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Cheezburger Company Blog
först!
Excuse me, BFF.
*TAZES*
Time Like this I’m ashamed to be Swedish like blåbär =(
fniss amatör
*squish*
…Smoothie, anyone?
Yes, please! Strawberry, peach, and pineapple if you’ve got it.
I’d like a strawberry as well. Shaken, not stirred.
Was that a Swiss Squish?
Large, please. Heavy on the white chocolate.
Well, you are all getting blueberry, ’cause that’s what I have.
*hands out smoothies to all*
Hey. He was a really big blueberry.
WOW I DIDN’T KNOW THAT!!
TELL ME MORE STUFF I DON’T KNOW!!
I FAIL at replying to messages in a timely manner.
Han är inte svensk. Han är bara någon som har ett IKEA i närheten. Han köper blåbärsylt där.
Då kan jag väl vara vart som helst! Världsmedborgare blåbär!
Mynd you moose bites kan be pretti nasti
LOL Monty Python reference WIN
dose svidisj pipell kænn bi verri diffikullt tu ønderrstænd.
ai dånt spik oird, bøtt itt kænn såmmtaims bi hard tu ønderrstænd mi.
You’re here early this am, ts20. Good morning!
And good morning to you. Just popping in before class. I still have a lot of fails to catch up on!
Hey man, that’s BondFan’s tazer. Give it back!
Whoa! It’s noodle! Hey there! ((waves right arm high in the air while on tiptoes and smiling))
Hey there
*waves back awkwardly*
*Nibbles on the tips of velvet’s right digits…*
Hey there, sexy cyber pal! ((smooch))
.
How was your ‘unmentionable acts’ weekend?
Oh my.
hehehe…
Smooches back, and a sweet lil’ lick on yer cheek, Ms V
A most excellent weekend so far, I must say… and a 3-dayer, so the possibilities are spectacular
You?
Very relaxing with a few surprises, too! Too bad we weren’t able to find a keeper for the preschooler Friday night, but it all worked out just fine. The 8 loads of laundry wasn’t all that fun, but it’s not going to wash and fold itself, no?
I’m betting behind the bush there is a handy-capped walkway
TROLL!
correction TRÖLL
Bowl?
Foal?
Fowl?
Foul?
Growl?
Shoal? LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!
Look out for wh OH MAH GAWD!
tihs is madnes. MADNES?
wtflolpwnd
No, it is Widnes.
It’s not Wednesday…It’s TUESDAY!
Cause Wednesday is hump day.
♪ Welcome to the house of fail
now I’ve come of age ♪
PHOTOSHOPPED! No bin has a lid that red naturally.
Calling photoshopped wasn’t as fun as I’d been led to believe. I demand my money back!
I would’ve called photoshopped on the phone number, but that’s just me.
.
I don’t have any money, but I can send you some cashews.
That’s no phone number, that’s the pH value of the soil, the most alkaline soil known to man. That’s why they built the steps, to stop people’s feet melting.
.
I would love a cashew please. If you have a cashew for two, I’d share with you.
where is it that it has an eight digit phone number? and if it is the pH of the soil, i don’t think it’s safe to be anywhere near there.
Australia – phone number, not the pH
Ooh, Australia. So is it warm or cold Down Under this time of year?
hot!
*sigh* It’s snowing here on the US east coast right now. I’d love some temps in the mid 70′s and sunshine.
I wish I could go back to Australia. I’m so jealous of my sister – she’s going there for 3 years for university.
It’s a balmy 25 º in the middle of the country today.
Can I stow away in your sister’s luggage, hammy?
Were it even remotely possible, I would have done it myself.
For the remotely possible, may I be so bold as to suggest teleportation rather than luggage?
Its raining and miserable here Just Mum, I’m guessing you’re down south?
Down south from the floods… up north from the fires…
Rain is welcome here at the moment!
i believe shes on the south east coast.
that phone number looks batemans bayish.
the bins are from eurobodalla council?
can i have a cashew?
man eye has a smashed jew?
No.
?
Ok sir, if you’d like your money back please submit to us your name in full, your credit card number, the expiry date, the three digit number on the back of the card, your birthday and your mother’s maiden name. Once you have provided us this information we will process your refund in 5-6 weeks.
Can I not just threaten you with an unwashed potato?
Sir am I going to have to call security?
You do that and I don’t know what I’ll do!
I know…you get a *SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEZE!*
I call shenanigans on your complaint department. Their return address is in Nigeria.
*has Jexxa “removed”*
I was right, I don’t know what to do.
BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH! I need an adult!
Are you screaming for an adult to bad touch you?
He should scream until daddy starts!
He?!? *looking in panties* when the hell did THAT happen?
*removes Mycok*
I was wondering were I put that. Sorry.
^where
*Looks in Jexxa’s panties… smiles… much better
*
Details, details, don’t bother me with them.
Was it that time you borrowed the chloroformed shamwow from me?
Hmm. Come to think of it, there were a few missing hours that afternoon… that’s the last time I borrow cleaning supplies from anyone wearing a top hat.
If it’s not a wedding and you see someone in a top hat, run!
If it is a wedding, and I do see someone in a tophat, can I go *SQUEEZE* them?
You have my blessing. And if they question what you’re doing, just say ‘sorry, I mistook you for a moomin’, and they’ll probably be too confused to be angry.
NOW you know what to do!
I think I might just run away and hide before I get arrested.
congrats bud
that was for the guy who cannt spall first
likce mee
i approve
thanks gore
i alwayes new u wrer right
penis
trollis
Singular: “Troll”
Where’re the skwerls we need their bog monster.
Hmmmmm?
What? I was Hibernating all last week!
It was very cold and wet and yucky.
So I was like “hell with this, I sleepin’ in!”
FailBOG was/is open 24 Hours always,
even if/when the space time continuum rips!
Sorta ike the FailBOG at the end of the Universe?
Trollis is a swedification of troll. Just like potato-potatis.
So it’s not a fence made of trolls nailed together in a criss-cross pattern?
Suuuure, Posh Spice is anti-fur.
She does wear cool squishable t-shirts.
And Leviticus jewelry, specializing in plagues such as locusts and flies.
and the hershey candles are devine!
OH NO!!! IT’S FREAKY HERSHEY CANDLE MAN!!! RUN FOR THE MOUNTAINS!!!
O
M
G
As long as the mountains aren’t alkaline…
*punches freaky hershey man in the kidneys*
Come along now BFF, I’ll get you to safety….See these caves right here? Go into that one. *points* It will lead you to a bunker. The password is 01110011 01101111 01101101 01100101 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111. Good luck!
59 6f 75 20 6d 61 64 65 20 6d 65 20 6d 69 73 73 20 74 68 65 20 53 63 61 72 79 20 4d 6f 6e 73 74 65 72 20 3a 28
Have to admit, the Leviticus Jewelry does kinda grow on you, though…
Isn’t the squishable part of the t-shirt her boobs?
No, her boobs are fake. Definitely NOT squishable.
If they were squishable that would mean the silicon had melted.
That’s a mental image I could really do with out
Posh’s boobs or melting silicon?
Yes
Silicon melts at 1410.0 °C.
just what do you do for a living Admiral? engineer? chemist? teacher?and where you live, i’ve never seen the slightest information about you on here.
Does the phrase “Private Life” have any meaning you?
Indeed…my Admiral is a very private person. He’s really, really bad at hiding his wonderfulnesses, though.
He is like Commander Bond. If he disclosed anything to you, you would to be, well you know. For your own sake and the sake of your loved ones don’t ask questions!
…would NEED to be…
Brain is no longer functional.
Survey Time!!! How many submissions have you sent to failblog, and how many of them were accepted and posted on their site?
Mine is 2 submitted and 0 accepted by the way!
soon to be three submitted, I just haven’t submitted them yet
None submitted. I’ll let you guess how many have been accepted.
.
Negative two submitted and eleventeen accepted.
0 submitted
0 accepted
Hrrrm…
20-30 submitted and 2 accepted
and displayed in Pundit Kitchen,
there’s enough failure without my help.
Did you send them Feb 31st by chance?
How did you know? Have you been hacking into my computer again?
I’ll guess… 14?
Don’t know ’bout that. Seems a bit on the high side to me. I’d say at most, I dunno, six or seven.
You forgot to carry the 1 and then minus the four, you see.
Lessee…four submitted, three made it to the main page.
I’d like to submit this for your consideration. . .
*SQUEEZE*
Oooh! Approved!
okay, does that really matter? ps– i like fur!
furfurfurfurfurfur!
I hate your face.
maybe some fur will make my face look better!
furfurfurfurfurfur!
Anything you can do to cover it up will probably help.
I think everyone should cover up with FUR!
FURFURFURFURFURFUR
Well, it works for Chewie =)
This person is actually Posh Spice.
Lol. Wtf…
JTT? Lhc!
TLA. Pft.
11TH!
At least it wasn’t somebody failing as much as you just did.
*Steps not included in price
It’s funny because the house actually has steps.
Yay!
Ah yes…one of our failblog fixtures is back.
Hrm…mayhap it’s time to renovate.
The sudden surge of trolls has caused mayhem.
Am I to understand from this that Funnyboi is considered a troll?
Although he appears only once a comment section, his repetitive appearance has earned him a place in the FAIL BOG monster cage.
Considering his comments are unfailingly bang on topic and he never harasses anyone ar tries to insult them, I’d consider that an exceedingly bad call.
I apologise, let me rephrase:
Funnyboi is not really what we classify as a troll. Nor is he a regular, he is just one of those guys who post once then go away for the day.
I probably said he was a troll, but then again he isn’t annoying as the other trolls, so I stand absolutely corrected, Mikey D.
Send him to play with the BOG Monster.
BOG Monster can tell a troll with a quick sniff.
*pushes funnyboi into the FAIL BOG monster cage*
Be nice, monster.
Bobby! Bobby! It’s me! Your lover! Bobby, you’re not still mad, are you? Remember, all monies, cookies, nuts, everything goes to you.
It’s not you BFF, I was just wondering why people considered him problematic, and on the whole you seem in the know about who-does-what on failblog is all. I’m sorry if my comments came across as harsh, I could have worded them better.
.
I wonder if he ever reads back and thinks ‘WTF?’ about reactions to his comments?
I understand what you mean, after all he means no harm to the rest of us. I don’t know why either. Maybe it’s the fact that he continually believes he is funny that is irksome. Perhaps a change of name would do him good.
I think he is one of the sages of the internet. He is able to capture the essence of a complex fail and explain it in understandable language, with correct use of spelling, grammar and interpunction.
He has earned my respect.
We shall hence forth call him Prof. Obvious.
Funnyboi (PO) is not a detractor, he’s a contributor. Let’s not lump him in with the oxygen thieves.
*is very satisfied with the invention of the word “interpunction”. Is planning to make more new words in the near future*
Warning: please be extremely careful not to interverse your interpunction with your prestilection. Results are unpredictable.
Ah… Dutch English.
“I hate you very welcome.”
LOL! i’m going to use that today at work on someone.
Aja, did you actually hear someone use that? And how are you familiar with Dutch?
I always imagine Ruud Lubbers saying it, but he probably never did. The phrase is mentioned in Opperlandse Taal- en Letterkunde . And I am Dutch myself.
yay! 23th! Next poster is gay
I’m happy, what’s wrong with that?
That’s not so much of a fail…it’s a metaphor, anyway.
haha u’re gay!
furfurfurfurfurfur
Because an internet stranger said so. Yeah, count on him for truthful facts. Too bad I probably had more girlfriends than he ever did.
Then have do you know when you are gay? o.O
you know how i know you’re gay? you have an umlaut in your name
You know how I know you’re gay? Your face.
Oh god! Quick, hide the children!
*covers BondFan’s face before he can look*
BondFan is a child?
SINCE WHEN? He’s dangerous enough with that taser.
Ever since he first saw the Hershey man. It reduces him to the mental capacity of an infant whenever he sees it.
Ahhhh I see. Hershey man, eh…*jots this down*
Good to know BF’s secret weakness. In case I need to take him down some day >.>
Errr, what was that?
noodles go great with….
LARGE TINS OF FAKE HERSHEYS SYRUP!
No, they really don’t.
But that would make a great meal for the trolls in the FAIL BOG
*jots down recipe*
Well, we normally don’t feed the
Trolls thrown into the BOG, but I
guess if it’s torturous, then it’s
OK with me. Just don’t let Boggy
the BOG Monster eat any of that,
you don’t wanna be downwind
of him when he gets sickly. *GASP*
I thought we fed the trolls what came out of the bukkit.
Well, yeah, but we actually don’t “feed” them.
If they get hungry enough they’ll eat anything.
Hey man. If you’re gay, you shouldn’t be having girlfriends.
That’s ILLOGICAL. Argument clearly refuted!
Random Internet People: 2
JasonK: 0 (also gay)
Post hoc ergo propter hoc.
Q.E.D.
You misspelled Roflcopter?
SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI
Hmm. Lindsay has a new avatar. What’s up with that?
She probably got banned and attempted to ressurect herself via another avatar.
Don’t think so. I stand here all flesh and bones.
Then we have an imposter in our midst.
It’s not the real JasonK. She had a totally different style of writing. More conceited, verbose and – I have to admit- funnier.
Crud, now FB’s going to have to shut down. Oh, well. Thanks for the diligence though, Lindsay.
I am very much afraid that you are talking to the wrong person. Lindsay appears to be here, responding to you.
Oh man! I hate crow; I’m a vegetarian.
How come there are so many trolls about today? Have they all woken up from hibernation early this year?
No school today for Presidents’ Day.
Ah, that makes sense. Damn living in the UK! I could do with a public holiday today!
Shoot, I’m in the US and I still have to work. We’re lucky to get the weekends off much less anything else. Everyone has countdown clocks on their computers for our summer shutdown in July.
Yeah, in the US too and I don’t have school off. Well, I’m at a private university and we’re all government hating liberals and whatnot, so I guess they wouldn’t give us time off to support an oppressive and vile institution that has become the imperial presidency!!!
ANARCHY!!!!!!
That comment degenerated from quality very quickly.
This makes me feel better while I’m stuck in this prison of an office behind this soul-destroying computer!
Misery does indeed love company!
State universities also don’t get the day off today.
*sigh*
You think you have it tough?
You don’t have to Stir the Bog
every single morning or test it
for the correct acidity, foul smell,
and goopyness before coffee.
All you gotta do is cram intelligence
into skulls full of mush and read their
mostly incomprehensible dribble.
Mine does
Hence, I’m at home screaming, as it were.
I am, however, deeply concerned that no one told me they’re shutting down the U.S. in July. I need to prepare.
Should we start interviewing for a new country or what?
I’m in Ontario, and even we get the day off. Except here it’s called “Family Day.” To encourage people to spend time with their families.
God! Xmas wasn’t that long ago! Why would anyone want to spend MORE time with their families?!
It’s to tip all the single people that only just made it through the christmas period over the edge, freeing up property to bring down houseprices and kickstart the economy.
Mikey, you are a genius! I’d better start popping the happy pills now, lest I become one of those tipped over the edge!
I think I may to go get myself married.
Good idea. I wonder if it’s legal to marry yourself…
I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself, and the divorce would just get messy.
Mikey, do you take this potato to be your lawfully wedded tuber…?
It just so happens I have a ring that may fit. . .
Amen to that!
RAmen you mean.
Praise Cthulhu you mean.
Hail Master Frodo, you mean.
All Worship and Glory go to The Flying Spaghetti Monster!
When did they start that? It wasn’t going when I lived there 6 years ago! Rats! Now I’m at work in the US, and the kids are home off school (and off school tomorrow while the teachers have a Learning Instructional Day (LID)). At least I make more than the teachers…
Started last year, if I’m not mistaken.
yay!
furfurfurfurfurfur
I think you have a problem, miss.
Agreed, professional help is most definitely required.
Wax on, fur off.
Win!
I see what they did there…
Good job.
Now even the handicapped can work in here
Only the ones with the anti-gravity wheelchairs.
Then again, if they’re anti-gravity they won’t have wheels so they wouldn’t really be wheelchairs…
Hoverchairs?
It’s as good a name as any. Let’s stick with it, I quite like the ring to it.
Maybe that’s what a wheechiair is!
Anti-gravity wheelchairs? I say down with gravity! DOWN!
Looks like their advertising and naming department need to step it up a little
*listens for crickets*
ɹoop ʇuoɹɟ ǝɥʇ oʇ dn ƃuıpɐǝן sdǝʇs sɐɥ ǝsnoɥ ʇɐɥʇ
Who ARE you people?
What a stupid question to ask. Can’t you read our screen names?
Actually…George’s comment made me lol.
looks more like a house with no future buyer
http://www.lowbrowsophisticate.com
LOL i took a pic of this about a month ago, the exact same house and everything LOL… how long ago did u upload urs?
It’s not good to success market. Why?
Their ramp sure is jagged.
Don’t be mistaken. Those aren’t steps, those are mini-stairs! What does “URI” stand for anyway? Don’t they meant URL?
“the house with no steps” is a name of a charity. My brother works for them.
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wow, what a blooper.