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Boo YA
TOFU ROX!
I read an article about this the other day…
While I’m not a fan of tofu, since I prefer to keep my estrogen balance at a minimal level, I do like the license plate
Indeed it is quite a license plate.
*clears away spot for “top thread” guy*
*thinks we should fill it up, just to take the space away from him*
yeah, but you can also read it as “I LV TO FU”
as in: I love to F*** you
Really? We never would have guessed!
i know i would have never guessed
omg i get it katz u r so smart!
The DMV wouldn’t allow the liscense plate because it could be interpreted as “I love to f**k you (FU)”
You clever rascal you.
What kind of hell have we come to where I am actually on the side of the DMV? Not for the same reason they are, but as long as we can stop these vegan morons from getting what they want…sheesh, man.
You want to stop them from getting tofu?
One must be vegetarian to eat tofu?
You don’t want vegans to have freedom of speech like everyone else??
whats wong with vegan’s?
the dmv probably didnt allow the liscense pplate because it could be interpreted as i love TO F-U (F**k you)
*facepalm*
Gee… you think?
wow, check out the brains on “anonymous”!
It definately is
My grandma puts it in EVERYTHING. kind of ruined it for me.
Your grandma puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?
Carefully.
(That was a movie quote, btw…)
I am woefully behind on movies. Which one was it?
Which movie was that? I’m operating on reduced caffeine here.
Well, it was a bastardized quote. Let’s see if anyone gets it.
Another point for Dragon the wordsmith – bastardized. I like it.
Eh, it’s a plain, ordinary word.
Sorry for putting my comment in a completely random place, but I didn’t feel like scrolling down. Anyways, I’ve seen this video on other websites and was thoroughly confused by why the license plate was denied. I JUST understood why. I feel like an idiot.
I’ve had that feeling on numerous occasions.
*squeeeeeze!*
And a squeeeeeze back at you! How goes it?
Coyote! How are you feeling?
Feel fine. Things are starting to heat up on the treatment front.
Tomorrow I sign the okay for the clinical trial. About ten days in a lead lined room, do to the fact I will be radioactive, plus four to five weeks in a normal hospital room.
I go in about the middle of May and come out near the end of June.
Picture a Hoover about fifty stories tall. The whole thing sucks that much.
:p
Eeeeeep!
Hugs and tons of positive thoughts coming your way!
*hughughughughughug!*
Good luck with the clinical trial, coyote. We’ll be pulling for you, that’s for sure. *HUG!*
What radioisotope are you taking internally, may I ask?
I can’t find the name for it. It is a radiolabeled iodine. It will expose the healthy bits of me to about 25Gy, which makes me too dangerous for others to be around.
Do you know if the iodine is I¹31; ? It has a very short half-life…eight days, but it is a very strong beta emitter. (I worked with the stuff a long time ago.)
I have no idea. I’ll ask in the morning. I see them at 8 a.m., which is the reason that I am off to bed now. Night all.
G’night, friend.
You don’t have to be a real genius to figure it out.
OOooOOhHHHhh! I got it.
YAY! My knight in white satin to the rescue once again!
*smooch*
I knew you were out there, somewhere.
*smoooch!*
Oh no, that reminds me of an earworm!
Must…resist…temptation…
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you’re here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
You should have resisted.
Kinda reminds me of “War Pigs”, an old Black Sabbath tune…
Thanks so much!
*plugs ears*
LA LA LA LA
It’s not working! I can’t get it out!
*runs away*
Hurry, before I start singing something by the Beegees!
♫ And I can’t get it out of my head,
no I can’t get it out of my head… ♫
♫ Get your motor runnin’
Head out on the highway
Lookin’ for adventure
And whatever comes our way… ♫
Highway to the danger zone!
♫Do your ears hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them o’er your shoulder
like a continental soldier?
Do your ears hang low?♫
Admiral, are you a member of the Moody Blues?
In my wildest dreams…
This song has been stuck in my head since you posted this. Just so you know.
It was in mine too…
…once upon a time.
Dragon, scroll waaaaay down to the bottom of the screen and pleeeeeaaase tell me you know how to do a screen shot!
Hee! Sorry Avis. I can’t resist Moody Blues lyrics.
*snork*
Got it. I’ll send it in.
Oh thank you! It’s just too perfect not to! Hee!
Done!
‘Scuse me Avis…
*gives the Admiral a smooch and a hug*
*huggles*
I’ve got something for you tonight. You’re going to love it.
OooOOOOOoooo!
*bounces up and down excitedly*
HINT WIN. I bet there are still people who don’t get it.
I left a message in Family Fun Fail, but I think it got missed. Happy Shakespeare’s Birthday!! Off topic, I know.
I saw it and replied, thanks!
HARK! What cake through yonder window flies…
It is a lie! And Juliet is the yeast.
FORSOOTH!!
She riseth!!
Well I’m sure the sight of her made Romeo “rise” to the occasion.
Of that, I verily doubtest not
What if this mixture did not work at all?
Shall I be worried then to-morrow morning?
No, no; this shall forbid it: layer there.
I *snorketh* thee.
Wow, I’m out of town for a week, and WhoaNellie’s name grows tenfold. A lot can happen in a few days, eh?
*apologizes profusely for disrupting the Shakespeare thread*
That which we call a fail by any other name would fail as sweet.
WTF?! Thread fail.
Help, my browser has fallen and it can’t get up.
Worriest thou not, O Brewski – it worketh now!
And yeah, the name lengthening muse was verily upon us the other day…
It’s Shakespeare’s Birthday? Henceforth, all my comments shall be made in a much more formal and drawn out manner.
Forsooth! Why dothst thou speak in such ways?
Don’t forget to speak iambically.
(Did I do that right Dragonwriter?)
Well, that’s only half of it. You need the pentameter part as well.
*squeeze!*
I wish to fully explore the outer reaches of yon antiquated speaking, and further to pay homage to the great Bard, who is the bane of a vast majority of grade-level students.
The iambs are hard enough.
*squeeze*
Get thee to a tapast naive
and lift a pint for me.
Havest thou a spare pint?
Seen on a T-shirt at a Hacker Conference:
“Hack, what Phreak through yonder Windows breaks?”
Nay, I hath only quarts. A pint, a pint, my kingdom for a pint!
…It comes in pints??
If I havest, wilt thou sharest?
*offerests*
…only at the Pony.
But you’ve got a whole half already!
I wouldst not divest the of what thou havest, when thy property is in such paltry supply. Hark! I shall make pints for mine quarts, and giveth the world a bounty!
badkitty – I like it!!!
Thanks!
wait i dont get it
ILVTOFU ?!?! what is so worng about that?
“Take thee to a hospital, for thine has been elongated for more than three hours!”
“I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!”
“Really? You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?”
One of the greatest lines in scriptwriting history from Happy Gilmore
On his rear end of course.
Are you referring to Moomin?
No, it was a poorly nested response to Dragonwriter’s license plate question. I don’t know Moomin well enough for such inuendo. Someday perhaps.
*squeeze*
*Squeeze* *Squeeze* *squeeze*
Too many squeezes?
Could probably squeeze in one more. . .
*squeeze*
Yup
*squeezes once more*
One can never have too many squeezes!
*throws in another squeeze for good measure*
*squeezes*
Thanks Ms B.
I can just see the conversation when I get home.
Mrs. Starfish- “Hi honey, how was work?”
Me- “Great dear, I squeezed a guy named Moomin several times, a and some girls named Dragonwriter and Ms B.”
Mrs. Starfish- “Slow day huh?”
*SQUEEZE!*
*squeeze*
Skwerls ^
I love you for quoting this movie
So does your grandmad LVTOFU?
gee that must be a turnoff!
Tofu doesn’t actually raise your estrogen level enough to make a difference. You would have to eat ridiculous amounts of it for it to affect you. From wikipedia:
“Because most naturally occurring estrogenic substances show weak activity, normal consumption of foods that contain these phytoestrogens should not provide sufficient amounts to elicit a physiological response in humans.”
In short, go ahead and enjoy tasty vegan protein without worrying about it making your breasts bigger!
Ah, wikipedia: the be all end all of legitimate resources.
Indeed.
And I think I’ll stick to elk burger and steak
I OBJECT!!!
Objection denied. The court rules in favor of the gentleman from the Northwest.
Woohoo!
Now I think I shall eat a steak for lunch. Meat sounds pretty tasty!
*seconds the Woohoo!*
*passes out elk burger burritos, and a fruit dessert to LEILA*
Aw…I will take the fruit dessert. TY!!
I have to ask, mainly because I’ve forgotten, are you vegan Leila?
I’m not. I love cheese.
I was gonna ask your stance on chocolate.
I could never go vegetarian, let alone vegan. The main reasons are cheese and butter. I would cry for a very long time if I was forced to give those up.
I LOVE chocolate! The darker the better. Hershey’s, Dove and the like don’t do anything for me. I actually prefer cocoa when I make hot chocolate. I make it w soy mil and add a little raw sugar. Mmmmm…chocolate! *salivating*
Both Hershey’s and Dove have a rather large amount of wax in their products, so it’s not surprising they’re not faves of yours. But why soy milk? Why not go for it and have the REAL thing? It tastes sooooooo much better!
Mmmmmm
I could go for some chocolate right now! My brother spent some time in Switzerland and brought back a whole suitcase of chocolate to share with us. I’m ruined on chocolate now! Well, not as bad as he is. He refuses to eat “American” cheeses and chocolate now.
There are some great “American” cheeses, you just have to find them. The best are made in very small batches. If you like goat cheese I recommend “Humbolt Fog”. It is AMAZING!
its like diet coke causing cancer.
BUY FAIR TRADE CHOCOLATE!!!
…Sorry. It’s one of my serious hotbutton issues. I really, really object to giving money to companies that use child and slave labor in the Côte d’Ivoire.
My geography teacher is a huge supporter of Fair trade, and has this massive fairtrade inflatable banana in her classroom. When she leaves the room some of the class like to throw it around.
*nudge*
@ Avis – I would love to have regular milk but they put so much crap in it nowadays. Maybe it’s my immagination but it has an aftertaste. Plus I read a report that milk has all kinds of ‘other’ entities such as blood from a sore udder and even skin flakes. Like I said, it’s all in my head and I shudder at the thought. I am going to buy me my own moo cow.
Yall want some crawfish. (or as you yankees call it “crayfish”)
There are brands you can buy (expensive, but worth it) that are hormone free.Or if you live in an area that has a dairy farm even remotely close, you can get it there.
I love BaconLube.
unfortunately i think soy formula constitutes ridiculous amounts and it is fed to children far too often…
yeah man, asian girls eat more tofu than anyone else, and they have non-existant boobs, so eat up!
Is that a bad thing, having big breasts?
Wouldn’t the body react to a raise in estrogen by balancing it out with testosterone?
Did you know that estrogen in a male’s body seems to be essential for fertility? …according to some research I read about.
I thought Chimpaneze language had died long ago…
So you’re saying Stuart Scott is a chimp?
he acts like one
If you like this kind of humor try yakkering.com. Its really funny.
I <3 2 F U
ok…i dont get the vid….
N B4 U!!11elebenties!!
-
Ummm… What?
That, RushFan, is a ICHCer. They are largely incomprehensible. That or it’s a troll. Either way…
Can I kill it?
Yes, please. Here, have a kalashnikov.
Oh my! Is that a Russian-made ’74?
I know it’s odd, but now I can’t stop saying “Russian Kalashnikov.”
*smacks RushFan in the back of the head*
…Did that help?
The Russian made ones are the good ones
*hands RushFan an ice pack*
I thank thee, WN, for thine ministries, but yon Dragon smote me lightly, as a passing birld doth strike a window.
Removest thou thy foul “l”, O RushFan, lest the bird verily poop upon thy head.
O, I lament this dark day wherin I must submerge my fair head in yon Bukkit. Alas, never again shall the sun shine so bright, nor yon spellcheck be so untarnished.
Poor birld…he wasn’t long for this wirld.
*snork* For some reason I don’t see a bird striking a window as a light strike.
Ah, but ’twas like the hummingbird which didst try to alight upon my screen door, and thenceforth – O cruel fate! – His beak was trapped in yon mesh! O lament the day!
Neither do I.
Interspaced, some birdy can tear your screen.
Mayhap ’twas thine hand, or the Hand of Providence through thine hand, but I hath ceased my repetitive ramblings of Russian rifles.
not suprised to find a denizen of the fail blog distracted by his hand….
Fie on ye, sir! Yon Dragon is a maiden fair, not a man! I cast my gauntlet at thy feet!
Happy birthday, Bill?
i was talking about you being distracted. not Dragon. I’m perfectly aware of Dragon’s LOAP
…List Of Applicable Publications?
Land of Awesome Pontification?
…love of admirable people.
Or mayhap simply Admiral people… Much do they deserve adoration.
*leans over and puckers-up*
….Lack Of A Potato?
Large Objectively Artistic Penmanship?
*leaps over a pile*
*libidinously osculates and peals*^^^
*laughs over actual perusal*
lack of attached penis.
Lebanese Oranges and Parsnips
No, stop rushin’ with the Kalashnikov you’ll fall and hurt someone.
I’ll take one…I’ve got a lot of practice against these types.
I like your name, it sounds like it’s from folk and fairytales.
*squeeze*
Really? Hurrah!
*squeeze*
Well, for now at least.
My doctor also advised my to eat less meat.
So it looks like I will be getting some TOFU.
Good news that it should be gone.
)
(I just did a relay of links
Do you think you will love TOFU?
I had some when I was still living with students.
They never bothered to marinade, so it always tasted like nothing.
They’ll get better with experience.
Pickle Surprise TOFU.
Congrats Aja!
.
TOFU–SQUEEZE and get the fluid out, then marinade.
Woohoo, Aja!! That’s great news!
Jee, thanks guys!
I’m not out of the woods yet, but at least it is fixable.
*group squeezes*
Another eventful day is over.
*waves G’nite*
*squeeze!*
G’night, jam…sweet sleeps!
Ah, this is such a nonsense it’s not even a language. Strayed from the retarded lolcat boards?
Yes, Laddy, ‘n’ DOES come before ‘u’, just like we learned in our alphabet song yesterday. Here’s your gold sticker.
Well I think they just have dirty minds….
I love tofu too.. =)
I’d love tofu too, well maybe it depends if I get dinner first.
ha ha.
veg or non-veg dinner for you?
Try hard enough and just about anything can look “dirty”.
Especially ’round these parts.
For instance, sweethooligan’s mouth.
That is a perfect example! Give us roughly 5 more minutes and the innuendo machine will have exploded. Again.
BFF will save us…
*enters room*
Phew! I just fixed the innuendo machine. I don’t know what you guys have been doing to it, but it was on its deathbed!
Sorry…well try to keep the innuendo to the bare minimum.
Wait! No one assked me to keep anything to a minimum!
Well…at least keep it bare then…
OKAY!
*strips*
*giggles*
*BLUSHES*
………. but I thought everyone was doing it!
*snatches up clothes and runs behind curtains*
*freezes when realizing that on the other side of the curtains is an audience full of 7th grade girls and their grannies awaiting a famous pianist*
*Bows in deep appreciation as they give me such a warm and welcoming hand*
don’t you usually just give yourself a “warm and welcoming hand”?
Now look what you guys did! Smoke is coming out of the innuendo machine! IT’S GONNA BLOW!!!
*quickly flees to nuclear bunker*
You’re not helping there, BFF.
KABLAM!!!
Urgh! You got me.
*grabs chest and staggers to the left*
*staggers to the right*
*falls over backwards*
The treasures in the. . .
*enters danger area*
*raises new machine*
*Moomin collapses*
No! Wake up, Moomin! Moomin? MOOOMIIIIN!!!
*looks into sky as violin plays sad music*
*eyes flick open glowing red*
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
*descends on General BondFan4518 of the 3rd Witty Comments Countering Trolls Division, Earl of Huntingdon-on-Thames/BFF NEWS*
*screen fades to black*
.
.
.
.
I watch too much bad horror.
*wakes up screaming*
Phew. It was all a bad dr-
*Zombie Moomin bursts from the closet*
*screen fades to black*
*applauds*
*film nominated at Oscars for Best Zombie Moomin*
Don’t forget to thank the little people who made this possible during your acceptance speech!
I’d like to thank the Doozers for constructing such a magnificent screenplay.
The grannies are giving a warm and welcoming hand to your famous pianist?
…audience full of 7th grade girls and their grannies awaiting a famous pianis(t). well, yours isnt what theyre waiting for.
From overuse?
Or trying to block all the innuendo flooding in.
Where is this inuendo machine? I could use some new ones, mine are old and dirty.
It is in my secret chamber, along with my Universe Implosion button, the Random Comment of the Day award, and the Random Insult of the Day award.
Do you have a Basilisk in your chamber?
No? Would you like one?
(Possibly the worst chat up line ever)
*ROFFLE*
That reminds me – anybody still have the link to that Red Button from a few days ago? I lost it
Here ya go WN! Just clicky.
No No !! I think WN means AVIS’s “DON’T PUSH” Red Button?
Took me hours to finally realize I shouldn’t push it!
But I have been diagnosed with both OCD (Obbsessive Compulsive Disorder) & ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). It’s a helluva combo to control!
Here, this should be it.
YUP! It was *struggles to NOT click the link again*
Thank GOD I took my meds this morning or I’d still be there clicking and cursing you again!
THANK YOU AVIS!!!!!!!!!!!
*XOXO*
Bookmark it! I went back to my old link ’cause I thought y’all were bored with the big red button.
I think that is impossible. Big red buttons are full of fun!
small pink ones are also great fun to push
hahaha I love that button! thanks Avis
*squeez!!!!*
I’m glad everyone likes it so much! I showed it to my mother, not so much as a giggle. But the weight watchers cards had her nearly peeing in her pants, she laughed so hard. Go figure.
Thanks! Umm, and verily!
Oh dear. ‘Twas not the Red Button site. Alas.
Next? Anyone?
Look up.
The machine used to be kept in Lunchbox’s pants. But we had to get a new one.
A new Lunchbox??
Innuendo machine. But Lunchbox hasn’t been around either lately. He was a regular here for a while.
He held onto the innuendo box too long…
Well, since he kept it in his pants, that would be a problem.
Scary. Just scary.
I feel like this conversation need this quote: “Love goes out the door when love comes innuendo.”
Yeah… where’d he go?
Marilyn Chambers has passed away
*bows head*
inYOURendo!
*facepalm*
I knew someone was going to produce this comment.
this comment brought to you, courtesy of “The Todd”
not without baconlube this time!
And NO potatoes! I’m not helping you hang curtains, you know!
Baconlube makes all activities more sensual…even those involving potatoes.
And fish.
*does fish-slapping dance*
*slaps potato, just for the halibut*
who’s round parts?
ROUND PARTS?!?!?!?
Where?
Hands off the goods!
Oh, great. Now “especially ’round these parts” is in my head accompanied by someone gesturing to their genetalia for good measure.
Yeah, especially if you leave it alone for a while…
*snork*
“dirty” not dusty!
snork count = 1
And I totally agree
Euh, I mighta ditched this class in that humor 101 class I enrolled in, but what is a snork? Is it anything like a spork?
PLug your nose and laugh. That should give you an idea.
*eyes pop out*
I don’t think I snorked right and I need an adult!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuCq0aZiPT0
snorks.
A snork is like a snort, but a laughing sort of snort.
Thanks for the clarification!
Have some butter, my good man.
Ghee thanks!!!
In Virginia, the plate would’ve been banned for the fact that she likes tofu over a chuckwagon steak.
If you can do that, I say it should be banned in every state.
(AW YEAH)
@#$% chuck wagon! I found out through Failblog (after about 10 years) what that stuff is…
i love to-f-u in my mouth!
I want tofu like an animal.
Thank you- for some reason I just didn’t see anything dirty about the plate!
I feel old.
Minds out of the gutter, people!
They’ll shrivel up and die out there!!
Nah, we can just eat tofu to keep up our strength… there seems to be a lot in there today.
What is this “out of the gutter” she speaks of?
I don’t know…never been there.
Ok, I must admit, I do spend the majority of my time down there as well.
I am ashamed!
Nuthin’ ta be ashamed of, ma’am
It is quite fun down here anyway…
And people don’t keep giving you funny looks and scootching away from you.
Well, only occasionally…
It’s too crowded to scootch away from someone without scootching into someone else!
Of course most of us don’t mind getting scootched into…
*assumes this is what they are calling it these days*
i like scootching. it makes me giggle. and fart a little.
Please. At least say “safety” next time.
I punch people if they say safety. It makes for a more enjoyable car ride.
Or light a match.
when i’m in a car full of people. i like to let a squaker out, roll up the windows, turn on the heat, and savor the flavor. But only when it’s my wife’s younger siblings. they deserve it.
Then you have an enjoyable flight. Good either way.
Add a crying baby and a drunkard, and you’ve got the best flight ever.
i already told you I’m there. so the crying baby and drunkard are covered!
Or a terrible sitcom…
Fox would snap that up in a heartbeat!
And then cancel it if it ever got to be a good sitcom.
wisconsin.
I want TOFU in bed where it’s softer than on the kitchen table.
there shouldn’t be anything soft in bed except the pillows.
You’re obviously missing a very important part of life…
I want TOFU in the kitchen because that’s where a woman belongs.
OUCH!
Just kidding of course – but consider this may be the reason …
I’m the ZombieApocalypse!
I tried to, but I’m too short to reach it!
Fresh air, causing enlightenment, nooo their minds wont be able to handle it. Dives back into the gutter.
___ ^ can be perverted.
I’m surprised we didn’t see this one on the Tofulator.
“Stop global warming go vegan” … what?
Cows produce greenhouse gases…
and I guess vegans don’t fart…
Well … it’s more complex than that, it comes down to the deforestation caused by farming cattle, the greenhouse gases they produce (in numbers that dwarf human gas by such a large number it wouldn’t fit in your brain), and also the shipment, transport, and processing of the meat is a major contributor to CO2 emissions; not to mention the dairy side of things …
The argument there is that the methane produced by cows is one of the many contributors to our increasing levels of greenhouse gasses. If nobody ate cows, then ranchers would have no reason to breed them, and the cow population would decrease, thereby removing one source of greenhouse gas.
but we’d still have Rush Limbaugh, so the whole cow thing would just be moot.
HA! Talk about gas…
While hot air, is gas, I don’t think it contributes to the whole “greenhouse” thing. . . I wonder if I can vaporize glass and make greenhouse gases that way. . .
It does when it smells as bad as Limbaugh.
And as a weird tidbit of trivia, glass is a liquid.
Yes Avis! You are CORRECT! *DING! DING! DING! DING!*
Class, did you know that:
Even at normal Earth temps glass flows minutely under the
influence of gravity. Close examination of old windows shows
thinning at the top and thickening at the bottom of the panes.
I did know that … but I always love hearing it again
Isn’t lerning from your compuper fun?!
Do yew mean the Magic Box? Hyuck! Hyuck! Hyuck!
*plays “Oh Susannah” on banjo and creaks back and forth on rocking chair while gazing over the Bayou*
Old window panes were made thick at one end and thin at the other. It was a result of the manufacturing process, which involved spinning molten glass. The heavy end was installed at the bottom by most craftsfolk. In fact, some old windows have been found with the thick end up. Gravity did not cause old windows to flow in any meaningful way.
.
Class dismissed.
However glass does flow. When you score glass to cut it snap it then and not after lunch. Wait too long and your weak spot won’t be as weak as it was. You will have to score it again.
Question: Any idea if the mirrors in the large telescopes need to be rotated? If gravity on glass would be noticeable it would be there.
See link provided below. Telescope answer: no, the large telescope optics are unaffected by time and gravity.
*gravitates over time*
*scootch*
*scootches closer*
.
.
*scootches even closer*
*stops the world, melts with you*
I’m attracted to a modern English professor.
Before you dismiss the class: What’s the meting point of this solid glass at STP?
All you want to know and more:
http://www.math.ucr.edu/home/baez/physics/General/Glass/glass.html
*melting point…
Apparently not. I don’t remember the source for this, but I think it has something to do with the whole silicon and gel thing. D: I hate scientific debates. No one ever knows what’s right.
That reminds me: what’s the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg?
One’s a flaming Nazi gasbag, and the other’s a dirigible.
And then deer and other grass munching animals would fill the void left by the missing cattle. Or all of the resulting unused pasture land would be turned in what? HOUSING!
And we all know houses hold people and that all people fart. There would be more people in a HOUSING development per square foot than were cows! Thus Flatulence would increase exponentially and the WORLD WILL DIE! ARGGG! RUN! RUN I SAY!
girls don’t fart… they “panty puff”
Flee not, good Roadkill, for thou hast yet to see the day when earthly destruction is a near peril. Hark, until thou canst hear the wails of Republicans, our sacred mother is in no danger.
Vegans are also a source of greenhouse gas. Let’s remove them too.
If you go vegan you’ll want to kill yourself, and dead people don’t drive cars or use electricity.
*scratching head* whaaaaat?
That’s how going vegan stops global warming.
A bit drastic, no?
A bit drastic? That’s not all that it is…
♫ Is that all there is?
Is that all there is? ♫
♪ If that’s all there is, my friend, then let’s keep dancing… ♪
That reminds me of closed-captions, where they put ♪s on screen when there’s music. It always made me wonder why though. It’s like they’re taunting the deaf people with something they can never experience.
Dead children can still cross the road, though.
But they’re really really slow.
Hence the preference for deaf children crossing the road.
Says who?
Don’t forget the torches! Mobs need torches!
And a duck!
screw your duck, we need platypi!
I’ll turn you into a newt…
Gingrich?
he stole christmas.
the BASTARD!
Well, we did the nose.
And the hat.
The platypus will conquer the world…just you wait…
Miss Kiernan?
But the wart was already there.
But she has got a wart!
And it needs to be at night…otherwise the torches don’t make much sense.
I could carry a torch during the day, well only if I want to be a part of the Olympics, go CANADA, I have no high hopes though.
yes.. go Canada.. go far, far away,…
Well far north, but not that far, we are attached to the US, a siamese twin the has 2 brothers attached to it.
Hey, anythings possible! Texas might secede, why shouldn’t Canada shift a few yards?
Texas will never succeed.
It has at producing frat boys.
Not really a marketable skill there.
producing frat boys is no great feat.
even the most mentally challenged have to take a dump from time to time.
Saint, while I hesitate to bring it up, I am beginning to worry about your seemingly incessant infatuation with all things involving excretion.
Is there something we should know?
NO!!
He should keep that very emphatically to himself.
Alas, I fear the malady of the Saint hath struck Failblog. Observe the multitudinous threads involving defacation above…
*averts eyes*
*emphatically*
my posts about the expulsion of gas have nothing to do with my post about the voiding of excrement.
In other words, farting and poop are two different things…most of the time.
*blanches*
*Dubois’*
*comforts*
*relies on the kindness of strangers*
*desires to help the English teacher*
*gives Dragonwriter a Shakespearean star*
*swipes Shakespearean star, notes similarity to martial arts star, throws at approximately 462 miles per hour at Saint’s neck*
Thanks, but…five stars are all I need.
How about a sixth for good measure?
Thanks DW, the magnitude of your affection brightens my life.
Always happy to provide light!
*beams*
You’re a delightful companion; you can see it in my eyes.
*twinkles*
Would that make it a siamese triplet?
Would it make a siamese triplet what?
Anyting you want.
Ooh, he’s changed his name. And he’s getting quicker.
his copy and paste works again…
Faster on the draw this time, but my goodness, aren’t you a one-trick-pony?!
We should get him some water – he seems a little horse.
*rides up on a pygmy pony*
Well, pardner – ain’t no point in diversifyin’ when ya got a good act goin’ fer ya!
*tries to understand what Nellie is saying*
I’d suggest to LEILA Against Marketing BaconLube™ and FOR the Humane Treatment of PYGMY PONIES, that you give up on understanding WhoaNellie this late in the day.
A most excellently splendid suggestion, O Skwerl!
Essentially, full understanding of the repartee is neither necessary nor recommended.
Although I must say that I do enjoy witty repartee with said LEILA Against Marketing BaconLube™ and FOR the Humane Treatment of *insert most relevant failblog creature here* on a somewhat regular basis
Forgive me Nellie. I must have missed a memo. Let’s carry on as we were… *begins “don’t have to understand” sequence*
*tosses a spare monkey wrench into the wheels of life*
Maybe he needs some equine-nine for his malaria.
I think he needs to stop being such a jack@ss.
I think that saddles it.
Alright, rein it in…
I’ll harness this skill eventually.
It takes unbridled passion to do that.
or unbridled poisson?
No.
Fish?
Unbridled Fish?
Whoa!
Whoa FISH!
They wont stop!
Les poisson! Les poisson! How I love les poisson! Love to chop and a-serve little fish!
Hee hee hee, haw haw haw!
Why didst thou make such a fishy comment?
Don’t bite, it’s a red herring.
Under a starry knight, mayhap?
Oh, Gogh on…I’m all ears!
Just don’t Monet?
Bach to the puns I see.
Dragon, my sweet, it’s too crowded in here. Let’s meet at Cafe Terrace at Night.
I find it sweet he didst Picasso well-known eatery.
It’s a date, my Admiral. And afterwards perhaps we can take a stroll down the Avenue of Poplars at Sunset.
I once took a stroll down the Avenue of Understanding.
Hence my avatar.
Why on Earth would you want to do that? Ignorance is Bliss!
I couldn’t agree more.
What gave you that impression?
Ah puns, the glue that holds this place together!
And well should thou know, Avis – birds of a feather stick together.
with super glue.
I thought it was duck tape that held this place together…
that and Stupor Glue
You know, I was continuing the horse/pony puns….
(M)ule be sorry for doing it.
She doesn’t caribou-t that.
Do not be such a silly ass.
Oh, deer!
This is a fun game.
Now shalt the entirety of Failblog be thinking of puns ’til next equine-ox!
What el(k)se can I say?
I Gnu this would happen!
This thread doth seem to be ungulating…
I’m am(u)oosed with where we are going with this.
I didn’t think we’d filly up the comments so fast!
Well, you Noah there is an Ark just full of
animals to draw from. Conceivably we
could float this pun run for 40 Days and
40 Nights.
It would be aloft for a while.
I think that ark idea is all wet.
does that mean it’s sinking? cue the titanic music again….
Lion around on a boat for forty days? I could use that vacation!
Especially after a hip(po) replacement,
a sea(gull) cruise wood(chuck) be owl
I’d need to recuperate at a mice slow pace.
I think you would go rabbi(d)t after a a cruise like gnat.
I think we don(t)key into dragons theme, Noghri.
*pinch*
Ok, I know I did that earlier today, but it’s just so much fun!
Anything good come from the Biology study?
It was more of an innuendo to the contact you made… :p
What’s up 3dot? Thanks for the input.
my wife really likes it when I make TOFU. I don’t know why.
My wife says, “Maybe this weekend when the kids are gone.”
When I say, “I want TOFU!”
Sadly it seems that the spontaneity has gone out of our TOFU nowadays.
I could go for some tofu miso soup right about now.
I’d respond with an exclamation, but my post would just get deleted again…
So hey, my post is still here this time, but now it makes no sense. Hurrah.
I’m sorry, I really don’t get this one :S
How is it a fail?
I’m sorry, if you don’t get it, I can’t tell you on-air. Use your imagination.
Observeth calico’s comment beneath.
Tofu is a meat substitute. The license plate was considered sexual in nature.
I didn’t get it either.
“I love to F-U.”
TFU2SXY. . .
She should go with that.
Somehow, tofu just got a lot more appealing to me.
well, it is Soft/Cushy/Pliable
Has anyone every tried tofurkey? I’ve heard of it and as much as I love tofu, I wouldn’t touch it with a 10 foot pole.
Wouldst thou approach with a thirty-nine and one-half foot pole?
I will try anything once.
What about Turducken?
Mmmmm! Turducken! I REALLY want to try it, but can’t convince the family to. Maybe one of these years I’ll host an”Orphans” Thanksgiving (all of my friends that aren’t going to see family that year) and I’ll get a turducken.
There are so many things wrong with that.
I only see the sweet juciy meatiness of it!
I OBJECT!!!
There was no baconlube involved!
OVERRULED!
ORDER!!! WE MUST HAVE ORDER IN THIS COURT!!!
*bangs gavel thrice*
3 Cheeseburgers, some fries and maybe a chocolate shake…
Oh, that’s to GO!
Can you imagine the gravy one could make from that birds?! Yes, I did that on purpose.
*drool*
Sounds fantastic! I can’t imagine a Thanksgiving without some fowl play and gravy.
*sees what Avis did there and likes it*
Ms B, if you like to cook, clickie my link, I post recipes there most of the time. Several weeks ago I posted one for turkey. It takes about three days and every kitchen utensil in the house, but it’s worth it.
Thanks! I’ll have to check some out.
Nice reference.
I’m the opposite. I can’t stand tofu, but I love Tofurky (can’t taste the tofu)!
Even if it did mean F U, what’s the big deal? We can have bumper stickers and license plates about murder, aggression, apathy, and killing for fun… but we can’t talk about loving. What is wrong with america? So killing is acceptable but intercourse is offensive?! crazy
BTW tofu is good. Order it at any asian place. My fav is General Tso style.
Thy rant was impressive, good feline. Purrhaps thou shalt purr chase a bumber sticker touting the phrase, “Preserve nature. Pickle a squirrel.”
*plants plenty of land mines around RushFan’s house*
Hey DUDE! Um.. *snicker* ..your grass really needs cutting!
PS: who is BILL? How old? Should we care?
I don’t know Skwerlly! I will protect you. I wish he’d speak some English though.
Hold me LEILA, let’s sit in this Bean Bag chair, wear Tie Dyed Shirts and listen to 60′s & 70′s Classic Rock Albums on the Stereo Phonograph, do Pop-Rocks and Groove until Green Acres and I Dream of Jeanie are over.
*holds Skwerlly and sits on bean bag chair* You have had your rabies shot, yes?
“Bill” is, of course, “William, Not Bill, Shakespeare”.
Don’t get too close, LEILA.
1. I spake of squirrels, not skwerls.
2. I shalt not mow until all peril of snow has vanished.
3. Bill Shakespeare’s. And I know not how old the Bard be.
Argh. Failblog ate my comment.
No, SQUIRRELS – not skwerls.
And it’s Shakespeare’s B-day.
I had a teacher in high school, her first name was/is Tanda. So that’s what she wanted on her plates. TANDA. They told her no, and were very upset that she even applied for it.
That particular plate doth confuse mine senses. Why woulds the DMV find that objectionable?
T & A
I don’t find that objectionable at all
Well, maybe just a little…
Oh. Oh my.
LOL
I like it in sweet and sour. Yum.
That is my staple whenever we get chinese.
It’s the future.
Let’s do lunch.
You know you found a good blog when the comments are almost as entertaining as the post itself…You guys make me laugh, which is good – I needed that today – and innuendo machine or not – I’m glad everything seems to be working just fine around here.
We do try our hardest to provide thee with amusement, good patron of the Failblog.
Join in…it’s more fun that way! ^___^
i’ve broken the innuendo machine numerous times,but then again,i can make an innuendo out of ANYTHING,try me.
Sweetie, we ALL can do that!
I want PEN15 on my license plate. they are a good band.
Good Luck with That
PEN15 was the codeword for doinger back when I was in 6th grade. All the girls would walk around saying “pen 15 ha ha ha”
Wanna know the most funny part of it all?
Only those with a “dirty” mind, who are especially looking for it, will see it. It took me quite some time to get to it. So who is the one offending? Hm? ^^
I bet $1000 right now, that there is not a single person who knows what it means, and is not a total hypocrite to complain about it. ^^
I see you got your bailout check.
What’s funny about this type of censorship, is that the people who they are afraid of “offending” won’t even get the joke.
Teh sadness… it owies me.
I would LV TO F U as well, baby!
I F U
I F U
I feel a body condom is in order while in this room.
Here, use my NEW LYSOL™ Body Gel, now with CLOROX™ Bleach!
Anything that tries to get through dies*!*(Or it mutates until it’s capable of killing off all
life on the planet. {we’re not sure really} Sorry!)
*offers fresh Shamwow*
This should take care of anything that gets through!
*rolls out fire hose, fires it up, blows LEILA into the next block*
*rolls hose back up*
She’s clean, boys!
WOW!! THAT was refreshing!!! Thank you Nellie. *begins plotting revenge on Nellie*
*bangs down door*
FREEZE! THOUGHT POLICE!
I LV TO F U!!!!
beast
I don’t get it at all. What did they mean?? Looks completly normal to me. Althoug I hate tofu and all the enviromentalists because enviroment is evil and needs to be destroyed, but that’s not the point.
^Not-reading-any-comments-before-posting win.
“I hate tofu and all the enviromentalists because enviroment is evil and needs to be destroyed”
And where will you go when our “evil” planet is destroyed?
It’s always nice when one loves one’s job.
I wonder what that’s like?
Why don’t you ask the CEO of AIG?
Way too funny but I am glad that people are willing to protect me from it.
For those who dont get it … I LV TO FU
I think they all missed the point
Vegans fail
THERE IS NO SPOON.
Prejudice is NOT attractive.
Fine… preachy Vegans fail. And she’s one. Check her bumpersticker.
You’re pro global warming? You must own speculative beachfront property inland.
I’m not pro-global warming. I just don’t believe the BS about it being manmade… nor that it continues on, considering global temperatures have been decreasing.
Anyway, veganism is not going to cure the mythic global warming.
tofu….yummy
ah
choo?
Bless you!
Okay….I must be living under a rock or summit, but….what? What does that mean?! It must be someting dirty if they can’t say it on the telly.
Did they think she said “I love to FU”?
Yes.
Is the Pope Catholic? Do bears do their business in the woods?
If a bear is in the woods and no one is around to see him, does he really do his business there?
And what business is that, exactly?
Oh. Bearer bonds, of course.
They make a killing in the market while leaving everyone in bruin.
Will they get reimbursa-ed for that?
Yes, he extends his portable desk and sits down to sort through his VAT receipts.
All the while sticking pins in his Alistair Darling voodoo doll.
(Evening, Jam!)
He was dead through the budget you know. That’s how they animated him so he could make his speech.
(Evening BFFOTTWCCTDEOHOTOJBFFN – That’s just too much and not punchy enough!)
You could see Brown pulling the strings behind him. I bet City Execs are really paying attention now.
(But, but, it’s long! And long is the fashion around here! Anyway, how are you?)
If nothing else it makes a good cook book.
(I’m sticking to jam – pun intended. I’m fine BFF, thank you. Back from your jollies now I assume?)
Or some good loo paper when the time arises.
I’ve been loaded with prep and my GCSES are in a few weeks. My English teacher looks like she could explode, and I have to do several practice papers in the next few weeks)
(Ah, I see. I am indeed back at school
Ooh, it’s all happening for you. Good luck with all of that BFF.
I see you have the same effect on your English teacher as you do on the universe! :p
I’m off to bed for the night.
*squeeze*
Exploding English teachers…
*hides*
Thank you. I’ve been told this term will “define the course of my life”.
It’s not really me, just the chavish people who make rather uncouth remarks.
Night, night, jam.
hahaha, I had no idea it was about tofu until the vegan woman appeared. Seemed like an obvious “I love to F U”! Whoops!!!
I love how she has the global warming prevention bumper sticker… on her huge SUV…
lol, so funny
I get a kick out of her “Stop Global Warming, go vegan” bumper sticker on her MINIVAN that gets HORRIBLE millage.
Maybe that’s the vehicle she already had or got it for free and doesn’t want to spend the money on buying a whole new vehicle?
I have a van we got for free. If I buy a Prius now we will have to live in it.
Not very good home to raise a child in….
Ignoring the Joke intended by this video, I HATE tofu!
All those who love it are vegetarians or vegans.
Vegetarians are eating the rainforest, and vegans are too scared to think that their food was once living!
Wow. Massive and inaccurate generalizations win.
Utter and complete failure on rhetorical style and logic, however.
Psst, Dragon…do ya think this guy is getting close to becoming a troll?
Wow, that wasn’t biased or bigoted at all.
But seriously, you forget that the main diet of my nation, Japan, is tofu. We also eat meat and fish, ie- Not all tofu eaters are vegetarians. That would be like saying all people who love meat are carnivores, not omnivores.
And your last two sentences make no sense at all.
Tofu is very popular in Asia….you REALLY think all tofu-eating Asians are vegetarian???
TOFU win
Oh I bet she does =D
I can’t decide whether the DMV or that vegetarian/vegan is more stupid.
i think it could mean I Love to F*** You
see, I LV TO FU
She surely loves the other thing too, as we all do, so what’s the problem, bros?
I…. live…. to…. forget you.
*squeeze*
Got to get you out of my mind,
But I can’t escape from the feeling.
As I try to leave the memory behind,
Without you what’s left to believe in?
Texas vanity plate seen in the early 80s:
SCRUMI
How is this FAIL? What does ILV mean?
you have to love the “stop global warming” written on a huge SUV.
Minivan.
I love to fu** too!
I F TOFU
Seriously? When you cut someone off you want to be known as “Tofu?” SERIOUSLY! Who loves a food enough to make it their license plate?
Whom ever posts next shall be stupid
And Gay
And a retard
I despair for humanity.
Right there with ya, sweetie.
so the ‘who ever’ guy is stupid and gay?! lol
Looks like we got a troll here.
And how!
dude the lady did that on purpose but had a back up excuse, everyone loves a good double entendre!
When I was studying Chinese, one of our teachers, a lady from Taiwan, mentioned that the Mandarin phrase for eating tofu (“Chir Doufu”, FYI) can be used as an euphemism for “getting fresh” (I’m not sure HOW fresh, as the teacher kinda mentioned it in passing as a cautionary note when teaching us how to order food in restaurants, then moved on)
Bastards. The Washington State DMV denied my request for “7 of 69″. I guess for the same reason. In reality, it’s my birthdate(7th day of 1969) arranged to sound like a Borg designation. Oh well, DRTHTOD ain’t so bad.
Please, I dont mind if you call me slow or stupid, but can someone please tell me what the double meaning is?
im 23, and ive been staring at it for a good 10 minutes now, and I just don’t get it!
Someone please help!!
I LOVE TOFU or I LOVE TO FU.
…And yet, in North Carolina they actually issued a series of these plates:
http://www.newsobserver.com/news/story/1118273.html
That is why, in California, you can have a space between words.
Hey lady,
ILVTOFU2
why have none of my comments been showing?!?!
ugh now it shows….fml…or wait better yet better yet someone tof-me
In my country there’s one cool too ^^
http://img16.imageshack.us/img16/676/name6969ui1.jpg
by the way, the country is Portugal the world’s ass hole…
You know it should be bumper sticker fail… “Stop global warming, Go Vegan”
If I have to explain why that wouldn’t stop global warming then you’re a moron.
Perfect for wherever Terrell Owens is playing…Buffalo currently
I don’t get it.
Nevermind…
Ok, so I’ve had no caffine all day, so bare with me…
Can someone explain what else ILVTOFU means besides I LOVE TOFU? D:
ILVTOFU
I
LV
TO
F
U
I
LOVE
TO
F**K
YOU
Maybe should should try “MISO HORNY”
I would LVTOFU her.
We don’t need an instant replay in every video.
I dont get it- wait…ooohhh. I get it.
Hahaha! I am so slow. ^-^
Uhm, timeliness fail. You’re at least a week late to this one, Failblog, and it made national news. Lame.
I feel sorry for her kids, she’s raising them vegan and she blames humans for global warming. She probably thinks soy is good for you too. I hate ignorant people.
There is more ToFU in heaven and earth than is dreamed ov in your philosophy, Horatio. This powerful tofu quite overcrows my vegan ways….
lmao took me a while, dirty minded DMV
ILVTOFU2
I think it kind of tries to say, “I Love T=to, O=offer, F=?, U=?
Dont you think?
It says I Love to F— Y–
I love failblog
That DMV guy looks like Conan Obrian.
I dont get it ;/
FAIL!!!
I’ve heard eating too much unfermented soy beans can cause a drop in brain power. Proof here.
I’d say that’s a DMV fail
Is that woman unable to really understand how her license plate could be misconstrued as something else or has she been trapped in a disnified existence?
how bout TOFULVR dumb ho..
Constitutional FAIL
Her bumper sticker says ” stop global warming, go vegan”, you know….. Posted on the back of her S.U.V
environmentalist fail
Minivan.
Do some research and you will find a lot of information about how going vegan does more for the environment than switching to a Prius.
Environmentalism does not mean perfection. It means reducing your footprint, not eliminating it (not possible).
license plate fail
I LV means I LoVe and…well… noooott gonna explain what TO F U means.
LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>LOL>
wait i really dont get it
can someone explain please!!!
Oh, I get it. ILVTOFU-CK lol
i’m pretty sure this license plate means… i love to F-U
Oh lol i get it “i love to f u”
for everyone that didn’t get it, and it took me a while cause im not perv coded,
IT MEANS>> |I Love To Fu** You|
I dont get
I dont get it*
OHHHH I GET IT!
I don’t understand. What’s wrong with the license plate?
Most sane people don’t understand this. Don’t worry.
Gustav, you’re wrong. I am offended and I got the joke. Nevertheless.
#48
i feel like a loser but i dont get it
Some things could only happen in America. Crazy people.
I feel Bad for her kid… lol
Do some research. Going vegan from omni does more for the environment than switching from a Hummer to a Prius.
Research meat and the environment.
Get some education….
THANK YOU PERVERTED MINDS OF AMERICA
Ilvtofu too!
yeah right, who loves tofu?
We all know what she really loves.
for a second i thought this was fox news attacking vegetarians
and then you remembered that fox news doesn’t attack people. They just show the facts.
This makes me feel sorry for her. Then again, it’s probably because I love tofu, too. XD
XD