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Cheezburger Network Blog
yeah
Hell yeah
f*** yeah
*sings Team America*
Hell F**k yeah!!!!!
Yeah, go team!! (Damn, that doesn’t fit. I killed the momentum again, didn’t I?)
We came here to mourn the death of the momentum. It shall not be forgotten.
Morning Arthur. Yes, let’s all bow our heads and remember, and…jeez, look at that. I really should vacuum more often.
It’s ok, we’ll dust ourselves off and start again.
*gesture of desperation to the sky*
*pat pat pat*
There, there!
You will never stop, will you?
With the puns?
Sorry.. can’t help myself.
No! With being a little quicker than I am. You always beat me…
I… I… I… don’t know how I do it! Honest
*tries to jammy squeeze Arthur’s forgiveness*
There’s no chance I will forgive you – because I was never mad at you!
*squeeze*
*AIR KISS*
haha, you guys get up too early!
morning everyone
*pops head in door*
*sees air kisses flying about*
Good morning all! Smoochity-smooch!
*heads back into the corner to lurk some more, or, possibly, to sleep*
i would sleep i hate getting up this early haha
Hi Katy! A friend of you, Tom, contacted me on MySpace. Who is he, if I may ask? Another failblogger?
If it’s Tom Trifik, then yes he used to comment…I haven’t seen him on here in AGES though! And I may be wrong…don’t quote me on this…but it might be a name used by skwerllybob (aka failbog monster etc etc etc). I remember seeing that somewhere.
Ah I see. Thank you!
Hahah, he tried to friend me on Myspace too.
I tried to friend you too
*Afternoon squeezes to all*
Losers.
Rematch at 8:00 UTC tomorrow.
Morning Jam. I guess you’re right; it’s in the bag. But Hoover you to be so positive about all this??
Morning!
I’m just looking on the bright side. Lets sweep it under the carpet!
Morning. Yes, you should. Is that a dead cow?
Aaaaah!! Tch, I’m SO embarrassed! Now in that light maybe I should rent a carpet cleaner instead. I HATE those stubborn dead cow stains!
Bissell teach you to cut corners when cleaning!
douche
I just coulden’t think of anything to say and that was the first think I thought.
At least I didn’t say the “F” word.
Foosty?
I was thinking Frosty. Maybe?
Fresca and Fritos…
were wandering through a thick forest when…
all of a sudden you were attacked by a……
a deaf man covered in Baconlube and eating pooptarts…
So you…….
A) catch the next fail train or fail boat out
B) DO C
C) see above
D) or….[insert subject]
Or do D.
Insert a subject into the man. That’ll show him.
Insert it hard.
Make it Kinky.
Wait? is it a potato? He must be the Vicar
on his way to a UFC tournament…
where he loses to Chuck Lidelle? at the same time he lost to Shogun..
…prompting James Clavell to pen a new follow-up novel, entitled…
The Great Baconlube Escape. It was a…
…lighthearted romp into the world of…
lemming erotica.
And so on and so forth, and there you have it, my fiends.
And so it goes, and so it goes.
And the book says:
“we may be through with the past,
but the past ain’t through with us.”
Need a bag?
for the kiddies? should have double-bagged in the first place and we wouldn’t have had this problem
Triple bagger? One for your head, one for my head and one to be sick in afterwards?
niban
crap
Word Choice Fail
Zombies.
*locks and loads*
Grab the shotgun from that case
boom headshot!
BOOOOOMER!!
…AND I STILL KEEP SHOOTING!
WATCH OUT FOR THE WITCH!!!
ITS GONE AIRBORNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey! Quiet! Some people here try to get some sleep!
*shoots a zombie thats eating your foot* well EXCUSE ME for caring
Zzzzzzzz, hmm, huh, what who? What’s that? “Use me for wearing”?? Huh?? Well, that makes no sen…….ZZzzzzzz.
Who keeps giving me the pills!?! We’re running from zombies and I don’t need a Vikadin addiction!
Someone call? Sorry I’m late, you know, dead slow and all. Why are our children crossing your road, anyway? Are they at least calling out for BRAINS!!!!????
Yes.
I just wish it had a grenade launcher attached. Aw well. I suppose real life ain’t COD 4.
Zombies? Just as I thought.
*sets freeway warning signs*
I see dead people, crossing the road!
anyone see Jill Valentine around?
Not around my evil residence
Ooh, I just got that for my birthday. Maybe I should get in some practice.
rofl. Which system, ps3? ’tis what I play it on…
Wii… oops!
*blushes*
Sorry about that.
oh, I was thinking of the new 5th one…
*shrugs*
Haven’t even opened it yet!
Don’t open it jam. Its a trap.
*looks at the packet, sees a suspicious silver seal*
*raises eyebrow*
*carefully replaces the packet and covers it with a stainless steel pan*
Toss it. Toss it before it *BOOMS*.
I’m not picking it up again. You do it!
Hey what’s this? ooo shiny.
*picks up object*
*examines it*
Hey what’s this? oooo shiny.
*picks up and examines*
That’s a pan!
But then I’d have to stoop down and actually PICK it up. That sounds like work.
*7 seconds left*
I think I’ll just blow up.
Ughh damnit.
It didn’t show up at first.
I brought Baconlube.
Pan+Baconlube=????
What are you gonna make? Im getting hungry now…
*stomach rumbles*
Potato dip?
And turn two three and WALTZ two three…
If given half a chance,
what potato would not dance?
You do realize that some of us find that game offensive, right? Not that you living folk care or anything …
Sixth sense required beyond this point.
You see dead slow people?
I see em’ too.
Wait it was just Dick Cheney.
wait… is that a Jack Thompson over there? He looks a bit peckish for some human flesh…
mmmm
Brains
Oh, can I have some please? I’ve never had any before (so I’ve been told!)
*offers Sparky the chianti*
Doesn’t a nice chianti go with liver and fava beans? Dang. Now I’ll have to look it up.
Thank you, Clarice.
I can smell your crayons from here ss ss ss ss
Go on, just take a sniff or two. You KNOW you want to. Just a couple sniffs won’t hurt. You want to be cool, don’t you?? C’mon, try a Jazzberry Jam, or a Mango Tango.
Ooh! Maybe just this once, its been so long. Been robbing those slow-moving kiddies again?
I should say not! That’s beneath me! My crayons come from…well, let’s just say I know a guy that knows a guy. Now here; start with Timberwolf, and come see me again when you’re ready to try more colors.
1st one’s free?
Of course! ‘Cause that’s the kind of person I am. Here, enjoy! (BWA-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!)
I tried sniffing a Timberwolf once. I needed over 100 stitches after.
Makes a change from a heavy plant crossing. I hate those, they leaves a mess everywhere.
What about Animal Crossing?
Like a liger?
or how ’bout catdog?
Snailephant?
crocogator?
Salmonkey?
squieagle?
The dreaded rhinoceraptorangutan.
gorillamoosepenguin
alligatorsharkman
manbearpig
no it looks more like pigbearman
no it looks more like bearmanpig.
I super cereal?
Get me Al Gore
Grannycatflap? 50% granny 50% cat 50% flap
You guys shouldn’t be joking about manbearpig like that, its one of the biggest problems we face today.
That’s a heck of a lot of Granny! *squeeze*
plenty to go around
*squeeze*
(good morning Mrs Jam, AE and others)
Morning granny! How’s life treating you today?
not too bad, was a public holiday yesterday, our country’s 3rd democratic elections, though not much violence and looting this time unfortunately
You were hoping for some then?
Civilization can be boring.
Not much looting?
*takes off Granny’s hat*
*empties on the table*
And what’s all this then?
*grunts in approval**beats chest*
don’t go in me special patch, you’ll ruin it!
Chipmunkrattlesnakegoosechihuahua
Nice avatar! Is that Godzilla?
Speaking of avatars. How do you get it to appear?
Gravatar.com! HA Arthur!
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!!!
Good morning to you…
Good morning!
*squeeze*
Morning czuhc and Arthur. It’s a nice relaxing day here on the blog.
Consider yourself fortunate that you’ve missed yesterday. A certain young maiden was harrassing us again…
I saw that but a Moomin saved the day, yes?
Doesn’t he always? I made a small contribution myself. Copy & pasted a long text about ignoring the troll. I was first with it – then came her usual comment…
I saw that too. People don’t take notice though, this being the trouble.
True. But it was obvious that it would have worked. She was desperate after I posted it, many more replys than usual to random people, insults, blablabla. Panic!
I expect another reincarnation at some point. If not her then another…
Sure. Trolls are like germs, as WN once said. But at least some of them aren’t immune to witcillin.
HAHA… yes! WN has a way with words.
Ehem, actually I was first to send a mail to failblog, asking that the troll be removed. Unfortunately I was the victim of one of Moomin’s cunning plans. Following his directions, I sent it to the wrong address where it will now be handled as a fail submission. This gave Moomin ample time to ask the same question through the proper channels and get all the credit, squeezes and air kisses.
*shakes fist*
*blushes*
Sorry czuhc. You deserves an *air kiss* for credit.
Damn that sneaky Moomin!
Here little snakey S… here boy!
It was funny because I came a little later and it looked like people were arguing with themselves, but I knew after a little bit that you were refereing to He Who Must Not Be Named.
Bonus points for reference.
I *squeeze* you all and the FailBlog Gods for making this a peaceful day (so far). Thanks guys.
Czuhc, you insist you were ‘FIRST’?
*gets tazer ready*
*holds up PhD as a protective shield*
*reads*
Confidential? National Security? But it’s about people using made-up languages on the internet? Hmmmm.
I deny everything.
Denial is just a river in Egypt.
Gravatar.com. Then clear your cache, wait. Done.
JINX! hehe
*squeeze*
*squeeze*
…and to you!
Erm…yes. Good morning.
clear your cache
NOOO!!! It’s a trap!
*covers the cache with a stainless steel pan*
Thanks guys.
Its not working. I cleared my cache
*waits*
Your cache just exploded!
Hehehe I was using a different email.
Naughty Oh Naaah!
How’s everyone?
There it is. Welcome!
Not bad thanks. Have a *squeeze* on this fine day.
I love reading the comments. Espescially from you guys and sometimes ther’re more funny than the Fail.
Aww thanks guys
*squeezes for all*
Sometimes? And by the way – what fail?
Oh ok I always laugh at the comments on all fails.
Except those that you need to wear Nomex.
What is Nomex? Is it a funny hat?
It’s a flame retardant material.
Like what NASCAR drivers use.
Sparky could use some of that!
Yeah. It’s frequently referred to as an unsombrero.
I tried it once, but I’m just too Sparkish even for Nomex. Plus, it didn’t keep my crayons from melting. I cried for days over that.
nomex no fuss I always say
*spontaneously combusts*
damn crotch fire again
wombatpenguineater
I thought it was a child crossing?
dextericarlukenny? 24 years old (cumulative)
let me try now.
Are those pigs on your avatar?
Mind bullets!
Pigs on my avatar, pain in my heart…caused by YOUUUUUUUUU!!
I know its big, but I never knew it could cause chest pain
Granny = 6mph, Kids = 5mph!
Come here kiddies! Granny’s got a story to tell you!
If you take out the potatoes, you’ll gain an extra 1mph!
Add some bacon lube you’ll be gliding.
don’t tell the kids that!
don’t worry they’re dead.
Oh my word! Granny, hold yourself back.
This day just gets better and better
Whatever I said I didn’t mean it I swear.
Oh Naaah, Oh Naaah, you said his favourite 2 words!
death is just a new beginning
Oh, by the way, I’ve hired another lumberjack for you. hehe
*bangs head against wall*
Thanks! That last one was getting awfully splintery
*breaks into song*
I skip and jump
I wear high-heels
suspenders and a bra
i wish i’d been a girlie
just like my dear papa
… of hanging around.
…of giving me the cold…..um…. shoulder
Did I say something wrong? oh no?
I didn’t mean it ahhhhh
*cowers in corner*
You said it just right
*touches breast*
just right
a larch
Zombie kids!! xDDD
I can has brainburger.
Didn’t even know zombies could have kids…
You’ve never seen dawn of the dead, did you?
Yeah, but they weren’t REAL zombies, they were just people dressed as zombies.
Zombies can’t operate a video camera and cameramen will be eaten by zombies. That’s why this documentary film only could be made by zombie-dressed people.
I never saw ANY zombies making babies, and I lived with them for several years!
I’ve never seen the living making babies – at least I don’t think so. We make babies by biting children – how do you do it again?
Ahhh America and Britian two countries separated by a common language:
dead slow 
–noun Nautical.
as slow as possible without losing steerageway.
There should be a comma then.
Negative. Adding a comma would imply two distinctly separate adjectives. Watch:
*makes fancy hand motions*
“Dead, slow” would mean the noun was both dead and slow.
“Dead slow” could mean what Murphy above you was describing.
*rabbit jumps out of hat*
TA-DAAAA!
I meant: “Dead slow, children crossing” or even better: “Dead slow; children crossing”. Otherwise it could be taken to mean that the children are dead slow, and the issue of them ‘losing steerage way’ probably doesn’t arise!
*stuffs rabbit back into hat*
We-eelll…all right then.
*huffs away grumpily*
Aww, I wanted to play with da bunny!
They won’t even let us have apostrophes anymore so commas have no chance
Pass?
No.
Yo….wtf….stay focused on the fail.
a little gas
Don’t eat these children they will lower your IQ.
fail
I eat children for breakfast
*gobbles them up susupciously*
*looks around*
*returns to normal*
That’s fine – our children eat you back!
…
unless you’re lacking brains, of course.
AHHHHH CHILD ZOMBIES!
Dead, slow children crossing. It’s either a zombie plague or it’s really REALLY mean.
We prefer “living impaired apocalypse” to “zombie plague”, thank you very much.
Living impaired… BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry I’m a little late to the party, I don’t get to come here very often.
Oh shoot what happened to my nice icon?? Dangit. Now I look ‘trollish’.
if they’re dead, the police should have no problem if i hit them with my car, right?
OMG… ZOMBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks God they are soooo slow…
I was walking past a hospital one time and there was a sign that said, “Dead Slow: 5km/h”. Parked immediately underneath the sign was a hearse.
and i thought the signs that said, “Slow Deaf Children” just meant don’t honk first.
Should put these signs up in Resident Evil…
ROAD CLOSED DUE TO ZOMBIE CHILDREN
OMG! Zombies crossing!!!!
lol zombies
ZOMBIE CHILDREN! run fer yer feckin lives!
actually, if they are slow, i guess you could just walk at a leisurely pace…
LOL typos ftw ^-^
Shhh! I see dead people.
#41
ZOMBIES!!!!!
ZOMBIE CHILDREN!
PS: Sometimes I think most commenters on here are stoned.
no comments……..rofl
Obviously, those children were zombies.