Christopher, in reponse to yesterday’s question:
My avatar is indeed captain Haddock, now only known to a few but come 2011 and Spielberg’s movie “The Secret of the Unicorn” and provided that I will still be using the same avatar, I will benefit greatly from his fame! How’s that for a masterplan?
Huh? Did that show up on your screen earlier? It didn’t on mine. I feel very silly n…No, wait! Aren’t you impressed that I still remembered what I wrote… word…by…word?
No, I used Dr. Miloch’s timemachine to travel back to this morning, watched myself typing the text and memorized it.
*is curious if someone will get the Miloch reference*
Yeah, if the raccoon looked anything like the picture above, then I don’t blame that Russian for getting the wrong signal.
I mean, look at how it’s waving that paw…it totally wants it.
skunks are indigenous to the folloring areas per Wikki. The two skunk species in the Mydaus genus inhabit Indonesia and the Philippines; all other skunks inhabit the Americas from Canada to central South America. That is why i said that
…silly me, I thought the somewhat obscure, yet brilliant, reference that few would get was to the black cat that Pepe Le Pew is always chasing in the old cartoons, as if she were trying to entice him. (Mikey D’s)
No, I totally got that. What I am confused about is why not everyone would know that tomato juice would get rid of the stink of a skunk. I mean, didn’t everyone see that episode of The Partridge Family?!?!
The Who Family? You know, Roger Daltrey and Pete Townsend and all them. Just don’t let Pete near any of the young boys. Wow! I made a pun without even trying? Near any young boys Moon, that is. He might decide to Entwistle them in the Ox.
Aww… I’m sorry Dan. It’s that there really isn’t any way that a random tush squeeze. It brings back bad memories.
*Starts thinking of potatoes*
*shudders*
Wow… I meant It, that there really isn’t any way that I could accept a random tush squeeze…
*reaches for bukkit*
*KERSPLORCH*
ick… left over lobster and hot dogs in a brown gravy.
I admit it Mikey. That raccoon is just begging me to… wait… I shouldn’t admit that.
*double checks all spelling*
That was the limit of my inventiveness today.
Yeah, it was just meant to be the continuation of a pun-run following after Admiral’s “odor-able” comment. *sigh* But then everyone jumped on the *SQUEEZING* ban-wagon instead.
Thanks, fuzzy bear! How many ways art thou my rock to tie a string around?…even though I’m older and no wiser…
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose.
Kim von Klev You Too Can Make BIG MONEY Being A CAM GIRL!
Are YOU a Voyuer? Do you like to be watched? Do you have a restraining order and an ankle monitor that keeps you at home 24 hours anyway? Well then!
In the privacy of your own home you can sit naked in front of a web cam, chat with society's misfits and collect money from lots of sicko bastards just like you! All you need is a Computer, a Web Cam, a High Speed Connection and Absolutely NO MORALS! Call Now and in just Days you can be Wanking for BIGMONEY in constant view of Creepy Insane Sex Offenders, Perverted Politicians and Teen Boys! Act Now! Get in on this Ground Floor Opportunity!
What the hell is that, doctor apparent’s damn recommended daily dosage! Don’t encourage the hungry little bastards! Soon we’ll have slutty raccoons on every street corner just looking for a tasty man sausage! What happens when it’s your kid who comes home missing half his johnson! THINK DAMMIT ALL!
♪ Born on a mountaintop in the Caucasus.
Effed him a ‘coon when he was sauced.
Says she was flirtin just ‘fore the assault–
But no means no, so it’s his own damn fault.
Alex, Alex Kirilov, king queen of the wild neuter. ♪
Interesting…I think I can spot at least one Yakoff reference in every failblog entry. This one is particularly appropriate given the Russian setting. Bravo!
“Come and get it” was composed by Paul McCartney for the film The Magic Christian, and made popular by the group Badfinger – not the Beatles. Sorry, my butt just hung up on you.
Not necessarily – it goes teen, coed, MILF, cougar, GILF; if you’ve no kids you skip MILF and go straight to cougar after graduation age. Hey, I don’t make the rules, I’m just sayin’…
What if, after college, I decide to get a degree? Am I still a coed until I graduate from that? And if I have kids five years after I graduate, does that mean the order changes and it goes from cougar to milf? Also… what if I’m ugly? D:
The last first; appearance is of no consequence because the law states that “it takes all kinds”. Coed is defined by length of time in college to achieve a Bachelor’s degree, but not to extend past the age of 24. The terms MILF and cougar are at times interchangeable and the case would needs be kicked up to a higher court being beyond the purview of this judge.
You know, the fact that someone was called a jerk on a newspaper really takes the cake XD
I don’t see how a raccoon can be percieved as acting slutty XD
Bye bye manhood! Good luck pissing out that stump Kirilov XD
Funny. Went to the internets, went to Wikipeedia (not the best, but it’ll do), and Wikipee kicked out 4 Kirilovs. A Russian boxer (Дмитрий Кирилов) from St. Petersburg and a Cross-Country Skier named Andrey/Andrej. The other two Kirilovs were Bulgarians
In kirilov’s defense, that racoon was being a total whore that night – i mean just look at how much mascara and eye shadow she’s wearing. What a tramp!
The raccoon is a medium-sized mammal native to North America. As a result of escapes and deliberate introductions in the mid-20th century, raccoons are now also distributed across the European mainland, the Caucasus region and Japan.
.
Wikipedia
From Wikipedia:
.
“The raccoon … is a medium-sized mammal native to North America. As a result of escapes and deliberate introductions in the mid-20th century, raccoons are now also distributed across the European mainland, the Caucasus region and Japan.” [emphasis added]
.
Failblog appears to have blocked TMI’s original attempt to post this crucial bio-geographical information — due no doubt to the fact that it contained a link to the nefarious Wikipedia raccoon entry. (I notice the admins, however, have still chosen not to remove a prior post calling for a political murder and containing a link offering payment for it. That’s bullcrap [emphasis and apostrophe added].)
Fuzz…the admins have informed me that they no longer approve or block posts. Apparently they tweaked the filter to make it all automatic. I already sent one email about the post you mentioned…I’ll be happy to send another, and I suggest you do, too. They really are very nice folks there.
>How the hell does a raccoon act slutty? This guy is sick in the head.
Raccoon is “полоскун” [palasku:n] in russian, verb “poloskat’” (to rinse – because raccoons rinse food before eat) sounds like “polaskat’” (to caress). Man thought that “полоскун” is derived from “polaskat” so decided that raccoon is slutty.
Sorry for bad english.
There have been varying thoughts about why raccoons “wash” their food, including that they are cleaning their food (probably not — they sometimes “wash” using dirty water), or that they lack saliva, or that they have small throats. Current speculation is that, because raccoon paws are very sensitive and raccoon vision is not particularly acute, they are enhancing their tactile sensitivity by making objects wet.
I’m not sure whether you’re serious or not. If you are:
To answer your question: Yes, I would feel humiliated and hate that asshole for what he has done to me. I would try to get him for that. If you have experienced something similar you have to seek help.
.
Not all men are alike. The way you talk about men is very insulting to me and many other men.
.
If you also find boys attractive you’re not a lesbian. You might be bi. If so: Good for you! There’s much to experience…
.
It was a racoon! This stupid idiot tried to rape a racoon! That fail is funny because it was a racoon and not a human being. I wouldn’t laugh about it if he tried to rape a girl.
.
Denmark and Spain are both located in Europe. If you live in Europe you should know that… well, it doesn’t really matter where you live. You should know that. Learn! I mean, seriously!
At first I laughed about the comment and I thought that I had discovered one of the absurdest comments ever. But then her completely misplaced rage against men (=rapists) made me think. What if someone raped her or at least tried to? That’s why I answered her.
If that’s not the case, her comment is one of the funniest I ever read.
You “laughed”? Well “thank you” for that. Don’t have I the right to feel
angry at times? Don’t you ever rant and say whatever you think?
I’m just deceived people in general think that this is funny. That’s why it
keeps going on.
Thank you for having had a bit of compassion though.
And I live somewhere in Europe: Belgium; that’s why I wouldn’t want people to
make a generality of us. What can happen in Spain, Denmark or anywhere
else isn’t something that is european somehow. Europe is some kind of union
made between countries. But it’s not like USA an its 50 states.
Seriously, that dude deserved it. Who would try to rape a freaking raccoon?! And why would they raccoon be asking for it? And how in the world can a raccoon be slutty??
…
the raccoon was acting slutty?
wonder if “slutty” is even a word, “sluttish” maybe, definitely “slut” but how the crap could a raccoon be acting “slutty”?
I read this in the NY metro news paper on my way to school and showed it to my friends cause i found it funny as hell. Then i showed my teacher and she was just dying of laughter.
Whahappen to my previous post? The one that caused me to post this one to correct “to kindly?” Somebody trying to tell me something? The server going nuts? My ‘puter got swine flu virus?
This comment doesn’t stand alone too well by itself. Well, then again, at least not the first two words.
I’d say the freak deserved it.
“He insists the raccoon was all slutty”. What an asshat.
Think the raccoon knows what it means ?
How are babbies form?
From slutty storrks.
Christopher, in reponse to yesterday’s question:
My avatar is indeed captain Haddock, now only known to a few but come 2011 and Spielberg’s movie “The Secret of the Unicorn” and provided that I will still be using the same avatar, I will benefit greatly from his fame! How’s that for a masterplan?
I’ve got a funny feeling of deja vu.
Huh? Did that show up on your screen earlier? It didn’t on mine. I feel very silly n…No, wait! Aren’t you impressed that I still remembered what I wrote… word…by…word?
Amazing!
Your feats of memory are truly impressive! Has Calculus been hypnotising you again?
No, I used Dr. Miloch’s timemachine to travel back to this morning, watched myself typing the text and memorized it.
*is curious if someone will get the Miloch reference*
Sorry, I don’t.
You couldn’t have (I think). It’s from a “Blake and Mortimer” (The Trap), despite it’s name a Belgian comic book series.
The author, Edgar P. Jacobs, was a close friend of Hergé’s.
Wow, I never thought this would come from a story of a guy getting his penis eaten.
The raccoon was Belgian.
*snork!*
That best not be the sound of you ingesting the leftover penis in the fridge, Fluffy – you know we were keeping that to feed stray cougars…
“Leftover” penis? Who was eating it to start wi–
Nevermind
Uh, the raccoon, um, duh.
*snark*
What, you boys have never heard of ‘Spotted Dick’ before? Classic British dish, best served with a condom.
I mean, condiment. Yeah, totally. Like, mayonaise. Or horseradish. Or… Eh. I killed the joke again, didn’t I?
Help! Raccoons took my penis!
I love Tintin comics! They are great! Captain Haddock (aka Captain Fatstock, padlock, etc.) is so funny.
I have to say. Only in the European continents this would happen. Poor raccoon and yes he deserved it. Most definately.
Aaah… those European continents. Every single one of them is beautiful! The continents where racoons can enjoy their well-deserved penises.
Although most of them do prefer their penises with imported Chinese mustard.
I’ve only visited a couple of the European continents, and plan to visi more after I finish my current tour of the Australias.
I bet Aleck Kirilov wishes he’d been continent.
I bet Africa wishes it were a continent; it’s just a country.
Be careful of what you say – I’ll set my goat on you! Then sacrifice it to the ancestors, and hope for a good crop, and fertility….
I what?
get a good crop
>>>————- ♥
SMACK!
stupid AFRICA is a CONTINENT
thanks you for killing the joke, captain obvious.
I need to get a visi to go to Australia, too!
… ’cause they don’t take American Express.
Discover the bush in Australia!*
.
*(does not take…)
who did, the racoon???
Exactly *how* drunk does someone have to be to think a raccoon is acting slutty, which turns that person on sexually?
OOOooo i know, very?
Gold star to MNM!
Apperantly he was singing
“100 bottles of beer on the wall…100 bottles of beer”
The raccoon was just an apparition?
No, it was true! I’ve seen the same news in Russian. The man tried to rape the raccoon in the mouth.
nice avatar though i dnt use him i like LUCARIO
Drunk as a skunk?
*ba dum tish*
Man they just get that walk going in the 3 inch heels and fish nets and you can’t help but just sit there and gawk…it becomes irresistible.
Yeah, if the raccoon looked anything like the picture above, then I don’t blame that Russian for getting the wrong signal.
I mean, look at how it’s waving that paw…it totally wants it.
Sir Dick’s-now-off debuts his new song: ‘Coony Got Back.
♫
I like raccoons and I cannot lie
You other Ruskies can’t deny…
♫
Who let the ‘coons out?
Who who who?
Cuckoo Raccoon have I come to too soon for you?
HAHAHAH WhoaNellia is a terrible racist.
Must be really frustrating: Try to show a raccoon a good time and instead of a thank you he lose some body mass. That raccoon has no sense of humor.
His real problem, the racoon wasn’t drunk enough.
he did shoot to hell any chance of dating it, unless he/she is that kind of 1 in a million racoon
Wow! Are you telling me that they make hats for asses now? Now my donkey can look classy.
This is -totally- why animal testing of cosmetics is bad. We get them all slutted up, and they get raped by drunk Russians.
Curiosity killed the cat, or in this case the penis
I thought there was a cat outside our door this morning, but it was a skunk.
I went out the side door instead.
Are you sure it wasn’t a cat that had had an accident with a paintbrush leading to all sorts of humorous incidents?
No, but I don’t have enough tomato juice in the house to take that risk.
Amusingly enough, there are going to be people who have NO idea what you mean by that.
maybe people from Africa who have never seen a skunk
???
skunks are indigenous to the folloring areas per Wikki. The two skunk species in the Mydaus genus inhabit Indonesia and the Philippines; all other skunks inhabit the Americas from Canada to central South America. That is why i said that
I’m not folloring you. Sauce?
Hello from Africa,
Aparently tomatoe juice is good for removing skunk odour
*makes a note*
BORING !!!!!!!!!!
While you’re on Wikipedia*, why not look up about world geography and how many continents there are? I suspect you are in for a surprise!
(* Not “Wiki” and certainly not “Wikki”. For goodness’ sake, copy-and-paste words if you’re too damn lazy to even try to spell them)
I’m relatively sure there are people in Chicago that would have no idea how to rid themselves of skunk stink. I probably know a few of them.
ah, well, i suppose there aren’t too many in the city. point taken
…silly me, I thought the somewhat obscure, yet brilliant, reference that few would get was to the black cat that Pepe Le Pew is always chasing in the old cartoons, as if she were trying to entice him. (Mikey D’s)
No, I totally got that. What I am confused about is why not everyone would know that tomato juice would get rid of the stink of a skunk. I mean, didn’t everyone see that episode of The Partridge Family?!?!
The Who Family???
The Coopers? Jimmy just didn’t fit in, what with the Mod lifestyle.
The Who Family? You know, Roger Daltrey and Pete Townsend and all them. Just don’t let Pete near any of the young boys. Wow! I made a pun without even trying? Near any young boys Moon, that is. He might decide to Entwistle them in the Ox.
Good ol’ Google… Partridge Family Skunk finds the reference immediately
Huh, I assumed that would be some variety of weed.
I got it it was brilliant
!
!!
(You and me both)
?
Mikey, that was an odor-able kitty comment. *squeeze!*
I scents another *SQUEEZE* coming on!
*GROUP SQUEEZE*
*SQUEEZE* with Phil, McFail, AA, the moomin, wolfgang…everyone!!
*SQUEEZES some fresh orange juice and passes it around*
*SQUEEZES himself into the group SQUEEZE*
*joins the group SQUEEZE*
I love you guys…
* SQUEEZES a random tush*
*gets glass of O.J from Malicite*
Will someone stop him from squeezing my butt.
My God. You can squeeze orange juice out of your butt? That’s quite a party trick.
Oops…sorry about that.
*sheepishly backs away*
Aww… I’m sorry Dan. It’s that there really isn’t any way that a random tush squeeze. It brings back bad memories.
*Starts thinking of potatoes*
*shudders*
Wow… I meant It, that there really isn’t any way that I could accept a random tush squeeze…
*reaches for bukkit*
*KERSPLORCH*
ick… left over lobster and hot dogs in a brown gravy.
Shoot! I give up!
it’s… not It,
*KERSPLORCH*
Aww… and Orange Juice to top it
The raccoon got you overexcited and now you can’t think coherently can you?
Aikiwaza, you do have some inventive puddings there.
Ick.
I admit it Mikey. That raccoon is just begging me to… wait… I shouldn’t admit that.
*double checks all spelling*
That was the limit of my inventiveness today.
Scents? It’s a raccoon, not a skunk!!
I think you need to read the whole thread sweety!
Yeah, it was just meant to be the continuation of a pun-run following after Admiral’s “odor-able” comment. *sigh* But then everyone jumped on the *SQUEEZING* ban-wagon instead.
Sorry McFail. It’s all water down the toilet now.
And then it’s just toilets, all the way down.
^ How many ways art thou cute?
Let me count the scutes …
.
… and tomorrow count their rings!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVE, DILLY SWEET!!
Thanks, fuzzy bear! How many ways art thou my rock to tie a string around?…even though I’m older and no wiser…
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose.
Arf!
Ugh, skunk scent does not smell like a party. Trust me, I know what a party smells like. I have an awesome sense of smell!
well if the raccoon was drunk and acting slutty, would you say no?
Your penis might.
Next stop, rabies.
I’d say that’s a win…on the racoon’s part, that is. Guy most definitely deserved that. Karma’s a bitch, eh?!
The raccoon was named Karma?
Karma Suture
And a highly advanced technique at that.
I like the blue ink asterisks on the article – obviously, someone wants to make sure they can find it again easily. I wonder why…
Because of the picture of the raccoon I imagine, just so long as the person isn’t at work
I think the reporter who had the stones to report this deserves a win
BULLSHITT…
There are no raccoons in Russia.
Exactly, what kind of freak would try to rape a raccon?
Lemurs are much more accomidating. And they’re more active. D:
I read about this in an article in the metro news paper on my way to school and it said he was drunk.
10 bucks that he is a drinker!
Who knows, maybe the raccoon gave him the
green light.
Deserved it? I’ll say what no one wants too, these Raccoons can be quite tempting.
offbeat beatoff
Kirilov jerkoff
Alexander bitten off
Raccoon Badanov
One more and you could have made Olynpic Rings.
Hey, not without the parentheses and quotes!
That’s natashty.
Yes, dahlink, for you I do this on eve of creation.
Raccoon ruboff
(everyone knows fishies make the best fluffers)
Exactly what he SHOULD have done instead!
The raccoon was out drinking with it’s friends??
that’s why it was acting so slutty
Sad. The racoon needs some help.
those raccoons, theyll get ya
*Takes superfluous apostrophe*
Yeah, man, they got totally hammered, stole a minivan and went to Wendy’s for double-stack cheeseburgers.
I prefer to rape male goats.
Dual penetration with sticks works great.
o god
I am sorry for being totally wrong.
You really can’t DP males.
It worries me that you may have gone away specifically to try this.
Hahaha
chuhc, chug plix
Yes, but a blue one!
(I didn’t know you spoke czuhc too!)
I prefer female wolves
aggressiveness is my fetish
Near trainlines?
Yeah, I like when people are watching.
Kim von Klev You Too Can Make BIG MONEY Being A CAM GIRL!Are YOU a Voyuer? Do you like to be watched? Do you have a restraining order and an ankle monitor that keeps you at home 24 hours anyway? Well then!
In the privacy of your own home you can sit naked in front of a web cam, chat with society's misfits and collect money from lots of sicko bastards just like you! All you need is a Computer, a Web Cam, a High Speed Connection and Absolutely NO MORALS! Call Now and in just Days you can be Wanking for BIGMONEY in constant view of Creepy Insane Sex Offenders, Perverted Politicians and Teen Boys! Act Now! Get in on this Ground Floor Opportunity!
Where do I sign?
explains why he was acting slutty
hahahaha Go Kirilov, what’s next Rhino’s porn?
ahahahhaah FAIL.
Actually there’s on like that in FAILblog
http://failblog.org/2008/12/16/calgary-zoo-holiday-display-fail/
What’s with the glowstick in the background?
Rave hippos?
Flavio and Marita, the hip hippos!
Always beaten by the rhymenoceros.
is this even real…..
^ too much herb
*puff puff pass*
Yeah, totally real, man!
This is why you don’t mike the quarterback…
Sounds like nonsense to me. If he had his rig bitten off, he must have been trying to penetrate the wrong end of the raccoon.
u kidding??! blow job by a raccoon is the only way to go
well, that explains the ankle monitor
Alright, nice & calm now, Kimmie. This site’s here to make us laugh, not a marketplace for outrage amongst indignant PC-militants.
o ya i sorta forgot he was trying to rape it, my bad
Raccoon diet:
40% invertebrates
33% plant material
27% penis
That’s more than… I’m sorry.
*hangs head in shame*
That’s nicely balanced diet as long as it gets one of it’s 5 a day.
I’m pretty sure penis falls under the “invertebrates” category.
Not unless he’s got a boner!
*erases not ^*
*looks warily at the fishy bukkit*
*stands in front of bukkit and hands jam a “Bukkit Bypass” coupon*
Thanks WhoaNellie. A bukkit bypass is most welcome. I’ll only upchuck in the bucket before my face gets anywhere near it.
I’m pretty sure that jerk Kirilov is not human.
For some reason when I read “that jerk Kirilov”, I hear it in my mind to the tune of the line “his boy Elroy” from the Jetsons theme song.
“Stop this crazy thing!”
POB that made me chuckle.
*loves your avatar*
What the hell is that, doctor apparent’s damn recommended daily dosage! Don’t encourage the hungry little bastards! Soon we’ll have slutty raccoons on every street corner just looking for a tasty man sausage! What happens when it’s your kid who comes home missing half his johnson! THINK DAMMIT ALL!
*This* is exactly what happens when your not allowed to wank at work!!
… you’re…
missed the reply button I presume?
Why invoke the nesting logic for that?
Why not? It’s remarkably inexpensive.
vodka is a hell of a drug!
It means water, so no drug at all – pure water from the fresh rivers of Sibir.
Well, I guess you could say the same about grass from Iraq.
It’s potato water, and we all know about those darn sneaky potatoes.
In Soviet Russia, coon skins cap.
wut?
wut wut in but butt
oops
wut wut in the butt
*bukkit please*
Did you say one in the buttik?
In Sovjet Russia buttik is spellid boutique.
In the sbuttnik.
lol … a boone to us all
(“ring tales”)
Krilov’s Last Stand…Battle of the Alley-no.
♪ Born on a mountaintop in the Caucasus.
Effed him a ‘coon when he was sauced.
Says she was flirtin just ‘fore the assault–
But no means no, so it’s his own damn fault.
Alex, Alex Kirilov,
kingqueen of the wild neuter. ♪Interesting…I think I can spot at least one Yakoff reference in every failblog entry. This one is particularly appropriate given the Russian setting. Bravo!
Who ees thees Yakoff you are talking about?
I think he means the comedian Yakov Smirnoff?
In Soviet Russia, Yakoff reference spots you!
In Soviet Russia, pet neuters you.
In Russia, Soviets penetrate you?
A certain Beatles song comes to mind.
Strawberry Fields?
I Am the Walrus?
The terrible song:
…Yellow Submarine?
Come and Get It?
Happiness is a Warm Gun?
Fixing a Hole?
Dig It
Love Me Do?
Ticket to ride?
Sorry to break the combo, but I find it greatly disturbing that EVERY Beatles title seems to make sense in this context!
Now carry on.
Within You Without You?
Come together?
Now we know why Heather Mills wanted divorce! All of the Beatles htried to rape those Nazi-racoons!
Mother Nature’s Son?
Yeah, you did break the pattern – Carry On is CSNY
“Come and get it” was composed by Paul McCartney for the film The Magic Christian, and made popular by the group Badfinger – not the Beatles. Sorry, my butt just hung up on you.
I Wanna Hold Your Hand?
yellow submarine?
You’ve got to hide your love (for Racoons) away
Let It Be
why don’t we do it in the roadkill?
Twist and Shout?
Help!
You don’t know how to get lucky back in the USSR?
(Moscow raccoon girls make you scream and shout.)
Ukraine coons really knock me out!
I Want To Hold Your Hand?
FAIL. I was beaten to that guess.
How about: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band?
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds?
That, Kasay, is the only Beatles song that doesn’t come to mind.
Rocky Raccoon!
people! let’s not jump to conclusions… remember the article notes he was ‘allegedly’ attempting to rape a raccoon
maybe he was just trying pet it and he slipped
That’s just proper journalistic style: He allegedly attempted to rape the raccoon, but he is most unequivocally that jerk Kirilov.
Arf!
Your face scares me!
*wimpers*
“maybe he was just trying pet it and he slipped”
slipped what? his penis in the raccoon’s mouth by mistake?
It could happen… you know how those damn greasy raccons are.
Good thing he wasn’t holding a potato, then…
LOL, I loved this story, but I didn’t mean to post this on the same day:
http://animalsneedkisses.wordpress.com/2009/01/28/raccoons/
…!
Someone google for “sad raccoon”. NSFW, actually, but *very* related.
LAWL, Legendary!!!!!!1111111111oneoneone
imagine being the person to have to write the article. That would have taken me all day to write between all the laughter and tears.
I know that racoon!
It WAS acting slutty… I saw it last night wearing almost nothing!
And it wears a real fur coat, it’s disgusting!
<3 50 year old ladies
Even though they are more like cougars.
Purr?
Actually, I’m 21 >_> Fail.
So if raccoons are slutty for wearing hardly anything, naked mole rats must get raped all the time.
Not necessarily – it goes teen, coed, MILF, cougar, GILF; if you’ve no kids you skip MILF and go straight to cougar after graduation age. Hey, I don’t make the rules, I’m just sayin’…
i thought it’s loli that you skip if you’ve got no kids
What if, after college, I decide to get a degree? Am I still a coed until I graduate from that? And if I have kids five years after I graduate, does that mean the order changes and it goes from cougar to milf? Also… what if I’m ugly? D:
The last first; appearance is of no consequence because the law states that “it takes all kinds”. Coed is defined by length of time in college to achieve a Bachelor’s degree, but not to extend past the age of 24. The terms MILF and cougar are at times interchangeable and the case would needs be kicked up to a higher court being beyond the purview of this judge.
hmmmmm….
good old naked mole rats… *puts on raping gloves*
I didn’t know there were raccoons in Russia.
Well, they tend to hide – now you know why.
Hehehe!
Mr. Gere:” Come here raccoon, I’ll hide you”
They may be related to the Nazi raccoons (clickie!)
Because its cold there without anything on but a fur coat?
Damn thats disgusting..
damn whore racoons! I feel your pain comrade.
So, you feel as if your penis has been bitten off?
You had your willy mauled by a forest creature as well?
Scannerdan…win…
Was not a competition. You both get points.
These dance routines get a little tiring.
who said the drunk russian guy was a forest creature?!
Wash your hands first.
The raccoon would. cdo will be first against the wall when the revolution comes!
The dangers of Vodka.
Raccoon Win!
Arf!
That man should not have tried to party with that raccoon. Raccoons are no fun and always try to eat your food. That’s why his peanut got bitten!
Oh my! nothing turns me on more than a racoon acting all sluty.
Seriously though… If a guy were that drunk, I can’t imagine that his penis would even work right….
He thought:” If I really have to have sex with that raccoon, I better get drunk first”.
I don’t think that ‘responding’ to slutty raccoons is the definition of your penis working right…
I call fakesies on this! The article is too funny but not well written, and the dude’s wang wouldn’t have been bitten clean OFF.
*wonders if Kirilov found a bible in his hospital room*
Kirlov and his ‘coon checked into their room
Only to find Gideon’s bible
The ‘coon had was brief and used his teeth
To bite off the dick of his rival
The Doc’ said Kirilov, you’ve met yer match,
Kirilov said Doc, it’s only a scratch,
I’ll be better if you can find me a sable!
Good show aikiwaza and Avis. Way to pelt ‘em out. *claps*
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fur(get) those lyrics now.
You know, the fact that someone was called a jerk on a newspaper really takes the cake XD
I don’t see how a raccoon can be percieved as acting slutty XD
Bye bye manhood! Good luck pissing out that stump Kirilov XD
11th commandment: Thou shall not molest the creatures of the forest, for punishment shall be swift and severe.
thats a win! the sick bastard deserved it, but win win win! LOLZ.
Does my bum look big in this?
Reminds me of that line from “American Dad” XD
“HELP! RACCOONS TOOK MY PENIS!”
How the hell does a raccoon act slutty? This guy is sick in the head.
Totally fake News papers will never post such a thing and Kirilov isn’t a Russian name
Sure News Papers will. A local paper in my city posted a story about a guy who was caught by the police trying to have sex with his dog
*tries to visualize the Keystone Cops getting a dog in position AND catching it’s owner at the same time*
*tries NOT to visualize that*
Useless TV fact of the day:
Mulder watches Keystone Cops in the X-Files season 3 episode “Syzygy”.
*does not want to believe*
Is it too old?
Funny. Went to the internets, went to Wikipeedia (not the best, but it’ll do), and Wikipee kicked out 4 Kirilovs. A Russian boxer (Дмитрий Кирилов) from St. Petersburg and a Cross-Country Skier named Andrey/Andrej. The other two Kirilovs were Bulgarians
In kirilov’s defense, that racoon was being a total whore that night – i mean just look at how much mascara and eye shadow she’s wearing. What a tramp!
Slut!
Bitch!
Slut!
an nao, a fact: there are NO racoons in Russia. Thats bullcrap.
The story apparently first appeared in The Austrian Times:
http://www.austriantimes.at/index.php?id=10795
From Wikipedia:
.
“The raccoon … is a medium-sized mammal native to North America. As a result of escapes and deliberate introductions in the mid-20th century, raccoons are now also distributed across the European mainland, the Caucasus region and Japan.” [emphasis added]
.
Failblog appears to have blocked TMI’s original attempt to post this crucial bio-geographical information — due no doubt to the fact that it contained a link to the nefarious Wikipedia raccoon entry. (I notice the admins, however, have still chosen not to remove a prior post calling for a political murder and containing a link offering payment for it. That’s bullcrap [emphasis and apostrophe added].)
No! Baby, you have to watch out for Wikipedia, THAT’S serious business. Assassination?
Pffft.
ohai … now it appears … just a four hour delay … somebody must’ve had to go to the Austrian continent to verify the link [emphasis and mordancy added]
Fuzz…the admins have informed me that they no longer approve or block posts. Apparently they tweaked the filter to make it all automatic. I already sent one email about the post you mentioned…I’ll be happy to send another, and I suggest you do, too. They really are very nice folks there.
But…they told us last month they loved us and read all of our posts! There was a huge outpouring of love! I feel used. *cries inside*
*pat pat pat*
They do love us…I have to believe that. I HAVE to…
You’re trouble with a side of Apfelstrudel, apparently.
And you’re affluster with a lick on the inside, delectably.
My luster-shine is all for your delectation. You’ve licked my birthday blues away.
How would he possibly fit his equipment in a racoon? And how did he get bit? Oral sex?
I guess nobody bites during missionary or doggy in Norway. I just canceled my trip.
>How the hell does a raccoon act slutty? This guy is sick in the head.
Raccoon is “полоскун” [palasku:n] in russian, verb “poloskat’” (to rinse – because raccoons rinse food before eat) sounds like “polaskat’” (to caress). Man thought that “полоскун” is derived from “polaskat” so decided that raccoon is slutty.
Sorry for bad english.
Thanks, ghoul.
There have been varying thoughts about why raccoons “wash” their food, including that they are cleaning their food (probably not — they sometimes “wash” using dirty water), or that they lack saliva, or that they have small throats. Current speculation is that, because raccoon paws are very sensitive and raccoon vision is not particularly acute, they are enhancing their tactile sensitivity by making objects wet.
(http://animals.howstuffworks.com/mammals/raccoons-wash-food.htm)
And, obviously, lady raccoons use their teeth to test the insensitivity of inebriated dicks.
I solemnly declare it was not me that was the raccoon.
The raccoon doth protest too much, methinks.
lol … much like another bawdy William bard, Clinton.
I wish more stuff like this would be on the news.
Damn Raccoons need to stop wearing such skimpy outfits
fake
Well you know, what can you expect if the racoon was acting all slutty?
In Soviet Russia.. raccoon rape YOU!
“run with us we’ve got everything you need, cum with us, we are free”
sorry couldn’t help myself
yeah them raccoons are mighty seductive sluts [/sarcasm]
PFFT……what a maroon, everyone knows coons prefer anal
where is EPA or WWF when we need em?
Now, now, wrestling never cured anything.
this is a clip from the Onion!!!!! its funny because it twists real facts into funny as hell fake stories!!!!
Karma WIN.
Place your drinks orders here! I will get back to you soon!
*opens bar for orders*
*puts on bartender outfit*
Whaddaya want?
I would call this a win for the raccoon.
I’m not sure whether you’re serious or not. If you are:
To answer your question: Yes, I would feel humiliated and hate that asshole for what he has done to me. I would try to get him for that. If you have experienced something similar you have to seek help.
.
Not all men are alike. The way you talk about men is very insulting to me and many other men.
.
If you also find boys attractive you’re not a lesbian. You might be bi. If so: Good for you! There’s much to experience…
.
It was a racoon! This stupid idiot tried to rape a racoon! That fail is funny because it was a racoon and not a human being. I wouldn’t laugh about it if he tried to rape a girl.
.
Denmark and Spain are both located in Europe. If you live in Europe you should know that… well, it doesn’t really matter where you live. You should know that. Learn! I mean, seriously!
Don’t waste your breath, Arthur. This chick has ISSUES.
At first I laughed about the comment and I thought that I had discovered one of the absurdest comments ever. But then her completely misplaced rage against men (=rapists) made me think. What if someone raped her or at least tried to? That’s why I answered her.
If that’s not the case, her comment is one of the funniest I ever read.
You “laughed”? Well “thank you” for that. Don’t have I the right to feel
angry at times? Don’t you ever rant and say whatever you think?
I’m just deceived people in general think that this is funny. That’s why it
keeps going on.
Thank you for having had a bit of compassion though.
And I live somewhere in Europe: Belgium; that’s why I wouldn’t want people to
make a generality of us. What can happen in Spain, Denmark or anywhere
else isn’t something that is european somehow. Europe is some kind of union
made between countries. But it’s not like USA an its 50 states.
Anyway… the chick who has “issues” goes away
.
Awww, “thank you”
))
Wow, you actually understood that? I gave up about halfway through.
This is how aids came about
Seriously, that dude deserved it. Who would try to rape a freaking raccoon?! And why would they raccoon be asking for it? And how in the world can a raccoon be slutty??
Atleast he wont do it again
If the guy has never had children, this is a Darwin Win.
maybe it was this slutty one =):
…
the raccoon was acting slutty?
wonder if “slutty” is even a word, “sluttish” maybe, definitely “slut” but how the crap could a raccoon be acting “slutty”?
what
Damn furries!
That’s only a fail if you consider him an also-ran for a Darwin award.
I read this in the NY metro news paper on my way to school and showed it to my friends cause i found it funny as hell. Then i showed my teacher and she was just dying of laughter.
it’s more like beastiality fail… beastiality-boy strikes again! it’s a Stephen lynch thing… i’ll explain to ya later..
oh sure the racoon is a slutter hooker
ptttf oh and i asume u where sober?
or maybe the racoon kept bribing you to sleep with “him”
lol
Who knows, maybe the raccoon gave him the green light..
too kindly. I was all worked up over beavers.
Whahappen to my previous post? The one that caused me to post this one to correct “to kindly?” Somebody trying to tell me something? The server going nuts? My ‘puter got swine flu virus?
This comment doesn’t stand alone too well by itself. Well, then again, at least not the first two words.
NO MEANS NO.
it is shitt
what happens in Russia, stays in Russia…
Raccoons are only in north america, He must have special ordered this raccoon.
lol. Give the guy a break. I’ve seen some sexy, slutty raccoons in my day.
What a moron. Kirilov deserves to be forcibly sterilized so that he doesn’t pass his horny-idiot genes on.
I’m almost certain he can’t pass his horny idiot-genes to a raccoon.
I honestely cant believe some of these newspaper announcements….
Yeah right! It’s always the victims fault. Weirdo!