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Cheezburger Network Blog
first?
Think Warm
A cold body is seldom calm. Rubbing the hands together, furiously, helps you to feel warm.
Feeling calm follows feeling warm.
We have a psychiatrist in the house people!
now…Kill it.
I’m no psychiatrist…I have recently ingested The Little Book of Calm.
.
I feel that these “Firsters” need some calming down.
.
Now for you sir:
Be Nice
.
As unfashable as the sentiment may seem, nice people find fewer impedimants to becoming calm.
Did acer just get served?
Did facer just get perved?
*watches calmly*
Just me, or is it getting warm in here?
Spring is in the air…
*rubs hands together furiously*
*puts on gloves*
This is much easier
Look out! I’m back, and with my fire extinguisher too! You dnt wanna see this spill its load…
And you are?
an oldy
An oldy but goody?
A moldy tabbouleh.
C-c-c-combo breaker!!! AHAHAHAA you
thought i was gonna comment on Will’s
comment but I didn’t! HAHAHA!
Combo Fixer!
A moldy wtf?
D: meh condom truck broke I didnt mean to spill meh load
all over u ppls like dat!
(No comments will nestle beyond dis point [or u better start
fearing obama/jesus] >3333)
im not afraid of a chinese/black/white presadents
presidents are… DOOON! CHAKAKAKACHAKA POOOOOBLY SQUATS!
C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER
-stares unblinkingly- -smirks-
*scritch scritch*
god damn u r annoying
unfashionable impediments?
Did Bernard give that book to you?
ZOMG! I TOTALLY KNOW WHERE THIS IS! I DRIVE BY THIS SPOT ALMOST EVERY DAY!
OK, let’s try to get through one fail without mentioning pickles.
*sneaks away from Judy’s handbag*
Betcha I know what’d fit in those condoms…
Is it your head?
Hint: it’s not red, orange, yellow, blue, or violet
Is it Octarine?
but how much indigo would you try to stuff in there?
*shakes head and wanders away, pondering p*ckl*s….*
Is it a green banana? It’s a green banana, isn’t it?
Always gotta keep an eye on you moomins, don’t I?
It was WhoaNellie!
Was Not.
Why else do you have that shocked expression of being caught red-handed!?!
That’s actually my cousin, Bert.
Was he left home alone?
BertNellie? WhoaBert?
Bert N Ernie?
Bert ‘n’ Jelly?
Squirtin’ jelly?
Should have been “Squirtin’ heavy”
Little pig, little pig let me in!
(waits for Green Jelly recognition)
NOT BY THE HAIR OF MY CHINNY, CHIN, CHIN!!
lol
Then I’ll huff and puff…
*installs motion-activated video cameras, equipped with infrared night vision*
Alright, you guys. I’m keeping an eye on my stuff now. I can’t handle another pickle surprise.
*leaves thread dejectedly, kicking pickle along floor in front of him*
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW she said it!!!
Well, can we talk about the pickle juice that was spilled all over the highway…?
Yes.
You first
The driver swears that’s never happened before!!
He just needs to wait 15 minutes and he’ll be back on the road
Promising to drive longer and harder then ever before.
I suspect the load wont be quite as big though.
The recipient will be a LOT happier, though.
I believe it is better to give than to receive!
Yeah but then you really need to get deep
How could you possibly know? I wouldn’t be so sure.
.
Besides, receiving something well is giving something in return.
I agree with the Admiral. It’s taken me 31 years to appreciate that!
Sometimes it takes a special person to come along to remind you of this.
That’s a given, sweet stuff.
I had to respond to one of your hot-button issues while you were busy.
*smoooch*
There’s going to be a lot more pregnancies in Embro and Stratford this year.
i will father 100000
Embryo?
I can try, if any girls will stand for the stench of my festering stump
wwwwwwwwwwwwwhat a knob.
Oh, I get it! He was called Oxford, and road six?
Embryo Stretford?
Vitriol Headboard?
Punning Journalist?
Running Hurdlist?
Black eyed peas, in a toga?
Knobby knees doing yoga?
Bobby Flay, on a pogo?
The driver didn’t feel a thing
Neither did she.
6th!
Ehehehehe
6th
Fail
What a baggin’ for the shaggin’ waggon!
Anybody seen Dragon?
We’re sharin’ a flagon. What’s up?
Hope you’re not gaggin…
…and that your pants aren’t saggin.
But the tongues are waggin…
The never do when I’m around.
…Not that I’m braggin’.
y?
*squeeze*
*jumps on the wagon*
Giddyap!
*rides off into the sunset*
It takes two to tango, and Dragon and I enjoy our shaggin’.
On the motorway, this is what happens when you get off prematurely.
It’s what you get for pulling out without warning.
“Don’t pull your love out on me, baby…”
Nobody faulted him for his yield.
…just his aim.
Super Pun Intended!!
Yeah, I’d have considered it a headline win, not a fail
You wont be able to tell its a fail until at least the second trimester.
Writing headlines is actually quite fun when you can get away with clever double entendres. Write for your local newspaper ladies and gents!
And now the exit sign is missing a period.
I think they were going above the speed limit
*removes “p” from above^*
You guys make my day filled with lowl.
For that I thank you…
*drains part of lowl from day*
Moderation, Malicite, moderation.
*noms*
I think several chicks in the area will be missing a period.
win
If the temperature drops we can go sledding.
you can sled down my D*ick if you really want
Nu’ halt doch mal das Maul.
cool, ill just drop my pants and you sled away then
That would be an extremely short trip.
arrr tis true
*tips willdog’s hat to TPB*
gotta find it first…
LOL, That exit is off the 401 west bound just after the rest station in Woodstock.
I drive by that place all the time when I’m visiting my parents. I’ll be on the look out for any rouge babies in the area.
Yes, who knows what those little crimson devils might get up to.
we’d better end this rogue thread before we are marooned in another string of puns
We wouldn’t want to leave anybody with an emotional scarlet.
Why so cerise?
I’m going to rojo away from this one.
Which one’s burgundy?
You’re making me blush.
I think the answer is in a book have not yet red.
You’re making me mercury(ous)
*sneaks in an “I” between “book” and “have”*
*glances around to see if his actions a-rosed any suspicion*
I was going to say something about that, but to do that ruby rude.
You’re in the pink!
My personal favorite place to be!
But seriously, folks, you’re making me blush.
You’re one in vermillion.
That was ruddy brilliant, that was.
Right. Bloody first rate!
And 1 in the stink?
*SQUEEZES Mr Cuddles*
Now, about that stinkhole…
Um, that was meant as a reprimand…but now I realize that it sounded more like a proposition.
I live in Woodstock and have to drive by this sign all the time! I can’t believe I didn’t hear about this! Haha.
looks like my last comment to you was removed about joining the multiplayer room…
I have a cunning plan. . .
Plan activated.
It’s better if i don’t use my plan…
for now that is
*plucks imaginary mustache*
*Imagines Wolfgang plucking out his mustache hair with a pair of tweezers*
*…and collecting them on a petri dish…*
*…before passing them out, individually (and chocolate coated), to a strange little group of fairy gypsies…*
*…that use them to create a clone of Wolfgang to fight himself…*
plan b?
Whats the plan!?
I sent my email through the ‘contact you’ tab. Shortly afterwards a challenge appeared.
Gah! It appeared again and I lost again! Most consistent scores I had though! The challenge is fun.
Ups your game.
Oooh ok, I won’t be able to get it until I get home from work at 5:00pmEST though.
The challenge appeared on the ‘rankmytyping’ homescreen, but I couldn’t see anywhere to click to accept the challenge? Am I missing something?
okay, ill bend over.. you take it from here.
more like a CUMMING plan
I certainly lost that. Did it work properly? When it appeared I went to the multiplayer tab rather than clicking start immediately.
I AM AROUSED
LOL, That exit is off the 401 west bound just after the rest station in Woodstock.
I drive by that place all the time when I’m visiting my parents. I’ll be on the look out for any rouge babies in the area.
Reply to this Comment
pwnfest
March 13th, 2009 at 7:13 am
I AM AROUSED
Reply to this Comment
Possibly the worst messages to have in sequence..
well, I guess this doesn’t count anymore. *goes back to the cupboard under the stairs*
or the best?
it still works, im aroused at what the little crimson devils will be up to
Nope. You’re an immature sorry little ass. Boring, useless, not creative. You obviously don’t have anyone who likes you and that will never change as long as you keep up your mindless habits. Go away. You don’t “own” anyone here.
mission accomplished
wwwwwwwwwwwwhat a knob
Premature jollification.
Well, I don’t know why there woud be a bunch of red babies around the 401. I suppose you mean ‘rogue’ babies, in which case, you should be on the lookout. Vagabond babies are of no use to society.
I think it’s a WIN.
my c*ck smells.. will you wash it?
there’s some bleech in the cupboard – that oughta do it
I’d suggest cutting it off, and I’ll give you the scissors and tweezers you’ll need to do it.
The boys below are obviously already missing…
IAWTC – it’s a total WIN.
International Auto Workers Trade Coalition?
The writer is getting in on the pun action – read the first sentence in the article.
haha, “the rubber truly hit the road”
haha, “my dick truely hit your face”
Trying to be Burn of the Week
YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG
Falcon…PUN!
burn of the week? i dont even know what that is to try and be it.
trying to be smart ass of the week- mate i hate to tell you, you’re doing it wrong
wow, what a loser
He just wants a rise out of everyone here because he can’t get one of his own.
Do you honestly beleive he will get that joke?
I don’t care if he does or doesn’t.
I smell a “getting the joke fail” coming on.
What does that smell like?
It smells like Britney Spears perfume….Alcohol, burnt hair and dried cum.
(was that harsh?)
Remind me not to buy that scent then.
****Reminder don’t buy the “gettin the joke fail” scent.
This has been a reminder.
Oh great, NOW you’re telling me that?
*walks back to perfumery*
Stash it under my desk with the other presents from when I found out it wasn’t her birthday Arthur.
No no arthur, you are fine to buy what you wish. Um but I have to look up the return policy, I seem to have bought that scent too.
I dont have anything against Britney parsay… I could have used Mariah Carey’s perfume, which smells like narcicism, money, and stupid. Or Amy Winehouse’s which smells like cocain and miscarried fetus.
On, snap!
*steals that n and replaces it with an h.
On, shap! ?
(or more accurately)
Oh, Clapp!
Oh, Drat!
Oh, nigglesnush!
Oh, pshaw!
It wouldn’t be the only the he won’t be getting any time soon.
*sneaks in and inserts thing, removes the*
0.0
Oh.
*grabs pudding bukkit*
*KERSPLORCH*
Ugh…Tapioca.
What, that doesn’t sound bad? The tapioca is as old as I am!
Tapioca is bad enough, with those little slimy chunks in it. Eww.
“sneaks in and inserts thing” …..Im pretty sure you can be brought up on charges for that.
HEY! Get that thing out of here!
Yeah, cuz all we’ve got is Seven Up!
0.0 wpm? That’s awful!
He should have taken used the emergency pullout!
Ah well, that’s the breaks.
Third column:
‘The driver of the other transport, which stayed upright, was unhurt.’
LOL
Was the cervix mitten truck okay?
That’s a burning question for exactly four women in the world…
I thought they were supposed to prevent this problem.
LOL, that is pretty funny dude!
RT
http://www.privacy.at.tc
Boy am I glad the place is empty here in work, I just burst out laughing
Hooray for the crisis!
The economic crisis?
Why else would you be alone at work?
Time Crisis?
Mime Typhus?
Bocephus?
Boethius?
Bucephaluls?
burnt phallus?
What’s the fail? The intentional punnery in headline and article?
Failblog FAIL
I don’t want to seem ungracious but it’s extremely obvious that this was intentional. It’s beyond all doubt.
Analysis fail… that headline is not a pun, it’s a double-entendre.
That’s about twenty minutes from my house!
*reaches out to Dana’s head, pat pat” That’s nice.
Same, more or less. Small world, no?
W/O a condom it’s only 2 minutes away…
Ditto.
Unrelated to this fail, but the Euroclub just made the morning news here!
Most excellent
You in Saskatchewan, Nebraska?
Uh, no. Southern California.
Way to pull a guess out of a hat though.
Send some one to get us, we’re in Sakatchewan!
Just start walking south-west. Someone will be along shortly.
We’re movin’ right along.
Hmm… looks like a ballsup to me.
luckily the driver didnt blow his load he just spilled it
Doesn’t it say somewhere in the bible about not spilling your seed on the ground?
Nope.
There is nothing in the bible that directly addresses me by name, no.
Did it spillinto Embro or Embryo?
That’s a win!
I see what happened here… It hit another Big rig… In some places, thats illegal.
this has already been posted, epic fail n00bs
Looks like a headline win to me. Cleverly placed pun.
Ha! I used to pass that sign all the time. Ontario, between London and Toronto.
ha! i live near there
go get some free condoms!
how is this not a win?
Ah, it’s refreshing to see a good FAIL from my hometown of London, Ontario.
Dude that’s a win! The headline editor was a genius! Again, if someone does a pun like that on purpose it’s a win!
oh my god, this is the town I live in! How did I miss this story? xD
lol this happened in my town? lol London Ontario
When did this happen? Must have happened a while ago since I live in the area and never heard of this.
Now the streets of St. Mary’s coating in chicken blood. I was here for that.
lol, anything sounds dirty when in an article like this…. embro, jacknifed, airbags, preliminary investigation, “swiped the back of the other rig”….
Headline fail? That is headline WIN.
Woah, what percentage of failblog readers are in southern Ontario? How much does the entire University of Waterloo count for?
Wow, I can walk to that sign from here within an hour. That’s so weird to see such a local fail, expessially since everyone in Embro is imbred and don’t use condoms ^D
Imbred – really?
Spills load? Surely not Stephen Colbert’s Formula 401?!?
Ahahaha. I take that highway to go home and visit my parents! I can’t believe I never saw this before.
HAHAHA OMG…London Ontario, thats where I live
“Hauling 250 kilos of prophylactics…” LOL
Ah ha ha ha that’s awesome. I actually recognized that sign, I’m from London Ontario. Hilarious!
Really? I grew up there Mike… small world HA HA HA
YES! MY HOMETOWN FTW! *as evidenced by the condom necessity HA HA*
Is it bad that I saw this sign and immediately knew where it was?
OK, everyone who is *not* from London, Ontario post right now…
That’s actually an article from a couple of years ago in the London Free Press. It still gets some people chuckling when they mention it around here. I can’t imagine how that’s not a win.
@SteveatLFPress
Sweet
Salty
mr. hands?
If I know journalists, that seems deliberate.
As the author of this headline, I can assure you, it was most definitely deliberate.
Omg I live there lmfao!
Hahaha I do too! I didn’t hear about this!
I like how the sign at the back is one letter away from being embyro
London, Ontario!!!!!!!!!! EPIC WIN!!!
Oh, boy. Good ol’ Canadian fail.
Sadly, I witnessed this.
Am I the only one that noticed the sign said “Embro”? As in “Embryo”?
i live in stratty…..i have this taped to my fridge! xD
Kori who, if I may ask? I’m also from Stratty and as far as I know the only “Kori” with that spelling in this city is watching a movie in his parent’s basement right at this moment.
I love living in Canada sometimes.
This was right outside my city too.
obviously used condoms, i see.
What you on about? This is a win!
Sorry, but I have to say headline WIN
omg
If you did procrastinate, you could have saved your load!