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what a nice day foreating pancakes, isn’t it ?
spacebar fail.
hmmmm. perhaps spelling error — “Nice day for fornicating pancakes.”
Mmmm… state of Vermont maple syrup.
LOL!
I wish you wouldn’t waffle like that.
Would that be cake on cake action?
I’d pay to see that.
I have a problem. It’s true.
Mmmm. Cake. /Homer Simpson drool
Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!
Are you ready for some hot cake on cake action?
Action! Action! Action!
I too, would buy tickets to that. Just to see. Cake action could be hot, you never know!
*Is reminded of terrible porn movie seen once upon a time*
*Giggles, and then is a little sick*
If the action is no good, you could always just eat the participants
isnt today cuddle puddle day???
did i miss it???
*starts panicing*
Sorry — Cuddle Puddle was a while ago — look WAY down the thread and find it …..
Yes! That’s what makes porn so interesting, isn’t it? Sure wish Brewski was around to confirm. …
Sometimes you can have your cake and eat it too…
The cake is a lie. (It was inevitable)
I was inspired by today’s comments and made pancakes for dinner. It was cake on cake on cake action.
CAKE ON CAKE ON CAKE ACTION WITH BUTTER???
YES YES YES! HOW DID YOU KNOW? AND WHY ARE WE YELLING???
BECAUSE PANCAKES ARE EXCITING!
Maybe fordrinking.
i wouldn’t bother entering a backery forbuying some desert too
Entering awhat?
bakery. i’ve never written this word, i barely remembered it.
AND DESERT OMG
dessert
epic fail, 3 misspellings in 2 comments? a record ?
Thanks for clarifying, I thought a “backery” was a place to buy hot dry land!
Were you in the market for new digs, ZA?
hey… here’s a thriller… there’s a spot open in a bed in Never Neverland. Recently vacated!
bwahahahahahaaaaa. …
OMG!!
*Snickers*
*Milky Way*
*Twix*
*heath*
bliss!
Butterfingers!! (too much Bacon Lube)
*agrees with Abstract*
I’m a little saddened at the vicious outpouring of jokes about the man’s death. Regardless of how he lived, he was somebody’s child, brother, and father. I mean come on, show a little respect.
*steps off soabpox*
Say none but good of the dead.
“Say nothing but good of the dead”, what of Hitler. He wasn’t Hitler but to the boys molested he might as well have been. Am I the only one who is glad that another molester is off the face of the earth, no talent excuses those kind of acts.
I would be, but I forgot to take my money with me when I died so I can’t afford it.
So you really can’t take it with you?
If I were your lover, I would have made sure to put coins on your eyes for the boatman and a little sack of silver at your side for when you got there. It must be that she forgot and that is why you are still with us on failblog.
♫Got my best suit and my tie
Shiny silver dollar on either eye
I hear the chauffeur comin’ to the door
Says there’s room for maybe just one more . . .♫
Ah, nice to know someone else knows how to properly treat a corpse. (Without using natron and linen, that is.)
And how is that… with a pad of butter, some worcestershire and a whole bunch of capers?
Dessert is spelled dessert. I luv emprovng me spelng and langage skils! You are a fail just send us your picture!
he accidenty the post
Maybe for nicating.
Is this thread forbidding?
Only be foreclosing time.
Maybe for skin.
*roffle*
I jumped fore feet laughing at that.
That’s just forgoing joyriding Fluffy.
HA! Adventure is foraging well!
Weee!
I think age is forgetting some!
I love forgetting some!
I’m all forgoers joyriding. If you’re good at something, you should keep it up.
Like you saw for bears!
It was a statue for lorn ornamentation.
You decorate your loins?
Only for’th’coming.
*snerk*
And three hours later, I finally get it.
*facepalm*
I thought it wasn’t for anything, for ‘cepts surgery.
No no, it gets me ready for t’nights entertainment.
The prognosis is good if you believe in ‘casts.
*is ‘armed and ‘warned*
I’ll meet you on the ward for some play when you return. I’ll bring the stethoscope.
*’sooth(e)s DW*
Perhaps forsleeping.
fornothing.
But can I still have a pancake?
sure… which cooking meth would you like me to use?
cooked?
grilled?
or spanked?
Yes, please!
Cream?
no thanks… I prefer mine crystal.
forsooth!
Fornicating …
piehole. shut yours.
Ah, I voted for that in the other section.
Now there’s a true religious experience!
They’re on a road to nowhere….
Destination unknown.
.
*squeeze*
I thought it was down the road from the Coke Bible Camp?
Just shoot up Horse Bible Camp route.
Right behind that old pop joint.
Just follow the Horse tracks.
The place will blow you away.
We should really stop horsing around in this vein.
Velvet! I missed you!
*squeeze*
*supah squeeze*
.
Yesterday was just plain ugly here in the office.
.
Today we’ve had no internet until now.
Well, hopefully now it’s all under control. And it’s Friday, so you can’t beat that! *smooch*
*412 smooches to last all weekend* And payday!! Not that it isn’t spent, though. LOL!
.
Next week is the week before vacation, so I don’t know if I’ll make it here much. Tempers and attitudes will be at an all time high to meet deadlines before 7/3. :sigh:
Maybe you should Beat It — you know in honor of Michael Jackson…
*bows head in rememberance*
velvet! *squeezieness*
*squeeze*
.
Has the Friday cuddle puddle began? If not, I started it vvv there with brewski’s epistle.
Everyone has been in the gutter hanging out. I think we need to start Cuddle Puddle.
*squeeze velvet*
Yay Velvet! Is today a better day?
*Squeeze*
*squeeze* It is as far as the office goes. But there’s still lots of time left today for the boss to go ape on someone.
.
It’s nice to be missed! I missed all of youse guys, too.
*squeeze*
But they’re sure going there fast!
welcome to the hotel california, what a nice surprise…
you are always welcome to check out but you can never leave.
how gay.
in honor (not really) of Michael Jackson…
just beat it!
♫When I had you to myself
I didn’t want you around.♫
Oh, baby, give me one more chance!
♫ And they called it paradise the place to be. . . ♫
just as long as they dont call it puppy love
It would ♫ surely make you lose your mind ♫
*wonders why he’s dragging Donny Osmond into this*
truer words were never spoken
or made into street signs….
It’s a sign.
*Starts following Abstract around*
hi Marius, what are we doin’?
Loosing your religion.
sounds good to me, I threw mine out the window 10 years ago.
Loosing it on the world?!
Loosing is not a option, though.
*wonders what a meth bible is*
I show you…. *gives nightshayde some meth* careful with that.
Um … I’m trying to cut down.
I’ll put that over here for later.
*puts meth on the desk of an offensive co-worker*
*walks away, whistling innocently*
*calls H.R.* (no – not Puffenstuff)
*rofl*
*high-five NS*
I’m not always the mild-mannered kitty I appear to be. *giggle*
I’ve never met a mild-mannered kitty. Ever!
*squeeze NS*
*squeeze*
When I made that comment about a co-worker, it was largely hypothetical. Then I was reminded about which person I’d really like to never have to see again. There’s a guy who coughs very loudly almost every time he gets near my cubicle. He’s extremely loud in general, so I know it’s not a persistent cough — just a cough that happens right outside my cubicle wall. Yup. He needs to go…
I will help you make him gone if you help me get rid of this a$$hole who clips his nails on the other side of my cube.
Is he obnoxious other than the nail-clipping thing? Would
stealingthe nail clippers be an option?*vaguely recalls a Dilbert cartoon about this*
Didn’t wally have a tape recording of the sound of someone clipping his nails?
*tosses a “removing” up there into the spot after ”
stealing” **is sooooo fervently grateful that she doesn’t work in cubicle-land*
DW! I was wondering why I hadn’t seen you yet…
*super squeeze*
Cubicle farm is more like it.
We had individual offices at one time but management decided it’s best for ‘team dynamics and flow’ to tear everything down to these…things. Love corporate life!
*squeeze!*
I’m here, albeit briefly! I have a doctor’s appointment in half an hour.
its nice to be an independent artist…
other than the starving and the constant barrage of repo men but other than that… way better than cubicle farms
awww, sometimes it’s fun! I like it.
I don’t know him well enough to say he is obnoxious. He is not in my immediate group. The sound of nails being clipped in an office environments just makes my skin crawl. LOL, I can’t steal his nail clippers.
We call them rat hole dividers.
Care for some cheese?
They might as well be called rat hole dividers that closely resemble a maze.
I will take cheese. What kind is it?
Swiss!
Just tell LCB there are shiny nail clippers to be
stolentaken to see what they look like in the light. She’ll take care of the rest. She’s a professional.I’m on it.
It will cost you, though. Find a way to stop my officemate from clearing his throat every 7.2 seconds and you’ve got a deal. He does this ALL THE TIME!
I had some one like that in the cubicle behind me. Luckly she got pregnant and eventually left after her baby was born.
Ok, people, listen up. I need a volunteer to impregnate a 59-year-old male. Anyone?
First he will need the Tri-sexual adaptations that Leila received a few fails back — then he can impregnate himself!
*is afraid that she will get into some sort of HR trouble if she tells officemate to go impregnate himself*
*ahem!!*
Oh, sorry.
That’s it, Brewski! You are SO getting impregnated.
*brings turkey baster to LCB for Brewski*
Here are some gloves.
Thanks.
*puts glove on, places turkey baster in the freezer for a few minutes*
What about an anesthetic? You don’t expect me to go through with this with all my senses intact, do you?
*buys popcorn and junior mints*
*takes a seat in operating theater*
*munch, munch*
*pregnant pause to think up reply*
Well, I am feeling a bit “born again”, with my newfound sobriety.
Give it to me, baby!
Anesthetic?
*bring a HUGE rubber malett and hits Brewski’s head*
THHHWAAACK!!!!!!
Sorry, I don’t thwack as we well as Avis does but I think he is out now. Proceed.
Well, I was looking for something soothing for myself, but I suppose we can bill Brewski’s insurance extra for the thwacking.
*raids OR minibar, chugs some minibooze*
Awrite. Lesh get thish road on the baby.
*watches in horror as Brewski is turkey basted*
Oh! Ouch!! Gah!!!!
*takes notes*
*sneaks some of the Admiral’s popcorn*
Uuuuuurrrrggh!!
The anesthetic! I can still feel everything!
Wait, I think I kinda like that turkey baster. Could somebody ask Chan how much it costs for a couple of those?
*blows across barrel of turkey baster*
*twirls it and puts it back in holster*
There. That oughta do it.
Now, Brewski, remain in that position until *checks watch* next Thursday. A nurse will be by later to give you a spongecake bath.
*holding shotgun*
Alright! Who got my son pregnant!!
*cups hand behind ear*
What? What’s that? Oh, ok. I’ll be right there!
Um, there’s an emergency over on the lolcat site. Someone spelled something correctly. Gotta go! kthxbai
*dust cloud*
save the clippings and bake them into a cupcake.
I am NOT touching that sh*t! I don’t even like my own clippings. Eeek!
Do you send my mother your clippings?
What? Ew!
Royal Tenenbaums for the, eh.
That was a weird movie.
Not as bad as Happiness, or Monsters Ball though.
I have a different problem. The person in the next cubicle apparently has some kind of mold or other potent allergen they’re unaware of in their house, which they bring into the cubicle on their clothes, briefcase and other personal effects. Every time I get near their cubicle, my throat tightens and I cough, quite involuntarily.
You should confront them and settle the spore.
Ahaha. I get it
Im sorry that seemed sarcastic when i posted it.
I actually laughed i promise
I’ll try harder.
No! Really!
*sits down pathetically*
Why am I naturally uncool?
entropy.
This thread is starting to unravel.
*knits up the ravel’d sleeve of care*
You really broke the mould, Admiral.
I’m just trying to help them deal with the little blighter.
Yeah…he’s obviously not really a fungi, is he?
I lichen him to a wet blanket.
There’s a fungus amungus?
…And on the sixth day meth was create and it was good.
On the seventh day god rested because he was high as a kite.
*waits for lightning bolt to hit Jules*
ha!
Enjoying our first taste of summer, today, kraut?
unfortunately, I’ve been relocated to pennsyltucky. we’ve had sun all week!
Aaah – so THAT’S how he got up into the sky … and never came down.
*nods*
welcome to the spirit in the sky
took so much meth
that he really got high
Considering what he did and the time frame he did it in, I’d venture to guess the meth came earlier than that.
Jules, if I remember correctly meth was created on the 8th day. Yup … 8th day.
That is not how it is written in the book of Charlie.
Oooh!
*doesn’t believe Jules and goes to research and never comes back*
♪ Charlie the methadone man
Plays sunday nights in a rock and roll band ♪
does Charlie still surf?
in the words of COD:4 “Charlie don’t surf”
(sorry about nerdiness)
Aha! So that’s why Charlie went to Candy Mountain!
Come to Candy Mountain with us Charlie! Yes, come to Candy Mountain!
Could somebody post that link? I can hear the voices in my head now, and I gots ta see it!
Sorry, I’m busy plugging the Sportsmen’s Club with my linky right now. Try searching YouTube for Charlie the Unicorn.
WAY late, but here you go:
That is so weird. I watched the Banana King episode too!
*rofl*
Well what do you know, there actually is a candy mountain.
*morning Brewski*
Shun, Shunnnnnnn
the non-believer.
We’re on a bridge Char-lie!
Yes, a bridge, Char-lie!
I always knew religion had an ulterior motive.
It is an addiction. For some.
I guess Rastafarianism is the gateway religion now!
Computers are trying to become a religion in and of themselves actually.
the dell you say!
It’s true! Don’t you remember, Eve offered Adam the Apple?????
if you ply me with enough liquor iMac remember that. …
Liquor? I don’t even know her!
yes, yes it is. It cuases some to become so heavily involved that nothig else in their lives matters. My mom was going to try to start a business, but that went nowhere becase she put nothing into it. the house was a mess all the time. but worst of all she wasn’t there for me. I can’t get behind the organized religeon thing, so i was on the outside of my family. I was forced to go to church twice on Sunday, Wednesday evening, and any youth retreats or camps offered by the church. I started to rebel against all of it when I got to Highschool. I got a weekend job when i was 16 so i could say, “sory, I have to work”. and never stepped foot in a church once i got away to college.
*contemplates*
So it’s an addiction, kinda like… Failblog!
Sorry to hear you didn’t have a good relationship with your Mom, abstract. That really sucks. *squeeze*
I think I’m addicted to sugar. And all that cake-talk isn’t helping my cravings.
Sorry, do you want me to tell you about the major case of pancake poisoning that I am suffering from?
The gerbil died?
Armagedon!
… in a paper tube?
ROFFFFFFLE!!! I completely forgot about that! Armageddon!!!
It still kills me!
come on baby light my fire. …
*steps up to podium*
*grimaces in sunlight*
*swallows two aspirin*
*taps microphone*
*ahem!*
I, Brewski, hereby announce, in witness of my fellow failbloggers, that recent events have made it clear that I am unable to adhere to proper societal standards of behavio(u)r when drinking. This has led to much silliness, depravity, and… *cough* … nakedness. Therefore, at risk of triggering the end of days, I henceforth officially resolve to avoid inebriating quantities of all intoxicants; including, but not limited to: barbiturates, hallucinogens, depressants, narcotics, amphetamines, Dragon grog, and all other non-human medications; administered by method of ingestion, injection, inhalation… *refers to notes* …absorption, magic, or alien anal probe.
Beer, being essential to my existence (see name as previously referenced), is exempt, but is limited to consumption of 2 beverages in any 3-hour period. Unless it’s a really kick-ass IPA. Or a nice Kolsch on a hot summer afternoon, or a…
*looks startled*
*regains composure*
As I was saying… *checks notes*…this pledge is effective immediately. Thank you in advance for your support and well-wishes! God/Supreme being(s)/natural selection bless you all!!
*looks hung over walking away from podium*
*jumps onto wagon to ride away*
*falls off wagon into vat of fermenting Belgian Trappiste ale*
Drat! I just started too!
Does this mark the start of the Friday cuddle puddle?
.
We’ve had no internet all morning, so I may be off schedule.
That’s a “Go” for the cuddle puddle!
*dives into huge, fluffy pile of pillows*
Oooh – and it’s the first official cuddle puddle of summer (or winter, if you’re in the southern hemisphere).
*jumps into the pile of feathers*
*group squeeze*
Why did it have to be feathers?
Is there a hypoallergenic cuddle puddle available?
The pillow fight seems to be outside the hot tub. See Brewski for a bathing suit if you need one.
“Bathing suit”?
Here you go, LCB!
*hands over a birthday suit*
Good to see you! I’d been meaning to ask you, you always crack me up. I recall you saying something about doing “improv” once. Are you a comedienne?
Thanks, Brewski! It’s not even my birthday!
*puts on birthday suit, being extra careful of the candles*
A comedienne? Actually, I am a tragedienne gone rogue. The open mic stand-up tragedy shows were bringing me down, so I rebelled.
Oh my, that’s tragic!
I was actually serious, so I’m not sure if that was a “yes”?
BTW, nice birthday suit!
It was a “maybe.” I am serious for a living but try to be funny in writing and out loud in my spare time.
*psst! You may be tall, but you aren’t plain!*
*psst* I’m not really tall!
*psst!* I am!
*considers making joke about giving several inches to LCB*
*nixes it*
*psst* Thanks but no thanks. I’m afraid of heights.
Yes, I’m a catburglar who is afraid of heights. There. If you must know, I specialize in basement apartments.
*pictures LCB making a cameo on Laverne & Shirley*
It’s true. They liked me so much, I got a recurring role as BooBoo Kitty.
*wonders if LCB missed double-entendre*
*thinks it’s best if she did*
*moves all shinys to the 3rd floor*
Does the fire crew have to rescue you from trees often?
The words “LCB” “missed” and “double-entendre” almost never appear in the same sentence.
Sorry if you felt shafted.
*pats Brewski on head*
*pouts*
*limps away with flag at half-mast*
Careful, don’t trip over that thing.
He wouldn’t want his mast to be mizzen, after all.
I think Brewski might keel over any minute.
Well, that would be a hull of a thing.
And he already looks pooped.
I leaving before the swabbing starts.
That’s because you just gangplanked him with a turkey baster.
And a junior mint fell below decks just before LCD inserted the apparatus.
I could tell by the cut of LCB’s jib that she was trouble.
You people are nauti(cal)!
Her jib left an…interesting scar.
*gives Brewski something for the inevitable mooring sickness*
Let’s just hope it doesn’t have a boomerang effect. That would knot be fun.
D’oh! *Smacks forehead* What was I thinking? Since when does anyone wear anything (in the hot tub) at Failblog. My apologies, LCB!
Not everyone, dear.
*adjusts strings on bikini*
*plays cat’s cradle with Judy’s bikini strings*
Just don’t steal them, you!
*sprinkles glitter onto Judy’s strings*
*walks away giggling to himself*
I am determined to keep my bathing suit on today! I did yesterday!
*secretly replaces Judy’s sparkly strings with leftover spaghetti*
Have it your way.
*pulls out invisible ink*
Is that a formal-wear bikini? I mean, I’ve never seen anyone dressed around here.
Why, yes, it is. See?
*poses*
What’s this? Spaghetti?!?!?
HEY!!! LCB!!!
*tosses spaghetti away*
There’s are no limp noodles in Judy’s presence.
A typo! The Admiral made a typo!
*makes note in failblog historical record*
*uses both hands to hold bikini top up*
Admiral! I needed those!!!
*flees*
Brewski, a word of advice. RUN!!!!
*repossesses curvy letter*
I’m fond of these.
Why Avis, is the Admiral going to THWAP me?
I was complimenting him on his normally flawless posts! Or is there somebody standing behind me with a turkey baster?
*flees*
Heehee!
And no…the Admiral would not *thwap* you for anything like that. He so rarely makes mistakes, and he’s always graceful about acknowledging them.
*squeeze*
You know, I just realized: There’s a Mothers Day and a Fathers Day but there’s no Turkey Baster Wielders Day.
*pouts*
I’m mourning my second typo of the day way down there. vvv Thanks for the kind words, Brewski.
*is giving thanks to LCB*
*checks feathers*
Don’t worry, LCB — these are hypoallergenic feathers.
Hmph. Unless they come from an Allegra bird, I’m not going in there.
*sneaks up behind LCB and pushes her into the cuddle puddle*
Woopwoop!
*runs away*
*flounders around in feathers*
Hey, these feel nice and soft!
*relaxes, stretches out and does backstroke*
*wonders whose back she was stroking*
That’s okay, LCB! Don’t stop!
*is glad she didn’t do the breaststroke instead*
*crawls out of pile*
What would have happening if you were Free Stylin?
This place may be a bit of a dive, but I’m on board with that!
Hey Brewski — In light of your “declaration” will you be changing your name? Maybe to something like Soberski??? Or Boreinski? or hmmm… what else?? Anyone?
It’s ok, he already fell off the wagon. Keep reading.
Well that’s good — I should have known …..
mal. inski.
sounds fishy
Yo, the other day i wandered into Failblog after a bit of an absence. I was amazed by the page after page of threads devoted to “cuddles” and other silly BS! It’s useless to try to read the incipient crud that passes for “banter” here now.
What has happened in here? What happened to discussing the FAIL and the other stuff that made Failblog originally fun to visit? Also it looks like the cat people discovered this place. That MAY be the problem, they’ve corrupted you all will NICE!
*squeeze*
Awww – teh poor fing iz teh krankee!
*snork*
Burn of the week, right there.
How very dare we all be nice! Shame on us.
Tsk!
He’s right, though…the comments really have changed a lot. Many, many of us think that this is a good thing. Some obviously don’t.
It has changed, it’s true. However, for me, it’s all about choosing which threads to join.
In all fairness, I’m not a cutesy sort either but neither am I going to be rude (directly to people *looks innocent*) for the sake of humour.
Some see a mess; others get the message.
Clearly this individual doesn’t read all the comments.
Hee…! True. Unless you think that one of the kitteh-cats jamming a turkey baster into Brewski is “nice”.
Brewski thought it was.
Hahahahahaha.
If you don’t like what you find here then – oh forget it.
And we’re cuddling because Mr. Cuddles has been banned from FB at work by his boss!
*checks label on a feather*
It says it’s 100% Zyrtec. Will that do?
I guess that will do.
But what’s the label made from? I’m allergic to all unnatural fibers.
Oh Hai guys!! Good to see you here for the Cuddle Puddle — I can’t stay too long
*squeeze*
How’s Matt doing?
How are you holding up?
Matt’s not so good. Random shooting pains in his feet — finally got them to order a neurological consult (I sent my Mom to the hospital – she can anyone to do anything!!!) Hopefully they can figure it out…..
I hanging in there — no other choice really
*strength-squeeze Elsa_Mama*
*Joins the squeeze*
I’m glad you’ve got your Mama! It’s good that you have people supporting you (you know, besides us).
*Squeeze for Elsa_Mama*
*Super squeeze for Elsa_Mama*
Ooooh….
*many squeezes for Elsa_Mama and fambly*
*squeezes Elsa*
Let me know if you ever want to vent over a drink. I know LOTS of good places.
Hey there Avis — I live in the Western suburbs — but work in the city — across the street from Union Station …
I’m in the Gold Coast area, near Water Tower Place. Isn’t there a Blackie’s near your work? And if so, is it any good?
*drive-by cuddle*
*notices LCB’s vehicle drifting away on its own*
*hops in, steps on handbrake*
Did that hurt?
Unless I am not getting something (Happens alot), I think you meant steps on foot break? You don’t make mistakes often, for that matter you don’t make mistakes on rare occasions at all. I must have missed something.
Emp, *sigh* He didn’t make a mistake. He made a reference.
Yea I was being a dough head I guess. By dough I mean sh*t.
*purrs and snuggles next to her Judy*
Wow! I had to go way, way up there to see what you were responding to! Hi, Taya!
*snuggles & cuddles*
Hi *purrs and nuzzles*
*Dives into cuddle puddle without further delay*
*cuddle squeezes all around*
Yay! *mews contentedly*
*cuddles Taya*
*snuggles close purring loudly*
Can I come too? Fridays are a good day for cuddle-puddling!
Come on!
*Squeezes Chanidividus and pulls her into puddle*
Yay!!
*Squeezes back*
*throws extra feathers into cuddle puddle*
.
Today is an extra-soft and fluffy cuddle puddle!
*wonders what he missed*
.. hands Malicite the camcorder… kicks Chani’s “toy” under the table.
Toy?
Yeah, I’m not sure. I mean, you have so many…
Have you been monitoring again? The contents of my toy box is really none of your… Er… What toys? I don’t have any toys. I’m a good girl.
*peeks in Chan’s toy box*
OH MY!!!
I have an explanation for all that leather and pvc… See… There was… Um… I gotta… Er… Yeah. I got nothin’.
*Hangs head in shame*
Quality Control, Chan. You only have them so you can do quality control. You wouldn’t want to sell your customers a defective or ineffective product, now would you?
See? You’re a giver.
I’d prolly get slapped if I looked into her “toy box”
…
my, my… that’s a lot of stuff you have in there. …
Sounds like she is a taker.
I was thinking, “master”.
*Ahem*…
That’s MISTRESS, to you, mister!
NS, thank you for validating my compulsion to buy all the latest and greatest in self-gratification devices. Quality control it is! (Thinking about how many times in a day I actually do have this conversation: “Have you tried that one? Is it good? You liked it? I’ll take it!”)
Don’t question the puddle; just jump in!
Er… Commando is only for Thursdays, right? Not that I mind – I just want to know what we’re getting ourselves into!
*grabs satin bed sheet*
*walk up to the edge of puddle*
*does Michael Jackson’s patented anti-gravity lean*
*falls in*
Man I could use a good cuddle and rest.
*cuddle*
*sqeeze*
*sneaks quietly in*
*squeezes everyone in arms reach*
*sneaks quietly back out*
*snags BF before she gets away*
*squeezes*
Did anyone feel that?
*gooses Leila with ET finger*
Did you feel that?
Yes…Yes I did…and, how could you? Did you at least make sure the ET finger is clean?
Of course! I licked it myself!
I think there was some mashed potato on that, Brewski!
mashed potato AND mashed chicken.
A day on Fail Blog is never complete until you have the urge to lose your lunch.
Don’t forget about the corn!
*gives Jules a cuddle, a squeeze and a belly rub*
*relaxes*
*curls up in satin sheet and rides the cuddle puddle waves*
*jumps on Jules satin sheet to catch breath from pillow fighting*
Aahhhh!!!! Nice.
’shhh’
Don’t rock the boat, just lay back and enjoy the pulsating waves of the cuddle puddle.
‘ahhh’
*turns on bubble machine for an extra-festive atmosphere*
Bubbles! Brewski, you’re my hero!
It’s a double-bubble-cuddle-puddle!
Good thing we’re out of toil and trouble today!
Welcome, Dragon! Pull up a pillow and join us!
*grabs a pillow*
*swings at Judy*
BOOOOOOOF!!!!
Well, you’ve just added scale of Dragon.
*Squeeze*
What else do we need?
*Looks for list*
*fires home-made marshmallow air gun at fail-friends*
*poof! poof! poof! poof!*
Admiral, those aren’t Moomin’s parts you are shooting are they?
Nope, but I understand the Moomin is attracted to marshmallows. Maybe he’ll pick up the trail and make it here later.
Open wide!
*poof poof poof*
They are Bacon Lube bubbles …
Oh, is that what it is? I couldn’t detect the bacon-ey aroma thanks to these damn allergies!!!
*Spins the disco ball *velvet* and turns strobe light on*
*”Stayin’ Alive” starts to play*
Wow! Look at Brewski move!
*takes off bikini and puts on bell bottom pants with high platforms. fluffs up curly hair to make it big and starts to dance and sing*
♪ Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin alive, stayin alive. ♪
♪ Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin alive. ♪
Er, I wasn’t moving, Judy. That was convulsing.
*scrolls through music selections to find something other than disco*
Party Pooper Brewski!
*changes back into bikini*
*looks over Brewski’s shoulder*
Oooh! Gregorian chants! Play that next.
Oh, wait! How bout this! The theme song from “Deliverance”!
No, look! Slim Whitman!
Una paloma blanca-ah-ah-AH…
*replaces Una Paloma Blanca with Little Green Bag*
*replaces Little Green Bag with !aaaH-aH ,yawA eM ekaT oT gnimoC er’yehT*
The funny farm eh??
*switches to “The Streak”*
*looks around hopefully*
Sorry, Brewski, it’s a little hard to tell your dancing from your convulsing. You dance like a white boy, y’know.
*spins and spins and spins and spins*
*falls onto brewski*
.
Hey! Thanks for catching my fall!
Velvet! Fancy meeting you here!
Would you like to wrap your hand around a nice brewski? It’s got a nice head on it, but it’s warm, not cold. Hope you like ‘em that way!
*while Brewski distract puts in One Night in Bangkok*
Gotta love a song that is about chess.
BMW win!
*puts on Rammstein to placate AE*
Yay! I was hoping for some heavy metal… Mosh pit, anyone?
Careful moshing in the cuddle puddle! You’ll disturb Jules, and doesn’t he look so sweet sleeping on his silk sheet?
Indeed he does. I’ll stick to the Mosh that I like best: My kitty! He doesn’t move around much, so he won’t disturb anyone.
Sorry Jules!
*cranks Metallica, Dream Theater, Saliva, and Corrosion of Conformity*
*headbangs*
Ahhhh…. Excellent.
*Tosses Slipknot, Disturbed, and a slew of Tool into the mix*
Hope that’s okay!
*Slips on DK’s Anarchy for Sale*
*sneaks in “Dave Clark Five’s Greatest Hits”*
*starts rockin out with the group*
*headbangs to great metal*
*loses head*
*picks it back up and puts it back*
*holds head in place while headbanging*
*jumps on to the pile*
*squeezes all*
I was thinking of installing a hot tub over there.
*points*
What do you think? Although I think I got enough water in yesterday… I almost drowned. Maybe next week.
Don’t worry, Brewski. I have lifeguarding experience. Please go ahead with the hot tub.
Hot tub? I could use a good soak.
Get going on that, Brewski!
Well… okay, but I’m not going near it! I get in trouble every time!
*drives in forklift, places oversized hottub on ground*
*fills with preheated water from tanker truck*
*adds extra sanitizer*
*looks for 220 feed*
*finds it, plugs in*
ZZZAAAAAAPPPPP!!!!!
*flies backwards, lays singed on ground*
Ohhhhh…
*applies salve to Brewski’s ……… wounds*
Do you guys smell something burning? Naw, I guess not.
*Slides into comforting warmth of hot tub*
*dreams of a tropical beach in the sun*
Uh oh. Who’s got the beer to revive him? Cellar temp, not ice cold, please!
*runs to Brewski to administer first aid*
Mouth to mouth?
*eyes pop open*
Ms B! *SMOOCH!!*
*pats out burning hair and pants*
*looks around*
Ah, tub is in good shape. Don’t forget the rules!!
1. Dragon grog consumption by non-dragons is strictly prohibited, except by the Admiral, who has an unnatural tolerance for it.
2. Nudity is tolerated.
3. Safety!
4. Relax.
5. There is no rule 5.
6. Profit!
Excellent!
*slides into water*
Just let me know if the water needs a little heating up.
*dives (fully clothed) into water to give Dragon a big SQUEEZE*
YOW! A “little” heating up?
*jumps out looking beet red*
DW! *Squeeze*
*bubbles up from below next to Dragon*
Admirals have their own way around bodies…of water.
*smooch!*
Woops. Sowwy, Brewski. I guess my natural hawtness will do the trick!
*smooches the Admiral*
*Scootches to the other side of the hot tub before it gets too hot over there*
If this water’s a-boiling, don’t disturb the coiling.
Profit — What are you selling Brewski?
He is most definitely selling us a good time.
*joins the party*
*Brings pillows*
Can’t have a pillow fight if we have no pillows! Not saying we should… Just gotta be prepared.
CUDDLE PUDDLE!!!!!!
*takes a running start and jumps in*
Feathers???
*AaaaaCHOOOOO…ACHOOO!!!*
I ♥ feathers!!!
*grabs pillow*
*smacks Chan and Leila with it*
Hah! Choose your weapon!
*grabs pillow and starts swinging aimlessly*
*smacks Leila in the kisser, bursting pillow open*
*Leila is left looking like an unplucked chicken*
Ha!! :p
(made it this time)
Watch out, here I come!
*Grabs pillow and sneaks up behind an unsuspecting Brewski*
*Bops Brewski while he laughs at Leila*
*feels dizzy* Damn this headache.
*re-focuses, finds Brewski and BAM!!! in the back of his head while Bearly had his attention*
*snickers*
*squeeze Bearly*
Unfair!
*stuffs pillow into his PillowBazooka™*
*aims*
WHOOOM!!
Yes!! I nailed Chan and Bearly in one shot!!!
OOF! That’s it, Brewski! You’re mine!
*Grabs one pillow per hand and does a flying, flailing leap at Brewski*
*grabs Brewski by the hair so that Bearly can pillow beat him*
GO BEARLY!!!!
*Grabs pillow, gives battle cry, and jumps into the fray*
Help!! I’m outnumbered!!
*ties pillows onto body as armor*
*Beats Brewski with both pillows*
*Drops one pillow and gooses Brewski*
*Assumes defensive pose with remaining pillow*
Whatcha got now, lager head?
*pulls Brewski’s pants down and gives him a serious wedgie to weaken his defenses*
HAH!!!!!
*spies trampoline*
*runs, jumps high on trampoline*
COWABUNGAAAAA!!
*dive-bombs on top of Leila, Bearly, and Chan*
*feathers fly everywhere*
BWAHAHAHAA!
*Had been about to help defend Brewski, but now attacks him wildly with fluffy pillows*
*Swings pillow like a baseball bat and knocks Chan backwards*
*Pillow explodes*
Er, Chan… I’m a she-bear!
^^ Oops! Read “Brewski” as “Bearly!” So sorry!
*Make up squeezes*
*lays there daze spitting out feathers*
*takes fluffly pillows and charges*
I am going to get you……..
*Squeezes Bearly back*
*Thwhacks gently with pillow*
I know you’re a she-bear, silly.
Ok, truce! Let’s all just stretch out on this mountain of feathers.
Ahhhhhh! That’s better!
Well… okay!
*collapses exhaustedly on pillows*
Say, didn’t anybody open the bar yet?
*recalls vow*
I mean, for everybody else??
Not collapsing the horse I hope?
Someone else go get it from the last fail. I’m too comfortable.
*Snuggles into fellow FailBloggers*
*smirks at Aja*
Yep you guys are pretty cuddly!! It is might comfy here! Maybe I’ll get up the motivation in a bit.
*breathing heavily*
I am pooped too. I will have a mimosa spiked with long island ice tea spiked with mojoto.
*snuggles in cuddle puddle* Man…life doesn’t get better than this.
I missed the pillow fight?
You’re still in time for the snuggle aftermath!
Ok!
*snuggles*
Aw, there there Ms B!
*gives nice, slow, relaxing back, neck, and shoulder massage*
Better?
Ooooohhhhh yes. That feels so good.
*Snuggles up close with other FBers*
This is soooo much better than actual work.
Four hours to go!
yay!!
*flips 3 times, dives into pile of pillows* yay!!!
never lose track of time !
I’m glad you fell off the wagon! I was scared!
god lord… you been drinking with ray flynn down at paddie o’smackie’s again?
*holds up tranquilizer gun*
Oh, no you don’t, no one escapes from the reservation.
*shoots Brewski in the butt*
Now sit back and enjoy the craziness with everyone else.
*lurches* urgh!
*falls in heap*
*eyes glaze over into over-dialated Bambi-eyes*
Mom-mee…
*reaches out, drags Brewski back up onto wagon*
OK, Jules is shooting him full of tranquilizers to keep him drugged up while Judy is dragging him back onto the wagon.
.
This should be fun. And no, it doesn’t matter – the apocalypse has already begun!
*makes mental note to add “sedatives and tranquilizers” to prohibited list*
*tries to thank Judy*
bah bah bah… *drools*
…Sedagive??
Would you like to roll in the hay? It’s fun, watch! Roll, roll, roll in the hay!
Don’t you understand, ZA??? We’re trying to save his soul!
*eyes widen in terror*
*worries that this saving business involves meth*
*looks confused*
*checks the bottom of his feet*
*still looks confused*
*hands ZA a fish*
*Puts an Aretha Franklin album on the record player*
*still looks confused*
*duct tapes fish to bottom of feet*
*dances to Aretha Franklin*
Well, at least you’ve got soul/sole/soul!
I think my brain checked out a while ago. I didn’t even catch that one!
It really should have been soul/sole/sole/soul, if I was paying attention. Sigh. It’s a Friday, and I still have this habit left over from when I was in high school of stashing my brain in my locker for the weekend. You too?
Huh? What? I don’t get it.
Thank heaven I didn’t have a mouth full of tea when I read that. I’m fresh out of ShamWows.
is it that dang mackerel or are we using flounder today?
Neither for me today, thanks. I have a haddock.
*waits for angry czuhc to arrive*
gazhundheit!
I bet you just said that for the halibut.
Though ’tis nice, to have a vice,
‘Tis it not better, to be unfetter’d?
To that I say, a resounding NAY!
And I’ll take my sin with a shot o’ gin.
YES! Brewski didn’t mention Leila Anal Probe.
Meth and dead, an unsuprising connection.
No! I don’t want to join your church! Stop sending people!
but we have free stupf!
What is a stupf?
Does it matter? It’s free!
yeah… free is good
Free thinking is not however … that’s why we have Meth Bible Camp.
… but… but… it’s on the hiway to hell…
looks in Chani’s toy box for old AC/DC vinyl. …
(oops… prolly shouldn’t be looking in a girl’s “toy box” hehhehehehehehh)
ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.
Today marks a sad day for the living (it actually happened yesterday), having lost both Farrah Faucet and Michael Jackson. But the zombies are now being trained by the master himself to do the Thriller dance, so the apocalypse will at least be more entertaining.
.
Imagine the difference – thousands of zombies staggering down the street like Night of the Living Dead, or Dawn of the Dead, versus thousands of zombies dancing down the street like in the Thriller video.
.
The living has no chance against us now.
oh, look, mommee! barbq ahead!
This must be a crowded place.
only until they achieve rapture.
I beleive that if such a thing were to occur as described in the bible, both the people who are convinved they’re leaving and a lot of the people who would say they’d probably stay would be quite surprised.
Regarding world religions… not everybody can be right, but most of them seem pretty darned sure that they are!
Clicky for my favo(u)rite joke on this topic!
I love that one, it’s a classic!!
Would have given the student an A++.
Hahaha. God, I like how that guys brain is wired!
Of course, the Sun Temple at Konark is a winner, also!
Okay, now you have my attention about Puri and Goa
I’m in. But I have to warn you, I don’t “backpack.” I like a shower (though I don’t mind no hot water) and an appropriate place to sleep at night. You game?
Meh, been there done that on a shoestring. I’m happy with a touch of comfort.
ixnay on the “no hot water” part.
If you travel in some of the places DrB and I are talking about, you’ll take what you can get!
8-X
:-X
*RIGL*
Indeed, hence the “if such a thing were to occur as described” qualifier. Isn’t it interesting though how so few people actually seem to know even the standards put forth in their own religious world view?
that must be why, on the 8th day, God cooked up a bit o’meth.
Said “oh what have I done” and went off to get wasted.
Oops, I forgot how foul the word that’s synonymous with “visualize” is around here. This is likely to end up a double post, but in case my previous effort doesn’t make it through the moderator …
.
Today marks a sad day for the living (it actually happened yesterday), having lost both Farrah Faucet and Michael Jackson. But the zombies are now being trained by the master himself to do the Thriller dance, so the apocalypse will at least be more entertaining.
.
Visualize the difference – thousands of zombies staggering down the street like Night of the Living Dead, or Dawn of the Dead, versus thousands of zombies dancing down the street like in the Thriller video.
.
The living has no chance against us now.
Oddly enough, ZA — I thought of you after I heard about Michael. Maybe it was because of a co-worker who suggested we all start practicing the Thriller dance. *shrugs*
Choreographed zombies! I love it! You might want to do something about your tendency to drop limbs mid-move, though. I recommend duct tape.
Dragon and the Admiral have a…. sizable stockpile of duct tape, but they may not want to part with it.
Are we talking like “Alabama Chrome” here or the neon stuff?
I can do a pretty good Vincent Price. The voice, not the dead body.
*pictures MJ teaching my uncle G. the moonwalk – cuz he’d like that!*
Aaaaw…MJ. Why did he have to die?
As Mal pointed out last night, the MJ we know and loved left us over a decade ago
True. I was hoping that he would redeem himself. I was waiting. *sigh* My baby is heartbroken.
Poor Michael!
That’s methed up…
You don’t tthey?
Now you’re just teatthing him! This should be taken ttheriously, dammit!
Thou thhalt not thteal.
Thop making fun of me!
I am not making fun…I was justh going to give you a squeeze. *squeeze* Thheriously!
Itth OK, Malithite. We’re all jutht kidding you.
Shethhs right.
Yeth, jutht teathing.
*thqueethe*
i bet that is a nice place to go….
Their athletes always win the hundred yard dash!
They’re not so good at the marathon though…
I can’t think of anything constructive to say…
So I’ll just point out that it’s a double fail:
Meth (being a drug) bible camp.
And underneath the sign saying it’s a dead end.
Thank you.
Hence the title, “Double Fail.” Thank you.
You are right. You don’t have anything constructive to say. Good day to you.
Note to all: “Omnes_Servos” is Greek for “Captain Obvious.”
*Shrug*
It’s all Greek to me.
*snork*
OPA!!!!
*pounces her Leila*
ZOMG!!! Taya is here!
*squeeze* How are you today?
I’m good *purrs and kneads gently with her front paws on Laila’s lap*
Nothing like a kitty to make me happy!!
*scratches Taya’s head and snuggles*
I love my Leila *purrrrrr*
What’s Greek for Admiral Apparent?
“The Man in the Mirror” is playing on the radio now. That’s a nice one.
(They’ve been doing this all day, as I suspect many other radio stations around the world are doing.)
They are in Houston Judy. One of the DJs was crying his eyes out on air this morning.
THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!!!
I know Mal. I am usually on the other side of the spectrum when it comes to celebrities deaths and I really don’t care (hence Fawcett), but something is just different for me. I admit the guy crying on the radio was over the top but many loved him.
I’m only sad because he was a brilliant singer and influenced all kinds of dance so in that way we lost a Talent… but otherwise no.
Jackson has my sympathy…he was obviously a deeply troubled person with some very serious problems, and I !magine his life was not a happy one. He suffered from body dysmorphic disorder, and it became clear long ago that his brain just isn’t wired right. But he had a spark of genius, and the way he influenced the music world is a legacy that will never be lost.
I also feel for those who are mourning, though I personally am not. Love isn’t rational, and I’m not going to tell anyone they have no cause for grief, or shouldn’t feel what they feel. You’re not a jerk for not understanding it, Mal…I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. The jerks are the ones who ridicule and deride and judge those who feel something different from themselves.
That may make me a jerk… but I’m content with that…
You are NOT a jerk Malicite. The thought didn’t even cross my mind. Seriously. You are entitled to your opinion.
Yeah, I feel bad now…I shouldn’t judge people for feeling grief…
Jerky or not, I still thought the “Leave Britney Alone!” video was high-larious, albeit a little disturbing!
Oh I’ll judge that guy any day! It was hysterical!
That was a guy?
People who do not judge are missing part of their humanity (involves both positivity and negativity). It is part of the base human emotional set. jmho.
How dare you feel that way!!
feelings… nothing more than feeelings. …
Malicite, don’t feel bad … please? If you feel bad, I will feel bad because you feel bad and that’s just bad. You feel me?
*feels her*
I felt you
*Makes Mal a suit out of felt*
And I hereby felt you, too!
*Presents suit with a flourish*
*feels like the 70s*
*feels like the first time*
They say this cat Mal is a bad mother SHUTYOURMOUTH!
I’m only talkin’ ’bout Malicite!
It’s true about the Jacksons not having a happy childhood. Biographical information makes it quite evident that their dad was really tough on them, to say the least. I agree, DW, that it’s sad for that reason, but I do also wonder about people who become truly obsessed with celebrities. I think that they probably have issues of their own to work out.
There’s WAY too much life out there to live vicariously through a glossy magazine!
Agreed! Although there’s nothing wrong with killing time at work by living vicariously through a virtual FailBlog!
*squeeze* True! Ciao now, I must away
(Nepal’s nice also
but best to fly into Kathmandu – it’s a hellova bus trip!)
*Delayed reaction squeeze*
If you see this later, have a great weekend!
If anyone wants to have some fun this weekend, I’ll be working at a huge ATV run in Adena, Ohio – Rumble on the Ridge. We’ve got 27 miles of trails on 3000 acres. Check out the clicky if you’re curious. I’ll be worn out by Monday, but it will be a blast!
I wanna ride an ATV!!!! That looks like so much fun.
Ooh, I haven’t ridden one in ages! We had a couple of Suzuki quad runners when ATCs were popular. I rolled them many many times. My Levi’s were never the same.
Leila – that’s where Andrew took me on our first date! We rode an ATV and went to the Club’s annual corn roast! It was great!
Moderation? MODERATION!! But I didn’t use the magic *i* word!
.
*gets all angry*
*attacks the moderator with a savagery that’s unparalleled*
*shreds moderators skull with his teeth*
*feasts on the smelly, gooey fecal matter in moderators skull*
*kicks moderators body a few times for fun*
*drags body into grave, dumps body*
*notices he forgot the tarp – oops*
*leaves before anyone notices the mess*
As way of info. The powers that be have closed a few blocks of Hollywood Boulevard halfway. His star is at (about) Hollywood and Highland. The right lane is closed and peop