Fire Evacuation Fail
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Cheezburger Network Blog
Run run and run!
And dial 3333!
And don’t forget to scream to wake employees without causing them a nervous shock.
Can I scream FIRE FIRE FIRE?
walk with me?
Twin Peaks movie reference?
look back a few pages
Late last night when we were all in bed…
This is a good spot!
.
Cuddle Puddle Time!!!
Scratch that! It’s way down vvv there!
…Mother O’Leary took the lantern to the shed
And when the cow kicked it over, she woke us up and said,
“There’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight!
FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!”
or another version:
Late last night when we were all in bed,
Old Lady Leary left the lantern in the shed,
and when the cow kicked it over, she winked her eye and said
“It’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight!
FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
If you scream CHEESECAKE CHEESECAKE CHEESECAKE it will be less of a nervous shock.
Hi, i’m new in here, where do i go to get the FAILBLOGGER CARD and the big brown FailHat?
*stamps a beer mat*
NEWBIE
Welcome.
eeeeeeeeh do i have to go through any tests ?
Let the initiation ceremony begin!
*squeeeeeeze*
.
Yup, MR is squeezable.
.
Next test?
Hm, he has an avatar. And is polite!
*checks marks*
He has been here before, but the avatar is new.
Now for the humo(u)r test.
Marcelo! Say something punny!
*watches expectantly, pen poised over clipboard*
@avis well.. i have been here before, indeed, but it was some time ago and i wasnat an official failblogger =D
Hmmmm….
*shakes head and makes a note on clipboard*
Ouch! Dragon, you’re a tough examiner!
i never got an initiation
and my avatar is on the fritz again
oops nvm, avatar is working, i misspelled gmail
Sorry, we’re falling behind. Too many applicants!
Watch out behind you, a barrel is rolling your way!!
“Goodniiiiiiiiight ding-ding-ding”
*shakes a bell*
here’s something funny: lol.
@ MR:
Suppose you get to write the first comment for a fail pic / vid. You know that in a matter of seconds the place will be filled with posts. What would you post?
Wow, you really did devise a test for newbies?
i’d say.. anything but “first” ?
AAAAA i’m confused
Preferably not “anything but__”. That way you can post “3957yg” gibberish or something like “PENIS” (like few did a bit before) just to get that place.
But anyway, it’s a pass. Make sure you stick to your word.
(NO “did he die”! They ban.)
YAAAAAY
*grabs failhat*
now i look SO COOL.
Hello marcelo! *waves*
Whoah, we have a failhat here? Why was I not informed of this?
Anyway, welcome marcelo. Have a nice time here.
Consider this carefully…
is there going to be any harm ? i tell ya, i’m trollphobic, anything but them :s
Can you hope on one leg, rub your belly and head at the SAME time??????
hop… *beats the hell our of ‘e’*
YES I CAN!!!!!
*starts hopping*
it’s easy, check it out
*notices everyone is looking at him and sits back down*
Hmmm…I see.
Quick, marcelo give me 3 uses for BaconLube.
painlessly playing a piano with your forehead.
squeezing it’s bottle to see how far it goes
making the stairs by which the trolls come up here in the fail commenting plataform slippy
One answer is use BaconLube for potato action. The troll comment was good however.
hope is wasted on the hopeless
But I’m new too…*sniffles* I getz no squeeze?
*squeeze*
AAAAHHHH!!! CHEESECAKE?!?!
*panics*
I’m going to have that song in my head all day, and I’m all right with that.
I looOOooOOOoooOOooove the cheesecake song!!
*sings to self*
♬ “Cheesecake, gobble gobble cheesecake, gobble gobble….”
DW, thank you so much for posting that vid. I’d never heard of it before, never mind it being sung by the wonderful Louis. It’s made my day! ☺
Whenever I’m feeling a bit down, I put on “What a Wonderful World”. It’s really hard to feel sad listening to that song!
That’s in my top 3!
I either listen to “Sir Duke” by Stevie Wonder or “Joy to the World” by Three Dog Night.
I listen to Joy Division if I’m a bit down.
My medication ain’t working either… :’(
Bah! Sad smiley fail. That doesn’t help.
That was fun! I asked Toddler Boy, “Can you dance?” to which he replied “Not to that – and ran away”
*snork!*
It just figures that Dragon Writer, being a dragon, is guarding gems like this!
Oh wow, I finally got around to watching that!! Thanks Dragon!
TV sure has changed since those days!
I’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to post that! I’d say this was it.
Yay! Satchmo rules!
Ever heard this one?
Love Satchmo. That is what reality ( read also LIVE) TV looked like for BOOMERS when we were kids.
velvet, if you scream FIRE FIRE FIRE, you will only disturb those who employees who are napping.
Did someone take the red Swingline again?
Yes! Now, bring it back or I’ll burn down the building.
I thought the building was already on fire?
No, not yet. It isn’t closing time.
See this? It’s my Jump-To-Conclusions Mat!!
See this? It’s my O-face.
*hands in TPS report*
Now stop bothering me.
Didn’t you get the memo on the new cover sheets for TPS reports?
*re-sends the memo to Jules*
PC load error? WTF!
Jules, you’re supposed to use the new cover sheet for TPS reports. Do you have the new cover sheet?
I can’t believe no one’s posted the best line yet, and the one most pertinent to fire in the workplace:
“Shouldn’t have taken my shtapler.”
tThat’s kinda what started it…
Yeah, well, that may be. But at least I never slept with Lumbergh.
Yes I saw the memo.
*sees Boss walking towards his cube*
*hides* I have plans Saturday!
So.. uhh.. I’m going to go ahead and ask you to come in on Saturday…
*rolls over in bed*
Oooo. Ooooo.
I really must get around to watching that DVD…
You’d appreciate the quotes and references much more.
.
Also watch any Monty Python movies you haven’t seen.
Oh – I have that one covered pretty well, I think. I’ve read about Office Space, so I kind of get the references (at least I know where the references come from)…
*puts watching Office Space on her “to-do” list*
Hi nightshayde!!
Office Space is hilarious, watch it! I also like Galaxy Quest, although I’m a Star Trek fan, so your mileage may vary.
I keep meaning to see that, too. I don’t have it in the house, though. I have the Office Space DVD.
I’m guessing Princess Bride is another movie that gets a lot of love around here. Am I right?
*flies in*
Buttercup…
*flies away for the weekend*
As you wish.
INCONCEIVABLE!
INCREDIBLE!
Me, too! Me, too!
“Does the roll help?”
Tying into yesterday’s movie fun…”Ducts? Why is it always ducts?”
*throws SuperTroopers into the hat*
Big hat.
Take the elevator.
The bar is now open!
Sea breeze, pleeeze.
*mix*
*pass*
There you go.
Thanks! You want your tip in cash or Beggin Strips?
Bacon please.
Hold the lube
But — won’t that burn?
Not if you use a potato first.
mmmm… bacon and potato … any sour cream?
I am sure I could whip something up.
A bottle of Dog and a diet coke please.
*slids two bottles down the bar followed by two glasses*
*one iced the other has ice in it*
Hmmm… I saw something go in but I’m not sure which bottle it was!
*pours drinks onto a cheeseplant and walks to the off license*
I only iced the one glass and put ice in the other glass, because the bottles were room temp.
*squeezetickletickle*
You didn’t give me Dog anyways but I’m not bitter.
Just a tad browned off?
Jules, my savior! I think I need a triple scotch on the rocks. Been a rough day.
*slides a triple shot glass down the bar followed by the bottle*
You might need this.
Thanks!
It may be a bad idea after my “lunch” though…
*shudders*
How about some salt and a lemon. That should remove any taste from you mouth.
Mmm. Talking to Ralph on the giant white telephone. Fun way to start the weekend!
That lunch might give you a good out for Saturday work though — belch some of bad boy at the boss adn tell him you think you have been poisoned…
Jules, thank goodness you opened the bar. It seems we do more boozing all days but Friday. This is a late start.
Give me anything strong you got please and TY.
*hands Leila a bottle of 151 and a bottle of coke*
I’ll let you mix at your discretion.
Thank you!!
Cheers – and Toto better NOT have another hole on his body that wasn’t there this morning. *hic*
Is a hole thru a existing hole considered a new hole?
ACK!
What did you do to my Toto? I demand you bring him back right this second.
Okay, okay I am just messing around.
*hands Toto back*
[to Toto]Well we had some fun chasing squirrels around, maybe we will get to play later.
*examines Toto and sees hole within hole*
*faints*
He looks good with a tongue piercing.
SQUIRREL!
My name is Dug. I have just met you, and I love you.
How was UP?
I loved it! I laughed … I cried … and I’d love to see it again.
I highly recommend seeing it in 3D if you have the chance. They don’t do all the old kitchy tricks of things flying at your face — they actually make very nice use of depth.
If you’re even close to being a sap (as I am), you will need kleenex. There are some majorly tear-jerking parts.
I am such a sap. I cry at everything…I’m dooooomed!
*is something of a sap as well*
Under my tough exterior I’m really a big marshmallow.
Many years ago, I went on a date to see “Boyz N The Hood”. I totally lost it for some time even after we left the theater. A bit embarrassing, actually.
“*is something of a sap as well*”
I’d tap…uh, nevermind.
Yeah, I’m a softy, too, and I really want to see UP!
Hee…! Always trying to s(t)yrup trouble!
And UP is awesome. You definitely need to see it.
I heartily concur with nightshayde. If you go see it in the theatre (which you should–the height illusion won’t be as great on a small screen), be sure and arrive in time to catch Partly Cloudy, the short film preceding UP. It’s a hoot!
Or just run and run as fast s you can. Let sleeping dogs lie.
Except Jules. Wake Jules up screaming and then run and run.
Your avatar has some emotional power.
*goes into brainwashed mode*
I can’t deny the dog…
Hmmm, as fast as I do at closing time. That would be before closing time, so I would leave before the fire started. Is that even possible?
You could start the fire yourself with a remote-controlled-flame-throwing robot, and then you would have already left before the fire started.
But… but… what would happen to the remote-controlled-flame-throwing robot?
Oh, please, won’t *someone* think of the remote-controlled-flame-throwing robots?
Well, just give him a strong arm and he can throw the flame from outside of the danger zone!!
*strong-arms remote-controlled-flame-throwing robot*
*FOOOM*
Does anyone happen to have some burn ointment or unguent or salve? A lot of it?
*dunks LCB in a bath tub full of aloe vera
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Thanks!
You had me at “aloe.”
No problem LCB, you’re my friend.
Hey guys – don;t look now, but LBC is nakkid in a tub full of lube ….
Elsa!!!
*runs videotape*
punctuation fail — flicks the ; into the aloe vera and sticks an ‘ in its place
You’re looking a little blue there, elsa…what happened to your rosy flush?
Stops to think — that’s the second time I got yelled at — all i can say is i am just following the thread to its logical conclusion — after all it was Mal sho said he could taste — well — you’ll just have to read that for yourself.
Okay — I’m sorry I will self censor a little better …
*blink*
I didn’t yell at you, sweets! I just wondered why your avatar is blue today instead of pink.
*squeeze*
No but — Taya did — She gave me an “Elsa!” :pout: and so did Avis down thread a bit
I did not set up an avatar — so I just get whatever I get…
elsa_mama, you lost your other avatar when you pretended to be one of the chez, chuz, chiz chaz peeps. We still ♥ you though. *squeeze*
I meant that to come across more as a gasp. Of shock.
So did I
OW! Hey, watch where you’re flicking those ;s! That’s gonna leave a punctuation mark.
ooops Sorry LCB!!! How’s the bath? You look pretty relaxed … Feeling better today? What happened to your ear — it looks burned.
I’m feeling slightly less pleh today. I went to Dr. TinyCat and got some heavy-duty nasal spray. With steroids! In just a couple of months, my nose will be able to beat up any trolls anywhere.
The ear? Oh, just a mishap with a YNG and an iron set on “cauliflower” instead of “shell-like.” It will grow back. I hope.
Hey come join the memorial cuddle puddle down thread a bit — if that is your burns have been sufficiently soothed ….
It’s actually quite cuddly in here. Anyone care to join me?
*cuddles*
Canon Ball!! *jumps in to Aloe Vera with LCB* Wow — it is very cuddley in here — awwwwww ….
Wow! I hit the jackpot!
*cuddles with LCB, elsa, and DW*
Say lolcat, who horked your clothes?
Oh, Hi Brewski — I thought you died …
I didn’t see his face, but he took my clothes like this:
*removes Brewski’s clothes in one lightning-fast movement*
*flings clothes far*
Friday…check.
Cuddling…check.
Pantsless Brewski…check.
All is right with the world.
*dons something purple and silky*
*jumps into the aloe-based cuddle puddle*
*cuddles*
*As is, slips into aloe cuddle (literal) puddle*
Ahhh!!! What a great way to close the week!
Say, which way did my clothes go?? I might need those later…
*goes spelunking for cuddle buddy*
*is found!*
*retrieves*
Well, you ARE rather fetching…
*hides LCB’s clothes*
*wolf-whistles*
*runs videocamera*
hey Leila — set that up a tripod and jump in!
Nah … it’s ok.
… and just who is LBC?
Can’t …. breathe!
Laughing …. too ….. hard!
Oh, LCB! You had me at aloe, FTW!
O hai, gremlin. I think you and nightshayde are the balm!
Balms away! and LCB *points at the lolspeak with a claw*
Ah, Taya is trying to salve us from lolspeak. Tanks.
That’s very punguent!
or else we’re Tanked!
When I’m speaking to my own people, Shirley I can at least greet them in our native language?
I believe it’s acceptable.
And please don’t call me Shirley.
Surely you can. And stop calling me Shirley.
I just want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you.
Truth win.
Lie fail.
I usually leave a few minutes before closing time and hope no one notices. So I’d already be out of the building. Good luck everyone else!
Lefty has lefty the building.
Righty O.
Down and out.
But it was all on the up and up.
*urp*
Oh, God… what a Friday. I grabbed a container of leftovers out of the fridge on the way to work. I heated it up for lunch, took a big bite… totally rotten. I ended up swallowing some though. And now my entire work area reeks like rotting food. I think I’m gonna be ill…
*leaves to empty trash and perhaps stomach*
I…don’t…envy you…feel better man…
EEEEEEEEWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!
*gives Brewski the bukkit, just in case*
Anyone is puking… I’m outta here!
*legs it away from Brewski*
Oh, yeah…you and Loz have the same affliction.
*nods at the Admiral from a far corner*
I love you Brewski but… wait for me Betty! *scampers after SpongeBetty*
I’d offer you a drink but I think Jules iced it.
Oh well *snuggles with SpongeBetty*
In case of fire, pull dragon wing over you and go back to sleep.
ZZZzzzzz.
Warm enough? I can pull the wing back a little.
*peeks one eye open*
I was faking…I’m wide awake.
Hee! I know…you want to start a little fire of your own!
This is a sign, Brewski. You must leave work now before the fire starts.
*holds Brewski’s hair while he drives the porcelain bus*
.
Poor guy.
Heave as fast as you do at closing time.
Don’t stop and smell the multi-color yawn.
*rofl*
Oh, you poor thing! Get outside if you can. And take the rest of whatever it is to an exterior trash can. That’ll help with the odor.
I’ve taken the trash out, but the smell won’t go away!! Please, make it go away!!
I can’t believe I actually ate it…
(that’s what she said, too)
Do you have a window that opens? Could you light a candle for a few minutes? Do NOT spray air freshener! That’ll just make it worse. Ummm….yeah, that’s it. I’m out of ideas.
Everyone needs one of these for their home or office! (clicky) These are the best. I have one at home and in the office and they seriously work. The owner of the company is the nicest guy I’ve ever dealt with too, so it’s a bonus knowing that my money is going to a good company.
Light a match, then blow it out and fan it around.
That’s what Mal said on the last Fail after his lunch with Granny ….
Elsa!!!
Whut?
Can you tell your bosses there’s an unidentified foul odor in your work area and that you can’t continue to function under these conditions? You might be able to leave before the fire starts…
*offers Brewski a room-temperature ginger ale & some saltines*
Oh wow, thanks, that reminds me of my mom. Ginger ale and saltines!! Not that you remind me of my mom, of course.
I’m contemplating removing the skylight and escaping through the roof.
I’m a mom. Occupational hazard.
Come to think of it, I doubt I could get my daughter to drink ginger ale.
Wait, you get paid to be a mother nightshayde? What do you charge?
I get paid in snuggles & kisses.
It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.
*Let’s out an “awwwwwwww”*
That is so nice. I hug my mother every day when she gets home from work.
My daughter won’t go near my hubby when I get home. She’s such a mama’s girl.
Mine is my mini-me.
She wants another “Daughter/Mommy” Disneyland trip soon. I may be forced to oblige. Oh darn.
I love that place! I really need to make the trip out there again soon.
The is only one thing you can do at a time like this brew. Call your co-workers over, and force them to go through your pain.
That wait for your arch nemesis to come near and make a huge commotion about him/her having sold their rear end to the devil.
Then go further to question what types of concoctions they have brewing in their bowels. That will really settle your scores.
I already subjected my coworkers to torment. They had to smell it. One guy walked by and said, “What’s that smell?? Garlic??”
*holds nose*
Here’s a tic with extra tac for you Brewski. You may need it.
I hate to say this, but that’s a win. *laughs loudly*
I hate to agree with you (not really) but I believe you’re right!
I hate truck nuts.
I hate headaches.
I hate 2-week old lunches.
So… you knew how old it was… and you ate it? Sorry Brewski but as a firm believer in natural consequence I cannot give any sympathy on this one.
He realized after the fact, I think.
Spoiled pickle surprise?
*urk* Now I don’t feel so well!
I’ll take pickle surprise over my lunch any day!
I didn’t know how old it was and I still don’t. In fact, I don’t want to know.
Wow, ignorance is bliss. Pickle surprise is really that bad then?
Yes.
Well, judge for yourself.
I’ll regret doing this, but clickie my name if you haven’t seen it before.
What about pullet surprise?
Ok, that was the first time I have gotten around to watching pickle surprise…wow…that was… horrifying.
GAH! *Scrubs mind*
*sigh* OK, so much for the rules I posted last fail!
*earflick*
Why — did you die?
No he was photoshoped.
Poor Brewski.
Really?? Mal is too. Those boys are total fakes! Harumph!
I just had my authenticity taken… *sadface*
Wait wait wait…was he FIRST!!111!1?
Hostile! Hostile!! Mommy!
*jumps up and down pointing at Malicite*
But he won, not failed.
I didn’t want to set the world on fire! I just wanted to start a flame in your heart(s)!
-stare-
I have only one burnin’ desire
Let me stand next to your fire
Sorry, ZA!
*pets Retaba on the nose*
Welcome back my friend.
*dances to Jimi Hendrix*
C’mon baby, light my fire!
I’m the firestarter! Twisted firestarter.
*lights Velvet’s fire*
♪You can’t start a fire without a spark♪
♪ We didn’t start the fire… ♪
*stomps on fire*
Not indoors Betty!!!!
*dances to Prodigy*
Sorry. I didn’t realise the cushions are flammable.
Ouch!
.
MOM! Leila’s stomping on meeeeeeee!!!
*blink blink*
What? No. Oh gawd!!! I am sorry velvet. Here’s a pita just for you.
*munch*
.
Thanks!
.
*looks at arm*
.
Yeah, that’s gonna leave a mark…
*dunks velvet in same aloe vat as LCB*
Aloe does wonders for your skin.
For a second, I thought you were continuing with the Ink Spots, it seems I don’t know my Jimi Hendrix.
Thanks for the wb!
-stares-
See, Arnold is right – we do all want to work in California. You just sleep until the building catches on fire, then someone who was up for a potty break or lunch or something carefully wakes you up and you all run out of the building and go home!! And he can’t figure out why the state has no money …
I can read the Costa Mesa, CA at the bottom, but not the name of the company …
It looks like it says The Crow’s Nest.
It’s “The Crowe’s Nest”, Costa Mesa CA
And you thought the boss didn’t pay attention.
TRIPLE FAIL!
mhh excuse me john, i’m sorry to wake you up, but apparently there is a fire in the house, so it would be probably be the best if we leave before closing time, ok ?
@all FB’ers: Was I out of line? (see bottom of last fail, exchange w/ 5-eagles). If so I’ll recant.
*squeeze*
Heavens no!
*squeezes again ‘cuz you’re soooo sweet*
*soft squeeze* since Brewski’s tummy is not happy.
.
You’re fine!
.
On an unrelated note, which branch of engineering are you? EE was almost my major, but I opted for accounting instead. I sometimes doubt my decision. My dad is a Mechanical Engineer. He can fix anything!
Thanks velvet!! And Ms B! *double squeeze*
I was an E.E. with Computer Engineering emphasis. My girlfriend is an M.E. I’ve been a software engineer, hardware engineer, and engineering manager. Right now I’m kinda a hardware engineer/project manager. I’m not really doing much of any engineering, just overseeing a project.
OK, more than you asked!
Say, are we having a memorial cuddle puddle?
We should. Where should we have it?
.
*starts looking for a spot*
Psst! We started it VV there!
How about in the tub of Aloe Vera gel with LCB!
*likes the sound of that idea*
You were not out of line. Of course, given my track record, take that as you will.
I think the language barrier issue and cultural idioms are going to continue to be problematic in this case.
I didn’t see anything wrong with it. In fact, I think you go to extraordinary measures to train and shepherd the marginal posters around here. I’m not sure it’s worth it, but I applaud your kindness and empathy.
I agree. 5-eagles has had more than his fair chances to not be a troll and he has blown every single one. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying to warn others not to follow the same path.
Kinda like training and shepherding cats, though, isn’t it?
and I kicked him and hurrt my paws…
hurt*
*tosses a crumpled up piece of paper to Taya*
*bats at it* Ow! *licks her paws trying to fix her wounds*
Next time Taya use your pointee ends, not just the soft fluffy paws …
I did use the pointy ends…
All five of them?
yes I think I broke a tooth trying to gnaw on the trolls butt… *picks troll fur out of teeth*
*pleh* I can’t !mag!ne that tastes any better than Brewski’s lunch!
Yes I believe it was uncooked… should have them cooked beforehand…
Actually, training cats has been almost zero effort!! How about that!
Now herding them might be a bit trickier.
Didn’t your parents teach you not to put troll butts in your mouth?
Says the tiger who eats dirty unbathed Calvins
Touche… well played.
Well done Brew, all in all you handled it very objectively and did not cause any malicious responses. So I would say you did the proper thing.
Not at all. Anyone can easily come to the same conclusions as to the “rules” by a TINY bit of lurking.
No need to recant Brewski. He kinda did it to himself and he realizes too. Plus you were only making a general statement and not directing it at 5 eagle directly.
Nerp. I’m with anything you do (this specifically as well).
Just don’t hate me for my more recent comment! *wasn’t doing it to be a jerko*
BMW WIN!!!!11!!
*looks around quickly for Arthur*
*hears a distant “Grrr”*
I think that was Brewski’s tummy.
I think that would sound more like a gurgle at this point.
I don’t think you were out of line.
If the other employees are sleeping while I’m working…..well, sorry gang, you’re on your own!
*runsawaywithaquickness*
I like your logic!
did he died?
I’m actually calling a WIN on that sign =P
I would actually call that a WIN. That is awesome.
maybe it some place where old people do work
As an old person, I resemble that remark
Annipuss! Welcome to FailBlog!
*squeeze*
Another kitty cat! Eeeeeeee!!!!
*squeeze*
Hi annipuss!!!!!!
*flies to a much higher perch with all these cats around*
Good thing I can GLOWER if need be.
Not to worry, Avis. We have a strict “Friends are friends – not food” policy.
Besides Avis, you have a friend watching your back.
Okay, don’t make any sudden moves. Hop inside my mouth… if you want to live.
Mine?
Jules are you a pelican or a dog?
*heaves sigh of relief*
Whew!
*squeezes friends*
Sadly, I must go finish the housecleaning. Ugh! See you guys later this evening.
We also have a parrot for a friend. And I’m a winged kitten
Winged kitten? These avatars are waaaaay too small!
Welcome back, Avis. Is the house nice and clean now?
Yes, my mother’s place is all clean!
My place is too now.
Before you say how dutiful a daughter I am, I’m not that altruistic. They pay me. Not much, but still…
Hey – money is money … and cleaning is somehow not quite as awful when you’re getting paid to do it.
Wanna bet? It was in the mid 80’s and humid as can possibly be today. And cleaning for my folks is an exercise in futility. One doesn’t care where how clean everything is, as long as it’s where it belongs. The other doesn’t care so much where it is, as long as it’s sterile. I, on the other hand, am a proponent of controlled clutter. Makes things…. interesting.
Evening people! I just got back from a luxurious swim in a troll free pool. I got 50% of my kids in bed and a sandwhich on a plate. Nice!
Hi, Jenny. Welcome back!
Are you a lap-swimmer, or did you just go swimming to cool off?
I swim to keep my laps from rubbing together.
Actually I take a 2 year old and a 6 month old so I do a side ways crazy lady swim mostly! And yes, to cool off too.
Heh — I do laps with no kids, but I play in our housing complex’s pool with my daughter. She’s a water-baby just like her Mommy.
click on my profile leading to my ICHC profile and you’ll see a bigger pic.
Cute pics Taya- killer LOL speak though
On my grocery receipt from tonight it says that I bought LOL Butter.
Ya my LOLspeak is hard to figure out sometimes.
Is it cuddle puddle time???
*slides in and cuddles*
*passes out pillows*
Ok, where’s the diet coke?
Leila! Come test this for me!
*takes a sip* BLEH!! Yes, it’s good.
*squeeze*
Thanks!
*sluuuurrrp*
*squeeze*
You know this is a huge sacrifice I am making just for you. I don’t do anything that says ‘diet’. LOL
But, I am paying for my mistakes. So, it’s ok.
*glances around so no one spikes Ms B’s diet coke*
*quickly hides boda bag behind back*
Leila! Oh! Er, nice day, isn’t it??
*backs quickly out of the room*
Brewski!!!!
I will get you! As soon as I know what boda bag is…
Hm, I guess that term isn’t universal? It’s a leather bag with screw top for holding liquor or water, kind of like a soft canteen. It has a shoulder strap, usually. It’s popular among college students as a device to sneak booze into sporting events. Or so I’ve heard.
Oh, I thought you’d misspelt “body bag”, and your post had much more sinister connotations. Silly me.
I knew I couldn’t trust Brewski to protect me!!! You liar! You said I could trust you!
*throws out diet coke*
*gets a new un-tainted diet coke*
*looks at floor, kicks the ground*
Aw, I’m sorry Ms B. I never put anything in your coke, I only thought about it!! It won’t happen again, honest!
*realizes he’s still nekkid and covered in lotion from the aloe cuddle session*
AAAAAHH!!!
*flees*
I’m thinking it would be more difficult to sneak a boda bag into a sporting event if one was not wearing clothes.
*still videotaping*
Brewski, you have to make it up to Ms B now. I wonder what she will make you do.
I’m guessing she’ll make him fold her laundry.
He did throw all my clean, folded laundry all over!
Heya beautiful, where did you come from?
The basement. I’ve been doing laundry. You?
Running around for the father, who is “sick“.
And who puts someone this good looking in the basement? I thought that was for the unwanted ones.
Laundry?!?! You know how that turns me on!!!
*jumps on Ms B*
*clothes fly everywhere, but it’s not clear which ones*
*Wonders why Brewski just jumped into Ms B’s laundry basket?*
Well we will leave you alone to that fetish I guess…
Ms B I do believe you owe me a tour of your house this time.
Ahh man! I just got those folded! That’s the worst part you know…
Watch our for those kitties. They like freshly folded laundry.
Cuddle Puddle!!!
*takes a running start and jumps in*
*cuddles in Leila’s lap, still licking at her hurt paws*
*gently ices Taya’s paws*
Thank you Nightshayde! *purrrrrrrr*
*picks up Taya and nuzzles her and puts her back on lap*
Who hurt your paw?
I did some troll-kicking
Crap! These trolls are nothing but trouble. Do we need to take you to the vet? And…*sniff* have you been ‘cuddling’ with others?
I haven’t been cuddling in the way you’re implying. I don’t need to go to the vet *mews*
Oh good
Are you allergic to milk? I can get you a little in a bowl.
I am not allergic to milk
Are you allergic to bowls?
I don’t eat bowls! *pleh*
Bowls are not for eating silly LCB
*gives Taya a non-edible bowl with some milk*
Here you go. Maybe later I can give you a bath?
Oh yes please, long as you’re gentle
*scratches Taya behind ears*
*purrs loudly*
*jumps high in air and uses red cloak as a parachute to float gently into cuddle puddle*
*squeezes* everyone
Jumps in after BF473 — snuggles and cuddles!
*stage dives into the middle of blues and elsa*
.
Ahhhh…
Jumps out and runs up the thread, changes in to ny bathing suit and jumps into the vat of warm Aloe Vera with LCB — awwwwwww……
Cannonball!!!
*lands between bf4 and elsa, next to velvet*
*squeezes all around*
*steals a smooch from Brewski*
You didn’t have to steal it!
I am with the police. Would you like to press charges?
No, but I’ll press this…
*presses lips against Leila for quick kiss*
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
*experiences heart palpitations and faints*
Good morning (or whatever time of day/night it is where you are), Failpeeps!
*cheez-squeeze!*
*brings crackers*
*brings some wine from Jules’ bar*
Hiya nightshayde. I don’t remember anything that happened yesterday.
That might be a good thing.
Are your sinuses better today?
I suffer from year-round allergies. Been sick since I moved to this gosh-awful place in 2003.
I resemble that remark, unfortunately. Where do you live?
TX
*whispers* Get me outta here!!!!!
Eeeep!
I’ll just leave it at that for fear of unwittingly insulting anyone…
“Good morning sleepy head! Rise and shine!”
“leave me alone”
“come on, get up. We need to go”
“no”
*rolls over with pillow over head*
*slowly dies from fire*
Yeah good plan…
Nothing fail about the sign; it was meant as a joke.
Humor understanding fail.
*thwacks Zero with the shellacked mackerel*
*snork*
I knew there was a post I forgot to add to my list!!!
Yay for the fish slap!
It was more like fish b*tch slap! ♥ it!!!!
ZA is going to enjoy this one!
No he won’t. He hates fire, you know that.
Sarcasm Win ^^
but he loves dead employees, extra crispy
ZA does
Glitchy reply button again? It’s been doing that sometimes, don’t feel too bad.
More like Uploader fail for not recognizing that this is a joke sign.
Here we see the newer and rarely spotted breed of troll– Trollus Logicus in its natural habitat. See how it tries to make sense of the fail…
They aren’t rarely spotted! The striped variety is rarer… But do go on; I’m enjoying your narrative!
Oh yes and we have spied the Trollus Dingus down thread! Commonly known as Cutlet among other names…
Cutlet? Food? Can I eats it?
Yes by all means. And here we see the Gigeoxy stalking its prey, the Trollus Dingus “Cutlet”
This is Marlin Perkins of Mutual of Omaha’s “Wild Kingdom”! Today, Jim will go wrestle with a wild Failblogius Trollius, while I sit in this air-conditioned jeep and sip lemonade.
As the tame Gigeoxy stalks the Trollus Dingus we see him inch sneakily forward.
Uh oh, looks like Jim is being slashed to ribbons! And now, the troll just pulled him under the water! Jim may not realize, but that water is infested with pirahnas! I’m becoming so concerned, I might just drop my lemonade!!!
and yet he is able to get out and devour the troll!
Let him have his Cutlet, Brewski.
Who is Jim?
I was wondering that as well. Who is this mysterious “Jim” fellow?
Why hello Doctor Rumack! Nice to meet you.
Who is this Doctor Rumack? Gasp! It’s an imposter! Seize him!
Sorry, really old USA reference there. There used to be a wildlife show called “Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom”, hosted by Marlin Perkins. He would narrate as his intrepid assistant, Jim would get dangerously close to all manner of animals, to tag them or whatever. Once Jim got strangled by a massive Anaconda and pulled underwater. Marlin Perkins keeps calmly narrating as Jim struggles for his life. If you saw the show, my narrative above would make perfect sense.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wild_Kingdom
The tame Gigeoxy is still stalking the Trollus Dingus known as Cutlet.
*legs are cramped*
He pounces on his prey, victorious!
NOMNOM cultet!
*adds some HP sauce*
(Pssst… see the bow on my head?)
Oh man! I’m so sorry! The female Gigeoxy is happily feasting on her meal.
{{{{Taya}}}} !!!
*snuggles with Gigeoxy*
Not if you believe it’s real.
From one bird to another, WE KNOW IT WAS A JOKE!
It’s a funny joke, so it voted onto the front page.
Some birds have a better sense of humo(u)r than others.
I guess we just flock to the funny ones.
Mine?
You’re rats with wings!
Good afternoon. We’re gonna have a great jump today. Okay, first crank a hard cutback as you hit the wall. There’s a screaming bottom curve, so watch out. Remember: rip it, roll it, and punch it.
You know, you’re really cute! But I don’t know what you’re saying! Say the first thing again.
Alright, we’re here, dudes! Get ready! Your exit’s comin’ up, man!
You mean the swirling vortex of terror?
*ahem*
I beg your pardon? I’m what???
She called you a pigeon! I heard her!
*looks pleased with self*
That’s not a very nice thing to say! Those things are HUGE in this city! The size of chickens! And they dive-bomb people to make them drop whatever food they might be holding.
I am a finch! A teeny-tiny finch!
I think you are a little more fierce than a finch though. Peregrine Falcon maybe.
How about a Peregrine Finch?
I like this one! When the trolls are of a certain type I’ve been known to call in my flocks of friends. There’s an ooooooollllld fail that the regulars will remember that shows what those friends can do. If the troll gets to be really obnoxious, I bring in the flock of Rocs.
Hey?
Hey.
Hey!
Don’t be so crabby.
*sidles up sideways to DW*
*squeeze*
*hides under a nearby rock*
This.
“Leave as fast as you do at closing time”!
I want one of these signs.
Um, the point of this was kinda that any boss that would post this to be “funny” fails massively. Just saying.
It was mostly likely posted by an employee, or perhaps posted by management in an area viewable by customers, as a joke.
We recently got audited by OSHA. They made us take all food and drink (coffee mugs, water bottles, everything) out of our office area, because we had some chemicals around, like WD-40, flux remover, glues, etc. A bunch of “hazardous substances” are now confined in a room with a door, with a huge sign saying “NO FOOD OR DRINK”, and a picture of a hamburger and soda with circle/slash. I added one below it that says “NO FISSIONABLE MATERIALS” with a radiation symbol with red circle/slash.
What about “No Nuclear Waste Disposal?” Perhaps a big mushroom cloud with a red line through it?
Gotta love America! I’m thinking a sign on the handle of a hammer that says “WARNING: Do not use hammer to impact skull”
Or, try the reverse Don’t-push-this-button effect.
Put “WARNING: Not to be used for self-gratification” on the WD-40, for the amusement of those who will think someone got caught doing it. And eventually it’s bound to become a self-fulfilling prophecy, which will be even more amusing when you put two and two together on why Joe from accounting keeps dropping his pencils.
Actually you can’t take chemicals in with the fissionable materials. I’ll have to take a picture of our radiation containment area. I think there are far more signs. I surprised they don’t make you keep everything and a fire proof locker. All our chemicals have to be yellow fire locker, when not in use.
A few weeks ago, someone put up a sign near our printer. “Please do not remove paper from boxes.”
I added “It doesn’t fit in the printer if it’s in the box.”
I’m still not sure exactly what the sign was supposed to mean. I tore it down last week & nobody seemed to notice.
Those seem contradictory.
Understood, but personally I still think a boss who posts a sign as a passive-aggressive way of trying to embarrass the employees he thinks he’s not keeping in line… massively fails.
They actually have signs like these all over the oil rig platforms in the Gulf of Mexico. If they ever realease me from my solitary confinement AKA office, I will post the pic.
“Hey dude…
Dude…
Hey dude wake up…
Wake up..
Come on man, wake up..”
Later
“I tried to save Harry but damn it, he won’t wake up.”
Well, at least you didn’t shock him. The trauma might have killed him.
Is this a FAIL because it is a really dumb “dilbert” kind of joke about working in an office?
Call in the Roflcopter, someone made a joke about how boring it is to work in an office… Yawn.
Where does it say anything about an office?
…Maybe it’s a Starbucks.
maybe even @ a sleep test center.
The office is a lie.
Neh, this a clear demonstration of Pointy-Haired Boss Sense of Humor Fail.
“Kekeke, they’ll be devastated by my subtle wit! And feel so guilty that they’ll start staying an hour past the end of their shift! I rule!11!234!”
just a test, nothing to see here, please continue with your normal activities.
*stares*
another note to see if all is working.
test to see if avatar shows.
no
Well crap crap and crap. *hangs head in technological failure*
Your gravatar email addy must match the email addy here.
.
Hope that helps!
One time I was asleep and my friend came in screaming that the garage was on fire. I was asleep. So I woke up and ran to the garage. There was no fire. I then proceeded to hit him in the head with a frying pan.
Damn! Poor frying pan.
Not the Mama FTW
Good call. That’ll teach him to cause completely unnecessary nervous shock. (^_^)
Did he box your ears after that?
*pops head from grave just long enough to ask …*
.
Did you die?
.
*vanishes back to safety – 18 feet underground, terrified*
Honesty win.
Will someone make the day go faster? Please? Anyone…?
*Hits the fast forward button*
*wakes up on Monday*
Nuuuuuuuuu!
Wait this can’t be right. Is it barbecue time already? *fiddles with remote*
*Pause*
Oh crap.
*rewinds to proper time*
Time is not to be fooled with.
*presses play, breaks remote*
No more evil intentions in the world… I hope.
You have saved me… thank you… *goes back to not working*
I recommend sex. But not with me.
*SNORK!*
*snickers*
I think the fast forward button is more likely of an option
Though is it less painful?/pleasurful? Whichever way you choose.
*snickers again*
Okay, I’m going to go. Best wishes to you all for an amazing weekend. Hopefully Monday will be a beautiful day for us all
*Happy weekend squeeze*
Have a great weekend. *squeeze*
Total win
Total War.
Total domination
Subtotal 50
Total $54.95
Total ownage
dude…
…where’s my car?
Sorry! Couldn’t resist!
.
Please don’t kill me.
Dude! What does my tatoo say?
Sweet!!
*Tries to build a time machine*
*Tries to help*
*Inadvertently causes havoc*
*universe starts to crumble as the laws of physics implode one by one*
NO! Look what you’ve done now!
I disapprove of the length of your name, if that isn’t obvious yet.
*jumps on gaynorvader as he tries to build time machine and watches*
I do believe GV is a she.
I say this is a win for the boss
Fail fail. This is a total sarcastic win
Fail Fail? Isn’t that a double negative?
You think so?
FAIL FAIL WIN!!!
Double negative, plus a positive, add the date, divide by number of comments, carry the 5… I think we have a fail here.
42?
Mt. McKinley?
Sky King!
Dang it!! You beat me to it.
It’s a failed fail because nobody wrote “FAIL” on the pic. It’s a win because of the sign itself.
Define a state of failing to the point of a win
Is FB mocking us?
There’s an ad at the top of my screen for a game called ‘I m a g i n e’.
*gives the Moomin a mock squeeze*
Well, hmph. That was less than satisfying.
*REAL SQUEEZE!*
Much better.
What will they dream up next?
*squeeze!*
They’re visionaries, that’s for sure.
*squeeze*
Still havent found any..
dude… this is a fail? all i see is major win.
This should be a WIN!!!
This is completely unrelated to the lovely fail above, but does anyone else notice that the number of cookies consumed in a day is inversely proportionate to the intelligence level of the people one encounters? And the intelligence level of the people you encounter is directly proportionate to the amount of time you have left in your work week? Or perhaps there are an awful lot of morons in my general vicinity.
**Changes “you”’s to “one”’s for the sake of consistency**
So you’re saying that cookies are the food of idiots? Thank Gawd I’m an idiot… Couldn’t live a life deprived of chocolate-chips…
Inspired by you, Fluffy, I think I will need to name one of our as-yet-unnamed goldfish “Fluffy.”
We already have a cat named “Spot.” I think “Fluffy” will work well.
Woo hoo!!!
*reads original post*
*reads Fluffy’s reply*
*re-reads original post*
*gray matter begins smoldering*
*re-re-reads original post*
*gray matter starts smoking*
.
No, I think he’s trying to say the more idiots you encounter, the more cookies you need to consume. I think he continues to say you meet the most idiots early in the week.
.
*thinks there are an awful lot of morons. Period, full stop.*
Huh. I thought he was saying that you meet more idiots at the END of the week.
Pfft. Who needs precision anyway?
That’s what I was gathering, also. The idiots come out of the woodwork with stuff for you to do NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW right before you’re supposed to leave.
Oh. Wait. Is that just where I work?
*She* meets the most idiots latest in the week. Sorry. Much studying of math-type subjects lately have inspired a more analytical view of the world, and in math-like terms. The cookies are because homicide is sadly illegal.
Idiots… can’t live with them; can’t shoot them.
*hands Chanidividus a frosty adult beverage of her choosing*
Aaaahhhhhh….. Frosty adult beverage.
Much appreciated.
Now, since shooting is absolutely out of the question, why is the idea of involuntary sterilization so frowned upon? I’d be much happier to live with the idiots if I was certain they weren’t reproducing. The cookies are starting to make the scale do things I’d really rather it didn’t, and one can not always rely upon the benevolence of strangers willing to hand over delicious adult beverages.
I’m all for involuntary sterilization. Stupid people shouldn’t breed.
Just think how much less traffic there would be without all the stupid people!
Ah, such a world! If only! With the possible exception of the following two words: menial labour. I certainly don’t want to do it. Perhaps they have a purpose? Maybe they could be bred in a controlled environment, and that way they wouldn’t have to interact with the outside world?
Aye – there’s the rub…
The sweet consolation of life: At least there’s always a rub.
Smart people can build robots. Just sayin’.
And yet somehow I think the automotonic programmed robots would be more likely to revolt than most of the morons I’ve encountered.
Especially if they’ve seen the Terminator movies!
I need a robot to sit here and make it look like I’m doing work. I don’t want the robot to DO the work — don’t want to be seen as unnecessary.
I have, howver, come to the “falling asleep at my desk even though I’m doing actual work for a change” portion of my day.
ZzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzZZZZ
I think you’re right and I think I’ll go have a cookie.
Falling asleep would be much preferable to work at this point. Retail jobs are awful, but it pays the bills until a degree and consequently a real job is earned!
Oh, crap. Browser crapped out and that went into the completely wrong spot. Sorry!
LOL — not like it’s far, or anything. When this wave of sleepiness hits me, first I try to fight it with chocolate-covered espresso beans. Doing a lap around the office sometimes helps (it’s a fair-sized loop).
If that fails, I take a break & catch a power-nap in a conference room. I’m hoping to avoid that this evening for fear that I’d just sleep and sleep and sleep… and that I’d miss going-home-time.
Must not miss going-home-time on a Friday! That would be awful. Even if you were sleeping. You could have been sleeping at home!
I, however, settle for a decent helping of Mr. Christie’s Chunks Ahoy goodness, and glaring balefully at the customers until they are uncomfortable and leave. Hehe.
*busts out the Gummy Sweettart Bunnies*
Mmm…. tart, fruity, chewy goodness.
Plus, they have Vitamin C.
It’s health food!
Gummy Sweettart Bunnies? What are they, and where can they be acquired? Tart, fruity, chewy and goodness all sound marvellous!
I stocked up at Target right before Easter — they disappear from shelves until Easter rolls around again. During the rest of the year, they make Gummy Sweettart Bugs — same thing, different shapes. You can probably get them in any big drugstore.
Oh — wait. Are you in the U.S.? If not, you can probably get them mail order.
If you like gummy candy & you like sour candy, these are the bomb. Not painfully sour, but sour enough. Plus, the colors are quite pretty.
Alas and alack, I live in Canada. No Gummy Bunnies for me. Maybe I can find an equivalent here. I’ll just have to scour the drugstores.
I crave sour gummies now!
**Glances remorsefully at the Chunks Ahoy bag**
The bug-shaped ones are usually in the smaller bags found in the candy aisle of the supermarket or drugstore. Target or Walmart (if you have those) might have them. If you can get Sweettarts there, I would think they’d be available somewhere. Try googling “Gummy Sweettart Bugs” and see if you can find some in your area.
I have Walmart, and Sweettarts. I have never seen gummy ones though. Perhaps they are an exclusive thing. This happens. For all that we’re friendly, next-door neighbour countries, there are some silly differences in products and their availabilities. I can’t special order my favourite mascara online because shipping it from there to here is a “hazmat issue”. Maybe I’ll ask my mom to find some gummies next time she goes down across the border.
Obvious joke sign is obvious.
Yeah, but if I ever own a company, I TOTALLY want “leave like it’s closing time” as part of our official fire plan in the handbook. LOL
*squeeze for all the Failpeeps*
Good night, people! In case I’m not on again until Monday, have a great weekend!
Mmmm interesting: DW, Avis, Admiral Apparent .
And we all got blue blind paralytic drunk???
Wait, funny jokes = fail now?
Humor WIN, getting the joke FAIL.
satire WIN!!!
problem with failblog is the publisher as an irony bypass.
run with me
I think this is more of a win than anything else
excuse me sir, but isnt this a win on the manager’s part?
0118 999 881 999 119 725 3!
oh yes………i am really goin to lett an employee sleep during a fire
How is this a fail when it is clearly a joke sign? If humor = fail, Cheezburger Network is a WIN.
actually it looks legit. it has the business name and city and it even has their phone number in case you need to call and wake up the mexicans to inform them that their building is on fire and maybe they should just leave.
OMG!!!!!!!!!
like 50… “we’r on firee!” (6)
I voted 1 thumb on this since the poster has no sense of irony. It is more of a fail for people who voted for it.
Surely “as fast as you leave at closing time” is only marginally slower than Mach 1 so whatever speed you wake them at is irrelevant?
FAIL?
That shit is pure WIN!
Engrish!
reclassify as win, plz kthxbai
Sarcasm WIN!
i think that’s a WIN
why isn’t this a win?…
this sign wasn’t a mistake…
That actually IS the “In case of fire” sign at my job
This is a “truth win.” This thing screamz win!
i think it’s in case of you being fired, awake the sleeping employee to take your place and GTFO
really make you wonder where they work!
personally i think its a win ^^
It’s a win
We have this sign in the Applebees I work in.