*sigh* I see I derailed another pun run! I can’t even picture what people will likely do to me!
*runs and hides*
*resolves to find sturdier pantolones locking mechanism*
*re-reads post*
Hm. Nothing.
*turns on innuendo machine and then re-reads post*
Um… shorts too tight? Or… uh oh!
No, I’m full of potato right now, sorry!
*deletes extra ♂ *
He thinks it’s just a fungus. He gave me a ’scrip for some ointment. He’s unsure if the nail will grow back though. And if it does, it may take about a year to look close to normal.
He thinks it might be a TYPE of tumor, if it’s not a fungus. But a harmless type of tumor. Of the harmless type I already have MANY. Just not in my fingernails.
My Melanie’s tumor is under the nail of her little finger. It’s very painful to the touch. She’s already had it removed once (5 years ago) and it grew back. But they do have to remove the entire nail and, yes, it does take about a year to grow back normally.
The doctor gave me a name for the type of tumor he thinks it MIGHT be. The name is roughly 18 syllables long and I couldn’t begin to SAY it let alone spell it.
It doesn’t hurt all that much, a little tender is all. Same nail though, left hand.
I had an ingrown toenail that got infected on a miserable trip to southern Wales (what fun). I was in pain for several days. And the worst bit was that my doctor wanted to get the procedure over and done, so he didn’t use anaesthetic.
I dropped a hammer on my big toe once. The entire nail did fall off. I don’t remember it taking an entire year to grow back, but it did happen a long time ago and my memory of the event is weak.
*winces*
Admiral! OW!
And Judy, it would be better if I had actually stopped to really READ your comment. It’s not just that the nail isn’t there, the skin is broken too.
Yup, the hammer fell from railing height right on my big toe. Strangely, it didn’t hurt at first. Once the numbness wore off, the pressure from the blood pooling under the skin was pretty intense. The whole toe turned various shades of purple.
I dropped a 12lbs shotput on my foot back in high school. It Crushed my second toe flat. Even since then my second toe on my right foot has been longer than my big toe.
A shot putter!! *applauds*
Shot put and discus were my events from middle school through college. I once got hit by a discus, but deflected it with my hand, so didn’t get seriously hurt.
I once decided to try throwing the girls discus in college, just for kicks. The light weight threw me off, and it went flying way out into the middle of a busy four-lane street. By some miracle, it didn’t hit any cars.
I have managed to not break any bones, though I may have fractured one or two of my toes over the years. I did manage to bruise every single rib on my left side. Rollerblading. Down a hill. Into a tree. I don’t recommend using that method to stop.
this thread made me feel ill. I am so sorry for all of your collective pain. I hope everyone survives all aflictions mentioned. *runs to bathroom hoping to make it in time*
I recently tore my lcl, Lateral collateral ligament on my right leg. It causes some pain when standing on it for extended periods of time. This injury came from many years of soccer and the tackles that I sometimes entered into awkwardly. The worst part about it is that it in the future is threatening to fully tear, requiring extensive knee surgery to make it normal. I love soccer and don’t want to give it up, so this is going to be hard on me. Currently when I straighten my leg, my knee cap is not the farthest protrusion, this ball to the right of my knee cap develops and over shadows the rest of my knee. This makes some work very irritating as I can’t walk for too long without putting it into rest positions, either that or I will feel it when I try to get some sleep. This all reminds me, time for the ice pack.
They didn’t even have the Innuendo Analytical Engine?
.
(Brewski: I was a programmer and a SQL Server 2000 DBA before I gave that up a few yrs ago – since you asked.)
That proves that the modern campaign is little more than a marketing campaign. Brand recognition is often more valuable than experience, their stance on various issues, or competency in general.
Remember the interesting example of that about 10 yrs ago? The spouse of Mel Carnahan, who died just before the election, won a Missouri US Senate seat against…John Ashcroft. Had Ashcroft won, most of us probably would never have heard much about him again. (Technically, Mel’s name was still on the ballot, but it was a given that his wife would be appointed if he won.)
That was because NO ONE wanted Ashcroft! And Carnahan’s wife was just as knowledgeable as Carnahan himself. Of course about 3 months later (I forget how long) Ashcroft got a cushy APPOINTMENT. Ashcroft was/is an a$$.
*does a happy giddy dance for being remembered and mentioned*
*unfortunately, the dance looks more like an undead lumbering, like most of his movements do*
I discourage you from squeezing zombies. They tend to leave decaying flesh and maggots on you. And, ZA has an unfortunate habit of trying to eat everybody’s brains.
Thank you, thank you! I try my best! I must admit, my absolute faves are the ones where the troll’s FISRT is the second post. I can just hear Homer Simpson…
I didn’t see him actually make contact, but clearly his indifference to her being in the way of his brisk walk to the courthouse contributed to her fall. You might get a kick out of the 1st person out of the car, who has that stereotypical weasel lawyer look.
Ohhhhhh I misread what you all said…thought she just fell. *dohs*
I like the weaselly looking lawyers because they remind me of all the aspects of the law I don’t want to touch…
I seem to recall doing this myself many times hurrying around campus with an over-sized bag. And it usally happened in the center of campus, right under the bell-tower.
Bleah! No, these are Dark Side cookies. When you eat them, they make you do naughty things like change B2F’s fuzzy slippers for angry ferrets. Stuff like that. They’re yummy, though. Have some.
The reason that specky twat never stopped to help was because he hates the press for bringing it to peoples attention that he’s a dirty ‘kin paedo bastard
Ok…just a tip, guys. If the filter moderates one of your comments and ends up throwing it out as “unacceptable”…you are apparently not every allowed to post ever again. I had to put in a new email address to get this to show up!
♪The sun will come out tomorrow,
betch yer bottom dollar that tomorrow,
there’ll be sun! Tomorrow, tomorrow,
I love you, tomorrow!
You’re only a day away!♪
Either it’s not loading for me, or I’m to stupid to realize that it’s just a white photo. NO CALLING ME “STUPID” COMMENTS NECESSARY! I will not get them, anyways.
I can’t laugh at a person falling down when I hear the person the story is focusing on is a child pornographer. Especially when I hear they only got ten months in prison and they’re wanting to cut that short.
She didn’t so much as fall as get shoved to the ground. The guy shoulder checked her. And prison terms seem to not be long enough for those that deserve them, as a general rule.
Well, I think 10 months is about right, not that I think child pornography is right AT ALL. It is completely disgusting and wrong. But it isn’t like he affected anyone but himself, now if he actually did do anything sexual with a child then he should get a life sentence.
Stupid sidewalk just rolled right up on her!
I saw it, too! I’ve got it all on film!
She was blinded by the flashes.
I’m offended that no one zoomed in to help her up.
They were too focused.
That fall pretty much shutter down.
She should have studied her aperture science.
Help a competing news photographer? I don’t picture that happening.
That’s not a good frame of mind.
If somebody would just F’ing-stop and help….
Iso think she needs to stop drinking on the job.
Asa matter of fact, I think you’re right.
Have we come to a resolution on this yet? Or are you guys just going to make a mega pixel out of it?
She will probably have to take her camera to the photoshop.
These puns are getting more and more obscura.
Don’t be so negative, we are trying our best.
It’s hard not to double-expose on these pun runs.
You have to admit that this fail lens itself to these puns.
If only thee was a way to filter the puns.
That does pose a problem.
We could try this stop bath over here.
What this fail needs is a good composition for the background music.
I think she failed on her objective.
*flashes the thread*
Sorry, did I just over-expose myself?
*snap*
.
I have digital pics of Brewski flashing everyone! Just email me for a copy.
He just can’t keep his pants on! Even with the triple security locking mechanism!
*sigh* I see I derailed another pun run! I can’t even picture what people will likely do to me!
*runs and hides*
*resolves to find sturdier pantolones locking mechanism*
I’ll give it a try Brewski.
She should maybe changed fields…she’s out of her depth.
Pardon me bit I DIN not hear you.
AA, your volume was a little light, meter it up a bit!
Maybe he shouldn’t. He might blowup.
Tripodding yourself in her shoes. How humiliating.
I wonder why she fell? Did her eyes gloss over, or did she trip on a matte?
Sepia can fix the pun run please.
FIRST? :O
Too focused or lack of focus…see more at FailGif.com
Yeah… FREE FUNNY VIDS AT THISISNOTSPAM.COM!
How in hell did that post make it past the filter?
Zurack has powers. Apparently.
Actually, I meant the blatant spam-ad above it, but likewise for Zurack.
*presses Zurack’s tempting candy-apple-red button*
*dives under the coffee table*
Fancy meeting you here. Do you like this mission style?
Mission style? Why…yes, yes I do!
It’s not the most inventive sty…oh. Wait. You said “mission” not “missionary”.
Nevermind.
(And apologies for the eventual double post…apparently my first one needed moderation.)
You know I’m good for at least a couple of posts.
DO.NOT.PRESS.THE.FART.BUTTON!
too late
*farts*
*lights a match*
Ups..
Wow, i think i will shutter for weeks because she droped those $2,000-$7,000 cameras with $2,000 lenses o_0
Oh, oh, stereo optic pun runs. If you look at them with special glasses, you see the puns in 3-D.
♫Then the shutter falls
You see it all in 3-d
Its your favorite foreign movie♫
Peg, is that you?
♪ When all my dime dancin’ is through
I run to you . . . ♪
I have a feeling our combined CD collection overlaps about 25%.
Only one way to find out.
Yeah they do, look at the very end, when its going dark.
You can see a white t-shirt just float on screen…
*important figure passing by,stay cool, stay cool, is that a peeled banana, shit*
That never would have happened if she was wearing hot shoes.
Would have ironed the creases right out.
Bump and fall. Classics.
Bump, fall, and flounder. A triple classic!
Bump, fall, flounder and drown.
Shake, rattle and roll
You weren’t paying attention, Mal. Your reply should have been “Bump, fall, flounder, drown and ___________” May I suggest – bloat?
Bump, fall flounder, drown, bloat, and moan.
Stop, drop, roll!
And then lay there as nobody helps you up.
Chivalry fail!
They were waiting to see if anything else developed.
That would be negative.
They just weren’t focused.
This optical-pun run is getting double-exposure. There’s already one developing up there ^^^
here, i have a gift for you. copy and paste it behind your name, it will help in the future. ♂
You’re going to follow me all around the Fails until I do, aren’t you? But then Leila wins!
hmmm, yup! I suggest doing it. lolz!
Not ’till you make a pouty-lip face.
Here, I can carry it for you if you don’t have room.
But I’ll charge you a small fee to lease the space.
I’m getting a different meaning out of what you’re doing there.
*re-reads post*
Hm. Nothing.
*turns on innuendo machine and then re-reads post*
Um… shorts too tight? Or… uh oh!
No, I’m full of potato right now, sorry!
*deletes extra ♂ *
Don’t forget to turn it off! I still shiver at the time when an entire room of machines were left on for the night.
*shivers and eye twitches*
here, i’ll give you this ♀ you can play with it if you want
Woooo!!!! Now we’re talkin’!!
shhhhh, you made me actually lol at work.
Didn’t you already resolve that question yesterday Brewski?
What is it with Brewski, and playing with it lately?
*walks up to chalkboard at front of blog, and writes “I will not get naked on Failblog” 100 times*
*makes cutest imaginable pouty-lip face* please… i’ll give you some of our cookies if you want
my comment is awating moderation, not sure why
um, but i made the face for you.
I trust you. How did you know I was a sucker for the pouty-lip face?
a birdy told me! you used it i am so happy *kiss*
You know, MRN, it’s the way you dress that causes folks to mistake your gender.
That, and the pink and tangerine hair color.
I did not!
lolz, well thenit was a dragon, there are a few of them around here.
But only one wears it well.
*smooch*
You have more than one fierce protector at your back.
*smooch*
I know.
*hug!*
the two guys were like “pssshhhhhhwahahahahahahah”
*faceplant*
*photosynthesis*
*respiration*
*gravitation*
*mastication*
*jubilation*
*procrasitnation*
*destination*
*polymerisation*
*chocolate deprivation!*
*maturation*
*revelation*
*interrogation*
*privatisation*
fish
*snork-isation!*
*improvisation*
Good evening, my fellow Americans. Today I’m here to talk to you about… fish?
*fraternization*
Abe Vigoda?
*dessication*
*cunctation*
*cross-fertilization*
*masturbation*
*altercation*
*osmosis*
*facecement*
don’t tease, he has an inner ear problem…. no eqilibrium.
he
she
oh, i didn’t take notice. oops, thanks
don’t tease, she has an inner ear problem…. no equilibrium.
How RUDE!
I saw your blog. That sounds similar to a glomus tumor – that’s what my daughter has. She sees a plastic surgeon next week. What did your doc say?
He thinks it’s just a fungus. He gave me a ’scrip for some ointment. He’s unsure if the nail will grow back though. And if it does, it may take about a year to look close to normal.
*squeezes Avis*
I hope it’s all okay
As long as it’s not cancer, it’s great!
Hurray!
*squeeze*
The one time in your life that you actually enjoy hearing “It’s not a tumah!” ?
Sorry… couldn’t resist
My Melanie’s tumor is under the nail of her little finger. It’s very painful to the touch. She’s already had it removed once (5 years ago) and it grew back. But they do have to remove the entire nail and, yes, it does take about a year to grow back normally.
The doctor gave me a name for the type of tumor he thinks it MIGHT be. The name is roughly 18 syllables long and I couldn’t begin to SAY it let alone spell it.
It doesn’t hurt all that much, a little tender is all. Same nail though, left hand.
Well, if your nail isn’t there to protect it, I’d bet it is a little tender!
My big toe nail was ripped off once, that was a major ouchie.
Judy, there isn’t a nail there. That’s why I ended up going to the doctor in the first place.
I had an ingrown toenail that got infected on a miserable trip to southern Wales (what fun). I was in pain for several days. And the worst bit was that my doctor wanted to get the procedure over and done, so he didn’t use anaesthetic.
I dropped a hammer on my big toe once. The entire nail did fall off. I don’t remember it taking an entire year to grow back, but it did happen a long time ago and my memory of the event is weak.
*winces*
Admiral! OW!
And Judy, it would be better if I had actually stopped to really READ your comment. It’s not just that the nail isn’t there, the skin is broken too.
Yup, the hammer fell from railing height right on my big toe. Strangely, it didn’t hurt at first. Once the numbness wore off, the pressure from the blood pooling under the skin was pretty intense. The whole toe turned various shades of purple.
*turns grey*
I think I need to sit down now.
Geez, you guys should all compete to win a Kindle or somethin’.
Poor Avis! *blows kisses at pinkie so it will get better*
I dropped a 12lbs shotput on my foot back in high school. It Crushed my second toe flat. Even since then my second toe on my right foot has been longer than my big toe.
A shot putter!! *applauds*
Shot put and discus were my events from middle school through college. I once got hit by a discus, but deflected it with my hand, so didn’t get seriously hurt.
I once decided to try throwing the girls discus in college, just for kicks. The light weight threw me off, and it went flying way out into the middle of a busy four-lane street. By some miracle, it didn’t hit any cars.
I have no body-parts-being-crushed stories. Owowowowowow! I am held together with nuts and bolts, though, which is kinda cool.
I have managed to not break any bones, though I may have fractured one or two of my toes over the years. I did manage to bruise every single rib on my left side. Rollerblading. Down a hill. Into a tree. I don’t recommend using that method to stop.
this thread made me feel ill. I am so sorry for all of your collective pain. I hope everyone survives all aflictions mentioned. *runs to bathroom hoping to make it in time*
So, Brewski, did you say the discus threw you?
Did that happen in any particular non-capitalist Euro/Asian country?
How did you know? In socialist Vietnam, discus throws you!
I recently tore my lcl, Lateral collateral ligament on my right leg. It causes some pain when standing on it for extended periods of time. This injury came from many years of soccer and the tackles that I sometimes entered into awkwardly. The worst part about it is that it in the future is threatening to fully tear, requiring extensive knee surgery to make it normal. I love soccer and don’t want to give it up, so this is going to be hard on me. Currently when I straighten my leg, my knee cap is not the farthest protrusion, this ball to the right of my knee cap develops and over shadows the rest of my knee. This makes some work very irritating as I can’t walk for too long without putting it into rest positions, either that or I will feel it when I try to get some sleep. This all reminds me, time for the ice pack.
Great.
(Awe, this comment looks lonely…)
Caesar’s
Ghost
Town
Hall
Mark
Twain
Dammit Crow, that was my line.
A little late on the delivery weren't ya?It’s complicated…twas thinking ahead.
Sorry AA, just saw a perfect spot to swoop into the conversation.
*snorkity*
’s bicycle
*snork*
Thanks, guys!
You know, if the silly thing I started up there^ took off, you would have had another stranded comment.
FIRST!
With all due respect, Mr. President, I don’t think so.
Was any respect due?
if and only if he is in fact JFK
Of course. He could be Lee Harvey Oswald in disguise.
Or Richard Nixon.
*Stuffs cotton in cheeks, to get that Marlon Brando Godfather look*
I am not a crook!!
It’s like the 37th President is in the room!
or Ronald Reagan.. maybee
*shakes head like Ward Cleaver might after finding that Beaver got into the cookies before dinner*
There you go again!
Ward, I think you’re being a little hard on the beaver.
Why does that get through the filter? And why did it back in the 50s?
I think that was before the Innuendo Machine had been invented.
They didn’t even have the Innuendo Analytical Engine?
.
(Brewski: I was a programmer and a SQL Server 2000 DBA before I gave that up a few yrs ago – since you asked.)
Ahhh. Not many restaurant workers/owners/whatever know C/C++!
while (!drunk) {
if (beer++>8)
drunk=TRUE;
}
toss(cookies);
I used to optimize servers – now I are one!
FOR i IN 1..3 LOOP
INSERT INTO mouth ( drink ) VALUES ( 'shiraz' );
END LOOP;
COMMIT;
*lengths face, wrinkles forehead and puts on glasses*
I do not like broccoli.
*applies cheek and nose rouge*
*speaks in voice that sounds like he just took an oversized bong hit*
I did not have sexual relations with that woman!
Riiiigghhht. Just like you did not inhale. Got it.
*growls*
*whitens hair*
*loads shotgun*
Be vewy vewy quiet, I’m hunting lawyers!
I had no idea dead people had access to the Internet.
Well, they can vote, can’t they? So why not surf the net, too?
And they can also be elected to public office, so this doesn’t surprise me in the least.
Many politicians are dead inside.
I find it a little odd when a spouse substitutes for a candidate that dies during a campaign.
That proves that the modern campaign is little more than a marketing campaign. Brand recognition is often more valuable than experience, their stance on various issues, or competency in general.
It could be more than a marketing campaign if we had more voters who did their research before entering the polls. Or is that too much to ask?
Do research? But… but… that’s WORK!
I’m afraid it was for the 2000 and 2004 voters.
Remember the interesting example of that about 10 yrs ago? The spouse of Mel Carnahan, who died just before the election, won a Missouri US Senate seat against…John Ashcroft. Had Ashcroft won, most of us probably would never have heard much about him again. (Technically, Mel’s name was still on the ballot, but it was a given that his wife would be appointed if he won.)
That was because NO ONE wanted Ashcroft! And Carnahan’s wife was just as knowledgeable as Carnahan himself. Of course about 3 months later (I forget how long) Ashcroft got a cushy APPOINTMENT. Ashcroft was/is an a$$.
Yah…we really, really didn’t want him, but we had no idea what was going to happen when we didn’t elect him. I admit…I voted for the dead guy.
Me too. I was still living in St. Louis at the time.
Of course they do! We even have one here on fb – zombie apocalypse is his name, I believe.
*does a happy giddy dance for being remembered and mentioned*
*unfortunately, the dance looks more like an undead lumbering, like most of his movements do*
Dude – it’s kind of hard to forget a zombie lumbering around.
*squeeze*
I discourage you from squeezing zombies. They tend to leave decaying flesh and maggots on you. And, ZA has an unfortunate habit of trying to eat everybody’s brains.
Today’s ‘powered by’ seems appropriate.
For a change. Hi cloral! *squeeze*
Hey velvet!
*squeeze*
Another good job of keeping the trolls away from the first comment today!
Thank you, thank you! I try my best! I must admit, my absolute faves are the ones where the troll’s FISRT is the second post. I can just hear Homer Simpson…
Doh!
“I am so smart. S-M-R-T, I mean, S-M-A-R-T” ~
Homer Simpson
as the house burns down around him
I remember that episode. Wasn’t that the one where Homer got into college, and he burnt his diploma in celebration?
his G.E.D.
A Wizard of Earthsea.
Well, I was in second post this time…but we had the same goal.
And I am more than happy to share the top spot with you and any other non-troll! *squeeze*
Our White Knight against the evil Trolls…
Wait a second, now there are good and evil trolls?
*looks confused, which is actually normal*
The normal trolls are those in Troll 2. Or were they goblins?
Now that I think of it, both kinds are horrible.
yes, way too funny!
So what do we have here? (have no video)
A photographer takes a walk and *BAM* faceplant?
Exactly, my chum.
Indubitably, old chap.
Precisely, old salt.
*sips tea and munches scone*
Prexactly, sweet pee.
Yes, no real value added to having audio this time.
Oh, not paying attention (again!) – no video either? You do miss the other photographers ignoring her writhing like a fish.
“Oh, my neck! My back!”
The guy being photographed shoulder checks the woman with the camera and no one even attempts to help her after she faceplants.
*facepalms*
Was she chewing gum at the time?
I didn’t see him actually make contact, but clearly his indifference to her being in the way of his brisk walk to the courthouse contributed to her fall. You might get a kick out of the 1st person out of the car, who has that stereotypical weasel lawyer look.
Considering the guy is (allegedly) into child pornography, he’s probably not interested in spending quality time with the media.
?
Ohhhhhh I misread what you all said…thought she just fell. *dohs*
I like the weaselly looking lawyers because they remind me of all the aspects of the law I don’t want to touch…
Well, there’s also the fact that it’s called Photographer Fail, when it’s not, it’s really….nevermind, not gonna even pursue that.
You spelled potato wrong.
*Presents Malicite with an official, regulation, 10-foot pole*
This will help you keep the proper distance.
*laughs and runs around waving his 10ft stick*
Can’t chew and walk at the same time.
I’d say this is a double photographer fail, considering the subject of the story is in trouble for taking indecent photos.
Second
I’m stunned.
65.2. Not too good, akshually. (Did I spell that right?)
Wait a minute! WHAT did I just say?
*facepalm*
Judy, are you feeling okay?
*checks for fever*
You know Brewski, those work orally too.
Not once you’ve used them that way.
I bet some do anyway, you rectum?
*tries to restrain herself*
*fails*
Rectum, hell. Damn near kilt ‘im!
*runs away*
I’m going to get to the bottom of this.
What happened to these kittens!?
Eeeeaaaaiiiiiii!
Stop squirming, Judy! You’re not making this any easier!
I’MFINEI’MFINEI’MFINE!!!!
*wiggles out of grasp*
*FLEES
Oh no, now she’s got fleas! Get the spray!
*yells after Judy*
Clench Judy! Clench!
You guy know that the ET finger has nothing to do with taking temperature right?
Judy will never get the hiccups again.
nevernevernevernevernevernevernevernever
*faints from exhaustion*
Gentlemen fail
All your fail belong to us.
Son of a betch!
Are the Betch family well known? I’ve never heard of them.
No? They were in all the news a while back. Dad was the original pedo-bear. And apparently, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
Chris Langham: Career Fail
I thought he was great in ‘The Thick Of It’ and ‘People Like Us’. Too bad about the child porn. Didn’t the Red Dwarf actor rape someone as well?
I seem to recall doing this myself many times hurrying around campus with an over-sized bag. And it usally happened in the center of campus, right under the bell-tower.
For whom does the bell toll?
♪ Take a look to the sky just before you fail,
it’s the last time you will ♫
*headbangs while raising both hands above head and making secret “devil” sign*
♪ Time marches on..on..on…on,
For whom the fail tolls ♫
♫Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don’t care, I’m still free
You can’t take the sky from me.♫
*smiles*
*Wicked guitar solo*
Yea!
You were hounded by news photographers under the bell tower?
I really am lucky none of my faceplants have made it on film.
*pours a liberal amount of BaconLube by Ms B’s front door*
*sets up motion-triggered camera*
Hee hee!
*notes to self to use back door*
O.o !
♫ The men don’t know, but the little girls understand. ♫
*comes in Ms. B’s front door*
*slides right out the back*
Oh No!!! I forgot to turn off the Innuendo machine!! So sorry.
*runs to flip switch, but finds machine engulfed in flames*
Now look what you’ve done!
*goes to fetch the fire extinguisher*
*runs back into room with horrified look*
Someone’s bought the damn thing!
Not another one!
Billy! Hand me one of those boxes of ShamWow’s please!
BEEP BEEP!
Hey, watch it! The innuendo machine could blow-
KAPOW!!!
Oh great.
Sowwy BFF!
Want help fixing this one?
That would be very kind of you, thanks. We’ll start by mopping the floor, ceiling, walls, windows and doors.
*offers ShamWow*
I’ll get the ShamWows.
*gets another box of ShamWows from the cabinet*
Here you go!
That should be plenty. Hello, what’s this…
Oh my god, it’s Billy Mays! He’s been trapped under that pile of ShamWows!
Vince must have hidden him there some time ago!
And he’s still screaming at us to buy the confounded things! I wonder why we couldn’t hear him.
Billy sells Zorbees, perhaps VInce drugged him?
Well, he had to do something to guarantee that new contract! Billy is his biggest competitor at those auditions.
Well, at least we don’t have to mop the dados and joists – which is good, ’cause I don’t even know what they are.
that fall is awesome for so many reasons.
Dear god. She got a right facefull of concrete then… I say “she”, I thought it was a bloke until I saw the other comments. XD
thank you! I thought the gender was ambiguous as well, and i got yelled at for saying ‘he’.
I thought Fail Blog agreed to remove intro ads, they just replaced one with another.
*THWACKS Baller with the shellacked mackerel*
*golf claps*
Another birdie.
*kicks unconscious Baller into Boggy’s cage*
I wonder where that fellow is these days.
Make sure to clean that off before the next use.
Good idea.
Wow…you were quite violent with this one. But at least I know what not to ask here.
That wasn’t violent. Those I get violent with have radiation burns.
I swear it’s not me.
^
|
This comment doesn’t belong here. Sorry.
It belongs down there, right? \/
*offers Pirx a cookie*
Yes, you’re right. And thanks for the cookie.
The cookies are from a previous fail. They have a special ingredient.
Allow me a guess: is it sweet pee?
Bleah! No, these are Dark Side cookies. When you eat them, they make you do naughty things like change B2F’s fuzzy slippers for angry ferrets. Stuff like that. They’re yummy, though. Have some.
Don’t mind if I do!
*munches cookie*
*freezes*
*eyes turn red*
Muahahahaha!
*eats some Dark Side cookies*
Am I evil now?
Have you done any naughty things?
*steals Iusuallylurk’s keyboard and mouse*
Not yet.
*tries to type a reply*
*has no keyboard*
*shakes fist at nrx*
*gives keyboard back*
Nobody wanted to buy it from me, so you can get it back.
And it’s not an n, it’s a pi.
Thank you. Sorry about the name, my computer makes it look like an “n”.
The reason that specky twat never stopped to help was because he hates the press for bringing it to peoples attention that he’s a dirty ‘kin paedo bastard
wow, go cool off.
Offers ouch some sweet
teapee.Poor camera..
)
Who is this “opinion” of which you speak?
This is not the opinion you are looking for.
Ugh. 224 comments late to a fail…..for shame.
This is a test of the emergency posting service.
Survey says……
Postings are working again….alright,alright alright.
Pssst! Tulaib just explained the Audi Fail. —->
I’m sooo glad that was cleared up.
Indeed…I was soooo confuzzled.
Tulaib may have just solved one of the world’s greatest mysteries.
Why Ms. B’s back door squeaks?
It’s gotten to the point that when someone makes a comment like that *I* make the shocked face. THEN I type it out.
So, would you say you have facial issues?
A little more Baconlube might fix that up.
Ooops…Didn’t see the comment below.
*scritches Baconlube comment off everyone’s brain*
Too late! Baconlube™ cannot be scritched off the brain!!
Muahahahaha!
*shakes self*
I think I’ve had too many Dark Side cookies.
Oo! Cookies!
*munch*
*Dalek-like voice*
Now. DW. Will. Join. Us. Join. Us. Join. Us.
Muahahaha! Welcome DW!
Hm…?
*munch munch*
Good cookies.
*munchity-munch*
(Apparently evil cookies don’t work on those who already have a badass wicked streak.)
But… but… aw, man!
*giggles*
Can’t believe they thought the evil cookies would work on DW!
*chuckle*
*squeeze!*
Too…much…innuendo…can’t…take…much…more!!!
If I were you, I’d divert power to the forward shields…
Beam me. To a planet. With sexy. Female. Aliens. In mini. Skirts.
BOOM!
Now look what you’ve done! Better get the ShamWows.
Who told you that?!
Maybe she needs more Baconlube™
BAWAHAHAHAHA.
I completely the control the bottom 5% of this fail. I am 1% closer in my evil plot to take over the intranets.
*puts on mask and fuzzy slippers*
*replaces fuzzy slippers with angry ferrets*

Muahahahaha!
*runs*
*chases after IUL in jeep*
I’ve always had Limited options in my jeeps.
%$^%$^%&$%^&@#$$!@$!@#$!@$!@#%@#$%#$%@#%@#$%@#$^#$%^%$^%#$%^#%$^%$^#$%^#$%^@#$%#$%@#$%@#%#@$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@#$%@#%#$%%@#$
.
Owe
Has your keyboard got Tourettes, B2F?
No, I had angry ferrets on my FEET!
Were they dictating?
A ferret bit my finger yesterday.
Did a moose bite your sister?
Moose bits can be nasti…
*changes “bits” to “bites”*
It would have worked that way too.
You spelled møøse wrong.
I don’t have a sister.
Otherwise, does the routine work?
And, I think your bid of 4 hearts stands. I hope you have at least 13 points in your hand and a couple winners.
AW…. I lost.
B2F – get your cat off the keyboard!
*bites tongue*
Oh, so NOW you start showing restraint???
less is more…right?
more or less.
Unless your name is Les Moore. (click)
His parents must have a twisted sense of humo(u)r.
I’ll bet a few times / year that Web page gets 50-100 hits in 10 minutes, then goes dormant for 3-4 months.
I remember when we overloaded the Web site of a sushi restaurant in Florida.
Oh! That was the Dragon Eye Roll, right? (not sure of hyphens)
Sushi?
*drools*
Ok, I know what I want for dinner tonight.
Good memory, MRN.
There is SO much more to Dragon than meets the eye.
Oh man, I totally forgot about that sushi fail! Poor little mousie…
♪ Memories… ♫
*tries to post ONE MORE TIME…*
Whew.
Ok…just a tip, guys. If the filter moderates one of your comments and ends up throwing it out as “unacceptable”…you are apparently not every allowed to post ever again. I had to put in a new email address to get this to show up!
(Why ‘y’??…*takes it back and saves it for later*)
Geez! How naughty were you?
Er, DW, I’m not having any problems, but thanks for the tip, anyway.
Does restraint mean you have acquired straint to begin with?
Lord, give me straint.
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
Well, there’s a shocker.
*snickers*
*hugs*
*hugs!*
I wonder if B2th will strainten out now that he’s given himself a facial.
*wonders what you wrote
*
I made reference to a woman’s name in a James Bond film. Honestly, that’s all I did!
*innocent look*
Hehe, I’m sure it was a stroke…of genius!
Oh no. I guessed your reference. Testing…
Mine got denied too, but I’m still able to post! Ha ha!
:p
Yay!
:p
I’m glad you got something to work!
Cat got your tongue?
*snickers*
OH, cmon! that’s not right, you KNOW I can’t resist a perfectly good open shot to make a crud remark….*continues to bite tongue*
Could this be the begining of a new B2th? Will his evil plot to take over the intranets succeed? Will the sun really come out tomorrow?
Find out next time.
Later all. *hugs*
Maybe, no, and maybe.
♪The sun will come out tomorrow,
betch yer bottom dollar that tomorrow,
there’ll be sun!
Tomorrow, tomorrow,
I love you, tomorrow!
You’re only a day away!♪
Tune in next week, same B2F time, same B2F channel.
The Bold and the B2F.
*has a momentary attack of conscience*
*offers B2F a cookie*
Trip-and-FAIL
Have a nice trip next fail
he was attacked by the evil pedo O_O
Either it’s not loading for me, or I’m to stupid to realize that it’s just a white photo. NO CALLING ME “STUPID” COMMENTS NECESSARY! I will not get them, anyways.
It’s a YouTube video of a female photographer falling flat on her face.
I just wanted to explain how many points you just got for that. 100000. But, the points are like my clickie. (I just forgot to add them down there)
Is it me or at the begining there is a boob just before the clip starts ?
That’s the BBC News logo, not a breast. Has someone watched too much porn?
*quickly hides computer under mattress*
W-w-w-what? Knock before you come in!
Sorry, I was just-
Is it me or do I hear some grunting and moaning?
No! I mean Yes! It’s a møøse! Help! It’s biting Alice’s….errr… *damn!*
*taps foot and raises eyebrow*
I hope you’ve not been looking at what I think you’ve been looking at.
*Shuffles in*
Wha’d I miss?
*SNORK!*
GRAPE LADY 2009! hahahhaa
ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
*falling from chair*
Clean up on Aisle 7!
*grumblegrumble*ShamWow*muttermutter*
*pokes blogmonster one more time*
I’ll get this one.
*pays*
OWW!!hello all is everyone focused.?
Focused on what, exactly?
Exactly what. You defined what we were focused on Bff, 1000 points for you. The points don’t matter, yup like the police department in Columbia.
I love that show!
Yet another commonality. Oh and I luv you. *Smooch*
DID HE DIE?
It was a she…?
Should I?
(Hi Everyone!!!!)
I feel terrible for laughing, considering the topic.
hahaha…that was HILARIOUS! i love it when people fall. unless it’s me…not so funny then.
I can’t laugh at a person falling down when I hear the person the story is focusing on is a child pornographer. Especially when I hear they only got ten months in prison and they’re wanting to cut that short.
She didn’t so much as fall as get shoved to the ground. The guy shoulder checked her. And prison terms seem to not be long enough for those that deserve them, as a general rule.
Well, I think 10 months is about right, not that I think child pornography is right AT ALL. It is completely disgusting and wrong. But it isn’t like he affected anyone but himself, now if he actually did do anything sexual with a child then he should get a life sentence.
Exploiting a child due to child pornography deserves much more then 10 months.WTF??? Do you think the children in child pornography are willing, uncoerced participants?!
You nailed it.*picks jaw up off floor*
Thanks, darlin’…I’m glad you were here to say this when I wasn’t.
Personally, I think they should make a hip hight, tiny guillotine for these… “people”.
Oh ! Camera well ?
love how the prick lawyer barely takes a glance at her likes she’s SOOOO unimportant.
I thought that was funny too.hahah…she wasn’t shoved at all! she ran in front of him, he tried to move JUST A BIT…and then 2 seconds later, she fell….still funny.
it is funny at the end when the reporter says “tying to take a decent photograph…” then the girl falls! LOL!!!
That was simply the best post . I will keep visiting your blog so keep them coming
LOL Paparazzi. In his pre-paedo days Langham ruled in The Thick Of It.
Wonder how much of the equipment went totally bust as she fell on it… that’s a lot of money for being stupid.
that’s in maidstone in kent!!
Yeah dude! I used to live just up the road from this place! So weird seeing it on Failblog.
Ahh, i love how she doesn’t try and get up, she just lies there.
This is major LOL factor. Congratulations!
Haha, those puns…
Maybe she was just looking for a different angle, who knows ?
LAWLZ she looks like a turtle on its back
the first time watching, I didn’t see the guy failing
That’s more of a WIN: you know he’s a bad guy!
That fail was in my “home town”, Maidstone.
did she die?
does the other photographer in the background flash himself in the face at the same time? or does it just look that way? XD
thattcchheed roof cottaggaaasssssssssss!!!
Is that a hobbit or a person?
douche