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Cheezburger Network Blog
Damn and I hoped for the Greek one.
I’ll take one lamb gyro.
Gyro pita?
Man I’m hungry.
Mmmmmm… tzatziki!
*looks up hopefully*
Someone has food?
I’m planning a picnic at the bandshell tonight, tzatziki is on the menu. Among other things.
Greek food is great.
Anyone for some Mousakka and Humus?
Feta change your avatar back BFF. I can’t recognise you now.
Sorry, jam. It’s supposed to be Big Ben exploding. I’ll change it as soon as I can.
Yemista be joking! I was only kidding.
*squeeze*
There’s not a whole lot I can do with greek food puns here, Jam. Just hand me some baklava and I’ll be happy. Make that “all” the baklava, thank you.
Ah, I Brie what you did there, Jam.
*hands over baklava*
Whatcha going to do with that? Pre’tentura burglar?
*steals Judy’s Baklava and runs away* i’m going to eat it all and be sooooooooo sick!
You should wear a balaklava when you steal baklavas or someone will recognise you!
Ouzo we’re giving up on the Greek food puns already?
BREAKER.
I’d like to get olive us back on track and apologise for that interruption.
It’s a gouda thing he didn’t change his name too!
He should Munster up the courage for change!
Spanakopita: Someone who annoyingly points out that a pun-run has spawned an overused motif and tries to spinach around.
That definition couldn’t have bean more on target, Admiral!
Excuse me, but I phillo to see what the overused motif is. Is it the cheese, or the pun-run itself?
I heard it through the grapevine that we should leave the cheese out of the recipe.
We tried, but gigeoxy wouldn’t lettuce.
In that case I will do my borscht to reduce the cheese, though I love it so!
I don’t care a fig about the cheese, but if you guys are having Greek food I exhorta you to pass it this way!
Will you do me a fava and send it to me when you’re done?
It might take more thyme than you’d expect.
Why, does Dragonwriter have a gigantes appetite?
Because *FOOOOOOM!!*ing burns a lot of calories.
A fat dragon is a fakes dragon.
Yogurt a lot of nerve asking that about my honey.
Aw…c’mon, Admiral. Smile for me and let’s see those diples.
You always give me such delight. Loukoumi face now.
I haz Cheezburger
a PETA gyro? I’m in for that!
Any chance I get to eat a member of PETA is one I simply can’t pass up. Count me in!
*chops up Tom into bite-sized pieces*
*sautes bits of Tom in extra-virgin olive oil*
*Tosses in olives, anchovies and peppercorns*
*pours mixture into gyro shell*
One PETA gyro, coming up!
Can I get tomato and onion on that as well?
That’ll cost extra…
People Eating Terrible Animals?
TASTY animals! People Eating TASTY Animals!
Yipper.
Founding member right here
I’m a member! At least when I’m not pregnant…
Same here
Sooooo glad you cleared that up WN!
So, where’s Leila anyway?
I don’t get it.. WN gets pregnant???
Tasty … tasty … got it. Sorry, I’ve been in a terrible mood today.
.
*appears more like old self, except covered in more dried blood and gore than usual*
i work at pita pit i’ll make you a gyro pita!
best fail ever
The video is a LIE!!
Women are always right.
Well, no, but we’re rarely wrong.
Since there is no objective right or wrong most of the time, chances are that’s correct.
I knew you’d understand!
Indeed, it’s all in the fine print
Oops wrong contract, see this one has no fine print.
*hands emp an electron microscope* Here, try this.
I’d say Chez is right about this one.
hot damn! i see spilled hot sauce!
Is it crunchy?
I’m not disagreeing, just making a remark on how I wish there never was any fine print.
In life, it’s nothing but fine print. That’s all.
Cheesy time, if all print was as fine as you, I wouldn’t mind it. Hee.
*snork*
*rolls eyes*
The cheese pun-run is up a thread.
Oh you just reminded me. Similar situation, I can be suave at times, so I usually just lay out the compliments to my female co-workers. Innocent stuff, you know. Well yesterday one of them admitted she loved working with me because I made her ego so big. Plus side, she is very pretty.
I think it’s a bit runnier than you like it…
Nah, shes got 10 years on me, a kid and a husband, territory I have a mental block against. If a girl is taken, I put the blinders on, as I would appreciate other guys doing the same.
Suave: soapy compliments?
As long as it’s only a bit suave. Don’t want the bubbles frothing everywhere.
Frothing bubbles is no deter(g)ent!
I’m going to start calling Emp “Mr. Collins”.
“You may imagine, Sir, how happy I am on every occasion to offer those little delicate compliments which are always acceptable to ladies.”
Stoopit moderation filter. Trying again.
Frothing bubbles is no deter(g)ent!
I’m going to start calling Emp “Mr. Collins”.
“You may i m a g i n e, Sir, how happy I am on every occasion to offer those little delicate compliments which are always acceptable to ladies.”
What on earth are you saying, Dragonwriter? I’m butchering and cooking a human being up there for consumption by other human beings, and your comments are being moderated?
*glances at DW*
No admiral, the kind of compliments that make most groan. She asks how are you, I say good now that you are here.
Judy, apparently quoting from “Pride and Prejudice” will get you in trouble here.
*snorks @ Admiral*
That darn i-bomb gets me a lot!
Color me clueless on that one.
And what is with the insult DW?
You know, you don’t get a second chance to make First Impressions.
Well that explains nothing for me… Just give it to me straight doctor, I can’t take any more of this shtick. (Clickie)
Admiral, your Emma definitely recognizes your powers of Persuasion…
Ok, guess this is just one of those times.
*le sigh*
I Sense a Collection of Letters has honed our Sensibility and understanding.
Indeed! Who says that writing great novels is merely a Man’s Field, or a walk in the Park?
I’ll take the book of love for 200 Alex ^^^.
Sadly in this world simplicity is in the mind of the beholder emp. Not that I don’t wish it were otherwise, but I must bow to evidence in this case.
Yea, we can never have it our way. I am just going to sulk now.
:cries: 
*Can’t believe no one caught the veiled insult which was NOT meant for emp*
Its ok, I still have a jobif you are up to it.
What job would that be?
Aww, you missed it i think. Jobiff was the silly simple minded poster whom I thought you were referencing.
*is very curious as to why that word, that PARTICULAR word would be flagged*
Emp, I’m still trying to figure out what jobiff was trying to say.
And Chez, I sincerely hope you weren’t insulting Dragon or Admiral.
*still clueless as to what’s going on*
Was it me?
Must. Stop. Using. The. I. Word!
*smacks self*
*waits for moderated comment to show up*
Certainly not, there’s very few people here whom that insult applies to. More a general population sort of thing.
See closest above comment. I do not see why that word should be flagged.
I think he was saying something about how he enjoys wasting opportunities to talk to pretty women. Especially with stories about spills and his pants. I would have said that Chez is right, once again confirming that you and all women are almost always right. I leave room for error, more commonly known as purposeful loses by women so men still think they are useful.
The I word gets flagged because with html it can be used as a keyword. Now because maybe they didn’t protect acceptable lengths and heights in the i m a g e s ’s properties I could break word wrap with some code. This would be a no-no and could put replying or commenting in general out of commission for a long time. That or they would have to wipe the entire thread. I m a g i n e me putting a splash p i c t u r e that would take up the whole screen. With some more code, i could get it to follow you as you scroll. Meaning no more posting.
Seen it done before, ruined some forums for a while till they wisened up. “And now you know.”
I am not sure what I just witnessed.
Is it any better with sound?
Yeah. This is one you need the sound for. The news caster says something about good news some athlete moving his arms and legs (the video matches alarmingly well) and then says that this is not the right video.
Oh!! Thanks Avis. That does make a more sense.
Going to Millennium Park anytime soon? There is a free concert tonight!
I am hoping to get up there some where around the 4th of July. I have to take my wife to see the taste.
You should go for the free concerts at the Pritzker Pavilion. You can bring a picnic and enjoy the symphony (the acoustics are amazing and so is the setting).
Sounds like a good time. We only manage to get into the city a few times a year. It’s not very far geographically, but seems like a million miles away out here in the burbs.
I recommend a warmer day anyway. If it doesn’t warm up, I may not even go!
Yeah, it’s like 6-10 degrees cooler by the lake huh? Not a bad thing when the rest of Cook county is in the 90’s though.
It sucks in February though.
What about your picnic?
It may get changed to stir-fry in the nice warm(er) apartment. I can go next week and see a completely different performance. My goal is to not get sick. It’s only about 50 F here right now.
We got you beat by about ten degrees. Helluva way to start June, ain’t it!
Same here, Judy. We had a series of crashing thunderstorms last night, and now it’s very chilly!
Great, that means the storms are on their way HERE.
Same here, just had a lot of storms. Now it’s 50 degrees. ;(
Ditto. 50 here now, too.
uh, finally some comments actually r e l a t e d to the video?
I’d say yes! The reporter is talking about someone I’m assuming is recovering from some injury or illness and says so-and-so managed to “move his arms and legs” just as the guy in the wheelchair flails his arms and falls.
whoops. Ignore this comment.
Thanks anyway.
I did refresh, I swear!
S’ok, some people are just faster typers than others.
Thing is, it is Everett in the video, well from what I can tell, either that or a good look alike. Have no idea why the cops want to beat him down.
Wow dude. You must go up to black people all the time and ask for Will Smith’s autograph.
Its really embarrassing.
Googled Everett, doesn’t look like him, scratch my Evertt comment.
*scratches comment*
*goes to chinese retsaurant* “is that Pat Morita?
Not, but I swear I just saw Freddie Prinze in Taco Bell! No, really! Yes!! I know he’s dead! Why do you think I’m so excited!
I saw Elvis in Vegas! He’s alive!
Elvis IS alive. He lives in a cabin in the woods with Tupac, Sunny Bono, and Big Foot. Oh, and Robert Goulet.
Does Abe Vigoda live there too?
No way. Everybody knows that Bigfoot said he’d never live with Robert Goulet. What with him crawling on the ceiling every day at 3:00 messing up his stuff.
Typical living folk, you see dead people and assume they’re living just because they’re moving around.
Good afternoon, my dead friend.
*does a double take, which is quite noticeable with dead people*
Greetings!
*makes weird gestures and noises, tripping over what to say next*
uh … um … gah … duh … pththt … uh … I’m not used to living folk not running in fear of me and not sure what to say.
.
High? Wait, I mean hi … I think? Greetings! Oh, I already said that, didn’t I. How’s life treating you?
Great! How’s death treating you?
Aw, c’mon – Robert Goulet? Crawling on the ceiling? 3:00? Messing with your stuff? EMERALD NUTS? Did no one get it? I LOVE that commercial! \\\\\\
*sigh*
*blinks*
*has no idea what Judy is talking about, but decides to humo(u)r her anyway*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!
Brilliant!
Please search for ‘Robert Goulet commercial’ on Youtube. It’s hilarious!
Judy, it’s a fantastic commercial! But you have to watch TV to get the joke.
Judy, I found it.
….*SNORK!!*…
In all seriousness, what was that even about?
guy in wheelchair, kicks pretty well for someone who can’t walk.
This is a moment of pure wtf-ness.
It was the wrong video, but it still matched up really well.
He sure did move his arms and legs!
Praise the Lord…it’s a miracle!!!!
He must be a quaker.
Everyone stand under doorjambs!
I thought you were supposed to sit in the bathtub?
No, no! That’s during a thunderstorm.
Huh? I thought you were supposed to go to an enclosed room in the lowest part of your house during a thunderstorm?
Bathtubs are safe places during both tornadoes and earthquakes. All the plumbing makes for stability. So they say.
Of course that means that the bathtub in question must be IN a bathroom and connected to said plumbing.
Guess that means the one in the neighbor’s front yard is not an option…..darn.
Ahem, I must add something here. That doorjam thing is wront, Wrong, WRONG! Unless you like getting hit by a 30mph door, that is the wrong place to be. You get down NEXT TO a very strong piece of furniture, like a piano. Under the desk will get you killed. Do NOT run outside, get the hell out of the kitchen and get away from the windows. This is for quakes.
Here in L.A. many of the kitchen cabinets have latches on them because plates and cups can become deadly projectiles. During the Northridge quake my upstairs neighbor was nearly killed by a flying TV. No joke there. It flew clear across the room.
I know a snork is out of place here but… *SNORK*!
Seriously, most of the safety advice is sound, just think about the area of your home that has THE MOST structure around it. Be it studs, plumbing, or otherwise.
My cousins neighbor had to replace their bathroom after a thunderstorm. Lightening struck the plumbing, toilet exploded.
The old throw the fake cripple down the stairs trick….or some variation.
I like the fling the fake cripple from a 10 story building trick.
Thats like drowning a witch, no matter if you pass or fail…you always fail.
I see you point. I may need to rethink the cripple catapult.
I really want to say mean things here, but that would simply be too troll-like. I didn’t bring my A-game today, I don’t know if I can walk that fine line.
Oo…new chair, Jules! Very interesting!
*sits in chair*
Hey, what’s this little lever fooOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo…..!!!
Don’t you have wings?
She does, but when she gets too excited things tend to get burned up.
I’d stand back if I were you…
*gives WN a long suffering look*
Really?
*gives Avis a short (but amazingly cute) suffering glance*
Yep. It’s true.
*throws hands up in exasparation*
*grabs Avis’s hands and dances around madly*
*wings way back to thread*
That was more fun than a wheeeeeechiair!!
Just like the time Mike Brady dropped his briefcase in court to prove that the guy in the neck brace (who turned quickly, startled at the sound, and obviously not injured) was faking his injury?
….Brady Bunch reference, case you didn’t figger that out!
first! oh wait.. nope
Zombie! Zombie! Dinner time!! Come and get it!
*rings dinner bell*
Oooh, Zombiiiee…choooow tiiime!
If we keep feeding him this brainless trolls he is going to starve!
Well he is already dead…
How did I not think that through?
*facepalm*
*staggers in, late as usual because time means nothing to the dead*
*hears bells, feels confused*
*sees people pointing to mike*
*gets the idea*
*savagely attacks mike, ripping his skull wide open with his teeth, or what’s left of them*
*ferociously feasts on the gooey insides of mikes skull*
*staggers off, covered in gore, wondering if he just became a sort of gory pet of violence*
*curses the living*
ZA, there’s another specimen named Sculptor you may find tasty. He’s waaaayy down there. ↓
Another frivolous lawsuit bites the dust.
His invalid arguments were dismissed.
I’d say he crippled his own case there.
He couldn’t take being challenged in court.
Well, it is a special case.
If he was more patient he would have had a chance.
We need a crutch for our hobbled health-care system.
An infusion of money too.
yeah, maybe Obama can conjur up some more from the treasury / my kids’ future.
He was handicapped by his own negligence.
Is zimmer gonna get the chair for it?
That would be a lame verdict.
The lawyer was limping along without help from a paralegal; they could have used another paralyzed looking at the case.
haha wat grappig
That was not the right comment by the way; that was not the right comment.
Angkor Wat?
)
(because you know it’s the only one
Very drol.
yeah, that fits!
I know the pieces fit ’cause I watched them fall away…
To bring the pieces back together, Rediscover communication.
Starfish is my new best friend…FOR LIFE!
You know it!!! Thanks for a kick ass earworm.
Damnit, what the hell? Somehow I had avoided getting an earworm all day long, even though I was half asleep. I’ll have to take some drastic measures to get rid of this one. Do you hate me?
*begins to pound head on table*
*knocks self unconscious*
We’ll Jimbo, You’re the only one who can hold your head up high…
I’ve a suggestion to keep you all occupied.
Learn to swim.
You must have been high.
Good thing we stopped you when we did, you could of broke that table Right in Two.
*missed it, still unconscious*
*taps foot, one eyebrow raised*
Ahem…..
It’s funny because he got it right in the comment above it!
So you KNOW he knows the right way! He’s just stubborn! Them 2thFairies are all like that.
Didn’t know “comment” was a body part.
*mini-snork*
*hangs head* *holds out hand*
See? That’s the reason why you keep getting scolded by Judy and Dragon!
(What’s the reason why I keep saying that, since I seem to be the only one annoyed by “reason why”?)
WTH did you just say?
Reason why! Reason why! AAAAARRRGH!
*headdesk headdesk headdesk*
Brew, there must be a reason why you would choose to hurt yourself over something on the internet. Please share, perhaps we can help.
There there, Brewski…
*pat pat pat*
*sits curled up in a ball in corner, muttering*
reason I would choose…
reason I would choose…
reason I would choose…
I would choose madness personally.
Really, Brewski? “Reason why”? That bothers you? I just don’t understand why people get so hung up on proper grammar that one harmless little phrase would get them so upset. Just go with the flow, babe! Ease on down the road! Drift over the hills and valleys of our delightful language!
You know, Judy, you’re right. I never should of gotten so upset.
*cries*
Should have! Ha I found it.
That’s ok, Brewsk. I give up. Live and let live. The only reason why I let it bother me is because…oh, never mind. I couldn’t of explained it right, anyway. Here, have a cookie!
*long, plaintive slow-motion ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!’, a la every cheesy movie ever made*
*collapses*
Couldn’t have!, you guys are killing dragon.
This feels like a scene from “Invasion of the Grammatical Body Snatchers”.
*rolls eye back in head*
*points finger at dragon*
*lets out low gutteral scream*
Hmm…how serious is this? I happen to have a lemon drop right here.
*gets on knees, leans over real close, holds breath, carefully tries to balance lemon drop on DW’s nose*
Brewski, you literally made me rofl. How do you do it?
I wonder how long DW can hold that lemon drop on her nose. I am betting… 5 seconds with AA around.
*cracks open an eyelid*
*sneaks a lemon drop from the Admiral’s pocket and pops it in mouth while everyone’s looking the other way*
*hastily closes eye and keeps still*
Darn, this won’t stay put…
*licks lemon drop, sticks it to Dragon’s nose*
*reaches into pocket for last lemon drop…*
Hey!
Aw, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize it was your last one. Here…you can have it.
*smooooooch*
Thanks, sweetie! Uh…
(taps at own nose)
Woops.
*plucks lemon drop from nose and pops it into mouth*
Yummmmm….
Seriously, being on this site for the last year has greatly improved my spelling/grammer. It’s nice to have met such wonderful “edumicated” people.
I wish I could have met ya’ll sooner.
*grabs red pen*
Hmm, misspelled “grammar”…misspelled “educated”… incorrect contraction of “y’all”…
*marks “C+” on post*
Dude, I don’t want you as a teacher. You’re mean.
*double checks post for grammatical mistakes*
D’OH! I deserve at least a B- as “edumicated” was on purpose thus the “”.
That was really annoying, wasn’t it?
Sorry B2th!
*hands B2th a grammatically flawless beer*
mmmmmmm, flawless beer…my favorite!
PS: I think it’s spelled “edumacated”.
now my misspellings are misspelled?
*headdesk,headdesk,headdesk*
Got any more of that beer? I could go for some.
Only if you post that pic of you falling off the boat.
:p
Yes!!! WE WANT PICTURES!!
Did you wrestle any Maine lobsters?
You probably drove within a mile of my house.
I went up route 1 into the Portland area. I didn’t get to wrestle the lobster. I was too busy trying to eat him.
I will post the pics on my website as soon as I work out a few kinks in it. Trying to do 3 of them at a time is tiring. Clicky for the link. It will be up soon I promise.
Cool. Yes you went by my house. NE Mass, just off I-95.
Nice css skills aiki.
Thanks Emperor. It is still largely a work in progress and I can’t claim all the credit to it. There has been lots of help and input from others.
@ Brewski – Too bad I didn’t know… coulda grabbed a beer!
*puts cookie in hand*
We’ll try this tactic to teaching method. You’ll get rewarded whenever you say it correctly. Deal?
Deal!
You’re tools.
*doesn’t wait for the dinner bell*
*rips Pirx’s head open and feasts on the goo inside*
*staggers off, leaving an awful gory mess behind*
Aw shoot! He got one that wasn’t a troll. Who was supposed to be following Zombie with the emergency kit?
Oh, what a mess! And…what happened to my best clone?
*finds it strange that noone caught the reference to Starfish’s and Blue2thfairy’s quotes from the Tool song Schism*
Oops! That was me, sorry!
Okay, ZA *holds out ShamWow* – spit!
*runs over to Pirx and deposits brainy-goo back inside head*
*superglues™ skull back together*
*sews skin over skull*
Uh, I don’t know what to do about the hair, though.
Oh, uh, here’s your clone, Pirx. I did what I could with it. Hope you have some extra hair lying around.
Thanks, Judy. And about the hair…I think fleece will do it.
*shears angora rabbit*
*might feel remorseful, if he still felt anything*
*puts on his best ‘I might be dead, but I did not mean that’ look*
Sorry. Zombies all have issues with self control, I’m no exception. Hope you’re clone is alright.
*hopes that worked, as living lynch mobs can be pretty tough to deal with*
Hold on this is really important, replay that video i think i see someone i know……..is that Donovan Mcnab?
that was alarming.
Allegedly, it’s the wrong footage.
Someone in IT is getting the finger for this.
I think they are gonna fire his ass.
Careful, or you’ll get a fist sandwich.
I can digit.
You know the pen is mighter right?
Eye can’t believe you just said that
Face it I am a sick puppy.
Your nose does feel a bit warm.
I have an eary feeling that isn’t his nose.
not when you have a vagina…wait…did I just type that out loud?
Yeah you just typed it out and clit the reply button.
*jaw drops in shock*
OMG. (clicky) ROFL!!!! NSFW
*roffles*
Pink taco? That’s quite original.
Raah I just lost all my tooth enamel.
He has some cheek doesn’t he? hehe
*bowels*
I thought you would like that shocker.
Of course! Everyone kneeds a laugh now an again.
Well it’s a good thing I am nuts.
Yes it is butt let’s give the nut puns a wrist for one day. I don’t think the bloggers could handle two legs of this game.
*thigh*
Didn’t you get enough of the male reproduction puns earlier? Eye cum back 6 hours later, and you’re still at it.
Yeah I guess I need to get my brain out of the gutter.
*thigh*
…Thorry about the lithp, everyone, but I bit my thongue earlier and it’th all thwollen.
*hands DW some ice*
Hopefully this will appendix the pain.
When it’s all better, Dragonwriter, could you ex-spleen how you bit your tongue?
I wath cutting firewood and I had a thor-ax hand, and my hand thlipped and jarred my jaw and I bit my thongue.
*thowly wakth fwom being thtunned*
My mowf muf haf been open a long time.
Here, you two – popsicles will help with both the swellling and the dry mouth. Enjoy!
Oooo! Popsicle!
*squeeze*
*squeeze*
*slurp!*
Well, keep us a-breast of the situation.
I’ll try to remember, but I have a terrible mammary.
Most of us hope to never have to be re-membered.
theres no IT guys at local TV stations… just recent communications major graduates, most likely still hung over and not even realizing theyre only being paid $8/hour.
I think he had a leg up on them even though they were armed.
It’s gonna cost an arm and a leg for a lawyer to get out of this one!
He doesn’t have the heart for litigation.
He seems to be a spineless coward.
The guy did move hand(ily).
(I can’t get bold type for some reason)
He better de(liver) a good explanation for that.
I’ll back you on that one.
Unless you think it’s entrapment. According to State statute 13 appendix 1a.
I’m tired of being the butt of your jokes JUDY!
Easy there, that’s just some harmless ribbing.
Some people just have a hard time stomaching that.
*thinks about a pun with “small intestine”*
I fear it will take lung to find one.
If you think of one, can we have joint custody of it?
I don’t want to seem cheeky, but I think I’m just waisting my time with these puns.
You mean you don’t have a tongue of them hanging around within easy reach?
I don’t really have any more of the bladder ones.
Was that “better” or “badder,” because I thigh-nk that was ambiguous.
Of course, I am nut suggesting that “badder” is a word.
That was very heartfelt, I can tell.
Sorry, B2F, come on over here anus can share some cookies.
Ohhh….cookies! Just the thing I need when I’m bummed.
You were a little more testee than bummed.
Yeah, but I really had a ball.
You must be related to another guy on this blog. Are you in the family Jules?
That’s because you are nuts.
Guess he couldn’t stand it anymore.
No no, he could stand all along, he just couldn’t sit it anymore.
I’m in another lame youtube vid. Get me out of here!
in case anyone was wondering, the football player that they are supposed to be talking about was paralyzed, i think from the neck down. it was a pretty big deal that he was able to move his arms and legs as no one was sure he’d be able to do that again.
and then they kicked the sh*t out of him?
That was not the right video for the news story, and that fool in the wheelchair was not everett.
how do you know it wasnt the right video?
Because. The. Newscaster. Said. So.
I thought that was a relatively adroit comeback, personally. I’d have been speechless.
If nothing else, it eats the heck out of “What the f*** are you doing?” lady.
Er, make that BEATS. (X_X)
For anyone who cares, that one was genuinely unintentional.
I just thought it was some crazy new lingo the kids use these days.
Neh, it’s more of a cunning lingo than a crazy new one.
(That iteration actually was intentional.)
…Can something be contrivedly unintentional?
*ponders*
Ever since you posted this I’ve been considering it. My head hurts now.
Kind of like the age-old “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” conundrum.
I know! Me, too!
Mwuaahahahahahaaaaa….
You did that on purpose???
Of COURSE she did! That’s one of the coolest things about her. She makes you THINK!
What is one of the comments contrived to power a Failblog video was actually used as such, but in an unexpected way? Would that count?
But your scheme involves two parties…and my hypothetical situation, based on the available data, involves only the one.
*big grin*
That was pretty good, though!
A prankster places bucket of water on top of closed door. Hours pass, prankster forgets and “falls” for own trap.
Hmm…I’d say that’s just plain, old unintentional. Not that the perpetrator/victim contrived to be unintentional.
Same situation, but prankster knowing he/she would eventually forget, places camera to record stunt. Prankster, capturing a realistic reaction for video, submits it to contest.
Sounds like the prankster intended to forget…thus negating the “unintentional” aspect of the equation.
How about this? Prankster places bucket of water atop slightly ajar door. Prankster goes to hiding place, so as to view the unsuspecting subject coming into the room. Prankster slips on banana peel left on floor from prankster’s earlier snack. Prankster falls, and outstretched leg pushes door fully open, dumping bucket of water on – who else? – prankster a/k/a unintentional victim!
But again, the unintended event doesn’t match the intended one. To answer the question, “Can something be contrivedly unintentional”, that someTHING must be both the contrived AND the unintended result.
If a “future self” is not permitted “jump out of the system”, I don’t see how a scenario could synthesize the two meanings at this time.
Agreed! Why’s the team swimming against the stream on this one?
.
Dive in and swim with Mutual Exclusivity!
It’s just a silly intellectual exercise, DrB! It’s more like a Slip ‘n’ Slide than a stream, really.
*takes a running leap and sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiides*
Hey DrB.
*runs and sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiides*
Ack! lookout Dragon!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!
*BOOOOOOOF!!!*
Would you believe me if I told you that was unintentional?
And you wonder why my brain hurts?
Dragon, do you separate the mind on this one, or are all parts considered as one. (Finally a domain where I can hold my own).
oooh, ok. Having no sound would help a lot it seems!
Yeah Avis explains it well up the thread (about 1/3 of the way down on the scroll bar).
OK,
I am really confused, was this not it or was it the right failblog?.
In that case was it up or down. The sun is warm today yes?.
Rewind it and you will see a wheelchair.!
But the guy they were talking about was NOT the guy in the wheechiair.
Neither was the guy in the wheelchair…
*runs*
Ugh, nevermind, I only typed half the f’ing joke….*hangs head in shame*
*gives B2F a blue popsicle*
We still love you. It was all the keyboard’s fault. You gotta keep those computer parts in line you know.
Ooooooh, popsicles!
*holds out hand*
Pleeeeeez?
No, No, No, you can’t have anymore sugar!
*sneaks Judy a green popsicle while B2F isn’t looking*
Not the green one! You know what happens when you eat the green one.
Let her have it, this I want to see…
*ogles Judy patiently*
hahahahahha…that was funny stuff there, I don’t care who ya are.
Oh crap…..not the GREEN one!! Now we’ll never get her back in her cage!
*whispers*
Thanks, Jimbo!
You’re welcome!
*also hands Judy a green jello shot*
DUCK AND COVER!!
*grabs police riot shield and checks belt and zipper are secure*
*charges tazer*
*looks on in mystery*
Duck? Where?
You know they say don’t you?
*lends B2th a ‘what’ for his post*
Now may I have a popsicle, too?
I didn’t need a ‘what’, my sentence was just devoid of punctuation.
You know they say “don’t you”?
Oh, for crying out loud! One, and I mean just ONE seemingly innocent … uh … “performance”, and I’m labeled for life! Sheesh!
I feel your pain.
*doesn’t know what Judy and Brewski are talking about*
Pee-Wee Herman never lived it down, either.
ok, what was that? I have no sound, so all I gathered was that there was a man pretending to be injured, then proving that he wasn’t by kicking cops in a courtroom? feel free to help me understand this.
Wrong video for what the anchor was talking about, but it fit surprisingly well. We assume the guy in the video also failed when he started fighting the cops and proved he was ok. That’s all I could gather.
Explained above… generally, anchor is talking about a paralyzed athlete that showed some movement in his arms and legs, while video shows guy in wheelchair struggling and kicking. Anchor has a bit of smile as he says “That’s the wrong video!”
Where are all the ‘witty’ comment today…? No pithy jokes or self-congratulatory comments today?
*boops Tommy’s nose*
Lighten up!
*skips off*
Hey Brewski, congratu-f*cking-lations!!!
Say, did you hear the one about the pomegranite? It was really pithy! Ha ha ha!!
Don’t break your teeth on the stones!
*laughs hysterically at own joke*
Congratulations, you’re an asshat.
Does that mean we can do the Mexican asshat dance around him?
*grabs the Tambora*
let’s go!
Change that dance to on him instead of around him please!
While wearing cleats. Metal cleats.
Javelin cleats. They are 3″ metal cleats.
That’ll work. Tenderize him.
Wow Avis! You’re looking rather svelte! Did you lose some weight recently?
Steel studs would be nice.
I don’t think this nested where you wanted it to, Emp.
Not quite.
*does the failblog shuffle to get comment where it belongs*
More like perforate him.
yeah, so we can tear him a new a$$hole!
Works for me!
Um, is he suppose to look like grape jam, or have I goone to far?
Is it possible to go too far?
Never!
Doesn’t no mean no?
“No” means you’re not trying hard enough.
I see. Good point. Does this smell like chloroform?
Yes=Yes
Maybe=Yes
No=Yes
Stop=Faster
.
(soooooooooo j/k)
Any other sounds means not enough.
*grabs castanets and puts on spike heels*
(All the food talk waaaay up there ↑ is making me hungry. ‘Bye until after lunch!)
wow, i love your lunch outfit. are you going to Chile’s?
Any woman who can walk around in 3″ heels has my respect.
Yeah, I felt your -uh- respect further up the fail Jules!
Nope, Argentina’s!
I’m just glad he didn’t make another pun. I can’t handle the pun runs. I feel so left out, but I don’t want to be the ass who kills a good one.
it’s a miracle! he can walk! praise jesus
jebas too….don’t forget to praise to the jebas.
…and now we *pray*……(pray!)
This is my rifle…
…this is my gun…
…hear me ’splode and hear me bang…
*headdesk*
Oops, sorry! *hands Red Bull*
*SNORK*
*helpless laughter*
*begins to think I am missing something*
Snork Count = well, you know…
Just a movie reference.
And like the commentary in the video, your comment went remarkably well with what B2F was saying. Even if it missed the mark.
Thanks for ’splaining! There are only so many things one can understand through guessing.
No worries.
Full Metal Jacket (1987)
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [chanting] This is my rifle.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [grabbing his crotch] This is my gun.
Marines: This is for fighting.
Marines: [grabbing their crotches] This is for fun.
All sung to the tune of “I’m a little teapot.” How… charming?
Negative ghostrider, the pattern is full.
What is it with men and grabbing their crotches?!?!? Gawd! What if we went around all day like, *grabs breasts* [Verb of your choice] THIS!
Judy, I think they’d like that.
Um…I think they’d like that.
Just sayin’.
Hee! *high-fives Ms B*
*leans over*
*wriggles to adjust the bust*
*straightens up*
Oh yeah. Chicks have moves, too.
*shimmies along with Dragon*
Yeah, baby!
Dammit, 2th is gone and I missed the only film ref I’m ever likely to get! I’m such a Goose!
Hey, that grabbing-bre@st thing was awesome! Do that again!!
*checks floor for paperclips*
Paperclips?
*clueless expression*
*snork-hee!*
Nevermind. I get it.
Always the gentleman, aren’t you, Admiral?
My computer is not loading videos, so I don’t know what this fail is. Rest assured, however, that I would have a very witty and acerbic comment that would leave you all roffling and snorklolling until the cows came home.
You could always read our comments to find out what exactly happens. A few of us do explain it for those with no sound or video.
I’ve got an idea of what it is, but not good enough for a comment on it. You’ll just have to settle for some good old-fashioned banter.
Just don’t pun. I can’t handle anymore puns.
You cannot stop the puns…they are here to stay.
If you want to get better at them, then GET THEE TO A PUNNERY!
If the sun breeds magots in a dead dog.
*gives DW a purple popsicle*
Sorry DW, but better late than never.
Hey, look at all those cows! I guess they’re home. That didn’t take long.
Well I am a herding dog. Give me a little credit.
*gives Jules a little credit*
Visa OK?
What’s the APR?
$0.99 for the first minute, $4.99 for each additional minute. Operators are standing by.
I can only pay in scooby snacks.
I always suspected Scooby Snacks were pot brownies. Those are acceptable as illegal tender.
Why yes I do make chocolate brownies and you say you want them with pot. I think I can do that.
*grabs pot and news paper and goes to work*
Cheech: This is some good shit, what is this man?
Chong: Labrador…
*suddenly realizes that Scooby Doo makes perfect sense*
Makes a world of difference when you snort between the lines.
So what, no more roffling and snorkrolling? Drat!
Be careful with the snorklollong, a few of us got injured about three fails back.
Snorklolling! Dammit, I can’t use a keyboard today!
Sorry Judy, this failing is serious business!
The name is blog… Fail blog.
*pouts*
*walks home, dragging bag full of unused snorks and lols*
You could drop them off at Goodwill if they are too heavy. I’m sure someone can make use of them.
Tee hee! Judy, let’s let them all out of the bag at once!! Pandemonium shall ensue!
I think I’ll save them until they’re really needed.
I think they’re needed now.
*opens bag*
*snorks and lols fly out in all directions,
willy nilly*
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
*runs and jumps and tries to catch them*
*snork**lol**snork**lol**snork**lol**snork**lol**snork**lol**snork**lol**snork**lol**snork**lol**snork**lol**snork**lol**snork**lol*
This is not my beautiful video!
Same as it ever was.
You got Fail blogg’d
And you just got booped!
*boops DarkFlemy’s nose*
*skips off giggling*
*chases*
*tag your it*
Tee hee!
*pinches Emp*
*runs off*
*Jumps out of seat*
Hey that’s off limits.
*Runs after Ms B*.
Ha ha! Can’t catch me!
*jumps on passing train*
*hides in baggage cart*
*manages to grab on to caboose (I’ll never tell, hee)*
*commences search of train*
*giggles as runs for the lunch car*
*gets distracted when sees the dessert tray*
*sits*
I’ll have the cheesecake, please.
*disguised as waiter*
Here you go ma’am.
*Leans in close*
*whispers in Ms B’s ear as he makes contact*
Your it.
*dives out of window*
*finishes cheesecake*
*sighs contentedly*
*pulls emergency brake line*
*gives chase*
*shoves Bond, James Bond off of his motor boat*
*Floors the boat*
Hahhaha, you can’t catch me now.
*catches tow-line as the boat pulls away*
*waterskis behind*
*hears sound of a propeller*
Guess my ride is here.
*sends boat careening towards rocks*
*grabs on to roll down ladder from hovering helicopter*
*yells*
I play for keeps.
*watches boat slow down and simply bump rocks*
Dang not enough gas.
*watches helicopter fly off*
*realizes she’s all wet*
Well, might as well make the most of it!
*climbs onto boat and sunbathes*
Game of tag is no fun if no one is chasing you. You are just running away.
*Drops off ladder does a pike and lands a 10.0 entrance*
*gets on boat and sunbathes with the lovely lady*
*snork*
Well laid plans m’dear!
You’re it!
*jumps off boat*
*does breaststroke to shore*
*fills boat with gas*
*races Ms B to shore*
*hands over towel*
*accidental contact*
Um your it but we should dry off first.
Hold up let me get you another tower ok?
*Gets into car and races off*
*jumps on motorcycle to catch up*
Bonus! The wind can dry me off!
*turns off into bushy road*
That should take care of ya.
*Jumps out of car and gets onto hovercraft*
*drives over the marsh*
*already hiding in hovercraft*
*giggles*
You just didn’t realize that I didn’t catch up, I passed you!
*snuggles Emp*
I guess this means you’re it.
Multiple contact means the game is over. Not a moment too soon.
*Offers a better means of transportation*
Meet your horse, her name is buttercup. We ride to my ranch, conveniently placed in the sunset.
*smooches quickly*
That is all the payment I require.
*smooch*
*rides off into convenient sunset*
Did I mention I must give you a tour of my master bedroom.
*shows Ms B around the ranch*
Now time for the master bedroom
*allow for extra time for this portion of the tour*
*adjusts sign*
“Closed Tour – no public admittance”
Funny how when the videos come up we can basically take a head count of who does this at work and therefore has no sound.
That’s right my friend. I like to think of it as who is getting paid to fail, and who fails for free.
i get paid woot!
Me too, although now my computer lets me see AND hear videos! (I keep the sound low)
KING RAMESEEEES!!
THE MAN IN GAZE!!
THE MAN IN GAZE!!
Dude, Mr. Turtle is my father, name’s Crush.
And first you were like WHOA! Then we were like whoa! Then you were like whoa!!
You’ve got serious thrill issues, dude.
Hey!! What about ME?!?!?!?
Speaking of “whoa”, that is…
Look, you’re really cute, but I can’t understand what you’re saying. Say the first thing again.
Now that’s weird. I just got a flashback to Kevin Kline in “A Fish Called Wanda”.
Don’t call me stupid!
*adds “A Fish Named Wanda” to list of movies on “must-watch” list*
“Called”, “Named”, wtf-ever.
*hands Judy a mojito*
It’s all good, m’dear.
*clinks glass*
Ahahahahahahahahahahhahaha…no.
let’s start a party again, i am getting bored here at work. I’ve moved on from lying filthy cheats to..umm oh, right logging complaints. arrrggg! *downs 5 shots of Jager, chases w/ lager* ahh, that’s marginally better.
is anyone going to join me? *looks at table full of mimosas* i really shouldn’t drink these all by myself.
*drinks alone in corner* sob sob
*sings* all by myself *hic all by myself…. *slurs terribly* i don’ neednoone else
*sidles in* Mimosa?
yeah!!!! *jumps and cheers* hands gigeoxy a nice big mimosa!
*pulls up with a LARGE bottle of 1800*
*sits down*
*smiles*
hi WN how’s it going? that is a nice big bottle *admires*
Careful with those mimosas, abstract, you know how they make you lolz everywhere. Let me help you drink them.
abstract, let’s just say I could easily drink about 1/2 of that bottle right now…
I hate this job more every day.
Well, that sucks.
*takes a mimosa*
Here’s to better days.
*clinks ‘n’ drinks*
Oh wow, I’m totally there. Did I miss all the fun? Any drinks left? Work keeps getting in the way.
*plots to trigger fire alarm*
*looks at fir alarm on wall* hey that gets me thinking *hands Brewski a mimosa* would you like anything else?
Thanks!! *chugs down mimosa*
I prefer my drinks a bit more stiff, but mimosas are a nice start!
*pulls fire alarm*
*runs like a crazy person waving arms and such* fire fire!!
Wow, abstract, that was a pretty good BondFan impersonation!
lolz! poor BF
I don’t know why, but eves since we played ‘Heroe’s’ like a year ago I always envision him as a young Hiro Nagamua.
*shows up waaaaaay late to the party, but with a bottle of Patron*
Anyone who doesn’t leave this party smelling like Tequila and shame needs an intervention!
Come August 23 I’ll be vested – THEN I can start looking…
Thanks Dragon
I have ice cream sundaes for anyone else in need of a better job!
oooh, can i please have a sundae?
Well, I don’t really need a better job, but can I have a sundae anyway? My favorite is hot fudge, hold the nuts.
I love my job, but I need a better PAYING job. Does that count?
Strawberries and raspberries on my sundae, please!
Can I have my banana split?
Ok, sudaes for everyone!
And lurk…
*looks down*
*looks back up*
there are no nuts, so it’s all good!
Into how many pieces?
(That was @ Jules)
I need a career job, right now just filling in with part-time till schools done. Another term and then I am done. Just caramel sauce please.
No, I meant-
Nevermind. Maybe I shouldn’t use mimosas to cleanse my palate between 1800 and everclear.
No nuts.
But they went so well next to the banana.
lurk, that actually happened to me once. A friend of mine asked for a hot fudge sundae, asked if they had nuts, the waiter looked down, looked back up, and said yes.
You’ll just have to make do with cream, Jules.
*snork*
Ms B, have you heard my story about sudaes and nuts? my dad took my mom to the McDonalds drive through and ordered two sundaes. the guy asks if the want nust on their sundaes, and my dad say, “on one.” well, he misheard my dad and screamed through the mic. “on your sundaes!” lolz!
*looks around for some crunchy pea-nut butter*
Does it have a great ‘peaness’ to it?
No sweet pee, just nuts.
i’m with you! right now what i hate is the woking 2 jobs thing. I think once i have weekends off I’ll be happier
yeah, sounds good. here ya go *hands lurk a mimosa*
*takes a break from the everclear/1800 taste test to drink mimosa*
Thank you, abstract. Anything I can do to help.
mmm, i’d love a neck massage if you’re game…
*counters the bottle of 1800 with a bottle of Everclear*
Mine tastes better
This calls for a taste test. Let me be the judge.
*hands IUL a shot, a slice o’ lime, and a dab of salt*
Thank you.
*licks salt, drinks shot, throws lime over shoulder*
*picks lime off hair*
*taps IUL on the shoulder*
Is this yours?
Sorry, about that.
*takes lime and picks off hair, then sucks*
*wonders if he should join in on drinking contest*
*decides against, as it wouldn’t be fair – not only because he can pour alcohol through his body like a sieve, but because dead people don’t absorb alcohol or get drunk*
*staggers off – not drunk, just limping on both sides more than usual*
Not a drinking contest, ZA, a taste test. Please join, another judge would be welcome.
The drinks are competing for our approval.
*Adds a bottle of Sauza Tres Generaciones Anejo to the tasting pool*
*pulls out 12-oz tumbler, fills halfway*
Hey, it’s been a rough day.
*tastes the Sauza*
*tastes the Everclear*
Hmmm…, they ahl tashte ghood. I thing I neehd to tashte them aghain.
*Runs over to lurk*
*pours another glass of each*
Bottoms up!
Hee hee, this should be fun!
Wait, everclear shouldn’t have a taste, just a burning sensation. It is 98% ABV or if you would like 196 proof.
*slurs*
Doehshn’t mahttehr. Mahke iht into jhungle jhuice ihf yhou whant.
*takes glasses from Brewski*
*drinks*
I say, there, Ms. lurk, what do you think about the flavor profile of these fine beverages? Did you find the bouquet of the Everclear pleasing?
*slurs*
I dunno, but hthey’rhe phretty ghood!
*staggers*
*falls*
Wheeee!
*starts to feel guilty*
OK, I think you’ve had enough! I don’t want to be responsible for that hangover!
Unfortunately, I gotta run, will somebody take care of our party girl? Dragon?
Sorry, but zombie’s can’t taste anything.
*offers to be the designated driver*
You’d be amazed how quickly I can get other drivers and pedestrians to get out of my way.
*staggers*
Whehre’d ehverywhon gho?
*passes out*
(Gotta go for the night. See ya tomorrow!)
I got this…
One sip of dragon-grog and she’ll sleep it off for three days.
*hands ZA a Zombie*
They taste horrible, but hey you can’t taste it anyways! Drink it bitch!
Six sides or eight?
Your rose has six petals, Sir!
I gotta drink this slowly because I’m at work! But thank you for the tasty treat.
All by myself
Don’t wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Don’t wanna live
Oh
Don’t wanna live
By myself, by myself
Anymore
By myself
Anymore
Oh
All by myself
Don’t wanna live
I never, never, never
Needed anyone
Don’t give up
I know you can make it good
Got any of my baklava left, or did you eat it all?
*hands Judy piece of baklava*
This was sitting over by ZA. You might want to sterilize it first.
i have a little bit… *hands nice big piece to Judy*
Thanks, abstract. Brewski, please get rid of that one. It’s … uh … got things crawling on it.
*grabs baklava with 6-foot tongs*
*throws in blast furnace*
HEY!!!
*cough cough bleechh, PITOOEY!*
Watch it…that wasn’t the blast furnace!
Oops! Sorry!
*throws a quart of dragon-mouthwash in DW’s mouth*
*sneaks up behind abstract and gooses her with E.T. finger*
Stop that and drink this!
*hands over a screaming org@sm*
*whips up a blow job*
This one is best taken as a body shot.
oh, i must be naughty, my comment is awaiting moderation
Then there’s always a Sloe Comfortable Screw Up Against a Wall.
Sloe Gin, Southern Comfort, Orange juice, Harvey Wallbanger.
True story. When I was 16, I went out on a date with a guy who was in his early 20s. He took me to a nice restaurant for dinner. I ordered a Diet Coke, being seriously underage and all, and he ordered a Screaming Org@sm. When the waiter left, he turned to me and asked, “So. Have you ever had a Slow, Comfortable Screw against a Wall?”
Only time in my life I ever escaped from a date through the window in the women’s restroom…
rofl! You have quite the stories of guys hitting on you! Are you going to tell me the window-escape is true, too???
I’m glad I never had to deal with idiots hitting on me like that.
*thinks*
Hm. Actually I would have probably welcomed it back then. Oh well.
lolz so hard!!! oh no. lolz on floor. i am so sorry , that must have been traumatic.
sounds good, but what is the Hayvey Wallbanger?
Harvey Wallbanger. Clickie ^^^
*knows a really, REALLY bad joke that incorporates both a Harvey Wallbanger and Princess Diana’s driver*
Oh just FYI that is a shot of Kahlua topped with whipped cream, typically administered via body shot.
Jules, is there a drink called “doggy style”?
If not, I think I’ll invent one and become famous!
*pauses*
Hm, maybe that’s not something I want to be famous for.
my friend invented a drink known at all the local bars now. I can’t thell you the name because it isn’t kosher, but it’s good
Correction: your post was REJECTED!
Yep, musta been naughty.
*squeeks* ooh, you startled me. thanks so much!! I needed one of those
When I saw the still of Pat Murphy, before I hit play, I was sure it was going to actually be Sportscaster Fail. This guy is perhaps the most annoying sportscaster ever. It’s as if he is trying to win a bet to see who can work the most tired sports cliches into one segment. (If so, he must be very wealthy.) He has never — I mean literally, NEVER — started giving hockey scores without saying “On the frozen pond tonight…”
Gotta give him credit for keeping his composure on this clip, though. At least he didn’t shout, “What f___ are you doing?”
“…doctor’s believe, that’s not the right video…”
i love that smiley in the bottom left hand corner of this page XD
Smiley? What smiley? LIES!!! THERE ARE NO SMILIES!!! AAAAAAHHH!!!
*runs screaming out of the room with arms in the air*
Oh geez, something else set off BFF. I’ll go calm him down.
*offers BFF brownies*
*rushes back into room, foaming at the mouth*
BROWNIES?! DID SOMEONE SAY BROWNIES?! GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME…
*crashes into wall*
*Wanders in, sees BF on the floor*
Did you forget your meds again BF? Boy Ms. B, must be a full time job with him somedays.
*walks in*
*tuts*
Who let my body double get excited? He goes bananas whenever he smells brownies. I’ll have to put him in solitary confinement now. Come along now, BFF 274912.
Sorry about that BFF. Chocolate always calms me down, I was hoping the brownies would have the same effect after getting worked up.
*offers brownies*
Oh, don’t worry. 274912 was always a troublesome one. He needs to be taught a lesson.
*drags body double by the scruff of the collar*
*imperceptible kicks the body double for fooling me*
Well folks I am wandering out. See ya tomorrow.
*knows aiki won’t see this, but feels bad because no one said goodbye*
Bye, aiki! Happy wanderings! Sleep well, my recent-Bove’s meatballs-eating pal! See you on the morrow!
TK 421, why aren’t you at your post?
First!
*blasts Sculptor with blunderbuss*
*offers BF a hand to pull him back up off ground*
Ta, those blunderbusses really do throw me.
*brushes self with hand*
*notes Sculptor has been blasted into Boggy’s cage*
Do you have any idea what all that lead shot does to creatures like Boggy or myself when eating trolls like this? Can’t you find a cleaner way of disposing of these trolls? Now we gotta be all careful about the lead shot, lest it damage our teeth (further in my case) or get swallowed and slow us down.
Damned living folk, it’s like they never think ahead.
Incineration?
But that would be polluting! There must be a greener way of disposing of trolls.
In the old days, people would hack a troll down with a sword or axe which they would then remove, leaving a clean kill. Some Japanese folk would use throwing stars or knives and sometimes leave them, but they were easy to remove. Lead shot is another matter, it buries itself deep in the tissue and remains hidden until bitten into. Very not courteous.
I see. So do you suggest I use a sabre next time? That could work. How about a stun gun?
A swift roundhouse kick could do the trick.
I prefer my old fall back. I keep it for dangerous zombies and annoying trolls. The crowbar.
Er, Jimbo, I don’t think this is the time or place to call the living dead “dangerous”.
Any of these solutions are considered “clean kills” and friendly to the creature who’s consuming the remains.
.
*finally notices this victim is the same one mentioned to him above by Iusuallylurk ♀*
*hopes Boggy won’t mind*
*savagely rips Sculptor’s head open with his teeth*
*devours the contents of Sculptor’s head*
*leaves the rest*
*mops up the remains of Sculptor with ShamWows*
Crowbar? I’ll have a Crown Royal on the rocks please.
Zombies hate fire and would never recommend that. But as long as the zombie doesn’t have to witness it …
*angry newcomer hears sounds of death and wanders over to help*
*looks around, see’s no one*
*attacks Rarr and ferociously rips him to pieces*
*feasts on the contents of his head, leaves the rest in a bloody heap*
*staggers off before he’s noticed*
Who left a bloody heap in the middle of an active blog!?! That is just inconsiderate! We make sure Jules doesn’t leave piles of anything laying around. Why should we let anyone else get away with it?
Bye Dragon, BFF, Avis, Judy, Brewski,Aja, Abstract, Jam,Mrs. B, Iusuallylurk, Emperor, Admiral, Mal , Whoa , Jules and last but NOT least my bestest friend Starrrrrrrrrrfiiiiiiiiiish.
I will be gone for awhile (on vacation with the kidos….oh and the wife.)
See y’all on June 15th!!!!
Aw…!
Well, have a wonderful time, B2th! We’ll miss you!
*squeeeeeeeeeze*
*sets clock to June 15th*
*sits down by door*
*waits*
Have fun B2th! Bring back stories.
*waves*
Have fun!!!!!
;( Oh well, I guess I haven’t been here long enough to be recognized….
You living folk … always crying about something …
*isn’t recognized either, but is used to it*
Enjoy the trip, B2F!
*can’t fathom when June 15th is, being dead and all – time is meaningless*
I believe you’re scheduled for the loss of several more toes that day ZA. The cost in gorilla glue of keeping you together is becoming prohibitive.
Only the living has mental attachments to their limbs. The dead understand that … uh, I can’t go there. Suffice it to say the dead don’t care about missing body parts, as long as we have enough bodies to either tear apart the living or at least consume their gooey innards.
.
Toes are useless in both goals, let them fall off.
*squeeze* Have fun. If you can. Gain a tan as well.
+ aikiwaza, bobby, and Jimbo…geeez
I feel loved
*gives Bobby a big sloppy wet kiss*
How about now? A little too loved?
Aww, I feel so special now…
Have a blast, wear sunscreen, don’t put your willy anywhere it doesn’t belong. Keep those in mind and you always have a great vacation.
And see? I had to welcome a guest and I missed the big send-off!
*pouts*
Also? No picnic, too cold.
*pouts some more*
*waves drunkenly*
Bhye, B2F! Hhhave fhun!
*falls*
Have an excellent vacation, we’ll miss you B2th! No hard feelings about the C- I hope!
*picks up lurk*
*gives her another tequila*
*slurs*
Ooh, a drinkie!
*drinks tequila*
Bye, sweetie! Have a great time with the fam!
Bye, B2F! Have a great holiday!
Awwwe. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to say goodbye to my new FBBFF. See you on the 15th.
BFF?
(See above, Brewski. Starfish and B2F both knew the lyrics to some obscure song. They had a moment. Now FBBFFs.)
UNRELATED NEWS HEADLINE: WINDOWS 7 TO BE RELEASED ON 22 OCTOBER
Clickie.
“Should I write seven versions of Windows?”
“Not seven, but seventy-seven.”
I thought it was: “not seven, but seven times seven”?
Hmm, maybe if we write seven hundred seventy seven versions they’ll stop thinking we’re evil.
.
Cue up the Imperial March.
.
You know it’s truly amazing. People will actually pay hard earned money to be enslaved by their computer operating system, but once the Zombie Apocalypse begins you will all run in fear for your lives. Trust me, win 7 is far worse than being ripped apart by dozens of slathering undead creatures. I should know!
I thought it was “Not version seven of Windows, version seven of crap”.
Guess I got confused by the $7.77 thingie earlier today.
I heard seventy-two Aja. Though it won’t take the full six months!
I’m so excited, I’m about to have a Long John Silver’s moment.
Makes perfect sense!
__
Forklift driver dives for his life after causing a collapse
…but he did move his arms and legs!
He did move his arms and legs!He got so tired tho that he wanted to take a bit of rest and tried to lay down on the ground xD
classic!
OMG He moved his legs! It’s a miracle! Praise the lord!
Do you numbnuts ever comment on the actual video or just loose your self in your mindless self gratification of *squeezes* and pointless chatter?
God can’t you guys find some forum to post your pointless comments?
I for one thought that was hilarious
the fail is that this stupid video isn’t loading
error loading please try again later… fail. All videos should do that on this site.
I laughed so hard
D
TO those of you thinking the guy in court was faking: If you listen you can hear him do a quick intake of breath from what sounds like pain. I’m not saying he wasn’t pretending to be unable to walk I’m just saying he may in fact HAVE been hurt and just been over-acting. Also it could have been that he was hurt and they didn’t want him using cruches because they could be used as a weapon in a pinch.
Those cops sure got on him FAST which makes me think that he was in there for something violent and the were prepared.
He was on trial for murder and the judge was reading the verdict if I recall the story. Wasn’t long ago and I believe the sports dude is here in Miami. Don’t watch the local news that often, it’s generally smoke and mirrors…
this video failed so bad i felt like i succeeded. and i just found out my grlfriend’s mom is my dealer. when i tried to pick her up for prom.
That was the best!
That was the wrong video clip!
(Chicken Gyro please)
Who the HELL do you think you are?
Well, Admiral Apparent, he thinks he's AdmiralApparent.Fear not, sweet stuff. You are incomparable, and no one would ever mistake a cheap knockoff for the real thing.
First thing they teach you in journalism class: when you have established that a video is the wrong video, always make sure that your audience is aware that it is not the right video.
Lmao, I feel like i fail as well cause thats my local new station…
Retarded comments all of u.
this coming from a dude named hannah montana :[
How did it come to this.
Dead link, apparently.
POOR GUY! They smashed his fingers when they wheeled him up to the table. You’d flinch too if it happened to you!
Best video from failblog for sure!
Guys, this is the funniest video if you know who Kevin Everett is. He playedfor the Buffalo Bills and was paralyzed.He has been making a recovery, but the video they showed was entirely the wrong video. When the guys was moving and kicking and getting a beatdown by the cops in the courtroom, and then having the sportscaster say it was the wrong video with a straight face, hilarious! It was an inside job maybe, but for that to air, priceless! Best fail ever!