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That’s a win!
My thoughts on Marriage exactly!
Doctor’s diagnosis:
cause of retardation…marriage?
cause of marriage…retardation?
i believe that mental retardation came first, hence that is what cums first
Yes i concur with that 100 percent
So make a change.
I seance some therapy in the counsel wing.lol
They just need one sign here. Duplicate sign Fail!
So that’s why Scientologist are mad!
yes they is!
ha! Wha…?
Marriage=duh.
Definitely a win!
not.
true.
a-l-e.mybrute . com/cellule
Can you beat me?
yay
Nay.
Way.
Gay?
Fey.
Hey! Stop it (c-c-c-combo breaker)
Paraguay.
Uraguay.
Uruguay.
I think it’s redundant in having two signs.
Yes you make a good point Siberias
Marriage=retarded?
Probably. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
You buy the cow in a bundle deal to start selling vast quantities of milk. Thought I must point out that I never thought I’d compare dairy farming to pimping and prostitution!
actually, when you mentioned bundling, i thought you were comparing cows to microsoft. “can i bundle my milk producing service with my procreation service?”
Why, sir, yes we can!! it’s called a … woman!
ewwww, but she only has two breasts, and smells like fish!!
oh, a few upgrades can handle that.
how much are the upgrades?
nevermind, you’re right. here’s a cow.
Married cows don’t give milk, or didn’t you know?
Married cows? When did this happen? And why don’t I know about it?
It’s a government conspiracy, Mr Doe. There is a spoon and the cake is not a lie.
Can we use the spoon against the cake and eat it?
Not this spoon!
Why not? *suddenly suspicious* What have you been doing with it?
We’ve made a few…changes to it.
What kind of “changes”… something the public shouldn’t know about spoons?
We’ve
added a bug to itlengthened the handleAnd this handle lengthening is going to tell us what exactly?
Nothing really, it’s just that we at the FBI thought we needed to
monitor you closely, 24/7, for 5 yearsmake your spoon using more efficient.I see… and what if I don’t go near a spoon, use a
spoon or buy one in the next 5 years?
You’ll have trouble eating soup?
Damn your right err I guess I guess I could drink it…
No problem. Here, have this cup…with three ears…for…um…your convenience!
If you’re not using your spoon, We’ll
dispatch our Thought Police squad and kidnap you in the middle of the night without your loved ones knowinghappily replace the defective spoon.Oh yeah because three ears is a real convenience… I think I’ll go without soup for awhile…
Thought police?!? Is nothing sacred any more? And what if a loved one did happen to know?
Don’t worry, there are no spoons.
Well that is not what is going to happen for the loved one will not know and they aren’t sacred for some reason like they aren’t cool being sacred they want to be out of sacredicity and go and rape others
Huh?
I’m sorry,
you mention them again and we’re putting you in Room 101 along with the other “prisoners”we don’t know what you’re talking about.Not the loved one… I meant my thoughts… and sacred probably wasn’t the correct word to use.
It’s dark and i can’t see anyone. is that my mom???
this room is freaky… OW what the f was that?!!?!?!
My butt hurts now
T.T
Wait what are we not mentioning again? The spoons?
John Doe, for your protection I suggest you stay away from all cutlery.
But they can’t find me I’m John Doe remember?
And I wanna steal this bugging technology…
We repeat,
you know, the Thought Police Squad, who can read every inch of your mind and are never asleepwe have no idea what you are talking about.im sorry if i offended you
But they will never find me EVERYONE SAVE YOURSELF STAY AWAY FROM THE SPOONS! AND I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THE SPORKS ARE IN ON IT TO!
We control the Spork industry. That’s aalll we’re saying.
You control it eh? Well then we shall create a knife, spoon and a fork all in 1 thing now how do you feel? And why the hell are you now the CIA? Their in on it too? Awww crap.
I’m sorry, but [strike]The CIA and FBI are evil[/strike] Bondfan is just high.
How do I do the strikethrough? I’m not familiar with the strikethrough [color=00CC00] command on this particular [size=13] BBCode [/size] system. [/color]
Or this particular BBCode at all…
I’d get messy; I’ve just showered.
As every member of my paysite knows.
…if it weren’t for the condensation! What’s the matter with you? I mailed you like a hundred times “WIPE IT OFF!”.
I demand a refund.
Sorry czuhc, I was making condensation art. Next time I’ll leave you a message on the shower glass.
Ok A different spoon then? Or maybe a spork?
Cake+Spork=Win
Sake+Cork=Not drunk enough
Sake-Cork=My god! I’m Blind!
Oh for goodness Sake, take off those sunglasses. You’re not blind.
Did we all forget about the mental illness comorobid to marriage?
*sigh*
Don’t I know i…um, I mean…Oh yes? Is that what they say?
That’s what “they” say…
I’ve always wanted to meet they.
I tried, but wound up meeting them instead. They weren’t home.
Cow….true
Why buy a pig just to get a little sausage?
What’s with the 2nd mental?
If you’re mentally healthy, they can cure it.
Ahhh ok
Either way you’re in a straight jacket (figuratively or literally)
Not if it’s a gay marriage
How so?
cough*”straight” jacket “gay” marriage? Geddit*cough
OOOOOOO
o_0
Thanks for the help!
*roffles*
Thanks for helping explain that … and here’s some Benadryl for that cough.
Why thank you.
Hey, is there something wrong with this Benadryl? It tastes fu-Zzzzzzzzzz…
Oh NO!
Now he’ll miss the plane home and be stuck in Japan Land!
*shakes BondFan* (remotely using telekinesis)
WAKIE UP!
Noooo sreeepy time, muss go home Rundon Engrand!
If he misses his plane, will he be ronery?
only if misses prane
ROR
lofr
LSR
Bereft = stranded in the Tokyo Airport
I didnt know short round was a protected fbi accomplice.
F.B.I. = Fail Bog Inc.
Yeah but c’mon “short round” thats hillaaaarious!
NyQuil: the nighttime sniffling sneezing coughing aching… wtf am i doing on the kitchen floor?!?! medicine.
How about both?
Look, Sam’s back!
Yay!
*yells sarcastically*
Hey!
*yells spontaneously*
*yells, just to be yelling*
GRAHAHAHHHHHGHHGGRRRRRRUFFFFFFLESHAVERRRRIDGES
Where’d that come from? *ahem* *sorry*
Good morning, then.
*whispers to be different*
*cough* *I can still hear you* *cough*
* *
WHAT?! WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?!
Seems like yelling will get you everything!
if you believe that, you’ve never tried yelling “free beer outside!!” at a busy nightclub. i didn’t know bouncers could move that fast. also didn’t realize the reason they’re called bouncers. my head hurts.
I said * *
I heard that.
If you’re retarded, go get married !
If you’re married, go for retarded counseling !
Double Win !
- A Geek Story
Do the words “We don’t care about your sodding website” mean anything to you?
hi sketches are shockingly bad. but at least they’re better than his punchlines.
his sketches are shockingly bad. but at least they’re better than his punchlines.
Hmmm, he has a website about SOD?
Does it mention getting rid of weeds?
Which kind of sod stands up to foot traffic best?
I love dirty websites!
You should take your own advice “If you’re retarded, go get married !”
Theres nothing wrong with learning how to satisfy one woman instead of dissapointing numerous others.
Well said even if she was sofaking it!
She never fakes it……she just lets me suffer and asks whats taking so long.
And I agree with you.
assumption fail: women cannot *be* satisfied.
Sounds like a politically correct fail to me.
It’s a win-win situation.
Unless your one of the staff because then you have to deal with
retards and marriage problems…
Hehe, I came here for a pickmeup, and there it is…
Love your work JD.
To be married to a woman in an honour, they are the most powerful
species on earth. To be not in a sound mind(retarded) is not
having a woman in your life. What do you think …..?????
Depends, what kind of woman?
This is true! 5eagles might think differently if he was married to the crazy cat lady from the Simpsons.
Or Hillary Clinton.
Hillary Clinton: NOT a LADY
I think you’re wrong! To get married to anything is a constant FAIL, so if you are married, You’re retarded!
I’m married to an elevator. The relationship has its ups and downs, but it’s alright.
I’m married to an escalator. We take it one step at a time, and so far our marriage hasn’t been derailed yet.
I’m married to a downward spiral.
Does she like Nine Inch Nails? XD
I agree – I just got married in November and haven’t been happier!
Call me back in 5, 10, 15, 20 & 25 Novembers and let me know the status.
And while you’re still high on your “Just Married” Endorphins, bottle them and save them for future use.
No it does not. If a woman chose you therefore she is not
retarded .lol
Yeah what if she’s a stalker…
stalkers are possessive women or men that have so direction
from their objective of desire. No jam i am not married to
the crazy cat lady named Jam lol. ..I am a single man/father
with four kids .
Obsessed?
Yeah what if she’s a corker…
My favorite part is how the right end of that “E” goes over the frame.
Wow sad…
Not really, at least it wasn’t one more repetitive “You don’t need two signs” comment.
It was just an opinion…
I know. Sorry – I just woke up like an hour ago and I still have “morning grouchiness.” No slight meant.
Yeah no problems didn’t mean it that way just touchy real tired…
Hey! Let’s be grouchy together!
*Grumbles something about trolls and existential anomalies with spoons*
Good idea! *muttering angrily about something that has absolutely nothing to do with this post… oh and the spoons cousin the spork…*
Thanks! *Grouches about people who can’t deal with cigarette tax hikes… and the fact you never see metal sporks*
Soooo tired… *mutters angrily about how the stupid government can’t make the correct choices and screws the people over*
By the way, haven’t I seen you on CSI?
*agrees*
Hmm depends which John Doe are you referring to? *winks*
I wish I could be one of those actors – airtime on TVs most poular show and all you have to do is lie there.
Do you know how hard it is to lie there and not breathe?
well this pic is fail…. honestly. getting married beside the shrink?
btw
I like Turtles
I’ll remember that for your next birthday.
I’m going to go and fetch the “Most Random Comment of the Day” award.
The day isn’t over yet BFF!
Very true. I’ll keep it by my side for safekeeping, along with the Universe Implosion button.
…and the Inuendo Machine?
Psst…
*changeyourname*
Ahem!
What would you get if you rolled the FBI, CIA, NSA/CSS, MI5, and ASIS all into one?
Alphabet soup?
Either that or some horribly sneaky STD.
Both?
And please no soup remember the spoons?
I told you… there are no spoons.
I want an official letter from the FBI saying there are no spoon bugs…
Like that will work… last year they assured me there were no spork cooties, and look what happened since.
This is not good at all… the knives are my biggest worry…
The knives are simple to predict and avoid. They can only cut. The sporks, though – do they stab? Scoop? Crush? THey’re sneaky little bastards.
Uh uh you forgot stab, slice, dice, shred and disembowel…
Okay, thanks! …I guess… *cough* mental *cough*
Anyone notice how it points to the flat stomach ads?
There are ads?
Ad Block win!
*does the Ad-Block dance*
*does the flat stomach crunch*
*Does the fat stomach munch*
*does the deez teez boogie*
Sorry, you’re not caller number one. Try again later.
I think the most important thing to a healthy marriage is just having the woman know its her fault. It doesnt matter what it is, its just her fault.
What?!? In my relationship it’s always MY fault. The really bad thing is: It is.
There there Arthur!
*pats*
I’m improving. Slowly.
Maybe you have to man up lol
Arthur, have you not read the marriage manual. THE MAN IS ALWAYS WRONG AND ALWAYS HIS FAULT. I can send you a copy if you wish.
That’s the “revised edition” I presume…
I’m afraid it’s the original. Beware of counterfeit manuals.
Hmm maybe we need to re-revise it…
Can do!
Ok so we need a “get out of jail free card” to begin with…
No problem. Please submit your revisions and we will gladly review them. We will call you.
Hmmm who is on the review board? And if the shredder has anything to do with the “reviewing” stage…
We’ll decide if we can tell you who is on the review board in our next meeting.
As we said – we will call you Mr. Dee.
Now, good day sir!!!
…and by Dee I meant Doe.
—
DOH!!!!
I want to personally review the reviewers for the re-reviewing of the marriage manual.
Please submit Form AZFC451243809CG. A member of the team will call you. Good day sir!!!
I wan’t to review the review form (AZFC451243809CG) for the personal reviewing of the reviewers for the re-review of the marriage manual.
At this point we have NO choice but to review YOU and your ill intentions. We will call you back.
Hmm. Am I wrong or is it about time for some German?
That’s cool. Let’s have it.
Achtung! Der finger poken und vas keyborden ist looken liken hunten pecken und vast causen computen spitzen sparken, und ist maken muchen failen bloggen.
I don’t think I need advice for having a good relationship, but thanks anyway.
Well said, sir! The most important relationship advice is that which you give yourself. Well said indeed.
Also, please ignore my name in the previous comment.
We are on to you Mr. Counterfietter!!!
*is now aware of name in previous comment*
My job here is done then.
Even if it looks like its your fault, she made you this way.
Like failblog posters know anything about marriage, or even getting laid for that matter. How can somebody read all these posts without wanting to stab themself in the eyes. Im guessing the average age here is 13-14?
Feel free to reply to this you lemmings, I wont be reading it.
Hey, fellow failblog poster! How are you?
He’s gone, Arthur. Needs to prepare for his 12th birthday party.
Will he ever get laid?
Not with his gouged out eyes.
Why are we concerned about him getting laid?
We feel sorry for the little virgin.
Nice comebacks, guys. That guy SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So you stabbed yourself in the eyes then huh…
Yeah, that had to hurt. But at least he/she/it doesn’t have to suffer through reading any more of these posts. Tch tch tch; it’s just too bad there wasn’t SOME way for him/her/it to have not had to read all these.
No way. It’s addictive.
Way too addictive…
And two-way addictive also. Once you read, you keep reading, and then you can’t help but post; pleaseSHOOTme is a perfect example of this. I’d bet money on the fact that he/she/it has read these last few comments and is fighting the urge to reply.
Yep I have to agree cmon pleaseSHOOTme we know you want to…
NOOOO pleaseSHOOTme, resist! Don’t give in! Prove that you’re a man just once!
Naw, I hope he/she/it doesn’t, ’cause then we’ll get more insults, and I’m very sensitive to insults.
But insults mean we win… and he has already posted 1nce cant be long now…
1nce? Is that any faster or more conveniant than writing ‘once’?
Hmm no it isn’t once it is then!
*stabs eyes*
But attention on the other hand…
Oh, that’s right; I’m an attention whore!
But, I fear he/she/it won’t be back. Too bad. I feel like there was some bonding going on there.
So its time travel and dismemberment your aiming to fix? No problem if you have a Necronomicon available. Just $29.95 +S&H.
Oh oh oh; I want one, I want one!!
I’ll pay no more than $20.00
*bangs gavel*
SOLD! To the man with the funny green avatar.
Great I’ve always wanted… umm what the hell did I just buy? What does it do?
Damn! I didn’t know it was an auction! I thought it was an info-blog-mercial.
Tell you what I’ll sell it to you for $30.00 its the best buy of the umm well HISTORY yeah it’s the best buy in history!
I must warn you that the Necronomicon is a powerful gateway to the world of the dead. Any fines or criminal activity resulting from raising of the dead is not my responsibility.
Hmmm ok but only if I can pass that on to the sucker I mean person i sell this to/
Sold. I also have some wishing monkey paws available. Only problem is that all of your wishes come out with some horrible twist.
Hmmmm maybe not but i could probably put some business your way for a small price…
Maybe you could go on a hunger strike.
… go together like a horse and carriage …
Why did the horse run away?
You would too if you were called Muhduhrsssspfff your whole life
I laughed.
That video is great!
.
Dunno, haven’t seen it so far.
Haha! Awesome video!
You’re making me jealous!!!
Big brother blocked Youtube.com entirely. BASTARDS!!!!
Right. Room 101. NOW.
Dammit!!!! Every time … never fails….
The site they’re also blocking then is collegehumor.com. If you want to work around it, try Google Internet Commenter Business Meeting and see if you can find a copy (not a link, obviously) on a site that’s not filtered out.
Blocked also.
Will have to wait till I get home.
We ‘love’ GWB!!!
Me too……regularly
Um…what?
I’d like to marry that retard hard
You have my blessings.
I usually take the Tappan Zee – less traffic. (I know, pretty much a NYC-area insider reference).
I don’t know why, but the guy who said “PWNED” made me lol.
Awesomely excellent!
Agreed!
HEE!
Did someone call?
*travels the interwebz*
Another fail?
Oh wait this is a win.
I can’t believe you haven’t been blocked yet.
I can’t believe your mom hasn’t been blocked yet.
*has made a your mother joke*
Wow that was mature.
Don’t worry I blocked his bumhole up real good last night
*examins comment*
Nope, no joke here.
Wrong reply button, huh? Same old insult, right? You’re boooooooring.
Nah, I’m at school, and I have better things to do than worry about these failtrolls.
Trolling Xbox Live > Trolling Failblog.
Trolling the intermale for some man gash?
Yeah that’s exactly what I”m doing. Fail.
If you would allow me to copulate with your ear
so as to induce further retardation I might consider marriage.
I see where your mistake is. Let me clarify:
You are the troll.
Better try to learn something in school. It may be too late though.
Yes I agree, I am “a” troll, but you’re mistaken there are more.
Unfortunately you are right. I will not ask the obvious (“why”), because I’m sure you don’t have a reason that’s worth considering. Simply because there is no reason to behave like that, apart from being immature. Grow up, young man. While you’re in that process don’t bother us, please.
1. It’s failblog as a blog it’s pretty much open to everyone.
2. If you wanted me to leave you alone you could’ve asked.
Comments won’t nest under Slash Gash Terror Crew. They’re afraid that being a troll is contagious. Like knowledge. Or… not… pidgeons.
Just make sure there’s a strobe at the wedding reception for maximum effect
All your life choices are belong to us.
Well Judy you belong to me lol
I love the way she drools
but really I’m just in it for the parking
LOL, one in the same arent they? LOL
RT
http://www.anon-tools.at.tc
Yikes! We have some bitter people on here! I hope you aren’t all serious…but may you’re all right? Retardation causes marriage? Hmmm
Consider the legal system in America, the insane demands placed on men, and the entitlement complex that women seem to have. Then, consider the fact that women can do nothing in a marriage, pop out a few kids, then divorce the husband when she feels bored (i.e., “irreconcilable differences,” or she found a new “bad boy” to f***)… and as a result get the house, the car(s), the kids (at least majority custody, with the ability to completely ignore or circumvent any visitation agreement at her whim) lifetime alimony, child support, half (or more) of the MAN’S hard-earned money, force him to pay ridiculous legal fees to a lawyer, and ultimately levae him a broken and battered man…
…and yes, we would be entirely correct in saying a mental defect would lead a man to get married in America (or virtually any Westernized nation, for that matter; see Britain, and even worse, Sweden).
Finally, accurate direction signs!
hahah I would call this a win…. hahaha
clearly photoshop’d
Nope. No photoshop. This is actually on the wall in the Washington DC courthouse. I took it on the way to my buddy’s wedding.
photoshop fail
Nope. No photoshop. This is actually on the wall in the Washington DC courthouse. I took it on the way to my buddy’s wedding.
Amantes sunt amentes?
“They only need one sign”
This looks more like a proximity win to me…
That made my day!
This may be the DC main courthouse – in which, child abuse and spousal abuse are down the same hallway as these two.
I’d meant to take a photo when I was there, but they’re really touchy about photography.
the one problem being overlooked:
Those retarded people who marry are the ones who breed.
um…. nebody think “BURN”
Is there a way to contact a administrator to ask questions about uploading content to the fail blog?