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Fiiiiiiiirst! Yes, I’m drowing in firstness! FIRST!
so what ?
Said the guy who has been trying for a lifetime to get a first place, every time by trolling, and every time failing to do so.
The irony.
i’ll get the next one.
NO, ME!
This is not a fail… it’s a win…
I would agree. “No Drowning” is an epic win when it comes to a warning sign.
U losed. Ur firstness is cancelled. U r lostedededed.
At least, I know how to put a picture next to my name.
You don’t.
me > you
Nice to see how many morons reply to “first” message. They always fall
in the same pit trying to seem smart but failing so much!
Small mistake – the moron is the one who spams and trolls in order to get a first comment.
Everything else is the natural outcome of it.
I beg to differ there. Unless you have a heavy duty, unanswerably troll-proof burn to dish out to the offending firster, it’s better not to bother talking to them at all. As you can see, it only encourages them.
Uhm, you can’t differ with a fact. Most of us usually don’t bother replying to their brain-dead comments, or one makes a reply unrelated and all the rest reply to him, but some get annoyed. I.e. Sam.
You can’t post a “FIRZST” comment and go unnoticed…chances are you’ll be flamed until you weep. And this one’s nothing.
I’m not sure what “fact” you’re referring to, so I’ll just clarify what I said before. I disagree that posts following a firster are “the natural outcome of it,” and somehow that saves them from being moronic. As this page clearly illustrates, most of the replies to firsters clearly are, wasting valuable page real estate for those who want to read and create interesting content.
The only exceptions are incredible witty insults (which convert lameness into an opportunity to create interesting content), such as my favourite by Arthur Eld: “If he ever has sex, he’ll learn it’s not always better to come first,” or those who wish to have a bit of fun before throwing the troll-cadaver to Boggy, sort of like Dragon did with you.
It’s just my opinion but I have a right to differ with yours even if you prefer to call your them “facts.”
-them (at the end)
The only failure is your inability to contribute wit to the topic at hand in the, erm, first place.
The only first that matters is the first pithy, biting riposte to the original item, that brings hearty laughter to the intelligent and the biting sting of envious tears to the unimaginative trolls whose only function would seem to be to litter these fora with puerile attempts to claim the first response to each new item.
What is needed is alacrity AND WIT. Alacrity alone is irrelevant.
Well said, old chap. Well said.
I don’t think you was ever first with anything that’s why you need to shout it out load when you comment first on failblog.
never chosen first with gymnastic for example
and reacting on a nerd who is luring around all day to become
‘first’ is not failing. i’d say that’s showing someone who is failing that
HE is failing and no one else.
So what? You’re the one who can’t stand seeing others BE first.
I don’t mind people firsting, as long as it isn’t in public.
It doesn’t bother me if others are first because I am tolerant of others.
I respect diversity. After all, if It bothered me that others are first then I could just turn off my computer. Right? Or maybe go to another site.
At least, I know how.
I refuse to.
you <<<<>>>>> you.
failed post. Lame.
I also said your picture is lame.
Might I enquire as to why you don’t want a picture for your avatar?
He likes having rotational symmetry.
A picture would fit in this frame quite well.
So do I, that’s why I only pictured my top half.
3 reasons
I’m lazy,
I can’t find one that’s good enough for me.
…and safety.
I’ll make sure to cite your “3″ reasons when I wear a pillowcase to work tomorrow.
His third unwritten rule is no drowning of course.
No. That’s definitely written. Or photoshopped, at least.
No he may have intended but he didn’t write it…
(references tybootekk)
use your own photos
no you’re not
…fully able to integrate with modern soceity.
*passesbukkitahem*
*dunksheadintobukkitohmygodpooptartsyuckahem*
If it isn’t my secondary account!
Ouch. Betcha didn’t expect to be the one dunking into the pooptarts you poured. My sympathies!
Intawesting,
thats just been sprayed on by some random kid lo
hah YOU FAIL!
first
Randomly typing numeral positions?
15th?
Sam knows very few other words.
O’rly?
POOR SAM.
*enunciates every word*
I love it how he replied to the first poster above.
so what?
Oh the irony.
Who would have thought Sam is capable of irony?
It was accidental, so I suppose Sam’s irony doesn’t really count.
Certainly not. What’s up with your name?
Whoops! I replied to a comment yesterday that suggested I was Failblog, and I forgot to change my name. Apologies to the real Failblog.
The next time you do that I’ll start squeaking “DOT ORG” after your comments.
omg you’re so funny that my chest is still hurting !
^a prime example of failed sarcasm.
You think? I wasn’t sure whether I should feel insulted or not.
Sam? Are you having a heart attack?
Quick! What’s the number for 911?
Quick! What’s the number for the funeral?
No, don’t ask me, just don’t.
Something is funny here…
You’re very colourful today, Zurack.
Zurack’s out of whack… or did someone push the button?
Well he doesn’t seem to be able to count past one!
*doesn’t stop at one*
It is the loneliest number.
(Morning!)
Three is a prime number.
)
(Morning!
Gah!
Synchro? scary. really.
I can’t help it; it’s my gun.
Three, that’s the magic number.
(Where did everyone go?)
Where were you? Remember, my cams are in your bathroom, not in your office.
yes it is!
(I’m here! haha)
I’m right here, same place as usual.
*repositions Arthur’s cam*
There, is that better?
*collapses the horse*
I hope you’re not working!
I would never work during collapsing the horse time.
Well, that’s a relief. For you!
How are you doing? Had a pleasant day yesterday?
I did actually. I thought I was going to get mugged as there were meant to be protests near us but it was like a ghost town. I even managed to get onto a tube without having to fight.
I did see one guy with a bandage around his head, a black eye and face covered in blood though. I guess some people weren’t so lucky.
Ah, you’re in London. Good idea to have this big international meetings in a town where millions live… I would have suggested the Isle of Man or something.
You don’t seriously expect them to have any sense do you?
They have! There are no hookers on the Isle of Man – what are all those guys supposed to do after work?
Collapse their horses?
The funny part is the I’m NOT the guy with the bandage!
Jam, in a position of power you HAVE your horse collapsed.
Perhaps the G20 leaders should be feted in Siberia instead. And while they’re out there, wall them away from the rest of the world, so we can get on with the business of living without any further interference from any of them.
Then charge it to state coffers.
thirst
sadly i’m beyond drunk (yes i puked) and my life has been shit the past couple days, and this is the best i can come up with. sorry…..
I can second that… actually I uh… can’t remember what I was gonna type… comes from drinking £1.30 bottles of piss tasting cider.
There goes my planned weekend activity!
Then you can go droning. It is not as exciting as drowning but at least it is not forbidden.
I can be a bit monotone. I’ll try it!
I’m quite sure that that’s a lie.
(Morning!)
You haven’t heard my recordings!
(Morning!)
That’s the second time you talk about them so it’s now time to ask: Recordings?
I have to put my training sessions onto our interwebbes.
Interwebbes? Is this Olde English?
And training for what, if you don’t mind my asking?
Customised internal apps plus MSOffice apps. BORING….*snores*
Aha(
)
And by recording you mean a training video where you do a voice-over ? Or do you sing about customised internal apps plus MSOffice apps?
Yes, that’s about the size of it.
You really don’t want the world to end just yet though, so there’s no singing (at least not on the published ones).
I prefer interwebbes to portal. That just sounds like some kind of space-time pathway.
I prefer jam.
I prefer chocolate spread.
like nutella??? Mmmmm nutella and peanutbutter…
No! Nut Nutella, that has nuts. I don’t like nuts (not edible ones anyway).
You mean… those others aren’t edible? *spits* Gak!
Are you crazy? The fall from Beachy Headwill kill you
The beach is quite long, I don’t need to go that far up. I could jump off the pier but that too is forbidden.
Evil councils, spoiling all our fun.
*shakes fist*
(morning!)
Doh! More BC. *sigh*
*squeeze*
Sorry, been wanting to slip that in about Beachy Head for a while.
*roffles*
*crosses off from list*
Now if we can just get the conversation around to juggling spiders. . .
I juggle arachnids.
(p.s hi moomin!)
Now if only I had a clever comment lined up for juggling spiders. . .
*looks hopeful*
(Hi there)
wow, this is an epic fail… well, so far I have obeyed that sign! yay me!
Drowning makes technicolor a sad panda.
Same. Sometimes I get the chance to intervene. Once it was my daughter. Leaving her grandfather in the surf was a very hard thing to do. Fortunately, he stayed up long enough for it to end well.
I’m really quite confused on whether I should be happy or sad from your post.
Both were okay. I must’ve been having an opaque moment, sorry… (got my girl in, but had to leave him there in order to help her, then got him next, then lay on sand almost heaving for a long time – pretty tiring). Oh, and I like to build sandcastles, btw.
You should build a monument to your success. I am glad.
Impressive! I ought to learn how to swim properly. Fisrt, I must figure out how to get my head under.
dive in?
You’d think it would be that easy wuddntja?
It is. Trust me, I’m a doctor.
I’ll HIT you in the water.
*squeeze*
*squeeze*
*tease*
please!
Hey technicolor, have you also got a son who changes into a girl when he drowns?
nnnnoooooooo! see I’m only 2 years of age. I doubt I even produce sperm.
top twenty
Top Twenty what? Songs? Books? Sub-Saharan Dictators?
Uses for a potato?
1. Vodka
2. Fries
3. Mashed PoTaTs
4. stuffed potatos
5. Twice Baked.
6. etc etc etc
That’s not the vicar’s list.
3 should always be safety.
You will think I am crazy, but I prefer “profit” to “safety” for #3.
If he thinks you are crazy, querido, surely it is for other reasons.
(t.q. *besos*)
Because I wear a Mexican hat at the office? Because I am in love with you?
Nah, he does not know me so well.
(besos, mi amor)
A hat! You know what happened last time one of us wore a hat… If you bring yours, I’ll bring mine. The usual time and place.
Did you mean “the usual rhythm and pace”?
You have a very dirty mind. It is one of your most endearing qualities (and you have many).
Those qualities bloom under your sunshine, and grow in your direction.
If that grows any bigger, I am going to need to call in some help.
It never was so easy to solve all of the problems in this world! “No starving” signs, “No infecting with AIDS”, “No accidents”…
No giving me Chlamydia.
… sorry man, I can’t go back on that one
needs a No Fail sign
What happend with your Youtube Account ??
I never had one. Why are you asking?
So who’s tube was I looking at if not yours?
Dunno. What did you see?
(Morning Moomin! How are you?)
You! Someone else has a tube attached to you, maybe jam is spying back on you?
(How do. Tired, between sitting at computer have been in several rows with boss. Going to be sporadic today. How are you and your ankles today?)
(You should get to bed earlier
)
So should you then
You two are sweet.
(I’m alright, Moomin, thankyou.)
Sweet as sugar. Time to shop for a ring.
(morning fellow deviants! *squeezes*)
Morning Mookie! How ya doin?
*squeeze*
Had to run out to buy coffee at 5 am this morning. Better now!
I’m outta milk. Horror! Was too lazy to buy new milk, but I’ll go any minute. Just five more minutes…
It’s probably the physical exercise that makes you feel better, not the coffee.
…
That’ll be 25€ please.
(Good morning everyone!)
What’s up, doc?
@Arthur:
Ask Gretl to go and get some. The exercise will do her good too!
…
Ahem! *is waiting with palm turned up*
Don’t worry about Gretl’s exercise…
Busy busy busy.
In fact, the past few months have been the busiest of my whole life: building a house, becoming an associate in our practice, trying to reserve some quality time for the family,…
Oh, I get lots of physical exercise. The caffeine just kills the pain when I come down off the coke.
*spits in czuhc’s palm* Good?
Hehehe *diabolic macho grin*
Taking advantage of her condition, eh? Hehehehe.
It’s mutual advantage.
.
Things are going good for you czuhc! Congrats! But you still have to plant a tree.
*looks at palm*
*ponders*
*gets some twisted ideas of making some quality use of the spit*
You could use it to shape your beard.
Ebay.
Actually, I planted two trees last week…on two placentas we still had lying around in our freezer.(To the dismay of some of our friends who stumbled upon it when looking for some ice. Wim: *Holding up plastic bag* Czuhc, what’s in this bag?”"A placenta, Wim”).
@jam & tybootekk:
Brilliant!
Ewww. But ok, you’ve done it all. Time to retire.
thnx *blushes*
*mumbling to self*
I will not retire before I have cloned Mookie from this spit. Then I will make her sick and take advantage of her.
Muhahaha…
*drinks potion to become nice czuhc again*
A clone! Great idea! I can double my billable hours, and make the clone clean the bathtub.
Why did the word “threesome” jump to my mind?
You have to wait for our anniversary for that, my impatient one.
I really don’t see the problem in using some elephants to do this kind of stuff.
perhaps it is necessary to post becuz the people there wish to drown?
it’s actually the #3 spot for suicide-drowning-attempts/successes in the northern hemisphere.
They shoot violators on sight!
Bahahahahahaha
hahahaha,… drown in the solid concrete??? May be my grandmom will… hahahaha
Grandmoms have the power to pass through solid objects?
Gimmie it.
Grandmoms have the power to taste like jam (or was it the other way around?).
Jam tastes like a granny?
How do you know?
I feel that that comment did not reflect well on me, for some reason.
On you?
I’ve really gotta change my name!
I thought it was going to be Bob? Short for Kate!
I can’t make a good anagram with ‘Bob’ though.
Obb?
Bbo?
Are anagrams really your primary concern?
Well….ummm….
*wonders what the correct answer to this is*
I dunno if ‘The Moomin’ anagrams well either.
“Me thin moo”, “O, moth in me”, “No mo’ meth min” … Uh, yeah, I guess not.
We could combine the two and call you Kabob?
I don’t want to be meaty!
Sheesh!
No pleasing some people.
And what, might I ask, is wrong with being meaty?
It reminds me of Baconlube.
I like Bobkat.
What things do you like?
I like Moomins, hence The Moomin.
I liked Jam,
It’s who I am.
Be Jam then?
You’re right, I will,
Jam I be still.
*apologises for poor rhymes*
You’ve nothing to apologise for,
Your rhyming ways cause a guffaw.
*squeeze*
I would post a link to prove my point, but FB monster would eat this comment.
All I can say, is, “Use a spoon.”
To eat out granny?
You said it, we didn’t.
Oh god, I don’t know which is a worst situation to think about – someone eating a granny that tastes like jam, or eating jam which tastes like a granny (and for that you’d have to know exactly what a granny tastes like)… *vomits everywhere*
Makes Baconlube seem attractive.
I keep telling y’all. I’m an acquired taste!
Which, once acquired, is damn near impossible to lose.
Yeah! Sorry about that.
*looks sheepish*
Have no fear! I’m a lifeguard and have special training for cement drownings!
When is that lesson? i always thought it was in classroom 911… but i always and up at bakery for homo’s…
quite the hairy situation…
homos?
…M.C.A??
precisely
Aw man
. I wanted to take Sam there.
I’m afraid his intelligence is so low he probably doesn’t know how to drown.
that IS pretty low
it’s not easy u know
Yeah, considering that his full-of-hot-air brain will make him float…it’s almost impossible.
How would they punish you after you drowned, anyways?
by not giving you a proper burial?
Is the guy is trying to save himself from drowning by singing Y.M.C.A?
I don’t know, but it looks like it’s working. He is already for 50% above the surface!
Who is this person, NO? and why has someone drawn him drowning?
The german minister of artz und dezein?
Maybe the artist is a James Bond fan and it is a representation of Dr. No drowning.
OT:
I noticed that the lolcats and loldogs sites now have 15 “recent comments.” Why do we still only have 10?
Advertising space?
Maybe so for the advertising, but their comments rarely go over 100. Maybe they’ll give us wonderful failers 20!
(I’m trying to think positively.)
Why do u care?
Because if there are a lot of comments at one time, I have to scroll through to find the ones I missed, as I have a slow computer. If there are over 100 comments, that takes a while, and then I get even farther behind.
Then you see the absolute gibberish and cry gently into your paws at the wasted time?
*sigh*
Unfortunately. Sometimes it’s not worth the click.
*squeeze and whirl*
*falls over*
*catches Moomin before he hits the floor*
*squeezes, then tips hat over eyes*
*flys off*
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Where are you going?
*flies back, hovering just above Moomin’s reach*
I wanted to see if you could fly. Your hat has so many magical abilities. My magic does not nullify my curiosity. Hee.
Watch carefully. . .
*turns hat upside down, pulls out pink fluffy cloud*
*puts hat on, jumps on pink cloud*
*floats up to meet Sidhe*
Amazing!
*puts paws against cloud, starts flying*
Let’s go faster! Hold on tight.
Up, up, up we go…!
Their comments rarely go over 100 because to read it them is hazardous.
You never know, they might just! Not that it makes much difference, what with the 300 thing and all.
*takes back the bukkit*
Maybe someone should write a stiff letter of complaint to whoever’s in charge.
And just to make sure you understand that we really mean it, we will put the word NO in red and underline it!!!!!
Mmm… wonder what the penalty for drowning is then?
… wait, 4:59 am? what time zone is this?
I’m pretty sure it’s Pacific Standard.
I wonder what penalty you get if you do drown…
You just copies me…
*copied*
I did?
Yeah, I posted almost the same comment before you but it’s not like it matters. I’m only saying it cos I’m bored and have little else to do. I have become what I hate – posting pointless blogs because I have little else to do with my life at the moment.
Let’s put it this way – I haven’t been able to find a job since September last year!
Yeah. There was a time when zombie-exterminating jobs were a dime a dozen. It’s this cursed economy!
Drowning forbidden!
who drowns there, shall be sentenced to death
Kinda like the law that it is illegal to die in the house’s of parliment. Unless they punish your family.
Dang, there goes my weekend plans…
This is absolutely amazing. Reminds me of when the punishment for attempting to commit suicide was death.
Violators will be waterboarded.
Clearly nobody knows what “drowning” actually means. It’s another term for dunking, or pushing someone else underwater.
Shouldn’t there be another picture of a person then?
Or maybe it’s a smurf or something. Oh dear. Oh dear.
No. It’s a picture of the person PERFORMING the drowning. You can’t see the other one, since he’s underwater.
I should be able to drown wherever the hell i want.
safe
another clear example of win
and another reason why we need to be able to vote fail or win
It’s punishable by death.
Where is these people’s common sense? You might as well put up a sign in a forest that says “NO GETTING EATEN”.
or “No breathing While in the Forest”,???
Guest who will obey that??
lmao that looks like high cliff same cement dock and smae picture
This is actually the beach’s proud statement that no one drowns there.
I love how the NO is printed in red and underlined. Otherwise people might just overlook it and think they are ordered to drown…
One of the things I like doing with Failblog pictures is trying to figure out what it was supposed to say. For example, “We eat kids for free” is obviously supposed to mean “Kids eat free”
But the best ones are the ones that you can’t figure out. “No drowning”? I can’t see someone putting that as a typo.
It does seem pretty self-explanitory! Just don’t drown! It ruins everyone’s day.
Well, I guess even better than the ones you can’t figure out, are the ones that were done purposly and are just ridiculous!
This is graffiti! Failblog fail!
THANK YOU!! Finally, someone else felt like using their brain. :\
The lot of you – Get a life!
Somebody obviously spray-painted it as a joke, IU don’t think a legitimate sign would be painted on a wall.
Shame on you, failblog.
*eyeroll* it doesnt matter!!!
Last. Hopefully!
No Shark Bites
Graffiti WIN
anyone caught drowned or drowning will be prosecuted
Is this pool filled with H2O? Or maybe it’s H2NO?
How about H2faux?
I didn’t think it was funny either!
im170
we srent aloud to drown?!?!? why?
WIN!
This was taken in Door County, WI because just this summer I saw this and took a picture of it on my phone! lolz same cracks in the cement and everything!