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He’s either the dumbest guy on the planet or he’s guilty of insurance fraud.
I go with option number one. DUMB DUMB!!!
I’ve never had any problems clearing cobwebs with blowtorches.
It’ll work as long as you don’t turn the thing on. Just use the end in a circular motion to collect them.
Not nearly as much fun, velvet.
Use an atomizer to spray ‘em with gasoline, THEN fire up the torch…
They’re flammable enough all by themselves.
You don’t get the same pretty colors in the flash without the gasoline.
That guy was a real flamer.
Do the authorities know about you Nellie?
hehehe… who do you think supplies me with the gas?
I wouldn’t have guessed them to be enablers!
It’s part of the stimulus package.
They’re the consummate enablers.
Or, as a FAIL once said a few months ago on a captioned photo of Congress in session – “The best little whore house in, well, the world actually”.
Efficient!
yo, that is either the most convincing sarcastic remark ever concieved or you
are the biggest dumb*** on the planet
Maybe he had Geogia on his mind…
Maybe he had no spidey sense…
I lol’d
I handed Soren yet another spare ‘r’…
How do I shoot web?
Spread your legs and push.
Is this “web” supposed to cry?
Was it anything like this? (clickie)
mr. cuddles, you know I love you, but considering the subject and tenor of this thread—NO CLICKIE!!!
Oh, no, Dragon, you must click! It’s hysterically funny!
*wipes tears from corners of eyes* Thanks, mr. cuddles! I haven’t laughed that hard in a while! *smooches*!
Bizarre.
Hey mr. cuddles, thanks for the best laugh I’ve had in quite a while!
♪ Eight small arms reach out to me
Compound eyes smile tenderly
Still in
peacefulnightmare dreams I seeThe lol leads back to me ♪
Arachn’id develop nightmares after hearing that song.
♪ Lookout Johnny she’s got spiders. Inside her head. She can’t control her baby spiders. ♪
*accompanies WhoaNellie on the spinneret*
If he gets a payout I’m gonna try that one! Without the getting-it-put-on-the-news part…
Hey SYZYGY, it’s me, your insurance agent, thank you for the heads up about your impending attempt at insurance fraud.
Well, in Georgia, he’s pretty damn smart!
Ya. I think they usually use a back-hoe for cobwebs there. This guy’s at near Olymic levels of creativity…
What the hell? >_>
Mornin’ velvet
Good morning! How are you? ((smooch))
Not bad, not bad – drinking coffee, eating muff(ins)
LOL! It’s a short day in here for me. I’m on my way to meet with the appraiser for our house. I’ll see you this afternoon! Keep the trolls under control, ok?
Gotta blowtorch and a spray bottle full o’ gas – shouldn’t be a problem
Don’t burn the house down!
again!
lol, nothing like muff for breakfast
So that’s why my pancakes tasted funny…
for some reason i pictured myself trying to clear cobwebs using a FLESHLIGHT … i don’t know why
WE know why.
he humps the cobwebs on the walllllllll!!!(sung in The Count voice)
If you’re The Captain, who am I?
Blah.
Tennile?
A fleshlight?
Fleshlight. Could be something like a light beam passing through a thin steak.
Could be. But it’s not.
Well, I love steak.
Don’t ask…
Roooooxxxxxanne…you don’t have to turn on the fleshlight…
Is Roxanne a tranny? Otherwise she’s not going to be able to use that fleshlight.
*tastes*
Yup.
Hahahahaha. That’ll never get old.
aHAAA… are you tasting Roxanne or the fleshlight?
Fleshlight makes me think of Old Gregg and his mangina (clicky)
I’m not even going to take the chance with that link only because you said mangina.
It’s not THAT bad. You don’t see anything.
Alright, I’m taking your word for it Moomin.
What…in the hell…was that?
Great, now all I can think of is mangina pectoris.
*begins to strip to give Mookie something better to think about*
See perfectly harmless, although odd. It’s a clip from the show ‘The Mighty Boosh’.
Ugh, don’t tease me, Cuddles. Believe me, I’m teased enough already.
Aww, my poor Mookie. *SQUEEZE*
*SQUEEZE* I miss Lou.
Where is he?
For that matter, anybody seen Ry??
They’re both working. I think Ry is also travelling.
Ry is on her way to Florida for the 6th time.
Someone should tell them to get their priorities in order. You and I are both working and we’re on here!
Yes, I have a sneaking suspicion that FB might be behind the current financial crisis…
*kisses Mookie*
*
*Squeezes mr. cuddles and the Moomin*
*kisses Mookie again, for a long time*
*goes back to work
*lou squeeze*
*SQUEEZEs lou before he heads back to work*
*loves Lou*
*Whistles*
*Surreptitiously squeezes the Moomin and Mr. Cuddles*
Oh, now I know why everybody does this! It’s fun!
*Keeps on walking and whistling*
*ears perk*
*sneaks under tables, behind walls, through doors to follow the whistling*
*Squeeze*
*scuttles off*
*pops out of birthday cake*
*SQUEEEEEZES the moomin*
*goes to take a shower, since that frosting gets everywhere!!
^*
*perk!*
*hands the Admiral a loofah*
Here. You can help.
*finishes with loofah*
Now for the sensitive areas…what flavor is this frosting?
*nibblelicks*
My favo(u)rite flavo(u)r, of course…sugar lemon!
*scootches closer*
What if we tried a Fleshbang for tactical non-lethal solution for the spider-perps and their cobwebs?
Think you can buy an ET version…
fleshlight, what horrible device is this?
google it. or don’t.
ah, I see… how inventive
Nahhhh…he’s just from Georgia.
SECOND
its a very good way of doing it very fast
Hey, it worked.
Hahaha! Very true! There won’t be any cobwebs there for quite a while.
OMGosh no way dude, thats insane!
RT
http://www.privacy.at.tc
1st!
I’m sorry, but you are going to have to step away from the compute and go back to kindergarden.
Do they have the letter ‘r’ there?
Sticky keys. They ae evil.
Yes. They r.
It’s the new anti-piracy range of keyboards.
I assume you mean the anti-piacy ange?
Hmmmmmm, no.
The anti-piety angel?
The anti-pesto’s angry?
The antipasto is anchovies?
Hmmmmmm, all this from a 1st.
I think it’s quite bouncy.
.
The Antipodean answers.
Shift shift shift shift shift it before someone copies you.
Shake shake shake – shake shake shake – shake your keyboard.
Shake your keyboard.
Sniff Sniff Sniff – Sniff Sniff Sniff – wipe your boogey, Wipe your boogey.
first time I have lol on failblog in about a week! nice.
*slips some mescaline into sofaking’s coffee*
He now thinks he’s on FB but he’s not.
Um, no.
DIAL-UP CONNECTION WIN!!!
fail
But it’s still ok to check how much gas is in my tank with a match, right? Right??? Hello?? Bueller???
Knowledgeable sources recommend a butane lighter.
This fireman sure has a powerful stream. And it’s yellow!
Wow, that’s actually true.
Clever…
‘tries’? Surely if he burnt down his house he succeeded in clearing the cobwebs? He’d feel such a complete buffoon is they were still there after all that.
LOL! WIN!
I find blowing men from Georgia is a great way to clear cobwebs
I wouldn’t torch his with yours.
weld what he lacks in aesthetics he makes up for in DIY
Once you’ve started, you’ll just have to solder on I guess.
He’s going to get so flamed for that.
its his brazing manor that keeps me coming back
You’re like a moth to a flame for imbeciles aren’t you?
I re’fuse’ to believe you’re an imbecile.
I was referring to how hot the Georgia Man got him, not me
Nice recovery. I give you thrice points.
I can’t get enough of that guy. He gives me the crotchfire
If you have a burning sensation in your crotch, the doctor can give you some cream.
Where would you like it? (I’m not qualified, of course)
*prints DrB a fake medical license* Now you are. I need it here, here, and here
Oooo, just…just move left…yep, that’s it. *medical noises* Boy, that last one was a doozy.
That was too squelchy to be a medical noise.
Damn DrB. I need a cigarette after that and I don’t even smoke!
Oh…you were smokin’
Keep this up and I’m going to have to make an appointment every other day
What are you incinerating, O Moomin?
*squeeze*
Good! I thought you were picking on yourself.
*squeeze*
*squeeze*
No, not that time.
Has anyone seen Sean Lock?
Nope. Unless you accidenty the f.
.
(Sean Flock?)
Sean Flock of seagulls?
They’re easier to rub the grease into without feathers.
A flock of Sean the Sheeps?
(I said I was going to stalk Sean Lock on a previous fail, but haven’t the foggiest how to go about it. Was hoping someone could direct me his way. He’s a comedian).
Not a clue, but I do highly recommend Black Sheep, a movie about vampire sheepses.
I take it all back. They’re zombie sheep. With the usual, you know, lust for brains and blood…
Loved it.
I think you’re on your own there Mikey!
This saddens me
And I was going nuts over bananas earlier too.
You’ll just have to educate me then. Many people have tried and failed!
You know it makes more sense if you have one conversation!
Yeah, but where is the fun in that? I see you found me leaving you to your weetabix
There is a Sean Lock rant hidden in my name.
When I saw him live I was laughing so hard I cried.
They’re thick as pig shit!
*squeeze*
*SQUEEZE*
*roffles*
Bunch of morons.
> *waffles*
> Bunt of morons.
There. Fixed that for ya.
I meant mormons. Same thing.
As long as you don’t bunt the Moomin, you can do what you like.
*hides behind jam*
I’m worried he might punt the moomin, I don’t convert well.
Glad you liked the Sean Lock clip
I like. He’s funny.
I’ve seen him before but I can’t remember what I was watching.
My TV knowledge (along with everything else) is lacking.
He’s a team captain on 8 out of 10 cats and a regular on QI and other panelly shows. He was also on Big Fat Quiz of the Year when he had James Corden crying with laughter.
Now who’s putting themselves down!
*squeeze*
Please don’t do that, you’re knowledgeable, the pun-runs prove that!
That what it was! The Big Fat Quiz of the Year.
I think I actually cried laughing at that.
Pun runs prove nothing other than that people can ‘Google’.
^’s^
*blows bukkit bubbles with fishy fish things*
Well. . .yes, I s’pose.
You’ll be the darling of the cat world with you bukkit of fishy fish.
Fare thee well!
Good day sir. *tips hat*
if you really want to stalk him, I think he has a profile on myspace
Now I’m scared of you.
took you long enough
*adds DrB to the “people to stalk” list*
*takes pineapple from the fridge and draws a face on it*
Is Milky Joe in your fridge too?
Be careful with that pineapple. I woke up to it on my nightstand, but I have no clue where it came from.
and its not as forgiving as a potatoe
*steals grannycatflap’s extra ‘e’*
*drops ‘e’*
got any ‘r’ s?
*hands grannycatflap an ‘r’* I already threw one into your last post. But hold on to this one, just in case
You’re not my first
But, I can pretend if you like?
that would be awesome! I like it when they act nervous, could you do that for me?
Yes – but you’ll have to do the washing up, and vacuum and mow on a Saturday morning. Okay?
.
Who are you kidding? Really? I know damn well you wouldn’t commit to a full-blown stalking. Your kind, they’re all the same *sniff*.
He does indeed
Sadly he doesn’t have a twitter
he’s just being coy, check for him on facebook
Agh, no. Don’t do facebook.
I’m starting to doubt you stalking intentions
*throws up an ‘r’* You’re lucky I carry around these extra letters granny!
*squeeze!*
thank you mr. cuddles! Its been a long failing day
*SQUEEZE* You’re welcome granny!
ok well, I just searched for him on failbook, but seems to be a rather common name, will just have to befriend them ALL
You’ll have to divide your time between them equally if you’re planning on stalking too. I’ll stalk him on MySpace and we can exchange notes.
Damn Spiders!!! I’ll get ‘em all!!!
Advice from the fire investigator in the news story: “Gantt advised against using a blow torch to rid a home of cobwebs.”
Is it just me or does that guy resemble Dr. Green from E.R.?
thought it was Dr. Phil
thought it was Dr. Strangelove
thought it was Dr. Betruger
*blows out cobwebs*
The roof, the roof, the roof is on FIRE!
His house, now looks, like a funeral pyre!
♪ With a dash o’ gasoline it’ll even go higher! ♪
We don’t need no cobwebs, let the motherf*ckers burn!
But if I go to hell, then I hope I burn well.
Molotov Cobwebs.
Nuclear spiders.
In Soviet Russia, cobwebs burn YOU!
From the ashes of disaster grow the roses of success!
And the roses get burned by some random twat.
Only if they have cobwebs :/
are you kidding???
Don’t get bent out of shape!
Badum-csh!
alternative heading:
Torch man rids universe of evil manspider
alternative heading:
Area Man Totally Succeeds In Clearing Cobwebs With Blowtorch
And cleaning his house out of his neighbourhood.
Or was it a Spider-Manbearpig?
Manbearpig is a huge problem in georgia, i’m super serial
Super Cereal
maybe they were giant spider webs????
how dare we judge a georgia man!!!!!
I’m gay, it’s in my nature to judge. If I stop, the world will end…
Please don’t stop.
Ok, but let’s change positions really quick
No cramps allowed!
I bet it was really them Russian tanks did this, not blowtorching spiders.
It was Russian tanks working together with the blow-torching spiders to make that poor Georgian man look foolish. We should all be wary…very very wary.
And be wery wery quiet, I’m hunting spiders.
Ahhhhhh, got your spider tags already this season, eh?
Yeah… *screams* Especially since spiders have no ears!
So, win? I mean, he surely got rid of the cobwebs. And in Georgia, they’re apparently tough enough to deem the use of a blowtorch.
Blowtorch wins?
More like excessive inbreeding win.
whats going on with the firefighters in the background? it looks as if the left gets blown away by the waterjet!?
Must be the same guy who saw on the news that “rusia invaded” but he doesn’t see any tanks not even sound.
Nope, but they are cousins.
On their mother’s side they’re cousins. On their father’s side they’re brothers.
That tree doesn’t fork much does it?
It actually has no branches. It’s just a log.
Lol…a straight line…Best family reunions ever
Well, the next one won’t be at this guy’s house.
It could be at his crater.
That is currently attached to the front end of a subaru, in lieu of a bumper.
I just got that! Hehehe the true sign of human ingenuity or someone trying to get back to nature.
I’d say they fork too much in their own tree.
Oddly enough i once used a blowtorch to eradicate a flying ant colony in my house. But our house is made of concrete, i was 12 at the time and completely unsupervised, what’s his excuse?
Did you live in a bomb shelter? His excuse? Apparently, he shouldn’t of been allowed to have such toys.
No. In civilized countries, one builds Houses out of bricks, mortar and concrete. Not out of toothpicks and sandwich paper.
Here we don’t eat as much, so we don’t have enough of that stuff anyway.
First + n
where n >= 0
Anyone else see the fireman urinating on his ladder?
That is quite the large stream of urine.
More like a waterfall.
When you gotta go, you gotta go.
At least he’s putting it to good use.
Ok I have to say it now. My one friends screen name is only one letter off from yours and I always think its him! ok, done.
How does he spell it?
He would be mad if I posted it here and random people from here messaged him haha
I see.
willydog
swilldog
willdogs
twilldog
crilldog
welldog
walldog
willdug
willdag
wulldog
willdig
wolldog
Have I guessed it yet?
Actually, it looks like he’s getting his buddy on the head, too.
wow this guy thought he was link
The amazing thing is that none of his family even looks mad at him in this picture.
Cleaning out cobwebs?
With a blowtorch?
Then why isn’t his head on fire?
lol fail, cobwebs don’t burn
Hi.
What is an cobweb? spider web? Please explain it in sentence or 2.
hehe, i really font know, and the google translate isnt that smart…
thanks
You don’t know what a spider web is? It’s what a spider makes from its silk to trap other insects.
Gossam’er’ake the most of this methinks.
Type that into Babelfish if you like.
What?
It wouldn’t be much good in translation would it?
Cobwebs are also sometimes just dust, collected over time, and spun into webs by the fickle hands of fate.
But you knew that.
Well they’re not only dust. But dust collects on cobwebs.
*stares at WhoaNellie pretty vacantly*
Knew what?
No, they don’t know what a cobweb is.
.
Yes matej, a cobweb is a spiderweb.
.
Although now you point it out, I have no idea why. To me a cob is a breadcake/bap, and they don’t make webs.
Ah. Cob, from the obsolete word “coppe”, meaning “spider”. So why not coppewebs? Dumb language.
It probably was that for while but when you say “coppewebs” it sounds like cobwebs.
I wonder if he’s a zelda fan…
Deku Stick + Fire = Cobweb Removal
Of course i know what is spyder web, but i didnt know : spyder web=cobweb
Is it really the same thing?
Cobwebs are when spider webs accumulate over a long period of time, making a disgusting mass of spiderweb.
Great. Its 1 more thing i know now. I never saw that word (cobweb) in my life, and i am a lot on foreign, english sites, blogs…
Over and out
Peace from Europe, Slovenia
Cool, Slovenia. Where in Europe is that?
I guess that the last post from me was deleted…
So again…Slovenia is little country in the central Europe , between Italy, Austria, Croatia and Hungary , with 2 millions of population,
about 44km(28miles) of coast -rofl, a lots of woods (57% of all the terrain) and a 3.5G mobile network
Use google earth
btw http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slovenia
Interesting.
Is it that fail blog server somewhere in California. gmt-6?
btw Thanks willdog for answering.
Respect to the FAIL blog
I’d say this is a cleaning win. After all, he eliminated all the cobwebs, along with all his accumulated junk, the clog in the gutters, the dirty siding, the old Christmas decorations…
I really really hate to admit this but.
my brother taught me to get rid of cobwebs and spiders by spraying a lighter with hairspray…low tech flame thrower….
i will leave it to you to determine where i grew up….
In a burning pile of rubble?
i should have predicted this response and then i wouldn’t have posted the comment. because the response was so beyond not funny you probably cant’ imagine.
Wheeling, West Virginia
close but no peach state
I bet it’s effective though.
This HAS to be my favorite fail.
HAD to be Georgia. In fact, I’m betting it was in Athens.
My neighbor tried to put out a brush fire with a leaf blower last summer. Georgians like to think out of the smart box.
That’s also an HD quality fail.
Was he trying to reenact a scene from a Zelda dungeon??
“How will Link remove the spider webs from the doorway?!”
hmmm, before i read the caption, i thought the funny thing was that it looked like the fireman in the background was pissing on his house. anyone else see that?
I am absolutely sure I’ve seen this happen in a hilarious webcomic. Don’t think I should link to it, though.
You have. He’s been playing too much Zelda! (It was a comic about Navi telling Link to use a torch to burn a cobweb, and he ends up burning the whole Great Deku Tree. Then Navi said:”Let’s blame the curse”.
Why would you use a blow torch to clear cobwebs at all?!?! Ever heard of a feather duster?
Reminds me of the time I removed the dust from atop the china cabinet with a hand grenade.
Ah yes, I can now recall the day my grandmother gave me my first molotov and told me to clean out the dust bunnies under the bed
must have played too much zelda.
haha I thought that said elbow torch. I has lizdexia
First Comment!!!
(fail)
But it didn’t say he failed…
it works in the dungeons in legend of zelda
gay
Is that Tobias Funke in the orange?
hahahahahahahahaha i loled
This guy is brutal!.
wow. thats beast. i tottalt wold hVE DONE THE SAME THING
this has got to be the dumbest thing.
and that didnt work?