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i have a big penis
Yeah, I heard you were well hung.
LMAO
roffle my woffles
I’ll woffle your roffles sir
I’ll scoffle your roffle waffles!
Mmm now I want waffles for breakfast. I will wind up having sprouted grain toast but I want waffles.
*gives Ry waffles*
Hope you enjoy them!
Here you go…I know they’re only internet waffles, but they have strawberries! (clicky my name)
That’s only one waffle, how could you dare try to stiff her on breakfast foods!
But they have bananas and strawberries and whipped cream! That HAS to make up for it!
and powdered sugar
and random pointless toppings that one person will say and then someone will say another going on in a vicious circle…… and chocolate.
And aids for your scoffle roffle woffle toffles’ssssssss’ss.
*heats the iron*
*Takes heated iron and beats DrB upside the head multiple times*
*Buries body in backyard*
*Burns remaining evidence*
*Has a waffle*
tl;dr
Me neither. Can you make pancakes, by any chance?
I can. What can I do for ya, blueberry? Strawberry? Chocolate chip? Peanut butter and chocolate chip?
.
Or will you and Admiral be needing only the clean countertop again today?
Every Saturday morning DW!
Hee! Strawberry, please!
And the counter is safe today…I’m thinking of taking another shower.
*innocent look*
C’mere, and I’ll wipe that innocent look off your face…
*wicked grin*
*Hands Dragon the freshly made strawberry compote*
I’m don’t like wasting good food that can be licked off of people.
WAAAAFLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
That’s the second time you’ve been attacked here.
And this used to be such a nice neighbourhood.
A Clean and Safe one?
You got it!
You know the drill…you wake up with fingers crossed that you don’t have a sore bum and no wallet.
*munches on her toast*
*sweeps up crumbs*
How did something to do with a brothel
end up with waffles for breakfast???
LOL-ish-ness!
lol This made me remind of the “rub my relics” joke that Peter Murphy told… hehehehe
roflwaffle!
i love u
yes, mister wise wang
LOL!
Just choked on my coffee.
ROFL
Yeah
And don’t I know it!
And that wasn’t your foot I was washing.
I was jalous.
I doubt it.
That was a lot of wood he had to drag behind him.
I’m not touching that, I’ll let Pilate handle it.
I don’t know what any of you are talking about…what’s a penis?
According to the Lifetime and Oxygen channels, an evil tool men use to intimidate, dominate, and oppress women.
Sorry, that should have came from St. Christopher, patron saint of failward travellers.
Unless you’re gay, of course.
Do you need help carrying that?
He was very cross about it too.
It’s something he had to bear.
I heard he had it nailed though.
Oh, you guys are SO going to hell!
It’s a thorny situation for sure.
There is definitely a religious stigma(ta) attached to all this.
I’m glad he could rise for the occasion.
Come again?
The second coming?
Your wish is my command…
LUNCHBOX!!!
*HUG!*
HUGBOX!!!
*LUNCH*
Group hug pls?Kthx.
Well, did he chose his wife or took another girl?
Better question: was he mad at her for working in a sex shop without telling him, or was she mad at him for going to a sex shop without telling her?
It would have been awesome if they had looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and went “meh” over the whole thing, like it wasn’t a big deal.
Also would have been awesome if they ended up shagging other people, and talking about their dinner plans while doing it.
*thrust thrust* “Milk! thats what I need to pick up at the grocery.”
*true story*
I worked with a couple of friends who were always teasing each other about sleeping together…she finally decided to go through with it. She called me the next morning to tell me that he talked about work THE ENTIRE TIME they were hooking up, as in *thrust thrust* So, did you take any interesting calls today?
*Slap slap slap slap * Damn, I forgot – *slap slap slap* to put the *changes position, thrust thrust* coversheets on the TPS reports thrust thrust
It’s always good for a laugh at a party. Everytime we sit around and drink, that story comes up. And if it’s a REALLY good night, we sometimes even get the visual bonus of another friend galloping around the room, showing us how it looked when he once got stuck inside his girlfriend. I have heard both of these stories hundreds of times. They’re classics.
Hey, there is nothing funny about being stuck, especially when it was only supposed to be “before work funny business”.
I think my ROFLcopter just SOI-led itself, it laughed so hard.
Απίστευτον, ω θεέ του παντοτινού σύμπαντος. Θα σε εισάγει σε δεύτερη σταύρωσην.
well, it’s all greek to me!!! or at least it appears greek.
here’s what babelfish had to say:
Incredible, [o] god [pantotinoy] [sympantos]. It will import you in second [stayrosin].
-Incredible, [o] god?
maybe it was supposed to be commentary on the consummation of a working relationship?
or just background noise for the story?
Or a desperate cry for attention because his daddy touches him in his special place?
I’ll go with Ry on this one.
…And we have just had reports coming in that Joseph Fritzl has fled to Greece.
I lol’d.
Kind of hard, this one. Dad’s dead.
Oh, by the way, your posts seems to be filled with prejudice and an overall lack of thought to it. First off, *enter sarcasm* Of course everyone who writes in Greek just HAS to be desperate for attention! And since you cannot get attention yourself, you find the easy way out, insulting him and his family to show off! *exit sarcasm*. Simple, right? To go ahead insulting people you don’t know and most probably never will. Now, rest before the Internet anonymosity. Are you proud of that? I can go ahead as well and call your mother a bitch, your father a scum, your children scroundels. And to be talking like you just did, I must be abour right.
Congratulations man, you poked me outta my shell for insulting a DEAD person. Insult me instead, say that I am a Greek idiot bastard, you won’t be the first one to do so. I don’t care because everyone does it. But what has my father done in this? Nothing. So, proceeding into the next step of your posts’ flaw, is the part “touching the special place”. I just hope God, if He exists, to judge you as rightly as he can, and you’ll drain down to hell for this surely. Pedophile? You insulted my father as a pedophile. But oh of course, *enter sarcasm again* you are so super-awesome (or think you are) that you know everyone in my family and everything that they do *exit sarcasm*. Your sheer stupidity is blatant. I have no anymore words to express my sorrow at what a modern human has become: over-arrogant, cold and uncaring, a complete pile of dildo. You fill in these three statements in just right. Congratulations, again.
Η ηλιθιότις δεν διορθώνεται. Χάσου, βλάκα, από τον κόσμο και από του Θεού τα μάτια, να μη σε ξαναβρείν ο ήλιος. Δεν σου αξίζει.
This is swearing in Greek. But it doesn’t contain any bad words. I won’t be falling down to your level anymore. Oh, and I’m sure you won’t understand it’s meaning, but I would expect no more. I bet you’ll see this as another cry for attention and post the same thing again. Shame, really.
JasonK, I understand your anger. Ryannon, you should think before you say anything. Insulting his dead father is unacceptable, even for you. And calling him a paedophile is downright outrageous. I suggest you apologise you Jason at once, or being shunned here may become a part of your daily life.
No man, no sarcasm now please. Just tell him to call me an idiot, and let go of my father. Call me a pedophile. Just not my father.
I’m not being sarcastic at all. I’ve had my mother insulted on the internet numerous times, and I never stand for it. I refuse to have any of my family members dragged into an argument. Ryannon will be punished for this disgraceful act. She has been acting very strangely recently.
And, forgive me for saying this so baldly, BFF, but you are acting like a pompous ass. It is not up to you to dispense “justice”. I suggest you sit back and let Ryannon speak for herself when she gets back.
*sigh*
Why, whenever I offer help, am I shunned?
*gives up*
You didn’t offer help. You offered threats of exile and scorn and punishment. If you want to defend a poster, that is fine, we’ve all done that (in fact, I defended a poster against YOU this very day), but I just felt that you went too far in your attempt to dictate what Ryannon “must” do in order to get back in “our” good graces.
Really? You defended ME? I am shocked and honoured, Dragon. Could you direct me to this thread?
I apologise. I just thought- Ah, never mind.
Dragon, thanks for trying to keep failblog fun.
I do my best, hun.
And BFF…you read my post wrong, sweetie. I said I defended a poster against you. Our livinginaglasshouse friend right above me. I told you I thought you were being much too harsh on him…but never did I threaten you, or tell you that you were in danger of losing our friendship or companionship. Never. And I never, ever would.
I feel kinda awkward now.
Look, I don’t know what came over me, but I guess I did kind of behave like a jackass back there. I hope I haven’t scarred any friendships or anything. I guess I need to think about what I’ve done.
*goes off to ponder on errors of own ways*
No scars, honey. Life is a learning experience, and it’s an admirable person who can admit that he or she still has things to learn. And in this case, you hit the solution right on the head first time…thinking. Remember what I said to you before? The difference between “reacting” and “responding” is that people “react” without thinking…but a real “response” requires thought.
*hug*
You can’t reflexively fly off the handle when people’s feelings get hurt. This time was just a case of good intentions, bad judgement. You’re still a good kid *ruffles bondfan’s hair*. Go on with your bad self.
Personally, I don’t think Ry did anything wrong. That guy isn’t the only person who was snarked like that, and we generally rip on eachother worse than that, all in good fun. I mean, does anyone actually lose sleep on “yo mama” jokes?
.
What, is Ryannon supposed to be some kind of psychic that knows who is going to be extra sensitive, and takes what she wrote waaay out of context?
.
And as for her acting strange, it isn’t my place to say, but if I had to deal with what she’s put up with recently, well lets just say that “strange” wouldn’t be what you’d call my behavior.
What Ryannon said was in the usual standard of humor for around here. That being said we are all allowed to defend our families and ourselves. When we or ours is perceived to be insulted it is our right to fight back. It has nothing to do with being thin skinned. It has everything to do with self-respect. Since JasonK felt that there was an insult he had the right to respond.
As I have said before we each take our dignity in our hands each time we post here. Part of that means the right and obligation to defend that dignity.
That comment was meant to be in response to Christopher comment 276537.
HIYA sweet coyote!
*hug*
Glad to see you around these here parts today.
And part of that means being mature enough to differentiate between a mean-intentioned insult and a good-humored joke. It means having the maturity to let it slide, because anybody can be a tough guy on the internet.
.
But as old as some of are, we should know better than to be taking to offense what is written here. For example, how many jokes have we had on here about weekly rapes? Or screaming until daddy stops? Or child molester fails, bastard children fails, ect?
.
There were other ways of going about letting someone know that a certain kind of joke directed at you is taboo. None of what’s above is it. This is the internet, none of us are required to cater to anyones special needs. We do it as a common courtesy, not because it is an obligation.
So, to summarise:
The Internet is a tough place. But it’s also a fun place to at times. Don’t get offended when things get hot under the collar.
Dragon! Hi! (I feel like we never talk, Dragon-to-skwerl. Maybe that’s because I don’t want to get *FOOOOOM!*ed, but against my better judgement, I thought I’d greet you!)
*blink*
Hello, Em. It’s very nice to see you; I’m glad you got your computer issues worked out.
You missed my point Christopher.
Did JasonK miss the joke? Yes. Did he have the right to address what he thought was an insupportable insult? Yes.
If you are going to make a joke at someones expense then be prepared to defend your humor. All comedians know this.
I think that Ryannon is going to be surprised at what her innocent little jest has spawned. That it was innocent I have no doubt. She is most decidedly not a mean spirited troll.
Hello Dragon. I would say *hugs back*, but I find that I prefer to hug front.
I thought that I would drop in before my afternoon nap and then got caught up in this multi-faceted debate. I decided to examine the defense of ones self facet, or did you already notice.
*hugs coyote, facet-to-facet*
You know all the angles, don’t you.
Coyote, I didn’t miss your point. You insist that you have the right to defend your dignity against insults, and I insist that you shouldn’t be so willing to fly off the handle at the slightest hint of insult. It is akin to shooting a person because they gave you a bad look, or cut you off in traffic.
.
If someone said a joke about dead military men, I’d let it slide, even though it is a sore subject (especially as I ended up watching some of my friends die in front of me, as an infantry fireteam leader.) I’d let it slide because there is no way that people would know they were inadvertently insulting me.
.
Even if it continued, at most I’d let them know it wasn’t cool or not funny. You have the right to defend yourself, sure, same as you have the right to be an ass, but if we are working under the notion that courteousness is the one thread that we should be sharing, then flying off the handle like that at an unassuming commentor is just as bad if not worse than the initial jokes.
.
“Rights” is kind of an amorphous semantics argument here. Legally I can harass anyone here under my freedom of speech, so long as I stay away from a few specific manners of doing so. “Rights”, doesn’t always mean “right”.
Wow, so much happened while I was out shopping. Let me address concisely and succinctly.
1. It was a joke and if it hurt JasonK’s feelings, so be it. I understand if he is sensitive to the point that he feels the need to become defensive however I do not feel the need to apologize. My mother has been dead for 19 years,my father is on his way out the door and I myself wait for the day that I am no longer in remission and there is nothing more they can do. I don’t get my feelings hurt by some stranger on the net making comments about me or anyone in my family.
2. I am sure I will catch hell for this one but , a petulant 15 year old does not dictate to me what I will or will not say and what I will or will not do. Of course, this is the same 15 year old that gets very defensive about any remark made about Japanese but doesn’t jump to the defense of any other nationality. And no offense but fighting on and on with a troll is no better than the troll itself and just as irritating. An adult would learn to ignore him, as many have advised BFF to do.
3. This is the internet and like several people have already said, you take your feelings/sensitivities/emotions into your own hands when you choose to post for everyone to see.
4. Coyote, nothing surprises me on the net. To me, this is all drama and I find it funny that so many people got into such an uproar. The funniest thing about the whole thing is BFF’s reaction and “threats”. They have me in stitches, to be honest.
5. This perception of me being different is more about me not being on as much because life has gotten in the way of regularly posting, not because I am any different. I can’t be bothered to catch up on 400+ posts per fail so I post when I can as I can.
This is all I will say on all of this. The petulant drama isn’t worth the attention it has been given. It is why I ignore those that insist on bringing drama to the blog.
About point 2:
I apologise sincerely if I made any impression of being pompous or acting above my age. I really did not know what I was thinking at that time.
To be accused of not protecting other countries is a tad annoying to me. I have never insulted another nation without basis. I really expect the same of my nation, Japan. You see, we Japanese are hot-blooded people, and although we are quiet on the outside, one poke and we can explode. I am also quite patriotic and nationalistic. That does not mean to say I’m a flag-waving loony singing the national anthem every five minutes. I just don’t like the way people generalise about my nation. I don’t mind the association of sushi, sumo or samurais. But when the stereotypes turn nasty, I get touchy.
Like I said, with the troll fighting thing, we can be very defensive. When we are insulted, we are not complacent. We fight back, and boy when we do the impact is quite large. So, sorry if my arguments with trolls get irritating as they probably waste precious thread space, but I will not take any comment sitting down.
Anyone can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – this is not easy.
~Aristotle
I completely and utterly think Jason is reading too much into what Ry said — Hello, SHE WAS MAKING A JOKE. I’ve had people joke about my mother, my father, my husband, my siblings, my daughter, more than once each, on blogs like this one in good fun. Never once have I taken them personally. Would I have taken them personally had that person been dead prior to the joke? Nope, because that’s happened to me before. I told a story about my aunt on a blog, had someone joke in good fun about, because OBVIOUSLY they didn’t know she was dead, and I took it in stride! Maybe we ought to sign JasonK up for a Humo(u)r 101 class as well, hmm?
Oh, and another addition to9 Jason’s knowledge: Ryannon is a girl. As in, “she”. Not “he”. Please take note of that.
Yo momma so fat… well she is isn’t she?
If you are going to be this sensitive, the internet is not for you. Thats the barebones truth about it.
OK then. *loggs off*
Jimmy’s trapped in a well!?!?!?!?!?!
Yeah, he is. No go get Lassie before he drowns, or it’ll be on your head.
Yeah it goes from A-Z on the keyboard…
His follow up question was ‘can you Polish this luv?’
“why are you cumming here?”: Wife asks man at brothel
‘So it definately is syphillis then…’
…. polyphillis….
or even multiphillis
Did he get the spousal discount?
Yes, and they lived happily ever after.
Obviously there oughta be a family discounts for relatives of the employees.. Still not a priceless FAIL since you wont get it free, just a bit cheaper.
I’m kinda disturbed by this “family discount”. In some cases it would mean that someone would request his sister in order to get the discount.
Hey, the recession’s a bitch. We all have to do our part.
no, but she got the employee discount
And the moral of the story is:
Trespassing leads to divorce.
So does marriage.
My latest research indicates that 103% of the people getting a divorce was married (Result may differ within 3%).
I’m 97% sure you’re right
That’s more than half!
Only just.
so does your mom
Ima hearin’ ya sistah.
Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.
I’m guessing it’s sort of like the shop’s wedding gift? “Hey, you stole a necklace! Well, happy engagement! Ir’ll double as a present! My brother’s been looking for a wife for some time now…”
Shoplifting is punishment for marriage in some countries.
“I told you I was going to visit my Mother”
Well, many men would fall for that one, if it wasn’t a lie of course.
Like the cake.
Valve killed my family for cake.
The cake killed my dog.
Oh i messed up a little there, by valve i ment The Popular Movement for the Liberation of Angola… and by cake i ment conflict diamonds.
You misspelled mushrooms.
I did once, yes.
It was a dark time.
The mushroom bruise was dark?
Must have been some hard mushrooms to cause a bruise like that.
I normally don’t brag about my handiwork, but I’m awful proud of those bruises.
You take “facepalm” to a whole new level, Christoper.
Facepalmtree?
Facerosypalmtree?
Facebookrosypalmtree?
“Does your mother work here, too?”
That is so funny whenever it happens! What a universal story!
Huh, wait. Wrong thread.
Hmm, it can seem a little ironic that the man is looking for a whore, and he finds his wife at work…
Yeah, sounds like a tie to me. They could each be asking “What are you doing here?”
no the man’s is much worse- think of how many times she’s cheated, and he’s only gone there once…
Once, that you know of… Other times when it didn’t end up on the front page.
I don’t think “I’ve got a headache” is going to work for her anymore.
I don’t think “I’m going out for cigarettes.” is going to work for him anymore.
I don’t think this marriage is going to work for either one of them anymore.
Successful marriages are based on common interests, it is said.
I don’t think she is going to work for this marriage anymore.
I hope he replied: looking for you slut!
To which she replied: “earning our rent, since you blow all your
paychecks here!”
You know that it would be exciting to have a wife who has a career in entertaining other men…
Now I’m wonderin’ if she was the one he ended up choosing
Meatloaf again? Aw….
And now I’m praying for the end of time, so hurry up and arrive!
I always thought prostitution would be a great job. I heard so much about how sex was so enjoyable, why not get paid for it. I didn’t factor in the seedier side of prostitution until I was older so I switched over to stripping.
That’s a different kind of pole.
Polish men are known for their length.
And being slippery.
Slippery poles, makes me think of firemen.
That makes we want to pack a lunch. Got a container?
Is Chippendales open this early on a Saturday?
Chippendales? I thought we were going to visit LB’s pants.
And building the best damn bathroom you’ve ever seen!
Infidelity WIN
♪ Hi fidelity high ♪
Oh man.. what an earworm!
It’s a Famous one, no?
Gonna live forever.
Like “Peanut on a Railroad Track”
It’s one thing to hear it from Buck’s mouth
it’s another thing
to hear it from the TK-421
At least they found a common interest.
what a love connection
Suprise!
You’re Dead!
Guess what?!? It never ends!
Joy!
Surprise Faith No More is always good.
I thank you warezIbanez.
*walks into brothel*
*sees Mikey D*
GASP! What are YOU doing here??
*squeeezes the moomin anyway*
*exits house of ill repute*
HA!HAHA!! Open yer eyes!
Took me a second to realize that this was actually a double fail.
Yeah I really want to know if they even argued after that. I’m sure they did, but how could either of them be justifiably mad at the other?
So anyway, after he shagged her…
You have to wonder if he would have to pay to be with his own wife. And if so, would he have to tip her?
the tip is the child support payments
it’s a trap
lol
I think you misspelled tap.
Hahaha. I love that he has to ask her what she’s doing there
Stop jumping to conclusions. She was just the accountant.
I know which beans she was counting…it’s the etching on the ledger balance that could hurt at tad!
Yup that’s true. Our women are whores.
Sad but true. That’s why I’m single for 7 years now. I hate whores.
That attitude isn’t going to get you laid.
Why would I want to get laid? I already did that 7 years ago. I know how unpleasant it is.
Believe it or not but in Poland you need to have sex with women you date. If I were rich I’d live underground.
So instead you’re staying in the closet?
Give Mr. Tumnus my best!
Believe it or not but in Poland you need to have sex with women you date.
Wait wait WAIT! Are you saying that this is a law somewhere in Poland, of is it an implied societal pressure, like “You need to help the homeless” or “You need to donate to Breast Cancer Charities”
.
Either way *packs bags*
Polish father speaking to his daughters boyfriend:
.
“My daughter tells me you are not having sex with her. This is an outrage! What will the neighbors think? You go up to her room right now and restore her honor or I will have you arrested!”
Stern Judge in front of young man.
.
“Jason Kozlowski, you have been charged with 66 counts of Unrape in the 2nd degree, how do you plea?”
Well, the day he stood in front of the judge
he screamed, ” She lies that little slut!”
The judge knew that he was full of shit
and he gave him 25 years
And now his heart is filled with tears.
Actually more of a custom invented by women. They’re dominating everything theese days. I mean some time ago we locked up 2 women because they were topless on a beach. But the court (after a 3 month trial) said thy’re innocent.
You know what we put on our gravestones just below death date? “Best day of my life”
Given the latitude and longitude of Poland, women being topless at a beach shouldn’t be a crime so much as an act of human determination.
.
Talk about nipples that can cut glass, though.
Women being topless IS a crime here. We’ve outlawed toplessness a long time ago because breasts are ugly. Not for religious or moral reasons. Just because they’re ugly. We’re simple people.
ahem. Guess you don’t watch South Park do ya?
Not regularly, why?
I would outlaw everyone if you ask me. Man don’t have breasts. You should get out more.
By “man-breasts”, he meant when men are so overweight that the fat around their nipples sags, making it look like breasts. But because they are men, we call them, “man breasts”. I think you are the one that needs to get out (of Poland) more often, my dear friend.
Also, some men actually lactate a little, because their hormones are screwed up or something. So they actually do have “real” breasts. Just thought I’d share.
I read Wikipedia way too much.
While I’m a firm believer in “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander”, I think that if the laws changed today and women went around topless, we’d see a lot more cases of assault. We haven’t evolved enough as a society to allow for it, sad to say. Though it would be fun to see what the religious right would make of it.
Maybe we should make it the same for both… only instead of both men and women being able to go topless, NEITHER should be allowed.
I can’t believe no one’s thought of this!
Yeah, I see THAT going over well.
No offense.
I just don’t see the entirety of American men agreeing to being told they can’t do something they’ve ALWAYS done. The part that bugs me is ANY man can walk around shirtless, regardless of physical fitness. If a woman with an OUNCE of fat at her belly tried this, she would be ostracized. Double standards abound.
Never mind the fat, what if she *gasp* has an outtie?
Double standards make me want to vomit.
I guess it all depends on context. If I saw a guy walking around downtown with nothing but a speedo on, I would call that indecent exposure. But if there was a topless woman at the beach, I wouldn’t think much of it.
But if you saw a guy at your local ballpark minus a shirt you wouldn’t think twice now would you?
Actually, I would. I don’t see that many shirtless guys, so when I do actually see one, I’m like, “why? Is it so terribly hot that putting on a thin white shirt would make you die of a heat stroke? Look at all these other guys wearing shirts! What makes you so special? Is your body temperature higher than that of other guys?”
Can you please speak to the men around Chicago? In the summer I used to go to the beach (lake beach, but we have waves–small ones), used to. I found out that a woman alone at the beach is an open invitation for old, flabby, too tan, way over weight speedo sporting, gold medallion wearing, oily, nasty men to approach me and be gross. This also happens at the park. And in certain areas of the city proper. In the city they wear suits, have wind-blown hair, no socks, and are all over 60. They all think I am about 25. Ick.
I missed a comma or two in there, but I would hope you get my drift.
Fortunately, I live in Kingston, Ontario, with a population of about 100 thousand, so I don’t have to see that many creepy old guys.
To give an example, it was in the 50’s today (warm, way warm for Chicago in February) and there were guys in shorts and flip-flops. Now, that in mind, imagine what they’re like in the summertime.
I have no idea why my last comment didn’t show up in the list on eth side. I can only assume that no one else can see it. The weird thing is it’s not in the least bit foul or dirty.
Stoopit blogmonster.
That was weird…
*Backflips over Hammykins*
*Cartwheels around Dragon*
*Sticks the landing next to Avis*
*SMOOOOCH!*
I can see why you don’t date…
The world would be a lot better if we were so obsessed with sex that we didn’t have time for wars or crime.
I reckon making that change in tele programming at least would be a good start!
Uh, that’s how rats live. We’re better than that. We kill each other to thin out the herd, to keep the population under control. We’re smart that way. We screw who we want, then we kill who we want. That’s the top of the food chain for ya, baby!
If you find it unpleasant, you’re doing it wrong.
For some reason, I think there might be another reason that you’ve been single for 7 years.
*snerk*
Self-justification FAIL.
No wonder you failed…Your just not doing it right…here, watch…
.
*Self Justifies!*
.
Okay, I’m all emotional now.
you don’t like the Ploand Whores? who do you like, the yankees?
Pie
Never been to Ploand, so I couldn’t say for certain. Never utilized a prostitute either, unless you count the act of wining and dining and dating “payment”.
Funny, I’ve always wondered about that difference …
Your comment is wrong on so many levels, I can’t begin to list them all… I mean: “Yup”? Come on, where did you learn English? Some of your sentences don’t even have verbs in them! What kind of teachers do you have in Poland?
Bad. Very very bad. They don’t teach english. They teach British.
Are you saying the British don’t have verbs? You uncultured barbarian! Where did you think English came from? Yes, I know it has roots back to Latin and such, but still. Jeez, what where you thinking?
Yup.
Personally, I talk rubbish for the most part. you may have noticed.
What’s wrong with talking rubbish? *offers a cookie to the moomin*
It’s a dirty habit
*Gratefully accepts cookie*
*offers mug of warm milk*
Awww, thank you. I don’t suppose it’s Lactaid or Silk? I’m lactose intolerant.
*offers warm soya milk* It’s all I’ve heard of before. Although a friend once made milk from soaking oats in water. Have you tried that?
I have not; that sounds interesting. *takes milk* Thanks!
Um…actually, English originally has its roots in the Germanic languages. The Latin influence didn’t come in until 1066 with the Norman invasion.
Like I said, I added ‘as such’ in my comment. I could not be arsed to add ALL those languages. Of course, what you say is true, and is one of the reasons why Hitler did not originally plan to invade Great Britain; both Germany and the UK shared a common anglo saxon ancestor.
“Thanks for the clarification, professor. I stand corrected.”
♫To people whose English is painful to your ears♫
♫The Scots and the Irish leave you close to tears♫
♫There even are places where English completely disappears♫
♫ In America they haven’t used it for years♫
LOL!
Once again I have missed you Coyote.
I hope all is as well as well can be.
That could happen only in Poland
och, nie, kretyn sie mądrzy! bo ty to się, kurwa, znasz, prawda, wsiochu?
Stary, chyba usiadłeś na przecinku. Naucz się polskiego, mądralo.
Majes, I have to inform you you’ve been insulted by one of my nation (but with that much comma fails I start to doubt if he’s speaking Polish…)
This is without a doubt the failiest fail I’ve ever seen. Yes, that includes the potato vicar and the “I F****D YOUR BOYFRIEND” Shirt.
It so doesn’t top the vicar/potato incident. This will never have the strength to carry through fail after fail like a potato can. Psshh.
I have to admit it’s not nearly as repeatable. But I still think it’s much failier.
Plus, it’s pretty evident she carried on through more than her share of fails.
The potato has become a modern classic.
Well that will be the most ironic arguement ever if… I mean When they argue about this.
At least she was turning a profit.
Profit?
Maybe because she is the “novelty” whore who:
a) snorts like a pig the entire time
b) makes even the ugliest women look pretty
c) doesn’t make the sewer workers clean up first
d) has a vaginal infection that frightens AIDS into remission.
e) has a model train set up with track into her potato hole
But does she make money?
does that make sense?
I feel so much anger in this particular part of this thread. Hide Mookie, hide now!
OMG, ROFLMAO.
Skwerlly, you are one sick little animal. It’s disturbing that anyone could actually think up shit like that. Please tell us a demon possessed you momentarily for that post, otherwise we’re forced to wonder what hells you’ve had to suffer to think up that shit. I mean a vaginal infection that frightens AIDS into remission? DAAAAAMN!
I laughed my ass off about vaginal infection that frightens AIDS to remission
But he was stimulating the economy!
Is that a stimulus package in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
One and the same.
1.) Visit “house of ill repute”
2.) Suddenly notice your spouse is an employee
3.) ?????
4.) PROFIT!!!
LOLOLOLOL
5.) Divorce over who got what STD
6.)??????
7.) UNPROFIT!!!
Sharing is Giving
Sharing is Giving is Fail
Failing is caring
Forest of Failings and Car-A-Lot, the home of the Failbears.
“Honey, can we PLEASE have sex, its my birthday!!”
“Look, I leave work at work, all right?”
^WIN!!
Wife: To give you a big treat for your birthday present -smiles lustfully-
DUDE this one is OOOOOOOOLD, happened about 3 years ago
Mookie, what is the statute of limitations for a fail?
Same as murder – there is none.
Uh oh.
*Puts failbodies back in closet.*
I’m sorry that you already new about this fail, it simply means you can’t enjoy it’s horrendousness like the rest of us.
The only horrendous thing I can see is the grammar in your comment.
So I’ve been arrested by the grammar police a few times, what’s it to you?
Sorry, take off the last four words, I don’t want to be a troll too.
Don’t worry. You’re not.
Yes. livinginaglasshouse, have a sit down in the failMensa lounge.
That’s harsh, BFF. livinginaglasshouse was slamming a troll…and we don’t slam those who slam trolls like this.
Sorry, DW. I wasn’t really thinking, and I didn’t see which comment he was replying to. I’ll be a little less harsh from now on.
Grammar is only relevant in formal situations, it’s use is subjective in informal settings where the intended goal of a sentence is communication of an idea. As loathsome as improper grammar may be, if said grammar does not obstruct meaning correct grammar becomes irrelevant.
*facepalm*
when/where/how (whatever may be the best way of stating this question) does “facepalm” come from or mean?
*facepalm* is basically when you slap your face because someone’s done something stupid or you’ve said something stupid and you suddenly regret it.
Click my name for further info.
*headdesk*
That answer was incorrect, sorry.
sounds like one of those urban legends. reuters got pawned
Which pawn shop? I have been looking for a good news source but they tend to be overpriced.
I think its the same one where they sell those Hershey’s Syrup candles… those candles are distrubing, but not as much as the look on that guy’s face as he holds it.
Or the shit all over his mouth and chin?
That ad is traumatising.
*sits in the corner, rocking to and fro, whispering “it’s only chocolate, it’s only chocolate”*
*comforts BFF*
Here, wanna play with a tazer?
*hands BFF a chocolate chip cookie, which may be unadvisable right now…*
AAAH!!! BROWN STUFF!!!
*Runs around the room shreiking, with mouth foaming and arms in the air*
Dude…shit…when I was your age…actually, that might explain a thing or two…
What’s brown and sticky?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
a stick.
Hmm DrB came to mind as an answer.
What’s yellow and smells like bananas?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Monkey spew.
What’s red and not there?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No tomatoes.
That’s just nasty.
Wait wat wait, BFF — Who’s “Thomas”?
*Silently scurries back in and inserts “i” into “wat”, and scurries back out waving hands mysteriously* You did not see anything…
Skwerlly, Thomas was in reference to Doubting Thomas, one of Jesus’ disciples who was so doubtful that he had to poke Jesus (literally) before he could believe he had risen from the dead.
You can’t even eat them. I was so disappointed when I found out.
*facepalm*
Was it something I said?
Let me guess, Hammykins. You were also the one who tried to put a hairdryer in the dishwasher?
Would someone please tell me why my comment was so worthy of a facepalm?
Not much, really – just that you suggested that you had tried to eat the candle. I understood you were referring to the ad, but maybe BFF didn’t.
Wow. That makes everything so much clearer.
Reading the comment over again, I see what he means. Probably should have specified HOW I found out…
Sixty-Fifth!
And yet, you’re still a troll…so sad, so sad…
C’est la vie.
I AM ON THE INTERNET !!!!!
YEEEAH !!!!
I don’t know whether to praise you or patronize you. I think I’ll patronize you.
maybe you should taze him for being an all caps troll. or just give him a prod with the cattle prod set to its lowest setting. just a suggestion.
Oh, alright.
*tazes OMG with cattle prod*
There.
Hands BFF new electric fly swatter. Tis fun, hurts like hell too!
ja pierdole znowu się z nas śmieją… xD
It’s more like “Shit, they’re laughing at us again…”
WIN
(and yes, I’m a Pole)
He didn’t know where his wife worked?
He assumed she worked at a casino, always coming home with quarters. Those poles really know how to tip!
And she assumed he was a eunuch. It was an informative night for the both of them!
When I was married, my husband knew immediately that I worked in the horse stalls cleaning them out. I never understood how he knew, I never told him.
Somehow, the smell of spent men is a bit more difficult to detect than horses.
I always knew when the ex was having sex without me. Err huh? wha?
Sorry, my wires must have gotten crossed again. Disregard.
this isn’t that funny. i’ll give it a 3.
This…this is all he’s got? THIS is his evidence that women are the root of all evil and out to dominate the world? Two topless women???
*laughs until it hurts*
Ooo I know where this comment belongs! And I also know that he had a bad shag 7 years ago and that made him completely give up on sex. So it’s two topless women plus a bad shag. That’s the root of all evil.
Of course! It all makes sense now…
ts20 – I clicky’d – cute!
*tries one last time* Thank you! ^_^
*GLOWERS*
WHY ARE MY REPLIES NOT WORKING?!
DAMN! YOU! BLOGMONSTER!!!
Husband: “What are you doing here?”
Wife: “I’m buying gift certificates for your birthday. Theeer’s yer sign.”
Facepalmtreehouse?
Facepalmtreehousearrest?
Facepalmtreecitizenshousearrest?
Facepalmtreeberniemadoffcitizenshousearrest?
Facepalmtreeberniemadoffcitizenkaneshousearrest?
“Facepalmthreesome” sounds way better.
MORE THAN HALF!!!
THATS ALMOST A QUARTER!
Okay…I’ll try putting this comment where it BELONGS, since it makes no sense down there at the bottom.
This…this is all he’s got? THIS is his evidence that women are the root of all evil and out to dominate the world? Two topless women???
*laughs until it hurts*
testing testing…. are the replies just plain broken?
You can reply to the new misplaced comments but not the older comments?
Failblog likes to mix things up a little to keep us on our toes. Can you make your comment relevant to the one you’re replying to and also work as a standalone comment?
Knock it up another notch on the spice weasel.
Thank you! ^_^
*gives up*
*Arrives back, bloody and clearly injured*
“The Blogmonster… is DEAD!” *Collapses
Our hero!
I’ll get Avis to tend to your wounds. You may need resuscitation.
Avis is near? *Feigns unconciousness, hoping Avis knows CPR*
*unfortunately, having had to spend the day out and about with her mother, only just now finding this comment, sits and looks around for her Christopher*
Good evening Avis! *breezes in on her E7000* How was your day?
*Everyone cheers for Christopher*
HIP HIP, HOORAY!
HIP HIP, HOORAY!
Is it really?
The time is still wrong, I think it’s still lurking around and merely wounded. Waiting to attack when we stop looking for it.
Unfortunately, it regenerates. We gotta work on that.
It’s pining for the fjords.
It’s metabolic processes are now history.
*steals the superfluous apostrophe from fluffy* I’ll take that, thank you!
So, umm…whatre you going to do with that thing?
So thats where I put it!
The other option might have scared you off *point’s*.
I thought so.
Just aim for the head
More than half!
Thats almost a quarter!
That was a pretty good testament.
Announcement:
Could all Failbloggers please vacate the premises immediately. The reply system has gone into shut down.
Please continue in a calm manner towards the exits. Do not panic. Repeat, do not panic.
You want strawberries in the waffle itself, as a kind of compote, or just all-around Strawberry-gasm?
Yes, please.
I repeat, could all- OH MY GOD IT’S THE BLOG MONSTER! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! AAAAAAH!!!!!!
Look, just ’cause he was hanging around for a while doesn’t mean he didn’t have things to do.
*Grabs Marine Corp NCO sword*
*Hops onto motorcycle with Avis bird design on helmet*
*Wheelies off to slay blogmonster*
This is like trying to read a complete article in the New York Times.
Continued on page C6.
Except we’re not getting the page number here.
the time is about two hours off as well
Depends on where you live. Blog time is always Pacific time.
That could explain why it’s two hours off.
Three hours for me :/ Right now, as I’m typing, it’s 6:22 PM, but the blog will say 3:22.
I deliberately set the time on my computer wrong so none of you would know where I am.
I deliberately moved my computer to another room so none of you would know what time it is.
Dammit. Now I don’t know where or when I am.
I’ve always wanted to know, what do the letters stand for?
The letters stand for nothing. They are completely without any moral anchor.
Yep. Sounds like the Times to me.
which section of the paper e.g. living, sports, the front section
*calls in the Failbusters*
*Failbusters theme tune starts*
If there’s something strange,
In your comments section,
Who you gonna call?
FAILBUSTERS!
Well at least they’re dpoing things together as a couple.
double fail that its posted under US article too?
looks like a double fail ;-;
Double Fail
nooo, what are YOU doing here?
I’m always exhausted by the time my wife climaxes. But she and her boyfriend are usually kind enough to change the sheets quickly so I can go to bed.
whaa-?
Don’t worry, you share the thoughts of everyone who just read foghat’s comment.
Ja pierdole, ale tu zjeby komentarze stawiają. Wy to kurwy z jakiejś wiochy chyba czy skądś się urwaliście, bucefały zakichane. Czytam te wasze przemądrzałe smęty i prawie czkawki ze śmiechu dostaję – nie, nie dlatego, że coś zabawnego piszecie, wprost przeciwnie – właśnie dlatego, że takie debile z was.
Musi być naprawdę zajebiscie tak sobie siedzieć w swoim małym, zapyziałym, prymitywnym i zacofanym kraiku i nadymać duspko, jakim to się jest kurwa obeznanym, światowym i w ogóle mądrym… Szkoda tylko, że zjeb jeden z drugim nie ma pojecia o niczym, co się dzieje poza ścianami jego małej, zafajdanej chałupki.
Ręce opadają aż do podłogi. Aż się nie mogę doczekać jak kolejny patafian skomentuje mnie w swój oryginalny i błyskotliwy sposób w stylu “OMG” albo “what language r u speaking is martian”… Nie, kurwa, neptuński, ty zakichany, ograniczony ksenofobie.
ja jebie, czlowieku daj se na luzzz
Za to jest to niezwykle inteligentne, by pisać na ANGLOJĘZYCZNEJ stronie po polsku i wymagać od ludzi piszących na ANGLOJĘZYCZNEJ stronie znajomości języka polskiego.
Kolejna sprawa – Ci ludzie, według Ciebie “ograniczeni ksenofobi” podchodzą do świata z dużo większą otwartością, niż Ty. Nie wiem, czy zrozumiałeś, co tutaj pisali, ale wiedz, że jedynym komentarzem, który ksenofobicznie krytykuje jakąkolwiek nację, są Twoje wypociny.
Nie potrafisz się śmiać z siebie samego? Traktujesz takie rzeczy osobiście?
To tylko i wyłącznie świadczy o Twojej niedojrzałości emocjonalnej.
W każdym innym przypadku powiedziałbym, że wystawiasz negatywne świadectwo Polsce i polakom. Ale dzięki Bogu napisałeś to w naszym języku, którego idiotycznych wulgaryzmów nikt nie jest w stanie przetłumaczyć na trzeźwo.
Pozdrawiam :/.
To english readers – in short, he is a xenophobic jerk, who feels that he’s offended with your comments…
wyluzuj człowieku, nie warto… szkoda nerwów.
What exactly are you ranting about? There is nearly nothing of what you said in the comments here…
To była twoja żona?
Polish win!?
I was going to say “Wow this is old, get some new fails, you hacks” but the date on the article sort of said it for me.
But still…
FAILBLOGFAIL
All things are new if you’ve never seen them before. The Marx Brothers are something new for someone everyday.
I heard this same story in the early 90’s – oddly enough, also set in Poland.
And yet another person who can’t enjoy a fail for being a fail.
Eh it’s called failblog….
A friend of mine got a job at a motel cleaning rooms to pay for his studies, but the manager gave him the boot because it turned out that many of the customers were his friends’ parents (fathers) or his teachers, and they were too ashamed to return once they saw him there…
It could have been worse. It could have been his mother.
Oedipus is Polish?!
No. That would be Oedipuski.
Psst, hey honey, might as well quit your job at the whorehouse; your man’s spending all the money you make there in the place.
Employees family discount?
i to wszystko w polsce
Ah, okay.
And your point is?
że jesteś bęcwał
tak dobrze?
What was he doing in the brothel in the first place?
Avoiding his wife, which makes it just that much more of a fail.
“It’s you again? Leave ma alone, b**tch! Man, you can’t have any more privacy these days..”
According to the article the couple had been married for 14 years and are now divorcing. Which I don’t understand neither of them can be mad at the other.
Man: “I can’t believe you are sleeping with other men.”
Woman: “At least I am being paid to sleep around.”
lololololololololol
…
I smell divorce in the air…
Same here. And I’m willing to bet she ended up winning the fight that surely followed this…
My question for the husband is, what the hell are YOU doing at a brothel?
FAILslut
I’m Polish and this happened to me just the other day.
she was probably at work. buba does not see the problem. !!?
I had to look up “brothel” in a dictionary, but then it was funny.
how did you achieve this? buba means, having a big penis.
Funny!!!!
Husband Fail.
Wow… That’s just sad. They obviously just were’nt doining it for each other…
What a shock seeing your WIFE at a brothel!
And what a shock seeing your HUSBAND at your brothel!
Isn’t this what ‘Escape’ by Rupert Holmes is about?
I just sort of happened upon all this and I mean this with all due respect.I am fasinated by your behaviour. this life you live on the screen.
I wonder if you guys all live in the same city? do you even know? does it even matter?
do you guys chat in other chat rooms? do you run into one another in other chat rooms? where did you first see the…I dont know what to call it…its like onomatopoeia of typing, *quiet smile* or *brushes hair*. when did you first see that?
how long have you guys been chatting on here? does it have quite a transient membership?
Anyway. you dont have to answer these questions if you feel badgered, I’m just curious. I studied this a bit in school.
Marriage SUCCESS. Just depends on how they feel about threesomes.
nice
I’m sorry, but what is a ‘brothel’?
A house of ill repute, a house of fallen women.
a whore house.
Girl’s got to earn some extra cash. lol.
He had everything he needed at home, why going out and pay?
He was married, what do you mean he didn’t have to go out for sex?
Man : “What are you doing here!?”
Wife : “Same question!!” D<
did he die?
Damn you, Blogmonster!!!
*shakes fist*
*closes tag* *kersplotch*