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Cheezburger Network Blog
I do NOT want to work there!
Why not? Sounds fun.
Sounds cum
“Sounds cum and sounds go, but the memory of the beautiful music we made together will live on long after the final notes have faded…”
.
(Disclaimer: this comment is not directed at jkhvdsjkhv)
Well a woman can actually be a sperm donor, only that she carries the donation in her mouth… ( don’t even want to mention other options )
Erm…no. There’s a difference between a courier and a donor.
I would donate the collection I have in my freezer.
There’s a difference between a curry and a donner? I’m usually too drunk to tell by that stage of the night.
Hee! *remembers disgusting drunk takeaway* *bleh* *wants some pakoras*
Dipped in raita. Mmmmmmm.
Actually, once the sperm is released it becomes abandoned property which the woman claims, making it her property, and she can donate it if she so desires.
are u shore???
or, failtruza, if she’s got a cauwck…
shemale is very entertaining
she could have a keawck,
yay, you’re good at this task, velvet!
And I was on the phone with mom discussing wheelchair ramps at the same time! I can multitask! You should see me walk & chew gum, too!
I thought by task she ment you were good at finding sperm donors?
What, she can do that and talk to her mom at the same time!
FAILbloggers are a very talented lot!
What, you can walk and chew cum?
I guess you’ll never find out, champ.
That’s cool~ you can walk and chew cum?
DAMN, is that doing it wrong.
Yes he prevents trolls from being tazed… and entertainment crap..
You deserve a medal…
I guess.
*inserts “s” into Cam’s comment* Yes, she does.
*hands Diana another spare “s” so she’ll be ready for next time*
Ya gotta be prepared these days on the interwebs…
*hand Diana another pare “” o he’ll be ready for next time*
Ya gotta be prepared thee day on the interweb…
-Hands Nellie a spare “s” so that they’re ready to give Diana another
spare “s”-
Why does eveyone think velvet is male? Is there something we don’t know?
Maybe it’s something about her membership in the Sperm Donor organization.
I think she’s just an honorary member.
Maybe it’s the name…I mean, whenever I see “velvet” I automatically think of a big burly man.
How about if she changed it to “Velvety”? I sure haven’t met any big, burly, velvety men.
Velvette?
Velveeta?
Velvetine Rabbit?
*jumps into Christopher’s arms*
*SMOOCHES*
I’ve been wondering if you were around!
I can’t believe people think I’m a guy. The screen name Velvet with a disco ball icon? That’s either female or a gay male.
.
Velvette works, despite how ‘cheesy’ WhoaNellie thinks I am.
*grins*
(I don’t know how to make the smile icon.)
The little smile is a : with a ) and the big smile is a : with a D (no spaces).
?
Heh. I try to make it a habit of catching you on here at least once a day, Avis.
= : and )
Yay! Thank you!
*grabs Christopher and SMOOCHES him ’til he can’t see straight*
Myself, I don’t find you cheesy at all, velvet – especially after the ride in your convertible.
And I admire your disco ball.
You’re welcome!
.
Hey, this one also works if you put : and grin and :
Ok, how do I do THAT!?!
WTF is Mr. Green?
You can just highlight it and right click, it’ll show you.
I’m on a Mac. Laptop. What does “right click” mean?
Ahhhh…
It’s : plus mrgreen plus:
Yay!
Oh, that was so cute, Avis.
I love that smiley. I keep using it on another site.
What’s it supposed to mean? “I am both nauseated and amused by your comment”?
No: “Your teeth are large and you look nauseous. Good day, sir.”
I think it’s a Jumblie.
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live;
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,
And they went to sea in a Sieve.
-Edward Lear
Didn’t that guy have an owl, a hen, two larks and a wren in his beard?
Damn I thought it was z…
Knowing of the english language FAIL…>_< “Gives self unhonourable discharge”
I spelt that wrong too I guess.
*was not correcting “tazed” but rather converting “he” to “she” as Velvet is decidedly female*
Ohhhh! I apologize Velvet.
Apology accepted. It happens a lot, actually. Which is odd to me since I don’t know one guy that would use a disco ball for his icon.
I would!
(Just so you know, I’m a guy)
.
Anyway… I had to change my avatar to a male fox because people thought I was a girl.
No one ever mistakes me for a guy!
I’ve gotten mistaken for a guy a few times… but I can’t blame them, as my name and avatar are pretty much gender-neutral.
Hah, almost wrote “a few tines”. *polishes tines*
I knew you weren’t a guy…
*makes mental note*
I didn’t know you were a guy. *Hangs head in shame and makes mental note of that.*
OK, OK, OK. What is it about deliberately announcing one’s gender?
Who the hell cares?
I mean, you all know each other outside FB?
Will it make a difference when you know the outline of one’s
genitalia? Will you behave differently?
For the record: I’m an omnisexual hermaphrodite.
Yes, it matter because men and women think differently. So it’s nice to be able to interact on a more personal level.
If someone on failblog thought I was an olympic skater, I would correct them and say I am not. Along the same lines, if someone calls me a woman, I will correct them and say I’m a guy.
Berg, it’s nice to have an inkling of the people one communicates with. I am a woman, and I don’t particularly care for being thought of or treated as a man. I suppose if one WERE a hermaphrodite, one might not care one way or the other. Especially if one were an omnisexual hermaphrodite.
I’m going to correct “berg” and say he’s an idjut.
No kidding. No one was making anyone annouce whether they are a guy or a girl. It’s an open forum. And some of these people are my failblog friends if you will. So, it helps.
I always find it hilarious when people think I’m a man. I think BFF thought I was male for…what? At least a month?
I’m still trying to figure WHY he thought that!
No, BFF’s right: Dragon’s a man, and I’m one person using dilettante, fuzz on the concept, Tyler Durden, Marla Singer, TMI Service, Steven Wright, and countless more. I also have two avatars and a gender confusion issue mixed with SERIOUS narcissism and masturbatory obsession. Apparently. *sigh* I miss being 40 people.
*pat pat pat*
*cries* *sniff* *stops*
Thanky, mister
Hello Berg. As a matter of fact we do know each other outside of Failblog. We meet twice a week in a certain dark cafe and discuss upcoming “ad lib” repartee. You didn’t think that we would just wing it here did you? It takes planning and a great deal of research to be witty.
By the way, I am not going to tell you the location.
*gets misty*
Could you get me one too? I’ve been wanting a misty lately.
*gives hammycakes a Sierra Misty*
*gets kitten out of tree*
Mmmm… I’ve been thirsty since Richard kicked me out of the bar for being underage.
Hey, wait a minute…!
Was she squeaking??
It was more of a squeaky-squeak. Somehow, I could understand her.
Ooh. A kitten whisperer!
Now where did that come Fromme?
It was more of a Miss Jane Marple reference.
Hee…!
Good! Cause, yikes.
Actually if I didn’t assume genders I’d of saved myself some embarassing situations. So I am actually am happy that there is some gender revealing going on. PS apologies for the wrongly identified. You know who you are.
*attaches to above*
We also would like to be able to identify possible donors for this clinic.
Would you of?
Hehe. *twitches*
There has been so much talk about one’s genitals lately that I have a clear picture of what all your genitals look like. That, and I’m using the latest internet visualisation technology, known only to a few.
Even my sailor avatar gives no gender garantee. Remember this MP classic ? :
“Old Nick the Sea Captain was a rough tough jolly sort of fellow. He loved the life of the sea and he loved to hang out down by the pier where the men dressed as ladies…”
Thanks for clearing that up. I’d completely forgot that all men think
the same and all women think the same. That helps things a lot.
Is it necessary to mention race and social class as well or are we
happy with a simple dichotomy?
I thought Loz was a guy…
I think a lot of people who actually would spend so much time on a blog instead of socializing with the outer world would be a guy
*Is afraid for cam*
Don’t know if I would have donated. This sign may or may not apply to me.
*mysterious song plays in background*
*reminisces*
remember when she fell on her butt.
Well it’s not like she would fall on anyone else’s butt. She is far too much of a lady.
I suppose my new name isn’t helping things…
Nope.
Try changing it to hammykins/Slayer of Melatroph, the destroyer of the twelfth dimension.
How about a compromise?
You sound like a Norwegian metal band.
Hammykins, SS,SM,DTD?
*hammykins goes into massive electric tuba solo and crowd goes insane*
These multiple androgynous personalities make me feel kinda like David Bowie…
But can you turn into an owl?
I tried, once, but all I could manage was a kiwi.
Your name is quite awesome now, but what do we call you for short?
HK/SS/SM,DTD
Or just “hammy.”
How do you pronounce that? And do you actually say the /s?
Silly, there’s no such thing as /s.
I personally thought a guy would…
And theres not many people who can first so often O_O I’d expect it from a guy…
But also girls don’t tend to troll….
Right?
If you’re a healthy woman between the ages of 18 and 45 you can donate some of your dishono(u)rable discharges.
How about healty and 51?
Nope, sorry.
Are you are healtor? This market’s rough, no?
Instead of women, I would have expected to semen in that sentence.
What? How did that end up here?
That’s what she said!!!
Hahaha, nice one!
She said that too.
There was not a lot she did not say/ scream that night.
Ok, Dexter.
Scream until daddy stops?
and THAT, jules, is what HE said
He is the best we have.
She is… when are people going to learn velvet is a inny not an outty.
People still call Dragon “sir” from time to time. And Loz. And me, too! It happens all the time here.
Hasn’t happened to me.
*feels slighted*
Judy, sir, please feel slighted no more!
I notice DTI doesn’t seem have that problem. Is it because her avatar is a picture of a very beautiful young woman?
Awww, thanks! I’m not *quite* that young any more (it’s about 3 or 4 years old). I think the whole “diana” part of the username helps too
.
I thought it was the insane part. That always makes me think woman.
Prezackly.
“to” …seem to
brain faster than fingers
hurry up fingers
*Would never mistake Avis for a “he”*
*would never mistake Elvis for a tree*
To paraphrase Baba Wawa: If he were a tree, what kind of tree would he be?
*Sharpens axe*
*twee
Hee! You win.
*doesn’t see how you could*
Are there any other kind?
My deepest apologies go out to Velvet and her family. I did not know! But I am going to remember from now on!
Speechless. Just speechless.
Is this in any way related to the “Used Orgasms” thingie on the previous FAIL?
Hmmmmm…..you might be onto something!
.
:think:
Why buy used when you can have new?
maybe it’s an open box item
Why BUY?
I guess you just want to rent.
Maybe we’re not talking about a transaction for two-person interaction here.
Ah, a non profit organization taking donations. Good thinking.
It’s just a tax shelter.
More like a shell game.
A lien to?
Baby, are you lien to me?
If you are, you’re goin’ home a-loan.
Get thee to a notary.
I’ll never roam a-loan.
Nunsense, AA.
How conventional.
Could be habit-forming.
‘allo?…and then there were nun…
Don’t be such a wimp(le).
You can kiss a nun once. You can even kiss a nun twice, but don’t get into the habit!
With that bit of aged humor I shall say goodnight to one and all.
Night, puppy. Sweet dreams, chase some bunnies.
There are other options ya’ know.
Barter?
Self-pay.
Pay to play?
*tries again*
Self-p(l)ay
Maybe A Single, Trouble-free Urbanite Relies on Batteries And Takes In/On No one else.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood… I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference
*wants a diabetic Frosty*
*was obviously being too subtle with her previous attempt, so tries again, singing*
“I’m pickin’ up good vibrations
She’s givin’ me the excitations
Good, good, good vibrations…”
There are other songs that work too…. “I think I’m turning Japanese” just to name one.
“(When I think of you) I touch myself” to name another.
“Bite my lip and close my eyes,
Take me away to paradise…”
I don’t see why you can’t save a horse, ride a cowboy.
Who said anything about a horse?
Who said anything about a cowboy?
“Black velvet with that slow, Southern style…”
“black velvet…. if you please.”
You know beating around the bush never gets anywhere fast.
Then you’re doing it wrong.
Obviously
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will not go hungry again.
It’s Only Me, BnL; Pictures of Lily, the Who.
Let us not forget that inspired ode to self-satisfaction:
“She Bop”
Avis, I disagree: if you’re beating AROUND the bush, THEN you’re doing it wrong.
I think that you’ve hit the nail on the head.
Stop pushing her button.
Nooooooooo!
*winces* A nail on the head doesn’t sound too pleasant…
And since this doesn’t seem to be anyone’s first time… incubi win? *clickie*
The devil made me do it.
Will he make you do it again for me?
Yup! *loosens up fingers and prepares to make like a piano player*
I do like play.
You feel it baby?
I feel it too…
*hums along wif DTI…*
You should clean that vibrator.
And be careful you don’t chip your teeth.
*Sorry.*
Ugh, I’m sensing a thrush theme here.
Theme music -
Oh Candida, we stand on guard for thee. . .
Where Arouet, Marius?
I don’t mean to be a princesse and babylone but, no fair switching up puns on me.
Sorry, baby, I’m enlightening myself.
I do not think you have much more Turgot before you blot out the sun with your brilliance.
Well, I tried to get here earlier, but I was asleep. Anyway, in response to the vibrator comment by dilettante, I found something else related: http://notalwaysright.com/way-tooooooh-much-information/1582
“Oh, you touch my tra la la…Oh my ding ding dong”
Skinner, opening the talent contest: “Well, you’re in for a whale of a show tonight. I’d like to point out that the doors are now locked, so you parents can’t sneak out of the show after your own child as performed. Oh, and let me caution the people in the first five rows: You will get wet.”
Student, singing at the talent contest: “My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling. I want you to play with my ding-a-ling…”
“Those of you, who will not sing
You must be playing with your own ding-a-ling.”
It seems to me that there might be more correlation between this and the ‘Load Limit’ fail, actually.
I’m really glad that you’re not a troll, velvet! Your uncanny ability would make you the worst troll ever.
Which is exactly why everyone should be nice to me! HAHAHA!
.
And remember, my birthday is September 13!
*writes note*
*loses note*
I suck at memorizing birthdays…
“Buys velvet a cake”
Happy birthday!!
It stops me forgetting in the future…
Red velvet cake? That would be very appropriate.
With cream cheese icing…. Mmmmmmm!
*makes a mental note to make that this weekend*
Make sure you have the food coloring. I had to make a blue smurf cake once because I had no red food coloring.
‘Side note blue food coloring make your poop green.’
OMG – I haven’t had that kinda cake in decades – and the last time it was made by a woman who was the best baker I’ve ever known!
>>> jealousy <<<
It’s not all that hard to make. I’ll post the recipe sometime soon. You’d be amazed at the insane amount of sugar in that cake. And in the icing!
Can’t you bake with Splenda now? Just wondering…that might help cut down.
Do they make a Splenda that functions as powdered sugar? That’s what you need for the icing.
Splenda is actually more powdery than granular to begin with.
I know, but the cake has regular granulated sugar, while the icing has powdered . So I was wondering how that would work with Splenda. You really want the icing to have a specific consistency.
Sounds like an experimental baking weekend is in order!
This weekend is celebratory roasting. Duck, specifically. I will make the cake as the recipe says, this time. Splenda could turn that into a VERY expensive cake! 3 cups in the batter and a POUND in the icing.
You know the cream cheese is not good for you either, but it tastes heaven.
I know. And yes, absolute heaven! Delectable, artery clogging heaven.
Considering what I’ve been reading about Splenda, I wouldn’t want it anywhere near anything I’m going to consume. Just give me sugar. Sweet, sweet sugar. mmmm….
Being allergic to nutrasweet, I’m quite happy with splenda! When baking, however, I DO prefer to use regular sugar. I am willing to TRY splenda for baking though.
Sweet, sweet wild honey…
Hee! The Admiral’s favo(u)rite!
I get it from a very bee-combing proprietor.
Previously referred to woman’s hubby ran 5 miles every day just to keep up with her baking (and his waistline).
Post away!
Of course shes a troll, why do you think she gets the first comment on every fail?
(hittin refresh button every 5 seconds?)
she just doesn’t say first to make herself not look like a troll.
You’re sooo wrong. Pay a visit to Lolcats, maybe they’ll embrace you.
Indeed.
Besides, your breath sucks.
Nothing quite like cat breath…
…and green is the perfect color for your icon, since you’re obviously jealous. Go pout somewhere else.
The color on my avatar was pink, so then I kept being called a girl! -giggles- Can you believe that? A scary monster like me being a girl!?
-stares-
*boops retaba on the nose*
I sometimes wish that trent was never started! People are gonna start calling me rudolph, what with my glowing nose and all! -winces-
Hmmm, I wonder why I put trent instead of trend there! Reminds me of something…
*puts up a trent*
Watch out for reznor burn.
And those damn councils.
Those councils created a ton of papal bull.
Have I mentioned recently how much I ♥ you guys?
My very first contribution was wordplay with you about leaving out syllables. Such a good welcome
Hee…! I remember that!
Yay! That was such a great start for me, I loved it. God, August? I’m so
jaded now:) Now, my Voltaire joke, it’s dead in the water…
The feeling is mutual Dragon. You have made me feel welcome right from the start.
Sorry. How’s this?
*cowers in fear*
Oh, I’m so grateful! Thank you for providing the proper reaction to a monster such as I!
*reaches out a finger…*
*hesitates*
*cowers instead*
Does that mean I can’t pet the scary monster anymore?
*pouts*
The Admiral and his Apparent one are always free to make my nose red ;P
Funny, I don’t think of Dragon as being a scary monster.
Hee hee hee…!
Others may disagree you, though.
Particularly those who have experienced a FOOM!ing.
But they have good reason to. I don’t try to piss you off, they do. Anyone stupid enough to TRY to get you angry deserves the FOOMing of a lifetime!
How about a compromise – henceforth, you shall be known as Rutabaga!
Only if I can call you Strawberry shortcake ;P
-stares-
I love it!
To be true, in all Good Humor, its my favorite dessert!
It is delicious. So, how about it, Rutabaga?
He’s all emo, he lines his eyes with kohlrabi.
I guess I should fulfill my end of this delectable bargain.
-ponders-
P.S. You can put a slash or “a.k.a.” and keep your original name.
Hmm, how is this a fail? My girlfriend, I met in jail, have sperm. *Ponders*
*affects thug attitude*
Aw Fuk Brotha man, juss cuz “she” wear a dress don’t means ______
*remembers that stoner thug will not retain this anyway*
Never mind maybe you’ll just figure it out yourself one day.
*admires Amber’s attitude, thug or otherwise*
*Admires Amber*
how did someone even find this page thats an odd topic to even be looking at imo
Well, to be honest, a LOT of girls have more sperm than I do.
Just sayin.
Abundance of whores realization WIN!
8o
What the…
Shaddap
You obviously live in a Navy town.
Yeah, I hear you can find pleasure, search the world for treasure, learn science technology, and begin to make your dreams all come true on the land or on the sea, there.
cool 3rd.
not so much
The criteria definitely limits the pool of qualified candidates.
Not sure I want to contemplate a pool of sperm.
BrainWorm.
Why!?!
(and by that I meant why are you planting such a BrainWorm)
Too much tequila last night, I think.
Yeah, the too much wine last night has given me a queasy stomach.
Well, folks, you’re in luck. This morning (it’s still morning here), I’m offering a special: A large chocolate chip scone and a big glass of orange juice in lieu of cookies. One scone and one glass per person, usual horrible consequences for violations apply.
DTI, thank you SO very much (takes scone and juice), and a splendidly excellent Friday to you as well
*enjoys oj and scone* It’s already the afternoon here so maybe I should just start drinking again… after all it is Friday. *mixes up some Sangria for everyone*
Please, McFail, can I do that? I do have a bar after all, even though I shouldn’t be owning alchohol (underage)…but I never ever drink any of that! Ever!
Why thank you, and you’re welcome for scone/juice. It is actually a pretty good Friday thus far; I have to agree.
D’oh! *KER-SPLORTCHES into bukkit* “for the scone/juice.”
And I’d been doing so well…
I may be wrong, but I don’t personally believe that that was a bukkitable offense.
I’ve bukkited for less than that…
yea, I love personally love sconejuce(but you can never get it out of you’re clothes).
No, YOU’RE clothes! Hang yourself up.
I was clothes once, but I gave it up for lint.
Sorry…all I got there was static, could you say that again?
Back to your dryer sense of humor I see.
Oh goody! A clothes thread.
You have me in stitches.
This thread suits coyote’s button-down mind.
It seams we’re bobbin for another run, shear…
*hems and haws*
Button-down mind! Are you trying to needle me?
Sew I see we are onto some pressing issues here.
Hartley! I just thought you’d like that purl of wisdom.
This is re-pleat with pun potential.
You’re batting a thousand, Admiral!
*pants*
Whoo! I ran over here as fast as I could. You guys shirt have gotten a lot of puns in.
Got to first baste, did he?
DARN! You took my pun.
Sock it to me, wild honey!
(did you catch that? Both a song AND a clothes pun. A twofer!)
You’ll patch it up and mend it with pup
Weave come along way.
Sorry Dragon I didn’t mean to be crewel.
I’ve satin on so much of our woolgathering.
…baby, to get where weave got to today…
I was a little slow on that. Didn’t mean to mess up the thread with my nylon skilz….
Admiral already macramade that pun already.
Anyone fancy a game of darts?
Only if you’re hemming for a bodice. ( Hey, I don’t know what that means, either!)
I did that ALL DAY, it did actually make sense. NOT a pun, though.
You’re looming large with that one.
You did that ALL day? The very thought of it makes my blood girdle.
I made a white lace eyelet dress for me. It’s lovely, and sheer. And I didn’t have to shear anyone for it. It’ll get felt, no worries:)
It is an awesome Friday. We beat our rival school at the Kiwanis Music Festival, and the adjudicator personally complimented me on my horn solo.
*grabs an OJ and a scone*
Way to go, hammykins!
Although I must say I prefer a duo when I’m horny
*snork!*
LA LA LA Casey snorkity
I’m much more like the Snork Maiden!
*fluffs fringe*
<3 ya. If you could breathe underwater where would you go?
Which horn?
De la variété francais.
Human horn is a good remedy for ED.
I have a bone to pick with that.
I was going to say something, but I didn’t want to horn in.
I’ll have the special, please, and thanks! I really shouldn’t, though, I brought in donuts for the firm today and have had two of them myself. Scones are relatively low in fat, aren’t they?
They CAN be high in sperm, however.
*slaps hisself repeatedly*
*thwacks WhoaNellie with a large halibut* Shame on you! Maligning my scones. Go play with BOGGY.
Not YOUR scones, DTI – merciful heavens, I would never suggest such a thing. Just scones in general, particularly – as noted elsewhere by Hell Hath No Fury – in Navy towns
*grabs WhoaNellie by the scuff of the neck*
*grabs 1 scone, 1 glass, 7 plates and a tray*
MUNCH CRUNCH GULP CRUNCH GRUNCH*
WhoaNellie
kuh'moan lets goes pway in BOG!WHA?!?
Oh, Hiya BOGGY!
I can’t stay inna BOG for long, but sure – just for a bit…
*hands BOGGY a huge serving plate*
Er…sure, Judy! Virtual chocolate chip scones are extremely low in fat. Enjoy
. *offers scone on a plate and large glass of orange juice*
I love the virtual world! While you’re at it, go ahead and toss a couple shots of vodka in my juice, please. After all, it is Friday, and as someone on this blog can attest, It’s five o’clock somewhere!
*slides Judy’s glass of juice down the bar to Strategist* I think I’ll let Richard take care of that, as he so enjoys making mixed drinks.
ME TOO ME TOO!!!!!
Thanks, Di. Keep ‘em coming, Richard. And go ahead mix me another drink, too.
*lines up at the bar…*
(Pssst! Dragon – - he’s jail bait!)
For a DRINK!! :p
Forgive my dirty mind~~~
Comet will fix that right up.
Allright then!
*mixes drinks*
*slides them back down bar*
There you go! On the house!
But…but…*light goes on above head*
*opens bar*
*puts bartender outfit on*
*hangs 300 000th comment memorial plaque above bar*
I will give you whatever you like, in return for 2 normal cookies. Please? I wasn’t the one drinking last night,so I’m sober, and don’t need that…
My chocolate chip scones are just as good (and fluffier to boot!) as my cookies, but I’ll be glad to oblige. *offers two raspberry-filled cookies*
Just thinking – how about orange scones and tea for tomorrow morning?
Rasberry! Mmmm!
*takes cookies*
*hands Di her drink of choice*
There you go!
Well, as long as it’s Extra Fresh Sperm…
To fill a pool takes some time, so the lower layers wouldn’t be fresh anymore.
That’s why you install a circulation system with tubules and repositories, to keep everything as fresh as possible!
It’s also a good idea to keep the leaves and assorted twigs out, as well; they’re crunchy as well as distractfully non-fresh.
You don’t get to pick from the gene pool.
Just dive right in!
POOL’S CLOSED
Please note there is no P in this ool.
And we, the management, would like to kee it that way.
lease do!
It’s scary that you’ve got the engineering end of this already figured out, Di. Anything we need to know about you?
Which Fail blogger had the used cum collection?
Spleen, I believe.
Ah, who needs that guy. He’s just an appendix. He probably has a tonsil haircut.
That I was pre-med before I decided to become a teacher and consequently have a Bachelor’s degree in Biochemical Sciences?
I have a biomechanical Degree.
I have a Biomagical Filigree.
I am a biomorphic flagellate. Don’t question it!
DON’T QUESTION IT
It? What is it? Why is it here? Is it really here? Are we really here?
I have a degree of biodegradable materials in my garbage disposal. *just tryin’ to fit in!*
BOGGY Mechanical degree? BOGGY no gots fevers!
Even for the flavor?
Bet you can’t eat just one.
Oh god, once I pop…
Lower…layers… BUKKIT PLEASE!!!
*urk*
I am not sure you want the bukkit. It was use to scoop out the floaters.
Then… then… what WERE those clouds in my coffee?!?
Cream
Whew!
Wait… cream of what?
Chicken
*turns green*
*urk*
mmmpf!
I’ll go fetch the mop, but I think I’ll leave the bukkit alone.
“Ben-Who wants Chinese takeout? I know a great place.
Wayne-I’ll have the cream of some young guy.”
*is intimidated*
What was so wrong about that? Spelling, grammar, expression?
secund
damnit.
I find after all these years that I have been lied to and the sperm actually comes from the women. 80
I’m just glad you found out before one of them got you pregnant.
“My rhymes are so potent that in this small segment
I made all of the ladies in the area pregnant
Yes, sometimes my lyrics are sexist
But all you lovely bitches and hos should know I’m trying to correct this”
Rrr, Steve…
Where did you get that preposterous hypothesis?
did Steve tell you that?
What’s he got to do with it?
What kind of rapping name is Steve?
.. Steve
Ain’t no party like my nana’s tea party.
Sometimes when i freestyle..
I lose confidence
I’m sure really slutty women could donate sperm. I mean they stay alive in the vagina for hours, don’t they?
You’d want to build up a good supply before going alllllll the way downtown to the depository, though…
…on a good night.
Wow.
Those would have to be some SERIOUSLY slutty women!
… or they could just be fresh off of filming a creampie scene. ;P
I believe up to nine months.
If only the “OctoMom” had gone to this clinic…
Ok, this gets Comment Win from me! HAHAHAHAHA!
You get an extra nut for that one….I mean Chestnut…I mean walnut…oh my god i’ll just quit trying
I got Peanuts!
Why stop when you’re ahead?
Is that what the penis said to the…..never mind.
Don’t keep me hanging! A talking penis?
yeah thats crazy…………………. all women have mental disorders:)
Abundance of mentaly unstable whores WIN!
As my father once told me, ‘one day, you will grow up to be a beautiful woman. But by then you will be so bat-shit crazy that your looks won’t matter.’
All women are evil. Some just hide it better with good looks.
I may be unusual, but I’ve always preferred bat-shit crazy beautiful women.
Call it a personality flaw
The bat-shit crazy ones are more fun, interesting and unpredictable.
Which is good and bad.
I think at least… *ponders*
Just keep knives away from their dainty bat-shit crazy lil’ hands.
*wonders if Bob is talking about himself and his skwerlly friends*
Was there ever any doubt?
I’m not telling, then you’ll be on your toes and I might get more respect!
Bob, you have a whole buncha my respect already.
It’s not just your every day skwerl that can keep a BOG monster (mostly) in line.
BOGGY is fairly easy to deal with. I keep his brain in a locker, so he won’t get it all messed up. So he mainly just hangs around until he hears his name or the word “Cookie”. The biggest problem is that he’s highly suggestible and will do pretty much what he’s asked to do if it will be “FUN!”
Sounds like a lot of people I know :/
Equal Opportunity Win!
Or fail…
I can’t keep up… (why I’M not donating…)
bu-dum tshh
Gonna be long wait to find someone matching such requirements.
As someone living in Hollywood, I can say the wait wouldn’t be that long around here.
I’ve met woman that look like they have more sperm than a healthy construction worker should, ala, they look that way mostly because of thier mental disorders.
Ah, life is a disorder.
Life is but a dream…
The kind where all your teeth fall out.
I have had those dreams. They are very disturbing.
As are women with more sperm than healthy construction workers.
But I digress.
And you’re standing naked in the middle of a busy intersection? Yes, I’ve had th…..I mean, no, what…..ooooh! Something shiny just went by!
*scootches out of thread*
I call those Thursdays. TGIF
Fursdays?
OH god, no more furries, Rodney Stanger!
I hate those dreams… probably a reaction to grinding your teeth at night.
or to not brushing your teeth well enough
Not brushing your teeth well enough leads to disturbing dreams?
Also not shaving leads to disturbing dreams.
Not shaving what?
*looks innocent*
I’d show you but then my fiancé would kill me.
*borrows TMI’s hat*
Actually, there have been quite a few studies on tooth-related nightmares. They are, apparently, and entire “genre” of dream all on their own.
I get them, too. Worst. Dreams. Ever.
*gives TMI back his hat*
Haven’t seen old Fuzz around lately!
Can you check in TMI’s hat and tell me if there’s anything to a recurring nightmare about coming out of a store and not being able to find one’s car?
Um, it’s not the Sorting Hat…
What does it mean when one is having a recurring nightmare and it turns out that one is not asleep?
Just means you’re alive, sweets.
*pat pat pat*
That, my friend, is what we call “life.”
Damn you, DW.
:p
Haven’t had one about losing my teeth. In fact, very few of my dreams are ‘nightmares’, in that I don’t get or wake up scared from them. However, I did have a dream where, for some reason, my eye had popped out and someone came in the room before I could put it back in. I had to hide it in my mouth. I could feel the optic nerve like a cooked shrimp, and I was afraid I’d swallow it.
I had one where I was naked, staring in the bathroom mirror, peeling giant carnivorous lichens off of my body. It was horrifying. Where do these come from?
What is it with you and shrimp??
I’m about to go to bed and you write THAT? I shall blame any somnambulistic disturbances on you.
Is it wrong that I loled at both Dragon and coyote’s comments?
I totally do that! Wait….now I know I wasn’t just ‘hearing stuff’ outside my window….
Sha-boom, sha-boom!
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la, sha-boom!
Well, it COULD be a dream!
Sweetheart!
“I am a singing telegram!” “BANG!”
* falls to the ground, shot through the heart. And you’re to blame, Honey, you give love a bad name. *
“WHOA! You’re a loaded gun!”
I’m tellin’ ya!
Actually can’t you get sperm from women? Like.. something to do with stem cells and their bone marrow or something.
lulz. male ftl. >:C damn betches, being able to live without us. Who’d be left to reiterate this fact!?
You cannot get sperm from women. They don’t make them. You can, however, get genetic material suitable for the creation of an embryo from them.
Exactly. Try eBay, Ohme.
try sbay for sperm bay
Ahhh, I see you got your eagle back! My compliments
You should really send a handwritten card when someone gets their eagle back. Your manners are atrocious.
I’m having a bit of a problem with your last sentence. Could you please clarify?
To reiterate is human, to curse divine.
Shit.
Damn betches.
Betcha by golly wow.
“MAVERICK!”
I can see Russia from here.
Palin 2020!
No, “You’re the one that I’ve been waiting for forever.”
Were you guys even alive in the seventies?
Well, yeah…but I was in single digits! :p
I was 0!
Watch your mouth or I’ll get the bleech!
Hee! Get’em off me!
Well, you CAN get sperm from women you just have to catch them at just the right moment
http://www.lowbrowsophisticate.com/category/various-sundries
…spit in this cup, up to this line please.
Due to the weak economy, we have instituted a series of cutbacks. From now on, two women will be assigned to each cup. Thank you for your cooperation.
i said s”P”it….
2 girls one cup mental image, ughhhhhhhh.
I hope that was an inadvertant reference to the most vile webscene ever created… (if you dont know what I am talking about god bless you!)
Actually, it was a deliberate reference, although I’ve never seen it myself.
Well then Im glad I caught it, and it was not wasted. Bravo! I cannot watch that video….and I am a depraved soul lacking any moral integrity.
Yes, thank you. Truth be told I thought it was fairly clever and was secretly hoping someone would notice.
Notice what?
*ducks*
*Takes note of ducks*
*wags tail*
Well……….
It DOES have something to do with ‘tail’
I am always chasing tail.
I’m telling your fiance!
*spins in circles*
hee hee, I’ll catch you, one day.
I regret to inform you you may have worms. Spinning is trouble, but if you start scootching across the floor on your butt, go to the vet, stat!
It was most decidedly advertant.
Thank you for the blessing, but I’m starting to get a really shitty feeling, after reading the comment from Graymatterz…..
*dry heaves*
*administers 200cc ginger ale*
http://aquarius.futurewebspace.co.uk/ngdt.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=60&Itemid=63
Hmm… something’s fishy here. Crappy official-looking page surrounded by borked links? Methinks we have an attempt-at-faking-a-fail FAIL.
I was about to say, there’s a select group who probably could oblige; being male-to-female transsexuals before they’ve been on hormones – at least before they’ve been on them too long to be – ah – productive.
But it turns out the DSM-IV has that down as a mental disorder. Ah well…
Maybe I should donate some of my eggs.
Im never able to understand failblogs comments 0.o
1: Learn ENGLISH
2: Reread FailBLOG Comments
3: Safety
4: Understand
5: PROFIT!
I’m still waiting for my check.
Perhaps you haven’t been SAFE enough?
OSHA people do monitor FailBLOG for compliance issues.
I think that you’ve just been holding out on me.
And didn’t you know Big Brother is watching?!
*gets out from behind curtains*
Sorry it just me.
So YOU’RE the one who’s been keeping the government in a constant state of war and brainwashing the populace?
Shhh…it’s a conspiracy.
*runs way*
you will never find me!
Slips in gives an “a” slipts out
I give up. I am taking my “t” and leaving.
*slips in, takes t, splits*
Wasn’t that a song by the Stylistics?
I assumed he was referencing Napoleon from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure at Ziggy Piggy…
Ah! My bad.
Really? I assumed I was referencing Jules’ earlier comment… but I could be wrong.
you know, come to think of it, i wonder were the dude who posted this fail found the picture……
if it at least WAS dude, that is
Totally off-topic, but clickie for a highly amusing article for our yankee friends.
Safe Sex, ya know
Boooooooooringggggggggg!
lol sorry, that wasn’t supposed to go there:)
Is that how they teach kids about safe sex?
No, that’s with the banana and 8mm filmstrips.
Im surprised that Sperm Donor Fail immediately proceeds Load Limit Fail. Failblog certainly has its mind in the gutter……………Excellent!!
You must’ve been clicking on the “G-rated” fail link if you’re still surprised by this…
I smell a cream pie!
I’m suddenly not hungry anymore…
I came just to read this.
You could have donated that! Now that’s one more thing the women have to do… So insensitive.
Well, I hope it was worth the journey across the interwebs, you’ve come a long way.
Interesting that if a guy wanted to donate to a particular person he would still have to fit the criteria. Whereas if they did it the old fashioned way, it wouldn’t matter. There seems to be something wrong with that.
Same for adoption. But welcome to the monkey house.
Well, the doctors and technicians wouldn’t get all that money if they did it the old fashioned way.
Maybe they could work out a deal of some kind that benefits everybody.
I understand not allowing just ANYONE to be an anonymous donor. But if the two parties involved decide to go about it that way, what then?
As Keanu said: “You need a license to have a dog, you even need a license to fish, but any moron can have a kid…”
I thought it was “but they’ll let any but reamin a$$hole be a father”?
*ahem*
“Butt reaming”
No, I am NOT gonna need the bukkit for this one, thank you.
Hermaphrodite win?
doesn’t qualify gentic disorder.
Due to a different genetic disorder, I could never be an egg donor. Or even HAVE children for that matter.
*saddens for Avis*
Looks like they are just getting women to go out and gather the sperm in the field for them. Looks like a cost saving win to me!
Why fail? Are you discriminating women?
FAILblogger women are discerning women, at the very least. Of course they discriminate.
Yes, as a matter of fact I AM picky!
^5 Avis!
Woohoo!
For further proof of this, see Christopher!
Me 2.
YOUR HEAD ASPLODE
They’re not going to find ANYONE who qualifies. Are there any 18-45 year old women that DON’T have a history of mental disorders?
I don’t think there are too terribly many men who qualify either, so it’s a moot point.
You know, I feel so dirty
when they start talking cute
I wanna tell her that I love her,
but the point is probably m00t
LOL. that iz funy!nthey rote potentialA, but wiht that little squigly thing above it. waht a fial!!!!!1
ZOMG it luks liek a peeniz!!!3*37!!!
Hey, Aja, how’s your Friday goin’?
The real fail here is that the finder was finding out how to donate sperm.
I found this. Actually I am female, and was researching it with a (female) friend, who is unable to have kids with her partner, and we spotted it together. Although it’s good to know that I can donate sperm myself if I ever want to in the future, being a healthy woman of sound mind and all…
Y’know, if it’s healthy women they’re seeking who *have* sperm…there just *might* be a mental disorder or two involved.
superfail!
Thank you for reminding me of my favorite movie from when I was 8.
.
“After a power source for the community of Krypton survivors is accidentally whisked to earth, Kara-El, cousin to Superman and niece to Jor-El, chooses to go to earth to find it, and bring it back. Upon her arrival, she becomes just a powerful and Super as her cousin, but encounters dangerous battles and unexpected obstacles when a mean spirited woman who practices rituals of the occult takes the power source for herself, and uses it to cause destruction and attempt zenith human status.”
IMDB
Thanks, Dilly! I missed the episode where Kara made her debut!
O my God !
http://www.agoravox.fr/article.php3?id_article=52237
woah hold up i never knew there were places like this
wrong gender, fool!
A woman donating sperm? Hmmm that’s interesting…
Darn, I’m an unhealthy woman with a mental illness. Now I can’t donate my sperm.
GIRLS CAN CUM TOO YOU KNOW!
(Different liquid, but they can do it too you know!)
GIVE THEM A CHANCE, DAMNIT!
Or does the Ad secretly involve the whole ‘going Green’ and ‘Recycling’?
What!? It’s important that the patient doesn’t have a mental disorder.
Hahaha, nice one!
Wow, I can’t believe this many people didn’t get it … if you read the entire thing then you’ll notice that the donor is in fact for males, they’re talking about the FEMALE recipients.
nah, that particular line says sperm DONORS must be healthy women
I know plenty of women with sperm.
let me tell u something cum cum cum
LOL Well my mom can go donate sperm XD
somehow i think ‘female sperm donor’ and ‘no history of mental disorders’ is asking too much