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Cheezburger Network Blog
FIRST…TSRIF
T-T-T-TAZER!!!
R-R-R-RAZER!!!
I’m firing my L-L-L-LAZ0R!!!
P-P-P-Paraffin..
C-C-C-Connection fail
E-E-E-Erection fail
D-D-D-Direction fail
C-C-C-Combo breaker!
thats great
C-C-C-Conversation fail
I want to Tessellate!
This is Sparta!
Sp-Sp-Sp-SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
F-F-F-FAIL
P-P-P-Pick Up A Penguin
C-C-C-C-Count with me!
One! Glass of champagne for me.
Two! Glass of champagne for you.
Three! Do the rolex sweep… Do the rolex sweep…
errrrr…. I dont get it… xDxD
T-T-T-T-Terrapin
everybody sing along!
I’m with you elmo
T-T-T-T Transformers D-D-D-Dance!
Jeez buddy…. Bit ‘O Stutter on your biscuit?
Or how bout Tourete’s ?
P-P-P-Powerbook! (Props to whoever gets that one)
for the guy who said combo breaker…
even tho he didn’t break it
ALOL
Fail spelling. Its.
IMA FIRIN MA LAZER!!! BLARRGHH!!
Hope I pointlessly educated you with my intertube IQ..
“its” = possessive
“it’s” = it is
I hope I pointlessly educated you with my grasp of the English language.
Hehehe… I love you and your choice to correct the bad grammar of people you don’t know. It’s almost like you’re me. =)
My mom says that if we don’t stop using slang and text-type like LOLZ and OMG, 10 generations from now no one will be able to communicate or spell.
TJTLT: They’ll just talk like this.
My mom has a weird mind…
That’s what she said?
There’s a reason we “Spell” words, just as one might cast a spell
MOAR SHOOP DA WHOOP, Un!
^^Win n.n
SHOOP DA WHOOP!!!
Fail. It’s:
Ima firin mah LAZAR
wow what a loser
yea i just talked about myself
lol, fourth
yeh i just talked to myself too haha
Touché
Douché
Boucher
Soufflé
parfait
where?
There.
you see?
Flu sea?
Flu Season
*cough cough hack*
K-PHO!
Good thing I have some Kleenex handy…
Douché ? What the hell is that…
Interjecting this here since people have no freakin clue what this is about. It’s supposed to say “Father or Salmonella victim.”
Ok they are not saying this guy INVENTED salmonella nor is his kid named that.
This man’s 3 year old son in the picture was one of the many people that contracted Salmonella in this outbreak linked to peanut butter.
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/nation/politics/bal-te.fda15feb15,0,3869142.story
I couldn’t care any less.
Think its supposed to be Father of Sam and Ella (2 kids in the screen shot)
what’s great is that there is a baby in the background. I wonder what his other kids are called? Meningitis?
At least he didn’t call his kid adolf hitler
Okay, I get it now. It refers to the colour of the daughter…salmon Ella.
I’m going to go to hell for this, but.. doesn’t the daughter kinda look like a muppet? Like the mom is a ventriloquist operating her?
I was actually thinking that the mum’s cheekbones remind me of the doll from Saw. Plague puppets of the apocalypse.
There’s a MUMIN! Father mumin!
LOL! She does! Both kids for sure have an unhappy expression on their faces.
You would too if the doll from Saw had its hand up ur bum.
Ma na ma na. Do doo, do-do-do.
Gottle of geer?
MANA MANA!!
Do doo do-do.
Mana mana!!
Phone. Brrrr-ring! Yip yip yip yip yip yip.
Ok they are not saying this guy INVENTED salmonella nor is his kid named that.
This man’s 3 year old son in the picture was one of the many people that contracted Salmonella in this outbreak linked to peanut butter.
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/nation/politics/bal-te.fda15feb15,0,3869142.story
Did he invent salmonella or did he name his daughter that?
I heard his wife named her, after she was morning-sick for three months.
*ROFL*
Perhaps it was the rotten pork 9 months ago? *g*
Pork. The one you love.
Peter Hurley – the other white meat.
That’s why I stick with Alex’s meat – it never makes me sick. It’s kosher.
I hope you don’t remove its yarmulke prior to eating…
I always pictured Salmonella with orange hair.
Both, she is named salmonella and also anything she touches becomes infected like the Midas touch but for a disease.
His partner doesn’t look like raw chicken.
Really? I couldn’t tell the difference. Course, the blindfold didn’t help.
But is she a rotten egg?
Just let me get the ballgag out, and we can ask if she licked the bowl.
You wouldn’t believe the sibling rivalry that goes on.
I can kill more people than you?
People tend to get all weak at the knees when they meet her brother, Malaria.
They get hot under the collar when they meet her sister, Scarlet ‘Fever’ Hurley.
Her uncle Alan Ian Denzel Sam Hurley isn’t too popular.
I heard her hot aunty isn’t afraid to mump.
Is that aunt Bartonella who married Richard Plague?
Pfffft – she turned-out to be a parasite. I heard he wound-up with Syphi.
Her uncle’s got to be the worst though old uncle Paul Io.
Shes also Spanish i think her name was Flew Enza
F*** me, but I can’t see the Flux Capacitor.
It’s in the DeLorean in the background.
And I’ve never seen MJF with jewelery on before. He looks…older?
Then it’s not him. He never looks older!
That’s global warming for you.
Finally!
*dreams of palmtrees in northern Germany*
With global warming England will get colder. Woopwoop. Dunno about mainland Europe.
Then you’ll have colder rain? That will boost tourism…
We were planning on turning England into a Waterworld-themed amusement park.
Does that include Kevin Costner in any way?
Doesn’t everything? Everything he does, he does it for us!
As if Gods omnipresence wasn’t enough!
You mean Morgan Freeman? What else do you think him and Kevin did between takes on Prince of Thieves? They planned there global domination!
We’re doomed. Can we have Bush back?
What has been shaved, cannot be unshaved.
You’re such a smooth talker.
But it can be gown back to shave again.
Or brazillian waxed?
What has been waxed cannot be shaved.
Maybe this news show has come back from the future to show us what will happen if we don’t stop what we’re doing?
‘If you don’t start conserving energy and stop destroying the planet, this is what will happen to MJF!’
But whadda guy, hey. Even in the future family ties are important to him.
Yes, but he has come back to put the frighteners on us.
I wish I could work out the secret to his success.
He did it all the hard way, don’t know if I could do that.
Rumour has it he was a teen wolf and never grew out of it. We may never know the truth, though. From that point onward, it’s all spin city!
The Minnesota Justice Foundation?
It seems it is a fail on behalf of the technician putting up the titles. Peter Hurley’s son Jacob was sick with salmonella poisoning from crackers with peanut butter.
So I guess it should have read: “Father of salmonella victim”. But that would not be funny, of course.
If I ate crackers with peanut butter I’d be pretty sick of salmonella poisoning too.
Has he invented new and bizarre ways of getting salmonella? This is getting ridiculous. When I was growing up you got salmonella from improperly cooked eggs and chicken, that was it. We stopped licking out the cake bowl for fear cake-mix was DEATH! Now with the internet and everything you can get salmonella from peanut butter and tomatoes.
God-damn scientists. I think we should burn them to the ground.
It’s called “progress”. When I was a kid we didn’t even know what Salmonella was. People would just drop dead in the middle of the street.
Of course, that was after they were hit by a bus, but still.
Holy mongoose in a cupcake, you can get salmonella from being hit by buses too?
Of course. If they’re covered with peanut butter.
Kinky buses, I like it.
*puts on conductor’s cap* Flickets please…flickets please…
I licked the cake bowl uphill both ways, barefoot in the snow, and I never died.
Humph.
Luxuries! We used to DREAM of licking the cake bowl uphill! Why, when I was a youth, we didn’t even have bowls! We had to lick newspapers.
And walking barefoot was for the richest only! I had barbwire wrapped around my feet – and I was grateful!!!
Newspaper! Newspapers! You were spoilt! We had a pencil drawing of a newspaper article about uphill bowls we used to lick. Then when we died of lead poisoning we were told to get over it.
That’s nothing! When I was young they hadn’t invented tongues or walking! Everyone used to just sit there motionless. It was depressing.
I couldn’t afford a depression back then. We didn’t have moods at all.
Neither could we! Scientests only discovered that what we were experiencing was depression years later!
Pffft. When I was a kid, scientists were drawing triangles in the sand!
You had more than one angle?!? Rich kid…
YOU HAD ANGLES?!
Lead? All we were allowed were those stupid graphite pencils. No matter how many I ate, I couldn’t go blind.
But it re-defined doing the crossword in the toilet.
And also re-defined the term ‘pencil pusher’.
I wash eggs before I use them. But then, I am crazy.
Haha, that is odd. Do you wash them in their shell?
Washing them BEFORE usage but outside their shell would be pretty messy.
Washing them is unecessary though. The heat from cooking them will kill any nasties, and I doubt you’d eat them raw
Well, I do like the yolks underdone. Plus, I am neurotic. I love the smell of bleach… so… sanitary.
Haha, do you also iron your newspapers just to make sure the ink is dry and therefore won’t leak onto your skin and give you ink poisoning?
No, I just make somebody else hold them and turn the pages.
Ah, of course. Penguin butler?
uh uh.. I think you gave Mookie a new phobia… just don’t tell her about the water snakes in the toilet, k?
Haha, it’s not the water sakes in the toilet that are worrying… it’s the sharks they attract…
I love how spiders hide in clean washing, and are waiting inside the arm holes of those blouses. Cooky little guys.
Oh, yeah, the funnelweb. Cute little bugger.
When we went to austraillia we accidently smuggled back a spider in a hat.
I wonder if the little guy was deadly…
Spiders? Hmmm… I guess the rats ate them all.
Haven’t seen rats in years. The rabid dogs hunted and killed them all.
Don’t worry, the psychopathic velociraptors will take care of the dogs! First the dogs, then you.
So…when you say ‘take care of’…umm…
You never know what psychoraptors will do. That’s what’s really bothering.
As long as you have zombie snowmen around, you really shouldn’t worry about psychoraptors.
Let’s just hope Chuck Norris doesn’t find out about our fear of zombie snowmen and psychoraptors, or he’ll think we’re pussies.
Why ‘inventor fail’?
Fail for inventing something so harmful and then appearing on television giving everyone a warning… ruining everything.
Have you seen those kids’ test scores? *makes plummeting sound* Hey-oh!
Is he the son of Steve ‘Silk’ Hurley? It would explain a lot.
*jacks his body*
*steals shoes and replaces them with bricks while you’re jacked up*
You know you’ve left me vulnerable here to anyone who wants to try and get the sub-woofer out?
I’d heard your tweeter was something to behold as well.
You’re beholding it next to the potato, aren’t you Mikey?
I did not have sexual relationships with that potato.
I did!
Isn’t “hurl” the same as “vomit”? If so, Salmonella Hurley is even better.
Tee hee!
Well Mr. Hurley, have you ever asked yourself why you and your wife both have brown hair and your daughter is a redhead?
Hmmm.. I wonder.. is red hair a recessive gene?
I think it is. But don’t you ruin my little joke with your cold rationality!
oh, sorry! i didn’t read that til too late?
that’s okay we all make those mistakes sometimes?
it is. but as with all recessive genes, its possible that it will act as a dominant gene in some cases. ie. it is possible for two dark parents to have a blond child if one of the grandparents is blonde.
it’s rare, but it does happen.
Im blonde and my dad has black hair… im still trying to find the blonde milk man
Winfail!!!
I’d try to convince him it was from a dirty toilet seat. Guys always buy that one.
Girls keep telling me that they NEVER sit down on public toilets. But then again, sperms can jump up to two feet.
Those little guys really do have the fighting spirit.
Mine won’t jump for feet.
Yours are well trained, I see. Can they roll over and fetch?
As you know I’m German, therefore I trained mine to goose-step. Looks impressive!
Video please!
That will cost you…
Mine can’t jump… but I am trying to train mine to grab a drink out of the fridge…
At least one of those buggers should make it back.
Suwari waza, I guess.
*looks shocked at the DrB*
towel
Cloth!
fabric?
I think it’s a hearing/spelling fail. He actually told the producer that he was the father of Sam, and Ella.
he gives salmonella to all his girlfriends because his bird is undercooked
http://www.lowbrowsophisticate.com/category/grady-ocorn
I had to look it up to see what the deal was. Turns out that Peter Hurley is the father of one of the people who got salmonella from peanuts.
He’s “publicly denounced” the Peanut Corporation of America.
If anything, this is actually a news broadcast fail. It should have read “Father of Salmonella victim.”
Here’s a link: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/399552_peanut11.html
Yeah I posted that same thing earlier but these people are obviously to ignorant to read and keep asking and saying the same things over and over. I guess you can’t argue with idiots.
Or we do understand the explanation, but prefer to take it as a fail and laugh about it…
FIRST!!!!
This guy infected my sister!!!
No that was me…
Well to be fair to the dad, that baby does look rather pink and undercooked.
Is it just me or does that baby look like she has a some variation of a cracked bowling ball on her head?
The mother appears to have the beginnings of tusks growing out the side of her cheeks…what an animal!
Daddy?!?
Is that redheaded baby salmonella?
Sal Monella runs a pizza joint in Philly. This is his dad?
Not only do I shudder at the nascent tusks, but what’s with the goo dripping out of her ear and pooling around her neck?
FIRST!!!!
FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
What up wit dat saw puppet wife? I bet Peter slipped her the hot salmonella injection. W00t ZOMG OMG LOL PONIES!!!
also, let’s not forget “Cute, not weird looking baby fail”
I don’t see anything.
um, that’s princess mary and prince frederik of denmark. who the hell submitted this?
I submitted it. Are you seriously trying to say this image is of royalty in Denmark? That is a fail in itself.
Both kids are looking down in shame.
whats with that baby?! weird…
I don’t get this.
my mom works with this guy he was pretty embarrassed lol
At last I know the identity of my true father!
if you do a gene test you’ll find that the dude is not you’re biological father, I am, my son.
oi Johnny are you sure? because i remember we both slept with Salmonellas mom at the same time true?
He looks like Russel Crow, don’t ya think?
I don’t get it.
And his wife olga inventor of small pox!