Chandelier Fail
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Cheezburger Network Blog
Lots of phallic fails recently..
phallic? what a posh word..
Photoshoped!!
did he dead?
you seriously fail… give up
how aren’t you on failblog?
I’m gonna call this Sanity Fail XD
Actually, old pic. not ’shopped and deliberately made that way. I’d call that a poke in the eye of political correctness *WIN*!
I agree, it’s a win, a provocative work of art.
I’d bet there are other weird shaped usual objects from the same artist.
I just saw that Feisty posted the link to that artist after I posted the previous comment hehe.
I think I have to agree with the photoshopped comment… it comes down almost to the stairwell handrail that’s behind it… it’s impractically large for the room… people would be walking into it if it were real.
Not Photoshopped.
http://www.rockandroyal.com/index.php?page=impressions&hl=usa
How ON EARTH can it possibly be photoshopped, seriously?
I think this was deliberate.
Your mom’s fail
Ok, is PENIS SHAPED good enough?
I really prefer “that-there willy-lookin’ thingy”.
When did you get those sunglasses?
Yesterday, when summer finally started.
(i.e., my last day of school)
The 25th is my last day.
Lucky you! The 4th of July is my last.
That’s your day of independence?
Yes, it is.
*chants*
NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION!
Jeez! Did the minimum wages for youths increase by 400%?
im here,so no
*masturbates* who wants white manjuce?
Really? That’s so late!
Apparently I can’t spell my email address…
june 12th beyotche!!
april 3 biitch!!!
May 20th, 1985! You are owned.
Ya got me beat! May 29, 1987.
May 26, 1972. Damn, I just felt another artery harden.
*pat pat pat*
It’s okay, Norm. It’s not so bad to be old, or so I’ve heard. (‘75)
Beats the alternative every time, Judy.
*high fives Norm*
I hear ya, brutha!
Hahaha… you said hardon.
How can school end on April 3rd?
Cool shades. Did you draw those by hand, too?
Nah, Google images.
His future is so bright.
Very true, I think.
it’s orange
Nice one. I see what you did there.
so bright he’s gotta where shades
There shades.
There castle.
Sorry DW – there is not much that is right in my previous post. Hope I didn’t break your good eyeball
*he’s wearing the shades*
Why are you talking that way?
I dunno, I thought you wanted to!
No, I don’t want to.
Suit yourself…
*is foiled*
Perhaps I can help you with that hump.
WHAT HUMP??
Call it… a hunch.
Oh, you mean THIS hump…!
*guides your hand*
You’ve just achieved what’s necessary for the experiment to be a success.
Hump day is Wednesday. Not Saturday.
*adjusts the lever*
All the preparations have been made for the transference.
Coyote!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Runs over and picks up coyote in a bear hug*
How are you?
Tired, but recovering. How goes it with you?
YAY!
*gives coyote a great big squeeze*
You owe me one for the bloggius interruptus, but I’m very happy to see you!
Just fine and dandy!
I’m glad to hear you are recovering.
You have been sorely missed!
Sorry DW and AA, that is my fault. You had it recovered before I came crashing in.
Not a problem…we are happy to see our friend again!
*squeezes coyote*
I’m guessing your old fashioned computer can only display one thread of the blog, so we forgive you this time. I’m glad to see you my friend.
I’m back off to bed now. Good to see everyone again. Good to be home.
*turns off chandelier*
Good night Coyote.
*tucks coyote in*
*gives coyote floofy teddy bear*
*tip toes into Coyote’s bedroom and gently SQUEEZES him in his sleep*
*Adds green glowing lightbulbs to chandelier, and turns on*
Glowing penis in the dark!! =O
*buys Jennyisbusy a Spell Checker Add-On*
Wow, thanks Bob.
*straps it on*
Oh my. Can I get you a drink, jenny?
Yes, please.
*accidentally bumps into Loz w/ my new giant strap on* :naughty:
What, why is there not a naughty smiley yet?
*looks around confused*
You could try twisted
Wow! How did I miss this thread!!
*settles into lounge chair*
*munches popcorn*
Don’t mind me!
Ok, I twisted the strap-on is that better?
Much better *oof!* not so fast, k? I’m new at this
Being that I knew that our lovely LOZ is a stickler for spelling how did I NOT realize that my gift to Jenny wouldn’t be used in a way the generate innuendo and titillation.
Please do continue…
*settles down in bean bag chair next Brewski and reaches for popcorn*
Be warned I think Brewski had some sort of ‘lucky touch manual’ The page I saw said:
step1: Cut a hole in the popcorn tub.
GROOOOOOSS!
So, it’s NOT really Buttered popcorn?
*scootches in bean bag chair to other side of room*
Once you pop, you can’t stop!
What about “gentleman’s appendage”?
Yeah, time to split them off to a separate blog. Everything’s Penises?
Because they’re MANLY!!!
It’s fail-ic *heh*
That’s why it’s called the PHALL Blog, silly!
get del and rodeny down to sort this one out.
Are Del and Rodeny the long lost cousins of Del-Boy and Rodney Trotter?
Erm…. I think you will find that the previous comment was referring to an old epsiode of only fools and horses. Soooo they are not the long lost cousins no. It is them. Dur.
Ughhh just stop k got it
classic episode.
first
Second
Second second
ALMOST FIRST!
^He’s back! And, deeply ironically, he’s avatarless.
Oh my God.
Should we roll him up and bury him in the green rug provided?
Indeed! That’s kind of him to bring his own rug like that. Jolly decent chap, for all his flaws. Bury away!
And it even looks ugly if you ignore the shape… those metal bars holding it up are way too obvious.
You’re right. This penis needs more sparkle and glitter.
Penis chandeliers: for the dick in all of us.
…Wow, that came out WAY dirtier than I thought.
That was a pretty ballsy comment
Those aren’t just any metal bars – they are ribs for her pleasure.
Why thank you, jenny. *is pleasured*
Loz – is it truly you?!?
It is me! Nice to see you again, Nellie
*hugs*
Heeee…! I love your “new” name!
I said “tsetsecles” a couple of weeks back and thought of you.
ahahahahahahahaha! I’d forgotten that. I love being reminded of it every now and then. Tsetsecles still tickles me!
And the new name is in your honour
Ah so… Now I understand… I once posted the average life span of a tsetse fly, for no reason whatsoever. Now the response makes more sense.
lol! when was that?
and what is the life-span? do they survive longer when held outside the body cavity?
Quite a while back. It was just some random thing, can’t remember why, I just said “Did you know the average lifespan of a tsetse fly is…(whatever)?”
And I’m pretty sure somebody responded with a “tsetsecles” comment.
Brewski, that response was from Dragon.
I almost made a reference to tsetsecles the other day when someone came down with trypanosomiasis while I was talking.
What a weird coincidence… I didn’t even know the joke!
im sure Dick Banger would still love it
Bitchin dicklight for a rich dickhead.
And where is it? Looks like a concrete bunker.
Maybe his secret fortified BDSM chamber?
Wherever it is, it doesn’t look like it’s fancy enough for a chandelier. Not even one shaped like a penis.
Could be the “showroom” of the famous phallic-furnishing-factory.
“The only things hung lower are our prices!”
I kinda hope it’s in a hotel lobby.
The Paris Hilton maybe?
The back entrance?
The REAR entrance.
*snork!*
looks like a venue for a birthday gala.
ANGELPLUME!!!
*washes AP’s mouth out with soap*
*Pleh! spit-sputter GAKK!*
*shoves bar of soap up BFF’s ass*
Ouch! *winces and looks away*
AAAAH!!!
*shrieks and runs out of room, clutching buttocks*
*sticks spoon up BF’s ass*
GRAAAAH!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?!?!
*goes through the roof and shoots into the sky*
Don’t make me use the fork, hammer, knife, or screwdriver that’s not to be inserted into a penis.
But if you’re mean, I’ll shove the screwdriver in a dick. YOU!
Why are you being so horrid to me? This is getting a bit beyond a joke.
Ok, I’ll stop.
But just so you know, THERE IS NO SPOON!
*The Matrix implodes*
Mind if I use the universe implosion button? I want this WHOLE thing to seem like it never happened.
Here ya go!
*hands Alice red button with “UNIVERSE IMPLOSION” written on it with sharpie*
*stifles laughter*
*press*
*door is flung open*
*can-can girls dance their way to other end of room while the Can-Can is played*
*girls exit*
Wow. That was unexpected.
*steals REAL universe implosion button*
*press*
Okay, who turned out the lights?
Hello…?
RING RING RING RING RING RING BANANA PHONE!
I was doing it to see your reaction.
I hear that’s what Pavlov said just before his starving dogs mauled him.
DAMN IT!
That whole thread was just WRONG. ugghh
*Turns on light*
What the H, E, double hockey sticks is going on in . . .
Oh.
*Turns off light*
*turns on leg lamp*
Oh, BFF what brought you to this lowly state?
It–It was–Soap Poisoning!!
It was. . . soap poisoning.
Marius created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the refresh and going right for the quote!
Ah, Marius…we meet again!
Hello Mrs. Z! How are you?
*is not jealous because you won*
I’m fine, and you?
*is not proud because she won*
Just peachy!
I had a very good day today.
*buries lamp next to the garage*
*headdesk* OW!! Okay–it’s way past my bedtime.
*rubs forehead*
*tries not to appear overly nosy about object Marius just buried next to his garage*
I guess–YAWN–I’ll just mosy off down the hall to bed. G’night, all!
Good night Mrs. Z.
*hears the sound of Taps being played gently*
*laughing too hard to breathe*
What, you’ve never heard a kitteh swear? My cats are the most inventive cussers I’ve ever heard when they get going.
Hee! My male kitty actually flips me off when I yell at him.
Angelina gives me that chitter-chitter squirrel sound, but knows I’m bigger than she is (and I control what goes into the food bowl).
Yesterday, my kitten started making sounds at my friends.
Oh he knows I’m really a mush. It’s just a quick paw flip before he walks away.
*Lunchtime!*
TTFN!
I’ve noticed a sharp uptick in kitty hissy fits at my house.
Oh, really? Any idea why?
Pretty sure I have!
Thanx, DW. First I get ridiculed for being “cutsie,” then assaulted for playing along with the boys. What’s a kitteh to do?
BFF is lovely but he reacts like that to most things. I’m surprised he didn’t run off screaming.
My bad…
*snork*
ROFL
My Yoru shakes her paw at me
Ohai, Taya! *shakes paw*
lol nice Angelplume
*squeeze* *headbonk*
*Snicker*
My mothers cat, Ursula, has been known to walk into a room, hop up next to me just so she can hiss at me then walk away.
Her other cat, Gudrun (so did not spell it right) loves me and will start purring the instant she sees me. I can carry her around upside-down and she still purrs.
While we’re sharing cat stories, my cat puked on the kitchen worktop this evening.
My cat has a total of 3 teeth.
I worked in a veterinary hospital many, many moons ago – we had an elderly black woman with 2 black cats that she swore were 30 & 40 years old and “can whoop any cat in the neighbuhhood!”
They resembled that remark.
My two floofy love-sponges are absolutely perfect and provide me with hours of entertainment and happiness.
All my floofy love sponges are dead.
I currently share my girlfriend’s love sponges.
Are you sponge-worthy?
*snerk* Yay, Seinfeld!
Yay! I like when nightshayde comes to play.
My cat is a dog.
Nothing is worse than having sex in front of a cat. Especially a fixed cat. They just sit there and stare, in an attempt to impart a guilt complex. “Gee, what are you doing? Looks like fun, but I can’t relate! How much did you pay the vet for that fateful visit, again??”
Oh, tell me about it. I have to put him out of the room. Although this morning I let him stay… and he wasn’t interested.
Gasp! You’re admitting to having relations of a sexual nature in front of a minor cat!? What’s the Animal Welfare Society going to think? They’re prude and nosy busybodies and are bound to find out!
He’s like 50 in cat years… I’m pretty sure that’s legal. Right?
Well, I’m still calling the Skwerl Welfare Hotline….
cuz I jealous as hell!
Jealous of whom? My cat? Eww!
No YOU silly…
I truly miss the rollickingly good fun of a morning “roll in the hay” shall we say.
*has passionate sex in front of squirrel feeder*
*notices large group of squirrels staring*
Hey!! Don’t you have some nuts to take care of or something??
Aww poor skwerlly
*cuddles*
Brewski! The poor squirrels…How will they ever eat again.
*Gratefully Accepts Cuddles*
*peeks down Loz’s shirt
*
Damn squirrels – so cute they get away with anything!
GASP!
*views SkwerlTube video of Brewski’s antics* 
Brewski, you’d be proud of the “nuts” comments.
Great, now I’ll have nightmares about a hoard of hungry squirrels on a nut-gathering mission!
*puts on brass codpiece*
A cat that wasn’t interested? NOOOOooo! Just give it a ball of foil or a ping pong ball in the bath tub. Or some string.
You should try blindfolds – for you and/or the cat.
Blindfolds are required sometimes, mostly depending on the type of pussy involved.
(will most likely get moderated, but if not I’ll apologize as required in Alabama, Georgia and the Middle East.)
You forgot “Most of Louisiana except the French Quarter, all of Mississippi, the hills of Tennessee and a few small areas in downtown Vidor, Tx.”
Blindfolds are required sometimes, mostly depending on the type of p\/ssy involved.
(will most likely get moderated, but if not I’ll apologize as required in Alabama, Georgia and the Middle East.)
[NOTE: It got moderated]
How many types are there?
I prefer the friendly wet ones, because they always adore the personal attention, petting, rubbing, licking…
OH!
But to actually answer your question:
According to a OB/GYN friend of mine, “There are more types than you can shake
youra stick at.”Well, I have decided to take your word on the variety of hoo-hoos. I have always thought that my hoo-hoo was perfect and don’t want to have my bubble busted.
‘hoo hoo’, now there’s one I haven’t heard before.
My cat thinks she’s a dog, (she even comes when called, sits and shakes on command), and would love to hang out with the 4 Schnauzers, but they know she’s a cat and won’t play with her ever.
Well, that’s what happens when they get caught up crack and neglect their personal hygiene.
[the above is a reply to hammykins' 3 toothed cat comment]
Oh, thank you, Skwerlly. I thought you were referring to the many types of vajayjays.
*hopes her smiley worked*
Yummo- did you take advantage of the free nurients?
I… had far too much fun with disinfectant.
One more day on her drastic diet and I do believe my cat will be calling the Animal Welfare Hotline. She talks to the big container of kibble trying to get it to open for her and every 5 mins or so she’s checking the food bowl to see it it’s magically refilled itself yet.
Hi, SB. How’ve you been?
Good… Just busy with way too many things, only a few of which are even 1/2 fun.
D’oh! moderated. Trying again:
I had a blast today!! I pulled poison ivy all afternoon! Fun stuff. I !magined hearing it scream in agony as I pulled it out of the ground.
AAAIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!
It that like pulled pork?
Is “pulled poison ivy” a metaphor?
Sadly, no. If you want any poison ivy or lyme-infested deer ticks, stop by my place any time!! I’ve got plenty of both!
Thankfully, I only got one deer tick on me during the ivy-pulling-spree. I filled two 40-gallon garbage bags with poison ivy.
DIE DIE DIE!!!! *pant pant*
Gotta love New England…
No, it’s just a poisonous vine that some people have a severe allergic reaction to causing itching and burning.
“Metaphor” is a figure of speech in which a word or phrase literally denoting one kind of object or idea is used in place of another to suggest a likeness or analogy between them.
Poison Ivy was banned after she ruined Batmans movie. (OK well, she helped ruin it)
I fyou want some real fun, just scratch your balls after that. It should keep you going for days.
*grimaces & grabs crotch*
DAMN! Psychosomatic Itching! Arrrrghh!
Should that be applied before or after Jules’ ball shaving advice?
The more highly concentrated, the greater the effect, so I would say after.
Ball Shaving?
*gathers tennis balls and grabs shaver*
This will improve my game… right?
*stumbles into ball shaving conversation*
Hey guys! Watcha' talking abou-
What?haha, I was about to say something about del boy and rodney
son of a gun
What a pistol.
Not exactly top gun.
I bet it’s a big shot.
*Buzzes the tower*
That light seems to be flashing.
Danger up ahead.
*flashes the Admiral*
*Averts eyes, walks away “withaquickness!”*
*bumps into Judy who guides me away*
Thanks Judy! Hello.
You two are crazy, out of my way! I’m gettin’ in on this…
*oggles*
Hi all!! *squeezes*
*looks around*
Oh my!!
*closes eyes*
*practices times tables in head*
I see you peeking!
6 times 7 is 42…
6 times 8 is 48…
6 times 9 is 69… WAIT! 54! Dammit!
Teehee!
*sees dangerous curves*
hugs!
And these curves hug you back.
*HUGS!!*
*Hears Brewski muttering*
6×7=42
6×7=42
7×6=42
7×6=42
Poor thing!
Exactly!! You read my mind. It’s really hard though. I need to erect mental walls.
It sounds like you and I are in the same boat.
Sometimes, I feel like I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
I think this thread is coming to a climax…
That could be taken out of context here on Phallic-Failblog.
jenny, you’re so cute!
Hi, Brewski. I missed the Friday cuddle puddle. Did you manage to keep your pants on this week?
(Hello, Jennyisbusy!)
lolcatburglar ripped my clothes off!!
I try so hard to be good, but it just never happens!!
*sob!*
Oh, goodness! Well, at least you didn’t get sloppy drunk again – right?
No! I’ve sworn off Dragon grog for life!
I’ve missed you. Been busy lately?
Sort of. I was in the hospital. Had a bleeding ulcer. Got out Thursday, I’ve just been trying to take it easy since then, rest a lot, and stay away from the grog as well.
Ow.
*gently squeezes Judy*
I’m glad you’re okay!
Judy!
*big hugs*
I hope you get well soon! How are you doing so far?
Thanks, sweetie! *squeezes back*
I’ll be fine now. Just have to watch what goes into me from now on.
.
.
.
Maybe mirrors would help….
Should have said “sweeties”! Luv’n you alls!
So far, I’m doing good, Brewski. Thanks. *smooch*
Ought oh! Were you trying my hotwing and coffee diet?
Hope you are felling better.
*snork!*
Thanks, Jenny.
*lightly squeezes Judy*
I’m happy you’re okay. Mend and rest. You’ll be doing laundry again on no time.
Judy, I just noticed the “mirrors would help” comment; they do! Cams are good too unless you’re the type to critique and not just enjoy the ins & outs of a good homemade video.
*Gives Judy a goodnight smooch*
Night all, sweet dreams!
‘Night Brewski.
Maybe we should get Brewski some of those 80’s parachute pants. They send out a ‘Can’t touch this vibe’
its actually on propose so its win
I find no purpose to your statement, so I reject your proposal.
Do you find my porpoise pompous?
I propose your porpoise is purposely pompous.
Preposterous!
Perhaps the pompous porpoise paid a pretty penny to preen with such panache, and doesn’t appreciate your petty provocations.
Perhaps.
Precisely.
Pickles?
A plethora of prickly pickles.
Surprise!
Prickly pickles??
*pleh!*
I’ll take pomegranates, please.
My mother in law serves porcipine meatballs. Somtimes they are beef meatballs that are rolled in rice – sometimes they are not.
*Places pounds of pretty pomegranates in the pernicious puffinator’s palm.*
Preserved peaches would make a perfect pairing with Perrier for my paramour.
*is pleased as punch to produce a pitcher of potent pomegranate potables for my partner’s pleasure*
Perfect!!
Please proceed.
*proffers glass*
*pours pleasing potion with passion and aplomb*
*partakes*
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect!!
I’m pretty sure that’s intentional, yet again. It’s probably in a sex shop of some sort, or maybe a sex museum. IDGAF.
But it was intentional.
A Brazilian senator (he is in fact gay, as you can see) payed 200.000 reals, something over 100.000 dolars to make this… thing.
fortunately, he died this year.
I actually can’t see that.
*looks closer*
Nope
I’m Done Going All Factual?
Dammit! GAH!
No he means I don’t give a fu**.
lol
Lol is a sentence fragment. Use more detail.
Explain your thinking.
Unless, of course, proper punctuation is added, in which case it could be a declarative sentence telling us to lol.
You might be right.
Quit lollygagging around!
lol funny
Sould I lol in a funny way, or is it funny, lol?
lol funny u silly lol
Laugh out loud!!! Now!
Wow, would you take a look at that. IT looks like a giant….
DICK!?!
yeah????
Look at the ceilng.
*looks*
Looks like someone squished a big purple bug on it.
Heee!
Did he dye?
*gives credit to LCB*
*smooches DW*
Johnson?
*snorks at Admiral*
*smooches back*
*smooches back*
*smooches front*
yeah?
To the DICKMOBILE!
Or the Dick mobile?
If so, that room must be difficult to navigate in a stiff breeze.
The best ones are made of wood.
The splinters can be a bitch, though.
mine is bigger
Stop bragging. Not all of us can afford chandeliers this big.
Is that a chandelier in your pocket or are you happy to see me?
And since this *isn’t* opposite day…
PINGAS!
That is quite the conversation piece.
Breaks the ice at naughty parties!
Sheds light on a certain subject.
Spotlight on the penis?
It’s an heirloom; the family jewels are passed down from generation to generation.
Diamonds are a girls best friend!
(I so don’t believe that.)
My best friend is my sweetie who buys me diamonds.
Yeah, but are they shaped like weenies?
Trade them for gold at the first opportunity!
Why would she want sentimental fool’s gold?
Maybe she’s gonna take a sentimental journey and spent every dime she could afford.
I tried to make friends with a diamond once. All our conversations were very one-sided, it never really seemed like it was into the relationship at all. I baked a pie for it, didn’t even say thank you.
Don’t let anyone fool you, diamonds are stone-cold and heartless.
I heard of someone trying to make a diamond once – joined a new church where the vicar claimed that he could squeeze a potato so hard…
Yeah, if that’s the best a girl can do then she’ll probably die friendless and rich. Furthermore, all her relatives will descend like vultures to make off with the riches and still not attend the service.
I think the ice breaker works… look how naughty this party turned out to be w/ the big weenie looming overhead
my vagina light is way cooler
Vagina Light? How many calories?
A lot if you’re doing it right.
In this case it’s measured in KiloJiles.
either 64 or 42 I forget which.
They should hang it over a hot tub.
Ohai, Tribble!
Let’s hope the chain doesn’t let them lower it down… would make for a very shocking experience.
I’m shocked, even without the hot tub.
Ohai Nightshayde! It is tacky, but I think it fits in quite well in this forum. I didn’t realize so many of us came over here to play. I’ll have to read the comments more often.
I like it here, but the weekend seems a bit more … um … adult than the weekday fare.
*runs into thread wearing leather g-string with spiked collar*
*cracks whip*
What was that?? Adult, you say??
Oh my, there’s Lovely Linda and her Magic Donkey!! Woohoo!!!
Are you all ICHC peeps? I imagine FB is quite a shock when you’re coming from that sort of site…
*feels obliged to cover nightshayde’s eyes* it’s too late, isn’t it?
Uh oh, I fell into the i m a g trap! My first time!
Censored version:
Are you all ICHC peeps? I !magine FB is quite a shock when you’re coming from that sort of site…
*feels obliged to cover nightshayde’s eyes* it’s too late, isn’t it?
It’s okay Loz, nightshayde is no longer a virgin… failblogger. She’s seen the trouble we can get into.
Fortunately, there are nice, reserved, stable, conservative individuals like myself to keep things from getting out of hand.
Yeah, it’s a good thing you’re here. Oh, by the way, here’s the whip and baconlube you asked for.
That’s kind of the effect I was going for. Add a black feather boa around the edge of the hot tub.
That was SOOOOOO done on purpose.
you know, I don’t understand why everything shaped like a penis is a fail. Is there someting inherently wrong about penises? I mean, half the population has them. Is it wrong to acknowledge them, or even revere them?
When displayed publicly, it would have the effect of focusing people’s minds on a self-indulgent (and often abusive) pleasure, which for most folks doesn’t need any help to occupy their minds. It’s one thing to revere the act for it’s procreative benefits to society (Japan’s festival comes to mind), but it can be hard to achieve selfless acts of kindness to others when you’re focused on selfishly satisfying your own base desires.
Are you talking about knocking 1 off?
If that’s all you can manage. “Self-service” is an even more self-indulgent act than sharing it with a partner, but at least it doesn’t involve the kind of abuse some folks think they have a right to impose on others for their own pleasure. Adding to a relationship by bringing mutual pleasure to both participants requires sensitivity and caring – thinking with the big brain, not just the little one.
*meh*
*yawns*
Tired of preaching alone? Try AP’s advice.
Half the population is a fail according to the other half, so that makes sense.
Having some relationship issues, hmmm? Try mutual respect.
I recomend beating not mutual respect. Just the ribs and legs, people will see the bruises on her face.
I’m very glad I don’t know you.
Women are people too and deserve respect.
Ha. That was funny. Tell another one!
Those who live by the sword, die by the sword. Your day will come.
(Don’t let them get to you anni … *squeeze*)
shut up and cook me dinner.
*grabs sword from samurai fail*
*lops off Butch’s head*
*puts Butch in 450° oven and locks door*
Do you really want to eat that?
*prepares a nice shiskabob with beef and hot peppers*
*shoves it up Butch’s ass*
And what would you like for desert?
Ooh, I like your way better!
I aim to please.
Something with whipping cream for dessert – as long as I can wield the whip. I think that would be just desserts!
*hands annipus heavy whipping cream and a cat-o-nine-tails*
*stands back, stays close to observe / assist as needed*
I was in fact ironically trying to point out that women have the tendency to call all men bastards at times and men on the other hand also have various creative ways of insulting the other half of the human population. No sexist intentions whatsoever.
Interesting you read it that way though…
Since you included the entire population by referring to “half the population” and “the other half,” I assumed you were feeling universally hateful because of some personal relationship issue. The irony was not apparent, especially when posted in a supportive way in a somewhat trollish thread. Sorry if I missed the humor.
What’s trollish about asking why everything with a penis is a fail?
You assumed I was only talking about your half of the population, which is typical for a woman.
Sorry, I am trying to be ironic again. I guess I should point that out from now on.
ZigiSamblak, you’re a troll because you’re a sexist bigot. That’s it.
Irony…I do not think that word means what you think it means.
Plus:
1. AngelPlume is not a woman, and
2. Any time you say something like “that’s typical for a woman”, you demonstrate your ignorance.
That is all.
I’m not a woman. My persona here is rather gender-neutral, being a combination of a four-year-old female cat and a 48-year old man.
The fact that you would assume I’d be biased toward my gender tells me a lot about your own biases.
Oh, yeah, you were trying to be ironic again, weren’t you? Still not funny.
Lol, I actually really enjoy when people misuse the word irony. Instead of annoying me it makes me giggle.
That Alanis Morissette song amuses me no end!
>>> Fe <<<
Thanx for the support, DW.
ZigiSamblak, there are a few other items I could address from your post.
First, it can be trollish to point out flaws in a fail in a serious and explanatory manner, since this is primarily a humor site. I hesitate to post this since it qualifies as such itself, but is not as trollish as some of the posts that followed yours, therefore the “somewhat” qualifier.
Second, I did not assume that you were “only talking about [my] half of the population.” In fact, I phrased my reply specifically to include the fact that I fully understood that you covered the entire population – twice! – by saying that each half of the population considers the other half to be a fail.
So not only did you reveal your bias by assuming my gender, you failed to realize that your own comment was all-inclusive to begin with.
And my original reply to your first post only pointed you toward more constructive approaches to relationship issues (mutual respect) rather than the destructive ones you seemed to advocate (considering each other to be failures).
*giggles at Nellie*
Wow. Zigi, I understood your comment…and since you didn’t say, for instance, “women think all men are failures” I didn’t take it as a sexist comment. What some of the bloggers after you said…yes those were sexist comments meant to trigger a reaction, which is exactly what happened. What about the petition? Did everyone forget? Zigi had a valid point, it related in a way to the fail, just a different viewpoint other than the obvious (phallic adoration). I’m kind of disappointed Zigi drew some of this ire.
AngelPlume….
Zigi did not point out flaws in this fail. wolfsaben did.
Thanks Anniebunny.
And it is funny to read that some people have a very narrow and flawed idea of the meaning of irony. From Wiki:
“Irony (from the Ancient Greek εἰρωνεία eirōneía, meaning hypocrisy, deception, or feigned ignorance) is a literary or rhetorical device, in which there is an incongruity or discordance between what one says or does and what one means or what is generally understood. Irony is a mode of expression that calls attention to the character’s knowledge and that of the audience.”
That is exactly what I did and the results were very interesting indeed.
Annibunny – yes, I got a little confused, but I don’t think we need to belabor the issue.
Zigi’s comments were the least trollish, but followed wolfsabens, so they got put in a similar category. I responded to both since they made coherent points, and deserved at least some explanation. But I still feel Zigi started the gender issue, first by implying that inter-gender strife is inevitable (which might have gone over better in a different context), then more explicitly by degrading my assumed womanhood.
The fact that he(?) actually responded brought on additional ire, but also shows he has some hope for redemption since a true troll wouldn’t reply in a way worthy of any response.
Please accept whatever apology I can render, ZigiSamblak. I hope you continue to post here, though I might advise you to be a little more careful in choosing your words.
The “gender strife” was started by people overreacting. If you can’t take ironic comments about any subject I don’t think this is a suitable website for you.
Oh and apology accepted.
But I will not start thinking about my words more carefully. I am what I am and this is failblog after all…
Oh yeah, and I apologize for assuming you were female. That /was/ sexist of me.
Right, I think 3 posts in a row is the max!
You actually took him seriously? XD
Hard to tell with types like that.
Better to smack it down than to appear supportive by default.
I don’t consider physical abuse funny. At all. Ever.
*scritches AngelPlume behind the ears*
Toasts AngelPlume!
As in ‘cheers’ gulp gulp gulp. Not the fiery kind.
*wonders what happened to my brain*
*glances somewhat carefully at Jenny’s brain*
Looks good from here, ma’am.
*puurrrr*
‘Phew’ I thought someone disconnected my HDMI cable since the clarity is not as sharp as usual.
*skritches AP behind the ears*
*gives AP a great big hug*
*SQUEEZE*
Thanx, NS! *squeeze!*
I want to be your best friend for a day.
That’ll fix him!
‘Fixing’ him would be a great idea.
I was being punny. And purposefully vague.
I know, I was just agreeing with you
*facepalm*
I got it, for one.
I have never thought that men are “fail” Men and women are two halves that together make a complete unit. I am not in favour of being beaten nor of inflicting beatings really!
Can you say yin and yang? I knew you could. ☯
What’s wrong with yin and yin?
This has to be intentional. I can’t see this happening at anything other than some sort of themed party. Like Japan’s penis festival.
Well, that would certainly make for some interesting dinner-party conversation!
That’s a very, um, interesting chandelier you have there, Janet. Was it custom made?
Why yes it was. I had it made to match the phallic lamps… and ofcourse the rug really ties the whole room together.
Yes, I see that. Who’s your designer?
Looks like the work of Willie Focker. I like how the rug matches the drapes.
If you pull back the curtains it gives the romm a whole different feeling.
It´s definitely from a classic sex museum or something like that.
Actually, it’s not shopped. I found their site:
http://www.rockandroyal.com/index.php?page=impressions&hl=usa
OMG some of their stuff is ugly as sin! The mosaics are horrid! And the floating head chandelier… ewwwww…
Thanks for the linkie, tho.
Ugly as sin… never liked that phrase. I guess it just depends which sin you’re talking about.
You can spot the difference between fails and intentional art, right?
The two are not mutually exclusive.
You know that something intentional, taken out of context, can be funny, right?
Hey, Avis! ♪ Saturday, in the park, I think it was the 4th of July..♪ in Chicago? Perhaps some more volleyball?
You know there’s a difference between fail and funny and this blog’s is not named the FUNNY blog, right?
I bet the the flooring underneath is a peculiar pinkish oval shaped rug.
Hey, this pic doesn’t show the big a$$, the table in the room…
I wonder if it comes with a matching v***na
I wonder if that thing actually has 3 balls and you can’t see the third in this pic.
Would that make it better for you?
Just wondering is all.
first
*thwacks with mallet*
Whac a Troll. Hours of fun.
Not for the rest of us who have to watch. Leave it be and let it die.
*whacks troll again*
How clever. *yawn*
*grabs poo*
*grabs Mickey by “da” throat*
*shoves poo into Mickey’s mouth and forces him to swallow it*
The problem with posts like this is that when the troll is banned from the site, and their posts are deleted, these posts make no sense at all.
*is insensed*
Yes Fluffy, this makes IUL look like a bully here – attacking Mickey Mouse or something!
(much better than the original thread though)
Poor Mickey Mouse…
*snork* I read the thread before….thank goodness.
Gives a whole new meaning to “the family jewels.”
I wonder how long it takes to “polish” it?
When polishing please start at the tip being very gentle. Apply slighty more pressure when working on the shaft. The spherical bits are fragile, handle with care.
No problem. I just throw mine in the dishwasher w/ a little extra jetdry…
… and Failblog’s famous egg-shampoo!
This must be Micheal Jackson’s chandelier.
That would be much smaller.
… and paler.
It’s a Schlongdelier!
*applauds*
Now THAT was a clever comment!
so its the chandelier from elton john’s pool room. big deal.
This si the one on display in Heff’s living room.
This seems like it was done on purpose.
No, really? Hey, maybe you’re right!
(It’s still a fail)
it was, I just checked out the website link somewhere up there, and it’a called ‘Custom Chandelier Dick”
Where is a good ceiling fan when you need one?
You are in conditions of adding a Fallical Fail section in More Lolz, I think
*sheepishly*
Hi Mom! You found me out huh.
Hello? Is anyone home? I just got back from vacation!I thought a troll ate you! Glad to see you alive an kicking!
*kicks jenny*
Oops, sorry.
My eye, my eye! I can’t see anything anymore. Ahhh Ahhhh My bellybutton hurts too…
*lifts shirt a little, pulls out small object*
It’s my contact!
Ninja please be more careful.
*rolls around in pain*
*dials 911*
I’m ok really…
*pulls white object out of mouth*
*realizes it’s a tooth and passes out*
*recording:*
Sorry we missed you! Please leave a message at the sound of the beep and we’ll get right back to you!
*B E E P sounds*
Aw sh*t, I hate leaving messages.Welcome back!
*wonders – if blogmonster was on vacation, who has been eating the comments?*
Awaiting moderation? With all of the comments I’ve read on this blog my comment is flagged?
I left a message on a female customer’s answering machine and slurred the final words “Thanks allot” into “thankslut” I was horrified into what felt like a ten second silence then stumbled out my number and a “give me a call if you have any questions”. It was a *head desk* moment.
How was your vacation Ninja and where did you go?
Colorado, and it was very fun. Thanks for asking.simply amazing, it’s the same size as me.
http://gawdimsobored.mybrute.com
I wonder if there is a third sphere on the other side to make it symmetrical. If so it is not a fail but a piece of art.
XD three balls
It could have one ball then it would be Tom Green.
Not to be trollish here but I refuse to believe the person making/selling this didn’t know. (And no, that doesn’t make it less funny, in fact the thought of someone actually selling this to a homeowner while trying not to bust out laughing is funny as hell.)
Ya I let you have this for 3,000 (giggle).
This is worth 5,000 hahah sorry I heard a funny joke. So what do you say Yoiu will take it?.
Check this Fail
http://cheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=4483375
Arghh – Gravator would not let me Elsa_Mama so now i am elsamama – with an avatar —
You can retype your name, just your email address has to match.
YAY!!!
*squeeze*
Hee! Hi Elsa_Mama with an avatar. It was hard recognizing you before without a program.
LOl! That was funny~ XD made my day~
Not really a fail, since a phallic symbol was what they were going for.
why is this a fail? just because it is penis-shaped?
it was obviously meant to be….
First!!!
Wow, I wonder if they meant to make that of the chandelier…
It confuses me so much that people can do this on accident…
It’s Fail-ic
mixitl=mistletoe
…beyond the palisade, marat, put the ba(r)ley
palely palo(sp) behind you and sit on the (s)taffrail,
pally phally never fails it falls like an ionian onion
into the slop potty then thickens the strudle doodle,
shandles are candles are lips that are brandy,
kisses are misses if one stinks of fishes,
and cheeses are kneeses climbing up high
where peaches are clinging to birds that are
winging together joined at purloin.
…purrloin.
…can we throw those dangerous aluminium crayons
airlines use and have blimps instead, slow-moving
paddling blimps in and out of the clouds, soft downy
things, not always fully inflated so they can take corners and spray silver iodes to make rain where
needed, there will be no hurry to destination, they
will be work stations for a month or more at a time, and everyone gets a parachute?
If it was hanging the other way up, I’d say win. BIG win….
Heh heh. Damocles’ sword
i stared at it….
Seriously…enough with the penis pictures! Thats all this site has now is lame videos of people falling and half a million penises
i think this place must be especially used for bachelorette parties.
Um… I think that Tila Tequila has that chandelier!
Perfect for a Porno convention!
i hope the tile on the floor is laid out to look like a vagina.. or a butthole depending on sexual preference.
… that would look great in my kitchen
quite win ackshully
hi lol
lol
How is that not intentional? I mean REALLY.
Hmmm, my that’s well hung.
You gotta love gay designers
Must be a light fixture in Liberache’s house.
EPIC FAIL
EPIC WIN
I want one.
It’s not fail if you INTENDED it to be a giant penis.
big penis fail