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Cheezburger Network Blog
First
Clear the area, here comes the flesh-tearing tazer blower-upper gun!
First to say second ;P
can u see it? there’s a stachelrochen on the picture
Errr…. no, there isn´t…
Wow if thats wat a cock looks like, i need to go see a doctor.
LOL! My cock looks like that…
NOT THE FLESHY COCK!!!
THE CHICKEN COCK
Don’t worry, if you had chicken cox as a kid, you should be safe now.
*masturbates* who wants white manjuce
no its the fourth.
Is it THAT important to be “First” get a life!
It’s maddening!
No, this is Patrick!
THIS! IS! CHILD CARE!
It leaks! It drips!
Does it dip and spit? And it seems to have a slight curve in it… Hm… I think it’s humorous how how the water is a pure white…!
You mis-spelt Princess Nancy? *shakes head in dismay*
Must I go back to my name bein Princess Nacy? Truly??????
Although I was no part of the naming process, I think it is what Failblog called for.
Just to be clear – Yes
I second that
It could be worse. Gutterslut could have stuck.
I quite liked Gutterslut but I’ll settle for Nancy.
And, anyway, I think Nancy is kind of cute.
He does take a nice headshot.
I’d tap that.
The New Improved Failblog: now with more hook-ups than eHarmony.
And no Nigerian scammers.
Are Nigerian princes trying to get you to give them affection while returning no actual affection themselves on eHarmony, Ry?
to be fair to the japanese (not that they deserve it) the proper name for a faucet like that is “silcock.”
For a man of the cloth you sound rather unforgiving…
And “Cock” is a general term for a stopcock, or water valve. If you read your Morris Minor maintenance book…
Nancy, if it helps, I had lesbian fantasies involving you last time I rubbed one out. Come on papi, put on the tiara and claim your throne.
Did you film it? If so I could watch it for you and give you some pointers. If not I could offer my services to film for you at a low introductory price of just letting me film it.
No, you don’t have to go back to being named Princess Nacy, but you do need to go back to being named Princess Nancy.
*goes in for some morning cuddles*
Did anyone ever tell you that you look kind of like a thin younger version of that guy that married Scarlet Johannsen? Are you sure you can’t be tempted?
Careful Ry. Mr Cuddles and I have a vague, unspecified sort of an agreement that may or may not allow for playing away with ladybirds.
Jus’ so we’re clear.
Don’t worry Bod, there’s no way she’ll flip me
*hug*
*hug*
You know that if she flipped you I’d flip you right back.
I love morning cuddles! *cuddles with ryannon all morning* I’ve actually been told I look like him quite a lot actually. I’ve also been told James Van Der Beek.
Here’s the deal, I’ll let you work your magic, and if you flip me, I’m all yours
I can’t
You and my son are too close in age and I would just feel perverted. I know, go figure, I have scruples somewhere, I just forget where I put them sometimes.
Let me handle this. I have no scruples.
*keeps an eye on Mookie*
Has this become a competition now?
Hi there
Bod, it looks like you have a few more to fight off.
Eeeek! I just saw all the teeth in that big smiley you did in the thread below!
I’m not going to fight them off. I just want to know who they are so that I can assess the risk of infection.
So far it’s looking pretty high.
*purses lips*
*wallets nostrils*
FIRST!
yeah, I’m sooo cool. Now why was a tap translated as “dick”?
The mysteries of foreign languages… It seems to be the same meaning as in german, there tap is called “Hahn” which is the same word for rooster.
i believe the true mystery is why that character has a tap on his forehead if it really does translate to dick…
oh, and here’s something to go w/ the misery…
*fail taze*
Because “cock” and “stopcock” are slightly old, but still perfectly valid English synonyms for a tap.
Or petcock for that matter.
Or rather, stopcock and petcock designate particular _types_ of cock/tap, as does ballcock.
To bring this back around to the misunderstanding that started it all, ‘cock’ as a slang term for penis _comes_from_ the resemblance in form an function between a penis and a tap, or cock.
oh, okay… I didn’t know that (embarrassed tries to delete former comment)
yay someone here speaks english
see definition #3!
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=cock&db=luna
Well… since I’ve never posted here before, I hope I’ll be forgiven for being serious, but one online definition from dictionary.net:
1. A fixture for drawing a liquid, as water, molasses, oil, etc., from a pipe, cask, or other vessel, in such quantities as may be desired; — called also tap, and cock. It consists of a tubular spout, stopped with a movable plug, spigot, valve, or slide.
Sooooo… honest mistake, LOL.
In many languages, that thing is called “water rooster”, because of its shape. The fail is on the english side.
By the way, cock means rooster too. Why do you guys take it as a word for penis?
Because in english speaking countries, all men have poultry between their legs.
what does it do??
God, where do I start…
start at the beginning, and when you reach the end, stop
I like to start in the middle, go to the epilogue, then the beginning, then the prologue, then the end… It just makes so much more sense!
You’re that guy from Memento aren’t you?
Memento???
Quality film, I highly recommend it. It’s about a bloke who can no longer form short-term memories so the story is told in a non-linear style to reflect the state of his mind.
And if someone tells you how it ends it’s even more ruined than “sixth sense”.
You are confusing movies now. It is Deep Throat the movie you are talking about.
I still don’t know how that one ends. Somehow I always get tired way before the final scene, roll over and fall asleep.
Men! And they keep wondering why I have one or two stashed in the closet.
But you don’t keep Princess Nancy stashed in there…he just won’t come out.
He’s so far in the closet Narnia is voting on whether to replace Wueen Lucy with him.
Eeep Queen^
that face was supposed to be this one
If I give you the bukkit, will you stare to cry again?
The urhu and skeksis are re-united into one being of light?
The main character discover that his evil archenemy is his father while fighting him with a fluorescent tube?
A glowing potato?
No, no, no, you are thinking about the x-rated version with glowing growing falices and they are having sword fights and fighting over Princess Layme.
He goes home?
Glowing cats? Chalices shaped like cats?
I used to care for injured wildlife. If they weren’t up for euthanasia, then they were kept until healed and released. The birds always reminded me of skeksis.
That must have been heartwarming when they slowly changed from skeksis to bird.
.
I used to wander around making the same noise as the skeksis in make-up as a kid.
You were made up to look like a kid?
I’m a made up kid. I was someone’s imaginary friend till I decided I didn’t like them so set up a new life as a moomin.
Are you anybody’s Moomin right now?
*tries to look appealing*
Hey! Remember where this got us last time?
Yes.
Sorry.
*SQUEEZES Bod while mr. cuddles isn’t looking*
*whistles innocently*
*SQUEEZES Bod and Mikey D* heheh
*SQUEEZES mr. cuddles while Bod isn’t looking*
I think he’s too distracted by my stripping and speedo in the next fail…
What?
Why did all the squeezing stop?
I’m beginning to think that maybe all of this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
And Cuddles: Keep stripping.
*SQUEEZE*
*pulls Bod back into the back room and locks door*
“up for euthanasia”? So if they were like “ehhh I don’t think I am really into this, don’t I have other options?” you would just heal them and get them bak into the wild?
Informed decision? Pffffft.
DrB: You up for some euthanasia, little wildlife critter?
WC: Eh, nah. I’m going to ride this whole “continue living” thing out. Thanks anyway, I might be up for it tomorrow.
Yup. Really enjoyed that one. It bothered me a little that it seemed to make sense!
I cried I laughed so hard at the car-park chase scene.
It was the note writing that was most disturbingly familiar!
How many tattoos have you got?
Where abouts are we talking?
On you. Tattoos you’ve got on other people don’t count.
It’s just marking territory, that’s all. When you draw funny faces they get cranky.
You’d think they’d be relieved you’d stopped urinating on them to mark them as yours to be honest. There’s no pleasing some people.
It’s that first wee of the morning that’s best for that.
.
I backpacked through India for a couple of months, long while ago now. I brought back gifts for friends & family. Some got painted silks, some got small bits of stone work, some got wooden figurines. One friend got a book called Auto Urine Therapy.
All I got was this crappy t-shirt.
All I got was a potato.
No, you idiot! You’re thinking about Butterfly effect. Movie n00b!
Where he keeps forming an entire lifetime worth of new memories?
Exactly! His brain has been melted by constantly standing next to the microwave. There are cyborgs in that movie too. In one scene, a cyborg knocks on his door, and as he gets ready to open it, the cyborg runs off laughing. Awesome movie! Just awesome!
Like 50-first dates.
Surely you must know Memento? It’s with Guy Pearce, who accidentally also did a stunning performance as a draq queen in “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert”
Possibly best known as “That bloke from neighbours”. Or that could be Alan Dale who is slowly infiltrating every TV series made in America.
Did you notice that too? No leading roles though.
*nods* It’s spooky. One day there’ll be a series where he’s the complete ensemble cast.
*nods* It’s spooky. One day there’ll be a series where he’s the complete ensemble cast.
*loves his ensemble work
*
You know! Memento! The freshmaker.
Do you mean the Extra Fresh Sperm Mints?
I love how you always leave me feeling minty fresh.
I love how you always leave my head dizzy and my legs shaky
I love how you always leave me breathless.
Hmm? Who kept this open bottle of chloroform in the air conditioning ducts?
Hey! I was in these ducts first! Gerroff!
That’s Mento
glad i missed a right old conversation. this happened before. i was slightly put out by it then, too.
*SQUEEZE*
Nice! You put out? Mookie will be so excited.
God, no, I’m tired. My dance card is full.
I’ve told you before, don’t call me God. I put my pants on just like everyone else does. And you too can have explosive orgasms with practice.
Don’t bother with the pants. I’ll be there in an hour.
*explodes*
…what? a sick girl’s gotta cheer up somehow…
*puts on surgical mask* Here’s a map to Ry’s house. See you there!
Fourth!
Of February.
Your username hurts my brain.
It’s a double fail. Not only is it a fail for trying to use ‘1337′ speak, he failed to replace the B with an 8, which is part of said failed typing style.
” A stopcock is a valve used to restrict or isolate the flow of a liquid or gas through a pipe.” – Wikipedia
Also, if you do a google search for “bibcock” you also get lots of tap pictures…
NERD!
For me, a stopcock is a command I tell assholes when they are bothering me. It is an indicator of pain to come if he doesn’t stop.
The tap coming out of the forehead of the kid… brilliant!
Brains pour out.
Daddy told me when I was older that white stuff would drip outta my little head.
just keep screaming until Daddy stops.
NO! Don’t scream! They like it more when you do!
Fail recognition fail.
Didn’t I see this thing in the state of Vermont…?
But the liquid wasn’t white.
If it only drips you may want to seek medical attention.
and the additional fail for the most futile invention ever goes to…
Futile invention??? The Sahel nomades will disagree with that, they will be very pleased with a faucet on the forehead!
Not if white liquid drips out of it instead of water. Except it’s milk.
Or cerebrospinal fluid. Would make diagnostics a lot easier for the neurologist. Next thing you know this tap wil be on “House MD”.
The tap should be attachable to other organs as well. Gastroscopy wouldn’t be that bad anymore.
If that is a crazy cock, does the little picture imply the kid is a knobhead?
He’s an only child. He’s just looking for ways to have fun.
He’s tapped in the head if he thinks that is fun.
They’re right. His cock is crazy.
I’ll say keep the Engrish in Engrish Funny!
I’ll say keep the tap in your forehead!
Mushroom print him. Oh that should have been a command in Mortal Combat. Instead of Finish Him. MUSHROOM PRINT HIM!
It was already a game off dominance, don’t you recall the one fighter was always yelling CUM HERE!
The “Teabag” has already made its rounds in videogames.
Well my cock look like that, is it crazy? :/
don’t you know your own language?
cock
• noun an externally operated valve regulating the flow of a liquid or gas through a pipe.
that’s what it says in the official oxford dictionary…..
But I don’t speak Official Oxford.
But she’s fluent in Boxford.
Not to mention her impeckerable Coxford.
As stated in the box, this tap uses suction to work. Why does that sound familiar to me?
Lou, of course it’s all for naught unless you have a garden bed to water…
That was one of our first lessons, remember?
How to forget it!!!
And I am not saying this just because we keep going over that lesson now and then.
Practice makes perfect. Now let’s practice some more…
If we keep practicing at this rate I am going to be exhausted at the exam
You may have the day off today, then. But I expect you to be in class, fully prepared, tomorrow. Bring your pencil.
Ok, you let me know if I need to do any homework for you to review tomorrow.
That depends – how much work can you get done in half an hour?
I was thinking more on the terms “what kind of work could I do for you to review tomorrow?”
We’d better review that lesson plan together, to make sure all subjects are covered. Remember, this isn’t an independent study class.
Oh, I love teamwork, as harmony and sync are exercised.
You misspelled “moan” and “skype.” I’m going to have to keep you in for detention.
Detention again? I hope this time you leave at least one of my hands untied from the headboard… I may try to use it to redeem myself of those faults
Strangely, the german word for “faucet” is “Wasserhahn”, which literally translates as “water cock”. Perhaps the japanese imported the German word by literal translation when faucets were invented??
Actually this is not a translation fail. It’s an old-meaning-of-a-word-which-is-no-longer-in-current-use-that-way fail.
OH, like in the Flintstones theme song the first few seasons, ‘You’ll have a gay old time.’ I get it.
It was changed to ‘Great’.
It’s still used that way. You just don’t see it often outside of repair/technical manuals.
that’s what she said
How dare they call mine crazy =@
Translation fail? More like education fail. Open a fucking dictionary.
I get it, you are angry. Go with what you feel. You don’t like people calling your cock crazy. I don’t think it is your cock they are looking at, it’s that look in your eye.
There’s no point, Ry. He’s not a “crazy” fail, he’s a “has no sense of humor, is dead inside” fail.
There’s nothing we can do…we’re too late. *sniffle*
Dropping the F-bomb while encouraging people to seek knowledge…priceless.
I like the “tap” on his head
Nice touch
What a rip off. That cock’s not even that crazy.
My crazy cock, let me show you it.
save it for the superbowl..
This is the Justin Timberlake follow up to Dick In A Box. Crazy Cock on Your Forehead.
.
Step 1: Okay, he hasn’t finished the lyrics, this is just the album cover.
Hey! Has anyone heard about the German translation of tap?
It’s crazy!
ps Cockadoodledoo!! Morning boys! Cock o’ the morning to you!
No… wait… that last comment was not so relevant.
Apologies.
I prefer to think of you standing on a chair with a big stick jumping up to reach the lightswitch.
There’s one by the door.
Damn. I knew there must be an easier way.
Hang on there while I put my chair away. It goes in the cupboard here just around the corner outside the window… if I can reach.
Otherwise there’s another cupboard under the stairs.
Bastard. My drink just came out my nose.
And for my next trick…
Was it still in the glass? Impressive!
Hee!
That was going to be Bod’s next trick
SIMPSONS!
Whats that crazy cock doing on the microwave oven? LOL
I have one of those..
I wish there was a low budget advert for this , with that dude whats-his-name narrating while little children run around with crazy dicks on there heads! Awesome!
This is a gag gift, a fake faucet that you can put on random stuff, like your forehead, or a microwave, or something, and magically water comes out of it, surprising your friends! Which makes a ridiculous name less of a fail…I’m serious! Read the packaging!
Prefect valentines day gift?
Umm… But the proper plumbing term for an exterior faucet is a “Sillcock” or a “Bibcock,” so while they probably should have called it a “Crazy Faucet”, they technically didn’t mis-translate it. Not really a fail.
Believe me they get crazy
Hey, Mikey D. Are you Swedish?
Meh, the only fail is on behalf of the people who assumed that cock was a synonym for penis. Brush up on your English skills people. As people above have said, cock can also mean tap.
You all need an education. This translation is correct. Cock is another name for a valve.
Technically it is a cock. It is a plumbing term. The full term, oddly, is ballcock.
it’s only a failure if that’s not what you like, ask lil jimmy norton.
Crazy Cock will still sprew a load on you and my nuts are itchy!
now holds with powerful suction cup action!
This post is made of fail. The technical term for a small valve is a cock. The phallic meaning to the word came way after this terminology was used for valves.
Failblog fail.
Wait, you want us to make light of logical, rational things and situations? Really?
Hm. It looks like his head is leaking. (;])
i dont get it……….
OH MY GOD! I GOT THIS WITH MY VICIOUS VAGINA!8D
failblog fail: look up “cock” in the dictionary. you will see that one definition, albeit possibly archaic, is “faucet”. Along with “sillcock” and “bibcock” that have already been mentioned, there’s also “stopcock”.
Hey,
Are you a translator by profession? Then you must check out – http://www.translationartwork.com , maybe it could be of some help to you.
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!
crazy fail