Stop! Spelling police!
*borrows Loz’s red pen to correct BF’s misspelled name*
We’ll let you off with a warning this time, but don’t expect to get it so easy next time!
It must be Thursday, I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
.
Moanin. Good news, I got my dead ass out of bed for nothing this morning, no disasters. Thank whatever deity you worship they’re paying me for this.
*appreciates the squeeze, tries to squeeze back but utterly fails – hey it’s the thought that counts*
.
It’s funny, a troll accused me of pretending to be a zombie yesterday. This morning I’m making coffee (NEED COFFEE!!!), so I put the grounds in the filter, rinse out the pot, turn it on and set it to “strong” before heading back to my grave to await the imminent. A few minutes later a co-worker asks if I’m trying to make coffee. Guess what I forgot. Oh yeah, even strong coffee needs WATER!
.
Anyone still think I’m pretending?
*snork*
I once put a half-full pot in and pressed “start”. A few minutes later when I checked back for a cup, I found a coffee flood all over the breakroom. *headdesk*
Leila - not allowing anyone to break her FB spirit today. says:
Not too terribly long ago I attempted to make coffee. I got the beans out and ground. I put them in a filter. I got the machine loaded with water. I pushed start. A few minutes later, I came back to a pot of hot water and the coffee in the filter sitting on my counter.
Leila - not allowing anyone to break her FB spirit today. says:
*squeeze*
.
What kind would you like? We have an insane amount of choices this am. Four boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts (plain, filled, etc.), a box of sticky buns, a box of chocolate muffins with white chocolate chips and cherries, coffee cake, and cream cheese muffins with candied pecans on top.
No, that’s the one thing we don’t have this morning. It would be my choice as well. I’m doing a pretty good job of breaking my sugar addiction, so none of these really appeal to me. I opted for the chocolate muffin since it’s the smallest and it has cherries in it.
No, you can’t stop cold turkey. Sugar actaully rewires your brain. You’ll withdraw just like any other addict. You have to take slow steps. I bought a great book (and I never buy books). Let me find the link.
Here it is. I checked it out from the library, read it, then went and bought it. It really works! The freaky part is reading a section, then you’ll think to yourself ‘well, I’ll just do (insert action)’ and her next comment is ‘I know you just thought to do (insert same action) but it won’t work and this is why.’ It’s amazing how in-tune she is with the whole sugar addiction.
.
Some of the steps seem bizarre, but stick with them.
I held up my pic to the monitor, you didn’t comment. I removed it from the frame cuz Ms B thought I was a bit conceited to have a framed pic of me. LOL!!!!
I am this ….. tall
My daughter calls me “Her Size Mommy” *sucks to be so short*
And I missed a heated Star Wars discussion???? Crap! Finally, something comes up that I can intelligently contribute to, and I miss it! And MMC got busted. Rough.
By the way, have you had any more problems with trolls?
Problems with trolls Judy? No, we have fun with them!
.
We apparently had LOTS of opportunities yesterday. I got to play with one or two myself, then we had one we made disappear.
.
*sighs*
*vomits up decaying pieces of unidentifiable organic matter*
.
See, that piece there was some troll with two names … what? No, I don’t remember either of them. Oh, that piece? It’s just some of the moderator that ate a post of mine. This one was another troll, again with a totally forgettable name. That? Oh, I think that was my kidneys, sorry.
She didn’t singe me, just laughed. Kinda hurt my feelings. I write up an elaborate (and IMHO) good insult, the troll gets deleted before I realize it and the insult goes to DW and she just laughs.
Here is the insult.
ugliest tattoos fail #comment-476550
My prior attempt is awaiting moderation.
At least yours was an innocent mistake aiki. I made a rude (just a bad joke) post to Dragon when she was being nice to me. Then I smooched her a bit too enthusiastically to make up, and mildly annoyed the admiral. Now I wish I could go back and erase that entire exchange. And no, I’m not going to offer a link to it.
*snuggles w/ the gang*
Oh, I don’t really feel bad about it. Everyones knows what it was for.
*Takes wand of forgiveness*
*waves around Whoa Nellie*
That’s for not showing up more often.
Hopefully Cuddles sees the message I posted yesterday. I’ve never posted before so somehow I was considered a spammer. I had to get a moderator to fix the issue. I still don’t see my own messages yet.
I think he was relaxing with a cig after your raucous thwapping session earlier…
Man, my mind is really in the gutter today!
Not that that is much different than usual.
I worked for a while in Greensboro, NC, which is their home office (I think; either Gso or Winston-Salem). One of their stores was a block down the street from our office. If the wind blew just right, the whole block smelled heavenly.
Aannii aneshna Hello how are all?. What is a Crispy Kreme thing of a bob, will I be able to get one too?
I don’t like todays fail we have enough crap on mother earth.
Good morning, 5 eagles! Krispy Kremes are melt-in-your-mouth donuts. Not cake-y like Dunkin Donuts.
.
Just go to {www DOT krispykreme DOT com} and have a look around. Too bad you can’t smell them online.
There used to be a Krispy Kreme right next to our favorite salad bar. We would go have a wonderful and healthy meal, then walk out to see the hot light on. This of course cannot go ignored, it’s impossible to pass up fresh and warm donuts! What a way to top it off!
I think they put yeast in them so they are so light and fluffy that they really feel like they are melting in your mouth. They have a big sign outside that they can turn on when hot doughnuts are available.
I want to be the computer of one of my FailBlog friends so I can haunt you guys!
*Originaly I was going to say Brewski’s pants, but I had reservations*
Yes, I would like to make a request please? I would like to dedicate that other SHOUT song to Malicite for the good thwapping this morning. HeeHeeHeeHee!! Cuz …um, I definitely shouted. HeeHeeHeeHee!!
Please, Mr. Blogmonster, please don’t eat my post again. I know I haven’t been here in a couple of daus. but it’s really me, I promise! I’ll even admit that I was behind the appearance of the pickle surprise guy the other day! Please post my comment. Please???
*pictures Judy running into a phone booth, ripping off clothes to expose green pickleness, then racing out to bring pickle surprise to the helpless masses*
Brewski, so I did good, huh? Quite a good little actress, aren’t I? Mwahahahaha!
Don’t worry, it [probably] won’t happen again. Oh, and Leila, I let Toto go play with Patrica. Check with Gaynorvador.
It’s a very quiet clap that is used on golf courses in order to not disturb the players. I’m sure you’ve seen people do it – you clap your fingers of one hand on the palm of the other.
In some cases it’s used as a sarcastic clap (like if someone does a beautiful faceplant, you might give them a golf-clap).
When you make it to this post, we need to do the following during our e-hang out time:
1) Define queef to BFF (you would have to do this, he only 15 and I can’t bear to do that to him)
2) Let Brewski know that you cannot give a wedgie to someone who is already wearing a thong
3) Raid Malicite’s undie drawer
4) Laugh our asses off!!!!
Is there something funny in the air on Failblog today? Innuendo everywhere! Sexual tension you could cut with a knife! Cool Whip, goggles, and q-tips! Underwear raids! Licking and thwapping! It’s all too much for a poor innocent impressionable fellow like me!
*faints*
Quite well, actually. There’s a ton of food in the breakroom, so everyone is in a good mood.
.
That, plus one of the brown-nosing slackers was toasted by the boss yesterday while I was at my doctor’s appointment. If he ever gets fired, there will be a huge party here.
.
How are you?
Did you ever see the Office episode where Jim convinces Dwight that it’s Friday on a Thursday? Dwight then ruins his perfect attendance record by showing up at noon on Friday. High-larious!
The name gives that away but just until school goes back.
I did it because I lurked and found the ‘bad’ company less ‘bad’ when she left. Sad but true!
Ah! Got it! Hiya!
.
Brewski’s ‘3 letters’ was really throwing me for a loop. We call so many people by 3 letters even though their name is longer. I couldn’t get FSA out of my brain. Anyone seen her today?
Emperor, Leader of the Resistance, Tetragramaton Cleric. says:
Well this sucks. I spent the first part of my day doing diddly… and I just got a major rush job that I’m super annoyed about. *hates it when he is put in a difficult position*
Either way, I’m not going to get to take part in the Tuesday festivities. Take care everyone!
I remember that one, but it wasn’t as amusing as the posting ones; it didn’t try to sound smart! Of course there are bad trolls too, like the f*rsters and the did he d*es. I hate those trolls!
I am standing right beside you Sabia, so when we find out we can
talk about it.
“See anything yet” *5eagles looks to his left and right
and sees something*.
Only on Sundays…
…to beat them up.
.
*squeeze*
*squeeze*
Or nom?
Only if they’re smart kids. Don’t eat the stupid ones!
.
*nom-ing on a pastry from the break room right now*
*screams and runs out of room as fast as possible*
Stop! Spelling police!
*borrows Loz’s red pen to correct BF’s misspelled name*
We’ll let you off with a warning this time, but don’t expect to get it so easy next time!
Yes, sir.
*grumbles and saunters over to the corner*
Hey! This is MY corner…wait did you bring anything with you?
It must be Thursday, I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
.
Moanin. Good news, I got my dead ass out of bed for nothing this morning, no disasters. Thank whatever deity you worship they’re paying me for this.
*holds nose and squeezes ZA*
‘morning! Glad you could ‘join’ us today.
*appreciates the squeeze, tries to squeeze back but utterly fails – hey it’s the thought that counts*
.
It’s funny, a troll accused me of pretending to be a zombie yesterday. This morning I’m making coffee (NEED COFFEE!!!), so I put the grounds in the filter, rinse out the pot, turn it on and set it to “strong” before heading back to my grave to await the imminent. A few minutes later a co-worker asks if I’m trying to make coffee. Guess what I forgot. Oh yeah, even strong coffee needs WATER!
.
Anyone still think I’m pretending?
*snork*
I once put a half-full pot in and pressed “start”. A few minutes later when I checked back for a cup, I found a coffee flood all over the breakroom. *headdesk*
Wow! That’s very sad ZA, even for a zombie. How can you forget the H2O … wow.
I will never doubt your zombie-ness again.
Not too terribly long ago I attempted to make coffee. I got the beans out and ground. I put them in a filter. I got the machine loaded with water. I pushed start. A few minutes later, I came back to a pot of hot water and the coffee in the filter sitting on my counter.
When coffee pot gives you hot water make tea?
IV coffee drip beside bed.
And that’s all I have to say about that.
*squeeze*
.
Hey there, WN! Glad you’re able to make it occasionally.
Yeah, me too – but it’s NOT the same. Sigh…
I destroyed at least three Moka Express coffe pots by not putting water in them. (Thank goodness for smoke alarms.)
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
(Hitchhiker WIN)
Teehee… BFF, I’m pretty sure I’ve corrected your spelling of ‘grammar’ before! Now, write it out correctly 100 times.
*Drives a jeep up recklessly next to BFF*
Hop in man… I’m here to get you outta here!
*Revs engine*
*grabs BFF and feeds him a bottle of wine*
There there…those bad people up there scared you huh?
Ooooh! Pastry, please?
(Hi, gang!)
*squeeze Judy*
Hi!!!
*gives Judy pastry and squeezes*
It’s so nice to see you all again!
*squeezes to all!!*
*squeeze*
.
What kind would you like? We have an insane amount of choices this am. Four boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts (plain, filled, etc.), a box of sticky buns, a box of chocolate muffins with white chocolate chips and cherries, coffee cake, and cream cheese muffins with candied pecans on top.
Croissant velvet?
No, that’s the one thing we don’t have this morning. It would be my choice as well. I’m doing a pretty good job of breaking my sugar addiction, so none of these really appeal to me. I opted for the chocolate muffin since it’s the smallest and it has cherries in it.
Mmmm…chocolate w/cherries.
*salivates*
*invalidates*
*amalgamates*
*precipitates*
Howdy mates!
*Rehabilitates*
*desiccates*
Thanks – I actually broke a tooth last night!
*prevaricates*
*obfuscates*
*matriculates*
*consolidates*
*conjugates*
*masticates*
Yummy grapes!
*fascinates*
*barbiturates*
*propagates*
You know, just to keep it going!
-stares-
*replicates*
Just helping out!
-mirrors-
*lululates*
*regurgitates*
Masturbates
Oh my god, why did it take so long for someone to say ‘masturbates’?! This is not the FB I used to know!
You know the way to a tiger’s heart Velvet. *swoons*
How do you break a sugar addiction? I’m in need of this knowledge!
Can you stop cold turkey? It’s harsh but may be the only way.
No, you can’t stop cold turkey. Sugar actaully rewires your brain. You’ll withdraw just like any other addict. You have to take slow steps. I bought a great book (and I never buy books). Let me find the link.
Here it is. I checked it out from the library, read it, then went and bought it. It really works! The freaky part is reading a section, then you’ll think to yourself ‘well, I’ll just do (insert action)’ and her next comment is ‘I know you just thought to do (insert same action) but it won’t work and this is why.’ It’s amazing how in-tune she is with the whole sugar addiction.
.
Some of the steps seem bizarre, but stick with them.
Thanks! This may help with the desire to lose all this baby weight. I have a major sweet tooth.
You mean I could have done it gradually?
I stopped putting sugar in my coffee and hardly eat any sweets – except for here @ cafe FB.
You’re all still cute!
Well, I guess I don’t know what Leila looks like, but I’m sure she is too!
I held up my pic to the monitor, you didn’t comment.
I removed it from the frame cuz Ms B thought I was a bit conceited to have a framed pic of me. LOL!!!!
I am this ….. tall
My daughter calls me “Her Size Mommy” *sucks to be so short*
Does that help?
velvet!! *super-squeeze*
Um, um, um… Can I have a plain Krispy Kreme please??
Sure! Here ya go! *sticky squeeze*
.
Ooh, now we have sugar glaze all over us. Whatever should we do about that?
*innocent puppy-dog look*
Why, I have no idea! We’re fresh out of ShamWows! But I’ve heard friction can do the trick!!
Like the kind of friction a tongue gives when…oh, I just can’t finish that thought on here. I’ll get booted.
Oh darn, it was just getting interesting!
*licks a bit of glaze off Brewski’s earlobe*
*sits back to enjoy a little X rated pastry action*
BFF, stay in that corner.
Oh, you want a performance?? Just as long as it doesn’t end with a bun in the oven!
*sprays velvet with whipped cream, adds sprinkles*
This baby factory has been surgically closed. By choice!
.
*stage dives Brewski so now we’re both covered in whipped cream and sprinkles*
Who is to say Brewski is the one not to get knocked up. This is the internet and anything can happen.
*buys gift card from local liquor store for the baby*
*gets out pastry flour, 1 teaspoon of baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda, and rolls velvet in it*
*adds a teaspoon of lemon juice and watches the flour mixture bubble all over*
.
Ooh! Foam party!
Well, you look like quite the tart now!
But I mean that in the nicest way, creampuff!
I’m just the puff. You have to be the cream.
*applauds X Rated Pastry Performance*
Bravo!!!
*throws flowers @ Brewski and velvet*
Bravo!!!
Encore!!! Encore!!!!
Careful there! I think I just heard one of BFF’s innuendo machines explode! Donut you know that’s dangerous?
Exciting dangerous or 9-1-1 dangerous?
.
*pinches Brewski’s tush with salad tongs*
Cream cheese muffin, of course! And thanks. How’s everything been on the blog since Tuesday?
Let’s see. We’ve had trolls. Mr. Cuddles’ boss blocked him from FB. We’ve had trolls. There was a heated Star Wars discussion. And we’ve had trolls.
Did you mention the trolls?
Oh! Yeah! Thanks for reminding me, BF!
I insulted DW in yesterday’s extra fail.
(Accidental of course. I must have dreamed that I was responding to a troll.)
And I missed a heated Star Wars discussion???? Crap! Finally, something comes up that I can intelligently contribute to, and I miss it! And MMC got busted. Rough.
By the way, have you had any more problems with trolls?
Problems with trolls Judy? No, we have fun with them!
.
We apparently had LOTS of opportunities yesterday. I got to play with one or two myself, then we had one we made disappear.
.
Aiki!!!! You DIDN’T??? And you’re still here? *leans over and sniffs* You do smell little singed.
What did you do with the troll ZA?
Come on cough it up!
She didn’t singe me, just laughed. Kinda hurt my feelings. I write up an elaborate (and IMHO) good insult, the troll gets deleted before I realize it and the insult goes to DW and she just laughs.
Here is the insult.
http://failblog.org/2009/06/17/ugliest-tattoos-gallery-of-fail/#comment-476550
*sighs*
*vomits up decaying pieces of unidentifiable organic matter*
.
See, that piece there was some troll with two names … what? No, I don’t remember either of them. Oh, that piece? It’s just some of the moderator that ate a post of mine. This one was another troll, again with a totally forgettable name. That? Oh, I think that was my kidneys, sorry.
She didn’t singe me, just laughed. Kinda hurt my feelings. I write up an elaborate (and IMHO) good insult, the troll gets deleted before I realize it and the insult goes to DW and she just laughs.
Here is the insult.
ugliest tattoos fail #comment-476550
My prior attempt is awaiting moderation.
*snuggles with Aiki*
.
Misunderstandings hurt the most, especially when you can’t fix them.
*joins in the snuggle*
At least yours was an innocent mistake aiki. I made a rude (just a bad joke) post to Dragon when she was being nice to me. Then I smooched her a bit too enthusiastically to make up, and mildly annoyed the admiral. Now I wish I could go back and erase that entire exchange. And no, I’m not going to offer a link to it.
*snuggles w/ the gang*
*waves Wand of Forgiveness over Brewski*
There ya go
WN! Stop waving your rod over Brewski!
Oh, I don’t really feel bad about it. Everyones knows what it was for.
*Takes wand of forgiveness*
*waves around Whoa Nellie*
That’s for not showing up more often.
Erase what exchange now?
*grins at Brewski*
HI, guys! Did you save me any pastries??
Hopefully Cuddles sees the message I posted yesterday. I’ve never posted before so somehow I was considered a spammer. I had to get a moderator to fix the issue. I still don’t see my own messages yet.
*tummy rumbles*
*offers Mal a nice egg white burrito with cheese and spinach*
Want some of this?
*lights up*
Thank you Leila! *squeeze*
*actually wishes that was real*
I thought you quit smoking Mr. Malicite
Maybe he meant he got excited about the burrito?
I think he was relaxing with a cig after your raucous thwapping session earlier…
Man, my mind is really in the gutter today!
Not that that is much different than usual.
No worries Brewski. I thought the same thing when I saw that.
*joins Brewski in the gutter*
*knocking hard*
HOUSEKEEPING!!! Iz tine 2 klenn gooter now, yes?
Swedish Chef as housekeeper??
BORK! BORK! BORK!
Are the Krispy Kremes still warm?
They sure are, jenny! All of the pastries are warm!
MMMMMMmmmmm.
When I lived in ATL we enjoyed watching people try to cross 4 lanes of traffic when they would spot the ‘hot light’
I worked for a while in Greensboro, NC, which is their home office (I think; either Gso or Winston-Salem). One of their stores was a block down the street from our office. If the wind blew just right, the whole block smelled heavenly.
Aannii aneshna Hello how are all?. What is a Crispy Kreme thing of a bob, will I be able to get one too?
I don’t like todays fail we have enough crap on mother earth.
Good morning, 5 eagles! Krispy Kremes are melt-in-your-mouth donuts. Not cake-y like Dunkin Donuts.
.
Just go to {www DOT krispykreme DOT com} and have a look around. Too bad you can’t smell them online.
KrispyKreme is Heaven on Earth. ’nuff said.
There used to be a Krispy Kreme right next to our favorite salad bar. We would go have a wonderful and healthy meal, then walk out to see the hot light on. This of course cannot go ignored, it’s impossible to pass up fresh and warm donuts! What a way to top it off!
My only complaint is they are way too sweet. But I don’t share your sweet tooth, I guess. I prefer more subtly-sweet donuts.
Like bear paws, beaver tails. eh Brewski?
Why are there so many donuts named after animals?
*munches on a scone*
I think they put yeast in them so they are so light and fluffy that they really feel like they are melting in your mouth. They have a big sign outside that they can turn on when hot doughnuts are available.
Good afternoon velvet. Ok thanks.
Maybe……
Peeping tom pedo?
The worst kind ever!
*throws a glance at Malicite*
*thwaps Leila good morning*
Let’s pretend it’s Sunday
I enjoy a little thwap every now and again.
Ooooooooo…Sunday…yes, yes…proceed.
Ohhhh Leila! *turns red as her flower petals*
*thwap for good luck*
Oooooh!!!
*giggles*
WE HAVE FREE FRISBEES FOR ANYONE WHO GIVES US A MINOR!
Does the frisbee glow in the dark?
Let’s turn out the lights and see.
*tickles Jules*
*giggles*
*squeeze*
DO YOU REALLY NEED TO SHOUT?!
WHAT?
WHO?
WHERE?
WHEN?
WHY?
BECAUSE I SAID SO, THAT’S WHY!
♪ M-O-U-S-EEEEE!!! ♫
HELLO … ELLo … ello … lo
Nice acoustics.
Um…
erm… thanks?
WISCONSIN?
PLEASE DON’T SHOUT!!! IT HURTS MY EARS!!!
The boys get so excited!
WHO’S EXCITED?! WHO?! WHO?!
*jumps up and down*
LCB BLEW OUT MY EARDRUMS YESTERDAY. I CAN’T HEAR YOU.
*blows gently in Ms B’s ear*
*doubts that would work*
Oh, but I beg to differ …
*makes mental note: next time your ear drums are blown out, try having someone blow back in them!*
Haven’t you heard the old saying/ad slogan, “Whisper if you want to get somebody’s attention?”
Sadly, in this case, it failed to work.
Wha?
That was an interesting breeze. Where’d it come from?
*squeezes Brewski*
See my special explanation to the GBF below…
*barf*
Thanks for that Jenny…NOT!!!
Hey!! :p
*pouts* I was just trying to help, Ms B. Sheesh. I always was an overachiever.
If it makes you feel any better, I am being punished today in the form of an earache and possible sinus infection. Pleh.
Please send adult beverages.
*Offers a large minibar*
Take your pick of what you want.
*curls up inside minibar*
*grabs nearest bottle*
*helps self to the macadamia nuts*
ME THINKS HIS KEYBOARD IS BROKEN.
(OR HIS BRAIN, CAN’T REALLY DECIDE)
You need some love Bro! gbfmp3cctdeohont
sweeties work better
Puppies work well, too.
I’ll take a Frisbee. Might be the soul of my dead Grandma.
Hi ALL!
Ummmm, could you explain that for me Fluffy?
*thinks* “Frisbee = Grandma… Grandama = Frisbee”
*dazed and confused*
Oh, I thought yo knew I was a Frisbeetarian (A person who adheres to the belief that when you die your spirit floats up and gets stuck on the roof. )
It would be keen if we could be reincarnated into inanimate objects, I’d like to be a security camera…
-stares-
P.S. Thanks for the wb
I want to be the computer of one of my FailBlog friends so I can haunt you guys!
*Originaly I was going to say Brewski’s pants, but I had reservations*
*admires Jenny’s reservations*
*hands her a shot o’ tequila*
*winks at Brewski*
No way jenny, you’d end up lost half the time.
And WN, we’ve got a big head start on you, in your honor! Down a few threads VVV
I was concerned about getting ripped. And I am still assless – so I would be fail-pants at best.
In that case, you’d be the perfect pants for Brewski!
I wonder who reincarnated into Brewski’s current pants.
My pants were assless just yesterday, if I’m not mistaken. They have a tragically calamitous history.
Indeed.
I’ve ‘patched’ your assless pants. I drew cheeks on them. Put them on.
This is an ad for child predator hands isn’t it?
gloves! and yes, it seems the perfect ad!
Tsk! People and their minor indulgences.
A minor offence? Ask Barney.
WHY ARE WE ALL SHOUTING? IS IT SHOUT HOUR?
You know you make me want to SHOUT!
.
Kick my heels up and SHOUT!
*does the shout dance*
♪ ♪ ♪
*Does the gator*
SHOUT! SHOUT! SHOUT!
SHOUT AT THE DEVIL!
*is supremely embarrassed posting that*
Don’t be embarrassed about knowing Motley Crue music.
Now, if you’re still dressing like them and wearing all that makeup…
*quickly hides hair drier, lipstick, and spandex behind back*
You forgot to hide the can of mousse and the Aqua Net hairspray.
Hello, and welcome to SHOUT HOUR on BF FM RADIO!
Yes, I would like to make a request please? I would like to dedicate that other SHOUT song to Malicite for the good thwapping this morning. HeeHeeHeeHee!! Cuz …um, I definitely shouted. HeeHeeHeeHee!!
Please, Mr. Blogmonster, please don’t eat my post again. I know I haven’t been here in a couple of daus. but it’s really me, I promise! I’ll even admit that I was behind the appearance of the pickle surprise guy the other day! Please post my comment. Please???
WISH GRANTED!
Oh, thank you, Great Blogmonster Leila!!!! Thank you!!!
I’ve missed you all so much! There’s no place like home!
*gives Judy a monster SQUEEZE*
Happy to have you back. You were missed. Now, where is my Toto?
So it was YOU!!
That cracked me up actually.
Wait a minute… I thought you were the one who was so creeped out by Mr. Greenie?!
She leads two lives? One as mild mannered Judy, but when needed, she turns into … PICKLE SURPRISE!
*pictures Judy running into a phone booth, ripping off clothes to expose green pickleness, then racing out to bring pickle surprise to the helpless masses*
*Pictures Judy running into a phone booth, dawning Pickle Surprise costume, and taking an addition 3 hours to put on the makeup and sequins.*
*swaps Aiki’s “dawning” with “donning”*
Brewski, so I did good, huh? Quite a good little actress, aren’t I? Mwahahahaha!
Don’t worry, it [probably] won’t happen again. Oh, and Leila, I let Toto go play with Patrica. Check with Gaynorvador.
I suspected it was one of the regulars masquerading…but didn’t figure it was you.
*looks for GV and Patrica the calf* Hmmm…I wonder where they went. *calls cell phone* No answer.
That’s the surprise part!
Judy! If only those meddlesome kids had meddled more we probably would have noticed.
Thanks for the laughs!
its not yoursor its minor
*golf clap*
katy, what is a golf clap?
It is slightly louder than the silent clam clap.
or something that golfers give each other in the bedroom.
It’s a very quiet clap that is used on golf courses in order to not disturb the players. I’m sure you’ve seen people do it – you clap your fingers of one hand on the palm of the other.
In some cases it’s used as a sarcastic clap (like if someone does a beautiful faceplant, you might give them a golf-clap).
*basks in the glow*
*steals glow*
Muahahahah!!!!
*cries*
*starts hatching fiendish plan to get it back*
*sets pants on fire*
there we go
You liar!
To: Jennyisbusy
When you make it to this post, we need to do the following during our e-hang out time:
1) Define queef to BFF (you would have to do this, he only 15 and I can’t bear to do that to him)
2) Let Brewski know that you cannot give a wedgie to someone who is already wearing a thong
3) Raid Malicite’s undie drawer
4) Laugh our asses off!!!!
Who says I have undies?
*dammit these guys and going commando*
*revises list*
3) Raid Jules’ undie drawer
*hides underwear*
*sniffs around and finds pile of underwear*
What the hell? Why are there Malicite undies mixed with Brewskis, and Jules?
HA hA ha ooops
*ass falls off*
Damn! I was wondering why they were so tight!!
Malicite!!!
*read you instead of they the first time….*
My tongs fitted for a reason Brewski!
*grabs Jenny’s ass and runs off*
Hey! Bring that back.
You want it you have to catch me.
*runs farther away*
I’m always commando under my undies
You can keep it – I don’t like to run.
*appears and trips Jules*
*grabs Jenny’s ass*
Here’s your ass back Jenny. Maybe you shouldn’t laugh it off amongst the FB peeps.
You ruin all the fun.
Anyway you are too late. I already gave it to Bondfan ▼▼▼▼
What?
*gets on Jules and rides him to find BFF*
How will riding Jules help you find BFF?!
Explain queef to BFF hmm…
That should be interesting. Can I hang around and watch that?
This is so sad
. Like the first time you tell your child about the birds and the bees but 10 times worse.
Dear BFF,
Warning – some things cannot be unlearned…
A queef is a fart like sound from the girl hole.
What?! I mean- wait, why, huh!?
*head explodes*
Poor chap.
I really like him too.
I will miss him.
*put’s jenny’s ass where GBF head use to be*
That works, doesn’t it?
Now we just need an asshat!
Don’t ask questions – just accept is as a natural part of sex. The word is actually way worse than the actual sound.
*or so I have heard*
Don’t EVER read Cosmo!! They are very fond of that word. BAH! I wish I never knew what it was.
I haven’t touched a cosmo (magazine) in years.
I don’t blame you. I am wishing for my stoopid subscription to ran out fast.
It’s the best part of sex! A good awkward laugh afterwards when you stand up… no?
You have a … unique… idea of the best part.
Unless you have a container of bubbles near.
(Zach and Miri reference.)
(I just grossed myself out)
You mean there’s a better part? I’m curious – show me.
*Gets popcorn, prepares various movies*
Settle in, this could take a while.
*Sigh*

Ok, if I must, in the name of being better educated…
Is that a Hickory Farms Supersize Beef Chub or what?!
What? Who’s got a chubby?
*roffles*
*queefs*
Sponge Betty Square Bra!
I don’t have a bra. All I have is mouth and trousers.
Sponge Betty Square Thong ? ?
Any thong would just split me in two.
*flees*
SpongeBetty, I am scared to ask but how do you queef when you are not engaged in a sexual…never mind.
I’m a sponge! Nuff said!
GAH!!! Yes, nuff said.
*flees thread*
Leila, have you ever been to a yoga class?
That adds a whole new meaning to breathing deeply.
Avis, plenty of times and I think I know where you are going with this.
Well, you asked about a non-sex related incidence.
Yoga classes seem to generate quite a few.
I find that men fart a lot in Yoga and girl … it’s deadly!!!!
Hahaha. Yoga classes are queef central.
*claws from the grave*
*cleans up BFF’s exploded gray matter*
*consumes it*
*returns to whence he came*
Heh, in horses it is called “wind sucking”.
Most hilarious thing I learned in Large Animal Anatomy
I bet that is a horse sized experience!
*pictures something like Barnie from the Simpsons burping*
Ahhh brain bleach- help- I need brain bleach…
Who on earth started this ball rolling anyways??!!
*drills hole in head with hammer drill*
I love the dude’s face! hahaha
if you turn the binoculars around everyone looks like a minor
*straps binocs on backwards, starts crashing around failblog*
looking goooood!
*steers well clear of granny*
Always wise to stand behind Granny in any case.
did you not mean Pheedo fail??
SMILEY ABUSE!
8-)
wait a second … that last one didn’t work.
Is there something funny in the air on Failblog today? Innuendo everywhere! Sexual tension you could cut with a knife! Cool Whip, goggles, and q-tips! Underwear raids! Licking and thwapping! It’s all too much for a poor innocent impressionable fellow like me!
*faints*
You’re telling me! My head’s already exploded once today.
which one? wah hey!
*slap on the back*
Says the man with an avatar featuring Dave Thomas.
Who’s holding a beer.
.
*squeeze*
*Squeeezes*
Mornin’. How’s is today going?
Quite well, actually. There’s a ton of food in the breakroom, so everyone is in a good mood.
.
That, plus one of the brown-nosing slackers was toasted by the boss yesterday while I was at my doctor’s appointment. If he ever gets fired, there will be a huge party here.
.
How are you?
Good. I am avoiding anything that has even a resemblance of work as long as I can. Hopefully it will go all day.
What sexual innuendos?
*fans Brewski & pinches his ass*
*has a feel*
Yipes!!
Watch where you reach, Granny!!
It’s Thursday?
I’m thirsty too, let’s make margaritas.
Nope! It’s Tuesday!
*giggles while i-magining Malicite coming in to work on Saturday*
Omg! It’s let’s get totally trashed Tuesdays!
*puts on his sombrero and starts pouring shots of tequila*
*Turns on mariachi music and gets maracas.*
OLE’
ARRRRRRRIBA!!
ARRRRRRRIBA!!
ARRRRRRRIBA!!
ARRRRRRRIBA!!
*tries to roll Rs*
*Puts Leila’s Rs in hamster ball*
This will help.
*SNORK*
I can smoke as many as you can roll!
*tosses back a shot o’ tequila in honor of WhoaNellie*
We miss ya!
To WN!
*gets another round*
To WN and Mal
*gets another round too*
To WN, Mal, and cuddles!!
*gets another round*
*sways unsteadily*
Ms B…that’s is sooooo cruel!!! *snickers*
Did you ever see the Office episode where Jim convinces Dwight that it’s Friday on a Thursday? Dwight then ruins his perfect attendance record by showing up at noon on Friday. High-larious!
One of my favorite episodes…
The Jim/Dwight pranks are my favorite part of that show. I identify the shows by the prank pulled.
Any and every prank is awesome…especially the ones that backfire.
We forgot to have our Monday BBQ yesterday!
No! Argh. I think we were too distracted with trolls.
That’s right!!
Where is emperor?
I don’t understand what this was even an advertisement for.
I think we may need to investigate who started the sexual tension/innuendos.
We are all adults here (I think) we need to behave.
*tries to be the voice of reason*
Your voice cracked!
What is this “behave” you speak of?
*boops Leila’s nose*
*skips off*
Behave is three letters of from behind…
*runs off snickering*
Did you say ‘beehive’?
That’s the name of a strip club around my area.
I think she meant ‘behead’ in true Bobbitt style!
What I meant is that we shall find the person responsible for getting everyone all hot and bothered and spank him!
I mean … thank him.
How will spanking help? Just curious!
Must refresh! GAH!
Say, stranger, who are you? I don’t think I’ve seen you around these parts before?
Who do you want me to be, Brewski?
Hm. The voice sounds vaguely familiar, but I don’t recognize the face. Are you masquerading?
The name gives that away but just until school goes back.
I did it because I lurked and found the ‘bad’ company less ‘bad’ when she left. Sad but true!
Oh and ssshhh! I’m hoping the bad guys don’t notice.
*squeeze*
You were missed! I don’t know what it is with them being so attracted to you!
Awww… Thanks Ms B. I was conducting an experiment so hopefully it won’t persist now.
*squeeze*
I’m completely lost. Hopefully I’ll figure it out. If not, someone can fill me in later.
Worse than the last? HAHAHA!
The new avatar is kinda creeping me out though…
Bizarre! I read Ms B’s comment and replied. Somehow my post goes above hers?
We have now entered the Twilight Zone.
That was creeepy!
Is your real name 3 letters? And you’re always really sweet?
Don’t know what you mean! *grins*
*feels lost*
*squeezes Leila*
Sorry about that but I feel it was necessary.
Glad you’re back. And may I say, you look MAHvelous!!
*squeeze*
I would return the squeeze but I heard you queef SpongeBetty.
*is really really ashamed it took me ’til now to figure it out*
*still completely lost*
Do you like toast Velvet?
*does the happy dance of figuring it out quickly*
@Velvet, you know her and you like her. That’s all I can really say.
ZOMG!!!!! it’s … aaaaaaaaaaaaw!!!!! *hugs Sponge* Happy to see you.
*is with velvet on this one*
Ah! Got it! Hiya!
.
Brewski’s ‘3 letters’ was really throwing me for a loop. We call so many people by 3 letters even though their name is longer. I couldn’t get FSA out of my brain. Anyone seen her today?
I got a way I could figure it out, please log on to aikis site now.
*Is still lost*
Check your email, emperor.
Emp, give it up for a while and go on to the next fail. It’ll come to you eventually.
*squeeze* Ok with some help I got it.
Looking for something?
*squeeze* O caro mio, dove sei stato? You missed all the excitement.
Why, what happened can you fill me in?
Yes…You!
LOL!!
Watch out. Everyone is en fuego today!!!! Do your thing Ms B!
With those binoculars? I am right here for your taking.
Well this sucks. I spent the first part of my day doing diddly… and I just got a major rush job that I’m super annoyed about. *hates it when he is put in a difficult position*
Either way, I’m not going to get to take part in the Tuesday festivities. Take care everyone!
Noooooooooooooo…. *grabs Mal’s leg* Don’t gooooooooooo!!!!!!!
takes Mal’s leg and wraps it back the other way into a different position.
Well, that should have kept him here.
*stuck*
YAY!!! *squeeze*
*wonders if she skipped forward in time*
Boo. See you later Mal.
Bye Mal!
Tuesday? Wait, what?
Overslept, Avis?
*squeeze*
It’s the time difference
I really didn’t know what was going on ’til I scrolled up through the comments.
*squeeze*
Tuesday?
Whew! GOOD! That means I didn’t miss my Wednesday Court date…
*goes to look for a clean tie so I’ll look all spiffy for the Judge*
Better get the tie made out cash.
without an ass for padding, it’s going hurt when I spank you for leaving the “of” … butt don’t tell the judge
Awww be a good old chap and this one slide.
I see that you’
vere a “glutæus maximus” for punishment, let’s see about this sliding, hmmmm?Pedo in spanish means fart.
That gives it a different spin. HA!
*squeezes velvet*
*lets out a silent but deadly Pedo*
Pedo what? I don’t HAblo Eeespagnol!!!
What does it mean in German? And is it funny to Germans?
FartFegnugen?
Hehe! Trolls are funny!
*smacks GV*
NEVER! Trolls are NEVER funny!!!!
Hey, Judy said my dog Toto is hanging out with you and Patrica. Have you seen him?
B-b-but they are when they’re on old fails trying to be insulting and failing!
I miss s*m!
Toto and Patrica w-went to the m-mall!
Ah, there there gaynor. Yesterday we had a troll that people liked! It was a troll tattoo!
I remember that one, but it wasn’t as amusing as the posting ones; it didn’t try to sound smart! Of course there are bad trolls too, like the f*rsters and the did he d*es. I hate those trolls!
*comforts gv by stroking his horns*
I am sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Can I make it up to you?
Well I am a lesbian dyke according to a rather informed youngster in the samurai fail, so i suppose there is a way!
The best part about this is that apparently, with the minors, they’re giving out free frisbees?!?! Lol.
WEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
*pounces WN*
Hello handsome!!!!
HEY YOU!!!
*hugs Leila*
*hugs WN back and reaches down and pinches his ass*
We had a few shots of tequila ^ there in your honor. I am pacing myself. *hic*
I’m more intrigued as to what on earth the ad actually is for.
Hello Sabia.
I am standing right beside you Sabia, so when we find out we can
talk about it.
“See anything yet” *5eagles looks to his left and right
and sees something*.
“Hey whats that over there?
My guess is it’s at a university, trying to help students decide their choice for a minor degree.
It’s from Ohio State University actually–I remember seeing these around and getting a laugh at them, never thought someone would upload it.
ah, thank you that makes a lot of sense – still horrible though, but at least now I can get what they were trying to accomplish
God, why do I even look at the comments anymore? Nobody even makes an effort to stay on topic
I was Nick. I was trying to trick someone in to looking it up for me.
The lovely Ms B. did she the man.
Topic? There’s a topic now? Why didn’t someone inform me??
Pedobear win
oooh! free frisbees
haha
i cant find them neither…
lol
A minor is C major.
“… Then head into any internet chatroom!”
… It looks like Pedobear was here…
Michael Jackson is STILL my FAVORITE pedophile!
Now that’s a way to get people to nice your ad, lmao.
notice** dammit.
Why yes, why do you ask?
that dude looked japanese, it makes sence
You do know they’re talking about a minor in college, like to go with your major… right?