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Cheezburger Network Blog
Is this the cum and eat again?
You’ll have to wait about an hour for the second serving.
Ooh, by then it will be really crunchy!
What exactly were they trying to say?
Crunchy chum?
That must be what the guy in the red helmet is looking for up there. Dog chow!
And here I thought he was looking for a hand warmer.
very, very fail
)
i-ate-ate-ate-r-u-wet were the dilevery fellows for this place. !
It’s an all-you-can-swallow, they don’t do deliveries. You have to cum to get served, but extra cream is free.
Sounds like the additive for the perfect bowl of Crunchy nut corn flakes
Jam, you sound way too excited about that.
Well, it does sound nice and people should try new things.
*gags*
Are you saying you want gagged?
Someone should gag me but I was only lollygagging.
Okay, for a second I thought you were going all S&M on us.
Sick & Maniacal?
Sensible and Mature.
Silly & Mediocre.
Safe and Melancholy.
Salty & Moldy?
Sunny and Mild.
Steak & Mustard
Sit & Masticate
*breaks punrun*
Good morning everyone!
*re-assembles punrun*
No disassemble!
It’s pieced together like lego bricks. I couldn’t do anything else.
Leggo my pun run.
*hides the Eggo waffles*
*Ambitions waffle*
Ego Waffles?………….GENIUS!!!!!
Sit & Masturbate
That depends who you’re getting it from.
LMAO!!
don’t click my name. please stop
With acting like that you must be up for a local Peabody – or a Cable Ace, at least.
Way to get more subscribes. (blocked and flagged)
Oh, don’t worry. I’ve never clicked on your name!
I’m all out of click condoms…I always practice safe clicking….sorry.
You know what they say “First cum first serve”
FAIL FAIL FAIL!!! what were they trying to say in the first place?!
my cum most certinly was NOT crunchy
*demands money back*
Well if it is crunchy, I suppose that would be a FAIL…
Is it roasted or just old?
Beer battered and deep fried. Must be in the south they fry everything.
That would hurt cuming out
… of the closet.
You know you should not let other people finish your sentences for you.
…if you could do it by yourself. (
)
…of your nose.
…hairs.
…!
We don’t fry EVERYTHING. The… Okay, maybe we do.
first
…loser?
CSWPNTBISTBDMWRTWFF i wasn;t first
FAILBLOG FIRST FTL!
I have a telegram for you from a Mr. N. Muntz. It reads: Ha-ha. STOP.
Collaborate and listen?
Hammertime.
Dah nah nah nah, dah nah, dah nah
damn – I paid $9.26 for mine just yesterday!
Man, you got ripped off. I would not pay over $9.20.
Or you could make your own home-made brand…
I prefer the ho-made brand, personally.
Good morning katy!
*squeeze*
Erm…
g’morning?
*squeezes back, but with some trepidation*
You don’t like me?
*goes back to bottom of comment section*
No no no! It’s not that! I was trying to remember if I remembered you, but I couldn’t remember.
Oh. OK. I forgive you.
Nothing like the taste of freshly squeezed “juice” in the morning.
I’m going to be rich
That has to be the oddest pricing strategy I’ve ever seen – is that per pound? Per gallon?
.
.
.
…actually I don’t want to know.
I thought it came in sacks?
Out of the crotch, into the sack.
Sack attack?
Sack snack?
But it does come out of the sack – excuse me, won’t you? *vomits* Another rug, ruined.
That’s why I prefer to stand by the toilet when viewing the comments.
When ever I get on fail blog I always make sure I am knee deep in the gutter for just such an occasion.
So why do you put rugs in the gutter?
Because I like the carpet wet, which helps avoids rug burn.
Well- *phone rings*
Oh hang on a sec…
*slip*
Jules, I think you ring his bell!
What? Sorry, I was not paying attention; I was playing with my ding-ga-ling.
AlDeezy’s wearing a slip, so AlDeezy must be a girl.
*comes in to correct POB*
*slips out*
Who put all this bacon lube on the floor?
POB,
Stop leaving bacon grease on the floor.
And I am a guy, thank you.
Don’t thank me, I had nothing to do with it.
That rug really tied the room together.
Yeah, sorry I ran out of rope.
*Walks into room*
*Gets clothes lined by rope*
Aack!
I prefer clothes lined with silk or similar soft materials. Is that like a hair shirt?
Can’t be by the gallon. Do you know how much time that would take?
Disturbingly, yes.
This scares me deeply.
Oh, not personally! I just looked it up on Wikipedia.
Depends on the (cough) in the back.
Bukkake sauce?
Maybe they have a sweat shop producing it.
*gag*
Thanks for the application k-k-k-katy, I’m sorry this time your application wasn’t successful.
That is the funniest mental image I have EVER had!!!
Does it come with nuts?
Crunchy-nut cumflakes?
I…wow. Just wow.
Was that too much?
More cream next time maybe?
On that note, I’m going to skeet-daddle. Almost bedtime. See yall in a few hours maybe.
Jeez… it must have been bad.
*waves*
‘Jiz…it must have been bad’
Fixed
Thank you for that, Jules. I should have had more spunk to say it.
Just trying in sperm on the conversation.
Oh god…
*barfs into convieniently placed toilet*
*ejaculates AlDeezy from this thread*
*cleans up mess AlDeezy made*
He ruined my baby batter. Now how am I going to make my baby cake?
You should use some banana milk for that, it’s just the white stuff for the job.
I was going to use goo gone, but I will give that a try.
That’s just a tad poled. Maybe you should try some thing like clit bang instead.
Does it get out tomato, grapefruit and man juice too?
You se men always depend on a woman to tell them these things. That is why we’re always right.
I just love saucy women.
It’s all baby gravy. err… I mean gravy, baby!
You are the Jam to my pea-nut butter.
You always make me feel like one of the family, Jules.
Anything I can do to make you comfortable. How about a massage and a facial?
Teabags for the eyes and chocolate milk moisturiser?
They will go perfect with the pearl necklace I got for you.
I hope you don’t think I’m just taking the money shot.
I would never spunk to that conclusion.
Man have we gone full circle already? I must be getting off.
Shall we
cumgo together?*waves*
I just need time to orgasm-ize my thoughts.
Jizzus! You two get a room!
Or a condominium.
I have my rights, provided under the magnamun carta.
*ambers*
*grain*
Comment blocked! You dog, you!
Rocky mountain oysters?
No that is a separate item.
“cum as you are” morning all.
As you were.
As your not.
as you could have been?
as you are
Don’t you mean “as you’re not”?
yes this English language is hard to understand sorry.
I think you need a bit more studying…
Let’s start with something simple…
“The life of the wife is ended by the knife”.
“The rain in Spain, stays mainly in the plains?”
“The rain in Spain hurts like a bitch if you let it become hail.”
My not what?
So… I was just looking up cum on google and found this book:
.
Natural Harvest
Description:
Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients – you will love this cook book!
and great for the complexion *gags*
So it works like a condiment?
And to think nobody believed me. Tsk!
I believe everything you say Jam!
As my wife has taught me, women are always right.
So you didn’t have girlfriends before you met your wife?
Nope.
That explains it. That was the first lesson I had to learn. Am still learning, though.
It’s simply that they were never right.
Rule Number 1) A woman is always right
Rule Number 2) Should a woman be wrong, refer to rule number 1.
should we be proven wrong the universe will indeed implode
*grumbles*
please tell me that wasn’t the universe buckling?
That was me accepting the universal truth.
There is no spoon?
….only Zull.
Zuul? Zool? whatever….you get the point.
ow dammit- yes I got the point- now quit poking me!
Universe Fail
you mean condom-ment?
If it was meant for a condom, they wouldn’t be salting their dinner with it.
Unless it’s wrapped in rubber.
would that be boil in the bag?
‘boil in the bag’ sounds like a nickname for a condom over herpes
Rule 34… Rule 34… Oh how you kick ass.
Rule 34?
Rule 34:
EVERYTHING is on the internet. EVERYTHING.
I thought rule 34 was that if it exists, there is porn of it.
“Bob, that tastes delicious! What’s your secret?”
“Well, I for the sauce I take garlic, rosemary and semen.”
“That is… interesting. Excuse me.”
*Looks up from meal*
“Wait, did you say semen?”
*Runs past Arthur*
I wouldn’t cum into that kitchen.
A new meaning to bring your own plate?
Well, there’s already a dish in this thread.
The chef would.
Far too much peaness in this thread.
Touchè
Can’t touchè this.
Wait a minute. This is like deja vu all over again.
Well good devà vú too.
As long as there is no sweet pee.
“Where’s Bob? I’m hungry”
“He fell asleep after he made the sauce”
How rude. That sauce wanted a little love and attention, but all he does is roll over and fall asleep.
No manners these days.
Semen: the one ingredient you’ll be excited to add to any dish!
And the flavor is orgasmic.
interesting fail…. very interesting
Orgasms Jam from this thread*
:Shock:
Wow, I’m failing at life today!
When life gives you peas, make sweet pee.
Hold on, I’m coming up with a fantastic Soviet Russia joke!
ISR…peas give you life?
ISR…you pee on life?
*waits 5 minutes*
*re-reads*
Nope, not so funny after all.
More coffee, waiter!
We are all out of coffee, but how about some hot pee?
Goes down and salvages Jam back into thread.
O you saved me!
*squeeze*
Any time miss, now I must be off, to save other threads from neglect.
Nice reverse-haxored, jam.
*bows*
I was hoping Arthur would join in.
Going… Down?
No, but things are looking up!
This is…Iron Chef America…
and today’s secret ingredient is…
:sick:
dang…
*walks away in shame*
I’m sorry but the judges won’t like your presentation.
*Pokes Boobie in the trap*
*traps Boobie with a poke*
*Pokes in the Boobie trap*
*pokes trap with my boobie*
WOW!!!!!!!!!
Helllllllloooooooooo Darl’n!!!!!!!
*traps poke with k-katy’s boobies*
Well, sure, but I charge $15 for that specific service, plus an extra $9.19 if it comes out crunchy.
Do you take quarters?
She only takes yen….do you have any yen?
1846 yen good enough, katy?
Blue2th, I accidenty your yen.
I see a couple of yens hanging around here.
*smoochy smooch*
It’s like an old family reunion, eh?
Perhaps I should rephrase…
It’s like a family reunion in Arkansas!
Yeah, we put the ‘fun’ in disfunctional.
Wow! Thanks k-k-k-katy!
Don’t thank me, it’s just that cold in here.
…spice!
People need to learn to read the treads.
Of to second period! tata!
Don’t tread on me.
*Gives AlDeezy Tread mill*
Can you read this for me please?
Wow a red treadmill, Ed has one, d best one ever. I think this is the same brand…
I can only read the treads when I’m lying under a car.
365 Condoms=GoodYear.
And the woman who sells condoms is a Rubbermaid.
I think we should all talk about ourselves in third person today?
Like Mr. T?
Rian pities the fool who refers to Mr. T!
POB pities the fool who pities the fool who refers to Mr. T! Grrrr!
Rian pities the fool who pities the fool who pities the fool who refers to Mr. T!
B2th was really just making a joke but he sees how you guys are running with it.
*he steps aside*
*Rian sidesteps*
*Jules comes sliding thru*
Dam bacon lube.
Sorry about the slippery floor, we were getting ready for the lunch rush.
I’ll say. Even the ceiling!
Yuk!
*Steps out of shadow in corner*
You have’nt seen the half of it…look under his bed…
*Vanishes into corner shadow*
Where is buba when you need him?
Q. What do sharks like to eat?
A. Crunchy Semen
*joke snare*
*hopes Czuhc is busy with his trainees*
Teehee!
*snorklol*
Who says I’m crunchy? I keep my skin smooth and moist by applying…
Lemme guess, you moisturize daily?
Like I haven’t heard THAT one before…
Is that hand cream, or were you just happy to see me?
Well he is now.
What? It’s a renewable resource that will save the fish population! The amount they could get from socks on the floors of teenage boys’ rooms alone…
I wonder if you could run a car with it?
“One second honey I just need to refuel the car.”
Cum N Go?
Yea they have them at gas stations now.
Don’t ask where the pump it though.
*Changes t to s*
Ahem, whoops
Is it just me or does the EVONY queen have really saggy boobs?
Hey, she looks pretty good for a 57 year old if you ask me!
Good morning GV!
Morning!
Crunchy cum…sounds like a medical condition..
(Morning everyone!)
Morn’n
Spermatazoa crusticus? hello all *waves politely*
Mornin’ Mal! Hey B2th!
Coffee? It’s Green Mountain Roasters. Not great but it’s got caffeine.
Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee! Cappuccino, java, YES
^ “Dante’s Peak” (1997)
After a couple days, leftovers are usually kinda crusty.
Your choices are straight out of the hair or eye.
Oh, too late.
A restaurant full of salty, crusty sea-men. Yarrrr.
I can only think of one thing to say…
eeewwwww!!!!!
(where can I get an application?)
i doubt that’s even possible…
Dew picked, and flown from Iraq?
They are branching into the doughnut business–
“Crunchy Cum” is the name the picked since “Crispy Creme” was already trademarked.
This is a win
I don’t like the crunchy kind!
Anpu never had that problem.
Crunchy cum? Isn’t about time you cleaned the towel?
one please!
Pretty expensive considering I can make my own for free, though i do admit, mine has yet to come out crunchy.
Cum out crunchy?
The local Long John Silver’s went out of business after it was discovered it was a front for illegal distribution. True story.
Mmmmm…I mean is there any better way to have it?
WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!
do you need some bacon lube with that fail?
Isn’t this a tad bit expensive for cum that’s gone crunchy?
Wow… that’s a little over-priced, eh?
“have some cum with your fail”
How much do people get paid to do this job and what are the benefits or what do they get to look at?