Well yeah but why is this soap holy? The shape from the back’s clearly fail, and funny, but I’m wondering who the soapy effigy is actually meant to be. Sure, it bears a resemblance to the sort of kitsch Virgin Mary dolls you might find at a place of pilgrimmage like Lourdes, but I think even the Roman Catholic church would draw the line at turning her into soap, especially when you consider the kind of places she might be put to use.
Many years ago, I saw a “novelty” item that viewed from the front looked like a statue of a monk in a hooded robe, and from the back looked like a penis. This looks like a similar type of thing.
Apparently some people find that clever and amusing.
I found it at the bottom and didn’t think it would end up here!!
BFF, you’re kidding right? Not about paintings being shopped, but about those being accurate depictions of Christ.
Of course I’m joking. Same about those paintings of God. The Sistine Chapel? Don’t make me laugh.
Sorry if I suddenly outrage the entire Christian community.
…and call God in the morning.
Actually, Avis and BFF, you reminded me of an argument I had with a friend in junior high school. I’ll never forget her heated reply: “But, there are PAINTINGS. Paintings that show…” (She eventually agreed it was a ridiculous point to try making.)
You mean Papa Razi, as he was nicknamed in the British tabloid headline:
FROM HITLER JUGEN TO PAPA RAZI
Ah, you can’t beat the controversy of a Sun front page.
Let’s see how you did on the “Trollometer”.
1. You just made an utterly stupid comment thread
2. You spoke in ICHC lolspeak, banned since 2008
3. You think you’re funny, when you aren’t.
This reminds me of a joke I once heard:
Little Timmy is asking his father about God.
“Daddy, is God white or black?” Timmy asks.
“Both,” his father answers.
“Daddy, is God a boy or girl?” Timmy asks.
“Both,” his father answers.
Little Timmy’s eyes grow wide. “Michael Jackson is GOD?!”
That reminds me of a joke I once heard:
There are five people on a plane: the pilot, two boy scouts, Michael Jackson and his agent. The plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes. The pilot says, “Since there are only three, I’m going to give two to the boy scouts because they are young and have their whole life ahead of them”.
The agent snarls, “Ah, screw the kids!”
Michael Jackson replies, “Do we have time?”
Those reminds me of a joke I once heard: A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, followed by a horse, a dog and a duck. the bartender looks at them and says, “What is this; some kinda joke?”
One of my students once wrote about Conrad’s “Heart of Darkness” and consistently talked about the indigenous population of the Congo as “African Americans”.
There’s a dent in my forehead from the force of that *facepalm*.
Considering that Christ had often been depicted as a clean-shaven youth up until the visage on the Shroud of Turin gained popularity as “The Face of Christ”, I’d say no. >.>
I think that the Pope would be so pure, he’d use it anyway. He wouldn’t be so sick minded. Even if he did notice, he’d say “Oh look, it’s a horn of a unicorn!” Note that I’m not Christian. I’m agnostic, so damn confusing.
I don’t know about the Pope being so pure. Most of the Catholics I’ve met seem to see “dirtiness” in just about everything. My grandmother though electrical plugs and sockets were “dirty”. Lutheran, not Catholic – but same idea.
But what if he’s got an underground of devil worshippers under the Vatican, who use this soap to degrade the virtues of The Virgin Mary? I mean, using her for masturbation =P YUM
I had to learn from about sex from about 4 different places. Biology class, religion class, and phys. ed. class. And my mom used to work as a sexual health nurse for Public Health, so she talks about it all the time.
Five!? Wow.
A couple of months ago, my sister was borrowing the car. My mom was saying goodbye to her at the door. As my sister got in, she noticed my mom had left a bunch of condoms on the seat. When asked, my mom yelled (loud enough for the neighbourhood to hear) “Oh, they’re not mine, they’re for my clients!”
.
I wonder if they’ll ever do a “How it’s Made” on Caramilk?
My mom STILL tells you the history and every minute detail of all the things that might possibly be connected before actually telling you what you want to know.
I hate when that happens. My mom follows a general formula when she answers my questions:
1. The ambiguity/debate over the meaning of the word or thing I’m asking about
2. An analogy that usually doesn’t help at all
3. What it actually means/is/does
4. Its cultural and historical significance
5. A personal anecdote about it
6. This is the point where she usually realises that I’ve stopped paying attention.
At least she gets to the point by 3! Mine doesn’t until 7! Only after realizing that I’m not paying attention does she answer me THEN she gets angry because I tuned her out!
More like “I’M TRYING TO ANSWER YOU SO THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS BE POLITE!” After I stop her and say “But I was asking about______ not ___.” She doesn’t like that.
I used to think it was easier to just ask her, rather than go through the trouble of looking things up. Of course, this was before I discovered Wikipedia. Nowadays, by the time she’s done explaining, I’ve usually already found the answer anyway.
I missed the “movie”. When I was in 6th grade they were showing it to the 7th grade. Then we moved and in the new school they’d shown it in the 6th grade.
Our school has two, “The Miracle of Life” and “Life’s Greatest Miracle.” They say the latter is the less graphic, but having seen both, I can tell you neither one is a picnic.
Fuzz and I used to walk together through the Fails and clobber the trolls, the lame, and well, anyone that didn’t seem that bright. As friends do, we’d reply to each other’s comments just to let the other know that an obscure reference was understood, or a laugh was had. I don’t want to make this about any one individual, as we all have our quirks and faults. I have NO doubt that some Failbloggers out there find me annoying. All we can do is try to improve ourselves.
.
Failblog was different months ago. There were fewer commenters. The signal-to-noise ratio was higher. It was generally accepted that our intellectual playground had to be vigorously defended against those that would lessen its appeal. It was also a harsher environment in some respects. Biting remarks were encouraged, and the best riposte was rewarded with “burn of the week” status. Most people took their minor humiliation with good humor and moved on.
.
Today, Failblog has a much larger and more diverse group of regular commenters. With this influx of people has come the need for more tolerance. What passes for wit or pleasant conversation for one group may be irritating to another. We still defend our little intellectual playground from those that intentionally try to ruin it. We still police grammar, and if you post something that is factually incorrect you can expect a torrent of replies. The bukkit is a symbol; its usage signals that you care that you’ve made a mistake.
.
The nature of the blog is constantly changing, so let’s give ourselves some leeway as we learn to change with it.
It was the outright arrogance of his more recent comments that irked me. His attitude that he was superior to all. I don’t care to be condescended to, not when I’ve done nothing to earn it. The old days of the blog were great, and I miss them. Yes, it was a little harsher then, and we took it in stride. But we didn’t out and out insult the people we had come to regard as friends. Poke them sure, but not stab. And we did defend those we regarded as friends, and we still do. That, at least, has not changed. Nor should it.
I was going to say the same thing, But I couldn’t think of enough evidence to support my argument. Plus the fact that I’m only 15, and I would be yelled at to act my age.
I did, and I completely understood what you were saying. It’s just that Ryannon has reminded me twice that I’m 15 and I shouldn’t answer back, and I was still shellshocked from that.
Jeez, when I think of what I was like at 15 I cringe a little. Had I been half as able as you are to articulate my thoughts, perhaps high school would have sucked do royally.
*Enters the room with ShamWow Vince* Hey guys! I found someone who can sell us a new innuendo machine!
.
Vince: Hey guys, come over here and look at this. Vince here, talking to you about this new revolutionary device — Innuendo 9000â„¢! Look at this thing in action. Hey camera guy, you following me? Look, just one comment or flip of a switch, and, there you go — the machine in action. I swear, you’ll be wondering why this thing wasn’t invented sooner. You’ll be saying WOW every time!
What? We said nothing AT ALL nasty about you, Dragon. In fact, we missed you for days! Without you, the wit in the room would have vanished had Avis not arrived on the scene.
Thanks for the sentiment BFF. I don’t think she felt as if we had attacked her. I THINK she feels bad that it happened at all. I think.
I wish it hadn’t happened the way it did, but it did. I know I had something to do with it, but still.
Look, I didn’t want to seem nasty, but I just thought Fuzz was getting a bit too…I don’t know, big for his shoes? I know he’s witty and he is very intelligent, but he maybe needs to cool down his way of presenting what he knows.
That probably made me sound like a pompous ass, but I couldn’t find any other way to say this.
BFF…you are totally and entirely entitled to your opinion. Don’t ever let anyone tell you differently, okay? As you yourself have just astutely pointed out, how you express those opinions and your knowledge and information matters. A lot. And it speaks to what sort of person you are and who you want to be.
You were not the one that made my heart hurt. So don’t fret…have another cookie.
We need you to start the “Fires of FOOM!” once again and commence to flaming the hell out of all the trolls that have begun to overtake this sacred of sacred places.
Welcome back. I, for one, haven’t noticed too much ugliness. The usual backbiting, troll baiting and such. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. I haven’t been called names yet.
These two nuns are biking around some narrow streets in Vatican City.
One nun says “I’ve never come this way before.”
The other one whispers to her “It’s the cobblestones!”
I’m not sure if this is actually soap:
There’s a company called Divine Interventions.
if you enter the name into a search engine with a dash between the two words, you’ll find their site. they make a lot of things like this. they’re quite well made, too, if one is a connoisseur of such items…
I was scanning down the responses to see something like this. Yeah, it’s exactly what it looks like. My wife and I were at the Toronto “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex” show a couple of years ago and these were on sale there. They’re not actually soap either. They’re ceramic.
So, yeah, they are exactly what every thinks they look like. Sex toys designed to be funny. Sorry, not a fail. I’d say that’s a win!
I’m certain this was intentional as well. My SO runs a ceramic shop that has a ceramic piece available to paint that is essentially the same thing as this. They too refer to it as “St. Peter”.
OMG, my stepmom had these when i was 10. She told me i could have a yard sale and keep the $. She then proceeded to set these on the table to sell. I couldn’t figure out why people kept looking at them, then at me and smirking. (I was only 10!) Finally some kindly old man (read: pervert) explained they were dicks!
@tigaem lmao. A gazillion comments, not one mention of that joke, and then we post the same joke within an hour of each other. Your comment wasn’t there when I first hit the reply..
I wonder if the people who comment on these fails have lives outside of the internet. Doubtful from the extensive conversations that I have briefly read.
Don’t any of you realise tha it’s not soap?
It’s a dildo fashioned to look like the virgin Mary.
There’s a whole bunch of them that have been produced, even one of jesus on the cross.
woot
*shudder*
*grabs an axe*
*breaks door*
Bastard? I’m home!
finally! I’ve been waiting for you!
these are to be used by nuns.
Finally a worthy substitute for potatoes.
I think they look more like a substitute for wieners than for potatoes.
Lurk moar.
^possible Admiral Apparent wannabe.
I thought it was supposed to be Capt. Obvious. But who am I to call rank on something lucid.
Someone to file it, clearly.
soap in a pope?
*agrees*
Holy Soap = Soap for holes….
nice
o.o
dont forget to wash those difficult places 0.o
really, really difficult places…
….like the middle of your back…..
yeah… and I don’t really see the fail… that’s exactly where organized religion should be. up everyone’s ass…
That’s usually where organized religion IS.
Er…I actually meant the more traditional meaning of the word “back”.
As in, “Baby got …”??
Baby got. . .
*squeeze*
Welcome back!
i like…big…BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE! (truth is, i don’t.)
lol
God love you! I agree wholeheartedly!
Wait, up your ass? Is that where you like it?
Hold on, did you say up your ass? Is that where you like it?
OMG! DOUBLE POSTING!!!!!!!
You should be up your own ass, mien bitch!
You are my hero.
Cleans both the soul and the innards, i mean hands, well… nothing is okay with this soap.
toow
i prefer to use soap like a crdit card back there
Um what? Just slide it thru the crack?
win
hmm, who is better: the people that made this or the people the used VMary statues to smuggle heroin?
(at least this is reusable)
This soap actually works! The first thing my g/f said when she saw this was “oh god!”
This is for those with hope in their soul, oops, I meant soap in their hole!
lol, win
i dont get it
HAHA it changes from a nun to a penis…perfect inlaw cover up ^_^
i didn’t notice that! hahaha (i thought it was Jesus turning away from someone who had failed)
Holy Mackerel!
Those are NOT mackerel. Nor are they p(r)ickerel.
Holy f*ck!
Wash your sins away!
Well yeah but why is this soap holy? The shape from the back’s clearly fail, and funny, but I’m wondering who the soapy effigy is actually meant to be. Sure, it bears a resemblance to the sort of kitsch Virgin Mary dolls you might find at a place of pilgrimmage like Lourdes, but I think even the Roman Catholic church would draw the line at turning her into soap, especially when you consider the kind of places she might be put to use.
I doubt the Catholic church had anything to do with the production of this soap. Or the Pope on a rope soap.
pope on a rope… wishful thinking?
Hee! No, really, they made soap like that several years back.
I’m not Catholic, so i don’t really care one way or the other.
neither am I, but with Ben’s recent “faux pas” I’m sure many people wouldn’t mind seeing him on a rope. you know, to wash and all…
The REAL question is… does the above holy soap prevent AIDS better than condoms?
Tune in at 11…
Moo.
It’s obviously Mary Magdalene.
Do you know Mary Magdalene? I personally don’t see the resemblance.
Tylatz, that was HIGH-larious. I’m dismayed at the number of heads that it went over, though.
Many years ago, I saw a “novelty” item that viewed from the front looked like a statue of a monk in a hooded robe, and from the back looked like a penis. This looks like a similar type of thing.
Apparently some people find that clever and amusing.
Absolutely shocking, isn’t it! Whatever will they think of next? Dear me!
Time to wash your mouth out with soap.
I used to make novelty candles and soaps a few years ago and this is not a fail, this is deliberate.
It was also one of my best sellers, especially as a candle, and especially to women.
Can’t think why……….
Over analyzing fail.
Well it is holy BECAUSE of the nice shape.
Found a wooden statuette in my mother’s bookcase that looks even more like a penis from behind, never dared to touch it…
FIRST!
What is your problem?
He’s the problem?
He’s the question?
I’m the answer to your misery
That doesn’t make sense, I think what you meant was mystery.
You doesn’t make sense.
Not in that sentence it doesn’t.
I’m cuter than you so it’s ok.
Vanity is but skin deep.
It doesn’t make sense.
It is another victim of corporate downsizing.
ftw.
True, but since beyond the skin we are all the same, ultimately they get ahead.
I think What is on second.
I second that.
I second the fact that you’re a total douche, waste of space, and should be removed from this earth.
You’re preaching to the choir, Bob.
I second that too.
We really do need to try harder to ignore these zeroes.
Isn’t that the sort of thinking which lead to our current economic pickle?
.
mmmm – economnomnomic pickle….
…especially the ones that don’t know how to spell…
awwh, someone’s mad =(
I dunno.
I Don’t Know is on third..
I Don’t Know… is on third.
WhatIKnow is on fourh…
*joins WIK on fourth*
Who. That’s who.
Doctor Who?
*TARDIS arrives*
Doctor Who’s on first?
What?
SECOND!
I’m not asking you who’s on second!
Who isn’t on second, he’s on first.
Yah, What’s on second!
THIRD BASE!!!
The Who?
*TOWNSHEND arrives*
Guess Who is coming to dinner??
*Burton Cummings arrives*
Guess Who’s got a furry hat on?
*flips over card*
Yep, Bernard.
Hoo hoo…
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
One… two-hoo!… three… *CRUNCH*
wait a sec that looks like something from my encyclopedia… ummmm
Gives a hole new meaning to the body of christ…
It doesn’t look like Christ to me.
Yeah, too tall.
Not to anger folks, but does anyone REALLY know what Christ looked like?
Yeah, all the paintings are definitely photoshopped!
?
I found it at the bottom and didn’t think it would end up here!!
BFF, you’re kidding right? Not about paintings being shopped, but about those being accurate depictions of Christ.
Of course I’m joking. Same about those paintings of God. The Sistine Chapel? Don’t make me laugh.
Sorry if I suddenly outrage the entire Christian community.
Whew!
They are pretty to look at, but that’s about it.
If this is all it takes to outrage the Christian community, they need therapy!
what if the pope reads this? and if he dose, what would his
user name be?
What would the proper dose be for the Pope?
Two hail marys and a glass of water?
…and a Solanum tuberosum suppository.
…and call God in the morning.
Actually, Avis and BFF, you reminded me of an argument I had with a friend in junior high school. I’ll never forget her heated reply: “But, there are PAINTINGS. Paintings that show…” (She eventually agreed it was a ridiculous point to try making.)
To clarify:
We were debating the existence of a god. She was catholic, I was agnostic.
why in the hell would the pope go online and check out failblog
lmao
I’m a Christian and I agree with you. I mean, I like the Sistine Chapel etc but it’s just artists’ imaginations.
Of course he’s kidding! Everybody knows Jesus was black!
Ummm… not really.
I once had to read an illustrated bible in Religious Education class where all the characters were brown. Including Jesus, Moses and others.
I would have thought Jesus was of middle eastern decent. Brown, sure, I’ll go with that.
I was thinking the same thing. They would have drawn him white probably just to satisfy US Religious conservatives/ the Republican Party.
Don’t forget Herr Pope!
You mean Papa Razi, as he was nicknamed in the British tabloid headline:
FROM HITLER JUGEN TO PAPA RAZI
Ah, you can’t beat the controversy of a Sun front page.
Gotta love the tabloids. The only fun “news” left in the world.
Found the headline. Clickie.
moo
moo fish
glory!
Iz on you comment thing, stealin your subject lol!
Let’s see how you did on the “Trollometer”.
1. You just made an utterly stupid comment thread
2. You spoke in ICHC lolspeak, banned since 2008
3. You think you’re funny, when you aren’t.
Trollometerâ„¢
:Trollometer:
Regular [----------------|--] Troll
According to the meter, you are a troll joky. Sry
Kthnxbi
Nice of you guys to meet to mete-out the meaty meter.
Ya, but I’m more interested in Harry and Chelsey shacking up.
Well, he was neither black nor white. He would probably have been middle eastern.
He was middle eastern.
This reminds me of a joke I once heard:
Little Timmy is asking his father about God.
“Daddy, is God white or black?” Timmy asks.
“Both,” his father answers.
“Daddy, is God a boy or girl?” Timmy asks.
“Both,” his father answers.
Little Timmy’s eyes grow wide. “Michael Jackson is GOD?!”
That reminds me of a joke I once heard:
There are five people on a plane: the pilot, two boy scouts, Michael Jackson and his agent. The plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes. The pilot says, “Since there are only three, I’m going to give two to the boy scouts because they are young and have their whole life ahead of them”.
The agent snarls, “Ah, screw the kids!”
Michael Jackson replies, “Do we have time?”
Those reminds me of a joke I once heard: A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, followed by a horse, a dog and a duck. the bartender looks at them and says, “What is this; some kinda joke?”
Well, many people believe Jesus was of African American decent, and they are allowed to think that. It is their own opinion.
African-American?!?!?!?! African-Amer….. Never mind Im not even gonna start on this one.. Its just too stupid.
One of my students once wrote about Conrad’s “Heart of Darkness” and consistently talked about the indigenous population of the Congo as “African Americans”.
There’s a dent in my forehead from the force of that *facepalm*.
*SNORK*
Where I’m from:
kannadzuki ≠“African American Canadian”
kannadzuki = “Ethiopian Canadian”
What? Was I making too obscure a cultural reference?
I’m surprised no one has spotted it yet. I’d think this crowd would be all over Kevin Smith movies.
:facepalm:
i am ashamed of myself
He was definately a raptor-american.
A bird of pray?
ZING!
Hahahahahahahah!
Considering that Christ had often been depicted as a clean-shaven youth up until the visage on the Shroud of Turin gained popularity as “The Face of Christ”, I’d say no. >.>
And the likelihood of the Shroud being what they would like us to believe it is, s not too high.
Guess it make more sense why it should be a luffa than a bar of soap lol.
HA!
What makes it holy? I guess cleanliness in the areas that could be used in is next to godliness…
Holy Poley Batman!
fordliness, fordliness!
Wow……….failfailfailfailfailfail
Yep…wash your hands from your sins…it all makes sense. But they should have put Jesus?
Or is that Jesus? Damn, I see no beard…
Jesus did not have a beard until about the fifth century AD.
So, puberty really hit late for him, huh?
*SNORK!*
Hammy, you are absolutely freekin’ brilliant. Have I told you that, lately?
Second that.
HA HA!!!!
muthaphukin’ sik. Holy masturbation.
Say, do you like the Phish?
Ahh… so this is a douche!
fist!
You need your eyes tested!
Something that’s about to come in contact with your face if you don’t shut up.
burp is saying it looks like a fist. I think it looks more like ET’s finger.
I think that burp is saying he/she (hopefully she) wants to be fisted.
Right in your face!
*POW*
Mother Mary’s secret passion?
Lubrication included
You hear “oh God” called out a lot while using this soap, me thinks…
For lonely Nuns to “feel” the Spirit
Does anyone else think that the holy soap on the right looks like a penis?
I think that’s the WHOLE POINT!
Wow! Are you serious? You know what, I think you deserve a medal for that.
Do you think he knows that those are all the same soap, from different angles?
Nah, it can’t be. It even shows it from other angles. Oh wait…
You dropped the ball Steve… You dropped the ball.
Mopped the hall?
Topped the call?
…fought the mall…
*hastily replaces comment with”….fought Darth Maul….”*
You dropped the soap Steve…
… Virgin Mary? Fat chance.
Does anyone else think that the holy soap on the right looks like a pegasus?
Pegasus? Unless it’s the Horn of Pegasus, then no.
Mythology fail! Unless by “horn” you meant “penis”. Pegasus had wings, but no horn.
Hee!
Haw
Hee!
Haw
See
Spawt
RUN!
RUN,
Forrest!
Run?
Leeroy!!
Yeah. There’s it’s head right there…
Hm…
Fail
I think the previous comment you made was a fail, yes. “Does anyone else think that the holy soap on the right looks like a penis?” LOL
On Failblog? Next you’ll be telling me the Pope’s catholic.
Comment WIN =D
Somehow I don’t think the Pope uses this soap though.
I think that the Pope would be so pure, he’d use it anyway. He wouldn’t be so sick minded. Even if he did notice, he’d say “Oh look, it’s a horn of a unicorn!” Note that I’m not Christian. I’m agnostic, so damn confusing.
I don’t know about the Pope being so pure. Most of the Catholics I’ve met seem to see “dirtiness” in just about everything. My grandmother though electrical plugs and sockets were “dirty”. Lutheran, not Catholic – but same idea.
*ahem* “thought”
Didn’t even notice.
Now, how does one find electrical socket dirty? They must be VERY messed up if you get what I’m sayin’
.
They’re so busy looking for “dirty” stuff that everything ends up looking like that.
I wasn’t saying mentally screwed up…
I was.
no1… in the entire factory.. took a look at the backside of the soap?
But what if he’s got an underground of devil worshippers under the Vatican, who use this soap to degrade the virtues of The Virgin Mary? I mean, using her for masturbation =P YUM
Why thank you for clarifying, C. O. I would never have understood that comment without the last sentence.
BOOSH!
Does anyone else think the penis soap on the left looks like a holy woman in a robe?
Erm, we’ve already had that kind of comment. Not funny, since you’ve basically taken his idea of stupidism.
Firm believers of stupidism include George W Bush, Paris Hilton and Rush Limbaugh.
I’ve taken his idea of stupidism and made an awesomeism.
You just proved their point.
Stupidism! Idiotism. Moranism. Imbecilism. Neenerism. Neener like.
And don’t say like Neener! You know who you are… .
F*ck it. I thought that was hilarious
I think all it needs is someone to put an indent in the top with a hot knife… Hide it in a sex shop lmao XD
You people sure are desperate to see penises everywhere!
Well since I’ve gotten fat…
Well since I’ve gotten up…
This is Called “Holy Crap”
i don’t get it…….
Maybe you just didn’t ask the right way…
aha
The only thing that could make that better is if it was soap on a rope.
For easy retrieval?
SUPERLOL
Wow, it’s time to wash your mouth out.
*imagines pious mother washing out foulmouthed daughter’s mouth with failsoap*
oh noes
This could make a lady be a very thorough soaper….
For a proper lady, that would be unthinkable.
Oh, I see. It’s supposed to be what a penis looks like when it’s cut in half. Because everyone knows that’s what the inside of a penis looks like.
Didn’t you know? What have they been teaching you in Biology?
He could be home schooled.
I had to learn from about sex from about 4 different places. Biology class, religion class, and phys. ed. class. And my mom used to work as a sexual health nurse for Public Health, so she talks about it all the time.
Clickie for the my story.
Five!? Wow.
A couple of months ago, my sister was borrowing the car. My mom was saying goodbye to her at the door. As my sister got in, she noticed my mom had left a bunch of condoms on the seat. When asked, my mom yelled (loud enough for the neighbourhood to hear) “Oh, they’re not mine, they’re for my clients!”
.
I wonder if they’ll ever do a “How it’s Made” on Caramilk?
Cheez puffs and prostitutes, who know there was a connection, yet there it is.
My mom STILL tells you the history and every minute detail of all the things that might possibly be connected before actually telling you what you want to know.
I hate when that happens. My mom follows a general formula when she answers my questions:
1. The ambiguity/debate over the meaning of the word or thing I’m asking about
2. An analogy that usually doesn’t help at all
3. What it actually means/is/does
4. Its cultural and historical significance
5. A personal anecdote about it
6. This is the point where she usually realises that I’ve stopped paying attention.
At least she gets to the point by 3! Mine doesn’t until 7! Only after realizing that I’m not paying attention does she answer me THEN she gets angry because I tuned her out!
As in, “Weren’t you listening?”
More like “I’M TRYING TO ANSWER YOU SO THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS BE POLITE!” After I stop her and say “But I was asking about______ not ___.” She doesn’t like that.
My mom usually told me to “Look it up.” We had encyclopedias and dicticionaries..
I used to think it was easier to just ask her, rather than go through the trouble of looking things up. Of course, this was before I discovered Wikipedia. Nowadays, by the time she’s done explaining, I’ve usually already found the answer anyway.
Wikipedia FTW!
We watched “the movie” in fifth grade…
I missed the “movie”. When I was in 6th grade they were showing it to the 7th grade. Then we moved and in the new school they’d shown it in the 6th grade.
*sigh*
I had to learn from my sister.
Our school has two, “The Miracle of Life” and “Life’s Greatest Miracle.” They say the latter is the less graphic, but having seen both, I can tell you neither one is a picnic.
Did they provide “supplies” for that picnic?
They take us to a condom factory in 11th grade. I’ve seen people come back with pockets full of condoms and lube.
Sister? Ummm…
It was just verbal I hope
Not a practical lesson…right?
Was it the movie “My Mom’s Having a Baby” made in the 70’s? Yep, that’s how I learned all the technical stuff about sex.
I wonder now why I lost my religion.
I’ve lost my piece of bread.
I lost my lunch….
Ya, spotlights tend to do that sometimes. You should step away immediately.
that song.. LAWL
HAHAHA
look at it this way
it will clean you inside and out =D
baby I can’t figure it out, your kisses taste like honey…
Where can I buy this stuff?
HI! BILLY MAYS HERE WITH PussiClean! BUY THIS ONE TIME ONLY, TV OFFER NOW AND SAVE!
HAHAHAHAHAHA I saw a Peeeeenis HAHAHAHAHAHA
Ralph Wiggum? Is that you?
You like seeing those, don’t you?
You gonna wash my WHAT out with soap?! If swearin gets ur mouth washed out…wut u gotta do to get….umm…other areas washed out?
Has anyone else noticed a slight decline in the overall intelligence of the posts on FB?
When Dragon gets back it should balance out a bit.
When Fuzz gets back the wisedom here goes through the roof.
Or straight to his head.
No, wait, that’s his ego.
Thank you, Avis. You share the same thoughts as me.
Fuzz and I used to walk together through the Fails and clobber the trolls, the lame, and well, anyone that didn’t seem that bright. As friends do, we’d reply to each other’s comments just to let the other know that an obscure reference was understood, or a laugh was had. I don’t want to make this about any one individual, as we all have our quirks and faults. I have NO doubt that some Failbloggers out there find me annoying. All we can do is try to improve ourselves.
.
Failblog was different months ago. There were fewer commenters. The signal-to-noise ratio was higher. It was generally accepted that our intellectual playground had to be vigorously defended against those that would lessen its appeal. It was also a harsher environment in some respects. Biting remarks were encouraged, and the best riposte was rewarded with “burn of the week” status. Most people took their minor humiliation with good humor and moved on.
.
Today, Failblog has a much larger and more diverse group of regular commenters. With this influx of people has come the need for more tolerance. What passes for wit or pleasant conversation for one group may be irritating to another. We still defend our little intellectual playground from those that intentionally try to ruin it. We still police grammar, and if you post something that is factually incorrect you can expect a torrent of replies. The bukkit is a symbol; its usage signals that you care that you’ve made a mistake.
.
The nature of the blog is constantly changing, so let’s give ourselves some leeway as we learn to change with it.
It was the outright arrogance of his more recent comments that irked me. His attitude that he was superior to all. I don’t care to be condescended to, not when I’ve done nothing to earn it. The old days of the blog were great, and I miss them. Yes, it was a little harsher then, and we took it in stride. But we didn’t out and out insult the people we had come to regard as friends. Poke them sure, but not stab. And we did defend those we regarded as friends, and we still do. That, at least, has not changed. Nor should it.
I was going to say the same thing, But I couldn’t think of enough evidence to support my argument. Plus the fact that I’m only 15, and I would be yelled at to act my age.
Erm…did you see my response to your other post down there, BFF?
↓↓↓
I did, and I completely understood what you were saying. It’s just that Ryannon has reminded me twice that I’m 15 and I shouldn’t answer back, and I was still shellshocked from that.
Okay. Just checking.
Jeez, when I think of what I was like at 15 I cringe a little. Had I been half as able as you are to articulate my thoughts, perhaps high school would have sucked do royally.
*sigh* NOT have sucked SO royally. I cannot multitask!
*KERSPLORTCH*
Ick, beets and bleu cheese.
The bukkit’s back!
And it looks like someone hasn’t cleaned it in a while.
*turns green and heads for the loo*
Uh oh…you mean you guys haven’t been doing basic blog maintenance???
Oh dear. I’d better check the STC. And the innuendo machine.
…And a few other things!
*grabs toolbox and makes a beeline for the door*
I think the innuendo machine died over on Classical fail.
We may need a new one.
*Enters the room with ShamWow Vince* Hey guys! I found someone who can sell us a new innuendo machine!
.
Vince: Hey guys, come over here and look at this. Vince here, talking to you about this new revolutionary device — Innuendo 9000â„¢! Look at this thing in action. Hey camera guy, you following me? Look, just one comment or flip of a switch, and, there you go — the machine in action. I swear, you’ll be wondering why this thing wasn’t invented sooner. You’ll be saying WOW every time!
Fuzz?
And about six other names. All the same person.
Fuzz on the Concept, a regular Failblogger who brings a whole new meaning to the word “pretentiousness”.
Ah. My bad. Forgot about him/her.
I like his ouroborus avatar.
It’s an enso.
*sigh*
Lots of ugliness and unkindness while I’ve been gone. Not a very nice welcome back, I must say.
That being said…I’m still glad to be back.
Hi, guys.
*hug*
Hi Dragon! You’ll have to go back and scan some of the past fails to see where it all went down, but the crap hit the proverbial fan, big time.
*hugs*
Sorry, we just needed to get something out of our heads.
Unpleasantaries aside, Hello there Dragon! How are you on this fine day?
I saw the thread you guys are talking about already.
It made my heart ache.
It was weird, I’ll say that much.
What? We said nothing AT ALL nasty about you, Dragon. In fact, we missed you for days! Without you, the wit in the room would have vanished had Avis not arrived on the scene.
I know, sweetie…that’s not what I meant. I wasn’t talking about ugliness towards myself.
I’ve missed you guys, too…lots! I’m very glad to be back.
Thanks for the sentiment BFF. I don’t think she felt as if we had attacked her. I THINK she feels bad that it happened at all. I think.
I wish it hadn’t happened the way it did, but it did. I know I had something to do with it, but still.
*hug*
You are a good person and a good friend, Avis. Don’t ever doubt that.
Thanks, I think I needed that.
*hug*
I could tell. I have all the hugs you need.
And cookies. I brought cookies too!
And YES, BFF, before you ask…you can have hugs and cookies too! :p
Look, I didn’t want to seem nasty, but I just thought Fuzz was getting a bit too…I don’t know, big for his shoes? I know he’s witty and he is very intelligent, but he maybe needs to cool down his way of presenting what he knows.
That probably made me sound like a pompous ass, but I couldn’t find any other way to say this.
*perks*
Cookies? Cookies and hugs! What could be better?!
Oh dear, I don’t think I deserve those cookies now.
But I can’t refuse an offering.
*sheepishly takes cookie and slinks off to corner to think about what he’s done*
*cartwheels in*
I smell cookies! Oh, Dragon’s back. Hi!
BFF…you are totally and entirely entitled to your opinion. Don’t ever let anyone tell you differently, okay? As you yourself have just astutely pointed out, how you express those opinions and your knowledge and information matters. A lot. And it speaks to what sort of person you are and who you want to be.
You were not the one that made my heart hurt. So don’t fret…have another cookie.
I’ve missed you.
*hug*
*POUNCE!!!!*
I missed you, too!
Um…in case you didn’t notice.
Wait — What post are you all referring to? What’s the name of it?
I do believe that I am glad that I missed it.
PS., You were missed too. Welcome back Dragon.
Me, too, also.
*squeeze!*
P.S…Thank you! I missed you guys, too!
We need you to start the “Fires of FOOM!” once again and commence to flaming the hell out of all the trolls that have begun to overtake this sacred of sacred places.
*Ahem* May I ask once again — what is the name of the post you are all referring to?
My first time looking at comments on Failblog.
How delightful to find some clever, friendly people.
Welcome back. I, for one, haven’t noticed too much ugliness. The usual backbiting, troll baiting and such. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. I haven’t been called names yet.
*waits*
Fred! Wilbert! Joe! Bill! Charles! There, how’s that for name calling!
I always get called names. Not one of them is my real name though!
Wilbert?
Garry Coleman….
Allow me to fix that: Gary Coleman….
RHCP win.
Hmmm,,, i wonder how u clean yer hole with it.
wow,,,, i ,, doesn’t no’s,, how u clen yur whole wit it.!?Þä’Îè
Pope soap on a rope
I think it’s meant to be Saint Richard.
Patron saint of…?
….flamboyant exercise?
Saint Dick.
Too subtle?
Just delivering a straight line!
Definitely.
A dick can only be canonized if it has performed at least one (preferably two) miracles. Puppetry of the penis does not qualify.
*shakes head violently to rid brain of scary unwanted image of a ‘dick cannon’*
Peeing in two different directions at the same time. I would call that miracle #1.
It’s not that hard – just try staring down the barrel of a gun.
I thought all women considered voiding everything in the toilet and none on the seat miracle #1?
I just pee sitting down. I got tired of all the complaints.
Yeah. I over-thought that one by a couple miles. I’d connected it to Richard Simmons.
This is the only soap approved for cleaning up Alter Boys after ’service’.
See link for more info…
Alter was intentional… cause it does.
Its the only soap that the more you use it, the bigger it gets.
Q: What’s the difference between a Nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.
I wonder if it is a purity test… those who see the phallus need to wash away their dirty thoughts
I’m pretty sure we’ve all failed.
Oh please–my sister had a candle exactly like this 30 years ago. It’s “St. Peter”–get it?
anyone for nun porn?
A habbit of yours?
If you ask me, it’s a win, except it would be easy to lose!!!
I’m not sure this is a fail, I know chocolate is sculpt to that shape.
(small enough to fit in the mouth)
Forgive me if it’s been said before but. . .
One nun says to the other : Where’s the soap?
The other says : It does, rather.
…Oookay, am I the only one who does not get this “joke”?
Psst… it “wears” the soap.
…Oooooh, now I get it. Bah, I must be feeling unfunny today.
After the past few days here, that’s seems about right. We need some nice light-hearted fails and funnies.
Ugh, *removes both apostrophe and “s” from post*
Should I pass the bukkit or is depressing enough now?
It’s enough for now, maybe later.
I still don’t get what “wearing the soap” means.
Soap wears down. Gets used. From continued (and implied vigorous) use.
OOOOOOoooooooooooh…
*snork*
These two nuns are biking around some narrow streets in Vatican City.
One nun says “I’ve never come this way before.”
The other one whispers to her “It’s the cobblestones!”
I had no idea vibrating cobblestones were enough to arouse a woman, let alone a nun.
The More You Know.
The Less You’ll Want To Know.
virgin mary isnt a virgen anymoar
i want one of those ;S
How can something be both fail and win at the same time???
Don’t show my wife this…please
Maybe one of the oldest games on the planet
It’ll make you see God!
Or say it at least.
Eh, that’s tame. Google “Jackhammer Jesus” sometime.
I hope you’ll understand if I’m hesitant to comply.
Same. I wouldn’t try “German Sausages” either.
I googled it. Baby Jesus butt plug still takes the cake.
TRANSFORMERS, this time they’re on an infiltration mission of another sort.
Autobutts?
lol, how funny is that?
very?
I’m not sure if this is actually soap:
There’s a company called Divine Interventions.
if you enter the name into a search engine with a dash between the two words, you’ll find their site. they make a lot of things like this. they’re quite well made, too, if one is a connoisseur of such items…
I was wondering the same thing. I thought I was going to get struck by lightning once I saw the baby Jesus butt plug. o_O
Beautiful disguise for a bath toy! Although I’m not sure if soap products are the best to use in that area.
Would it be less sinful for women to use this or more? Or men for that matter.
Sin?
It’s funny how this soap can make you cleaner AND dirtier simultaneously.
NOT FAIL, WIN!!
There’s something about Mary
oh this had to be on purpose…
I was scanning down the responses to see something like this. Yeah, it’s exactly what it looks like. My wife and I were at the Toronto “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex” show a couple of years ago and these were on sale there. They’re not actually soap either. They’re ceramic.
So, yeah, they are exactly what every thinks they look like. Sex toys designed to be funny. Sorry, not a fail. I’d say that’s a win!
Well you learn something new every day, mostly.
PHAILLUS!
I doubt there was anything accidental about this.
Three or four very similar versions of **St. Peter** were available as ceramics molds back when I used to go with a friend in the early 1970’s.
I’m certain this was intentional as well. My SO runs a ceramic shop that has a ceramic piece available to paint that is essentially the same thing as this. They too refer to it as “St. Peter”.
Oh, SO. Now I get it.
lol it luks leik a dik from tha bak.
way to go Captian Obvious. and I must say your annoying “text talk”, and lack of spelling is a fail on your part.
at least it’s circumsized.
They say it’s not the circumcise that that counts.
ference
“Don’t drop the soap” takes on a whole new meaning.
HAHA It look like a candle lol
Soappr0n! At last you’re clean when finished!
More like win?
Nuns have to wash vaginas too.
2 nuns in a bath:
“Where’s the soap?”
“Yes it does, doesn’t it?”
TRANSFORMERS – MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE…
so wrong…………. I hope I’m the only 12 year old girl looking at this……
and why are you twelve and looking at this? or should i say clicking on it to look further into it?
Puts a hole new visual on washing one’s mouth out with…
wash your sins away… or sin more… your choice!!!!
first!
These kind of figures are meant to have ‘hidden’ sexual ‘content’.
Holy Phallic Soap, Batman!!!
Nun #1 – Where’s the soap?
Nun #2 – It does, doesn’t it!
What’s the difference between a gospel singer and a girl taking a bath?
The gospel singer has hope in her soul.
and the girl has soap in her hole
Lol, the comments are much more amusing than the fail itself!
What people do with this soap durely makes them say ‘where’s the soap’.
This is Saint Peter.
OMG, my stepmom had these when i was 10. She told me i could have a yard sale and keep the $. She then proceeded to set these on the table to sell. I couldn’t figure out why people kept looking at them, then at me and smirking. (I was only 10!) Finally some kindly old man (read: pervert) explained they were dicks!
Don’t let the Vicar see that!
it’s st. dildosiuos
This fail actually scares me. o.o
two nuns are in the bath, and one says “where’s the soap?”, and the other says “yes it does, doesn’t it?”
@tigaem lmao. A gazillion comments, not one mention of that joke, and then we post the same joke within an hour of each other. Your comment wasn’t there when I first hit the reply..
Spooky…
Reminds me of that old joke…
Two nuns sat in the bath, one says “Where’s the soap?”
The other says “Yes it does….”
Now I know why
I wonder if the people who comment on these fails have lives outside of the internet. Doubtful from the extensive conversations that I have briefly read.
I wonder if people who comment on comments are as lonely and passive-aggressive as they seem……
That sir is clearly a win
For those “hard to reach” areas I presume??
WIN, I’d say!
so god DOES have a sense of humor! =D
These belong to the pope this is why he said no more condoms!
Dildo production line repurposing WIN!
LOL
It’s TOTALLY St. Peter.
my mom has one of those standing in the livingroom.
I have a feeling I know what this will be cleaning…
That is terrible! That dildo looks like an evil hooded woman.
Ew,
john sucks
actually this isn’t soap at all. it’s a vibrator, from http://www.divine-interventions.com.
Rofl
omg! hahaha. this one is a hilarious fail!
Don’t any of you realise tha it’s not soap?
It’s a dildo fashioned to look like the virgin Mary.
There’s a whole bunch of them that have been produced, even one of jesus on the cross.
True, there’s a grim reaper one, Satan, Buddah, and yeah Jesus on a cross.
It’s SAINT PETER.
I WANT A POPE ON A ROPE SOAP
lol
i dont think its very holy to use jesus as a dildo.
WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHK?!?!?!?
pope wants to have some fun to!
=Vibrators
?
A cucumber is better. Not that its a personal experience…