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Cheezburger Network Blog
suitachi
Hitachi?
tomodachi
El Mariachi? (I hope you’ve run out, I have no more
)
Morning.
tamagochi?
liberace?
pronounced LIH-BER-A-CHI
Raymond Luxury Yacht?
pronounced THROAT-WOB-BLER MAN-GRO-VE
This interview is getting too silly, and your nose is fake.
your ear is fake.
your ear’s nose is fake
your fake ear is fa-REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL
your mom is fake
Your mom is fake.
That pie over there is fake.
your mom is sucking my dick
Fibonacci ?
Saatchi & Saatchi
Tamagochi beats all.
Except the ones it doesn’t.
Apache? (I’ve got nothing)
Morning *squeeze*
The Killer, Ichi (does this count? I am cheating)
Morning *squeeze*
you fail
Awwwww
now we all fail…
I grant Moomin immunity.
Pistachi! Yo!
Morning Ishmael
That took me by surprise! Do you regularly scan all fails for updates?
It depends what mood I am in mostly.
I occasionally look at the day befores before the first fail of the day to see if I missed anything interesting.
Don’t you?
Obviously you do if you were there. Doh!
I try to sometimes. Don’t know why you areombie though.
What? Areombie? “a zombie”
I mean “are a zombie”.
I’ll get me coat.
*squeezes Ishmael*
Come back! All is not lost.
I’d decided it was the best course of action last night.
I think it was the safest place to hide?
Though I have no idea what I was hiding from.
Clearly we all need help this Monday morning.
This looks like a job for Arthur!
*waits expectantly*
*sits down on beach chair to wait*
Oh bollocks.
*cries*
Morning! What job?
*squeeze*
Oops… sorry Moomin. Was that too hard? hehe
*squeezes Arthur*
Well, you see, The Moomin has not been playing a sex game, but still…
*pulls away large blanket to reveal sad looking Moomin on beach chair*
Pssst, Arthur, I think he would appreciate it if you pretend to be a certain Luigi.
Hello everybody! *waves* Greetings from you-know-where!
*squeezes*
*observes*
Mmm-mmh. Yes, that is a problem. But a little Bacon Lube plus some ice spray should do the trick.
Hi Mookie!
*waves to I-have-no-idea*
*squeezes Mookie*
How ya doin?
*waves at Mookie*
Hope you’re having fun
Sorry Arthur – am on a bit of holiday in Philadelphia.
We are having a great time!
Aaah, I see. Glad you’re having fun!
*writes a postcard to Mookie with a lot of wishes*
I hope I spelled the address right?
Hi czuch (ishmael?)! Thanks for the postcard! *hugs*
*waves at the gang*
How is everyone this fine day?
We all need help.
*waves and smiles*
*checks spelling three times*
Morning k-k-k-katy! I’m fine, it’s a sunny day. How do you do? And by the way, can I say katy or are the other three k’s really important to you?
*slips through the slats*
*waves*
*attempts to slip back out*
Arthur, “katy” is fine. I’m not sure why I chose such a fancy-schmancy moniker, to be honest!
It’s not sunny here yet…only 4:30 a.m….but it will be soon (about the time I tuck in for a good 8 hours of sleep!)
Nightshift, katy? I used to work in a night club and hated that aspect of working at night. Exiting the dark club and sunlight strikes the eye. A beautiful day starts and I was going to bed…
Yes, nightshift…although probably the opposite of working in a nightclub
I work at the police department! It was a very eventful Sunday night…2 pursuits and a threat of suicide by cop. Wheeeeee!
Whoa!
*hides spliff behind back*
I wouldn’t consider working as a cop the opposite of working at a night club. We cooperated mostly. Sometimes the cops didn’t, though.
Cops cooperate? Perish the thought! I swear, they’re like 5 year old boys running around trying to figure out what mess they can get into next. *grins* And I’m not a cop. I just dispatch for them!
*reaches up and nabs the diminutative ‘just’ from above statement*
I our redlight district the cops sometimes remind me more of 16 y/o boys. Testosteron… They occasionally act similar to the gangs, they just look different. But, to be fair, not all of ‘em, not all the time.
Katy! *wags finger* And after your blog as well!
*squeeze*
You read my blogs!!!
*blushes*
I used to write better. If you’re for real going to read my blogs, read way back before I was pregnant!
I shall start at the beginning, and when I reach the end. . .stop.
I’m afraid you’re going to find out infinitely more things about me than you ever wanted to know. I don’t exactly hold out on details. I apologize in advance!
I have only Hibachi (spelling?).
itachi?
Nakamochi
Suitachi? I think you mean “tsuitachi.” 一日.
Second, you fail. This is not the appropriate counter. I think you mean 一つ.
headline win
wats up
futsuka
Slipped through the sluts?
First Third Failers!!1 lol
There should be a failblog policy, so as to delete these comments from guys with no life.
then u will be the first one deleted every day..
Was this an attempt to insult me? You really are the fail lord, then!
By the way, it’s “you”, not “u”. But what can you expect from lifeless people…
No this is “an” way to insult you….
“How can you kill one which has no life?”
yeah seriously, community fail.
oh balls.
footballs?
hairballs. maybe.
eyeballs?
furballs?
You’d be amazed to all the different places balls can get trapped in.
For example: My friend was young, curious and bored, and with the
possession of a rather large keyring.
I think I went around with it for like a day until I finally had the nerves to
tell my mother. I remember it as it was yesterday, I’m always
extra cautious when it comes to medium sized holes or rings.
bacon lub didnt help?
Bacon lub is a cheap imitation.
You need the real lube. to get out.
I don’t understand. Who got trapped? Your friend or yourself? Or did you both get trapped in it?
“Hi mom, you may have wondered why Dennis and I have been so inseparable lately”
*ROFFLESNORT*
“Mom, you know how it’s said that everyone has a twin? Well, I found mine, and turns out he’s a Siamese twin…”
Errr, I fail, wasn’t me who got trapped. It was my friend
Sure it wasn’t, *wink*
meat balls
second
Really? Are you using IE3?
nevermind. lol
wow you are late, biotch
Testicles. That is all.
Trappedicles
Thatmorethanticles
Painticles
Stressedticles
Popcicles
Tentacles
Gentacles
Stretchedicles
STUPID ASS!
smart ass
Confuscius say, “It is far better to be thought of as a ’smart ass’ than a ’stupid’ one.”
LMFAO
So Arthur Eld, in this ^ I’m guessing the ‘F’ stands for ‘furry’!?!
Foosty!
Foisty? *gags*
Frightened.
Thanks. I really needed that image in my head. My lunch will taste much better now.
yeah! Clever deduction sleuth!
ouch. Suspended by ball.
The Beach Boys are in trouble!
I think Mario failed to mention that the oiling of his nuts facilitated the slipping.
And that he had not been playing a sex game.
And there were almost certainly no potatoes or mushrooms involved.
Almost certainly? Definitely. . .maybe.
*coughifailedtorefreshcough*
*hands over glass of water*
Err…I was just hanging this beach umbrella…
why the bench, not the testicles.
i prefer eunuch
cold water got him into that mess, cold water should get him out.
gonads
I’m disappointed Luigi wasn’t on hand to help.
Luigi Coccherini?
Tall fella? Wears green? Has a tache and jumps down pipes.
Tall fella allright. Wears a powdered wig though. Affirmative on the tache de beauté. Has a way with strings.
clickie
Thankyou
Am learning a lot today. Today I’ve learnt about
1. Constructing rabbit-proof fences.
2. Pirate evasion techniques.
3. Luigi Boccherini.
Now that’s a well rounded education
Now you need to learn about:
4. ?
5. PROFIT!!!!
Profit would be useful, I have a block on retaining useful information.
I have ? down pat though.
It’s all a mystery to me.
She moves in mysterious ways
God forgive me!
I’m a Mysterious Girl.
*daydreams of dancing under waterfalls*
*substitutes a Moomin for Peter Andre*
*dances and splashes in the pool with froggie wellies*
*is having a déja vu*
*offers czuhc the ladybird wellies*
*little head shake*
*hands on hips*
Well, well wellies… what have we here?
4. The use of double-decker buses in topiary.
It was all a ploy by Bowser to get Peach whilst Mario was, erm, incapacitated
No way!
I have no idea that were so expandible (is that the word?)
The nightmare vision of a friend of mine: To get kicked in the testicels from below so they pop in the abdominal cavity. And then they swell so much that you can’t get ‘em out…
Oooooouuuuch!
*second in = into. Maybe also the first. Dunno.
*testicels = testicles. BUKKIT!!! And COFFEE!!!
MUCH more coffee, for all!
*squeeze*
I’ve given up on today making any sense.
You are in standing in your right. It’s Monday.
What a balls-up!
wowtch! Some guy I know fell on his when inline skating. He needed an operation to get 1 back out of there..
Yes, I did see the x-rays
*cranks*
*thinks… What does ‘cranks’ mean?*
My dictionary tells me that it’s the movement your body makes when you get kicked in the balls. Is it a lie?
Hehe… I know a man who’d know!
You mean it’s not like in the movies where the guy makes a funny face, falls, and gets right back up? Hmm.
If I recall the face turns white, there’s a shortness of breath, the pain kicks in about then, you double over and drop to your knees, your teeth grind and then the tears… oh my word the tears!
Aw. Jeez, Benny Hill didn’t even fall down; he just put his hands on his head and made a funny face! Lies, it was all lies!
(Actually, I was hit there by a piece of machinery once. ‘Bout 5 minutes to be able to stand up straight, and another 10 minutes to start breathing normally again. I wasn’t hit all that hard either. That was kind of a bad day.)
Then someone is kind enough to shut off the video camera . . . sometimes.
Ian Fleming claimed in one of his novels that Sumo wrestlers used this technique to avoid them getting hurt when wrestling.
That was not the thought with which I wanted to start my morning
They’re not; this is an urban legend fail. Testicles don’t shrink when cold, the scrotum does in order to pull the testicles closer to the body to keep them warm. (There’s a long biological explanation why.)
Amusing story, but no more true than the one about the guy whose weenus got stuck/melted into his gf’s body by a lightning strike.
youtube- Mitch and reeves , u wont regret it……….rate it 5 star and coment
cheers*
Or we can just watch the angry beavers instead of your lousy idea…
Verliererlein
mehr Schein als Sein.
Arthur > Sam
The dirt underneath The Moomins fingernails > Sam
Moomin’s testicles > Sam
UR MOTHER > Sam
Soviet Russia Jokes > Sam
“Zombie Moomin”?
Erm, was the T-virus in the bench?
I died from embarassment.
Sam < Most
I’m going back to bed! *sigh*
Lucky you!
Today is not going well.
Are you ill?
Give me about half an hour and I will be.
*refuses to give jam half an hour*
Not if I have anything to say about it!
*takes stethoscope, otoscope, syringue, some other instruments I didn’t know I had them, puts on black cloak, dons hat and jumps on horse*
It’d make me feel better if you use the syringe in standard potato style on people higher up the food chain.
*squeeze*
It might get better. Maybe.
I doubt it. Optimism is not for Monday mornings.
You’re right. Optimism is for Fridays, the beginning of the weekend, and fun, and being that much closer to the next Monday morning, and…..oh. *sigh* Never mind.
*squeezes jam*
*pat pat pat*
Be better!
Thanks Katy!
*squeeze*
Sam = Inflatable trolls
Sam ~ Inflatable Trolls.
He can string a sentence when he chooses.
And he can reply. So, as hard as it is to say, Sam > Inflatable trolls. But only a bit.
Hence the ~ but even that I didn’t get right! *sigh*
Everyone exept Sam > Sam
That’s the most xenophobic comment I’ve seen today. You do not control failblog, and your threats are completely baseless. Now please go away, I think your kindergarten teacher is calling you.
Sehr schlect.
*inserts ‘h’*
*pats*
Oops!
*blushes*
I’d make a comment about passing a misspelled bucket, except that’s WAY too cheeseburger for my taste, even in jest.
I sure make even more mistakes this morning than usually, but ‘bukkit’ is no mistake but the FB-required form of writing that word.
Guten Morgen, mein Freund!
Moin Moin!
)
(Now let’s see what babelfish tells you…
But, but…I didn’t use babelfish!
*tears well up in eyes*
*sniffs and goes off to corner*
I thought you might do it this time. I know you usually don’t need to!
*tries to extract ‘h’ for own use*
*fails for it has become a ‘H‘*
Dammit!
Aye aye, Captain!
Pick the bed up. with both hands, carefully. Walk slowly to the ocean. Hang ‘em in until they shrink again.. And voila freedom is restored.
…or you drift accross the ocean.
…in search of Moby Dick.
..in search of Robert Prick.
I’m pretty sure if I had wobbly bits and they got caught in something, I wouldn’t have the presence of mind to think of something like that.
Or just cut them of, all in the name of liberty!
I’d shave them, if I were you.
I had a sex change just in case this happens to me.
Kind of drastic, but effective I’m sure.
Exreme?
I say drastic, you say extreme…let’s call the whole thing off!
There’s just no spark!
Be sure not to sleep on your belly though.
*make
No hairs, no glory!
I have waited ages to say that here.
Hahahahahaha.
*shakes hand*
Congratulations.
Thank you, thank you.
I would take some of the sand and start grating the slats.
Smile when the butterfly escapes the killing jar
He would have been much wiser to not have been naked, October or not.
Sssssssssssssssssssshhhhhh, it’s a secret.
I’ll risk it with the slats! The last time I went skinny dipping was in a mountain stream. One of the gals yelled “EEELS!”. I got out pretty quick.
“EEELS!”
I guess you have been waiting ages too to say that, haven’t you?
*crosses lyric from list*
Nearly got house now
Mark 2:11
That’s exactly what my first thought was.
No point breaking a perfectly good bed because of some idiots balls. They could have just cut them off, then he would at least qualify for a Darwin Award…
Why would that guy get an award for being castrated?
The bed already is as good as broken with all the ‘naked-guy-putting-his penis-through-all-the-holes’ goo on it.
Oh boy! it’s 3:546 already! time for my lunch.
You use ratios to track time on your planet?
No. In our country we always say the time like that. You guys would say:
12:06PM, I guess.
I work in your country and what you just said explains why I’m always late for lunch and appointments.
True, I to am always late.
*sigh*
Never mind.
Ah, no i don’t ^_^ i didn’t understand
(I still don’t)
3:546
Extra number made it look like a ratio instead of a time.
It’s not funny if I have to explain it!!!
*grumble grumble*
Ow my balls!
First Moomin, now you!
What’s going on with FB these days, when you all want to rush out and try the fail for yourself…
It’s to make sure it’s not photoshopped.
Not sure. Jet i see some differences in the background color.. But that does not necessarily mean it was photoshop.
Plane and simple: No.
Wow, Arthur, you certainly don’t glide over any mistakes! What propels you to be so blunt?
Sandy balls?
Does she?!
*thinks about how to make a comment with the word ‘aerror’ in it*
*fails*
By golly, you did it. Maybe even definitely, sort of, a little bit. ermmm…*ducks under Mama’s wing*
LOSL! PHOTOSHOP!!!11!!!! FURST 2 C! N0000BZ!
Sorry. Nobody said that to this comment jet. So i thought I’d do so.
*switches the word comment to the word fail without anybody noticing*
Ow! my balls!
Isn’t that the most popular TV-show in that movie… ehrm… Idiocracy?
You should see the new spoiler on my VW Polo…
You got your orchestras caught in that?
*takes a look*
Wow, the bigger the better, except when your balls are stuck in a sun-bed.
This is irony. When i just clicked ‘Add comment’ The song on my Phone changes to : AC/DC – Big balls.
“we’ve got big balls, i’ve got big balls!, he’s got big balls!”
“I’m itching to tell you about them!”
That’s less ironic than it is serendipitous.
Indeed. Irony is more like rain on your wedding day. Or not.
Oh, thank you for that earworm. Much appreciated.
*slouches off, grumbling*
Allrighty then. I won’t call it irony next time we are talking about big balls
And the song comes in at the same moment
Alanis.
My heart still flutters, just a little bit.
A guilty pleasure.
aha but THAT is less serendipitous than it is herentiousisousitysilesslyivitynessatingnessityingsy
mitch and reeves-youtube
Dickweed and Chris-youtube
Natalie Tran youtube
You Tube-youtube
clearly fake, what newspaper is that graphic?
PHOTOSHOPPZ LAWL!!!11!!!!121!!!
FIRST!!!!1 LAST!!!!!!1 OMGLOLOLOLOL
*universe implodes, explodes, and plays Mozart’s Eine Kleine Nachtmusik*
Funny, I would expect to hear
“A walk in the Black Forest”
when the universe implodes
I agree. Being a guy I can’t express how much it does not work like that. Testicles shrinking AFTER falling through the cracks in a chair while WARM and THEN turning cold, that I could believe.. the way he claims it, I tend to disagree. He probably pushed them through forcefully and then lied about how it happened. Can’t people see the obvious lie here? And like one other said, this is probably a work of a stupid liar with too much free time on their hands and a photo manipulation program like Photoshop or MGI Photosuite or something.
I scrolled all the way down here to make sure someone else noticed it, too.
Cold makes the boys tuck in close, warm makes them head out on the leash. Also, let’s be sure to mention that these “boys” are the parts of the mail treasure chest that do NOT shrink in cold water. The other parts do, but not them.
I was hoping someone else noticed this.
Headline win.
Why didn’t someone just get him a cup of ice?No need to go ruin a perfectly good chair when he could have just shrunk them back down …..Also no need to call 911 and be embarrassed. ; )
Being (um) bare-assed is how he got in this fix in the first place, I do believe, butt I could be wrong.
wow… fail.
Who takes a wooden chair to the beach anyway?
owned
repeat of an epic thread on Fark.com?
Well, with that, it was a bit of the scrotum that got caught, not the entire testicles..
I’m so very scared.
A MAN
Big balls win, Title fail, Wood chair at the beach? FAIL!
I call shenanigans
Not shenanigans. Your balls hang outside of the body in the scrotum because they have to be kept at a temperature slightly below body temperature. When it’s cold, they retract toward the body to keep warm, and when it’s hot, they hang out so they aren’t too hot. The water was cold, so his balls shrunk up, and then the heat made it so that they hung loose again.
I apologize if that was a bit too graphic, but it seems like you needed the biology lesson.
Yes this is true, it DOES work that way, but you are forgetting that if they are tightly compacted from coldness then they cannot fall through the cracks. That would require more looseness… the looseness of a warm not cold sack.
They were probably laying in between slats of wood, not necessarily hanging. The warmth would then cause them to “fall” in between the slats.
But falling between the slats doesn’t get them stuck there. This story could only work in reverse, and even that’s dubious.
I don’t see the fail with this one.
TITLE WIN
I think that should be put in the darwin awards.
Bah. Fake.
No one’s nutsack hangs below their ass when sitting. The guy would have to adjust everytime he sat down to avoid something horrible.
Also nuts don’t get smaller when cold like your schloong. They just retract.
FINALLY! SOMEONE ELSE WHO GETS IT!!! THANK YOU!!! For crying out loud, why can’t anyone else get that view point across in their head?
I’m slowly regaining faith in people commenting on this thread.
Shaft and sack: shrinkable. Lefty and righty – not so much.
TOTAL ARTICLE TITLE WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t need those things to be descriptive, that just sick, I don’t even need to know that.
Title win.
Why didn’t they just get a bowl of cold water and dip his balls in it until they shrank enough to fit thru those slats again?
Sheesh! Ruin a perfectly good chair?! Are they NUTS?!! LOL!
Kathi, my sentiments exactly. A big bowl of ice or a bucket of cold sea water would have saved him a great deal of embarrassment (and bare-nuttedness it appears) and saved a perfectly good chair. Otherwise, LMFAO!!!!!
For the ladies who wouldn’t know otherwise, and to the males who are to ignorant to know the difference, it is the scrotum that is subject to a change in “size” with temperature variance NOT the testicles themselves. The testicles don’t freely change in size once mature. The scrotum either descends or ascends based on temperature to keep the testicles at a stable temperature below core body temp. In fact in this case, the fact the the scrotum returned to “normal”, would mean the scrotum would go back to descended state which would in turn make the testicles easier to navigate out of a peculiar situation. This is just simply makes no physiological sense….its a fake.
of course, the plural form of “testicle” is testes. but you knew that, right?
The singular of testes is testis, not testicle. But you knew that, right?
Trapped by beach balls? What kind of title is that?
The kind that makes sense. He was at the beach, and he got trapped by his balls.
Masturbation fail.
I can’t wait to see the new warning signs on the beach!
I would call this a Beach Ball Win!
oh ouch ouch ouch
Maybe he was freed by the “jaws of life!”
I’ve heard the same story when I was in the army. The difference was the nuts went into an empty barrel in a fuel deposit. The funny thing is they had to move the guy+barrel outside the facility before cutting the barrel due to explosion risk!
This is obviously fake, and probably written by a girl who has no understanding of the male anatomy.
They sent a “member” of their “staff”?!?
This guy died though. He didn’t died because his balls got caught, he died because of old age. That’s how freaking old this is.
That’s why you should always put a towel down!
reminds me of the epic fark thread
help or chair will eat me!
This story is so old…
why is it that even the comments on the fail blog fail… i mean wtf do these comments have to do wit the fail???
OWNED
Story is implausible at best.
Sounds more like an urban legend to me.
This is a fake article. Appareantly people still wont get that balls doesn’t shrink, but rather retract (and thus cannot get stuck), when cold.
Dude that is the funnest thing I have read. If I were a guy and that happen I wouldn’t show my face at the beach again.
thats not a fail thats a big ball win
hes must hav big balls if they had to cut the damn chair…i mean they cud hav given him an ice pack, or scared him
Big balls fail.
I know this beach ( located in Istra – Croatia ) and i can confirm the story is 100% True
Searider is correct. Testicle do not contract. They retract and the scrotum shrinks when cold to keep them at a relatively constant temperature. He would have to have been in very warm water which made is scrotum expand, his testicles go down farther, slipped through the slats, then contracted.
HAHAHA I’m from Croatia!
Wait, why am I laughing?
Why didn’t the beach mainteance take a bucket of cool water to shrink them again O_O o_o
*singing the Super Mario theme song* Nice going Mario…
Man…. why does this kind of shit always happen to us… XD
@Kreeey That means that we have big balls, so you have every right to laugh XDDDD