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OMG! HCTDT?
is that 1st grade?
Mine or theirs?
If there were enough fast food bags in there, we wouldnt have had to see this fail.
Looks like 2th (according to some previous fail comments).
O_o twoth?
The 11th grade file is leaking!
That’s the Lewinsky School. WIN
Lewinski WIN
2nd not 2th dumbass
Actually, in a
California school,
CUM is the abbreviation for the Cumulative File; it has each child’s report card. Stanford Test Scores, and samples of their work. If you transfer to another school, the school sends those records to the new school. I home schooled for a while and they gave me my children’s CUM files going back to Kindergarten from 8th grade, it was cool.
I do realize I’ll most likely get ridiculed for this, but really..
It’s a legitimate (but still hilarious) label, and actually NOT an abbreviation. Most public schools have a cum folder for every student. That’s pronounced ‘koom’ as in magna cum laude.
It’s latin for “with” iirc. Basically it’s another word for your permanent record at school. All sorts of things go into it.
Sperm donor’s.
2nd GRADE Sperm to be exact
So 1st grade is of astronauts and 2nd grade is of Michael Jackson?
Do not swallow
OMG! Is that 2nd grade cum?
(is it time for Captain Obvious?)
In my defense: this should have nested as a reply to the moomin’s OMG comment, but somehow didn’t, secondly, if you look at the time, I was just after Mister F and BEFORE brutalnate, thirdly, why don’t you have an avatar yet?
I second the third! Get an avatar, Jason!
OK man, I wasn’t attacking.
I think he knows. We have seen examples of your attacks in the past
Hey, you post your comments, you take your chances. It was a fair jab.
Completed Umbrella Manuscript – This is actually the set from Resident Evil. FAIL! It’s supposed to be like that.
That was less funny than it sounded in my head. I think the words went wrong. Damned keyboard.
Maybe it’s because your keyboard is sticky…?
0.0
Who’s been sitting at my desk?
Maybe someone was sitting ON your keyboard?
Someone with a very sweaty ass.
My keyboard smells of bum.
*cries*
2nd grade bum?
I only let the best of bums make a mess of my keyboard. I do have some standards.
*Squeeze*
moomin’s have cum? so moomin’s are mammals? lol wow ive learned something today!!!! *squeeze*
Do you need someone to proofread your jokes?
I think I need to prove they’re jokes first.
That was funnier.
Usually, the comments replying to funny ones are even funnier. ~ Fact.
Yours is an exception to that rule. Mine too.
I thought it was funny.
(Morning)
Which one?
(Morning! How are you today?)
I’ll say both.
(Very sleepy. How are you?)
Then I’ll say “that one”.
That one.
(Very good, thanks. Had a nice weekend, sunshine outside today and the coffee kicked in.)
Both.
Congratulations and bonuses all round.
*Puts on partyhat, blows thing that goes woo*
(Jolly G, think I need more tea)
*refuses to say ‘woo’ now*
)
(I couldn’t live without coffee! Tea in the morning is just satisfying. But you’re British, so I guess that’s alright
*is heartbroken*
)
You know, those things you put in your mouth and they unfurl and go woo. Some kind of party favour (Which does sound wrong).
(Tea in the morning is the done thing, then it’s warm beer throughout the day
Cultural reference fail for me, it seems?
(I always begin my day with Sauerkraut and sausage for breakfast, then Sauerkraut and sausage on lunchtime. For dinner I mostly choose Sauerkraut and sausage. But I’m a rebel.)
I’ve noticed that whenever you write sausages, failblog doesn’t let me respond? Is that some sort of safeword?
Really? Maybe the failblog makers are German and don’t want you to voice your anti-German resentments?
Sausage!
‘morning everybody, LTNS. Thought I’d better do a spot of failblogging before George and I go to Bulgaria. I’m with you, arthur, sausage is essential.
That’s just not fair. Put your sausage away or I’m telling!
Morning ST, hope you have a bonzer trip!
*puts sausage away*
Morning ST! When do you leave?
(LTNS? Limited time, no success?)
Hi Moomin. It’ll be pretty much a work trip so limited fun. I wouldn’t choose to go to Sofia for a holiday to be quite honest. The girls are very pretty though.
LTNS = Long Time No See. Leaving crazily early tomorrow for 10 days.
Thanks. Why wouldn’t you choose Sofia? Isn’t it a nice town?
I was thinking Long Time No Sausages, which is why you homed in on Arthur.
Well, with a name like Sofia, she does sound exotic.
I wonder if that s*usage trick always works? Trolls will have a hard time if it does!
Well, there are one or two nice buildings, a mountain with a bit of skiing, lots of crumbling soviet-era infrastructure (grim apartment blocks, brutalist monuments, etc), rampant development (until six moths ago), heavy corruption and consequently more Cayenne Turbos & MB 600SLs than you can shake a stick at.
Ok, that doesn’t sound too good. Too bad you’re not going to Prague. That’s a beautiful town!
I’ve heard. We must make it there one day. Off to Barcelona 13 Apr though.
I envy you.
Cheese.
*takes photo*
This isnt a fail. The school system calls a child’s record a cum. Its not pronounced like that either. Its a long U
I wouldn’t have suspected that there was enough of a demand for it for it to be necessary to have storage….
These 2nd graders were leaving their cum all over the place.
It’s a teaching aid to keep them organized.
Damn freshmen.
Sperm donors, please open a drawer and shoot your load (remember to file alphabetically).
I file mine under “Oh Yes!”
These teachers must have sticky drawers!
WIN!
Reckon they’re jammed?
)
(Good Morning!
Nah… just a bit overflowing. A good tug and it’ll pop!
)
(Morning
I think tugging and popping is how they got in that mess to begin with.
(Good weekend? Sunday went by far too fast)
It always does *sigh*
Heyyyyyyyy. Shush now. There’ll be another.
Maybe it’s an abbreviation. Computer User Manuscripts.
(Not bad fixed a PC. Couldn’t keep it real as I got bored for an hour on Saturday.)
I tried to start a run but my starter was pants. You reckon that’s what it really means?
(Cool, was it majorly broken? Spent Saturday being silly with friends’ kids, Sunday kinda slipped me by. Not entirely sure if being silly counts as keeping it real.
Not to worry. I’m sure there will be aknicker brief opportunity for you.
Maybe not, they would be under B.
(Had to copy out the files then format the drive. I went into Brighton on Saturday. Didn’t buy anything except a wedding card though.
Oops..meeting! ttfn)
Tingling Titties Fear None?
Tight Thong From Nana.
Ta-Ta For Now, FOOL!
~I replied to your comment~
It’s just one of those thongs, I’m sure I’ll get over it.
Ey?
(Shopping has got less exciting in the credit crunch. Have a good meeting. Toodlepip.)
Just don’t tug too hard..don’t wnat it to pop prematurely….
*want
now it makes sense.
Once you pop, you can’t stop.
I thought once you’d popped, you stopped, rolled over and went to sleep?
I just keep eating the pringles.
You’ll get crumbs in the bed.
well usually it’s already crummy by then
It’s a man’s world.
*pees standing*
Yeah!
*stands in peas*
I wonder if this is how you mush them?
Peas porridge hot,
peas porridge cold,
peas porridge on a Moomin
nine days old?
I tried to pee standing once. It wasn’t pretty!
Next time you should lower your trousers before you start.
You’re so clever Arthur. Why didn’t I think of that?
Took me years to find that out.
Arthur’s so manly, he poops while standing.
That’s where I went wrong, I thought it was a Moomin’s world! Gah!
*sobs*
It’s a hard knock life.
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
*ahem*
Amen.
Next to the TPS reports.
But not too closely…don’t want the TPS reports getting sticky…
Ow man, how d’ you get a second grader to do that? With such a tiny wurst?
It’s probably one who has been held back…for a couple decades…
I once had a 8 year old boy for a patient with a complaint of “having a tiny penis”, according to his very concerned patients. I said “Nah, it’s only looking tiny. Behold!”, pushed his abdominal fat up and there emerged a perfectly sized young Thomas! This was the closest I will ever come to performing a miracle.
very .. um, righteous.
I can do it to you too, if you want?
i’ll let you know.
What on earth were you supposed to do about that? Other than lifting the body fat?
(Good morning all!)
Always screen your Mohel before the brit milah.
first
…person to be obvlivious to the thread.
You’ve done this before, haven’t you, Red?
These things do need filing.
Bukkake use?
They need filling, that’s what they do.
*manager czuhc enters office, opens drawer*
What, empty drawers? What have you all been doing the past few hours?
That sign says we’re not supposed to wank during work hours, boss.
and that’s why the filing cabinet is in the break room.
What’s the pay? Above minimum wage I hope. Damn this recession.
*proceeds to wank*
*pinches technicolor’s cheek*
Carry on, lad. You know, in my days…
(long speech about work ethos follows)
…and to that I say: FREEDOM! FREEDOM! FREEDOM!
*goes to break room to have a coffee*
Yuk,what’s that on my sleeves?
it might be some of the second grade seamen in your crew, captain.
only second grade? Where’s the good stuff?
what the hell is abbreviated CUM?
Cumin. It’s where they keep the 2nd grade ‘herbs’.
it all makes scents now.
I’m regarded as somewhat of a sage when it comes to these matters.
I take too much thyme with my replies…
You should take a leaf out of my book. Write an unfunny comment fast, then write a funny comeback after a lengthy consultation period.
a funny comeback ………. ? Did it work?
I have my doubts.
Or maybe I should have said I have a nose for these things. I may give multiple choice response from here on. Or maybe I won’t. Dun dun dunnn!
*looks dramatic*
Either way I think I’m going to start cookin a new strategy to make these quicker.
You tend to stew over things too long, I’ve noticed that.
I’m just trying to get the most flavourful responses, you know.
A lot of comedy is a matter of taste though.
You need to get it right though, to avoid a chilli response.
Exactly. But what I’m saying is, some people would rather fast food.
i like the first one better.
it has the word ‘comes’ in it.
Yeah, but comes in first is ungentlemanly.
scents like in the sweet scent of cumshot?
It’s short for “cumulative file.” It’s a file for each student in a school that has their test scores, report cards, immunization records, and such. It travels from school to school with the student, so the elementary school passes it to the middle school, who passes it to the high school.
*cough* I mean, “LOOK IT SAYS CUM LOL.”
I like cumin better.
Me too.
it’s the best part.
That still doesn’t make sense unless it was photoshopped, because I’m sure nobody would leave out ‘file’ if that was the case. Otherwise they’d have labelled it CUMF, or the sound of hitting the ground during an orgasm.
Maybe it’s short for FILE and they completely fluffed the abbreviation? It is a fail after all.
So file your file, please?
Yes, what else would you do with it?
Collect it in a big jar? Of course, that wouldn’t be in alphabetical order.
And if the lid gets stuck, would you want to risk opening it and have everything pop out on you?
you could always use it for a prank.
chuck it a a house on Halloween for instance.
Gazillions of dead potential babies! You’re a killer!
potential killer. i haven’t done it. …yet.
If you can’t kill babies at Halloween, when can you kill them?
Friday the 13th. Everyone will just say it’s bad luck.
Or you can blame Jason (not -K).
April Fool’s Day is ‘filing’ up.
you could just say ‘April Fools!”.
Euphemisms are gentlemanly, right?
an “A” house? Is that representative towards an upper class house because they would be ranked with the grade “A”, alike grades in school cumming full circle to bring us back to the topic of the 2nd graders?
yeah. i’m glad you caught the joke.
i didn’t even get it ’till you explained it to me.
shows how smrt I am.
and how funny i am.
*high five*
You missed dammit.
*rubs nose*
Nope. No F. It’s pronounced “kyoom.” I’ve always thought it should be spelled “cume” if they’re going to do it that way, but then, who am I?
You’re Sean.
Well, right, but besides that. I’m just a guy who doesn’t get what he wants, which is not to have to put his cum files in the school office.
Keep in mind, very little makes sense in the world of public education
You could have left it at ‘very little makes sense in the world’ to be honest.
*sigh*
Yeah, that probably would have been best. Oh well.
OH GOD, I’M KYOOMING!
It’s not polite to introduce yourself all caps like that, Arthur.
I know, sorry. It was one of my first comments today, I was still sleeping. I hereby want to distance myself from that comment.
It would be a funny way to introduce oneself at parties, though. Lean forward, extend hand and shout at the top of your lungs “OH GOD, I’M ARTHUR!”
I sometimes feel the urge to do things like that – suddenly shouting in a library for example. I can resist that urge mostly, though.
I’ve had the urge to suddenly shout while in a librarian…
Go with what you feel.
Oh, like “Trust your feelings, Luke” when he’s in the death star’s trench?
Kinda like that. Only more sexual.
What’s more sexual than “trench”?
Shout in a bookstore. I do it all the time, “Amber, we are leaving NOW, LET’S GO!”
I think it’s hi-larious. If I get an evil eye, I say, “Hey, it’s not like it’s a library. I’m a customer here paying for books.” LOL
I’ve been trying to think of a reply to this, but I cayenne’t.
Just make sure you file it.
Short for cum hoc ergo propter hoc. It’s an elite school.
a very privileged elite school.
that doesn’t make sense. KTHNXBAI.
The fact that comments can make sense and I made a comment does not mean that my comment makes sense. QED.
your proof only proves you fail.
Since this is failblog I’m at the right place to do so.
Maybe this is the right place to fail, but most of us still aim for the stars. Most of us shoot to be the winners by placing careful thought in our comments and responses. Where your responses are shrouded in an aura of unfallible fail.
p.s. I don’t know what unfallible means. It just sounds harsh.
I feel so put in my place now.
Go to your happy place, Arthur. All this talk of aiming and shooting, hmmm…
you’d think there’d be some pun about blowing somebody’s head off or something.
I think you probably meant infallible. Infallible fail would be a kind of oxymoron, like military intelligence or christian rock. I’m aiming for the stairs.
You succeeded in getting stares.
-stares-
*stares back*
Teddy’s here!
I am not a moron!
(lol)
Nobody said that you are, that means you are scared that we may discover that you are a moron, that’s why you said that you are not a moron. So that means that you are a moron?
you’re a red button
I dare you to push it!
Now it is I who is the red button!
but who are you?
mark a. r.e.d. button – van winkinson
Yep. Hooray for failures.
you fail
Watch out Jason, it’s the failblog fun police! Be funny or this guy I have never seen before will decide that you don’t belong here!
*shivers*
Well, this is supposed to be the place for joke fails, tybootekk. Live with it.
BTW, Jason – avatar?
(I think I’ll just annoy you until you get one…)
For some reason gravatar is kicking me out. As soon as I get on another computer, I’ll get one.
I think you should get an avatar that’s exactly the same, only a slightly different shade of purple.
Strange. Have you tried another email address?
Excuse me sir, this was not funny. I will have to escort you to jail.
It wasn’t supposed to. >__>
Well, I’m just doing my job. The world isn’t fair right?
Don’t drop your soap.
Don’t drop your trousers. Or else.
It’s short for cumulative, as in cumulative file.
I tried to figure this joke out but when I google “cum” all I find is porn sites.
Damn, try searching “file full of cum”.
Now you just need to google “file” and “please”.
All this research has made me thirsty.
Time for us to take a break from our hard work.
I’m afraid it won’t be much of a rest for you. More of a “working vacation.”
Hi Moox
*takes ST’s hand, leading him out of this thread*
Sorry for interrupting, he’s still a bit tired…
You are welcomed if you want to work me out again?
I’m warming up already, just thinking about you, querido.
My mind stirs and awakes thinking of you. For some reason, with you, thinking about jobs is an arousing activity.
You know how I love your mind. But in case you have forgotten, I will remind you again later.
I love your reminders so much that I am considering to pretend amnesia.
You can’t fool me – I can read the truth in your eyes. But I will remind you twice, anyway.
You are the kryptonite for my shifty eyes superpowers. Sweet and delicious kryptonite.
Tengo muchas cosas dulces y sabrosas, y puedes probar todas ellas.
Mi hambre se extiende por todo mi cuerpo, con golosa anticipación.
Y yo me muero de hambre también. Vamos a compartir una comida de amor.
Comamos despacio, para poder apreciar mejor los sabores y el aroma de nuestros platos. No hay prisa, solo satisfacción.
Me gustaría satisfacer todos tus deseos.
Vas por buen camino, a buen ritmo. Espero poder corresponderte.
Entonces, cuando vuelves en casa, quítate la ropa inmediamente, así que no rompamos eso ritmo.
Esas eran mis intenciones, y por ese motivo ayer te enseñé suficientes camisas para toda la semana: necesitaré no llevar nada encima para compensar ese exceso.
Hasta entonces, mi alma.
Why don’t you google “second grade” then…
I can’t seem to find anywhere up there^^^ to come in, so I’ll start by myself down here…
*fiddles around, while waiting…*
*tries to look innocent*
Hi! Do you mind if I come in?
*jumps in*
oh geez. you’re fiddling. i hope that’s about music,
cause there’s no way out.
Why would you want to leave? We’re just starting to jam to the beat.
I’m jammin’ hope you like jammin’ too.
*jams to the beat, Flat Eric stylee*
Flat Eric. Whatever happened to him?
here comes the banjo!
I got the sexamaphone!
now we just gotta learn to play ‘em.
this is gonna be great.
oh, it says ’sex’.
oh, silly keyboard. *ahem*
Quit wringing the bell, already! It’s too early for that.
Arthur, you can still come in, you just have to whisper to me softly, first. The wringing of the bell is later…
*whispers softly*
*comes in*
*waits*
Have you had breakfast? I was thinking of having a Sausage McMuffin. Care to join me ?
Sure! But I do need some Sauerkraut, a beer and an engine.
It’s not engine number nein, is it?
Nein.
Number nine…
Number nein…
It’s a revelation.
I think they prefer to be called “Native Americans”…
Look at the grief you’ve caused me down below, coming in like that!
I was fiddling; and hoping a hornpipe would come to join me.
If you’re fiddling, I hope you file it properly afterwards.
Teddy’s here with his sailor’s hornpipe.
*toot, toot*
Blowing your own horn again, Teddy? Any port in a storm, I suppose.
(Hi! *hugs*)
Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle?
This would have been funnier if it had nested properly and i’d used ‘had’ instead of ‘and’.
I may just give up.
And ‘a’ instead of ‘the’.
Bah!
And dildo instead of diddle.
(Shhh… It’s a vlassic dildo, and supposed to be a surprise.)
You’re thinking of pickles again.
You say that about everything.
I think we should just leave this thread and pretend that comment never happened.
What comment?
So… it should be “Hey diddle dildo, the cat had a fiddle?
close. “Hey dildo dildo, a cat had the fiddle”.
Hey dildo diddle?
on both or just one?
There there. *pats* It’s alright, Moomin, you’re doing good.
I agree. You no longer fail in my books arthur.
:]
Whew. What a relief.
Poor poor Moomin. It’s Monday morning and just too early. I know how it is.
The time change has its downsides.
(Hiya Jam!)
Yup. I lost an hour somewhere.
(Morning guvna)
Me too. I was sure that I have it in my fridge but now it’s gone. I blame my girlfriend.
(How ya doin? And what’s guvna?)
“what i like to do is put a few hours a side each day.
at the end of the year, i get a few days to myself.”
aside
I’ve heard it said that if you spend 10 mins every morning and 10 mins every evening doing the washing up, then by the end of the year you’ll have spent the equivalent of 3 working weeks at the kitchen sink. With a few hours a day you’d accumulate a big holiday.
if only that worked…
seriously, no pun intended.
I’m fine Arthur. You?
Guvna is me saying ‘boss’ with a southern accent.
I’m fine too, thankyou. Is guvna = governor = boss?
I guess so but I’m not from London. I’ve only just figured out what the hell ‘apples and pears’ are.
IknowIknowIknow: Fruits.
is ‘apples and pairs’ like ‘milk and honey’?
Ok, here’s what I know…
umm…
Apples ‘n’ pears are back to back laptops.
Don’t compare them.
Or else
and when i say ‘comrad’, i’m referring to Canadians.
[for your information]
Have you said comrad yet? I like Canadians, they’re always so polite.
Twice last week.
Depends on if we like you.
I’m an acquired taste!
Nah, you’re very easy to like.
*squeeze*
I agree.
I 3th that. I’ve already aquired. =]
Threeth?
Aww shucks you guys! You just made my day.
You’re all fabulous, did anyone ever tell you that?
*Jammy SQUEEZE*
now all we need is peanut butter!
Blaaarrrg!
did you just Blaaarrrg at me?
I don’t think I like her anymore.
I blaarrg at the thought of peanut butter. I’d never blaarrg ‘at’ you (deliberately).
You only jut got up, jam?
Is this more jiz talk or did you meant just?
Nope, I’ve been up a few hours.
*takes ‘t’ and drinks*
Ah yes, spotted the error. I try to be assiduous with my typing but I’m using one of those wireless keyboards and if I have to position all the paperwork/coffee mugs/toy cars/blown lightbulbs etc in a strategic position for the signal to reach the computer otherwise it misses out characters.
There’s something to be said for wiring. My wireless keyboard is more successful as a door wedge.
Hmm… nesting fail
the cow jumped over the loon?
Wait is that right?
i can abbreviate like nobody’s business.
lnb?
yes, of course. i would have abbreviated that myself
to demonstrate, but it’s nobody’s business.
Just one second while I look it up in the card catalogue.
ok.
wait, what?
Yep.
what’d you find?
I found ten entries under CUM. Can you be more specific?
After ten entries I wouldn’t be able to remain conscious.
I can go for probably about 20 entries. I don’t think I can hold back any longer though.
Off topic: I just read some of the weekend fails. Man, the trolls had a good time, didn’t they?
Off topic: Mommy cries when daddy is back.
Off topagraphic: outer space…
So…now you get to arrest yourself? :S
please my dear friend hairy don’t arrest me!
That’s a fail? Aren’t schools required to keep track of the sperm count of the male students as they get older? lol
So… how do people here file their cum?
it stands for cumulative file, the papers and grades and behavior sheets that follow children through elementary school. If any one you have children, they have a cumulative file, and every one here had one also.
why am i being censored!? I only said “do not swallow”
OMGosh dude no way! Too funny!
RT
http://www.anonymity.us.tc
ok
Cum stands for CUMULATIVE as in Cumulative record, just in case anyone was wondering. Cumulative records are records that are sent from the student’s previous school to their new school. It usually contains report cards, immunization records, disciplinary reports, etc.
Sperm bank?
better known as a ‘Defile Cabinet’
what is this supposed to say?!
my mom is a teacher and has been for many years, its not a fail. i don’t know what it stands for but it is supposed to be cum. but its pronounced (kume). It is a file that every school has for every child that is passed on from school to school until your graduate or drop out of school. Its what everyone knows as a permanent file. It has all your report cards, suspension and explosion reports, and any abuse or neglect information. It is a confidential file that only a select few in the child’s education are allowed to see, principal, teachers that have thought the kid, and secretaries. It is kept under lock and key. Its not really a fail, its just how it is spelt, and the pronunciation has nothing to do with a fail.
Suddenly, I realize why we were never allowed to see our permanent records.
I was an office aid in 8th grade, they had 8th Grade CUM Folders. I have NO clue what it stood for though.
its where you put your cum file every school had one but i dont see why they would anagrfam it to stand for cujm
This should be called Photoshop Fail…