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FIRST!!!!!
Yes!!!! I know I’m being an ass here… But it’s still worth it.
!!!!!TSRIF
Why do they refuse to post my Obama fail?
find it in the vote section to see how many people agree or disagree with you on that one.
you knew that it wasn’t in the vote section, didn’t you! You made me look up all those 336 pages to not find it, that cost me 5 hours!
Try your shtick over at Pundits Kitchen.
How much sand did you use up to make 5 hours in 20 minutes ?
It’s just that the Amulet doesn’t have a gauge like the Dagger and I don’t know how much to order.
This couldn’t of been added at a better time the above posting is has
an officer performing the pet my duck on a detainee.
*test*
where would we be if we didn’t have stupid people around. life would really be boring.
ahahhah 5 hours = FAIL
OK, the book is published by A Beka Book, which is a Christian textbook publishing firm. The book is part of a “Reading for Fun” enrichment series designed for kindergarten and first grade, and I read it as a child and found it very boring. (Click on my name for the link.) The cover is not a typo; the duck’s name is Dick. They evidently chose the name because it is an easy to read one-syllable word. The publishers may have missed the fact that “Dick” is another name for penis because they are extremely conservative, the sort of Christian that actually thinks Jerry Falwell is liberal (literally–they preach against him) and make all the other regular Christians cringe and try to disassociate themselves from the lunatic fringe. It makes sense to me that they might not know the slang meaning of “dick”.
They think Jerry Falwell is WHAT!?!!
A Liberal.
That WAS a rhetorical question, Hammy.
Do you think I don’t know that?
Do you really want an answer to that?
Does it sound like I want an answer?
Do you think I care?
Is this argument going anywhere?
What do you think?
Should it be?
Everything has a purpose does it not?
What’s your point?
What are your views on animal testing?
Is that your idea of a rhetorical question?
Those tests are ridiculous. How are the animals supposed to fill in those little bubble Scantron sheets when they have no opposable thumbs??
You are right. They are much better on the essay portion.
They can lick those problems.
Does no one know how this game is played?
Yes.
So, you chose not to play?
It played him
Can you blame us for trying to change the scheme?
Why try to change it?
Isn’t it obvious?
Doesn’t it always change?
Have I mentioned that this is fun?
Do things that seem to change really stay the same?
Does anything ever stay the same?
What is change?
Can one search for lost time?
See, isn’t it better when we just stick to the old scheme?
What is staying the same?
What would you do with lost time if you found it?
Does anybody really know what time it is?
Would lost time still be lost time if it were found?
Would it still be “time,” or something else altogether?
If God is everywhere, is He in the toilet?
Can two infinites exist in the same universe?
Must two lines of infinite length cross?
Who put the bop in the bop-she-bop-she-bop?
Given that god is infinite and the universe is also infinite would you like any toast?
Do you really want to know?
Why did Wash have to die?
What would you do to get what you most want?
When does want become need?
When did lawns become treed?
What do we really need?
Do I really want or need to know?
Do you even know what you want?
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
What were you thinking!?
I think so, but where would we put the quiche?
If seven maids with seven mops swept for half a year, do you suppose, that they could get it clear?
If it takes a man two hours to dig a hole, how long does it take him to dig half a hole?
What is half a hole?
If I see London and I see France, can I see your underpants?
How many roads must a man walk down?
What’s love got to do, got to do with it?
What is this lumpy thing in my trousers?
Where have all the flowers gone?
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
What’s in a name?
Who likes Flowers for Algernon?
Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
Could you speak in English please?
Why?
Why not?
¿Por qué?
¿Porque?
How do you make a ferret angry?
Have you ever heard of gerbilling?
How can zero be nothing but hold infinite possibilities inside?
Why am I falling asleep in my lecture class right now?
WWWWWHAAAAAAAAAATTT!!
Do you give it to girls instead of flowers?
If it is as interesting as your posts then that’s your answer.
I’m guessing because it is as funny as his personality.
Whatever he may be, he’s not as fun as this. . .
*SQUEEZE*
*rides off on the doguck until it tipples over forwards, catapulting him over the horizon*
EEEEEeeee…..-=PLOUMPF=-
Does it comply with the TOS? The fact that this post made you think of it makes me think not.
Head, shoulders, knees and TOS, knees and TOS…
I really hope you don’t mean the oath, because the fail there was the guy GIVING Obama the oath. Idiot should have known you’re not supposed to give the first 2 parts as one sentece.
Have you tried posting it under politics?
What is exactly worth what?
Should be “Pet my dick”
Fret my prick?
Willie Stroker’s
Pet My Dick
:p
Double click.
Subtle shtick?
angry prick?
Tangy lick?
I also wonder if we shouldn’t read “riding for fun” instead of “reading for fun”…
That’s what i thought:
http://img26.imageshack.us/img26/3744/failownedpetduckfaillw5.jpg
.002 cents.
Or $0.002
It’s a difference of opinion.
One might say that you are in the “pole position”.
.
Oh, and…
*tazes Alex for saying “first”*
You do know that the ones who type ‘first’ as their first post thrive off of people posting their disdain for it, right? So, no posts = no joy in being first. That’s my style, anyways. And if they’re so unoriginal that they can’t come up with one thing cute or smarta$$ to say, then they’re not someone worth the time.
Oh, you don’t have to read pob chapter and verse. He’s an old-timer.
I still try. I thoroughly enjoy seeing a FIRST with no responses.
Heh. I enjoy hearing in the news that someone posting “FIRST!!!” suddenly died of a sniper related injury. *shrug*
Or maybe a Pet Dick injury?
Ouch… death by Dick related injury… *cringes* Would have to see that one.
It’s pretty devestating. His head explodes and sshe drowns.
First!
Well….. There was that one guy who died from horse dick related injuries….
Why, back in my day we didn’t have fresh fails delivered to us four times a day and twice on Sunday (and Saturday). No, if we wanted a fresh fail, we had to go out and get it. Of course, in those days, fresh fails were kept by the old school house, and to get there we had to walk up hill both ways in the snow. AND WE LIKED IT. It wasn’t like it is for you young whippersnappers these days, what with your youtubes, and your myspaces, and your 13375p34k5, and your zero wings, and your dotcoms, and your macarenas, and your achey breaky hearts, and your break dancing, and your disco pants, and your bell bottoms, and your 23 skidoos, and your…
Eh?
What’s that you say?
Invers?
Boy, you know I don’t understand that flibberty-gibblet you younguns call slang these days…
Eh?
What?
Hold it like this, you say?
What the HELL are you talking about?
Those were the days!
good times!!!
If you want a good fail, tell them to eventually post my Obama fail!
The one-trick pony called. He says you’ve stolen his act and he’d like it back. Kthxbai.
You are going to get me fired.
And get off my lawn!
*fails… to hold in laughter*
Just out of curiosity… was the inspiration from YGO:TAS, or did they originally get it from somewhere else?
ur pretending rite?
Is it no longer official FailBlog protocol to taze firsters? (Also, did you catch my little dirty joke?)
You mean the same joke you read on “Campaign Sign” yesterday? Hmm?
It’s not the same joke! Yes, it’s a play on the same word, but I went in completely different directions with each joke. (Or tried to, anyway.)
I know — just poking you in the ribs.
I take my comedy very seriously.
Take it from me, you do.
*takes it from him*
Heeheehee! Gotta catch me if you want it back!
*runs!*
*follows the sound of jingle jingle jingle*
Hmm….
*slows down just a little*
*is drawn to the sweet intoxicating fragrance of honey*
*hides in a really, really obvious place*
Hee!
*finds you under the covers*
*wraps around your coils and curves*
I don’t really want it back, but I want to give it to you properly.
Hey! A bed! And it looks lumpy!
*bounces up and down on bed*
Weee!!! I love bouncy beds!
AAHH! That tickles!!
*shrieks and giggles and kicks out with feet*
*feels something small and lumpy fly off the bed*
*blinks*
…Did you feel something? Was that the cat?
Aaaaah!!!!
*flies out of room*
*watches as BFF flies out of room and into the pudding bukkit*
Hee!
SPLOOORCH!!!
Urgh…mustard and rotten cabbage
It didn’t sound like it landed on its feet.
*locks door*
*comes back to bed*
*throws covers over our heads and giggles*
*playfully tickles*
*SQUEAL!!*
Um…did I neglect to mention that I’m absurdly ticklish…?
*surreptitiously slides hand into small of your back*
*strokes gently*
Better?
Oooooh, you remembered just the spot…
*thinks back*
*brushes up*
You’re quite the artist…those brush-strokes are exquisite.
*puts down the brush*
*switches to finger-painting*
*dabbles in honey*
I absolutely love your expressionist works…
Our most valuable works are given freely.
Indeed…and I’ll be happy to be your canvas any time.
And I, yours.
*wants to wrap himself in the flag girl’s arms*
What a coincidence…my arms want to wrap themselves around you!
*long snuggle-hug*
*enfolds*
I pet my Dick every now and then…. :-/
Pet fail
I would’ve gone with “My Pet Richard” but that’s just my choice.
Oh…sure the feathers are smooth on the way in…
You’re going to have to dry-clean that duck when you’re through.
Is it down in the dumps?
Yeah, it’s feeling quilty for something it did.
You can bring in a fluffer to make it feel better.
Is that because he’s crestfallen?
I bet the sham wow could dry it in a jiff…
I have one of those. It comes when I call it.
Yours is made of rubber though isn’t it?
Rubber Duckie, you’re the one
You make bathtime lots of fun
Rubber Duckie, I’m awfully fond of you
Woo woo be doo
Rubber Duckie, joy of joys,
When I *SQUEEZE* you, you make noise!
Rubber Duckie, you’re my very best friend, it’s true!
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo
But what does it look like, swim like, and quack like?
Dunno. But it smells like teen spirit.
Well, what do you expect when you ask your pet dick to “come as you are?”
Does it come it a heart shaped box?
It does if it’s with Loz!
“Here we are now, entertain us”?
Um, okay, I’ll try.
Oh, I’ve got this really funny story. It’s about a girl…
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world?
A single river cannot drown the whole world, I must say.
I resemble that remark
I’m going to take a screenshot of this and post it on Facebook… Ok. So my fb name is “Alex La Cow” and I go to LP. Ok, that should be enough to convince anyone.
Wow. How… cute.
Kawaii desu ne?
I probably just botched that. Apologies in advance to BFF.
Yea this used to close to my old comment but having all the other ones in between make it look strange
Hi, I’m PoB Villa, and today on This Old Comment…
Lo siento. No hablo Japonés.
Hui Hanyu ma?
No comprendo!
Yo necesito aprender mas idiomas.
the hippo dances with mad cow on a hot summer canycane? ENGLISH PLZ!!!
Ick, why is that stuff in the top left yellow?
Ewww… clearly been backed up for a while.
I think that’s supposed to be the sun, complete with solar flares. Or they ran out of yellow paint.
And is it just me, or is that duck’s jaw off-set?
He has TMJ issues.
And just who IS this “Fun 13″???
Any relation to Pen 15?
Your pet dick is having a golden shower obviously.
Reaganomics!
…. *masturbates*
Dicks are really fun!
This is my rifle
this is my gun
this is for fighting
this is for fun
Holy Jesus! What is that? What the f*k is that?
I can’t tell for sure due to the angle and poor lighting, but it appears to be a Derringer or a man’s genitalia.
“Dick” could be either.
Classic fail duck -> dick
Classic duck dick fail?
You’re familiar enough with duck dick to differentiate between classic and non-classic duck dick? Then I dub thee Director of Duck Dick Defining.
I have actually seen this book and it is still being sold. The duck’s name is Dick… it’s not actually a misspelling.
A dubious honor, no doubt…
Decades of defining duck dick have denoted upon me a doctorate of duck dick differentiating.
Are you daft?
Daft Director of Duck Dick Defining deftly dodges dubious debate.
Definitely.
De rigueur due diligence.
What is this ductic debate now? Whatever it is, you can’t use my duct tape! I’m saving that for later!
We need the duct tape to fix the bells attached to the four poster bed so we can ring out our delight in a dulcet duet dedicated to our desires.
…Delicious.
dang!
Duct tape is like the force… It has a light side, and a dark side, and holds your dick together
We can get rid of the OFfender thusly:
Daft Duck Dick Defining Director deftly dodges dubious debate.
Are you speaking from personal experience here, Z?
Great comment Mookie. I’m going to need to go back to the drawing board before I weigh in here after that.
Do you keep it in a box?
it is after all the best valentines day gift.
I like to keep mine in a heart-shaped box.
No one for SNL reference FTW?
Loz will be so full of herself when she hears that.
Actually, I think she’ll be full of someone else…
Rubber Dickie, you’re the one,
You make bathtime lots of fun,
Rubber Dickie, I’m awfully fond of you;
woh woh, bee doh!
Rubber Dikie, joy of joys,
When I squeeze you, you make noise!
Rubber Dikie, you’re my very best friend, it’s true!
doo doo doo doooo, doo doo.
Every day when I
Make my way to the tubby
I find a little fella who’s
Cute and yellow and chubby
rub-a-dub-a-dubby!
Clickie my nickie for my favorite Sesame Street song.
Thanks for the memories Fluffy.
I always thought the duckie was good for the sax.
Wow, rap!
Rub a chubby
FIRST!!!!
Not. Even. Close. I have a feeling someone needs a pet duck…
Damn, my pet duck escaped again. Sorry about that. Little Zaito tends to leave a bit of a mess wherever he goes. He isn’t the quickest duck around!
Oh wow. I typoed the typo and ended up correcting myself. … Does that even happen?
No.
duck, dick, it’s a duck’s dick
What the hell are you bitchin’ about?
I gotta sleep under some Chinaman named after a duck’s dork.
LOL.
What’s happenin’ hot stuff?
LONG DUCK DONG!!!!!! The Donger is hungry.
Oh sexy American girlfriend! (falls out of tree)
*Picks velvet up, spins her around three times, puts her back in tree*
*falls back out of tree due to dizziness and lands on whoanellie*
No more yank-ee my wank-ee!
Donger need food!
Automobile….eeeeerrrrrrrrrrrpppsssshhhhhh…lake.
I pet my dick sometimes…..
Why do you hate kittens?
ah, is that what makes you the “cool” Alex?
no that makes him hot and bothered
oh…and a BF with W. stroker
Why? What’s BondFan got to do with it?
I would read that book for fun
I LOVE MY PET DICK
He goes everywhere with me
He doesn’t just go.
Dick is my duck.
My duck Dick got sick.
Don’t get sick Dick.
Here Dick let me pet you.
I must have petted him too much,
Cause Dick just threw up all over me.
You sure yer awake??
Might not be awake but sure is Glad.:)
I is awoke. And really Glad to see yall, nope that isn’t a duck in my pocket either.
In other words…you’re Glad, you’re Woke, and you’re UP.
Just couldn’t fit ‘I’ in there. *sad*
Yeah I did, look at the first of my sentence.
Yeah…you did, but I couldn’t because you are ‘I’ and
I is ‘me’, but you aren’t me, and I isn’t you…
or something like that?
*is now confused*
You are correct. I is me. You is you. But sometimes You are I and I are You. But then together You and I are We. That help?
I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together?
(Cue the bukkit reference)
I’m crying.
I am the eggman, etc.
Whatever happened to Egg, anyway?
Hanging out with Edith.
koo koo ka choo
You might want to borrow some of these.
*offers g’s, a j and a b*
…Mrs. Robinson
The walrus called.
He wants his Bukkit back.
He also said Goo Goo Gjoob.
Didn’t hurt.:)
You sure?
Dick needs Aflac, cause he’s gonna get hurt and not be able to work
I want a pet dick… does the one I’m married to count?
Depends entirely upon the situation. For best results, I do recommend it. Your mileage may vary.
Oh look, it’s the amusing duck!!
This isn’t really a fail, you know.
Dick is a perfectly acceptable name, and is widely used.
Legitimate name for a pet duck recognition fail!
*rolls eyes* no way, you’re kidding.
Okay, but I have a pet hamster named Batman and I don’t call him, “My Pet Batman.”
your pet villain…
They just left out a comma: “My pet, Dick.”
LOL.
This is funny too, check it out:
Finally we know what it is supposed to look like!
I knew it had something to do with ducks.
So when the ex-VP goes hunting, its dick shooting dick(s)?
You forgot to stare.
-sniff- Is that all I am to you? A pair of glowering eyes!?
*SQUEEZE*
*hurriedly sneaks away*
What do you feed a pet dick duck?
Dik-diks?
Razor blades.
Dick-tacs.
*Dickers.*
*Stickers*
*Snickers*
*Snackers*
*Crackers*
*Caspers*
Purina Dick Chow.
The Rubber Ducky song.
Auf Deutsch.
Mit Techno beat.
.
You’re welcome.
You misspelled “your”.
You misspelled “yore”.
You misspelled “indubitably”.
You misspelled “the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia”
Вы ошибкой “СССР”, теперь вам будет выслан на ГУЛАГа.
mmmm Photoshop!
More Failblog fail.
The true fail is that the “my” is above “pet”. The word order should be reversed. Silly sentence structure fail.
Dick pet my? That does not make sense.
Dick my pet? That does make scents.
I was going to make a joke about petting, dicks, and mycok, but then i didn’t want to scar BFF’s innocent mind :\
FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s even better when you read it as “Pet My Dick”
That’s what I thought it said…
WTF? How is a typo like that made with no one realizing it?
It’s not a typo. His name is Dick. IIRC, he likes to swim, eat bugs, and has a friend who wears a baseball cap.
LMAO MY BROTHER HAS THAT BOOK
i have a pet dick and duck!!! YAYY ME!!!!
son of a bitch you stole my damn book how dare you (stuart smith/truck )i’m gonna kill you for stealing my idea you asshole it was my idea first and don’t think i don’t know who you are and where you go to school!!!!!!!
Dude, I STILL have this book. Can’t believe I didn’t think of posting it here. -_-
ROFL. That (13) must be age rating, not for under 13 years of age
reading for fun? that’s the understatement of the year.
Yea…look at all those 18 year old girls lining up for their Pet Dicks….-glances at line in horror and interest-
this is stupid
Har!
=D
You can pet mine too, if you want!
My pet Dick just died. Can I bury it in your ass?
hahahahahahahaha, the pic is funny, but theflame war between avis and hammykins on page 1 is funnier!
My pet has a big dick.
What should I do?
hahahahahahahahahaha, where the hell can i buy this fricken book
Google “A Beka Book.” Be prepared to shell out a LOT though. They’re overpriced and you have to buy the whole set.
first glance at this, i read it as “pet my dick”. Now that is wrong morals to teach in a childrens book.
Looks like a typo for book name. It’s so consider not apporaite for children.
Son: Dad, What’s a ****
Dad: um….. It’s your birdie
Son: O_o
what would be really awesome is if they had pet and my switched on the press, so it would come out as Pet My Dick. XD
feed him mykoc
You know, a book like this might be good for some women to read. I mean if they took care of pet dicks as well as they take care of their kitties, there would be a lot fewer unhappy men out there.
bring back wash!!!!! prequel!
Dear Christ… I remember reading this in preschool… took us 3 days because the class kept cracking up.
i just pulled a fail of my own!
i was reading this one to my mom and said “pet my dick”
…
must have some strain of dyslexia. @__@
My Last name is dick so what
Moby Duck!
hahahah! i first thought it said”pet my dick”
:O
maybe its name is dick?
Dick = Rick = Richard
-_-;
hahaha – you wonder who would buy this for their store.
my dick heheheeee
WE all (our most of us) have one
i lol’d
OMG, I read it as “Pet My Dick” not “My Pet Dick” lulz!!!
I’d want to show certain girls my pet… Want to pet it?