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Nope on Animal Lover Fail memespitter on This is an unexpected turn of… jam on Group Therapy Win sirMAXX on Group Therapy Win General BondFan4518 on Group Therapy Win EpicBlowfish has spi… on Group Therapy Win EpicBlowfish has spi… on Group Therapy Win Critter Rhode on Group Therapy Win stix213 on Animal Lover Fail chez on Group Therapy Win 
Cheezburger Network Blog
Tinklenator, no.
lol
are they dead?
The only dead thing here is the tree.
tree thousand tree hundred and tirty tree trees, all of them dead.
I tink it’s only tres trees.
Hi WN. You may want to catch up, but the thing above you has been identified as a particularly noxious member of the troll species. Just so you know.
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…
Well, see what happens when you can only be here at breaks or lunch?
Sigh…
Anyone need a troll buster?
Another troll? Really? *skips the running into the wall as he doesn’t want to be questioned, and goes straight to blowing up…setting the troll on fire* I did it again! *smiles…slightly charred*
Wait….. *watches some guy run down the hall screaming “Fire Fire Fire!* Oops?
there goes grandpa
I think it’s OVER 9000!
contingency plan… WIN
run for ya lifes!
Alert everyone in the area by shouting ‘FAIL FAIL FAIL!’
did he die?
NO he did not. (god i hate these comments)
Oh, on another, the vid is not showing.
But I think I saw it on youtube.
And on a second note, I figured it was a pic. But still, I cannot view it.
What’s the title?
Fire Alarm Fail.
*below is an intriguing square with a triangle, a circle and something else*
There’s a sign taped to the…wall? board? whatever. It says:
Fire Alarm System
is
Out of Order
If you discover a FIRE
Alert everyone in the area by shouting
FIRE FIRE FIRE
And then
Dial 3333
It’s basically a note saying:
The
Fire Alarm System
Is
Out Of Order.
If you discover a fire,
alert everyone in the building by shouting
FIRE FIRE FIRE
And then dial
3333
JINX!
BF, BF, BF!!!
Ha ha! He can’t talk until someone says General BondFan4518 ♂ MP of the 3rd Witty Comments Countering Trolls Division, Earl of Huntingdon-on-Thames/BFF News reporter/The Speaker of the House!
.
.
Oh, wait.
*snork*
BFF, when I saw this fail I immediately had a picture of you waving your arms and screaming, then running out of the room.
It gave me my first *snork* of the day.
Wasn’t that Rian?
Nope, that’s BFF’s trademark.
Ah, upon reading more carefully I see. I thought it was in reference to the fire. *rubs eyes* I need to wake up!
Coffee?
*runs screaming in and out of room*
You called?
No more coffee for YOU, young man!
*jumps up and down*
But I need my coffee! The caffeine makes me zingy, zangy, zongy!
*returns to running and screaming in and out of room*
*smack*
Snap out of it!There’s another person on this planet with the name “Rian”? That’s my given name! I’ve had substitute teachers go “Reeann? Where’s SHE at?” I’m a guy! Honest! …I think.
Dude I know I hate that and I’m a guy too. Thats awesome!
Pronunciation help please? Is it like Ryan?
Um no it’s pronounced “Reeann”.
Knux the Fox already said that.
How do you know the sub didn’t say it incorrectly?
I think this is a forced fail….some one put that there and then took a picture of it….CHEATS
So, in other words…NOT Photoshopped.
Dunno about that, look at the pixels.
agrreedd yop wack mamma a crack baby
Thank you, Velvet.
Thank you, BondFan.
Thank you, computer. It’s working now.
No problem! Always glad to help out a fellow anti-’nawt secund’ poster.
That’s certainly how they call it over the loud speakers in a Naval ship…
Firing Squad!
*does cheesy comb-over*
.
You’re fired!
am i dead?
No. Just stared down by a rich person with a bad hairdo.
.
*gives back money and bad hairdoo*
Man his haircut sucks XD. He should admit that he’s bald sometime.
I’m surprised he never went for the surgical hair implant. You know, gradually over time?
Fire, Fire Fire!!!!
Calm down, Beavis!
.
*squeeze*
*squeeze* huhh uhuh huhhuh hhu *attemps to imitate that laugh*
Oh my GOD! Abstract is having a seizure! Clear the area!
Quick, someone dial 3333!
ROFL
I’m on it.
*pulls out first aid kit*
*puts abstract on her side*
*keeps her from hitting anything and hurting herself*
*clears her airway and inserts and endotrachial tube*
*takes her to the hospital*
ooow, this hurts when i laugh
But, but, but
The #3 key on my phone is black, not red! What do I do now?!?!?!
Dial 1 twelve times.
my three key doesn’t work… man, that just burns my a**
In a hospital no less. If I am a patient with a breathing tube, what do I do? Pantomime it?
As long as you don’t do the “trapped in a box” thing.
*does trapped in a box thing*
*does the walking into the wind thing*
*does the getting struck by a 16 ton weight thing*
Ewwwwwwwwwwwww…
I’m not cleaning that up.
It’s only a model.
*does the going down in an elevator thing*
Love in an elevator.
Living it up as I’m going down…
*does the
hanging thinghung thing*Ha ha!
I may be just a starfish, but I’m hung like a seahorse.
*snork*
Prehensile, eh?
Reprehensile?
*late great squeezes all ’round*
*šWε└∟ squeeze*
you wave your arms and run around like a crazy person!
You pretend you’re BFF? I don’t see how that will help.
Second *snork* of the day!
How would we know anything was wrong? Maybe if he had pants on, then we would know something was amiss.
You’re getting him mixed up with Brewski, I believe…he’s the one who’s always losing his pants.
Wait, who did she reply to?
Where we are going we don’t need pants.
The cuddle puddle?
The cuddle puddle is clothed this week!
Not true, bar is open now. I make no promises when rum is involved.
Ok, fine. My goal is to stay clothed this week.
*hands Ms B another drink and snerks quietly*
*distracts DW from her fiendish ploy with a squeeze*
*switches drink for a stronger drink*
hehehehehe.
*sqeeps out the room swooshing cloak*
Who was that sqeeping masked Moomin??? I wanted to give him a *squeeze*…
Ah, well. *downs drink*
Sqeep.
Hahahahahahahaha.
*sigh*
Not a good day for moominkind.
Is anything wrong other than feeling squeepish, Moomin?
“Sqeep” – I like it!
Well, any day that has a Moomin in it is a good day for everyone else. Just sayin’.
*gives the Moomin a big, sqeepy hug*
Agreed, DW!
*SQUEEPS The Moomin*
Sorry to hear that, Moomin. I had one of those days yesterday. All you failbloggers made it much better, I must say. I even got my first smooch from Dragon!
*gives Moomin a cheer-up squeeze and tickle*
*honks his nose*
*bear hugs Moomin*
*offers a selection of edibles from last fail, and a drink from the bar below*
Cheer up! Go join the cuddle puddle and find one of starfish’s tentacles the hard way.
Moomin, are you referencing the Moomins from Moominvalley?!
Phew! Lots of “Moomin”s in that sentence.
*grabs moomin’s hat*
Come and get get
*dives into the cuddle puddle*
Ummm, was just doing poorly with comments with mistypings and not working.
That was lovely 
Thankyou for the squeezes all
*Thread squeeze*
*dives into cuddlepuddle*
Definitely, maybe.
Decidedly, mayhap.
Doubtlessly, perchance.
Indubitably, if only this once . . .
*delighted, peradventure, to dash in, and dissert without disturbing dialogue twixt darling DW and her debonair dude* *done ‘nd done*
Dere, dere…
*pat pat pat*
Prexactly.
*eases on down the road*
▼▼
▼▼
▼▼
▼▼
*cues music for credits* I always feel good after this movie
*gives Jules a bowl of water*
Just in case you get overheated…
South Tees Hospital no less…
seems to be a common NHS thing to not waste money on installing / repairing fire alarms though
this was basically the written policy during my time in radiology at another one in the midlands. it had progressed beyond laminated wall signs… luckily we were close to exit so the rest of the procedure was “hoik any visiting patients back onto whatever transport they arrived on, and wheel them out into the car park”
Could be North Tees?
Earth, Earth, Earth?
Wind, Wind, Wind
Fire, Fire, Fire
Heart?
talking heads… burning down the house.
damn it, i wanted someone to do water first so I could say ‘heart’ …anyway, I’ll settle for “By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!”
Oh, I forgot about water. Well water was the worst. I mean who would want water when they could have heart?
♪Ya gotta have hearttttttttttt ♪
*cues Captain Planet theme song*
hey, no repeats
WATER WATER WATER
*jumps in*
Thanks, I needed that. I was starting to get crusty and hard.
*snork!!!!*
Hard I understand, but crusty??????
There are things about male hygiene that I just don’t want to know.
Come to think of it, I don’t want to know either.
Only $9.19 !
It’s a starfish thing.
but starfish don’t wear undies
It looks like you’re having a staring contest with Judy.
I promise not to glower at her!
*giggles*
It’d be an easy win for you, Avis! I tend to blink a lot! And giggle.
I don’t know, I’m a little distracted today. I have an out of town guest (sort of – I’ll explain that one later), and I waiting for her to get her stuff together so we can go to the beach. I keep looking at the time and my shuffle to see if it’s charged yet.
Beach? BEACH?!?
I WANNA GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Having lived in California WN, you would be greatley disapointed in what we call a beach in Chicago.
Has your weather warmed up? We’re still a bit cool here.
*tosses “am or ‘m” at Avis*
It’s beautiful here today. Sunny and warm (at least it looks like that from my cubicle). No worries though, were supposed to get rain all weekend.
******
Are you by any chance a member of the First Nations?
Fire!?!
luftwaffe taken down
I love it! If only all fire alarms were this effective!
*dialing 3333*
I’d like to order an extra large pizza with extra cheese.
Would you like sardines on that?
eeewww. …
Pineapple and french fries, please.
and pepper!!
lots and lots of pepper
ah….AH…..AH-CHOO!!!
geshundheit!
Danke!
scorned woman hot sauce is an effective way of creating fire.
3333rd?!
try saying that in irish
*Gaelic you moron
Abstract…it IS also called Irish.
Irish Gaelic is very different from Scottish Gaelic, so it is often called Irish to differentiate between them.
absract fail. Tinklenator win!!
You don’t win, not on Failblog.
And not when you don’t use capital letters
FU, go to hell and burn for eternity…. please
hehe
Bit unstable there abs, I sense hidden ‘issues’. Would you like to share them with the group?
Ooooh…come on, be nice.
Really, issues huh? This coming from the annoying brat with the attention seeking complex. You’re on a site harassing people who sincerely wish bad things would happen to you, and you won’t stop. What? Did mommy not love you enough? Did she ignore you when you cried, because she was passed out on the couch? Is that why you’ll do anything to get people to pay attention to you?
It seems to be working for it. Let’s say we just ignore the troll from here on out? When it gets NO attention it will go away.
sounds good, count me in.
*sign, sign, pass*
*thumb print, pass*
*genome sequence, pass*
*headpaper, headpaper, pass*
*lifts leg*
*urinate, urinate, pass*
Ok, no one touch it now! I’ll call HazMat.
Why, is it radioactive?
No, but it is hazardous now.
*smacks Jules w rolled newspaper*
BAD JULES!!!! BAD!!!
*drink drink pass*
Ptew! That beer tastes like pisswater!
That’s what you get for drinking Budweiser.
ah, I see. Thanks you for enlightening me. *whispers* why are you defending the Troll?
Pssst, think of it as defending the truth, not the troll.
*squeeze*
Thank you, Moomin.
*SQUEEZE*
I had no idea this was a troll, anyway. Looks like I have some reading to catch up on.
Ah…haaaaaaaaa. Yes, I see. Thanks for the heads-up.
When you see it trying to insult Arthur, just stop and save yourself some aggravation.
Yah…that’s what I pretty much did. Really, who needs to know more than that, anyway?
So… you missed my reply?
n/p totally cool *squeeze* thanks for the info. though, I had no idea. My sister spent a semester abroad in Ireland, and she never mentioned. I suppose I’ve been suffering delisions of her being all knowing. lol
okey dokey *squeeze* i can handle that
She wasn’t.
Or think of it as pointing out your stupidity. lol
You need to learn the difference between stupidity and ignorance.
Ignorance is curable.
You, on the other hand, are terminal.
Im going to die?
We’re trying to think positive. So, yes. You will.
I’m thinking how funny today’s threads will be if Tink gets lightning-bolted by Emily.
If he continues to harass people, I’ll send an email.
If you look back through the thread you will realise I have either started my own comments or responded to others passing comment on me. Doesn’t really fall into ‘harassing people’. Mind you, being deleted from failblog…. Getting a life Win!
Sounds like a win for everybody, so why don’t you do yourself a favor, and leave so we don’t have to force you?
By the way, Tinklenator, there’s a glitch in failblog comments section that if you don’t put the word “im agine” in your posts it won’t post.
Erm – Tinklechen? I think your comments directed at me could hardly be seen as anything else than harrassing. Just sayin’. Bye!
*snork*
Some of the threads already look wrong. For instance the first comments on this Fail.
I love how yesterday’s fails look like we’re squeezing mid-air now!
Unfortunately, yes you are going to die. Everyone dies at some point. It’s unfortunate in my case because not even the dead want you around.
LOL. I see your avatar, ZA.
You got an avatar, ZA! I love it!
Touchè, Zombie!
*whispers*
Alt + 130
é. Ah! Thanks, gig.
YW! *squeeze*
lolz, love the new avatar!!
Thanks everyone. Being a zombie and all I wasn’t sure how my “appearance” would be received – usually people welcome me by screaming and running away, or by making that clickie-clickie noise with a 12 gauge.
*might be blushing, if only blood still pumped through his veins*
I’ll be quite happy to scream and run if you wish! Whatever makes you feel comfortable here. It’s gotta suck to be dead and all.
I don’t mean to bust your bubble tink, but EVERYONE will die someday. I’m not threatening you, I’m just saying.
*&^%
no just an irish accent.
Trí míle, trí céad, agus trocha is a trí.
Exactly!
ok, I tried to translate, please help this poor English/some French speaking girl
It’s Irish or Gaelige, or Gaelic, whatever for 3,333.
Close, but not quite. Trí mhíle, trí chéad, tríocha is a trí. Or since it’s actually an ordinal number we’re translating (3,333rd), the equivalent is trí mhíle, trí chéad, tríocha is a tríú, abbreviated in Irish 3,333ú.
You’re quite right; I’d forgotten the séamhú! And I could’t remember how to say 3rd, it’s been a while since I did Irish, I mainly posted it to put an end to tinkles smugness. Thanks for correcting me though!
That’s funny. I had a dream this morning where the phone system was out of order but we could dial 333 for information.
*snork*
Are your dreams predicting fails now?
Not unreasonable. I once called the phone company from a pay phone to say that our home phone was out of order and was told I could only file a complaint from my home phone. Phone companies don’t have the greatest grasp on how phones work.
But… but… they…
Speechless. I’m speechless.
*takes Avis to speech therapist*
..
Fix her and bring her back!!!
Make sure you let them know the phone company caused it. Then they’ll get out the “special meds”.
Can I get some “special meds”? I could really use something.
Here is a red pill, and here is a blue pill. You must pick only one.
What vase?
*knocks vase to floor, shattering it.*
*puts on sunglasses, earpiece and suit*
*slicks hair*
*cricks neck*
Hear that? That is the sound of inevitability.
My reply linking to a previous fail that was “awaiting moderation” was denied. Put this link together to see what I thought of when you mentioned your dream.
failblog.org/
2008/08/13/phone-fail/
Hm, now I can’t remember if the number in my dream was 333 or 999 or perhaps both. Better keep a notepad ready next to my bed in the future.
Better yet, keep a phone there so you can dial the number and yell FIRE FIRE FIRE!
Or you could just write FIRE FIRE FIRE! on the notepad.
Once you write it down, you can send it off in a letter to yourself.
Hehe.
Fire fire fire!!! LOL
You are only allowed to yell fire! while jiggering to wild cheery. or dancing to the music and just when… it hit me…
oh, wait.
wrong tune.
someone please fire my speech writer.
♪ Goodness gracious great balls of fire. ♪
we didnt start the fire, it was burning burning before the world was turning
♪ Just a hunk, a hunk of burn love. Yeeaah. ♪
♪ I’m burnin, I’m burnin, I’m burnin for you. ♪
♪ Big wheel keep on turning
Proud mary keep on burning
And were rolling, rolling
Rolling on the river ♪
♪ Hey hey hey!!!
But I like it when that lightening comes
Hey hey hey!!!
Yes I like it alot
Hey hey hey!!!
Yes I’m jumping like a jumping jack
Dancing screaming itching squealing fevered
Feeling hot hot hot!!! ♫
♪ You can’t start a fire
You can’t start a fire without a spark
This gun’s for hire
even if we’re just dancing in the dark ♪
~Come on baby, light my fire~
♪ It’s gettin’ hot in herrre! ♫
♪I am the fire starter.♪
Charlie?
*runs away in a panic*
*re-buries self*
♪ I have only one burnin’ desire
Let me stand next to your fire ♪
If you ever dig back out the new avatar is awesome.
♪ I am the God of hellfire, and I bring you… fire ♪
♪I fell into a burning ring of fire
I went down,down,down
and the flames went higher.
And it burns,burns,burns
the ring of fire
the ring of fire.♫
♪ Fire in the disco
Fire in the taco bell ♪♪
♪ Burning down the house ♪
****
♫ I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain
I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end ♫
^&^%$
:stare:
*
Planning on marrying your cousin now Jules?
Is that biggotry or bigamy or
That’s what the guy who wrote that song did. Now that unpleasant fact pops into my head when I hear that song.
Ew!
No…Jules, don’t do that.
He’s a dog, they have relations with their sisters.
True. True.
Happy humping Jules.
w-w-what?
You’re supposed to go do your sister doggies. So says Starfish.
Inbreeding is consider taboo with all mammal species. But I don’t know about starfish?
Inbreeding is counterproductive in all mammals. The concept of taboo, however, is very human. My dog (before he was neutered) would have humped his sister, his mother, my leg, the couch, and just about anything else at humping level. Starfish can reproduce both sexually and asexually. If we can’t find a mate (sister, mother, etc.), we just f*ck ourselves.
Who do you blame then if your sexual experience wasn’t satisfying if you just f*ck yourselves?
Ah but humping is not mating. Humping is merely a form of dominance. Mating occurs with penetration and in the mammal world it is in fact taboo. All mammals avoid imbedding, because it limits the genetic diversity and produces weaker offspring.
oh, god Starfish, you haveno idea how hard i am laughing right now!
*roffle*
Thanks, uber! I love The Bloodhound Gang. Not a good video to listen to at work, though.
It’s the most effective way…
*runs*
*leaps*
Look out below!!!
*dives into midst of cuddle puddle*
Ah! *snuggles*
Bar open yet?
Whoa, has it spilled over to this fail too?
*dives in*
*sniff*
I missed it last fail. Had to work. I was trying to start one here. Besides, the bar wasn’t open yet on the last fail.
*bear hugs Judy and Jules*
The cuddle party never ends on FB.
Woohoo! Cuddle-puddle!
*dives in*
*joins in the cuddleparty*
*joins as well*
*slides in*
*snuggle cuddles all involved*
*dives in the pile, without spilling his rum and coke mind you*
*does a flying double-somersault-with-half-twist, along with a reverse-full-haxored, into middle of pile*
WOOOOOO!
9.37
*see Brewski’s pants float on by*
Here we go again.
Noooo! Not again!
*tries to hide Winnie-The-Pooh boxers*
I would let you borrow mind, but Leila already burned them.
Are you going to be the next zombie then?
Zombie pants
If someone borrows Jules’ mind, what’s he going to do? He’ll have to zombie.
I don’t mind.
Then Brewski is saved!
.. oh wait.
Zombies do not need pants. Their thingie has rotted and fallen off. No need to cover anything.
They still wear them in movies (albeit ragged ones). What gives?
Gives pants?
Here. You can have these.
*hands over a pair of neon pink speedos*
Not a fan of the pink but Speedos are actually really comfortable.
.
That being said I think I have to leave for the night before I get myself into more trouble.
.
Damn alcohol!
.
*sigh*
We wear clothes to try to blend in with the living more. We’re trying to make you more comfortable, which typically gets thanked with a few 12 gauge blasts.
.
Since we reproduce by biting the living, our old vestige sex organs are not at all useful. We don’t care at all if we’re naked or not, we have no shame. Hello? We’re dead!
.
*gives up explaining to the living*
Wait a second, I’ve seen that move before. Doesn’t it translate as “so long and thanks for all the fish”?
Recognizing a line from one his favorite books fail.
How did I miss that?
*headdesk*
*goes spelunking into the pile*
Tee hee…!
Where is your helmet sir? Spelunking into a cuddle puddle without a helmet is very foolhardy.
I’ll be okay. I visit the same, special formation every time.
*Snork(els) in the cuddle puddle*
*bottomfeeds in the cuddle puddle*
Sorry about that. Too many tentacles to keep track of.
*dawn’s scuba gear dives under looking at the cuddle puddle reef*
*goes to tell Dawn her scuba gear has escaped again*
*muffled voice*
CAN’T BREATHE I AM STUCK UNDER ALL OF YOUU!
*hands Emp secondary regulator*
Regulator, I need a respirator…
Respirator, you need a dilator.
How about rususcitation?
Who needs a vibrator?
Oh, I pick bachelorette number 2 please the resuscitation one.
*waits for Ms B to start dancing in her birthday suit*
Not gonna happen this week!
*goes to corner to snuggle with a pillow*
*tries to sleep*
You still have your headache?
I get sinus headaches all the time.
Cuddle puddles cure headaches. Give it a try!
I tried but I got goosed by Starfish. I will just wade.
I must be doing it wrong…
*grabs Ms B from behind puts hands around her neck*
*and massages her trapezius muscle from the base of the skull down to the origins of the latisimus dorsi and back up*
*slow pressing thumbs against knots in the muscle*
*leaves Ms B and Jule alone*
*takes number “2″ from counter*
*takes a seat*
*waits for turn*
Ahhhhhh! Much better! Thanks Jules!
No problem, it’s just one of the many things that comes in handy with the wife.
I didn’t know this was going to take off.
-
Who is next?
(Jules’ Pimp)
I beileve Judy is next.
Just relax…
*slowly moves hand frimly down the neck down the spine*
*pressing slightly aganist the knots to they release.*
*works back up the spine, back to the neck*
Just remember to hand over the cash Jules. You will get your 1%.
*raises hand*
Me! I’ve got number 2.
(which translates to)
Ah, that was wonderful, Jules! I feel so relaxed now! Just in time to head home!
Same time, next week?
And here when you said slave I was thinking sex not labor.
Judy you have to check with Leila, appearently she owns me now.
*eyes Judy up and down* Weren’t you just here? Never mind…give me the money.
-
Jules come here *slaps Jules*. You have a customer.
It’s going to be a long night!
Unfortunately. It’s proving to be a very persistent tension headache.
I feel your pain.
The bar officially opens here in Judy’s Juice Joint!
.
*rings cowbell*
And here I have been sitting by the front door to Judy’s joint waiting for a drink.
*scratches behind Jules’ ear*
Good boy.
Do I get a treat? Say an Amaretto Sour?
Here’s a Mimosa.
Ah, Mimosa’ed again.
I don’t even think I’ve had one but I like how it sounds. LOL
*mixes champagne and OJ and hands it to Leila*
Is that all there is?
Yup. Garnish with a piece of orange or a strawberry and you have instant yum!
Simple as that.
*pours a shot of kuhlua tops with whipcream set on shoulder*
Got something else for you.
I’ll take it! Make it double
*sets up another round*
Here’s your Amaretto Sour, Jules. As you requested.
Ah, you’re a life saver. I have been dieing for one.
*smooch*
[Lucy] I got kissed by a dog! Ugh! Dog germs! Somebody get the disinfectant! Get the iodine! [/Lucy]
*runs around with hands in the air a la BFF*
*standing ovation*
Brava…brava!
(It’s safe to bow – Arthur sleeping.)
*bows*
I’m here every afternoon. Try the veal!
*slaps Judy’s butt*
*turns around pretending it wasn’t him*
I saw what you did there, Arthur!!!
Oh, and P.S……
*squeeze*!!!
Last call already?
Judy, I thought bar is always open on Fridays, no?
(I didn’t even know I owned a bar until today!)
I didn’t know Obama was going to be owner of car manufacturers … so we learn something everyday.
He’s not. WE are (USA taxpayers). But they’re not voting shares.
And the lifespan of the average female tsetse fly is 90 to 100 days. How bout that?
Tsetsecles!!
….*crickets*….
Dang. I miss Loz.
:nuetral:
Hormotional Jules?
What can I say my bítch is in heat.
Then go show the bitch who’s top dawg!!!
I am afraid that will have to wait, being at work and all. But as soon as I get home.
Okay, I am hoping to God I didn’t call your wife IRL a bitch.
Don’t worry I do to, only joking/ lovingly.
Hm, I’ll have to go home to my g/f and ask her, “What’s up bitch!”
You said that’s romantic, right?
Be sure to let us know how that goes, okay, Brewski?
No, like at dance lessons last week she stepped on my foot. Then she said it was on purpose for all the time I did it. Then I silently mouth to her a bitch. Our instructor saw it and gave us a weird look and we both started cracking up. We are so silly together.
Are you taking dancing lessons for fun or is there a special occasion?
I used to do it for fun. Swing is a lot of fun. But some instructors suck, so I quit. Nobody good out here.
Oh just for fun. My wife and I start salsa when we were dating. Just kept it going as a hobby. It really helped for our first dance, I’ll see if I can post it on youtube some time.
I am living in entirely the wrong area of the country for dancing.
I keep telling Andrew we should take dance lessons. He keeps resisting. It may take a little while, but I will win.
But, he’s handy Andy, not footy Andy.
Agreed, Admiral!
I smiled.
*smooch!*
*see ya later smooooch!*
*okey-dokey smooch!*
*officially opens bar*
My name is Isaac, your host. What can I get for you little momma?
Oooh! “Isaac”! I feel like I’m on a cruise ship!
One mojito please. Easy on the “mo”!
Coming right up. One mojito, extra jito. I’ll see you at the captians table tonight.
I’ll have a bacardi 8 and coke if you would my good man.
*tips Isaac*
Cranberry vodka for me, please. Happy Friday, Fail-friends!!
Do we have any cheery juice left? If not, I’ll have what’s DW’s having.
*smooch*
*smooch!*
I’ll take a b…
Wait a minute… what was the name of the bartender in “The Shining”?
Ooooh, the Love Boat! I thought the name sounded familiar. I was thinking of “Lloyd”.
Whew! A gin and tonic please, Tanqueray 10 if you have it!
*Throws $20 on counter*
Your money is no good here.
*pulls Tanqueray off the shelf and whips up a gin and tonic*
Here you go my friend.
*gives some groovey 70’s type gesture*
Could you be more specific? There were a lot of, uh…gestures…used in the 70s.
There was also a lot of streaking.
Just sayin’
You of all people should know.
I’m thinking of one like the double pistol (aka Fonzie) with a wink and a clucking sound.
*thumbs up*
ayyyyyyyyyyy
Sit on it!
You’ve seen Happy Days reruns, BondFan?!
I’ve only heard the catchphrase, and I know bits of the theme tune:
“Sunday monday, happy days…”
*slides DW a Cape Cod*
*pours an extra-stiff Bacardi 8 with a hint of coke for Jimbo*
Thanks for the tip.
Just how I like ‘em. Bacardi with a dash of coke for color.
hmmm…. well, I dropped $80 at the local Pub last night. so only if it’s free… and non-alcoholic and is made only of red bull.
The Love Boat is an all inclusive paaaaaartay.
*slides abstract a Bahamma Mamma*
thanks *takes sip* yum
*takes Bahamma Mamma and serves abstract a Mimosa*
Cheers!!!
L – not that I don’t enjoy a good Mimosa from time to time (okay, well, once I did) – but why do you insist everyone have one? Just curious.
I wish I knew. I told Jules I don’t ever remember having one. It sounds good when you say it out loud. Try it!
This is my last official M I M O S A !
Well, give me one before you quit.
*hands Judy the last MIMOSA* Enjoy!!!
lolz, cheers, thanks!
$80 on a Thursday? Chripessssssss
Yeah, and she only had one. That’s why I never say, “This round’s on me, guys.”
I guess when you work seven days a week, ya gotta live like there’s no tomorrow?
Some bars are obscene. $10 for a small well drink in a plastic cup.
Some are awesome too. I know a hole-in-the-wall where they do dollar domestic drafts 24/7. I usually end up carrying someone home when I go there.
One of many reasons I don’t drink. Just give me a diet coke (ideally with free refills) and we’re good.
yeah, I have to be in at 8am tomorrow, so no drinking tonight, but I get out at 5 and am hitting up a party! wooo. I am trying to get everything in order, bills paid off, etc. to quit in August. Then ‘happy Friday’ will mean something to me!
I had 1 margarita $6.25 2 or 3 Buttery N*ppl*s $ 7.00 each 1 shot $4.25 1 shot $4.75 hot wing & fries $10 and then my friend says, oh, i don’t have enough to cover my tab, can i borow some cash……. sure, why not, I just got paid.
Can I borrow some too?
*hands LEILA 1,000,000 internet dollars* now don’t spend it all in one place.
*spends 1,000,000 internet dollars in one place* WHOA!!! That was a rush!!!!!!!!! Almost addicting.
lolz! what did you get?
Behold!!! A thimble. You like?
Come on Abstract! Get the citywide special…PBR and a shot of whiskey for under $5. Goto the hipster bars in North Liberties or West Philly. I get pretty tanked for under 40$. However, I end up feeling like death is at my door the following day…
It is, but you keep refusing to answer it!
He knocks to loudly :/
Here’s an extra ‘o’ Mal.
…and ignore him.
Hey, you did it! Nice, ZA!
Nice avatar!hey, you’re local? nice to know I’mnot the only PA failblogger
I am in PA, but on the other side of the state, around Pittsburgh area.
No kidding? I’ve always wanted to visit out there, so I could check out Fallingwater. I love architecture, and have always wanted to see that house. See some other FLW buildings, but not that one.
*ahem* should read “I have seen some other…”
Fallingwater is nice. I love the first floor, but fount the rest of the house small. I had to duck to get into most rooms.
I’ll have to see if I can post my pictures of it.
Um spelling mistakes are adding up it must be getting toward the end of the day.
Awesome, would love to see them if you find the time. Sounds like I’d have trouble (6′ 4″)
I’m the same height – they built a temporary usonian house in the plaza of our local art museum about a decade ago and it was a tight fit for me. It’s the only way we’d get to experience FLW’s architecture in San Diego…I do recall visiting a number of his floorplans made with Doom 2 and Quake.
.
No, I’m not proud of that.
Please, further define “Pittsburgh area”.
Mount Pleasant, but my parents live in Murrysville.
So everybody on Failblog seems to be from PA or Chicago area? Boy, it’s lonely up here in New England!
I’m a liiiiittle further west.
How far west, B?
Utah. So more than just a little…
I’m in new england too brewski, in Massachusetts.
Yay! *high-fives N/A*
*sigh* Nebraska here.
*high-fives brewski back*
Farther west here than Ms B – Las Vegas, NV.
Anyone else from Minnesota? Cause that's where I'm from!I’m from KIngston, ON.
Los Angeles, and it’s lonely here too.
I’m up in Cambridge MA!
And I’m sitting here in Wheeling.
Wild and wonderful.
No shit.
What’s a girl like you doing paying for drinks?
Girls always pay when they are on GNO (Girls Night Out). That’s when we (me and my girlfriends) do not want to be bothered.
Bar trolls are the only species of troll worse than FB trolls.
*high-fives starfish*
Oops, sorry, I didn’t mean to smack your face!
Starfish has a face?
My mouth is pretty much my face. Not much else to it.
*high fives Judy*
So, you craw around on your face?
Crawl
amen
And they made you pay? Go home tonight and demand that your boyfriend cook you a gourmet dinner, with a nice wine, and candles.
I would drag it for a month or so abstract.
If a fire is discovered in a frat house, would an more effective way of addressing the problem involve gathering all the brothers and having them turn their tinklenators onto the hot spot?
sounds like a plan
“Cuddle puddle” is what happens when a tinklenator is turned on.
Eew! I don’t think so.
You said it!
♪ Come on baby light my fire. ♪
FIRE!
FIRE!
FIRE!
*dials 33333333333*
*shoots blanks*
oh
*removes pants*
*smother flames*
I see my plan worked. *video tapes Jules without pants*
*sigh* It’s not the first time and I doubt it will be the last.
Ah well when in Rome…
*shakes tail for the camera*
Work that money-maker, dog!
What ever you say.
Yesssss!!
I feel so … not-alone now!
You are never alone. Someone is always watching you.
*Eyes dart to and fro*
*feels paranoid*
No! You didn’t see that, did you?? That wasn’t me! That was my body double! And that wasn’t my sheep, I never saw her before!!
*Hands tinfoil hat, dons own tinfoil hat*
Is that right? Then why are BOTH her hind legs stuck inside the boots you’re wearing? Hmmm????? Was that to keep her from escaping or leverage?
LEILA, that’s just…wrong.
ME? Did you see what Brewski did ^^^ there?
I’m not sure, but I believe my body double was shearing it. Why do you ask?
Come on Leila, a sheep needs help getting through the fence every now and again.
Is that what you call it?
♪I always feel like somebody’s watching me. ♫
I can’t believe nobody touched that one, Moomin.
I did … mentally. Haha!!!
I am not touching that one with a moomin sized stick!
♪ You can’t touch this ♪
NHS funding fail. Still, I guess if all your patients die in a fire you don’t need to treat them plus you have an excellent excuse to then just close that hospital.
contingency plan….WIN!!!
Number fail. It’s 0118 999 881 999 119 7253.
You forgot 991.
WHOOPS! 911!!!
AAAAGHH!*frantically dials 911*
“911. What’s the emergency?”
"Theres...I've...wait a minute...Actually where this Hospital is, it’s 999. 911 is the fail emergency number used in the Americas only.
wait isnt that the emergency phone number on the IT Crowd show? I<3 Moss 4 ever!!!
Lawsuit prevention win? or fail?
u guys r funny. i read these comments when i can n i’m always kracking up. keep up the good work.
This is work?
I quit!!!
work is a 4-letter word.
but then, so is laid.
Laid is “dial” backwards. Dial-a-wife?
No thanks. It’s a peaceful easy feeling at the moment.
krakvillun, what’s that name supposed to mean anyway? Are you a bad person (villun) because you smoke crack (krak), or are you a gay enemy of all women?
He prolly don’t like it too much when joe da plumper bends ovah…
they forgot click heels three times then cal 3333
*I lost a l somewhere, don’t step on it*
And a “to”. It’s ok, we have extras.
Please ignore previous statement. I didn’t read your original comment as thoroughly as I should have.
ignored
Holy crap, this is from North Tees Hospital or the Tees Hospice. That’s in my town! Wow, claim to fame for the win!
You might want to go keep an eye on the place for a while – their fire alarm system isn’t working. Thanks.
*suddenly doesn’t feel like being a northerner*
GAH!
*squeeze*
How are you, jam? Have you seen the election results?
*squeeze*
I’m surprised there’s any government left to be honest. I’ve lost count of the resignations now.
Hee! By the end of the week, it’ll be goodbye PM Brown, hello PM Cameron.
Damn! I so wanted to see you eat your shoes. You thought I forgot that promise, didn’t you??
I was actually thinking about that oath this morning. I think I can safely say I won’t taste leather this week.
Nah! He’ll hang on by the skin of his teeth. He’s power crazy and the Cons didn’t do as well as they thought.
This is looking like a modern day re-enactment of “Julius Caesar”. I can see all the Cabinet members stabbing him, then at the end, Ed Balls delivers the fatal blow. “Et tu, Balls?”
What? Two balls?
I thought that was normal.
*doesn’t know much about parliamentary processes*
Don’t they need ~70 votes of no confidence for that? Not gonna happen.
Awww…But still, it is quite fun to see bits drop off his Cabinet.
HAHA! Bits drop off… however, it’s more like an MFI home build; it never fit properly to begin with.
Or something from Harrods: Really expensive, but completely useless.
I always wanted a grand piano from there but it was a tad out of my price range at £80,000.
*winces*
Maybe you could have claimed for expenses?
Was this written by Maurice Moss?
you mean the “Moss”
Hey hehateme. I think I might know you. Are you a Whitesox fan by any chance?
Whoa! Did FB just add another nesting level?
They accidentally the whole fire alarm. What should they do?
They should fill in the blank. Like this:
“They accidentally __________ the whole fire alarm.”
GOOSED
“They accidentally _burned_ the whole fire alarm”
How is this a fail? whoever made this isnt too smart…
I think you just answered your own question.
If you idiot proof something someone will always develop a better idiot.
YOU ALL HAVE FAILED AS HUMAN BEINGS!
I THOUGHT YOU D I CKS AND BI TCHES WOULD WANT TO KNOW THAT!
I HOPE YOU DIE LIKE DOGS!
I’M GOING TO GO RIDE MY MOPED,NOW!
YOU’RE ALL DILDO-LICKERS!
Hello BaronVon Jerfoff!
Yay! You’re back!
*squeeze*
I knew you needed friends!
It’s true……I’m,oh so lonely.
School sucks and yelling at strangers is all I have in this world.
Thanks,thanks to all you bastards…….for being my best friends.
NOW F U C K OFF AND DIE!!!!!!!
Don’t get any on your mother’s china, dud. That’ll set off the fire alarm.
Why would anyone lick a dildo? That’s just gross!
What if it were covered in … chocolate sauce?
Ooo, what happens if it were made of chocolate?
Noooo it would be like that commercial where the scary grinning guy made of chocolate gets eaten by people!
I loooove that commercial! It cracks me up.
*covers eyes*
Mommy is it over yet?
What kind of chocolate? Wait a minute…EW! No! It’s still a freaking dildo. No licking!!!!
Lindt chocolate! Resist it now!
You don’t have to tell me again.
Okay I surrender!
*hoists white flag*
Because they taste like love……or cheap sex.
cough
AAAAAH!!! SWINE FLU!!! EVERYONE, SAVE YOURSELVES!!!
*runs shrieking out of room*
Ah, that is definitely the BondFan we know and love.
Aw, shucks…
BFF, you made me *snork!*
Really? I’m honoured.
Right on cue!
How’d you do that, Jules???
♪ Do you believe in magic ♪
I will show you magic!
Feast your eyes on this!!!!!
*shows Jules THIS*
*sneaks away*
So pretty, can I touch?
NO! *smacks Jules*
Magic? What magic? Lemme see! Lemme see Lemme-
*keels over*
You haven’t even seen it yet.
Must be the placebo effect.
Wow. Well…ok. Whatever works.
*wimpes*
*backs away*
Wimpe!
I resemble that.
Lol, when I read the “FIRE FIRE FIRE” part on that sign I can’t help but picture the heavy soldier from team fortress 2 screaming that
or the little Simms animation when they try to learn how to cook.
umm, 385th?
397th?
*blasts sylarvic with cannon*
*watches in awe* Woooow!!!!!
Ok lets not get trigger happy. Ignoring is still our policy.
You don’t like the effects of a good cannon blast Emperor?
Sometimes there are pretty colors when a troll blows up.
Oh I am fully aware, but lately troll slaying, (the actual action of it rather than such a wise comment to combat them,) has gotten irritating. A familiar picture comes to mind of a slayer. Well I would just like to see them beaten with logic, if possible. That’s my 0.02$ or 0.02¢.
It's kinda fun tho...445
Hey guys, what’s cookin’?
It’s the X-Phile! Good day too you.
Good day to you, ma’am.
*tips hat*
I think Failblog’s survey must have caused their advertisers to change their approach. Instead of the girl in hotpants with the tight “ROWR” shirt, or the girl with the “It’s Great to be White”, they have a brunette with glasses in a “Don’t Drink and Derive” shirt! Nerd humor. I’m not sure if I’m happy or disappointed?
I guess that would depend on whether or not you’re a nerd. Maybe nerds don’t like girls in hotpants. I know a good pocket protector gets my juices flowing faster than…um, something that goes really fast.
X-phile there is an really nice pocket protector at the Perpetual Kid webstore. As for the girl in hotpants…i was kind of tired of seeing her. And the girl with sunglasses, with her mouth open. Put some Antonio Banderas up there. Sheesh.
Ya gotta like “Bacon makes everything better”!
I love it when you guys talk about the ads. I never see them, so it’s fun to hear you describe them.
Squish me!
Hug them! Hug them now!
Context, people!! Gimme a little context, please?? :p
Sorry; there was some kind of furry blob which simply said “Squish me! Squisables” I thought it’d be naughty to just say “Squish me” and run away!
*grins impishly*
*snork*
Such a goof.
ONCE AGAIN, FAILBLOG FAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PATHETIC.
*loads bazooka*
May I?
Need help aiming?
Please.
*aims*
*fires*
Missed!
.
What did I hit?
*pulls shell out of butt*
Ahem, this yours?
Sorry. I’ll try again.
*fires*
*shell returns*
AAAH!!! RUN!!! RUN!!!
*sprints*
No, that’s okay Agent Smith. They’re replicating so fast you won’t be able to keep up anyway. It’s a virus that has infected the Failblog matrix.
*checks floating green numbers and letters*
Oh my god, this is a disaster!
Fire alarm system out of order… In case of fire, EVERY MAN FOR THEMSELVES!
What about ladies?
Ah let the men have themselves…we don’t really need ‘em.
I do!
Although; if they..ahem..’have’ themselves, it’ll mean less competition!
I MEANT we don’t need ‘em to save ourselves!
Silly goose.
i can just picture ricky gervais doign this in a sarcastic voice for the office….
if only they came back
I like horses.
*hands over “Random Comment of the Day” award*
How many kevlar-plated horses would be necessary to storm Fort Knox? And if we got enough how long would it take 1,004 gophers to dig a tunnel big enough to fit them all in?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
I think we have just entered the Matrix.
Nah, it’s just pi!
Easy as pi!Damn Straight!
There is an error in digit # 37911.
Really? Damn!
You have GOT to be kidding me...GV has rounding issues.
I used to be such a well rounded person too! My life just hasn’t added up the way I expected it to!
As long as you divide work and play evenly, it should still be enjoyable.
Argh! I need sleep! Sorry, no more mathematical puns four me, I need my bed. Lack of sleep has been the root of my problems all day.
Sleep is an integral part of the day.
You need to factor in dinnertime, too.
The commutative nature some work arrangements consumes a large part of the day.
You’re right, rest is only a fraction of the equation.
An irrational fear is causing me to drop “of” from my sentences subconsciously.
I’m sure the fear is imaginary.
*snorkity*
Prepophobia?
Dammit…I broke the pun-run. They’re so variable that I lose track of them!
That’s the position I have found myself in.
You didn’t mean it. We’ve restored the chain rule of puns with minimal effort.
Is that a figure of speech?
%(^&$! Two moderations! I give up.
It was about i m a g i n a r y numbers…wasn’t it?
Did it go through? My screen still says “awaiting moderation”.
Or is the combination of those five letters?
Nope. But that word and any iteration thereof gets caught in the filter, and the posts never come through.
Odd.
That filter rule is proving to be very limiting.
The first four letters in order is all that is required to be caught.
Since we’re talking, what is your avatar? It looks to me like Dumbo doing a facepalm.
*snork*
It’s my dragon tattoo. Clickie my name to see the pic full-size.
The correlation of her avatar to her name will be explained if you follow her clickie.
Pun-run breakers.
Wow, that makes so much more sense now. What are the colored balls? Are they glued on?
*SNORKROFFLE!*
Noooo…they are tattooed on, in ink! They’re gems.
(Back to normal clickie.)
That’s really cool. They looked 3-D to me. Very realistic. All this time, I never saw that as a dragon, and now I can’t see Dumbo anymore.
Thanks. I designed it, and I absolutely love it.
*looks apologetically at the Admiral*
Sowwy, sweetie. Lemma make it up to you.
Well…I was looking forward to a convergent sequence.
The feeling is most definitely reciprocal.
Does this strike a chord?
Secant you shall find…
*identifies familiar inflection points in dark*
Was there more or did Failblog stop it there?
One of mine is awaiting moderation. It has nothing that could be even remotely described as slightly off-color in it.
Clickie for a lovely song.
Happy tomorrow, BFF! Or AS
GV, you need an award of some sort for the effort put into that monstrosity above.
Somehow, I get the feeling it was copy-and-pasted.You’d be right! *sarcasm* However did you guess?
That’s still more effort than I would have put into it.
I like pi, now a major motion picture!
Oh, wait, no, upon closer inspection it really is pi.
*facepalm*
I thought you were still going with the Matrix thing.
I don’t know what’s worse – that the fire alarm is out of order, or that they feel their employees need step-by-step instructions for yelling “FIRE”.
Seriously, if you need instructions on how to yell “fire”. . . burn.
….. ._.;;
I agree, but it’s their duty to do so. But what I don’t understand is what’s funny about this. This is backup method of fire alert almost everywhere, you can read this in every fire alert directive (don’t know exactly, how do you call this in english).
Unfortunately, people are that stupid that they wouldn’t know what to do without the sign to give them instructions.
But it’s not just the stupid people who would burn it’s everyone in the hospital.
So, this is a WIN.
OOOhhh! My first “awaiting moderation”. Perhaps I’ve touched a nerve!
“I appear to have burst into flames.”
lol
LMAO! The paper is covering the word “hospital”! Hospital safety fail!
Wow, print some crap and stick it over a sign, take a pic of it, post it here, woooow
Still not as bad as the fire alarm box that locks your hand inside…
are you held liable if you DON’T yell “fire fire fire”
i bet this was in a public school
http://eatabigone.wordpress.com/
Actually, for those who are still reading this ridiculously long thread…
This is a standard alarm signal for the military. You don’t always have the luxury of having an actual fire alarm in place, and sometimes it doesn’t work — and even then you should still scream FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! then pull the alarm.
It also works for chem warfare: GAS! GAS! GAS! (everybody dives and grabs their gas masks)
So yes, this is a THINKING AHEAD TO SAVE LIVES INSTEAD OF SITTING ON YOUR DUMB ASS NOT CARING WIN.
Just sayin’
wow – that’s from “… Tees Hospital”…. at a guess, it must be North Tees Hospital…. which I am currently sat about 100 metres from!
Anyone can type a paper and stick it to a fire alarm.
For real.
A fire alarm in a hospital is not like a fire alarm in a school. When there’s a fire in a hospital, you don’t leave (too many sick people)– so what do you do? You put the fire out.
“Fire Fire Fire” gets you help doing that, and calling 3333 (the in-house emergency number) gets firefighters coming.
Oh my Gerard! Really!? Shouting “FIRE FIRE FIRE” will alert people about the fire!!??
In Europe and the UK there will be interesting changes for both private security and national security – we all await more information, interesting times!
3333 Is the Australian/New Zealand number I think
:S
Actually, on the job, I have seen similar.
I do work for a fire alarm company in Houston.
They might have put that there to upset the the inspection technicians who should be monitoring their system and should be there as soon as there is an error. This is a riot, love the picture.