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Yes.
Duh…. Can’t figure it out yet?
I have trouble with standardized tests…
I have to go now
Cya later, everyone! *Throws confetti*
*throws standardized tests*
Bye!
*gets riddled with paper cuts and collapses*
Oops! Sorry, Mal.
Hey – anybody got some band-aids?
No. But I have some kool-aid.
GIMMIE !
Easy on the kool-aid… might turn you into a girl or boy.
Noooooooooooooo!!!
Ahh! The Kool-Aid jug is leaking!!! Someone get some Band-Aids to patch it with!
“We don’t have Band-Aids. We have more Kool-Aid Though…”
You sir, need to get some duct-tape.
Duct-tape fixes everything, even the dude’s pants two fails from here.
Fail pic counting Fail.
Is it lime? Or grape? Mmmmmm….purple drink.
OH NO!
OH NO!
OH NO!
OH YEAH! 8D
That’s what she said.
WILL PEOPLE PLEASE STOP SAYING “OH NO” IN MY COURTROOM?!
Oh, no.
perchance it’s a coconut?
i have band-aids… HOPE YOU LIKE DORA THE EXPLORA!!
*throws dora the explorer band-aids*
That’s a whole lotta paper cuts.
*cleans Malicite’s cuts with Bactine and covers each one with a Scooby Doo bandage*
.
I’ve always wanted to play doctor with you.
.
HA!
Hahaha! I make a good patient. *squeeze* Thanks!
Hmmm….
*grabs some construction paper and cuts Mal some more*
I AM ALWAYS THERE TO RUIN DA MOOD >:D
OKay thats not a fail….. CUz its asking you whether your a girl or boy….. But you may be a women or a man .. So it could be a yes or no question depending on the quiz
good answer…:O I didn’t think that way…:o
Well, you can’t be a “women”. So your response is a fail.
Well, if you answered no…
#1: Are You a Girl or Boy
O Yes
@ No
If no, WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU
a gremlin
HA!!! good one
this is not a chat room people
oh lol yes i am a boy or girl. would you like me to specify which? it could say are you a cow or a boy or girl?
None of the above.
Maybe?
All three.
You know, it all depends on how you read it.
If you’re not a boy or a girl then most likely you’re a shemale.
That’s because you’re a MAN!
.
*squeeze*
*Squeezes anyways*
Today’s a slow day.
Oh, there you are! I was worried for a minute! Good morning!
That was for you, Velvet, but it’s also so darn good to see everyone here this morning! As I was telling Brewski, weekends here are just unbearable! *hugsies* to one and all!
We’re having major computer issues today. A lady here kept getting a popup all last week about a trojan virus on her computer but didn’t think to tell anyone about it until this morning. ARGH! Now everything’s farked up.
Welcome to the world of wonderful computer people!
*squeeezeeee*
I hope everything goes well. Just make sure to remember that it is okay to hurt someone for being stupid.
Then you’ll have a good time down there.
It is???
*thinks about the idiot that stopped at the green light this morning…*
If this was commonplace, there would be mass assaults on congress.
*gives good morning squeeze to Mal*
This is one way we can stop the devolution of our species… target the stupid people.
Unfortunately they are reproducing too fast to have a chance.
We’re too outnumbered for a direct assault. Trust me, I deal directly with the public. Nerds have developed passive-aggressive attacks on stupid people to a high art. Just keep doing what you’re good at.
Stupid people have a habit of doing things that take them out of the gene pool anyway. Not enough of them do, and it seems to be a dominant trait, but I have faith.
(I like to make fun of the Trixies that wear strappy sandals and mini dresses in the middle of February. In Chicago. Without coats.)
*squeeze* back atcha
*leaves glass of wine in Judy’s hand*
Out of interest, where’s Arthur? I wanna serve him some of those drinks he liked, what were they called again?
Thanks, Rich! No, haven’t seen Arthur yet today, but I’m not on with the 4:00 a.m. failfolks.
“What do you do?”
“I work the 4am shift at FB.”
Hahahahaha.
Hadn’t actually thought of that.
.
*squeeze*
I thought it’s because he’s a moomin.
*SQUEEZES*
*squeezes both*
Sorry, I was interrupted by work *SQUEEZES*
Hey, a squeeze party!!
*inserts lemons to make lemonade*
*squeezes!*
Oooh! Now you’re talking my language! I’m all about some lemonade!!
.
*SQUEEZE*SQUEEZE*SQUEEZE*
Oooh! Freshly squeezed friends!
*sip*
Refreshing!
Yay! It’s an all out lemon party!
I don’t care whether you know what you’re saying or not. Just don’t say it again.
You don’t support the Parti Citron in Canada?
“For a bitter Canada!”
I shall inform my people of this occasion! (look at my name^^^)
What if you’re transgender?
Then you click No.
I went transgander once. I hurt.
Err… IT hurt. The pecker, not the gander.
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
Here’s your “squeeze” from the last fail, B!
Judy, since I missed you last fail, I was thinking the same thing about the weekends. I shuddered at least twice.
I actually uttered the phrase, “I’m looking forward to Monday”!
That should be illegal.
Yes it should. hey, hav you seen any trolls in need of destroying?
ATTACK PEOPLE OF TROLLIA!!!!!!!
*squeezes*
Ah, Monday. How was the weekend?
I showed an out-of-town visitor around Boston. We went to a Toadies concert. Also heard Soul Asylum, Lemonheads, Seven Mary Three, and Shawn Mullins at an outdoor music festival on a beautiful sunny afternoon!
Great weekend! Got a lot of leftover aggression out on the weeds in my flower beds. Cleaned out closets. Did laundry (the machines are still new, so it’s still fun!)
Sounds a little blah compared to yours, though. I have heard of Soul Asylum and Seven Mary Three, but none of the others, I’m afraid. My daughter actually rolled her eyes at me when I said “Who’s Emery?”
Laundry? Judy, you really need to slow down, that’s getting pretty wild and crazy!
I know! You should see me with a vacuum cleaner! I can really set the place to rockin’!
Wow sad they should put a other!
Education loves to limbo!
How low can you go?
How low can you go?
Yes well, we’ve all heard about grade inflation. You don’t want those little terrors back in your classroom for another year, right??
*squeeze*
*squeeze*
Hi velvet!
Haha…wow thats great
well of course im a girl/boy if i werent i woudent be human
Congratulations. I think he’s spotted the joke. Now be a good little doggy and learn to use grammar, ok?
wuts gwammawr?
I wouldn’t Bo up to him if I were you.
huh? wut dat mean?” duuuuuuude make sum sense duuuude kmon u make so sense
Wow, even the Kittehs don’t know WTF you just said
welll i dosent ithers and me wotes its ma selfs me mkes no senses
My troll translator is broken.
*removes Vista home basic off of troll translator and replaces with XP*
wuta is ma troll?
of course they didnt they cats they cant read
*sigh*
wuts wong is u a sad person? hows me makes us fealds bettwers?
bye peoples me has to gwoes nows
*peers out from behind curtains*
Is it gone?
Bye! Remember, Failblog is changing their web address, so go to Failblog (dot) com from now on.
I wonder if he thought we would care?
Well.. I was relieves to read that.
*eyes fluffy suspiciously*
Is that troll-speak catching?
Nevers!
Opps… Is was relieves to reads thats.
I was glossing through the comments and saw this without the rest… I almost failed so hard
*wonders if hit rate on failblog (dot) com will go up tomorrow*
DIE TROLL!!!!!!!!!! *slays the stupid troll*
REVENGE! *cuts off ceilingcatblvr’s head off*
*sighs with Judy* you need to stay in more.
(geddit? instead of get out more?)
I’m a real boy!
*notices woody*
I’ll say.
Damn cotton shorts.
Now that’s a sight to see on Monday morning!
MMW? Monday Morning Wood?
Micro Machine Wheelies.
*brumbrumneowm*
Missed My Woman?
Melted My Wisconsin [cheddar].
masticated my woolite?
Must Muster Willpower?
Might Masticate Wheaties this morning.
Maybe More Waffles?
Murdered My Willpower *drinks some vodka while smoking a cigarette*
Cheese is made of tylonal..
Soylant Green is made of people.
*Homer voice*
Mmmmmmmm… Soylent Green!!
WTF? That’s like when i said ‘Chairs have faces’ last night when my meds wore off! maybee you should have some Riddilin perscribbed for you.
Riddle me this.
Trolls are made of little bits of binary code.
10101010101010101010101!
There’s no option of an ‘it’?
That’s too bad…
Morning all!
How do you answer if you’re a hermaphrodite or transgender?
You click No.
*squeeze*
Morning! *squeeze*
This was a comment fail. I need to stop repeating prior comments. Refresh refresh refresh. I need to stop repeating prior comments. Gotta read through first. I need to stop… oh wait, already said that.
Brewski, you gotta stop repeating prior comments. Refresh refresh refresh.
I just want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you.
YES! Absolutely! For Sure! Positively!
Ummmm, No! Probably Not! Negative!
Make up your mind!
Don’t put pressure! I does stuff to people!
*It
What is this stuff you do to people?
I’m not about to find out.
Oh yes you are! *makes Brewski watch while he does stuff*
Doesn’t that make your elbow hurt?
No, I have extra bacon lube.
My nose aches just thinking about it.
I suggest reading US Patent #4722666 :
Nose cowl mounted oil lubricating and cooling system . Perhaps this will aid your nose distress?
Yes, what?
*squeeze*
Hmm, could of been.
*swaps “of” with “have” before Judy goes postal*
You shouldn’t of done that…
hahaha!
Couldn’t of said it better.
*squeeze*
Was that a jam squeeze for me?
*blushes*
Aww, you shouldn’t of.
Aw, c’mon, you guys! No fair ganging up on me!
We wouldn’t of normally. It’s just the way we talk.
*squeeze*
It is safe to squeeze now, right?
*sob!*
*curls up in the fetal position in a corner*
There there DW.
*squeeze*
We shouldn’t of done that to you and Judy.
That’s the reason why I can’t handle bad grammar.
XPhile, are you northern too?
Nope, Georgia. My parents were Yanks,though.
Thanks, sweetie!
*smooch*
They are just being politically correct, in case any animals are about.
maybe
did someone just fart?
Sorry…
I’d squeeze you but I’m scared now.
Just now? I’m always scared around you guys!
Jam!!!11!!oneone!!eleven!!
Nice to see you again! *tries to remember what jam likes**fails* what do you want?
Well hello there bartender. Long time no serve!
That drink would be a ’sex on the beach’ but I’ll just have a tea since the bar is closed.
JUDY!!!!!!! whew…..will someone crack a virtual window?
I’ll go comment from the other side of the room.
*shatters window*
Sorry, hit it too hard. Just meant to crack it.
Maybe.
But it wasn’t Art.
And it wasn’t Bart.
It was Fargo.
Well of course I’m a boy or a girl.
Nope, you’re a dude.
But not The Dude.
Dude, you’re being very un-dude right now.
Hahahaha, great movie!
The Big Lebowski?
Dude, Where’s My Car?
Tropic Thunder?
All of the above.
I know what dude he’s not.
He’s not the dude playin’ the dude, disguised as another dude!
Well, they finally did it. They killed my f**king car.
*gives B2th’s car a funeral*
*raises B2th car from the dead*
*starts driving around in it, instead of limping around like a dumb zombie*
Hey, this car was pretty nice!
Dude, where is your car?
*dances showing off bling*
Playa!
*wiggle dances with Moomin*
Playa de las Americas?
*boogies on down*
You grew hands?
*shakes it all up*
It’s a full house in here! Sorry ’bout that.
No worries.
I got the TiVO!
*sigh*
I should have known. It’s cos I don’t read the script, the script reads me.
Easy there killer! I set Rian loose on the “soviet russia” people a few fails ago. I don’t know whether he’s calmed down yet…
We of Russia thank you.
Shoulda known, shoulda cared
Shoulda hung around the kitchen in my underwear
Shoulda *SQUEEZED!* the Moomin.
Underwear optional, though.
Is this LEILA on her gender identification campaign?
Hadn’t thought of that! Comment win!
This is a gender identification FAIL however.
And she hasn’t failed since she turned carnivore that one time. Well, maybe not a fail but not something I want to see again.
Heeeee!!!
Do not want to be reminded of that day.
*reminds LEILA of that day*
No. Please don’t.
*goes in corner and rocks back and forth*
I promise to be good.
This is a test of the emergency gender system.
This is only a test.
Had this been a real emergency, a BondFanForever clone would have
run screaming from the room, jumped into a jeep and driven
over a cliff.
*squeezes all*
We now resume normal failblogging.
Is that normal?
I guess if it is normal it might be normal.
I for one, refuse to be normal.
Good thing. There ain’t room for the two of us!
So do I. Now I must go destroy trolls.
oh no you wont, ATTACK!!!!!
But then noramlcy becomes aberrant, deviancy becomes standard, up becomes down, chocolate becomes vanilla and
*head explodes*
Oh, wait, never mind, I read that wrong.
*scoops head back together*
Good! ‘Cause I wasn’t gonna clean that up.
Nor was I.
Wait….. Hey, Judy, was my grammar correct?
You’re not normal anymore. Normal people don’t have explosive craniums.
It’s rigged in case the transmissions leak through my tin foil hat.
I know a good mechanic, if you need one. Those leaks are not normal, you know. *nods knowingly*
Naw, I just add more fluid when it starts smoking.
If you’re having a lot of trouble with smoke you probably need to change your head gasket.
Abnormal is the new normal.
*perfect hillbilly accent*
Ah be normal as anyone-a ya’s.
♫This is a public service announcement, this is only a test. Emergency evacuation protest.♫
You know, statistically people who are boys or girls get paid 50% more than those who are not.
Isn’t that gender bias?
Absolutely, and this is a survey on discrimination.
80% of statistics are made up 50% of the time,
so it can’t be gender bias.
Of the other 50%, 20% are incorrect, 15% are guesses, 30% are politically slanted, and there’s a 4% margin for error.
-19%! A new record!
Statistically it must have happened at least 4.3 times in pre-recorded history.
Pointy-Haired Boss: It’s come to my attention that 40% of our employees’ sick days fall on either a Monday or a Friday. Do you guys think I’m a fool?
Do you know that 47,3% of the pointy-haired bosses find this joke offensive?
did you know that 52.7% of people don’t believe any percentages that they see on the internet?
and 0.1% of those said persons would be me.
Did you know that zombies might believe all these statistics …. if they only cared.
That’s more than half!
That’s a matter of opinion.
It’s only a matter of time.
Or bi-gender?
By golly!
By Jove! I do believe they’ve got it.
By cycle! They rode it home!
By nary! There’s only two numbers!
By polar! Didn’t know if I was happy or sad.
I for one am happy to see you Judy. *squeeze*
By bye! This pun run is no longer fun.
Did I ruin it?
By George! She’s done it again!
Hahahahahaha.
*squeeze*
Seriously, what is wrong with me? I will punish myself in my usual corner. *stooopid! stooopid! stooopid*
Here’s an earworm for you to listen to while you’re in time out:
♪
I’m a gummi bear,
Yes I’m a gummi bear,
Oh I’m a yummy, tummy, funny, lucky, gummi bear.♫
It made me laugh.
Don’t punish yourself.
♪ I’m a gummi bear,
Yes I’m a gummi bear,
Oh I’m a yummy, tummy, funny, lucky, gummi bear.♪
*repeats over and over again while in a fetal position*
I’m sorry Leila. That song has been stuck in my head all day. My son absolutely loves the video. He shakes his little butt every time I play it.
Yep, you rectum.
By law yes. But you get a pardon because you are sooooo nice.
Aaaw! Thank you Starfish. *squeeze* Promise to be more careful with my responses going forward.
By God, Leila! Get with it! Notice how we’re all beginning our comments with “By ______”?????
Follow suit, girl!
*squeeze*
By now we’ve come to expect it though.
By the way, I think it has got funnier each time.
I approve of LEILA’s actions.
By and large, it doesn’t matter!
LOLZ — ♪ Gettin’ jiggy with it ♪
-
Sorry … I am supposed to seem contrite … which I am. Judy, I am telling you, my brain is much worse when there is no caffeine in the system. LOL
-
Okay so, how did I do with the pun run below. I made a ‘down’ comment. Do I pass?
-
*waits nervously and starts biting toenails*
Eeew, you should at least wash the toenails before you bite them. I am, however, impressed with your flexibility.
Yoga does wonders ya know?
-
I guess I should have washed the toes eh? *getting queezy*
I like the yoga with the fruit on the bottom.
I’m not familiar with that pose. Downward Yoplait?
Only the real posers know it.
Are those unaudited numbers?
Shhh! You know 73% of numbers haven’t paid their taxes in over 20 years!
I just got a Jehovah’s Witness at the door! Funny how they run when you answer naked.
That gives me a great idea for a fail survey: How many failbloggers actually answer their door when someone knocks or rings the bell?
I do 80% of the 20% of the 40% of the 63% of the time I’m not doing anything and want some entertainment.
Act I; Scene I
(Jehovah’s Witnesses at the door)
J W to foop: Would you like a free copy of our fine magazine?
(foop nods; takes little booklet)
JW to (silent) foop: Can we come in?
foop (screams answer) *looks very O.o*: NAKED!!!!!!
Wow, it worked … lookit ‘em go! No idea those ladies in sensible shoes could run like that …
Thanks for the tip, X.
All in a fail’s work.
I’m planning to have a pentagram prominently placed right behind where I answer the door for exactly this purpose.
*answers door with Judas Priest blasting in background*
Why yes, come in! You can hold the goat down for our sacrificial ceremony!
*imagining their faces & immediate reacion*
*laughs aloud*
*gives you tremendous round of applause to your finely warped sense of humor*
Next time JW shows ups, start coughing and tell them you are still recovering from swine flu.
An old Dave Barry classic for getting rid of insurance salesman. I hid in a bedroom, while friend answers the door:
Salesman: Is Brewski home?
My friend: Yes, but I think he’s dead. Brewski? Are you dead yet?
Brewski: Not yet. Who is it?
Friend: A visitor.
Brewski: Oh goody! Send him in! I haven’t had a visitor since poor old Wesley Bumpers came to see my last week. Speaking of which, I wish you’d get him out of here. He’s beginning to spoil.
Salesman: Perhaps I’ve picked a bad time.
Brewski: Not at all! Come on in.
*coughs violently, tosses a bucket of giblets into the room*
Salesman: I just realized I’m late for an important meeting in Belgium. I’ll stop by later. *holding breath, he barges out the door*
Aaaaahahahah!!! I thought I was bad. I usually tell my family to tell the telemarketers that *sniff* I’ve passed away. Morbid isn’t it? *sprays holy water around her*
*patches the holes in the water*
MUAHAHAHAH!!!
I just let them see my boxer and pitbull/boxer mix and tell them that they are extremely dangerous and I may not be able to control them. (even though they are the most well behaved and loving dogs ever.)
Note to self: replace 3lb Yorkie with two boxers or pitbulls.
Dead people don’t have this problem. I’m not sure if it’s the decomposition smell, the sight of rotting flesh falling off the bones or the maggots crawling through everything, but most religious people (including JW’s) run screaming from us.
.
Another idea for you living folk who don’t want to be bothered? Just make sure it’s not some excitable gun nut – they tend to shoot first and run screaming later!
Even though I was pushing for easy ID of gender in FB, I want you all to know, I have nothing to do with this fail.
-
Good morning!
Good morning! *SQUEEZE*
Are you sure you got nothing to do with this one? Seems pretty suspicious…
*gives Leila a leftover balloon*
*raises right* I tell the truth and nothing but the truth. *squeeze*
Thank you!!!
-
A BALLOON!!!! Eeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!
Morning Leila! Hope you had a great weekend
‘morning Mal *squeeze* I did have a wonderful weekend. I hope you did as well.
I got to play with a baby raccoon on Saturday. That always makes for a great weekend.
Was it acting all slutty and just asking for it?
I am intrigued. Please tell me how one ends up playing with a baby *gulp* raccoon. Did you make a stop @ the hospital on the way home?
A friend of a friend adopted two of them. One is going to go wild, so they are going to release it soon, but the other one is injured and dependent on people. It seriously acts like a fusion of a kitten and a monkey. It’s sweet, affectionate and it likes to climb up one’s shoulder to perch like a parrot. I need a pet :/
Whew! I thought maybe you were out and about and decided it was a splending idea to mess with a raccoon.
-
So the chances of it being released into the wild is probably slim now since it’s human dependent, no?
I’ve heard that raccoons make terrible pets because even the docile ones get wild when they reach adulthood. I’m sure it wouldn’t be impossible this critter to stick around, but I’m betting that one day he’ll disappear into the world of garbage eating.
Good Morning!
I know it was you really.
You have to prove it.
Got any coffee meanwhile?
*squeezes LEILA*
Touche Moomin. :p
You two are in cahoots.
And name fail :p
Prove it!
Hang on, I’ll take a picture.
*puts on make up* Cheeeeeeeeese…
*offers pineapple and cheese on a stick*
I love pineapple and cheese!!!! Why is it on a stick?
Because everything is better with a stick. I direct your attention to corn dogs. They would be a nasty, cornbread covered piece of everything you don’t normally eat, if they weren’t on a stick….
Can I have some coffee on a stick?
Coffeesicle!!!
Do I just dip it in sugar and cream or is it all inclusive?
That depends on where you bought them. If you got it at a truck stop you might want to keep it away from children and pets, because it’s highly corrosive.
Leila, check out the clickie. Yes, it is entirely work safe. You said you wanted coffee on a stick right?
OMG! Frozen coffee? What in the world? LOL I bet Starbucks is livid for a missed opporunity.
Whatza CAHOOT?
And how do 2 people get into one?
*whistles*
*touches jam*
Is that an ET finger in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
Naughty.
*wags finger at jam*
*is hypnotised by the glow*
You are feeling sleepy.
When I click my fingers you will awake and admit you are in cahoots with LEILA.
*click*
*blank stares*
I am in red boots with LEILA.
And you have a bicycle helmet and a dobermann?
I’m also very handy to know!
I was wondering why the boots were tight today. Guess that answers it.
Again he asks:
Whatza CAHOOT?
And how do 2 people get into one?
Forget about it Roadkill, it’s a living thing.
It might be those endangered owls in California.
CA = California
HOOT = Owlspeak for hello
However, I have no idea how one gets into one. Sorry.
*squeeze*
Haven’t seen you a few days…and you changed your name.
Been away on safari. Wooo!
You weren’t meant to notice the name…sssh!
A safari? Wow…I think I am jealous now. Well, I usually turn green when anyone goes off on vacation.
Hope you had a great time.
*goes to kitchenette and makes perculator noises while making instant coffee*
*realises he’s accidently making chicken noise*
Pok pok pok pok pok.
Here you go.
A passing chicken was selling fresh coffee.
But was it a boy or a girl?
Yes.
No.
[scouse accent]
The Mersey
*giggles*
[/scouse accent]
ROFL
Thank you Moomin.
*sniffs coffee before drinking and takes a sip* It’s perfect!
Economy must be really bad when chickens have to resort to selling coffee door-to-door eh?
They have to scratch a living out somehow.
Soooooooo, did you ever watch that clicky?
I have 2 clickies I MUST watch from you and Avis. I’ve been running around all weekend and hardly had time. I haven’t forgotten.
I watched the clicky, Moomin. I must admit my hubby was ready to commit me, I was laughing so hard!
*squeeze*
They’re just winging it until steady work comes along.
You’d think they’d have a nest egg for a rainy day.
That one was ova my head.
You must be yolking.
Yes, I thought it was (over) easy.
You’ve been cooped up for too long.
It’s starting to smell fowl in here.
Don’t get your feathers ruffled.
I am totally down with this.
*Gives LEILA a peck on the cheek*
I’m hatching a new plan as we speak.
Give me a minute, and I shell come up with something witty to contribute.
Plucky of you to admit.
*wanders in, combing hair*
Hey…! What are you guys up to?
*takes candid picture of DW combing her hair*
*crops it*
*does the chicken dance, because nothing else comes to mind*
Get down, Xphile!
Comments will not nest below this level.
Don’t worry, we know you don’t fail this hard, even before coffee.
Finally!!!! Thank you chez.
*scowls @ FSA and Moomin*
Don’t mind them, Leila. They’re just mad that there wasn’t an option for “baked goods” or “mythical characters”.
How dare you. I’m half-baked at best.
*squeezes*
Ew, you’re still doughy in the middle!
*giggles*
I’m a boy!
Prove it!
*cries*
Oh dear! What have I done?
*pat pat pat*
You’ve created a monster.
A monster jam?
You do the mash.
You do the monster mash.
What that coming over the hill?
No, no. A Monster Mash!
*facepalm*
Must refresh. Must, must, must refresh.
*fails to refresh*
Monster…..(monster in me)
Bring out the monster (monster in me)
You’re a Thriller?
Is it supposed to be doughy?
It happens to every guy once in a while.
Whiskey is usually involved though….
Or Dargon Grog. Just ask Brewski.
Brewski was caught on film while wrestling the one eyed monster. I don’t think he has that problem.
I never did get that clickie to work. Very disappointing
Lies! All lies!
Wait a minute… Did I just insult myself?
That could have gone eithr way, Brewski. There was no clear winner.
Dargon grog?
*looks at bottle*
Huh…I’ll be dipped.
Apparently my internal spellcheck took a vacation. I’ve been having porblems odtay.
*dips*
*smooch!*
*pulls XPhile out of the middle of the dip*
The next question in the survey is “How can I tell which gender I am?”
Consult a doctor.
Aiki! You’re back! How was your trip?
Really good. Busy but good. I had a great time, took lots of pictures. I was sad that the hotel I stayed at lost internet the day after I arrived. Apparently a road crew cut the fiber optic line that supplied the internet in that area. I ended up having withdrawals after 9 days without internet.
I also noticed the revamped Failblog… very cool… and the 300 post limit seems to have been increased. Kudos Failblog.
And they fixed most all the threading bugs!
*throws confetti*
Be glad you missed that part… pandemonium.
It was PANDELERIUM as far as the eye could see!
It is a relief to see that they still have troll removal abilities though. It made for interesting reading the other day.
Welcome back Aiki!
I love to go back and see us arguing with ourselves!
Oh, serious?? I didn’t look at this weekend… they removed all the troll posts??
*squeezes Avis and Ms B*
*squeeze!*
*squeezes back*
Not all, just some from some of Friday’s fails. I refuse to name names. That just seems to peak their interest.
Gordon Brown Fail? That was Thursday.
They came back the next day. You can only see the comments made by regulars there. It’s in the last fail of Friday.
Hey avis! Good to see you again!
It’s actually more productive than arguing with the trolls. How disturbing is that?
It was quite amusing to see how things made sense, even with missing comments.
Can someone tell me something to do for 2 hours 19 minutes and 25 seconds?
Kung Fu Panda.
:p
Repeatedly hit the refresh button on your browser and find out what the average reply per minute is for this fail.
Too much work. But I’m guessing it is around 20 RPM.
It depends on the weather.
Time goes by fast when you are commenting on FB and watching the price is right. 1 hour 47 minutes and 30 seconds left.
If you’d asked me on a Monday I would have said yeeeeeeeessssssssss!
*SQUEEZE*
Hello Stranger!
*squeeze*
Howdy! I was wondering if you could check something for me
*shows Moomin genitals*
What is this?
About a month in hospital I’d say.
How did you make it glow like that?
Egad!
I tied some string around it and beat it till my arm got sore. Weekend you know
*rushes to hospital*
Cheers!
Should have worn your helmet for protection.
What are Moomin genitals, and why did we need to see them?
Once you go Moomin, you never go back.
Really? I probably would’ve said no.
[i]italics test[/i]
%&$%*((&!!!!
try
<> brackets
thanks
Yay!!!!!!!!! Today italics, tomorrow the WORLD!!
Procrastinating isn’t healthy.
I was going to say … just do it all at once. Why wait?
So…have you gave up on your anti-baconlube campaign?
Yes. I think some FB folks thought I was totally serious about it. I think I fail at communicating comedy.
I don’t know. I thought it was pretty funny…
No worries … I will find another cause Bobby. LOL
What I don’t get is why people call me Bobby. Can’t you people read? I don’t have a name.
Dammit!!! I am so sorry … you without a name … I will remember next time.
Please. No formalities here. Call me Bobby.
One conquest per day. Any more and I lose my “Lazy Oaf” status.
Ahh…I see. In that case maybe you should spread it our to every other day. You know, for profiling reasons.
*Blows up “r” with explosives and replaces it with a “t”*
Oh the violence!!!!
OH! The no-nameity! *squeezes for both Leile and Bnn*
I think you use those instead of the brackets.
They didn’t show up…making my comment useless. Just ignore me.
*scribbles “D-* on XPhile’s paper*
*says “should of”*
*says “could of”*
*says “would of”*
*universe collapses*
*power up grammatical implosion machine*
Don’t you people make me use this!! I’m warning you!
I don’t know about the machine, but Dragon’s head just might explode from that!
It seems to be “Let’s annoy Judy and Dragon” day here on Failblog.
Gee. Thanks.
:p
I seem to do that already!
(hey dragon!)
You asked for my help earlier, so here’s a tip: If you think you are annoying someone, don’t pester them!
*points*
To the principals office with you!
Can I have a spanking, too?
*hands Judy a paddle*
*sits to witness paddling*
*pulls down pants*
Now wait a minute. I used to be a boy, but that doesn’t look like a boy or a girl. Hmmm…..
*whispers* Untuck! Untuck!
Oh, there it is! Hey little fella!
Hey there Judy…sorry to not get back to you – it was late and I had to go to bed…anyways, to answer your question, I’ve just been avoiding FB for awile, just wasn’t up to commenting, and I had a lot of schoolwork to do…and it’s exams, so I’ll only be making an occasional appearance. Where’s Diana? I want some cookies…*goes off in search of cookies*
Yes or no = yes
No or yes = yes
Yes or yes = yes
No or no = no
I think that question is asking us whether we still have our gender or not.
^FAIL
Since I haven’t seen one, I’ll do it. This is not a fail. This is a “finding the extraterrestrial infiltrators in our midst” WIN!
Sorry, had to be done…
*gets on PA system* Paging Moomin – Please come to room 101 for potato insertion.
????
*flees*
*gives Moomin flee collar*
No silly … you are to impose insertion. *He might fall for it*
er… pardon?
You know, if anyone answers “no” we’ll know they aren’t human. A person could be both, but neither is impossible for our species.
That is the most simpliest fail I have ever seen on here.
Congratulations.
*goes to visit previous fails* Yup, very obscure indeed.
I’m a man, dammit!
Drop the boy, drop the boy
A woah oh
I’m a man yes I am
On second thoughts…
I could of done without that extra s.
Hahahahahahahahaha.
*squeeze*
Man, I feel like a woman
♪ I’m every woman ♪
♪ It’s all in me ♪
♫ I’m not a girl, not yet a woman ♪
♫ Dude looks like a lady … ♫
♫ I’m a man, yes I am, and I can’t help but love you so … ♫
(um, not me, it’s … it’s just a comment! gah! hellllp!)
Dammit, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a bricklayer!
That’s it for me everyone. Tootles!
*waves* Goodbye
See you later.
*riptides* c-ya!
*undertows* Cheers! *tosses bottle of wine at XPhile*
*catches bottle of wine and hides it* MINE!!!
*Searches wildly for hidden bottle of wine but only finds stale chips and pennies in the couch*
Just wanted to secure my new name in FF’s memory…
You know, Brunei ants have guards whose heads explodes when threatened, leaving a sticky mess that will slow down intruders…
.
Your Shamwow is useless, invading trollop!
Yes I am
why are there only two options?
what about the other genders?
No Fail here. You are either a girl or a boy (in which case answer “yes”), or you are intersexual or asexual (in that case answer “no”). It’s not impossible to understand.
What if you’re undecided? You know, born a man but died a woman or vice versa? And why would gender matter with us zombies, who reproduce not by having sex but by biting the living and eating their juicy delicious brains?
.
mmmmm …. brraaaaaaaiiiiiiiiinnnnssssssss.
We don’t want zombies on the lawn.
Get offa my lawn, darn meddling kids…
Thanks for chasing the zombies away. I have no idea what ZombieApocalypse meant. If you are transsexual (born a man and died a woman), you would still answer this question yes.
Yes, definitely.
Hmm… quite the conundrum… Definitely.
Definitely a maybe.
lulz
I think its a logical question. Am I a boy or a girl? Yes I am a boy or a girl. If I wasn’t, I’d click no. But its funny either way.
And hey, Kacey K! Thats one of my nicknames!
I can’t see any FAIL, just the answers will always be true (at least biologicaly)
Finally…a question I can get right!
…..
Check out these Fail Gifs when you have a chance…
Damn, now there just repeating old pictures. now thats a fail.
And they’re they are!
In terms of the grammar, “Are you a girl or boy?” is a yes or no question. It’s not their fault you interpreted it incorrectly.
Correct answer.
No = “I’m asexual/something strange that no scientist can describe”.
You guys need a forum or something. I’m often tempted to comment about the fail, but I’m overwhelmed by the 500 comments that have absolutely nothing to do with it.
And yes, I realize I’m being hypocritical right now but I couldn’t think of any other way to make my point.
Sorry if I come off as a bad sport or something, but can’t you guys just use Messenger?
THIS ENTIRE WEB SITE FAILS. SERIOUSLY.
This comment has been faked. Seriously.
It’s been faked. Ridiculously.
obviously ludicrous.
BTW, i always seem to be a few hours l8 for the discussions……could u raise the bed so it;s easier to get out plz?
*digs a tunnel through to the latest fail*
Quick! Follow me!
Yes…AND NO.
What NOW.
… Yes I fail.
As a neutrois, I declare this question a WIN!
The question makes perfect sense. Except Jamie Lee Curtis might get confused
It said ”Are you a girl or boy?”
What if he said no? O_O
i say yes, but my boss would say:
“no, i’m switched”
so, what would I be if i chose “NO.” would that make me a nothing. doomed to not exist even though I’m here right now?
this is indeed difficult for those girls with turners syndrome and boys with kleinerfelters syndrome
This is funny but it would be funnier if they answered no. Their neither! LOL
ummmmmm…….. i haven’t checked……my meds wore off! QUICK! Jump in the orange while I build a lamppost from cinnamon buns! It’ll buy us some time before the spoons find us!
This is a pretty standard question for a lot of doctors delivering babies. The history of sex assignment surgery on infants is pretty dark.
no.
i’m going to be honest, it took me a good while to figure that one out >v<
dont u guys get it? girl or boy isnt a yes or no question. for example. “are you a girl or a boy?” “yes.”
its a legitimate question ppl! if you select NO, it means your a shemale
This a logical question. Isnt “wrong”.
like:
Yes OR Yes = YES
Yes OR No = YES
No OR No = NO.
So it’s a Fail, no human being are allow to anser no here (Maybe it’s a captcha)
With “Are you a boy Xor a girl ?” Hermaphrodite pepole may anser no
I wonder how many people ticked no.
as many others have noted… the failingness depends on the quiz maker’s intent.
if it was a simple gender survey, then fail.
if it’s determining adult vs child, win for cleverness.
it it’s determining “normals” vs transgender/intersex (XXY, XO, AIS etc), win also
no.
Its NOT a fail, it’s in Programming language !
But the statement [(boy) OR (girl)] is always true
Failure fail….because that question could’ve been directed to hemaphrodites.
I don’t know who would say no to that.
This actually isn’t a fail so much as a question of I.Q. If you were neither a girl nor boy, you would choose “no”.
actually, the choices are appropriate for the question. By using “or” it is essentially the same as “Are you either a boy or a girl”. And the answer would be yes because MOST people are one or the other.
sorry, i didnt read CenterCores response… nice job… i fail.
On Flickr, one of the question on your profile is “What gender are you?” The answers were:
Female
Male
Rather Not Say
Other
what wrong with this? I think its nothing wrong with this. Better even! Stupid radio buttons for only two gender choices is not enough, nor is it anyones business! So am I a boy or a girl? NOOOOOO!
no
I wonder how many people chose “no”? Wait, scratch that. I wonder how many not people chose “no”?
php fail
IM NOT A GIRL OR A BOY IM A SSSHHHEEEMMMAAALLLLEEEE!:)