Domestic Violence Fail
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I declare Monday.
I had that problem on Tuesday…
did he die?
I hope FG does.
This is your non-captain. AGAIN reminding you not to feed the trolls today or any day for that matter. Don’t make me bring out the petition.
*squeeze for the non-trolls*
.
*drop-kick for the trolls*
.
Good morning FSA, Leila, Malicite, Arthur, et al!
Morning velvet! I didn’t see you yesterday on the new fail.
They re-routed our entire network in the office yesterday. I had no access to internet or email for several hours.
Prepare to be banned.
Yup you can, but a dual ban gets your email as well. Yes you can create another, but then your new Ip will be banned and so on and so forth until the ip’s alotted for your area are all banned. We have to deal with you now but soon enough, well you will have no more spunk in your step.
Those houses all don’t share the alotted ips. It is a little more particular than that. Somewhere around 100.
*squeeze*
Morning Velvet!
*SQUEEZES* all around
♪ Sundays will never be the same ♪
WN!!! *SQUEEZE*
velvet! *squeeze* Good morning.
Morning!
Spunk can be defined as courage. Thanks for the courage, FG! I’ll need it today.
This one looks salvageable.
.
Pete, not so much.
I disagree!
What is spunk funny guy?.
yeah, but it’s getting on me now, can I please kill it?
Morning y’all!
Aiki!!
.
*POUNCE*
.
*big ol sutharn squeeeeeze*
*hopes Velvet realizes that women with southern accents are irresistible*
Hey I thought I was supposed to pounce. Wait, where’s my tiger, he should be back.
*pounces, reciprocates sutharn squeeeeve*
*finds a squeeve kind of fun!*
.
Actually my accent is a big ol mess. My mom is southern but my dad is from Minnesota. So my accent depends on who taught me the word, mom or dad. People here always ask me where I’m from because they can’t figure it out.
*Offers a proper squeeze*
Lol. I tend to adopt the accent of who I am speaking to. It’s gotten me in trouble few times. I’d love to hear your accent.
I love my Ohio accent. Everybody around here has a screwed up accent which no one can place.
My accent is a mess too, I am from Louisiana, and have a Cajun father, but now I live in California and mostly speak with a slight “valley girl” accent but when I’m angry I am so southern no one can understand me. they say I sound like the guy from The Waterboy. HA!
*melts*
Mine sounds just normal, I think. :p
Mine is a rather unfortunate mish mash, of Essex, London, Suffolk, Yorkshire, Welsh and posh! anyone would have an issue understanding me!
I’m from New York so I do not have an accent, everyone else does.
Hiya Marius.
*squeeze*
I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m a bit mortified whenever my Wisconsin accept creeps into my voice…I’ve worked really, REALLY hard to get rid of it.
whoah. you mean i have an accent? being from wisconsin and all…
Oh, yah…you betcha.
Being from Utah, I can’t seem to say my d’s and t’s. I try though! It’s “mountains”, not “mou’ains”!
I’ve been told my North New Jersey accent comes out really thick when I get pissed off. So I’m sure if someone was listening to me talk right now, they’d swear I was filming the Sopranos.
The hubby lived in Texas a few years growing up, and when he gets angry his southern accent comes in thick. It’s a great breaker when having an argument; I just start laughing at him!
vermont accent, all the way!
Hi guys, heard you have visiting trolls, so i brought some cake, (our cure for trolls) I put it in your breakroom along with some cookies. I hope the trolls get bored and leave soon.
With love from the lolcats.
CAKE!!!!!
Thank you BOM_MOMME!!!!
*offers BON_MOMME a fun pop*
Thanks for the cake. I’ll share too.
Well, thank you very much, bom!
YAY you- danke schon Lolcats.
*takes ‘o’, gives ‘ö’*
Sorry Arthur- no idea how to do that on here!
Take mine: ÖöÄäÜü. I have plenty.
Thanks!
I prefer the “did he die” trolls to this new “spunk” troll. He’s that irritating.
Yeah, where’s the did-he-die-troll when you don’t need him?
I just had a brilliant fantasy about a death match between the spunk and did he die trolls. It was a thing of beauty!
Why thank you! *heads off to the breakroom for some lolcats style breakfast*
This is my kind of breakfast!
Brings in muffins, pitchers of orange juice, fresh hot coffee, and sordid pastries for a real lolcat-style breakfast.
And, of course, there’s cake in the breakroom!
Ohhh sordid pastries. MMEEOOOWWW
Oh, yeah – and the most important part: *squeezes* all around.
{{{AngelPlume}}}
{{{{{{angelplume}}}}}}
Wow those take quite some effort. I am really glad you cats and any male visitors from lolcats came by.
*heartfelt feeling*
I am so glad these two rooms have such a good connection now.
*begins to cry tears of joy*
*pinches self*
Nope, I’m still alive. This must be a good day. We should invite more lolfriends over for the breakfast.
Woohoo!
*grabs a coffee and pastry*
*mingles*
Thanks to you, I had to go out, rent Strange Brew, and get entirely frustrated when my DVD player didn’t work.
He he!! So you never got to watch it? It’s pretty silly, but I still thought it was a really good movie overall. It’s based on Shakespeare’s MacBeth if I recall correctly.
Usually I go for subtle situational humor and satire.
*squeeze*
.
Good morning Brewski!
.
I remember the Star Wars references in the movie. And the really old milk.
I’ve seen the movie before but that was many many years ago. I just had an urge to see if again, but I think the fiancee had a hand in the player not working.
I was just too tired at that point to try and fix it.
*embeds axe in DVD player*
Oh no honey, I can’t imagine why, but the player doesn’t seem to be working right!
*squeezes velvet*
Use the force, you knob!
Argh! All my posts are being moderated!!
Perhaps because I made a very serious comment regarding R-a-p-e…
lolz on floor! Sordid pastries? are you sure? Assorted, probably. Unless you like your pastries dirty and gross. lol!!
What you do with them is your business.
I prefer taking small bites, then licking my fingers one by one.
Sorry if that grosses you out…
If you feel the urge to like your behind, please do it in private. No offense.
*Finds a private place*
Oooh! I really like my behind!
*sets fire to sordid pasteries and tries to make a movie reference* “the power of Christ compells you” now, why did I set you on fire?
My pastry! No!
*lower lip trembles*
But…but…I like the pastries.
here, I have a large plate of assorted pasteries. Leave those sordid ones to burn.
But I like sordid pastries! They’re kinda like those evil dark-side cookies!
Besides, I don’t want to be rude to our new guests. But thanks, I’ll take one.
*grabs a warm cinnamon roll*
*pokes head from grave*
*sees friendly brunch gathering happening*
*witnesses Abstract setting pastries on fire*
*re-buries self immediately in a panic*
Ah well, a bit of lolspeak crept in — please to forgive Miss AP…
But… but… it’s a real word! And gramattically correct, even.
true true — sorry AP!! Mea Culpa!! I did not realize AP really liked sordid pastries — then, i read the other comment up above!! LOL –
Thanks, elsa_mama! *squeeze*
So, um, would you like to share a pastry?
I agree! It sounds like one of the most vital meals of my day
If my Lolcat friends Angel Plume and Bom_mom are providing everything else then please allow me to complete the repast with these Kir Royals or Mimosas. Lots more where these came from so don’t be bashful.
LEILA!!!!!!! (s)he has mimosas!!
Yes, it will be better than your one piece of lettuce you allow yourself for lunch.
I am relieved to see him eating.
*heads for the breakroom*
*accepts love*
Thanks!
Mmmmm….cake.
Wait, the cake isn’t a lie, is it?
No, these lolcats folks seem to be pretty cool, so I don’t think their cake is a lie.
I find the company of other felines to be entertaining… even if they are a tenth of my size.
No, it’s not a lie. Whenever we (lolcats) have trolls stopping by, we go to our breakroom and enjoy cake until the trolls get bored and leave.
After the miscommunication earlier this week, please accept our invitation to visit anytime. Lol not required to visit, if you let us know you are from Fail Blog your proper English will be welcome as lolspeak is something that does take practice. Thank you for letting me visit.
I’m sure we are all enjoying it. Bring friends anytime.
Oh Hi!
I’ve heard rumors of a cuddle puddle on Fridays… how does that work? Can anyone join? Any particular trappings needed…? Towels, Shamwows, etc??
Yes, there’s a cuddle puddle and open bar on Fridays here.
.
The only requirements are to be nice and don’t be a troll. Other than that, you’re welcome to join!
You should never forget your towel, in any case, just sayin’.
Some of us can only cuddle sporadically, regardless of the day of the week, so we try to cuddle in quality rather than quantity.
Tequila?
I’ll take a margarita WN if your offering. extra salt please?
But of course, WIK – here ya go!
*toasts WhatIKnow*
WIK, is that you and a kiddo in your avatar? Cute
It was yesterday. you must clear your cache, it was supposed to be one day only. but yes, that’s me and my daughter about a year ago. And Thank You
Ah yes – you’re back to a flutterby again, but that was nice!
oooh drinks too??
*goes to look for sordid cocktail umbrellas*
Come to think of it, maybe you could use those today…..
After the cross room invasions I don’t regret anything. Since we seem to have gained some brilliant minds here. Like Angel, Judson and Nightshade. Now I will add your name to the list Bom, welcome.
Thank you my lord. This is a great place to play, even if you do speak strangely.
Well yea we do speak quite strangely. Though I haven’t quite grasped lolspeak yet.
Why would you want to?
The dark side isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
lolspeak and myspacespeak, I can’t grasp either one.
*squeeze*
spunks on funny guy again.
We can only hope you get HIV, but can’t afford the medication, and then die. Because this world would be a much better place without douchebags like you in it. Have a nice day.
Thanks Cuddles. What makes you think the afterlife wants anything to do with this worthless perverted nutcase?
.
*still refraining due to petition, but in a bad mood and really wanting to destroy something living*
Double spunk in your eye so you can’t see who you are spunking on.
There is no room on your penis.
I’m a veterinary assistant… here, let me help you with that…
*produces miscellaneous livestock castration gear*
I’m so glad I didn’t have a mouth full of sordid pastries (or anything else) when I read that.
except for sundays…
Don’t feed them after midnight?
I live in Grand Rapists!
With all that spunking you must not have gotten laid in a loooooooooong time!
*Highly doubts funny guy has ever gotten laid at all*
Since Funny Guy admite the spunking I thing he made someone happy in jail this year!
1000 up yet?
’sup.
Thanks, how bout you?
How did you know I did not have a left eye? :O
Guess I’ll play my piano along.
Damn I was talking to myself again.
*snickers*
Truth is, I’m glad all those trolls (Sam, Tinklenator, Funny_Guy, that brain-dead “INNIT” guy) got banned from here.
Proof that the INNIT-guy was calling bull the other day.
Proof that FG was lying. He said that he would be able to come back. If they ban an array of ip’s he loses more chances of coming back. Until all people in his area with his isp can’t come here.
Wow, what a douchebag.
I also suspect that Sam = Tinklenator = FG.
INNIT guy is probably a baboon that recently got access to the internet, so no idea about it.
Blue Monday?
How does it feel
To treat me like you do
When you lay your hands upon me
And tell me who you are?
Sunday bloody Sunday!
Just another manic Sunday…
Hey, buddy – find a room!
A year of sundays seems to have drifted right by,
I could have sworn in one evening.
Hello, could you lead me to the violence room, please? Thanx.
You piqued my interest – why are you looking for it?
Oh, no reason, really. Just want to check out what’s available for the Sunday festivities. Is it BYOB (bring your own bondage-implements), or are they available for rent?
There’s a bondage room that has handcuffs on a wall, but you have to supply your own blindfold, feather, and whip.
.
Aiki & I used that room a few fails ago.
Thanks, neighbor! *squeeze*
there may be too many interesting interpretations of a *squeeze* that is so closely juxtaposed with a BYOB comment.
Let your mind wander. It’s probably meant that way as often as not.
Can we handcuff unwilling participants? This guy reminds me of the little 10 year old than jumps into my son’s XBox Live games and procceds to scream and cry and whine when anyone kills him. Fortunately in XBox you can selectively mute certain players. sigh – no such luck here!
You could but I rather suspect the participants your referring too would enjoy that too much.
Not if we cuffed ‘em and then locked the door after ourselves … as we left
The sadist in me loves finding whiners like that and kill them until they go away Elsa, but the zombie in me wants to spit open their fragile little heads and see if there is anything inside.
.
I’m betting not.
An on the 7th day god said STFU bîtch.
And on the seventh day God created the bitchslap.
And on the 7th day He rested, and all Hell broke loose. Amen.
♪ Smack My Bitch Up ♪
*calls Crisis Line* Hi there. Is it Sunday yet?
not sure…..which time zone are you in?
G’day. Pardon?
Ah Australia, difficult, I can never tell- I think that may be last week. compared to here, but maybe just friday?
*brain explodes*
Only just Friday
This clicky, is it your shop?
Tis the hubbys shop-he is webmonkey- I keep an eye out during the day! – I have my pic up- you just have to try very hard to actually see it! -or know which tats are mine!
What is the weirdest place you have ever seen a tattoo placed?
An us
Ow ch.
Cheers, k@! Think I’ve worked it out
*cleans up fragmented brains off floor, walls and ceiling*
*eats them*
*appears satisfied, if still angry*
“Palomino! Palomino!”
It’s Gumby, Dambit!
Sunday is beat the sh*t out of your spouse day. Then you go to church and all is forgiven.
The southern tradition!
*goes to find some Chuck Wagon*
*goes to find Chuck Norris*
spunks on funny guy.
Bible thumping.
Is that like when it’s Vicar-smacking good?
Aha A Dulchanite has been discovered.
I think the church they go to is in the picture. Isn’t that a church sign on the right?
I think it’s a heavenly rage-o-meter…
LOLOL That is FUNNY…and terrible!!! LOL
I think the ‘except Sunday’ part is referring to the 24 hour crisis center. Not the Domestic violence part.
No, it means that the neighborhood is so packed with domestic violence that there could not possibly be room for any more (except on Sunday mornings before the liquor store opens)…
Actually, there is a “No Parking” sign posted above these two signs. The “except Sunday” clause refers to the no parking. It’s in a small town in Northern Indiana.
Comeon guys battered women are not funny!
I agree!
.
*squeeze*
.
According to aiki’s map, we’re about 5 hours apart!
*Squeeze*
So what you’re saying is I have a 5 hour head start to start running.
HAHAHAHA!
.
We have relatives in several parts of PA (Philly, Carlisle, Altoona, Wellsboro to name a few). We try to go visit them once a year, especially the older ones.
My brother in-law is moving to virginia soon. Not excatly sure where. He is a large animal vet so, proably where ever the farms are.
He will not be in Northern VA, for sure. Or from Richmond to the coast, either. Those areas are about 90% city now.
.
There’s a good chance he could end up somewhere between Roanoke and Lynchburg. Farms galore through that area.
Who said the women were beaten?
Is it not the eggs which are beaten?
Not quite that deep. o.O
*Snickers*
Try not to ova think the comments DB.
I thought it was pretty fertile.
Well, the yolk’s on you then!
Marius! *squeeze!*
*has to rush off…*
You need to beat a few eggs to bake up a battered woman, I guess.
*cringes*
Brewski, your blue. Does this mean we’ve corrupted you? Does this mean you are ready to join the dark side and have millions of friends?
Well, I could never leave my friends here, but I promise to come visit!
{{BOM_MOMME}}
Tasty with chips and myshy peas though.
I thought we were talking about battered men too. I guess that’s still not funny.
-
So, how do we go about our ‘thing’ with this fail Jules?
I don’t know my brain is fried.
I prefer mine scrambled.
*scrambles Jules’ brains and gives it to Ms B* Here you go. Salt & pepper are right over there.
Cheese?
You got it!
*brings Ms B a Patrica the calf/cow*
See those things down there…the udders…just squeeze them till milk comes out…I will run and get instructions on how to make cheese.
You want me to work for my cheese?! Forget it! I wasn’t that hungry anyway.
You don’t have many friends in school do you?
I don’t think he has ANY friends, otherwise he’d be hanging out with them right now instead of pestering us.
Very true Mr. C.
Makes me feel sad for him.
Maybe he just needs a good *squeeze*.
But there’s not enough ShamWows in the world to get me to do it.
I’m with you Ms B. I know I have a strong tolerance, but even I won’t squeeze that piece of sh*t.
*snaps photo of Ms B*
Oooh! Jules! How did that one turn out? Do I look cute?
You were hiding behind your kids again.
That works then!
Yes you do!
You’re always cute!
Awww!
*shuffles feet*
Thanks guys!
Is someone fishing for a compliment? (Sorry fluffy)
You always look great Ms B.
Brains are best served fresh and raw – living is best.
*smacks chops*
It’s domestic violence! It’s equal opportunity family violence day!
*passes out hockey sticks and baseball bats*
Thanks, but i prefer my old-school nunchucks.
Two bowling pins attached with jumper cables?
My old school only had the cane.
*chuckles*
*doesn’t like the impersonal touch of weapons*
*prefers to rip the heads apart with his teeth*
Yes, we should take a stand against domestic violence.
*thrashes domestic violence with a stand*
*Hands pedastal to DrB*- here take this it may work better
*nods* Domestic violence can’t stand a pedastal!
Outstanding comment DB!
Hehe! …and thank u(terus) for getting the egg joke up there ^^^!! I thought it might be left unjoined!
No they are delicious! Especially when fried too!
Some battered women have wonderful senses of humor and are actually really funny. There is however, nothing funny about the battering of women or men for that matter, while it is less common, husbands are also sometimes victims of abuse. Just as many are not aware that sometimes women rape men (rape is any violent crime of a sexual nature) the big difference is that the men rarely survive the attack.
We know it’s not a laughing matter. In college, my girlfriend was raped. By a guy I worked with. I hope nobody takes any jokes here the wrong way.
Did he die?
.
*reconsiders how that sounded*
.
I meant did you kill him? I would have.
Me too.
Incase of an emergency and you need look at the sign for helpful information. Don’t worry, it’s only in small text, for ease of reading…
How does one rid a room of troll infestation?
-
Reminder: reply around troll’s post.
Contact the failblog-Gods. Get him banned.
Second that move.
*Spunks because we dont care*
what i wasnt listening
Take’s big granny dump on fudgy guy’s head
This thread will look funny once the crap is deleted.
That’s going to need one mighty big toilet.
Hey s/he did something right.
that’s corn
*extra push for fanny guy*
A.K.A. Chuck Norris, am I right?
Yup.
second
Message to FB gods sent.
I sent one ages ago too.
Reinforcements can’t hurt.
*squeeze*
How about some domestic violence with you and I today?
I’d love to but no matter what I say, I’m going to end up covered in a teenage boy’s bodily fluids.
Pffft. (That’s actually the sound – hot air…)
Yay! I got a proper reply.
*squeezies*
You only get proper replies. Sometimes there seems to be some cricket sound before that, though.
Like “Howzat”?
Errr… whatever.
*squeeze*
A. Eld lbw b jam 0
*is stumped*
Hmm? What trolls? I don’t see any trolls here.
Well I would say resort to violence but it is not Sunday yet.
Violence directed at the troll variety is acceptable any day of the week.
*agrees*
Anything directed at trolls only encourages them.
How true.
Hello again. Unfortunately, this is not a good day to be venturing away from your cheezpeeps.
{{{AngelPlume}}}
When our fail friends are suffering is the perfect time to visit and offer support, cowering behind the cats indicates a lack of character or a personality flaw.
Thank you. You’re a good bunch over there.
Hopefully, it will be gone soon though.
Don’t dispair, we get’em too. That’s why there’s cake in the breakroom. {{jam}}
*heads for breakroom*
*noms cake*
I actually think its kinda funny. prolly because sunk is a funny word. i the only reason they keep it up is because people react to them. all you need to do is ignore em and they’ll fade away. like the boogie man.
ROFTL!
Try this game: tytytypp.mybrute.com
NO!
*might be mindless, but isn’t stupid*
I wonder if there’s another neighborhood nearby where they have room for domestic violence? Except on Sundays, maybe?
Domestic violence vacancies… *turns on neon sign*
Are you in the home right now Mal?
*Hides truncheon behind back*
Why yes! Yes I am!
Did you bring me flowers?
And candy/chocolates. May I come in?
Most certainly! Always a gentleman, Mr. Aikiwaza.
Mind if I invite a friend or two?
Hey guys (and gals) Mal’s door is open… 
*brings the potatoes*
*walks in wearing studded leather g-string and chains*
Oh, damn, I forgot my good whip!
*walks in, looks for scratching post*
*uses couch to sharpen claws*
*puts on leather mask, mingles*
*staggers in*
*guards door*
*ferociously destroys all trolls on front porch*
*leaves gory mess on porch as a warning*
*sees neon sign* Hi! How many people can occupy a room?
Depends – how many people does it take to beat you up?
That reminds me of an really old Failblog joke…
How many Failbloggers does it take to get a cow into the back of a van? Two. One to reverse the van and the other to hold the potato.
*laughs*
*wonders what the person holding the potato is doing*
*thinks of a failblogger holding a potato out as the van backs into the cow. Wonders where the potato goes*
*doesn’t want to know where the potato goes*
*SQUEEZES! up there
* You’ve got it aiki! There’s a failblogger in the back of the van, as it reverses towards the unsuspecting bovine…
Strangely enough, I clearly remember the Moomin blogging on that fail
The maximum occupancy depends on how you stack them.
the South side of Chicago…?
There is only no room in *this* neighborhood. I’m sure the others have plenty of room!
I bet this neighborhood is a lot of fun on Superbowl Sunday.
Beat down Packers Fans
there’s just no room to get a good run-up in this neighborhood
Damn, society’s getting over-regulated. Next you’ll have to get a Permit.
They already have that permit requirement here – they make you take a 3 hour class, and pay $30 too.
Per beat-up or per class?
depends on how much cash she has on her
“I’m sorry Jenny ma’am. It doesn’t matter how stressed you are, you can’t take more than three classes a day. Our staff are resiliant, but 9 hours is toooo much!
“
Is there room for eating gifted children? Or does that fall under domestic violence?
Depends on how they’re killed. Electrocuted by the government – ok.
mmmm crackling
There’s always room for gifted children.
As long as they’re not eaten in the home it’s not domestic.
So, a picnic at the park is ok then!
Yes!
*packs picnic basket*
‘Hey BooBoo, check out this picinic basket!’
I like the way you think, would you like to be mayor?
Nooo, no, no, I wouldn’t touch that office with a ten foot pole.
Good thing. I don’t think Mal loans out his pole to just anyone.
*agrees with Mal*
.
Children are like appetizers. Gifted children are like expensive appetizers.
Mexican Gifted kids.
Sunday must be Mr. Rogers’ day off.
could you be my? would you be my? wont you “beat” my neighbor?
♪Beat my lover, won’t you beat my lover…♫ See, it’s not Sunday so my hands are tied.
Taking my leave until FB is free of troll infestation. I will check in later. *squeeze to all real FB peeps*
*squeezes* Enjoy not multi-tasking
*squeeze*
Leilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Don’t give in!
Awwww just scroll past them.
It’s already getting more desperate.
With luck it will be over shortly.
Much like this work week.
In about 10 minutes there stopwatch should go off, then momma-troll comes to spoil their fun.
It’s amazing, though. I mean – why? What does it want? To be a part whilst knowing that it is too dumb to be able to and therefore trying to spoil the fun for everyone else? And what if it was successful (it will never be, but just as a Gedankenexperiment)? Then it would be alone here with the “PHOTOSHOPPED”, “WIN”, “FAILBLOG FAILS” and “DID HE DIE” folks. Does that sound appealing to it?
That makes me think of 2 movies ‘das experiment’ and ‘The hills have eyes’. I’m not sure why, but leaving those Trolls here alone makes me think of das experiment and the Trolls themselves make me think of the bad guys in the hills have eyes.
Spunking is not nice, you know.
The situation of leaving them alone here for a while and then coming back reminds me of what you find under a large stone somewhere in the woods…
The troll is a miserable person flirting on the edge of humanity. They seek amusement at the expense of others, which is a terrible, immature trait to have in life. Most are too young to fully blame them, but, there are those that are adults who act this way and require serious therapy. I have no clue what their goal is, but I think we give them to much credit by assuming that they have an endgame.
*squeeze* All we can do is hope the FB Gods hear our calls and delete these bastards.
Everybody say it with me!
AAAMEN!
Amen.
*squeeze* Good morning Ms B!
*squeeze*
Morning cuddles!
OHAI. Hey cuddles what is going on? *squeeze*
Hey Emperor! I’m good; nothing new going on here. I’m looking forward to the weekend though. Only 1 day left.
I also wish I could make FG choke to death on his own spunk.
How are you?
Well as for me I am not doing to well. I am sick, not that just sniffles kind of thing but a huge fever. I have super sensitivity and feel achy all over. Aside from that I am ok though. I have similar opinions of the FG. I find that if I look forward to the weekend, it tends to take its time getting here. So I am just taking it one day at a time.
Aww, I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Would you like me to make you some homemade chicken noodle soup?
*squeeze*
That would be nice but I suggest against squeezes for now. I don’t know if I am still contagious or not.
It’s alright, I have a really strong immune system. I once took care of someone with mono
and made out with him while he had itand didn’t get it.In that case,
*Squeeze* That there is a funny story. Taking care in your own special way? Hmmm. Hee.
Hahah, no that kind of taking care of didn’t happen until he was better. And in my defense, we were in a relationship.
*squeezes mmc*
So cuddles, are you seeing anybody lately, or still looking? How do you manage to stay single?
*squeeze* Unfortunately, I’m still single. No one seems to be interested
So you’re probably getting really sick of the old “When you least expect it and have stopped looking, that’s when…” speech.
More than you know. I hear that speech from everyone. I’m sure it’s true, but I’m not the type of person to just sit around and let something come to me. I find what I want, and I get it
Omg…I HATE that speech. And if you deliver it, Brewski, I’m willing to sacrifice a bit of my beloved duct-tape to put over your mouth!
:p
Give it time mmc and you will be beating suitors away with a stick.
By the way Dragon, just so you know, that perfect person will show up when y…
Hey, watch… ouch!…mmmf, let go, let…
MMMMFFFF! Mmmfff! mm mm MMmmf mm !
Ps dragon you are needed down below. Someone is really angering mr cuddles. Someone else said this was a win and that women shouldn’t disturb guys when they are watching the game. Your input is definitely needed to eloquently put them in their places.
Believe me, if I wasn’t married and straight I would hunt the two of you down.
Hee hee…! And just so you know, the adhesive of THAT particular tape is made with…
DRAGON-GROG!!!
Mwuaaahahahahahaaaaa!!!
Thanks guys. You always make me feel much better about myself. *SQUEEZE*
Mr cuddles, you are a total hottie. You won’t be alone for long. Just remember…never lower your standards! There are much, much worse things than being alone.
*cuddles*
*starts speech*
When you least expect it, and aren’t looking, someone always comes by and beats you with stick…
*Adds un- to FG*
Seems a little more appropriate. Dude or dudette you should quit while you are ahead.
*eyes go wide*
*muffled scream*
I don´t much like to say “amen”. Can I say “shamwow” instead?
I accept any form of agreement.
I prefer monetary agreements, or sexual favors.
Sexual favors to provoke a divine reaction – interesting.
Kinda reminds me of a certain story about a vicar and a potato.
AAAWOMEN!
I agree. I don’t think they have a coherent goal, nor any concern about an end-game or ending state. Their lives are miserable, and since they can’t figure out how to make their own lives less so, they try to make ours more so. Perhaps they hope to drag us down to their level, thereby validating their theory that life sucks.
Misery loves company.
I am not miserable but I do love your company. *squeeze*
Want to hang out?
we can start a company and make misery. *Counting Crows reference anyone?*
Oh. That was Mr. Jones and me in the big blue buildings.
What the worst part is, is they need to find this validation in others rather than connecting the fact that they are miserable and not everyone else. They think that if they all get everyone miserable then they are correct. It would be easier for them to realize they are miserable and do something to change it rather than bother others.
spunks on funny guy
hmmm,
That is the saddest thing I have read in a long time. It means that your life is so frustrating and lonly you are reduced to lashing out in an environment that protects your low selfestem and inadequite social skills.
Please….PLEASE stop acknowledging its existence. Please??
Unfortunately this environment does not hide inadequate spelling skills.
Bukkit please.
Aaaaaaw
I’ve been in the last fail until now. 226 comments already.. I missed a lot of fun the last hour.
*pat pat*
You have some catching up to do
for real i know where this is!!!!! it is in my hometown. it explains a lot too.
Your hometown sounds like it needs Dr. Phil…
yes it does. actually i think dr. phil would run away screaming.
Can we make this happen?
I would pay to see!
*loads glock*
No, please don’t. The dead doesn’t want him either.
.
*knows we’ll have to deal with him someday, but would rather wait as long as possible*
You could try luring him there with the promise of a license to practice medicine.
he would be the best dr. we had lol
The lord said let loose on Sunday and do as you wish?
@Admiral: It’s not your fault, no need to apologize to anybody.
True, everyone knows it’s always Arthur’s fault.
Hey moomin. How goes it? *squeeze* Another question, why is it always Arthur’s fault? What is the background story to that?
He’s always been an easy scape-goat.
That’s a good question. When did he first get the blame? I can’t even remember. In fact, it seems I’ve forgotten several things lately. It must be Arthur’s fault!!
Yes.
It is.
I remember, but I have to find it, which is something I don’t want to do.
(
)
*squeeze*
I don’t know, it was something that came about somehow. I think he must have stepped away from the blog for a second at one point so we all blamed him for stuff.
*squeeze* Hey Moomin!
Any word on Bod’s play?
*squeeze*
Hey there partner. How you doing?
No, not a clue. I think I may get further if I could read German
I’m doing great. Can’t wait for the day to be over. I’m hoping tomorrow flies by so the weekend gets here nice and quick.
How are you doing?
Maybe we can persuade Arthur to translate everything for us
Coolio. Having one of those days in the office myself. Cannot wait till the weekend.
I think the problem is that I have no idea if whatever I find is relevant or not, so i have no idea if anything I asked Arthur to translate would be of use. I’d hate to pester him to waste his time.
I would gladly help you out. Always, my friend.
*squeeze*
It’s not just you folks. In a parallel universe I’m also as angry as a bull with a tazer on his nuts. Try fixing a computer problem for a company owner that has specifically barred you from the module you’re trying to fix at her request. Sometimes you just have to close your eyes and hope for the best – then go somewhere where you can rip the skulls of idiots open and bathe in the gore!
.
But then you remember the petition you signed proclaiming you won’t encourage losers anymore and realize this particular loser would love the attention.
.
*fumes*
*vomits blackness and vile hatred for a few minutes*
*still wants to kill something*
Ok, that’s where I draw the line. No one, and I mean no one
except mespunks on my Moomin! What the f*ck is your f*cking problem you c*ck sucking pestering motherf*cker? Do I go to your job and knock the d*cks out of your mouth? NO! So why don’t you leave us the f*ck alone before I hunt your stupid @ss down and shank you.*loves it when mr.cuddles gets all gangsta, but still slowly backs out of room to escape glowing red eyes*
You f*cking douchebag. Boy are you lucky you have your computer to hide behind.
*Squeezes Mr. Cuddles.*
I know the trolls are hungry but
if we feed them they’ll keep coming back.
*Offers Mr. C and other true FBer’s cake and squeezes*
*can’t stop laughing because mr. cuddles is insulting the Moomin and WIK and is rewarded with a squeeze*
Not to encourage that individual back (haven’t seen any of their comments as the comments have disappeared) but…
♪ Somethings’s missing, in my life ♪
*sqeeuze* Thank you BT!
Any time!
*SQUEEZES mr. cuddles*
And remember to breathe!
Alright I am going to steal this page source, give me a day I can pin point where he is from with the help of some of my friends. God help him if he is in the Toronto area.
*squeezes Avis*
*highfive*
*highfives Malicite* *squeeze*
Personally, I view trolls much like those little spots that people usually have in their vision. Some are worse than others, but all are ignorable, and once you get used to the idea it’s like they’re not even there
*squeeze*
Oh, funny story as I head out the door…I was on my usual jog yesterday, and I saw a woman carrying a pudgy little trooplet who was dangling a little stuffed animal. It looked almost exactly like your avatar with a little extra fuzz. I got a chuckle out of it.
*squeeze*
Thankyou mc.
You’re proving why you’re magnificent again.
*pulls out Urban Dictionary*
spunk…spunk… lessee…
“To heap praise or compliments upon, to bless”
Ah, okay! Thanks!!
Spunk = kindling.
spunk = pizzazz
Well good morning Mr cuddles! Perhaps coffee would be less than useful at the moment. Martini?
*squeeze* Good afternoon! I’ll take a mango mimosa martini if you have them!
Mangoes, mangoes…. Here they are, one “it’s 5 o’clock somewhere” coming up!
Ok, I’m off to cook dinner after that I have to go to a graduation party, my girlfriend has graduated from high school
See you!
Later gator
after ‘while crocodile.
Congrats to the g/f!
Bye
The Girl and her friend?
*quickly replaces “G” with “g”*
Damn German language habits…
Ah, another German in our midst? Welcome!
By the way, g/f = girlfriend.
While ‘dile
Oh, I just realized that I missed the fails of the last 3 days. Did I miss anything interesting?
Well, it does sound like you FAILed, but I wouldn’t worry about it too much
You missed Show Your Face day. That was interesting.
Show Your Face day? Did you have photos of yourselves in your avatars?
yes, most of us. Everyone looks about how we all pictured them, actually. We are an attractive bunch!
Well boogers. I woulda enjoyed that!
I guess I can put my clickie to my picture up again. But this is the last time…
That really wouldn’t be the first time that’s been done…
You f*cking p*ssy.
*snork*
That’s actually happened more than spunk in my rectum. So once again, nothing new. You’re really losing your touch.
He didn’t know who he was messing with. Where are dragon and admiral when you need them?
Dude, I swear I’m going to f*cking kill you. What is your f*cking problem?
*screams of laughter because cuddles hates himself so much*
*eyes go all watery with laughter*
*RIGL with MMC*
That is you? If I may, what is your background?
Very attractive bunch. I concur with WIK.
‘cept me!
That’s exactly what we did. We all got a chance to see what just about everyone really looked like. It was very enjoyable
*psst* mr. cuddles would’ve won the beauty contest, he’s gorgeous!
I think you would have too.
*was just about to nominate Jam for female category*
You’re a sweetheart! *squeeze*
We are a ridiculously good-looking buncha peeps, aren’t we?
G’morning friends. *hugs and squeezes*
*squeeze* Hey Dragonwriter! How are you today?
Morning Dragon! *squeeze*
An eventful day… What’s news?
Oh, you know me…I’m a spunky gal, I can weather any storm.
I’m glad to see the cheezpeeps are visiting.
*puts plates of cookies and crispie treats in the breakroom*
*Joins DW in the breakroom*
*adds fresh-brewed coffee, tea, and sandwiches*
DW, these rice-crispie treats are outstanding! Who’d you get the recipe from? Snap, crackle, or pop?
The only problem with Gravatar is that when you change your avatar, it also gets changed in all your older comments. So now I missed my only opportunity for seeing other commenters’ real faces. What a pity. (but, on the other side, my real identity remained a mystery)
Mystery is a good thing and it’s the
person behind the face that really counts!
Yeah! A friendly encounter with some cat people and, of course, a lot of *squeeze*.
Welp folks, I am in court this afternoon! Fail on folks…fail on…
Later Mal! We’ll miss you!
This isn’t about your incident from last Sunday, is it? You should stay away from neighborhoods like that.
Sorry that’s a win…wife better not interrupt football games on Sunday.
Does someone want to commence the beatings on Upstart?
Sure, I will start. Everyone has to use these *points at rack of katanas* to start the beating though.
*whistles song from Kill Bill*
Like this *clicky*
*re-examines petition’s fine print*
*thinks he’s safe*
*rises from the grave silently behind Upstart*
*grabs skull*
*savagely rips skull open with his teeth*
*feasts on the gooey insides*
*scatters gory mess over a wide area with his ferocity*
*keeps screaming for BRAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNSSSS throughout the event*
*crawls back into grave afterward, still looking angry … and hungry*
*leaves a biblical mess behind*
No wonder you are hungry. There wasn’t enough there to feed an undead sparrow.
Perhaps there is room on sunday.
There’s always room for felony assault.
Somebody quick make spunk a registered trademark®!
*pokes head up from grave*
*sniffs the air, turns to Zach*
*licks chops*
.
mmmm … braaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnssss
.
*disappears back underground before he gives into his hunger*
This is much funnier without the troll guy.
*Takes a picture of Funny guy and puts it on Wikipedia as an example of lonely people on the social disorders page*
Ewwwwwww… now it’s all stuck to the loser page with Funny guy inbetween…
Looks fake
I think they meant some days.
*notices all traces of FG have been wiped from the planet*
*smiles*
wow… today is…. thursday.. damn…
Sure
Happy
It’s
Thursday
Its fake…look at how blurry the bolts on the sign are…..
PHOTOSHOPPED badly.
not photoshopped i know where this is
Praise the Lord and punch the wife!
this sign is jewish cause this is when i gt rid of my spare change in that nieghborhood is everysunday
lol gotta love the sign fails
♪ Ain’t it a shame to beat your wife on Sunday, ♪
♪ Ain’t it a shame. ♪
♪ Ain’t it a shame to beat your wife on Sunday, when you’ve got Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Ain’t it a Shame. ♪
as the Andrew Lloyd Webber song has it,
“Beat me on a Sunday, please.”
…and on the seventh day, God rested while Adam beat up Eve.
lolz
I live near Charleston, SC. The law here clearly states that you are allowed to beat you wife once a month, on Sunday only, and only on the courthouse steps.
Wonder why my wife never wants to go to Charleston on Sundays…….
but the real question is……did the skank died?
Given the obvious photoshoppery (angle of signs dissimilar, bolts don’t line up, impossibly crisp edges on the sign, etc.), how is this a Fail, and not just a mediocre joke?
Humans aren’t perfect. You fail.
nah dude i totally live here there are actually like 4 of these in wabash indiana. dont believe it come check for yourself.
Dude. My brother’s girlfriend took this pic. I had it on my phone for the longest time. It is in fact real. There was a no parking sign above it but some one sawed it off for the lols. I can bear witness to the authenticity to its validity.
This is two houses down from my grandma’s house. I know exactly where it is at, and it is in fact real.
Awwwwwww!!! F************!!!!!
NOT EVER FUNNY!
funny pictures
funny fail pictures
great job. Where is to find those pics?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i loled
that’s pretty koo, where do ppl find these things?
You all really REALLY need to get a life. Go outside or somethin
I totally live in this town too and was going to put a pic up of this eventually, but you beat me to it. it makes me wonder who you are.
Epic!
DAMN its Tuesday…
unfortunatlly…
Hmmm… Except Sunday huh? lol. I will know when to hide…
wow this is in wabash indiana. never thought id see something from my hometown on here.
D= O_O
*dies a little inside*