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Cheezburger Company Blog
Darwin Awards available.
That’s great news!
I knew it wasn’t cool to fail, but I never thought you could die by it! :cries:
I’m getting worse at this. 46.8
how come I haven’t died yet??
You must be succeeding.
Probably not though.
Just a tip to all your safety gurus out there, if you got some pipe you don’t want somebody crawling on, use upside down rakes.
photoshop
*picks up oversized whack-a-troll mallet*
*takes aim at Marty*
WOOOOMP!!
*rakes away Marty’s remains*
*Identical me pops up a different whack-a-mole hole*
Good morning everyone!
Morning!
*warms up candles*
They’ll probably dry out or melt by the time it’s tomorrow.
GOOD MORNING!
Good morning, chaz. Why all caps? Bored?
Precisely! Nothing like CAPS to spice up a TUESDAY!
A Tuesday that feels like a damn MONDAY
Death is the ultimate fail.
It’s photoshopped
Nope, it’s real my flatmate and I noticed a few months ago – it’s just down the road from us. I keep meaning to head down there with a pair of cutters to bring it home, but a small part of me is sure that I will, inevitably, suddenly understand the sign’s meaning in the seconds before I die in a freak accident while attempting the retrieval.
If failing is mortal, I’ve died like 400 times…
Thanks for the offer, but I think I will pass…
wind
tunnel
vision
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER
You SUCK, I had an awesome multiplier going! D:
I already have three. and still got my balls. try to achieve THIS!^^
Are they in a jar?
Are they in a ziploc bag?
did they die?
Might be a woman, she did not say they were HER balls!
They have to be his, if he got three Darwin Awards. Women don’t get the award for collecting balls, but men can get it for loosing them.
I thought it might be like the Oscars…you know?…’Mr soandso can’t be here today because he is still in intensive care so I’ve brought his balls along to collect the award for him’
That’s just nuts!
Don’t get so testes, s’only a joke.
There’s a vas deferens between a joke and a pun, Jam.
Sorry.
*lies prostate and cries*
*precipitates in crying*
Cum on now, don’t cry *comforts Jam*
(Too obvious and sophomoric?)
*wipes tears and blows nose*
That was a little vulva but I don’t mind.
No need to get in a flap
Eggsackly!
punJam sounds like it should be a word, don’t you think?
AHA! I have a punning jam.
That just sounds dirty.
Now I’m all turned on and sweaty, thanks a lot.
I won’t apologise twice in the same thread.
Jam wishes it to be known that any excitement caused directly or indirectly by her or her comments is in no way her responsibility. Furthermore any over-excitement caused by her punning ways is property of Arthur Eld and all complaints must be made through him as of the 12th April 2009. Your statutory rights are not affected.
*signs the statement and pays for services rendered*
Thanks GV.
I…but…well…uh…damn.
Booby traps! That’s what I said!
bras?
He wears braces, not bras.
Now I feel like a failure. I thought he was just screaming “Boobie Traps!” I forgot it was someone’s name.
*blushes*
Someone called?
*squeezes Boobie*
(oh dear. That didn’t sound right at all.)
*does it anyway* (Mornin’!)
*BoobieSqueeze*
Mornin back at ya!
My God! We’re all doomed!
*gives jam a tearful squeeze good-bye, whilst saying hello* This comment has risked death by dying to be here.
♪ I don’t why you squeeze goodbye and say hello. Hello, hello! ♪
♪ and I’m sure to fail, sure to fail in love with you ♪
Death, doom, and gloom may not nest beyond this level.
Say what?
Hmm?
Of course not.
Health and Safety strike again!
FIFTH
*hits Shitiria with very big mallet*
*goes to fetch the ShamWows*
But I don’t want to be absorbed.
*wipes and throws ShamWows in incinerator*
It won’t burn, I already tried.
*sniff sniff*
EEeeew, why does it smell like singed troll in here?
Shit, iria’lly is a mess now.
Death by Flailing?
You failed spelling failing
Death by flaying
Bobby Flaying?
Molly flogging?
Murphy dropkicking?
Lollygagging?
(Morning WN! *squeeze* Whoa, that was bold!)
Gollylagging!
Ehm … Err… Golly!
(See? There’s a lag before the golly! No? Whatever, next fail is up nobody cares…)
The Death by Fail rate is dangerously increasing
Your right…better put up another sign
They did, but it failed down.
And ultimately, to its death. *mourns*
G’morning, Ms. fluffy!
*Squeeze* Foop!
ROFLH
Look out below! I’d hate to fail on you.
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^| | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
Watch out! Danger of death by impaling!
AHH! PUNGEE!
No, no, it’s “Pungeeeee!”
death by dying
lolz i used to tease my one friend whenever it was cold outside. “i think i’m going to die form freezing to death.”
*teases abstract back, but more of it*
*teases WN’s hair*
*applies highlights*
*ties red bow in front*
You look mahvelous!!!
hmmm, *whirl-winds in, pulls out bow, relaxes hair, uses a curling iron to calm after all the bad teasing, whirl-winds out*
Abstract, what is your avatar??
It looks…well… pretty abstract!
Is it a Rothco?
I mean “Rothko”.
lolz, whoa nellie, WN! you can’t tease (touch) this. Hammer time! *squeeze*
Don’t take it so seriously. Its only a fail, don’t need to take your own life away..
ONLY a fail!!!! Who is this guy?
It appears we all have a terminal condition called life. Or maybe we need to get a life? I forget.
There’s a time to live, and a time to die
When it’s time to meet your maker
There’s a time to live, but isn’t it strange
That as soon as you’re born you’re dying?
Time held me green and dying
Though I sang in my chains like the sea.
♪ If you’re happy and you know it, clank your chains… ♪
♪But you run and you run
to catch up with the sun
but it’s sinking.
Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death!
♫ So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath ♪
♫ Last dance with Mary Jane, one last time to kill the paaaiaaain! ♪
Though lovers be lost, love shall not. (DT too)
(w)hore seems to be collecting them for us.
I fail to understand what this is.
*dies*
*roffles*
Don’t you guys have nothing else to do than lurk on failblog? Seriously, I need to get yourself a life.
Ironic considering you are in fact the lurker. We are regulars. And we actually have things to do.
Not me, I’m dead. I have all the time in the world.
I never lurk on Failblog. I post profusely. In fact, I’m posting right now. Post post post.
*pulls out large mallet*
*nearby troll pops head out of ground*
I am nearly speechless, but won’t let that stop me.
The name. (say, what?)
The grammar. (forgivable enough)
…but, the last sentence. (priceless!)
I like that (s)he is taking it upon him/herself to get us more lives, what a helpful person!
I suppose Whore could be coveting our lives.
I wonder what lives s/he has for us?
Maybe those of people who failed from the bridge?
I think Annie’s onto something here.
Plus, I’m glad to see that someone is finally taking those lost lifesavers seriously.
It is easy to get a life, just get a 1-up mushroom!
“I” need to get yourself a life? Thanks but no thanks. And thanks for “nothing.”
Pff, no sign’s going to tell me what to do!
*falls to death*
*is okay in the end*
Your end is ok, but what about the rest of you?
*checks*
All fine, except for my brain, but I never used that anyway and I’m pretty sure it was already broken.
Duct tape? It comes in fashionable colo(u)rs now.
But, GV *squeeze*, the sign’s instructions are very clear. You must *fail to your death* – frankly, we’d rather you did neither.
Um, is that how your end is supposed to look, though?
Yes, I’ve always had that tail and the fire’s been there for years now.
Don’t you juts hat it when your typos male proper words?
*squeeze*
Like that would ever happen to anyone. :p
Teehee! *squeeze*
Yes it drivels me rotund the band!
*delayed foop squeeze*
*jammy squeeze*
*giant group squeeze* Ok..off to bed now. Worked late, played later. See you in about 8 hours.
*group squeeze* I’m off, too.
*leaps for squeeze*
Danger of death by “Giant group squeeze”? What are you? An octopus? The kraken?
Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni?
Heh…..ok..a bunny sized giant group squeeze…..
wait…a bunny-sized giant……*head begins to ache*
need….caffiene….
first to say first!
First to reply to the first to say first.
First to reply to the first to reply to the first to say first.
First to drop an anvil on Not the Tinklenator’s head to end silly conversation.
First to reply to First to drop an anvil on Not the Tinklenator’s head to end silly conversation.
First to reply to First to reply to First to drop an anvil on Not the Tinklenator’s head to end silly conversation.
You just died.
Akshullaly, it’s a FAIL because the sign won’t help anyone stupid enough to crawl out onto pipe, even if it was personalized wif their first name.
Common sense > Captain Obvious signs
Morning all. Photo shopped ?. First to say it.
It is a win because if you happened to get by the ….”lawn rakes”…, you live forever, sorta like a time portal to immortality.
Hahaha.
Not to be confused with the time portal to immorality.
It’s like a giant game of Mario Bros. run across the pipes, clear the giant rakes, step on the coopas, kick the mess outta bowser and score with the princess!!!
Don’t forget eating lots of mushrooms! Dude… (spaces out).
If you fail to read the small print they will rake you in.
And then you must pay the piper at the gates of lawn.
It’s all rake, murder and mayhem after that.
Just shovelling on the trouble.
Then all you’ll be wishing for is extendead leaves
I feel like (com)posting a reply…
Mulch it over before taking action.
If ferment to post it will be so
*carefully garden my thoughts on that*
Just dont plant one on me!
The red line is very helpful, otherwise I wouldn’t have noticed it!
What happens if we fail to die?
Failodox!
Have you noticed that no new fails have been added to the voting page? It’s a matter of time now before we run out of fails.
And then what?
We’ll all come back to life?
Failing to die so we are still alive, so we cant come back to life because we were never dead…..
Well failblog has been spazzing out recently anyway…maybe something with the voting page is just messed up…hopefully, cuz we need new fails.
Yaay. There are now new fails to vote for.
Cake or Death?
Mmmm, cake, please.
How about some death cake?
Death by chocolate? I’m in.
*gives Swell Foop some death by chocolate*
After this we can share some Death By Failing
all better than death by bunga!!!
I’ll take death, since the cake is a lie.
Man, I even fail at failing
So you always win?
That’s pretty impressive!
(to jam because failblog will put my comment nowhere near his/her comment)
then we fail at failing<======look, the comment is shorter than the intro
*is female*
You nest well, armanrules; I’d have seen you anyway.
If we fail at failing, then we have still failed and therefore still might die but then we fail to die so….
*head explodes*
Finally, a death I can strive for. Screw you old age!
(Morning all!)
And yet we know not the tine or place …
(Morning, Mal! *squeeze*)
Morning! *squeeze*
Licktite! How’s things?
*Hands cup of fresh-brewed coffee*
Some of us want to live long enough to be back in diapers, having other people feed and bathe us.
shopped
Buy anything nice?
Idk about chesty…but I bought some nice oak furniture!
nah chaz, oak is out, mahogany is the new oak
Awwww… =( so now what am I gonna do with all this oak? =(
bonfire?
With tribal dancing?
And funky wooden masks!
Yes! And maybe bongos? Let’s invite everyone!
*sends out invitations*
*Waits with Fruitcake for R.S.V.P.s*
*reads*
“You are invited to a bonfire party!
Chaz and FSA are having a bonfire party today.
There will be bongos and wooden face masks.
Bring your friends.
R.S.V.P _________”
Number not available!
Sweet i’ll bring the bongos!!!
*pouts* bunnies can’t go to bonfire parties!! Its all dark and smoky, and people get the wrong idea.
What you going to do with all that junk? Make a trunk!
Can’t say. That would spoil the elephant of surprise.
Let’s burn the trunk to cook TUSKan food over it!
Jumbo sausage for me please!
:O
You’re a tootin’ looney!
I hear longboats are gonna be the next big thing, longboats are made of oak, you could build a longboat? Or perhaps a palisade? Or a moat! Moats are neat! Although you don’t need oak for that… Oh my I’ve gone on quite a rant here, sorry. Oh well, off to plunder I go.
OMG so many good ideas! How about building a longboat and riding it around IN my moat?
Moat depthfinitely a swell idea. I bow to you, Sir!
Thank you! But you were the one who sucSEAded in thinking up the longboat and the moat!
*Bows (and stearns) to Olur*
What’s ironic is the pipes in the picture are running over a moat supplying water and sewer to the castle of fail.
Make sure you don’t accidentally build a failboat though.
No you.
Did you happen to buy a pill of stupid?
Great, well I’m screwed, good-bye world cri cri cri
♫ Cry, cry … Baby … ♫
WIN
It’s so easy to digitally modify it, it’s barely a fail.
100th
But if the message fails to scare ppl off,… it should die… if the message dies it isnt failing so it shouldnt die… But then its on again and fails and then … World fails to exsist and then dies.
So this will lead to the end of the world!!
…so here is ze earth…
And this is only the beginning!…
I guess feath would be failing at life?
*death
typos are so much worse when you do them on failblog
Fail-o’s!
(Not to be confused with the similarly named breakfast cereal)
Has absolutely nothing to do with Bill Nye the science guy. Don’t even think that there’s a connection.
There is however a strong connection to the jackass guy…
I never watched any of the Jackass movies, so excuse me for not knowing what you are talking about.
His name is Steve-O
This is truly an ever-present danger, so long as there are poorly proofread signs and exapmles of ingenuity gone awry.
Erm… examples. *blushes and backs away slowly*
I hope that wasn’t a fatal fail.
It wasn’t. I didn’t notice it until you pointed it out. I had to search for it.
Well, if I didn’t own up, someone would point it out, and I’d feel even dumber for not recognizing it.
They’re all fatal, the sign says so.
Ok, maybe not all of them!
Yeah, the sign only states the danger of death by failing not the certainty
I better start writing up the ol’ will.
For the Photoshop-sceptics, it’s a pretty popular sign in East London: http://images.google.co.uk/images?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&um=1&q=+site:flickr.com+danger+of+death+by+failing
Holy mother! It’s a takover of the giant rakes!!!!
Wow, I think its safe to assume they dont want you trying to cross that body of water via those pipes! ROTFL
http://www.real-anonymity.pro.tc
Shopped? I think not, I’ve seen pipe guards like that before on dams.
Failure is not a option!!!
but death is ?
ouch, i just failed out of a tree
3pic win
To fail or not to fail.
Testing clickie
Test successful. Cute kid!
Thanks Admiral!!!
Test clickie #2
fake
ummmm…….. whats this thread about??????
Photoshop fail on sign, but the railings are real. It looks like the bridge near the Kelvin Hall in Glasgow. If it is, the pipes are sewer links which occasionally leak
mmmm….. juice from rusty, smelly sewage pipes….just like Mommy used to make!
FAKE!
OK, so it’s not photoshopped, it’s vandalized. In every picture of the sign, you can see a weird discoloration between the lower part and the upper dot of the first “i” in “failing” – obviously some wiseacre dabbed a bit of paint on the sign to make it say “failing” instead of “falling”, but didn’t do a very good job.
In any case, this makes the original post a reflected fail – the picture was not a fail (since it was intentionally altered), but the post was a fail for indicating a fail where none existed.
It seems like more and more posts to failblog are reflected fails (no actual fail in the content posted, so a fail is scored against the poster insted). I’ve got news – just because it seems funny or ridiculous to you does not indicate a fail – look it up in the goddamn dictionary already. A fail is an attempt at something that does not succeed, and a post to failblog should illustrate that (a great contemporary example is the “Risk Management Office” with the huge air conditioner on spindly supports directly above the door, menacing anyone who dares enter – they boast “risk management”, but they are obviously failing to do so by threatening everyone who comes near with a prospective death from a falling air conditioner)
“Disneyland here we cum” is not an immediate fail – does anyone know for a fact that these folks are not planning some vacation where they intend to get it on quite frequently at some hotel in Orlando?
I guess I can’t complain, since lately failblog = fail. Maybe that was the whole point all along.
Whatever…
Okay, smart one. Now, how is someone exactly supposed to even GET up there to “vandalize” “Fall”..? Or even, who is STUPID enough to get up there WITH paint, just for a joke?
sadly ppl are stupid enough. and honestly i don’t care if it was vandalized. it’s still funny!
Fake, of course!
thats awesome!
photoshop fail :]
One minute of silence for these +100 pages of deaths.