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Cheezburger Network Blog
Huh?
This explains it better… (click name)
Thanks, beerdrinker! Maybe now Judy knows how Little Judy came to be. (~¿º, )
This is what’s been missing from my life! Many thanks!
I’m off to the liquor store…
that explains everything..
It gets you drunk and then you copulate with strangers without considering the side effects
Probably the best explanation we’ll get today.
That’s a WIN!!!!
I agree entirely!
Couldn’t be more right my friend
that’s how my mom got pregnant with me!
That comment is rather shallow and pedantic. I don’t like it at all.
That being said, I agree with it.
I agree shallow and pedantic.
Hmm. Yes. Shallow and pedantic.
Indubitably. Shallow and pedantic.
This could not be more of a WIN imo. These are words of wisdom that all you ladies should take to heart (and dudes too if she knows you)
Indeed.
Definitely a WIN. Sardonic does not equal fail.
ditto!
thats a nice first comment,
it is like a comment fail
It’s a WIN!!
this should be a win, should it not?
this is definitely a WIN.
alcohol leads to poor choices, poor choices can lead to pregnancy.
thats more of a epic lulzy win
I know people that can testify to that!
Doesn’t the fifth amendment give them the right to not testify?
Yes – but if you give them enough alcohol they will anyway.
The fifth amendment is always superseded by the fifth of alcohol.
Now, at this point, I had the RIGHT to remain silent… but I did not have the ability.
– Ron White
You should have LEFT it unsaid.
What are the two of you UP to now?
Recently I have been down and out.
B, A, B, A, Select, Start?
you know that shows your age…… and now mine too!
NO. up up down down left right left right B A start.
Konami code Bish.
Reset.
FAIL for not capitalizing “down”.
Fail for capitalizing all of fail.
FAIL for EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE!!!
You’re just trying to capitalize on all our failings.
His capital gains are impressive, though.
Yeah, but they get taxed far too much by the capital.
*waves to friends*
So that would be a capitol gains tax!
*squeeeeeze!*
Heee! Nice one.
*squeeeze* I need lots of hugs, a friend died last night
*squeeze*
Sorry to hear that Loz.
Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry.
*lots and lots of hugs*
I’ll even pinch your bum if it makes you feel better.
Oh no. My deepest condolences.
*hugs*
When I say died, she was murdered. So all I’m really feeling at the moment is anger.
Bum pinches might not cheer me up, but they’ll certainly lighten the tone
*pinches back*
Ohmigawd. That’s so horrible. What a terrible shock for everyone.
I’ll be thinking of you, and her family.
*more hugs*
I know, it’s so bizarre. Can’t even begin to think of any motive.
Thanks sweetie *big hugs*
I’m very sorry to hear of your very tragic loss, Loz. I was friends with someone that was murdered, too. The shock and disbelief stayed with me for awhile. I hope you can get to a place where your emotions find some peace soon.
*hugs*
Thanks Admiral. I hope so too. We grew up together on the same street, it’s hard to come to terms with. Just saw it on the news
Some people are messed up. *solidarity hugs*
I’m so sorry to hear this Loz.
*Offers hugs*
My deepest condolences loz, *squeeze* In time hopefully it will be alright, but for now our prayers are with you and for your friend.
In a criminal trial, yes. Civil, no.
I testify against that, I dislike him.
*squeeze* HIYA!
*squeeze* Heya you
.
could anybody let me now what squeeze is? please? newbie here
From the failxicon:
*squeeze* – Term of affection.
From “squeeze the Moomin”, which in turn derives from “squeeze the Charmin”.
See also: Moomin
*waves*
*SQUEEZE!!*
How have you been?
Busy. See vvv there. But, it’s almost lunch time, & I think I’ll go out today.
.
How’s your world shaping up? Did you have a nice weekend?
I had a very eventful weekend, I saw a rabbst at 1 am and I am going to state it was the Easter bunny. Ate way too much and had tons of fun, how was your Easter weekend?
Velvet – where ya at?
in deed. you could shoot someones testicles off. and if the bullet hits someones uterus!!PAFF!!there you have it. Pregnancy.
Random reply win!
Sorry, the Random reply award was already given away today. See the previous fail and look for my comment near the bottom of the page.
I thought that was the random comment win.
No, it was a Mythbuster:Busted Win!
So…the random reply win is still available?
If it was, silencer wouldn’t receive it.
Is Wildog Mexican now?
I actually am half mexican.
That would explain the Spanification of your name. I’ll have to read through some of the recent fails to see if I can catch up.
I’m here! I keep getting called into meetings to put out fires. Fires started by salesmen who have gotten into trouble with their customers, so they’re throwing the customer service reps ‘under the bus’ to redirect the boss’ anger. The boss knows I know what’s really happening, so I set the record straight. Now the salesmen are back on the hot seats, but it’s worse since they lied.
.
Glad I’m not a salesman.
Have you considered Dancing With the Stars for a living?
There is some stiff competition for that job.
It’s a hard field to get into.
I wood consider it if I had the free time.
I can set some salesmen on fire, if that would help.
I’d be more apathetic if I weren’t so lethargic.
Strudel with beercake win!
Ha! This happened to my girlfriend!
You don’t say…
Did you find out who did it?
and why?
… Did you do it?
How would you be able to tell if you were going to get pregnant anyway?
It’s one of those mysterious “woman” things that men cannot comprehend.
Hardly. Just a difference in hormone levels. You can feel it the same way you feel any other emotion or mood difference.
Total and complete “understanding the humo(u)r” FAIL.
What’s gonna really bake your noodle is, would you have gotten pregnant if I hadn’t warned you?
stop bending my spoon man!
it’s not your spoon that’s bent.
There is no penis. I mean spoon.
Do not try to erect the penis… just say, there is no penis.
Meaning?
Yes. There is.
Misinterpretation of the use of the word meaning?
The endings justified it.
*gets ready with the universe implosion button*
Go ahead. I want to see what happens.
I’ve always been a curious sort.
he already imploded i thought?
Well, the guy on the previous FAIL certainly isn’t.
good point
*universe implodes, explodes, is incinerated in a fiery ball, plays Beethoven’s Ode to Joy, Schubert’s Military March and Mozart’s Ave Verum Corpus, juggles Kim Jong Il, a cucumber and the Chrysler Building, and recites the Bible backwards*
Crap, Rosa get the hose we have to go cool everything down, or are we dead?
I know I’m still alive-I was at the resturaunt at the end of the universe.
*oohs and aahs*
*Moans and Aahs.*
I know I wouldn’t have any kids if it weren’t for Stolichnaya. Prolly wouldn’t have the husband, either.
Still the best vodka in the world! Used to keep a bottle in the freezer all the time. I call it Milk of Amnesia!
Loudmouth Soup.
DAMN those Russkies!!
*mumbles something about precious bodily fluids*
We have medicine like that too
Did you drink him pretty?
And employed. And without the lazy eye.
And it’s like that goiter and peg leg just faded away.
Yarrr!
Same here, the employed and lazy eye part. Drink and sport – very strong basis for control of the masses
*puts some of Mookie’s Stoli in his coffee*
Wha…? Control? *sip*
Don’t you be dancing with stars, now!
*starts drinking before pregnancy*
Got one for me? I have two (2) meetings this morning, and I could use a drink first…
I didn’t know you wanted to be a mommy, WN!
Never, EVER dilute Stoli, even with something as precious as coffee!
…Don’t even put ice in it (see above for proper storage technique).
Yep. Slap a nipple on the bottle and you’re good to go.
Now there’s an arousing little good-luck ritual I could get into.
*tears up* You guys are…my heroes… *sniff*
Hey! Don’t tear that up! I haven’t read it yet!
Don’t drip your tears in the bottle Malcite. Dilution is bad!
…Unless they’re Chuck Norris’ tears. They can cure cancer.
Malcite is Chuck Norris?
No, that’s the catch. Chuck Norris has never cried.
Great choice of beverage by the way
Why Fail? This is actually pretty accurate, depending on how far you take the chain of cause and effect.
…and, according to Fox News, you’ll also get herpes.
LINK PLS. or it didn’t happen.
*sigh* Google fox news herpes beer pong, There, I did most of the work for you.
Lazy bum.
Wow. Fox news biology fail.
Fox news fail at absolutely everything, this is no surprise.
Except at being absolutely unreliable. It excels at that.
But… they say they’re fair and balanced. They wouldn’t lie to me, would they?
Of course not, darling.
And Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are all real, too.
Whew. Obama you muslim terrorist marxist! Damn you!
Bet thankful you’re in the U.K. Over here about 40% of the population actually believes that kind of crap.
Oh, you just made me want to cry. Why did you have to remind me of that???
I know. Stupidity and hatred will never die. BTW – where in the U.K. am I?
*snorkity*
Um…I mean, ACHTUNG!
Little Germany in Bradford
JAWOHL!
*slams heels together seriously hurting himself*
*facepalm*
*plays a round of “Where’s Arthur”?*
I lose. Did I confuse you with BondFan?
Admiral von Schneider?
*facepalm*
*Plays a round of “Where’s Arthur?”*
Oops, I lose! I got the correct hemisphere though?
(post fail, apologies if this shows up twice)
Is the US it was 46% (click)
“In” the US…. (bukkit)
To maintain a true balance, as well as telling the truth they’ll have to lie to you as well.
*walks away confused*
As well as blaming you, I blame me as well.
(I think I had a point at some point)
To maintain my New Balance, I buy a pair every 6 months or so.
first
Fail
First to Fail anyway
Sarcastic humour isnt fail, your incapability to understand or recognize is FAIL.
Quiet, dumb woman.
nice hat
Why thank you. Nice geometrics.
*ponders “incapability”*
I like that.
Were they drinking?
Who?
Shut up deck
Oh, stop. You’re such a card.
*clubs you*
*Calls police. Interrupts their card game.*
Come on, have a heart!
You don’t have to get so rough; I was only calling a spade a spade.
*shuffles feet nervously*
WhoaNellie, you’re always playing the joker!
*Deals a crippling insult to … someone*
Well, guess it’s time to cash in the chips.
You’re just a diamond in the rough, aiki!
Looks like we’ve got a full house on the blog today.
I’m feeling a little flushed.
…time to thrash in the hips.
im sorry…
Warning Win?
I appreciate how the the fail is pointed out. I wouldn’t have noticed it otherwise.
Unfortunately, his finger is blocking the other part of the notice, something with department of health?
its annoying how his finger blocks the rest of the notice, something with department of health?
This is definitely a WIN. Not sure how it can be a FAIL when it’s so true.
Because its a syntax error.
Fix it and recompile.
This problem does not exist but has been added to dataset.
Your dataset has been corrupted.
Abort, retry, get the hammer?
Write, compile, run, reboot. The Programmers’ Motto.
Upgrade your compiler. The new version fixes that.
A syntax error is an error in communication regarding the structure and logic of a statement. It is not a computer problem.
I agree its not a computer problem. It’s a programmer problem.
Or, as management might say, it’s an opportunity!
It’s an unintended feature.
Looks like a chair to keyboard interface problem.
Problem exists between keyboard and chair.
Error code ID:10T
Blargh, stupid WordPress eating comments, then getting sick drunk and spewing them back out!
Error code ID:10T
Problem exists between keyboard and chair.
A syntax error can be generated by a faulty parser, like reading “compiler” as “computer”.
Submitted by Ralph Nadar!
I thought that said Ralph Radar at first…
Yeah. Everyone knows his last name is spelled “Nadir.”
Does drinking lead to having octuplets?
only if you are really drunk or drunk or more than one occasion
Or if you are just a completely retarded bitch who thinks everyone loves you and will give you money.
And gets away with it.
Drinking will cause your beverage to disappear…
It’s gone. It’s just gone.
*cries in corner*
I don’t think any amount of drinking can cause that. That can only be accomplished by God’s will *cough cough*
Or a good fertility clinic.
Actually, a BAD fertility clinic.
Only if you drink an 8-pack. Or an octopus.
But sharing your 8-pack with the octopus is no good. Those cephalopods are heavy drinkers.
Just so long as you’re not sharing your eight-pack with the octopus. Those cephalopods hog all the booze.
This is totally a fail of a fail.
HUGE win! Couldn’t be truer. As a mistake baby, I’m proof of this maxim.
Perhaps the real fail is that it’s true. Can never tell what the fail blog administration is thinking these days.
Drunken spawning? Hard to swim upstream when you’re that drunk.
I got into bed one night back from the pub and got into bed the wrong way round.
I thought my wife’s knees were her tits and her tits were her knees,
but her rotten breath still smelled the same
A little Stoli can clear that up on both ends.
not that it stopped me anyway
*sprays*
HAHAHA!
It’s true!
I don’t get the fail factor; makes perfect sense.
Lets have a drink and talk about it
I would say its a Epic win, not Epic Fail
you fail
Drunks make the best lovers
They have staying power, I’ll grant you that.
and the best fathers
Best drivers too.
don’t forget dancers
Chamone! HEE! HEE! *moonwalks up to Mookie*
Oh yes too true. Drinking until the kids disappear is challenging and shows strong
character
How do drunks make the best lovers? They pass out and smell really shitty.
It’s all in the timing.
Alcohol makes it difficult for men to climax, so it can make the sex last longer.
Gives a new meaning, for women anyway, to the expression “beer belly”.
Funny!
This isn’t THAT fail =) it makes sense to me..
(please don’t flame too hard, I r new here)
*hands Jordan an ‘is’*
Welome to fail blog.
*hands Jordan an ‘am’*
Just ignore that ‘is’.
*takes jordans “is” and gives an “am”.
I dont think that’s a fail … I think it’s a joke sign. Drinking alcohol BEFORE pregancy would make no difference to anything … so no matter what followed the sentence it would make no sense. I suspect the sign is for funnies … making a funnie out of a funnie just doesn’t make sense.
HASA!
BRAIN!
FOOT!
Drinking alcohol DURING pregnancy of course is bad. Babies don’t need booze, they don’t have sorrows to drown yet.
If you suffered from foetal alcohol syndrome you might reconsider
So THAT’S what the worm in a tequila bottle is.
OMgosh aint it the truth! Epic WIN!
RT
http://www.anon-tools.at.tc
I always suspected…
You always suspected what?
That the world is run by a group of people known as the Pentumvirate.
It’s actually run by a cluster of Pentium chips.
That explains a lot about the world. Damn floating point errors.
I am STILL a virgin!!!! YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
Drink?
Just don’t offer her any meat or you’ll lose her.
Wow! I am like totally falling in love with you right now … ooops, it passed! I like that you remembered though
How about meat disguised as meet?
Better have some kind of protection cuz I’ve already had one child. That’s it. I’ve contributed to society.
:: pats self on the back ::
Virgin Mary, I presume?
Hey, if Mary can get away with it, then so can I!! :: ducking to miss flying objects ::
Mary? I know Easter must be a difficult time for you, hope you’re doing ok. *squeeze* OH NO! Not pregnant AGAIN!?
It’s NOT mine!!!!!
*Ponders Leila’s contradictory postings.*
*Pulls out bible…reading…*
Mary? Is that you?
Holy Leila, mother of God?
Wow, refresh fail! HAHA
WARNING: Alcohol can make you so drunk that you believe you are stil a virgin even after giving birth. *goodbye squeeze*
Aww… *squeeze*
LOL! It could happen.
I’ll back you up LEILA.
I’ll swear on your the fruit of thy womb that I was with you all night!
Sssh!
…or on your Fruit of the Looms…
No, Lacoste is too high for that.
You might be able to Jockey for a better price.
I’d never be able to Levi enough money for it.
My Maidenform’ed me that there’s a sale this week.
Maybe I can Wrangler trip out if I’m Quick(with my)silver.
(Ok, that was a stretch)
I’m sure you can. You’re a real Champion.
(Careful. If they stretch they never fit right again.)
You must be so Prada yourself.
Joining in this pun run? That’s Espirit!
I would do more but my Armani has been aching a little.
I’d mention my mil-spec cargo pants at this point, but that wouldn’t be Propper.
*takes ‘your’*
*stores it for future fails*
Thank you jam. *squeeze*
Any idea when we might have the second coming? Need to schedule around it
No second coming tonight, I’m exhausted from the first one.
Typical bloke!
Hey, I’m the one that does all the work!
Please explain because if what you say is true, then you need to do it with a human … a female human preferrably.
He gets them too drunk to react. Hence drunks making better lovers.
Just give your hand a rest for a while then.
I call that a win.
My life is brilliant.
My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I’m sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won’t lose no sleep on that,
‘Cause I’ve got a plan.
You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.
Maybe if you were into better music you might have had a chance
That was too blunt Granny!
Just trying to sharpen Shane’s technique (lame I know)
You’ve got a lot of edge trying that! It is a dull song to be fair.
his song is dull, your reply is dull. did you plan that? like, in a sinister i-know-i’m-posting-on-failblog-let’s-make-this-clever kinda way?
You’re not insulting jam, are you?
*stern face*
He’d better not be. I haven’t had a good *FOOOOOM!!!*in’ in a while now, and it’s been building up for a while.
If they are, let me at ‘em. Let me at ‘em.
*looks distinctly unimpressed*
Aww.. *squeezes all round*
I feel like one of the family now.
Shucks…
*wipes away a tear*
I don’t give a crap about Spooky guys anyway!
Are you kidding, that’s a WIN!!
This is most definitivly a win,
a FAIL is the guy that posted it as a FAIL
At first glance this looks like a fail, but if you read it, technically it is not.
It says
“Drinking alcoholic beverages before pregnancy can cause pregnancy.” Technically the person is not pregnant yet if they are consuming alcohol before pregnancy.
Failblog Fail.
And technically, if you turn right on Kitchen Dick and right again on Woodcock you’ll get to the country club. Does that mean it’s not a fail?
That shouldn’t be a fail, that’s pretty funny…and possibly TRUE! lmao
girl drinks
girl get drunk
girl having sex without knowing because shes drunk
girl getting pregnant
I dont see a problem in this warning sign
My life is brilliant.
My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I’m sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won’t lose no sleep on that,
‘Cause I’ve got a plan.
You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you
Double whammy win.
My life is brilliant
Your life’s a joke
You’re just pathetic
You’re always broke
Your homemade Star Trek Uniform
Really ain’t impressin me
You’re sufferin from delusions of adequacy
You’re pitiful
You’re pitiful
You’re pitiful it’s true
Never had a date that you couldn’t inflate
And you smell repulsive, too
What a bummer being you.
-Weird Al Yankovic
HAHA!
I’ve never heard that version.
Of course, there’s even a video…
My favorite version.
this should totally be a WIN!
this planet would be less populated if more women read that sign!
LOL This is a win!
Please just go somewhere and die. If you already read ten people say that this is a win what is the point to posting it an 11th time. Learn english and reread sign.
What’s with the harsh today?
It is harsh, but let’s face it – no value added is still no value added.
I agree, but there are nicer ways to deal with this. It’s like we tell everyone, if you don’t like it, just don’t read it. It’s not that hard to ignore the valueless comments.
Who is we?
There have been numerous comments on previous posts regarding not wasting your time reading or watching the fails and comments if you don’t like them.
I just fail to see how telling someone to go somewhere and die adds value to the site…
Your welcome?
I was sort of figuring that both the Nth “this is a win” and the Nth “shut up, that’s already been pointed out” were intended tongue in, um, cheek… like everything else on this site.
Failblog needs a troll filter.
You are right. I should just join the fun….
That picture is totally photosoped you can tell by the shadows. ROFLOLWIWFD.
Well, perhaps I hadn’t seen the other 10 comments reiterating my comment, Perhaps, I just saw the picture and in my mind it was win so I scrolled to the bottom of the page and posted it. But you wouldn’t know that would you? Because you just like to assume things, because you’re ignorant.
wtf!!
Truefax!
That’s actually true. Alcohol does cause pregnancy.
For the love of god please stop. If you cannot understand the fail do not comment.
What cracks me up is that about a week ago someone actually said the best way to read FB comments is from the bottom up, because all the good ones were at the end (!!)
Right now that’s true.
I’m a newbie… But I agree with ya. U tell ‘em… lol.
That’s a WIN. And it’s true, because alcohol can cause pregnancy. But it’s photoshopped. So failblog fail.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hi SK!
Its like an episodode of the twilight zone today.
You’re a bit too sensitive today, right?
I came up with another overused blog to add to our list.. the Yakoff post: “In soviet Russia sign pregnates you!”
I think it’s awful to make fun of alcoholism and pregnancy this way! I’ll bet this was just a publicity stunt for a European TV show!
DAMN THOSE EUROPEANS!
*long rambling comment about how Failblog commenters are all stupid idiots with no lives trying to one-up each other with their in-jokes, rhymes, and unfunny puns that no one gets*
(“even longer reply full of spelling and grammer mistakes disagreeing with what you wrote and insulting randomly”)
*even more random penis comment*
*surprise squeeze*
* even longer reply asking for help with school project*
When did that happen?
Someone help me/AE out: Wasn’t it about a week ago?
Yah, about that. Arthur, did you miss Mr. Anthropology student posting a zillion times asking for help on his paper? He posted yesterday with a “thank you” on one of the threads, I think.
Hehe! Too bad, I think I missed him. Did someone tell him wrong things he should write?
It was ANT207. Example fail was Camaro Fail.
-stares-
How is my lurker impression?
*tries desperately to resist the urge to boop Retaba’s nose*
it is failure to forget that the comment failures are what failblog is trying to win at.
I thought it was:
Phase 1 – Collect Fails
Phase 2 – ?
Phase 3 – Profit!
Unrelated: phil just tried to win a kindle.
Arthur…you just made me belly-laugh.
*SQUEEZE!!*
Good!
*squeeze*
…and probably thinks his story didn’t post because there’s 300+ entries.
I hope he writes it 5 or 6 times.
Negative. That can be true. I say………………………….greatest sign, for today
Here are a few alternatives to this sentence…
1) Eating before swimming can cause swimming.
2) Smoking before running can cause running.
3) Blogging before reading can cause reading.
Do those make sense?
Yes.
*drops glasses* “No! no! there was finaly time! I finaly had time!”
*Boom* goes the universe
Jack Daniels better pay child support.
My problem is with Jose Cuervo =B
Yeah, I suppose that’s the case.
sounds accurate to me!
This is not fail, but a good warning.
I guess poking holes in condoms just isn’t enough anymore. e.e;
It certainly is a WIN.
It is especially true for those who use NFP, where it accounts for many of the failures of that method.
Or is it warning win…?
Dude, GUYS! This is a WIN! It’s hilarious, because it’s TRUE! Think about it folks….
um… i’m pretty sure that makes perfect sense… getting drunk often causes ppl to do stupid things…
so i believe it’s actually a FAIL fail…
ha
That’s not a fail… it’s just a funny saying someone printed up.
Totally a win! If you get drunk, have sex unprotected, then you could totally get pregnant!
WIN WIN WIN!
Who knew?
THAT’S. AWESOME!
Another generic comment of praise!
Sign win.
Failblog fail.
So obviously a win.
seeeeeems more like an epic win on this one, to me
Hey…..does the word ‘irony’ ring a bell at all with anyone? In the words of Mork: ‘Humour…ar-ar-ar’
Friends don’t let friends park drunk.
While I’m sure they meant to say something else, the sign is essentially correct…
SO not a fail. That’s an EPIC WIN.
This has been Photo shopped
WIN !
it says…”before pregnancy”…that’s definitely a win maybe
Pointless pointing fail.
…in a way, it IS true…
this isn’t funny guys, after she got pregnant the baby died
Win, absolutly win