Submitted by Alyssa
-
-
Copy & paste this:
Popular FAIL Videos
-
Recent Failures in Communications
Elly on Poorly Dressed: Everyone Wubs … maw on Poorly Dressed: Everyone Wubs … snaz on Failbook: Kardashians vs … I say another challe… on School of Fail: We’re Go… Pixie_Princesse on School of Fail: We’re Go… Ace on Parenting Fails: Parenting WIN… joel on School of Fail: We’re Go… Arch Emesis on School of Fail: We’re Go… easily amused on Dating Fails: If Pregnant Wome… Rye on Autocowrecks: Doing Oral … 
Cheezburger Company Blog
that’s not clean OR safe!
Eh, some displaced banker or specialized worker will come along with their “stimulus” broom and sweep this all away.
moo!
mojo
Hoho
Hold on, this guy mentions a “stimulus broom” and nobody cracks a joke??
Mr. margarine comments on the lack of jokes and doesn’t do anything else.
. . .
Give us an idea of what you’re thinking
*smiles in a friendly way*
Its all trash humor anyway
Thanks for the clarification, Captain Obvious.
i wouldnt of noticed…
*grabs the shellacked halibut from Avis*
*THWACKS Walnutter upside the head*
*Joins in the THWACKING*
*Also joins in THWACKING*
THWACKS along
Packs a schlong
Smacks a thong
Cracks along.
Jacks a dong.
Kills himself.
*Also joins the THWACKING…*
Folks, he’s fighting back!
*drives by on her E7000 and delivers a mighty whack with her anti-troll club*
Good morning, all!
DTI, ’tis a pleasure once again! (admires E7000 from a safe distance…)
Nope you’re mistaken, im just quitely thwacking myself…
That’s…disturbing.
*slowly backs away*
*gives Walnutter his own fish*
much appreciated, makes things a hell of a lot easier
Glad to be of service.
In jail for revealing her breasts inside her own home.
That coorvah!
so this is the internet they have been talking about…..
Whatever gave you that idea? Look – right over there – it’s through that door…
Yes, that one, marked “RICKROLL”
aah, finally! The valet de chambre!
Sorry, wrong door. Try this one marked “HORRIBLE MEMES – GOATSE, TUBGIRL AND 2 GIRLS 1 CUP”
You have been most helpful, good sir, for I am most intigued by what kind of brewage those fair ladies might have to offer.
Alas ! *tosses up missing “r”*
BFF, please tell me you haven’t seen those…
Too late, scarred for life while he was off on a snow day!
Boredom. Idle Minds you know.
Bobby! I missed you! Did you hear the talk of a second befailment yesterday, Bob?
Hey – did walnutter utter an “eggcorn” (10:13)?
Yes, I believe so. [Disclaimer: I had to look that up.]
How was your day, Judy?
Not too bad; shopping and working on plans for upcoming vacation. Me & hunny are going to Disney / Daytona 500 race – we’ll be gone a week starting Wednesday. My first vacation in, wow, three years.
How about you?
Ooh, that sounds like fun. The bf and I had a leisurely day; we went to the aquarium and we’re heading out for dinner soon – Asian fusion.
There’s an asian fusion restaurant that’s being built at our new mall; I was hoping to get to check it out when it’s done.
What part of the world are you from, Di?
Well, I’m originally from the Burgh – hence my love for the Steelers – but currently and for the foreseeable future I am living in San Diego.
I wondered, when you mentioned you were going out to dinner at 7-something. Which made it 10-something here. Is SD where BF hails? Is that why the “foreseeable future” is mentioned? Or did the career send you out west?
Asian fusion???
Oh how i long to be in Cali.
*kicks self*
I KNOW! thats funny (:
i would just pick all that crap up.
ARE YOU EDUARD?!?!?!
I WOULD have picked it up, but I was in a car when I took this.
always clean and safe the prioryti of the city hahahahhaha
People like you are why America is a horrible place. You realize this is a FAIL website. So if it says “Clean and Safe Fail”. Its going to mean, its not clean or safe. Look up the definition of Fail in a dictionary. Oh wait, you can’t, because this is probably your house. Get a life, stop stating the obvious, and to everyone else in America, heed my words. We need to clean our streets of comments like these.
I guess nobody is doing their part!
But…I just picked up.
We all need to do our part. When I say “all” and “our” I mean “you” and “your.”
we you need to do your part?!?… i like your style.
I think that maybe “you” was supposed to replace “we”?
This thread is right next to the hershey’s syrup candle ad and that guy is freaking me out.
Same. SOMEONE ARREST THAT GUY!!!
the sham-wow guy is freakier
sham wow is a close second, we’ll arrest him after we find the hershey’s guy
Seriously though, what the hell is wrong with is eyes?!
Sorry, his.
Sigh. Bukkit, please.
*zooms past* Here you go! *tosses covered bukkit*
Diana, slow down!
No more coffee for you!
She only slows down to taze.
Bobby, to be completely honest, who are you to complain about someone else’s abundance of energy? I remember the day those college freshmen gave you coffee, and I was NOT very pleased with what I had to clean up. That’s why I picked it up, and lifted it all over to some area by a green bench… Uh-oh.
Bob, I think you missed the thread where I acquired the E7000, an ATV with a giant tazer mounted to the front. That’s what I’m using to zoom by; I’m not running around like a crazed skwerl.
Best stand back, Bob. Di’s hell on wheels!
*grins cheerfully* You bet!
*gets a mild shock from standing within 10 feet of the tazer* Ow… *puts on a rubber mask instead of the ol’ wooden one*
In my haste I should have included in my substitution “We all” for “You.”
Thus, “You need to do our part.”
That seems to be the way of the new “re-making” of the US.
you thank to I.
Well you are our… i.. your… nah i got nothing.
*THWACKS*
I think with all this cracking Walnutter is going to break open, I’d offer the results to Bob but it seems he only likes cookies.
it’l take more than the scales of an oily halibut to break me! though not much more…
How about the scales of 2 shellacked halibuts roped together in nunchuck fashion?
swordchuck fashion
http://www.nuklearpower.com/daily.php?date=041026
I would say yes but then you’d know my one weakness, so im gonna say… no
*opens little black book and notes “2 shellacked halibuts roped together in nunchuck fashion” next to Walnutter’s name*
Hmm…! I’ll get Avis to get right on that! Shellacking is her specialty, yanno.
*Grins*
I thought you’d like that one!
You’re stirring the pot Dragon. I’ve already had to close off the kitchen for renovations, and my extra-large and deep corner bathtub is in shambles. I’m running out of rooms to woo Avis.
The Admiral and I will help you build some new rooms onto your house.
A rumpus room?
*hands over shellacked halibuts, nunchuck style*
I understand these are needed?
Knew I could count on you, sweetie!
oh dear…
third !
Ah, you must be safety, then. we could use you on this fail.
Keep our city clean and safe? Screw you! I’m gonna throw away all my trash right here MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
hahahahahahaum hahahahaum *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM* F-T-W *beep beep beep*
Hint hint.
Notice the “anti-bum” design of the bench. It ‘d be mighty uncomfortable sleeping there.
ye-ouch. but what about recently-divorced-locked-out-of-thier-house men (or women but for some reason that never happens) who need somewhere to sleep off thier drink induced….
…. someones going to have to finish this for me.
haha
But its not my city *throws my rubbish down* hehe
Do your Fart ?
wtf lol. Thats never gonna keep the city clean or safe.
unless they’re powerful enough to blow the bad guys away…
LOL @ Detroit!
How do you know that’s Detroit? there are plenty of other cities that have trashy areas.
Yeah, that could be Los Angeles. Or New York. Or…I could go on.
LA – see picture attached.
I vote San Diego or somewhere in the rest of southern California
It does look like it’s primarily white trash…
*thinks*
*doesn’t touch*
*walks quietly away*
Wisdom is in the (bushy) tail of the beholder…
I’m going to agree with BF on the LA one – San Diego isn’t that dirty, and there are definitely palm trees in the background, so it’s not NYC, Philly, or Detroit.
I’m guessing Miami.
I don’t ever recall seeing palms like that in Miajami.
Me either. But then again, I’ve never been in Miami.
Hm. I have. I guess I’m just not very good at discerning different types of palm trees.
i live an about an hour north of Miajammi. South Beach is nice though.
I always hear it pronounced MeeYamee. Asian, I will be
back down your way next week, Delray to be exact.
I’ll be in Orlando, and then Daytona. Vacay time! Whoo-hoo! It’s been a long time coming.
I will be working. It appears I will be in Florida every other week for the next couple of months. My poor puppy.
Ry – by “puppy” – do you mean an actual puppy? I only ask because, ever since my first grandson was born, I have called him puppy. (He turns 16 next week!)
No kidding, I turn 16 tomorrow.
Well, then, if I’m too busy tomorrow to sign on – - a very Happy Birthday!!! to you, hammykins! Have a Great Day!
Thank you very much! I wish the same for your grandson.
I’ll give him your good wishes! Thanks.
Happy B-day Hammykins. Man i still remember turning 16…
Ry- shoot me a message when you’re down this way. Delray
is only a few minutes from me.
Well, we’re not talking about Miajami, are we? Why don’t we stick on the subject of Miami, okay?
Sorry, gotta say it like that because once you’re down there… Well nobody can seem to call it Miami. Somehow a J always gets thrown in between.
Ok, I know that this makes me a bigger nerd than usual, but I googled and found that it is in fact an LA bench.
*removes previous comment*
*scuttles out from under the bench*
*SQUEEZES DW’s ankles*
*sets aloft into the wide blue yonder in a dirigible made of crisp packets and pop cans*
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
No shit?
Yeah, there’s probly some of that too. Former L.A. resident here.
And diana proves Dragon wrong! NEWS EXTRA! DRAGON PROVED WRONG!
By the way, I was googling and typing while your comment posted, so I wasn’t going out of my way to prove you wrong – I’m just that nerdy-curious.
http://lifeandtimesla.blogspot.com/2007/02/welcome-to-our-city.html
Hee! That happens a lot more often than you’d think, BFF.
But never wrong in matters of the heart.
Or the spleen.
It’s because she keeps good notes in her appendix.
And I thought it was AA’s dictation.
I don’t know how you have the guts to make comments like that.
Would you guys leave off transcribing my internal organs, please?? It’s just…icky.
Yeah, liver alone.
LOL!
I was bowelled over by that rebuttal – DW, Ima hearin’ you
You know I heart you, right, Dragonwriter? I hope you can stomach the ensuring comments.
“-ensuring” “+ensuing” (I’ll take the bukkit whenever it’s available)
Oh, I can play a-lung for a while, I guess.
It won’t be in vein.
I kneed everyone here to be on their breast behavior with their comments.
(And I’m not needling you there, E. I truly appreciate your discomfort the other day and hope it helps in the long run.)
(Hee…! The knee feels a thousand percent better today. Thanks!)
No shit? Great!
o-o;; Are you.. talkin’ to MEH?
I could swear once I heard my liver talk, but this is just too damn wierd!
BWUAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!
Oh…*wipes tear*…oh, that was funny. Sweetheart, I am most often wrong in matters of the heart. Not here in my Failhome, of course…
*smooches my most Admirable Admiral*
…but there’s a reason I’m in my mid-late 30s and have never been married.
Because you’re smart?
My mom didn’t get married until she was 47, erm, I mean 29. The age she’s been for the last 18 years.
.
The guy’s nice, I like him enough to overlook the fact that he’s porking the woman who brought me into the world. And mid 30′s is the new 27.
Lol! You don’t need to soothe my ego, dear Christopher. I’m quite comfy being who and what I am. And somewhere out there, there may just be someone else who is just as comfy with all that stuff and won’t want to change a thing about me.
Soothe your ego? Hardly. To be honest, Dragon, reading your clicky and following your comments, you are dateable, delectable, someone who I wouldn’t change at all. I’m completely fine with dating a woman who is smarter than me *coughAviscoughHACK*.
.
Maybe it is just me, and it may not be my place to say, but I think you are your own worst critic, which is good for an author but bad for everything else. If I weren’t … previously engaged *grin*… and wasn’t terrified of Admiral and his fleet, I’d be flirting you up something fierce.
Awww…I think you actually made me blush.
*hug*
Tanks, my friend.
Tour twelcome twagon *Warmly hugs*
Did someone mention my name? In regards to WHAT?!
*SMOOOCHES Christopher*
Hi!
Avis!
Please don’t check the previous fail: I think I may have upset a few people…
BFF, so you stepped in it. So what? We all have at one point or another. I think we can all just drop it if we decide to.
The REALLY scary thing is I think I’m related to JK. To many details add up.
Hmmmmm
*looks around*
*sees nothing*
Odd, I just bumped into something
*Throws some peanuts near the squirrel*
*Scurries over* *Collects and counts each peanut* *Brings them back to hole in tree by the college campus, where she puts half of the nuts in one bowl for Bob, and the rest in another bowl for herself* But, Bobby, I’m sure you don’t need all of these nuts — You already have a couple of nuts yourself, I remember from experience
Not necessarily a bad thang, Sammy; they’ll arrest you in L.A. for doing it visible, especially in the trash.
off topic…
For a while i thought you were my ex haunting me, till i just read that. She wasn’t quite smart enough to google anything.
The crazy and the insane, I don’t know if that is a good mix.
not exactly a good mix, but lots of fun!
Goldie and Kurt fun or Bonnie and Clyde fun?
it is LA. i think that may actually be my apt building in the distant background…haha
You mean, like, your suitable building?
go on then…..
I can’t. I’ll hurt the feelings of Philadelphians. Oops.
Oh here, has some ointment!
Don’t worry about it, kid, we’re a pretty tough lot. I’ll mail you some trash.
Detroit has palm trees?
Wow,
didn’t ya know?
Globbal Warming and all!
You have to watch out for that globbal warming. You’re thinking that the globs will be their usual tepid temperature and then ~SIZZLE~ you’re nursing a third-degree burn. It’s horrifying.
Full thickness, painless.
The FailBOG Gift Shop has some ointment for that!
Are you worried about your bog disappearing?
No! Never! It is self replicating, thermatically controlled,and completely absolutely environmentally horrible. It produces enough methane from the decaying trolls to power FailBlog and Engrish Funny. Any extra gases are spewed out into the ozone layer to keep the Great Ice Age Freeze from occuring.
does it make cookies?
Yes! Indirectly! It provides gas to the cookie kitchen in the hollow tree.
If you had PAID for the tour instead of peeking through the fence you would know this!
There’s a tour!?
Din’t ya know lad?
Well, you’ve gone and missed it now!
You’ll have to await the next one.
Sit, eat cookies, watch the Bog Bubbles Burst!
do you provide the cookies or do I have to bring my own?
Cookies are $5 each, you must buy one and cannot bring your own.
*sneaks cookies in under shirt*
BOG Monster grabs livinginaglasshouse by ankle and dangles over BOG , “HAR, har, har, har!” says BOG Monster with a gleam in it’s eye.
[meanwhile, back at the office Skwerlly Bob and Skwerlly Em are so busy making out that neither one hears the screams!}
*fights off the BOG Monster*
run, livinginaglasshouse! Run as fast as you can! Save your self! ARGH!!!!
*is dragged into FAIL BOG*
OKAY! I’ll buy the cookie!
[meanwhile, back at the FailBOG office Skwerlly Bob and Skwerlly Em are so busy making out that neither one hears the screams or notices flashing lights beacons or sirens!]
“Oh! BRB my darling!”
*excuses self from Skwerlly Em*
“One or Two Cookies?”
*get’s on intercom*
“Boggy, put BFF down, it’s NOT playtime!”
I hope the office isn’t in the hollow tree, the Skwerls’ antics might scare them.
Thanks Skwerlly, I-
Er, Bob,
*whispers*
Your zip’s undone.
I think I owe BFF a cookie so I’ll take two.
*starts counting pennies*
*calls over shoulder whilst leaving the room*
“tour is in 20-30 minutes, when we finish up this …
Um, er, paper, ah, book, whooo, work ahhh stuff … oooooooooooh!”
“As Co-manager of FailBog, I’ll start the tour… WHOOOO!”
Oh fyuckin’ NO!
I’m Skwerlly Bob, the OWNER of FailBOG Co. Inc.!!
No woman skwerl gonna waltz in and take over shit!
Just cuz we fool around you can’t just title yerself and start taking monies!
Oh NO! NEVER!
*offers Bob a cookie* Calm down, dearie. Eat a cookie and breathe a little.
DIANA!
she she she just barged in and she arrrrrrrrgh!!!
*munch munch munch*
arrrrrrrrgh!!!
*watches serenely as Bob slumps to the ground, out cold* Ah, there’s nothing like a tranquilizer-laced cookie to calm down a frenzied skwerl.
Good work, di. I thought he was going to bust a nut or something.
BTW, livinginaglasshouse, the tour is totally worth the cost of admission.
*Furry lip quivers* B-Bobby… I never said I was c-co-owner…. I said c-co-manager! I g-get n-no monies or c-cookies at all! I-I never wanted to waltz in and t-take over… I-I-I… *Cries* WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
*offers sympathy cookie* I didn’t know male squirrels were so protective of their businesses.
*hugs Skwerlly Em*
See what you’ve done to her, Bob? There, there, em.
Oh! And on some nights we have a Laser Show to Led Zeppelin music and special cookies! It’s truly magical!
I’ll take the tour, please!
*Gives SB a nickel, orders two cookies and sits down to watch the show*
Look, a troll is fighting for its life! Have you got any t-shirts, SB?
We’ve got t-shirts, buttons, bumber stickers, (our highest seller is the “Honk if you’re BOGging!” sticker!), flags, boxers, briefs, women’s undies, thongs, printed-cookies, and memorabillia acorns that we sell up front! If you want delivery of your goods to the BOG’s show, you’ll have to pay a cookie or two shiny things more.
arrrrrrrrgh!!!
arrrrrrrrgh!!!
*sings, after seeing him eat di’s cookie offerings*
Lullaby, and good night, go to sleep now, my Skwerlly…..”
Uh, Juby? you looks funzies!
You looks likes a sick piece of pink cheeze!
ha ha LOL
Skwerlly go sleeps nao *slumps*
*tucks SB into a little shoe box bed with hand towel blankets* Night, Bob!
They’re so cute when they’re unconscious, aren’t they?
*draws moustache with marker pen on SB’s face*
*Adds Groucho Marx eyebrows and glasses*
*Climbs in box and cuddles in next to Bobby* *Whispers in ear* All the monies go to you…
Me wonders if it’s as safe as it is clean.
Not quite, but they’re working on it; collecting trash from other cities to even it up.
Maybe they did the Springfield thing – having other cities pay them to dump their trash there…
I think I have seen that documentary.
I think I smelled that trash mountain.
Have you visited Staten Island Fluffy?
Yeah, the problem is getting the good medical waste before the Miami Beach Commission gets hold of it.
irony win
Full garbage can fail!
Did anyone else noticed the apostrophe above the E? *points* É
that’s because it’s Spanish, for the bilingual LA residents.
That’s got to be Los Angeles. A hive of scum and villainy.
My hive just has bees
My scum and villainy just have hives.
of course
It’s funny because projects are dirty.
If only that white line was police tape, this picture would be perfect.
Unless that’s laser fire from the crazy neighbour, in which case it’s perfect as it is.
there’s more garbage there than in the back of my wife’s pants
Quite litter-ally “Junk in her trunk”.
This is suprisingly clean for New York or Chicago.
Los Angeles.
(see above comments)
Someone dropped his trash!
What? They didn’t say please. Or Simon says. Or Anpu commands you to.
Looks like someone ain’t doin’ their part…:/
It could be LA; we also have these same benches with the same signs in Oakland, CA and there are also palm trees up here.
yeah, im pretty sure this is LA
am pretty sure thats my house
You live on a bench?
Wow that is a heckuva username on top of living on a bench.
This should be categorized as a ‘Do your part fail’ and nothing more. plain and simple. kind of like a rotunda with wings. very easy going and we all get it right off the bat. speaking of bat, i earned my bat wings last summer when it was really hot.
This would be nice in fallout 3, or in Wall-E, in fact, any post-apocalyptic scene would do.
There are EXACTLY twice as many comments on Marriage Fail as there are on this one.
Well, not anymore.
That is so cool!
Not that cool. It’s Saturday night, there hasn’t been a new fail for a while, I predict this one should hit near four hundred or more by the time the next fail comes out.
I just meant the fact that the numbers were related in such a mathematically interesting way.
“I do not find mathematics interesting.” -Socrates
“I do.” ~hammykins
I think that’s great. Keep up the passion for learning!
Does anyone even get down to the point in these comments? It’s a picture, stay on topic! lol. 5 fail.
You know what’s awesome? Root beer flavoured Jelly Bellies.
Hey, you know what? I ate Greek food for dinner tonight.
I have a delicious Christmas recipe for Root nog:
2 parts egg nog
1 part root beer
Best drink I ever tasted.
Speaking of hamsters, I just went shopping and purchased a new coffee maker.
There is always room for more FAIL.
Thats actually kinda depressing
fake
It’s real.
I didn’t want to listen to my cousin talk about Terminator, so I took a picture of this while stuck in traffic.
Hey, at least the Pistons are … nevermind. This is Detroit, right? Safe bet.
I’m afraid not. This is Los Angeles, stated several times in the comments.
Looks like another case of “Read past comments before you comment”
And, now the News:
FailBlog has announced today’s fail has the slowest comments section of the week.
LOS ANGELES!
Los Angeles
next to the 101 freeway on sunset blvd.
Captain Planet’s gonna be pissed when he sees this…
Not really fail the bench says “Keep our City Clean and safe Do your part”…
Someone didn’t do their part.
Looks like someone didn’t do their part.
I suppose the place is safe at least, right?
no, LA isn’t really a safe place
Picture WINS, Sign FAIL. City FAIL!
well, it wouldn’t make sense if the bench was on a clean sidewalk now would it?
hey is that in sacramento?
It is in Sacramento! xD
urban failure.