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Cheezburger Network Blog
First!
Ordinal post rule response to self:
The length of life of the adult mosquito usually depends on several factors: temperature, humidity, sex of the mosquito and time of year. Most males live a very short time, about a week; and females live about a month depending on the above factors.
Did you know that since male mosquitoes do not suck blood, they also do not transmit diseases. Like the males of many other insect families, they are important for just one reason, and then they become superfluous.
are they your best friend?
I saw that sign. My golfing buddy Mark hates me now.
This made me laugh, hard.
Mark doesn’t do anthing “hard” anymore.
haha, nice
You people are completely retarded.
Analrapist? Guess you have already taken the advice I was about to give you.
And you thought he wasn’t using his head…!
One might of goosed that. When reading what he has left behind.
Might HAVE! Might HAVE!
/pet peeve
Dangit. Throw the book at me please.
*Hands over War and Peace (the extended edition)*
‘Tis a thwackable offense!
Well I am not about to dodge, duck, dip, dive or dodge out of this one.
One must dodge twice? Hmmm…
Once for the car once for the movie. Dodgeball is a classic to me.
The 5 Ds of dodgeball.
As told by Patches O’Houlihan.
Greatest dodgeball player in history.
It wasn’t really the pronunciation that scared me…
Again!
Good one, Scott! I have tears in my eyes.
Mosquitoes don’t really sting, in the sense of a hypodermic needle piercing the skin. They saw their way through instead, using four cutting stylets kept in a protective sheath along with a duct that carries anticoagulant into the wound and a tube that carries blood out.
Blech!
Like Lawyers, basically?
Dear god, I think I’m going to be sick xD As soon as I read that, I remembered being bit by a mosquito last week and I almost spewed chunks D:
Mosquitoes gross me out and freak me out even more now. THANKS xD
Rather like the human male in that respect, eh?
pffft.
The Hills are alive with the sound of spray.
PFFFFT!!!!
I thought the word was spay. If you don’t nueter your best freind’s pets, the hills would be alive with meowsic. and the howls of loney googies.
yeah yeah… men suck… too bad we own everything…
With an attitude like that, you must hold your own.
He’s quite the handyman.
Master of his own domain.
Men do not suck. I like men. Men…..are awesome….*sigh*
There, there…
*pat pat pat*
I do, too and yes, they are.
Well, I’m a man and how come nobody thinks I’m awesome
Bet your mom does.
Pfft. They all do, that goes with the territory.
How about a date there good lookin’?
Maybe your personality is too subtle for people to notice.
I like Tim Allen, too.
Thank you for sharing.
No, really.
I’m trying to envision it without laughing. Hahaha. Didn’t work.
That’s a weird friendship.
Spray or tutor?
Birth control win!
HAHAHA!
.
Come to think of it, I do have two friends that could use this service. One has 12 kids and the other is just too freaky.
“Hi Joe, glad you could make it over for dinner. After dinner I thought we could pull out these scissors and go to work! “
I have a friend that could have used this before she spawned…
.
.
.
Now I feel bad for saying that.
Here, Ms B, have a shot o’ tequila – you’ll feel better almost immediately
Why thank you dear sir!
*throws back shot*
Wow! That does work almost immediately!
You should never feel bad about being honest. That’s the problem with people these days. Political correctness has made people too darned sensitive.
.
DEATH TO POLITICAL CORRECTNESS!
Oooo! I want to join that cause! Can we make T-shirts?
Absolutely. I live there
The problem arises when people mix us “political correctness” and simply “being a decent human being”. It IS possible to have one without the other!
In both directions.
My point exactly.
Hey! Stop pointing! I find that highly offensive! You should show more sensitivity to pointer-sensitive people.
There’s a kid in my class who hits people who point at him. He also once stabbed some other guy with a compass, but after a few chats with the powers that be, he’s calmed down a bit. He now only hits people who disagree with him.
Oh, he sounds lovely. Sounds like he could use a “best friend”.
He is maths and physics obsessed as well; When he’s bored, he counts the 13th root of numbers and uses Chaos Theory to explain everything.
He must be bored a lot then.
He may have a hyperactive brain, does he suffer from any sleep loss. Either that or human contact is not his forte. (accent aigu on the e)
Just for effect.
.
Oh DW you be a English Master, why do the words affect and effect have obscure meanings that can be used interchangibly with the other word. For instance, “I believe our foreign policy effects the situation” I linked the page that first threw up a flag on this issue. It is a safe clicky as always.
They can’t be used interchangEAbly. They mean different things.
.
For example: to effect change, is to bring about or cause change;
to affect change is to act upon or influence the change.
.
*is not an English Master, but knows the difference!*
**an English master >.<**
Yea, I understood the difference, but if you looked at the link it had the obscure meanings that can cause some issues. Like the sentence that I provided, the responder says, “You mean affects.” Which was my issue, the secondary, obscure meanings of the words can replace the other word in certain situations.
Thanks I didn’t catch that other error, Changeable, can’t elieve I missed that, well I can but still, embarrassing none the less.
Haha, no, I was just being a spelling pratt. I thought the comic was funny, as one guy was winding the other up…”The policy is causing the situation!”…”No, the policy is helping it!”.
Actually when you laid out the situation like that, it is clearer, thanks.
Guess it was just a mental block, was stuck in my paradigm, which you just shifted me out of. Thanks again DrB.
¡ɹǝɥʇıǝ ʇı ʇuɐʍ ʇ,uop ǝʍ ¡ǝƃɐqɹɐƃ ssǝuʇɔǝɹɹoɔ lɐɔıʇılod ɔıʇoıpı ʇɐɥʇ ɥʇıʍ pɐǝp ǝɥʇ ǝsɹnɔ ʇ,uop `ʍou ʎǝɥ
Now would be a perfect time to suggest that I could drive you home.
We will take my motorcycle.
Be sure to wear your bukkit.
Yup, I will make sure, since safety is third.
*hic*
Oh you are such a gentleman! Are you going to take advantage of my inebriated state?
Advantage, you are the one who has the leg up in this situation.
I have a neighbor I would like to see spayed. I’m going to offer to take her one day soon.
You know those ‘For Sale By Owner’ signs you see in people’s front yard?
I once put a ‘For Sale By Neighbor’ sign I had made up in my friends yard.
Unfortunately, it was pre-digital photography, and the prints didn’t survive the (unrelated) fire…
*roffle!*
*snorkity*
*smooochity*
*giggity*
*goo*
OooOOoh Yeeaah!
too bad the incest spay dun’ work
That’s a weird spot for a friendship sign, anyway.
(Congrats again, for another first real comment. You mash em, lifeless firsters)
Thanks! Now if we can just get everyone to NOT respond to the troll up top, we’ll be in business.
Luckily I read this before I posted a witty comment to the troll up top. *squeeze*
*SQUEEZE*
.
I thought you had already left for Ireland!
Nope, not yet. I’ve just been swamped with work this week so my boss isn’t overwhelmed when I leave next week.
mr. cuddles, ’tis good to see your smiling yellow face!
Hey WN, how’s it going? *squeeze*
Well, it’s Friday, but I gotta say I do prefer Saturday and Sunday – I’ve always been a TGIS kinda guy.
It’s good
*SQUEEZE*
*squeeze*
You’ve been missed! But I guess we just need to accept the fact that you will be missed more coming up huh?
*squeeze* I won’t be gone for that long
Bring back some fabulous stories for us, okay mr. cuddles??
*squeeeze*
Hopefully I’ll have tons of stories, and tons of amazing pictures! *squeeze*
*squeeze* Just make sure to change the names of the involved parties in those stories!
And don’t forget to try the nachos!
Irish nachos?
“So this Irishman walks past a bar. Hey, it’s possible!”
*squeeze*
Will do!
*squeeze come back soon*
*squeezes mr cuddles*
too late. The thread-cancer has begun…
Hey, cuddles! Let me have one, too! *squeeze*
*squeeze* Hey Judy!
*squeeze* It’s all trolls anyway. Maybe we can get some kerosine and a blow torch and just begone with that first post.
Or a good strong DW FOOOOOM!!!!
Bwuaaahahahahaaaaa….!
Fire isn’t the answer for everything.
No. “42″ is the answer for everything.
I thought it was C.
Nope.
Life. The Universe.
And Everything.
42.
thats not what my math teacher said when i marked 42 for every question in my exam
Some people are simply confused.
Others are easily confused.
It’s hard to understand the answer when you don’t understand the question.
That’s because you should have answered with violence. Since violence is always the answer.
Pfft. Sez you.
Ok fine, how do you fix the financial system… oh damn that doesn’t work.. How do you cook a… oh come on… What is Captain Kirk’s favorite phrase?…. nope that won’t work either… hmm… Maybe you’re right!
What? I don’t see anything above your first post. What are you talking about? :/ (ssshh!)
Who wants to be my friend!?
Now that depends. Which one of us is getting the snip?
Friends? We snip together.
Friends that snip together, stay together.
Are you joining the group snip Brewski?
er…uh…erm…
Love to, but I just remembered I have to wash my hair.
*zips away*
Here, use this egg shampoo.
*washes eggs*
*feels lily-fresh*
Now, that’s a mental picture I just didn’t need.
.
(new clicky, btw)
*takes out the scissors and smiles happily*
Hahah! One of the best clickies ever!
I’ve been waiting for someone to put that one on Youtube. It has always been my favorite.
.
All of The State shows will be available on DVD (finally) on July 14.
Didn’t the branch off, after that show concluded, to do a lot of other interesting stuff?
Oh, yeah. If you go to wwwDOTthe-stateDOTcom you’ll see where they all went.
.
Some are on Reno 911. Some did the show Stella.
Stella on Show Time?
Yup, that show. I believe there are three The State alum’s on that show.
mr cuddles, was that a relative of yours starring in that video?
Distant cousin. We never got along. Good ridance I say.
Nice clicky, fluffy soft!
After watching that, I started watching all kinds of funny and/or banned commercials.
*sigh*
I need more to do around here.
The funny and banned commercials are the best! Those, and the ones that start off with scenes that are later deleted.
.
I remember one that ended with two girls looking at a guy getting out of a pool, and one says “Gee, the water must be cold today.” They later took that part off the end.
Does anybody remember “SCTV”? It had some classic fake commercials. One of the show’s stars is visible in my avatar!
Second City TV? I think I’ve seen that a time or two.
Who is your avatar, B?
Yeah!! And now I know why I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out where I’ve seen you before. HAHAHA!
Oh…! I hadn’t noticed that, Brewski…I always looked at the invisible people in your avatar. :p
The other SCTV stars are clearly invisible in my avatar! :p
Dave Thomas played on SCTV, along with Rick Moranis, John Candy, Martin Short, Joe Flaherty, and others. Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis did a skit called “The Great White North”. It parodied Canadian stereotypes. It became very popular, and inspired the movie “Strange Brew”. The McKenzie brothers can also be heard singing “The 12 Beers of Christmas” around the holidays. They did a couple albums I believe.
Take off you hosers!
Steamroller!
Dave Thomas in action:
Hm, that didn’t work very well, moved the link to my name.
No, it worked fine.
Funny stuff, eh?
With friends like that who needs enemies!!!!
With a spay like that, who needs enemas?
You spay AND neuter your enemies. That’s the difference.
I thought your sprayed and tutored them.
my spayed and tutored them?
I slay and torture them… ;(
You can also flay and splatter them, given half an opportunity.
Give Dragon half an opportunity, she’ll splatter Bobby Flay!
*daydreams with a smile…*
I’d salt and pepper him.
I’d fillet and …..oh, sorry fluffy. My bad.
As long as you’re not wunder-boning anyone, I’m good.
Rachel Ray is just as bad, if for different reasons.
Oh, agreed. No doubt.
I can’t even watch her. I’m sure she’s a very nice person and all, but…she just makes me want to pitch something at the television.
I still haven’t figured out just what it is about he that gives me urges to break things. And I can’t tell you how much it bothers me that she chose THAT as her “signature color”!!!
*ahem* HER.
I hate the way she eats. It’s like she’s having an orgasm with every single bite. Everything is “wonderful” and “delicious” and “mmmmm”… makes me wanna smack her.
What about the stupid words she makes up? YUMMO EVOO DELISH. I am with dragon, I can’t watch that woman. I seriously do not know how she made it so big, but hey whatever.
Can we say “Lowest Common Denominator”? I knew we could.
Nigella Lawson is one TV chef I can watch all day
BFF?
FBF
WTF?
WTFOMGBBQ
WTROMGBBQLMAOROFL
You’re so 2000 and late. Let’s make something new…
Yes? You called? Wait, what are you going to do with those scissors? AAAAAAAAH!!!!
Stop squirming!! You aren’t making this any easier!!
Help! Police!
*squirms and squeals*
The police will just have to wait their turn, we only have this one pair of scissors.
*quickly neuters the thread before it runs out of hand*
I would nipped that one myself, but didn’t have the balls to do so.
^have^
oh but you got them now huh.
Oh, yes, you will squeal. You will most definitely squeal. (Maybe.)
Was that a scary reference to “Deliverance”?
Best. Movie. Ever. ‘Ever’=1972 through 1973
Gee, that would have been a good one, if I’d have ever seen the movie, which I haven’t. so…huh???
*shudder*
Trust me, Judy…you really don’t want to. Unless you want to be scarred for life, that is.
Tell me about it. This movie is responsible for my reluctance to travel below the Mason-Dixon line.
Thanks for the warning!
I still bear the scars from that movie. Take their advice!
OK, I never saw it. But heard the general story line, and the “Squeal like a pig!” line. I heard it was good, so figured I should watch it sometime. Is it seriously that bad? Should I just skip it?
It’s not bad…it’s an excellent movie. It’s just very disturbing and emotionally scarring. If you ever want to keep your faith in the human race, just don’t watch it.
It’s fiction, isn’t it?
It’s based on a true story if I remember right. Regardless, it is DEEPLY disturbing. And downright terrifying if watched the night before a camping trip.
nooooooooo! Don’t hurt my BFF!!!
*tazes Brewski* leave my friend alone!!!!! *thinks, well, he is my friend *
BFF is your friend, you say?
*hands scissors to abstract*
thanks Brewski…pssst Bond Fan….run! *chases with scissors*
Hey! Didn’t your mother tell you not to run with scissors?
It’s all fun and games until someone loses a reproductive organ!
*walks in*
Sorry I’m late. I was chasing my clone around and-
Oh my god what have you done to him?! And how is it possible for that potato to be inserted into that orifice?
The boys’ club loses more members that way…
(Tee hee, you said “club”!)
(Psst, Dragon – he said “member”, too! *giggles*)
*applies seal of approval*
Oh, for…yes, I know. I was being silly in pointing to the less suggestive word.
I think I need to start putting “I’M BEING FUNNY!” tags on my posts.
How would know, otherwise?
You and me both, Dragon!
*sighs*
I understood, Dragon.
*hugs*
I guess I need the signs, huh?
*hugs Judy*
This is what I plan to do. He’s MY best friend. If he has kids some day, they’ll just get in the way.
People let me tell you bout my best friend,
He’s a one boy cuddly toy, my up, my down, my neutered joy. . .
Ah, yes, from “The Courtship of Eddie’s Urologist”! I remember that show!
Snip, Snip…
whoreay!
Bob Barker would be proud.
yeah, and then drew carrey would be proud just to copy him.
F’ing Drew Carrey, someone needs to neuter that sh*tbag.
you mean spayed.
I’ll supply the ShamWow! to soak up the blood!
I love Drew
in all honesty, he’s not a bad host of the price is right.
I agree! I don’t like that show…and Barker was annoying.
Every time Drew opens his mouth I hear, “Cleveland Rocks!”
Who doesn’t like the price is right?
I don’t like to see the elderly happy.
You could always tell Bob Barker actually despised all the contestants. But who can blame him? He was just a little too openly condescending.
“Now your in for it Bobby!”
Blootoothfeary, You called?
Oh, you’ll make a great community advocate!
I liked him until I saw a interview he gave a while back. Drew Carrey ruined Drew Carrey for me.
Did he flash you or something?
(clickie)
OHIO!!!
I live in ohio! …Are you watching me?
*locks all windows and doors*
Don’t worry, that’s just the money you could have saved with Geico.
LOL!
Loud obnoxious leopards?
The first day this was on the vote page, I sent it to my Best Friend. We had a good laugh over this.
Your dog can read? That’s pretty amazing.
Yes, but can he read dog?
Red Dog? no thanks, i prefer high life.
Red Dodge? No, mine is white.
My mine has gold.
Would you like some carat juice?
no, in addition to gold, im also highly invested in coke.
i prefer mad dog 20/20
I once dated a girl who thought her cat could talk, in English. I thought she was joking. She was very serious. There was no second date.
I always wondered what her cat had to tell her about being spayed.
I understand a limited amount of “Squeaky-squeak”.
You owe me a new acorn!
Hee…! And I’m learning “Myoo-myoo-myoo”.
Where is Avis?
Why do you ask?
Just haven’t seen you.
And soon you won’t until much later today. I have to go do some work at my mothers place. But I thank you for the thoughts! I’m just going to assume they were nice ones.
Of course they were nice thoughts. Not sure why you would assume otherwise.
I was being silly. Apparently it didn’t translate to print so well.
And now I’ve got to go. This place is a wonderful daywrecker! Wish I could stay, but I’ll be back later.
Buh-bye!
Have a good weekend.
She’s around here somewhere…I just saw her post after me up there ^^^^.
D’OH!
I knew you’d get in there before me!! :p
Hee!
*squeezes all three*
*SQUEEZE!*
Have a great weekend everyone! *isn’t leaving but will likely forget to mention that later*
*squeeze* You too Mal. Be good and get some sleep. *before I forget*
weird. my cat has a weird vocal inflection when he mews looking for me. it almost sounds like “hello?” meow-ro?
I hate cats. I think ICHC brought it upon me.
I have 5 dogs and I would gladly trade them in for one cat.
-
Well…if I didn’t love them so much, I would in a heartbeat.
completely unrelated… but…
I’ve been misreading your tag as “LEILA© – contrite and for the erotifcation of product testing on animals. ” for about the past hour and been rather disturbed….
….*tries not to laugh at terrible joke*… arg, don’t you get the fail? My best freind is not a dog….*laughs anyway*
I wish they had neutered me before I had that run-in with that hooker.
Pffft, who uses the word “hooker” anymore? They prefer “Sexual Gratification Specialist”
That’s a bit grandiose. These days you’re lucky if the prostitute knows which way a condom goes on.
Ok….wait…is the slippery side suppose to be in or out?
You’d think they’d be able to figure it out. But no.
It doesn’t matter. They don’t work no matter which side is out. I tried swallowing one before sex for several years, and my girlfriend still got pregnant 3 times.
Bungee-poo!
(Sorry!)
…Am I missing something?
Ask your best friend.
He said “yes”. But won’t tell me what.
Yeah, my dog can talk.
Did he giggle when he said it?
A little. Is that bad?
*giggles*
What if I dont have a best friend? Could one substitute a relative?
Spay, neuter or substitute?
Welcome to Twin Peaks?
AND!!!!
I want to spray AND neuter my friend.
I want to spray my fiend.
What’s all this nonsense about spraying going on down here?
The spaying will stop the spraying?
Yep, but there’s nothing you can do to prevent further leakage.
We can fail in friendship…
Everyone on this site is king retarded… you just repliy over and over with complete crap.
Hahaha that’s so funny.
Hahaha that’s no lummy?
Hahaha that’s so runny?
Hahaha that’s so yummy!
So yummy that’s hahaha…… idiots.
Welcome to Failblog future retard.
Hahahaha! *highfive*
Future?
Children
Children
Future
Future
Are you ready for the children…
Hey. Teacher. Leave those kids alone!
Simpsons & Pink Floyd, now there’s a combo I hadn’t thought about.
Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick rewrite it,
Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it,
Drag it, drop it, zip, unzip it,
Lock it, fill it, call it, find it,
View it, code it, jam, unlock it,
Surf it, scroll it, pose it, click it,
Cross it, crack it, switch, update it,
Name it, read it, tune it, print it,
Scan it, send it, fax, rename it,
Touch it, bring it, pay it, watch it,
Turn it, leave it, start, format it.
What is “it?”
I have no idea. Why don’t you ask Daft Punk?
Ohhhhhh *did not know and thusly fails*
I know, Mal. These young kids and their music!
*squeezes Judy*
*hobbles up with cane*
Why, back in my day kids listened to good music!! Not this “hop hap” nonsense. And we listened to music the way God intended… on 8-tracks! None of these worthless “e-pods”! Where’s the cover art? Where’s the musical creativity? Where’s… *cough cough COUGH hack HACK BLLLAARRRGG*
*keels over*
*squeezes Malicite*
*scootches away from Brewski lying in a huge wad of phlegm*
Ew. I’m not cleaning that up, either.
*squeezes and scoootches with Judy*
*sigh*
*dons hazmat suit*
I’ll go fetch the ShamWows. This floor hasn’t been this messy since Boggy sneezed.
We appreciate your sacrifice, BF! Thanks!
I thought you were going for the Faith No More reference.
*Fanboy bursts out*
OMG!! I love Daft Punk!!
Yeah OK
I should point out, by the way, that you posted here.
So, yeah. Here’s your crown.
I think someone needs his diaper changed.
*raises hand* That would be me. I think I shat myself.
I’m not doing it.
You mean you sharted yourself. *holds handkerchief to nose*
Noooo. Unfortunately it was a full blown shat.
You know, those pieces of information are best kept to yourself.
Think of all the time you just wasted here. You’ll never get that back. Terrible, isn’t it?
Wait…what are you saying? Time here is time wasted????
I met up with Time last week, and yeah, he seemed pretty wasted.
Maybe AA can help?
I sprayed my friend once. Now they won’t stop calling me!
Huh? What did you spray your friend with exactly?
Does anyone know the ALT code for a musical note?
No, I’m more of a baritone.
I like the tenor of your comment.
*hums: Alt 1 3*
Well, that joke fell flat.
Was WN’s wit not sharp enough?
He may have A minor problem with his wit.
No, that’s not it…I think he may have a clef palate that’s causing the tonal problems…
There’s nothing wrong with my chef palate, and my tunes are tasty
Google “html music note”. Copy and paste are your best friends, so snip away.
♫Or your worst enemies.♫
You can also run “charmap” from your Start button…
For this one? ♪ or this one? ♫
Either. Is there an ALT code for them?
♪♫ Oh, nevermind. I got it. 13 and 14.
La! ♪
Fa! ♫
*Posts “So!” above Judy*
Ti‼ ♩
Then wouldn’t “La!” come before you?
♫ D’OH!
Right on cue!
So?
Tea?
*offers Earl Grey*
I prefer green tea with citrus. Thanks anyways…
*facepalm*
*ahem*
“Ti” doesn’t come after so anyways. I’m pretty sure it goes like, Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La, Ti, Do.
*facepalm*
I fail somehow, don’t I?
*Takes notes*
*Steals Marius’s notes*
*plays the Benny Hill theme tune as Marius and B2F chase each other for notes*
*Denotes B2F*
.
BFF I never thanked you, and others, for stepping on a troll for me.
Thanks!
Hey, it’s no problem. We all watch out for each other. How can I stand back when some mind bogglingly idiot trolls is insulting one of us?
♫ Ray and me will be here soon.
But he lives so Fah on the other side’a Bawston.
The correct pronunciation is “Bahston”.
*ahem* Pahk the cah, so we can get some chowdah and lobstah!
*still cannot do a Boston accent after all these years here*
When I read that, I hear it in my head as an Australian accent.
Say it Frenchy! Say chowdah!
Choudeur.
What is this thing?
☺←
Oh, it’s a smiley face. It looked really deformed in the textbox.
So emo
Ugh…I’m hungry. I’m going to get a chicken sandwich from Mickey D’s.
*counterperson yellling to kitchen*
We need one Vagina Chicken, small Flies and a large Poke, please! To go!
I’m back! YAY!
Anyways, I got 2 chicken sandwiches and a small fries. Delicious. Why does everything good have to be fattening?
Clikie. Just trust me on this one.
Wow! A lot of that stuff looks absolutely disgusting. Anyways, I’m not fat at all. I rarely indulge in fatty foods like that, I exercise a lot, I do MMA and I do parkour.
Go back and look up the “Thunderdome”. Apparently Hammkins wants it more than world peace.
Hmm…it looks as though my comment didn’t appear. Anyways I said…
*facepalm*
Only in America.
Hee! Hammikins is Canadian!
Oh…fail on me in that case.
It’s hammykins.
You forgot the intro Judy …
“wack on two madonnas!”
mutilation is not a birthday present
That’s one way to start a conversation.
Not if it’s his birthday. Perhaps it’s a hint for a gift?
Um…anyone seen gaynorvader? He has my calf Patrica.
Yeah, he’s over by the grill. I think he was muttering something about needing steak sauce.
Oh Judy … why, why, why???
I think you should check out the Thunderdome.
It’s the deep fried coke that had me baffled.
What are you whining at me for? HE’S the one doing the cooking! How was I to know what he borrowed that butcher knife for???
Same here! When he asked for some veal marinade, how could I have possibly known what he wanted to do with it?
*munch munch*
I musht shay, this veal shnitzel is delicious! Who knew meat could be so jui-
Oh, hello, LEILA.
…and you wonder what happened to me yesterday…hmmm.
Oh hi. Sorry there, I just don’t follow you. Of course the team has nothing more engaging to contribute than teasing about your dietary preferences. *sigh*
.
*agrees* The joke’s getting a touch boring. Enjoy that weekend whatever it brings.
Personally I prefer “Can I borrow your hand for a moment?”
Do you mind if I handcuff you for a minute?
If I told you you have a great body, would you hold it against me?
Can you believe that someone actually tried that one on me?
I’ve also heard, “Your legs must be tired, ‘cuz you’ve been running through my mind all day!”
My favourite comes from Richard Brinsley Sheridan: “Won’t you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you.”.
Think about it.
Has anyone tried, “I think you’re brilliant…would you like to arrange a meeting of the minds?”
Oh…one guy said something along those lines…
♫ Oh, you must have been a beautiful baby,
‘Cause baby just look at you now…♫
I miss nonseq.
Looks like you don’t really have to.
(*POUNCE!*)
*recovers from being stunned*
I like your uniform.
*tugs at short skirt*
It takes some getting used to!
For those who wish to dispense with all innuendo, there’s the classic:
“Would you like to f*ck, or do I owe you an apology?”
I am so not sorry you said that. *still giggling a little*
I’ve seen this slogan somewhere else. Best part is that when I first saw it, I was sitting next to my best friend.
“….and the best part is everybody dies!”
(clicky)
*roffle!*
How do you find this stuff?
I live in Texas, unfortunately fire ants are the norm here. They are so bad this time of year (with all the rain) that my kids are not allowed to go in the yard until I may sure there are no new mounds. Death to all Fire Ants!!!!!!!
*once stood on a fire ant mound in Houston*
It hurt. I was maybe 4 years old.
One of the neighbor kids got bit in MY yard last week. I seriously want to pave my yard.
Ouch. I was on a field trip once in the 4th grade to a place called woodland alters or something like that and there was HUGE ant mounds. Like 5 feet tall, and one of the kids kicked one down and all the ants started going up his pant leg. He sort of deserved it considering it took the ants like 10 years or something like that to make it. He got sent home from the trip.
HA!!!!! I so want to meet that kid and shake his hand.
It was hilarious though. I wish I would have had a camcorder, then I could submit it to failblog years later. Watching him run around and take off his pants.
You could get arrested for videos like that!
No full nudity.
*tosses a comma up, after the ‘no’…hehe*
That took me a minute.
I guess I should have been more clear…
What the hell?
Is it raining in Texas? last time I checked we’re in the summer oo.
Yeah. Me too. Between all the Fireants and Misquitoes it’s really hard to walk outside without becoming a buffet!
Jimmy or Warren?
Chinese or Pizza?
Is there an echo here? It’s like deja vu all over again.
Yeah. Me too. Between the fireants and misquitoes its hard to step out the door without becoming a full blown buffet!!!
Jimmy or Warren?
Chinese or Pizza?
Is there an echo here? It’s like deja vu all over again.
So…is there no video today?
Negative ghostrider, the patern is full.
You never close your eyes anymore when…
I don’t want to close my eyes,
I don’t want to miss a thing,
Cuz I’d miss you, baby,
and I don’t wanna miss a thing.
In your eyes – the light, the heat
I am complete in your eyes
Oh, you’ll Say Anything!
Fridays usually don’t.
But if you meet one in the dark, it’s almost always keen to experiment.
i shood doo that 2 katie.
Larry, that’s not terribly nice. I should hit you. :c
it iz not nyce 2 hit ppl
Is this the return of the Inflatable trolls?
Hitting someone isn’t nice either.
It is if they deserve it.
No…no it isn’t.
It is to the ones who think they deserve it
It still doesn’t make it nice.
Not nice, but sometimes necessary (mostly not). I don’t like it, but it happens
How often does it happen with you?
Twice in my whole 51 year life and one was unneeded, and if I’d been
smarter the other would have been too. You?
See my 4:26 reply below. I didn’t need 10 lessons.
The safest I am is when no one can imagine attacking me.
Someone I once new was an nth degree black belt in about 5 arts. He’d teach, but his students didn’t like his method because his first 10 lessons were about conflict avoidance.
Coming from the one who contracted a limp kicking her significant other.
I liked that story, but I will now move out of kicking range, I like my ribs in tact.
*facepalm*
I know, I know, but it was a great story.
Why wood yoo doo that?
lak uf careackter
What do you think would happen if we went and started trolling ICHC with proper grammar?
The trolls would start debating in an orderly manner?
No they wouldn’t
I’m sure they would laugh at us silly English types.
Hey, we’ve done it before. It was a hoot!
Friends don’t let friends ride loaded.
Speaking of potatoes….how’s your bum?
Sore! I just had my annual check-up and the Doc said he felt something. I hope it was gratification.
.
*Just in case; ride=drive=sex; loaded=drunk=not neutered. it’s a spin on the commercial – Friends don’t let friends drive drunk*
I’m watching jerry springer. I didn’t know it was physically possible to be such white trash.
What’s the topic today? “My brother is sleeping with my mother and I want to sleep with her?”
“People who cheat on their cosins”
“I’m having a baby and it’s not mine!”
HA! That reminds me of this letter I read. It said “My husband cheats so much I’m not sure the baby I’m carrying is his”. Not lying, some people are honestly this stupid.
I think that was a fail at some point, if memory serves.
Found it (clickie)
…I’m not…exactly sure. All I am seeing is an old lady fighting a younger lady and some fat guy. The title is “boxin’ babes”.
Oh, the fat guy cheated on the older lady with the younger lady. It’s kinda hard to tell because all they are doing is yelling “you ho”.
You really need a “Springer to English” dictionary to watch that show.
Ah Springer. Televised theatre. I’ve met 4 people who were on the show. One was
a nice couple in Atlanta. He pretended to be the pimp and she the whore.
The other was a good friend who pretended to wear his mom’s underwear. His mom went on too, and was shocked! Shocked I tell’s ya. They both had a nice visit to NYC, courtesy of Springer. 3 days hotel and per diem.
That’s a pretty sweet deal!
*considers how low he would go for money*
Hmm… maybe not.
Looks like it’s time to neuter James.
Probably gonna hurt though.
i do that all the time :O
Then you need a new hobby.
Smoked cheese.
Gouda?
Tacos, fettuccine, linguine, martini, bikini.
Last three, please. With a little sand and sun on the side.
LAME FAIL BLOG! do you even look at these before you post them?
You haven’t seen the voting pages, have you? I’m surprised you managed to find the Internet Explorer icon on your desktop.
It is a service that you must perform for that special someone of yours.
You realize if you don’t spay/neuter then humane societies just get a shit load of extra animals in and just kill them right?? People are like “oh I know you will find a home for Fluffie’s babies they are so cute!” and then humane societies just kill 80% of their intake each month cause they don’t have room for any more. Just think about it, and then feel free to laugh cause it is a funny sign!
*points and laughs*
It wasn’t the concept that was/is funny. It’s the way the sign is worded.
It’s called a sense of humor. You should get one. They’re nice.
Thanks for the lighter side of responses.
Where do you live? The Toronto humane society does not kill 80% of its intake as you have stated. They actually hold onto them for about 5 years and even house train most of the dogs so that they will be better candidates for adoption. After that time they do put them down as they are not likely to find a home, and it is hard to see the animals no longer even go to the front of the cage to see visitors.
The Humane Societies here in the States end up having to euthanize a large number of animals every year. Minimal effort goes into training any of the animals. I get what the above guy was trying to say, but he REALLY needs a humor transplant!
Aww that is sad, on the up side, I got my dog from a rescue shelter and he has brought me 8 years of love, joy, fun and especially exercise in those years. I wouldn’t trade Taz in for the world. We named him that because he was so full of energy and was mischievious. He was licking the electrical socket in the reception area of the rescue center.
My own love bucket didn’t even get to the shelter. A friend found him wandering in Northridge and basically said, this one’s going with me. And then he brought him over and now he follows me from room to room, and even from chair to chair.
65lbs of love and waggy tail. If he get too excited he smacks himself in the face with his tail.
*has never referred to a pet as ‘love bucket’*
(but I do know your mind is not keeping mine company in the gutter)
I call mine a “love sponge”…and he has no saturation point.
(Joins DrB in the gutter.)
I suppose I could try “lovely leg-humperwarmer”.
(err… okay, okay…yes, I mean the dog’s leg)
Similar waggy tail on my dog, except he wags so fast he even gets hit rear end into it. He sometimes looks like he is doing the worm sideways. God help you if you are in the way of his tail when it is shaved, as it is a streamlined whip and boy does it smart.
This is a win! Pay attention to it, and they won’t be able to steal that girl you’re trying to chat up!
Or they might be better candidates as contraception is no longer an issue.
When given these two options I’d go with option 1.
Option1: Spay
or
Option2: Neuter your best friend
There’s no number to call.
Is that their trophy collection?? Looks like they’ve been into the Rock Giants from Neverending Story
That’s not a fail! That’s an [obscure part of picture that noone cares about] WIN!
With that kind of friends, who needs enemies!
LOL! for some reason this is hilarious to me.
Sorry. This is a win, not a fail.
Interesting what you read when you search on one person’s name and read their comments.
It’s something ain’t it.
Kind of gives a whole new meaning to those “today I will marry my best friend” wedding invitations.
“A DOG is a man’s BEST FRIEND.”
Jeez, guys, get with the program here.
Not a Fail!
Anyone with half a brain knows the sign is talking about cats and dogs. Work in a shelter and see the thousands of sweet, loving, perfectly adoptable cats and dogs that are euthanized, just because there’s no room for them anymore, then multiply that by the more than 3,500 shelters tin the US.
Think about the millions of cats and dogs, kittens and puppies that are killed, just because we don’t have a place for them. Then commend the people that were caring enough to put that sign up, because they’re trying to lessen the problem of pet overpopulation.
How is this a FAIL?
Morons.
im gay!!!!
i have ganderia and i like it so goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!!!!!
F.A.D.B.-
ummm, okay, what’s that have to do with anything?
bllw2005, willow and non-fail-
okay, if you have no sense of humor, then you really shouldn’t be on here. go read your dictionary or something, cause you seem very dull. if they didn’t want it to fail, they should have said something about pets. laugh, okay?
I don’t think my dog would be my best friend anymore
I don’t think my dog would be a my best friend anymore
crap duplicate comment
Who The hell Would do that!?!?
I understand what they mean but someones gonna take that the wrong way