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Cheezburger Network Blog
Do parents think this stuff through?
Hi
Good morning, Quasi!
It was 4 PM here when I wrote that ^-^
You must be across the pond! It’s 10:30am here on the US east coast. FB time is US pacific coast.
wtf is with this background???
Firefox + Adblock plus FTW !!!
first think then post
First drink then swallow.
first ding then song
first chew then swallow
First swallow then drink
First drink then drive
Hello there, fellow US east coast-er !
Hi there, ama! There’s quite a few of us on the US East Coast and Europe this time of day. The west coast folk will be here this afternoon.
.
Egg prank, I’m glad you see the freaky spore background, too. I was wondering if I was the only one since nobody else had mentioned it.
I don’t see a background. Sorry.
You see the cables and all that stuff that’s inside your monitor?
I just see a hamster on a wheel.
I don’t use a monitor. I just put the video cable on my tongue and read the data flow like that. It saves energy and I enjoy the tingling sensation.
Ooooooooooooooh!!! Fascinating.
*in awe of this new technology*
Can you taste things with it? Pickle surprise?
Or two girls, one cup.
*shudders*
MN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
You fail. The two girls you live with are your mom and sister.
Nice try, loser.
I’m from Belgium
dam you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAM YOU QUASI!!!! DAM YOU TO HELZ!!!!!!!!
Ok
wow. Calmness is key so Quasi win
I do believe so…the next decision? “This is funny.”
*snipes the x from below*
I guess it’s like my cousins who have the last name Monk. They said if they had a boy, they’d call him Chip. Seriously!
.
They had 3 girls.
.
*squeeze*
Well, probably the most famous Monk of all had the middle name Sphere (true!). Come to think if it, his 1st name (Thelonious) isn’t that common either.
There is some divine justice in this world. *squeezes*
Good morning!
Some people should never breed.
*squeeze*
I agree. I always say I’m far too immature to have children. By the time I’m mature enough, however, I’ll probably be mostly dead.
*squeeze* Good morning Ms B & Brewski!
.
Mostly dead, Brewski? Hmmm…
There’s a difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead, is slightly alive.
*squeeeeeezies*
or this could relate to spermatazoa? as children/ procreation were indeed mentioned
With all dead there’s only one thing you can do.
Well, what with rigormortis, one could still…
Eeeeewww!! I just grossed myself out!
*SNORK*
Hee!
Go through their pockets and look for loose change.
Score, I found a potato!
Pocket = anus? The things you learn here…
*pockets potato for later*
Jules = Vicar?
Just admit you cherished the thought of getting some after your demise.
Was ment @ Brewski.
*shudders* So, how ’bout them Red Sox?
(psst, didn’t mean to make you angry czuhc!)
What does maturity have to do with raising children?
*squeezes to all*
Exactly!!
*squeeze*
I like to think that my immaturity means I will better relate to my daughter when she hits those terrible teenage years
*squeezes all around*
*terrified of the teenage girl years*
Girls are worse than boys.
Teenage girls tend to be more high strung, whereas boys more often try (often failing mind you) to not really care. Take your pick really.
Chez, but teenage girls are manipulative, and can be emotionally cruel to each other. Teenage boys tend to just do stuff with out thinking it through, and are more likely to beat each other up. These are, of course, gross generalizations.
If I ever have kids…. y’know, maybe I just won’t.
Adding to Avis’ comment…girls can be extremely cruel to their mothers.
Hormones–gotta love ‘em.
*adrenaline-producing POUNCE!!*
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!
*giggles*
Okay, I take back the irony. Hormones can also be GOOD things!
That’s the understatement of the century.
No no, there’s been plenty of centuries in which her statement holds that distinction. In fact it was beat out only once by a member of the Spanish inquisition who said “Maybe this IS torture”.
Now, if they could get him to interview Mike Litoris, you’ve got a ratings winner for sure.
HAHAHAHA! That could be a whole new show!
Welcome! I’m your host, Hugh Jardon. Please give a big hand to Jack Goff and Mike Litoris!
No, Mike Litoris is being interviewed by Randy Cox on the eleven o’clock segment.
And they’re about to get a special report from Ben Horney.
(Hi FBers, I’ve been lurking for a while and finally decided to comment!)
Howdy howdy howdy! Welcome!
Nice of you to interrupt your sleep to join us! Welcome!
Bearly, to what do we owe this pleasure?
I was waiting until I could get a gravatar and it didn’t work the first time I tried it. It’s kind of scary to make your first comment, but I really wanted in on some of the *squeezes.*
*spongey squeeze*
*bear squeeze*
Welcome!
*sneaks in a squeeze for Betty, too*
I love bear hugs! Thanks!
*squeeze*
What’s so scary about commenting here?
Ummm… I can think of a few reasons.
One being you.
Well… yeah
Oh Arthur. A finch … a tiny finch … what’s so scary about a finch?
We never did have that rematch, did we?
A Peregrine Finch!
Finches can be scary:
wrex.com/global/story.asp?s=9912171
That was most certainly scary. I hope he stays there!
That is one sick twisted finch.
Yay, Peregrine Finch!
*waves to the Failpeeps as she heads off to the medicine cabinet*
Stupid cold. *grumble* I’m going back to bed.
*group squeeze* (being careful not to breathe on anyone)
*dons hazmat suit*
*gives nightshayde a big hearty SQUEEZE*
Get well!
Hi nightshayde! *squeeze*
*sprays Lysol everywhere and pumps Purell on hands*
*slinks out*
I may be back later after a nap & after the meds kick in. Everyone have fun!
“Scary”? Are we really that intimidating?
.
.
BOO!!!
Ha ha! Oh, sorry.
Actually, I think so. It’s a daunting thing to realise how clever some people are and that you may have to engage in a conversation with them.
I was intimidated at first. But once everyone started playing with me, it got a lot easier.
*nods*
I was also intimidated. But I had to deal with Ryannon and an angry Amber…
I remember Ryannon, but what happened with the angry Amber? Or is it too painful to talk about?
Indeed it is. She kicked me down some stairs. Which is impressive for someone in a wheechiair.
I think that was one of the threads that got removed.
It always freaks me out when entire threads disappear.
You could always just show her to one of the many handicapped-accessible exits that have shown up here in the past.
The Amber kicking my ass thread is removed?
I don’t know if that’s the one, but there is one that she was in that vanished.
Well, it was violent…
Speaking of disappeared FBers (and I have asked this before): has anyone heard from DrHugh, AKA Humongous Sausage? He was the first person I spoke with on FB but he disappeared around Christmas.
Could he have been banned? A number of people were banned around then.
You look angry, Czuhc. Bad day?
Nope, just a mess up.
@Avis: you don’t think he got banned because of the length of his humongous sausage? Because if that would be the case, I
I, too have a humongous sausage, so I sure hope that it doesn’
t get in the way of,
I’m having a really difficult time imagining Arthur being intimidated by much of anything…
I’m having a really difficult time !magining Arthur being intimidated by anything…
I’ll say. Now you don that black leather and start cracking the whip in 5 seconds flat!
I love it!
I’d give you a gimps but someone whipped my crack away.
*whistles*
Though the name does fit for that one.
*hides whipped cream*
It wasn’t me!!!
And you wonder, Ms. B, why you have the reputation that you have…
*shakes head sadly*
No, that would be my reputation.
.
*takes reputation back from Ms B*
I love your reputation. *SQUEEZE*
Pbllllt!
I kept my clothes on allll day yesterday!
LIES!!!
Oh wait, I wasn’t here.
Leila, she even wore a dress!!!
*squeezes to all*
*squeeze Avis*
I can’t believe I missed it. Did anyone take pictures of Ms B in a dress?
Of course, we don’t know what (if anything) she was wearing under the dress…
I guess she didn’t notice the glass floor underneath her, either…
The floor was glass!
*runs away embarassed*
Yeah, I’ve seen how they play with you!
Wait till you see the videos. They ARE scary.
Pbllllt!
It’s not that bad!!!
Every once in awhile we do scare someone, but usually you have to be an unredeemable troll to really provoke someone’s wrath. Then your time on failblog will end violently. Lurking for awhile was a good move. You can learn a lot that way.
Thanks. I’m sorry you’re sick!
Jimbo! Haven’t seen you in ages. How’s it going? Sick again?
Jimbo is well and sick.
HAHAHA!
You’ll fit in just fine.
Nernerneenerner.
Pbbbt!
See how intelligent the witty repartee is
*SQUEEZE*
Heeheehee.
I know under your top hat, you keep a whole noggin full of use
lessful info.*squeeze*
*flees and waves*
Just look how they play with themselves…
HEY!!!
*shuts door*
Dangit! *Tries to peep through the key hole*
*pulls covers up quickly*
I… I… I was just reading the articles! Like this one… er…
*rapidly flips pages, desperately looking for text*
Ah I see, it’s about girls who are too poor to afford clothes, right?
Exactly. Nothing wrong with wanting to help them out and comfort them in their times of need.
*smacks Brewski*
You are horrible.
YES! If you were at a bar and there was a group of people laughing at a picture and making funny comments would you feel comfy walking up and adding your two peni?
Um… what are “two peni”?
Is that a weird abbreviated plural form of penis?
Peninsulas?
Penicilliums?
Peni dreadful?
Penitentiaries?
Peni farthing?
*does ride-by squeezing*
*wobbles off uncertainly down the cobbled byways*
AaAaAaAaAaAa.
Peni for your thoughts?
*SQUEEZES the wobbly Moomin*
peni was a joke from Elsa Momma’s attempt to pluralise penis mixed with ‘give my 2 cents’
I like the failblog = bar metaphor. It kind of reminds me of this place in my town where they do stand-up comedy during the week and karaoke on weekends. And everyone there is just like the people I hung out with in high school – a little strange, but lots of fun!
Metaphor? What are you talking about?
*sips beer*
Oh, sorry. Forgot to place my order. Where’d the bartender go?
Is it too early to open the bar?
*ponders this deeply while sipping a beer*
The bar here closes?
*Walks up to Brewski*
*Lightly cuffs him upside the head*
Never is it too early to grab a drink. Just get the right one for the time of day. It’s morning here, so a screwdriver would be appropriate.
*Make 2 screwdrivers, drinks one, hand the second to Brewski*
Oh, okay, fine! But I think it should be unlocked in the 1pm fail! This fail has just about run its course…
Well, my mistake then. Thanks aiki!
*tastes*
Did you sneak in a little peach schnapps? Tastes fuzzy! Nice!
Allow me to *squeeze* you, then!
.
Welcome to the House of Fun! Now I’ve come of age…
Thanks for the *squeeze!* Can I offer a round of *squeezes* to all?
*Slides in for a squeeze*
Missed you all the past few days!!!
*squeeze*
.
Hey there, boobie! Where ya been hiding?
Doing double duty at work the past few.
But I usually hide behind Leila, so look
there first if I come up missing again.
*giggle*
Boobie is actually my shadow.
You guys aren’t scary, but there’s a lot of pressure not to be a troll, to keep up with pun-runs, etc. Being assured of a FB welcome is important to some of the lurkers, I’d dare say
At least you’re willing to try. That’s what counts!
I felt the same way, Bearly. I got hit with a shellacked mackeral after my third post, but it’s relatively peaceful here.
As long as it’s not one of those singing bass-on-a-wall, I think it’ll be ok. That McDonald’s commercial was awful, by the way. I’m so glad they calmed down on the Fillet-O-Fish kick.
*misses that commercial*
*Cowers a little remembering that commercial*
♫ Take me to the river
Drop me in the water ♪
We had a singing lobster at the grocery store where I used to work. It was on a motion sensor. It didn’t survive long.
I would have crushed it into dust with a sledgehammer after the first hour.
It “mysteriously” disappeared after about a week. I don’t know who did it, but I was ever so grateful!
What did it sing?
“Don’t Rock the Boat”
I kinda hate that song now.
Could be worse, but still a full week proves a lot of tolerance.
It was located in a very high traffic area. On the counter by seafood, right by the registers, and within easy sight of the managers “office”. Whoever did it had to be really sneaky. It was on a motion sensor too! So it pretty much had to have been singing on it’s way out the door.
*SNORK*
*thwaps X-Phile with a shellacked mackerel*
Ah, just like old times!!
Whoops, sorry about that X! I was just getting sentimental there.
*make-up squeeze*
*rubs head*
Remind me to get sentimental the next time DW brings Dragon Grog.
It could be worse… They could be using an old mullett. (clicky – questionably work safe)
Sopeaking of fish, we having whipped out the Wunder Boner in some time.
*bones shellacked mackerel*
Leave it to you, Jules, to pull a boner…
You are only showing your immaturity and your lack of education. Back in the days “boner” meant “mistake”!
Ohhh, now I get the Joker fail! Thanks AE!
*didn’t know Brewski uses makeup*
Does it surprize you?
Arouse, actually.
Arthur! Our computing session from yesterday didn’t satiate you? C’mere you big cutey!
You’re just trying to get a rise out of us, aren’t you?
The pleasure was all Horney’s.
Yes, it was all my pleasure.
Horney! What a pleasure to see you!
Is there anything I can… do for you?
*wonders how things would be if Brewski was single and I were single*
.
Oof! Way too hot and dirty!
.
*dunks head in icy bucket of reality*
Ah yes, well, at least with the internet you can be dirty and still be faithful!
I work with a guy in Taiwan. He’s married (and native to Taiwan). On a recent trip to China, he was quite excited, because China does not recognize Taiwanese marriages. So he told me, “In China I am not married!!”
Needless to say, he is a party animal.
I haven’t been wearing my wedding ring for three weeks now because of a painful finger and already I’m feeling unfaithful.
Who cares what China thinks – that’s not how you get grilled cheese sandwhiches at home.
Disclaimer: I was not condoning such behavior. I don’t respect such behavior. But it was still funny when he said it.
Oh, and I work for my local government and am usually bored enough to need lots of FB in my life.
Our government…hard at work!
…or is it hardly working.
I get things done! I work in elections, and we have periodic downtimes, but during “the season” I sometimes put in 14-hour days. This, obviously, is downtime.
You do not have to justify anything to me.
I am just playing with you.
There is a lot of that going on in the blog today.
Yes, I’m a little afraid for the innuendo machine.
We have plenty of those machines in stock.
.
I’m working on a contract for one that’s similar to a central vac.
bwaa hhaa hhaa
*plugs in machine*
*machine begins to vibrate*
Um, the innuendo machine is not suppose to vibrate!
Hmmm, is there room enough there to sit…
.
.
*almost didn’t post*
*waits in line for vibrating innuendo machine*
It’s okay, we replaced the innuendo machine with a vortex yesterday. No more fiery explosions! Just swirly doom.
So the vibrations are all for “show”.
Well at least no one has pocketed it yet.
All three could be on a show?
.
New clicky:
Think about whether that phrase existed when this person was born.
My name is adam Goff. And I’ve thought about this. So I guess smart parents think this through.
His parents have humor so they tought it through.
to bad he is the joke xD
Talk about a rough life…
and hand
Rosie Palm?
Harry palm’s sister?
she’s hiding under the counter.
Eww! *fetches incest repellent*
… puts sound track to Deliverance into the player.
Not just any Jack Goff, but in the top five!
I wonder if that’s just in Middletown, or across the country? How do they judge such a competition?
First cum first served?
serviced?
beats me
No, beats me!
*dons black leather*
*cracks whip*
Beat who?
…and so it begins.
*squeeze*
*cheers the beginning*
OPA!!!
*covers glass in cloth and steps on it*
Mazeltov!
*adds gasoline to motor oil*
Molotov!
*adds gasoline to fuel tank*
Top it off!
*adds a fly to all above*
Buzz off!
*Calls in sick*
Day Off!!!
Are you really sick Boobie?
*squeeze*
Nope. Just been doing two jobs here at work the past few. Finally got a breather!
*Snugs*
*repremands Leila for combo breaking*
That’s enoff!
Soooooooooorry. *goes to her corner*
That’s whacked!!
That’s Jacked.
Winkie Wacked Jack!
wiggety wiggety wiggety wiggety whack!
Jump Jump
hump hump!
Pump Pump?
*immediately regrets comment*
I’m telling you this sort of thing isn’t my bag, baby!
Thump, thump! *thwacks K@*
Bump, Bump!
Ow *rubs head better*
Lump lump?
Dump dump
Stump Stump……*falls over tree*
Chump Chump!
*eats custard fairy*
crump crump
*causes internal cramping*
Trump trump! *gets fired*
Rump, rump! *gets fried*
Slump, slump! *gets tired* zzzZZZZZzzzzZZZ
wonder what number 4 is? Phill Atio?
Megan Bacon?
Miss Isa Quell?
Wayne Kerr
Ben Down
Phil McCrakin
Mike Hunt
I like Phil McHunt
me too I love that old McHunt
or Philip McHunt (of course)
Mr. Hunt. Michael would be his first name.
Jenny Talia
*snork*
snorkel???
Grrr… comment is being moderated.
GASP!!
What on earth did you say Betty *squeeze*
That… down there vv
Baahahahahah!!!
Harry Cox
Pat Hisc0ck… (again)
Yuri Chekhov
Wasn’t that the Russian in Star Trek?
Yeah, he used to date Jackie Sahlhof. Before he found out about the constant indiscretions, that is…
Howdy Getzoff.
I thought his name was Howie?
dougy styl
know a guy with a similar name. Doug Styles.
I find it strange that each time I log on there are 13 comments on the new fail.
Same happened to the fail before, and the fail before that.
Sounds like a good lotto number for you today, Jason.
13 is your lucky number!
*steals 13*
No! It’s mine!!!!!
*has 13 tattooed on*
MINE NOW
mwahahahahahahaha
Oh yeah?? *grabs excacto knife* Come here…
*runs away squealing*
… puts on soundtrack to Deliverance.
*rides on piggy’s back*
well this is an interesting conclusion to swine flu.
*cough cough, splutter splutter, SQUEEEEEE
*gives k@ cure* here you go
Middletown, is that like Middle-Earth?
it’s right down the road from Centerville, a real nice place to raise your kids up.
Here in Connecticut, land of unimaginative town names (most of ours just stolen from Britain), Middletown is just a few miles from Middlebury.
Just keep them out of the downtown area.
Middletown… land of Three Mile Island. People are so happy there that they glow.
Similar but the urakai (sp?) are smaller and go to elementary school during the day.
I don’t typically say this but I am not sure this is authentic.
Are you saying….that it is…Photo…shopped?
I wouldn’t dare say it is.
But you thought it Leila.
I didn’t know I was capable of such…impure thoughts. I don’t know what to do with myself. *starts to Jack Goff*
That’s one way to diffuse a situation.
*Goff’s at Leila’s indiscretion*
Her thoughts lead to the dark side. Malicite
*follows her thoughts*
Mal, you really don’t wanna do that today.
Pfftttttttttttt! I’m all about it!
fake nose and glasses B-\
Hair plugs, too.
I recon he’s a bum bleacher
If I ever decide to bleach my bum, I expect someone here to slap me. Hard.
Nothing wrong with anal bleaching … must shave first then … the fun begins.
I prefer waxing. Sure, it bleeds a little, but it’s so much smoother.
Ow…
i prefer lighter fluid and a match, sure it burns, but you can’t beat the smell of turd covered in burnt hair
Oh…um…wow!
wax on, wax off?
what would jack do?
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack waxes off his candle stick.
*returns rsvp to Leila’s slumber party marked “with regrets”*
*Grabs it out of the postbox*
*snork*
Judy, have you seen the show where this woman went to get her anus bleached? She said she wanted it to look pretty? WTF?
Hi Leila, I’m sure its lovely just the way it is
Really? You don’t think it’s a tad pale now?
Never! Better visibility in the mud
…with the other tadpoles?
Mama always wanted her to marry a doctor, but the only one available was the town proctologist.
What do you call a proctologist in Jamaica? PokeMan. Hahahahahahah!!!! *hides in shame*
when the river runs red, take the dirt track
ok, that’s the last one from me today, bye all, sorry if it was nasty! *squeeze*
Veeery credible, granny! If you would apologize every time, you’d really spam this fail.
*squeeze*
Leila… maybe she wanted a vanilla chocolate starfish as her lure for the big fish?
*shudders*
cough, cough. just make sure the liquid is bleach and not h2so4.
Double dare ya!
*glares at Leila*
*cowers*
Fake or not, someone had the… well, I’d say balls, but it seems like something else… to associate his picture with that name. That’s enough of a fail for me.
Balls?
You have such a filthy mouth!!! OMG!
Careful, Brewski might have convulsions and faint again.
Please tell me that the pants will stay on through the convulsions. And you guys wonder why I thought it was scary around here!
It’s always Ms B and Brewski who bare it all here but only when inebriated.
Hold it, hold it! I seem to recall a few times you’ve wandered around in your birthday suit.
I have?
Are you certain?
And don’t forget about Commando Thursdays!!!
Hmph! Everyday is Thursday for Malicites everywhere.
In that case…
*Goes Commando*
Ahem!! Boobie, it’s NOT Thursday today.
But…but….Mal said “Everyday is Thursday”
*quivery lip*
Did you forget about the trenchcoat incident already?
Ooooooooooh…the trenchcoat.
That was just one time.
I also seem to recall you joining me in the naked dance the first time I stripped down here.
With legs like those, who needs pants?
Morning
*squeeze*
That I must deny. I remember dancing, I just don’t recall taking my clothes off.
Jules!!!!
*squeeze*
*squeeze*
What is this about you getting naked?
Is it friday already?
No Jules. I am not getting nake any time soon.
I think Jules is saying your legs look like woven cotton.
Or the finest satin.
Not really something we would forget, is it?
And no one has started passing around drinks yet! By the way, I miss seeing cookies offered, but I’m more of a cake baker myself. Anyone care to share? Chocolate cake with buttercream frosting topped with ganache!
CAKE!!!!
We usually place the goodies in the FB break room Bearly.
mmmmmm…chocolate.
Chocolate will never be the same:
Yummy chocolate!!!
I would maul him like a Pitbull on a Chihuahua.
CAKE…W00T!
I knew I was missing something this past week.
*twitch* What’s the *twitch* problem?
*pours tequila in Brewski’s mouth*
No problem…
*glug glug cough cough choke!*
Wooo! I feel better now! Thanks!
Got a lime?
Yup!
*gives Brew a lime*
Better cut it off there though, I’m not about to let my shiney new parachute pants get away from me.
*checks all 14 zippers*
*sets Brewski’s shiney parachute pants on fire*
I am sorry but I can’t let you commit such a fashion crime.
I gave him those pants!!!!
*pouts*
Oh well I think that was a new record for keeping pants on.
Nothing scarier than Brewski with his pants off.
:p
*pants*
*ogles*
*fondles*
*fumbles*
Who did that??!
I think my cup size is not the same as yours.
It’s not the size of your cup that gets you into trouble, it’s what you put in it.
Not nice, X. That’s one of the highlights of my week!
*kisses Judy*
Yay! Judy appreciates me, flaws and all!
We are appreciators of flaws around here.
and floors!
made of glass…
A glass bottom fail boat? Say it is not so!
You don’t know Jack!
Trying to make a name fail, fail
Trying to make a name fail, fail fail
*flails lots*
Sir fail-a-lot?
Frail flail fail?
*squeezesqueezesqueeze*
*anklesqueezesqueezesqueezeWIN!*
*drives off in a BMW*
*runs into Audi*
So, is that a BMW win? Or an Audi fail?
YES!
I win.
Jack fail!
Nice to meet you, Mr Meoff.
Uhmmmm…
And he’s only on place 4… holy shit…
How does shit become holy?
And you think I have a filthy mouth? I guess I’d better try to get some Orbit out of that gumball/bouncy ball machine.
*English accent*
Dirty mouth
Clean it up!
Fabulous!!!
*hides from Moomin*
*points to Leilas hideout*
*makes note of this day in notebook*
*steals notebook*
*eats notebook*
Mmmmf Mmmmumph Mmmmffphp!
*points decisively in air*
*looks up*
*walks into a tree*
*takes video*
*submits to Failblog*
failblog DOT ORG
Arthur FAIL!
*Arthur walks into tree*
Tree WIN!
*Arthur walks into tree in slow motion*
Powered by Aja ‘It has to perform a miracle.’
.
.
.
*Numerous complaints about intro, replay and win*
*laughs uncontrollably*
*points decisively in the air as well*
*has learned*
*looks down*
*walks into branch*
*sigh*
What a lame fail. Did Arthur die? He totally looked photoshopped.
You could totally see the pixels. lol
*gasp*
Arthur! Cover yourself!
*also long dissertations on old customs of Germans walking into trees, therefore not funny*
*numerous explanations and transcriptions by Germans eager to explain the fail*
*squeezes both*
They tickled me.
*skips past comments and posts request that someone explain what is going on and translates it*
See, Arthur is German, and he obviously saw the tree. He hit it with his forehead, which given the angle of incidence, was not sufficient to throw off his balance to such a degree. So he faked a backward fall in a staged collision, all for the glory of getting on Failblog. Can you not see it?!?
Basically the German fail is a LIE!!!
*falls out of tree whilst taking a nap*
Now how the hell did I get up there?
*plucks feather out of nose*
*Yorkshire Accent*
Nah then, whuts all this?
Stop buggrin ’bout and geonwirrit.
*essex accent*
whatchoo on abaht- speak proper
innit
It has to perform a miracle.
I think you should god.
*looking for a ball of wool to play with*
I think you should ASK god.
*gods*
*gets burnt for heresy*
Can anyone else smell burning marshmallow?
Ooh, who has the graham crackers? Moomin, your death is not in vain!
*bites tongue on pedophile priest comment*
I’m a kitty not a pedophile priest!
*pets her eKitty*
… brings out video camera.
Sounds like Chekoff from Star Trek
.kerT ratS morf ffokehC ekil sdnuoS
LMAO cherry don’t do that again please. Don’t write my comments backwards.
.sdrawkcab stnemmoc ym etirw t’noD . esaelp niaga taht od t’nod yrrehc OAML
I’m sorry I couldn’t let it. But I’ll stop.
Now that, is a hardcore echo.
.ohce erocdrah a si ,taht woN
˙oɥɔǝ ǝɹoɔpɹɐɥ ɐ sı ‘ʇɐɥʇ ʍoN
Please stop the two of you. cherry and Olur.LMAO
The top 5… in the country? In the world? I want to nominate some people but I don’t know the requirements…
Sonny Bono. Definitely Sonny Bono.
REEEEEPEAT!
What’s really sad is that if this is, in fact, real, his parents probably named him John. Well, I hope they did.
What are we doing today? Is it Cuddle Puddle day?
Monday = Barbeque Day
Tuesday = Cuddle Puddle
Wednesday = ?
Thursday = Malicite Commando Day
Friday = Open Bar – Get Shit Faced Day
Wednesday = Third day = Safety day?
Safety day? What…what are you talking about? Does it at least involve drinking and some naked-ness?
If it involves nakedness, there had better be some safety practiced, especially if everyone keeps playing with fire near their sensitive areas.
We have many pyromaniacs amongst us.
I thought the cuddle puddle is on Fridays?
*tuesday squeeze!*
*slaps Tuesday*
*squeezes granny*
I never got the day straight.
Thursdays are going to be easy breezy now.
Is it just the men who go commando?
Hell no!
*high fives boobie*
Hm, that just sounds wrong.
*Snorks*
Brewski, that was actually MY boobie. If you haven’t noticed, Bobbie is always hiding behind me.
*confused*
Who is Bobbie?
Cuddle Puddle? Dibs on the spot next to Leila!
Heee!!
…and you better keep your hands where I can see ‘em.
*pinches X’s cheek*
Isn’t Wednesday traditionally Hump Day?
not if your name is jack goff.
Wednesday is Hump Day but I went to Humpers Anonymous and I am now reformed. I can never hump again.
*runs in*
*humps Leila’s leg*
*runs off again*
Who did that? It’s not even Wednesday for goodness sakes!!!
well, its not like he’s going to get laid
The question is who he Jack Goffs.
I question his ability to even get it up.
He’s prolly secretly a porn star who changed his name and tried to be inconspicuous about it. But he failed. And that’s what this site is for.
Then he’s going to need alot of Bacon Lube and extra Shamwows!
I have a friend whose name is even worse.
Last name: Hoff
First name: Jack
my grandpi’s name was Jack Goff, not John Goff! He grew up on a farm he and his parents had no idea and he was one of those people always introducing himself to everyone- telling his life story. “Hi I’m Jack Goff veteran of 4 services…” no one had the heart to tell him
Jack Goff- God father of Mike Litoris and Dixie Normous
is he related to Mr. Hunt? First name Mike?
Hey who out me on there
Another name fail:
My gf was once at a business presentation. The female speaker had the last name “Bunz”. Which isn’t an elegant name for German ears, but it’s ok. Unless the parents decide to give their daughter the first name “Mercedes”.
*snork*
I am getting visions of bread rolls divided into 3 for some reason!
The doctor that delivered me was named “Dr. Butz”.
That doctor found his calling.
The major grocery store chain here is owned by a H. E. Butts.
There is a massage therapist in my city named Dr. Jeff Pereverzoff. I giggle every time I drive past.
We have a Dr.Funk in town.
Hot crossed buns, custard fairy?
WTF1111
i think my mom went to high school with this guy… i saw a guy named jack goff in her year book and seriously, how many could there be?
Maybe he is your father?
ROFL
I was thinking the same.
Great minds think alike LOL. how are you today leila?
Very well thank you. You?
Mighty fine.
Image Format Fail
Kindergarden’s out!
460st!
*is from another cpu*
buba® does not know jack goof.
i dont understand the joke
Tivo / DVR fail.
This is from the Cincinnati area news. They do the Top 5 news stories, that would be the “Top 5 at 5 on channel 5″. This is not the first time something from the Cincinnati area has made it to the fail blog either. Fail Cincinnati!
man, i didnt get this this morning, now im drunk and i get it straight away… what does that say about me eh../?
wow…i know jack goff…he went to TOms River Highschool South…what a shame of a name
i know that guy too. lol.
WHERE DO THEY FIND THESE PEOPLE
This makes 2 of us…
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Goff… DIPSHITS!
This is funny…but I was watching Bizarre Foods yesterday and there was a guy on the show called Mike Hawke…’bout died…
i think its a win! rofl
that is a win lol
ahahah that is almost as bad as my name…….jack knopf
This was actually one of my high school teachers names too
lmao