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No hair and good hygiene! I’m in!
They know how I roll.
.
I’m all about hair-free. Makes ‘activities’ a lot more fun.
I agree.
I miss mr. cuddles…
He would have *so* much fun with this fail. *sigh*
Just cleaned my balls this morning.
Me too.
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I just finished buffing my shaft…..
That’s funny … so did Brewski.
Hey!!!
You didn’t see that! Did you?
See it, hell! She filmed it!
Mine is on a cell phone. velvet has a better quality. Go to— http://www.WatchVictoriousBrewskiFightTheOneEyedMonsterAlone.kum
Mine is on a cell phone. velvet has a better quality. type in Google—- WatchVictoriousBrewskiFightTheOneEyedMonsterAloneDOTgov
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Had to change it up … big brother FB was watching.
:shocked:
The one I made was using a digital camcorder with zoom and auto light sensor. Leila’s can be emailed to any cell phone at the touch of a button! And it’s two different angles, too. I suggest watching both.
Aaaarrrggghhh! Fail!
Iusuallylurk, remove the ed from shocked. That’ll fix it.
.
ED. E.D. HAHAHAHAHA!
Iusuallylurk, try the word ’shock’ between the colons instead of shocked.
*tries again*
iusuallylurk…then try typing just 8 and O next to each other (shortcut!)
I am collecting cell phone numbers for anyone who would like me to forward them the clip while Brewski wrestles the one eyed monster. We should all be proud that he lived to tell about it.
Brewski Vs. The one eyed monster.
Get your tickes here.
Showing daily @ 9:00
*pops back after being away*
Hi guys, whatcha watching?
…oh…no…
@velvet and lurk: there was most certainly no “E D” there.
Brewski, are you sure about that?
Brewski, is your favorite Little Rascal Alfalfa, or Spanky?
Sinner
Alright, I’ve just about had enough of this low-handed humo(u)r. If you guys don’t beat it, you’re going to get spanked!
Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking. And after the spanking, the oral sex.
You need to make sure the sunroof is closed >.<
That would be an F.U.I. Failing while Under the Influence.
I think this is more of a win… don’t you?
No, she saw the video I made of it. Do you want the Youtube link?
Having the lights off during the day doesn’t always keep you in the dark.
… now you tell me!
TMI!!!
If you think that’s TMI, maybe you should leave before we make the inuendo machine explode.
explision eminent in 3…2….1….
*explosion, give me back my ‘i’ i’m blind without it.
No, put the “i” in front of eminent, give it another “m”, and throw an “o” in….aw, never mind. We knew what you meant.
Imminent
*buries self to avoid the eminent … imminent … explision … explosion … certain doom*
*sings doom song* doom, dee, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, dee, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, dee, doomPR LN1
oops, using macro express again!
I miss the cupcake…
piggy? where’d you go?
oh, my personal favorite… “gir, why is there baccon in the soap” “i made it myself!!”
My fav has to be when Gir takes over the house and goes on a Taco rampage!
then he tries to eat them and realizes he has no mouth!! lol
absolutely! *day dreams*
ohhh ya…
Obviously they used lots of egg shampoo.
This looks like a good spot.
.
It’s the official Friday Cuddle Puddle and Open Bar time! Who’s in?
I would like a bloody mary and a hug
I’ll have a shot of whisky, better make that a double.
*drops a tip in the jar*
I’ll join in the Cuddle Puddle, but have to wait until I clock out to hit the bar.
Last one in the puddle is a rotten egg!
*leaps on pile of pillows on the floor*
*running start*
Cannon Ball!
*grabs a brew and takes a flying leap into pile*
*spills beer everywhere*
Sorry! Shamwow and another beer, please?
*dips toe into Cuddle Puddle, trying to avoid beer*
*puts feet in Cuddle Puddle … can’t resist. Takes everything off and jumps in* Wheeeeee!!!!!
*jumps in and starts doggie paddling around*
*hides the dragon-grog*
I think we’ve had enough of THIS this week!
*flings self into the cuddle party*
I’ll have a froofy girlie drink, please!
We have mimosa, margarita, cosmo, mai-tai w little umbrellas…we can mix any cocktail you wish.
We have mimosa, margarita, cosmo, mai-tai w little umbrellas…we can mix anything your heart desires.
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Can’t say c0*ckt*il here … otherwise you get Your comment is awaiting moderation message.
One Amaretto sour, with a cherry please.
*hands Jules a mimosa* There you go. Enjoy!!!!
I’ll take a margarita, please.
*hands Iusuallylurk a mimosa* I hope you like it.
Oh! I didn’t realize it was a nakie puddle!
*rips off clothes*
It’s not…I don’t think we’re supposed to be nekkid.
°Respectfully avoids the cuddle puddle to keep decomposition and bugs away from the happy living folk*
*Also avoids the drinks, since they don’t work on dead people*
.
You know, I’ve seen something like this before … oh yeah, Poltergeist! Remember the pool scene?
When in rome…
Hey! The nekkid puddle is over there →
Put yer clothes back on, you guys!
*puts Ms. B’s underwear on head*
See I am not *hic* naked now.
*wolf whistle at Ms B*
*puts on birthday suit*
@Judy: Plb-b-b-b-b-th!! :p
Ugh! I hope ShamWows can take care of raspberry juice.
*starts the naked dance*
*does the safety dance*
*sneaks up behind LEILA with E.T. finger*
Heeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!
Don’t just watch, Leila, join in!
Oh what the heck!!
*joins Ms B in the naked dance*
This is liberating!!!! Whooooo!!!!!
*Gives MFpants a hug and a bloody mary with a celery stick. Gives starfish a double whiskey. Squeezes judy. Throws soggy pillow at Ms B. Gives brewski a ShamWow and another beer*
You should have thrown the soggy pillow at Brewski – he’s the one that spilled the beer.
*licks up spilled beer*
Better??
Wooo, good stuff! *hic* Did somebody spill some dragon grog??
The barstaff at my favorite watering hole has started using Shamwows. They absolutely love them. No joke. The pair I was sitting next to commented on the beating a prostitute thingy.
I think the girl bit his tongue and he started punching her.
Why did she bite his tongue?
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I don’t know why he swallowed a fly…
Beating prostitutes with Shamwows doesn’t sound that bad to me. Who knows, maybe some of them would like it!
My prositiute uses her Shamwow to wipe away her shame!
meee!!! I’ll have a *checks time* bloody mary, substitute the vodka w/gin please.
*gives abstract a mimosa* Cheers!!!
It’s 5pm somewhere!
Oh…we’re supposed to watch the time? It’s Friday!
what’s in this?
oh, champagne (sp.?) and orange juice? ok, can i still have my bloody mary w/gin?
If you insist. *gives abstarct may w/gin without the blood cuz that’s just gross* Enjoy.
lolz all over floor again!
*Mixes tomato juice, dash of Worcestershire sauce, 2 dashes tabasco, a pinch of celery salt, a little fresh-ground pepper, dash of lemon juice, and 2 shots of gin. Stirs with ice, adds celery stick and carrot garnish, hands to abstract*
Hope you like it spicy! I left out the horseradish tho.
*scowls @ Brewski* Hmm…
Sorry, but bloody mary is one of my faves, so I can’t stand to see it done without all the proper ingredients! Want one? Or maybe one of my other specialties, a gin Martini or a Manhattan?
Never had a Manhattan … what’s the caloric content?
LEILA! No need to worry about calories if you’re on the Dark Side!
Don’t worry, this one is calorie free and loaded with intoxicants!
*pours two shots of Booker’s bourbon in shaker with ice, adds 1/2 shot sweet vermouth and one shake of bitters, shakes 30 times, pours in c**ktail glass. Garnishes with maraschino cherry, hands to Leila*
It’s pretty strong, so if you don’t like it I won’t be offended!
Oh sh*t! Ms B is right. In that case, I will have everything you can make Brewski.
Seriously, I love to play bartender when guests visit. I hardly ever get to have fun with my bar collection.
YUMMY!!! Where were you last weekend Brewski? I will call you next time I throw a party.
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…and
that sounds delicious!!!! I am going to order one when i go out tonight
win
Very desirable qualities, really.
Agreed
I am not to sure about the smooth shaft.
Jules likes it lumpy?
Well let’s just say there is a vein of truth in that, which my wife is fond of.
ahm yes..the vein..
…and she still doesn’t like the word headache?
That would be my wife.
i don’t have a wife *jealous*
I am so confused.
*pats LEILA on head* it’s ok.. ♀♀ works just as well for me as ♀♂
Me too.
*snork*
*feels uncomfortable*
*walks out of room*
*rofl*
You are confusing me with starfish. My wife has no problem with a word like head.
Oh DUUUUUUUhr me. *hangs head low and goes to corner*
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Sooooooory.
Checks self for vein…nope. Asks wife for what we are talking about…..nope. Damn you Jules!!!!!
*hangs head low and orders another double whisky*
*hands Starfish a mimosa* Chin Chin!
he wants wiskey *becomes beligerant* what’s up with these *hic* damn mimosas?
Awwww…I am sorry *gives both abstact and Starfish a mimosa each* It’s on the house.
*gets in line for a free mimosa*
Iusuallylurk … go up there!! I left a mimosa for you.
You mean I only get one? But… I’ve got two hands. What am I supposed to do with the other one?
Other hand is to break falls after the fifth mimosa.
Be good Starfish, be good Starfish. You can nevermind….pay no attention to the Starfish.
lolz on floor again
The fifth one Fluffy? Guess I have some catching up to do!
*chugs mimosa*
Avis, you & I should work at one of those hair removal places where we ‘comfort’ the men after they have their body hair removed.
.
I think Fulffy has the more appropriate name for that job.
Do you take care your rack? You know in pool terms.
Very well, thank you very much!
Question, I took this info from behind. Are you good at pool now? Did you always beat your friend of the time, or did you let him win. Fun fact: Avis never looses. She just doesn’t try.
Avis is always tight?
Oh, hell no!
See, I read that wrong!
:Shock: O-k-a-y
Aww dangit.( How do you do the blush face?)
Sorry Avis, I meant loses.
*shuffles feet in the dirt as face turns a nice tomato colo(u)r.*
oops in side two of these : gets a blushing face.
That just happens to be my favorite spelling error to play off!
*smoochies*
Glad I still make you happy.
*smooch*
I meant from below*
I’m not all that good at pool, I’m ok, not great though.
Why did your comment sound like a line from a movie?
Hee….I’ve been playing pool since I was 14. Have my own custom cue and everything. Oh, lordy, the amount of time I’ve spent in little dive bars taking money from guys who thought girls can’t play…
I have no doubt you were facing stiff competition, too.
Funny how their cues droop lower and lower as they get trounced by a girl in front of all their friends, though.
♪ anything you can do we can do it better ♪
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Write your name in the snow with pee (your own pee).
*goes to get the turkey baster*
I was thinking more like a funnel…but I believe turkey baster is a splendid idea.
You just ruined the one thing I thought I did better than women. Darn turkey basters replacing men all over the place.
Aww….!
*squeeze*
Dragon you bring to mind the Fresh Prince episode where the father hustles the hustlers. Did you name your cue?
Starfish fear not, peeing standing up is all we got. Anyways, women are awesome, what they do what they can do. Take for instance a woman in heels. How it accentuates their calf and all. Man (not offensively) women, whatever you are doing keep doing it, you are awesome.
*Commences huge clap*
Now if only the ones I knew would stop drop kicking my heart…
Emperor, whoever drop kicks your heart is not worthy of you. Especially after your speech.
Thanks
*squeeze*
BTW Dragon, check out Baby Starfish on my clickie.
Thanks Leila.
*picks heart up, dusts it off, kisses it better and hands back to Emperor*
Um, that belongs to you, no take-backs.
*smoochie*
CUTE!!!!! Oh, Starfish, he’s adorable!!
@Emp. First, my cue’s name is Baldur, because it’s a Viking cue. Secondly, if I wore high heels I’d be about six-foot four. Gentle hint…? Women prefer to be praised for our brains, our accomplishments, our personalities, our humo(u)r…not our footwear. Now, while there’s nothing wrong with admiring a fine-turned calf, we like men who appreciate our substance rather than our peripherals.
*deletes comment*
That was a lot nicer than what I had cued up.
Thanks Dragon!!!!
No doubt. I just didn’t want to hog the blog with all that I could appraise.
There is too much wit, humo(u)r and well accomplishments can usually be seen by your clickies. Oh, it is hard to visualize as well a sense of wit. Just know, I appreciate everything women do, they do it so well.
Plus, I believe most guys will attest that when it comes to the other way around, most guys like to firstly have a woman notice that we are in shape, then get them to know the real them.. Well that may be my personal opinion. I believe that transmits that I take care of myself, am confident and I hope that subconsciously it transmits that ability to care for another as well.
Admiral…I’ll let you field this one.
And you’re welcome, Starfish! *squeeze*
I’d rather a woman find my conversation stimulating at first meeting.
No, I mean previous to a word being said. In that sense. I understand the wisdom you are trying to impart. I have gone up to a woman I found physically attractive before and found she was conversationally inept. That is when I chose to leave. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
*takes away previous*
*replaces with prior*
That makes more sense.
But…but Dragon, he said us women were awesome!!!
You do make very good points though. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Acutally, I don’t think I could have. So, brava!!!!
Thanks leila, but she was right. Wait, and still is right.
Emp, you still have to approach each other based on some initial criteria.
I would MUCH prefer that a woman turn her head around and notice me for something I said than spy me from across the room. People become more physically attractive once you see their inner beauty, anyway. Unless you are just looking for sex, I think you will find your search for a partner more rewarding if listen while keeping an open mind and heart.
A talent most people lack
Ya, your right. I am still young and learn I must. (20->21) Thanks for the great advice. It is better to be noticed for a brain rather than a car or body. Now a personal question, how does one prevent a girl of interest from crossing the friend line, upon which engaging in a relationship would be questionable. Honesty is not working atm.
Do you mean you have a female friend that wants a relationship that you don’t want or vice versa
“if you listen”^
Admiral, that’s great advice. Emperor, if you follow what he says, you will find the right person for you.
Neither of us are necessarily ready for a full on relationship, but she wants to become my friend now, even though she has previously expressed that she doesn’t like to date friends. I am currently attempting to keep her at arms length. We also have a sort of agreement that we will try it eventually, just right now isn’t the time. She needs a crutch now though since she recently went through a hard breakup. I fear she is adopting me into the close friend role.
Women change their minds constantly. Although she says she won’t date friends now in the future she may. The question is can you handle becoming a close friend with nothing else (another outcome)
“A talent most people lack”
All the more reason to make it a primary criteria.
Can you clarify, Emp. Are you trying to prevent the relationship from becoming one of friendship because you fear she may not date you later?
I don’t understand the question. I think your definition of “friend” is very different than mine…
(Obviously that was NOT aimed at my most admirable Admiral! *smooch*)
Oh, and I can’t let this pass….
@teisn…PEOPLE change their minds constantly!! PEOPLE!!
Spot on admiral. (If I become her friend, one without the feelings or intentions towards each other is the definition I am using.) Well assuming she sticks to her rule of not dating close friends well then that will rule me out, which I believe she doesn’t want, I don’t want it. But in the other hand she needs somebody now. Stuff is getting thick (innuendo not intended) in her life right now.
Sorry i forgot my political correctness
It’s not political correctness. It’s just plain fact.
If you care enough about her then there should be no question. Be there for her no matter the outcome. You will have not lost anything, only gained
If things are getting thick in her life, she might appreciate a friend before strife … (2 cents, sure. Sorry)
Problem is, I shes important to me. Seeing her go with someone else, well it would break my heart. Though I would have to deal with it.
*converts “I” into an ” ‘ ” and applies between “e” and “s”.
Yet you would have gained all that time with her. If you do nothing you would never experience what it is like to get close to her. You would only regret
You can’t make someone fall in love with you. If you love her, you will find it in your heart to be happy for her when she finds someone that makes her happy.
Currently we call each other, hang out, play rock band, text each other. All that jazz, I have taken her for ice cream. I have some experience with her, just don’t want to get too attached if by doing so I am guaranteeing a heartache.
I’m not trying to make her fall in love, just don’t want to automatically disqualify myself if there is a chance.
Emp…love is all about thinking of the other person before yourself. If she’s not worth the risk of heartache, then I’d say you don’t really love her.
But…that’s my own perception of a very complicated emotion.
…and we should all live in holes alone so we shall never know the pain of the heart…
To feel pain is to feel life. Although i realise that this is not something everyone agrees with
Emperor, you should go for it. Wear your heart on your sleeve and take the risk. A broken heart is better then a missed opportunity.
Okay, you feel something for her that she does not reciprocate. You hope someday she will. So, you are contemplating ending the friendship to avoid being hurt later. I find that…odd. A close friendship is something to cherish. If you love this person, you need to start thinking about HER happiness and not your own.
She is definitely worth the risk. Scuse me Admiral but I will attempt to be her knight in shining armo(u)r.
*Pulls out heart, tapes to sleeve*
Ms Frizzle was right, take chances make mistakes. Well I am going to go for it. No matter the consequences I will be there for her.
Well to be honest, she does feel the same for me, but because of her previous a-hole bf, who cheated on her 4 times. She is not ready for anything soon. That is the dilemma but thanks all. You really did help.
Side topic, why do some people submit themselves to relationships where they know they are going to get hurt, but the keep going back.
Just don’t do it because you think it might cause her to change her mind. Do it because she needs a friend and you want her to be happy. Do not have strings attached to your actions, even if they are only in your head. She is not responsible for your happiness–you are.
Good luck!!!
Emperor FTW!!!!!
I have no good input for your side note. If you figure that one out, you could make a fortune in the self-help world.
I am a straight up person Admiral, I don’t like to do things with ulterior notions. Clashes with my morals, I don’t like people who play games. Well you know mind and heart games. Board games, video games and others of that sort are ok. So ya, it will be with her best interest at heart.
Starfish, I don’t think I would live long enough to F**k the world.
I am so confused. Did they change FTW back to F*ck the world without me knowing it? You guys gotta keep me in the loop.
It changes on a whim so. We can’t exactly keep track, its more of a reactive instinct nowadays.
Guys that feel that way should take their cue and leave. I, personally, am not intimidated by girls who call their own shots.
But you, my dear, are exceptional. Those others, for the most part, are the (fer)rule.
Their loss then; they’re missing out on the best action.
No doubt. I usually just ask them to leave.
At risk of tl;dr, here goes: I used to be on the track team in college, and we had this huge incredibly powerful shotputter from Greece (one of the top in the world at the time). He was hairy as an ape. One day I saw him in a relatively hairless state, laying on the trainers table. The trainer was working on his back with a small knife. The shotputter explained that he shaved his body for his girlfriend, and now he had painful ingrown hairs all over. It was one of the most comical scenes I’ve ever witnessed. (Guess ya had to be there)
Many black men have a similar problem with facial hair. Those short curlies have a way of getting in under the skin. Some women, btw, love the hair on the back. Helps them when the cues and shafts are all smooth, yanno. Or so I am told.
Yee haa!
That’s why so many guys WAX their chest and/or back, less chance of that very problem.
Anyone going to comment on how it says At the moment in green?
He should’ve gone with laser hair removal and made the chick pay for it. Tool.
Expensive treatment isn’t it?
Very expensive. A spa here was running a special of $99 a month for a year. I’m not sure how much hair removal was included in that, though.
Yowza. I’ll just continue to wax, theng-kew!
That hurts like a MoFo too, doesn’t it? I tried it once and I felt like my skin was ripping too.
If they do it right, it really doesn’t hurt that much. Seriously.
*crosses legs* Ok…if you say so.
Ever get your upper lip waxed? That hurts ten times worse…no joke.
I had my eyebrows done one day and tears still run from eyes every time I think about it. I am just a big wuss.
The upper lip has peach fuzz … easily tweezed if need be. I wouldn’t have it waxed … HEEEEEYL NO!! *shudders*
Ooh, yeah. The eyebrows can sting, too. Ouchie!
I’m tired of it all. I just want to pay the money and be done with the whole business!
*eyes the innuendo machine*
I don’t think it knows what to do with that one!
*brings candles in to set the mood*
OooOOOooooo….
*plays Marvin Gaye*
♪ Let’s get it on ♪
♪ Oh baby ♪
♪ Let’s get it on ♪
Should I leave you two alone with the machine?
*hums The Girl from Ipanema while waiting for wax to melt…*
*sigh*
I wish I could get someone to pay for mine.
*Hands a 5-spot to Ms B*
Um… that came across wrong. Do I owe you an apology now?
You know, in hockey there’s a 5-hole.
.
*tucks 5-spot away*
No apology necessary! This fail is sooo deep in the gutter I should probably be more careful
Dayum, but it’s fun!
taser would work better, dontjathink?
Ingrwon hairs are no fun … especially in the nether regions.
Owowowowow…you ain’t lyin’, sister.
*wonders what Ingrwon is — wishes we could edit in FB*
Wasn’t Ingrwon an Elf in Lord of the Rings?
I don’t recall. In fact, I don’t recall much of LOTR. I watched all of them in one weekend and my ass is still sore.
*giggles*
I tried typing something funny here but everything I wrote got caught in my internal filter.
Damn potatoes.
What?
I bet Ingrown was a toenail in Lord of the Flies.
On a scale of 1 to desirable this ranks a desirable? Hmm wow, good to know. Glad I take care of my balls. Ahem, um you know when bowling or playing pool.
I wash mine after every hole. (of golf)
I hope you protect your club with a sock.
I ♥ sock puppets!!!
Well it would certainly be a deal breaker if they were rough and filthy!
Rack ‘em up! My break!
*squeeze*
.
Glad you’re a ‘maintainer’ as well!
I find it important to keep my hygiene in tip top shape.
*squeeze*
You reminded me of a skit.
{http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=r4KN4VVHBes}
HAHAHAHA! You should add that as your clickie.
Having problems lately with my comments being eaten when I put youtube clickies. Don’t know why, so I went the safe route.
What about the shaft???
He’s one smoooooth mothe………
Mothe? Is that the Olde English spelling of “moth”?
I should have said “mutha…”?
shut yo mouff!
How does this make a fail. I like smooth shafts and clean balls.
*sets down ten-foot pole*
*walks away*
So there’s my pole! I wondered whatever happened to that.
*picks up 10-ft pole and walks away*
Whatever floats your boat…
Is that smoke coming from the innuendo machine?
Don’t worry…BondFan has like, 10 others.
I’m looking for an English professor to show me the curves.
explosion eminent in 3…2….1..
Exploding excrement?
*runs*
Imminent , damn it.
BOOOOOOOM!!!!!
*vaporizes*
Oh no!!!!!
Where is a dragon when you need one. Mal needs to be un-vaporized.
Oh, crap. It is SO much easier to vaporize than to reconstitute someone.
Ah well…instant Mal, just add dragon-grog.
*pours a drop of dragon-grog onto pile of ashes*
*waits for Mal to reappear* AHEM!!!!
*Joins the mal-watch*
Alas, poor Mal! We knew him well…
Malicite, is actually a nice piece of ash.
I certainly enjoy it from my end.
No butts about it Ms B!
Didn’t we do this already? I am going to get to the bottom of this.
Malicite!! Can you hear us? Are you with us?
*sigh*
Woops. That wasn’t dragon-grog in that turkey baster.
Here…I’ll fix this, I promise! We’ll get our Mal back!
LEILA, what in God's name is that in your avatar??You tell me Ninja. LOL I changed it 2 days ago and I still see my previous avatar — the hibiscus. It’s a crazy cabbage (I think). MRN sent me a link with all sorts of crazy veggies.
Ooohh, now that you tell me, I can see it. It was starting to scare me.Dragon! Please tell me that was an honest mistake. FB is not the same without our beloved Bored Paralegal.
It was, I swear!!!
*frantically gathers ingredients together*
Dragon-grog…legal books…ink from a few depositions…coffee…eye of newt…hair of the dog…
Hair of dog? Where did you get that from? *checks dogs for bald spots*
You could have asked.
*calls the police* Yeah, I am calling about a Dragon who misused dragon-grog to reconstitute a friend of ours. He has yet to materialize…Yeah, I will hold…… ♪*hums along hold music*
*hears Dragon approaching and hangs up quickly* Oh hey Dragon…how is that thing you are doing for Mal coming along?
Marie must be very special…
I think she should table the wares…
We have a motion on the table…
Motion sustained. The prosecution is instructed to table that line of questioning.
Yikes! I think they’re snookered!
She’s got a judge in her pocket!
Or is she just happy to see you?
Chalk it up to experience and call it a day.
Tonight we can start again with a clean slate.
Admiral!! Right on cue!
*smoooooch*
Can I get some help? I have a scratch that I just can’t reach.
Oh, give me a break…! I’m not going to scratch you there!
Well I guess I am behind the 8-ball then.
I know an English masseuse with curved nails, she should be able to scratch any foul-fur areas.
Was that my cue?
Yes, if you get the itch. I have a pocket full of cash for you.
*kiss*
She has a rack for those balls.
Quite the collection.
Who do the blue ones belong to?
Me!
Manly of you to admit. I think you and I need to go visit the Bunny Ranch, yes?
Heading down the rabbit hole…
I think you misunderstood, but hey, whatever works for you buddy. I am here for you.
*replaces first period with a question mark*
Dang.
I wish I could replace my period with something…
Ug how about a smile?
Well I know something that would eliminate that period for nine months.
I don’t know about that. But I’ve heard that the best cure for promiscuity is a marriage certificate.
It’s not always a success.
I should have said “sex”, not promiscuity.
So is that a LEILA win??
That would be a first and I would be so honored…
Leila FTW!!
Am I using it right?
F*ck the World?
Only when I am PMSing.
*snork*
Judy, I seriously just about peed my pants! Too funny!!
*gives Ms B a clean pair of new undies and pants* Here. Put these one. I don’t care if they don’t fit right — better than a pee stained outfit.
Thanks, but I’m enjoying going naked today.
Um…ok…I will leave them here just in case you want them.
Menopause?
snork!!
Complete with evil thoughts, short tempers, and personal summers!
And booze? Or am I off here? That 70’s show says I’m correct so far.
Don’t forget the short grey hair and mannish good looks.
depo provera
This is a win, dude.
yeah, an epic win
Dude…
Where’s my car?
And then?
Sweet.
seems like a win to me.
They almost made a clean getaway!
Ha ha ha!
Uh… wait. Nevermind.
Aaaaw…Brewski is still stuck in the previous fail. Come here Brewski.
I may need a ball cleaner.
Win for me
ooooh, damn it!! I was doing work when i should have been watching the time for the new post. arrrgg. anyway, happy Friday all! *squeezes all*
Thanks! You too!
*squeeze*
*squeezes*
Hooray! And not a day too soon…
I agree. Four-day work weeks are hell!
Any work weeks are hell!
This place is in west-side Chicago. Gotta love it.
I thought I’d seen the place before!
yeah it’s on Montrose
It’s entirely possible that I’ve BEEN there!
Hee hee! I think that’s Avis standing at the ATM?
You’d know me if you saw me, trust me.
That’s a good thing! *squeeze*
You have wings irl?
I have distinctive eyewear. Bright orange and pink glasses, librarian style.
But maybe I should get a pair of “angel” wings from a costume shop, in case we ever have a FailBlog meet-up.
I would very much like to eventually have this happen. We should have a code in real life if we think we have met a fellow fail blogger. Could be like the Christians when they identified themselves in times of persecution writing an X in the sand and waiting for the responsive fish drawing.
We could have one person say "FAIL BLOG" in a deep voice to which a fellow Fail Blogger would reply "DOT ORG!!" in a high pitched voice.It’s weird but since you’ve been out of scholl, you spend less time here Ninja. What are you doing to occupy yourself lately? Bored yet?
I know... I used to come on here between classes at the college's computer lab. Now I spend a lot of time playing xbox and playing soccer.That’s cool! I am jealous.
We could all get “FAILBLOG” stickers and carry them and a sharpie around all the time. We could put up the sticker in a place (any place) and then when we see one we add the “dot org” in sharpie!
Nah, that sounds too complicated. We could just ask when we meet someone who “sounds” familiar if they come here.
Or when I become rich (pipe dream) I will invite you all to my mansion. Computers and Macs will be set up for all of us.
Heh, careful or the Failblog conspiracy will become the plot of the next Dan Brown novel.
Seriously, a party would be fun, but everybody is scattered around the planet. The wonder of the interwebz!
Money has more wonders.
The best things in life are free. But you can give them to the birds and bees. I want money!
Money Money Money.. Monay.
I seriously feel like you all are my soul-mates!
*sigh*
I finally found a place where I belong.
Money money money, must be funny, in a rich man’s world…
*hides from Arthur Eld*
*squeezies Ms B*
♬Somewhere I beloooong. I will never be anything on my own. ♬ Linken Park fans?
♪Money. It’s a gas. Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.♫
“Linkin” Park.
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
Speaking of which, it’s the end of my day so time to get the hell out of here!
*group squeezies*
♬Ya here we go for the hundredth time
hand grenade pins in every line
throw em up and let something shine
going out of my f*cking mind
filth mouth no excuse
find a new place to hang this noose
string me up from atop these roofs
knot it tight so I won’t get loose.
Truth is you can stop and stare
bled myself out and no one cares
dug a trench out, laid down there
with a shovel up out of reach somewhere
yeah, someone pour it in.
make it a dirt dance floor again
say your prayers and stomp it out
when they bring that chorus in♬
I love fail blog and all of you in it.
*oops* Sorry about throwing Pink Floyd into the middle of your Linkin Park bit. Must remember to refresh before posting! Trying to get caught up on many comments I missed. *facepalm*
There are no rules. Anything goes, cause we don’t need no ed-u-cation.
Well, I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon then!
Thank you, Emperor.
*squeeze*
Ms. B, will there be evil cookies there? (didn’t refresh again, dangit!)
*squeeze for Ms. B*
*squeeze*
I now carry evil cookies wherever I go now. They are what converted me!
I hear they help you burn calories, too. May I have one?
Oh, the cookies have plenty of calories! Tis the evil acts themselves that burn extra calories.
Oh, sorry…have a cookie!
*eats cookie*
Woo hoo!
Lincoln square in the house!
Gold Coast over here.
Northwest Suburbs in the heezy!!!
I never realized there were so many of us Failers in Chicago!
whoohooo
Go Cubs Go, Go Cubs Go!
I was going to take a picture of this on Tuesday when I drove past, but didn’t. Spencer beat me to it Fail.
Go White Sox!
Go Bears!!!!!
Go Red Sox!!
Oh, sorry…
*sheepishly slinks away*
Go White Sox! *trolls Cubs fans*
Neither team is doing well at the moment.
*hands Avis and Old Style*
Since when has that ever mattered?
*accepts beer*
True, true.
chitown yea. I live around the corner from this place.
Really? So how were the shafts and balls there? Were they all that they’re cracked up to be?
As advertised! Really, I don’t know for certain that I’ve been to that particular pool hall. I dated a guy who played pool (a lot) and we went to several places. But he lived fairly near this one, so I think it likely.
clean shafts and smooth balls may be more of a bonus though
How is this a fail? Obviously, the sign was worded like that intentionally, and is quite clever. I would say it’s actually a win.
Clearly intentional.
EXACTLY.
It’s only a fail if they didn’t mean to do it, ya nerds.
A Fail is a Fail is a Fail is a Fail. No matter how you look at it!
It’s good to know we’re all swimming in the same gutter today.
swimming?………more like wading knee deep
Nope, I’m neck deep by now!
*drowns*
*revives Chaz* you like the mouth to mouth?
*pretends he’s drowning too*
*gives mouth to mouth to Starfish* hey, is that your tounge?
Well I don’t think that’s his mouth.
I’m not sure I even know where Starfish’s mouth is…
Right where he puts his money.
lolz all over floor
*cleans up after abstract* Will you watch where you lolz! Use the bukkit if you must. Sheesh!!!
lolz again, this time in bukkit! sorry, someone kept feeding me mimosas
formatting error. I only italicized ’someone’ …. because it was you. mwhwhwhwhwhaaa
forgot my ‘a’s
Oh, hell…now abstract is all slanty.
*props her up against a wall*
Abstract is just in her own plane.
Have another mimosa. It cures whatever you have right now.
*drinks 5 mimosas and 10 bloody marys…..lolz all over floor again!!!!* mwahahahahahaahahahahahahahahah! lolz
Wow! There went five pounds!
I told you it worked!
*twisted* what are you guys frowning about?
Being evil burns a lot of calories, which is why we have cookies on the dark side.
Are they chocolate?
Yep! Want one?
Please?
*gives LEILA a cookie*
But you have to be evil for the calories to burn off quickly.
Oh, of course!
Oh gawd!!! Nothing like chocolate cookies. Almost better than sex.
Hee hee
almost.
almost.
I was going to say if you thought chocolate chip cookies were better than sex; then you are doing something wrong.
…to the cookies.
You mean, with the cookies.
Isn’t it a sin to shag food?
No, it’s not a sin to shag with food, if yourself and your parnter are both in the mood … Silly!
*hands out evil cookies*
*eyes them*
My cookie just took my wallet
Consider yourself fortunate. My cookie shaved my cat, TP’d my yard, stole my Mini, and crashed it into a tree.
My cookie just got his ass whooped.The same cat you ♠ the other day Brewski? I feel bad for it.
Poor guy! His name is Marvin. (No symbol for neutered…) If I had a web page I’d post a pic! Orange tabby. He can’t leave a lap un-sat (?).
well, i ate my cookie, then I did all that naughty stuff…. shh
Welcome to the Dark Side!
MwaHaHaHaHa!!!!
*does the breaststroke*
*does the butterfly* …and by that, I don’t mean WIK.
*SNORK*
*crawls into thread*
Ahem … what do you think you are doing? Get up and join in.
Join in what? Breast stroke? I think that might get me arrested.
Doggie
stylepaddle?*looks at Avis’ SNORK to understand what happens when one snorks* Hmmm…
We’ have to climb up to even see the gutter!
Welcome to my world.
This is not a fail. It was clearly done intentionally….
Is Marie’s golden cue fitted with a smooth shaft?
I don’t know if it’s fitted, but they definitely have them inside.
cough!
Turn your head first.
oooo.. right on cue!
I saw a billboard once for a billiard hall indicating they had a nice rack.
They must have been serving lamb that night.
I’ve missed my Moomin!!!
*squeezesqueezesqueezesqueeze!*
Hi Moomin! Tell me, what’s your secret with the ladies?
*pulls out notepad and pencil*
… only problem was that the hall was owned by a guy.
Manboobeh
Manboobeh is on my Do Not Want To See list.
Don’t go to the Wisconsin State Fair. Trust me.
I will put that on the list as well.
Oh gawd…I grew up in Wisconsin. Starfish isn’t lying. Cheese, beer, and bratwurst bodies…
*shudders*
Can’t be any worse than Houston. Take a peek one day.
I’ve been to both. And LEILA, it can be worse. MUCH worse.
Well, at the risk of offending all Houston residents, I can’t think of a more depressing place to live. It ain’t called the armpit of the nation for nothing!
(apologies to the Texans, my opinions do not reflect those of Failblog Inc.)
Google “Messy Houston Apartment” It’s gross, but in a “how in the hell did that place get SO messy” kind of way. It’s sort of amazing, really.
While looking for a house we viewed one that was absolutely disgusting. In the basement there was a whole room that seemed to be their cat’s litter box. I was pregnant at the time, and had to leave the house to relieve my stomach.
I really can’t understand how people can live like that!
OH JEEBUUUUSSSS!!!!
I swear I could almost smell that bathroom when I saw the picture, and about lost my lunch.
:p
I tasted my lunch once again … I can’t wrap my mind around it. It looks deliberate though…like he/she wanted to make that mess.
*glad isn’t Texan* Holla!!!!!
How the Minnesota State Fair? Any edible object (even inedible objects) fried and on a stick.*walks down to the local convenience store*
*purchases a cheap ‘about’*
*quietly inserts it into the previous comment*
Lots of manboobeh in Wisconsin?
Oh yes.
*has painful flashback to “I Touch Myself” clickie from yesterday*
That kid was from Wisonsin?
I am never visiting
DO NOT WANT!!!
Sowwy.
I may have to check it out when I get home. Not knowing what to expect, at least I will have the weekend to recover.
Do you drink? You may need a shot after seeing it. Even if you don’t drink you may need one!
Okay…
(1) stop by liquor store on the way home
(2) shower
(3) put jammies on
(4) pet doggies / play ball
(5) pour a HUGE glass of wine
(6) have therapist phone # at hand
(7) watch whatever is on Avis’ clickie
Make sure you have something you LIKE to look at afterwards! Something cute, and funny is best.
(8) let doggies clean up vomit
(9) run to the shower
(10) soak sobbing in the corner of the shower for the next 12 hours
(11) pass out
(12) wake up feeling refreshed with no memory of the last 24 hours.
I am really scared now.
We’re only trying to warn you.
*hands Avis five cookies*
*grabs the 5 cookies and runs* I am going to need them for this weekend Judy. Sorry Avis.
S’Ok, you WILL need them!
We’ll just call it the manboobeh capital of the world. The fattest state in the fattest country on the planet.
You’ve never been to the mall in Bakersfield. I call it the Land of Large. Or Blimpland. Either works.
Ahhh good old Bakersfield. Fewer teeth, but slightly smaller manboobeh.
Thankfully it’s easy to avoid Bakersfield. Just go up I-5 instead of CA-99.
Yeah, the only time I’ve ever stopped there is for McDonald’s on my way out to Vegas.
I take that back. I stop at Barstow on my way to Vegas. I stopped at Bakersfield on my way to vist my buddy at Wasco.
Well Barstow is just as bad as Bakersfield, albeit for different reasons. My family lives out past Vegas, so I have to drive through Barstow at least a couple times a year.
Too much cheese will do that to you I guess.
I love cheese but hate manboobeh and I am NOT willing to give up cheese. You will just have to accept my manboobeh.
Can you handle wearing a man-bra?
If need be. I will do what I must for cheese!
You gotta admire a man that sticks to his principles!
You mean a manssiere, or perhaps a bro?
Manssiere and bro sound way dignified than man-bra.
Fat dudes deserve dignity too. That didn’t sound right. Overweight men, better yet gravitationally abundant men, deserve dignity too.
I think they prefer to be called “the horizontally abled”.
Rotund men?
Rotund is still a shape.
Not even close to be in shape.
That’s a win if I’ve ever seen one
Straight pool only for me thank you.
If you don’t swing both ways, you’re missing half the fun!
Stripes or solids?
Whichever one lands in the hole first.
Btw, Nice Name! Spacestation Pheta reference?
Nope, Calvin and Hobbes
Sheesh!
LOVE you avatar! So sophisticated and beautifully artistic!
Then kew very much. Have an ‘r’.
Those snorg tee ads juxtaposed next to Marie as making me wonder… what is she thinking?
Oh that’s the “WAS THAT A FART?” look if I’ve ever seen it.
I know that this is unrelated to this fail.
I would just like to thank the regulars for their conversation with Tumah (Gordon Brown Fail). I am still in disbelief over the fact that there is actually someone so thick out there (and I have met a few thick people).
Keep up the good work.
Sorry I am several fails behind. I tend to come to these things late (or not at all).
*squeeze*
I, for one, had fun!
I, too, would like to thank the regulars for their conversation with Tumah (who, I’m positive, IS Gordon Brown). I was thoroughly entertained.
I would like to thank my liver for all the hard work you do.
I’d like to thank the letters B, W, S, and I, without which I’d simply be a rek.
I believe you are alienating your R E & K however. You are not paying too much homage to them. They are a big part of who you are.
I’m changing my name to ‘That’?
“Hey, where’s That at?”
“I mis That”
“F*ck That”
“That is soooo funny”
“Would you look at That”
“Ohhhhhh That, that feels sooooo good”
“Do you want this That?”
“That’s That’s drink”
“Call me That”
“Thanks for that, That”
Get rid of That?
That sucks!
Do you think that burns?
Nope, That’s Thats brother.
That’s just wrooooong!!!!!
That works!
That’s embarassing!
Did you know that that That had quite an amusing idea?I haven’t met that That but i had heard that that That’s ideas were rather mediocre
That(’s) thing is broken
That’s what she said? *slaps own hands* No baddd.
Don’t worry That happens offen
That doesn’t make it right. (Mike Holmes does) tee hee.
No, but that is what makes it fun
That is a nice take on it.
Sorry getting a bit carried away with all that. See above. I guess that is what sickness does to you.
That is okay though. You don’t have to worry about that affecting you any more.
Now that is a relief.
That is a load of my mind.
Change your mind yet, B2F?
Like That would ever happen!
How did that get in there?
Are you done with That? I’d like to give That a try.
Stop That!
*Does coat back up and slides away in the opposite direction to that*
What was That for?I don’t know That.
Been there, done That.
I can handle That!
A little bit of this and a little bit of that.
Ohhhhhh myyyyyy…..look what I started.
“Damnit That that was fun!
I am that
Thou art that
All this is that
Has anyone been thinking about That today?
(please forgive me…)
That’s what she said!
Now I can’t get That out of my head.
I just can’t get you out of my head, boy your lovin’ is all I think about.
I just can’t get you out of my head.
It’s more than I dare to dream about.
.
Sorry, I couldn’t help That from spilling out.
That would be nice to you!
b-d-b-d-b-d-b-d
That’s all folks!
And That is That!
Seems like I missed all the fun!
Yeah, I doubt they really have an ATM in there!
ka-zappo!
Since this is obviously deliberate…shouldn’t it be considered “WIN” ?
Heh.
Nah … we like it better when it’s a FAIL.
I was thinking the same thing.
Just because they meant to do it doesn't mean it's a win.The opposite of “win” is “lose.”
The opposite of “fail” is “succeed.”
The opposite of “hit” is “miss.”
I won’t miss.
This is not a fail, it’s obviously exactly what they wanted to put on the sign.
Since when did failblog become boringoldjokeblog?
It didn’t become boringoldjokeblog until you arrived.
Haha! You beat me to it!
And what exactly is a borin gold jok eblog? Just askin’ …
I think its Romainian for “Give me attention please”.
Mornin’ foop
*squeeze*
Mornin’ (shall I call you ‘Crow’?
) *squeeze*
Sorry for delayed ‘hello,’ my PC fritzed up some there for a bit.
Nice to see you!
Crow is just fine, thank you!
p.s. I’m pretty sure your translation is accurate, if I’m remembering my middle-school Romainian …
Sheeesh, I leave for an hour and someone sploded the innuendo machine all over the place….hey…what’s that stuff up there on the ceiling?
Trust me…you don’t want to know.
*squeeze*
Prolly not
*squeezeies*
I saw what you did there!
*smirk*
No worries, BondFan has several extra innuendo machines.
Donno about that. I think they’re breaking down faster than he can fix them.
You’re right there. I don’t think I can cope with so many blown machines! Whoops, there goes another one.
They’re just cumming apart at the seams!
*explosion heard*
Stop! They don’t grow on trees, you know! I c*nt, I mean can’t, afford-
KABOOOOOOM!!!!
Great.
I swear I just heard an explosion.
*glances around*
Ohhh…
What you just heard, Rian, was the sound of an innuendo machine blowing itself to, oh not again!
KAPOW!!!
You see, any mention of innuendo sets it off. To much can cause it to explode. I have tons of these, but I don’t know if I have enough!
I’ll go get the broom. And the ShamWows. LOADS of ShamWows.
BOOM!!!!
You just had to say load, didn’t you.
He has to much to handle at once, hopefully they all don’t blow at once.
BANG!!!
If the innuendo machines have any slots, fill the slots with the ShamWows.
I dunno, but they don’t pay me enough around here to clean it up, Shamwow or not.
Right! The last check I got from Failblog was only a couple hundred bucks!
They pay you in BUCKS! I only get paid in internets!
Who wants a bunch of male deer?
Doe, a deer a female deer…
Ray, a drop of golden sun…
Me, a name I call myself.
Falalala…lalalala ….Don we now our … *oh dear, wrong song, isn’t it?* *zings out of fred, taking hamster-powered pun-maker with*
*points at Brewski* Ask him!!!!!
*steps out of cold shower*
Wooo!! I feel better now.
…What?
WTH did you get on the ceiling? How do you expect us to get up there and clean that?
And…um…
*hands Brewski a towel*
So THAT’S what they mean by “shrinkage”…!
*snickel*
(new word, it’s a cross between a snicker and a….uhhh…..a nickel I guess)
Um…NO! Don’t ever do that again.
That’s it Leila crack that whip.
*whisper* but I think he likes it
Indeed.
*takes off dominatrix mask off* What are you and Jules talking about?
Nothing madam.
I had lunch…returned…now am overwhelmed. I need a cold shower. Afk.
I need a cold beer.
*takes out a case of LaBatt Blue*
Want to have a couple and go out for a ride on my special bike?
It’s pimpin’, I swear.
Or we could just take the tub, I just had it cleaned.
Does it have room for two?
If we both stand….yes.
That seems like something that could create a “wtf” fail…let’s roll.
Wait! I forgot my helmet!
*grabs her camera and chases Mal and B2th*
This will be good!
*puts on his bread helmet*
*Sets up a ride stop just so fluffy can get some still shots*
Hygeine WIN
Personaly, I love it when hygiene wins.
Better?
No, not quite. A little more to the left.
How can something that is clearly intentional be labeled a FAIL?
Great sign though…
Indeed.
T’ealc? Is that you?
*bows head ever so slightly* Indeed.
We’ve always joked that “indeed” would make the perfect drinking game while watching that!
♪ How can something so right, go so wrong . . . ♪
♫ If lovin’ you is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right … ♫
Okay, totally intended to be that way, not a fail. I quite like seeing signs like this one.
Maybe they meant their own balls on purpose? You never know!
this is a win.
No, no, you've got it backwards. This is actually a fail.this sort of innuendo isn’t accidental.
No videows on Fridays?
videos
Videows is actually a good way of putting it…
Oh good … then I meant to do that.
… So where is it?
I dunno, the last few Fridays have been video free.
Um, actually that’s an epic win if you ask me.
absolutely
Not really
(no relation)
I actually loled. Good claim if you ask me.
We can now all rest easy
…easy like sunday mornings.
Easy to bed…
Um…
Did I just say that out loud?
*watches replay*
Ahem. After further review; no one asked B. 10 yard penalty, still 1st down.This is an outrage
Home-field advantage.DRAGON DRAGON. Oh my gosh. I didn’t know it was true. I am sorry for the lack of faith. I just saw my first regular hater. Back on gordon brown fail, at the bottom. His name is Z, and you will never guess what he said. Ha he said Tumah out posted you… saying Tumah won.
*Now chastises inner child for telling*
*Takes out whip to help*
I wouldn’t go that far, I’m not a masochist.
*Tries to think of a way to change Emperor’s mind* I like pain…at least giving people pain
Well, can’t argue with that. Go on ahead. *Braces self*
*bashes Emperor’s head with a candy bar* That’s what you get for tattle telling.
*Simply eyes the candy bar* Can I have?
Please do.
*sneaks in a takes candy bar*
*runs away*
Quoting Tuma, “I’m right you’re wrong, simple as that.” He said that to me.
On a completely side note, if you don’t see me for a while, my mother may have killed me. I am at her place using her computer and the .> key just pooped off the laptop. It was nice knowing you.
It still WORKS, it just requires some effort.
That would be “popped”, and I fixed it!
Ya they replace easily. Pshaw not computer savvy. Pshaw is a word who knew.
I put a button back on a keyboard, I didn’t install any hardware. I STILL don’t know how to up-load photos on my blog. Then I could show people the weird things I see around town.
Inserting pics is pretty easy. While writing your new post, there is a button above the text box labled “add image”. You can click on that, a new window will pop up. Click on “browse” to search the files on you computer. Pretty simple stuff.
Yay! It finally passed the inspection!
If you want to upload photo’s to your blog. You need to use a photo server like photobucket. (www.photobucket.com) Once the photo has been uploaded they will give you the html text you need to embed the photo into your blog.
Well how do you add your blogs? Is it a blog builder? If not you just need to speicify the path c o d e t o your um. Ok so it gets a bit difficult.
My blog posts get added in a very similar manner as the comments do here. I have to sign in first, but I get a text box like this one to fill.
I have a photobucket account it’s the embedding part that eludes me.
If it is HTML:
just use img between [] and then the web address then /img
Uh… what? Between what and what?
I should also say that my computer is seriously borked. It won’t do certain things that it is supposed to do. I’ve tried to follow the instructions on the blogspot site, but my computer is being difficult.
He means find your picture and the path to it will be displayed in the window at the top. For instance my “My random documents” path is displayed as C:\Users\(*Personalrealname)\Documents\Random Files
That information goes between the [].
Gah! I posted an explanation, as I use Blogger too, but it’s been moderated. It seems it doesn’t like im*ge or im*gine. Everytime I use those words I’m moderated!
*gasps*
Did you just drop the i-bombs?!?Apparently…
So, do we call the authorities for you? By authorities I mean some buff police and firemen or whatever it is you prefer.
I fixed it, no need. *sigh*
We could still call them if you want
Hee! Maybe… another time.
*Puts number on speed dial for whenever it is needed*
I think we should call them anyway. You will be doing me…I mean, some people a favor.
Yes….please….call the firemen!
I think I smell smoke!
I didn’t do it!!
…..But I could if you want me to.
You don’t need to try, hot stuff.
Also, the idiots comment to me on the other fail, was about whether or not s/he had been arguing with Dragon, who s/he kept referring to as “he” or “him”. Too, too funny!
I saw and busted a rib laughing. He attempted to get political and philosophical on me, when I schooled him, he said the internet is not for serious conversation. Pshaw.
S/He is an idiot. A highly opinionated idiot that has somehow confused opinion with fact.
And you’re enjoying your new word aren’t you?
Ya, I am not going to risk over using it though. Delusions suck that way Avis, and it sucks more for us to have to endure them with him/her.
I’m standing here in pieces while you’re having delusions of grandeur!
*SNORK!*
Not me, the Tumah. Didja see the root of this thread Dragon?
I think I just angered them again. I couldn’t resist though, they were being so smug, thought I would open their eyes a bit.
Hey, listen, you. Yeah, you. You have NO RIGHT to call Emp, or anyone here a cur. Now crawl back to the gutter you came from.
Well BFF, we may not want them in the gutters either. That’s where we’ve been hanging out all Fail
I beat her with my troll-bashing cane, but she won’t go away.
You still have yet to prove any of your statements. We all sprang from apes, but you didn’t spring far enough. I have no master, just friends. As you may have noticed, you are alone on this one.
I hear when you were a child your mother wanted to hire somebody to take care of you, but the mafia wanted too much.
*roffle*
See lurk isn’t this fun?
Lurk, note the repetition, meaning a lack of thought.
Sure is a fan of the word 'cur'.When a word is repeated to you all your life, and you link what you do with its meaning, you tend to displace the terrible feeling you got from it to everyone you meet.
Once a cur, always a cur.Did Ms B make a C3PO joke?! Ha! I referred to Tumah as a protocol droid back on the Brown fail.
C3PO? Oh oops, I explains why I didn’t get it. I haven’t *cringe* watched those star wars movies.
**That not I…
Come on over to my house! We have them all. It’s a shame to go through life without knowing them.
Okay, I will bring the popcorn.
I even have the lesser known, ultra cheesy, Ewok Adventure.
Sounds interesting.
I did notice that and I was trying to figure out how to make a witty response. When Emperor said delusions, I found my way in!
Ha, ya that Tumah guy is quite a stomach full.
Hee!
*HUGS!*
You brightened my day. Thanks!
Great! Happy flowers for you!
She did! She did! Omg…it made me laaaaaaugh.
My jaw is locked in a big grin!
Did you just call Avis a moron? Oh, you are not going to survive this.
*murders Alicia in broad daylight amidst much rejoicing*
Wow, so angry. And aren’t you the one who said “I have the right to my opinion.”? I believe that also applies to everyone else here. So asking us to “STFD and STFU” would be in direct contrast to your previous statement. Please make up your mind and be consistent. Thank you and have a nice day.
Very nice, Crow. However, Alicia/Tumah has proven herself to be blind to her own logical fallacies. See the Gordon Brown fail for the evidence.
Wait. Don’t, you will want to tear your hair out. First have a relaxing tea ready.
*Makes a hasty exit*
Very, very nice indeed! Glad to see you back in these parts again, Crow!
*squeeze*
*surreptitiously fondles the Admiral*
*squeeze*
It’s good to be back, although with our new schedule I don’t get as much time here as I wish I could! But I’ll be interjecting my lil tidbits whenever I can.
Well be happy to receive whatever tidbits you manage.
*Hands AA an ‘ *
I think you dropped this
Thank you sir!
*salutes*
*Reaches up and places wisper brackets around “I think you dropped this” *
I caught the start of the Tumah debacle on the Gordon Brown fail yesterday, but given my work hours I seldom find myself here back with the “regulars”. But after posting I did go back and catch up, and all I can say is WOW! Between the redundant posts and inability to understand logic I’m amazed they even know how to access the web.
I’m of the opinion that Alicia/Tumah understands logic, but is too proud to admit to an error.
That was EGG-zackly my own assessment as well. A shocker, yes I know.
I concur.
You said “cur”.
Should we curtail the “cur” thing?
Is it its curfew already?
I second the current motion to curtail the “cur” thing.
All in favor?
I hope I am currect if I say “aye”.
Aye!
It’s curtains for the “cur” thing!
Is that curry favor? We get enough of that already.
Cur. Lick, lick.
Haha, Alicia/Tumah gave us some nice new words to use.
Very curteous of you to ask. Is one more really going to hurt?
Fluffy!
*squeeze*
Maybe help us hurt trolls, hopefully.
We can’t focus on them, it gives them the attention they crave.
Sorry I threw a curve into the pun-run. It’s back on track now!
Seems the curve was the cure it needed.
Mmmmm….curry! That will curb your appetite for a while!
Maybe with a bag of curds?
Hope it doesn’t make the cheese curdle. Dragon by the way, do you have curly hair?
well, currently it might not.
Do you think that with time I can be a curia member?
Maybe, with enough exchanging of currency.
I was just curious.
However, don’t mess with the curmudgeons.
They have to know logic, or at least a little as the quote fallacies. Well tumah does.
Hi everyone, I’m back from work.
*waves tiredly*
Cant you tell by all the teens smoking and cursing?
Just got back meself. Tiring shift of a 7-11 at Home Depot. Teaching people how to renovate their basements and planning decks for them is hard work.
Rian, noo, you just finished the course, get back up here.
Someday we won’t see eye-to-eye, and the universe WILL implode.
Ahh alas, I work in fast food, parents insisted that I got a cureer as soon as I was old enough.
*sigh*
Oh, my. I used to work fast food, annoyance extraordinaire.
Yea, I hate the rushes
But, oh well what can you do.
Do you two need a refresher course in which reply button to click on?
Just let it be. *whispers* When you are done pray you don’t have to go through it again.
Honestly…there’s got to be something we don’t agree on…! It just might take a while to find out what it is.
*sigh* No but since he brought the conversation here I didn’t want him to feel awkward, he is still new here. Sorry that we ruined your conversation Admiral.
*bows out*
Ohh I’m sorry.
And thus ends the refresher course.
Yea… heh, sorry about that.
*facepalm*
*Walks away to another fail*
Bye, I guess.
I look forward to exploring what that might be in the years ahead.
That sign is not phail, it is epic win.
Hay! That sign is right down the street from my house! I feel sort of tangentially famous!
So how many times did you actually go in, eh?
Scroll up and meet your neighbors!
Pools closed.
and as phil said, epic win.
As for attracting female and gay customers this rather smells of success.
***masturbates***
*warning, this comment actually refers to the posted picture*
This is another win mis-labled as a fail.
What posted picture?
It was taken using invisible film
Did we loose the negatives?
Somebody should have tied them down tighter!
*grabs net to go catch loose negatives*
Dangit I did it again. Time for practice.
Loses
Loses
loses
loses
loses.
No, but we did the hounds.
*looks unconvinced at the comment relating to posted picture*
I like the unrelated comments better.Have a glorious weekend everyone! See you Monday!
Dammit, Mal!! Can’t you see I’m trying to reconstitute you up there???^^^^
If you disappear now, Leila will never forgive me.
*sniffle*
*sniff* Mal!! No!!
*sob*
omg hilarious! my first time coming here and now it will be my one of my favs XD
Are you sure it’s your first time? You came prepare with avatar an all. At any rate … welcome to FB.
I remember my first time.
Same. The first person I talked to was Loz. Ah, the memories.
Yeah, Good ol’ Loz and her red pen.
Hee…! With my first comment, I mortally and completely unintentionally offended some Australian woman. I felt so badly, I almost didn’t post again…
She’s probably scared forever!
*Sniff!* My first proper one… *wipes tear*
.
Posted a reply to Fluffy, which was then answered by Mookie.
.
I shoulda seen the writing on the wall..!!!
Mine was MAHBOOBEH…
Lots of talk about boobs. Rather fun!
Mine was almost a year ago!
I made my first comment at breakfast.
Oh my… I don’t remember my first time at all! I do recall being slightly nervous I’d break some unwritten rule. I think it was a fail that had something to do with kissing fish or something…
Anyone been here longer than a year? Cuz I am about to give Avis the throphy for being here longest.
I’m not so sure about that. I think DW, AA and Avis are collectively the eldest here.
I’ll have been here for a year at the end of July!
Both Chez and Rouge 3 have been here since mid June of last year. THEY are officially the the geezers of the site!
Yes, and I think I’m the new guy here.
Don’t forget Cloral.
I’ve been here since late last year.
PS: It’s nice to see someone remembering me.
I believe I posted a few times under a different name with a generic avatar in July, and finally chose this name and avatar in August.
Now I’m curious. I’ll have to go take a look for when I first came here.
*hee! I said “came”!*
Do you remember, That?
That was my best friend.
Avatars are not indigenous to FailBlog. My avatar works at MANY sites.
*eye indigenous*
When I read that I couldn’t help think of the Crocodile Hunter stalking Avatars in their natural habitat.
Crikey!
My apologies. Exclusive. Avatars are not exclusive to FailBlog. Better?
Sometimes the’re even elusive.
…like my ‘y’s
snork!
No, take that back. I much enjoyed it. Reminded me of the Family Guy episode where peter watched the national geographic on red firetrucks.
{http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=EE1uBiwUxFU}
*snork* You should hear me sometimes when I’m out and about in the evenings. To my friends (the ones from out of town) I act like a narrator for a nature show. Pointing out the Trixies and the Hipsters, and the Hookers. Talking about them as if they were either exotic animals, or domesticated livestock. Depending on my mood.
Pictures!! I want a virtual tour!
(sorry, I’m greedy and too cheap to buy the plane ticket)
One of these days. When I learn how to post photos on my blog!
It is pretty funny to have an outlook on what people believe is normal human interaction and to put that spin on it. Hilarity always ensues.
Got it!
yeah I have had an avatar for a long time… avatars are *supposed* to be shown all over in word press. O_O and as the person said above me… it was my first time coming tee hee . was that a fail? @_@
This is not a fail, it is called humor. There are few things sadder than when failblog mistakes humor as idiocy.
No one ever claimed this was idiocy; we did however call it humorous.
I call it hella funny!
I called it funny, I believe Mal called it humorous and Dragon called it witty but don’t quote me on that.
I just call it Bob.
Sometimes, I call it Roberto, but mostly just Bob.
Failblog redefined fail, so it now sometimes means win.
This is definitely a win.
Don’t see the fail here, its funny!
Got to open your eyes.
It’s a total win. They knew exactly what they were saying.
Have a good weekend all!
*blows smooch in B2th departing direction*
Farewell!
Who was That??
I thought B2F was That.
That was fun.
Whats that now?
B2F is all That! And more!
Ciao B2F!!!
Hi LEILA!
*squeeze*
Hi everybody!
*waves*
Hi Rian!
Bye all! Have a great weekend!
*squeezes all around*
Bye! *squeeze*
You too!
*squeeze*
Bye!
Camel-toeriffic!!
I dunno… It looks like a win to me.
*Charges zack and Douchee*
*Slashes Zack into two*
*Jumps and fells Douchee with a back flip slash*
Phew, first trolls of the day.
Sorry to intrude, but, Sir, what did zach and Douchee do that was so….shall I say….”troll”-ish?
Ohh umm, I was bored…
*walks away in shame*
my eyes fell out, i can’t find my mimosa. help!
Can’t help you, abstract, I drank mine. Where’s LEILA when we need her?
*Glances around at both abstract and Iusuallylurk*
Guess I’ll be the responsible one.
*picks up eyeballs and gives them to abstract*
Hope that helps.
thank you so much! now i can see again….oh darn, it’s empty. LEILA!!! lolz on floor, and wall this time!
Eww, now I have to get this off of me.
*grabs ShamWow*
it’s just lolz
alright, time for me to go. all my love to all my failblog friends. have a safe weekend, see you Monday! Sir Rian, thanks again for helping me find my eyeballs it will be easier to drive home that way. Goodnight
I think she went somewhere. Please leave a message after the beep.
BEEP!
Umm, ahhh.
*hangs up phone*
I’m so nervous. haha
That was weird…
Ummm… hileilairanoutofmimosascanyoubringmemore? thanksbye!
*hangs up*
Yea.. sorry about that.
That’s not a fail, it’s deliberate and it’s a WIN. It’s a fricking POOL HALL for Chrissake.
Epic Fail – For Failblog yet again Failing to Appreciate Intentional Humor…
My girl just finished cleaning my shaft. Actually, I’m not joking.
No smooth shafts or clean balls on this blogdaily gif girl blog
-
But definitely some nice racks!
Failblog, delete please.
Ewwww, please delete this.
win
Better than rough shafts and dirty balls I suppose. It sounds like a pain to play snooker with.
This isn’t really a FAIL because they clearly intended to make a dick joke.
This is a win
yes they meant to do that and yes it’s still a win u dopes. buttmunches
That’s MY mother at the ATM. Oh God, I’m sooo embarrassed
*hides in shame*
Do you truly have nothing better to do with your time?
I think he meant to finish with *buttmunches*.
Oooooh, now I get it.
Mornin’ Arthur!!
yes
nope
Now you’re just clutching at straws
YES chicago. I live right down the street from this place, died laughing the first time I saw it haha. the other side says “Go Bear” just one tho, not the whole tea.
Isn’t that a win?
I’d say so, but then it’s widely agreed that I’m a sexist pig whose sense of humour is in violation of the Constitution.
Or something.
Definitely a win… stellar marketing.
I say it’s Win, not Fail.
It is one thing to say it, something entirely different to believe it.
Is it really fail if it’s intentional?
Well goodnight anyone who is still on here!
I’ll be back on in the morning!
Goodnight
wouldn’t touch that place with a 5ft pole
But would you touch it with a 6 inch pole?
*considers*
Make it seven and you’ve got a deal!
what more could you ask for?!
That’s what she said.
I think that’s a win…not a fail
I agree with Greg. It’s obvious they wanted to say something with a double sense. A definite win!
That’s not a fail… that’s a WIN if you ask me!
I think i keep seeing things. I swear I have seen this comment before.
*scratches head and wonders off*
havent read though ALL the replies, but my 0.02$ is that they worded that sign very much on purpose and so it’s not a fail. and its damn funny.
Clearly intentional and clearly a win.
liquor in the front, poker in the back.
Dohhohohoh!
This was a definite WIN.
LMAO!
OH MY! *fans herself* XD
ATM just seems to support the double entendre…
Hot girls doing 69 for 25 minutes straight!!
That’s actually pretty common. I used to work at a billiard room (which will go un-named) whose tag line was “Rack Your Balls at…”
You know, I drive past this bar every day, and never ever registered what the sign says (and it still says it).
i frequent this pool hall all the time. chi-town represent.
the owner’s a total badass, and he knows full well what the sign says. to me, this is the most epic of wins. he gets calls about it all the time with people complaining. his reply is usually,
“well, we are a pool hall…and we have smooth shafts and our balls are clean. i can’t help it where your mind goes”
this place has the smoothest shafts and the cleanest balls on the north side.
Win
What makes this especially awesome for me is that I lived about two blocks away from that place for the last 5 years. I got the WTF moment.
because the innuendo was surely unintentional
Another “win” posted as a “fail”. What’s up with this site lately?
technically its an advertising win!
OK, so every funny sign is a fail now. Uh, no.
I agree, how is this a fail? It is most certainly done on purpose.
Whoa! That’s around the corner from my house- I walk by that every day. And I think it’s intentional…
is this in Chicago?
hahaha you can ell that was on purpose xD
yea, this is in Chicago. Its in my old neighborhood. definitely NOT fail. They do this kind of stuff on their sign every so often.
We’re neighbors! This is a block from my house…I love their signs
I was hoping someone else would notice this was from Chicago. Been in there, but haven’t seen that on the sign. Hilarious!
lol this is a block from my house on montrose in chicago
not fail. good advertising!
Very nice site!
it’s obvious that it’s intentional… damn good publicity.
hell that could be a win from a different point of view
“we have shafts, balls, and a whole lot of fail”
I work for a Billiards company and this lingo is daily jargon in the office!