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no not there dad…
good thing I have this spray.
*psssssssshhhhhh*
Having fun all by yourself?
No, he’s with his Dad.
What a nice day it must be for him!
Well, he hasn’t used the spray yet.
oh wait.. he did!
I just did /\
Hehe.
Why use the spray. Don’t you know that the best dad is a good lover?
I think I have a book on it somewhere…
*awards a Gold Star to Bo for the previous fail ref*
yay!
*tries to mix potato, meat curtains and Mustard Man in somewhere…*
Wow. I don’t think I even remember all those…
not to be used with bacon lube.
shoots eryx @ u – rutroh
Oh, I get it! It’s like, “insect repellent”
Accept it’s not.
Accactly.
Accclamation mark -> !
May 14th, 2009 at 5:40 am
“Accept it’s not.”
WIN
I thought he was going for some sort of Yoda thing.
I FAIL
Are you sure it was a book?
Are you sure it wasn’t NOTHING?
I know. I’m just slow today.
My chance to be faster than you!
HAHA. It really doesn’t take that much, Arthur.
*squeeze*
*squeeze*
That makes me feel like being in math class back then. The teachers kept telling me “Now this is really easy!” and thought “I don’t understand the easy things, how on earth will I ever understand the complicated stuff?”.
Oh.. the teacher in me shows?
*cries*
Yes Ma’m.
*sits straight*
*throws a chalk duster at Arthur*
*sues jam and school*
*counter sues in jam’s defense for no logical reason whatsoever*
*draws a diagram proving that the chalk duster was actually thrown from a grassy knoll*
*morning squeezes all*
*produces evidence showing two duster marks on Arthur*
(morning!)
*hastily adds a book depository to diagram*
(morning)
Morning
*squeeze*
That is one magic duster.
(morning)
I call conspiracy!
(Morning!)
Sorry, we are unable to take your call at the moment as we are busy doing sneaky things. Please inform us of your whereabouts and how you got our number and we will be round to collect you shortlyYou don’t know my name and whereabouts?
*hangs up disappointed*
*turns up in blacked out van, throws Arthur in back*P.S. We have to say that so you don't expect us. What kind of conspiracy would it be where we told the truth?
[whispers] Quick! We can hide on this movie set, with all this grey powdery dirt and craters! [/whispers]
Who are you talking to?
And where did Arthur go?
*takes a small step in a crater*
*pushes Moomins head down*
*puts something in mouth to keep him quiet*
sssshhHHHHH!!! We could be in BIG trouble!
0.0
I’m more worried about what you’re doing now than what they’re going to do if they catch us!
It’s not polite to talk with your mouth full, Moomin.
*sobs gently*
Mmff mfff mfff
blaaaaaaaaaaarg
Clean up on isle 3!
CUT!
*applauds*
*roffles*
theres a teacher in u? is he big? are u related?
Yeah, I was waiting for you guys.
Good Morning for you or evening here.
*squeeze*
Morning!
*squeeze*
Morning all!
*doublesqueeze*
Yay, I feel like I’m part of the crew now.
wooohooo.
Well, there is ONE more initiation ritual you have to go through… Have the BaconLube ready!
Ok…..
why what’s it for?!
To some it’s pain and humiliation. Others call it fun.
Explain.
I could. But then I’d have to kill you. So you better wait and see… feel, actually.
Does it involve inserting a potato in one of my orifices?
Not the muddy trail, right?
Please not there.
Don’t whine! Spoiled kids these days! It was a pineapple for me – and I was happy!
OK whatever
*closes eyes*
*bites down on chomp*
*fearfully anticipates*
*lubes*
*inserts*
Now dance!
ahHH
*does the funky chicken*
*switches to macarena*
*forgets the steps*
*switches to the robot*
Well done. Smelcome to FailBlog! …Wait, I said smelcome. Can we do that again?
Nope, sorry.
*hands Arthur the bukkit*
wait…I see what you did there.
Well keep it for now just in case.
Thanks, but I have my very own bukkit. I use to sit in in it when I’m on FB.
You can never go wrong with an extra one you know.
*star flying with music and motto behind it*
The more you Know.
Damn, I missed another initiation?
*puts ET finger back on shelf*
second
Aha.
Third, in this thread.
and the south weeps as the news of this invention hits the nation
Austria banned this product. It would undermine the fundaments of their society.
G’mornin’ all!
Morning!
Slow, huh?
I’m going now anyway. ‘getting out of the house’.
Noooo!
(Have fun!)
*waves*
)
(Will do
Goodbye, and we just met…
.
Hi Arthur
*squeeze*
Rug-up
Hairy! He with the shaven butt! How goes it?
Well fine, yesterday I was skateboarding again
And how are you?
Really? That’s soon! Congrats!
What’s worse is that I’m still unable to play football and at least for one more month that won’t change (twisted ankle). That sucks! 3 months without football, all in all… GRRRR! 
.
I’m alright. Will have to work a lot later on, though.
I always liked football, not as a spectator though. What position do you generally play?
Central defensive midfielder. The 6. And you?
Central Defense, occasionally left or right, once or twice I even played the 6, but I have a pretty lousy shot for some reason, I can send an accurate pass the length of the pitch, but the only goals I’ve ever scored I dribbled in! Do you play semi professionally, or just for fun?
Just for fun. I like to think of myself as a wasted talent, because I started football when I was six, played for a couple of years until a really shitty manager came along. Then I stopped playing, discovered alcohol, cigarettes and weed and started to play again some years ago. Without the break I would be world class! (Thank God it is impossible to PROVE me wrong
)
Sorry it took so long for me to reply. Duty calls!
Yeah, I can relate to that, pretty much the same thing happened to me. I started on the D team, where everyone starts, but unfortunately we somehow got registered in the A league, We lost every match bar one draw, a walkover and one win. The coach took me aside and said I was pretty much carrying the team, but he wasn’t going to recommend me to move up so we could win in the C division the next year! I left and started playing just for fun! Whew, that’s my longest post ever! 
Father gets on,
son gets OFF.
Father gets off,
Father doesn’t get off.
Morning!
*squeeze*
I think you’ll like Mark Ho’omalu all his songs are like chants but they sound really good.
Morning! *squeeze*
I will check him out. I have very diversified taste in music, and an open mind. I will
trylisten to anything once.I don’t really understand it, but it gives me chickenskin/goosebumps when I hear it. It’s a shame that I don’t speak Hawaiian anymore.
Anymore? hehe.
I prefer IZ.
I just listened to four samples… he’s alright.
I love to go to festivals and buy odd music CDs from vendors who are performing live. Most all of them are instrumentals of some sort.
There is a song called “Kawika” by Ka’au Crater Boys. I like it.
Ooooh… I liked ‘Kawika!’ I got carried away listening to some of the others, too.
For the longest time I’ve been trying to find the name of that song. Then I asked my cousin and that’s how I found out. pretty good huh? what other ones?
Uh…I don’t remember w/o going back to look.
It was the Hawaiian titled songs (on ilike.)
Couldn’t find it.
Oh well, I’m listening to James Taylor right now anyway. Back to Failing… 
For some reason I was thinking of James Blunt when you said that. I know they are not the same but I don’t think I know James Taylor.
*puts smelling salt under sidhe cat’s nose*
Uh…I’m sorry? We don’t listen to much country here if it is country.
Huh? Whassa…?
*blinks*
I can’t heaar yooouuu…. la la la.
(Your not knowing James Taylor made me go eat a forbidden piece of German-chocolate cake.)
How old are you, Oh Naaah?
What is the forbidden piece of a German chocolate cake? Or do you mean chocolate cake as a metaphor? In that case I don’t want to know!
It is real German Chocolate cake (my second fav). It’s forbidden for several reasons… fattening, before bed, and uh, I already had one piece today. Hehe.
It’s a belated b-day cake made just for me… but I will share. Have some?
*munches*
Thanks! Delicious!
Uh…I’m deuce deuce or 22
Can I have some?
Sure… here!
*gives Oh Naaah a piece of cake*
He sang for the movie Lilo and Stitch
I suggest “Onipa’a Ka Pua Ka Hala” that one just has something about it.
Look up^ for reply.
(It was a loooong day today.)
I agree.
G’ morning.
Any student here that has to take final exams?
Many have complained about exams in the last days. You are not alone, Fritz. (Fritz?)
Nah, I ain’t complaining…just asking. (don’t ask about Fritz, long story)
I still got a week before the first exam.
Yeah, I worry about exams too. But the ones I’m worried about take place in a proctologist’s office.
I do tomorrow or today for everyone else.
That’ll be my last one. yay
“Now in New “Grandma Scent!”
Tastes like Grandma, smells like Grandma…
By default, does it taste like jam?
*squeeze*
If it did, it wouldn’t be a repellent.
By running the ‘firefox taste-checker’
Launcing:
JAM, voíla!
*poops an h in the word ‘Launcing”*
*offers Hairy a tissue*
sorry if i ask, but what time have u ppl got?
10:30 pm here.
oh okay, well it says: May 14th, 2009 at 1:31 am
i was just lill bit confused…got the same time as u =)
You also in Hawaii?
na i’m from switzerland
your in hawaii? wtf i wana be there too
It’s also 1030 pm there?
wait how can that be?
i got 10.30 am dude i’m at work
Think! Switzerland: Mountains all around. Hard to decide whether it’s day or night.
hahaha not rly dude. its more like just cloudy all day long and looks
like the end of the world…apocalypse
A strong hydrogen bomb could help against the clouds.
(By the way: Please try to use correct grammar.)
it may help
what was wrong?
sorry englisch is just a language that i’ve learned at scool, i’m
not using it perfect. i know that
Same for me.
Capitalized letters at the beginning of a sentence and punctuation would be a good start.
… and no abbreviations like “rly” or “u r”.
U r srsly rly gd in english.
You can be, too.
Ok I’ll give my best.
*applauds*
Hey don’t joke with me you english professor.
If I do fails you have to correct me, don’t you?
*laughs*
I wasn’t joking! And usually we correct ourselfs when we see a mistake. The bukkit is what we need then. Unfortunately.
Maybe it’s a good way to train my english a little bit?
The rate of improvement you have shown in the last hour was already amazing. Keep it up and you will be the English professor in a week!
As i said i’m going to give my best.
Maybe one day I will be your english teacher, hahaha
I hope not! That would mean that I’d have to go back to university or even school. Nooooo!
Going back to the good old times
Well maybe your son will one day.
I’ve resisted the temptation to correct people’s English thus far (apart from trolls, but they don’t count) should I be? I thought it’d be rude!
Resistance is futile.
10:30 am.
*digs a tunnel through the planet*
*jumps in*
*arrives in Hawaii*
*shakes Oh Naaah’s hand*
*jumps back*
Wait come back!
he won’t
so where are you guys from?
Eindhoven, Netherlands.
Dublin, Ireland
My brain keeps telling me that your name is “Gay Norwegian”. For whatever reason.
*snork*
‘Gay Norwegian,’ Plussing Ass Witch’…
You misspelled “Plugging ass switch”. I’m strange, I know.
Arthur, lovely save! I am glad it’s not “Pussing ass ditch”.
Am I the only one from Hawaii?
Take a look out of the window. Do you see anybody else?
Nope. Just me.
I should’ve added “here on fail blog”.
Damn you don’t know what I would give to be in Hawaii
right now.
Why you all the way down here? We’re up there /\
Should be obvious then, right?
Then you and Obama are the only ones from Hawaii. If he still exists.
Yeah! I nested below a non-nestable comment.
Lol, why shouldn’t he? You think he died?
All the other Hawaiians vanished somehow…
Were all hiding under the invisibilty cloak, so no one kind find us.
Unless of course you have the Maurader’s map.
I hate when your brain auto reads words!
The weirdest thing just happened. I read your name as “gaynorvader”.
That is pretty weird! You know about the lawnmower bicycle?
Nah. Never heard of it. I like to stay one fail behind.
Yorkshire, England
Squeezeford-upon-Moomin.
*chokes on drink*
Aaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha.
You’re from The Dark Tower
He really is.
I really am.
Don’t scare me! :O
BOOO!
He is from Gilead, far from the tower…
I too read Gay Norwegian and I just assumed that Moomin
was Finnish…
Stockholm, Sweden.
ehm… *removes line break between “Moomin” and “was”*
A Scandinavian! Finally! Welcome!
Thank you! I take it that on our level of reality/the tower you’re not from Gilead?
Hang on, first LEILA was demanding our genders, now our locations are being requested. Are we being compiled into a database?
*panics*
Correct. Even better: Hamburg, Germany.
Moomin, just a minute ago you were part of the conspiracy and now you panic?
Hamburg maybe?
No.
I wasn’t informed about this part of it.
The conspiracy is conspiring against me!
.
Ermmm, I mean, I wasn’t a part of any conspiracy.
*slowly sidles towards door*
They already know, dude. Dey’re juss messin’ with ya head now.
*locks the door, so Moomin cannot get away*
So, tell me what is this?!
*shows a picture of The Moomin in Hamburg*
PHOTOSHOPPED!!!!1!!111!
No, the guy taking the photo was photoshopped in there!
*squeeze*
Eindhoven is cool. I spended my holydays there once
It is
The days you where holy.. Seems like yesterday.
Yup. Well you know at least I like some parts of the justice in
Netherlands.
Aha, you mean the legal smoking of parts from a certain plant?
ahhhhh
*drools*
I haven’t done it in awhile, sounds like a good idea now.
*puff puff pass*
Ahhh yeeah.
*heeeeee*
*cough**cough*
heere.
You could make a fortune if you marketed this in Tasmania and New Zealand
So, you’re saying you tried it and it didn’t work…?
i want to spray this all over japan.
Is Japan the name of your cousin?
hahaha
ok, her too.
Many things. None of them are pleasant.
That the British Royal Family are in town?
Or the Habsburg clan…
Is this for when Daddy doesn’t stop even when you’re screaming no more?
… or does it just erase the smell afterwards?
Cease and infest?
Suck my balls
Uncle Georgie? *Readies Off-spray*
Ah! A comment that proves that this spray is not only needed but should be mandatory.
Such a pithy and pointed post could only be the result of too much in-breeding.
lololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol
hello olur
Hello
Oh, okay…so you just insert that can, and then it’s like a road block?
I think you use it as a flamethrower.
“FLAME ON”
*flies away*
Potatoes are more effective. And more comfortable.
I’m getting hungry, someone has a sandwich for me?
We can’t sandwich you if you are on top.
Ah, I was talking about the food type sandwich.
.
This sounds better, I’m in the middle now.
Ewww, a hairy sandwich.
You where third to join in, with 2 it was no sandwich. Congratulations.
No, it’s a double decker sammich.
With extra oh naaah and now guarenteed to give you a massive heart attack.
LOL, now thats just too funny dude!
RT
http://www.privacy-resources.us.tc
win! duh!
CHERNOBYL WIN!!!!!11!!!1!!!! LOLZ!!!!!1!!
Would somebody please open a winduh? Brian farted.
Where could i purchase one of these?
*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE*
Hello there
the regulars on here should buy a case.lol
Actually the regulars filled up a warehouse and are now making a killing on the resale mark-up for desperate Fr!sters, Photoshoped!1!1!! [sic], and incoherently babbling trolls.
Yeah, turns out the bacon lube attracts creepy relatives. Shoulda guessed, really…
West Virgin-what?
no all thay need is michael B gone and pedi-off
*now
Actually it is legal in West Virgina. They had to make a special Appalachian Strength version.
Ahem – - Let me introduce myself – I’m Judy, born and raised in West Virginia.
Don’t mind these guys. On failblog, everyone gets dissed.
Photoshopp’d. Too bad, it would be a great product to have.
Could be very useful
what a typo!!!
FAKE! Anyone can photoshop these days. The best fails are ones that manifest by themselves. Two thumbs down.
And I thought the FAIL team was smarter than this…
And now a word from our sponser. “Having trouble at home. Well, just off yourself.” Whaaaaaat?
Funny FAIL, although it may be Photoshop’d. For those commenting about West Virignians being ignorant inbreds, you are just as ignorant as how you inaccurately (and probably blatantly) portray West Virginia. There are also those stupid enough to not know that West Virginia is a separate state, let alone know that it has been since 1863.
heh heh only Virgins are borned in Virginia. i dont know about West Virginia though… for comedic sake, lets say lawyers are borned there
Someone call the Winchesters!
This will sell well in Alabama
You know how an Alabama girl knows when her mother’s on her period?
(Scroll over this fake link for the punchline, if you’re feeling brave.)
i dont get it can some one help me out
FAIL
Indeed! It’s all in WHERE you spray it that makes it a fail…if you just spray it all over YOUR body…FAIL. If you spray it in your ATTACKER’S EYES, NOSE AND MOUTH…WIN!!! Bonus if you have a plastic bag to tape around his head afterwards.
OMG Where can i get this from??? I need some for my friend alistair.
This would still sell like hell to all the paranoid parents out there.
If only I had this when I was a fragile, impressionable kid, I might not be stuck in this life of anxiety and misery.
Weak photoshop.
If they only made a pedophile repellent spray, millions of children could attend church again.
When dyslexia meets advertising…
I dont know….
They accidently switched the “s” and “c”….uh, I guess I can imagine that happening
now you don’t have to “scream until daddy stops” XD hope you know the reference
Sure as hell funny, but you can’t argue with the results!
For all those molesting uncles…..
well, it might work.
Hello! I love watching football and I loved your blog as well.