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This looks like something from the Dirty South. pwnt
Sad
I never had a girlfriend either. Never did me any harm.
That’s handy then!
I have one question….rightie or leftie,
Both!
i sniff socks
?!
some people have wierd fetishes
Its the whole fetish vs. kink argument.
it’s a fetish when its a necessity
I thought it was defined with poultry…
Do you get pecked in the eye?
lol to this comment
On the other hand, you never had any fun either.
Oh come on! Plenty of people have fun singlehandedly.
Especially when ya look down, and there’s no hair on that hand.
You just can’t see it, because you have already gone blind.
Pffft. And like they’ll give me a seeing-eye dog to show me around
they’d give you a seeing eye horse, but you’d probably collapse it.
(clickie)
but thats no fun!
I like Cheese!
sure it didn’t……..
omg this is a kid from my high school! You know his friends submitted that as his yearbook quote, thinking it would be a funny joke. Then he saw it. It wasn’t very funny.
that lonely lonely soul
I am sure he had many long nights with his friend Palmela Handerson
and you should have some with your spelling books
You moron. Palmela Handerson is a *joke*: “Palm” as in the palm of your hand and “Hand” as in hand….duh…and it sounds like Pamela Andersson. In other words, he had many long nights jerking off.
Haha, I have the same name! – quotes ain’t true for me though! :-p
I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. Maybe you should take a seat.
At least he’s honest…
Poor kid
He’s now a multi-millionaire. A question of priorities I guess.
I guess when you have that much cash, you can afford to pay for sex?
usually
Usually???
yes
Everyone pays for sex. It’s a question of whether it’s a cash transaction or barter system.
No.
yes
You’re doing it wrong.
Well I suppose, if push came to shove.
Amen.
A true romantic.
Seems to have started up his own buisness >link<
I clicked his “personal info”, but he has become more discrete about his lovelife.
and his name is bill gates.
Smut-free joke that doesn’t rhyme with “gates”.
*Starts to doze off….* There’s no fun in smut free
*starts petition to re-smut (?) Dr.B*
*signs*
*and brailles*
aeheauheauhaeuheau
loooooossseerrr!!!!
but, I bet he had a boyfriend….
Spoken by a true stud, no doubt.
Is he yodelling?
*begins singing the Sound of Music yodeling song.*
*plugs ears and runs away*
*doesn’t plug anything besides helping with Arthur’s ears*
*plugs ears and kills self*
Maybe that was the most interesting thing about him at the time xD
It’s actually a WIN if he doesn’t like girls. Kinda like “I ran a red light but didn’t get a ticket!”
9th.
poor boy, never had a girlfriend. haha
I never had a girlfriend either. Probably a good thing.
You never could go past the one-nighters?
I never had a girlfriend either. Sometimes I wish I did. Would double the size of the dateable population.
My best friend and I decided recently that if we find ourselves without significant other, we will just date each-other.
I rarely met girls who never thought about having sex with another girl (or did already). Quite understandable, if you ask me.
I think so. I’ll try anything twice.
You should reconsider your policy when it comes to crack…
*assumes crack is an non-smutty acronym for ‘Country Roast
And Corn Kernals’*
I rarely met guys who weren’t convinced about what you just said, Arthur.
The old saying goes: Being bisexual automatically doubles your chances of a date on Saturday night.
wow.egomaniac fail!
14th!
what the hell?
Wait, your blog name is random, yet you have inquisitous interjections at the most random comments on this page. I do not understand. Are you an advocate of randomness, or on a vigilous campaign to eliminate it?
He’s not half bad looking either.
Typical white boy, can’t get no pussay.
On behalf of white boys everywhere, and one in particular, I have to say you’re wrong.
Watava boy. We all kno you crackers cant get anyone but your cousins.
If we are crackers, we always get pulled! I don’t see your point here!
Hey there cuz. Yeah yeah, so it’s bad for our gene pool…meh.
Lame joke is lame.
Lame person is lame.
Person Lame is person
But he was so creative! Wait… no, he was boring and dumb. Never mind.
Yeah….get pulled by yourselves
I am neither southern, nor a boy, and my boyfriend is not my cousin. Other than that, your contentions have merit.
Even then I’m dubious.
You know you rather have a nice long black snake compared to your boys cracka pin
Judging from your grammar and spelling, I’ll stick with “cracka pin.” He has an education and a job. And I prefer not to live in a refrigerator box.
You will soon live in a refrigerator box as white boys are known for cutting up their girlfriends. Only white people become serial killers.
Then should you really try and piss them off?
I ain’t scared of no crackers. Yall are weak as shit
It’s riddle time everyone!
What do Mambosnake and a three dollar bill have in common?
˙sǝıuoɥd ɥʇoq ǝɹɐ ʎǝɥʇ :ɹǝʍsuɐ
lol, black joke
Hmmm…. he does have a suitcase full of doll heads. Should I be concerned?
No. They’re ben wah doll heads!
This site has me using more and more wikipedia everyday…. and now that I know what your comment means I will reply……… Ew.
The mind is the sexiest part of the body you know……………after the genitals.
$%$% I wasn’t prepared for racism this morning. Mambosnake…you’re a loser
(Morning everyone *squeeze* hope you had a good weekend)
*SQUEEZE!* How are you this Monday?
I want the rain to stop!
I swear, it was like 2,000 degrees last week…and I wished for that to go away…then it just started raining.
*Is waiting to see if he is going to get disciplined for last month by his boss*
It’s slightly cloudy here, but warm. Good luck Mal, hope all is OK.
You always have something to complain about!
*wags finger*
…Malicite.
Morning Mal, WIK! *squeeze*
I think mambo is just a troll trying to rile people up. Best we just ignore him.
Who?
Always do Brew, always do. (Good morning!)
At my great-aunt’s 100th birthday party (she is now 106 and still kicking!), she said “When the sun shines, I’m happy for the sunshine. When it rains, I’m happy because it makes everything green.” She always looks on the bright side. I’m an eternal pessimist, guess I didn’t get it from her.
Good grief, Malacite! Are you still waiting for that shoe to drop? I think you need to find a less stressful job.
(Good morning! and *squeeze*!)
I’m hoping it doesn’t so I can find a better job…
Luckily for me I’m actually okay at what I do…
I’m just trying not to think about it!
Despite Mother Nature’s best attempts, this weekend was awesome.
good morning Malicite and everybody *squeeze* are you referring to the telephone conversation?
What kind of name is Mambosnake? Bit wanky, hey? Kind of a handson narcissism? Onanistic?
Onan could get it up, chicken.
Perhaps you should do some research on John Floyd Thomas.
“Only white people become serial killers.”
By your logic you are intentially pissing off a bunch of serial killers. This has confirmed our thoughts about your…erm….logic?
oj simpson
nough said
double murder != serial murder
FATALITY!
Mookie Wins.
Yeah, she yells FIRST! with Lou.
He he. And second, third, fourth…
…ouch, fifth.
…sixth… please stop…
…can I have some food please?…seventh…
Cigarette break eighth…
I have to go to the bathroom… nineth…
I eighth all the food, sorry.
Damn I was a tenth of a second late!
I misspelled “ninth”. We all have our problems.
Chill… *sign sign pass*.. eleventh…
Is English your first or second language?
Are you talking to me (you gotta be talking to me, there’s nobody else around and so on…)? Second.
Well then that is perfectly understandable, you thought you were saying no………th.
That would be neinth.
First off MamboNigg@r the DC sniper serial killer was black….second where i come from new york f#@#@ city the black chicks jock the white guys cuz they know they have jobs, are HIV NEG and 67% more likely to not go to jail. Still sucks to be black don’t kid yaself
Hey, man. Don’t fight racism with racism. That’s not cool. Fight it with wit, humor or dismissal. Fighting hate with hate never works unless it ends in genocide; which isn’t very cool either.
But you know what is cool: Liquid Nitrogen
=D
Thank you Andy.
Nice name tho Mamboslayer
sigh…
I need more coffee if Im going to deal with racist today
# We’re gonna get you a woman
and when we’re through with you
we’ll get me one too…
He looks like McLovin with no glasses.
It’s Dennis Potter with no glasses.
Dennis Potter may be the biggest fail of the year…
lol that was my first thought too!
That kid’s a stud. He never could settle on just one.
He shouldn’t let his mom cut his hair.
It just started to grow when he was thirteen. What to do?
Did anyone ever stop to consider he might just be an a-sexual robot like in that movie D.A.R.Y.L.?
…or a sexual robot like in that movie Austin Powers?
No, he looks more like he could rock pole position than position his pole.
*assumes this is an innocuous camping reference*
*In the 80′s there was a movie called D.A.R.Y.L. about a teenage boy who was actually an advanced AI robot. He impressed his would be teenage peers by being really good at the Atari game Pole Position* Man ….that joke was gold if ANYBODY knew what I was talking about. But to answer your question, no innocuous camping reference.
I’m that ANYBODY. I watched that movie back then in theatre. I remember that he couldn’t choose between vanilla en chocolate icecream, but at the end…he could!
Gee, that was constructive, DrB.
*snork!*
he my never had a steady but had lot of lovers ?
Interesting. He never had a single girl friend, but always a plurality. Now THAT’S looking for an optimistic possibility.
Me either…. :’(
Awww. There’s someone for everyone.
.
47.4 wpm…no banana
*assumes he’s talking about fruit*
Banana-Nut is yummy!
Whooa?
It’s all about context:
“I never had a girlfriend”
“I never had sex with that woman, miss Lewinski”
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
I’ll smoke that later, Mooks.
When Mikey arrives.
Until then, just stow it away in a safe place.
Thanks for the offer, but you’re already smokin’, WIK.
*jumps up screaming* AHHH! fire! FIRE!
*ponders* what ever happened to Lunchbox?
hmm, firemen…. *starts to steam*
Whatever did happen to Lunchbox? I miss his pants.
And his boots….
But mostly his pants.
It’s not about the colour of his skin but the content of his pants?
That’s my motto!
Must have been his biggest acheivment at the time
Teacher sez – Sit straight, pay attention, and soon you’ll be on your way!
First off MamboNigg@r the DC sniper serial killer was black….second where i come from new york f#@#@ city the black chicks jock the white guys cuz they know they have jobs, are HIV NEG and 67% more likely to not go to jail. Still sucks to be black don’t kid yaself
Me thinks that Facebook and Lays Doctored thiz pic.
Nice interpretation of the Haxored!
Ha! I had to look up Haxored. I then proceeded to slowly shake my head in question. Its too early. Morning Arthur.
Now I looked it up as well and understand your lack of understanding. My comment was a reference to a string of comments by Haxored. He finished his comments with a smiley that got sadder with every post. The Mommin tickled him to cheer him up. Since then I have my difficulties to take Haxored seriously…
I should pay attention. More coffee, please?
*passes coffee*
‘Twas awhile ago. If the Moomin and I hadn’t used that a couple of times I also wouldn’t remember.
Thank you, sir. *sips coffee and decides not to read all past posts*
Probably a wise decision. There is no way to catch up on missed fails.
*tickles Arthur*
*performs a reversed Haxored (also known as “180-Haxored”)*
*assumes that this didn’t occur in 80′s style lycra g-string gymwear*
*gets a mental picture* *is pretty impressed*
Don’t you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don’t you cry tonight
Don’t you cry tonight
There’s a heaven above you baby
And don’t you cry tonight…
*rocks out to power-ballad*
*doesn’t think twice about making a leather pants quip*
*chafes*
*would never suggest how she might ease that friction*
*raises eyebrow and grins* come on, you know you want to,
godimsoweak
.
Well…first kitten, we should take that temperature of yours…those leather rocker pants are hot.
Lacks an “L” on his forehead.
Lacks a “Y” on his name.
Lucky guy. I had a girlfriend 7 years ago. Wish I hadn’t had her. Should have become gay when I had the chance.
It’s never too late to start a new hobby.
*suggests something like entering vegetables in the show display; and doesn’t suggest what prize they might win*
It’s the Annual Ninth Award for Lignotubers (the ANALs). So there.
Hi there!
How are you all?
I’m very busy today. Tomorrow is my operation :’-(
I wish you well. It won’t be a big thing. But you’ll have some problems to sit, I presume.
Ah, I will be fine. No fail blog till next monday is the worst thing.
We’ll wait for you.
And I will wait for you.
-
All.
That sounds like a romance is about to beginn… But I’m straight!
ehrr… ‘For you all’ Is that romance? I’m straight to, but i just wanted to let you know that i will wait.
This “-” before “All” made me wonder.
And now you sound like I was going to jail soon…
Maybe you are. Evil shoplifter!
Ssshhhht! They can hear us!
*whispers*
we should go to the gucci store now, or not.
*/whispers*
You’ll be fine! The anticipation of the operation can be worse than the actual operation itself. They’ll do their best to keep you comfortable. We’ll keep the fail-light on for ya!
Free drugs! Why does everyone forget that?!
I didn’t but free drugs and a knife in my ass makes me feel like not having the free drugs.
*cringe*
That is wayyyyyyyy worse. But a knife doesn’t sounds like fun either.
Oh Arthur Eld, that lol hurt under my ribs!
*bows while covering his ass*
That was a well-over-thought move.
*Checks out Arthurs ass, cant see it.*
Since you bought the expensive drugs.
Luckily I’m rich as hell. Wait no – I’m not. Damn.
*flashes ass for WIK*
*ponders*
Nooo, my ass is for my gf’s eyes only. And to all the people on this blog, of course.
*feels special*
*wonders why Arthur’s ass gets more attention then his own*
Arthur, you made me really LOL, now all my coworkers are wondering what the hell I’m doing over here. If I get sacked I’m blaming you!
Tell ‘em it’s a yoga laughing therapy which improves your work.
*can’t stop loling* need…air….ahem…that lycra g-string coming in handy, aye?
Poor Arthur – getting all the blame again, I see?
I’m used to it…
*sigh*
Don’t work to hard today and
remember, tomorrow will be over
before you know it!
Good luck with the op!!!
Thank you. But I have to stay there for a day or 3 maybe 4..
Maybe you’ll have internet access in the hospital. Three or four days WITH FB and you’ll ask if you can stay in the hospital for just ten more minutes…
If the internet is fast I will ask for another operation.
Donate a kidney or something!
Both!
Be well Hairy! See you next week.
If i donate both my kidney’s I’ll be away just a little longer
-
Thanks
*would never think about which organ he might donate after that, to stay fail blogging*
Take care Hairy. Try not to drug-text anyone while you are there.
That’s rich, I’ll say.
No. Mike or Michael. Or Mr. Kozlowski. I think his brother’s name is Rich, though.
Mike Kozlowski. I recognized him when I saw the brushy eyebrows.
*is just about to hand in his dissertation that failblog has skillfully distracted him from for the past few weeks*
wwwoooooooooooooooohhhhoooooooooooo!!!!!!
*walks with a clear rhythm*
*applauds*
*dabs eyes with hanky* I’m so proud of you.
*gives CM the golf clap*
*needs the UroClub badly*
I once had a fish called fluffy! No bullshit!
Well, I would certainly hope you wouldn’t keep bullshit as a pet. Rocks, maybe, but bullshit, no.
He didn’t say he never had sex…
*Squeezes*
*waves*
might be understood as a win.
well duh if course u wont if u go round saying that shit
de-lurking with a totally off-topic question – can anyone point me in the direction of the schrodinger’s wallet thread?
Verizon Math Fail.
Thanks Aja!
Can strangers squeeze?
*squeezes Aja*
Tried to post early yesterday – still not here – so -
thanks Aja!
Can stangers squeeze?
*squeezes Aja*
No, but I can point you in the direction of Alburquerque.
hmmm…. i wonder if he dated rosy or any of her five sisters.
Rosie Palm and her five daughters? Do I perchance respond to a Discworld fan? Well done, sir! Well done!
“I can has gurlfreind?”
He’s cute.
I bet he lost a bet. No way anyone would put that as their yearbook quote.
He’s got the look of a guy who’ll return for the reunion and mow everyone down while screaming, “Why couldn’t one of you love meeeee??!!” before doing himself in.
Maybe he took a vow of celibacy and is proud that he was able to uphold his vow.
He can still have a girlfriend…
I can’t no one has commented on how much this guy looks like a young Michael Phelps. lol…
I thought it WAS Michael Phelps at first.
How is that a fail? I never had a girlfriend either, I like the same amount of hair on their back as I do; not too many women fit that bill!
You like really really hairy women? That’s a bizarre turn-on. Oh well, to each his own. :¬)
WIN: http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Kozlowski/630320731
He won’t know what’s hit him.
They didn’t complete the sentence
“I never had a girlfriend because___”
I was on yearbook staff and was the person who decided the best picture for each person. I chose the worst ones for my enemies.
Of course he never had a girlfriend… he’s gay. He was just gloating about his chaffed anus.
This is stupid. Some prat on the yearbook team probably did it b/c they don’t like him and then submitted it here. FAIL yearbooking teenager.
Speaking from experience?
He never had a girlfriend…but was constantly surrounded by women…
Big pimpin’ WIN!
this doesnt make any sence
Are you referring to the fail or your comment?
Skip the trial and sentence him.
Hello Admiral! I was hoping to see a friendly avatar around here. How’s with you?
I was also hoping to see a troll posting so that I could work out some aggravation. Mambosnake was the closest thing and he was pathetic.
*HUG!!!*
You can vent your spleen at me, if you like. My dragon-hide is pretty thick.
You are an innocent bystander.
Pfft! I can take it. What’s on your mind, sweets?
I’m well, coyote. My friendly avatar is at your disposal. Mambofake was the closest thing to a troll, today.
.
.
Let us know what’s got your fur ruffled.
You asked for it.
The thrice damned state has just shoved me off on a private insurance group called Molina. No decent doctor accepts Molina. I’ve been assigned to some quack at Kim’s Total Medicine, or some such.
They wrote the letter to tell me this on the 25th. They mailed it on the 1st. It took effect on the first. I got the letter on the second. It says that this change is voluntary. I call to un-volunteer. They say that it can be changed back effective June 1st.
I’m given a number to call to get an exemption. The troglodyte can’t get it through his skull ridge that there is no single doctor that does bone marrow transplants. It takes a small army to do it.
After several asinine questions he has gone of to bother Fred Hutchinson and anyone else he can come up with.
If this stops my transplant I’ll firebomb DSHS.
Yes. I am about as pissed off as I have ever been.
I need a troll to kick and thus sooth my baser self.
Some woman bashed Malicite for an opinion he voiced over on the news reporter fail. You could try her.
Oh, and *SQUEEZE!!*
I can’t even begin to express how much that sucks.
Well, I’d say you’ve got a serious bone of contention, coyote. Don’t let them wear you down.
.
I feel for you. Wrestling with bureaucracy is maddening for ordinary problems; yours is no ordinary matter.
*HUGS!*
Time is the sword over my head. I may not be in the hospital yet, but the process has started. I have already started taking Lugol’s iodine. Things have been ordered. There is a shortage of 131 at the moment, believe it or not.
I believe it. It’s man-made and, as we’ve discussed, doesn’t hang around very long.
.
If there is any sanity left in our healthcare system, your procedure will be covered and proceed on schedule.
*crosses fingers*
The straw hasn’t been built to withstand that much sucking.
*runs off to news reporter fail*
I don’t see the fail. I mean, having no girlfrield = not getting a woman = freedom! I, too, have never had a girlfriend (I’m 17 years now. Well, I had a girlfriend but that was in elementary. Not a serious relationship), because I value my freedom. I don’t want to have to think about my girlfriend/woman and spend time on her. This means I lose out on sex indeed, but I value freedom over sex.
I would tell you how mistaken you are, but time will do that for me. Trust me on this one.
Wow. Just…..wow.
Do you suppose he knows that there are pills to correct this?
There are pills that correct narcissism?? Wow.
I was coming up with other reasons than narcissism. Happily I am not narcissistic at all.
*breaks out guitar*
♫Oh Lord it’s hard to be humble when you’re perfect in every way♫
LOL, narcism is going too far. I don’t love myself, I just don’t love other people enough to spend time on them. Especially in lunchbreaks I see I make the right decision: some guys are just standing somewhere (or laying on a bench. No, not that way), while those without girlfriends are free to do anything they want: playing poker, playing CoD on the xbox (yeah, we have that at school), etcetera. And especially home I have tons of things to do, things I chose over spending time on a girlfriend. I don’t want to give that freedom up. Not now, not over 20 years, and not over 50 years.
You are a very young fool who is trying to Darwin himself and doesn’t even know it. As I said time is on the side of my argument. *tick, tick, tick*
I find that this is a shameless plug for him to pick up random gir- wait make that guys as well since he didn’t clarify. I thought the person would at least cover his eyes and last name lol! But nooooo now the whole world knows he’s a – … ah skrew it you finish my sentence for me.
Okay this is just weird. There is seriously a super annoying guy in my high school that not only looks almost just like him, but his name is ALSO Michael.
Mike Kozlowski?
Sounds like the guy from Monsters Inc..
Damn you disney!
I don’t see this as a huge fail I mean I hope to have a gf by then but I think it’s probably he never had one on perpose
At least he was honest! =D
That’s why he didn’t have a girl friend.
he totally looks like my neighbor who has this dog that always digs his way to our yard.
I never had a girlfriend either. Lot’s of boyfriends though
THAT’S NOT ME!!! FRIEND HACKED IT!!!
Honesty is a virtue.
i never HAD a boyfriend too!
Marc-André Grondin
Weird, he’s hot and not had a girl?
He’s acutally pretty hot.
I agree
I concur…?
He should have started with I’ve instead of I. I think the quote he has would sound better if it was “I’ve never had a girlfriend.” The way it is written it sounds like he needs to finish his sentence with something like “… over to my house. or … like Mrs. Jones.” I could be wrong; binary is my first language.
I used to know a Kozlovski back in school, but his first name was Roman. Apparently he was adopted (kept his original name though), so I wonder if they’re related.
“i’ve never had a girlfriend”…no shit.
He looks like michael phelps lol
that is funny
(monster’s inc.)
mike wazouzki lol
:’(
This might be one HECK of a coincidence…but might be same guy.
In which case, we gotta whole new level of FAIL.
http://www.chippewa.com/articles/2006/02/25/news/news1.txt
Damn, imagin Not havin a Girl for 14 years (Counting Daycare and Preschool)
It’s just his way of saying he’s gay.
Also no, that’s not the same guy (at an above comment), we went to a school in Connecticut.
someone on the yearbook committee got revenge
I know him!
He’s kind of cute. Surprising. He’ll find someone
my teacher’s name is kozlowski…
that cant be true!!!!!!!!!!
he cant be that big loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I go to school with him and the poster, who I don’t believe ever had a girlfriend either.
Someones a bit lonely in high school. Lucky me im not in high school im 11. and besides even ive had a girlfriend and i have a physical disability.
I’m guessing that somebody on the yearbook staff was acting out in a passive aggressive way towards poor Michael.
#143
Maybe he has never had a girlfriend, but a boyfriend?
Polish dude, ftw
Ahaha oh man, I went to high school with this kid.
Is that….McLovin??
did he die?
It’s his way of coming out to the world
He has the name as mike the yellow monster from Monsters INC. its to perfect no way this is a real yearbook quote and person
Guys, this is not a fail…..
GOD HE LOOKS LIKE MICHAEL PHELPS! CAN I USE HIM 4 TOTAL LOOKS ALIKES? Plz dont steal idea
I lick feet
for god’s sake! it looks like Michael Phelps! Not only does he do pot, he can’t get laid!
(Dude, swimming in man-panties obviously isnt working for you.)
I’ve never had a girlfriend either, because I’m a cheap &@$$^@#%, but at least I didn’t put it as my senior quote. Mine was, “Be nice to nerds, because you’ll probably end up working for one!”
He’s cute, I’d totally date him =P
He must’ve been some kind of jock. Look at those shoulders, whoa !
Roflcopter: (Acro.) Rambunctious Owl-Fighting Lemurs Can Open Parks To Every Rodent!
hes cute
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