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Well, it IS all in bottles!
… like it is ready made for them.
mmm so much corona… i don’t see the fail… there can be no fail where corona is concerned!
I see only four boxes. Not enough to keep the average baby quiet for very long.
I see three 6-packs and three 12-packs – enough to get the child to sleep!
LOZ! *squeeze*
I haven’t seen you here in FOREVER!
I rock my child to sleep.
But don’t worry, I use small rocks.
I hope they have no sharp edges!
*squeeeeezes (a potato out for) katy*
*throws the potato at my baby*
*sings “Lullaby, and good night…”*
*throws a beer bottle at katy’s baby*
(let it open it with its teeth, good teething material)
*sings “rock-a-bye baby…”*
*calls the social services*
Sweet! I have a party to plan and I need their help.
Is this to feed a baby, or to help make one?
Think outside of the box a little. ;^D
Prior fail reference WIN!
You could feed the baby with the free sandwich if you buy 20
Offers up fav lullaby (sung to Lullaby and good night)
I don’t know who wrote the lyrics, but credit to “Alec and Darby’s Folk” for singing the version I know…
Go to bed.
Go to sleep.
I’ve had enough of your nonsense.
Close your eyes,
Ya little monster.
Or I’ll blister your behind
I’ll explain,
You’re a pain,
When you’re tired and cranky.
I get cranky
Sometimes too.
Like when I’m sick and tired of you.
No, you can’t have a drink.
No, I won’t read you one more story.
I’ve had it up to here.
I could use a drink myself!
WOW! That’s GREAT! I’ll going to learn it and sing it to my cute lil’ niece!
(Well, until she starts to understand and repeat the words)
Then I’ll teach her drunken sailor songs; ie: Barnacle Bill the Sailor
hi when i was little i used to sing that song ALL the time and i sang it with my best friend, i was wondering if i could have any info on the location of this song, there is another part after it i thought, so if u could help me out it would be greatly appreciated
Your not building the walls high enough!
I believe you meant to say Heineken… Mmmm so much Heineken…
They put the Guiness up too high for babies.
♫ Well I heard little children were supposed to sleep tight
That’s why I drank a fifth of vodka one night
My parents got frantic, didn’t know what to do
But I saw some crazy scenes before I came to
Now do you think I was crazy?
I may have been only three but I was swingin’ ♫
Sorry to be a huge music nerd, but is that Lambert, Hendricks & Ross’s “Twisted?”
I sampled that song once.
puts babies to sleep better than milk.
yay. finally a place that has guiness higher than corona and bud light
Wow! I wanna be your baby!
*hands pacifier*
*taps Arthur on the shoulder*
Now this.
*hands Arthur a nappy*
… For making a baby. Accidentally.
The old “liquor first”?
“I don’t know how that happend but I’m pregnant!”
There might be 12 possible fathers. Haha.
Didn’t you read the warning? It’s been here since April!
Is that similar to the FIFO method?
Ya lost me!
Sorry it was a kneejerk to the word first combined with the mention of 12 possible fathers.
1st one in gets the 1st kid out, so they stay fresh
That used to be a sig of one of my internet friends.
“Children in the back seat of the car cause accidents. Accidents in the back seat of the car cause children.”
>____>
*sings* 99 bottles of beer on the wall…..
take one down, pass it to the infant, 98 bottles of beer on the wall.
Er, 97 actually. *burp!*
37 now, had a whole nursery to take care of
I knew it!
To add to the fail: on the top shelf on the right there are prefabricated mojito’s.
Prefab mojitos? Not for my baby!
I had a prefab JD and coke and a prefab soco and lime last week. It was… interesting!
I had a pre-fab Long Island Iced Tea once. I wanted to do a spit-take with each drink. But I’m a good girl and know better than to waste my alcohol!!
(It was nasty though. I don’t recommend it.)
No prefab cocktail will ever enter my house! I don’t have two shelves packed with cocktail utensils and an extensive liquor cabinet just for show! That is nonsense up with which I shall not put!
My comment is awaiting moderation.
*gasp*
BIG BROTHER IS AFTER US AGAIN! AAAAH!!!
*screams and runs out of room*
My comment replying to your comment is awaiting moderation.
This comment should be ok if taken in moderation.
i don’t think that’s a gay drink….. mojiiito
No it’s PRE-fab…
Prefabricated mojito’s are certainly not top shelf quality.
I would never give my baby any of that premade mojito crap. I pride on taking the time to make them from the scratch for her
LOL !!! At least it helps to bring em to sleep.
We need more alcaholics! Uhmmm… wasn’t it about workaholics? O.o
A combination of the two is always easier/more productive.
Don’t forget fun!
Malicite!! Morning!
*squeeze*
I was watching for your morning appearance at the bottom of the thread, but you snuck in the middle this time.
all babyes grow up sometime
reallye?
No reallye.
The infant prefers to drink wine because in moderation, it’s good for them.
And here I was trying to get Toddler Boy to wine less. I am such a bad Mom.
No no, bad moms break their children’s spirits,,,
Not if theye drink alcohol.
Okeye
I’ve drunk even more when I was younger. Healthy WIN
Actually, I think thats quite astute. Should probably fall into the (?) category, cause I categorize that as a ‘Win’ in my book.
I read that book! It’s “How to get your toddler drunk”, isn’t it?
My grandmother used to feed my Dad Guinness to put him to sleep…
I thought that’s mandatory in Ireland?
Your serious?
No, usually it’s whiskey!
I regret never being fed Guinness as a baby. Northern Ireland must just be more civilised…
Hah! Civilised is overrated! I’m gonna stick to being a heathen/barbarian with principles thank you!
Haha! As you wish. We need a tall fence at the border to keep you raving barbarians out of our nice, peaceful, civilised land!
Lol! The Great Fence of Ireland? Knowing Irish people it’d either be half finished, or made on the cheap! (That goes for British people too; Titanic?)
*blushes* don’t bring up the Titanic… it’s still a sensitive subject here in Belfast. We’re building a Titanic museum at the shipyard, that makes up for our little construction mistake, right?
The Great Fence of Ireland sounds about right… it’d be a much smaller-scale, cheaper version of The Great Wall of China. And would be covered in grafitti after a day.
Will it be chain-link?
Potato-link.
Is that like a waffle fry?
I’ve always wondered; how do you refer to people in Northern Ireland now? They’re not Irish and they’re not British anymore!
Maybe we could just call them African American?
We are British! Have been since 1920, where have you been?!
Although we are still considered Irish citizens as well… I have both passports. Politically and culturally British though.
It’s true you were British, but didn’t you recently split? Aren’t you self-governed now?
You do realise the full title of the United Kingdom is “The United Kingdom of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland“, right?
Yeah, don’t know where I got the idea NI had split from Britain! I wish they’d come up with a proper name for the state though!
We’re self-governed to a degree, about the same degree as Scotland is. Still controlled by Westminster.
I want a new name too… something cute like Strawberry Hill Land.
Isn’t that where “My Lil’ Ponies” hang out? Or is it “Strawberry Shortcake”?
*interrupts to POUNCE*
Hellooooooo!!!!!
*squeeze*
Leila not there
*whispers* there are people watching!
*squeezes Leila awkwardly*
oh…
sorry. I missed you, you know?
Nope, you got me right in th…oh! I see what you mean now:!:
Half finished, but blamed on the British and the health/education system
Who Said It Wasn’t Healthy
That was one of the things I was just going to post.
The other was to say that you gotta start them young X-D
I ♥ Stewie!!!!
Leila! Good morning.
Good morning Jenny. Are you still busy? I was hoping we could go and e-hang out today.
I am busy 23.5 hours of the day, the other half hour is spent hiding in the bathroom! I will hang the best I can
YAY!!!! What do you wanna do for the rest of the time…??? Should we raid Brewski’s undie drawer?
I thought he was a regular commando. Does he even have a undie drawer?
Now that you said that. I took the liberty of frisking him earlier and sure enough…you are right!!!
*sprints in*
*gives jenny and leila massive wedgies*
*sprints out*
HAH!
It’s a thong!!!!! An automatic wedgie!!!!
OY!
Boozing babies, this episode was the first thing that came to mind
“Excuse me, what wine do you suggest with strained beets?”
I don’t care the sort, I take the hardest.
Noone talks to me! meh iz lonleh kitteh
Psst, quit with stupid LOL speak and you will miraculously become visible,
Your wrong, was first time and 3 answers.
suit yourself but the catflap stays locked
Yes Sir, I agree Sir!
how fortunate
*grabs and licks granny on the right cheek*
‘morning trouble!!
yay!
*will never wash again**squeeze*
morning
Aren’t a bit concerned of which/what cheek I licked?
I am, but granny’s delighted either way!
too true, I can only hope though
so get off the internet and find a ball of wool to play with
*with which to play
I’m wool-alergic.
I like you
Oi. <3
Huh? Was your first statement gramatically incorrect?
What’s wrong with it? =/
Psst…
You’re not supposed to end the sentence with a preposition!
I do it all the time, though. I like to think of myself as a Renegade of Grammar.
Eh, the grammer police I could do without.
*giggles*
Haha, hadn’t noticed. It was something I hadn’t payed attention t…
*slams down door*
Freeze! Grammer Police!
Oh, BFF, not you as well! *sighs* *zaps BFF with the red pen*
*shoves GP out the door*
No Kelseys here, thankyouverymuch!
And next time, I want to see a warrant!
roffle!
*wonders what the extra letters mean*
rolling
on
freaking
floor
laughing
exuberantly
roffling is messy, I don’t advise you try it! Sometimes a kind soul will offer to clean it up for you, though.
Thank you!
This is something upon which I stumbled :
Based on shaky historical precedent, the rule itself is a latecomer to the rules of writing. Those who dislike the rule are fond of recalling Churchill’s rejoinder: “That is nonsense up with which I shall not put.” We should also remember the child’s complaint: “What did you bring that book that I don’t like to be read to out of up for?”
That last example had me in stitches!
Hahaha, love it! Yeah, it’s a rule that I’m rather fond of, although few seem to feel the same way
Bad grammar is something I cannot put up with.
*spanks bad grammar for Brewski and puts it in the corner*
There! That’ll teach him to be good.
*morning squeezes*
*sees Leila to give squeezes to*
Morning!
*squeeze*
*frisks Brewski during squeeze*
Hope your day is going well. Ready for China? Can you take me?
Believe me, company would be welcome!
*makes room in suitcase*
I’m not ready! Wanna know what scares me most? Not the steamy hot weather and lack of A/C. Not the grueling 24-hour flight. Not the jet lag and long hours. What scares me the most: karaoke!! Help!! They always make me sing!!
LOOOOL!!!! The food should be your biggest concern. They eat EVERYTHING … *whispers* everything!!!!!
You can fake a cold/cough the evening of. That may (may not) save you.
*spanks Brewski* You’re such a tease :p
Churchill’s my hero.
They don’t make orators like that anymore…
good lord… 12 billion sperm in one load and you guys are the ones that made it….. wow.. lol j/k…. I guess this picture means I have infantile needs….
what’s your excuse? helped along by a hapless shoe and gag reflex?
Alcohol leads to a baby.
…but…
Alcohol + baby = ?
Russia?
No, in Soviet Russia baby leads you to a vodka.
You mean when the parent has been blinded by methanol consumption?
precisely! that’s when the babies come in useful.
seeing eye baby?
yeah, the government even provides free harnesses and leashes for your seeing-eye baby, and in special cases, saddles.
You have to buy your own spurs, though.
or you can make do with corn skewers.
Actually babies lead people to alcohol consumption in a lot of places. Vodka is more a Russian thing, though still widely used elsewhere.
Don’t you guys know? It’s for the teething!
My baby is teething – do I apply the alcohol to her gums or mine?
Yes.
*snork*
Yipes that’s bad.
What is worse, is that I recognize the interior design. That’s a CVS. I work in one, so I know the types of signs and such that they use.
Ickle and Lardee like this yellow, bitter lemonade ^^
My local supermarket had so many signs like this recently, major renovation. I was kicking myself for not taking my camera. I could have had a whole FAIL portfolio *sigh*
That’s one drunk baby.
and hot! but could be the beer goggles
*scootches away from GCF*
Hi Mr. General BondFan4518 ♂ MP of the 3rd Witty Comments Countering Trolls Division, Earl of Huntingdon-on-Thames/BFF News reporter/The Speaker of the House
Hello, × oè ىy faٍه × × ٍيهےه is a sىiLه ×× âuٍ ًههp iè ىy يهaےٍ × × i oèLy ٍےy ×, and welcome to the blog. You can call me GBF.
Oh thanks GBF.
You can call me cherry. 
Cherry? I see. Thanks. Have a nice time here.
thank you, I hope I will.
mmmm cherry… *licks*
Oi. Put that thoung away from my fingers! xD
Dare I ask what a thoung is?
a tongue-thong. friend of the ass-hat and cervix-mitten.
I saw an asshat on the blog yesterday, but now he’s gone!! Yippeee!
Indeed, someone opened an asshat store somewhere nearby recently.
*SNOOOORK*
Buy 1, get 10 free, apparently.
Woooooooops. I’m sorry.
*Removes the u with magical power*
*adds an e*
*adds ue at the end of thong*
*shames*
you removed your tongue-thong?
Yes *unsure*
I hear removing a tongue-thong can be a tricky procedure.
*scootches away with the General*
*wakes up*
*chews arm off*
*runs away*
Wait Wait – don’t leave that nasty arm here with us!
sorry scratch that……
could you help an old granny with this itch?
*runs off with severed arm in mouth*
*amputated limb wave*
Let me help you out…
*cleans up Granny’s arm a little and sews it back on*
*helps w/nail gun and hot glue*
*pours wodka over wound to desinfect*
*sets wound on fire*
You can’t be sure enough. *hiccup*
Is Mike’s really “the best” for your baby? I could think of better.
Liquor Ranch?
Choosy moms choose wild turkey.
Liquor Raw?
Yeowch!
Call me crazy but I always thought it was a great idea to have the beer/wine right next to the baby stuff.
Crazy!
*squeeze*
Agreed.
Hey, IT’S KKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAATYYYYYYY whoo hoo!
Party time!
Ok let’s see here…*checks pockets*
I’ve got whiskey, googly-eyed glasses, a keg of beer, 17 rainbow marbles, some crepe paper, lemon cake, an industrial sized box of rubbers, a 20 lb bag of potatoes, and a rubber dinosaur eraser…
Yup, sounds like a party to me!!
:shocked: Your place or mine?
:shocked
Well, I couldn’t of screwed that up anymore even if I was Lindsay Lohan….geeez
Don’t forget to wear protection kids.
I got it covered!
*giggles* “covered”…
*adds rubber to the rock, paper scissors game*
What does rubber beat?
That’s a hard one to beat.
Rubber covers the rock, but loses to scissors.
Paper beats rubber, if the paper is in the form of a paternity suit.
…and wallets, rubbers always lose to wallet.
I am just trying to figure out the hand motion to match rubber
Doesn’t have to be a hand motion.
*makes O-shape with mouth*
What? What did I just do? I blame it on the liquor!
If that’s how you want to play the game…
:O
rubber beats unwanted babies (so you don’t have to use the bin)
Father beats it before he puts rubber?
It puts the rubber on the hose or else it gets the…
Wait, that’s not right…
It makes sure the hose doesn’t leak prematurely.
*Adds glue to stone paper scissors and rubber*
*slips on bullet proof vest and goggles*
Lets go Katy!
*hides whip behind back*
*sings “Open your mouth and close your eyes and you’ll be in for a big surprise!!!”*
Yippee! I love surprises. *closes eyes*
This is going to be good, I just know it.
*sniff*
They grow up so fast. *sniff*
B2th slipped and fell on top of Katy’s potaty.
The way he’s caterwauling, you’d think he didn’t do it every other day.
“not allowing anyone to break her FB spirit today”
^_^
*awed
Awwww
Thawed
*flawed
Don’t say that! It’s a nice size, really!
…Really!…
Oh great, now you’ve got me all self-conscious again.
Don’t be, B2th!! It really is a nice size!
*flees thread*
Things drawn in ‘pencil’ always look smaller.
Should use a giant black sharpie.
and besides… it’s what you do with it that counts.
It’s not the size of the ship but the motion of the ocean?
*gets sea sick*
No, it’s the size.
If the ship gets lost the female should sound the fog horn to help guide her lover…
*heres a fog horn in the distance & looks to see who it was*
HEARS – crap I messed it up…
*laughs at self*
*HOOOORRRNNNKKKK*
Katy, that will be louder if you remove the potato from your pipe.
*my first Hornk*
Is that some sort of queef?
Yuck – queef. No, I was just thinking of the normal fog horn, but I guess it might be guiding the lost ship to the wrong place…
(Words have power – Queef has the power to make me wanna gag.)
What does it mean, that word?
I can assure you that you do not want to know.
If you’re too curious for your own good, though, go look up “quiff” in the urban dictionary.
BFF, when you’re a little older and become interested in females, you’ll find out what a queef is. Until then… protect your innocence!
Morning all!
I’m feeling like a big baby today, so I’m there. I guess I’ll take the Sam Adams.
Just keep your grubby hands off the Corona.
I already claimed the corona!
…you can have one, I guess.
Ok, well can I at least have the Light?
Oh, yeah, totally. I was just gonna give those to the baby but you can have ‘em.
Morning Brewski!
*fills up glass from SA tap*
Drink up!
Er, it’s a little earl… *blub gurgle cough!*
Ya didn’t have to pour it in my mouth when I’m talking!
What’s with the festive mood this morning? Everybody is getting down wid dere bad selves?
We had a lack of teabags around this morning. We are just doing the best we can.
I am sorry but this is a tea-bagging free zone. There are infants amongst us. Move along please.
Aw…I can’t stand to see a sad face so early in the day.
Okay, go ahead.
*turns head the other way*
*does the teabag dance*
Giggling and frowny at the same time? How do you do it, Jenny?
Our Jenny is talented Brewski.
The face is sad but the belly is dancing.
I reckon that’s an awesome picture – dont find it offensive at all!
——————————————————
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No thanks. Now shoo!
Fly shoo!
For sho!
At risk of starting WW3…
*sings*
I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die!
She swallowed a spider to catch the fly,
I don’t know why she swalled the fly,
Perhaps she’ll die!
rico… jejeje desde pequeñuelos empezamos…
rico…..suave?
Seguro que han oído que yo soy educado
Soy un caballerito un chico bien portado
Un joven responsible y siempre bien vestido
Yo no se quien ha mentido
Dammit B2th…you beat me to it.
Heh heh…”beat”…
Sorry, I’m having a mind-in-the-gutter day. You’re just going to have to put up with me!
lol. No problem, great minds think alick, I mean alike.
*knock! knock!*
HOUSEKEEPING!!! I here to clean gutter.
You come back 20 minutes now.
Hmm…will 20 minutes be sufficient time?
You leave mint for pillow?
*persistent knocking*
HOUSEKEEPING!!! I kleens the gutter NOW! Yes?
*pokes head out of window*
I call police, YES? We no need cleaner now!
Uh oh, B2th, I think we have an audience…
*shoves chocolate syrup, anbesol, red clown nose, and q-tips under the bed, covers self with sheet*
Umm…BF, what are you doing in here?
Whoops, sorry! I thought this was my house! Must have got the wrong street. Sorry to bother you!
*leaps out of window into jeep*
*zooms away*
How long were you in there? Did you get the video?
Oh, about…
*counts fingers*
Eight hours? The video’s on YouTube. And it’s been viewed several billion times.
*watches through keyhole*
Damn! Did the show end before it even started??
This was going to be good!
Yes…I kome bak later.
*mutters in her languages and curses everyone*
If I didn’t know any better, I’d think Leila was insinuating that non-English-speakers are only good enough for menial cleaning jobs!
Believe it or not this isn’t a fail. Actual market research led to the conclusion that on Fridays men buy beer when they stop off at shops to get diapers. No joke.
I need to refer you to section 4, paragraph C of subsection D in the Failblog universal handbook that clearly states:
“No facts allowed”
WHAT?!?! Men buy diapers?
*copies and pastes comment to word document, rushes off to show husband*
wow that market research sure is amazing, they didn’t mention that beer is automatically added to any man’s shopping list, especially on a Friday.
What a trick! Man goes home to wife and says “Sorry honey, I tried to buy diapers but all they had was beer today”
Hell YES they do… when you are up to a serious binge drinking, it is not sooooo bad to have a diaper close at hands! Sad but true, take my word… though I definitely heard it from a total stranger I once met in the, errr at the …. oh will ya just leave me alone, plzzzzzz
How does that prevent it from being a fail?
Ummm, because it was intentional???
But, the sign says “…all the best for your baby”! Liquer is not the best for your baby. At least that’s what they tell us!!!!
Helps them get to sleep.
i wish i was a baby in this town
We gotta teach em early, “Beer before liquor, never been sicker…”
lol. all of these comments and no one wants to comment how that one case of beer is called “Chill” lol. I’d buy that for my baby if it worked.
just the wine itself is a fail, 1.29$ each or $9 for like 8. That shit must be the fail.
The $1.29’s for whatever food is on the strip hanging off the bulk display.
When i drink i get horny..10 dollar love you long time.
You simpletons, the baby aisle is on the other side. This picture is just taken at an angle…
Hmm … it’s worse than that, Jim. Checking back, that wasn’t really Darth Vader four fails ago. And, now that I look more closely, this has been photoshopped. I mean … just look at the pickles!
Got to love CVS
Whats the fail? If you spent so much time with a baby wouldn’t you have to drink too?
Corona win
whatever the baby wants!
also the baby is missing an eye
No, Junior, that’s not juice!
Acquisition fail
Dude, this is at Longs, now known as CVS. I know because I work at one. how funny
did anyone notice that the baby on the poster has only one eye????
WIN!!!
WIN!!!!
Hey, that’s no good, my baby only drinks whiskey.
Bosco’s Gun, Liquor, Baby Needs
Would you believe my doctor recommended a cocktail every evening when I was pregnant and a beer each time before I nursed the baby? Oh the good old days……..
oh yea……i iz a baby!!!!!!
Man, the CVS I work at doesn’t carry all that. We carry actual baby stuff
Haha i work for CVS so i would recognise this any where. The company its self is an empic fail so im not suprised to see this!! Good job now im going to print it up and hang it up ant work.
and again…CVS fails…why do I work for these people…
I have to say. This is one of the more epic beer isles I have seen.
Clearly not a chain store.
oh look, baby stuff, i better give my baby this special thing called vodka
I don’t see anything wrong with this picture.
OMG!!!! i found where that is today! i went to the store where that fail is and thought “that sign looks familiar….” i can’t believe i didn’t see it earlier
He looks so happy.
I swear, kids are drinking alcohol younger and younger…
It’s just a perspective trick. The baby section is against the wall, and the liqour aisle is closer to the middle of the store. The photo fools us into seeing the liquor aisle against the same wall with the baby sign, but that’s not really the case.
baby win