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Cheezburger Network Blog
Ouch
Oh, sorry! Was I supposed to broil you first?
I suggest a good marinade, gifted children can be a little gamie.
One word: salsa.
How do you get a smart kid out of a blender?
Tostitos
Wise chips?
REAL QUESTION Is how do u het a smart kid into a blendor u couldnt trick us into it lol
Us? i get the feeling that you would be easy to lure into a “blendor”
With IntelliScoop™!!
Yes, friends, when your gifted children get stuck to the sides of your blender, let IntelliScoop™ come to the rescue!
Call now – operators are standing by!
I’ll take 10!
Do I get a free Slap Chop as well?
call now and you will get a second one free
Thats right free!
and if you pay by credit card it comes with a free gifted kid
Trick Question. A smart kid wouldn’t get into a blender.
LOL!!
>:(
You have to spray the inside with pam, then take out the chunks and pour out the juice.
I was leaning more towards a marsala wine sauce, but it is a bit too early in the day for that.
Why so formal? Just stick some ketchup on it and you’re good.
*slaps someonerandm*
How dare you! Get out of my kitchen!
i like you !
Indeed; I’d go for a hearty breakfast salsa this time of the day, and a good wine sauce in the evening.
This brings a new meaning to Baby Back Ribs.
Is it weird that reading these comments is making me hungry?
Indeed it does… Indeed it does…
Gifted Children flavoured Pop Tarts?
They don’t taste better than normal children? How disappointing…
broiling is optional, but if you dont broil, then its preferred that alot of gravy is used.
make sure you cook your children at a high even temperature, i would hate ot see somebody get sick from eating kids…
This book is supposed to be funny, it is written by a satirist.
From the Amazon page:
“Lewis Burke Frumkes, one of America’s very best satirists, sharpens his pen on the fads, fears, and fashions of the urban landscape. Here are 49 hilarious ways to cope with them… And, of course, raise your I.Q. with a delicious “Gifted Child Fricassee.”
http://www.amazon.com/Raise-Your-Eating-Gifted-Children/dp/0595002366
NOT ACTUALLY A FAIL, DON”T BE SO LAZY FAILBLOG
Don’t forget to tenderize! Some people use the fancy meat tenderizers, but a rolling pin usually works just fine. <3
Should I have said something ironic like “Second”?
Yes, i believe you should.
No, You were great gaynorvader! Keep it up.You should never have second thoughts Gaynorvader.
Nor should you go with your first instinct.
D’oh!
I’m right behind you, sweet stuff.
Whooop!
Even if you get a second wind.
Nah you should’ve looked up what ironic means in the dictionary instead.
Depends on how you look at it, in my professional opinion as a non-English expert i would say that ironic was used the right way.
Whoa, you have an iron cross?! Impressive!
*salutes*
Same here – ’tis a dramatic addition to the iconic collection!
*clicks heels*
*admires ruby red slippers*
There’s no place like Berchtesgaden?
I don’t think we’re in Bad Gottleuba-Berggießhübel anymore…
Hehehe!
I would say ’seconds!’ ;9 yummy!
Maybe it does work…
Oh shit, now people are going to eat me 0.0
IT IS A JOKE BOOK
LOOK IT UP ON AMAZON
Sounds like a plan to me!
Definite Win!
The seat loves me! Aw Yeah!
*squeeze*
I’m glad you like that! I think Barry and Levon fit the disco ball well.
*squeeze*
…Barry and Levon fit the disco ball well with $240 worth of gifted children pudding.
Don’t eat them, who will you judge your IQ against?
Those who eat the ’short bus’ kids.
.
*squeeze*
Those people will compare the ’short bus kids’ to junk food. I will continue eating the brain food I guess.
squeeze*
Why – the not gifted children. That makes me appear smarter. Win-Win!
meow
Back! Back, you vile fiend!munch!
crunch?
lunch?
Brunch?
Lunch
brunch?
falcon punch?
punch.
Brunch?
brunch.
DR.OCTAGONAPUSBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
o___________o.
Are you related to Mick Jagger or Steve Tyler?
Or possibly Julia “Lips” Roberts?
psssst – velvet – can you imagine if Steven Tyler and Julia Roberts had had children?!?
Looks more like a frog to me.
Should have that growth on the left side removed.
TASTY!
TOASTY!
Post Toasties *wishes very much that she knew how to make that little trademark thingy*
That would be an ALT/0153 foop. Numbers on the numeric keypad.
Foop: alt + 0153 = ™
Thankyouthankyou, WN and J! ™
*woooooooooooohoooooooooooooo*
*dances little happy dance*
Mortal Kombat reference WIN!!!
WHAT?!? A true fail, this one. I can’t even tell what they meant…
I did a triple-take, too, but then checked on Amazon. That is actually the correct title of the book. It’s supposed to be satire, a la Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal.”
http://tinyurl.com/cjebbw
A More Ambisious Submission.
Rats!
-s +t ^
FAIL BLOG FAIL…. JUST LIKE THEIR RETARDED VIDEO FORMAT FOR DUMB PEOPLE
Thank you! This totally lacks fail-authenticity since it’s a purposely chosen title for a satire.
It means what it appears to mean. It’s a comedy book. Go look it up. This is the worst failblog posting ever.
I don’t see why writing satire is considered a fail either.
Even worse than principal fail?
Agreed. I think that the submitter of this entry should get a fail for not understanding the concept of satire.
Hear, hear. If failblog attempts to ironically blog irony, I’m off to some more intelligent site.
I knew I was going wrong! I was eating the wrong children!
Indeed, gifted children, of course! it all makes sense now!
Especially after you eat a few!
You are what you eat.
You ate a starfish?
I don’t normally kiss and tell, but Mrs. Starfish on occasion.
*admires a man with good taste*
Um. Or something like that.
What’s eating Gilbert Grape?
So, you give the not-gifted ones to the restaurants who eat them for free? and you eat the gifted yourself?
You can only eat those children given to you by others…
If Angelina Jolie were to eat all her kids, then she’d discover the cure for cancer.
Oh snap! (she has lots of kids)
If Angelina Jolie ate all her kids she’d find the cure for AIDS.
Actually, considering where most of them are from, if Angelina Jolie at all her kids she would probably *contract* AIDS.
If Angela Jolie ate all of “her” kids, she still be dumb as a bag of bricks due to none of “her” kids really being “hers”.
Yes, they were “gifted” which is precisely what I meant by that post.
DOH! *facepalm*
I give up.
Adopted children are very much the children of their parents.
Believe me. You can adopt and still have your children be YOURS.
*snatches cookie back from graymatterz*
True. Being a parent is the job that matters. Becoming a parent is relatively easy, even for the women. What’s a couple of minutes or nine months compared to the following decades?
*slinks away*
I *sniff sniff* was just trying to play with the big kids.
*sits in a corner*
You Eated My Cookie?
You realize that 3 of her children are her own biological children, right? With Brad Pitt.
Brad Pitt is her child? Incest!
Oedipal syndrome. Sad really
This’ll cheer you up
*squeeze*
Oedipus killed his FATHER and married his MOTHER…that doesn’t make sense in the context of this joke, quite.
We don’t count those, due to them being “normal” kids. Well…as normal as one can be with parents like that anyway.
Perhaps she should share a few with Tom “I’m Incredibly Short” Cruise
Why is this a fail? It’s a humor book that makes fun of “A Modest Proposal.”
http://www.amazon.com/Raise-Your-Eating-Gifted-Children/dp/0595002366
No longer eating the Irish win.
What about gifted Irish children?
They go great in coffee.
Angela’s Ashes = Coffee Mate?
Oh Marius, that’s so wrong…
…*snork*
Let’s hope Loz finds this one in good humo(u)r.
There are exceptions to every rule.
Gifted Irish children not only raise your IQ but make you more lucky.
It’s proven. Don’t question it.
I’ll snatch up a few when I go. Would you like me to bring you back any?
*squeeze*
That would be the best! *squeeze*
Were you able to get something to eat?
I got a cup of coffee and a big glass of water… *shakes his head*
That’s more than I’ve had today and I’m about to run down to the gym for an hour. This isn’t going to be pretty…
You should probably eat lunch during lunch!
*has debated running at work but couldn’t bear to be sweaty all day*
I used to play Ultimate Frisbee during lunch.
Just changed clothes and lived with it
You know how IT people are…
*snickers*
Luckily, there is no room for such things around me…
Ultimate Frisbee during linch? Are you from the Northwest?
They do that in the midwest too.
What about the southwest?
Avis, I’m sure Ultimate Frisbee has proliferated all over the globe, but in the Pacific Northwest it’s religion.
Arthur, you want to play ultimate frisbee around a bunch of cacti? And rattle snakes? And scorpions?
Starfish, it’s practically religion among certain sets here too.
I don’t want to play it at all. I don’t even know the game. I want to play football, but my ankle still doesn’t allow me to o so.
And by ‘o’ I mean ‘do’.
Avis, that’s cool. It’s a fun game to play. I’m not even sure how popular it still is out in the Northwest because I haven’t lived there for a while, but it was sure popular in the 90’s.
…that makes fun of “A Modest Proposal.”
By that I assume you mean it is in the tradition of Swift’s work, as they are extremely similar satires?
Just tell me you’re not one of those people that thinks “A Modest Proposal” was serious.
*puts down his rasher cut Irish baby bacon and looks over*
Don’t set your sights too high. You don’t want to find out just wat the Irish are capable of.
Yeah, they’ll fight for you, against you and at cross purposes too! (some will even stay neutral!)
*Idles*
My Sundays are now booked for the extended future! (morning all)
Good morning!
*squeeze*
*squeeze*
My office’s server is down down down…and I want to go out to breakfast… *debates*
So they tried to make you skip your breakfast and you said nooo noo no?
The grill down the street has gifted kid breakfast burritos today!
.
(and if the server is down here, I’m pulled into the middle of the craziness to fix it)
Is it weird that your comment about gifted kid breakfast burritos made me hungry?
Nah. You’re already hungry. And it’s the breakfast burrito part that does all the work.
.
Right now I’m eating Laughing Cow garlic and herb cheese on wheat crackers.
.
To be followed by a cinnamon Altoid.
*skitters away to find something tasty*
And as I am walking out…the servers came back up.
*grumbles like his tummy*
Aw, sorry.
.
I have some dried cherries in my ’stash’ drawer. And ramen noodles. You can have either one.
*munches on the cherries and thanks velvet*
Oo!
Dried cherries are one of my favorite snackies.
*sneaks a cherry*
Go go go!!!
*failed* (morning McFail!)
Failblog fail – it’s a book of satire/humor. The author wasn’t serious about actually eating kids.
Thank you Sarah, we appreciate the concern. Fail Blog needs all the humor it can get right now, though.And do please stop by again sometime.
Carry on
Thank you, Sarah. I was just going to say the same thing but you beat me to the punch.
Ditto.
Failblog used to be a lot of fun when it had real fail.
Agreed. Every one of these non-FAIL postings just makes the site more like every other “I think this is funny” blog out there.
Larry and Scott used to be a lot of fun back when they hadn’t been born yet.
Their actual existence kinda put a damper on things.
I think this is funny.
Me too.
Erm, thinks it’s . . .
*must stop thinking* *hurts my head desk*
ow
This is funny. What’s wrong with pointing out the funny? The book is satire, satire is funny in that ironic tongue-in cheek sort of way. Failblog brings the funny to you attention.
If this has already been said, I apologize to the regulars. And how on earth did this many comments get posted already!!?
Oh, people have been complaining about these sorts of things from day one. That whole “Failblog used to be…” is ridiculous. Folks have been screaming “fake!” and “Not a real fail!” all along.
Get a grip, peoples.
I also noticed a very lively debate on the merits of eating meat and/or animal by products. Religion even gets brought into it!
Lively debates are the intellectual’s meat and drink.
Or…erm…tofu and drink.
POUNCE!
*smoooch!*
WHEEEEEEE!!!!!
Hee. I’m at work, and people are looking at me funny.
FB obviously had a boost in popularity in the last days. Dunno why, but I have to say that has some downsides…
Probably has to do with the nomination for the webbys.
*cough*webbieawards*cough*
“I have to stop a meteor from crashing into Earth? Quick, get me 10 chinese kids and a bottle of A-1!”
Soy sauce would compliment them better.
Best to keep to traditional seasoning and condiments!
One can only assume that chopsticks are in order…
*plays chopsticks on the piano*
*sings along*
Make sure they old enough to wok on their own.
As proved by the “Night of the living dead”, that does not work.
But this book is satire? How does it fail, exactly?
I think it should be a win.
you’re a win.
It’s an actual book, you can order at Amazon!
People who bought this book also bought ‘Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance – Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!’
Sounds good to me!
Finally got a use for them after all! Ungrateful little brats. . .
hey its not their faults their parents were druggies… or is it?
It is if their parents were druggies because of them.
PHOTOSHOPZ! LOSL! IZ FAEK C TEH SHADOWS N PIXESL!?!!!!!111!!!!
OMGWHURT IZ CONSPIRACY!!!1111!one1eleven
LOSL DO WNAT MOAR!!!11!! U Z NUB @ DIS I WINZ!!!11!!!11211!!!!!
*head explodes*
*puts Malicite’s head back together*
Um…here, you missed a part. I think it controls his best friend down there.
Ooops!
Um, DOWN BOY!!!
*inserts missing part*
*giggles*
I have to admit I’m getting a little impatient. Once in a while when – ok. Once in a fail – not so much. IMHO.
*tries to sell ‘when’*
*trades some patience for Arthur’s when*
Thank you!
*squeeze*
*steals all spades out of patience*
*offers gifted knee for velvet’s when*
IT’S NOT A MISTAKE THE BOOK IS A SATIRE
Sez you.
Loudly.
Proudly.
Cloudy.
Arthur Eld…AWESOME NAME.
*passes swords around to all*
sez your face.
Sigh.
I think they mean by “BEATING GIFTED CHILDREN”. Even then, it’s still wrong.
…and I am going on record by saying that you shouldn’t eat animals nor children no matter how tasty.
-
*feeling proud*
we all agree…
*getting his baconlube ready to fire*
My body absorbs baconlube. I mean litterally absorbs it!
*shlurp*
thats a rare talent, well have to pull you in for testing.
now eat these five gifted children.
NOW!! MOVE MOVE MOVE.
I OBJECT!!!
*quietly moves LEILA’s gifted child from her plate to mine*
Hey! Save me some! I’m starving!
darned tree huggers, always foiling my plans for world domination with people who ate gifted children infected with growth hormones to turn the devourer into a giant radioactive moving timebomb…
curses.
I am not a hippie nor a tree hugger you silly oblivious!
okay… im soweee, furgiv meee?
Of course. Did you say you’re in Houston?
yeah, y?
*fires up lolspeak detector*
Close… very close…
*Quickly adds the forgotten “WH” to oblivious’s comment.*
*slaps Noghri*
no you never use the wh!
Oh Dear, dear oblivious, were you barking up the wrong tree hugger again?
Hey, I’ll eat meat if I damn well please.
Hey, it’s YOUR colon suffering. I don’t care.
Whereas it’ll be his small intestine suffering without meat.
Are you sure that’s his colon? Perhaps it is only soap and water.
*argh* That sounded so much funnier inside my head.
*facepalm*
ow
I’ll even eat meat with meat! Forget about vegetables, have a sausage with your steak!
I did that this past weekend…I think I almost had a heart attack…
Almost? You’re doing it wrong.
More meat and less bread?
Yes. If you didn’t even have a minor heart attack, then you’re doing it wrong. You should have at least convulsed.
*takes notes*
Should my head spin at all?
Yes. And to answer the question you didn’t ask: Yes, it HAS to be an inferno in the bathroom the next day.
If we weren’t supposed to eat animals, why were they made out of meat?!?
Agreed. You should eat meat from the stores. Where no animals where hurt.
-
i am a vegetarian.
But plants have feelings too!
Watch mythbusters!
That myth was BUSTED!!!
D:
But but but but but but but but but
You’re busted!
*eyes his bust*
Um, not much.
*starts stuffing WN’s bust with tissues* How’s that?
Better (or worse, depending).
The only thing worse is a vegan.Why? What’s wrong with a vegan?
Are you?Does it matter? Come on, tell me what’s wrong with a vegan?
Oh, uh. I didn't mean to start one of these arguments here.It’s not an argument. I just wanted to hear your opinion about vegans.
There are anorexics that are less fussy eaters.
Oh come on. That’s a silly statement.
OK, I admit that the statement is heavily exaggerated.
The fact that vegans believe that humans should stop eating animals 'because it's immoral because we're all equal' doesn't line up with where most vegans believe we came from. Since most vegans are evolutionists, it doesn't make sense that eating animals is immoral, because we are just part of nature. What is the basic law of nature/evolution according to Darwin, "Survival of the fittest".More than that…they don’t eat any DAIRY PRODUCTS because they think that it’s slavery for the animals or something.
Some of them won’t even wear wool. Lots of them won’t even have pets.
It’s just craaaazy.
I could go on for hours on this subject but I'd rather not.Aha me to. There are some extremists of course. But there are reasons that really do make sense. Animals equal to humans… No way. I still respect them though.
I show my respect towards animals with rosemary and garlic.
*doesn’t care what people eat as long as he doesn’t have to hear about it*
I’m vegan and I don’t think it’s immoral to eat meat. I choose not to do it. I don’t NEED meat, so I don’t feel that an animal or two should die every time I feel hungry. It’s an unsustainable practice in the long run. For me, it’s mostly about the meat industry. Getting product to market “cheaper and faster” leads to some horrendous practices that I don’t want to support.
.
I would like to see people be more aware of how their food gets to the store…outside of that, I have no agenda when it comes to the
eating habits of others. I don’t look down on people who eat meat. Vegetarians automatically face a certain hostility from others because they are perceived to be arguing from a moral high ground. No doubt, some vegetarians act this way; I know many vegetarians that don’t.
I believe I unintentionally opened Pandora's box here.*applauds*
And I respect vegans/vegetarians, as long as they’re not preaching about how dumb/stupid/irresponsible I am.
I always thought religion was stored in there or something…
I’m somewhat surprised that people are so opinionated about food.
Blog Ninja, there’s nothing to fear from a healthy discussion.
.
Thanks, Arthur. Some of my best friends eat meat.
Well put, Admiral. I have basically the same view towards vegetarians and vegans – not my thing, but I respect the choice(s) of those whose thing it is.
Yes, I know it's always good to have a nice discussion, but I have recently been discussing this on a different blog and things have started to get nasty. And coming on the heels of Sam's stupidity from yesterday...What Admiral Apparent said.
…an intelligent conversation is a refreshing change.
Most vegans are not self-righteous in my experience. Generally veg*ans do not get worked up about others eating meat but a lot of meat eaters get upset by veg*ans. Really I couldn’t care less what anyone else eats and I don’t think it’s any of their business what I eat.
And – speaking as a Christian – God told Noah to eat animals after the flood. Only reason to do so would have been if they HADN’T eaten them prior to the flood – which I suspect to be the case, if you follow the Canopy Theory.
Short version: things were different pre-flood, including much lusher vegetation.
Nellie, you don’t want to get into a religious squabble here.
I'd be on Nellie's side.Very touchy subject you must agree.
Wouldn’t be the first time – but I don’t tend to argue, I just make statements.
wat.
That makes no sense.
I mean, ASIDE from the archeological evidence, fossil record, geological record, all science since the seventeen hundreds going against any evidence of there being a flood or garden of eden or any of that nonsense…
ASIDE FROM THAT…
Why would god make lions and carnivores have sharp teeth before the flood? Including humans, who have canines.
In fact, how would such an environment be sustainable at all? You have your primary producers and your primary consumers, but they’d quickly reproduce and eat themselves into starvation. Not to mention competition between species. That’d be hellish.
Before the fall of man, every animal was vegetarian. But after the faall things changed.I suspect that if He could whip the whole thang up with a word, He’s probably capable of rearranging a few things when He wants to
“Fall of man”
Hmm…
And which man was this?
Oh Ninja! Your are getting way too deep for me. This is no place to discuss evolution. To tell you honestly though, I have yet to meet a vegan who shares those views.
-
The reason I don’t eat animals it’s because I don’t think it taste good. To me, the smell, the texture and taste are physically revolting. A lot of vegetarians/vegan stop eating meat because they view it as immoral. But most still crave meat whereas I don’t. I love animals but it’s not for me to decide whether it is immoral to eat them or not.
If the only reason you are against meat is 'because it doesn't taste good', then why are you against marketing BaconLube™?Ninja, BaconLube isn’t real. Come on. Work with me here.
WHAT?!?! Not REAL?!?!?!?!
No way!!
I won’t believe it!
I’ll have to cancel my order.
*looks at bottle of personal BaconLube™ with eyebrow raised*
It’s not meant to go on your raised eyebrow.
Other ‘raised’ things = yes…eyebrows = no.
SNAP!
That’s why I stopped eating meat.
Being a vegan is not worse.. it’s harder. And if you have your reasons for being a vegan i totally respect that. I’m already having a hard time being a vegetarian.
I think being vegan/vegetarian shows that you stand for something.
And the only reason there is for eating meat is ‘It tastes good’.
Plus increasing your IQ, assuming the meat is gifted children.
Plus the human body was designed to digest meat. Hence incisor teeth and small intestines.
No, it wasn’t. After you eat meat, it stays undigested for a few days.
And you had the cheek to say my earlier statement was silly!
But then look at our teeth, are they not created to eat meat and veggies?
My point exactly! Kudos to you Andrew!
Are you comparing OUR teeth to those of a lion / dog? Last time I checked my mouth didn’t have any fangs.
Did you have them removed? Most people have four.
DAMMIT!!! Now I look funny without my fangs.
I had mine sharpened to help me eat the gifted children!
Touché SYZYGY but my silly statement can be scientifically proven.
Alas, though there is some basis to your theory, there is a slight flaw. Yes, it takes a few days to digest meat. But the same applies to all food as it takes a great deal of time to pass through the small intestine. However, after this stage, the meat is digested and yet, vegetation has not even been started on. That is why there is two separate organs digesting two types of food.
My dear friend SYZYGY. Vegetables process through your system at a faster rate than meat.
Actually, she’s right, as anyone who’s ever eaten corn can tell you.
LEILA. Our spirited debate has brightened my otherwise dull Wednesday afternoon!
I must concede that organ for organ, the large intestine does absorb vegetation faster that the small intestine does meat. However, the small intestine gets to go first (and also add more nutrients into the body) and is also several times longer that the large intestine. Thus, meat is digested first.
Side note: All food travels through both intestines at the same speed.
Side note: All food travels through both intestinal tracts at the same speed.
The SPEED of POOP!
*heehee* SB, you made me giggle.
And speaking of the “speed of poop” . . .
Mr. foop is a plumber. Not only does he refuse to eat corn – in ANY way, shape or form – he can barely tolerate watching me eat it. Thank goodness he loves me anyway. *whew*
Yikes! I never thought about it but corn is an occupational hazard for a plumber.
Foop the plumber? Related to Joe?
Nope, John. *not kidding*
*heehee*
And with this last silly thought . . . if you think the speed of poop is fast, just wait ’til someone clocks the speed of foop!
*ni-night, all* *squeeeeeezes all the wonderful FB friends*
not true
SKWERL!!
Where the hell you been?!?
Um, they made me WORK!
Then Dad went into Hospital,
then we took him back home.
Then the freaking Grass started GROWING!
There was a School Fair & Easter Vacation.
And I got addicted to Porn and then stuff
happened that made the Poice mad at me.
And my cell mate died from Skwerl alergies.
And my cell phone died from trying to swim.
Note: All sentences starting with “And” are
meant as humo(u)r and not actually true,
probably.
Oh, my!It ain’t easy being a Skwerl.
…says the nut-eater.
Acorns, Pecans, Walnuts, et al. are very nutritious and help decrease or increase something good or bad and stuff. OK? Plus I eat Cookies, Chips, Popcorn, and other “bad” things to balance out my diet!
*pats tummy*
The human body is not designed to eat meat. Look at our teeth, our stomach acid, our behavioral patterns. None of it is designed to eat meat. Humans can digest meat and live on it to some extent just like dogs can live on a veg*an diet if necessary but it’s not the healthiest diet for us.
Their militancy, mostly. And the fact that they don’t realize that humans are, biologically speaking, omnivores, so we need both animal amd plant matter in our diets.
Except that isn’t true – the idea that humans need protein from meat is very scientifically outdated. It’s perfectly easy to get sufficient protein from beans and vegetables and the like. We need a lot less than we used to think.
That said, vegans bother me too. The militancy is annoying as anything. I see nothing wrong with eating animals, either.
Plus, not eating dairy products? That’s just stupid, and not healthy. Vegetarians I understand – that’s actually good for your body IF you eat the right things. But vegans? No thanks.
Though it is indeed possible to gain protein fron beans, nuts and vegetables. There is far more nutricious gain yeilded from meats.
As such, I think Irish Gifted Child Steak is on the menu for dinner tonight!
biologically we are omnivores. But! There are enough vegetables and fruits
that can replace everything that meat provides to the body.
And then there is a very good reason to be one.
If nobody eats meat all the land that farmers use for cows/horses etc. can be used for vegetables. Since 1 square meter of -for instance- potatoes is way
more productive then 1 square meter where cows can eat.
By that there is more food. Enough to feed everyone in the world, that solves
the biggest problem in the world. Starvation (don’t know if that is the right word..)
Though i respect that everybody has their own choice in eating it yes or no.
Sounds like a lot of bla bla, i know.
That’s really poor economics, dude. The costs of the land and resources used to make meat from cows are naturally internalized through the market in the price of hamburgers.
That said, the government heavily subsidizes beef and corn in this country, so to some extent you’re right. But it doesn’t require people making a moral sacrifice at all. All it requires is that the government stop being such idiots and stop subsidizing things…oh wait, but they listen to lobbyists…and the food lobbyists are some of the most powerful in Washington.
It always amuses me that most environmentalists are liberals. Subsidizing things is a liberal policy, and it’s killing the environment. Hyyyyypocrites….
Aw, screw this, let’s just get back to eating kids.
Er… I mean, the SUBJECT of eating kids.
A splendid suggestion!
I can’t. I overdid it with the gifted child barbeque! Though my ‘gifted’ ribs in bbq sauce is to DIE for!
*BURP!!*
Gifted baby back ribs are so tender. The meat practically falls off the bone.
True, i am not an economist. And i know this is almost impossible to realize.
But as they want people to stop smoking (which i do) they should add tax on it.
So they make money and the world gets morally better. Even though eating an animal is not wrong to me because it is a living being, even though i think they
still are not treating them right. Calves in crates and stuff..
I don’t eat them for what i just said.
Make Money? To make the world Morally better?
Should we TAX MURDER? $1,000,000.00/murder?
I could continue this silliness, but hopefully you get
the point; You can control behavior with Taxes.
Perhaps you can curb a behavior somewhat, but to
Tax it to make it go away makes the Tax go away.
Self defeating.
Taxing meat would not work. If sustainable practices were used to bring meat to the table, the price of meat would be high enough that people would not eat meat three times a day. We’d all be happier and healthier.
When it’s done intelligently, taxes can influence behaviour. I think the high taxes on alcohol they have in Scandinavia work pretty well. It was the same for Russia, if I remember correctly. Their death toll due to drinking dropped when the tax was heightened. Same here with taxes on several products that pollute the planet (one-way bottles, gas…).
Sorry, I meant taxing would not be accepted by the populace. There is no need for it in this case. Putting an end to the unsafe and unsustainable practices, like the use of congested feedlots, would be sufficient.
Dunno about the US, but here we had an incredible increase of ‘Bio’ products of all kinds. Bio vegetables, bio cleaning products, bio meat… You’re only allowed to call something ‘bio’ when you met strict standards during the production process.
Meat has to be from free-range animals fed with natural fodder and so on. Nowadays almost every store has bio-products and they’re popular – even though they cost more. I’d say LOWER the taxes on these products! Who wouldn’t buy them if they’re healthier AND cheaper?
*nods*
It’s always the same with certain people who believe that they’re right on something they consider to be the key issue in life. Militancy. Sad.
I know i will make almost no difference. But when more people stop eating
meat there will be difference.
And i don’t judge someone for what they think or belive in.. only when it’s: FIRST! photoshoped, pixels.. (you know the deal)
*hides half-eaten gifted child behind back*
MMtthh! Whatthh do you meanthth!You sneaky ninja, you
*watches Ninja choking from atop a rooftop*
(AhaaaaAAAA…payback is a B*tch ain’t it…)
Oh, shit. This is embarrassing.I still say meat is the tastiest vegetable.
Nice logic. :3
That means we’re all vegiterians!
I AM MY WORST ENEMY!
*lobs a carrot at you*
SEE IN THE DARK ACTION!
Logic Fail!
what makes a vegetarian someone’s worst enemy?
A howitzer?
Hahahahahaha! *gives Nellie a point*
Thank you, thank you
I see your exploded head is back together but I think Nellie forgot to put back something really important.
Oh no worries! Unlike Humpty Dumpty, I was put back together again.
According to the story, Humpty Dumpty never did get put back together again.That’s why he said Unlike Humpty Dumpty
Oh, you're right.
Guess I jumped the gun on that one.Can you really make the time to listen? I need like five hours.
I sure can.
Your not helping the “Im not a hippie” case.
How is that?
That part where you danced around singing
“Look at me, I’m a hippy!”
Yep…
That would definitely do it.
I’m late for being first!
D:
I tried this book, my IQ is now 500.
Can I borrow it? My funds are all tied up in the worldwide “DOWN WITH BACONLUBE” movement.
Sure. You get a free gifted child with it.
I got an under age anime girl with mine. Might save it for later, I’m full on KFC right now.
*opens Gothixemo’s head to examine it* Yup, that explains everything.
Noo, where did the totally unrelated Huston comment go to? Huston?
Alright, you come up with a better way to grease up the potato.
Fails are voted for idiots. There have been quite a few posts that have been called fails because the person who posted it and the people who voted for it are just too dense to get the joke.
C from a medium grade in school?
C a note from a piece of music?
C for Celecom?
C as in sea?
C as in see
C as in the alphabet?!
C as in crackhead
Fine, no more crack for me. Maybe I’ll switch to heroin.
thats a good switch, they say its easy.
Aren’t Herons made of Meat?
With like feathers on the outside?
Plus they’re skinny and hard to catch
and the legs might be long but there’s
no meat on them to speak of!
Stick with Ducks if you want water fowl!
I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘confusion.’ Unfortunately, young c here, feels no need to be redundant and spell it out for us. Hence, we are allowed to see only C, you see, luv?
*hums* Do you rememberrrrrr … whennnnnnn we met …
According to Amazon, this is a book of humor. Regardless of whether or not it’s actually funny, there’s only one adequate response to this information: FAIL Blog: FAIL!!!
noone likes haters dawg, dont bring that bad game up into my house.
If you ain’t go n blast ‘em ima blast you ma’self for sho’!
That really had nothing to do with what you said. But i still wanted to say it.
no, it made perfect sense for failblog.
Is it bad that I understood that perfectly?
nah son it means you r hip and down wit da new trends see.
It perfectly normal. It means that you straight homie!
I’m pretty sure that’s photoshopped. The font color and size on the bottom doesn’t match that of the top.
Even if thats true, It’s still quite funny
PHOTOSHOPPED!!!!111!!ELEVEN1!!!!!ONE!!!!! FIRST!!!!1!!!111!!1! GET AN AVATAAAAARRR!!!1!111!!11!11!!!!!11!!1
Good, now that’s out of my system…
Something to read for Venus Flytrap.
Sense of humour fail by the submitter. The book is satirical.
I’ve read the book, ate the kids, now I’m off to get a PhD in Computer Science!
I hear all the best one’s have them.
Sam? Is that you? lol
definitely.
book publicity WIN.
I’m currently looking forward to the sequel:
How to Lower Your IQ to Fit In More by Regurgitating Gifted Children
I hear it’s a real page-turner!
*refreshes amazon books again and again and again and again and again*
oh yeah i know, they say it tells you to use your middle finger to do it.
Uh, the title is intentional. It’s a satirical work! Submitter FAIL.
I find that gifted children Are not all that tasty. Too much Dry wit and Megalomania
*Delurk* So I just wanted to stop by and say that as much fun as the fails are, half the time I more enjoy all the comments by you FB regulars. (WhoaNellie, Avis, Dragonwriter, fluffy the fish, Emperor, Skwerlly Bob, dianatheinsane, BOGGY, scannerdan, Aja, Admiral Apparent, BondFan, and many more to numerous to list!)
So here’s to all of you, keep it up and don’t let the Trolls get you down!
Danka. Post more often, suh.
Thanks GS – and please do jump in and join us!
*offers Great Scott a Gifted Rib with a most excellent BBQ sauce*
*licking fingers* Thanks! You folks know how to make a guy feel smelcome. Uh, sorry, I think I just said smelcome.
*licking sauce off of fingers* Thanks! You folks know how to make a guy feel smelcome. Uh, sorry, I think I just said smelcome.
A proud day for me, I just got noted. Thanks Great Scott hope to see you around more often.
*squeeze* Thanks Great Scott!
Whoopee! We’re popular, guize!!!1!!
i agree with great scott! while i read all the blogs tied with ichcheezeburger and fail blog i always read the comments on this one.. you guys crack me up!!
Gee, you folks know how to make a guy feel smelcome. Sorry I think I just said smelcome.
OK… *SLAP* …don’t do it again!
Awww…
*squeeze!*
Heee! Scott’s delurk! What a historic moment!
All I can say to that is, EWWWWWWWWWW!
And wait . . . maybe THIS is how one gets a PhD . . . It’s starting to make sense now . . .
*slides Redhead a plate of genius steaks*
Is this a fail? I mean, it’s a satire book. This title was fully intentional, and meant to be humorous.
KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA
Oh hell, the straightjacket’s coming loose!
Hey guys, it’s a satire. Oh wait 48 trillion people already said that…
nom nom
Dear failbloggers,
forgive me for entering you into a meat good / meat bad and religious argument. It wasn’t my intention at all.
-
I was going to make a silly statement in hopes that we can get off the more serious subjects at hand but I can’t think of any.
-
Chocolate covered strawberries anyone?
Eh, at least you never said “meat is murder, man!”
It is not.
*biting tongue*
Hey! I am going out for a vegan lunch today… *has an unhealthy fear of tofu*
The stuff reminds me of T-1000…it just assumes what ever flavor it wants…
*shakes*
Mal, tofu IS nasty. You have to season and spice the hell out of it to make it half edible.
I am afraid rosemary and garlic won’t help either. 
BUT, the fact that it assumes whatever flavor you put in, as you stated, makes it a good thing.
The consistency really gets to be… *blechs*
I had a tofu chicken sandwich last week, which tasted okay.
Next…chickpeas.
You might wanna do some research about tofu / soy food in general, seing as how you’re of the male persuasion. Recent studies show that it can stunt male development in children, as well as speeding up female development in females. Tends to hormonally unbalance male adults if you eat too much.
Now I know why…
*adjusts bra*
Seriously? I wonder who funded the study. Not dairy farmers or the likes I am sure.
*takes a strawberry*
*smacks Ninja’s hand*
Did you wash your hands after your latest dismemberment quest?
Can I have my strawberries wrapped in ham?
(sorry, last joke. I had to get that out of my system!)
SYZYGY, what’s with your name? Did you mispell sausage? and NO strawberries wrapped in ham for you. Your request has been denied.
lol. fair enough!
Actually syzygy is to do with eclipses (^clicky^) however it was also one of the characters in Unreal Championship.
I’ve just noticed that I say ‘however’ too much.
<–Tries not to use well, however, though, or hmm too much.
How bout strawberry covered choclates?
Are you making them? I will try it out of curiousity.
*Passes a Goopy mess to Leila*
ENJOY!
*takes a bite* Hmm…what is that flavor? WTF? YOU PUT BACONLUBE IN IT? *runs to the bathroom*
haha
Sorry if I ruined your lifestyle choice
with champagne? mmmmm
*drools*
I wan try those ^^
Fake. The background is the same as the default wallpaper from Mac OSX.
shiver-me-tig-togs, the fungi is right!
*looks away, unaffected*
So that would mean that I DIDN’T just go to order this book?
Go look it up on amazon, dude.
^^fake fail. Look it up on Amazon.
That’s how you decided that this is a fail?
Actually no, this is a real book, written by Lewis Burke Frumkes, look it up on amazon, its a satire, and no, thats not the standard background for Mac osx, get your facts right
My workday is over. See you tomorrow my dear failers.
Whatever, dude.
Whenever, dude.
*adds Lewis B. Frumkes to list of known cannibals.*
*Adds list of known cannibals to list of known lists*
*Adds list of known cannibals and list of known lists to list of things people will do when bored*
*Adds list of known cannibals, list of known lists, and list of things people will do when bored, to the list of lesser known facts*
*burns all lists*
*knows the internet has it covered.*
dinner time!!!
*looks around like something is wrong*
what?
Whaddaya mean WHAT?
Quit frantically looking around like you get to horde all of this to yourself and pass me a damn drumstick will ya? I’m starving over here.
i dont have any drumsticks just legs… XD
…She’s got LEEEEEEGS….
*pours manure in garymatterz convertible while he is having dinner*
boy…I sure would hate to be that garymatterz fellow parked next me…his car REALLY smells like Shite.
I was hoping you didn’t notice my little mistake there. Manure IS in YOUR car my dear.
A little baconlube and it’ll SLIDE right out.
*punches oblivious to oblivion*
ow, hey i said i didnt know!!!
*puts a lei on Leila…to oblivion*
Engenders malice to Malicite. Oblivion.
Why am I getting lei’d?
Doesn’t everyone want to get lei’d?
Don’t we have to go out and have dinner first?
I guess! If you want to be old school…
Okay, I will buy you dinner then will have my way with you. How is that for old school? Or is it the other way around…?
I think either way works fine
*agrees to the implied terms*
*Tears open the jaws of oblivion and returns Oblivious*
thank you mehrunes dagon almost had me.
if noone gets this reference just tell me and i will go fail in a corner.
Dont worry, I slayed him with My Umbra!
thank you!!! a fellow oblivion junkie,
*its where i got my name*
i feel special now!
Ahh, I Power Played that game for 47 hours straight. Both sad and Off topic
i wont lie, i did too, cant wait for #5, i was an assassin.
*silently kills blogninja*
Me niether. I always played a nightblade or assassin, I love being invisible
any word on when it is gonna come out?
i heard in 2010
Thats all I heard. 2010. We only get two years to play till the end of the world
really, there is another end of the world thing going around, what is it this time?
Idk, Like A whole bunch of different religions and The aztecs Predicted that the end of the world would be on december 21 2012
i bet you 1000000000 dollars the world does end. and if it does i will give you whatever you want. on that date of course.
i meant doesnt
Ahah, Idk.
Im immortal so I dont have to worry about it
Too late! I’ve taken that bet and if i win I’m gonna be RICH!!! And if I fail then I won’t have to care!
My soul’s only gonna end up in the Shivering Isles anyway!
Dementia or mania?
Mania, think of all that greenmote!
BY TALOS, YOU’RE RIGHT!
wow….That was nerdy, even for me.
Who cares about the nerdyness?
*shakes wabbajack angrily*
Anyways, I make it time to go home and boot up my xbox. Oblivion now being the order of the day!
Damn, I wish my xbox worked
*Cough*
I’m fairly sure that the Aztec (I think it was Mayan but not really that
important to my point) calendar doesn’t actually predict the end of the world. The calendar just ends on that date which could be more of a show of apathy than a doomsday prediction.
Ah, I didnt really read into it. Thats just what I’ve heard, Apparently incorrectly
Argh! My calenday ends on December 31st of this year! It’s the end of the world!!!
I loved the game and got your reference!
thnx, i hope number five has online coop, then we all can play!
What’s the estimated release date on that?
beginning of 2010.
I’m ashamed. I had to look the reference up.
*bows head*
No lube for you! 2010? That’s ages away…
Not even Baconlube?
NO BACONLUBE EITHER! Good day sir.
You were ALWAYS special!
*pats Oblivious on head*
hooray, i got to go tell my mommy…
*starts sad walk to cemetary*
*whistling yankee doodle*
*wondering what game they are referring to while feeling shame for playing MarioKart on Wii*
This is a real book. A satire book. So using this logic, failblog should post clips from the The Daily Show and mark it as “News Fail.”
I’ve read some of this book, actually… the guy who wrote it is interesting. Anyone want to know what it’s actually about? XD
We have already judged the book by its cover!
BUT, you can tell us about it if you wish. Some may feel as though you are insulting their intelligence however. Just a disclaimer.
Good thanks for the info
The author did some experiments by feeding insects dead bugs, and saw that some of the knowledge or brain of the dead animal, was absorbed by the one eating it. He jokingly thought that if someone were to eat a gifted kid, the same thing would happen.
He’s just a bit special
There was a guy in Dracula who did something similar…
A guy in Dracula fed dead bugs to insects?
I think Renfield caught flies to fatten up spiders with so he could eat them?
Cake is so much nicer though.
*squeezes the Moomin*
Srry – the cake is a lie.
I never lie about the cake.
Other things…yes…but never the cake.
Have you tried feeding cake to spiders? They get crumbs everywhere.
*squeeze*
I hear they get children everywhere too.
He fed the spiders to a sparrow and ate it. If he had a child in his cell…
He’d feed that to the spider 0.0
…then Dracula would look like Mary Poppins in comparison.
It’s a “file under Humor” kind of book, guys. No Fail.
check it out on Amazon, and check the author’s other titles.
But… but…but…. bt…. bt…. ohh…
“Have you had lunch?”
“Looks great, but I can’t. My doctor just put me on a low prodigy diet”
It’s a cookbook!!!!
It’s a cookbook!!!!
Twilight Zone reference WIN!!!!
*blows dust from cover*
O look, it says “How to raise your IQ by eating WITH gifted children.”
this fail is a fail. the book was written by a humorist, look up amazon.
I think Michael Jackson is seriously offended by this book. He has yet to make it public however.
Hey, this just in, the book is actually satirical. Also, men like beer, women like shoes, and cats hate dogs.
Do you like your children baked, or fried?
Title WIN!!
I love FB the comments are the best part! BTW I’m new here feel free to insult ha!
worst failblog post in a long time
I just bought this book.
This isn’t a fail. It’s a real book with a tongue-in-cheek title. The author is a satirist. Fail fail.
will it blend?
I don’t see how this is fail if it was MEANT to be funny…
…
WHAT?
Fail? That sounds like without a doubt the best book ever written.
I’ll have a Billy with a side of Mandy to go please.
I have a even better comment………
We now know why Sally Struthers was spokesman for Feed the Children.
Kind of a fail fail.
Hey, I wrote that book!
It actually works to!
It’s a shame to see it being made fun of!
Lol just kidding.
What do you think the title was supposed to say? Ir it it actually “How to raise your IQ by eating gifted children”?
Just stay away from Alex’s meat and the jam that tastes like grandma. You don’t want to know what those do to you…
Now you see why book snobs like me have such a problem with self-publish (aka vanity press) titles.
this isn’t vanity press. It’s a semi-modern (written in the early 80’s) book of satirical essays. The essay the book title comes from is a play on Johnathon Swift’s 1729 essay “A Modest Proposal.” If you’re truly a literary snob you’d actually appreciate this book.
HEY! that isn’t fail! That’s been one of my favorite books for like 30 years! (go joke!) it’s full of satire and sarcasm. a very good read.
Legitimacy WIN. Sitting in the warehouses of Amazon.com and waiting to be shipped to your front door. Background design FAIL?
You know, this book is a satire. It’s suppose to be like this.
I’m not sure if anyone noticed but the title is on purpose, its a satire of modern America.
Actually, it is a real book…
Per Amazon:
Lewis Burke Frumkes, one of America’s very best satirists, sharpens his pen on the fads, fears, and fashions of the urban landscape. Here are 49 hilarious ways to cope with them…And, of course, raise your I.Q. with a delicious “Gifted Child Fricassee.”
http://www.amazon.com/Raise-Your-Eating-Gifted-Children/dp/0595002366
Reminds me of Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal.” Do they still teach that in school or did I just have a warped teacher?
I can’t say anything
How do these things actually get put on the front page? What next, “HAHAHA, LOOK AT THIS FAIL! THEY ACCIDENTLY CALLED THIS BOOK HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND IRRITATE PEOPLE BY MISTAKE INSTEAD OF HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE! LOL WHAT MORONS FAIL FAIL LOL”
I was going to actually ask if people were going to start labelling joke presents like inflatable dartboards as a fail, but then I realised we’d already been there, sadly.
i met the man who wrote this book and worked for him part time at my last college, lewis frumkes, he’s an asshole
So, do you like, absorb the smarts by osmosis?
I looked at this for a good minute thinking it was a word placement fail. Can’t believe this is an actual book! Satire win!
What was the actual title of the book?
I hope you guys realize that the author is a satirical writer. If you read the first few pages given in the preview of the book on some store sites, its actually quite funny. You have to keep in mind at some parts that it was written in the 70’s.
Aside from facts, that’s the best title for a book EVER!
I no longer feel safe
>.>
Cannibal Win…
There can be only one!!!
LOL a perfect reading for Dr. Hannibal Lecter!!!!
Real book. Satire. Not really a fail.
Not fake. It’s listed on Amazon.com. It’s a satire. “People who bought this book also bought ‘Pride and Prejudice and Zombies’”
Satire is truly dead.
It’s not really a fail, considering it’s meant to say that; it is actually called ‘How to raise your IQ by eating gifted children’.
Oh, didn’t see Sarah’s comment.
wat a fail…
Did a google search. It’s not fake, it’s a comedic book.
This isn’t a fail-
It’s a satire.
Silly.
photoshopped? O-o
either way, i still lol’d ><
It’s a spoof book – check out the Amazon.com review. Who’s the f*ing fail?
This is a humor book, I read about it somewhere
l2satire failblog
i dont get how this could be interpreted any other way…
600th whoo
NO DONT EAT ME!!!!!!!!!!1
(YES IM A GIFTED CHILD)
John and Kate, I have bad news for you. But on the bright side I scored
a million on my SATs.
#38
Idk y, but I think I just died of laughter. xD
He’re’s the first chapter of the book:
How to Cook the Unlucky Gifted Child
First, you must find a gifted child. Go to your local kids hangout. Like a playground, school parkinglot, etc… Don’t go to Chuckee Cheese because they have kid check stamps. Once you have found a child that is plump and gifted you must capture the child and rape him/her. Threaten any witnesses, so they won’t tell the cops.
Once you have gotten your fat gifted child, take him/her to your residence. Remember to tie the child up and tape their mouth. Preheat your oven to 345 degrees. Once that is done untie your gifted child and put him/her on an oven pan. Season your gifted child with whatever sounds appealing. Kill him/her with a gunshot. If anyone hears do the same thing you did at the site you found your gifted child: threaten them. Remove his/her internal organs. Put the child in the oven and bake for 2:15.
…
Once you are done baking, put your gifted child on a platter and decorate with whatever sounds appealing. Now you are ready to enjoy your gifted child!
The next chapter will focus on how to digest the food and numerous recipies…
-_-
its funny when a “fail blog” fails
this book itself is the joke. its a satire.
Sounds reasonable enough.