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Cheezburger Network Blog
In the old days you just got a hook.
thats actually not true
Straight out of vaudeville, doctor.
Gawd. So many people with PhDs give people with PhDs a bad name…
I’m sure you’ve heard this a million times, but, can’t resist.
Two rednecks are sitting around talking about educated city folk. The first asks, “What fer all those fancy letters after them’s names?” The second replies, “Well, first ya get a BS. And ya already know what that stands fer!!”
The other nods. “Then there’s MS. That means ‘More of the Same’. Finally, if you do lots more schoolin’ there’s the PhD!”
“And what does PhD stand fer?”
“Piled Higher and Deeper!”
Ayup! In grad school we called it that all the time!
Ahem.
I once wore a badge with my name followed by “D.E.G.” when I worked in a veterinary hospital as a tech.
When asked, I explained that it was for “Doctor of Electric Guitar”.
or for “Dull Electronic goose”
damned elf garments
Ducks eat grass? -shot-
or dick ejaculated goo
or maybe even the ” dumb emo Guy” …
Dummy eats glue
Or, in Brett Michael’s case, a hooker.
or 5.
Or Pamela Anderson and a handy cam.
did he die?
If only.
aww…i like poison…
It crushed him to death but its 2 grusome to show
or tomatoes
or red lighted if you’re a comedian.
or you get pelted with dead dog parts in certain countries
Wow, that’s worse than getting booed off the stage at the Apollo Theater.
Worse than watching what’s on the stage on America’s Got Talent (or maybe it doesn’t…)
youre right thats no good at all
Mmm, dead dog parts. Good source of protein, if you’re desperate. And living off the proceeds of stand up comedy counts as desperation.
or gonged. (from the Gong Show)
or having-something-happen-to-you daily (from the Daily Show)
or getting pregnant (on all of those teen drama shows)
Ha! Great minds, lurk!
*claps hands* And now, please welcome *claps hands* … The Unknown Comic!
brewski youre on like every fail comment page ever
No fail comment is complete without a Brewski.
Amen, Judy.
It’s going to be one of those days…isn’t it?
You guys are all way too kind.
*squeezes all*
I responded to Qwazzie down below.
Pffft. I’ve seen nothing from him yet that deserves a response.
*squeeze*
I’m getting close to using the mackerel.
I think you should just do it Avis.
Qwazzie might be redeemable – after all, wasn’t it X-Phile who was first smacked with the mackerel? If he belongs here, he won’t let a little smackage get him down.
Well, it can only be proven one way. Let the smackdown begin…
It used to be a halibut, months ago. We’ve all be thwacked by it at some point. We’ve been known to thwack each other, in jest.
I am not the only wielder of fish around here.
No, but since you’re the one who shellacked it, you’re usually the first one to bring it out.
*gets comfy to watch the show*
I don’t remember, was it you who first thwacked someone, or was that me? I know I’m the one that shellacked it, for preservation purposes…. and maximum damage.
I’ve not got thwacked…does that mean I’ve got no…tendencies?
I haven’t been smacked by either, yet. *feels left out*
*opens mouth, gets claws ready for snaggin fish*
I could use some breakfast…
I began the thwackage…but you made it your own!
And AP…I ALMOST thwacked you once, but I felt too guilty to actually do it.
There are a few thwackable offenses.
Note: getting between Dragon and the Admiral can result in getting smacked with a spatula. We all have our…. shticks here.
Smacked with a spatula???
I got a light toasting for that!
People who pester me usually end up getting smacked with a spatula.
Aaah, fond memories…
Spatula? I thought it was a FOOOOM.
.
:confused:
I must have really pestered then… or just got in the middle during the heat of the moment.
*rescues Aiki from an imminent spatFOOM*
Does GBF also stock fireproof suits beside the hazmat ones? And are they any good against dragon fire. (Just in case, future reference and all.)
I do indeed have fireproof suits as well. They’re for wearing when DW sneezes.
Not much helps, Bearly. I’m still growing hair back from an accidental FOOOOOMing! I’d hate to be on the end of a full-force FOOOOM.
Eep! I think I’d better just watch my mouth and learn when to make a swift exit! But GBF, I think you’ve learned well from Q. You always have what we need! *Squeeze*
Yes, that young rascal has been very organized since I started teaching him.
*ruffles GBF’s hair*
It’s the Admirable Admiral who smites with the spatula!
And Aiki, how are your radiation burns healing? GLOWERS can be nasty!
Hee! Yup, sorry. I ran out for a haircut and came back to much confusion!
If the Admiral sees someone bothering me, he’ll flatten ‘em with a spatula. If someone bothers me personally, usually I’ll just ignore ‘em…unless they get between me and my Admiral, and which point fireballs fly.
The very “special” trolls get the *FOOOOOOM!!!*. And, I’ll admit, every now and then I’ll sneeze with a bit of flame in it.
*looks apologetically at Ms B*
But on the other hand…my hair looks FABULOUS now!
I’m pretty versatile when it comes to dealing with people that are bothering you, me, or any of our friends. The spatula is the preferred method for dealing with critters wearing hats.
brett michaels has always liked to have a brewski or ten within easy reach.
true
your point being?
my point being hes on every fail blog ever.
and im still supposed to assasinate you.
*clobbers with shower rod*
*dons rubber gloves*
*THWACKS Qwazzie with a slimy, half rotten mackerel*
Wow. You didn’t even shellack it first.
*plugs nose*
I really wish she would have!
We all need showers now.
what’s the difference between the brett michaels of today and brett michaels back in high school?
1) name
2) 60 lb
3) still needs a shower
The answer is: Potato
No, I’m afraid the answer is: 43 miles per hour, depending on who was murdered in the dining room with a golf club.
42.
It was Colonel Mustard!
Yes, Hammykins, well done! You have won today’s Who wants to Cluedo a Jeopardy Monopoly Millionaire Pursuit Quiz!
Hammy! Your future is so bright that you have to wear shades, now?
By the way, I’ve always loved your avatar. Where’d you get that, anyway?
I drew it.
*standing ovation*
Thank you! I’d bow, but I know better!
*Joins the ovation* Hey, can you smack him to the tune of the 1812 Overture?
*crawls from grave, expecting to be summoned soon*
*waits patiently, after having seen Avis’s thwacking job*
*impressed with her technique*
*applauds for Avis*
*hides ET finger behind back, waiting*
*Watches ZA emerge*
*Wonders if it’s the rotted fish that caused it*
*joins ovaiton*
No Boobie, that’s what impressed me though. Whenever I hear a troll use a form of the word “assassinate”, I know someone will call for me. It’s always been that way and likely always will be.
.
Interesting I wasn’t called this time. Fascinating.
She has such THWACKING grace!!!!
Where’s my Leila? I want my Leila… Oh there she is! *scampers over and crawls into Leila’s lap, and purrs loudly*
I missed you!
*screams in excitement*
Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! It’s Taya!!! I missed you too…
*squeeze and pets Taya*
*snuggles close to Leila, happily purring*
*brings out brush and brushes Taya’s wings and fur*
You have such soft fur.
Yay! I get pettings and brushings and… *purrrrrr*
…do you like treats?
I love kittys! and kittys love me because i have fishy breath!(being a penguin an’ all!)
*scratches taya behind ears*
Yes I do *purrs and snuggles against her Leila*
*nuzzles the Tofu penguin*
*is at peace*
*curls up right beside Taya and purrs*
Genets can purr too, ya know! 
And hello! *newbie right hur*
*scritches the newbie’s ears*
*shivers and stretches* Oooh! That’s nice – you hit right on the flea market
Hi! *purs and nuzzles*
*nuzzles her Dragon too*
*adds an extra ‘r’ in purrs*
Awww… you guys!
Bearly, only with the shellacked variety, otherwise I get fish guts all over the place.
*is impressed by that as well*
ZA, he’s all yours if you still want him.
what’s wrong with stinky slimey fish guts?
.
*shreds Qwazzie’s skull with his face*
*faceskull*
*stops, throws down tarp*
*savagely makes a mess with Qwazzie’s skull contents that dwarfs all other messes ever made*
*picks up tarp*
*throws tarp into nearby river*
*admires ZA’s ability to clean up after himself*
Zombies can be trained! Good zombie!
*offers bowl of fresh warm brains*
I doubt that was very filling.
Mmmmm, thanks!
.
*faceplant*
nomnomnomnom
*wonders where Ms. B was able to procure fresh, warm brains*
*also wonders* *shudder*
I have my sources…
*hobbles in, hunched over*
Did you need anything else, oh Master B???
Thank you, Igor. You may go now. Run along and play.
Avis, you have any fresh fish for me and AngelPlume? We’re hungry kitties!
Sorry, just the half rotted and the shellacked versions. Fresh fish aren’t exactly very punishing.
Who cares about punishing with fresh fish? If you can please get some fresh fish for the resident kitties of FB? *mews*
Here Taya, have some salmon.
*hands fresh Pacific coast salmon*
*gives belly rub*
Oops, sorry! Someone should have pointed me to a stream sooner. Next time I’ll be on top of it.
Bearly, here in FB you don’t have to disclose your preference in sexual positions. I’m just sayin…
And I thought too much caffeine was bad for your libido.
Doesn’t seem to affect everybody.
*eats the salmon* nomnomnom
Thank you *purrrrrrrr*
Salmon?! *kittygenet stare of aforeseen doom* Salmon for RG? c:
Here, have some oysters.
*mews and sings* Fishy fish, oh fishy fish, I wish I wish I wish, I could reach inside your bowl and eat you up whole!
[would never eat the resident fishies or birdies here because they’re my friends
I would eat a regular bird, even though I don’t like fish.
No eating Avis or Parrothead though! They’re our friends
That’s because he’s, like, a failblog regular.
@ Brewski: GGGOOONNNNNGGGGG!!!!
i love it!
Great minds do lurk. Greater minds join in the fun. Lesser minds troll or appear in the fail itself.
*writes this comment down*
.
That’s a keeper!
Aw, thanks! *Looks down modestly and bats eyelashes*
/whisper Bear, he was talking to me. I’m lurk. Nice to meet you. *gives Bearly Awake a bear hug* /whisper
I know, I was making a pun.
Sorry it didn’t work. *Bear hug back*
I got it!
*squeeze*
*Includes DW in the bear hug*
Sorry. I’ve been distracted by work today.
What?
What is work?
I am supposed to write my career goals. *falls off chair laughing* Can you believe it???? I will pay anyone to do it for me. It’s due this Friday.
Let’s see, career goals … how about “doing my job just well enough so you’ll leave me the phuq alone so I can spend my day playing around on failblog and get paid for it.”
.
What do you mean pay cut??
:angry:
Hmm, let’s try this one …
>:o(
*gets more ticked off*
*gives up*
try : evil :
Try the word MAD enclosed in :
I like your goal. I will put it there as my #1.
Pointy-Haired Boss:”Wally, what are your goals for the coming year?”
Wally: “My goal is to replace my soul with coffee and become immortal.”
PHB:”I mean something about work.”
Wally: “Oh, I thought you said *my* goals.”
I’m so glad to see you’re not letting this pay cut get to you, ZA.
Yeah ZA. I don’t mean to make light of work when you just suffered a pay cut. Sorry about that. Keep your chin up – if you still have it that is.
Thanks folks, the pay cut could have been worse. Some people get cut to zero, I didn’t.
.
Still, it feels like being happy because I was killed instead of crippled – neither choice really feels that great.
Yay! Our zombie did it! *gives ZA a leftover brain from one of the obviously brainless trolls in past fails*
work is a 4-letter word…
does remind me of a good fish joke I heard at work once.
Thanks Taya!
.
*consumes troll “brains”, despite smell*
like my new avatar!?!?
yes, i know, its ingenious.
It’s great Tofu!!
*squeeze*
Peeennnggguuuiii!~ *ninjapenguinsqueeze*
You know it’s gotta be good if you’re gettin’ hugs from strangers! Like mine? 
thanks!!
And it’s curtains for Brett!
Kind of fits with his attempts to regain popularity, eh?
Those attempts are pathetically sad. At least the video was funny!
Didn’t he used to be somebody, back in the old days?
*snerk*
That was before he hit the wall, apparently.
Now I would have DIED laughing had the thing ripped his toupee (aka weave) off.
Whew! Good thing that didn’t happen, then!
We’ve already got one ZA around here anyway.
Ok, I’m a little ashamed to admit that I had to google him.
Now I have an earworm, theng-kew-veddy-much.
I think I got one as soon as I saw his name. I share your pain.
I was about to google him when I read your comment. Thanks for the warning.
*smashes head repeatedly against numerous hard objects, trying to keep that earworm away*
*remembers it from the ’80’s*
*wishes he didn’t*
HEY! Don’t smash your head on numerous
hard objects…you’ll kill yourse….
*pause*
…you’ll ….come back to life?
I’m tempted to implode the universe at this point.
*dives for cover*
I don’t think this will work, but it’s worth a shot!
*universe implodes, and sings “A whole new world”*
Ya know, my lives are getting shorter and shorter. Sometimes the universe implodes twice a day giving me only 5 minutes to reincarnate before another death.
Thanks GBF!
*kinda wishes he would do that again*
Yeah…that whole implosion thing sorta loses it’s OOMPH! after the tenth time, doesn’t it…?
Okay, by special request!
*universe explodes, and sings “Stayin’ Aliv”*
Google Bret Michaels? I wasn’t even alive in the ’80s and I know who he is!
ya but you know him from his shitty tv shows
we know him from his shitty music
I only know him from his shitty headplant.
You’re lucky. Trust me on that one.
Beats me. I only heard of him today.
I knew him ever since about 5 minutes ago.
Guys get weaves?
Guys who love the long hair they sported back when they were 20 years old. I hear he has major hair loss, hence the bandana all the time.
Why do some people just refuse to age? What is wrong with aging?
Hey, at least it gives us lots of entertainment value, being able to ridicule those who so desperately grasp to the things of their youth!
Two words: Joan Rivers
Yikes!!!!
*walks in sporting Ben Franklin hairdo, Hash jeans, leather vest, and a moustache*
Hey chicks! You look groovy!
*tries to stifle laughter*
*Is impressed that Brewski is still wearing pants of any kind this late in the day*
Especially after his rebirth earlier today…
*beams with pride*
I’m sticking with good old fashioned Lee jeans today. Can’t bust ‘em!
*triple fails to remember what thread he is posting in*
*notes that Hash jeans are indestructible as well*
*calls police*
*reports Brewski’s hash jeans*
*gets them busted*
Woo…! Let’s set THESE pants on fire!
*dives into grave in a panic before DW decides to foom Brewski’s hash jeans*
Now you’re talking, Dragon!
*grabs popcorn*
*kicks back and watches the show*
*thought he would never utter these words*
Can someone tell me what happened. It is getting stuck in a load loop. I can’t view it.
It’s the one where Brett Michaels is leaving the stage and the set piece for the next segment descends. He walks into it and hits his head – hard. It was on some awards show very recently, can’t remember which.
It was on the 2009 Tony’s. I’m frankly a little surprised it took so long to get on here. It was all over the internet everywhere else as soon as it happened.
I thought he was trying to sneak his way under that set thingie and got knocked down.
He got knocked down, but he got up again?
Bret Michaels walks toward back of stage at end of number. A big wall/backdrop thingie lowers from up high, and knocks him backwards to the ground.
And Bret couldn’t it see because of his hat. That and he likely wasn’t paying attention.
He was probably so happy…
“Man I really nailed that preformance.” then !!!BLAMO!!!
Fast fact: that thing he walked into weighed over 200 lbs and hit him on the nose. Directly. Has anyone here ever managed to skin their nose? Brett did.
(My apologies for any spelling errors. I am using a computer that is rather old… and Internet Explorer 6)
*moderately attacks Mystraven for using internet exploder, especially IE6*
*pushes him (her?) face down in the mud*
*kicks while down*
*escapes before doing serious damage – or getting caught!*
Is that what happened to Michael Jacksons nose too?
Yes, but that’s what dress rehearsals are for and tech rehearsals. Because they say, “Be here by this time or you’ll get nailed in the head with this set piece we’re flying down.” That’s why it’s important to always find your mark and get there when you’re supposed to get there.
Yup, but Brett refused to show up for both rehearsals (he was the only one). I guess he might actually think twice about that next time.
haha i get it.
Qwazzie, be careful. You’re in danger of being an overly prolific poster. When you’re new, it’s often best to ease in gradually, let people get to know you. If you find a good spot to contribute, jump in. Posts like the above don’t add much. And don’t insult anybody, as you did to velvet down below. I’m willing to assume you were just kidding around, but you’re treading on very thin ice when you do that.
Thanks!
oh dont worry i only posted on fail a year ago.
im what you call “secretly seasoned”
*raises eyebrow*
Hmm.
*raises Brewski’s other eyebrow*
What the hell does he/she/it mean by that?
Sounds tasty. I like my food well seasoned.
Me too then.
*brings cumin to add to food*
That’s how I like my men, too.
Well seasoned by life.
I like my men barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen.
Give them chocolate!
I like mine like I like my Scotch.
Single (malt), straight (up), and neat.
I’m glad you didn’t say 12 years old.
I like my men screaming and terrified. I like my women that way too.
.
I wanted to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
I won’t drink anything under 18 years.
MRN – why does Michael Jackson like 25 year olds? Because there’s 20 of them!
Yikes, don’t make me the focal point of this genre of jokes, I just didn’t want to pass up the scotch straight line.
MRN, your scotch comment to dragon made me LOL!
I think of it as being a response to the comment, not to DW. I only wish it was put out there by someone I didn’t have so much respect for, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever get another chance to use it.
Don’t worry…I lol’d!
*thinks about making a comment*
*scotches the idea*
As if you needed to, anyway.
*POUNCE!!!!*
My apologies for not waiting on you earlier…
*pours Scotch*
I didn’t feel like drinking alone!
And…there’s no crying in Failblog!! :p
I couldn’t help it. I saw UP.
OOoooooohh. Oh, I see.
Yes, it is, rather…isn’t it?
*smooch*
.
My hero!
.
*swoons*
That’s for Brewski, not Quazi-normal.
*catches velvet*
*smooches back*
Okay there, sweetie?
Oh, sure. I’ll do just about anything to end up in your arms.
.
*snuggles*
Has anyone seen my camera?
I got tired of being your “subject”, so I took it.
And I’m not telling you where it is!
I think I saw Qwazzie walking around very awkwardly and uncomfortably…
Ms B already confessed
…and you (Brewski) need to unistall the under-the-desk cam you put in @ my desk.
I may or may not have shoved that camera up Qwazzie’s bum.
Oh, um…
I did not have sexual relations with that camera!
…and I was trying to give you a hint as to where she may have hidden it!
Oh! The camera! Spoilsport. :p
I definitely do not want that camera back.
*goes online to shop for new camera*
Is that like Abby Normal?
Prezactly, IUL.
.
What hump?
I had a lovely brown tabby-cat named Abby Normal.
She was the bestest cat.
“Abby, something….”
“Abby Normal, that was it!”
Sedagive?
yes, Judy.
back in the old days he was a high school loser with a different name.
watch your head
Hey there Bret
Better watch your head
Or pretty soon you’ll be dead
Decapitated on stage like that
Clotheslined or beaned?
clotheslined. hands down
Actually, whole body down, ego first.
It actually hit his nose first…
Do you think skinning your nose hurts?
Hoe Down!
*hits the floor*
He’s bringing down the house
In Soviet Russia… *flees*
The house brings you down?
The house always wins.
Housefly?
….house?
*chases MRN with a hammer and sicle*
*cowers in dark corner with bottle of Stolichnaya*
*hires a dozen babushka assassins to locate and destroy MRN*
Heh heh heh, he’ll never suspect this!
*rubs hands together while grinning evil grin*
*pretending to be a babushka assasin*
hmmm… whats goin on in that corner over there?
So…he got clobbered with an iron curtain, then?
If he hadn’t been Stalin so long, he could have gotten off stage earlier.
Yeah, but as it was, he was Bloc-ed.
He should have Red the stage notes more carefully.
Too much of a class struggle.
I bet they had one hell of a Party afterwards.
Not really, they ran out of White Russians.
They do have a nice commie-nity.
Can we keep Chernen(ko) these puns forever?
I’m lenin towards “yes”.
I’ll try putin in more puns.
Finally I can put my myrrh to good use.
Hmm, smells leika church in here.
Well, Chechnya out! All I could think of at lunch was Putin puns… Ni-Soviet to be covered already! Although I was al-Moscow’ed out of the punrun!
Sorry I’m so late. I had chicken Kiev for lunch and wound up with a case of the Trotskys.
Actually, that’ll leave several Marx.
He should have tried Lenin forward a bit further.
*pulls hair out, russian around trying to add a clever comment*
That’s just a bunch of bolshevik!
Don’t Cossack her!
(again)
…or I’ll lock you up with the caged bee!
…or I’ll lock you up with the caged bee!
Watch your head! Moving parts.
That’s what he said…
…. to velvets mom
Oh! How funny!
You are quite the wit!
Do trolls understand sarcasm?
No, they don’t. That’s why so many of them think they’re cool. They don’t realize that most people are actually making fun of them, not agreeing with them.
The bottom of this fail is already making me ready to reach for my Excedrin.
I would seem they have issues with counting as well. vv
*loans a t to avis*
I haven’t gotten there yet…now I just want to stay up at the top here with you guys.
Dragons like it better on top?
*flees*
Dragons like it just about any way we can get it!
(JUST about, I said…we’re somewhat averse to potatoes.)
*insert Admiral post here VVV*
Where’s the Admiral?
Otherwise occupied for a few days.
But he’ll be back!
I would try to substitute with a clever flirty post, but it just wouldn’t feel right…
Igor! Did I give you permission to leave the laboratory?? Now stop bothering Dragon and get back to finding me some fresh brains!!!
*snorkity*
I’m here with with my flirty post and surrounded by four more. And, I’m not tied up at the moment.
Well, that’s just wrong! We’ll just have to do something about that…
*clambers up into the four poster*
thanks i try
Theory confirmed.
indeed
I’ve been badly out of the loop. Should I be tossing Qwazzie into the Sun?
*hoists Qwazzie by the ankle, waiting expectantly*
Well let’s see … earlier Avis thwacked it with a rotting mackerel (not the shellacked one, a rotting one). I’ve had my way with it above … sure, go for it.
That’s my Zombie! Having his way with the interesting one! Good zombie! *tosses a severed arm*
*hurls Qwazzie into the Sun*
I hadn’t done that in a couple weeks. It felt wonderful.
Hey Jimbo!
I’m not sure that was called for. Ah well. Poor Qwazzie. He went out in a blaze of glory. Emphasis on “blaze”.
I was lulled into a false sense of security…
SECURITY!!
.
Get these sunburned trolls out of here and back at the pools, please. Just stick them under an umbrella.
.
Thank you!
*rubs velvet’s disco ball*
*waits to see what happens*
Poof!
*Bret Michaels appears*
You’re not old enough to know the contents of my disco ball.
.
But Aiki has spent time with me in the S&M chamber there. And Brewski does a little ’shake n bake’ with me in there, too.
I saw the inside of Velvet’s ball once. It was, it was-
*turns pale*
*screams and runs out of the room, with arms in air, a la YMCA*
I’m thinking that even if I didn’t originally intend that ^^ as a rhetorical question, it’s obviously best left as one.
Oooh! Now I’m all shiny! Bring a mag lite and magnifing glass and we’ll fry some trolls.
.
*started to make a comment referring to the latest Lady Gaga song’s about taking a ride on a disco stick but decided it was too x-rated*
Aww….phoo.
Maybe you can unleash your raunch after the children get sent to bed.
*snork*
I love that song. When the hubby heard it I think his eyeballs about popped out of his head.
When hearing the song or rather watching the video that accompanies it?
Just the song. I don’t watch videos much anymore.
His eyes will light on fire if he sees the video then. She is quite racy.
That’ll leave a mark.
Yay! Repeat your Spaceballs anniversary reference from the last fail.
Maybe you thought I was being sarcastic (my usual mood, so understandable). I’ll repeat it for you, because it’s that significant:
Iusuallylurk ♀ says:
June 24, 2009 at 10:00 am
Ooh, did you know that today is the 22nd anniversary of the day that Spaceballs was released in theaters? I heard it on the radio this morning.
Sorry. I got distracted by work. (Don’t they know around here that I’m busy playing on failblog? The nerve!)
*paraphrasing* I knew it. You’re surrounded by a$$holes!
*snork!*
a mark on his dignity… or whats left of it.
Old News Fail.
Still Funny Fail.
New To Me Fail.
so true
Don’t care if it was 10 years ago, it’s still funny.
Even if I had seen it, I would have laughed. Anything that embarasses a tool like Brett Michaels is worth watching.
he should remove his shades, or he will end up in hospital with broken neck
Gong!
Opprtunity for INDIANA JONES WIN hopelessly missed. When will he ever be wearing THAT hat in front of a descending wall ever again? Fail.
Bigger Fail: Actually watching Brett Michaels, or Brett Michaels failing?
The title of this post is the very definition of redundant.
*wholeheartedly agrees*
*or as wholeheartedly as is possible for a zombie*
there’s a difference?
Don’t know him.
Never will either.
10th
10th… what?
28th
same question
30th
same again
32nd
and again
ohioskateuniv.wordpress.com
they paved ohio put up a parking lot
way to go, ohio, oh
Ohio was paradise? They paved paradise and put up a parking lot. Ohhh bop bop bop.
I don’t really care for that version.
I’d care for some venison right now. I’m very hungry.
*looks up*
Someone has food?!
There’s food? Care to give to the hungry kitten?
*Tosses Taya a mullet*
*eats it*
click^
No
How about mine? Completely work safe.
“404 error. File not found.”
Yep, that’s work safe alright!
Hmmm. Try this one, if this doesn’t work, something is amiss.
Still no go.
Ok, THIS should work. Grrrrrrr. I went to the site and cut and pasted the url.
I love it!!!
I adore the little ICQ guy!
It didn’t work for me. Maybe it’s a mister?
*snerk* I think I fixed it. I think.
You did.
*squeeze*
I like you, too.
There are others too! I’m sorry and some “blissed out” thing. The sorry one is hysterical.
I have to say I laughed hard when I saw it @ home.
blissed out? thought you didn’t like hershey’s products…
Is Arthur making you guys scream out 404 error?
Abort! Retry! Abort! Retry!
404 errors are completely work safe, to be sure.
Oh, hi Brewski! Stoli?
…and what happened to my poor old babushka?
MRN?! Curses! Foiled again!
*takes Stoli*
Er, thanks!
Hey! No fair! I can still see straight!
I’m afraid, Avis.
*cowers*
I clicked granny’s in the last fail.
I try to give warning if it’s gonna be bleach inducing. I’ll use the twisted smilie or just say NSW. THIS clickie, assuming it works is safe.
*ahem* I mean this clickie.
Awwwww, sweet! I like you, too!
*pst* add a ‘.’ between 1 and cfm
Well, that’s a fail right there! You should know better than to trust any links from GCF!!
*demands payment from brewski for not assasinating MRN*
*earflick*
I don’t believe I owe you anything!
But here’s a potato anyway. Have fun!
Hey! I could have made more vodka with that potato!
I don’t think you want to, if Brewski got that potato from where I think he got that potato…
*demands payment from anyone to save Qwazzie-moto-dumbsh!t’s life*
*doesn’t find any takers*
*vehemently shreds all remains of the troll*
*feasts on the mess*
Good Zombie!
I may never be able to look at a cow the same way ever again.
Oh…oh Judy. You didn’t.
Have you learned NOTHING during your time at Failblog??
NO CLICKIE!!! (Especially GCF!)
I think you’ve been to this clickie before. Totally safe. And friendly!
Thanks Avis I liked that one.
*sobs*
I’m sorry!
There, there…you’ll be okay…
*squeezes Judy*
A cow? What… no, wait. I don’t want to know. I do NOT want to know!
cowabunga…. why peeps no likum cows?
It’s not that we don’t like cows. It’s that any clickie that originates from Granny is likely to be brain bleach inducing. And apparently this one involves cows. So I really don’t want to know!
It wasn’t that bad Avis. Just normal Ag & Tech stuff.
The wink doesn’t help. Still not gonna clikie!
Seriously, with some of the links I post, don’t you think I do enough damage to myself????
Can’t argue with sound logic Avis.
It’s a video of some English school children observing a vet helping a cow deliver. He gets it bass ackwards if ya know what I mean.
He shoves the calf back IN????
I bet that was a very revealing demonstration.
Let’s just say he took the road more traveled.
PLEASE let there someday be a video fail to match that! ^^^
(referring to Judy’s 10:35 am quote)
Typing while laughing is difficult at best.
Takes some serious training…
And resolution. Never forget resolution.
What does picture quality have to do with it?
He stands resolute to format his humo(u)r correctly.
@ MRN: *snorkroffle!*
Please let it be this one.
http(colon)//failblog(dot)org/vote/page/462/
Don’t have a cow, man.
Good advice, Bart.
The hills are alive with the sound of…
er…
cow farts?
and the hills are alive with the smell of cow PIES!
Maybe now he’ll get rid of that stupid hat
FIRST!
that would be a negatory ghost rider
Who or what is a “Bret Michaels”? And who cares?
Previously known as lead singer for the glam rock band Poison.
.
Currently known for Rock of Love on VH1.
Guillotine stage win.
Wow, maybe there iz a God afterall
Naaah, I don’t think so.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! I just returned from the past fail and…and…
… *sob* … Brewski is now celibate? Wh…why? Who is responsible? …and may I add that I OBJECT?!? 
Awww! Cute! Leila’s OBJECTing again!
Brewski and celibacy just don’t go together…
Join me Leila! I feel so… cleansed! So pure and of clean thoughts!
*feels Brewski Jr. rising to attention*
*crosses legs awkwardly*
Er… please excuse me… gotta go to the men’s room!
*runs away*
*snork*
So, do you think it’s easier for a woman to abstain?
*sees Seinfeld, season 4, episode 11, evolving right here on FB*
No…no it is not.
Impossible!!
Men get tension that builds day by day. Women just get horny once a month!
Avis…where’s that halibut..?!?!
*hands over the halibut*
Brewski, brace yourself!
He will take it like the man he is.
*bends over*
(In my defence/se, I’m practically married, so once-a-month isn’t far off
This is going to hurt you a lot more than it hurts me.
*braces feet*
*grips halibut*
*backswings*
*loses grip on halibut, which zooms backwards across the room and crashes into the trophy case*
*overbalances and stumbles into Brewski*
*uses him to cushion the fall*
…Um…TA-DA!!
Dang! It broke the only trophy I ever won – the Big Mouth Billy Bass. How will I replace it?
*looks at halibut*
hmmmm… I have an idea…
MRN, if you make it sing, I still have the shellacked mackerel, and I’m not afraid to use it!
*hopes trails off*
I find those singing fish kinda funny. Only the first time the run through their set.
Not even then Emp, not even then.
Meh, you may be right. Their allure wears off quick.
*SNORK*
It doesn’t really matter – it’s the third sign of the apocalypse. We’re all gonna die, except ZA, who is already there.
What do you mean we’re all gonna die?
Sorry, are you planning to be raptured? I live in the Bible Belt and sometimes see people driving around with bumper stickers saying, “In case of rapture, this car will be unmanned.” It took me years to get it.
Raptured? NO!! I am celibate now.
Whaaaaa? Not you, too!
Wrong kind of Rapture Leila!
Bearly: Are you serious? I see Christian stickers all the time, but that’s a little over the top.
Heehee
I personally like the stickers that say “What Would Jesus Do”. My thought is that Jesus probably wouldn’t cut me off like your ass just did and almost cause me to have a collision with another car.
We
Want
Jack
Daniels
That’s what it really stands for, right?
Yes. Exactly.
*worries about Avis buys and mails her a WWJD yellow rubber bracelet*
HeeHee!!!!
What would Jon Do?
willy wonka jumped deck?
Who Wants Jimmy Dean?
.
eewwww
.
*feels nauseous, which is unusual for a zombie*
willy wonked jimmy dean?
*feels strangely aroused
Sorry, just getting back from a little lunch. Yes, I’m for real, I see those stickers. And going to middle and high school here, I was asked (condescendingly) if I was *saved* more times than I can count.
Are you saved?
Don’t make me growl, Leila!
*runs away from Bearly*
*fears nothing that isn’t on fire*
*notes the bear isn’t on fire*
.
So, you’re telling us you haven’t been saved? You look pretty alive to me, so someone must have saved you at some point.
I love how many Christians forget that pride is the worst of the seven deadly sins.
That particular breed is all about the double standards.
Not all of us.
I meant that type of Christian. We call them christianists in my house.
I call them pharisees personally. (or baptists, because that’s why I left the baptist church)
I’ve used that one too. And have always been sorta surprised when they didn’t get it!!!
*RIGL*
I’m confused. Brewski’s celibacy is the third sign of the apocalypse?
Failblog ate my reply. I was trying to direct you to http(colon)//failblog(dot)org/2009/06/24/weight-loss-fail/#comment-487023
Really Judy, you didn’t know that already?
*surprised*
I wouldn’t do that facial expression too often if I were you, ZA. You’d have to keep picking up your eyes off the ground after they’ve popped out of your sockets.
Bah, they’re just for decoration anyway.
.
*pops eyes out, holds them in his fists*
*takes a moment to make fists – rigor mortis sucks!*
*faces GBF again*
.
See?
*keels over*
I hope he was alright and didn’t suffer to many injuries.
Did he die?
.
*checks*
.
Nope, false alarm.
visit^
NO!
This has nothing to do with the fail (since I can’t see it that’s probably expected), but, instead of working, I spent the last 30min looking at dachshund puppy pictures. I need one…stat…
We’ve been looking for a puppy.
Me too. One that is hypoallergenic.
Try a fish…
I have been looking for a fish that I could walk and could fetch a ball … no luck.
Try this clickie, might be good enough (safe Wiki entry)
The catfish are coming for me :/
YAY!!! A catfish that walks (sorta). Does it come in a different color?
From the PDF in this clickie:
.
” Walking catfish are typically a shade of gray or gray-brown with many small white spots laterally… Albino
and calico color variations are popular in the aquarium trade of this fish. Although some of these color morphs have been released into the wild, due to natural selection, wild populations found within the United States have usually reverted back to the natural gray/brown color of their ancestors.”
That is so kewl!
.
*wants one as a pet*
Zombies can only have zombie catfish :/
No worries, as long as I can train it to walk too.
Bichon Frises are supposed to be hypoallergenic.
I swear that says Bacon Fries…
*drools*
Yum!
Did you two skip lunch or something?
I had a small lunch…still hungry…
All I had was a stupid salad.
A bowl of cereal… but does it really count as lunch if it’s the first meal of the day, and it was eaten at 2 PM?
Oh no … that’s bad. You need a real lunch. I have some crackers if you want…
It depends on whether or not you had it in milk, Hammykins.
*hands Mal plate of cheese and bacon-covered french fries from DQ*
Your order, sir.
Thank you! *offers them all around*
I had a light lunch…and it didn’t include anything tasty. *tummy grumble*
Okay…I have work todo!
*facesmashes a small plate of french friends*
Fries…*mutters*
….BWUAAAAHAHAHAHAhahahaaaaaaaa!
Dragonwriter has a spidey sense for my miswordings
always catches me she does.
It’s a dirty job, but…
…dragons aren’t afraid to get dirty.
I know.
Dirt burns just like everything else, given sufficient temperature
Freudian chip?
In England, definitely.
I thought I was the only one around here that facesmashes french friends into his face!
.
*learned something new today*
Just wanted to say that this is the last time I’ll be spending more than 5 seconds on this site until the ad skin is removed. It’s really annoying to me.
I used AdBlock Plus to block it…don’t see it any more.
Good suggestion. Cloral could also make her browser screen narrower so it only shows the white of the blog itself and not the obnoxious junk surrounding it.
I found it was still slowing down my page scrolling until I blocked it.
Her?
*sigh*
Well, when you’re deliberately ambiguous about your gender, you can’t blame folks if they get it wrong, yanno.
*scratches head*
I remember researching Cloral’s past comments for clues and making the determination of female. It’s not like I didn’t try!
Heeeeeeee!
*also scratches head*
Ahhh, that feels nice.
*Slaps forehead*
Now why didn’t I think of that before?
*waits for Avis to help Cloral*
Oh, Cloral knows. I only get…. uh…. snarky (yeah that’s it) with people who seem to only complain. Cloral comments all the time and is quite funny.
@MRN how do I block it? I have a mac, and it’s a laptop, so I can’t right click.
Much as I sometimes wish I had a Mac, I have a desktop PC, so I’m not sure. Despite having AdBlockPlus active (part of my Firefox install), I did have to specifically block this banner ad, but, as you suggest, I right-clicked on the banner to get ABP’s attention and filtered it out.
And right click would be what function for a mac? Anyone?
(not being snarky, need to know)
Hold the apple key while you click, or it might be the control key… I can’t remember which.
I think it is a two fingered tap. *Is serious*
Only on newer MacBooks. I seem to remember Avis mentioning hers is an older model, which won’t recognize that gesture.
right click = control click
(hold control while clicking)
.
Avis, I think they’re using Firefox and it’s AdBlock plugin. I think you have iRafas like I do (oops, make that Safari), so you probably don’t have AdBlock.
.
Actually, I have something similar on iRafas (AdSubtract, which is basically a CSS file that blocks ads – Google it if interested), but I use FF to fail. I keep FF “pure” (I have my reasons), so I have to suffer ads with it. Including this spore nonsense.
I had adblock at one point or something like it. Sorta, I used to not get so many of them. Now I still don’t seem to get them all, but I get a ton! When I took my computer in and they installed FireFox, (which I cannot use if I want to come here) I somehow started getting more ads. Grrrrrrr!
I’ve “right-clicked” on a mac laptop before by touching the touch pad with two fingers at once, but I’m really a PC person. Wish I could help.
Didn’t work
Things Are Different on a Mac – and just imitating a right click may or may not work anyway. GF has a very nice Mac laptop, which occasionally frustrates me… but once you figure out how to do whatever, they’re nice machines.
As long as you don’t need to run various software on them…
If you watch porn is it considered soft or hardware. I don’t know where this came from but I am tired…
*squeeze WN*
I am going to write to your boss indicating that he is an a$$ for keeping you away from here so much.
Poor Brett.
… And WHY is this clown still “entertaining” people?
He was in POISON, possibly the worst of the worst when it comes to lame “hair bands”! He deserves OBSCURITY, not praise!
I was entertained.
And I think SKID ROW was the worst.
Warrant. Definitely Warrant. *nods*
Nope. Winger. ‘Nuff said.
I think we can say he’s in a “weave band” now.
Is he still trying to talk dirty to me?
Damn.
.
*flogs self viciously for regurgitating that earworm*
I may have to find out what a GLOWER will do to a zombie.
Grrrr! That was a mean one, ZA!
*Takes ZA’s arm and flogs him violently until I stop puking*
And you complained about me? YAK!
It’s not that bad…click the name for wonderful things!!!
I don’t click clickies from strangers.
Failblog won’t let me post comments! WHY?!
Ah, good. This email address works.
In case anyone is wondering, this is really me, not some random troll. I’m going to go to Gravatar now to retrieve my avatar.
I saw you in “recent comments” and thought you had acquired your own imitator troll. I thought we were up to 4 on signs of the apocalypse!
I see this one, but your avatar hath vanished!!
I know. This is getting a bit irritating now. This is my THIRD email addresss. Why, FB, WHY?!
*sobs quietly as he realises he has no 4th email address if he is unable to post again*
Now, let’s see if my avatar works.
Nope. I’ll try in five minutes.
If you view it in a different size you’ll see it immediately. It’s there.
Oh, good! Now, I’ve logged off my gravatar account, so I wonder if the avatar’s still there.
What you mean, “different size”, Grasshopper?
AHA!! It has arrived with yet another refresh!
The
email whoresfree email companies like Yahoo and Gmail will be happy to give you new email addresses that you can use just for this purpose.*admires MRN’s attitude*
*admires WN*
.
*squeeze*
VELVET!!!!!!!
*SQUEEZE*
How are you, sweetheart? We never get to chat anymore with your momo bosses.
*inserts a , after anymore and adds watching you after bosses*
So, you mean “We never get to chat anymore a watching you after bosses with your momo bosses”???
Velvet, we gotta talk about your diction and grammar
And by the way, I miss FB a LOT
*facepalm*
.
We never get to chat anymore, with your momo bosses watching you.
.
*183 squeezes to last the rest of the day*
FB missed you, too, WN.
*squeeeeeeeeeeeze*
LOL!!! And I knew prezackly what you meant anyway. Indeed, momo they are. Major Momo, and they smell bad.
On the other hand, life is good once I get home and drink a shot of 1800
Thanks Dragon – ’tis a Great Shame In My Life that I can no longer safely spend my days doing something more important than my “job” (hang out on FB, of course).
Geesh.
At least I used to have a real career.
But in today’s modern complex world of the future, just being employed is a good thing. Mostly. As long as there’s tequila in the bottle at home.
*squeezes Dragon*
Coincidentally, this emergency email address is my Gmail account.
Well, that’s the end of that. Problem solved.
Hmmm…if you really are who you say you are…what are you known for here in FB and can you perform it right now?
*screams, and runs out of room in jeep while imploding universe, in hazmat suit*
He forgot to blow up an innuendo machine! Imposter!
Curses! My guise has been torn off! I must flee now! Goodbye, and so long!
*cackles as he drives off into the night*
*screams as he plunges off cliff*
Why is it always BFF that’s impersonated? Poor little guy.
It’s a mystery to me.
Hey! Stop pretending to be me!
Who are you talking to?
Oh dear, whatever has happened to my pants?
Me? I’m talking to that foxy figure disguised as me. Its a disgrace, this impersonating.
This is getting out of hand!
I OBJECT!!!
So do I!
*looks @ the multiple personalities ^^ there and calls a therapist for a group session*
You guys will thank me later.
I knew Brewski couldn’t keep his pants on all day!
Yup. It’s a sickness.
*targets Leila’s 1:54 pm comment*
*removes the first “a”*
*inserts a space between “the” and “rap”*
BMW Win!!!
Well, he already imploded the universe up there ^^ and it started singing. Once one of his body doubles shows up, you can be sure it’s him.
Bret Michaels’ life is a fail.
Gotta go for a while – sorry I’m in the middle of several conversations, but I lost track of time. TTFN!
Bye MRN.
Ok, I have to go do some housework, but I’ll be back in a bit!
*hopeshopeshopes for a bonus fail*
Ta-ta!
Cheerio, Avis!
*waves cheerfully*
*waves disdainfully*
Is something wrong, hammy?
Just seeing what kind of emotions you can express with a simple wave.
*waves waftfully*
*waves discombobulatedly*
*waves wretchedly*
*waves scornfully
hmm this is quite fun
*waves erotically*
(Since Granny isn’t here right now)
I came back to this?
Cool!
*Waves elatedly*
Quitting time!
*waves glaringly*
*dials the mental institution*
You are the eggman.
We are all you, Leila. You’ll just have to face it
I am obviously terrible at impersonating…
This world will definitely implode if all of you were me.
I am the Walrus.
Which reminds me… Can’t WAIT till the Beatles Rock Band is released! (clicky for amazing intro)
Wrong clicky! That’s the gameplay.
This is the intro movie.
*lowers sunglasses, looks at Leila’s imposter*
What was that?
*looks at feet*
I…was just trying…to…umm…
I WANNA GO HOME!!!
*grins at Ms B*
Don’t worry, I could never GLOWER at you!
Ms B…you made me *SNORK!!*
It is for me too actually! I want to go home.
*waves Malicite’s phallic symbol*
No, dear, it was not a meteorite, although it was a witnessed fall.
it was a double fail, he was also lip syncing
Well, I’m off to bed.
It’s goodnight from me…
…and it’s goodnight from him.
Goodnight!
Good night!
Goodnight, Chanidividus!
G’night, BFF!
*tucks BFF in with a blankie and teddy bear*
*reads him ‘Goodnight, Moon’*
Goodnight John Boy!!
Oh wait. I meant, good night y’all, sweet dreams!
Goodnight, Jim Bob!Goodnight, moon.
M-O-O-N, that spells goodnight.
Good…EVENING?
Is he died?
OH MY GOD!!! How do you still think that's funny???Ninja, you’ve been very scarce lately! Good to see you!
I'm sneaky like that.
Good to see you too!WIN for the stage director, or whoever is in charge of bringing that thing down.
This makes me so happy. I really dislike him.
Brett Michaels = fail in general.
Bret Michaels was a failure long before this video showed up.
This is not so much a Bret Michaels fail as it is a prop win
Bret Michaels is blind
)
Sadness when Tosh.O reports something before Fail Blog. Great show though, if you still remember what TV is…
Rich rock star with any woman at his disposal = fail.
Wait… what??
The Clothesline of Love…
Bret Michaels IS fail, personified.
You’re welcome.
awesome..!
If he wasn’t trying to milk the crowd, this wouldn’t have happened. Two more seconds of applause gave him a broken nose. It wasn’t worth it.
Also, it’s the Tony’s. Get off the stage, Bret Michaels. You’re no actor, dancer, or musical theatre vocalist.
great post(why i keep getting an error when i try to subscribe to your feed)?thanks
he deserves that for being such an idiot, and not even knowing it
dead link..
THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST!
lolol
Seeing Brett Michaels fail brings me great joy in my heart.
Denied.