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Fence coming in 2012.
Just before the end of the world in December 2012?
.
*squeeze*
*squeeze*
Indeed!
Or in 2032 when we all become zombies.
He’s just waiting for the bushes to grow in…
The bushes are infested with deer ticks, which will transmit lyme disease to any intruder so brave as to cross. If you lived near me, you’d nod knowingly.
It’s better than the neighbors hedges that give you crabs
Mow the lawn!
I do every morning!
.
Velvet!!!
What?!?
.
Hey, if I had my way I’d be 100% permanently hair-free from the neck down.
I dream of being able to afford laser hair removal.
*sigh*
Me too!
I know what you mean once you shave you never want to go back. Plus my balls get really itchy if I don’t shave them often enough.
Someday your pluck will change, Ms B.
I had four treatment to try and get rid of the smelly piano wire that sprouts from my face. Moderately painful and utterly ineffective. YMMV.
did noone else see his name here?? imposter!
Nodding.
-Knock! Knock!
-Who is there?
-The thief
-GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!! (KABOOM!)
- Oh No! Please don´t hurt me! Please, not with the broom! I dont like the broom!
-DIE F***ING THIEF, just die…
-My hour has not come yet… I have a lot of things to do and I´m not going to die now. This is my last word.
-Do you want to argue? Because I can own you arguing. I won a medal on high school by been the best in my debate club. They said I cheated but thay have not proofs. Its all fakes.
-Andy Miller?
-So we meet again, Paul Stringer. My former enemy…
I just read this entire thing. I want my time and money back.
I accept checks.
I take credit card.
No refunds.
Is there a form for us to fill out? I want it all back too
I want it all.. and I want it now.
Here!? In front of the whole blog?
Yup, lets rock this city.
Will the Guitars get in the way of your Heroism?
I’ll sell my house, my car, my phone, to be next to you!
I accept chicks
lolz!!
with dicks
…and ticks.
*writes a check over 3 minutes*
Here you go.
I’m suing!
*takes the manuscript from Czhincksx*
*tosses it over the hedge*
So, now we’re sure that no one will ever read it again.
Thank you. Let’s hope it will decompose.
That may poison the grass, so I suggest we let the EPA know about this event.
They might end up doming up the house.
Let’s hedge our bets and burn it.
maby zombies cut the bushes
no it wont
300th comment! Plus this is photoshopped there is no shadow
You must be looking at a different picture than me. I see a shadow.
I believe it might just do the job against a retard.
as seen in the simpons movie
Someone other then me actually gets it!
*applauds yomama*
Distant relatives of the tampons?
Relatively closer to the aboreal gibpons (perhaps?).
*aches to ask Jane Goodall*
*squeeze*
.
Do you think they’re in one of those communities with fence restrictions? And maybe the owner is sarcastic and said “Well, there may be a fence restriction but there’s no gate restriction” so he put up that door?
*squeeze*
I think he thought it would do the trick against blind people who freak out if they touch bushes or something similar to bushes.
I think they are planning the bushes to grow to make a hedge, which would look less silly than it does now.
Hmmm…no, that would still look silly. Especially when one of the bushes dies.
.
*squeeze*
.
(new clicky)
Hi velvet! *squeeze*
You clickie makes me think it’s an excellent metaphor for certain historical US approaches to foreign policy. But I’ll bite my tongue.
*slingshots an ‘r’ upwards*
*squeeze*
.
*grabs slingshot and fires random letters at everyone*
.
Sorry. The water keeps going off here, right when I try to make it to the restroom.
you got ‘P’ all over me.
*ouch!*
Hejy jxam, lcareqful whtere you fzire thowse glettevrs!!e!
And holw lonfg have I beern amasquerading as mr. bcuddles??t?
*realizes he called velvet jam*
AAARGGHH!
Many profuse apologies!
*repeats “velvet” over and over and over”
Velvety jam…ah, no. LOL!
.
Apology accepted! *smooch*
.
I was wondering what was the story behind the name change, but I figured it was on another fail. I just can’t muster up the energy to search for it.
No it’s right here. I made a “mow the lawn” reference, since mr. cuddles is out.
I’m not smooth enough to be Velvety jam either.
*squeeze*
I lesiked yodur cliewakie. Onaane thinkg, youz mefsseid upa may poset.
i waqs trwyingk topl sayyt soomenthinfg but ier thinjkl i gottj toods clocse tos velvettr
Usually people use bushes that don’t die, even in winter, for that purpose.
You’ve never lived in a neighborhood with a hooligan kid. I had one next door to me 10 years ago. He set one of my bushes on fire.
Did you get a chance to talk to the burning bush?
No, unfortunately.
.
Funny thing was, I was sitting in my office watching him playing in my yard. I did a little work, then looked up and saw him set the bush on fire. I walked next door, rang the doorbell, and told the dad that his son just set a bush in my yard on fire. He freaked out and ran to my back yard. The boy started running back to the house in a wide curve pattern to avoid his dad. The fire was done by then.
.
I didn’t mind too much. It was a bush in the middle of my back yard and I was tired of mowing around it.
I glad you did not go next door and say,
“Your son is in trouble. He just set my bush on fire and I want him now.”
It could have been taken the wrong way.
Wait…some kid lit your yard on fire? *would have destroyed the little jerko*
A burning bush in your backyard? Did you receive any instructions regarding your staff, Velvet?
She was told to build a green fence with no fence and put a padlock on it.
Everything dies – it just doesn’t always stay dead.
No way man! He’s cleverly concealed land mines and automated defense turrets in the low bushes! If you look closely you can see where they’ve been Picniked out.
It’s for the criminal twin.
You know, the one who managed to cross a lampost with their handcoffins on.
Not sure if that was a typo or not, but the word handcoffins sounds awesome.
*hands Mal a handcasket*
I guess you heard about my love life
*ppffftt*
Great now I have to clean tea off my monitor. Thanks.
Then I would recommend cremation.
“Till death do us part?”…at least you hono(u)red your vows.
HEY NOW!
.
Cremation flat out isn’t funny. Not. One. Bit.
.
How would you like me to joke about ripping your reproductive organs out?
Hehe…creamation!
I would very much enjoy that. Unless it’s a stupid joke. Nobody likes stupid jokes.
Where are we going, and why are we in this handcasket?
*permission to squeeze the Admiral, sir*
*adds snappy salute*
I was gonna spell it Handcoffee. >_>
Anyway thanks, it’s handcuffs.
Handcoffins, handcaskets … you people make me feel all dead inside. Thanks!
Wonder how many times the homeowner left the keys for that door in the house and was like “Crap now how am I gonna get in!”
They’re on a pay-as-you-go setup.
They should have gone with a moat.
Or a sign that says Please don’t rob us!
There’s a fail in the vote section with that sign.
Really? I don’t go often to the vote section. Thanks, I’ll have to check it out.
I can’t seem to find it.
Damn, I couldn’t find it. I only went up to page 30, though. I got to go now. If you find it, would you post it in a link or clicky?
If your talking about the car with the cardboard “window” that said Please don’t steal my shit on it. That has already been posted.
It’s currently the last fail on page 3 called “Robbery sign fail”.
If they haven’t yet made up their minds how to finish the project, shouldn’t they leave the door open?
Yes. It’s an open-and-shut case.
Not so, they can bailey keep up with the changes ordered by the owner.
I wanted to rob that place. But I can’t find a way in.
You need to kick the door in!
(That gets me thinking…what would happen if you kicked that door…?)
It’s too strong! Those bushes on the sides are too thick and mocking! I can’t get in!
Has anyone tried going around?
I would most certainly twist my ankle again.
This is not a door.
*squeeze*
Pull off a good ol Dane Cook “B&E”. “Damn, I didn’t want to rob the place. I just wanted to kick in a door!”
I’d just climb over.
I’d slip through the bars. Then when I’m good and snockered, I’d come back and rob the place … if I could find a way in.
You must rise to the occasion, grasshopper.
He should involve the owner in a game of cricket. That should give AE a few months to go over everything in the house.
Is that a lock on the door?
Oh good eye! I guess it’s secure after all.
You know what… the lock is on the OUTSIDE… shouldn’t it be on the inside? Not so secure after all.
And how would you lock the door when you leave and unlock it when you come back in that case?
That’s where the low bushes come in.
That’s the key.
Well, duh! We wouldn’t want people breaking in now would we?
And… I think they put a doorbell on it.
I wonder if anyone actually uses that door, and if the owners get pissed when you step over the little tiny bushes.
You know what would be really funny, is if there was actually really thin electric wires.
It would be a shock to me.
Is this the most current pun run?
I think you’ll have to adapt to it.
I’m positively getting a charge out of it.
Watt don’t you like about puns?
Don’t resist the pun-age, just let it flow thru you.
I agree with Jules, be more positive.
Anyone here a fan of AC/DC?
Negative.
I am a fan of more current music.
I have agree with Joules, because I’m trying to get some work done.
I’m a polar opposite. I can’t resistor it.
But who can forget Electric Light Orchestra? Oh, everyone??? wow.
Electric Light Orchestra! Wow.. I just heard “Mr Blue Sky” on the radio yesterday and realized how much I missed them…
Oh no.. I forgot to add a pun.. I’m shocked.
*taze*
I like High Voltage, but am less fond of their current music.
Their old stuff used to get me amped up.
I’m trying to decide if I should go to lunch at 110 or 220.
I don’t know, but I am volting out of work early for this weekend.
Americans usually do 100, and Europeans typically do 220, but it never hertz to try either.
^110^
Brewski, I don’t think I have the capacitance for a 220.
Let’s meditate on it. Ohmmmmmm.
I can feel the power from deep meditation.
I know a lot of people who get angery when you beat around the bush.
*shrubs his shoulders*
They’re just branching out because they feel hedged in.
Dammit Brewski! Why wood you use all the puns up?
Oak-kay, leaf all the puns so we could use ‘em, please.
I think we can keep it going if with stick with it.
This is starting to get a little sappy.
Eventually, this will get to be a thorn in the backside.
Ha! You guys are nuts.
You just can’t see the forrest for the trees.
I can’t wait for this holly-day weekend.
I’m pineing for a day off.
You’re barking up the wrong tree.
I’m still a little hungover from the reply-button return celebration.
*pours orange juice into leftover Champagne*
Mimosa anyone?
Every dogwood love this run.
We have some berry smart people here on fail blog. They won’t let us down.
It’s true, just ash anyone.
Just brush aside the haters.
Sorry jam! I didn’t realize that might maple me unpoplar.
Knot if we get inventive.
Yew all are crazy.
Saps, the lot of you
Let your mind branch-out!
Sounds like something I recently re(a)d, wood you like to see the article?
You went a little out on a limb with that one.
Stone walls do not a prison make,
Nor iron bars a cage
But they do help to keep the prisoners in..
…or the zombies out.
Ya can’t keep me in here, copper!! I’m bustin’ out!
(gets spoon and starts to dig under gate)
I do believe that this picture was taken from a much greater distance then meets the eye… These tiny bushes are in fact man high, making this the biggest door ever.
It’s all about the angles.
And the massive unit who took the photograph!
That must be Les Nessman’s house
That oughta keep Herb Tarlek out.
I think I see Venus Flytrap in the shrubs.
Wow such a fail…
Somebody’s gonna have to go back and get a $#!+load of dimes!
*thinks*
*thinks more*
OK, I give up!
Why would dimes be needed?
Gee, don’t you get it Skwerrly??
Ha ha ha ha ha!!
“Dimes”!! Wooo hoo hoo!
Uh… oh wait. I was thinking “nickles”, not “dimes”. I don’t get it.
Dime it! Pither totally bucked that one up. It was penis, lots of ….. wait, that’s not how you spell 1 cent coins, is it? Oh wait, yes, it isn’t.
Obviously you have never seen “Blazing Saddles”…
How new a bie are you?
This picture was used by people, to illustrate windows XP Firewall’s efficiency.
*laughs*
*snickerfit*
Why, yes – perfectly in fact o.O
hey r u joe morshed?
I think you are.
no the picture looks like u joe
I am not Joe Morshed. Though it is kinda funny, one of my friends saw my comments on here before and told me about it after the fact…
You kinda look like my brother to me. It still weirds me out!
I seem to look like a lot of people!
Liam Gallagher being one of them.
I am an Oasis in the deserts of people that look like me.
I once worked on a party in an art school in my town. Several people there were absolutely sure they knew me and that I was one of the students there. Two of them met me in bright light, seemed to be sober and still felt insulted when I told them that I have never seen them before. That was disturbing…
I think you found your calling…
Also, think about the guy you were supposed to be? He probably got a dozen messages reading, “hey man, thanks for pretending you didn’t know me! I pissed all over your prints! Have a great night, jerk!”
HAHAHA! No, I didn’t think about him so far. It does turn an uncanny story in a funny one!
*tosses Arthur a ‘to’ to go with his ‘in’*
Thanks!
Don’t you wonder where the wall is in this fail?
For the win.
Only some people can see it. It’s a mirage…like an Oasis in the desert.
Joe! How ya been? My gosh, it feels like it’s been ages!
*cry*
There, there, Joe
*pat pat*
I remember when you cried back when we were in 5th grade. Then you kicked me in the shins. And then… oh yeah, I just remembered, I’m not talking to you anymore! Hmmph.
I thought your name was Malicite
Oh good, then I don’t have to firebomb his house in vengeance! Sorry, Malicite.
My name is Malicite!
Brewski, you stole my lunch money! I’ll never forget that pain!
Oh, sorry Malicite!, that’s a strange way to spell your name.
The M is silent.
I thought the ‘a’.
Mmm…both are…now I am Lickite.
Lickable Lickite?
If that doesn’t improve your sex life…
Rawr.
Get it done, lickity split?
That’s not fair! XP’s Firewall’s way worse than this, if it was to illustrate that, it’d need the house key left in the door or something!
Oh come on guys, I run XP, and it works just
telnet port 9040 connected.Downloading...
Complete!
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!
Errrr… this picture was used to illustrate the efficiency of EVERY personal firewall – regardless if it’s from M$, Norton, Kaspersky, whatever…
Dude thats insane
That might be a security measure to confuse potential intruders.
Where? I have yet to see this “insane dude”.
He’s right above Alexis … see? Jerry tuulips IS the : Dude thats insane
*Opens at a theatre near you on the eleventeenth of Nextember*
That,s one hell of a glass wall…
I think Wolf it is a force field .?
You could be right… you go first and check…
>ZAP!< DOT ORG!
I told 5 eagles not to wear the red shirt.
“Owww that hurt”.
This confused the heck outta the area mormons, but the Jehovah’s Witnesses now are glad to have one more door to knock on.
Knock knock knockin’ on heavens door♪
Must……not….no…yes..no…ohh no
*feels it spew forth*
…*
.
♪ Once…more…you open…the…
.
*TherrrrrlumpsHead…leaves brilliant blog in shame
Aaaack!
*plugs ears*
LA LA LA LA LA!
It’s not working!
Don’t you know? The bushes are really force field generators.
Waaaaait… can it be? Is it possible that no one yelled PHOTOSHOPPED so far? Is the apocalypse coming?
Don’t bring them upon us!
That yard is absolutely Photoshopped. Look how green it is!!!
Well, it is a pretty lawn.
*Photoshops MsB*
Lascivious!
Yikes!
How did these pixels get on my butt?!
That’s not the other place…
*shoots other and installs dictator only*
.
.
*wink*
Better on than in.
*goes shopping for Malicite’s photos and bids you all adieu*
*blows kisses roundabout and Jessica-Rabbits right on out*
Have a nice weekend! *adds Swell to his photo seller list*
Hey, check out my response to your comment on the Related Purchase Fail.
Photosynthesized!
Photofertilized.
♪ They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the world’s a sunny day, Oh yeah
I got a Nikon camera
I love to take a photograph. . . ♪
Dude, the grass is fine, just the white-balance is really off….
Did some call for an apocalypse again?
*feels to lazy to take over the world on command*
*rolls back over in grave*
*gives ZA an extra ‘o’*
All men secretly want a zombie apocalypse to happen. Just to see how they’d do.
♪
one
little missing number
between “did some” and “call for an”
♪
.
Thanks Gaynor, I wouldn’t ever have noticed that omission. Rotting brain, you know … mmmmmm, braaaaiiiiiiiiinnnn.
I did mention it had been ’shopped’ I just cunningly disguised it as ‘Picniked’!
The sky has been photoshopped.
Who has ever heard of a blue sky?
Psh.
Hey Arthur, sorry for the lapse in conversation..I actualy had a real piece of work to do. But Kant is a horses ass. The basic tenet of his entire body of work relies on a religious principle that all people are born with some inherit goodness. He then goes on his entire life to explain how certain acts are good and certain acts are evil while completely ignoring the utilitarian nature of life. Everyting he ever wrote is wrong.
Speakest thou of Immanuel Kant?
What other Kant is there? Every argument he ever made was ridden with assumptions that lacked any sort of scientific proof. You can’t honestly perscribe to Kants ethical theories and still believe in evolution. Kant is as lame and inate an explanation of ethics as inteligent design is to the progression of life. There is no such thing as truth or beauty, evil or good as all of these topics are subjective. I would think Arthur being German might have read Neitche at some point in his life, but apparantly not.
You’ve taken a vow of silence because of Nietzsche?
I would take a vow of silence, but nobody listens to me when I talk anyway. So it would be futile. But I am familiar with Neitzsche saying there is no point in speaking only to laugh and cry.
I’ll always listen SK! And sometimes I might even surprise you by agreeing!
I’m sure there are many Kants. Much like there are many Obama’s in America. What do you mean by; “There is no such thing as truth or beauty, evil or good as all these topics are subjective.”? Are you saying that if something is not immediately tangible, there is no way it can exist? And why would Arthur being German have any impact on whether or not he has read any Nietzsche?
Not at all am I saying that. I am saying that there is no such thing as truth because it is subjective to the person or entity that adheres it to be truth. The same goes for beauty, good and evil. It is proven through the experiment that is human existance. What could be considered abhorent in one culture, could be perfectly normal in another. Kant is constantly labeling things good or evil. And his argument are constantly riddled with assumptions such as that all people are born with an inherent will do do good. It just isn’t so. Whatever we have programmed into our brains as instinct plus whatever we experience in our lives makes up our entire being. We are no different than animals in this consideration. Kant and most other ethicists refuse to believe this. They rather think that humans are different, and often quote a devine presence as the source.
Just because something is subjective, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist! I agree with you insofar that it is impossible to label things good or evil, right or wrong as so much depends on individual perception. However, this could also apply to ideas. It’s impossible to say whether or not we are born with an inherent will to do good as we mimic our parents so much. It’s hard to argue either way with your point “Whatever we have programmed into our brains as instinct plus whatever we experience in our lives makes up our entire being” as I’m still not sure what my ‘entire being’ is. Personally I think there’s more to humans (and possibly animals) than just instinct and experience. A person can apply logic to a situation he’s never been in before to resolve it in a way pleasing to them. All debates have to start with assumptions. Most only have basic ones like; this reality is real. otherwise debates would go nowhere.
Thats very true, all debates do rely on some basic assumptions or there would be no control to test a hypothesis. And I was also agreeing with you that intangible things such as concepts can certainly exist. But there is nothing more to human life than the mechanics we are given at birth. We are an extension of our parents and every other animal in our bloodline that we evolved from. Even if a situation seems completely foreign, the reaction that a human will take will be the consequence of every action that has come before said incedent. To assume that there is something inside of us, a soul as most cultures would call it, has no scientific merit. It is a blind assumption that has simply found it’s way into our existance through superstition and religion. I personaly am an agnostic because I feel that humans have no rights to claim any assumptions about there existance, especially when they are trying to impact the destiny of another individual. A specific example is the death penalty. How can we say it is fair to put someone to death when we don’t understand the punishment. It is so far scientificly impossible to understand what happens after death. And since cruel and unusual punishment is illegal, why do we still adhere to this system. It is because some people are trying to push their religious assumptions onto the rest of us, and that is wrong. I don’t assume that anything I experience is true or beautiful, good or evil, I don’t even know if it is real. Kant’s arguments are laden with these assuptions and have had terrible consequences since they came to be popular.
I have issue with your adherence to “scientific merit”. The scientist only accepts what he can measure and repeat. All other experiences are not valid, for a scientist.
That being said, you’ve inspired me to read Nietzsche. Thank you.
I’ve read Nietzsche. Anyone who claims that “When a woman has scholarly inclinations there is generally something wrong with her sexual nature” (Beyond Good and Evil) is not going to get any respect from me. And if you really want to get hot under the collar, read Thus Spake Zarathrusttra. Here’s a very small example:
“Everything in woman is a riddle, and everything in woman hath one solution –it is called pregnancy.
Man is for woman a means: the purpose is always the child. But what is woman for man?
Two different things wanteth the true man: danger and diversion. Therefore wanteth he woman, as the most dangerous plaything.”
You’ve inspired me to not read Nietzsche…
♫ There’s noooo aphrodisiac like lonliness,
Truth, beauty…and a picture of you ♫
.
I shall continue to find things true, beautiful, evil and good – and sure, my interpretation of these things is not a universal absolute – but it is valid, all the same.
Alas, he does. SK, I can’t get into that discussion for two reasons: 1) I have to leave in a couple of minutes. 2) I never studied philosophy and therefore don’t really know enough to argue profundly. But since the categoric imperative is part of the fundament on which I lead my agnostic life, I disagree with your last sentence.
I’m starting to think I’ve met a kindred spirit. Talk to you soon Arthur.
I wish you all a nice weekend! See you on Monday.
I’ll see you Tuesday! *has off Monday for Memorial Day*
Oh and have a good weekend.
*waves*
Have a fun weekend.
Monday is a holiday here. Woo-hoo!
Bank Holiday?
*waves*
Bye Arthur.
This appears to have the same security as my hedge fund.
*snork*
HA
What we can’t see is the sign on the inside of this door, which has this reminder to consider before entering the asylum:
.
Toothpick Instructions:
.
Hold stick near center of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.
That asylum has a funky amount of chimnys or chimnies.
maybe the fence is invisible
anti-dwarfs fence
Best invisible fence I’ve ever not seen.
Yeah, it won’t keep you from getting in, but how are you going to get OUT?
unbelievable, in this crowd i would expect atleast one of you to make the connection, sheesh. it is a green door> google “the green door” and sudenly this will be a lot funnier.
I bet the door is to Narnia…
oh shut your balls.
MINIMALISM,
WIN.
for all of you who haqve read all of this, up to here,
GET A F***ing life. Ewe, i caught a bug in my mouth. This is just sad how many of you in this stupid chat.
P.s. whatch the sarah conner cronicals and
FIREFLY!
this food is problamatic…
hehe
no (of)fence, but thats just ridiculous.
i know but funny
it reminds me of Les Nessman’s office “walls” from WKRP in Cincinnati.
Long-term planning win.
Oh, they have dementia?!
it’s funny, but an obvious photoshop.
More like Photoshop fail, You can see the shadow from the fence on the pavement.
I am shocked of that crazy door. Very funny, but unique and amazing photoshop.
hey
Im really horny n looking for some one any takers here?
x
x
That sounds like you’ve got some ivory to poach?!?
*calls for gender check, aisle 9!!!*
A 150 pound person, landing from a small hop, will detonate the Lawn Defender ™ landmines. People over 150 pounds or the age of 30 don’t hop.
It’s the perfect barrier, really.
Maybe the guy who planted the bushes has played too many video games where a “barrier” like that is all it takes to stop your character.
1000% fake.
sorry.
Funny ’cause where I live probably 65% of houses in my city have a gate and such similar to that one. Okay, ALMOST the same.
wtf?
i don’t see where he failed, he clearly installed a gate therefore he is safe lol
omg ur so funny!
wow only a true retard would not be able to break into that house!
Hrm, looks remarkably similar to the Windows firewall.
Omg, U people sucks. Think in a few years forwards. The grass or three’s or what ever it is will grow and be big so the door is as big as the three’s
they will get robbed by then
Could you say that in Standard, please?
IF YOU DON”T GET IT READ:
I’m sure many of you don’t find this funny….you think it’s photoshopped and anybody could get through that door.
Well, here’s the explanation
Yes, it’s photoshopped. This was originally created to be a representation of Windows Firewall. Therefore it was funny as a security fail.
However, this version of the picture doesn’t explain that and therefore it doesn’t seem funny.
It’s for dogs…
this good