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Cheezburger Network Blog
A poorly designed bidet. Must be American.
Or meant to keep you clean while neighbours are done.
Or… whatever, y’know?
Bart Simpson would love this thing
The Fialblog? [sic]
i would so make someone sit on this toilet then flush the othr one
so that was what the toilet been doing all these years,interesting
it is a toilet and bidet in 1.
or german. they like a little up-flush now and then
Really? Tell me more about that!
sorry, there’s an 85 years age limit for that kind of stuff. only granny could be told how it works
Only in America, baby.
How unfortunate for me, I’m a euro.
At least you’re not a dollar.
This was supposed to be in response to Cloud’s comment -
“How unfortunate for me, I’m a euro.”
It was! :p
indeed it was.
was it?
Yes, it was. Or wasn’t it?
For some reason it initially appeared at the bottom of the page =\
Sometimes takes a while for FB to update it properly, if it happens again, your best bet is to wait until someone else replies to the thread, then refresh.
FB sometimes does that to make us look stupid.
(Hello all! *waves*)
Arthur!
*squeeze*
It’s quite quiet today for some reason!
Yeah, i haven’t seen the moomin all day, and only a few fails have been detected in the world :<.
The Moomin won’t be here on Wednesdays in the foreseeable future. Same for Jam…
Guess we’ll have to settle for you then?
*Pops open baconlube and jump Arthur*
I’m not sure if I should yell “HELP” or “YAY”…
Make sure to clean your “hole place” first.
Why not both?
.
*squeeze*
.
I personally would love to see this toilet in action. I would also steal the sign, then wait for someone else to go in there. Then flush the toilet on the side and see what happens.
But…Jam was here earlier!
Sometimes she peeks in, but mostly she isn’t here in the middle of the week.
Thank God, I thought I was going sane!
Actually, I’ll have a whole lot more time on Wednesdays from now on.
Why? I blame lolcats!
Got no job! *sobs*
Lousy Recession! Poor Jam!
*Squeeze*
Thanks. *squeeze*
On the upside, I can annoy y’all on here more often.
Ha! I’m annoy-proof!
Velvet = evil.
*squeezes everyone hello*
Morning
*squeeze*
Afternoon!
I wanted to ask about that, Jam, but most of the time I can’t post comments on MS. I’m sorry to hear it.
A *squeeze* for everyone and an especially big one for Jam.
Damn Jam, that sucks. F*cking crisis!
*kicks crisis in the face* Take that!
I’m really sorry Jam, although I’m happy to have you around more often.
Thanks guys. Got the phone call yesterday morning.
*accepts all the squeezes and squeezes back*
*ditto*
*super-squeeze* for jam.
.
*super-pinch* for malicite. THBBBT!
*group squeezes*
Jam, they told you by phone? B*stards!
Watch office space, it has good ideas for methods to plot revenge.
Sorry to hear, best of luck finding a new (and much better) job.
*squeezes Velvet and Brewski*
I work from home (scuse me, I did work from home). They couldn’t wait one day it seems. Meh!
It is.
*squeeze*
At least I have time to get some work done.
*sneaks in*
*waves to everyone*
Hey, everybody.*sneaks out*
Odds are nobody saw you since it happened so fast and your a ninja. Is anbody missing a limb?
*drops down from ceiling*
*places small bag containing a right arm, two left legs, and an ear on the ground*
*disappears*
eww. Whos are these?!? Oh well, can’t say no to a gift.
*dives out of passing freight train*
*gives sofaking LEILA’s left arm from yesterday*
Don't worry, you'll get used to the smell.*swings back onto train*
It smells like homemade deoderant and tofu……damn hippie limbs.
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!! I am NOT a hippie. Give everything back!!!
*peers inquisitively into LEILA’s arm socket*
What Ninja – no foreskins?
*snatches one of the left legs*
Thank goodness! It’s so awkward to have two right feet. They don’t even have a support group for that.
Morning all.
*hides from the multiple freckled redheads*
Hi, Ninja! *Squeeze*
FB kept eating my comments yesterday. :S
Hey Leila, sorry I called you a hippie. Did you organicaly grow back all your limbs yet?
Did someone see a little guy dressed all in black? I thought I saw… maybe not though… ah well.
*squeeze*
Sorry, I was hungry.Hungry for killing people with swine flu?
sofaking, I am working on growing back. I would say I am about 85% complete right about now. I would be done but I decided to augment my tatas while I am at it.
Look at my name, I eat comments.Yeah like I believe that! Gonna need proof. (send pictures)
But Ninja, I thought your name meant you sliced trolls (and LEILA) into small pieces with your katana… What’s this about eating comments?
The ninja part does, yes. However, before I called myself Blog Ninja (Blogmonster), I was simply Blogmonster, the being that eats comments/trolls. It's a long story (spanning several weeks)So…. What happened to Boggy, then?
sofaking @ 5:40 am
*ROFFLES!*
Hello Arthur! *Squeeze!*
No, son, FB does that to make ME look stupid.
(Hiya! *wavers*)
Hiya Cloud and CWR! *squeezes* to you!
.
CWR, that happend to me too. After all, the name IS FAILblog, isn’t it?
*Walks in dripping wet*
Someone really should fix that thing!
G’morning all.
*no squeezes till after shower.*
*Hoses SrrslySrry down*
*Squeeze*
YAY!
*Squeezes Gaynor*
ya ur sittin there then u get analed by ur crap
We both share the cent though.
If we share it, does that mean we each get a ha’penny?
Perchance.
The rapper 50 perCent.
Imo his songs seem quite half-assed.
Cheeky.
There’s no need to be anal about his songs.
Hey take that back :/
I’m a Pound!
Of what?
Flesh?
Or pound cake?
A Pound of pure WIN!
lol it must be one of those things in the hotels you find.
Because I am the finder of lost hotels.
lol i ment the ones that you can make spray to clean ceritan places.
Wha? They’re not drinking fountains?
Or foot massagers?
I hate when I get pedicures because I am so ticklish. *injects a somewhat random comment*
Or urinals?!
or Jams?
Hams?
lol i dont no what their called but there are toilets or mabey there not toilets i dunno w.e………it went from hotel toilets to ham…….?
You should invent one that spits potatoes up. It could sell well in the church community.
American Toilets are inferior? How dare you make that nationalist assumption!
Probably in an american rest area
Too little funding, too little plumbers!
never seen one like this one in america.
The 2009 toilet eruption caused many victims.
Mount Ve-loo-vius.
..Okay that was awful.
Beautifully, beautifully awful.
Krapatoa?
That blast wave went twice round the earth.
Ah, yes! I remember reading about that poonami.
Oh, NO!
*smahses through wall*
OH YEAH!
……
What was that for? ;P
Wasn’t it Mt. Pooji?
Or Mr. Popo?
*Squeeze*
Communism at its finest.
Bidet anyone?
*Looks around for The Moomin*
he’s at the neighbour toilet
Wake him up already, dammit! *pokes sleeping Moomin in the next stall*
7th
*Pokes AhmeT in the left eye(or the right one, depending on how you’re seeing it)*
Why are you so evil? *watches his comment with tears in his poked eye*
(right one)
I could taze your eye instead, but you wouldn’t want me to taze your eye, would you?
That is not a toilet.
it’s a well disguised vulcano
That looks like a spanish vulcan?
saves you a lot of dirty toilet-work, doesn’t it? just finish yourself of and wait for the neighbours to do their part of the job
It would be wise to flush meanwhile.
Only after a sex wee
What about a sex poo?
Or a sex dwarf. Isn’t it nice?
You’re dating yourself. I had that album.
I dated myself all through high school – and, yeah, I put out.
I stood myself up once. I’m such a loser.
When I was in high school the best I could do was stand myself up. *wink*
Any porthole in a storm?
Blessed are those brave enough to sail the seven seas.
)
(Morning Sunshine
Hi B! I’m trying to use my avatar to improve my foul mood. So far, no worky.
*gives Mookie a basket of ghost gerbils*
Stand ‘em up and knock ‘em down!
.
.
.
…and through college, too.
if i were a neighborgh id flush every 5 mins xD
Borgs can be neighbours nowadays?
Eeew!
Submarines would temporarily close the heads (toilets) and use high pressure air to empty the holding tanks. Opening the valves while pressurized created great golden and brown shower stories.
I call neibouring toilets!!!
Just make sure you don’t call them in the middle of the night.
It’s true! They get all cranky without a full nights sleep.
Double flush!
Mercy Flush!
Full house!
Straigh Flush!
Oh i, i the T.
Goddamnit, that was supposed to say: “Oh dear, I the T”
Royal Flush!
Clogged Toilet!
(I think I already wrote this?)
Were you referring to the clogged toilet, or the Royal Flush?
Either way I don’t think so.
I was referring to the royals flushing the toilet and it becoming clogged.
Most likely because the full house forgot to flush.
Inside Straigh! For the last time, Straigh – get inside! I’m not telling you again.
Instead of fixing it, the decide to warn people.
Oh no! You the Y!
Congratulations! You win!
Choose your prize! Gift card, Nintendo Wii, iPhone, Erupt toilets, Baconlube and more!
ERUPT TOILETS BIG TIME BABY
WOOOOT! where to i pick up the prize
*tells LEILA about the BaconLube as a prize*
LEILA! There’s BaconLube for you to object here!
NO BACON LUBE I WANT MY ERUPTING TOILET NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
stupid lisa
stupid announcer
What about dem taters?
I used to work in a carpet store, my job was to assist the carpet layers. One job we had was in a basement apartment. The pipework in that building was defect so that every time someone flushed the toilet it all came out of the toilet in the basement apartment. This happend just after the people who lived there departed for a three week vacation, therefore the apartment was filled with the feces of all the people living in that building. 30 cm of stench and disgust. What a pleasant return from a vacation…
…and one of the worst jobs I ever had!
And then you layed a new carpet over the feces: problem solved!
Hey czuhc!
Hey there! It’s quiet here today. Gloomy outside too. Evrything is in perfect tune with my inner self.
Why do you link to a pineapple?
‘Cause pineapples are awesome, like taters.
But…but…you look so innocent!
You crabby too, czuhc? *hug of solidarity*
If only! Unfortunately we had to clean the hole place before. For 4 days… EWWWWW!
You had to clean WHAT? For 4 days?
They had carpet in there before. We had to get out the remains of the previously soaked carpet before we could lay new carpet. We had to use that (clicky), don’t know the English word for it. (In German it’s called “Stripper”. My translation website gives me wrong results when I search for it
)
Thanks for the abundance of details on the poop appartment, much appreciated, I’ll finish my lunch this evening, but I was actually referring to your “hole place”.
Oops.
*w
Better?
I thought it was some sort of German hygienic thing.
“Vee are proud to say that our vorkers have very clean and natural blond hole places”
That is true. We have hole places inspection every two days. But that’s not only a hygienic thing; it’s also important for customers. A company leaves a much better impression when their worker’s hole places are clean!
You leave hole place impressions as a sort of signature? In the concrete?
Or in the chair designed for your “Junk”.
Arthur…they should give you a medal for that… somehow, I don’t believe a paycheck suffices.
Thanks. Although I rather would have preferred a higher paycheck…
Your toilet was turned into a poop-deck?
Only one of? Poor lad…
It may have been the most disgusting, but other jobs I had were shitty in their own way.
Guess the stench was hard to get rid off afterwards, huh?
I once had a summer job cleaning out barrels with fish waste. I bet you can still smell me over the internets.
Of course I became a sailor afterwards, which didn’t improve things much.
There’s your problem – you were using fish waste to clean barrels.
HAHAHA
I was actually working in Porto and had to clean out the oak barrels.
If you want to buy some quality port, I would have to advise you to ignore ports from 1995 and 1997.
When I was 15 I worked in a pet store, cleaning puppy cages. Nasty.
The stench wasn’t the biggest problem, because before we started to work there someone already sucked off the…fluids. The dust of the dried remains WAS a problem though! It did stink and I was aware of WHAT I was breathing there. I showered for an hour afterwards!
So… what does shit taste like?
Shit?
Crap?
Chicken.
Hehehe!
I wish…
Wurst.
HAHAHA! Yesss!
Don’t knock it.
You brat it on yourself.
She’s got the knack.
You’ll liver to regret that comment.
*knock*
Gah! Srry all, I wish I could play
today but I gotta run.
Meetings are bad as poo, almost!
*chases tail*
*Helps chase tail*
I can’t help myself, but I don’t like that abbreviation.
Sorry, how about SrSr?
No need for an apology since the problem is solely in my head. But thanks, yes, I like SrSr better (although SrrslySrry is the one to decide on that matter).
Sister, Sister?
My boy, my boy?
*PS: everyone can call me “FSA”
*
lol volcanic toilet. I hope noone gets a swearly in that toilet
Appropos of nothing, has anyone else seen the new online game at Adult Swim dot com – Meowcenaries? LOLcats crossed with sniper kitten.
*glares at Ninja and sofaking* ‘morning everyone.
*waves enthusiastically*
Morning!!
*squeeze* HI! I would give you a peck but am afraid of those scales.
That’s okay. It’s the thought that counts!
might be a calculator also.. well, or a general computer..
Or an abacus.
‘Sup.
*pours BaconLube on a small building*
*Eats Small building*
*eats remnants of small building with BaconLube on it*
WTF??? I OBJECT!!!! *throws fruitcake from thread* Come back when you’ve thought about what you have done.
*comes back to thread without BaconLube*
Happy? -_-
Damage is done but I am a forgiving person. Yes, I am happy.
hapymonkey FRUITCAKE!
………………………………………………………………………..I still havent got my prize
So if a tree falls in the woods, does a hippie cry? (note that the tree landed on some bunnies and sprayed their guts everywhere)
NO! BUNNIES! I OBJECT!
*bursts into tears*
Any hippies in here? sofaking has an excellent question.
No. The hippie was too high to notice.
In another tree?
Hey whats up Malicite? *hands mailicite cup of joe* Do you know a guy named Holden? Did you see him around here?
Why thank you! *sips* Not sure but you can catch ‘er if you try.
Damn nobody caught my enuendo, now how am I gonna get some pot? Anyways, I hope you know thats a cup of actual Joe.
I wouldn’t be so trusting Mal. Have the ‘Joe’ tested at a lab.
Is Joe kosher?
I didn’t ask, I was handed some spare body parts this morning by that ninja guy.
Hmmm…. I just got your Holden reference.
*thought it was a Catcher in the Rye reference or something*
No, but if you know where I could find a hooker that would help too…..
*hopes no one noticed how I disregarded the bunnies comment*
*looks at LEILA with tears in eyes*
*GLARES at LEILA*
*GLARES back @ fruitcake*
*grows third eye and uses it to glare back at LEILA*
Mothers already gifted with eyesight without growing a hideous third eye. You cannot win this one buddy. *gives fruitcake MOM GLARE*
Oh no! The MOM GLARE! Hide fruitcake, don’t look into her eyes!
Lol, *puts on protective eyeglasses and puts away third eye*
At least it was only a few bunnies, do you have any idea how many pigs died to make this blogthread alone? Baconlube doesn’t just fall out of the sky!!
It grows on trees.
Bunnies are one of the main contributors towards curing diseases!
Bunnies taste good on sticks. Mmmm
*bursts into tears*
I’m going to develop a virus to make all bunnies poisonous!
*laughs at that comment*
I will help you gaynorvader. And I believe I just found myself a cause.
Great, so far, while the virus does make the bunny poisonous, it also kills it in 12-18 hours. So we’ve just gotta figure out a way to make the bunnies immune…
*eats a bunny*
Mmm Cajun rabbit.
YOU BRUTE!!!! *tries to pound on Malicite’s chest* I hope your innards fall out when you poop that poor rabbit. *goes to confession for saying the most vile things*
-
/CONFESS
Done, now whenever someone eats a bunny, thousands of testicles will grow on the inside of their throat, slowly crowding it, until they suffocate, all the time feeling the excruciating pain of been kicked in the balls!
Good thing I only eat panda bears and blue whales!
They’re okay, as long as you don’t over indulge and aren’t wasteful.
As people stop eating bunnies, the bunny population will grow so quickly that they may take over the world. Who told you to play god!!! Now look what you’ve done!
Excellent! Soon, my plan will reach fruition!
My name is LEILA and I approve gaynorvader’s latest invention.
My name is FruitcakeSolvesAll and I approve of LEILA objecting BaconLube.
*Don’t object here or I will tickle you >:)*
Aaaaaaaw!!! Come here you … *hugs*
My name is Malicite, and my throat has more balls then a crowded New York City subway.
*hugs back*
I OBJECT!!!
I PROJECT!
I PREFECT!
I DETECT!
*senses new rhyme of “object” coming shortly after*
I DEFECT!
I’m outta here.
You object too much.
Do you blame me? So much animal violence here.
It’s FB. They do that by abusing animals by forching them to wear hats and shit.
hats AND shit? that’s just wrong.
That’s why LEILA is objecting it.
You don’t object enough!
OBJECTION!
*objects to gaynorv’s objection of LEILA not objecting enough*
I meant you don’t object enough fruitcake!
Oh. :blush:
Aw damn it didn’t work
It’s oops, not blush
Ok. Test time!
SUCCESS! LOLOLOL *pokes self in joy*
:rolls: *disapproves of fruitcake’s joyous celebration*
GRRR!!!! I meant
Haha. XD
Why? Sticks are recycleable.
*recycles box of sticks I had kept in the basement since 1976*
*gives Fruitcakesavesall $2.58*
Oh, boy!
*uses new cash to buy real estate*
…..? You can’t even buy Baltic ave with that.
*buys 17 strands of grass*
Omigod! Someone’s stolen Joe!
*makes alternate copy of Joe using a large fruitcake*
*inspects new Joe suspiciously*
*places binder of schoolwork on new Joe’s head as a hat*
NOW do you recognize him?
*Takes bite out of Joe*
*Waits for him to regenerate*
*Grows more and more suspicious*
Erm…… *replaces bitten part of Joe with a broken abacus*
*Looks at new Joe in confusion for a moment*
*Wanders off to look in cups (Joes one weakness)*
Oh crap. -_-::
*gets large anvil and places it gently on new Joe*
Who is Joe and why do we care?
Joe’s my pet Troll-Bunny!
Aaaaawwwww! I want him.
I’d give him to him, but I think someone’s hidden him in a cup! That’s the only thing he can’t teleport out of!
I will help you find him. Look in Mal’s cup. His throat is all balls now…he won’t object much.
I am deathly afraid of roaches but I will take him.
You don’t have to hand him the roaches, just point him in the right direction. One more thing; he doesn’t have the poison as his troll part constantly kills the virus. Don’t worry though, no matter how much of him you eat, he always regenerates it back!
Wouldn’t a simple “Out of Order” sign sufficed, this sign seems to encourage people
They can’t do that. They’re semi-retarted.
because the first time they were tarted it didn’t work?
Exactly! Hahaha! *has party with WIK*
*wonders exactly what this party involves*
*sips tequila left over from yesterday*
A good solution to this may be to have one toilet stay a regular old toilet, and the remaining units could be facial washers. It would just require some patience…
Yes, but I don’t know many that want their faces washed with toilet water.
I don’t know how many people would want to use this toilet
Seems like no matter what this toilet bubblin’ blows.
in soviet russia toilet goes on you
Hehe.. nice, got the same problem @ my work
its one toilet at 1st floor, and one at 2nd floor, and if you flush the one at the second floor the one at the first floor will sray some water up in the air.
It,s funn when you know some one is on the toilet
Ah, cruel irony.
*sigh*
I guess here’s where all the next activity will be until a new fail arrives.
You mean Helmet Fail?
Dude, I would so take that sign off, then sit at the toilet next to it and wait! LOL
RT
http://www.privacy-web.net.tc
Plumbing is simple. There is either a stopped vent or an installation code violation. Two competent plumbers could fix it in a half of a day. It is sad when management thinks it is easier to continuously clean a mess than fix it.
That’s what I’d call a FailBog.
I learned the hard way that this is called a bidet in Arkansas.
Oh how I wish I could see that….
what the..what the crap! i’m trying to crap!
Lmaoo
good onee
A toilet that doesn’t take shit! Are you feeling lucky, today?
Good thing they have a sign…
When the system reverses flow, we say that the system has become “interactive”
/Blue Man Group FTW
does it fart too?
Worst case scenario… Eating a spicy meal, taking a diarrhea dump and then someone flushes.
And you have all white clothes on! Perfection!
Holy crap!
This happens in high rise buildings because of pressure build-up )
a miscalculation or bad installation,
usually needs more venting inside the pipes to avoid this kind of problem ))
funny thing, the first unfortunate ones to discover such a fail are the people using it the bathroom XD
LOL nice that might be cool 2 see (from a distance or threw a window)
If I do something stupid in the forest and my wife isn’t there to see it am I still a freakin’ moron?
Shouldn’t that sign simply read:”Out of Order”?
Why would you even allow people to use this toilet? Just shut it down, out of order. If this is for customers, it’s bad business. If it’s for employees, it’s freakin’ rude. I wonder if anyone took their chances with it…
I would have to be extremely desperate!
This one totally WINS! This is the best fail I’ve ever seen one here!
Wohhh that’s not good !! I wish that won’t happen to me
Time to call the plumber
Afraid I’d be looking for the “neighboring toilets”! Or even better… “Go In My Pants”!
Good to know.
lol that ALWAYS happens in carttons where the local idiot sits on the loo and all of a sudden BOOM and they are on a gyser
FAIL
Must be one of the toilets from The Goonies.
Here is a little rhyme
#When you have diarhoea and you sit on this loo#
#Your faeces and your urine will come back up to you#
If you want quality plumbing service in Reading, look no further than Plumbers in Reading
They have the best Reading plumbers. A reliable Reading plumber will be at your disposal to ensure Epic Fails never happen to you.
So if you need an expert plumber in Reading, don’t hesitate to contact them.
dang that would suck to get sprayed with freaking suage euw
a friend of mine almost died on the jhon not beacuse of a heart attack or anything like that but it was in the mall and two guys walked in and were ackting like they were going to rob a store right as he was flushing the toliet and he started freaking out and saying dont flush in his mind then they left and he was ok but i cannt belive that this all hapened on the jhon