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See, they should’ve used a BLUE cable, not a red one.
exactly what I was thinking AND thank you for getting here before the Firsts and seconds of the world
((bows)) I try my best to beat them every day.
And that is why we love you!
Aw, thanks! After that dentist appt from Hell yesterday, I can use all the love I can get!
How’s your tongue?
It’s been better. I bit the right side last night while trying to not bite the left side. I’ll be glad when all of this is a memory. Thanks for asking!
Damn! Now watch the tip of your tongue, don’t destroy it completly.
OOooouchie. I’m sure there’s someone around here who will offer to kiss and make it better, velvet.
*raises hand hesitantly*
What can I say… I’m a romantic at heart…
Bromantic as Bart?
12th.
13th
3:25?
While tazing and tossing into the bog is the best thing for them, nevertheless a good beating on the way to the bog has a lot to be said for it.
This is a win.
this may actually work…
no, it wont, since the car will be able to break the lock with ease LOL
No, the lock won’t break. That lock could easilt hold up to the power of the car, and it’s a routed through an aftermarket towing hook which is MADE to withstand the force. The pole can obviously hold it. This is a FAIL for the person who called it a FAIL!
Nugget! One good tap with a hammer will break one of those locks, there’s no way it’ll restrain a car!
this is definitely a win.
if you were to try and drive off with that lock still hooked on,
the bumper panel – license plate with it – would be ripped off.
no way that cable breaks, and it will be much easier to spot the car
now that it has an obvious defect.
I was going to do that… thanks for getting here
firsbefore me.I got my avatar to work at the cost of my name
nvm I just get some random errors at times
You can change your name back on here. I had to put a 1 on the end of velvet for gravatar, but I don’t need it here. Just log out of FB, close the browser, and re-open the browser so you can change your name.
Figured it out but thanks
Why did you choose that avatar?
I searched emperor and dragon this showed. I have always been fascinated with dragons but emperor happens to be a recurring screen name and voila.
Though no reference to the house dragon
After yesterday, it’s hard to believe that it is a coincidence.
how so?
cmon
its not changing…
even after I altered it on gravitar
It has changed. Clear your browser cache to see the updated avatar.
where do I clear the cache?
got it
Monologues are normally frowned upon in the fail blog.
Sadly it was not my aim. But thanks for the heads up.
i only found out today how to add one or I’d of had one all along.
But i sense that this will be a recurring problem, so I fold. A new image it is.
You’re one up on me… I haven’t added an avatar yet… Not sure I know where I would add it anyway.
down below
gravatar.com aikiwaza
Many thanks… huh… never knew this existed.
YW. Glad tuh be of assistance.
Calvin rocks! Great gravatar, aiki!
I thoroughly enjoy the antics as well as the sarcastic wisdom of Bill Watterson. Glad to see that there are other fans!
My favorite one is where Calvin climbs out of his window, walks to a pay phone, calls home, and says “Hey mom! It’s 2am! Do you know where I am?”
a classic… I enjoy the one where Calvin is afraid to leave the bed for fear of a monster, so he ‘relieves’ himself out the window and his father in the morning wonders why the rose bush isn’t growing well.
My favourites are the first one when he catches Hobbes with a tuna sandwich, and when Calvin drags Hobbes to see an antelope, to reveal it was actually an ant eloping
Another great one… I think Calvin and Hobbes is one of the few comics where it would be hard to find one that isn’t at least ‘good’
*grabs bat, hides it behind his back, and waits for the dispute*
That and Gary Larson’s
I agree, there aren’t many.
I love the comics when Calvin made snowmen. Those were always the best.
Gary Larson… also good. I had the complete collection from Larson at one point. It’s funny (not ha ha) that it went missing when my roommate moved out.
I always loved the philosophical conversations Calvin and Hobbes had whilst barrelling down a hill on a sled at eighty gazillion miles per hour, only to be pitched off a cliff at the end.
Meh. Larson is occasionally the funniest cartoonist in the world but often he makes me go “Oh. A cow. Standing up.”
Calvin and Hobbes, however, I have found funny pretty much most of the time.
That would be cool, dragon!
Did you nest wrong, Velvet?
Let me help you across…
velvet nested as best she could, what with a sore tongue and all.
True. I had forgotten about the tongue.
Poor Velvet.
Hey, c’mon now. Maybe she thinks it would be cool to have a philosophical discussion whilst barreling down a hill on a sled at eighty gazillion miles per hour and then falling over a cliff! Didja think of that?? HM?
No, I didn’t.
Why don’t they look? Why don’t they listen?
How can I chose an avatar?
Go to http://www.gravatar.com and sign up. Then upload a picture. Then come back here. It takes a few minutes for the picture to catch up.
You know…we should just create a Failblog FAQ website somewhere and direct all questions there. Maybe Ben would be willing to post a link to it over on the sidebar or something.
The whole ‘how do I get an avatar’ conversation is an important rite of passage, though, no?
When you care enough to ask, you care enough to be here. That’s what I think. Sometimes.
*looks wistful*
If we asked nicely, maybe POB would put the FAQ to song.
Oh sure, do one little song once and all the sudden you’re the song guy. Do you know how much pressure this puts me under?
.
I actually roffled when I read your comment.
Just kidding.
Thank you velvet!
(An FAQ would be nice – I had tried to find it out by myself, had even “Register”ed at the top of this site – but hadn’t worked…)
and thirds
Dude. Orange is complementary to blue.
You got to attach the blue wire to the blue car makes perfect sense. A red cable gets attached to a red car and so on through the colo(u)r spectrum.
Blue is insulting to orange, however, casting epithets both enigmatic and vulgar in orange’s general direction.
Orange totally started it, though.
Can we keep religion out of this?
color fail
Red wire? Blue wire? Red wire? Blue wire?
Green Wire! Or is that black? I hate being color blind.
That’s right… You’ve got to accessorize.
*winks at velvet*
((hug)) Still no smooches. In my attempt to eat dinner without touching the left side of my tongue, I bit the right side of my tongue. So, I’m sleep deprived and hungry.
.
Hold me!
Consider thine self held, fair damsel! And also, OUCH!! Tongues are way too tender to be drilled through, I gotta say, and I hope yours gets better fast.
You might consider buying some Betadine (NOT the scrub) at the drug store and applying a SMALL amount to said injury a coupla times a day. Don’t get carried away; it’s poison. But it’s also the best topical antibiotic there is. I’ve done that a coupla times when I bit my tongue in my sleep…
I have a suggestion get some of those vitamin shakes like Carnation or Ensure. When I had a bone graft placed in my mouth it was the only thing I could use for substance.
Yeah, I’m giving serious consideration to a Slim Fast for lunch and dinner today.
ROFLCOPTER ZOMG!!!!11
no the cables not connected at all XD
Okay, it’s a VW Polo dancer.
I don’t know why but that statement kind of bugs me.
*listens for groans*
*Groan*
Glad I could be of service.
*moan*
Sorry, sorry, did it wrong -
*moan*
Dammit!
Good joke. Wrong Car (It’s a VW Golf).
I thought it was clever. But now I have to Jetta off to lunch.
You sneaky DeVille you.
*sign, sign, passat*
This string is starting to Bora me.
This thing is starting to Beetle me. Wait, that didn’t work the way I wanted.
You were trying to Bug us with that one.
It sends you Lupo?
Hes all Rabbi(d)t about it. Man VW has some crazy names for their cars. Bugs and rabbits.
They certainly have some Fox-y names too.
Yugo on and on…
I would add to this thread, but I don’t want to temp Phaeton.
We are quite set adrift in the seas of pun in our little Caravel(le).
And it has been hitting the links a lot lately.
So it’s a Golf with a subpar theft deterrent system?
*claps with deference*
You wouldn’t think it necessary since that car is only good for putting around town.
Yet it’s still a fun drive.
You like it…? Join the club.
sorry, that’s really not my bag.
I guess we have a fairway to go before convincing you to join.
It could be a little rough trying to convince them.
i feel all this creative threading is driving a wedge between myself and my work. gladly now it’s time for lunch.. I think i’ll have an open-face club sandwich..
mmmmmm – open faced club sand wedge
A little birdie told me it was really good.
Anybody seen my birdie today? I want to tell her who iron into today.
Haven’t seen her yet. Hopefully she hasn’t fallen prey to any hazards, that would be ruff. Would you like some chamomile tee while you wait?
Does that come with a slice of pie?
no… but it does come with a wedge of cake
I’ve ordered up four so we can all share.
Mmm…cake. I’m hooked.
The cake is a lie; try to hit the sweet-spot.
Damn. Reading ahead fail on me…I got sandtrapped.
Here, hop in the VW and I’ll drive you clear of there.
If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club
(for the benefit of fellow Brits)
*SQUEEZE*
We used to bite off the ‘cl’ and run around shouting ‘UB!’ while displaying the ‘ub’ part of the biscuit.
I’m not entirely sure if my sense of fun is better or worse than then.
*SUCKWEEZ*
Was UB funny even then?
(! missing above)
Incidentally, we used to run around shouting “Big wow!” at each other. Nothing to do with clubs, though.
Yay! I remember going “BIG WOW!” when telling or being told unexciting news. Is that when you used it? I’d forgotten all about “BIG WOW!”. I see it making a comeback. . .
Totally! It was like “I’m so cool that NOTHING you can say will impress me.”
I’m ridiculously excited that you had that too. Where do you think it came from?
I’m excited, I’d forgotten the phrase even existed! It’s joining the list of 80s phrases I’m trying to bring back! Thankyou!
It must have come from a TV show that we watched as kids I assume? Some kind of Grange Hill or Byker Grove style affair?
Byker!! Aw noa mon! Yar al reet, ah reckn!
It’s PJ Mon. He canna see! There’s custard pouring from his eyes!
I know… I couldn’t resist the pun though.
they should have used some pritt glue stick, to max the effect
FIRST!!!!!!!
*taze*
*kicks PENIS several times*
*covers liberally with gas*
*lights match*
*waits to the flames die down*
*tosses in the fail bog*
Nothing like the smell of burnt troll in the morning!
*Yanks PENIS back out of the FAIL BOG, kicks him severely about the head and shoulders, lodges splitting maul between his shoulders, tosses him back into the bog.*
*smiles*
*Takes a picture
*Sends into failblog
I didn’t see the post from “penis” I only saw Jules’ post after it.. twas a mite confusing for me, until I scrolled up.
*raises tazer…*
isn’t a sloe a kind of berry? as in what they make sloe gin from?
Only when they aren’t in any hurry.
Penis.
Lindsay.
Linsay Lohan has a penis?
Insert backwards “b” in the middle of “Linsay”
Will you stop if she screams long enough?
only if she/he/it doesn’t have a penis.
You’ve been bogged *tosses JasonK back to whence he came*
Yeah…keep telling yourself that.
yet he returns every time
BACK troll, BACK!! The power of the BOG compels thee!!!
Rats in a lab won’t press the red button over and over again if it emits an electrical shock. They’ll go for the blue button that gives them food.
Lab rats 1 : Troll 0
*TAZE*
*TAZE*
*TAZE*
*TAZE*
*TAZE*
*TAZE*
*TAZE TO THE TUNE OF HUMPTY DUMPTY*
*TAZE*
SEVENTH!!!!!!!!
you’re confused aren’t you
Even if it’s told that – regarding his name – THERE shall be the brain in some male individuals
1, 2, skip a few, 99, 100
you’ve clarified his train of thought for me thanks
*attaches tazer to Penis’ penis, sets voltage on 9 kazillion volts, pulls trigger*
*hears sizzling a snap a crackle a pop*
Well hes ready for the bog now.
Doesn’t whatever you’re tazing have to be at least long enough to reach both contacts on the tazer?
An excellent point; I added the miniature troll appendage device to the tazer before letting him have it
*sigh*
Someone obviously forgot to set the troll-traps last night.
I think it was velvet’s turn, but she gets special consideration for the next coupla days, what with having two (2) holes in her tongue.
No, no, no, it was my turn. Sadly, as the mortgage was due this week, I couldn’t afford the
ammunitionbait for the traps. I sowwyDang. Well, I guess I can’t hold that against you.
How about you hold THIS against you instead?
*produces Avis and pushes her gently into Christopher’s arms*
*grins*
*produces Avis*? You said there was nothing up your sleeves!
Hey what a big bicycle!!
Why do girls always say this to me?
Nicely done, who needs the club when you have the chain!
Who needs the rope when you have the manacle?
Who needs the manacle when you have the gag?
Who needs the gag when you have the wood splitting maul?
Who need the wood splitting maul when you have the C4?
Who needs the C4 when you have the Motivation CD?
Who needs the CD when you have the magic wand?
Who needs the magic wand when you have the staff of power.
Who needs the staff of power when you have the Wunder Boner?
Who needs the Wunder Boner when you have… nvm… I’ve got nothing to top that.
Yeah, me either.
Who needs the Wunder Boner when you have the potato?
Bored people and/or sex addicts?
People with a rash from the potato?
People with a stash in the tomato?
people with no cash for the fellatio?
( i know it’s a stretch, but I tried )
Who needs the motivation CD when you can make your own motivational posters?
Who needs the gag when you have the spoon?
Who needs the spoon when you have a spork?
make it titanium and then your set
my set what?
Someone called?
There’s 19 before you, I’m afraid…
good fail!:)
What an idiot! Don’t they know that the horse power in the car is more then enough to break through that measly chain? I’d almost enjoy steeling that car, just to see the look on the fool’s face!
The ironic thing is this situation would make it more tempting for somebody to steal the car…
It’s like ten thousand spoons.
A freed ride and no accelerate…
the pipe its attached to is a pin that holds together the transmission. Rip it out and bye bye car.
pause
NOT.
It’s really attached to a grenade. If anyone tries to steal the car…
KABOOM!!!
It’s really attached to the trigger of a shotgun that the engine was built around, the barrel of which is where the airbag should be.
So this is the chain of events that leads to disaster?
Rube Goldberg would be so proud.
How about Whoopi?
Destroying your own car, but the thief don’t get anything. Hmmm..
well I’d hope you know how to put it back together again.
Its collateral damage. Is is acceptable collateral is the question.
anything to keep them from stealing the car, right?
it’s a VW golf…. you could tie to it a weak sapling with thread, and it would be immovable until you untied it.
LOL – yeah, really.
Power jokes aside, I’d pay good money to watch someone try to steal that thing and spend a few minutes spinning the tires madly trying to break that chain. It would be funny as hell!
I’d call this a “red neck anti-theft device”, which because of the “red neck” term is a fail.
Perhaps the driver of the car was not the one who locked it up.
Good call! Now that’s a funny prank!
Good soul, good karma, hey…am I the only one who thinks that ass is not that great?
Decent but not much junk in the trunk.
So if she asked you if those jeans made her butt look fat, you’d say no?
What butt? She hasn’t got one.
Well the question would be does she have a fat butt? If so then the answer would be, no because they would look normal and the jeans have nothing to do with it. Now if she does not have a generous posterior and her jeans made it look so then I would say. Those pants really don’t do you justice.
Of course, my horse
Hmm, didn’t realise making a Gravatar account changes all my stuff on here?
But still, the person stealing the car would need to break in without making the alarm go off, or hotwire it fast as hell.
My dads car was malfuntioning and if you opened the door it went off, even getting OUT of the car. The security guard came running out so fast he was there before the 3rd honk. He doesn’t get much action. He tackled my mom and me when the security panels went off. We didn’t even have anything…
I made a ramble.
Sharing your life story, fail.
Impressive anti-theft eqiupment!
equipment*
Bükkit
*squish*
*splish*
*swish*
This isn’t fail! Attatching a bike lock to a car and a lampost is a brilliant way to stop people from stealing your precious, precious bike locks…
Yeah, it should be an anti-theft WIN!
I wish I was smart enough to do that- everytime I ride my bike locks to work they get stolen
You’re not protecting your bike locks with a bike are you??
you have 2 fb accounts?
man, NO ONE is going to steal that pole now!
http://www.lowbrowsophisticate.com/category/grady-ocorn
I’d be perfectly inclined to steal this pole and run like hell:
http://failblog.org/2008/02/27/security-flaw/
CRITERIA FOR EPIC FAIL:
Imagine if the driver totally forgot about the chain and tried driving away… bringing the entire lamppost down and crashing on the car. NOTE: The chain lives.
chain win, car + lamp fail
Lol
That’s one smart dude…
He don’t want to get his shit jacked
I don’t think this is a fail. I think the bike lock was a prank and put there to mess with the car. There’s no way to move the car without breaking the bumper trim unless they can remove the lock.
lol, great idea. i never would have thought of that.
and now that u mention it, it makes a lot of sense.
It looks like the chain is threaded through the car’s tow hook.
*threads arm through the Admiral’s*
*tows*
*gets carried away*
*Doubts that Admiral is going to get a moving violation*
I bet you’re right
Volkswagen, the car of the people.
That pole ain’t goin no where.
not unless the car does
They locked the poles? Nazis!!
Next it will be the gypsies!
seem like a prank
Yeah, that it what I think…
I got it… it’s not anti theft, he’s trying to tow the lamp post away!
its a good prank to do on people
It usually works with bikes
It usually eats children.
yeah, this is bigger than a bike though. should have gotten a bigger lock for it….
With Both Penis and JasonK frequently visiting the FailBog, I’m sure it would have had a blockage by now.
maybe his parking brake is broken, and that keeps the car from rolling away….
duh, you just have to lift the car and cable over the pole and you could steal it.
pwned! owned! 111!!! whatever, I’m old.
first.
Photoshopped.
Bogged.
It was actually a rogue post that had been spooking the horses. Sick of waiting for the sheriff, the car took matters into it’s own bumpers and llaassooeedd it. (I have no idea which letters are doubled and which are not as every version of that word looks wrong).
What you have ended up writing is actually Welsh for “I think that’s my sheep you’re wearing”.
You left off the word “out”.
Hasn’t it dawned on anyone that maybe, just maybe, the pole and car are staging a sit-in?
You know, if the anti-theft system fits, attach it to your car.
he was jealous. a friend of his has a DVD player in his car, an he said “that’s nothing, I’ve got cable!”
nice.
shameful, but lol.
try using a plunger, and take it easy on the paper next time.
FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
Faaaiiiiillllllllll
i just put bricks behind the tyres of my corsa.
the problem with that is they can either remove the bricks.. or drive over them if someone steals your car, with what he did most criminals would either be to confused or be laughing to hard to steal it in time.
I say prank win
I found my new prank
Maybe the car has been clamped (which we can’t see). To remove the vehicle someone would have to damage either the vehicle, the lock, or the pole. Any of which would normally constitute a crime in most jurisdictions. When possession is nine tenths of the law, stopping someone else taking possession of your property is usually quite a good idea.
I made the 1000th vote!! w00t w00t, i feel rly 133T today..
Lol crazy people from Prague
If someone had a copy of your car keys but you want the car to stay put then cabling it to a pole could make sense.
dang he stole my idea.. now i will have to find another way to lock my car up
You people are bloody idiots. That cable is looped through the tie down which bolts directly into the frame so that car isn’t going anywhere unless it can tear that pole out of the ground!
I don’t think that car is going anywhere, anytime soon.
this just further explains my theory on VW drivers…. lol
Where’s my comment gone?
Have I even left one?
*scratches head*
This is actually smart…someone steals te car and the bumper could get ripped off, easy for the police to identify the vehicle xP
Or, they could just lock their doors.
haha n1 !!!
E- E- E-Xtrrreeme fail
The new VW so light you’ll need to tie it down.
hah
Well, that oughta do it.