Y’know? I’ve gotta agree with ^^ up there somewhere that this fail is not funny.
In fact, I’ve gotten tired of the faceplants, the falling in the creek and the taking one in the nuts thingies that seem to crop up here all too often.
Somebody falling down just doesn’t do it for me any more. Pratfalls went out in the forties. The comments are still good as usual, don’t get me wrong, but a footstool collapsing and dumping some jerkwad on his head just doesn’t cut it as far a comedy is concerned. At least for me.
Humor is really in the eyes of the beholder. I’m kinda with you, physical humor can be mildly amusing, but usually I find myself hoping they aren’t hurt too badly. My girlfriend, however, will laugh so hard she can’t breathe when seeing somebody fall down.
I rarely even think of the Fails as humoro(u)s on their own merit. I’m looking at the potential for comment material right from the start. That’s not to say I don’t laugh at them occasionally, but the “comment awareness” mindset raises the threshold for laughter, I think.
Hey, arsehead, you DO NOT call Marius, or any of the other Failbloggers here any names like that. You deserve the label I just gave you because you are an annoying pest.
My dearest Failblog,
Do you remember when you were amusing?
Do you remember when the lurkers were treated to amusing, off kilter and sometimes insulting comments?
Do you remember when ICHC was loaded with the bull$H1t that now resides on Failblog?
I do.
Sadly, I do.
In b4 then GTFO!
Ah thanks Brewski. Everyone was just drunk, but I decided to donate all funds to the good Failbloggers. In celebration, DRINKS ARE ON ME! Pick your poison.
Bove’s Restaurant. I used to live in Essex, VT and am going back to visit with my fiancee. I wanted to take her to some of my favorite places. That and Nectar’s but I heard that it wasn’t there anymore.
*squeeeeeeze*
.
The boss is away this week, so everyone thinks they’re the boss. It’s attitude as far as the eye can see. But at least I don’t have to listen to the yelling like I usually do.
.
How’s it going in your world? Do you have a wedding date set?
aikiwaza- 6 Days till Bove Meatballs, Cabot Cheese, and Chapin Apple Cider says:
*squeeze*
Yeah, Aug 8th. Very excited. She thinks your awesome BTW. She said anyone with the class to drive off into the sunset in a convertible is someone she would keep around.
Sorry about work. Doesn’t sound like fun.
*Scoops Velvet into a convertible and drives off*
WHEEEEEE! *beret flies off in the wind*
.
Aww, tell her thanks and give her a big *squeeze* from me.
.
Aug 8? Shoot, I have a board function that day. No way out of it either since I’m running the darned thing. You’ll have to send me a video. Not the honeymoon one!!
.
Then again, I could sell it for top dollar on a ‘questionable’ website…
I’ve been a fan of Mark’s since I first saw his “Throwndown” on FoodNetwork. I’m still waiting for his sauce, meatballs and lasagna to make their way to my neighborhood.
Agreed. We were watching Iron Chef America the other day, and the challenger chose Flay. We were really disappointed to see half-way through that the challenger didn’t stand a chance.
So true. Here in Montana I say Bove and they think I’m nuts. What neighborhood is that if you don’t mind my prying? If you can’t get any of their stuff I might be able to send some along your way.
Upper Ohio Valley – where Ohio meets West Virginia meets Pennsylvania.
Mark said the sauce should be in our local Kroger stores, but I have yet to find it there. They do sell it on-line for a reasonable price, but when you add in the shipping….
*whispers* I did Judy … I just don’t want to embarrass him further. He is still walking around w the red lipstick / bow / facial hair and bright blue eyeshadow.
Oh, choices, choices… how about a postage stamp?
They just raised the stupid rates again, because they like to force me to go buy those damn waste-of-time 2-cent stamps.
My pseudo-dyslexia saw that as “applies for identity.” Which could be helpful. I am always at a loss as to which type are best for cooking, for pies, for eating, etc.
CANCEL!!! CANCEL!!! CANCEL!!!
Damn! Cancel didn’t work.
I meant to type “apples” not “applies”. Shit. Can’t even f*uck up correctly.
(Pardon my english.)
Oh…and the biggest difference between cooking apples
and eating apples are in the sweetness/tartness and size.
Larger sweeter apples like Golden Delicious, Gala and Fuji are
your eating apples and the smaller, more tart McIntosh,
Granny Smith and Jonathan are your cooking apples.
I think you mean you hate some pastries.
Pie is a pastry.
Therefore, the statements “I hate pastry” and “I love pie” are mutually exclusive and incongruous.
That is, unless you accept love and hate as independent characteristics, making it possible to both love and hate pie simultaneously…
Twisted only man known to be a more faithful disciple of Schadenfreude than Nelson says:
Or maybe my above statement is riddled with euphemisms. Allow me to reintroduce myself I am failblog’s resident (political correction- sexually uninhibited individual) perv.
BFF: I always forget you’re 15, so joke with you like you’re much older. I guess because you talk intelligently and have a good sense of humour. So apologies if I make an inappropriate comment!
@ BFF's comment. That reminds me of a ringtone someone sent me the other day... Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who are and what you want. Stay on the line and we’ll trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you are schizophrenic, listen closely and the small number will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter what number you press; no one will answer you.
If you are dyslexic, press 69.
If
I was referring to my “squeeze” comment. I posted it and found it clear at the end, so I replied to my own post, stating that it was a first for me, and then, Viola! Here it is! Perfectly where it should have been.
Pretty basic fail. Gymnast runs and jumps on a small trampoline, attempting to flip over the top of a piano (I think). Instead, he misses the trampoline and crashes into the piano, knocking it over.
Man, what is in this Sh*t, man?
Mostly Maui Waui man, but it’s got some Labrador in it.
What’s Labrador?
I had my stash on the table and the little motherf*cker ate it, man. Then I had to follow him around with a little baggie for three days, man, before I got it back. Really blew the dog’s mind, ya know?
You mean we’re smokin’ dog sh*t, man?
Now my hands are all shaky from drinking all that caffeine. I got some Java monster drinks, the Russian kind. It’s like a white Russian without the alcohol.
That happened less than a week ago one block from my mothers office. A car careened into a Starbucks. No fatalities though. Some guys bicycle was utterly destroyed, but that’s about it.
I don’t care if no one ever sees this response, but I have to make it:
.
I think we should all pitch in some money and bribe FB to have Sharktamer’s comment ^^^^^ power a fail!
Argh! I quadruple-failed on this! I attempted to respond to Moomin cause I thought his “collapse the vaulting horse” comment was funny. But I replied in the wrong place. Then Avis apparently thought I was trying to jump up an extra-indented post. And… and… I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore!
*curls up in ball in corner*
I’m here, I had stuff to do that I couldn’t get out of. I also should get back to doing said stuff. I think we’re gonna have to reschedule. How’s next week Tuesday for you?
Hey, I haven’t been here very long…I don’t know these things. I mean the name “Avis” isn’t really a gender specific name and the avatar is just a bird.
I’m firsty!
And we are more impressed than you will ever know.
HOORAY! Need a drink nao…
*passes vial of nerve poison*
Here, grab some scotch!
That’s not so funny at all. I mean the fail.
…*blinks*
Why did you even reply to achwel?
My dear husband, could i offer you something? ANYTHING?
Uhh…a Pepsi?
You know…that’s a little bit creepy.
Creepy because your wife uses Failblog…or creepy because you aren’t even married?
creepy because peaness might be a guy,with a penis …..
Yeah, guys with a penis creep me out, too.
It depends where the organ is.
.
I’m sorry, that was sick.
*scooooootch*
Scootchin’ right there with ya, babe!
Hey! Come back! I’m not that kind of guy!
I feel lonely now.
Did someone say scotch? Oh, never mind, it not 5:00 yet
I dont know if u know this Arthur but guys usually do have penises
Y’know? I’ve gotta agree with ^^ up there somewhere that this fail is not funny.
In fact, I’ve gotten tired of the faceplants, the falling in the creek and the taking one in the nuts thingies that seem to crop up here all too often.
Somebody falling down just doesn’t do it for me any more. Pratfalls went out in the forties. The comments are still good as usual, don’t get me wrong, but a footstool collapsing and dumping some jerkwad on his head just doesn’t cut it as far a comedy is concerned. At least for me.
Humor is really in the eyes of the beholder. I’m kinda with you, physical humor can be mildly amusing, but usually I find myself hoping they aren’t hurt too badly. My girlfriend, however, will laugh so hard she can’t breathe when seeing somebody fall down.
I rarely even think of the Fails as humoro(u)s on their own merit. I’m looking at the potential for comment material right from the start. That’s not to say I don’t laugh at them occasionally, but the “comment awareness” mindset raises the threshold for laughter, I think.
I 100% agree!
I’ve even been known to look at the comments before the fails.
I’ve always thought people come here for the comments anyway. The fails are just sort of an ice breaker.
If it weren’t for the pics, we’d all just sit around, lurking awkwardly. Girls on one side of the blog and guys on the other.
How boring would that be?!
Hmmm…I’l try it.
*lurks awkwardly*
*gets bored*
Pretty boring, I’d say!
We’d have to take our shoes off to protect the gym floor. All it would take is for one girl to be wearing her peal socks…
*jingle jingle jingle!*
:LOL:
*vaults the horse and sticks the landing*
Mind if I chime in?
Oh, the way you carillon…!
*flutters eyelashes*
Would you like to do some floor exercises?
Mind if I chime in?
Oooo better not.
It’s 5:00 somewhere
Well, I’m 19, I’m definitely not married.
FAIL, that’s a re-run on failblog, shame on you
Wha?
Who?
Wher?
bah, that proves nothing- i’ve heard in texas, 14-year-olds can marry
*busts you for contributing*
*not surprised you’re a minor*
*not surprised your name is Ms B*
^More amused than amusing, I see.
Accuse me Dragon, I did not see your post.
Apology excepted, Marius!
Mind your manners nozzle.
Blow me, douche bag!
Hey, arsehead, you DO NOT call Marius, or any of the other Failbloggers here any names like that. You deserve the label I just gave you because you are an annoying pest.
Thanks for that witty and intelligent reply! I’m sure it will be remarked upon for days.
The minstrels will write epic ballads about it.
Can I hear one? Pleeeeeaaaase?
Wait, are you the mistrel to which you refer?
And then a wise dragon will use her FOOOOM to burn it to ashes.
At your service!
That’s not what you should be doing with a douche bag. Just so you know.
How would that turn out anyway? Maybe we’d like to get some pics!
*shudders* I can go the rest of my life not seeing pics of that! Happily.
Wouldn’t you need something to blow?
Bite me, doosh-bag
*admires Achwel’s style*
*admires WNs sovereignity*
*offers ring*
*plays wedding march*
Hey! I didn’t get an invite!
*looks at B with smug look, holding his invite*
*throws rice*
*wraps getaway car in toilet paper*
Who stole my dinner and my toilet paper?!
It was them, I saw it! Velvet and Brewski done it!
…doesn’t surprise me in the least…
Yes u cld always tell them two would grow to a life of petty crime
Not to be confused with a life of pretty crime
Pretty Crime, the Fashion Poice handle those cases, right?
You have to be careful if you are not a model citizen.
Especially if you are a cat(walk)burglar.
Can we address this after the Fashion Show, please?
We can tie it in with a few other matters, if that suits you.
Here, aisle adjust that for you. BTW, nice rack.
The in(vest)igators of Pretty Crime do NOT skirt around the issues.
Is “nao” German or something?
Not german…
It’s Dutch for “egg”.
Portuguese, actually.
In one!
Let’s play Hungry Hippos.
We are?
I’m not, are you?
No.
Me either.
I like to think myself as someone who… what are we talking about?
I like to think of you that way also Fluffy.
Teh jealous. You has it!
uh-oh, I’ve got a bad feeling about this…
Yep.
THWACK!
NO lolspeak allowed!
o rly i r teh 0ut 0f h3r3 t3hn
*tries to translate*
“Oh…well…I guess I’m not worthy of being one of the fine citizens on failblog.”
That “post” has nothing to do with FAILblog.
kthxbye
amused, ICHC is –> way!
Or <– that way…
Not that ↨ way?
It's back there! -Any way as long as he find the door.
PENN STATE!
WVU!
Actually, We Are Marshall!
VA TECH! Go Hokies Go!!
MARSHALL!
You’re faily
And you’re wh(h)iny.
I’m winny?
…the Pooh?
Chubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff?
*squeeze!*
*Squeeze!*
Good evening Dragon!
Firsty? Have a fink. Fat should fake fair of your first.
*quaffs*
Thucking trollers.
My dearest Failblog,
Do you remember when you were amusing?
Do you remember when the lurkers were treated to amusing, off kilter and sometimes insulting comments?
Do you remember when ICHC was loaded with the bull$H1t that now resides on Failblog?
I do.
Sadly, I do.
In b4 then GTFO!
Ohhhh…. you has a sad. Let me drink that tear for you…
ROFL!
*starts weeping* I am so sad. Sooooo sad.
Remember that time
when I would only read
Shakespeare
Is it That Time again?
To bring forth the rythm and the rhyme?
I’ma get mine,
so get yours
Every time serves for the matter that is then born in’t,
But small to greater matters must give way.
LADY MACDUFF
Poor prattler, how thou talk’st!
But small to greater matters must give way
Isso foi nas pinheiríadas na minha antiga escola! Pinheiro e Rosa em Faro!
Oh, wow! Did his knees go out on him?
No, he just hit the edge of the trampoline. Nevermind…
I can’t bear to finish it…
Leroy Jenkins win
*scratches head* Whaaaaaaa…?
Humph. Leroy Jenkins has nothing to do with this.
Chuck Norris, on the other hand…
(Wow, you guys are pretty quick on this)
I think he forgot he’s supposed to jump UP to get over it.
I think he just overjumped the tramp.
He totally missed the bouncy thingy…
so I think, after looking at it a few times more.
How are you this fine day?
He appears to be “Like NEW”!
(Hi SB, Judy!)
Hey, Brewski! Nice dancin’ on the last fail!
Thanks, but I’m no aiki. I think he made enough that one fail to retire to Bermuda.
Wooot! Um, I’ll take a Chimay, please!
*starts to worry that this is becoming a daily failblog ritual*
I’ll take a froofy girly drink please!
For some reason I feel girly today.
Scotch and Soda on the rocks if you’d be so kind, Lagavulin only – and thank you so much!
Ah a wise choice.
*passes out drinks*
And what’s wrong with drinking with friends being a common thing?
Because I’m afraid I’ll have to join a 12-step program.
“Hello everybody. My name is Brewski, and I’m a Failblog alcoholic.”
Hello Brewski.
Hey Brewski!
Thanks all. This is my first day, and…
Hey, what the hell is going on here! Cut that out!!
Hi Brewski, you must be new here. Welcome to the Failblog community!
No no, just having scary delusions that I was in FAA (Failblog Alcoholics not-so Anonymous). But I’m fully back now, and…
Say, who are you?
Who am I? Why, I am Big Brother. And Big Brother is watching you. Always.
*quickly covers up*
Hey, a little privacy please!!
BE CAREFUL MS. B! One of those froofy girly drinks laid me FLAT the other day! I was told I was snoring loudly, passed out on Coyote!
*gives Judy a froofy girly drink*
That was Dragon grog, Judy. I’m going to offer some to DW this evening, otherwise she’ll be up all night. On second thought…
Ah! I couldn’t exactly remember what I had been drinking, I guess. I’ll have no more of that, thank you!
*ponders what to give the Admiral to make sure that HE’S up all night…*
psssst – Dragon –
*hands her a small, slightly smoking vial*
*stiff arms WN aside*
I’m sure you’ll handle that just fine, my sweet.
Geesh, WN, didn’t you remember rule #4? Never get between Dragon and AA! Because if you do…
Oops!
*dashes off*
My favorite kind of challenge!
We can ply each other…with honey.
…and duct tape.
*rummages in drawer for favo(u)rite corset*
We can feather ourselves such that it will be hard to tell where one of us ends and the other begins.
AIKI!!!! Where you be gitting the Bove Meatballs at, please???
Bove’s Restaurant. I used to live in Essex, VT and am going back to visit with my fiancee. I wanted to take her to some of my favorite places. That and Nectar’s but I heard that it wasn’t there anymore.
What is a Bove meatball? I’ve never heard of an animal (or plant for that matter) called a Bove. Short for bovine, maybe?
Clicky.
Hey ya Velvet. How are ya?
*squeeeeeeze*
.
The boss is away this week, so everyone thinks they’re the boss. It’s attitude as far as the eye can see. But at least I don’t have to listen to the yelling like I usually do.
.
How’s it going in your world? Do you have a wedding date set?
*squeeze*
Yeah, Aug 8th. Very excited. She thinks your awesome BTW. She said anyone with the class to drive off into the sunset in a convertible is someone she would keep around.
Sorry about work. Doesn’t sound like fun.
*Scoops Velvet into a convertible and drives off*
WHEEEEEE! *beret flies off in the wind*
.
Aww, tell her thanks and give her a big *squeeze* from me.
.
Aug 8? Shoot, I have a board function that day. No way out of it either since I’m running the darned thing. You’ll have to send me a video. Not the honeymoon one!!
.
Then again, I could sell it for top dollar on a ‘questionable’ website…
I’ve been a fan of Mark’s since I first saw his “Throwndown” on FoodNetwork. I’m still waiting for his sauce, meatballs and lasagna to make their way to my neighborhood.
I just like anyone who can beat Bobby Flay.
The hubby is not a fan of Bobby Flay. Starts ranting every time he comes on the tv. Actually makes me watch Food Network more!
I love the Food Network, but Bobby Flay is an ass.
Agreed. We were watching Iron Chef America the other day, and the challenger chose Flay. We were really disappointed to see half-way through that the challenger didn’t stand a chance.
I only watch “Throwdown”s when I think Bobby Flay will lose. Can’t stand his pompous smirk.
So true. Here in Montana I say Bove and they think I’m nuts. What neighborhood is that if you don’t mind my prying? If you can’t get any of their stuff I might be able to send some along your way.
Upper Ohio Valley – where Ohio meets West Virginia meets Pennsylvania.
Mark said the sauce should be in our local Kroger stores, but I have yet to find it there. They do sell it on-line for a reasonable price, but when you add in the shipping….
Have a great visit!
NOT enough!
Skwerlly!!!!
Good say, Sir Skwerl.
*immediately replaces ’s’ with ‘d’*
*looks around*
Shhh! It’s OK, WN, no one noticed.
*whispers* I did Judy … I just don’t want to embarrass him further. He is still walking around w the red lipstick / bow / facial hair and bright blue eyeshadow.
*looks in mirror*
*Mirror looks back*
*blink*
Um… Yes?
How my I assist you?
*quietly slides an “a” into SB’s comment*
*inserts ‘a’ for posterity*
*removes ‘a’*
Don’t forget the potato!
Where is Moomin?
Indeed.
Yes Skwerlly, may I please have a Blueberry Mimosa?
-
and HURRAH!! You are ♂!!! IDENTITY ACCEPTED *thuds SB on the forehead stamp*
What’s with these forehead stamps?
I’m perturbed by them.
Right hand or forehead, your choice.
Neither. If you can’t figure it out, you’re too young to be here unsupervised. Or too shy to ask.
I added a ♂, but didn’t get a stamp!
*pouts*
*stops pouting long enough to send a cheery “Hello” to Avis*
Hello!
Did you want the “FAIL” stamp or the “WIN” stamp?
You already have a time stamp.
Oh, choices, choices… how about a postage stamp?
They just raised the stupid rates again, because they like to force me to go buy those damn waste-of-time 2-cent stamps.
*stamps foot*
*stumbles because the ground is farther away than it looks*
I wanna get stamped, too! Stamp me, Leila!
*backs away slowly, unsure what exactly I just asked for…*
*Applies for identity.*
My pseudo-dyslexia saw that as “applies for identity.” Which could be helpful. I am always at a loss as to which type are best for cooking, for pies, for eating, etc.
CANCEL!!! CANCEL!!! CANCEL!!!
Damn! Cancel didn’t work.
I meant to type “apples” not “applies”. Shit. Can’t even f*uck up correctly.
(Pardon my english.)
bukkit?
Oh…and the biggest difference between cooking apples
and eating apples are in the sweetness/tartness and size.
Larger sweeter apples like Golden Delicious, Gala and Fuji are
your eating apples and the smaller, more tart McIntosh,
Granny Smith and Jonathan are your cooking apples.
Off the subject fyi.
Aha! By size? That’s easy to remember. Thanks, Boobie! I wonder why I’ve never seen it explained like that before?
Um… Granny Smith can be huge.
*used to live in Washington state, apple capital*
Is this thing goin’ anywhere?
Damn! One level shy.
he he! Nice try, hammy.
Beat you to it, thank you.
*urgh*
I like my apple pie with lots of cinnamon,
thanks!
I just like my apple pie!
Fine. Apple pie for all. Tomorrow!
I’ll pick up some GrannyCatFlap Granny Smith apples on the way home from work tonight.
(oops! The strikeout didn’t work. Y’all got that, right?)
testes….1…2….3
strikeout
testes….4…5…6…
strikeout*Pets*
We still lurve ya Judy!
This concludes this test of the Emergency Broadcast System.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled fail, already in progress.
Testes?Someone lost their balls. All three of them.Lurve you, too, Trap.
It’s a trap!
I hate pastries. love pie. like cherries. cherry pie not so much. cherry on pie now we’re talking.
I think you mean you hate some pastries.
Pie is a pastry.
Therefore, the statements “I hate pastry” and “I love pie” are mutually exclusive and incongruous.
That is, unless you accept love and hate as independent characteristics, making it possible to both love and hate pie simultaneously…
Or maybe my above statement is riddled with euphemisms. Allow me to reintroduce myself I am failblog’s resident (political correction- sexually uninhibited individual) perv.
Well in that case, carry on.
*looks at pie*
Um… I’ll be over there if you need me.
*runs away*
Gotta see just how far this will go.
And thee have it. Only half of the first scene.
Yeah, erm, let us know how that goes for you, Neener…
*scootches away*
Twas just an experiment to see how many characters the name field would hold.
What’s the matter, you don’t like Hamlet?
Swing and a miss!
Miss, no swing, trampoline.
Miss.. Tramp.. either one will work.
Kawoosh
Hehe…I’m never up this early to actually see a post be posted.
It’s a thing of great Joy and Beauty, is it not?
It’s…hectic, so unorganized.
Only to the uninitiated eye.
Oh…huh…
Do you live in Hawaii?
Early? It's noon!
Haha…I’m extremely lazy. Ok, well, I usually am up, but too tired to get on the computer.
What time is it where you are?Noon
Ugh…I lied (can’t take the guilt) it’s 1 pm.
In my defense I don’t get off work until midnight and don’t go to bed until usually about 3 am.
*is blocked by the defenses of Bobby*
*slips around defenses*
*turns off alarm clock*
How is the ninja blocked?!?
I must learn this trick!
It’s because I’m a super ninja. Only super ninja’s can block normal ninjas.
Ha!!! I ain't no normal ninja! I. AM. BLOG NINJA!!!!!!!!*vouches for Blog Ninja*
*vouches for WhoaNellie vouching for Blog Ninja”
*does not vouch for Blog Ninja’s sentence structure*
*slips up behind “super ninja” Bobbynoname and steals the superfluous apostrophe*
Ugh…I’m jealous!
7 am is sleeping in for me. I’m usually up around 5:30.
Wow! Now THAT is early! I only get up at 7:15 to get to school.
College or high school?
I am 15, you know.
Oh…I figured you would be much older by the way you talk. I guess most the 15 year olds I know talk “liek th1s”.
This is the UK, so most children who talk like that are labelled dyslexic and sent to a state school.
BFF: I always forget you’re 15, so joke with you like you’re much older. I guess because you talk intelligently and have a good sense of humour. So apologies if I make an inappropriate comment!
Yeah, I have talked to some kids in the UK before. I am always amazed at how much smarter they usually are.
Yes, but sadly the text craze is slowly eating into the heart of British education, and one day we will all be babbling text speaking morons.
@ BFF's comment. That reminds me of a ringtone someone sent me the other day...Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who are and what you want. Stay on the line and we’ll trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you are schizophrenic, listen closely and the small number will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter what number you press; no one will answer you.
If you are dyslexic, press 69.
If
*removes final ‘if’ and replaces ‘number’ on the scizophrenic option with ‘voice’*
@BFF: That reminds me of this thing my friend told me
INAPPROPRIATE, don’t read if you don’t want to hear anything sexual,/b.
He was *ahem* going down a girl, and looked up and she was texting.
Code fail. That last part wasn’t supposed to be bold. Only the inapropriate part was.
That's a bold statement you've made.Isn’t that when you take the cell phone away and flush it down the toilet?
Well, I was /b ing bold.
Ok…I’m sorry. That comment I just posted was just awful.
Bond…for a 15 year old, you are great!
*thought you were 20+*
Sure ya did. Tell it to the judge.
*Carts Mal off to jail*
But…isn’t BFF the judge?
Conflict of interest!
Occasionally.
*puts judge wig on and takes out gavel*
ORDER! WE MUST HAVE ORDER IN THIS COURT!
*bangs gavel furiously*
Turkey and swiss on wheat, please!
Okay, now would you like a wine or a-
Hey! Cut that out!
Your Honor.
We have here one Malicite accused of tying to be a solicitor.
Does the defendant have anything to say?
Call this a court!
This is a court.
So, who’s fault was it? We know Mal is on shaky footing.
You're only 15? Wow, I thought you were like 18 or something.Well, I guess it’s cool that he’s not a bumbling idiot like most 15 year olds.
You could be a hyper intelligent 15 year old.
I get up at 9:30 to go to school.I hate you. (with love)
Um…
*keeps schedule to self*
Oh, as if YOU don’t know it already!
*smooooch*
Then you must be in a Western European country. From your name, I think Germany.
Yes you’re right…
Wow, indeed it is.
Except that it’s now eight.
Oh...I see. You are lazy.*decides to insert ‘really’ after ‘are’*
Strike one!
See Admiral? Baseball is involved in this fail, somehow.
This kid must have missed when he threw at his pitch back net.
Stares at blank space on page. Can inform me what happens?The world (as we know it) ended.
And I missed.*pouts*
*inserts ‘it’ after ‘missed’*
And I feel fine.
Earworm!!!
At least it’s a good one this time.
I wondered if someone besides me caught that one!
I’ve been repeating the verses in my head all afternoon. Or at least the snippets of the verses that I can understand!
I never understood the lyrics either, too fast.
We would have caught that one even in our sleep, Judy!
*squeeze* !!
Well, this is a first for me.
I was referring to my “squeeze” comment. I posted it and found it clear at the end, so I replied to my own post, stating that it was a first for me, and then, Viola! Here it is! Perfectly where it should have been.
Oh, and sorry about using the “f” word. Twice.
Music puns are over there ↓
Let’s not harp on this.
Oh, string him along just a little longer…!
You’re reedy good at this.
I learned from the top brass.
Perhaps I should pipe down awhile.
Please don’t! The repurcussions would be catastrophic.
*pours a glass of Limoncello*
Join me, darlin’?
Hee! *SQUEEZE!*
Pretty basic fail. Gymnast runs and jumps on a small trampoline, attempting to flip over the top of a piano (I think). Instead, he misses the trampoline and crashes into the piano, knocking it over.
Oh, I've already seen this one on youtube.Equipment fail. A piano? lol
OK, I give. What the hell is it? Some big blocky thingy.
I thought it looked like a piano too.
It’s a blocky thingy to jump over. These thingys have no other reason to exist than getting jumped over. Sad existance.
Battle School just isn’t the same without zero gravity. The poor kid must taken a laser shot to the legs.
And a piano to the groin.
(Ouchie!)
Gym teacher said trampoline not trample spleen.
So, it wasn’t a piano, it was an organ?
Perhaps an organ grinder.
It sure made a monkey out of him. Perhaps he should stop hanging around the bars.
Yowch?!
I bet he is one of those people who over tips the piano bar.
Whatever it is, it is not gym equipment.
Er, I don’t know what country you come from, but they are used as standard equipment in gyms in both the UK and Japan.
Not when I was in school (USA). Horse, parallel bars, mats, trampoline, etc, but no big piano-like thingy. What is it?
I think that is some mutated horse trapezoid thingy that somehow looks like a piano.
Whatever it is, it’s not his forte.
Yeah, that struck a chord with him.
That was a flat jump anyway.
Those corners looked sharp though.
The key is to avoid the sharp edges.
Here, try playing these chopsticks.
“Note” to self: If you don’t C sharp, you will B flat.
he missed the trampoline A-Minor miscalculation on his part
It’s a vaulting box I guess.
Now I must be off to erase the gym class memories.
a piano? Where were you in gym-class?
Playing the piano.
That’s going to leave a mark
Right in the junk.
Nice shit.
I’ve never complimented my excretement before.
*snork*
Man, what is in this Sh*t, man?
Mostly Maui Waui man, but it’s got some Labrador in it.
What’s Labrador?
I had my stash on the table and the little motherf*cker ate it, man. Then I had to follow him around with a little baggie for three days, man, before I got it back. Really blew the dog’s mind, ya know?
You mean we’re smokin’ dog sh*t, man?
Ah, memories. Cheech y Chong.
Some have Minoan to do that long ago.
Over my head, Admiral. And, you know what? I’m kind of glad.
I didn’t know BFF was once Greek, so we’re both confused.
You Knossos…? You’re right!
That took Aege(an)s for me to get! My mistake.
Ahh, the Rhoades less traveled always make the best puns.
I love how the spotter on the left just runs off.
I like the guy watching who claps.
He needed to make a quick getaway before the thing would explode.
He’s not a rocket scientist.
He is too…I have his application and credentials right here.
*agrees*
What is that awful tune?
Sorry…I will stop now.
*removes hands from ears*
Was it Xuxa playing in the background?
Ehh…I need another drink.
*runs off to the drive-thru*
*watches car smash through storefront*
I jumped out of the car and just took off with all the drinks. That’s just how I roll.
Now my hands are all shaky from drinking all that caffeine. I got some Java monster drinks, the Russian kind. It’s like a white Russian without the alcohol.
That happened here in Cali this past week. And someone died.
That happened less than a week ago one block from my mothers office. A car careened into a Starbucks. No fatalities though. Some guys bicycle was utterly destroyed, but that’s about it.
Totally off topic, but I had to share this clicky. For some reason it made me
That is terrible, but funny at the same time.
BURF
That’s the Technicolor Yawn.
That’s Australian slang, isn’t it?
I’ve heard that one in the states.
Yawning in Technicolor
Swallowing in reverse
praying to the porcelain god
blowing chunks
etc
Yawn in Technicolor…that’s an amazing saying. *steals it*
technicolor turbo yawn, I believe is the original saying…just saying
Don’t forget
Tossing your cookies
Blowing chow
Hurling and
The Screaming Choogies
*looks at Yawning in Technicolor and The Screaming Choogies and discards Yawning in Technicolor*
LOL! That just further reinforces my commitment to not clean our office fridge.
And reinforces my intentions of cleaning ours!
When you’re done, could you do ours? After working hours, please?
Mine needs doing too!
The answer to both of you would be a polite, but firm, hell frickin’ NO!
What? Hell fricked over?!?
It sure did. As soon as someone in Brewski’s office opened the refrigerator! Wasn’t pretty.
Ok, guys. I have to get ready for work. see ya.
One last note. Is it me or does my avatar stick out like a sore thumb?
It makes my thumb sore.
You’re clearly doing it wrong.
Are you using Baconlube™?
Ooohhh! That’s what was missing!
That’s why good people should not participate in sports.
Did anyone else think the first guy to walk past the camera had a dog down his pants?
Most men have dachshunds?
*rofl*
I don’t care if no one ever sees this response, but I have to make it:
.
I think we should all pitch in some money and bribe FB to have Sharktamer’s comment ^^^^^ power a fail!
That’s gym-nasty
*giggles*
0.0 Eek!
They’re being taught how to collapse the vaulting horse?
O
M
G
!
!
It’s…it’s…it’s YOU!!! The Moomin has finally made an appearance. Come over here!!!!!!
Hullo.
*squeeze*
Good to see you too
*squeeze*
Lucky i don’t go to that school…
You have to practice on the vault horse before they let you collapse a real horse though.
*examines the Moomin’s symbol*
*averts eyes*
…Cheeky devil!
:p
To me it looked like a cloud with a wind-up handle on top.
You’re a rudey.
*wags finger*
I thought it was a pumpkin!
Yeah, but you like me that way! :p
Or a real piano
Oh man…I was going into withdrawal.
*SQUEEZE!*
I thought that was you going into the horse?
*squeeze*
Moomin Man! *squeeze*
Hey moomin!
*wonders if he is the only one who thought his comment above was hilarious*
*signs up for “Nesting 101, the Basics” on-line course*
Somedays it works, somedays not so much.
*wonders which comment Brewski is talking about*
Argh! I quadruple-failed on this! I attempted to respond to Moomin cause I thought his “collapse the vaulting horse” comment was funny. But I replied in the wrong place. Then Avis apparently thought I was trying to jump up an extra-indented post. And… and… I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore!
*curls up in ball in corner*
Aaaaw … *comforts Brewski* It’s ok. We all make fails. Those who fail together stay together.
…and he who runs after a car gets exhausted.
*sniff* Thanks Leila!
Also, he who runs in front of car gets tired.
Hey Brewski!
*squeeze*
LMAO!!
-
A wise man also said, never swat a fly off a friend’s forehead with a hatchet.
Or put out a fire on a friend’s face with a baseball bat.
Mali!
*squeeze*
I left a message for you on the Double Fail
he was trying to do the same power ranger stunt once again… *sigh*
Soccer Player, wants to hit the ball…..
“Send Fail, Pwn and Owned pics and vids to failpictures@gmail.com ”
That way everybody can enjoy the fail, not just those who lurk or post comments.
Where is Avis? I thought we had an appointment today. Oh well. If you see her, please tell her I said ‘hey
’.
I’m here, I had stuff to do that I couldn’t get out of. I also should get back to doing said stuff. I think we’re gonna have to reschedule. How’s next week Tuesday for you?
I will have my people contact your people and we will set something up.
W-w-w-wait a minute…Avis is a girl??
*facepalm*
*headdesk*
*throws up hands and gives up*
*catches hands, accepts up*
Quite the tantrum, to respond you will need these.
*Gives back hands, puts “up” in a safe place.*
Hey, I haven’t been here very long…I don’t know these things. I mean the name “Avis” isn’t really a gender specific name and the avatar is just a bird.
She has made it perfectly clear in many a post that she is female. Also, her clicky is usually to her blog, where it is clear she is a female.
I need to put that back, the video I was linked to is just plain disturbing.
You really want to see a tantrum…?
Hint to Emp. Do NOT reply.
Thanks AA.
*Runs and hides*
*Needs a new pair of pants*
Hee!
Hiya, how goes it judy?
Yes please!
*Wondering who’s hands DW ate* O_o
A beautiful one at that.
Awwww, thank you!
It was my pweasure.
*suffles feet in the sand*
*scuffles* *** arg bukkit.
Up, up and right here he goes.
Right where?
Well no where to be particular, he is no Superman that is of no doubt. He does have great form though.
He may be no Superman, but he has surely swept me off my feet!
Brought you to his fortress did he? He must be quite the man.
Yes, oh yes he is!
Well I have been there before, would you care to see the master bedroom?
*Leading motion into door held open*
It’s a bit chilly, I will need some help keeping warm.
I think I got you covered.
*smooch*
ouch!
10/10
was hoping that girl w/boobies in the yellow tank would go.
A girl? w/boobies? Unheard of!
BRAZIL PRIDE.
Sort of.
This is a win. I mean he got over right? Now if he fell through the floor, THAT would be a fail!
I wonder who was clapping loudly at the end. I hope it wasn’t the boy’s Dad.
sorry dudes but what time have u got?
Without a doubt the funniest thing I have EVER seen!
RT
http://www.privacy-resources.us.tc
That’s not gymnastics. That’s a battering ram.
Fat (white) people can’t jump!
Thank god for those spotters.
NOone claped to the first dude who was awsome but people claped for that dude who FAILED
Why in the first second is someone holding a hat with their man parts….
There isx no pic
did he die?
lol if you look at the very beginning a guy is wearing his hat on his d*ck
LAST!!
I wouldn’t be too sure about that.