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Cheezburger Network Blog
FIRST !
I WIN suckerrrs
Your crap fails to impress.
Your mom fails to impress.
childish comeback fail
Bewbs…you fail more than me. Now that’s an achievement.
No he doesn’t.
And who are you to tell, o malevolent writer of the dragons?
*gets popcorn and waits for the FOOOMING! to begin*
*brings along drinks* Woah, BF haven’t seen you in a while! Can I have some popcorn?
dive dive dive!
Hee! Nah…I knew my peeps would show up and support me, which is a much, much more painful punishment to a friendless troll than any *FOOOM!!*ing.
*offers everyone some freshly baked cookies*
*does not give a shit*
Woah, really, I do not care about having no one to support me. This now seems sad.
See? Exhibit A: If the troll really didn’t give a shit, it would not have posted at all. And yet, it felt the need to communicate it’s apathy, thereby negating it entirely.
Bwuaahahahahaa.
*takes a cookie*
yum
How are you going to impress your date, Britney, if you do not give a shit? I don’t blame you for being sad about being constipated.
Not quite. Just wanted you to know.
I really am not insulted in the least this time. You disappoint me greatly.
I am not going to continue responding to you as you will only come up with another borin and unfunny response that only your average peeps would laugh at.
Sad, man…
“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”
*didn’t know marshmallows could laugh, average or otherwise*
I think I’ll poke it with this stick a few times, to make sure.
*poke poke poke*
Laughing marshmallows? Pass the purple microdots!
Ahhhh, the fake indifference to insults. That makes him a cat. 3 troll I believe.
CHRISTOPHER!!!
*SMOOCHES*
Hi!
*Wraps arms around Avis and smooches*
Hey babe. What’s with all the crispy trolls around here?
It’s gotten to the point where they’ve been flaming themselves! We have barely had to lift a finger! Although I’m working up to a glower a little ways down the comments.
Hmm, interesting. Do you know that I can measure the potency of your glower in rads and greys? Weird. Remind me to never tick you off.
I think you would have to really try to tick me off. You and a very few others would really have to work at it.
I think I’ll stay on your good side. Because it is snuggly and addictive.
don’t feed the trolls. taze them.
Online Community Fail.
Somewhat late to the game, lends support to DW. *kicks THIS troll in the nads, too*
Sorry,had a lot going on lately. What’s new?
*HUG!*
We’ve missed you!
Thanks!
Yeah, I noticed your lack of comments as well.
’tis good to have your back around to banter with.
I was fairly busy all last week, not sure why
February, of all months, got so damned busy!
*pops back into the thread* Hello again, all!
Anyone want a sugar cookie with chocolate sprinkles?
Today’s limit is the usual two; penalties apply for taking more than the designated limit, including but not limited to being tazed, run over, hurled into the FAIL BOG accompanied by Blogmonster treats. etc. These cookies are not approved by the FDA or, for that matter, the UGA. Enjoy!
*cautiously takes two*
I still remember the horrors of yesterday.
*guards the cookie tray with tazer*
Remember, TWO, not THREE.
*takes one*
I’m game… chocolate sprinkles are my favorite.
Mmm! Cookies!
*takes two, gives one to aikiwaza*
‘Cuz they’re your favorite.
Ooh, has Dragon got a new favourite failblogger?
*leaks story to tabloids*
Many thanks…
*bows graciously*
No, BFF…just being nice to a newbie.
*wonders if Dragon was nice to him when he was new*
Free cookies you say takes one, takes a second. *looks around… backs off.. and retreats to corner watching the going ons of the room* *watchng learning the ropes*
I was a novelty for a while, then I just became a regular.
She was nice to me
All of you were.
It’s nice to be nice.
I’m pretty sure I was nice to you, Blue2th. You were funny and witty, and I think I offered you a cookie, too.
And +1 to PoB for the great movie quote!
I loved your name, Blue2th. I still remember the fail that inspired it.
*
Cookies! *takes one and noms on it in the corner* Mm… I love soft sugar cookies…
How can we only take two if the holy book of armaments, chapter 2, verses 9 – 21, says that we cannot count to 2 unless we then accept that we must then proceedest to 3?
And so sayeth the lord unto the goats, and the sheep, and the chickens, and the insects….
She’s Dragonwriter. Duh. Pay attention Ashley, you may even learn something.
*snork*
…It’s “Lindsay”, PoB.
Dayum, yours was the funniest post on this whole fail so far! Hee!
What’d I miss?
JasonK, whom I have dubbed Lindsay Lohan, is our new resident troll. It’s absolutely amazing how many people he’s managed to piss off so far. He keeps trying to match wits with me. You can imagine the results.
I wasn’t aware that you weren’t above killing an unarmed man, Dragon.
*Histerically* Leave Brittney alone! Leave him alone!!
.
Or not. I’m not bothered either way.
*wades through the double negatives*
Oh, I’m not. It’s just fun to keep them around to play with.
Like a cat with a mouse, her kind of play.
Watch out for the dangling participles and *gasp* misplaced modifiers as you wade through – in fact, here, take my grammar boots. Warning: Grammar boots do not protect against prepositions at the ends of sentences, as it has been determined that these are not sufficiently hazardous to warrant security measures.
I keep the double negatives around myself – they don’t not come in handy from time to time. Pejoratively speaking, of course.
How dare you talk about my dangling participles! I thought we were friends!
Erm…cookie? *offers cookie* You can even take an extra one beyond the limit of two, if it will make you feel better.
Just don’t get them too close to the outboard motor while wearing those tightie-whities.
NO WAY! I have tightiewhiteaphobia.
…Because then you will have a verb, followed by adjective and probably an expletive.
enjoys a cookie and continues to watch
I am allowed to have a free go of my own at one’s name. I think I know a bit more than you do, my shallow little angry bird
Hee! And yet you don’t know enough to know that PoB was addressing your question…not your “go at” my name.
Um… who did he think said that?
Jessica’s having trouble keeping us apart.
*Joins the angry mob*
I’m a end this once and for all *slashes* now that i’ve taken your ear off Jason you must wait for the second coming of jebus to have it healed
Oh, right, because we look so much alike. I forget.
Emp, I HAVE a knight in shining armor, I don’t need or want another.
Uug its not about you. Please don’t make it so.
*Looks for shining armor*
in the closet. hanging beside the lance.
Christopher, I can see it whenever you’re around.
*puts on GLOWER-protective shades*
*cleans armo(u)r with ShamWow!*
*hands over complete set of armor all products*
*GLOWERS*
*inspects damage*
I don’t know, Dragon, I could use your expert opinion here.
Hmmm….
*examines*
I’m afraid this one suffers from “Oblivious Syndrome”. This makes him, if not impervious, at least resistant to your *glower*.
Try some enlightenment first, THEN go in for the *glower*.
Ah, thanks. But doesn’t he seem to be resistant to enlightenment too?
*hands Avis a two-by-four*
This should help.
excuse the bird pun but 2X4’s are duckable
Rocs or Finches? What do you think Dragon?
Sounds to me like he opted for ducks!
Ducks it is!
*sends enormous flock of ducks to harry Emp wherever he goes*
Archers at the ready!
LOOSE!
brought down all the birds of the world
You realize all the ducks are wearing arrow-proof armo(u)r, right?
*gasps* I cant believe its come to this
healers revive those birds they did her will and just punishment I shall receive. *Sits and waits until the time of punishment is over*
Silence befalls me, I just need to be accepted into the harem.
That’s why i took down all the birds of the world not the ducks they are land walked and easily killed by swords. But all the birds are fine now.
*sends a roc or three just to be sure*
Can you train them to get rid of all those run-on sentences?
Not at all as this is not a place of grammar. This is the internet and corrections made here are made by the pretentious. No ones perfect, but we all believe it funny to poke wit at others expense.
No, grammar corrections are made by the intelligent and (sometimes) intellectual. Camelot-period speech is used by the pretentious.
I still have plent of theoretical cars to drive over a cliff, into a polluted lake if we are having difficulties exterminating pests.
.
Just saying.
Hee!
The way we communicate says a great deal about who we are. Those who take the time and effort to communicate eloquently and with attention to how they sound and how they present themselves get my respect. Those who can’t be arsed to even try to to make the effort…do not. And yes…this applies to communication on the internet as well as in any other venue. All we get from you are your words on a screen. Do you really think those words make no difference as to how you are perceived?
Ask yourself what is the point of adding commas your sentences here? No one really minds what your sentence structure really looks like. As long as they get the message of your comment who really cares how its put together. Sorry if this is troll like. I’m obviously new to this as *GLOWER* means nothing to me but correcting a persons grammar doesn’t make you intelligent.
It just shows that you recognized pattern of words and regurgitated a rule that you learned applied to those words.
Dragon, they’re trained to unload on the trolls I send them after. I figure three are enough to bury him.
Christopher, After the birds do their thing, dung is flammable you know. And the birds could likely use the relief.
“As long as they get the message of your comment who really cares how its put together.”
Well, you obviously didn’t read my comment. Or you didn’t understand it. Either way, I think we must agree to disagree.
You perceive me any way you wish. For a perception is nothing but an idea of how you believe the person is like. Which often times is not correct.People who respond here trolls and the regulars alike shouldn’t be subject to judgment based upon the usage or lack there of grammatical rules. As you are an educated person in literature you yourself should be familiar with the old addige dont judge a book by its cover. Well in this case you don’t see the face you simply see the writing which acts as the cover for the true person behind it looking att the screen.
I’m somewhat afraid to see the droppings of a roc.
*covers car in tarp*
Time stamp dw time stamp
Meaning i was typing and not refreshing
Why is “here” different? What we do often becomes habit, and habit has a way of creeping into other parts of ones life.
If you didn’t care how you “looked” here, you wouldn’t bother to defend yourself.
Also, laziness with grammar leads to comments that, like that last paragraph, are painful to decipher.
I see words as the currency of our lives. If we spend them wisely we get a good return on our investment. If we are wasteful and spend them on empty ideas and ash, we get nothing. Words are not the cover…they are very much a part of who we are.
Actually i was irritated a bit by the fact the you regulars jump to conclusions on baseless reasons. But i defend myself as I do care how i look at time when I am responding to a serious conversation, not when making meaningless jokes about theoretical situations.
Funny dti the last paragraph was grammatically sound I’m not going to lie when I say i ran it through word first.
There’s no jumping to conclusions in our assessment of your communication. You are undeniably lazy with grammar. This makes your comments less enjoyable to read, and it makes you a less interesting personality in Fail Blog terms. *shrug*
Emp–that paragraph is full of sentence fragments and run-on sentences. I’m not making any judgments of you based on that…I’m just saying that Diana is right and you are wrong.
DW you’re subjugating there leave it objective words are not exchanged pushed out or returned in they are sounds/letters in order that we understand but funny thing is they don’t even have to be spelled right for us to understand them. They are simply a way of cmomucnatnig (purposeful) nothing more. Yes people may use them to represent themselves and blow up their reputation but thats not their purpose. Speak as eloquently as you like it proves nothing to the objective viewer as deep down it could be nothing more than bs.
Am i trolling?
Emperor, I love the way you accuse us of attacking on ‘baseless ground’ when you yourself are so aggresive towards us even Dragon is slightly taken aback. You not only completely destroy the meaing of us regulars (keep the peace, correct grammar if necessary) but you attempt to become a regular just like that. One comments section does not make you a regular, Emp.
I’m not saying I am a regular at all I’ve actually mentioned a few times that I am new here. You are correct I am heated at the moment. I will take my five to formulate a better response but I don’t understand your reply at all. Well what your message is.
I’m not saying that what you say isn’t important. Obviously it is. I am saying that how you say it contributes as much to meaning and to the presentation of yourself as what you say. Ask any writer or poet. Ask any journalist, any songwriter, any technical writer, any editor. It matters. If it doesn’t matter to you, then fine. But it seems to me that you are being the judgmental one for castigating those to whom it DOES matter.
Thanks Dragon. Like Dragon, I think you, Emp, should calm down and have a drink. You cannot just barge in here and yell at everyone that we are grammar nazis and other such disgraceful accusations.
I’m not reprimanding the correcting so much as the fact that you are focibly imposing it on everyone, so much so, that everyone tiptoes in the way they talk for fear of corrections. In any real sense does it hurt if you let your sentence structure go even for one reply?
No one is “forcibly imposing” anything on anyone, and I highly doubt that “everyone” is tiptoeing around in fear. If you don’t care about grammar, ignore our corrections. We police ourselves more than anyone, unless your grammar/spelling produces an amusing result.
P.s. Bondfan you’d be hard pressed to find a grammar or spelling error that wasn’t corrected. So my accusations aren’t as disgraceful as you might believe. As for the drink comment uncalled for.
“forcibly imposing”?
“everyone tiptoes”?
My dear Emperor, who do you think we are, the KGB? Everyone is free to structure their sentences as they like. It’s only the biggies that concern us. We even put fun into the corrections, with the bukkit. It’s their choice how they construct their words. We aren’t the Gestapo, you know.
Emperor, I don’t know why you are so offended by the drink comment. I didn’t mean alcohol, just a drink of water or tea. Methinks you think too much.
First of all, I didn’t force anything on anyone. I posted a comment that drew attention to the fact that you write in run-on sentences. That’s all I did…I mentioned it. By doing so, yes, I indicated that such structures annoy me. That is my own personal response to such styles of writing.
So…show me where I forced you to do anything. Show me where I made a judgment about YOU, or a comment about YOU, as opposed to something you said. Show me where I’m imposing anything on anyone. Show me where I said you were a bad or lazy person, or where I said someone was better than you. And show me where I made such a comment after every single one of your posts, since you claim that I cannot let it go for even one reply.
I said I respect those who bother to communicate clearly and with care, and that is true. I also said that I have less respect for people who “can’t be arsed”…NOT for those who have random typos or a once-in-a-while mistake.
And guys…please correct me if I’m wrong here, but I’m pretty sure that none of you are afraid of me or tiptoe around me in the fear that I’m going to jump on you and correct your grammar. Seriously…tell me here if I’m wrong about that, ‘kay?
The comparative is like saying God bless you to an atheist. I know that I have been lazy with my grammar. I’m not saying I don’t believe i it my example was just that an example. I’m actually on your side though. Guaranteed you will find me correcting someone else’s grammar in the future. I just enjoy discussing/arguing, more of the latter, I just felt it needed to be said. I don’t have much more for the counterpoint. I try and better myself each day like anybody else this felt like a down time place where you didn’t have to care. Now i know better and obviously will make a better effort. For all your troubles convincing me/discussing everyone gets three cookies. If that isn’t enough to put this past us then I don’t know what is.
Eep. That came out a bit longer than I’d anticipated.
Sorry for the tome!
Emp, you didn’t so much tiptoe in as you did stomp in wearing steel-toed boots. Demanding that an already established group bow to your whims. We have a set of “rules” that we play by because that is what happens in society.
You misunderstood I was asking for you to let the grammar go for a post but ts okay bygone is bygone.
But since I’m stubborn you did make a hint at a judgment or it could be infered.
Well, you obviously didn’t read my comment. Or you didn’t understand it., by saying I didn’t read or understand, that’s a reference to my intelligence as understanding someone is linked to being socially and intellectually on par with the other person.
Exactlly. Emp, just play by the rules, and you’re fine. When you start messing them up, the fuse is lit.
No, Emp…I honestly didn’t think that you’d read or understood my comment, since your subsequent comment completely ignored and actually spoke to the opposite of what I had written. I made no mention or judgment about your intelligence. If you inferred something that I in no way implied, that’s your problem, not mine. I don’t understand things I read all the time, and have to read them a second or third time. Does that make me stupid? No. And I made no such assumptions about you, either.
No doubt society has rules for exclusion and inclusion of peoples from groups and no one can forcibly make themselves part of a group I understand that.
I’m not trying to go above them simply making conversation. Because that is the easiest way to understand the people of a certain group, to engage them in conversation whether argumentative or peaceful both induce the same result. A better understanding of the others.
Drat – This took too long to type (I was being careful) so it’s now a few places too low. Oh well, I’ll post it anyway. Dragonwriter, I depend on you and the rest of the gang to correct my grammar or spelling when I make and then miss truly glaring errors. I, like you, pride myself on communicating effectively and (when possible
) intelligently. I personally find the bukkit and other devices amusing, inspiring camaraderie and general good humo(u)r among us. I enjoy never having to struggle to read people’s jokes and funny insights. If people who care about the presentation of their humo(u)r reread their posts once before clicking “Add comment” then so much the better. Just my $.02. Or .02¢, depending on your mathematical opinion. 
Oh, and Emperor? Engaging a group you hope to join in an argument does not produce the same result as engaging the group in peaceful, playful discussion. I think you’ve proved that pretty well today.
And let’s not forget that his initial argument was that I was “pretentious”, hm? And I’M the one who is judgmental??
I acted like the cornered animal I know that. I wish to pride myself on my words and got caught with my pants around my ankles. I know that’s what started this because I hate being wrong. Whats the bukkit? And many apologizes for the offenses I’ve created. I openly admit that I’m stubborn, its who i am.
How does one proofread when half of my sentences continue after the text box ends. I’m relying on blind faith at the moment.
That wasn’t meant as a personal attack DW so much as an
onymous statement but much rather ambiguous statement in generality.
Ok, I’m sorry, but I don’t understand that at all.
dti you forget the power of pity
The bukkit is what you dunk your head in when you make a terrible grammatic error. It is usually full of the bukkit user’s worst nightmares.
I have a feeling there is something wrong with your computer when you say the sentences continue after the text box ends. None of us have that problem.
multiple ideas and one post don’t mix like drinking and driving.
It’s not about pity – I genuinely have no idea what you were saying.
“The power of pity”? From you, Emperor? Oh good gracious.
Yes i can keep writing after the text box ends ie this is after the text
this appears box
No, I’m pretty sure she’s being serious. I didn’t understand
your comment either.
And BFF…many of us do have that problem. I just hit “enter” at the end of each line, and then delete the carriage returns when I’ve finished proofing my post.
No no bond why would I pity you I’m the one in need of it.
That’s what I was trying to say.
I think we may have a time delay issue with my posts I’m in Toronto and it says 5:17 but the other posts say 2:16 and such that’s why my posts will make sense in a bit I hope
I believe that BFF was pondering why you deserve pity when you have shown none to others this day.
Maybe it’s a browser thing, Dragon.
The type extending past the box is my enemy too. You have to either trust that you type well, or you can hit “return” to see the rest of the sentence. You can always go back and delete the “returns”. Or not.
The bukkit is how we acknowledge our mistakes. You’re supposed to dunk your head into it. And it is filled with the dunkee’s least favorite pudding. I have my own bukkit, as I seem to need it on a regular basis.
Dragon, that’s exactly what I meant.
It’s as if you have never suckled the milk of human kindness before, Emperor. It’s kind of sad, really.
Basically I was saying the whole argument started because I hate to be wrong and was caught in the process of being wrong. That was the main idea of the misinterpreted post, the rest BFF took care of. I also mentioned that I try to pride myself on my words but got caught not doing so. I apologized somewhere in there to anyone I offended.
Pity he can have, and welcome to it. Sympathy? Not so much.
Hmm. That may be stating things a bit strongly, methinks.
I think he just, as he said, got defense and flew to the attack. I think I may know another failblogger who has a tendency to do that…
(Though not to this extent, I will grant you!)
You guys do make it difficult to be sorry but I must endure.
Hee…! See? I do it, too.
BUKKIT PLEASE!
*slips an “iv” into DW’s “defense”*
Avis, do you still have the bukkit?
…I just realized how sketchy that looks.
Emperor, your choice of words amuse me.
“Endure”? We’ve endured quite alot of your comments, and you expect us to sympathise?
Ah, let him alone. He’s explained and apologized.
Here, Emp. Let me show you how it’s done.
*takes the bukkit*
*KER-SPLORTCH!!!*
Ewwwwwww…olive and ham pudding. PITOOEY!
O no sympathy please save that for situations that need it. I don’t believe there is something wrong in my life to warrant that. All the same ya I’m pretty strong willed and strong minded about my opinions, not my best quality but I have learned that I can let them go if need be which is a good asset. There’s
a breaking point, much like today, where I realized I was justwasting your time because I enjoyed the conversation. Like they say in the movies though the truth will set you free and so I let you know why I was still arguing.
Dragonwriter, I really hope that wasn’t the bukkit I ralphed into earlier when Christopher was talking about naked trolls.
*wipes face with handkerchief*
Please, Dragon, watch where you pitooey.
*pitooeys all over BFF*
So what else is there to know? Mind explaining the GLOWER?
Aah! Right, you asked for it, Dragon.
*KERSPLORCHes into bukkit*
*pitooeys at Dragon in machine-gun fashion*
Emperor, GLOWER is Avis’ way of glaring evilly at trolls and others who are quite irksome.
kills them in a way? or just the menacing stare
Just the menacing stare.
It has some acidic qualities at times.
And yeah, I’ve got a bukkit, but it would appear you guys no longer need it.
BFF! Spitting at Dragon?! Brave, very brave.
It’s okay. He missed every time.
BTW Dragon, new recipe up. You might like this one.
I wish you wouldn’t joke about angry birds. My favorite chinchilla was murdered by turkey vultures, and being the overly sensitive individual that I am, am insulted that you didn’t read my mind and automatically avoided the topic.
You didn’t think that we forgot, JasonK, did you?
Yeah, you still believe in fairytales eh?
Well I am happy that you cannot forger, because it shows how much of an impact I have on you.
Once again, I thank you very much for proving me that I am not forgotten.
So… you require me to validate your existence? Shrodingers asshole?
.
Hmm. It was the wind the entire time. Funny that.
you misspelled “forager”
Actually, he misspelled “delusions of grandeur”.
you are correct how did i miss it?
I have years of experience with this sort of thing.
Of those I respect you for.
I thought he misspelled “delusions of adequacy”.
Do you ever have anything to say that might be, hmm, relevant, funny, original, witty, or valuable? In any way?
I didn’t think so.
UGA UGA
Utah Golf Association?
Ugly gay affiliates.
United Grocers Association?
Unbelievably Gargantuan Aphids.
Unrealistically Green Apples.
unreal gun ammo
Uninformed Gatherers of Anecdotes
Society for Incorrect Acronyms?
Uniform Grade Average?
Bwahhh!!!
*blurts uncontrollably in a crowded office*
Nice one Christopher.
*returns glare of annoyed co-workers.*
unusually gelded aborigines?
Unholy grape atheist, surely.
Ack! RUN!
Unholy grape athiest, surely?
Wow well done, simplistic dumbass
POPCORN SHRIMP!!!!!!!!!!!
ONE ONE ONE FIRST ONE ONE ONE
FINALY MY DREAM OF BEEING FIRST HAS BECOME TRUE
Doesn’t help your spelling.
^Irony.
You have exceeded your caps limit for the day. You will now be charged $0.02 for each additional capital letter used today! Thank you for using FB, your business is appreciated.
$0.02 or 0.02 cents?
What’s the difference?
I guess it’s just a matter of opinion.
Actually, the difference is 2% of a dollar (2 cents) or 2% of a cent (.02 cents)…
at least, I think that’s the difference. Or maybe I’m just overthinking things.
It’s a reference to a previous fail. From about two weeks ago. Look it up, it’s funny.
That’s just a matter of opinion.
Jinx!
She beat you by a minute, according to the time stamps.
Close enough.
*gives Loz a Coke*
*cries*
Okay, okay!
*puts some rum in the Coke*
Get away from me with your awful yankee pigdog capitalist beverage!
)
(Leave the rum though
I have never seen a pigdog. you must send pictures!
*drinks capitalist beverage*
*munches cookie*
*googles pigdog*
results?
Don’t google the schweinhund! He doesn’t like it.
Too f’ing late dti, Ruuuuuun!
*runs*
*tazes the schweinhund with her E7000 before it can attack Bob or her* Relax, Bob. You’ll be fine.
*hops up on Diana’s shoulder*
Thanks Di! You’re so sweet!
*peeks down Diana’s shirt {{nice}}*
*removes Bob, by the tail, from her cleavage*
Bob, do you want to go play with the Fail Zombies?
*gestures to a nearby cage bulging with the undead*
I can arrange that.
Ack! Noooo. I was just looking to have a nap!
And i didn’t touch, just admired
greatly.
Cookie? *assumes cute begging pose #7*
*raises an eyebrow* All right, you may have one cookie. Next time I catch you down my shirt, however, I will throw you to the zombies without mercy. Capiche?
Please people, it’s a Cuba Libre!
*looks ashamed*
I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to be mean. Wanna cookie?
Yes! Rum and cookies! Sounds like a great flavour for ice cream.
*hands over cookies*
It wound have to be dark rum, I think. With some kind of lime sugar cookie? This could be good!
you hurt the rum?
Wow, that made my mouth water. Then I googled to see if anyone’s created such a treat – clicky name
*giggles at “Mount Gay” rum* ah, you have awoken my inner 12 year old…
Saint, it’s actually a very, very good rum. Or so they say. I don’t drink… rum.
We believe you, Avis, sure we do!
Actually, I don’t drink rum. Or any hard liquor really. Wine or beer sure! THe hard stuff just doesn’t agree with me. At all.
*KERSPLORTCH*
*sigh*
Oh, c’mon. That was hardly worth of the bukkit!
Now THAT, on the other hand…
Hand it over. Sheesh.
Hee!
*hands over the bukkit*
I think I set a new record for myself though! I didn’t really need it ’til now!
I don’t really think you need either, just so you know.
IM ALWATS 1ST FOO >:O
second
epoch!
Grimjaw, I have to ask. Do you know it’s actually spelled Grimmjow, or are you intentionally giving it your own twist?
Actually you are 1 + 1. And because saing ‘first’ is fail, you are Fail + Fail = 2Fail. (I deduct 0,01 for being precise, though).
Second!!!
*taze* fail
I PwND myself. FAIL
*tazes again*
You need a visit from the FAIL BOG monster.
*hurls into FAIL BOG*
Bog’s overflowing a lot these days; we need to import another MONSTER or three…
Zombies, I’m telling you! Zombies!!
Ooh, I know where we can find some…I saw the road signs. Brb!
Hurry! They’re swarming!
Geesh. The Nest Monster strikes.
The NestPest is back?? Damn.
Nah. Just my ‘magination, it doth appear.
When there is no more room in the bog, the trolls will walk the Earth.
No worries, the FAIL BOG is endless.
I created it while there was a rip in
the Space/Time Continuum. It just
looks small, but if you don’t stay on
the trail, you could be lost for eternity.
I feel like it’s my fault that I wasn’t here to make the first post a meaningful one. I let you guys down. I apologize.
*hugs velvet*
‘Sokay, V.
There, there…*pat pat pat*
We forgive you.
Are you blue, velvet?
No, I’m blue.
No, I’m blue.
Right. Sorry.
Thanks, guys! I had a dentist appointment to fix a cracked tooth. In the process of drilling, my tongue wandered over and was zinged by the drill. That’s gonna hurt soooo bad when the numbness wears off!
Owowowowowowowowow!
Did you WANT your tongue pierced?
Absolutely not! I know how much it hurts to bite your tongue. Icertainly don’t want someone to put a hole through it! I am dreading the next couple of hours since the numbness is starting to fade a bit.
*gives velvet some ice*
I was going to say, “Suck that!” but that just sounds rude.
HAHAHA! Thanks! I’m trying to eat a little something now because I know my tongue isn’t going to let me eat anything rougher than a milkshake for the next couple of days. The gash is a good 1/4″ long!
Ahhhhhhh
Do not want, do not want!
*holds tongue*
Just put Neosporin and a Band-Aid on it,
drink clear liquids, avoid outdoor allergens,
soak it steamy hot water every four hours
and keep it elevated above your head.
That is unsound medical advice.
Silent health ideas?
*looks somewhat askance at resident dragon*
*hugs velvet again*
*hugs dragon too, just for the hell of it*
Aw, thanks! I would ((smooch)) but I’m afraid of what else may go wrong with my mouth today.
What…?? I SAID it would be rude, so I didn’t say it!
it was implied…..*flees*
:p
Hence the “somewhat” askance
They are on Backorder from Monsters Inc., but I added 2 gross more or minature BOG Piranhas. That’ll help.
third :@
Submarine WIN!!
RIP Johhny sadly this was his first time in a boat.
FIRST ASIAN
first dutch
And fourth jackass.
We all live in the purple submarine…
*singing* In the town where i was born lived a man who sailed the seas
and he told us of his life… in a purple submarine
second!
counting is very hard my friend. I know
Another one in the idiot bucket.
Oh, good! You’ll have company!
I am a troll, not an idiot. I only act as one to fulfill my trolling business.
Man’s got to know his limitations.
Diana, you got that E7000 all warmed up?
You know it! That said, I prefer not to waste it on Jennifer here, because (a) it would short it out and (b) she’d enjoy it too much.
Wasn’t very funny
First Jew!
And I saw this on YT like a month ago :/
Sorry, but no you didn’t.
yes he did
No. He didn’t.
i swear! He did
Well… maybe.
I sweat! He shit
Wait…do you know that there is no other Jew here? :O They’re spying on us!
*declares himself a Dodekatheon believer and yells FIRST DODEKATHEONIST*
Nice try, Mary-Kate, but true Dodekateon believers refer to themselves as Dodekateonologists.
Trust a moron like you to be utterly mistaken.
Actually, Paris, some of my best friends are Dodekatheonologists. Although I myself am not a Dodekatheon believer, I am quite well versed in the tenets of Dodekatheonology.
It is not called Dodekatheonology. Stupid! Your friends and wikipedia have spoiled your mind, don’t argue about things you do not know.
Ooohh, Mandy’s got her panties in a wad!
Now on Anita up there, would it be around her waist or her head? Troll anatomy somewhat bewilders me.
.
It doesn’t help that no one has ever seen one naked.
*projectile vomits, barely managing to grab the bukkit to catch it all* Why on EARTH would you even mention such a horrific image? *convulses in pain from the mental image*
Sorry, I was just fascinated about this piece done in Failbog Geographic on Trolls.
I’m pretty sure they’re wedged somewhere!
Doh! No one in their right mind wants to either.
In fact it’s just disgusting that you broached
the subject. There are sensitive people in here.
Where? They should probably just leave quietly.
row row row your boat………
I’m impressed… that must have a lot of weight in it to do that…
It seems they even have skirts…
My guess is that they intentionally weighted down the bow.
Probably filled it with water beforehand, looked pretty intentional to me.
Row,row row your boat
Right into the lake…
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Maybe you had too much cake!
maybe you should masturbate with stolen cheese
Please don’t share your fantasies with us – no one wants to read them.
but… you read them
No, seriously, you are one of the most depressing, annoying, facetious, unfunny trolls today. Please sod off and stop commenting.
Row row row the troll
Quickly to the bog
Verily verily verily verily
Smiling whilst we flog
Bravo! *claps wildly*
Thank you, uh, thank you very much
*bows*
*plugs guitar into huge stack o’ amplifiers*
*hits chord, tweaks whammy bar…*
Don’t fall off your amp!!
*LEAPS off amp, flaying guitar wildly*
Not to worry, ma’am
*covers di’s eyes*
Don’t look, sweetie.
*KERSPLORTCH*
Who put that bucket there?!?!?
Ew. Who flayed this guitar??
*peeks through Dragonwriter’s hands* Is it over yet?
Erm…di, you might not want to…
OH LOOK! Something shiny way over there…!
*hops on her E7000 and zooms off to gather zombies for the FAIL BOG*. Maybe I’ll just get going…
Thank God you brought the E7000 today, DTI – looks like it’s gonna be sorely needed
Encore… Encore
y does the cheese have to be stolen? cant it be my own?
No one wants to try your homemade cheese, honey. Keep that to yourself.
was just a question to be posed and i’m not sharing anyways
You should have a wash, a thorough wash.
and done am squeaky clean now
gazes at self in mirror *Shing shing Sparkle sparkle*
only way to beat a troll is to take him partially seriously and partially sarcastically that way he doesn’t know if he has won as the trolls brain is very finite.
Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Belts off, trousers down
Isn’t life a scream!
gently down the stream through a waterfail
only until daddy stops
Does not rhyme. With actual rhyming.
Is not witty. With actual wit. (Christina’s reply, not DTI’s lovely poem.)
Aw, thanks, pob! *offers cookie* Today they’re sugar cookies with chocolate sprinkles. Have one!
Sugar cookie with chocolate sprinkles? Why, it’d be down right rude not to accept one! Thanks!
*munchity munch*
Mmmm…chocolate sprinkles.
WANTS!
*begs cutely w/little paws waving*
Bob, you’re welcome to enjoy a cookie on the other thread ^up there^ with everyone else. In fact, I think it’s right below your other post. Make sure you read the warnings. And yes, you do look very cute like that.
WARNINGS?
*looks aroud warily*
Zombies or something? *shivers*
Zombies are related, but no, Bob, I’m talking about the warnings about the terrible things that will happen to you if you take more than the approved limit of two cookies. Ask BondFan about it.
Noooooooooo! Two cookies is not enough! Twenty isn’t enough!
Gaaah! Whatever will I do?
AVIS! Help Avis! I need COOKIES! Pleeeeeeeeese?
*runs in wild crazy skwerlly circles and up and down trees*
Yea, cannot really say I care about what your baffling stupid mind thinks…
tl;dr
Really, Jenna? That’s a coincidence, because that’s exactly how I feel about you.
You’re not even funny like a couple of others are, you keep renaming me girly names as to prove what exactly? That you lakc a sense of humour? If you are a man, I sure as hell already know that I am wayyy more male than you (because of your gay jokes).
However, if you are a woman….shouldn’t you and sis Dragonwriter go into some prostitute place to makes yourselves feel better? Leave funny responses to the men here.
Now, see, when you TRY to be offensive, the effect just falls flat. I had no outraged response. I felt no anger or ire. I actually felt that this was one of your more pathetic attempts. C’mon. I know you can do better.
Wow! DW you must still be in “professor mode” with that, “C’mon. I know you can do better.” comment.
See JasonK we can be civil…. you try it.
From my learnings i believe its appropriate to toss him in the bog now?
Surely you will die now!
*hides far away from impending damage*
[hint: JasonK just make comments relating to the fail, nothing more for a few days. Perhaps try wit, humor, thinking, and restraint. Reply to no one. Drop the derogatory comebacks and ignore any attempt to prod your inner troll. Somewhere along the line you'll see what works and possibly work yourself into the fringes of the group and be told "hi" every once ina while. {or not}]
Bob, I’m thinking it’s a lost cause. That’s really nice of you, though.
*furiously writes notes while nodding*
Anything else I should know?
YES!
=Take only one cookie at a time.
=Don’t feed the Bog Monster anything but trolls.
=Don’t pet or try to have sex with the Bog Monster no matter how drunk, perverted and depraved you may get.
=Be unfailingly polite, witty, humorous, educated, unstupid, and scared. [especially scared]!
=If you don’t know, then ask. If you get a smart assed answer, laugh.
I thank you will there be a test on this material?
On the serious note as I am pretty new thanks for laying the ground rules
They will hate me forever for this, there is no point of return now. I’ll just take things as they row, sometimes responding, sometimes, when I REALLY do not care about any insults, leave it unreplied.
So you admit that you reply to posts when you DO care about what was said? Gawd…I love it when you validate my claims for me like that.
His kayak is sinking!
the boats not staying afloat
The Titanic has hit the iceberg.
Was this a care or don’t care reply. I’m confused.
The more I try to read that, the less comprehensible it becomes. Try syntax- they teach it in schools!
Language is a skill you might try to master, or at least come within waving distance thereof.
Launch fail! It’s teatime!
Have a good evening y’all! Byebye.
Bye Bye Mikey D *gives one more SQUEEZE for good measure*
See you!
You guys get funnier every day
epoch…HAHAhahahhHAhaa
Yeah, he’s really “up there”.
totally photoshop fake ass fakery fake fakity fake fake
*simply throws into awaiting jaws of FAIL BOG monster*
Wait Jaws was in this movie? *restarts the video*
Didn’t you spot him? You can also clearly make out the Loch Ness Monster and a snorkeling Elvis.
Elvis snorkeling the Loch Ness monster?
Elvis snorkeling… now you’re just making stuff up.
Dragon can i get a FWoom here ^
*takes the hint and quietly retreats to a corner and cries*
you survived her wrath for now lol
there there we’ve all been singed now and then
*looks up smiling through tears*
Really?
backs off in a hurry *wonders if this is a mischievous smile*
someone say mischievious smile ?
It is.
*leans down until she is nose-to-nose with Emperor*
DO NOT threaten innocent people with my wrath or you, yourself, will get *FOOOM!!!*ed. Got it?
*takes aikiwaza’s hand and leads him/her away*
*wonders why the change*
Not mischievous…
*Looking around nervously for someone to tow him to the Fail Bog*
Goodgawdamighty – WARN us afore you stick that mug in here hooligan!!!
its a him… BTW… nice to meet you.
*skims over thread*
Hm, ah, OH NO IT’S SCARY HERSHEY GUY!!!! ARGHH!!!!
*sprints out of room, yelling like hell on wheels*
BFF you need to dredge up some of
your inner samurai and tough out the
Scary Hershey Guy’s stare.
Be STRONG! Be BRAVE! Be a MAN!
*look sharpens*
*bows*
Yes, Skwerlly-san.
*takes out samurai sword, and in flick of wrist, hershey guy is sliced in ten quarters*
Very nice, and with your eyes closed too!
*picks up 3 quarters to buy a soda with
in the Fabulous Fail BOG snack bar*
*pat pat pat*
Fear not, that was in NO way a *FOOOM!!!*ing offense.
*glares at Emperor*
Don’t call the Dragon unless you REALLY need her!
I enjoy inciting your wrath, it reminds the village folk why they are always on their guard
Uh oh… *backs away slowly*
She probably won’t FOOM him, he seems to want it too much.
It was not meant as inciting on my own behalf but the dragon must be summoned every once in a while.
He wouldn’t enjoy it as much as he thinks he would.
One does not simply “summon” DragonWriter. You should
remember that, Emp.
Yes yes there is always a price to pay. Dragons are often fond of Gold and as an Emperor I have much to give.
Hands over a horde of gold the likes the world has never seen, for your wise words Avis, I thank you. I would do well to have a wise man such as tho at my side.
I don’t think she needs or wants any fool’s gold.
Twas not her I was handing it to.
I certainly don’t either, and that won’t get you on my good side. Neither will calling me a man.
You would also do well not to call Avis a wise “man”.
Heeeee!
Nesting with my two favourite ladies
Life is good.
HA so we must take the diplomatic route, I am humbly sorry for that assumption i resubmit the position of wise Person.
Aww, it’s nice to see you again Loz!
*hugs Loz*
*pinches her bum*
Oh c’mon…I knew you were going to do it. I just wanted to get there first for once.
That position has long since been filled, thanks all the same. It might behoove you to sit quietly and watch the goings on here before you jump in.
*hugs dragon and avis*
*pinches boobs*
Aha! Bet you didn’t see that one comin’!
I’ve learnt some new tricks to keep you on your toes
Yet you still offer advice and will not take the gold…
I have always been a headstrong person stepping back it is not in my nature but i must learn the rules of engagement as advised.
*looks down shirt to look for welts, muttering under breath*
That hurt!
Emp, I told you, I have no need of fool’s gold. It is worthless.
At least you gave her some nice mammaries.
Actually you can make instruments from it, many people do
I am a little jealous that Dragon got to pinch Loz’s bum.
I’m sure she was thinking of you when I did it, PoB.
*Gives BF cake for good behavior*
The bogmonster is getting a lot of business today.
I think the bogmonster gets a lot of business pretty much EVERY day.
Yay! Cake!
Wait. Is this a lie?
I NEVER lie about cake!
Yes, and the cube lives.
In before any one says ‘fatty boom-boom’. You are so wrong on that.
This is maybe not the best fail ever, but for some reason I can’t stop laughing!
Muahaha, the laughing gas has taken effect *continues laughing manically*
It would have been funnier if they had continued straight to the bottom.
They were on their way. The video just cut out too early.
The Sun came up upon the left,
Out of the sea came he !
And he shone bright, and on the right
Went down into the sea.
Aw.
*boop*
Whoops! -stares-
There you go again…
Should’ve known, should’ve known, should’ve known again…
Oh, but there you go again…
*dances on treadmills*
Should have used a table instead.
’tis indeed a messed up world we live in when a table is more sea-worthy than a kayak.
that boat was just too full of seamen
http://www.lowbrowsophisticate.com
that looks fun. i want next
Ok, who forgot to hang the troll zapper by the doorway?
Once those things start taking in some water, you are doooooooooomed.
I’m gonna sing the doom song. . .
Doom dee dooom doooom.
200th comment, do I win anything? No? Aw SCHUKZMIZZLE
speaking of kayaks, who wants to share some palindromes?
NeuquĂ©n. It’s a place’s name.
Well, they finally paid for their sins
You know that you are too fat for a kayak when it starts to sink. . . on solid ground.
thats why fat people dont belong on a kayak
buoyancy fail?
They don’t look that fat?
So I’m guessing they put a hole in the bottom of it going down those steps and that’s why it sank front-first. If they were just too heavy it would’ve sank more evenly.
Actually, I think their trajectory down the steps pushed the front below the surface to above the front cockpit, thus filling it with water. There’s probably a foam barrier between the two cockpits, so the rear one was keeping the whole thing afloat as the boat slowly turned front-down.
IQ fail? lol ..
If they had weighed down the bow it would point down into the water (pearl) when entering it. Thus would expose the cockpit to an influx of water, filling the bow up even more and keeping it in the downward slope.
eight thousandth!
Wow, I’m only somewhere in the hundreds! I love beating my expectations.
Thaz nodda fale, ye stoopitz. Themz has fillt da bowt wid watur.
Right. Lolcat speak is a direct violation of Failblog law. OUT!
*points towards ICHC*
U mayk pootpoot cri.
If not the ICHC then the bog, choose.
(We may still accept normal language, but that’s iffy.)
Seamz komenting in lolspeek on FAIL Blog nevr falez 2 ofent peepul. Themz threa yeerz of Lolskool mite not has bin as gud an invesmen as I thote.
If it makes you happier, I think I sort of promise I might try to refrain from it in the future.
Wow, reading that is like looking inside the mind of Jekyll and Hyde!
More like Bonnie and Clyde.
BTW, the random icon next to your name is based on your email address. So we can all see that you’re not the same pootpoot as the one a couple of posts above.
Oh, I can change my icon back just for you! Satisfied?
That’s much better, thank you. It is a curious thing that Fail Bloggers refuse to accept lolspeak of any kind (except for the occasional nom). But you are much less likely to be labeled a troll/idiot if you use correct English, and since you seem like a decent commenter, I’m glad you’re willing to abandon lolspeak for this one blog.
I wonder if anyone would be kind enough to tell me how to get rid of this design avatar and how to put what I want instead?
Everyone here uses gravatar.com. Gravitar.com? I forget.
Gravatar dot com.
Why, thank you both ever so much. I was a bit timorous to ask… didn’t want to get thrown in the FAILbog for an innocent question.
Amazing… FAILblog can go back in time and change an avatar in a past post! So much for asking a question while trying to remain incognito.
My eyes! AAAARGH!!! That hurts! Make it STOP!
We need eyebleach for Arthur Eld, STAT!
I think the blogmonster has attacked this launch fail.
maybe not
Drowning suicide WIN!
What a fatass…
Rather fatass than assfat.
the idiot keeps paddling forward so his buddy drowns in deeper water
Your point being?
Neaaarrrr, faaaarrrr wherever you are…
I believe that this fail can, go on……
Submarine FTW!
Oh my god.
I feel like such an idiot.
I never knew there was a page two to these things.
O.O
Even better – try the “Show All” button! It works wonders!
Ahh, Spork. What a nice pic!
You ABSOLUTE IDIOTS!!!! I am the person in the boat – if you listen into the audio it mentions springing a leak + if you look you will see the spray deck moving up and down as we move – BECAUSE THE BOAT IS FULL OF WATER and then we put decks on over it!!!
IT IS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE WEIGHT OF THE PADDLERS!!
That’s what I would’ve said, too, if I were the fatty who sunk the boat.
Lol, just kidding. Be assured, what you describe is very obvious to anyone who isn’t an idiot.
Hmm…this comment looks photoshopped to me.
Hehe that is soo funnny! I want to try that xD
Failboat WIN!
Come again?
LOL that was a lol
Over 500 comments … maybe 12 are actually related to this video? haha.
Commenting FAIL.
did they dried?
its not only sad that they started to sink right away but continued to paddle forwards towards deeper water…. almost would have deserved a Darwin Award too sadly no casualties.
LMAO, I love reading your comments, they always surpass the Fail themselves. I may start joining in at some point… any chance I could have a cookie?
yes, gerbil, plz comment, come and join the dark side! btw, will a white chocolate macadamia do?
more than do, I love it, thanks!
Stomach grumbling… may get a milkshake, or something.
Does anyone ever actually post comments on the actual fail, or is it just a lot of flaming the person who idiotically posts “first!”
I don’t understand how this even works. The air in the boat would just float them back up to the surface.
“It seems they even have skirts…” – they’re called spray decks, and protect you getting water in the boat.
They look like cheap roto-molded boats without bulkheads so they could fill up with water if they didn’t have skirts (yes we call them that here on the West Coast), or they weren’t sealed properly around the cockpit.
Looks very much like they’d filled the boat with water, don’t you think?
WTF youtube?
NUUUU the vid has been removed D:
YOUTUBW FAIL AND SPELLING FAIL (YOUTUBW) REDUDANCY FAIL FAIL FAIL!!!!
umm failblog how did you”violate the terms?”
Why remove it?
is it a FAIL FAIL?
It’s actually just a failblog fail. Click on the name of the person who posted it, or click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXxTc_unx3k&feature=channel_page
Video was removed.
Failblog failed!
Copyright violation FAIL!
In case it dosen’t play hee you can go to Google Videos and it’s on page 2, 4th one down.
“this video has been removed due to terms of use violation”
Fail.
whats the point of posting vids if they just get removed a day after going up
ahaha good job guys xD
i like this one