Submitted by Mike M
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1st.
And boom goes the dynomite…
TERRORISM
Well the stairs has a contraption that turns itself as a ramp when needed..
would be cool in an escalator..
Wow, dynomite? Never heard of that, just dynAmite.
And that was only my 2nd post on this site!
Is that meant to be a Space Hopper hes on then?
nobody cares! *TROLL AWAY ACTIVATED*
Care enough to inform me that you don’t care!
hahaha
true
hahaha
troll
hahaha poll
haha crétin
How do you get the accents?
the keyboard is “from” switzerland
Damn. Do you know where I could order one?
europe?
Of course!
*dials 1-800-EUROPE*
*phone rings*
Hi, do you guys have any of those cool keyboards left…?
as many as you could ever want
Be aware that it has holes in though. Also sometimes a bird pops out and coocoos.
whatarewetalkingabout?
about the japanazis
Watch out for the French version…tends to fall apart and surrender to the mouse.
Thanks Gawd you warned me,
I was about to order one from Radio Cabane.
I’M COO COO FOR COCOPUFFS
Change your keyboard language to FR or NL
haha crepé
again, i dont care
Feelings hurt?
I’m here if you need me.
Don’t worry. Nobody will ever need you.
Deep man… deep…
By posting this and carefully avoiding the word “first”, and taking into account that this is only your second intervention on FB (if it is true), you hereby are granted by me, czuhc, acting as a legal representative of the FB community, the rare Benefit of the Doubt, but you will still have to fill in the proper forms promissing that you won’t do it again.
You’re a lawyer what now?
just tase his stupidass and toss him in the cage, he’s already eating the forms you gave him. i’d say he’s not worth the effort you’re wasting on him
Obviously you were not worth the effort to your english teacher. Thankfully, the internet doesn’t care about such things.
You’re representing Failblog, and you misspell ‘promising’… *sigh*.
Let me speak! I hadn’t quite finished. Ehem :...and thou shall be granted one typo a day, to be used at will
Btw, we’ll discuss this again once you are able to write a flawless dutch legal dissertation.
mmmmmm dessert.
oooh! where???
*eyes the bukkit*
surely…surely not in there? Nooooo! my dreams of a delicious dessert are ruined!
*puts head in palms and starts to weep*
Whyyy, failbolg? whyyyy?
They have an entire desert in the bukkit, complete with palms? Wow, that must be a big bukkit. Go Failblog.
hmm, have you used that bukkit? ah, wait, it was upgraded a few fails back, to accomadate multiple users at the same time. so you were thinking of Bukkit v0.8, now we are onto Bukkit v1.0, compatible with mulitiple users!
Bukkit v1.0 features a quatum superposition state loop which enables multiple users to utilize the Bukkit v1.0 at the same time! Also included, as an optional extra, is an elevator, which through a fluctuation in the space-time continuum, goes to china, where all of your objects are stored and processed, then sent back to you! Bukkit- making life, just a little more failing.
Wow, that’s a pretty luminous bukkit. Someone should write a book about it.
Fluffy Mackerel Pudding. That’s what’s in the bukkit now.
Side effects of using Bukkit v1.0 include loss of dignity, and you will experience some shame.
.
Oh, and i did write a book about it!
*eyes Strategist appraisingly*
I have my eye on you…
*hands dragonwriter a free copy of “Me and my Bukkit v1.0 – a frienship”*
this is the second to final draft…maybe you could suggest a better title? i can do technical things really well, but i suck at doing names…Please? Thank you.
Sounds like our perfect representative.
Lawyers promise nothing, thus they cannot spell the word.
just tase his stupidass and toss him in the cage, he’s already eating the forms you gave him
“stupidass”. Wow.
He’s shocked to finally realise who he really is.
I think he is a she, and she is using up all her credit methinks.
Hehe. I just got visions of the opening scene of 2001 where the primates find the bone and bang it on the ground. Hehehehe.
Huhhuh… You said bone…huhhuh…and bang.
We could use a black obelisk around here. It could patiently wait for sentience to develop in the trolls that show some promise and fall over and flatten the ones that have no hope.
Obelisk? Surely you mean a monolith?
Surely I do. Thanks!
You can ask Dave Bowman to kill the trolls. He’s around sometimes.
I’m sorry Dave, but I’m afraid I can’t do that.
What are you doing, Dave?
you’re the boss!!!!
*tazes Jonda and then thows her in the cage…*
my an idiot? where? i want my idiot
Well, you just owned that one, so I’d say it’s yours.
Most people don’t care. The rest oppose you. *goes to trunk, retrieves M2 Flamethrower*
Would have been worse had it been an arrow pointing down the stairs…
nah, then they could slide down the railing.
you ever see a wheelchair tumble down a flight of stairs?
well, i’ve been a wheelchair that’s tumbled down a few steps. does that count??
You were a wheelchair in a previous life? Or did you have some weird transmogrifier related incident?
Actually, Wormulon is a transformer-style cyborg. You should see what happens when Mookie gets involved…
Do they slot into each other to form the beast with two backs?
Ooh, so you’ve seen it.
Have you witnessed the horror that is the metal candelabra?
It was one way to set the night on fire.
Oh, how I wish that were only a metaphor.
It was worse when they used the flame effect light-bulbs.
No.
come on you two fine human specimens, hop in my chair and yourselves off the top of the steps together and if you aren’t paralyzed the first time keep trying i’ll cover your ER deductible for you
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
On your lap or all alone?
oh, aren’t you cute! *tases the smartass puss*
*watches him fall down stairs* *claps* Good Job!
it’s a wheechiar after all
lap dances are for the nice boys
Ooooo ooooo, I’m nice, just ask me and I will tell you I’m nice.
ooooo you got a nice truck, give a girl a ride?
puts on wig and stuffs socks into shirt, hay babeeee
I think you’re missing some asterisks – here’s a few extra: ****
*steals asterisks*
Damn you! &shakes fist&
*hands hammykins some new asterisks*
See? these are Asterisks v1.0! now able to convey more emotion with two asterisks!
Well Hello little lady, just like the saying goes “No gas, No a$$, No grass, No ride.
*farts*
give me a ride?
I think you just paid for something different there.
Skwerlly…I’m sorry I sent you to Eugene, Oregon. This was the first genuine, out-loud belly laugh I’ve had today. Thanks.
Careful Bob, he may put you away wet…
They should use the wheeechiair ramp instead!
duh?
You could use the ramp but where’s the the fun in that?
bump, ow! bump, ow! bump, ow!
They just need to be on the look out for Crocs
hey, i’m always on the look out for a cute pair of Crocs, i’m wearing pink ones today
You mean ones without dentists?
It’s a good thing stairs are a human invention, because with 200+ million years of evolution going for them, you’d have to think they could eventually figure out how to be at the top of those stairs.
Don’t you mean “Bump, oh. Bump, ooohhh. Bump, OMG!!!”
I’m guessing we’re going to see more of those climbing wheechiairs, what with all the handicap access fails…
You could still use the elevator. It is in China though…
why? the arrow clearly indicates you can just roll up the stairs. you’re not all calling the arrow a liar are you?
I’ve trusted arrows like him before, but I just wound up getting hurt. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust another arrow again.
those damn indians!
just hang up when they call you
buhddists or hindus?
the stereotypical feathered ones that go whuwhuwhu
That rules out the Iriquois nation then.
Fire engines have feathers in your locality?
*snork*
can i be a troll today?…i’ve never been this high up…….OKAY HERE IT GOES…..5rd!!!!!! woot!!!!
Fifthrd? Fiverd?
Fiver. He’s asking for money.
he’s asking for watership down
Send the Owsla after him.
*goes tharn*
ahh! my troll away is empty! i need to go buy more!
*runs to buy more troll away*
*encounters jonnymoom5 while he’s runnig*
Pssst!Psst! here’s a can of troll away extra strength grade, for free! once you have finished it, please tell us how how found this product…
*gives can of troll away*
you can reach us in china. just use the elevator.
thanks man!
*runs back and sprays troll away*
i found this product while i was in shoprite
it just said
“troll away 9.99! plus 20% more”
ive used this product for years and i love it
Actually, I thought you found the product while running feverishly into Shoprite, looking for troll away, when someone, presumably a corporate rep, just gave you a free sample.
well i bought it the first time at shoprite but this time i did encounter him while i was running this time. and i was wondering why it was for free
Well, you have actually been signed up for our testing programme…you will get free troll reppelant products free for only 500 yen? how does that sound?
*hands jonny waiver form*
*waves*
good luck!
500 yen thats 6.80 Canadian and and thats one blue bill cuz i like the blue Canadian bills so OKAY!
*signs waiver and hands back*
thanks!
wait!
i didnt read the fine print!
*inspects fine print*
this is amazing
did you go to law school?
oh, yeah sure i’ll just drag my wheechair right up that! no problem, just wait at the top and cheer me on
Couldn´t you jump?
oh, ha ha ha
NO you f*ckin idiot! i’m in a wheechair because my LEGS don’t connect to my brain, never have. but at least i have a brain you completeass!
if this looks kind of duplicated it is because failblog ate my really nasty pissed off comment to the fool
Woah, woah, woah, Amber… chill.
awwww, i was getting all wound up! i was going to go run down pedestrians standing on my sidewalk ramps next!
The fool was trying to make a joke, not to insult you in anyway. Sorry.
any way I meant.
backs off of your foot and lets go of taser button. *smiles* Forgiven.
Thank you!
*feels happy again*
*pushes Arthur Eld down stairs*
sorry, you were feeling happy much too quickly, must not have been in enuff pain
*lies on floor bleeding*
*likes bleeding and pain better than people thinking he´s a completeass*
*still feels happy*
*pulls Arthur up off floor*
*smooochie!* you did good! push me and buy me lunch, k?
Sure! What do you want to eat? Chinese maybe? Then we could take the elevator.
Let’s go, Amber, let’s go!
*let’s go of wheechair*
*slides back down the steps*
*looks at wet jeans*
thanks for the encouragement Shadow, but i don’t need to go anymore
now i notice that it’s a sign pointing to the restrooms. i’ll bet the stall doors all open inward and are too narrow for a wheechair also. someone hand me a taser i’m going on a hunt for the building owner/manager
‘Sokay Amber, I heard the building was designed by Escher, and you can just take chairs up the wall.
then i can drop into the stall from the ceiling! brilliant!
Well, I suppose, if you like. Though being an Escher design, all the flat surfaces are fair game.
Ooooooooo, nice. i want him to design a house for me! all flat surfaces slightly tilted so i can just roll downhill everywhere.
DrB, are you a real doctor or do you just play one on failblog? what kind? where?
Heh *smile* hell no…if I offer an opinion don’t trust it – except for the pineapple vs. syphilis thing on the last Fail, but that was just because the pineapple was new and we were keen to use it. czuhc’s the only oft proclaimed MD on FB. He was bound and tossed into the hungi earlier, but I think he got better. Snooze time
.
I just realized your gravatar #might# be a pineapple – sorry, that sounded like the setup to a Jeff Foxxworthy joke – I had thought it was a disco ball or blinged up testicle…
I don’t have a tazer but I can lend you a potato. Well, more like a gift, no return required.
Ah, yes, Lou. You always do the classy thing.
I think you misspelt considerate.
It appears I did. Considerate repaired.
where has that ‘tato been though?
You. Really. Don’t. Want To. Know.
Let’s just say a Vicar and a ShamWow, with a certain Princess Nancy were involved. That’s all I’m going to say.
wheeee!
how do you mean not possible. you didn’t even make an effort
nothing’s impossible if you just try hard enough
yeah get out of your lazy chair and walk like a normal person
ok paco, i’ll swap, come on try it for one week!
I’m going snowboarding this weekend. I may take you up on it.
*blushes as no faul was intented*
sorry.. foul fail
You’re still tented though. Careful…she might get the wrong idea.
Rehab boot camp.
So you wanna eat?
would we wanna eat camp boots though? that is the real question. i say no. I eat only pure boots.
I have to say, that wheelchair looks like it’s popping a pretty nice wheelie.
being a blind wheechair user in this building would be tough
I think being a blind wheechiar user would be pretty tought anyplace..
seriously for every 14 stairs NOW u can permanently paralyze urself flying down at least 13 of the stairs….THAT’S MORE THAN HALF!!!!!!
I’ll paralyze you if you don’t start spelling words correctly.
hey i kan spill owkay!!!!!!!!! and just for that…. FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I’d really appreciate it if you’d stop helping yourself to our stock of exclamation points. You see, we only have so many, and you’re being greedy.
*takes back extra exclamation points*
but i wanna be confident when i say FIRST
FIRST???????????? nah i like FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it takes twelve exclamation points to make you feel confident, we clearly have larger problems here.
TRRoll wants play with friend!TRRoll wants play w…OOPS!
…Friend broke!?
no, i’m used to it
TRRoll nice,TRRoll push Amber fast!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I think he deserves to be worse than paralyzed.
no one deserves to be paralyzed
Especially not that damn botox face paralysis stuff. There is something really creepy about a face that has no expression.
Paralyzed, cut off his fingers and tongue? That might take care of it for awhile, at least until he learns to type with his toes. Even then, all we’d need to do is stomp on his feet.
i have protruding eyeballs so i will find a way to fail on failblog.
by the way did i say FIRST?!?!?!?!?!?
or 2st?
Secondst? Twost?
*glowers at joe*
yes, amputation is acceptable, that way there’s no hope
We could just amputate at the neck if it becomes necessary.
why bother there’s nothing above there of value anyway, most of the trolls think with their d!ck. that’s where you cut *snip snip*
*cringes* Uh, yeah…. *nervous laughter*
*snip snip*
just kidding
*giggle*
Haha! Good one.
*crosses legs*
Eep! I thought me and DrB had cornered the market on penis mutilation!
Erm…
*squeeze?*
*runs away very fast*
Hard to believe you were once a tiny cute baby…
lol!!
We’re glad you approve.
It’s the way to Big Joe’s manshop. They’re just advertising that they’ve got chairs for afterwards.
LOL
What, did somebody lay an open can of troll bait around here somewhere?
*looks around*
wheelchair access will not nest below this level
just right. make them get up and walk like the rest of us. lazy b*stards!
i’ll swap, come on try it for one week!
settle petal, i was only kiddin
I’d be careful about that … unless you want a faceful of stairs.
Yeah, that really hurts. I still have the scars.
You still have scars after a half hour? Not really harrowing, son.
I heal fast
Anyone else think that it looks like the wheelchair is leaning back, as if he’s getting ready to go up the stairs?
hahahahahahahahahahaha excellent observation
There’s an arrow pointing from the two people to the handicapped guy, then the stairs. It seems to be a multistep process … first, get a wheelchair. Then, and only then, may you use the stairs.
Actually, the sign says:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE THE WHEELCHAIR STORE IS LOCATED ON THE ELEVENTH FLOOR
I don’t “see” that, perhaps it’s written in braille, on the floor for those scooting around w/o a wheelchair.
The sign is refering to washrooms, including a wheelchair accessible one. So ther must obviously be an elevator somewhere…and the term is disabled not handicap!!
You know, people get their panties in a bunch when you use the term “handicapped.” Then when you try to use a different term, people vomit vitriol when you use the term “disabled.” I have been yelled at quite vociferously by people who object to both. “I’m not handicapped!” screams one, while another says, “DO I LOOK DISABLED TO YOU?! I STILL FUNCTION QUITE FINE!” (Actual quote.)
Look, the point is, whether your handicapped or disabled, you’re not physically capable like someone who has fully functioning extremities. This whole disabled-vs-handicapped-vs-challenged bull$#!+ has just got to stop. Stop it already!
So get off your high-horse, and stop being such a stuck-up, persnickety, pompous prick about which term I, or anyone else, uses to describe those who are *ahem* “externally physically challenged.” OK?
you are right! i am just a non-walking person. i am not handicapped being neither handy or wearing a cap. i am not DIS’abled mainly because i was never ABLE. oh, i might be crazy but i’m not diagnosed yet.
You say crazy like that’s a bad thing!!!
Actually, I prefer this attitude over the attitudes I’ve experienced elsewhere. It’s far more constructive and positive.
The objection is because people are not their disability. Therefore he/she/xe is not “disabled”, but is “a person with a disability.”
Well, that’s fine, but that’s also five freakin’ words where only one or two will do. English has these things called “adjectives,” which modify other nouns. I’ll be d$$med if I’m going to say “a person with a disability” for every time I want to communicate that concept. It’s too long, takes too much time, and is prone to error, particularly since I tend to stutter slightly when speaking.
Handicapped and disabled, in particular, both imply a context in which they’re used. IT IS NOT A VALUE JUDGEMENT. “He’s disabled” usually refers to a physical challenge WITHIN the context of some mutually agreed physical activity (e.g., like, climbing stairs) between the conversants. This context rarely needs to be specified explicitly, since to the intended receiver of the communication, it’s obvious. People outside the conversation, however, oft hear the term, and not being aware of the implied context, get all in a hissy-fit and make themselves to be fools.
There are people who are disabled/handicapped/challenged/impeded and who don’t use wheelchairs, you know, like my grandfather, who needed a cane everywhere he went. I would never, EVER, consider taking him on an amusement park ride, were he still alive today.
However, those who DO use such adjectives in a derogatory or judgemental manner are themselves quite mentally handicapped.
I hope my position is now crystal clear. I’ll put the soap box away.
Actually, I think you’ll find in modern disability literature, ‘disabling’ is what society does to people who have different accessability requirements. It is not the spinal injury that disables somebody, nor is it being in a wheelchair, it is the bank with counters to high, the school with no step-free access, the too-narrow voting booth. It is the factors in society that disable somebody from participating fully.
So ner…
Anyhow, I love this type of fail. There is a bar where I live that has disabled loos down a flight of stairs, with no lift. Mental. Not to mention, my university has many ‘wheelchair accessable’ rooms that I just plain can’t get to in my scooter (and most powerchairs would struggle too) as the lift is tiny.
FIRST
last
True story: the bar down the street from me is in a hotel. Ok, all of the bars down the street from me are in hotels, but that’s not the point. The restrooms for the bar CLOSEST to me are downstairs. Reachable only by stairs. The stairs that run BEHIND the elevator. The bathroom, being a public bathroom is required to have a handicap stall. How is someone in a wheelchair supposed to get to this bathroom?
There is a fully accessible restroom on the second floor, that one CAN take the elevator to.
I think I got lost half way through your story somewhere. There are restrooms downstairs but also restrooms upstairs, and there’s a lift and some stairs. One of the restrooms is accessible but the other one is behind the stairs.
I don’t know. There were some capital letters and… I kind of lost my way…
My guess is that so has Avis while trying to reach this bathroom.
I got lost half way through your sentence. I made it out though.
I’m not trying to be funny but I was looking for the light switch. There’s one on the ceiling so you have to get a chair and stand on it but all the chairs around here are kind of small so you can’t quite reach it unless you get yourself a BIG stick so that you can poke it and even then you have to jump a little.
But there’s another light switch by the door.
What?
You completely failed at not being funny. I just cried a little.
*SQUEEZE*
Grrrrrrrrrrr.
Wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
(try saying that with a mouthful of ice cream)
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! would be more appropriate?
Oh but I’m feeling so very inappropriate.
Sorry, the point was the downstairs bathroom, which is inaccessible for those in wheelchairs has a handicap stall. Why?
Have you managed to get to the toilet yet?
*sigh*
I didn’t need to. Yet.
I was only teasing you, Avis.
Actually, I didn’t intend to comment at all today but I had a moment’s distraction and then suddenly there were all these words.
Sorry Avis, that was directed at Bod, not at you. You appeared unexpectedly and the conversation thread conspired against me.
*pets the sheep*
OH Bod, you’ve got stubble! Your wool is growing back!
I was trying to write the post, answer a text message and dry my hair all at the same time. I don’t multitask so well.
At least you’ll know where the toilets are when you need them.
Incidentally… hot date?
*pets Avis*
And you should put clothes on. 
Oh Avis, your hair is wet!
*pops head out of bra drawer*
I have looked everywhere, where are the cookies?
*holds up bra*
Can I have this to use as a “Buddy Hammock”?
*ahem*
If you’ll look at the time stamps, my hair is completely dry now, and I am in fact clothed.
I had a doctors appointment. No hot date for afternoon delight for me today.
And no. You may not. And I might still send you to that friend of Dragon’s if you don’t get out of my bra drawer.
*holds up bra*
Well…. Can I have this to use as a “Buddy Hammock” or not?
It’s not the orange one.
Bob, you must not be in MY bra drawer. I don’t OWN an orange bra!
*wonders just who’s drawer Bob is in*
Hee hee.
Hey Bob, click on my name!
Assuming it works.
It did, but didn’t. You have to scroll down to find it.
I was in your drawers.
*giggles maniacally at my double entendre*
I just figured you were wearing the orange one.
BTW I can’t find the cookies!
Nope, not mine.
And you expected to find cookies THERE!?
Bob expects to find cookies everywhere. It’s the price of having such a small skwerlly brain – too much is devoted to cookies, so logic is not a part of his calculations.
I don’t know WHY I keep expecting him to be rational.
*pat pat* It’s okay, we all project ourselves onto others – some of us in a more physical way than others – and at least you’re projecting rationality rather than some psychosis.
You folks make me giggle. Yes…giggling happend right here. I may have peed a little. Wait which bathroom had the stairs?
I think all stairwells have been used as bathrooms at one time or another…
This still makes me laugh
Still funny
So’s you.
*squeeze!*
*squeeze*
I miss Bod
*squeeze*
What you all doing here?
Disabled people should get on with the progress and learn to use stairs!
i love to use them, they are great for pushing idiots down
Hello.
DO YOU MIND, MIKEY? I’m trying to lurk – now I gotta start all over…
BRING OUT THE ROCKET CHAIR!
Wow you people are dumb. The pictograph plainly reads “A man and a woman is required to push a wheelchair up the stairs”. Reading comprehension fail.
How is it that you can read pictures, stranger? WITCH!!! WIIIITCH!!!
I figured it out! It’s saying Jesus (who has the best of man and woman) comes to the stairs and heals all the people in wheelchairs and takes them up to heaven!! I’m a genius.
*snip snip* quit thinking
OMGosh dude that is the funniest thing I ever seen! Love it!
RT
http://www.total-privacy.us.tc
Oh, well would you look at that, it has a hand rail to assist the disabled person.
haha! Where was this photo taken?
is anyone commenting about the clip?
yep
Uh oh, looks like they found Professor X’s one weakness
nice
If you go right up the steps, you will find the ramp for the handicapped. Thank you, have a nice day
lol many, many comments……
Wheelchair accessible; Yes*
* Maybe, if you’re coming downstairs, if you’re Aaron Fotheringham.
maby where they are they have rockets on wheelchairs
nobody understands why these signs are so hard to place.