are the same person! Or share the same brain…
Tsk, he’s been taking my half without my permission! I knew I felt something missing!
Oh no! I just remembered I left the toilet seat up!
*rushes back to bathroom*
Okay, now I’m confused. Bearly = Brewski, and Boggy hates BN?
*pauses*
*head explodes*
*then implodes*
*then explodes*
*etc., etc.*
Actually, I’m starting to get confused. Brewski, when did we become the same person?!
I was just trying to play off your very similar posts, that posted at the same time.
I’m starting to get confused. Bearly, when did we become the same person?!
I could sure go for a beer right now!
*looks down*
Oh no!!! I forgot to wear a bra this morning!!
Bra?! But I thought-what? Why? I mean, wh-
*head explodes*
I’m Starting to get confused. Everyone, when did I stay the same person?!
*outstretches arms and lurches forward*
One. Of. Us. One. Of. Us. One. Of. Us. One. Of. Us.
*joins in the dance because it looks fun*
* takes pictures for tabliod magazine *
*salutes Brewski*
More trolls?! This is getting to be a bit of a nuisance.
Not too bad. We’ve had worse. One was particularly pesky this morning though. Masquerading as regulars and insulting them. Actually, it didn’t discriminate between regulars and trolls.
Oh goodness. Now that is bad. Which regulars were impersonated?
I didn’t waste much time checking, but Leila and Bearly were targeted, among others.
Sorry to be rather demanding, but which fail(s) was this? This is very serious indeed. We can’t have this kind of thing going on.
I OBJECT!!!
FOOOOOM!!!
Oh no! I can’t find my pants!
*stomps through thread, squishing Brewski, GBF, Leila and Ms B in the process*
Oopsie.
*farts and giggles*
Oh my! Where have my clothes gone?
*SMOOCH*
*runs in and out of room screaming with arms waving in the air*
*drives off in Jeep*
*fails to properly navigate the corner*
*careens off cliff*
BOOOOM!!!
*jeep explodes in fireball*
*runs around pantsless*
*kisses Ms B and Bearly*
Oh wait… that’s me!
Hee…!
I am so happy to have you guys as friends. You make me laugh.
*many squeezes*
Me.It was a pretty lame impersonation attempt, though – his little auto-avatar stayed the same throughout. See the last fail to witness the little twit for yourself.
I tried to get him removed, but they’re slow today. I asked Dragon for the direct email so we can get quicker turnaround.
There was some troll on troll action, and blog v Bog monster action. We missed you!
I've found out that I am severely hated by a popular blogger here.I do wish the two of you could just be friends.
I had never realized we were enemies.*squeeze*
I like you very much.
*squeeze*
Hello, Moomin!
*squeeze*
Mmmm…. marshmallow.
Grabs Moomin *squeeze and sniff*
I hope Ninja & Bogster can work it out. We need that energy to go towards troll squashing.
But most of us think you’re great, so don’t lose sleep over it.
And I’m not sure Boggy really “severely hates you”, either.
I think he’s jealous, to be honest.
Oh, sweetie – say it isn’t so?
*needs to quit being busy at work, must pay more attention to FB*
They once wuz a General BondFan4518…
mose peeples thinked him were great
but him left FailBLOG for France
an eaten some cross ants
and probably gained lots ub waight!
Boggy!!! *squeeze*
oh, god. someone save me!! My boyfriend is a writer, and I left the window open in front of his computer because it looked like a nice day. it wasn’t it rained on his computer. he is going to kill me so bad if his hardrive got all wet! Sh*t!
*goes MacGyver mode*
Ok, I need a Hair Dryer, a tube sock, a Tasmanian Devil, and some Gorilla Glue.
Hair Dryer, tube sock, Tasmanian Devil (what’s that for?), Gorilla Glue. all set Dr.
*creates new harddrive with exact replica memory of original on it*
Ta-Da!
I’ve Just always wanted my own Tasmanian Devil is all.
you’re amazing! Now if only that actually fixed my problem I wouldn’t have to be scared to go home…..
I’m sorry about the fear.
Oh no! How wet did the computer get?
idk, I’m still at work. I hope it’s not too bad. i cried a little, man I feel like a terrible girlfriend!
Abstract, you’re most certainly not terrible. You just made a mistake, that’s all. You boyfriend will recognize that. If he flies off the handle, well… I don’t want to be rude… so lets just say it wouldn’t be right. You obviously feel terrible about this.
Worst case, the hard drive will still be recoverable, so please don’t stress too much.
k, thanks.
trying not to be stressed, but I am such a worry wart! I apreciate that you can recognize that it was a mistake, I hope he does too.
Worst case scenario, your BF learns an important lesson about backing up his computer. How is learning a bad thing?
abstract: How wet? Do NOT turn it on. Take out the battery pack. Dry the computer off best you can (set a fan on it or something). If it dries fully, it will be just fine. Ideally, you would disassemble it so it dries more quickly, but laptops can be tricky. Lots of tiny screws and a little tricky to assemble.
Good luck!
*squeeze!*
yeah, but it’s a desktop and an old one to boot. maybe it’s salvagable, I haven’t been home yet. He texted me and now he won’t return my calls or texts. I’m still at work
Oh no. I’m so sorry about the major guilt trip he’s giving you. If it’s a desktop, though, odds are the cpu is fine, and although the keyboard may have problems, he might just be ok.
Bearly, even the keyboard will be okay if it’s fully dried. Circuit boards used to be routinely washed in a machine very similar to a dishwasher as part of the manufacturing process. Nowadays, it’s usually a no-wash process, but they still tolerate water just fine ‘n’ dandy. The key is to fully dry the electronics before applying power.
Again, do NOT turn it on. If it’s a desktop, you’ll be fine. Much easier to dry. Remove the case, dry it thoroughly. Use a hair-drier on low if you like. Don’t overheat it though, just warm, not hot. As long as he doesn’t turn it on, you’re in good shape. If he does turn it on, it’s a crap shoot. The water can short out the connections and fry components.
Put the pieces in bags of rice.That actually works?
It dries them out. At least that's what you're supposed to do with a cellphone if it gets wet.Dang. If only I knew that a few months ago.
Another good one with cellphones that get wet is to keep those little silica “DO NOT EAT” packets that come in shoes and other things. You pop open the batt compartment, take the battery out, and put all the pieces in a container with a couple packets and seal it. Should be dry by morning if left overnight.
excellent advice. will try to remember that the next time I take the cellie swimming.
Interesting idea. Yeah, that would probably work, just acts like a dessicant.
Apparently I don’t Grasp the concept.
What about the water on the inside?
*Looks at Blog Ninja’s earlier post*
*notices the word ‘PIECES’*
Ooooh… Nevermind.
take off the case if possible. If you don’t, you have to put it in an atmosphere with low humidity (hence the rice) and wait a very long time, like a few days. The moisture will eventually evaporate through the cracks and such.
But it’s important to remove the battery.
Ah.
POORabstract!*picks up you b/f’s ‘puter and puts in my crow wave*
*bip bip bip BIP!*
Tree minites aughta does it!*smiles and stomps away, squishing lil' Blog Ninja*
Oh my-
Everyone, stand back! Clear the area, I repeat, clear the area!
“Clear the area!” BondFan him say.
Eberbody quick, an fast RUNS AWAY!
my crow wave gunna Blow!?
(buts how did hims know?)
I likes fireworks, I gunna stay!Okay, who replaced Boggy with Edward Lear?
It was, *GASP!* Robert Frost!?
He’s been waxing poetic all day.
He’s waxing what again?
he is taking to road less traveled. darn those forks.
The once was a man, Edward Learwhose literary nonsense pleased the ear.
So in poetry and prose,
his popularity rose
and his limericks were especially dear!
BOGGY lick funny rhimes an stufffs!
Akshully BOGGY not juss LICK the funny limerick book.
*blushes*
I eated it!
*burps*
Be cuz they was no COOKIES!
BOGGY in TRUBBLES?nah, her’s a big plate of good yummy cookies.
*eats cookies*
*swallows plate whole*
*BURPS*
Thanks Miss Abstract
<3*smooch* you are most welcome
OK, I take it back Ninja. You really do hate ninja, don’t you Boggy? Is it because he uses “monster” in his name? He didn’t mean any harm by it. We all know you’re THE failbog monster. And he’s our ninja protector. Between the two of you, all of trolldom will cower in fear!
Him cans be all the lil’ scary NINJA hims wants ta bees!
But Hims keeps useing MY FONT
an Him two cutes to are be a “Monster”
umless Hims a pedowfile or a rapperist!
BOGGY, you need to learn to share.Him cans be all the lil’ scary NINJA hims wants ta bees!But Hims keeps useing MY FONT
an Him two cutes to are be a “Monster”
umless Hims a pedowfile or a rapperist!
See! Him gotted me all flushturded an I messed ups!
I didn't realize it was such a special privilege to use this font.BOGGY founded it and exclusively used it for quite a while, untilBlog Ninja (FakeMonster)started using it as well.If I remember rightly, Ninja asked if anyone minded him using the font. You weren’t there to object Boggy. It’s too late now.
*monster pat pat pat*I'm sorry, BOGGY. I knew you always used it before I started using it. Before I started using it, I asked all the FAIL Bloggers present if they minded or if they thought you would mind (you had been gone for quite some time) because I knew it was always your special thing. No one thought it would be a problem, but apparently it is.Wow, refresh fail.Boggy, please don’t hate someone for the font they use. That would make you a typist.
I’ve been reminded of this. Clickie.
I saw the font conference on there. hehehe
*squeeze*
How are you, BFF? Long time no type.
I’ve been great, thanks. My trip to Paris interrupted my daily Failblogging, but it’s great to be back here.
What did you get up to in France? Was it a school thing?
It was indeed a school thing. We saw the usual sights (The Arc de Triomphe, the Louvre, the Champs Elysees) and generally had a good time.
Very cool. I tried to go to the Louvre once, unfortunately it was a Tuesday. You’d think I’d find out if it was open before trekking into Paris.
Are you suggesting that my Monster rebel against his own Type?
It appears this war is civil.
*agrees with Marius*
.
Don’t hate someone for the font they use, hate someone for the way they use it!
.
*wonders why all the monsters here can’t just get along*
Oh, I’m fine with BOGGY. He was always kind of a hero here.
no squish ninja Boggy! naughty boggy!
put uncooked white rice around it.
I dont know if this was discussed yet, but I’m actually a bit sadder that Billy Mays has died than Micheal Jackson
I agree. Billy Mays was the sh*t!!Here’s a little something to remember him by. Clickie.
RIP Billy Mays. I bet your booming voice has already deafened St. Peter himself.
Darn. I only got 13.
I got 2.Dang, son.
Well, You made a valiant effort in his honor, and that’s what counts.
lol, i only got 1 without cheating, But I was close on about 5
Which one did you get without cheating?
I got Oxi Clean and Orange Glo. A bunch of the others I remembered the ads but couldn't remember the name of it.After you reach ten correct answers you wonder what you’ve been doing with your life.
Wait.
I’m Picking up the words “Oxi Clean”…
He really was! I was working on a song about him to the tune of Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face”, But now I think it would seem in ill taste…
I just read that NONE of M.J.’s children are genetically related to him whatsoever,
[BUT WAIT! THERE"S MORE!],
nor to either of the surrogates that carried them.
Both the egg & sperm were from “unknown/undisclosed donors”!
This will make for interesting custody battles in the future!
They’ll probably make it so that the side with the most cookies, wins.
COOKIES?
Indeed.
Is there a more fair way to decide who cares for the children? Duh, of course it should be the one with the most cookies!
My work/failday is done, night all!
g’night, thanks again. *squeeze*
BOGGY also bids you farewell.Tomorrow be more stories to tell
of Bondfan in France
and Brewski's missing pants
and who died and who went to hell.
esa es mi colombia,ese man es un burro jaajajajaj
This is my colombia, this man is a donkey? Is this the Colombian rendition of “This land is your land”?
Sounds more along the lines of a national anthem to me
*sigh*
Once again, I missed all the fun.
*shakes fist at work*
Yes, Work be an evil Mistress…
One for youThe once was a gal,Iusuallylurk ♀who missed all the FailBLOG at work.
Whenever she tried to view it,
her boss did so eschew it,
because he's a terrible jerk.
*bows and stomps on home*
*squeezes Boggy*
Thank you.
aww bless him, he figured it out in the end
:banana:
awww
well.
Qwaz needs sleep.
Or Bioshock.
Not sure which yet, but Qwaz will be back.
Left for Dead 4 is the game dude. Bioshock is underwater is it not?
Wouldn’t that ruin my computer?
Naw, it’ll be totally safe. Try it and see!
In case you are not sure, always use proper protection
Oh … you mean … like antivirus?
LFD rules. When did they make sequels though?
they didn’t. that was a typo i believe.
I know. Just being sarcastic.
Part 2 is coming in November down in the bayou. Sweeeeeeeeeeet.Are you a LFD4 fan too?
Got an account and everything
I am attempting to be an achievement wh0re now. But getting untouchable and upset stomach is my current issues.
Viva Pinata for the win!
All I can say is “Hell Yeah to that!”
lol, I literally applauded when I saw that he got it on right.
Hello, all. (Or anyone who’s still around.
) Am I on time for the night shift?
The graveyard shift more like it. Even I’m about to turn in for the night.
Aww…
Well, then, it’ll be a long night at work with no FB!
I’m sorry that I missed both the apocalypses today. It would have been exciting to have taken part.
*pops in*
*gives Chan a big SQUEEZE*
*pops back out*
*Walks by*
*Kicks Brewski forgotten hand*
*Go away whistling*
Belatedly *SQUEEZES* Brewski back.
Geez, I miss FB when I don’t work mornings!
*clocks in*
Evening, Chanidividus.
that was classic fail?
Ok, now that I’ve got a few of you here, who’s going to fix din din for my family? I really don’t want to. Blerg.
*hands Ms B a bag of popcorn and a six-pack of diet coke*
There ya go!
Sweet! Thanks much!
*hands over some marshmallows and monster munch*
*slides into thread via gigantic waterslide*
*squeeeeezes the Moomin*
*is suddenly amazingly dry while Moomin is now soaking wet*
Huh. Who knew Moomins were so absorbent?
*steals some marshmallows an walks away happily munching*
Is the ShamWow designed after Moomins?
*ponders*
Perhaps ShamWows are *gasp* made from Moomins?
Moomins put through a deli slicer?
SAMMY!!! No!
What? I was just talking.
*hides Slapchop™ behind back*
phew!
*wipes brow*
Don’t worry nightshayde -it’s not like that.
Everytime a Moomin is squeezed a lil’ Sham get’s it’s Wow.
Perhaps they should add something to their ads: “No Moomins were harmed in the making of this product.”
I’d feel a lot better buying them knowing that no Moomins were harmed.
Hey — if the Moomins enjoy the procedure, all the better!
Apparently it’s done through something called “Moomin-squeezing”. That doesn’t sound too bad! Who doesn’t enjoy a good squeezing?
You haven’t lived until you’ve witnessed a Moomin Bris. Mazel Tov!
Google says I don’t want to see anyone’s Bris. Perhaps there is another meaning that Google has not divined for me?
Well, if you’re not a fan of pink gelatinous man meat, then Google™ is correct!
“Pink gelatinous man-meat”… Gee, you make it sound so appealing!
Hello, Chan.
You’re not alone.
Howdy, howdy howdy. I’m only half way here tonight.
I’m actually only popping in every so often. I actually have work to do.
*replaces the second “actually” with “unfortunately.”*
Hi NS, Hi Jenny! *squeeze*
*also gives long-distance squeezes to DW, Ms B, and Moomin*
Sorry, but I can’t mask my enthusiasm at seeing you all here!
*hands Brewski a bag of popcorn*
Psst…should I tell Brewski that he put his mask of enthusiasm on wrong…??
Nah, we’ll all just sit here and watch him fight with it on his own.
He wears everything like a thong.
I don’t think the mask is supposed to go… Oh, what the hell. Maybe it’ll be a new trend?
I prefer that to his unbridled enthusiasm.
I haven’t made time to read the comments pages on the other fails… Did he keep his pants on today? Or was his “enthusiasm” kept under wraps?
Hi Admiral! *squeeze*
Sorry to hit and run, just signing off!
(psst Chan, you never told me how much those special Turkey Basters cost)
Argh. Double statement. My english? No good after 4pm.
Hey! I think I kept my pants all day!
*throws confetti*
(Psst… Brewski… Somewhere around $14.99CAN for a three pack. If you can find someone who sells them anymore. The people who used to distribute them have dropped off the map. :S)
*Obligatory, violent pantsing of Brewski*
Do you want the world to end? Geez!
*sniff sniff*
May I have popcorn too, please? *looks hopeful*
As soon as Dragon pops some more…
*wee little mini-*fooooom**
*POPPITY-POP-POP-POP!!!!*
There you go!
Mmmmm. Popcorn on the cob, your specialty.
*passes one to nightshayde*
Mmmmmm.
*slathers on some butter*
*puts some butter on the corn, too*
Now I want corn … and I’m quite hungry. I may need to stop at the market for corn!
Ack! Where are my manners?!
Thank you both for the yummy corn.
You’ll want to be careful not to slip on the way, all slathered up like that.
Hmmm. My car has fabric-covered seats. This could be a problem.
All that butter has got your stomach churning.
You’re welcome (from both of us).
*Is sad*
Got any rice-thins or chips?
Popcorn always has the nasty habit of getting between my teeth.
*Looks hopelessly hopeful.*
*Wonders*
Cookies? I have cookies. No good for a salt craving, but still good.
Cookies tend to other cravings, plus they have the added ability of milk dunkability. So I will take ‘em.
Yay! I like to share. Hope you like Chunks Ahoy! Mr. Christie makes goooood cookies.
Just letting you know that I prefer 1% MF. This isn’t going to be a problem is it?
Hmmm… I guess not. I’m more of a 2% kinda girl, but I guess I should watch the waistline, so 1% will do.
I actually find that at first going down the MF scale the lesser fat ones tasted waterier. I tasted 2% after a while of drinking 1% and I swear I could taste the fat difference. It was a putrid feeling.
I agree about watery. I can’t stand skim or non-fat milk. There’s nothing to it! I don’t mind a bit of fat content. It’s not a bad fat, so as long as I work it off, it’s all good.
Looks like we can’t help being theoretical today. I appreciate the idea of being able to enjoy a non-fat milk but in the end there is no substance. Got to have something worth drinking, or else I would just flavo(u)r my water. In the end I would like to hover around the 1% mark. Dabbling in skim like a craving rather than daily.
It also definitely has something to do with what you are raised with. My mom always bought 2%, so that’s just what I’m conditioned to think milk is supposed to taste like. Anything else just tastes wrong. I’m rather particular though.
Originally my mom brought me up on 2% after my fathers heart attack, she regimented him and by association us. So we all love 1% and can’t stand anything higher.
Ahh. Well, good on her for forcing everyone into line! It can be so frustrating to try to regulate the healthy intake of other people. They fight you the whole way, even knowing that it’s for their own good.
Can’t fight her, she breaks the sound breaks the sound barrier with her yells. Oxymoron I know but still. That and she does all the groceries. Aside from that I enjoy eating healthy.
“Does” being an indicator that you are still under her dietary influence and likely roof?
Well I could buy my own, just storing it in my room would be awkward. I have one year left of school then plan to work and move out.
Being 20->21 rocks.
Indeedy. I’m more in the 22 to 25 range, but it still rocks.
I moved out as soon as I possibly could, at 17, I think. I have younger siblings that were still living at home, and therefore couldn’t wait to be in my own place with my own space.
What kind of schooling?
In college currently, will take more than a number to make me shy away.
Taking computer and video game programming currently.
Not sure about the number statement, but neat!
)
My ex was taking a computer programming course. It was relatively interesting. I dabble in programming, but I’m better with a sautering iron and PCB. Just a hardware kinda gal. (No innuendo intended.
BOTH of you are crazy! Whole milk all the way!!
Yeah, even my mother thinks I’m strange.
Speaking of which…. *goes off in search of real milk*
Whole milk is way too thick for my taste. I haven’t had much experience with it, but what I have had was unappetizing. Except in cereal. Then it’s all good.
Well in this situation you need my software for your hardware. In another you need my hardware for your software. (Number comment explained ^^)
Homogeneous milk doesn’t taste that good. Like I said if I can taste the fat difference in 2%, !magining more is a scary thought.
Perhaps I missed something. It’s getting late and I’m not entirely as sharp as usual. Where is the number thing explained, and was the hardware-software comment from a programming point of view, or was it meant metaphorically?
It is all a dating (time, day, month, year) thing. Basically you being older is not intimidating.
The first part of the hardware comment serious.
Second part metaphoric which reflected upon the age comment. A loose connection that I wanted to tie up.
Loose connection could be caused by a cold solder.
*Arches eyebrow*
And you should be intimidated. Not by age. Just by me.
How could I be intimidated, when I am so drawn in? Plus you wouldn’t hurt me purposely would you?
*Puppydog eyes*
Is it strange that when I hear “You wouldn’t hurt me”, it sounds more like a challenge than a plea? The innocent puppy-eyed ones squirm the best.
*Scans through blog*
*hopes neither of you are getting to serious*
Ummm, I think I hear my mom calling me for dinner…
*runs away*
All in good fun, of course.
Hiya, Brewski!
*squeeze*
‘Ello all. How is everyone on this most auspicious night?
Storm just cleared up here. So I feel a bit happier, thought daylight time was all used up by the clouds… Humph.
Aww… I could go for a storm. We’re at a record low for precip here right now.
Would gladly hand you all the storms I get. We got the permit for the pool in hand. The less rain we get the faster I will be practicing my strokes. Golf and swimming ones alike.
K, I’ll trade you one week of dry heat for one week of storms. Deal?
Done!
Just sign here, here, here, initial here, initialize a blood pact here, do a handstand there, sign here and recite the alphabet backwards over there.
…
…
…
Okay. We are all set.
Is it an issue if I can’t perform a handstand?
Its a deal-breaker baby.
Okay, I’ll do my best.
*Bends over, plants hands firmly on ground*
*Attempts to slowly raise legs to vertical position*
*Flails wildly for balance and falls to ground with THUMP*
Was that okay?
Good enough, we should see a shift in weather patterns in about 5 mins.
Hmmm… All I got was a few fluffy albeit grey clouds… Are you sure we completed all the formalities?
I may have to make a delivery.
*Taking a moment to decide if her next post is perhaps too explicit?*
*Is more the jump-and-pay-for-it-later type*
Well, if you’re going to deliver that storm, you’d better make sure its a dark, damp, raging, tumultuous affair with lots of blowing and thunder, and perhaps a few (lightning) strikes, in order to make it worth the trip.
*Is scared of the storm Chan just ordered*
(Eerie coincidence: Dark and windy out quite suddenly… A little apprehensive about the consequences of my post…)
As long as you promise in exchange a nice, warm, lovely, golden sunny day. It has to get humid and keep me enticed all day long with only 2 pauses for a nice breeze.
I think I can manage that. Hot and humid, good for languishing and lounging. Just two breezes though?
Breaks aren’t needed. Especially when you deal with something this hot.
Motivation either for that matter.
I have work to be doing, too. But I have another 4.5 hours to do it, so I can afford to slack a little.
Good luck!
I was going to comment that the big task I have left tonight is a bit o’ product reception, realized the innuendo involved, and decided not to blow up the innuendo machine.
Having problems on the receiving end?
It’s an exhausting procedure. Back and forth, back and forth. Scan this, click that… Phew!
Problem is it is a constrictive process. Very tight and little room for error. One mistake and the whole thing can blow up in your face. Worst part is having product that you didn’t intend to get left in your receiving doc. I know of a few companies that have some distributors that insist on putting their product in the wrong door. They are clearly labeled after all.
Yes. Even though we have a standing request with the shipping companies for ‘No Back Door Deliveries’, they still feel it necessary to knock once in a while, and I then have to instruct them back around front.
I find, at least, that it is an easier process when I have the prerogative to complete the task on my own. I find when others attempt to assist, they inevitably wind up getting in the way. I have a system!
Well at least the deliveries and deliverers always come on time correct? I used to be called the milk man since I always delivered. I find that receiving in the front could get a bit ugly. Making face time for the people and their product is always more of a hassle than the benefits they present.
Actually, I find I’m a little preemptive when doing my ordering. I always need more product from the supplier when the delivery arrives, and have to do without until the next shipment can be arranged, which always takes some time.
However, I do find I get better attention from people supplying product if I do make a little face-time for them. They appreciate the effort.
Well you have your preferences for how you manage your incoming packages.
Do you make the delivery person sign in. Do you track how long they remain in your receiving end? I could always bring you a good product. Takes a while to unload but hey the product is worth it. After that first delivery I bet we can make it a weekly/daily occurrence. I am sure we both will be satisfied with the others great servicing abilities.
Oooh! I thought this was a theoretical discussion. It sounds more like you’re offering to make deliveries, yourself! As long as you’re always prompt, and you try not to track anything in when you make your drop-offs, I think we can work something out. I don’t mind a bit of an extensive unloading process, as long as the end result is satisfactory.
It is theoretical, until my deliveries get the green light. That is when I know I am in good enough to start unloading.
Back to the theoretical side. So you make sure that the deliverer is the real deal and do you make sure to id them on the way in? Have you ever had someone claim to deliver one product that sounded like a great idea but then flop on that actual date and time of delivery?
Should I be reading this?
Definitly not, Nightshayde.
ID, no. I always make sure to be on a first-name basis with any and all deliverers. It smooths the process along, and avoids any mishaps.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a truly faulty delivery made. Perhaps the wrong product, or they delivered to the back instead of the front, or forcefully knocked instead of politely ringing the bell to gain entry…
Oh, there was one delivery fiasco that was a total failure from the start. Complete flop. Needless to say, I no longer ship with them.
*quietly scoots further into the corner, but still assuring a good view of this thoroughly fascinating and oddly titillating conversation*
Note to Self: save transcript for possible submission for publishing in “Shipping Quarterly”
*gently tosses an “e” into Ms B’s post above ↑ *
Poor dear. You seem to be as flustered as I am.
*giggles nervously*
Perhaps you should get better software to manage your business Chanidividus.
Surely she has some very nice software already
Software is reportedly all good. I’m just having some trouble finding someone to deliver the right compatible hardware.
I have to admit, I have never had a delivery go awry. Now what is your opinion on third party deliveries? When both the company and their supplier make a delivery on the same day? Do you allow them then to use both front and back so as to not congest your receiving capabilities?
Would you suggest they wait their turns?
Hmm… While I’ve never had this issue come up, it’s one I’ve debated the solution to… I suppose the best option to satisfy everyone would be allow them to use both the front and back, and hope that there is room for them both to deliver without seriously comprimising my own ability to carry on business as usual. Would you expect this to be an issue if you were contracted to make deliveries?
I applaud the effort that must go into never having made a poor delivery. It certainly takes a measure of skill and natural ability to provide such reliable service.
If I was contracted to make the delivery and another deliverer was there. Well I am all for comparative shopping but well that is taking it too far. At the beginning of the contract I make the promise to provide you with the best service, best product and to always take my time but still be prompt. So having another delivery come in, in the same dock where I have put my deliveries thousands of times before. Well that is unacceptable and I would have to terminate any future deliveries with you. Now any other random receiving place I would have no problem with a simultaneous delivery. One that I have a long term contract with, its not acceptable. You are just cheating me out of my share of the delivery schedule.
For someone who always delivers on time and with good results, I have no issue committing all my business to on deliverer. Providing they’re not servicing my competitors as well, of course. That’s just something I can’t abide.
You jumped my gun.
So you do not like a delivery made to you after the deliverer just came(.) from another competitors receiving end? I find that one on one deliverer and receiver relationships are always best for both parties. It provides a guaranteed delivery schedule and safety net to ensure the product and receiving are always good. It also ensure trust can be built between both companies.
Now what about deliveries made not in receiving or in the back, but in through the rooftop door?
As long as one is gentle with the shipment, and avoids damaging the premises, I see no issue with deliveries up top. One must occasionally trust the shipper’s judgement on how things are best gone about, especially with a legitimate concern about the practicality of delivery in the front or back. As long, of course, as the deliverer is willing to reciprocate by occasionally adressing my concerns.
I usually put the receivers concerns first. It is important to have a happy receiver or else future deliveries can be put in jeopardy. Not that the delivery is all that is all about. The relationship between deliverer and receiver is more important. Aside from that the strongest muscle isn’t used just for swallowing. It has other purposes, like rectifying underlying issues, by discussing of course.
Tending to the receivers needs is often fun for the deliverer.
That’s very considerate of you. A reciever must be careful, you know. Many deliverers are callous and tend to drop the package wherever they please as soon as possible and leave, leaving the reciever to clean up the mess. It’s unfortunate, but causes many recievers to simply pick up the shipments themselves.
I agree that it is most important to discuss any issues between deliverer and deliveree in order to keep the shipments moving smoothly and frequently.
The job is sometimes just a perilous for the deliverer. Having a receiver close the receiving end for one week every month. Making the deliverer consider other entrances. Sometime the receiver just plain old denies the whole delivery for what seems an unrelated event or discussion in the contract/relationship between deliverer and receiver. Then there are other times when the deliverer can’t muster up the courage to ask the receiver for a special delivery method. Changing position of where the delivery is to be made or the manner in which it should be made can add stress on the package and put it in awkward positions. Then there is the issue of the premature delivery. (Not an issue for an experienced deliverer, but sometimes the new ones get anxious).
Can I just say that this has got to be one of the most round about conversations I’ve ever witnessed? And If the receiver is cutting off the acceptance of deliveries one week a month, the receiver is still learning.
Thus is the purpose of an open-ended contract. One must always keep the lines of communication open. For example, if the reciever starts getting less and less frequent deliveries, they may begin to believe that they are no longer an important client on the deliverer’s schedule, when this may not be the case. Conversely, if a reciever begins refusing deliveries, the deliverer could begin to assume the shipments are no longer desired, and begin dropping them off elsewhere. Communication is key in the delivery business.
A closed recieving bay wouldn’t stop a particularly creative and ambitious deliverer from dropping off his shipment. One must simply explore alternative methods for drop-off.
Avis, is round about a good thing or bad? I do hope we haven’t exploded the innuendo machine or imploded the back-up vortex. Someone will just have to deliver a new one if we have!
The innuendo machine and the vortex are having issues at this point, I think.
Just how many times can something be said without saying it?
Wait! It is not necessary to close the business once a month? This I must hear more about Avis. Creativity abound sometimes the regular receiving end is desired. This may cause the deliverer to play with the package instead of delivering it. Roundabout conversations are regular with me Avis. Well at least IRL. At my old work in the restaurant whenever a good looking woman would come in the door us guy workers used to get flack for talking about them. So in order not to peeve off our female co-workers we devised a code way of doing it. A roundabout way of complimenting her. We would find an object near her and use it to alert others of her presence.
Ie A pretty girl walked in and was seated at table 5 lets say. Well table 5 has a lamp near it. To spread the message of her presence we would ask other male workers when we got this new lamp. Then we would make the off hand comments like. That lamp must be a snake lamp with the curves it displays. Etc etc of course.
@Chan, now what do you do in the time when no deliveries are available. I know that when deliveries get backed up frustration is about and moods most often aren’t pleasant. Getting rid of packages by hand can help vent away some displeasure.
@Avis: Fine I’ll break. Screw the banter let’s have s e x and be done with. (Not as fun though)
… There is a time when no deliveries are available?
Sweets, it depends on what exactly you are attempting to deliver. The shop need not close up once a month. Creativity is not all that necessary, but rather an understanding.
My friends and I have a habit of assigning nicknames to people and not telling them so we can have an entire conversation and no one knows who we are talking about. The trick is to remember who is who.
And to heck with direct! I enjoy the naughty innuendo-filled banter.
@Chan 8|
The moment after a delivery is made there is a buffer/waiting period before the next one can come.
That and if there is a lack of deliverers in the area.
@Avis I swear I go rosy cheeked every time you call me sweets. I get embarrassed so easily by endearing terms from beautiful older women. Well older women in general.
Oh an I understand the need for a open contract. The delivery is but one action that can be performed and above will clarify if there is any doubt. Though it doesn’t hurt to visit your receiver just to hang out and make sure all is on the up and up.
Emp? I think maybe this conversation was too ’round about. Waaaaaaaaaaay too ’round about!!!!
Wait a minute? Did you think I wasn’t being direct. Here I am thinking I am discussing a delivery and receiving system with Chanidividus and now things seem to be being inferred. Hmm something is not right. Also this doesn’t ^ sound right
Indeed… I see nothing wrong with discussing theoretical shipping concepts…
“Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle”
Así no, así, que no, de la otra manera, sí de lado también se puede. LOL
Grammar fail @ title
Eep, sorry, didn’t read it properly, my bad.
Great’s It
I LOLd and caught SARS, bird flu, and swine flu all at the same time from this.
Good night, Failpeeps! Off to get more medicine for this annoying cough.
Good night! Hope you feel better!
*Hugs!*
*SQUEEZITY!*
I hope you feel better soon, nightshayde.
Night!
*Drive-by squeeze*
Careful! Nightshayde dripped butter all over the road.
‘Night, Night.
Ghee, I hope no one crashes!
Could you clarify that statement, please?
Well, when someone’s driving a car near me, I don’t want them to margarine to mine!
Anyone who would do that obviously has a Napoleon complex.
Sorry for butyrin, but I’d like to keep my hand in these threads.
You guys really churn out those puns, don’t you?
I hope no one creams me for attempting to give a cheesy one.
Stick with it and you’ll be fine. Good night all – see you in the morning!
I wouldn’t have pegged you for being whipped!
Just because I melt whenever things start to get hot doesn’t mean you can goat me. You are really milking it now.
“I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”
Just brie(the) easy and it will pass.
*pats on buns*
*melts*
*stirs honey*
Can I just say that having to take meds every 6 freaking hours is no fun? I have to wake up at 2 freaking am and take one little pill (it’s Tiffany’s blue, so pretty) and then I can’t lay down for a half hour. Grrrrrrrrrr. Antibiotics suck!
Wake up at 2 AM?
I do plan on getting some sleep at some time!
I had an emergency doctors visit this morning for what was either a massive spider bite (gone bad) or what my mother thought was ringworm. As it turns out, it was neither. It was a very unhappy hair follicle. That requires medication. Lucky me.
Sorry about the antibiotics, but that seems like the least worrisome of the possibilities. At least there aren’t things in your home or anything like that. Are you off to get some sleep soon, then?
Of all the possibilities, this is the least troubling. On our list were: Spider bite (venomous), ringworm (Moms vote), exploded tumor (happened before), or cyst (also unhappy). The actual answer wasn’t even on our radar.
I guess I didn’t mention the enormous swelling of the lymph nodes directly below the inflamed area did I? That’s why I made the appointment!
Yipes!
*squeeze*
Awww… That’s unfortunate. At least it was just an unhappy hair follicle though, and not something more serious?
*Squeeze*
…Sleep???
*blank look*
Sorry to hear about your grumpy hair follicle, though. I hope it improves soon.
Grumpy is a better description. Angry works too. As does really freaking pissed off.
The pills are such a pretty blue though. I must be weird, the color of my meds makes an impact on me.
A spoon-full of pretty helps the medicine go down!
You’d be amazed how much it does!!! The meds really are the perfect Tiffany’s blue! I checked! (My folks gave me a Christmas ornament from the store a few years back, and I still have the box)
Pretty helps a lot of things.
All of mine are ugly to the bone, and big. I have a thing about swallowing pills.
Is it a straw?
Howdy, coyote.
COYOTE!!!!!! Hey man, how are you!?
Getting better all of the time Avis. I am almost ready to be done with Fred Hutch, but there is friction about my hydration levels. They want me to drink three damn liters a day! I drank two yesterday and got sick. I foresee a head butting session coming up.
I shouldn’t worry about the disgruntled hair situation if I were you. I am sure that it will be hair today and gone tomorrow.
*SQUEEZE!!!*
*squeeze*
Good to see you, coyote.
Good to see you all as well. Is the heat as bad back there as we’ve been hearing? It has managed to get up to the upper seventies around here. The hottest yet! WOOHOO!
I can’t take pills with water. The bigger they are the thicker the drink needs to be.
Oh and sometimes I swallow a bite of a food I like to get my throat in a swallowing mood
I need to bribe myself, before and after, with M&M’s. One, like you, before the pills and two after each pill for a reward.
My hubster can swallow 3 pills at a time with no liquid, it is a weird thing to be jealous of, but I am.
My grandfather had the same talent. Dad required a small amount of water. I require a major Broadway production.
I picture you taking some cartoon-inspired approach to getting those pills down.
*squeeze*
I assure you that it is more tragedy than comedy. You do not wish to know what life was like before the M&Ms.
Speaking as someone who takes between 8 and 18 pills per day, depending on what day of the week it is, please allow me to join in the general whining, even though I have no physical problems with taking pills. All my problems are purely psychological.
I just. Hate. Doing. It.
Between 8 and 18? There is no way in hell I could do that. I’m dead serious. I’m sure that dead is the operative word there. I would be doomed.
18 x 3 M&Ms =54 M&Ms a day That’s doable I suppose. If that got boring maybe I could wrap it in a piece cheese like we used to do for the dog.
I have daily meds that require me to take three pills a day. Plus a vitamin. I take all of them at once and have no problems. I’m kinda used to taking pills. It helps to take them with a carbonated beverage. My doc suggested that. The thing I dislike about the new (temporary) med is that I have to take one every six hours!!!
Sorry to hear that!
*squeeze*
What are the antibiotics for?
See my response to the Admiral. I’m taking clindamycin (or at least I think that’s how it’s spelled). Every six hours. It’s a pretty blue, but I’ve heard stories about the stuff that makes me wary.
Goodnight barking cat!
this is not rocket science you know…
It looked more like rocket surgery.
It was a complicated brain science. Damn, that makes sense.
Rocket science is when the scientists find out about space.
Holy Crappola it’s July!
I am curious.
Word © –>
Ooops. OK I am done being weird for a minute. ☻
I have a co-worker who did the same exact thing.. I think he was the same nationality too.
r-tard! lol. rofl. roflmao. lmao.
laughing excessively can be an indication of sexual obsession and edipo’s complex or complete lack of brain matter. You should visit a doctor as soon as possible.
Is this really necessary? People are trying to have some fun and are making jokes.
El Retardo!
twitter.com/illproveit
Does this guy watch TV? Well, I think he doesn’t need to worry about being ashamed of having it on TV if he doesn’t have one … YOU HAVE TO WATCH Grey’s Anatomy, Dr. House, Scrubs, etc.
Man, this guy even has its own facebook fan site
there´s a blonde inside the guy
that is in bogota colombia. the people from that city are not very smart according to the vid
. i know it. im from medellin colombia, the best city in the country. yay! seriously. that was so dumb…..
I suppose this is why we have swine flu.
Looks like Roy Keane!
Mucho rolo tan animal !!!
completamente de acuerdo…..
that’s bogotano has mother from medellin!! buu , just for one guy you can’t say that all people are not smart… of course paisa you only mark as paisa and not colombian.
well, if her mother was from medellin he wouldn’t have done such an idiot thing. therefore his mother was from bogota. ochoa seems to agree.
**FACE PALM**
this is such a discrace to my race
FAIL! and Double FAIL!
i tought only americans were stupid
nah i say us and iraq are about even.
what a dumb ass
OMFG! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
I didn’t see the news in that moment, but that news was so fast here, faster than Tamalcros in CP’09
ahahahahah!!1
Stupid Dip-shit.
como se dice retarded en espanol
retardado