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Cheezburger Network Blog
I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!!
I love how that one guy just watches
I’d probably kick her while she was down for bad acting skills.
Damn, who keeps putting BaconLubeā¢ on the floor?!?
Sorry, I knocked the bottle over last time I was using it with the fish.
Maybe she is allergic to paper
Maybe she is allergic to paper LMAO
i’d love to twat that old lady right in the face. just because her side was loosing i bet.
did she die (youtube failblog spam ftw)
I tinks teh questions shood bees, did teh papers died?
*blink*
You and fluffy?? I had NO idea!
*squeeeeeeeeze!*
*SQUEEZE* Hello Dragon
Me and Cuddles??? I had no idea! *SQUEEZE*
Careful, if you squeeze too hard you might just slip out like – well, like a wetfish covered in soap…or lube.
Hi, Dragon!
Hiya, guys!
Dragon!
*hugs Dragon*
*hughughug*
I feel so popular today!
Can I have your autograph?
*smacks wolfgang with piece of paper*
I was here first!
Sorry wolfgang.. donno what got into me.
somebody should fist that old fart and knock down bag of wrinkles and show her who is boss around these parts
You better be talking about the woman in the video.
I was thinking that too…
*adds top-thread hijackers to the list*
Dayum, that list is getting long. :/
well seeing as what happened she need not be fisted,
just a few sheets of paper will do a job worthy of calling
the ambulance:P
pro ex. soccer player
if u fist dat mak sur u use sum lube on dat tite ass
You Win.
I can’t believe whoever is speaking says something about arresting the woman. Assault with a deadly magazine?
Lamestream Media will do ANYthing these days to keep from going outta bidness.
I wonder what magazine it was?
Touch Foul weekly
Most appropriate I could find is “Topics in Pain Management”
She shold play soccer
Newsweak.
Newspeak (ug 1984 reference)
Go to your room 101.
quoi? huh? what?
*wistfully walks to his room*
Aw, rats.
Its a shame that your wittiness has gone unnoticed there bud
Haha, rats. That’s funny. Rats. Pun intended I guess.
beautiful lol
beautiful, lol
Room 101, where all your dreams come true.
Time to do our duty to the party.
I thought that’s what you said at first glance. Was a little fearful.
SQUEEZESQUEEZESQUEEZE
You always know how to make me feel safe
*matches squeeze for squeeze and then one more squeeze.*
Fwaple.
Is that in any way similar to Fworange?
Clearly a soccer magazine. The contents of which were immediately absorbed by her brain on contact. Her bad acting is proof.
Ooooohh! I’ve got somethin’ in my eaaahhyyee.
well, technically it’s battery, even though that old hag made a big stink about a harmless swat.
Ummm… that was a courtroom and the guy speaking was the judge. The lady likely wasn’t injured and definitely hammed it up; but yes, you should be arrested if you assualt someone in court in front of a judge. That actually would go down under the “stupid criminal” category… assault in front of a cop, stupid… assualt in front of a judge, stupider… assault in front of a judge, sherrifs, lawyers, etc. in a courtroom with closed circuit surveillance, epic fail.
not really a assault to pet a old lady with a magazine or a bunch of papers, if u can get arrested for that it would be a big error in the law system ecp when u can see clearly that she do not hit her hard
they also said to call an ambulance.
they did not x)
yeah, but who cares about elderly people
No one.
she probably deserved it. judging by the manner in which she was whacked
The italian soccer team have a bether acting skills than her.
And they rank just slightly above Tom Cruise.
And Tom is far better than Keanu Reeves.
That’s what happens when you believe in gravity!
or in the excitability of court room bailiffs… call a doctor?
… call a cab?
… call a martyr.
…cauliflower
Sunflower
Surf’s Up
Tower of Power
Flower power.
Homer: Flower Power my ass!
Yes up yours indeed, want some bacon lube to help it?
Golden shower
Sweet’n Sour
Call an acting coach.
What do you want me to call her, Velvet?
Just don’t call her late to dinner.
And don’t call me Shirley.
586342 call me. (best pickup line ever)
***hint is a figure not really a number ($).
They call me Jane.
Thats not my name. Thats not my name. Thats not my name.
It’s not my fault. My school didn’t teach me the weaknesses of the theory.
Here take my hand. *sun shining behind me, glistens in the light like a guardian angel.*
Oh my.
*holds cigar out to light it on Emperor’s luminescence*
Sometimes they do call me The Radiant, the aura is always hot.
My glasses, I can’t be seen without my glasses
Kind of reminds me of this scene which took place two or three years ago. Sorry it’s in german.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6-8ZDvnVFY
Cheers
Hit her right in the eye? Unless my anatomy classes have gone horribly wrong, the eyes are in the FRONT of the head. That’s a double fail.
OMFG can we say pathetic DRAMA QUEEN
This is what we used to call in the ER, an ILTTTA (I’d Like To Thank The Academy.)
Life Alert!
That’s why I wear one too.
She’d totally make it as a soccer player!
wow. you do always post first O_o
HAI GUYZ, WHATS GOIN ON???
second.
bacon lube
You’re running around naked with bacon lube?
*backs away
slowlyvery very rapidly**bakes away*
*shakes away*
*rattles and rolls away*
*prattles and strolls away*
*combines Aja and RushFan’s actions*
*Shakes and Bakes away*
That’s easy for somebody what glows like you do!
*basks in Emperor’s glow*
AHHHHHHH….
*Basks in Robbin’s glow*
Mmmmmm…
Now THAT’S more like it!
Nummy.
I wish I had a sandwich… college students saving for house can’t afford ANYTHING!
Grabs suntan oil and lays down for a tan in Emperor’s glow.
*Hands out bacon tanning lotion, JD’s newest product*
It rubs the bacon lotion on its skin!
FINALLY! I found a source to charge my Death Ray!
*begins construction*
*Enjoys the company of one particular basker*
Awww… thanks. I didn’t know I was appreciated that much.
*DOUBLE-SQUEEZE*
*DOUBLE-SQUEEZE*
((DOUBLE SQUEEZE))
.
.
for the third time…sheesh, failblog
Hey velvet, you didn’t go to Penn State by any chance?
*SNORTGIGGLE!*
@ MRN: Nice shot! By the way, I actually saw your required avatar the John Lennon (as presented by Yoko) art exhibit when it was being presented in San Diego
Excellent! I saw it a few yrs ago too, when a John Lennon art exhibit passed through Connecticut!
*The often attempted never completed (triple squeeze)*
(Not allowed in Olympic competition.)
*Shake an Vacs away”
*thwap*
No lolspeak here. Take it to the cat page. Or dog one. You choose.
noe lolspeck? dats pepostrus! absolootleh redicyalus! anyway, i hate him just for saying second. Ohhiii go slap yourself with a newspaper in the back of the head until you die, but video tape it so we can gauge how deadly a magazine is.
BOGGY, we gotta live one here…
Not anymore.
*Laughs maniacly*
i reetaleeate bi fonnetiklee speling evree wurd. How doo yoo lik that, a?
The reason it hurt so much, was because that was Chuck Norris’s mom
I think it said “I fail to spell or use proper grammar due to an unusually low intelligence, as indicated by my screen name.”
*drops dead*
We only have minutes to revive!
Quick!
Paging Dr. Czuhc. Dr. Czuhc, please report to the injury fail, STAT!
Either that or “I have found a website that makes cats speak with spelling errors, and I equate myself with the cats”
Yeah, could be. My lol-translator has been in the shop the past week or so. I think it just gave up the will to live.
What is that place anyways?
I do believe it is a courtroom.
I believe it is a courtroom.
If I remember correctly, this happened at a city council meeting in Carson, CA. It was a couple years back, and I went looking for a clip of it a year or so ago. Fail blog WIN!!!
Maybe I’m missing something, but. . . how is that her eye? Does she literally have eyes in the back of her head?
Not anymore…
lol. yeah, you’d think the cameraman or whoever was talking would have seen the paper hit her on the BACK of the head. if he thinks her eyes are there then anatomy fail…
Heck, with the way she overreacted (shriek sounded like R2-D2 getting shot!), she’s probably got all kinds of anatomy fails!!!
Arthur! You’re famous!
Congratulations!
*SQUEEZE* Hello Moomin!
Hello *squeeze*
How are you today?
Tired thankyou, how are you?
Not my usual self. I’m not feeling well today.
Sorry to hear that.
*grabs cushions and makes den*
*warms up juice*
We can collapse here in this thread and feel ill.
*collapses down beside the Moomin* Much better, thank you
*makes self cosy*
So what’s up? Nothing serious I hope.
Your fish haven’t made a successfull attempt on your life have they?
No, they haven’t. But I’ve caught them eyeing me up when I go to bed, like they have something planned.
Nothing serious, I’m just really tired, work is crazy, and I’ve been going to the gym every day at lunch. I’m ready for the weekend.
It’s definitely time for the weekend to mysteriously appear.
Along with sunshine.
And a good cigar.
Actually, GF gave me a pipe for my B-Day – gonna have to fire that thang up. Never tried one
*Gently lays Dragonwriter to lay in the cushions in the poorly thread*
*slides mr. cuddles some rest and relaxation*
Thank you, Moomin! Fortunately, I’m not as, erm…substantial…as that woman, so I hope you didn’t have any problems carrying me.
Thanks Malicite! Care to join us in the Moomin pillow den?
*hops into the pillow den happy to be away from work*
Hi all! Any room for me? Those cushions look sooo comfy.
*scootches over to make room for Sidhe*
Have a cookie?
Thanks Dragon!
*takes cookie*
Mmm… nummers!
*cannonballs into cuddle pile*
.
Did aiki bring the Cadburry cream eggs and caramel eggs yet?
*picks pillow fluff out of mouth*
Pitoo!
Not yet, velvet…I hope he’ll be along soon!
*pushes all the stuffing up one end*
Whooop! Sorry!
That pillow must have been filled with goose down.
Hope there’s room for more in the pillow den! Don’t worry, I don’t take up much space. Just need sumthin’ to snuggle up next to.
*clears a spot for Judy*
*hands her an elongated green pillow*
You’re never gonna forget that, are ya?
Well, if ya can’t beat ‘em…..
*snuggles up with new pillow pal*
SURPRISE!!!
Erm. Nope.
*lower lip quivers a bit*
Don’t be sad…you already have someone to snuggle up with.
*snuggles*
Ahhh…firm, but supple.
*snuggles*
*nibbles on lower lip, just to make sure it’s stopped quivering*
*quivers quite a bit lower*
It seems the Dragon’s Lair is filled with pillows and quivers. Dirk Daring was SOOOOO exaggerating!
*tip-toes in and sees snuggling, snoozing failbloggers*
*covers all with favorite snuggle blanket and lays out monster thermos of ginger lemon honey tea and fresh cookies*
Feel better.
Maybe they fancy you?
You’re right, the weekend can’t come fast enough.
Not long now till we can relax.
Take care of yourself and I will see you tomorrow.
*squeeze*
Have a good night Moomin! Make sure you get some rest too! *squeeze*
Whoo-hoo! Way to go, Arthur!
wow…..acting fail
She should take lessons from Manu Ginobili
“Mr. Mathers, the fun and games are over. And just for that stunt you’re gonna get some extra homework.”
but dont you wanna gimme after-detention? Nah that bully wants to beat your ass and ima let him. BRAIN DAMAGE
She fell out of her chair for being smacked in the back of the head with a roll of paper? Wow. Smells like world cup.
She would need to be holding her shin and yelling.
No, didn’t you hear? She got hit in THE EYE!
Eyes in the back of your head win?
Looks like she must have been a professional footballer in her youth.
Or perhaps a professional model.
In her youth the football was still honest. When a foul really was a foul (scissor kicks &c.)
Or grabbing and squeezing people by the yarbles.
You’re right Aja, my bad.
She must be a professional footballer now.
Or a professional wrestler
They’re good at acting injured.
Maybe Don King is managing community meetings now?
In the red corner – ROAD COMMISSION!
In the blue corner – PUBLIC SCHOOLS!
Who will get the funding in this battle for stimulus money? Let’s find out!
Well, now that we’re actually talking pork for real, may I be so bold as to profer a bottle of BaconLubeā¢ yet again?
Or she serves as a special coach for Brazil.
Wow.
Zoiks!
Jeepers!
Creepers!
Peepers?
Tom! I thought you should know, you were my very first Myspace friend.
poopers?
Poopers
Leapers!
BTW, where’d ya get those, Tom?
Where’s the beef?
In your head?
Not in my pants.
In the lube
I want to know what the black lady’s saying (my sound cards buggered so I don’t know if you can hear what’s being said). Yeah should be acting fail, perfect example of politicians – their all bad actors.
My actors are all good.
Eh?
Huh?
Wha…?
they’re?
There is nothing wrong with this post.
Their acting skills are just fine.
They’re going to graduate from the best acting school in the trailer park.
HAHAHA! What a bitch. Her eye.
Strike the woman in the eye?
Cross her heart and hope to die?
Baseball, mom, and apple pie?
Ammonia, bleach and lye?
whimper, moan, and cry?
I want to get high!
Find another scam to try?
There are other fish to fry.
Now’s the time to buy!
Should I eat wheat or rye?
Anctually, I just went to look at a house two days ago and it sold yesterday. Bah.
Better luck next time, guy.
Well, at least you tried.
I believe I can fly!
great now i got’a Sty
Oh yeah, she was hurt all right… got tapped on the back of the head with a piece of paper and suffered a concussion. Notice how she easily lets herself down onto the floor when she “falls?”
Notice that her hair didn’t move from the tap?
Don’t forget, she was struck so hard in the back of the head that her EYE was hit! Right through her skull!
OMG IT BURNS!!!
yes it burns, it is my pet bush
*takes off shoes*
Where is this? UK, US etc?
I’ve seen this before but I can’t remember where. It’s definitely the US, though, as there’s a huge “In God We Trust” in the background.
Ah, never noticed that, you’d only ever get that on a church in the UK.
They’re working on eliminating it here too.
Nah, it’s on everything over here. It really bothers me to see it on money. That’s kind of. . . not right. I really wish I could remember the story behind this, though.
Separation of church and state, my ass.
*grumblegrumblemuttergrumble*
Yes, it’s bogus, but you’ll never get a majority vote on changing the pledge of allegiance, so the lawmakers all look the other way.
Aww, that’s cute. You think they actually need a majority vote to change things.
hehehe… there’s no such thing, that’s just from one of Jefferson’s letters.
The founders were pretty adamant about the freedom of religion, NOT the freedom FROM religion. Most of them were Christians.
But – that being said – part of that freedom includes your right to not have any
I love that “freedom from” bit. By the way, Dragon, are you a George Carlin fan, perhaps?
Absolutely. Well…I was when he was funny. Not so much when he just became a bitter old man ranting on stage.
I was extremely sad when he died, though.
I agree.
Yeah, I agree too, Dragon. He was hysterical when we were all younger.
…sounds like Who cares about elderly George Carlin?
Jefferson was a Deist, and the founding fathers took 3 and a half months making sure the Constitution was in as secular as possible (at the time). This is why you will find no reference the specifically the “Christian” God, just a or the “Creator.” “In God We Trust” was added after the Civil War due to the booming religious (mostly Christian) community. Letter after letter was sent to the Secretary of Treasury at the time, so all American currency from then on. And the words, “under God” weren’t added to the Pledge until the year 1954.
These things could easily be taken off just as easily as they were added.
Then why haven’t they? With all the stink that went on, I would figure that would have happened already.
Because you know what happens when such things come up for votes. The non-religious are a serious minority.
As opposed to the silly majority. Sorry, couldn’t resist. And just in case I offended anyone, my dad is a Lutheran pastor, my grandma is methodist, by best freind is atheist, my wife’s wiccan, and i just do my own thing.
…and the only one who could ever reach me was the son of a preacher man.
I like that song.
i believe in god, but i don’t like going to church, and don’t pray that much. Just because he’s there doesn’t meen i have to put every effort into him. He’s thought about as much as the sun. You know it’s there, but you sort of take it for granted.
Dear Shadow: I do know the history – spent about 15 years studying it, in detail
But thank you anyway. MOST of the founders, not including Jefferson or Franklin, were Bible-believing Christians. Dispute as you wish, I’ve read their writings.
Have a nice day
Right! If any of those people were alive today, I would go within a chain and a rod of any church that would have them speak.
Interesting, I have also read their writings, and I did not walk away with a feeling that were really through and through Christians as many people would like to think. Just Patrick Henry and a few others really.
Either way, who really wants a government based on a religion? Hasn’t history shown us enough that the two just do not mix well together?
I wouldn’t quite say that…
Have you SEEN the Jefferson Bible? The one he had edited to fit his beliefs (i.e., removing all reference to miracles, discarding the OT, leaving out Jesus’ divinity)?
He did believe in God, in the same way that Deists do.
But this isn’t the place to debate silly inconsequential things.
It doesn’t really matter anyway; the point is that they were all pretty cool on the religious freedom concept.
I thought they did take it off for a while but then had a vote to put it back on.
There’s no reference to a “Creator” in the Constitution either. No “God”, no “Jesus”, no “Christ” or “Christian”, no “Creator” or “Creation”, nothing remotely like that. The closest thing is the two times that “religion” is mentioned, once in Article 6, where religious tests for public office are explicitly banned, and the other of course in the First Amendment, where we are guaranteed freedom of religion.
Well, my original reply was here for a while and then removed.
If you’re interested,
Google imagine lyrics
and read to yourself the 2nd verse of that JW Lennon song.
.
Sorry, FB, if it was too controversial (?).
Hmm, atheism is now counted as a religion. I don’t necessarily think that’s right but at the same time I’m a very strong atheist and religion seem’s to be based on ‘belief’ in something although traditionaly in a higher being or deity. I find I have a such a strong sense of belief there is no such thing to equal that of other peoples belief that there is.
But I would love to see an atheist church/temple or whatever equivalent building in existence.
why use a building? You can have the whole outdoors on sunday morning!
I don’t know if I could believe in a church/temple like that.
Oh I never meant I would go to it. Just to see it…
Anyone who doesn’t realize how religious most Atheists are about their beliefs has likely never known one. Many are as bad as the Biblebangers.
Thats why I like talking to agnostics.
No point in argueing if you can’t prove anything either way.
a museum of science??
Ha, thats a good point actually. I suppose nearly every science museum is effectively a church of atheism.
Not nessesarily, while atheists may believe something in science is evidence for a lack of a god, Christians may take it as evidence for God.
Isn’t. That kind of crap does no favors to science, religion or atheism. Also, atheism isn’t a religion. It’s a belief system, yes, but not a religion. Is *not* collecting stamps a hobby?
Not quite, Mr. Generalization… one can be both religious and agree with science…
Oh f**k it’s been done – http://firstchurchofatheism.com/
Oh this is brilliant – you can become a minster and perform LEGAL marriges and funerals.
Meh. No thank you. There are enough fanatic atheists out there giving us a bad name…we don’t need to cast ourselves into a cult to make it worse.
Wouldn’t a cult of Atheism be a contradiction of terms?
As much as calling atheism a religion.
*smoke pours from ears*
But… but isn’t atheism the ABSENCE of religion?
Technically, atheism is the belief that there is no God.
An absence of religion would be closer to agnosticism.
According to Wikipedia, it’s the abscence of belief in the existence of deities.
Someone that never heard of a deity is an atheist too, he cannot believe that there is not a god because he never heard of one.
True.
A – no
theism – belief in a God
This church is another fail
I remember something like that in an episode of Metalocalypse…
NATHAN: “Where are we, again?”
SKWISGAAR: “I thinks this is, like, church of the atheists.”
ATHEIST MINISTER: “Welcome, everyone. Hail, god, whom we do not believe in! Let us all together not pray to that which cannot in any rational universe–…”
You have good taste in Television shows, And I salute you.
Of course atheists have a belief. You believe there is nothing there to believe in.
Not necessarily nothing, just not a God.
You missed a few:
An alliance or coalition between Government and religion cannot be too carefully guarded against……Every new and successful example therefore of a PERFECT SEPARATION between ecclesiastical and civil matters is of importance……..religion and government will exist in greater purity, without (rather) than with the aid of government. [James Madison in a letter to Livingston, 1822, from Leonard W. Levy- The Establishment Clause, Religion and the First Amendment,pg 124]
There’s also the “no establishment of religion” clause, which would seem to preclude the government choosing a particular deity to honor on its currency, but there it is.
Actually, Nellie, a little correction…
Many of the founders were deists (including Jefferson, Adams, etc.), and many of the rest were basically somewhere between modern Episcopalian and Unitarian.
And while the phrase “separation of church and state” doesn’t appear in the Constitution, it DOES say “Congress shall make no law respecting [i.e., promoting or promoting the idea of] an establishment of religion.” That’s the same thing, just in different terms. Also, Treaty of Tripoli, Article 11.
Anyway, the mention of God on money and in the Pledge happened in the 50s during the Cold War. It was a reactionary move caused by the Red Scare, in which certain government officials decided to try to put God on the most ingrained parts of our political culture to show that we weren’t like the “godless commies.”
And less than 30 years later, certain groups forgot that and decided to tell themselves (and everyone else) that it had always been there.
…Right, US History is now over. Recess, everyone. >.>
Most of the founding fathers were NOT Christian. They were all free masons and humanists.
Thank you Dragon! I always thought I was the only one…
Always was uncomfortable with the “Pledge” in school, we were all forced to say “under God”. Also always had to hide my (lack of) religious orientation, to avoid all the expressions of shock and horror.
I hear you loud and clear Brewski. My problem is that it seems like a lot of Americans don’t understand that some of the religiousity was a direct result of the historical time (in the case of the pledge, “under God” was added to distinguish Americans from those god-less Soviets).
You’re a bloody fool. If you don’t like it here move to somewhere else no one is forcing you to stay.
which god though? money?
Is it just me, or did it look like it took her a minute to realize she’d been hit?
She knew she was hit, but she needed a minute to get into character and figure out how to milk an assault charge.
Next she’ll try cookie-ing a battery charge
That other lad was charged with a salt and battery
lady*
Well, that was obviously the force of the concussion, there!
And it apparently went through and hurt her eyes, too…
Who cares for the elderly?
Is she a soccer player???
*looks into the Aleph*
*sees everything*
Oooo sparkly
*starts to compose poem describing the world in minute detail*
*stops drowning long enough to SQUEEEZE the Moomin*
*screams as a piece of paper falls on head*
*gets a concussion and falls over*
*fans with piece of paper*
Shall I call for a more worthy helper?
*picks up Dragonwriter*
My eye! My eye!
*rolls his eyes*
Damn, now neither of us can see!
It’s like the blind leading the blind.
*follows*
*falls off the stage*
keep singing!
*Steals key from blind Dragon*
Now where’s me chest?
Check your trunk.
Hee…! Little does he know that we stole his trunk and replaced it with a crate nailed to the back of his car!
Great, no chest and now my elephant sounds like a Lily Tomlin operator.
*syncs lips*
…Loose ships?
Wait, no…that’s not right. Damn, you have me all confuzzled now.
Ah, the heck with it.
*SMOOOOCH!*
*heart sings*
Your heartstrings are perfectly in tune with mine.
Did the sunglasses still win?
Sunglasses always win.
A fedora has ultimate and complete winning power over sunglasses.
Ronaldo’s mom?
No. Gary Sheffield’s.
WIN!!!!!!!
Damn, aleph, you got in before I did
My thoughts exactly!!! o.O
Congrats to the FB team for finding a good use for the replay. It actually works pretty well here. (I would have replayed it myself this time.)
I smell…. Lawsuit!!!
Bit of a random thought here – has anyone ever noticed that someone talking about pressing their suit sounds like they’re doing their laundry?
It’s because they’re trying to take someone to the cleaners!
Don’t use such dirty language!
Don’t worry, it all comes out in the wash!
Unless you’re laundering money…
I can’t help but wonder what living with this asshat must be like…
I doubt anyone lives with her. She’s likely to die alone.
And quite possibly the very next time that she tries to pull that shit.
One can only hope.
That moderater should be a ref in the NBA… obviously a flop
FAILBLOG’S BIGGEST FAIL ARE THESE NEW VIDEOS!!!! OMG GET RID OF THE STUPID INTRO AND TITLES!!!!
Yessir! Check back tomorrow, they should all be gone by then.
*darts through with cancellation forms for Dragonwriter to sign*
*squeezes a signature out of her*
*files paperwork in draw marked CUM*
*wanders off whistling*
Could you file my paperwork in draws too? The artistic angle would really break up the monoty.
We told him to stop saying ‘er’ too much. I guess that he took it a little far this time.
Monotery?
Yes. That one controversial order of monks who pray at the altar of the Prime Interest Rate call their retreats “Monoteries”.
Can’t they just stop the whole forced “Win repeat” stuff? It’s utter crap.
If a video seriously features a fail and afterwards another win it’s fine with me. But trying to bring a pseudo-win into every video? Failed, I’d say.
In every fail; there rests some win.
Way to look on the bright side!
…And there is much win in your comment.
Every senior citizen should have life alert!
Aooooga! Aooooooooogaaaa! DIVE!! DIVE!!
Rig for silent running.
Has anyone seen Bungo Pete?
Is it just me or is gravatar not working as it should on failblog these days?
People’s avatars are taking forever to show up, and some don’t at all.
Hiya my little Lozenge!
That happens sometimes. It’s been working fine for me…but it should straighten itself out soon.
It’s been doing this for a few weeks for me. I’m getting royally fed up! Maybe I do need to clear out interwebs stuff…
How are things in yankeeland?
I just replied but failblog ate it
Why does this site hate me so?
Oh, there it is. *sigh*
*pours a whiskey for everyone*
*opens his mouth*
Thanks, Loz!
Hee! The blogmonster is just irritated with you because you haven’t been around much, Loz.
*hug*
Things are good in yankeeland…though I’m rather crazy busy getting through this last part of the semester!
Psh, spare a thought for us hard-done-by students on the other end!
At least you get paid for the privilege of being stressed!
*hugs* *drinks*
7pm, the night is young!
Gotta pay yer dues before you can sing the blues, Loz
It’ll all be worth it.
Hehe, who wants to come to my graduation? Form an orderly queue please, and prepare a statement of no more than 100 words on why you should be considered for such an honour. Thank you for your co-operation
Is “Because if you don’t invite me I will *FOOOM!!* your ass a little too succinct? I could put more…
No no, brevity is the cornerstone of wisdom, as they say! (‘they’ being me)
You get an automatic invite anyway, my little possum. Skip the queue, go straight to the top of the class!
Woohoo!
I can sympathize. My fiancee is finishing her bachelor’s in speech and language and is applying for master’s programs in either SLP or audiology. Talk about second hand stress.
Heh. I have a degree in SLP.
Yea. She is struggling with what she wants to go into. Any advice?
SLP if she wants to really be a therapist. Audiology if she wants to give hearing tests all day and fit people with hearing aids.
I think it’s you, Loz – welcome back, btw
Might wanna clear your interwebs stuff on your browser…
I have yet to see my little yellow bear. All I see is my pink thing.
I see your little bear, mr. cuddles.
I think it’s because I need to clear my cache, but it’s locked on my work computer. As long as everyone else can see it
mr. cuddles, you are resplendent in yellow bearness
dont’t worry, we’re all bear before you.
Eeeep!
*quickly covers self*
we didn’t really need to know that, did we? stop looking at your pink thing and don’t let anyone see you bare!
*grabs towel and covers up*
Sorry guys! *slinks away to find clothes*
*puts down a camera*
Aww, there goes my fun.
That’s a BEAR?!
And all this time, I thought it was a giraffe…
Schwalbe!
My friend’s two-year-old daughter does this.
And does it more convincingly!
Is it just me or did her scream of UTTER PAIN sound like R2-D2?
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW *bleepadeedeepadeerrrrrr* clunk.
“We’ve lost R2!!”
R2 has been known to be wrong…………… from time to time.
Never tell me the odds!
(previous line:)
“Ma’am, the possibility of being injured by a magazine is approximately 3,720 to 1. “
*mmmm, young Harrison Ford. Nummy yummishness*
Don’t get penisy, kid!
enough with the “wins”. seriously.
You want a life full of fails? That’s so sad.
I think that’s Lex Luger on the ground. (Have you noticed Professional Wrestlers look flabbier and more feminine since they stopped taking steroids?)
OMG… give her the Oscar!!
I’d rather give her the back of my hand.
give THIS person an oscar!
Awesome avatar!
more like … give her a razzie
You may mock, but those paper cuts can hurt. -_-;
>You may mock
thank you for your permission, but i think they have been mocking already.
and in answer to the question “who cares about the elderly?” the security guard does, how can he not laugh at the pathetic rolling creature?
I thought foxx was funny, anyway.
sarcasm fail
can anyone help me, i have tried to put a picture next to my name – in my profile it shows “drawing hands” by MC escher, but when i post it is still a strange orangey thing. what do i do now?
clear your cache
and nice choice of avatar, I love that drawing.
Hey, can anyone tell me what my avatar is?
Is this like a Rorschach test? Ooh, goody!
Lessee…I see a four-footed alien with suckers on the bottoms of its feet stuck to the outside of a window.
I was thinking one of those paper things you used to use as a kid that would tell you fortune.
We called them “cootie catchers”.
Yeah! That’s what I mean. You can tell I was the popular one in school huh?
Marjorine, is that you?
‘fraid not. David by any other name.
I see skies of blue
clouds of white
Bright blessed days
dark sacred nights
And I think to myself
what a wonderful world.
I’ve been singing that all day and I just got here. My fav!
That made me chortle. No, I’m trying to make mine a meaningful picture and it’s not working.
Since when are sucker-footed aliens not meaningful???
I think the hidden meaning is that you worry too much about grocery shopping and have a complex about your grandfather.
Maybe he rode his grandfather when he was a child…?
Yeah, I think he rode him to their therapy sessions.
Gawd. Please tell me he didn’t put him away wet.
*SNORK!*
who cares?
has that worked?
Nope. You’re still looking rather orange to me. Maybe my computer’s clogged up with interwebs, too.
Did you use Gravatar.com or the ICHC profile? That could be your problem you know.
AAAAA
choo
bless you.
Oh, mighty one.
F**k lawyers who are the main reason for this kind of acting to take place.
Hope she dies on her way to court.
I’m sure she deserved the smack.
Lawyers don’t do that…they feed on people who don’t want to work.
That’s going to far.
I won’t argue there.
Sunglasses triple WIN!
pretended
It was a tungsten paper
A few questions:
(1) What does FTW (or is it FWT) mean?
(2) What is *squeeze*? Is that a perverted hug?
(3) Why is the FAIL community so much livelier than the other LOLs?
1) ‘for the win’
2) not perverted, just a hug
3) because we’re infinitely better
Does everyone get hugs or just your e-buddies?
What makes you better?
Yes. It’s 21 questions. lol
If you want to give a hug then do it. No real special prerequisites.
We’re better because, aside from the trolls, we are ridiculously smart and outrageously funny. We also like friendly noobs, and we’re fun, affectionate, and silly.
*squeeze*
ZOMG!!! My first squeeze!!!!!!! Don’t know if I should slap you or squeeze you back. LOL
Always *squeeze* back. Always. Especially to Dragonwriter
*SQUEEZES Dragon, Mr. Cuddles and Leila*
There… your first group squeeze.
Here goes nothing *squeeze*
Heheh! That one tickled!
*sneaky squeeze*
Who are you squeezing Jam?
Never mind…you’re comment showed up at the bottom of the page for some reason. It looked like you were squeezing by yourself. But once I commented, it jumped into this thread. Strange.
Happened to me yesterday! *group squeeze*
or I suck 
Leila, it took me weeks to get my first squeeze!
Good job
I consider myself lucky then. Group squeeze on day 1. LOL
*highfive*
King Troll got a group queeze on his first day.
*squeezes Malcite and Leila*
Do you see how I squeezed myself in there? Didja?
*runs away embarrassed*
No, King Troll gave us a group queeze on his first day.
*nabs jam*
*squeeeeze!*
*hands Judy an ’s’*
Sorry. I needed yours and borrowed it. You can have it back.
No, thanks, Dragon. My “queeze” was in reply to willdog’s “queeze” – - though I meant mine as “quease”
Ooh, that’s a nice squeeze.
*squeeze*
*leaks*
*passes jam a mini-ShamWow*
*snork!*
I completely missed that.
*sheepishly takes back ’s’*
*squeezes all*
*prepares to squeeze Jam*
*hesitates*
Um… you appear to be leaking.
Thanks Judy.
*plugs hole will shamwow*
It’s ok Hammy, I’m good for another 2 squeezes now.
*squeezes Judy and Hammy*
No, really. Go back to the meat fail, it’s right at the beginning.
Oh! A three-way squeeze!
Hee! You pervs.
Can I join the squeezing with my rainbow cube?
You can have a squeeze with any but…erm, I mean, cube.
*squeeze*
*squeezing squeeze*
The blog monster doesn’t eat my comments so much but he does like to play ‘hide the comment’ with me.
Scannerdan, your post didn’t show up until now.
*gives up – goes to bed*
I’m a little late, but I’m still going to jump in on this squeeze-fest.
*SQUEEZES everyone within reach*
Also Jam, glad to know that I’m not the only one with posting problems today…misery loves company, and all.
Well done. You have taken your first steps towards being a Failblog regular. BTW thanks for the *squeeze*
Where are the other 16?
Anyone can have a squeeze, as long as they aren’t irritating trolls. Consider yourself *SQUEEEEZED!*
We are just inherently AMAZING, you’ll come to realise in time
Loz, we haven’t squeezed in months!
SQUEEEEEEEEEEZE!
.
Wait…
*gentle noogie*
Gentle nookie? Sounds good to me
c’mere you *pulls the admiral in by his collar*
But Loz, I rather enjoy irritating the trolls!
Hee!
Hee! Awwww…. It looks like everyone beat me to that one.
*squeeze*
I HOPE everyone gets hugs. I sure want one.
*squeeze*
And at times, infinitely better times 10.
1) For The Win
2)I have no idea
3)Maybe because it’s easier to laugh at? I dunno.
Squeeze is just a hug. The rest is the result of a deranged mind.
We are livelier because
1) you don’t have to spend 5 minutes deciphering what we are saying due to bad grammar and phonetic spelling.
1) FWT is Federal Withholding Tax
2) …to the kiss as cheese is to the apple pie
3) This site attracts people who like to make fun of mistakes, so we tend to be caustic, which apparently is also witty and lively.
FTW : Free The Whales
I like apple pie. Got any?
What happened to your hat, Brewski?
LOL … thanks. Now I am somewhat caught up.
This isnt mini melch is it?
What’s that?
Sorry this is just someone I know that is a huge Star Wars fan that is very witty and would probrably be drawn to this site.
I am no Star Wars fan :: ducking :: but I assure you I am witty…or so I am told.
*Sneaks up to previous post and inserts an ending parenthesis in the sentence after the Moomin link*
This isnt mini melch, is it?
Amen!!!!!!
1) Ft Worth is a city in Texas
2) Do you hug your mother with those arms?
3) Clickie
Bad touch, bad touch!
why does the announcer guy insist she hit her in the eye? it was clearly the very back of the head
He was in on it.
He must be her lawer
That is just pathetic…
What a pathetic excuse of a human being
I was gonna write out a bunch of stuff but Ill just go with what Tony just said.
Perfect summary Tony.
Friendly plea: like an idiot I tried to post a link to a humorous April Fool’s joke page (strictly NON-commercial, thank you Frank Zappa, but had a commercial domain name). Now I’ve been permanently blocked. Is there any way to unblock without creating a new account?
Have a nice day, don’t slip on a bacon-lubed drunk fish in the courtroom.
Try contacting FAIL Blog.
And eating squeaky tacos.
and the oscar goes to….
everyone except this woman
RE: Your name – as if theres any other way to eat toast. Even if you put something else on it, butter is still a requirement.
Does apple butter count? Or is that just a southern thing?
Apple butter! WTF is apple butter?
You see, when an apple and a butter love each other very much, th- oh, wrong story…
People like that piss me off. Do whatever it takes to make a quick buck. To bad it wasn’t a ton of bricks smashing into her head. Then the bad acting would appear more real. I thought that the smack on the head was uncalled for at first, but after seeing what a cheating wench that lady turned out to be…Great, now I’m all pissed off.
I’m beginning to agree that these videos are annoying. Just the format. I don’t mind the replay, but the intro and the “_________ WIN” are getting a bit tiresome. Thankfully the “WIN IN 3… 2… 1…” frames seem to have disappeared. Unless I’m remembering this video wrong (I watched it a few hours ago), in which case, I’m an idiot.
wow. is it a bad thing that i really love this woman and her terrible acting?
It’s not wrong if she is married.
it might not be okay to say this… but people like that should probably just be euthanized….
And the Oscar goes to…
Read the script above.
Those who say that she must be acting because it took her a minute to realize that she’s been hit forget to take into account that due to the major head trauma that she suffered her thinking has probably been seriously slowed down.
I disagree that it was the major head trauma. The rest of it I’m good with.
Please stop with the stupid “______ win”. It’s REALLY lame.
Cloral? Oh well..
āDOT ORG!ā
*giggle*
Sorry, I was busy today. Had to move my computer from one office to another. That’s what happens when you don’t have an IT guy anymore.
I know, it’s, like, totally square. Like, gag me with a spoon!
Heh, spoon. Spoon…
Is it me or is this video just a failure of a failblog update?
is this a ‘my video player fail?’
what are we watching today?
I cant quite make out what the guy on the PA is saying…is it ‘is there a neck-brace in the house…anybody? neck-brace?’
Penalty Kick?
here we try again
her name is obviously Klinssman (that will make no sense to anyone other than another brit)
what the hell is everyone talking about? 400+ posts, and only a handful are on topic.
the rest are about freaking pillows and marshmallows. wtf man… wtf.
I had a weird dream, my PC was overheating, I opened it and it was the video card, I turned it on using a switch, it started overheating and when I tried to show it to my family it became a slice of pizza.
happy ending!
i had a dream once, i dreamt i was a teepee, then i dreamt i was a wigwam. anyone any ideas what it could mean?
Well, I think you’re a little delusional, and probably need more sleep.
It means you’re too tense …boom-boom!
My dog farted.
Um, thank you for letting us know… we’re thrilled
Bob, I think Pfft was merely trying to get into the spirit of the thread.
*lady hits other lady on back of head*
*gasp* OHH MYY!!!
*falls on the ground*
MY EYEEEE IT’S BLEEDINGGGG
Has anyone noticed that FAILBLOG is advertising a weight loss product were the images are of different people, with marginally different coloured skin, (the body of the first one looks like it may not even be a woman), irony win?
Nope.
Firefox with Noscript and Adblock Plus.
PREMIER!!!
DERNIER!!!
C-C-C-COMBOBREAKER!
446IEME!!!
She’s behaving like a child !
yall got no lives commenting on dis
…commented sadmofos
such irony… it’s beautiful isn’t it?
This fails at being a fail
Like a futboll soccer player =/
Right in the eye??? wtf
lets see if my avatar works now…
damn!
Works great! I assume you wanted a violet square type pattern.
Violet square pattern? I see an optical illusion with a yellow triangle outlined in metal-looking material. The triangle is pointed down.
That woman is ridiculous.
what a you a know what! I dont even think the paper touched beyond her hair.
great acting!!
You hug me and I’m suing for cracked ribs. =P
::HUG::
There! Sue me!
Here take all my acorns!
Have a nest of leaves and twigs!
Just leave me that pile of stock certificates & bonds that I sleep on.
“hit her right in the eye” wtf!
Acting win ????????
That gal wants hauling in front of a judge for perverting the course of justice.
Stupid attention whore. She’s been to the ronaldo school of drama.
omgg…is she forreal???????wtf!?
Hahahaha ,…. That fat woman are just like “fat mosquito fill with blood” who got smash by a book. Plashh!!!. Sooo f**k funny…
Anyone know how this ended? Pretty sure that this chick would have tried to have assault charges filed criminally and for medical/pain & suffering on a civil level. It’d be interesting to know what happened next.
R2D2! They you are! Don’t be such a pansy!
she should be in the nba
“And the Oscar goes to…”
OMG! That guy at the far end can’t see worth shit. she didn’t get struck in the eye – and her delayed reaction … wow…..
good thing she didn’t fall to fast, or she would have gotten hurt *for real*.
she must play soccer
Must have been a football player in a past life!
Was she complaining about her eye?
Geez, I guess some people really DO have eyes on the back of their head.
FIRST YEHHHH!!! Mexico kick ass
patetic
Pathetic!!……….perhaps if the woman hadn’t been such a fat blob she wouldn’t have made such an oscar failing drama out of a crisis.
No doubt the leecher was after some compo!
It took her long enough to realize she was hit.
It’s like: “What? … … … … … OH MY GOD THE PAIN!”
Heh…this reminds me of a woman I saw move a Wet Floor’ sign, then walk over the floor, slip (If you call a slow lowering of yourself to the ground and a careful positioning of your limbs before crying ‘ahhh’ a slip) then immediately demand a manager while she speed-dialed her lawyer.
The world truly needs more people like this. That way we get more updates
i’ve hit kids at school harder than that, and not been arrested!
Damn you orange avatar thingy, i have tried to remove you but you mock me , you mock me with your orangnesslessness (i dont know how to finish this word.)
Just go to gravitar.com (did I get that right?) and use that there.
i m lovin it
you’re supposed to say, “bada ba ba baaa” first xP
The surprising thing is that the woman thought she was hit with a pickle. While on the ground she says “Where’s the pickle?” Then the court bailiff says, “That’s the surprise.”
that was so hilarious!!! xD
This is amazing – the insult culminates in her mind after a short moment, and the idea throws her on the ground. But such conflicts are a good sign that people there have real and live discussions in the room.
Maybe the magazine’s made of pure stone
Like watching a soccer game.
So, how many times is this video going to be re-posted, anyway?
Clearly she was struck so hard that it caused her eye to pop out of her head.
They should dissect that woman to see why she was injured.
Wow and i thought little kids over react to these things, she barely hit her and that delayed reaction….
Anybody know the context? what the trial was about?
Epic dupe!
Maybe they have a history?
Or maybe she’s a politician…
I really love it.
huahuahauhauh
^^
The overreaction. It’s just too funny.
Do a search on City of Carson Mayor Has Innocent Woman Arrested.
That should provide the answers you seek.
Heh.
I accidentally you with a magazine. Is that ok?
LMAO this court room reminds me of a soccer game…
I love how she doesn’t just fall she pretends to fall and still holds on to the arm rest… THEN falls. hahahahahaha
Mkay, well maybe if it actually hit her eye, it could be believable. But she grabbed the back of her head… xD
The acting on that whiner… ug!
Type of attention hoe that i would push off a roof!
But hey! Women are crazy…
Hahahahahahaha omg thats just… *picture me doing the retarded hand gesture where i hit my self in the chest*
Wow. She didn’t even get hit in the eye. Just a handfull of folders tapped on the back of the head. Not even enough force to move the head and the blonde woman totally overdoes it…… What a jerk….
http://articles.latimes.com/2007/feb/23/local/me-slap23
“There may have been much guffawing about it all, but Vera Robles DeWitt is going to court for whacking Carson Commissioner Jan Schaefer at a City Council meeting Feb. 6. The charge is misdemeanor battery, which carries a not-so-funny maximum punishment of six months in jail.”
February 23, 2007
As it turns out, DeWitt (the evil paper assailant) is the former mayor of Carson.
http://articles.latimes.com/2008/apr/18/local/me-smack18
April 18, 2008
“A longtime Carson activist, whose head-smack of a political opponent was captured on video and spread worldwide on YouTube, reached a settlement Thursday in Los Angeles County Superior Court in Compton to avoid criminal prosecution and the possibility of a six-month jail sentence.
Under the settlement, DeWitt agreed to be put in an 18-month diversion program, under which she will pay $1,500 in restitution costs, take 52 hours of anger management classes and participate in 100 hours of community service. A restraining order issued against DeWitt must be resolved in civil court with attorneys for Schaefer”
Wow… $1,500 in restitution for a whack with paper?
Criminal Justice System Fail
it has to be an acting phail!
How fake was that?
Somewhere in heaven, God is wondering;” what did I do wrong?”
Then he realized: “I should’ve never gone to buddah’s party and did that dare”
Hit in the EYE???? Only if she has eyes in the back of her head. Anatomy fail, is my opinion.
what a bitch. the kind of woman who threatens to call the cops on teenagers, no doubt.
*GASP* OH, NO! *falls to ground*
Yes, right in the eye.
Sad thing is that she’ll probably win the lawsuit that she files.
Wow, that bitch is stupid.
Yet another frivolous lawsuit in…
3…
2…
1…
lmao, this will ALWAYS be my favorite thing on here.
i laugh every time
I think I’ve heard that sound before . . . R2D2 playing with electrical things?
sydney crosby’s mom…..now we know where he learnt it….
Love the guy on the right. He is so shocked! That a tap from some paper could cause so much… hilarity. He should sue for his mental anguish. But who does he sue?
this is such a dramatization it pains me to know that i am of the same species as her.
O m g. That is just the biggest fail I have EVER seen! GJ.
Ed Hardy shirts
Love it
I think she should be arrested for not obeying the law of gravity
Hahahha somebody call a doctor. XD
lol thats what’s called a dive in football(soccer)
I saw this on TV, worst complaint excuse ever!
is there a soccer player in here?
lol watched dis shit on court tv and i was high dat shit made nearly piss my pants
I love how she like, gasped and then screamed, but it killed me how softly and carefully she placed herself on the floor. And for a second, with the bad audio, it sounded like the guy laughed =D
When people told me they have eyes in the back of their head i didn’t believe them… but now i know the truth.
lol. “LIFE ALERT SAVED MY LIFE!!!”
Now this is mean:
There must have been some sort of contact poison on the newspaper.
Only in the US….
“in God We Trust”, on the sign on the back wall, WTF, that’s stupid
I don’t know who’s worse. The bad acting lady or the idiot making comments that she was really hurt and needs a doctor. How do you mistake being hit in the back of the head and hurting an eye?
Reminds me of Didier Drogba, Christiano Ronaldildo, Morten Gamst Pedersen and Tottenham scum
haha…I remeber i saw that on TV once, lol she fails she screams whenever touching paper
I cannot believe that! That little Whore Bag! She was totally faking! THat is B.S.!! Whatever happened? She better not of gotten away with that…(the stupid old lady)
Hahaha, she must be an Italian soccer-player xD
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
YOU GUYS FAIL EPICALY FOR RANDOMNESS! (wanna have a snuggle pile)?
haha. I love the tap on the back of the head and all of a sudden “The woman has been struck in the EYE!” Christ on a cracker that made me giggle. What a horrible actress.
She has better acting skills then Soccer players lol
hahah DAMN how did her head even stay attached to her body??
I love how she screams after 5 secs of her getting hit
Maybe there was a baseball bat hidden in her papers… Or a bludgeon, horseshoes, a sledgehammer ?
Anthrax
That old woman’s aļ»æ bitch lol.
i want :O she gets a fat check for that
MY FAVORITE OF ALL TIME !
LOL, Double fail. once for the overreaction and anotherļ»æ one for the guy on the speaker. “she got hit in the eye” Adds new meaning to having eyes on the back of your head
OMG she is such a HORRIBLE FAKER!!!