Submitted by Tuncbilek
Editor’s Note: We’re currently having issues with Youtube, so we’ve uploaded our videos onto Viddler instead for now while the issue with Youtube is being resolved.
There once was a woman called “Dragon”,
Her writing could burn like a ray gun,
Her laptop got fried
When her power supply died,
‘Twas like she’d been made to put a gag on.
I know she can *Foom* with her mouth, I just had no idea she emitted so much heat and typed so fast that she would overheat her laptop. Dragons, they never cease to amaze.
Back in the times of the slave trade people were labeled with derogatory names. Names that are now considered disgraceful. Throughout history the ‘elite’ people have felt the need to label, speak down to, hate and fear those that are different.
*claws way from grave*
*lays tarps down around room*
*hangs some tarps on the walls*
*ferociously rips the troll’s head wide open with his teeth*
*sprays the black stinky goo from inside his head everywhere*
*continues down through head and shoulders, until he reaches the “heart”*
*eats that too*
*collects tarps, throws them into grave*
*crawls back in after*
Amen, neener. A moment of silence, please, for our dearly departed (but soon to be returned) Dragon and her laptop. May its printed circuit board rest in peace
There you are!!!
*pounce* We regret to inform you that the FCC has deemed this content unsuitable for most audiences. Please enjoy this test pattern, after which regular programming will ensue.
Throws in a big pile of cash to buy more pizza. Will you order one ‘white’?
Goes to get meds and oatmeal – I forgot to check for tomatoes before I partook in the pizza
My punishment for being a pig, I suppose.
Poor guy is just trying to make it to satan’s hades on earth party and putz’s like you keep summoning him away from it. If you don’t want him to put a cap in your azz, just show him where the phuqin party is!
Oh no, it has tomato sauce not actual tomatoes. But the Florencian’s and other northern Italians often do it differently than the southern ones. There is no true standard.
Margherita is awesome especially if done Neopolitan style! I think I’m gonna make one!
*uses time machine to go back 8 hours to make crust, which takes 1 full day*
*adds fresh bufala mozarella, fresh pureed garden-grown roma tomatos with garlic, and fresh basil*
*drizzles on some extra-virgin olive oil*
*bakes in 700-degree Italian brick oven*
*removes, lets cool briefly*
Dig in!!!
actually, the oven should be about 900 degrees, and fired with oak. Had to double check that. Very strict rules to receive govt recognition as true Neapolitan pizza. Too bad it’s almost impossible to find in the USA!!
I make my own margherita-esque pizza. I use a flavorful olive oil and cover the pie in fresh yellow and red tomatoes from the garden, top with fresh basil leaves and garlic. It tastes great without the cheese. Sometimes I make a caramelized onion “sauce”.
Emperor, Leader of the Resistance, Tetragramaton Cleric. says:
AA, you ever try a pesto pizza? I had one with pesto sauce, onions, potatoes (non-vicared) and some mozzarella. It is a great pizza. Seems I am craving focaccia now.
Just a little off topic here, My folks are building a house in New Mexico (one of these years) and I’m trying to convince them to build one of those ovens outside in the courtyard. My mother is all for it, my stepfather…. needs convincing.
Avis there is nothing, and I mean nothing like a nice wood oven pizza. I know people might have preferences like deep dish and huge crust. IMO nothing beats a wood oven pizza.
That’s not the reason he’s resisting, I think he thinks that pizza is all it would get used for. I for one would love to try other dishes in an oven like that. I don’t know what yet, but I’ll figure something out.
Only way to go. Mmmmm… I may have to stop by American Flatbread on the way home. It’s the closest thing out here to the real thing. Well, maybe Bertucci’s, but not quite.
You can prepare almost anything in those stoves.. bread and meat and fish and veggies… get one of those clay pots, fill it with chicken and veggies in it, with some rosemary and olive oil, cover with the clay cover, and let cook.. yummm…
Well, guys, it’s been real, it’s been fun, now I’ve got to calm down and get off of here before the neighbors think I’m some sort of a cuke. G’night, all!
Can I get a slice? I spent my lunch hour joining my friend in protesting the underhanded tactics the airport used to gain rights to cut down ALL of the trees on his family’s property. Even peaceful protests make me hungry.
Truthfully, I don’t like a veggie pizza. I like mine just like a thin crust, sauce and extra cheese. I can only find Papa Johns who can make it just the way I like it. Mmmmmmm…pizza…*drools on Ninja*
Honestly, I love me some pineapple as a pizza topping. I think it’s just divine! I like extra cheese, too, but peppers, mushrooms, and garlic are the only other veggies I really like on it.
My experience: everyone clamo(u)rs for meat pizzas for office party, and one token veggie pizza is ordered. The veggie pizza is decimated in the first 10 minutes.
I once tried to order a pizza with three friends where we all wanted different toppings, but the toppings we wanted overlapped. We wanted 1/4 plain, 1/4 mushroom, 1/4 pepperoni, and 1/4 pepperoni and mushroom. We were told we couldn’t order it that way…I drew a picture on a paper plate.
Hey Admiral! *squeeze*
That’s hilarious. Lets see, 1/4+1/4+1/4+1/4 = 1/16???
Ya know, with all this pizza talk, I had to go order one. I’m waiting for it now. I hope it comes with a full 360 degrees!
*hoping it has extra cheese – stringiness oozing with every bite*
Please, describe it for us as you eat…..the crispiness of the crust, with a hint of garlic, the insoucient note of the sauce, perhaps with chunks of tomato; the sassy freshness of the veggies, all covered and enveloped with the freshest of mozzarellas, perhaps a touch browned?
I fantasize about pizza with mushrooms. I LOVE pizza with mushrooms. But my fiance is allergic to the stupid things. The kind of allergic that means if I were to eat them during the day and kiss him hello when I get home from work, we’d be making a trip to the hospital. I shall live the rest of my life mushroomless. :’(
more commonly ccalled a cheese crisp, but i call it Arizona pizza because you can only find it around AZ. you take a tortilla, butter one side, put a layer of cheese on the other, lay in ton a pan or a griddle, and wait till its nice an’ crispy!!
so basically its a quesodilla laid out flat. i could have just said that… oh well. :\
Contrary to popular belief, they are not anatomical symbols. Shame on you! They are from the times when heiroglyphics were used. The ♂ represents a shield and a spear. The female symbol represents a hand mirror.
LOL! I was actually replying to LCB’s post, not yours! She was making a thinly veiled reference to the last fail, if I’m not mistaken. And that kiddie-slide fail was…disturbing.
*drives car through pile of cardboard boxes*
*leaps out and squeezes DW*
*jumps and slides across bonnet*
*walks back round to drivers side, gets in car and slowly does three point turn before driving off*
DrB,
This is a weird place to put it, but I wanted to say thanks for being nice to me today! Glad you enjoyed Kermit and thanks for sticking up for me against my mini-troll.
Good Night
*goes to get my 30 min of sleep for the night*
Close your eyes and dream…
click your heels together three times…
wish upon a falling star…
throw a penny in the fountain…
if any of those work, let me know. I so need that, too!
There once was a place we called FailBlog
Therein was a swamp we called FailBog,
When BogMonster’s near
No trolls shall we fear
He kills them so fast we’re left agog.
Yeah, sorry. I don’t buy into the whole information makes you special bit. Blog Ninja you’re special because of what you do and are, not because of what you know *squeeze*.
Whenever I made a funny face, my mom used to tell my my face would freeze that way. Or wait, maybe that is what she said happens when I masturb@te too much. In either case, I’m probably in trouble.
Onced BOGGY, him squashes a kitty,
the results, them not very pretty,
but floured and fried
with curried stuffings inside,
they eats it in Ho Chi Minh City!
Blog Ninja thinks him be a monster
FailBloggers him be trying to con, Grrrr! Him am not scary at all
being only just 1/4" tall!
BOGGY think hims frinds all concur.
It’s a lovely name but confusing And, I was concerned about Leila eating the rabbi too (as seen on the recent comments section).
*demands*
What is going on in here?
*punch*
Please explain the merits of the virtual *squeeze* In the real world people dont *squeeze* this much. Probably because in the real world most people are to fat, dull or ugly to bother *Squeezing*. Last time I *squeezed* anything this much my dog was dying, maybe if I had stopped *squeezing* him he would have survived.
Trolls have a black goo inside their heads that smells like fertilizer. I don’t consume it because it tastes good (zombies can’t taste much of anything), I consume it because it keeps me in practice. Oh, also as a warning to other trolls, who ironically haven’t the brains to heed a warning.
I am tired. I thought you were trying to tell us what was in Magic Shell with a site about colons.
Jules-you have to apply it to really cold temps. I think you would enjoy fudge sauce more
*gasp*
.
You never … where have you been all your life Leila, in a cave? On the moon? With your mutant cyclops parents in the sewers or something?
.
*remembers putting Magic Shell in the freezer and eating it like chocolate as a kid*
*never found it anywhere as good as real chocolate though*
Just be careful, Brewski. You do anything to harm your child and you’ll have protective services and the FDA all over you like Magic Shell on ice cream.
My I have a Rusty Nail please? After a good start, my day has gone to the dogs.
@ Avis: Work Me Lord. Clickity. You can skip to 4:20 for the verse.
*Squeezes for all*
My computer conspires against me, I can hear it, but not see it. Because I cannot see it, I cannot skip to the point. And I’ll listen to it later when the blog turns to molasses. But what I did hear, I did not recognize.
For some odd reason, this site won’t let me clickie. Bummer, it was fun telling the living to trust a zombie and clickie.
.
So now we’re left with the old fashioned copy/paste trick … http://failblog.org/2008/12/01/vicar-fail/
Hmm, I’ve tried a clickie (didn’t work), then simply pasting the link (awaiting moderation). I hate Mondays.
.
Leila, it’s a previous fail. I’d lead you to it, but the site is forcing me to fail.
On this episode of Mythbusters, we test the myth that if you fall on a potato while hanging curtains in the kitchen, will it actually get stuck in your backside. We’ll test this myth by having Jamie push Adam onto a potato and if that doesn’t work we’ll bring out the old chicken gun …
Leila - Eating Rabbit Food, Powered By Caffeine says:
Avis, I am trying to give the man of god the benefit of the doubt. I mean, he has a vow and they aren’t supposed to partake in anything sexual … *bursts out laughing*
“What is the relationship between the vicar, Moomin and the potato?” *SNORT!*
That sounds like something from the darker, eviler cousin of the Narnia book!
I remember your first day. A bunch of people squeezed you, and you tentatively squeezed back. And Mr. Cuddles said, “See? You’re well on your way to becoming a regular!”
Mr cuddles always was right.
Yeah and the next day all hell broke loose cuz everyone thought I was insulting a lady going off to get married. I don’t recall her name. All I was doing was referencing a previous fail and everyone missed it. Do you remember?
Wait, I remember now. Those Chippendales dancers lavished you with attention, gave you backrubs, and all the MaiTais you could drink! You were in 7th heaven that day.
I flossed with it and threw it away :/
*pops beer*
Was suppose to go get a coagulation study for my platelet disorder, but just got a whole ton of blood drawn, met my social worker and met my hematologist. Plus, they forgot about me for almost an hour and I got to take a nap. It was a nice way to spend my afternoon…not. Though everyone was super nice.
Brewski is right, sorta. My blood doesn’t clot at a normal rate, which is okay except in cases of severe lacerations, concussions or general surgery. I have to see a hematologist each year to keep myself in treatment. I just started and they already gave me something that could save my life Cool beans if you ask me. *zips off*
No, I think my hubby’s was the ITP childhood chronic kind. I don’t know why but they thought it would come back so he carried meds for years and *whispers* he had to wear a helmet.
Admiral: perhaps so. I’m not sure though, I see any blood and I seriously get faint. My girlfriend once fell while hiking (way down from Mt Washington). She cut her chin badly, pretty much to the bone. Blood everywhere, and I freaked out, while trying to act like I was staying calm. I still get the willies when I think about it.
Sorta related – while I was in the hospital recently for a bleeding ulcer, it seemed my count was too low, and I had to get 2 units of blood.
When I was released, I noticed a sign for blood donors needed in the conference room. I nervously walked in, told the folks donating that I was just released, had received blood while I was in, and thanked them all. I don’t usually do such things, being as shy as I am with strangers, but it just seemed the right thing to do.
Leila, that was awesome of you. You’ll never know how much it might have meant to someone. I volunteer at the emergency room at the hospital near my house (where I am right now) and I know how much it means to us when someone appreciates our efforts.
*careens into thread, chest heaving, and stops to catch her breath*
Guys! It’s happened again–*gasp*–twice! Gale Storm (My Little Margie) and Fred Travalena! Ms. Gale on Saturday, and Fred on the same day as Billy Mays! Oh, when will it stop?
*careens out of thread, weeping uncontrollably*
Eeeek So I am all wrapped up in FB and I realize that it is storming and that my son’s train set is on the porch… So I hop up and fling the porch door open while simultaneously realizing I have no pants on. *SLAM* I run and get shorts, all the while praying no one saw me. Open the door again to find 5-6 guys on the porch across from mine, hoping for a repeat performance, they did at least applaud.
I just spoke to your neighbors, they want you to do that again. They didn’t have time to video tape it and they’ve already told everyone on youtube about it.
One always thinks one has gotten away with it until the shocked gasps or applause starts…
I’ve done it before too though. JW’s should know better than to come knocking in the morning!
Actually working is overrated. I worked today, and look what it got me? I missed the barbecue, the pizza party, and the water fight, not to mention the bulk of the nudity and some fantastic punruns.
On the plus side, at least I spent the majority of the day doing orders.
Product orders for my store. Interesting stuff. And no, I wasn’t. I was just posting for the sake of posting. My coworker is having “issues at home” and will be late, so I am stuck here indefinitely. If I was responding to your comment, I truly believe that I would have made reference to your comment or made mine relevant in some way.
Haha. After a while it starts to get mundane, and I am suddenly reminded when other people react to the things I say. I spent most of my day ordering glass d*ldos of various shapes and sizes, and argued with my boss about the merits of each one. We unfortunately have an inordinately large shipment coming. This was followed by a search through a stack of catalogues for the largest rubber p*nises to be found, because they are in strangely high demand lately. I’ve yet to find another job where I’m free to say c*ck as many times in a day as I see fit, without judgement.
*uses his knowledge of living folk and failbloggers to contemplate Chan “doing orders”*
*figures it was something twisted and wrong*
*notes it seems to make her happy*
*thinks more of her because of it*
Back ground :I have been living in the bush for 30 years up north in Canada. I was 30ish when I saw I TV for the first time LOL.
I think I am old enough
You now what Mr Brewski, alot of people lie on here to get by in life. I am real and have real feelings. I don’t understand the animosity on here but learning. People hate me because I say things that they don’t want to hear that I don’t understand yet. Yes I have a cultural the oldest on the North American continent. I am first Nation. I want to learn about my mother earth. I love all peoples not matter the wicked things they have done to me and my people. I remember Gillian Island run runs. My gosh I knew how they felt.
So I don’t know what a di*do is, laugh if you will I will laugh with you brother in order for me to learn. I know AE hates me but he still helps me learn.
Ok then. To answer your question, a d*ldo is a… a… hmmmm… I’m not trying to make fun. I’m trying to think how to post it without getting moderated. The * is supposed to be an “i”. It’s a type of sex toy. Usually for women, but not always, depending on the guy.
And for the record, it’s hard for any of us to comprehend the idea of spending the larger portion of ones life without contact with the world as we know it. It’s as hard for us to wrap around our brains that idea as it is for you to know what it is we’re talking about sometimes.
Meegwetch(thank you) for your constructive criticism Avis. I will and am trying on here and should be given the same chance you would give yourself. I hope you have a good day .
Why do you believe you have a lock on truthfulness? I don’t detect deception among the regular contributers here…why do you?
We are all “real” and have real feelings. I doubt seriously that anyone hates you. If you are detecting animosity, you should first look inward. You present serious cultural and educational barriers to getting your meaning across. I personally find it hard to relate to you, so I usually don’t interact with you. You’ve said some things in the past that came through loud and clear that I did not like.
If you want people to warm up to you, the first thing I suggest you do is stop pointing a gun at them.
Brewski and Chanidividus intended no meanness towards you. If AE hated you he would not be helping you.
I realized that about two seconds after I hit “Add Comment”.
*sigh* I think it might be time to do the dishes and go to sleep.
And no, that was NOT a euphemism.
Meegwetch(thank you) for your constructive criticism admiral. I will look for a new avatar and it will take me a week to figure out how to upload it,last one took me two weeks and it was an accident LOL. Brewski and chanidividus weren’t mean to me I never took it like that.
The real feelings was I expressing to show I didn’t know what she was talking about. Words are not easy for me.
Telling regulars to “eat sh!t” and to “f*ck off” will also not engender friendly feelings, which this guy has done on more than one occasion.) You are right DW but I lashed out for my frustration but what have you done lately to help me?. I know I frustrated you with my English and grammar but some born to learn some are born to teach we learn first then we teach. Show me forgiveness and patience you have for yourself, simple.
Crikey! I was gone for two whole hours, and nobody saw fit to explain to poor waiting 5_eagles what a dildo is? And 5_eagles, the dildo is neither a forein nor modern concept. Although your misplacement of the asterisk denotes your knowledge that the ommitted letter is an “i”, which indicates you do know the word referred to, but if you insist upon an education, then quite frankly, a dildo is an artificial phallic member made from rubber, glass, cyberskin, silicone, ceramic, TPR, “jelly”, or wood, for the purpose of self-gratification. Some vibrate. Some don’t.
Satisfied?
(Pun not really intended, but not avoided, either. )
Sorry – I originally typed up a long response w/ historical information then scrapped in for a halfway random comment thrown out in the world as a joke.
My fails are coming fast today- I went to walmart blew my budget by $50, then thought a guy was robbing me in the parking lot, now spellcheck says there are no editable form fields…
She may not be speaking English but did that sound like a British accent to anyone else? Heck, at the end it almost sounded like she said ‘we have a new victim’.
And she just keeps going!
Since it’s just the two of us at the moment, you wanna split a pizza?
MMMmmmm pizza.
*eats all the pizza up*
*hefts the mackerel*
Oh, Jenny!
It’s ok just get it over with.
*prepares for fish smack*
I think the tomatoes were punishment enough!
There once was a woman called “Dragon”,
Her writing could burn like a ray gun,
Her laptop got fried
When her power supply died,
‘Twas like she’d been made to put a gag on.
Oh, she’ll show up eventually. Never fear. Wait, maybe we should!
I know she can *Foom* with her mouth, I just had no idea she emitted so much heat and typed so fast that she would overheat her laptop. Dragons, they never cease to amaze.
OMG. Did he die?
No, she didn't.Did I?
The doctors are giving you two minutes left to live.Starting when?
Time's up!*tarts shredding LOL’s body with his endless supply of throwing stars*
*rips apart any part of body still recognizable with his new katana*
A minute and a half ago. Put me in your will!
I can walk through walls. OMG!!!!
Did I die?
Troll attempting humor … this is new to me.
Back in the times of the slave trade people were labeled with derogatory names. Names that are now considered disgraceful. Throughout history the ‘elite’ people have felt the need to label, speak down to, hate and fear those that are different.
It's not the same. It's your fault.Typical bigoted response.
Twice now.
Wow, you come here insulting us, punching us and being trollish and we’re somehow at fault? I don;t think so. That game doesn’t work here.
By, now.One day there will be a troll president.
Whilst I was so eloquently and concisely putting my point across I forgot one thing.
Highest person on the page to say FIRST!!!!
Loooooolllolllollloololol
TROLL4EVA
LATERZ POTATERZ!
*claws way from grave*
*lays tarps down around room*
*hangs some tarps on the walls*
*ferociously rips the troll’s head wide open with his teeth*
*sprays the black stinky goo from inside his head everywhere*
*continues down through head and shoulders, until he reaches the “heart”*
*eats that too*
*collects tarps, throws them into grave*
*crawls back in after*
A bit messy, but you get points for creativity!
9.34 / 10 for ZA
what…he just stood up to adjust his fail.
*THWACKS LOLlool with the shellacked mackerel*
You might.
Aw, looks like I missed the Feed-the-troll-athon again!
Feeding fish to trolls works outside Monkey Island too?
That was a red herring
It was a man in a suit.
No Zigi that was “Feed the Zombie” though I’m not sure that troll was really that filling.
A thwack from a shellacked mackerel is as much like food as a knuckle sandwich.
How did this whole thing turn into a pizza discussion
That may be the case, Avis, but I believe that is exactly how trolls prefer to be fed.
If a zombie ever feeds on my brains it’s gonna get the munchies. So watch out.
Any moment now my reply will get through the moderation…
“Your comment is awaiting moderation.”
I haven’t got a clue what triggered the mod filter this time.
Amen, neener. A moment of silence, please, for our dearly departed (but soon to be returned) Dragon and her laptop. May its printed circuit board rest in peace
*grabs brewski’s butt, gives it a squeeze, then runs back to work*
You sure are shifty. I’ve been chasing you around the blog, but you just can’t be pinned down!
I’ll keep trying though!
*pins Brewski on the floor, (censored), takes off for meeting*
Now THAT is a tribute I can appreciate.
*squeeze!*
Um, being pinned to the floor is a tribute??
*squeezes Dragon*
Good to see you!! If I sent a bribe to the repair shop, would it help it come quicker?
No, the (censored) part is the tribute.
.
There you are!!!
*pounce*
We regret to inform you that the FCC has deemed this content unsuitable for most audiences. Please enjoy this test pattern, after which regular programming will ensue.(ahem) I’d prefer that Dragon’s laptop arrived sooner rather than come quicker if you don’t mind, Brewski.
*checks desktop computer for overheating*
Whew! I don’t know what I would do if we blew both of them in the same week!
Okay, nothing but slow busses for the next two weeks…no problem!
*s-m-o-o-o-o-c-h*
I guess I’ll change over to my “hunt and peck” mode of typing then!
The cables were straightened out the other day…now they’re coiling up.
*reaches in, pretends to be helping, gets lost in his work*
The red line always was a bit cork-screwy. It takes a talented driver to navigate those curves.
*brings in trolley of computer parts*
*tracks where things should go*
*orders 5 more extra large pizzas with everything*
Throws in a big pile of cash to buy more pizza. Will you order one ‘white’?
Goes to get meds and oatmeal – I forgot to check for tomatoes before I partook in the pizza
My punishment for being a pig, I suppose.
We don’t call it “white” pizza; that’s not PC. It’s “tomato challenged” or “differently topped” thankyouverymuch.
WHITE PIZZA WHITE PIZZA WHITE PIZZA!
Sorry for the outburst. I feel better now.
*snork*
You tend to have those outbursts every now and again Ms B.
As long as you don’t get an outburst in front of the mirror shouting “BIGGIE SMALLS BIGGIE SMALLS BIGGIE SMALLS!”.
…
Aw crap, forgot my CRT screen reflects too. *gets capped*
Poor guy is just trying to make it to satan’s hades on earth party and putz’s like you keep summoning him away from it. If you don’t want him to put a cap in your azz, just show him where the phuqin party is!
Zigi,
I can’t tell if you are ordering fries at Wendys or some type of bloody mary thing
Jenny, the reference is from a South Park episode called Hell on Earth. I watch so much South Park I can actually think in South Park references.
*makes note in Ms B’s personnel file*
I just wanted one of them ‘tomato challenged’ It can be pesto, alfredo, buffalo, if that makes it better for you.
Albino?
*compares notes with LCB’s files*
Ohhh! I did not know that about Jenny!
*takes file when LCB’s done and places it back in “filing cabinet”*
It’s good to be the HR department!
I will write myself up for tattling on you Ms B.
Often called the margherita pizza, the white pizza is a veggie’s alternative.
The margherita has tomatoes though. Just not sauce. According to every restaurant I went to in Florence.
Oh no, it has tomato sauce not actual tomatoes. But the Florencian’s and other northern Italians often do it differently than the southern ones. There is no true standard.
*sneaky squeeze*
Hiya bella
*obvious squeeze*
velvet!!!
*squeezity squeezah squeeze*
Don’t run away again!
Margherita is awesome especially if done Neopolitan style! I think I’m gonna make one!
*uses time machine to go back 8 hours to make crust, which takes 1 full day*
*adds fresh bufala mozarella, fresh pureed garden-grown roma tomatos with garlic, and fresh basil*
*drizzles on some extra-virgin olive oil*
*bakes in 700-degree Italian brick oven*
*removes, lets cool briefly*
Dig in!!!
All this talk about pizza is making me truly starving! The food I brought today will not suffice!
actually, the oven should be about 900 degrees, and fired with oak. Had to double check that. Very strict rules to receive govt recognition as true Neapolitan pizza. Too bad it’s almost impossible to find in the USA!!
Omg, that sounds sooooo good.
Best pizza I ever ate was in Venice, and it sounds very much like this one.
*om nom nom nom nom!*
I’m stoked about the oak – just please skip the tomatoes for me (and my baby).
Dragon, your computer is alive. Thank God you are back. Needed a foom from you to start the flameblog today but Leila had a lighter. Lucky save.
I make my own margherita-esque pizza. I use a flavorful olive oil and cover the pie in fresh yellow and red tomatoes from the garden, top with fresh basil leaves and garlic. It tastes great without the cheese. Sometimes I make a caramelized onion “sauce”.
AA, you ever try a pesto pizza? I had one with pesto sauce, onions, potatoes (non-vicared) and some mozzarella. It is a great pizza. Seems I am craving focaccia now.
Just a little off topic here, My folks are building a house in New Mexico (one of these years) and I’m trying to convince them to build one of those ovens outside in the courtyard. My mother is all for it, my stepfather…. needs convincing.
Avis there is nothing, and I mean nothing like a nice wood oven pizza. I know people might have preferences like deep dish and huge crust. IMO nothing beats a wood oven pizza.
That’s not the reason he’s resisting, I think he thinks that pizza is all it would get used for. I for one would love to try other dishes in an oven like that. I don’t know what yet, but I’ll figure something out.
Only way to go. Mmmmm… I may have to stop by American Flatbread on the way home. It’s the closest thing out here to the real thing. Well, maybe Bertucci’s, but not quite.
You can prepare almost anything in those stoves.. bread and meat and fish and veggies… get one of those clay pots, fill it with chicken and veggies in it, with some rosemary and olive oil, cover with the clay cover, and let cook.. yummm…
Pizzas without tomatoes? What will they think of next!
*pouts in corner*
Say hi to Little Jack Horner for me!
)
(and that kermit vid almost killed me
Tomatoes without pizzas, perhaps?
Is that like pickles without surprises?
Silly doctor.. there is no such thing as a surprise-less pickle…
He was just gherkin your chain.
*snorkroffle*
*is impressed*
Please accept this Medal of Excellence from the Executive Panel of Pickle Puns.
Thank you. I’ll relish it.
You’ve earned it with due dill-igence.
The Admiral does much to preserve the integrity of any pun-run.
Yes; if he could market his puns, they could be his bread-and-butter.
And his are always kosher!
He’s a regular Shake-spear!
What a brine tribute this is! Thanks!
His speech is peppered with them!
Well, guys, it’s been real, it’s been fun, now I’ve got to calm down and get off of here before the neighbors think I’m some sort of a cuke. G’night, all!
It’s been a barrel of fun. ‘Night Mrs_z.
*hic!*
I’m sad that I missed a pun-run honoring my dearest Admiral, so I went and got pickled.
*smooooooooch*
*turns beet red*
*SMOOOOCH!*
But that’s okra-doke with me…I got lots and lots of work done today!
Olive to hear about your progress.
white pizza for those of us who are allergic to the fruit.
chicken nuggets w/out the chicken. Sauer Kraut are you tomato-less too?
That reminds me of something….
……cheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=4564382
haha
err… No.
Sure!
*is thankful not to be wearing any shinies*
But I think we’ll have to share with the others when they show up.
*sniff sniff*
Do I smell pizza?
*gives hungry puppy-dog eyes*
Of COURSE we’ll share!!
*hands over slice of pizza*
Thanks Avis and LCB!
*squeezies*
Hm… salmon and anchovies… those cats sure like fish!
Mmmmm! With extra cheese! How did you know that’s just what I was hungry for today?
Does that come grilled?
Did I miss the pizza?
*hopes not*
*hands lurk a slice of margherita pizza*
It’s still warm!
Pizza!!
Thanks, Brewski.
*smooch*
Ninja, that’s my pizza! Get your own slice!
Can I get a slice? I spent my lunch hour joining my friend in protesting the underhanded tactics the airport used to gain rights to cut down ALL of the trees on his family’s property. Even peaceful protests make me hungry.
Buys an all meat pizza for Bearly Awake.Noooooo!
Anyone want to trade?
*makes a veggie pizza for Bearly*
Here you go.
Leila, you’re so awesome!
*Scarfs one slice and hides the rest from Blog Ninja*
Ewww!! I'll eat the All Meat.I love veggie pizzas! For some reason I don’t like meat on them. And I looooove meat!
You won’t have to hide a veggie pizza Bearly. Actually we should feed it to him as punishment. Come here Ninja!!!
Heh, heh, heh. Peppers and onions and mushrooms, oh my!
*hides in corner*
What no one is going to comment on Ms B post?…
Well then:
“And I looooove meat!”
In soviet Russia meat loves you.
Truthfully, I don’t like a veggie pizza. I like mine just like a thin crust, sauce and extra cheese. I can only find Papa Johns who can make it just the way I like it. Mmmmmmm…pizza…*drools on Ninja*
Honestly, I love me some pineapple as a pizza topping. I think it’s just divine! I like extra cheese, too, but peppers, mushrooms, and garlic are the only other veggies I really like on it.
@MsB
I love you! Yes! I thought I was the only one!
I prefer veggie pizzas hands-down. Meat pizzas are greasy and not as tasty, IMHO.
Hey, if you are ever in the New River Gorge area in WV, look up a pizzeria called Pies and Pints. They have the best pizzas I have ever eaten.
Jules – have you ever had DiCarlo’s down here?
No, I am typically on the north east part of the state. That is where most of the climbing and hiking is.
*Eyes lunch from home with remorse*
*Wants pizza*
I’ll probably have to order pizza tonight now. Otherwise, the craving will never be silent!
Don’t say “the craving will never be silent” on Failblog. The innuendo vortex may be activated.
Woops! Sorry. Didn’t mean to! Was honestly just thinking about pizza.
LIES!!!!
Brewski knows what you were thinking Chan.
Was it those darned monitoring devices again? They get me every time.
I keep trying, but I still haven’t gotten a good link to your personal product testing room for your store goods.
My experience: everyone clamo(u)rs for meat pizzas for office party, and one token veggie pizza is ordered. The veggie pizza is decimated in the first 10 minutes.
Of course it is decimated in 10 minutes. If it took 9 minutes it would be nonomated. If it took 12 minutes it would be dodekamated.
*suddenly realizes why she isn’t invited to more pizza parties*
*or other parties*
How do you do it, LCB? You invariably make me megalaugh.
Ancient catburglar secret. Get them laughing and they don’t realize they are being relieved of their valuables.
On that note, gotta skedaddle. Back later on tonight maybe.
*squeezes for everyone*
Hee! You can come to my pizza parties, LCB.
*squeeze*
I once tried to order a pizza with three friends where we all wanted different toppings, but the toppings we wanted overlapped. We wanted 1/4 plain, 1/4 mushroom, 1/4 pepperoni, and 1/4 pepperoni and mushroom. We were told we couldn’t order it that way…I drew a picture on a paper plate.
Hey Admiral! *squeeze*
That’s hilarious. Lets see, 1/4+1/4+1/4+1/4 = 1/16???
Ya know, with all this pizza talk, I had to go order one. I’m waiting for it now. I hope it comes with a full 360 degrees!
Oohhh… What kind did you get?
*Attempting to live vicariously through Brewski’s pizza-eating*
*hoping it has extra cheese – stringiness oozing with every bite*
Please, describe it for us as you eat…..the crispiness of the crust, with a hint of garlic, the insoucient note of the sauce, perhaps with chunks of tomato; the sassy freshness of the veggies, all covered and enveloped with the freshest of mozzarellas, perhaps a touch browned?
I fantasize about pizza with mushrooms. I LOVE pizza with mushrooms. But my fiance is allergic to the stupid things. The kind of allergic that means if I were to eat them during the day and kiss him hello when I get home from work, we’d be making a trip to the hospital. I shall live the rest of my life mushroomless. :’(
A mushroomless life – - but you have love!
(Maybe if he goes away for a week on a business trip….?)
Indeed I have love. He’s just the sweetest ever.
It’s worth sacrificing mushrooms for.
Sounds like a… wait for it… fun guy!
Teehee!
It had to be said.
Sometimes you just have to shiitake one for the team.
The morel of the story: just because you love mushrooms and he’s allergic doesn’t mean you’re not his stipe.
I hope he’s worth the truffle!
Sorry to interrupt, but I just had to trumpet to Chan that my pizza had, yes, mushrooms! (seriously)
um… are you gonna make Arizona pizza??? I REALLY love Arizona pizza!
What’s Arizona pizza? Never heard of it before.
more commonly ccalled a cheese crisp, but i call it Arizona pizza because you can only find it around AZ. you take a tortilla, butter one side, put a layer of cheese on the other, lay in ton a pan or a griddle, and wait till its nice an’ crispy!!
so basically its a quesodilla laid out flat. i could have just said that… oh well. :\
You mean a quesadilla Tofu?
What part of AZ is this Arizona pizza from? I’ve never head of it.
I love how she keeps a straight face while she keeps going!
It’s ALMOST a straight face. I’m pretty sure she sneaks a little smirk in there.
Along with a little widening of the eyes, in amazement. But just a little.
after an amazing facial expression!
Well at least she didn’t call him out!
4.5 from the Ottoman Republic judge.
The chair accepts.
Motion tabled.
I object! Motion reclined!
Doesn’t matter. There armoire motions now.
Motion abstained, just one seat in the house still in favo(u)r of the motion.
Just settee here and think about what you have done.
I’d like to table a motion.
A motion is on the table, the chair has recognized. How would you like to couch that motion?
*lays down on couch*
*awaits someone with applicable motion*
Thanks, but I was kind of hoping for a female of the species anyway
{read my name fast}
Soooo you get wrecked fast huh?
*Tosses DW a ♂ for his name*
hmmm.. can’t be calling him DW. We already got one of those and the universe will implode etc… etc…
Damn right!! I’m the only DW in this town.
You have a point, but calling him “Dixie” just felt… wrong. Maybe we should call him “Mr. Wrecked”
It’s his chosen name.
*intercepts ♂*
It's so pretty!“pretty?”
*scoffs*
Mine is HANDSOME & MASCULINE!
You Wish*ignores scoffing*
My ♂ can whoop your ♂'s @ss any day!Hmmm, is that a show I want to see?
MY ♂ doesn’t go for @sses like your tiny little ♂ does!
My ♀ could kick both of your @sses any day, any time!Contrary to popular belief, they are not anatomical symbols. Shame on you! They are from the times when heiroglyphics were used. The ♂ represents a shield and a spear. The female symbol represents a hand mirror.Wow... Learn something new every day.Gosh, that’s as good as calling all women vain even then! I hope you men appreciate what high expectations we have to live up to!
Who do I have to impregnate around here to get a dainty feminine-female symbol?
Hey! We’re not all vain!
*walks by storefront*
*checks butt in reflection*
High expectations? Sounds like is just the result of heiroglyphic excavations! (oh, and don’t forget to spruce-up for the media *ducks*)
^t’ – I’m not being vain, honest! *bukkits*
Thigh expectations? You a leg man DrB?
This is as feminine as it gets LCB: ♀
*tries on symbol*
Does this make my uterus look fat?
You look great LCB!
Speaking of uterus, I’m off to my yearly. Wish me luck, ladies!
Have fun storming the stirrups!
Oh, DrB.
My last one was in *GULP!* 2007! I hate gynocologists and that frigid thing they stick up your WhoHa.
LCB, you look FABULOUS!!!
Lolcatburglar! You look different, somehow. So… graceful, so… feminine. Very nice. Did you change your hair?
I shaved my mustache.
thigh expectations?
*gulp*
*repeats to self “don’t look, just walk on by!” *
Aww, you no like me video?
*resumes pouting*
LOL! I was actually replying to LCB’s post, not yours! She was making a thinly veiled reference to the last fail, if I’m not mistaken. And that kiddie-slide fail was…disturbing.
4.2 from the Chairk Republic.
Sofa so good.
I’m going to go chaise down that pizza I smell…
I can (chester)field your inquiry. Its brew’s anchovy breath.
I like how you couched that comment there.
I am the Sofa Queen… oh wait. That doesn’t work…
Nvm, this doesn’t normally work either… Those shoes – they’re Sofa Queen nice.
You like? Purple velvet on the inside.
I like. Kick ‘em off on your way into the library.
Were you two making loveseat a few posts back?
Nah, they were just lounge-ing around.
If you haven’t seen it yet, you ottoman.
Did you see his chest?
What are his credenzals? Why should I go look??
He’s registered with the FBI.
Why so curios?
*admires rare gem*
I’m just playing a hutch.
*drives car through pile of cardboard boxes*
*leaps out and squeezes DW*
*jumps and slides across bonnet*
*walks back round to drivers side, gets in car and slowly does three point turn before driving off*
I am more interested in what’s in his trunk.
He aint’ got nuttin but junk in the trunk, baby.
*coughpotatocough*
I stand corrected.
Bribes! Scandal! That didn’t warrant any better than a 3.9!
*headdesk*
Leila, can I get some punrun tips?
Don’t worry, sweetie. It happens to all of us at one time or another.
*squeeze!*
I felt like a lazy boy, not taking time to notice the run!
Meh! Just pull-on your banana hammock and hit the water!
Judy, why aren’t we sending Brewski to a corner?
*salutes the Captain*
At ease soldier. Now drop and give me 30!
*gives Leila 30 squeezes*
You didn’t drop your pants.
Ah yes, I forgot about the “drop” part!
*drops Leila’s drawers*
*runs away*
Runs away?!? What did you see, Brew?
Try the Help Desk.
I think I’m just a bit off my rocker today. Sorry.
Maybe you should see your doctor. Don’t forget the stool sample.
Queen Anne would have your head for that comment!
Ooh! Will there be Chippendales here later??
They already bean (bag) here.
I wonder what they could bench’.
I dunno, but I hear they make a mean piecrust.
Mmmm…pie….
Get decked by pie, hey?
I think your puns are Divan!
Ouch you got your futon mine.
*wing(s)back to perch*
A finch doesn’t weigh all that much you know.
Ya, I know I was only being silly. It is not your fau(l)t(euil).
*swoons at the Emperor’s use of French*
*wonders if she is losing her meubles*
Meh, I am just like any ottoman just a little more chiseled and carver.
*squeeze lcb*
Whaaa…?
*flees thread cuz universe is about to implode*
I’ve fallen off my chair, Brian!
I hit the ball the first time and there it was in the back of the net, Buzzard!
You’re the goalkeeper from Soccer Kick Fail?
I give him a 7.3. The fall was good, but it could have been better.
I’d give her one.
Since when is one enough?
O kay, s o I was talking about O’s. It o bvi o usly didn’t c o me acr o ss as intended.
DrB,
This is a weird place to put it, but I wanted to say thanks for being nice to me today! Glad you enjoyed Kermit and thanks for sticking up for me against my mini-troll.
Good Night
*goes to get my 30 min of sleep for the night*
I like his attitude adjustment. I’m too cool to stand up all the… wheeeeee
I thought he kinda lost his balance and had to sit back down, to try to catch himself. Unfortunately….
Maybe he was releasing some gas?
Or trying not to?
TraNSLATION: It just a moment we will have the drawing … my stupid drunk husband
See you next fall!
When you said you were having a short week, well…
Hehe … oh how I wish! I could take that time to lounge on some remote island sipping Mai Tais all day.
I need this. How do we make this happen?
Close your eyes and dream…
click your heels together three times…
wish upon a falling star…
throw a penny in the fountain…
if any of those work, let me know. I so need that, too!
Actually, the only surefire way: find a sugar daddy or make friends with someone who’s got one! Now, where is that Arthur Eld?
Captain Harris?
You rang?
Great, you’re here. You can sit in front of Lt. Hightower
Leave me alone.
Since I may be the only one getting the refference here, clicky and fast forward to 1:45
The best part is how she just ignores what happens. lol
And the sound of the glasses falling is perfect too.
There once was a place we called FailBlog
Therein was a swamp we called FailBog,
When BogMonster’s near
No trolls shall we fear
He kills them so fast we’re left agog.
When is a door not a door?
WHEN IT’S A JAR!!!!
That’s not a limerick!
I never said it was!(but it is)
BOGGY the Monster came bywith Trolls cooked into a pie.
Does you wants somes?
They mo' tasty than plums!
Oh, what a good Monster is I!
*applauds* beautiful!!
And I’m proud to be a FailbloggerWhere at least I know I’m free
To comment and reply
With no consequence to me
And I gladly stand up
And defend her everyday
Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this site
Let us celebrate!
ain’t no doubt!! *holds up burning lighter*
*also holds up lighter*
*sways to and fro*
*Cues FailBlog flag to descend in the background*
*Stands up and inserts two fingers in mouth to give loud whistle*
*sways lighter to and fro in sync with judy*
Wow!
*tears up*
*opens cell phone – the concert lighter of the young*
*takes Jenny’s cell phone, makes several international phone calls and gives it back*
Hey!
*puts a fish taco in Leila’s purse*
*feeds Leila’s dog eggs*
*accepts Leila’s call*
I wonder if I'm related.Could be. You have the same font, after all.
Hee Hee!How do you change fonts?
Hmm?Like this ?NO!
Ninja is not in his sharing mood today.
It’s like when you type for bold, but instead of the ‘b’ type ‘code’.
*apologizes to the magicians, but hates exclusivity*
Hmmph.*crosses arms and glares at DrB for spoiling his fun*
Yeah, sorry. I don’t buy into the whole information makes you special bit. Blog Ninja you’re special because of what you do and are, not because of what you know *squeeze*.
Stationary haxored
Wow. A new Haxored?
Your face will freeze that way!
Whenever I made a funny face, my mom used to tell my my face would freeze that way. Or wait, maybe that is what she said happens when I masturb@te too much. In either case, I’m probably in trouble.
The version I heard, when I was young, was: if you go cross-eyed, and the clock strikes, your eyes will stay fixed that way.
How egalitarian of you! You did pluck the feathers before consuming, right?
Why don’t we let it lay some eggs?
i think I got it!Good! Now just think about when is right to use it! *squeeze*
Alice, I will give you 100 eBucks if you change the font color other than blue.
Let’s see how many of these work.
Keyboard text
Big text
Emphasized text
underline
RED
YELLOW
Underline does work!
Nope! You owe me some eBucks. Thank you.
This is grey.I’ll take that challenge
Allo!
Should I say this? Um…FAIL?
No. It’s a color other than blue.
Touche! (too lazy to add accent mark)
There once was a man from Nantucket…
er… nevermind.
who tripped over his own bucket?
and landed face down,
on top of a clown.
and tried hard not to phuq it.
.
Oh no I didn’t!
lol!
Oh yes you did!
*snap*snap*snap*
Is brewski’s head now in a bukkit?
We should sober him up
the poor little pup
or maybe we should just say..
… pluck it?
wow, that’s a rough one. you have to read that last word as A-gog or it all falls apart.
Limericks are far from an exact science. Try one!
Onced BOGGY, him squashes a kitty,the results, them not very pretty,
but floured and fried
with curried stuffings inside,
they eats it in Ho Chi Minh City!
*applauds*
Blog Ninja
thinks him be a monster
FailBloggers him be trying to con, Grrrr!
Him am not scary at allbeing only just 1/4" tall!
BOGGY think hims frinds all concur.
Aaahh, Boggy has found out my plan!It's too bad I'm such a small man
What should I do about Boggy?
My plot...damn froggy
Maybe it's time Ninja ran
*THWACKS both Boggy and Blog Ninja*
The kittys are our friends now!
Why is BOGGY squashing a kitty???
BOGGY him pet fuzzy little Feline
It played with ribbons and twine
But when BOGGY sat down
it was between the ground
and BOOGY’s big Behind!
*squishes "O" into "G"**smiles and dances off into distance*
Boogy
HA HAAA HA HA
*applauds all the rhymes and limericks*
I always had a feeling that mixing monsters, zombies and kitties in the same room was a recipe for disaster.
EEEeewwew!
There once was a lady named Beth,
She smelled unholy, like death!
She went to the city,
So she could get pretty,
But all she found there was meth!
she went to that bible camp, I guess
*RIGL*
See there, i did one, it was funny!
Now i want tons of money!!
I’ll go to the islands,
And dig for diamonds!
Then I’ll go swimming in honey!!
*applause*
author! author!
There once was a lady named Gail…
That frequented a blog known as FAIL…
Till she ate all the cake
And yelled aloud “FAKE”…
as it conatined ZA’s nail!!
…and she soon had to bail
ahhhh, *head asplodes* too many lines!! hee hee *squeeze* hi, do you like my name?
It’s a lovely name but confusing
And, I was concerned about Leila eating the rabbi too (as seen on the recent comments section).
*demands*
What is going on in here?
She got in a muddle…
I see comments are like buses.
now, make no fusses,
as she stepped in a puddle..
she angered the dragon,
now she’s a has-been.
I am not familiar with this exclamation. in other words, ‘huh?”
Brings the party over to this fail. Alright second batch of snacks are ready and the auto bar is getting a bit antsy to start making some orders.
gin & tonic with lime, please…
OK, a beer please! Thanks!
*grabs pint of ale*
*SQUEEZE* Hiya!
*punch*
You are so nice it sickens me.
Ah, look everybody! LOLlool wants some snuggles!!
You are just so sweet and cuddly! C’mere, big hug!
*SQUEEEEZE*
*punch*
Please explain the merits of the virtual *squeeze* In the real world people dont *squeeze* this much. Probably because in the real world most people are to fat, dull or ugly to bother *Squeezing*. Last time I *squeezed* anything this much my dog was dying, maybe if I had stopped *squeezing* him he would have survived.
Well so far you have been rude, and insolent. We don’t really need you. Goodbye.
Damn FB ate my previous post.
Anyway LOL, if you don’t start being cordial, everyone will squeeze you out of here.
It did that to me earlier way ^^^ up the page. And I didn’t use any of the forbidden words!!
*crawls from grave*
*sneaks up behind LOLlool*
*sniffs the air*
*wanders off, calling for …*
.
BRAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNSSSSSS!!!!!
What's your problem?ZA doesn’t have a problem Alice. He is just a hungry zombie who eats troll brains.
Which is somewhat of an oxymoron considering trolls rarely seem to have them.Trolls have a black goo inside their heads that smells like fertilizer. I don’t consume it because it tastes good (zombies can’t taste much of anything), I consume it because it keeps me in practice. Oh, also as a warning to other trolls, who ironically haven’t the brains to heed a warning.
Never knew that.here, I left overs from my experiments…..Donny won’t be needing these…
Time for ice cream sundaes! Toppings are in the break room.
Chocolate Ice Cream!!!!! YAY!!!!!!
Ah, we sure eat well when we throw a party around here! Do you have Magic Shell?
What is Magic Shell?
http(colon)//www.smuckers(dot)com/products/category.aspx?groupId=4&categoryId=8
It’s a chocolate topping that hardens on contact with ice cream. My childhood would not have been complete without it.
Does it only work with ice cream? Because I could think of several other fun things you could use it for.
Jules The Newlywed, everyone!
Hey you gotta do you you know best, right?
I am tired. I thought you were trying to tell us what was in Magic Shell with a site about colons.
Jules-you have to apply it to really cold temps. I think you would enjoy fudge sauce more
That’s where you fill up for free, just by driving by. And your car gets washed instantly.
*gasp*
.
You never … where have you been all your life Leila, in a cave? On the moon? With your mutant cyclops parents in the sewers or something?
.
*remembers putting Magic Shell in the freezer and eating it like chocolate as a kid*
*never found it anywhere as good as real chocolate though*
True! It’s definitely best left as an ice cream topping. ZA, when did you switch to an all-brain diet?
When I was re-animated from the dead. It’s natural, we all do it.
Of course, I was just wondering how long you’ve had this… er…. condition.
Then you are free to leave.
*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE*
Hello LOLool is that a hawain punch ?
*squeeze*
I suppose I shouldn’t be drinking, since I’m pregnant and all. But I figure one little brew won’t hurt too much.
You can drink on this type of pregnancy. No worries.
Yes, the Junior Mint will turn out especially well with creme de menthe.
Just be careful, Brewski. You do anything to harm your child and you’ll have protective services and the FDA all over you like Magic Shell on ice cream.
My I have a Rusty Nail please? After a good start, my day has gone to the dogs.
@ Avis: Work Me Lord. Clickity. You can skip to 4:20 for the verse.
*Squeezes for all*
My computer conspires against me, I can hear it, but not see it. Because I cannot see it, I cannot skip to the point. And I’ll listen to it later when the blog turns to molasses. But what I did hear, I did not recognize.
Not going to participate until you find my clothes Emp.
Here take this.
*Hands over a nice looking casual dress.*
I felt bad so I bought you this.
*pouts*
No one ever gives me pretty clothes when I end up stripped.
Ms B, my clothes were forcibly removed from me. You’ve always taken yours off voluntarily, no? Besides, you look good in your birthday suit.
In honor of you, Ms B, I’ll order a round of Screaming Orgasms. Please and thank you!
*steals Screaming Orgasms and flees*
MINE!!!!
Muahahahah!!!
Well, I’m glad I could make someone’s Moanday!
I’ll never read Leila’s “Moandays” the same way again…
You’re welcome, Brewski!
*snork*
You guys are so bad!!!
If by “bad” you mean “delightful company on a workday,” then yes.
I’m headed home – see you lovely people tomorrow!
*waves*
When you get striped I don’t want to give you clothes. I spend all my time trying to envision you in your birfday suit.
*pictures Emp armed with a paintbrush loaded with State Road yellow*
*pictures Ms B as a black cat*
Aaaaaw! TY Emp. *squeeze/kiss*
*puts on potato sack/dress*
How do I look?
I would avoid the vicar if I were you!
Please tell me the story of this vicar. I see it popping up every once in a while. What is the relationship between the vicar, Moomin and the potato?
For some odd reason, this site won’t let me clickie. Bummer, it was fun telling the living to trust a zombie and clickie.
.
So now we’re left with the old fashioned copy/paste trick …
http://failblog.org/2008/12/01/vicar-fail/
Hmm, I’ve tried a clickie (didn’t work), then simply pasting the link (awaiting moderation). I hate Mondays.
.
Leila, it’s a previous fail. I’d lead you to it, but the site is forcing me to fail.
failblog(dot)org/2008/12/01/vicar-fail/
Try adding the link without the http(colon)// bit
failblog.org/2008/12/01/vicar-fail/
Thanks Aja, Bearly and ZA. I get it now. Guess I haven’t been here long enough.
So the vicar was nekkid and ‘fell’ onto the potato eh? It’s plausible.
And hanging curtains in his kitchen?? Really? Plausible?
I’d like to see that myth get busted.
On this episode of Mythbusters, we test the myth that if you fall on a potato while hanging curtains in the kitchen, will it actually get stuck in your backside. We’ll test this myth by having Jamie push Adam onto a potato and if that doesn’t work we’ll bring out the old chicken gun …
Avis, I am trying to give the man of god the benefit of the doubt. I mean, he has a vow and they aren’t supposed to partake in anything sexual … *bursts out laughing*
Vicars are allowed to marry. I think.
I give up.
Dude is plain nasty!!!!
Hehe! For the first time in history, someone here has given the object of a fail the benefit of the doubt. And had to give up!
“What is the relationship between the vicar, Moomin and the potato?” *SNORT!*
That sounds like something from the darker, eviler cousin of the Narnia book!
*Snork*
Muahahahahahahaha!
search up Vicar fail. I think his nickname is Spud.
Spuds McVicar?
What?! You’re not that new, Leila. You don’t remember the Vicar and his drapes?
*sigh*
*looks around*
What? Did I just break another pun run??
No, you just mashed it… what’s-a-mattah-you, Brewski???
OK, OK! I’ll go sit in the corner now. Sorry to (potato) flake out on you.
Hey, take it easy on Brewski. He’s failing for two now.
Sorry Brewski.. didn’t mean to yell at you like that…
You gotta milk this pregnancy for all it’s worth.
Which reminds me, have you decided to breastfeed your mint-to-be?
I don’t think I’m capable of producing any chocolate milk. This whole motherhood thing is so new to me.
What’s taters precious?
One of my favorite clickies – and less gross that the vicar
I’m hoping it’s a peanut butter cup.
I don’t think I was around here in Dec 2008. I am pretty sure Brewski.
I remember your first day. A bunch of people squeezed you, and you tentatively squeezed back. And Mr. Cuddles said, “See? You’re well on your way to becoming a regular!”
Mr cuddles always was right.
Hey hey, no talking about MMC like he’s dead or something! Why, there was a sighting just a few days ago! Poor guy, though. What an evil boss.
*Shakes head sadly*
Yeah and the next day all hell broke loose cuz everyone thought I was insulting a lady going off to get married. I don’t recall her name. All I was doing was referencing a previous fail and everyone missed it. Do you remember?
I want mr cuddles back.
What happened on my first day?
Leila’s was unusual, so for some strange reason I remember it. Most people I don’t. You haven’t been here very long, have you Alice?
ohh ohhh do me, do me…
*I have no idea what happened*
Alice – I remember at some point someone kept asking you about a dead bird on your shoulder. Was that your 1st day?
methinks this be Alice’s first day!
Wait, I remember now. Those Chippendales dancers lavished you with attention, gave you backrubs, and all the MaiTais you could drink! You were in 7th heaven that day.
ohh, I’d be wrong. just the first day as a ‘duck star’
It’s not a duck star. It’s a star with its mouth open.
Alice has been around for longer than most, actually.
*PLLLTHTHTHT* It looks like a duck, i think it’s cuter that way!
young man… I told you to keep all 4 legs on the floor!!
… and this is what happens when you grow the fifth leg… ain’t she cute?
LMAO you know she just wanted to piss herself ^^
She did but her tena lady discrete kept it hidden.
lmao look at the womans face after the guy fail
And here we go again… with all that gay local chatting…
Oh, you’re gay?
I am…
- Never mind, Snapper, love, you can’t win ‘em all.
- True constable. Could I have my eye-liner please?
Here you go, Sweetie-daaarling. Did you see what Davirus wore today? fabulous!
Oh you two!! Stop it!!
But I must say, he is a cute one. Davirus, who is your tailor? I’d like to see if I can get myself into that pair of pants.
naughty, naughty!
*squeeze*
That from a man named Leila…a wee bit confused?
Will he be in them with you brew and is there room for one more?
And can I videotape the whole process?
*totally unsure what’s going on, but it beats anything on tv now*
*settles into comfy chair, munches buttered popcorn, and waits for show*
Brewski and Emp are trying to get into the gay troll’s pants with him. I thought it might make an exciting video. Nothing has happened though.
Well, that could be fun. Popcorn?
Yes please! Thank you! Hopefully they get on with it soon…
*walks out, looking spent and relaxed*
Wow! That was awesome!
Say, what are you girls waiting for?
*Follows brewski out the room*
Why you 2 waiting out in the hall?
Boring fail.
Maybe it's you.No. It’s the fail.
No. It’s 5
No. It’s the fail.
No. It’s 5
Ack! What bothers me most is that ‘thing’ she is wearing.
You have to be a woman! Leila erfpbc …LOL
Um…I AM a woman.
no, I’m a man… really?
is it the asymetry of it? that’s what got me.
No its you LOL. Same person falling off chair routine.
Now exhibiting his usual troll side…
Hey please note the LOL after my comment in which I am entitled to,
ELT.
I am dyslexic of Borg.
Fusistance is retile.
Your azz will be laminated.
.
Sorry, I just had to …
Np Zombo man.LOL I don’t have as much control issues .
LOL This is Turkish
*pops back in*
*pops a beer into Mal’s hand*
Where have you been and what happened to your pink speedo?
I flossed with it and threw it away :/
*pops beer*
Was suppose to go get a coagulation study for my platelet disorder, but just got a whole ton of blood drawn, met my social worker and met my hematologist. Plus, they forgot about me for almost an hour and I got to take a nap. It was a nice way to spend my afternoon…not. Though everyone was super nice.
What is a platelet disorder if you don’t mind me asking?
His red blood cells have been drinking too much white wine.
It means Malicite shouldn’t juggle knives.
No no, it means he shouldn’t rent out his tableware.
Brewski is right, sorta. My blood doesn’t clot at a normal rate, which is okay except in cases of severe lacerations, concussions or general surgery. I have to see a hematologist each year to keep myself in treatment. I just started and they already gave me something that could save my life
Cool beans if you ask me. *zips off*
Night everyone
Cool beans indeed.
Nighters.
*squeeze*
We’ll see you through thick and thin, Mal. ‘Night.
Do you apply the cool beans directly, or eat them?
My hubby had a platelet disorder when he was a baby
My hubby still has his platelet disorder. I remember when he made me learn to give him an IV, in case I needed to administer his meds. Blerg.
I would pass out cold if I had to do that. In fact, just thinking about it, I…oooooohhhhh…
*clunk*
hmm wonder if it is that common or if this is a coincidence?
*notes Ms B could be married to my family*
You’d be surprised what you can do when you have to, Brewski.
Isn’t that the truth AA. Especially if it is for someone you love.
I don’t think it’s the same thing if your hubby got over it, Jenny. Hemophilia is kind of a lifer.
AA, kinda useless talking to Brewski. He’s out cold.
No, I think my hubby’s was the ITP childhood chronic kind. I don’t know why but they thought it would come back so he carried meds for years and *whispers* he had to wear a helmet.
Admiral: perhaps so. I’m not sure though, I see any blood and I seriously get faint. My girlfriend once fell while hiking (way down from Mt Washington). She cut her chin badly, pretty much to the bone. Blood everywhere, and I freaked out, while trying to act like I was staying calm. I still get the willies when I think about it.
Sorta related – while I was in the hospital recently for a bleeding ulcer, it seemed my count was too low, and I had to get 2 units of blood.
When I was released, I noticed a sign for blood donors needed in the conference room. I nervously walked in, told the folks donating that I was just released, had received blood while I was in, and thanked them all. I don’t usually do such things, being as shy as I am with strangers, but it just seemed the right thing to do.
Leila, that was awesome of you. You’ll never know how much it might have meant to someone. I volunteer at the emergency room at the hospital near my house (where I am right now) and I know how much it means to us when someone appreciates our efforts.
*nudges Bearly Awake*
Don’t see red, but you’re talking to Judy.
And Judy, I’m sure you made their day.
I’m so embarrassed! I have more going on here than I usually do at work (sad, huh?), so I’m not on top of my game. My sincere apologies, Judy.
I love how the host doesn’t care.
*careens into thread, chest heaving, and stops to catch her breath*
Guys! It’s happened again–*gasp*–twice! Gale Storm (My Little Margie) and Fred Travalena! Ms. Gale on Saturday, and Fred on the same day as Billy Mays! Oh, when will it stop?
*careens out of thread, weeping uncontrollably*
Maybe we should rename this to the DeadCelebrities blog, and just get it over with.
:/
I could deal with that.
^^^ check it out, click the name
Eeeek
So I am all wrapped up in FB and I realize that it is storming and that my son’s train set is on the porch… So I hop up and fling the porch door open while simultaneously realizing I have no pants on. *SLAM* I run and get shorts, all the while praying no one saw me. Open the door again to find 5-6 guys on the porch across from mine, hoping for a repeat performance, they did at least applaud.
*high fives Jenny*
Fail Blog really does imitate real life sometimes. Maybe we should start calling you Brewski!
Now that would of have been a good failblog.
Did you bow and wave?
THAT…is an awesome story.
*applauds*
NOOOO, unless you count bending over to pick up the train stuff.
I feel like I have a fever from blushing so hard.
*rofl!*
In honor of your real-life fail, I present you with this pair of bronzed pants. They’re the first pair I ever lost! *tears up* *sniff!*
*clap clap clap*
Excellent story. You deserve this prize, and a plaque in the hall of fame.
Oh crap. I’m not going to be the new pantless wonder on here now, am I?
*starting to have regrets about sharing*
*admires freshly waxed bronze pants*
According the guys on the next porch, you’re no train wreck. Thanks for sharing!
I just spoke to your neighbors, they want you to do that again. They didn’t have time to video tape it and they’ve already told everyone on youtube about it.
*blushes for Jennyisbusy*
I could so see myself doing the same thing! It’s good that you can laugh about it now!
*squeeze*
Oh, that’s just awful!
At least you realised you were pantsless before bending over to pick up the train stuff?
Pretty much as soon as I felt the air change on my legs I knew what had happened. I did think I had got away with it. until the clapping started.
One always thinks one has gotten away with it until the shocked gasps or applause starts…
I’ve done it before too though. JW’s should know better than to come knocking in the morning!
My cork just broke on a half bottle of wine what should I do?. I got the rest out but I do not have a back up cork.
Well, you can’t throw it out or otherwise waste it because that would be alcohol abuse. There aren’t many options left – have fun!
Ever play counter Strike Zomboman?
drink it, or go to wine store and get a bottle stopper. see if it is flammable?
Actually working is overrated. I worked today, and look what it got me? I missed the barbecue, the pizza party, and the water fight, not to mention the bulk of the nudity and some fantastic punruns.
On the plus side, at least I spent the majority of the day doing orders.
Are you responding to my comment Chanidividus.?LOL
What orders?
Product orders for my store. Interesting stuff.
And no, I wasn’t. I was just posting for the sake of posting. My coworker is having “issues at home” and will be late, so I am stuck here indefinitely. If I was responding to your comment, I truly believe that I would have made reference to your comment or made mine relevant in some way.
You have the most interesting job of anyone on this blog!
Haha. After a while it starts to get mundane, and I am suddenly reminded when other people react to the things I say. I spent most of my day ordering glass d*ldos of various shapes and sizes, and argued with my boss about the merits of each one. We unfortunately have an inordinately large shipment coming. This was followed by a search through a stack of catalogues for the largest rubber p*nises to be found, because they are in strangely high demand lately. I’ve yet to find another job where I’m free to say c*ck as many times in a day as I see fit, without judgement.
*uses his knowledge of living folk and failbloggers to contemplate Chan “doing orders”*
*figures it was something twisted and wrong*
*notes it seems to make her happy*
*thinks more of her because of it*
At least I’m thought well of, I suppose?
What do you mean by “doing orders”?
What did YOU mean by “doing orders”? Your words, not mine.
.
*wonders if he should remind anyone that he has to climb up to get into the gutter*
Well, there’s just no argument for that. You’re right. They were my words.
I stand by them! I “did orders” all day! What of it?
Well maybe you can help out with what I call the nightshift here. We always need good ones around!
*passes pizza with pictures of mushrooms over*
Yay for pictures of mushrooms! Hehe!
What kind of products.
I sell “adult novelty products” in a high-end “love shop”.
Oooh Ooook.
Whats a di*do
Oh, dearie. Is that an honest question?
Wait… How old are you?
Back ground :I have been living in the bush for 30 years up north in Canada. I was 30ish when I saw I TV for the first time LOL.
I think I am old enough
Seriously?
You now what Mr Brewski, alot of people lie on here to get by in life. I am real and have real feelings. I don’t understand the animosity on here but learning. People hate me because I say things that they don’t want to hear that I don’t understand yet. Yes I have a cultural the oldest on the North American continent. I am first Nation. I want to learn about my mother earth. I love all peoples not matter the wicked things they have done to me and my people. I remember Gillian Island run runs. My gosh I knew how they felt.
So I don’t know what a di*do is, laugh if you will I will laugh with you brother in order for me to learn. I know AE hates me but he still helps me learn.
Ok then. To answer your question, a d*ldo is a… a… hmmmm… I’m not trying to make fun. I’m trying to think how to post it without getting moderated. The * is supposed to be an “i”. It’s a type of sex toy. Usually for women, but not always, depending on the guy.
And for the record, it’s hard for any of us to comprehend the idea of spending the larger portion of ones life without contact with the world as we know it. It’s as hard for us to wrap around our brains that idea as it is for you to know what it is we’re talking about sometimes.
Crap. I have refresh issues on this computer. My definition is a little more thorough though.
Meegwetch(thank you) for your constructive criticism Avis. I will and am trying on here and should be given the same chance you would give yourself. I hope you have a good day .
Why do you believe you have a lock on truthfulness? I don’t detect deception among the regular contributers here…why do you?
We are all “real” and have real feelings. I doubt seriously that anyone hates you. If you are detecting animosity, you should first look inward. You present serious cultural and educational barriers to getting your meaning across. I personally find it hard to relate to you, so I usually don’t interact with you. You’ve said some things in the past that came through loud and clear that I did not like.
If you want people to warm up to you, the first thing I suggest you do is stop pointing a gun at them.
Brewski and Chanidividus intended no meanness towards you. If AE hated you he would not be helping you.
Am I being too gullible? Or too nice? Not that I usually am all that nice….
(Telling regulars to “eat sh!t” and to “f*ck off” will also not engender friendly feelings, which this guy has done on more than one occasion.)
Avis, I can not think of an instance when you weren't nice.I was saving that for the rebuttal.
You’re right Dragon. I’ll stick to what I am better at. SNARK!
Woops!
Butting out now!
Awww, thank you Ninja! But… I am known for snark. I know this. I am not always nice. But then, sometimes, nice isn’t what’s needed.
Wait!! Dragon! You don’t need to butt out! I was agreeing!
*snork*
That was a misplaced pun on the Admirals “rebuttal”. I was just bein’ silly.
(I know, you’re saying NO WAY!!! :p )
I realized that about two seconds after I hit “Add Comment”.

*sigh* I think it might be time to do the dishes and go to sleep.
And no, that was NOT a euphemism.
Meegwetch(thank you) for your constructive criticism admiral. I will look for a new avatar and it will take me a week to figure out how to upload it,last one took me two weeks and it was an accident LOL. Brewski and chanidividus weren’t mean to me I never took it like that.
The real feelings was I expressing to show I didn’t know what she was talking about. Words are not easy for me.
Telling regulars to “eat sh!t” and to “f*ck off” will also not engender friendly feelings, which this guy has done on more than one occasion.) You are right DW but I lashed out for my frustration but what have you done lately to help me?. I know I frustrated you with my English and grammar but some born to learn some are born to teach we learn first then we teach. Show me forgiveness and patience you have for yourself, simple.
Crikey! I was gone for two whole hours, and nobody saw fit to explain to poor waiting 5_eagles what a dildo is? And 5_eagles, the dildo is neither a forein nor modern concept. Although your misplacement of the asterisk denotes your knowledge that the ommitted letter is an “i”, which indicates you do know the word referred to, but if you insist upon an education, then quite frankly, a dildo is an artificial phallic member made from rubber, glass, cyberskin, silicone, ceramic, TPR, “jelly”, or wood, for the purpose of self-gratification. Some vibrate. Some don’t.
)
Satisfied?
(Pun not really intended, but not avoided, either.
Interesting insight into the person who sees deception in others. I’m going back to ignore mode.
Thank you.
*grins* I thought I had replaced the wrong letter for a minute there!
hmmmmm, much decpetion I detect in you.
*taps fingers*
Pssst… Jenny, not Chan. The one with the questions.
Sorry – I originally typed up a long response w/ historical information then scrapped in for a halfway random comment thrown out in the world as a joke.
My fails are coming fast today- I went to walmart blew my budget by $50, then thought a guy was robbing me in the parking lot, now spellcheck says there are no editable form fields…
OOH ummm the pictures in my head now are asking alot of questions. Thank you for your patience with me.
Almost but not ‘quite’ managing to keep a straight face….
She may not be speaking English but did that sound like a British accent to anyone else? Heck, at the end it almost sounded like she said ‘we have a new victim’.
It does sound like that… what she actually says is “Sir, if you’re ready…” which is almost MORE cruel!
god cant that guy see shes trying to host a show?
I remember this
she keeps goin ………but she’s fit! ( had to be said)
simplx.mybrute.com great game
how do i put youtube videos on failblog?
I ACTUALLY SAW THIS ON TV. roflol, the guy with the 1 post says, how do i post youtube vids on failblog.
The girl trying not to laugh, is the best moment…
chair fails are the best!!
owned
What a professional ! The show must go on !
In soviet Russia, when KGB man fall off chair nobody laugh.
I like how someone was clapping after he fell
jag bor i en låda
Wow, I never knew that Chair Fail. That’s pretty interesting…
was her name Bukkake?
In Soviet Russia, chair breaks you!