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Brilliant!
Thanks again!
It’s always worth it when post #2 says first. It just gives me warm fuzzies all over.
.
That, and ((hug))
Me too!
*squeeze*
Oh shit, there they go again.
*grabs king troll*
.
((GROUP SQUEEZE))
Oh my God!!
*tries to escape*
I’m Italian. You can never get out of a squeeze from an Italian. Just accept it.
I’m italian too Oo…
And this is from Jay Leno’s Headlines…
*Is also Italian*, and its true once an Italian puts the squeeze on you it is almost impossible to get out.
moo
Ah, looks like my interrupting cow is loose again… sorry about that guys :$
You can never escape the squeezes from Italians? What about from Brits? Or Afgahnistanians? Catholics? Satanists? Chimpanzanians? Orangutanians? Lioplerodonians? Velociraptorianians? Infantanians? Pianoanians? Barracudanesians? Hedgehogesians? Ferrari Enzonians? Mexicaninanesians? Or the endangered Martianians? Scots?
*death squeeze* or the australians mate >:D
Hello chaps, what have we Brits missed then? Ah, squeezing is it? TALLY HO! *Cup o’ tea squeeze*
Or the force choke. (insert Imperial March here)
Or the juicey Bulgarians?
Juicy*
Also, *Bulgarian Salami Squeeze*
I’m an Italian Catholic combo, I play the piano, and I love Ferrari Enzos.
therefore those resisting sqeezes are DOOOOOOMED!!!
*squeeze*
Nice try but you FAILed.
*SQUEEZES* everybody in every direction*
*falls down in squeeze exhaustion*
*goes back to sleep*
woot!! theres still only two digits…!!! hehehe
Actually there are 10, at least in base 10.
Base 2?
Base 2
Awwww… Poor troll. Ok. It’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta do it.
*SQUEEZES King Troll*
There! Now you can finally feel loved and appreciated and leave.
*goes off to get a disinfection*
Oh, just come over here and take a nice bubble bath in the new tub that’s finally been installed. It only took 2 years.
YAY!
*jumps in bubble bath*
2 years? That’s…um…quick?
Contractors are a bunch of slackers. I want to redo the kitchen, but if I have to deal with a tore up kitchen for 2 years, I’ll kill someone.
Kill someone of them first. Then they’ll be too impressed to not finish your kitchen really fast.
I’m starting to like my name fails…
Friend of mine did that in Dungeon Master. Slapped the first batch of imps to death. All of them. The next batch worked twice as fast.
Sometimes I worry about the sanity of the friends I keep.
Ahhh, I miss that game. Nothing like abusing your workers. Now, if I could just get that promotion to managment and relive my gory…err, glory days.
WOOHOOOO!!!
Group Bubble Bath!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Been waiting all week to hear that!
Sounds good, but don’t turn on the jets. I am NOT cleaning all the bubbles up this time.
King Troll can clean them!
Ha! You wish. I am King, I order you to clean the bubble bath.
Nu! I abdicate to jam.
Man whore.
Should I be offended you think I’m trollish or flattered to be king?
Hmmm…
Order eh? Who does he think he is?
Just don’t get any of that foam into my tea, I’ll have a capuccino
Naked oiled massage circles?
Yep, I’ve gotten that spam email before.
I know, right? I thought it might be fun to be one of the normal Failbloggers but hell, this is uber fun.
It’s WAY more fun on this side of the fail. Glad you’re here!
Sure thing, I’m just here to give you guys some entertainment. Can’t seem to find any fellow trolls today though…
Should have been here yesterday.
I think King Troll finds it hard to decide whether he wants to be a real troll or not. Split personality?
An amiable troll? Is that possible? We may have to come up with a name for this phenomenon.
Amiable troll- what’s next?
A troll who rules Failblog!
where’s my KING!?
Don’t worry I’m back!
I’m back!
I came in your hair yesterday
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
45 -> 0
Dude, people who role-play on public messageboards are really goddamn annoying. STOP.
Retard.
Should have known, should have known, should have known again…
Oh, but there they go again…
That is one massive run-on sentence fail.
That, and the fact that I would never eat meat that was ‘made’ somewhere. That’s just scary!
Must be a PETA member. I am a member of PETA (People for Eating Tatsy Animals)
Hey, me too!!!
I prefer little dogs.
I don’t! If it needs to wear a sweater, it’s not a real dog.
It’s adorable…that’s what it is…
As the proud semi-owner of my GF’s totally insane Mini Pini, I concur.
Did you guys ever find that snake?
They’d put a little pink raincoat on it and keep it in a purse
Nope, didn’t look last night velvet. She was sposa leave out a coupla dead mouses last night and see what happens, haven’t heard yet.
That boy in big trouble we ever find him.
WN, I love how you keep saying, “if we ever find him”…pretty much conceding that a giant snake might be loose in your house forever.
Well, he’s a CUTE giant snake!
That’s what she said?
First *that’s what she said* of the day- and so late!
No pun intended.
I think she’s preggers!
Lol I have a 70 pound doberman mix who thinks she needs to wear a sweater
People for Eating Tasty Animals – that’s sweet. ROFLMAO. Nice.
What makes you think that someone who is promoting eating meat and saying it doesn’t harm animals is a PETA member?? Doesn’t make sense to me. PETA is AGAINST eating animals, not for it…
You fail, there was no run on sentence.
GTFO and learn grammar
Sounds like the guy from Greenpeace
Yes, brilliant is right!
FIRST !
Wrong.
OK then, I’ll rename myself..
Second King
It doesn’t count if it still says First King next to your avatar.
Not to mention on your business cards and driver’s license.
“Can I see your license?”
“Sure officer, here you go.”
“First King?”
Sounds like an early hamburger
At least he didn’t say “Third” and wind up second anyway
lol
Superbad reference win!
Like a breakfast sandwich at Burger King
I hope they treat him as well as they did that other King fellow. You know, Rodney King?
FAIL
…only children…
…especially since they can be eaten for free…
♪She don’t eat meat, but she sure likes the bone♪
Jules. I am not yet sufficiently awake for an appropriately naughty response
*slaps WN left and right*
Now you are. Be naughty!
Oh!! Oh!! Oh!!
Much better!
Your Oh!! Oh!! Oh!! suggests that you are feeling very well.
Yes indeed, I am!
And as for faking, jules, heavens no, that’s, umm, well, kind of hard to do in my particular situation
In what particular situation do you find it hard to do? They have pills for that.
jules. My particular situation is that I’m of the male species. Faking just ain’t possible
If you use condoms it is.
If she has an organism, I’m pretty sure you *weren’t* faking!
Well most of the time she finishes first and some times second and third too.
Wait, if she has an organism – aren’t we talking biology instead of sex ed?
I think you’re faking.
Yes WN. If you’re going to do it, do it properly!
I hereby vow to practice regularly until achieving perfection
Don’t forget the cow bell. Everything is better with more cow bell.
I’ve always preferred 3 cowbells, tuned for 3-part harmony
that’s what she said
*joins the party in Lederhosen, slappin’ away*
Hahaa, here I am *slap-slap* count me in to join the party, jawohl! …ehm…
*notices mistake*
(long and painful silence)
So, ehm…
*taps foot*
*kills rat, sweeps it under the rug*
*taps foot*
*grabs rat from under rug*
We could use this rat to lure WN’s giant snake out from hiding…
ooooooooooooooooooh, most excellent!
*eats the rat happily*
*about to don lederhosen and slapping gloves*
Was? Das ist nicht ein traditional Bravarian schlapping party?
.
.
.
*wonders how badly he offended Arthur Eld with that horrible fake German accent*
I’m actually laughing
First King you FAIL
*Charges up tazer*
Kill him. I am the only king here.
Kings usually don’t wear pink tutus.
Not Hitashi, First King.
“Little: And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport.
Foreman: And he didn’t look half bad in the tutu.
Little: That he did surely not.
Foreman: What?”
How does that relate at all other than tutu?
Sorry, you’re not a cross-dressing robot? I misread, I apologize.
i am the living sign
Vicar in a tutu? That will help explaining things at the emergency department.
You should have seen what the potato was wearing!
Leather?
Potato skins.
(Potatoes WILL nest below the vicar)
Not below. In. They’re parasitic. You think they’re piles, but they’re baby potatoes.
Here, I made some potato salad!
*hands czuhc the bowl*
No, you are not!
We concur.
Store bought meat, where no animals were harmed. O.o
Sounds about right… must be cheap brand hot dogs.
I love hot dogs.
97% Junk
3% Unidentified
You save meat and having the need to live above the age of 30!
./Self Titled Fail
Hot dogs, they are the butcher’s crops
Not made from filets, steaks, or chops
Leftovers they hope you won’t mind
Everything but the bones goes in the grind
Baker and butcher conflict conflate
Over sellin’ dogs and buns in packs of 12 or 8
Relish the day when they can work it out
Celebrate with mustard, ketchup or sauerkraut.
Word!
Someone send this moron the link to ‘meet your meat’ on peta’s website. Sure they’re lunatics but they do have some handy slap-upside- the-head materials for less intelligent among us.
do they have a ‘meat your meat’ link?
What about the “meet your feet” section?…you know, for people so morbidly obese that they can’t see beyond their stomach.
‘meet your meet’ to find out what sporting event you’ve signed up for.
beat your meat on your meat section?
I could have used that section back when I was pregnant.
Wow… wow… What do you even say to that?!
I suppose you could let them in on the secret that store bought meat is also from deceased animals?
nah, dont tell them that its really dead aminals; and then everybodys happy!
(except the dead meat) LOL!
Wow?
Something along the lines of “face palm.”
I might consider publishing it in a newspaper…
I would go one step further and highlight it in two colors, with underline for added emphasis.
You are very wise Sammy…very wise…
Well, I personally say “Steak sauce please?”
Besides which, I highly recommend elk burger burritos – only way to eat burritos, IMO.
ever had cat? not too bad, really.
I once had a buffalo burger in Montana. Not too bad.
Hadda buffalo burger in Oregon, myself – good, but definitely not elk
Can’t say I’ve had elk, but I am from the south were we eat just about anything.
Fried
I prefer white tail. Living in Montana I eat enough buffalo, elk, and mule deer to last a life time.
I had ostrich once. Tasted like…well, you know.
I’ve had camel. better than ostrich.
Nothing tops a panda bear burger.
Except perhaps grilled coelacanth in snow leopard sauce…
Duck heart in China.
Baby seal liver for the win.
A friend of mine had to eat a cow’s eye in China. Not kidding. Would have been very impolite not to eat it….
I went on a trip to China a few years ago and I ate many things creepily similar to that.
I know a restaurant near me does ostrich, crocodile, calamari and venison. Apparently crocodile is like fishy chicken.
Why is it that everything uncommon “tastes like chicken”?
Because all uncommon animals are orginally descended from randy chickens that shagged anything that moved.
I wish more things tasted like chicken…
Sorry, but some things will always taste fishy.
One word: Sweetnblow™
like certain parts of a camel?
My favorite dish is Roasted Spotted Owl
in a Reduced Snail Darter Sauce, served
on a Hand Made Rhinoceros Tusk Platter.
Orgy of chicken taste that!
Walker’s Cajun Squirrel flavour crisps are tasty.
Tripe anyone?
A restaurant in Philly serves, among other interesting things, kangaroo.
Tastes like mildly spicy steak, and so tender I didn’t need a knife.
Omnomnom.
on the subject of rare meat, kangaroo tastes really good actually..
I’m afraid to see the “How Its Made” episode involving store bought meats that don’t involve animals….
This is classic talk from a city person.
Most likely, I’ve had to reassure people new to this area that the “giant riding dogs” or the “Oh My God what is that thing?!” are really and truly horses.
Whores?
Possibly, I never asked what they did for a living.
haha giant riding dog
I went to a fancy party once. They asked me if I wanted a Whore’s Divorce. Naturally, I was offended. Of course, that didn’t stop me from sampling the free appetizers.
*wonders if anybody will get that “whore’s divorce” sounds like a mispronunciation of “hors d’oeuvres”*
Hors d’oevres you insult your audience like that.
Are you a real person? You seem to fit so many stereotypes at once it’s hard to believe.
No, I am fake. Just an illusion.
Illusion? We all seem to hallucinating the same apparition,
but I came prepared to deal with you. Come here BOGGY!
Wut u wunts Bob? Wunts to pway wif BOGGY?No, but BOGGY can play with King Troll all he wants!
Oooo Bouy! Ha Ha HAR HAR HAR HAR!!!!Comes heer misterKing Troll,BOGGY wunts to pway wit u now! We pway airpwane! U be da airpwane!*picks up King Troll and tosses him straight and up out of sight*
King Troll
can flies, Weeeee! Uh OH! No him cant!*watches King Troll PLUMMET to earth screaming*
Bob?King Trollis all broken now! I sowwy!the skewrll has lost his chestnuts
*pssst* I think he’s having a mental breakdown schizophrenia and what not
taking to himself, imaginary friends, dressing up in human clothing
please someone get him the help he needs
That’s no way to treat your new king! You better be sorry.
This is classic talk of an idiot… don’t lump us in with them.
I am a troll. It is not my job to please.
Are you here to entertain us or not? Make your mind up!
I vote for entertain.
*pulls out organ grinder*
Dance troll, dance.
*pulls out organ grinder grinder*
Trolls don’t dance, stupid dog.
Hey, I still had 5 payments left on that. Oh well.
*scampers away*
*pats* there, there *biscuit*
*sits and begs*
How could you say ‘stupid’ when Jules has such awesome ears?!
You have no idea how hard this is.
You know I think spraying water on it would have more of an effect.
If this is an invitation to touch it, I will have to decline.
No need to touch it, you can see it’s hanging down. If you use a loupe you’ll see.
if you sprinker pepper on it, it sneezes and shoots out of its hole, then you catch it with tweezers
BOGGY says put it back in U pants!We dunt care how U is HARD!
BOGGY smush U and squishes U if U stay bad nawty!
Is this a troll actually complaining about the rough life of the troll family? That’s a first.
I read somewhere once that a ridiculous percentage of American kids, like 30% if memory serves, don’t realize that meat comes from animals and of the ones that do know it comes from animals about half think that it doesn’t hurt the animal. It’s scary how little some people know about where their food comes from. I once overheard a woman complaining that someone put dirt on the carrots in the supermarket. Poor produce guy!
and that is why they have the book “how children fail”
Some of those tubby Americans sure would taste good, flame-grilled and slipped in between a couple of soft white buns.
My. You ARE schmelly.
People never cease to amaze.
I eat meat, so hunting for food is fine by me.
The deer that didn’t see it coming had a better run than the
cow raised for food.
Trophy hunters, on the other hand, should die of a horrible
cancer of the ass.
It was easier when you lived with nature…
I have a 4 y/o, and we are slowly letting her in on the bad news.
I’m reading “Charlotte’s Web” to her; we’ve checked out the stock
shows at the rodeo…
We are trying to make her aware enough that she won’t waste anything!
Even though I’ve never hunted and tend to eat vegetarian (although I don’t call myself vegetarian) I agree 100% with you about hunting. If you’re going to eat your kill and not waste it, then that’s even better than getting meat from the grocery store. Trophy hunters are the worst kind of fail.
That’s great you’re teaching not to waste anything. If an animal died to feed us, the least we can do is eat it and not let it go to waste.
I recognized the term “Speakout” from the article. Google confirmed this column is from my hometown newspaper. I assure you they are not city people. Kankakee, Illinois is a small industrial town surrounded by farms. Unfortunately, this caller to “Speakout” is a pretty typical resident. That’s why I moved…far, far away.
I live in the city and don’t know ANYONE who believes that meat from animal flesh doesn’t harm animals.
I DO know many people in the country side who don’t know that cows are artificially inseminated to encourage them to lactate and just think cows are magical animals that produce milk all the time and “will explode” if you don’t milk them.
Your stereotype of city people is completely false.
i bet he/she also protests against genetic engineering.
…and… here’s your sign.
It gives the term “Mystery Meat” even greater meaning!!
These are the kind of people that even PETA won’t claim…
It is NO surprise to see the word “christians” beside that. I’m just gonna assume its part of the same article for comedy purposes. Although you’d think religious people would be all for this! I mean, if god hadn’t meant us to eat animals, why would he have made them out of meat??
Why would he have created stores where you can buy them?
“And in the Beginning, there was HP sauce”
is that a different brand of ‘cosmic soup’?
Shiny Cat Sauce , don’t forget Shiny Cat Sauce
Well, as a serious Christian of the born-again, Spirit-filled, tongue-talking, devil-stomping, radically saved variety – AND as an elk meat aficionado – might I be so bold as to suggest .338 magnum?
Hey, a fellow Christian.
ummm, Whoa Nellie!!
Hehehe. I have nothing against you being a christian WN, but this troll fits European stereotypes against Americans so well… Fantastic!
Ya gotta love it when things come together
Wait, what?
Exactly.
I’m not European, but I do think Americans are disgustingly fat and lazy.
And I just started to like you !
Perfect, now we’re all on the same page. (some just in a different book)
BOGGY CUNFUSED!Enny won wunts to pway?A fellow Pentecostal? Win!
There is some sad truth about that…
Not all meat come from an animals. Some are “made”.
Look it up and read the book from Hans-Ulrich Grimm: “The soup lies”.
Although it’s kinda funneh.
No its not real meat. Just like soy milk is not real milk.
Tofu is actually made of secrets.
Some of which are nuns.
Some witches are nuns?
*starts to say the “wood” thing*
*reconsiders*
What kind of steak does a witch like?
Burnt.
This witch says some witched could be NUNS
Those aren’t secrets, those are habits.
Neither is coconut “milk”!
… and Soylent Green is made from people.
Not all meat comes from animals, this is true. Meat is an old english word that just meant any food that was eaten rather than drunk. Nowadays it generally refers to any animal flesh although we still refer to some non-animal foods as meat such as coconut meat, nut meat, or wheat meat. Technically the author is correct since you can buy such meats at the supermarket and no animals are harmed in the production of those. However, give the context of the statement I think we can assume that she means meat in the steak/chops/sausages kinda sense and is therefore a total fail.
……….
There’s one in every fail.
wow… I know I clicked on the reply.
Not to be a jerk…but when I hear Old English (accept for references to the malt liquor) I go into neutral, drool mode.
*commences drool mode*
*commences swapping-except-for-accept mode*
*returns to regularly scheduled programming*
*fails himself*
*thunks Malicite on the head*
WAKES UP! NO FAIL! U Funny!I know, I try to keep it light but sometimes something educational spills out. It’s a side effect of being an ex-teacher. I’ll try and remember to check my brain at the door in future and keep it strictly witty.
Yes, I’m sure the author of the article was referring to coconut meat that was made at the store.
*sigh*
Ha Ha! “nut meat” Heh!
Too much Buffy. In the Doublemeat palace the secret is that the burgers are made from processed vegetables.
“The secret to the beef was beef” fat for flavoring. But Buffy found that out earlier in the episode behind the dumpster with Spike…
“It’s the meat pro-cess. It’s a pro-cess we do to the meat. The meat pro-cess.
I loved that guy!
OK, due to popular demand (mostly, my own), I’m going to change my avatar back.
Clear your cache, folks.
Didn’t work for me. You still look scary.
Aah, now it works. Whew.
Thank you Judy. It was too early for me to be seeing that.
What, no more hammmmmmm?
Are you kidding, Aja? I may never eat hammmmmm again!
BOGGY lick Mowse!Judy
am a nices littell mowse agin! Yay!(Anybody got a ShamWow? I’m dripping….and not in a good way.)
I don’t need idiots like peta to help me “meet my meat.” I meet it
when I go out into the field.
peta’s founder ingrid newkirk also said, “a rat is a pig is a boy,” meaning
that she doesn’t think you (or anyone in your family) rate any higher
than a parasitic rodent. They don’t think you should be allowed to have a cat or dog as a pet because you are “enslaving” it… and they say that out of “love” for the animals? Sounds like something they should see a therapist for.
And you think peta’s philosophy passes for “intelligent,” N/A? Truly spoken like a spoiled little person who is far, far removed from the harsh realities of basic existence.
I love animals. They’re delicious!
have any of you read the classic book “the jungle”? never have looked at meat the same way again…01101001 00100000 01110111 01101111 01101110 01100100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101000 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101101 01100001 01101110 01111001 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110000 01100101 01101111 01110000 01101100 01100101 00100000 01110011 01110000 01100101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100011 01101111 01100100 01100101 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00101110 00101110 00101110
don’t stare at that too long
parasitic rat?
Yes?
Sucker.
Parasite=Sucker….come on man!
Oh. Yes, now I understand. In that case:
Tony Hawks awards you 500points for pulling off a successful reverse Haxored.
Hehehe!
Thanks for that, I needed a good laugh.
No I don’t, I think peta are loonies as I stated in my previous post. I said they do have some useful materials for morons like this. Clearly you know that meat comes from animals if you know they live in fields. Clearly this person does not and therefore I think a viewing of a nice slaughter house film would be quite beneficial.
I am not removed from basic existence. I am actually a real person. I know where my food comes from, I’ve even been known to grow some of it myself. Not as much as I’d like so I buy most of my veggies from a local farm instead. I’m interested to know why you’d consider me spoiled based on the fact that I think someone who doesn’t realize that meat comes from animals is a moron.
I can honestly say this is the least interesting topic for debate ever.
I second that.
I third….uh….it.
I agree. I just have this insane idea that some day, somewhere on the internet, I will argue with an idiot and they’ll actually learn something. You’d think I’d just accept that it hasn’t happened in the past 13 years and is unlikely to happen in the future either but no, I just keep trying.
Besides, when a total stranger feels the need to insult me I like to figure out why. Unpleasant people interest me, I like to know their motives.
I caulk up the random insults to this being the internet. *shrugs*
I glue random insults to the ceiling and stare at them, eyes open, as I sleep.
May I borrow your caulking gun?
Jeebus WN! You’re learning that I am a terrible speller. :/
*Hands over caulking gun*
Spelling caulk-up, excellent.
If anything, if they think we’re “equal” to animals, then we should have all the more right to “enslave them”. Basic law of nature- Survival of the fittest.
We ARE animals.
Anti-speciesism is not about equal rights, it’s about equal consideration.
Just like children have rights but they do not have equal rights in all aspects (like right to vote).
“Basic law of nature- Survival of the fittest.”
Yeah, Hitler liked to use that excuse too.
Do you support what he did?
Might does NOT make right.
Just because you CAN, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
A baby is weaker than me, can I beat him/her and make him/her into soup? Why any other sentient being if it’s not a life-or-death situation?
yeah you’ve got a point, but don’t you actually think that following nature is actually the best thing. We don’t frown upon say, a lion, just for eating an antelope so why do people frown upon themselves for eating a cow?
And plus, tofu doesn’t taste nice:)
LOL – female friend of mine was in New York once during a PETA convention. She was walking down the street wearing a fur coat when she was spotted by a coupla guys with a jar of red paint, who then started to cross the street toward her.
When she removed her coat and handed it to her friend they suddenly started walking quickly in the opposite direction. She was never sure if it was because of her shoulder holster or not
Fur is what it is…*ick*
But I do believe I would kill someone if they put paint on me…absolutely…make them drink the whole bloody can.
Now that is the way to handle it!
i do like yer fur cowt ifinkso
*HUGS*
dancedancedance
I don’t see why I’m higher than a rodent either. We are both sentient beings.
The idea of “human supremacy” is just a personal bias, another prejudice.
Speciesism is no more logical than racism or sexism. We all feel.
that’s funny….if that person’s ancestors hadn’t hunted to eat he/she wouldn’t be here to end up on fail blog
Yeah…Hilarious
That’s not necessarily true. This person could be descended from a traditionally vegetarian culture.
Tofu or not Tofu, that is the question.
Win
*facepalm*
*neckelbow*
*knucklepop*
*FOOTSTOMP**does the foot-stompin’ boogie!*
EXACTLY! People should eat meat made in factories.
Yeah, like Spam.
…or Soylent Green.
or Soylent Green
(2nd try — WordPress ate the first attempt)
I was patient — I waited almost two hours — and yes, I did refresh the page. WordPress still facilitated my failure.
Oh well, there’s no more appropriate place to fail than here!
Hunters who kill animals for food, I’m okay with. It’s hunters who kill animals for sport that I have a problem with.
It’s people like you I have a problem with.
lol troll
<3
Hey, you want to join me?
You could be my right hand man.
I’ll join C:
Sweet. Keep them busy. I have to leave for a couple hours.
I have Spanish I’ll keep them busy when I get back.
POB, pay no attention to the man behind the crown. He’s a troll trying desperately to become civilized.
It may work.
But it’s going to take some time.
I got a 20 spot that says time wins.
Time IS on our side.
Yes it it.
Yes is it, no is not it.
Sounds a bit like a question from a mini Mental State Examination: “No ifs, ands or buts”.
Mental….hmmmm. That must be one of those tiny states in New England?
Shame on you.
Shame on your closet.
I’d rather that kid thing kept it’s doors closed.
You have a problem with me? I never even knew! Well, I’ll expect custody of the problem on weekends and alternate Wednesdays, of course. And you’ll have to start dating responsible men who can serve as positive role models for the problem.
Ditto. If you kill something, you eat it. I also think that anyone who wants to eat it should have to kill it, at least once. I have a cousin who won’t eat meat with the bone in or fish with skin or anything whole like clams because she can’t deal with the idea that she’s eating an animal. Crazy idea but if you can’t deal with eating an animal how about you just don’t?
If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be vegetarian.
Depends on which animal, I would say.
Id tap that.
I feel the same way.
I’m a MEGA animal rights activist (I guess), and I think those sport “trophies” are just at…atro…um, I’m not entirely sure how to spell it…I think they’re horrible. It’s killing for no reason at all except for the fun of killing.
Now, that’s a fail.
Do you agree with the Two-Way Petting Zoo?
Atrocious? There is a spell checker too if you need it.
If DR’s is broken, I’d be happy to lend mine out. For a modest fee, of course. It’s not like I’m eating children here.
atrophy?
How do you feel about dragon’s rights? I think dragons should be free from the burden of lazy, freeloading riders. By the way, the fun of hunting isn’t in the killing. The fun is in the countless, mind-numbing hours spent sitting alone and motionless waiting for someting EVENTUALLY walk withing range. Yep, big time fun.
For food IS for sport. We don’t need flesh to survive. So when we choose to eat it anyways we are doing it because we like the taste (personal enjoyment=recreation=sport)
You don’t need a cow’s flesh any more than you need to eat a human’s flesh.
Closet I mean ^^
Your id would tap that closet, Closet? What?
I believe that tapping indicates someone wants out of the closet.
ARGHHHH im getting attacked by a fake meat lion… it doesn’t look right..
>:3
JESUS CHRIST IT’S A LION GET IN THE CAR!!
JESUS CHRIST!
he dont exist. wrong use of jesusial paradox.
Jesus was real. He was known as Jesus of Nazarath. It was his father that does’t exist.
Obvious Fail = Fail.
doesn’t*
Jesus is as real as the green unidentified meat I ate yesterday from
these stores that sell meat without hurting animals.
Atheism > You
Atheism is arrogant. How can you KNOW there is no God?
How do you know that we don’t know?
You can not prove there is no God. You can say “I don’t believe in God”. That’s fine. But as an atheist you have to be apodictic about that – just like many christians are. The difference is, that a christian could claim that God has actually revealed himself in some personal epiphany. There’s no arguing with that, either you believe the guy or not. A real atheist has to be as sure as a real christian, without having at least some sort of a negative epiphany to prove it for himself.
That’s why I’ll stay agnostic. Except if God enlightens me with an epiphany…
I’m with arthur.
I was being a smartass before…but you owned me with a logical answer.
I don’t actually believe I can disprove the existence of a God. I’m not completely sure that I would want to either, religion makes people happy. I could care less what people believe as long as it doesn’t get mushed into my face.
Failblog has eaten my last two attempts to post this…sooo…
I was just kidding earlier and agree with what you say.
What I had prepared the two things before this was…so much better.
This will probably post fine too.
well spoken, I guess I’d have to agree. Though I did read once that ‘God is dead’. Is that empirical proof enough?
Excellent explanation Arthur! All I could add is that the epiphany can be spiritual or intellectual or both. Usually it is the “religious” among us who are those experiencing the spiritual epiphany. An intellectual epiphany usually happens If and when you start thinking along the lines of “WHY” when it comes to the vast aspects of the Universe & its existence.
Wow, that’s one profound squirrel!
I has my days……..
Huh? What? I can haz cheezburger? I believe Jesus existed, so there! Or are you trying to to confuse me so much I forget to go to mass this Sunday? Well it won’t work I tell you! It won’t work!
Today is Sunday.
Yeah!
and Cow Farts Cause Global Warming!
So THERE! Take THAT!
anyone have a cookie?
popcorn?
a snack of any sort?
How about some sausage, SB? I’ve got some freshly made from that delicacy on yesterday’s fail. Ground the meat, added herbs & spices, it really turned out nice!
*mouth watering*
Judy Can I have some of your sausage?
Absolutely! It’s a mild italian sausage. I made it with little Vinny and Guido from around the corner.
You know what’s funny Closet I am Atheist. C:
I’m ashamed of my fellow animal rights activist for this epic failure.
Almost as much of epic failure as naming yourself ‘DragonRider’
I’m a huge Inheritence Cycle fan. *shrugs*
Inheritance Cycle*
Woow, Mega-Huge fan eh?
…
And also a mega-huge failure.
I admit it.
*makes mental note of book series name*
Going mental arent we
Too late. Been that way since I was born.
i noticed
Obviously it wasn’t written by an animal rights activist if it was in SUPPORT of eating animal products. Animal WELFARE activist maybe…
And yet whoever it was knows the correct usage of the semi-colon…
Nice detail!
Hhehehehehehehe;
I’d still tap that.
Hahahaha nice!
Is it just me, or does this not come across as sarcasm? I can’t believe anyone would actually write this without tongue firmly in cheek.
I’d have to say same about naming yourself Soup.
I want to go to the Soup Closet…
…this coming from Closet
I found soup in the closet that was meant to be storing lamsp;
What you say about my very proper use of semi-colons?
Spelling and capitalization fail… Semi-colon win
Mate,
I’d bet your mom said same thing when she first saw you.
Then she commited suicide.
o.O
I love lamp, closet or not
Ahahahahahahahahahahaaha
I bet that person really TRULY believes that. lol
Tru
feed the poor to the hungry
I cen haz cheezeburger?
I iz hungry.
You can haz cheezburger. Just make sure to go the the store to get your meat. Killing a cow would be horrible. lol
Only if the meat is made at the Grocery Store…
I thought it was the poor who were hungry.
Wouldn’t they be a little tough and gamey, though?
Hunters that kill animals, shame on you! billions of ancestors for example!
But those who just kill for sport or to get furs, that is something honorable!
Damn! it should have said:
Hunters that kill animals *for food*, shame on you! billions of ancestors for example!
But those who just kill for sport or to get furs, that is something honorable
what are you talking about?
people who hunt animals for thier meat to feed thier family are bad,
but people who hunt for sport and leave the carcass after skinning it are good?
that makes is nonsense.
p.s.
by the way people still kill the animals if they only take the fur.
Road kill is the best. I just love the pitter patter of the little highway pets.
I like the “Critter Platter” at the Roadkill Restaurant and Slot Parlor! The menu calls it; “Just whatever Critter we found on the way into work cooked in Our Own Special Sauce.”
Also, you can bring in any Critter already skinned and get a 50% discount on your meal!
At the store uptown, they sell West Virginia Roadkill Coating Mix. Quite tasty, actually.
Failblog got trolled
I only ever kill for sex
do you at least kill them afterwards? b4 is even more creepy
Got something against necrophilia?
Psht, Everyone’s a critic.
Depends on how well you can play dead
Drop dead gorgeous.
Word up. So how come you’re gracing us with your presence less Mr Goomba?
(58.8wpm, one wrong)
Guess what
Chicken Butt?
( Too easy i know)
No twat.
My goodness…what an idiot. It’s more honorable to go out and kill what you eat than just buy it. But it’s disghusting to kill animals just for fun (or for the sake of “sports”)…
./Sense of humor fail.
Go crawl back from that cave you came in from.
at least the supermarket doesn’t fart when you take your meat out
Im the only one not getting the joke here?
Does ANYONE even notice that the rest of the page is all uneven. I’m kinds doubting this being real…
it’s real enough, the photo of the page isn’t exactly square and so it just looks skewed
I think I am going to recommend this site to the chaps over at 4chan. This is right up there street. I am sure they would love to come here and comment on all these funny pictures
Can you bring some comprehension failures over here? I’m a big fan. Those people who have to type the explanation to the obvious (like they are thinking as they type), you can keep. And the fakety fake fake fake people. Kill them. But bring everyone else over!
Closet now redefining your earlier statement Atheist = Me
Welcome to the club.
Closet continues? C:
Closet finishes.
Spotted under Recent Comments: “Grotesque Tragedy on Meat Fail” – - sounds like an entree.
Man,
If only you were funny I might actually consider doing you a favour.
why dont use the sausagetrees
They dont always come out fresh
That’s no sausage tree, it’s a hambush! Flee for your lives!
*flees*
omg this is the best fail I’ve seen in a few weeks! This is soooo funny! Who could be so dumb!!!!!
Your mom for not having an Abortion
Maybe it’s the same woman I met as a freshman who was convinced that food came from “the back of grocery stores and restaurants”.
She really believed it was made there and called me a liar when I told her where it really comes from.
Its bees isnt it?
Iv’e always had my suspiciouns
I didn’t have the heart to tell her that honey is bee puke.
And still so yummy.
I still can’t get over people that think eggs are dairy. I’ve run across four of them so far in my nutrition classes.
Meat: No animals were harmed in the making of this product.
Warning: May contain petroleum byproducts.
this fails so hard it hurts….
Slaughter houses are just as cruel as hunting; sometimes even worse. Many a slaughter house has been accused of abuse. It is really disturbing though to watch an animal die, and it takes 5 or 6 rounds to die. Actually, watching an animal die by any means is kinda disturbing for the faint of heart. I havent got anything against hunting for FOOD.
What scares me? People like this BREED . . .
This is a joke right? I just faceplanted, overwhelmed by the stupid.
Photoshopped
/\/\/\ fail
Shows how stupid vegetarians and vegans really are..
This jerk, if he is serious, is definitely a meat eater. He believes animals are not harmed for the meat in the store.. why would he be vegetarian?
Vegetarians are smart enough to realize where meat comes from.. mostly the reason why they are vegetarians.
Avashnea, I hope you are being sarcastic…. or else you are a bigger retard than the poster
How does something a PRO-MEAT person said show how “stupid” you think vegetarians and vegans are? Read the thing again.
It was in SUPPORT of eating meat, not against it.
Rah rah rah.
Eat more meat.
As a vegetarian in a hunting family, hunting is actually humane. The way the animals are treated at meat farms is disgusting. At least hunted animals lived their lives in the wild, eating food that is natural to their diet, and with little to no pain from humans. If I were going to eat any meat, it would be game animals. Therefore, this person is retarded.
Humane means kind and merciful. How is KILLING SOMEONE to please your taste buds “kind” or “merciful”? Surely, LETTING THEM LIVE is kind, not killing them for unnecessary pleasures.
Humans do not need flesh to survive or thrive. All essential nutrients can be easily obtained in a vegan diet.
Check out http://www.abolitionistapproach.com/video/
Wow… This is a great idea. Im surprised we havent thought of this earlier
WOW.
Irony perhaps?
Soylent Green is – is -
01110000 01100101 01101111 01110000 01101100 01100101 00100001 00100001 00100000 01000001 01000001 01000001 00100001 00100001
I would truly like to see the periodical this comes from – then maybe one could tell if it was a gag or something taken seriously by the publisher.
No meat = Not enough brain cells
Umm, not a fail.
I believe it is referring to animals that died of natural causes.
animals that die of natural causes are not used for food… old animals are too tough to eat.
You can’t sell that kind of meat in stores. It’s a “safety hazard”.
It’s made out of people.
Apparanately brain cells come from meat.
I… uhh…. the stupid broke my brian… I mean brain.
Just… no. I would much rather hunters eat what they kill than just take one part of the animal and waste the rest.
MEAT COMES FROM MOO COWS!!!
You know aside from the logic fail, it amazes me at the arrogant stupidity of people. A predator probably takes longer to kill it’s prey than humans do, and it’s probably a lot more painful to have fangs and claws ripping you in half. Bunch of emotional freaks >:D.
Lab-grown meat Win.
This is not a fail but an epic win. Look up sarcasm in the dictionary.
I am vegan, and I am baffled.
I almost wonder if someone PLANTED this stupid comment…because hunters always accuse those who are against hunting to have no concept of where their food comes from. In reality, of course, just about anybody who is against hunting enough to actually say anything about it is already vegan, or at least vegetarian.
Of course, it could just be that this writer was a complete and utter idiot.
I doubt it was planted. I do a lot of activism and there are A LOT of people who think hunters are terrible people for killing animals, even if the hunters eat the meat, and these people eat store-bought meat.
They use the excuse, “but the meat in the stores comes from animals that are already dead”. So I give them a lesson about supply and demand.
failblog sarcasm fail?
True. no animals are harmed.. they are just killed.
Anyway, don’t blame the people for being stupid, blame the education system.
I really gotta know the country in which this genius went to school.
I’m a vegetarian and the only kind of meat I’d ever eat is that of a human who eats animals.
It scares me that there are people this stupid.
…
Who are allowed to breed.
I can just see it now.
“So where does meat come from, mommy?”
has it occured to ANYONE that this is probably sarcasm? note how next to it, in the same column, it says ‘Christians, blah blah blah’. I think (s)he’s just doing a pisstake of people who oppose hunting, but eat meat from the supermarket.
Similar to the one who suggested to get a bucket of water from sea everyday and enpty them on sink to lower the global water level |3
I can just picture some parent lying to their kid about where meat comes from . . . too bad the kid never grew up and figured it out.
If we don’t kill them then who would
ROFL How can anyone be so STUPID???? Do they think somebody invented StarTrek’s replicators or something?
OK. But no link, so where did this come from?
RWR
http://www.rightwingrocker.com
now that’s a new kind of stupid right there
Wiahful Thinking Fail.
Spelling fail….
…..so they’re saying trophie hunters are fine then????
I sort of wonder if this isn’t a case of sarcasm win?
I once took a group of teenagers to visit a friend who had a farm. When the teenagers saw my friend’s wife milking a cow, they were curious. When they saw it was milk, one girl raced outside and was sick. She honestly thought that milk was made in factories called ‘dairies’. Not surprised some city people think meat is ‘made’ in butcher shops!
I think I’ll have a steak….
LOL, my sister told me the same thing one day…. and she did understand why I called her stupid….
Is the person who wrote this by any chance related to the lady who dresses up to go to Wal-Mart?
If not, there is a big sea of fail out there.
Penis
This is the best FAIL, I’ve ever seen. Really amazing
BR,
Shubhamoy
PETA at its best
Uh…PETA is ANTI-meat, not pro-meat….
Hi Vegan,
Most of these comments are people TRYING to be silly, and raise hackles. Try not to blow a gasket tonight.
haha, I saw this on Jay Leno
Vegan: You’re doing it wrong!
Ha, my sister used to tell people to not be mean and buy fish from the store instead of killing them. But she was 6 years old then.
I hate to break it to this idiot, but meat comes from animals that have been killed either by hunting or that have been raised on a farm and then sent to a slaughter house. The only manufactured “meat” there is, is that junk made from tofu (which is really soybeans) and it’s nasty.
We need to do some more education of the public when it comes to the food they eat obviously!
You’ve obviously never tried Asian-made soy meats. They are AWESOME. I could guarantee that most of the products you could never tell the difference.
LOL!
Cool! Yet another Rhodes scholar! And people say kids don’t really learn in our public schools.
#50
you deserve an award for standing up like that
(and the year’s biggest retard award goes to…)
This deserves a face palm… and who ever wrote it deserves to be slapped… repeatedly… upside the head…with some variety of fish…
I don’t know why fish… just seemed appropriate..
I’m also willing to go with ‘Dead bunnies that some horrible hunter killed to eat for their food…instead of the bunnies that the store…Makes?”
well this is late but lol
what ever u guys r doing its stupid
the role play on failblog? honestly you guys r idiots
“No animals were harmed”.
………… ………….. …. ….
………… ………….. …. ….
…. …. …. ….
…. ………….. …. ….
…….. ………….. …. ….
…….. …. …. …. ….
…. …. …. …. ……….
…. … …. …. ……….
The points attempted to make a picture of FAIL (they are actually a FAIL themselves)
what r u idiots doing this time! this sceneplay is sooo gay
seriously but good thing i am not in there
freakin brilliant
U, MEAT WOMAN, ARE A NOOB, >:-(!
There is currently an email circulating around, claiming that this “article” is from an SF, California newspaper (although it gives no further bogus details).
I just thought i would spread what info i could find, which is that this was a reader response to an editorial. Not an article, not even a response to an article – it’s a silly reply by someone to someone else’s OPINION. Made in some smalltown, subscription required…
(From a “Speakout” response to an editorial in The Daily Journal [Kankakee, Michigan - subscription required] via Theo.)
Whoever wrote that is probably a shitty vegitarian
Article is appreciated whatever others say
seriously all you vegans with the holier than thou attitiude and the love for all that is animal when was the last time any of you have ever been in the mountains and stumbled across the rotting corpes of 50 dead deer or antelope? well i have and they call it winterkill because of mans encroachment into the natural habitat of these animals therefore they are pushed into areas where the feed is poor. Hunters help these animals by supplying money to pay for the protection of the land and the animals by buying the licenses and supporting agencies who care about animals unlike the vegans who do nothing but actually eat the food the animals should be! overpopulation and exceeding the carrying capacity of the land causes animals to suffer a horrible slow death and you would prefer that over a well placed bullet to the heart or lungs which will kill an animal virtually instantly? so veganvixen when it is your turn to go lets say we put you in the mountains with no food and let you starve and freeze to death and as to the original creator of this incredibly funny fail i say hail. its obviously a joke no single person on the planet is that stupid. I also eat what i kill and enjoy all aspects of hunting and i am supporting local wildlife by feeding elk in the winter! have you vegans ever lifted a finger to help the animals or do ya just run your mouths on the web while enjoying a nice salad in the local vegan cafe?
oh and btw jez people who kill and only take the hides are not called hunters they are called poachers! it is illegal to kill and NOT harvest the meat so EVERY hunter eats what he kills! It is incredible the amount of stupidity and ignorance found here! wow (stands in awe) shaking head while pondering the future of our existance.
and vegetables come from cans, i suppose?
idiot win
What do we grow meat like vegitables
actually its from Kankakee Illinois.
Five-hundred and forty fourth!
Possibly the epicest fail I’ve ever seen on this site. Thank you, TV Tropes.
I’ll right away snatch your rss as I can not in finding your email subscription hyperlink or newsletter service. Do you’ve any? Kindly permit me realize so that I could subscribe. Thanks.